Ep. 241 Deaf Mouth

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
a hate crime.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or something like that.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Any thrashed relationship, any trash ship, You're worst friend? Do
you want to know why you're all fucked up? You're

(00:47):
looking at the fucking problems.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
You hang around with. You listen to Your Worst Friend
with Shane and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today by
my friend and co host, a man wearing what is
this your finest nineties flannels?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's a twenty twenty four flannel.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
It's Shane. Shane's my co host.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
That flannel is from twenty twenty four. It was straight
in Indonesia.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
You look like a gentleman who's about to blow his
head off in the atrium of his Seattle home.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Uh well, yeah, I gotta just kiss my lovely lipstick
smeared wife goodbye. First.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
I gotta be honest with you, though, Uh she I've
always found Courtney love hot even today. Huh oh, No,
not as much today. No neither Pam Anderson, I saw
her recently. Your Worst Friend dot com follow us everywhere
on Twitter and Instagram at Worst friend Cast Patreon dot
com slash Worst friend Cast. We have a really really

(01:43):
good one, I hope today, so that'll be interesting, so hope.
Make sure you check it out seven day free trial.
Uh yeah, Patreon dot com slash Worst friend Cast. Anyway,
who was I talking about? Pam Anderson? Not hot anymore?
Courtney Love. She was like trashy hot, which I liked.
I appreciated it, enjoyed that. Manning, Yes, Taron Manning. No,

(02:10):
I'll give you a different one that's better.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
I won't.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
What's her name? Oh, like the chick that's in movies
like Joe Dirt and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Oh yes, Oh, what's her name?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
She looks like the.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Not Jenny McCarthy, but it's oh Jesse Jesse McCarthy.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Jesse, No, it's not Jenny McCarthy. Jesse, No, no, fucking
Jesse Jesse. Someone's thinking of it right now. She's probably on.
My name is Earl? Was she on? My name is Earl?
I never watch that show?

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Jesse Jones.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
No, one she's on My name is Earl. It's the
main chick, Jesse James. No, right here, Trey, she is
Jamie Presley.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Oh yeah, she's trash.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Right, She's always been like the trash bag girl or like,
you know, pure garbage or some kind of as the
Sopranos would say, scavats, which I think means so disgusting,
horror or something that's classy.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
You know, Who's who? Who? I like who. I've always
gotten the vibe that like, oh, she's trash, that is
hiding the trash. You know, it's like she's she's she's
buried trash. It's like she was trailer trash, but then
she got her big break and she's done everything she
can to hide her trash.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah, how new of an actress.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh, she's been around for probably twenty years or more
at this point, which I can say you're kind of
young though, No, I would say she's middle aged at
this point. But she had a good run a few
years ago. Her name, like I knew her name maybe
around two thousand and ten, but her name really started

(04:02):
to get popular maybe twenty sixteen.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Jennifer Lawrence. No real, God, I think Jennifer Lawrence could
was probably trash.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh yeah she is, she's still trash. Yeah, yeah, I she.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Had a good run. That's why I was kind of
because I still kind of consider her a little bit young.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
A young one who's trash is Kristen Stewart.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh yeah, yeah, if that's fair.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, she's she's absolute garbage. But the older one I
was thinking about who buried her trash is Carla Gugino.
Shows her tits in every fucking movie, you.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Know what, not well known. If you want to ask
why I'm wearing sunglasses, I'll tell you. At any point
you just you let me know.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
I don't give a fuck. Okay.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
I put them on hoping you would ask. There was
gonna be no answer to it either, by the way,
none whatsoever. It was just gonna be, I don't know,
it look cool. Carla Gugino. I am a huge fan
of I love Carla Gugino. She's even aging really well.
Was she the one in those fucking uh no, no, no, no, yeah,

(05:09):
yeah yeah, but the new she's like the new. She's
the girl in the new Ryan Murphy's thing, the House
on Haunted Hill. Why manner. That guy's kind of building
a Ryan Murphy type thing, right.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Okay, and that's you know that her? Yeah, all right, I.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Got one that's even hotter, and I didn't think it
was possible because Carla Gugina was real high up there
for me, but kind of like the class version of her.
I feel like.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Okay, go you want to give me a hint though,
Bond Girl, Oh, Denise Richards, Eva Green, Oh, yeah, she's
garbage too, but not really.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
She's kind of like classy garbage, Like I actually believe
her when she's like I just like having my pussy
out in movies for the art form. I go, man,
this artist is so wonderful. My pussy is ought Eva
Green has. Does she have great tits? Even Green?

Speaker 3 (06:10):
No?

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Really?

Speaker 1 (06:11):
But you know, am I sharing my screen?

Speaker 2 (06:12):
They're European? Yeah, I can see her screen. They're European tits.
You know.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Oh they're pretty good.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
I mean they're pretty good. They're European tits. You know,
It's like what i'd expect from a Shakespeare play.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, I think these are pretty great tits. But that's fine.
I'm not gonna I won't debate you on it. That's
subjective obviously.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, she's got good tits. But I tell you the
one I thought you were gonna say, Queen of the trashy.
I think this is fake? Oh that picture of her
spreading her fucking wound. Yeah, I think so wound.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
That's her womb. Fucking who was I gonna say, Leah
Remony garbage, total garbage, like what she does. Yeah, she's
high up there, definitely.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah. I wish I wish she would stop blabbing about
science intology and show her fucking pussy in a movie.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
Has she ever done any nudity?

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Nah?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Dude, just fucking for Kevin James and his trailer.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
Let's see.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Oh you like it, she's like spreading her butthole. Man.
She was so hot though, Oh yeah, yeah, she was
a hot fucking stupid idiot da So for that scientology scam.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
I don't think that's a real picture either. I don't
think she was on the King of Queen's topless. I
don't think the CW or whoever it was, would have
pressed that.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
No, this was in between takes. She was just showing
the audience. She's like, what do you think guys? You
know she talked n.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
I always found her hot though, but you're right trashy,
But that's what I like. Like there. When I worked
at the office, there was this lady who was but ugly,
but there was something so sexy about her because she
talked in like this garbage Staten Island accent, like she
had a horrible wench face and like real kinky blonde hair,

(07:58):
decent body, but the the top was just a wreck,
like Honder decapitated, and she fucking she should kind of
talk like this CNL, like, oh, how you guys done?

Speaker 2 (08:11):
And that's offloading.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
He was so sexy to me, so sexy.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, I really, I don't. I mean, I can't so
for me with the Okay, I'll give you an example.
I was smoking a cigarette today on my lunch break.
I was sitting in my car.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
And I'll give you an example. When you're done of
a cigarette being hot in a trashy context, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
I'm sitting in my car smoking a cigarette at a
donut shop, parked in the back because that's where the
shade is and I want to smoke cigarettes and be
left alone. When what do you know it a homeless
you know, like Aborigine, walks behind my car, locks eyes
with me for probably twenty seconds in my rear view mirror,

(08:50):
just stares me in my eyes and.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Wait he turns its male or female.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Female Okay, then turns and walks into the woods. And
I thought to myself, Man, if I didn't have to
go back to work, I'd go see if she wanted
to fuck. That's how I think of trashy. Like I'm
not like attracted to trashy girls, but it's like, Okay,
if I see some toothless bitch like, you know, locking eyes, like,

(09:15):
I'll see if she's you know, street walking, I'll see
if she needs a tenor see.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
This is what I mean. We need to read, maybe
redefine or come to a compromise on the term trashy.
Like I'm thinking of it more like, do you remember
girl we went to high school with in our gaming class?
First name Laura, last name should have been giant, huge,
heavy tits, I think so, yeah, or it could have
been Laura dated every black football player.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yeah, I think I remember her?

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, okay, all right, one time I saw her at
the gym. This was twelve years ago, something like that,
busting her ass at the gym, poor and sweat. Really
just an example of a chick who you're like, Oh,
this girl wants to stay alive a long time, gets
out to her car, immediately lights up a one hundred
cigarette and starts and it windows up Okay, that to

(10:09):
me is so kind because she was doing all that
working out. In my mind, not to live longer, it's
just to have a better body to get fucked more.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
Oh all right, I mean maybe she's a sexual though,
maybe she just wants a better body because that's how
she makes her money, you know, getting fucked on television.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, no, she was not asexual. She was a pig.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
I thought she just stayed a football players so she
could practice for her television gig.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Fucking that's not her television gig.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
What I thought it was. I thought she had a
job fucking on TV.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Oh, she's not fucking on TV. She might be on TV. No, no,
you're thinking of Shannon, the older girl.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
She in the news or some wrese shit fuck her.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
She was hot though, but she also looked just like
her older brother, which was fucking gross.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Dude, let me see him.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Let's see if he's on here.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Hold on, yeah, let's see how pretty he is.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
Okay, wait, all right, all right, let me look this
girl up. Her name Shannon, Oh girl, and the master
chef guy came up.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Oh fuck, I don't know what to tell you, dude.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
I don't know either. Wait here, we go. Oh, this
isn't good. This isn't good radio at all.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
I don't know. It's better than some of the shit
I hear.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
I thought she went to Hofst I guess not.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Oh well, fucker who cares either way? Yeah, we knew
a girl who got fucked on TV.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Oh there she is right there.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Where's her brother? Though? That's what I wanted, That's what.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
I'm trying to find. Man, Just give me a second.
Jesus Christ in heaven. Oh, it's none of these guys.
That's an old corpse.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
It looks like a guy who guarded a prison camp
in w W two.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
I can tell you. It looks like this, except like
a guy.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I fuck him.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
Okay, all right, fair enough, that's a guy. Uh speaking
of that guy was my football coach. I had a
Were we talking about something.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Trash? Course?

Speaker 5 (12:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (12:18):
I think you know, we've run the gamut on that.
I like when they're trashing. I think the idea behind
it is you want Every guy I think wants that
to a degree, even if it's just the sexual part,
like some chick who's just kind of insatiable and will
pull you into a restaurant bathroom or something or whatever.

(12:40):
But then guys don't want the full breadth of what
trashy represents, Like she's also gonna have her pussy hanging
out in a nice restaurant while she's drinking too much.
Like you have to deal with that aspect too.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
I see, I like the second one. No you yeah, no,
I do.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
I like well in that scenarios yelling racial slurs, it's
some guy.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Oh man, you're you're you're really putting icing on the cake. Right.
For me, at least, it's more of the fact that
you're gonna have to deal with that. Oh man, I'm
moving to the South.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
Okay, all right, good cool, sounds good fucking Protestants. Your
wife's screaming at some guy.

Speaker 6 (13:21):
God damn.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Oh yeah, they they they are Protestant, right, they don't
like Catholics down there? Is that how it works?

Speaker 1 (13:27):
I don't know. Methodist, Baptist isn't all that horseshit down there?

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah, that's all Protestant, that's all fucking the ship. After
they schismed off of the church or whatever, Martin Luther
was like, hey, you're doing church wrong, you fucking dummies,
and he's just a fuck Catholicism. And then everything that
came after that is fucking weak ass gay Protestant y'all
are doing it wrong. Protestants, you gotta fucking eat the
skin of Jesus and drink his calm or whatever. Okay,

(13:56):
is that what those white crackers are? Are they? Are
they skin flakes of Jesus.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Let's cleanseer palette on this.

Speaker 7 (14:02):
No.

Speaker 5 (14:02):
Yes, it's the body of Christ and the blood of Christ.
So the body is just like his back peelings. Are
they toenails? Jesus got some big fucking toes, dude.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
I assumed it was like dehydrated flesh.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Oh like kind of like jerk jerky.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Christ jerky or like dried fruit jerky Christ.
That would be a cool product.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
Are you Jesus jerky?

Speaker 1 (14:30):
That's a fair point, yeah, Jesus jerky. I don't want
to admit that one's better because I like jerky Christ,
like Jesus Christ. Yeah, but it was better, I will
admit it. I'm a bigger man than that jerkis Christ.
I'm just gonna put my fucking sunglasses back on. I
want you to know that.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Okay, Yeah, why are you wearing the sunglasses? Man?

Speaker 1 (14:51):
I don't want to talk about it. Let me play
this video for you here. So this was at a
hockey game. I think this was last year, but the
first time I'm seeing this video, it's fucking cute as hell.
It's his little kid, and there was a sign that says.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
It's my first game.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
I'm George or some shit like that, right, and the
crowd's like, fuck, yeah, George. Watch what happens when they
cut away from George. Oh shit, it's fun, it's cute,
and the audience is gonna say, how are we gonna
know that they cut away from George. We'll just listen
to it and tell me if you can figure out.

Speaker 7 (15:26):
Okay, Oh man, they're brewing this old guy.

Speaker 8 (15:45):
It's georget No, he's just a little kid.

Speaker 7 (15:52):
Ah, they're cheering for this little boy.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Wait, we watched the game.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Fuck this guy, show me a little kid again. It's
just to me, that's just like a cute community type
of moment where we're all like, hey, we're gonna rally
around this kid. I did this once. I explained this once. Right,
We're gonna rally around this one kid and fuck everyone
else in the entire everything. So I told you what

(16:22):
I did in college, right, where I would go around
and I would not the white boards. What are they pinboards?

Speaker 2 (16:30):
What do you call sackboards? What tack boards?

Speaker 3 (16:34):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (16:34):
If I said sackboards, I was like, what the fuck
is that? You didn't even know?

Speaker 2 (16:38):
That's better? That's better actually sacked whatever.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
So I used to go around in college and I
thought it was funny to take off all the pins
and just let everything fall to the floor. And I
hit on me every one of them. Hey, it was funny. Okay,
you were over there killing brown people at the time.
I stayed here and had to bring comedy to the world.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Okay, I just peed and poop down in a lot
of holes.

Speaker 8 (17:03):
Oh you want to expand on that, or oh no,
I didn't kill anybody.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
It's just like, you know, you be in a tube
that is dug in like ten feet into the ground
and you poop into a shack. You know, It's just
like you pee and you poop well into holes and
then you come home. You don't have to kill brown people.
You just got to leave some brown people behind.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
So I would. I had this tissue box that I
ripped the top off of and then reinforced with tape
because I was really bored. It was in class. I
don't fucking I don't like. I just sat in the
back of class doing that one day.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Was it.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (17:38):
Yeah, I was reinforcing with tape because I was creating
a permanent receptacle for these uh thumbtacks that I was stealing.
So I always kept that in the car. I probably had, like,
I don't know, two hundred and fifty three hundred thumb
tacks something like that.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
And such a kid thing to do.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
So yeah, but look here, I'm gonna explain to you
how I rallied around one individual.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Okay, yeah, this has been a story about thumbtack so far.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
So one night I saw this poorly written, handwritten thing
saying like I lost my book. If you find it,
please call this number or send an email here. I
would appreciate it. It's very expensive. I don't have a lot
of like a real fucking sob story written like horizontally,
not horizontally, not like some weird fucking matrix scrolling words,

(18:32):
but kind of like very on a thin thing, not
across a full sheet or anything like that. So I
going and doing my nightly routines at community college. I'm
ripping down everybody's stuff, and I see this guy's thing,
and I go and I'm there with my friend John,
I'm with Nick, I'm with Rob, I'm with everybody. I go,
we're gonna do a good thing. We're gonna find this

(18:54):
guy's book. So we had off for like the next hour.
It was an hour break. I went into a fucking
faculty room. I made two hundred copies of this thing,
and we went around in the entire school. I replaced
every single fucking flyer that was already up there, thumbtack, thumbtack, thumbtack.
Sometimes I would put four thumbtacks in it, just so
it stayed up of the same exact photo copy of

(19:18):
the guys thing asking for a book, I put like,
you know, seven or eight of them across a fucking board,
and I did every board on the school, and everybody
came along with me, and we sung a song about
being good Samaritans.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Fucking Kryui. You are a person who watched a lot
of movies, because that is the sort of action taken
upon by that person who thinks the world is a movie.
I've seen that before. I've seen a movie where a
guy plasters the same advertisement. I think it's like a

(19:54):
thing for a girl, like, oh I saw you at
the coffee shop, Well please fucking suck my co By
the end of the movie, and it's like on every board,
it's on every podium, it's on every light. Poul you
just took some romantic comy move and made it about
some autistic kid. Yeah, yeah, you wanted to fuck this kid.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
Can you imagine he wanted to fuck this retarded kid.
Could you imagine if he came into school the next
day thinking like, Oh, no, one's even going to return
my book and I am so poor. He was probably
an immigrant, for being honest. It was a community college,
and he was probably just trying to do better for
his family. Probably came here legally like a good person does,

(20:40):
and he's like, oh no, I can't have my book.
I'm not gonna be able to study and become a
nurse or whatever. And then he walks into school that
day and there's just fucking two three hundred copies of
his thing, and people are walking around probably thinking like
what asshole ripped down everybody else's stuff and just put

(21:02):
up ten copies of their thing on each board, Right,
That's what.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
He was thinking, Oh no, they're going to think I'm asshole,
prick man. Yeah, you fucked that guy hard. I did. Yeah,
he wanted to him and you did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
I was trying to do a good thing though.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
No, you didn't. You didn't. You did a bad that.
You singled him out, you made him an oddity, you
othered him, and that's why he had to go back
to his fucking Somalian refugee camp and learned the terrorist
trade like his pa.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
Uh, all right, jumping onto this thing here. You wanted
to talk about this?

Speaker 2 (21:44):
Oh yeah, dude, I heard about this. I heard the
I think there's a TV spot or something that we
could watch where it works. The thing is operated by kids,
the kids play with it or whatever. So I'd really
like to see how that happens. There's a new toy outfit.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
We're gonna play it in one second. Here's what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna cut this out on the show.
I'm gonna switch you.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
From the what I think you should.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
I'm gonna switch you from my WiFi to the regular
And I don't know if it's gonna kill it.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
I don't think you should do that.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
I'm doing it. Uh, I think this.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Could be really bad for the listeners.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
No, you're audio is starting to get bad.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
Okay, my audio is good.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
It was starting to get bad. Okay, we're back now,
and it is at twenty one minutes.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
Oh my god, that's it. It feels like twenty one days.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
All right, um, so you want to pull this up?
You said, why didn't you tell me that before that?

Speaker 2 (22:44):
It felt like twenty one days every time I spent
twenty one minutes with you?

Speaker 1 (22:48):
No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
This is all being cut off, ohrby.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Making funny jokes for that?

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Didn't you say there's a thing to watch?

Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, TV spot? There we go? What is it? Oh? No,
there's a there it is it's that's the one. Oh god,
damn it.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
Well this is good too, though.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
No, yeah, I think that'll be fine. I saw it
on Instagram. It looked like it was from mattel.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Let's see fall fag.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Have you got a little kine, Lucy Edward?

Speaker 2 (23:22):
That's good? Okay? Good?

Speaker 1 (23:23):
You want to you want to do this one? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Okay? Yeah, alright, alright?

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Three? Two?

Speaker 2 (23:29):
All right?

Speaker 1 (23:30):
I couldn't find a TV spot. I'm going to keep looking.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
But it was an Instagram ad No, it could it
could have just been some Chinese bought.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
It could have been some t MoU bullshit. And the
thing is it wasn't. It wasn't what it's supposed to be,
just broken in the spot. It's it doesn't make sense
until we tell them.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
What it was. It was one eighth its size.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Okay, all right, Uh this is Mattel debuting its first
ever Something Barbie.

Speaker 9 (23:59):
Oh my gosh, have you got a little kine?

Speaker 3 (24:02):
Lucy Edwards is touching the first ever blind Barbie doll
for a blind broadcaster and disability activist. It's a moment
she had longed for.

Speaker 9 (24:12):
I'm super excited because I didn't see yo, yo yo.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Look, I can speak on vision advocacy now with obviously
young baby David with his one eye.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Okay, yeah, you gotta pass.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
He's great right now, and he is one I poke
away from being the biggest burden in the world. Now
he's a cat obviously not a human being, so he's
like only half the burden of what a human being is.
I guess right, sixth But this lady's got some real
wont guys here, and I would almost rather pop this

(24:52):
one out and get a faky in there. Am I wrong?

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (24:56):
I mean I don't know why all blind people aren't
just automatic severed, you know, and then given just like
nice stationary glass, just too two toned white and blue.
That's all you get, No, pupil.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
No, no, no, no, I'll take it a step further
so I don't have to look at their freaky weirdo eyes.
Get some real nice designer ones through some elli designer eyes.
There you get the wise thing going on. You know,
that's dope, fucking dead light eyes.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Well, here's what I want to know. Does the blind
Barbie because I mean, folks, you can't see, but yeah,
the lady, I mean she she pointed it out to
you right at the beginning. Bobby has because she's blind.
So she uses the little pain to walk around and
I guess what is it? Sonar the environment? Does she
sonar with the cane? Is that how it works?

Speaker 1 (25:49):
And you're thinking of Daredevil? I think, okay, he's in.
He's actually an exception, he's not the rule.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
People. I assume that, uh, Daredevil was just a show
to teach modern youth about how blindness works.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
It was a lawyer show. That's all how all blind
people are for the most part. No, yeah, you know
what I want to do. I want to start three
D printing Ken dolls with huge dicks and going the
stores and popping them in the Blind Barbie ones. So
some girl pull it out and just be like, look

(26:26):
at me, and I'm touching Bobby's cane, and they're just
stroking Ken's enormous weird porn dick, like not even one
of those big porn dicks, like one of those oddity
fake porn dicks.

Speaker 6 (26:37):
You know, why is Bobby's cane stuck between her legs?
It wear her brists?

Speaker 2 (26:45):
But you know, I want to know when they take
Blind Barbie's sunglasses off, does she have wonk eyes like
this newscaster lady.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
That's a great I don't think she's a newscaster lady.
I think she's just a lady they brought in.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
They said she was a British blind person and TV presenter.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Oh really, uh huh, All right, let me hear it again,
local British blind lady and television ancha.

Speaker 9 (27:09):
Oh my gosh, Farving, have you got a little cane?

Speaker 3 (27:13):
Lucy Edwards is touching the first ever blind Barbie Doll
for a blind broadcaster and disability activist. It's a moment
she had longed for.

Speaker 9 (27:23):
I'm super excited because I didn't see myself represented as
a young blind girl.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
You didn't see yourself represented anywhere ever, at any time,
in any in any arena, for any cause or any
reason whatsoever. There's actually there's good reason that you're not
seeing yourself represented in any of these groups or classes
or categories. It's because you're blind. I would wonder about it.

(27:52):
I would wonder about if she was saying.

Speaker 6 (27:54):
I'm so happy to see myself represented.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
What the fuck dude thought you were fucking blind?

Speaker 1 (28:00):
And bitch, were you unhappy seeing yourself represented before? And
if you were unhappy seeing yourself represented, someone needs to
wonder why are you claiming to be blind if you
saw yourself represented.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
That does something's not math in there?

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, her fucking eyes. They're going in her eyes. The
direction of her vision is making a perfect right triangle.
It's bothering me.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
Her eyes are the opposite of infinity.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
If she had laser beams coming out of her eyes,
you could make sure a wall is plumb by putting
her head up against it.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
She can see her temples.

Speaker 9 (28:39):
Up in the world. All I wanted was a role
model that looks like me.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
You should have want it fucking eyes, sweetie.

Speaker 4 (28:47):
Yeah, I know, that's like a really simple thing to
want for. I think they do I transplant. Oh, I
get it. Maybe her brain's busted. Maybe maybe they could
give her all the eyes in the world. She's just
got a stupid, dumb like vision spot in her brain.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
It's like, sorry, signals are getting crossed.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Ray Charles meets with the devil, and the devil goes, Ray,
I will give you anything you want if you sell
me your soul, and he goes, deal, it's a deal,
and he goes, Okay, what do you want? He goes
a third hand. Devil looks at him and just really,
you don't want to fix your fucking eyes. Sorry. I
was coming up with a comparison to that, and then
I got lost in this cool story where Ray Charles

(29:29):
has three hands but it's still blind.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Oh but he could play piano a third of the
way better or half better.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
Better, And finally we have fun.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Toymaker. Mattel collaborated with several organizations dedicated to aiding the
blind community to create the doll.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
I give it a stick, yeah, and and determine whether
or not, like you said, fucking do we z exact
the eyes? Yeah?

Speaker 8 (30:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Do we make them wanked or do we roll them back?
Or what do we do?

Speaker 2 (30:06):
That's the one thing. It's like, Okay, we got to
contact every blind advocacy organization in the world and you know,
get a general consensus like eyes wonky, yeah or nay,
you know, and then then we'll make our decisions. You know,
obviously we're gonna have to make the dolls different for China.
But aside from that wonky eyes yeah or na?

Speaker 1 (30:29):
Do you see that? Actually I'm not making this political.
That's a great example of what a waste of fucking
money some of these things are. To like make sure
like there is somebody somewhere whose job it was to
reach out to every like the top fifty blind advocacy
groups and be like should we roll the eyes back

(30:50):
or put them to the side, or blah blah blah,
just wipe them out. And they made a power point
and they compiled all of that, they put it in
an excel and they're like, well, this percentage of people
and these people in this region and really what Mattel
could have done is just done, like, oh, we're just
gonna have the eyes rolled back like all wonked, and
then if anyone came out and complained about it, Mattel

(31:10):
should just come out and go, uh, we'll speak to
the blind groups. If they'd like us to permanently discontinue
this model, we'd be happy to. We just didn't look
into the eye thing as well. We thought this was appropriate. Boom,
that's all you got to say, and it's done. You
just saved a salary and you got crazy publicity for
this fucking retard eye doll that no one's gonna really want,

(31:34):
and no one wants it is going to actually see.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Okay, yeah that's true. But I think it's it's better
to just do the advocacy thing, because you know, if
they didn't, they would just have to go with the
one black guy who was like, hey, why don't we
just make it so the sunglasses don't come off at all,
you know, and then they would do that, and then
when the Barbie came out and people.

Speaker 6 (32:00):
Like this is so fucking rude, I can't believe this.
So what blind people must sleep with their sunglasses? Huh,
we're just all a monolith. Right, we all walk around
with our little cane and our little sunglasses and our
flat mid sections that don't have any wounds for people
to stick dicks into. Right, that's what you think of
us blind folks.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
And then they got this black guy, like, hey, come on,
I was trying to make it easy so we didn't
have to worry about whether to make does all wonky.
And they blame it all on the black guy. Then
he loses a job, his family is shamed, his wife
leaves him, He blows his head off with his shotgun.
Now fails miserably at it.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
Let me fix your story, let me pivot you there,
his family's about to leave him, he goes into a
store to try and buy some stuff with a counterfeit twenty.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
Okay, yeah, and then go ahead keep telling.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
Me YadA YadA, YadA, riots YadA YadA, YadA.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
COVID, Yeah, YadA, YadA, YadA, some rye it's happened, YadA, YadA, YadA.
Now the president got grown out. We're going to have
a civil war. But I think that, yeah, I think
that blind Barbie is uh what's it called the the
eyes is going to be the determining factor on whether
or not I buy one. Are they going to show

(33:18):
the eyes?

Speaker 1 (33:19):
You know what's so great? They don't even have to
make a new mold. You can literally if this was
a hit, like a so to me, to me, this
is weird. This is not some weird inclusion thing or whatever.
This this is more of a publicity stunt, right, yeah,
to get some like you know whatever ableism or non

(33:41):
ableism points or some shit like that.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Right. I think every year Barbie is like, Okay, what
group can we put on a pedestal this season? Sure?

Speaker 1 (33:49):
And you know what, I don't even have a problem
with that. You know, they're still making all the other
Barbies at everyone. They're not it's actually Barbie's black or whatever.
I think it's blind spot.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
It's their whole stick, Like every year for as long
as I can remember, since I was a kid. Like
my aunt when I was a little kid, she you barbies,
Oh well yeah, but she would make it hide her keep.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Your head all wrapped up until the end. When you
poil your cock out with a knife at sleep away camp.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
She's like, leave them in your closet and don't open
the boxes. When you're thirteen, we'll open them together, you know.
But no, she used to buy Barbies and collect them,
and they used to have like commemorative shit all the time,
like Miss America Barbie and Astronaut Barbie and all this bullshit. Right,
that's like the whole fucking thing. They've always been inclusive, right,
but now they're doing it for people who we didn't

(34:33):
really want to include for a while. I think the
ripples and black people.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Fucking uh no, I think what's so great about the
blind one? And you can do it for all of
the other like targeted senses is all you have to do.
All they have to do is take skiing Barbie and
then take anything else and take the ski pole out
and give it to beach Barbie. Give it to fucking

(35:01):
lawyer Barbie, give it to doctor Barbie. I'm a blind
doctors in this ironic but fucking that's such a great
way of just rebranding. They just have to make new
packaging for it.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, that is a good idea, and it's like, yeah,
you could do you could also like you.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Don't even have to change anything for death Barbie. You
could just even have Barbie and put a sticker on
it that says now death.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
No.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
I think you should have the death Barbie, like you
should have a special mold for the head where they
their face always looks like they're in midward where they're
always like, well that's a more's always like you know,
like in that that like that death that death mouth,
that deaf mouth you know that they make when they're talking,

(35:46):
Like every word they speak is always like audience, you
hear my voice, but you know the mouth I'm making, right,
you can see my mouth, you know the mouth right,
that's the death mouth.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
That's the death mouth. Yes, I would agree with that.
Uh fucking yeah. But that's you know, that's such a
great racket where they don't really have to even change much.
You don't have to change like when they made by Barbie.
I assume they had to change the skull mold and
like the ankle mold, it's.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
Still like muscles. Yeah, yeah, more more Amazonian stature overall.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
But I tell you, man, the Asian ones, they had
to square off the feet, you know.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
I feel like that's what makes Mattel, That's what makes
Barbie special. Though. It's like, you know, kind of like
Disney is, like the parks are a cut above like
just going to bush Gardens or something, right, Like, bush
Gardens is nice. Six Figs is nice, but Disney is
really like they try to make it a special experience.
The parks are super clean and that they they they

(36:54):
have the characters just coming up to you and engaging
with you and ship and they have like the different
lands of your favorite characters. They have the fucking just
just like the the stuff that's I fucking forget the
name of it. They have the stuff at night where
it's like gets all emotional and it gives you the
chills on your spine with the fireworks and the water shit.

(37:16):
But anyway, I feel like Mattel is kind of like
that with the Barbie line, where they they they do
Barbie kind of a cut above other toys, right, Like
Barbie's got the nice articulated elbows and knee joints and
ankle joints. I think they fucking gave her tits. Sometimes

(37:37):
they have underwear on her because it's like you pull
the clothes off and it's like, hey, why doesn't she
have a pussy, and it's like, oh, she's got permanent underwear.
I guess she's chased, you know. But the uh she's Muslim. Yeah,
because she's not allowed to fuck have.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
They made Have they ever made a Muslim Barbie?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
That's that's what I was getting to, Like, I think
with everyone, they try and make the mold a little
different so that way, it's like it can't be imitated.
You can't just wrap a scarf around your you know,
your sailor Barbie, and now you got a Muslim Barbie.
It's like, sorry, she's got to have brown skin and
a kind of a crooked nose and really big bulging

(38:18):
eyes and you know, like some fucking deep emotional trauma
that you can see through the eyes, you know.

Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, I was I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Wheelchair Barbie. I think that was like wheelchair Skipper, Like
if you take her clothes off her, her spine bone
is like popping out and it's all twisted and shit.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Zelda from Pet Cemetery Barbie.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yeah, yeah, that's who they modeled her after. They just
gave her a nicer hair.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, fucking I don't know. I don't know, man, I
don't I really, I have so little commentary on Barbie.
I'm realizing, like I'll make fun of blind people all day,
but it's the barbie thing. I have no real comment here. Yeah,
it's great. Jen's aunt still buys her barbie for Christmas
every year as I was gender with them, put them

(39:09):
in the closet, like stores them nice, and I think
the idea is to give them to our kids someday.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
You know, so that way you can fit.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
You know, when he's a fourteen year old boy, I'm
gonna sit him down and make him open every Christmas
Barbie from nineteen eighty eight until Jen's aunt stops buying them.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
For that was like my grandpa with hes trucks.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
He used to get hest trucks as a kid.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Dude, they were the coolest fucking toy. I didn't like
trucks stuff when I was a kid. I didn't like
like trains and like kids were into that and I was.
I did find that off putting, you know, Like as
a kid, I knew I was weird for a few reasons.
One of them was how how a lot of the
stuff the other kids liked I did not give a

(39:52):
fucking shit about. Dude, like trucks and police officers and
cops and robbers and uh, fucking what is another one?
Fucking what is another one of those staples that kids.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
I got a weird one, pull them mic closer to
you or something.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
I think the only thing I really liked that was
like a normal boy thing was like g I Joe.
I really liked playing with g I Joe.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
I'll tell you my example. My cousins. I have a
lot of like rich kid cousins. They I mean, I
don't know how they turned out with it, but like
I just know my uncles and aunts were richer than
our family was, and so I assume they raised some
They were all obsessed like these are like one kid

(40:39):
his parents his father always had a new Porsche every year,
and this and that. They were obsessed as kids, obsessed
with tractors, right yeah, fanned movers and becos and yeah.
And I'm like, I could not think of it anything.
I gave a shit about less than fucking do youse

(41:02):
tractor can lift with? What do I give a shit?
I'm playing woverine over here, right.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Yeah. So I did like like X Men and shit
like that. I was into boys stuff. Yeah, but it's
like I was into that stuff way early. Like I
liked X Men and Batman and all that stuff by
like three or four, and all my friends at school
or whatever, the kids I saw at school and my
cousins and everything. Yeah, they liked trains and tractors and

(41:31):
baccos and all this dumb shit. And I'm like, dude,
are you a fucking idiot or are you just like
a savant? You know, you're off to mechanical engineering school
next week? Like what the fuck? Is it? It always
it always bugged me, But I now, as I'm getting
older and becoming more autistic, I'm kind of seeing the appeal. Really, No,

(41:54):
I don't give a fuck without a tractor.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Now, let me ask you, is there a context where
you could see giving a fuck about it?

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah? I was autistic.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
No, you and Kiki everybody get inherited five acres of
land somewhere with a really nice house. Well, now you
got to think about are you going to dig stuff
up in the back and you know, is it something
you're gonna constantly need to do? And do you need
to learn how to work this thing that was left there?

(42:24):
Are you just going to sell it for whatever?

Speaker 2 (42:26):
And yeah, I'm just grow real high and whatever. Yeah,
I don't want to come to see my house from
the highway.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
What I'm saying is there was a point in your
life when you couldn't have given a fuck less about
dry wall until you got a house and then punch
holes in dry wall and.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Had to figure about drywall. Drywall can suck my dick.
I'm not going to make my life all about drywall.
You learn how to fix it, though, right, But I like, yeah,
but I didn't sit at my fucking my play matt
or in my jungle yeah earth and suck on a
tractor trailer toy or whatever. The what were you just
talking about? What did I not do? Oh? I didn't

(43:02):
suck on drywall until it melted in my mouth and
turned my shit particles white.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
No, I guess that's fair. You didn't do that, that's true.
But yeah, my cousins did that, and it was fucking yeah.
I always was like like I knew, like I didn't
know what homosexuality was, but I was like, I didn't
think it was homosexual though, That's what I'm saying. I
just knew in my soul. I kind of knew, like

(43:31):
this is so gay.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
This is when you knew there was a difference between
being gay and being homosexual.

Speaker 10 (43:36):
Sure, sure, I'm almost simplifying yeah, yeah, it was so gay.
I was just like, this is so gay. Oh look
though this one's got it's got a scoop on the
front so you could get even more dirt. And I
was just like, who fucking cares?

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Man?

Speaker 1 (43:54):
But I wonder is that from money? Like I came
from a fucking mini van and I wasn't a car guy,
but I could understand a kid being a.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Car new thing.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
No no, no, no, no, meaning, like I thinking of
the upgrade, why do they have the rich kids stuff,
and they're thinking of the quote unquote downgrade?

Speaker 3 (44:13):
You know.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
Fuck. I don't know, dude. Maybe it's just because rich
kids get babied more so they just play with fucking
dumb baby shit for longer. I'll tell you another another
fucking thing that happened a couple of years later that
it was like this. It was like an echo of
my my younger years where I was like, God, it's

(44:35):
happening again, where everybody liked some fucking whack ass, like
young ass kid shit, and I was like, dude, that's
fucking goat. And that was a wrestling like up until
you sat up until middle school, you were gay as fuck.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
For that, I wasn't because I had access. Let's put
it this way. Uh, if you had access to like
top tier NASCAR shit, and you along to a bunch
of this other kid's NASCAR shit, like his family was
tied in, they had a team, you could go down
and stand on the track and see them whip by
you and this and that. At some point you would

(45:10):
be like a NASCAR's cool, I'm gonna be in the NASCAR,
And then you'd kind of be in a NASCAR then
we as we discussed last week, once pussy came around,
like the actual idea of getting pussy, not just beating
your dick, a lot of those baby fantasies go out
of your head.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Okay, Yeah, So if somebody gave you free tickets right
now for WrestleMania, would you go absolutely?

Speaker 1 (45:35):
I would go for spectacle alone.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Okay, So if someone gave you free tickets right now
to watch me get fucked in the ass by twenty guys,
would you.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Go Yeah, I'd scalp them out front.

Speaker 2 (45:45):
No, but you have to go or else you're gay
for the wrestling.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Thing, I'd bark for you out front. I'd go, who
wants to see a wonderful show? Tonight, folks.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
If you wouldn't watch show for you here, if you
wouldn't watch my butt ramming Spectacle, but you would watch
these gay fucks in underwears be really strong and jump
and do flips and stuff, then that's a bias in
one direction, and that's for those gays and not this gay.
So you either watch both of you watch neither, then
you're fucking gay.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
I'll not only will I watch, I'll produce that show
for you.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
I'd like be off Broadway.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
I'll reach out to some people I know. Uh, and yeah,
we'll get that set up. We'll put that on the Patreon. Okay,
So here's the thing. We're at a weird standstill. We
can jump into let me share my screen.

Speaker 5 (46:40):
This.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
We could talk about this, right, but we could also
do like a full episode on this.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Yeah, we could do a full episode on that. That's
a good, good thing.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
But then we still need to fill time. We can
talk about this thing.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Hey, we could talk about that thing or some other thing.
Like you pull your thing out, I could my thing out.
So I was.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
I'll tell you I haven't been sleeping at all lately. Ooh,
that'll touch on one of the topics I sent you
what is your pillow placement?

Speaker 2 (47:11):
Well, first of all, we got to talk about what
kind of pillow you have.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
I thought you were gonna say, well, first of all,
thank you for asking.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
No, I don't think you want to know. But basically
I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you you're probably doing pillows all
fucking wrong, dude.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Okay, here's the thing. I have the true Swiss army
knive knife pillows set up in this sense. I have
six different full size pillows.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Okay, I don't even know what that means.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
Right, And they don't all just sit on the bed
like I'll literally I'll throw some on the chair, I'll
do whatever, like I'm not nothing set up for nice
cities like this is all survival at this point. Fucking
uh So. Pillow wise, I have different different hardnesses, different

(48:06):
heights or thicknesses. One's like a memory foam one. I
got a different one, a seventh one for between your legs,
like specifically made for that sleeplike strong. Okay. My bed
is up against a wall, so that acts as like
a full headboard. Okay, but I know joke. I laid

(48:26):
in bed at like twelve last night and I tossed
and turned until six thirty in the morning, no distractions,
no anything like that, just total My neck would not
feel comfortable. This combination of this pillow and this pillow
brought it just like a quarter inch too high, and
then this one and this one about a quarter inch
too low, and it just fucking sucked. Toss turn all

(48:51):
night long. Man, I don't.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Unsay, are you having any physical pain?

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Uh in my neck?

Speaker 2 (48:58):
If it's okay?

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Too long? Go ahead?

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Okay? What are the shape? What is the shape of
your pillows?

Speaker 1 (49:05):
I mean just they're a standard pillow.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
Also, Okay, that's where you're going wrong, all right. So
I had the same problem, right I had. I had
a thin pillow, I had a thick pillow. I had
two thin pillows. I had a down pillow. I had
like a body pillow. I had gone through a lot
of pillows.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Right, Hu, shan am your pillow.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
I'm your body pillow.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
No, I'm your down pillow. Do you want a paper
or plastic for you?

Speaker 2 (49:34):
Grocerbes lay on my belly? Okay?

Speaker 1 (49:40):
So you had all the combinations of pillows.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I had a bunch of them. Yeah, over the years,
and I had this thing a few months ago where yeah,
neck pain every single day, and it wasn't a matter
of not being able to sleep. I could sleep fine,
but I was waking up just in a excruciating neck
pain every fucking day. No matter how I tried to

(50:04):
fall asleep, I would wake up some other way and
I would be just like it was like a pinch
in my neck all the time. So my wife had
bought like a special pillow a while ago, and I
was like, you got to get me the same pillow
as you because I've slept on it before and it's
really comfortable. And I was like, give me the get

(50:25):
me the exact same one, and she did, And after
sleeping on it for a while, I learned some things right. One,
almost everybody sleeps wrong. I watched like a video on
YouTube about the natural sleeping posture and how your body
is meant to stand straight up and the best way

(50:48):
we can sit to preserve like our posture, and then
everything that's going to prevent like pain and pinching nerves
and stuff. And anybody who sleeps on their side or
their belly is fucking themselves up, probably because there's no
way you can lay in one of those positions and

(51:09):
get support to all the areas of your body that
need it right, like your spine, your neck. You're putting
pressure on one side more than the other, so you're
cutting off circulation. It's it will never ever stay comfortable
to sleep in one of those positions. You might feel
comfortable momentarily on your side or on your belly, but

(51:32):
it will not stay comfortable if you fall asleep that way.
So I only sleep on my back. Now, this special
pillow has got a cutout where it's like flat, and
then it's got like a divot for your neck, and
it puts pressure, like upward pressure onto your neck. So
it like encourages you to tilt your head back and

(51:54):
put your shoulders like against the pillow because it's just
like you fit perfectly into it. And then you could
lay on your side if you wanted. It wouldn't be uncomfortable,
but there's just like no reason to move. It's like
everything kind of locks into place, and your whole body
just feels like all the tension and pressure comes off

(52:16):
and you're able to wake up without extreme neck pain.
Now your issue is falling asleep, which leads me to
believe it's not something to do with your pillow, and
it's probably something to do with having a restless, overactive mind.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Do you think I'm too smart for sleep?

Speaker 2 (52:37):
Well? Yeah, I mean maybe you've got like a potion
or a concoction or an invention or something that's waiting
to come out of you.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
No.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
I think probably you've got a lot of stuff on
your mind, and you probably have a lot of distractions
around you, like podcasts and television and computers and pussy
and pets and all this stuff that you know, Like
you're laying there and it's like, oh man, this isn't
a comfortable pillow, and I'm not even as tired as
I thought I was. I guess I could get some

(53:06):
pussy by that, I mean, play with your cat.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
Wait, so look, I can't give up TV or podcasts.
Are you saying I should kill Jen and little baby David?

Speaker 2 (53:17):
No, not necessarily. I'm just saying no.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
I mean, don't take it off the table. But you know,
I'm just saying distractions, sure you Uh yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
I mean you're not comfortable. You're not uncomfortable in bed,
are you? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (53:35):
I'm physically uncomfortable when neck hurts like again, it's like
it's either my neck needs to be here and every
combination I have puts it here or here orthing like that.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
You're not going to get the right pillow for side sleeping.
I mean they don't exist because you're.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Oh see that's what I was gonna say. You're taking
into account. Back sleepers is like any one under two bills,
anyone over two bills, back sleeping is not a thing.
Why Uh breathes of apnea? Yeah, yeah, well I thought
you were under two bills. Now, no from all the law. No, dude,

(54:15):
that's how high I was.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
What are you at now? Like one night?

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Talk about it. We'll talk about it when I get
back on this. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
No, well I don't know. I mean I I see
you breathing. You look like you're breathing. Fine, I think
you should sleep on your back one night. See I've
been breathing. I've been getting.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
See if it works, Uh, strap yourself down, put a
cord across your chest. No, I uh, I've been falling.
Have my Apple watch and it tracks your heart rate
when you sleep. I've been having a thing where my
heart heart reate drops under forty or something we've talked about.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
That cool.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
That's not good, right, it's why is it bad? Because
what am I doing?

Speaker 2 (54:57):
You're just not using a lot of blood and stuf.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Yeah, because I'm not breathing. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
That won't have anything to do with it. Your blood
will circulate independently. It will just if you're not breathing,
the blood will be circulating with less oxygenated blood in it.
That's all.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
No, all right, man, for more oxygenated blood.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
See I don't know either. See Yeah, sound like a
real dickhead.

Speaker 7 (55:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Yeah, you can stop breathing for a while before your
circulation has to stop. Right.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
Look, Apple sending me an alert about it.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
That means something. I think that's a good thing. When
your shit goes that low when you're sleeping, I think
that just means like I think if it was frantic,
and like I think if your heart rate was one
twenty when you were asleep, that would be a way
bigger concern.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Yeah, you're probably right, my watch is dead. Otherwise i'd
read it. It's literally like warning.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Horning you your hearts be stopping. You have ten second
to restart your heart.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Speaking of someone who's trying to stop their heart. I
came across this video. I have yet to watch it,
but it's gross, Like her face is gross, so I
wanted to watch it. God damn it.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Man, she looks like a leather Face. Leatherface's sister is
prom Date.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
So I think she was practicing kissing on a twelve gage.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
And she was she was getting ready for a threesome.
She was using a double barrel.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
All right, So the quote here is I survived my
suicide attempt. It's crazy they can't even say suicide. They
and the unlive thing is the gayest thing.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
Like they can't say it. It's that like they they
self censor because they don't want their ship to be
shadow band or whatever.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
You know what I mean. They can't say it because
it'll be in the algorithm.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Oh dude, I say it. Yeah, it makes suicide you pussy.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Uh But that's why Yeah, yeah, that's that's why I'm
not in the algorithm. Right, yes, exactly right, right, starting
to make sense, let's sen this broad has to.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Say whatever you're struggling with. Jesus she whatever you're struggling with,
especially if it's talking out of the face you blew
off with a shotgun.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
She looks like, uh, I think the vampires in Blade
Trinity was that when the mouths opened up.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
Oh yeah, like wish master. Yeah it wor you know,
and cheaper screepers, yaper scrapers.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
Yeah yeah, right right right, yeah, her face looks like that.
She would be so hot too. I wonder why she
tried to kill.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
Herself, Probably because fucking dweebs like you were like, you're
so hot, you want to go out?

Speaker 1 (57:50):
You're so pretty? I fucking love you.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Maybe, Oh I'm ever gonna get our podcast losers.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
Wouldn't it be great if I'm just mocking her? I'm like, oh,
don't be sure to kill herself. Why is she try
and kill herself because some nerd in cell hacked her
phone and was committing sexual blackmail against her?

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Oh yeah, dude, I wouldn't. I would be like, blackmail me.
Please show my grandmother. She needs to see it.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
All right, let's see whatever.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
You're struggling with, it does do better.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
And I don't want you.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
To make the sally.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
You know what she had yankie teeth.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
She wasn't that hot, right, Yeah, she just wanted to
put them in the right spot. She was just.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
Spraighting down her teeth.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
If I aim properly and I just take the left quadrant,
I should be able to rewelth these ones.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
Uh let's see.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
Oh god, damn did she leave the stock of the
gun in her neck?

Speaker 5 (58:52):
Again?

Speaker 1 (58:52):
The things they have to blur. And I s astress
t myself with my Yeah, it shot myself, but and
I ship myself with it. I surbubbed my suice attempt
and I suicide attempt, and I shit myself with yeah,
all right, great.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
While they were fixing my face, they noticed this huge
tumor in my neck.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Oh man, what is it that is? That's a shame.
You weren't in the er with me right when I
when the bottle broke on my face.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Well, no, I stayed at home with your fucking brother
and your friend Blandrew and watched television.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
Really, was that what it was?

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Okay? Yeah? And then your dad or your whoever brought
you to the hospital, brought you home and you were
all stitched up, and we were like, thanks for letting
us stay here, missus. Matt's mom, Well, we had I
look at this.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
I look at this lady's face, and I think about it.
With my face, you can't go to an er and
have them just kind of tie the flaps back together.
Otherwise you're gonna get some janky mess like this, And
like my face looks like I have a real defined
scar on my face from that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
Well, you know, sometimes scars just be scar And dude,
I have a some kid cut me with a pen
or a pencil once in middle school and I I
still have a scar, like a raised, like nasty, fleshy
scar on my arm from it. I can still see
it clear as day. And you know, I didn't get
stitches or anything. It wasn't it did. I don't remember

(01:00:26):
it bleeding. You know. It was like one of those
ones where you can kind of see the red, like
the blood, you know, my skin, the skin is broken,
but nothing pours out.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
It's It was amazing how badly those scar I have.
I bumped into a whiteboard we have and I got
like a puncture scratch it liked what wasn't. But then
I I probably like touched it too much.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Yeah, it got all greasy and stuff from your fucking chicken.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Well no, no, but it's not infected. But it's still there,
raised and there's still somewhat of a scab a year
and a half later.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Yeah, it's wild, right, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Right, it's like a hard like uh like skin. It's
not a scab in the way you think of a scab.
It's like hard skin that'll just rip off of it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
Yeah. It's like when you I think, when you break
down all those layers a skin. I think it like
it just heals, disgusting and bulbous and you know, fucking nasty,
like this girl's neck.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
All right, let's watch more of this. I I was
in a very dark place and I didn't understand or
comprehend was happening.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
To the other time for everyone wondering what this is.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
This is called a tissue expander.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Okay, why would you need to have your tissue expanded?
I thought you already did that with a shock.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
She expanded her face like the big bang.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Yeah right, yeah, the whole fuck universe spread out all
over the back of her brush.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Hey all right, someone tweeted her. Hey, love, I was
wondering if the surgeon surgery you recently had for the
skin under your chin, will they revise that or remove
that in the future, Like, what's the reason for it
being there? If you don't mind me, If you don't
mind me, Yo?

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Is that an Adam's apple implant?

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
Yo?

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
What the fuck would that thing?

Speaker 7 (01:02:25):
Yo?

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Shit's nasty, though.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
You got a little gulley in there so you can
barf your food up for your baby.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
You know, Jenna and I have been saying about David
a lot.

Speaker 5 (01:02:35):
What.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
We look at him and he's like kind of chubby,
but he's not overweight. We took him to the vet
and we we're looking at him, and I'll just look
at her and I'll go he.

Speaker 8 (01:02:46):
Do be eating though, right, He do be eating though
our saying that a lot cats do be eating shit. Yeah,
she do be blowing her head off though.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
She do be doing that though, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
I honestly though, fucking big ups to the surgeons. They
really put her ass back together. She looks like a creature. Man,
I'm imagine. I don't know what they had to work with.
That's a fairpoint. Built her. In nineteen eighty five, dude,
when I was in my combat lifsab course and the Marines,

(01:03:19):
they showed us a picture this guy blew the bottom
of his face off in a failed suicide as like
an example of what we could expect on the battlefield.
You know, I think tongue hanging out and shit, and
it's like twenty thirty years ago rebuilding that would have
been like, Okay, you are Frankenstein, you know, like that's

(01:03:41):
your life now. When you go out, everyone sees you
as Frankenstein. This bitch could put on a ma if
it was COVID times, she could put on a mask
and go out around dusk. And if you were in
like a restaurant like Applebee's or something with you know,
like medium yellow tinted lighting, dude, you would think she

(01:04:04):
was exotic as fuck.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
Maybe, but she also does have a huge lump on
her neck and masks that far she'd have to probably
rock a gator.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Yeah, she would need a Turtlenecker.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
But one of those things. No, no, no, where those
those negated Yeah, now that they're trying to ban them
in Philadelphia, well just because.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Of certain culture likes to break the rules when they're
wearing the mask that everybody else likes, So now none
of us can enjoy it. Thanks Republicans.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
All right, let's see what this girl has to say.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
This is to stretch the skin on my neck. So
when they shoot this down it'll fix the discoloration. Dap
it downh God. Okay, they did a skin graft on
her leg and left her achilles tendon exposed.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
It looks like he really, I mean, it looks like
raw pork man. That's rough.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Jesus. It looks like they tattooed the anatomy onto her leg.
It's fucking awful.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
Though, you know what.

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
It's to fix her face though, Yeah, I know they
should have just they should have just said, you know what,
your face is a goner. At least she still got
nice legs to Yeah, just stay.

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
Bent over all the time, sweetie, you got everything else
working for you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
Just wear a fucking a fireman's mask, like in a
violent nature.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
All right, Surdery will be getting my bottom, but prepared
so it'll be getting pulled up.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
This will be getting shaved.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Down, taking out currently and no. But seriously, look the
tats on her hands, how she dresses the cute seness,
even though her teeth were a little JANKI I don't
think it was worth her trying to blow her fucking
face off because she was hot enough. Like if she
didn't blow her face off, she could be making a

(01:05:56):
living on OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Yeah, she could be making a living fucking just blowing
guys behind the bagel shop I park my car at.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
She could still do that. She just hasn't lower her
prices now right, You got an teeth in that thing?

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Or what is it? I don't know, Like maybe the
tats came after maybe she blew her face off and
then the tats were a way to like take focus
off her face.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
But that is Is that a style you like from
a white girl, because it's a style I kind of
like from a white girl, not one I would want
to marry or be around, but want to fuck like
that kind of like bohemian like bullshit type of thing again,
just to fuck, not to not.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
To make the bohemian thing, sure, but not like not
like the fake bohemian things. So there is a difference
like that, if you just go to Burning Man or whatever,
like fuck you. But if you have been like couch
surfing for two years and getting tattoos at parties and shit,

(01:06:57):
and you're a transient, you're actually from Anada and you
wound up in Arizona, and it's like, you know, you
fuck guys, you don't care, You're you're the you're the
one like using guys and stuff like that's pretty bohemian,
you know, like that's that's a that's a that's my
idea of a bohemian woman, right, It's like not some
fucking chick who works at office depot and you know,

(01:07:22):
has to put a band aid over her nose ring
and it like, I'm not that fake shit, right, So,
but I think that we were real. The real thing
is pretty rare nowadays. Most of those girls got fucking
uh what is it. They flew to Syria and joined
Isis like twelve years ago, and we haven't heard from

(01:07:42):
him since.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
Yeah, they've been breeders over there ever since. Which this
girl could still go over there and be a breeder
if she wanted to be.

Speaker 2 (01:07:51):
Yeah, I mean the veil would actually do probably would
fix all the problems, right yeah, yeah, they wouldn't know
about the tattoos either.

Speaker 1 (01:07:59):
Here you go. No, but I understand what you were saying.
But again, we were just talking about putting your dick
in something at a tent, in like in a tent somewhere,
like fucking something in a tent. I think that fake
bohemian thing is totally fine in that circumstance.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
Right, Oh, it's fine to fuck, but it's like I
don't talk, yeah, but I also say anything.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
I don't want to talk too long with the couch
surfer either though, because I'm sure she has some opinions
that are real retarded.

Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
Dude, that's the best part of her. She has no opinions.
She's a nobody, dude. Like, that's the thing. She's just
a homeless person.

Speaker 1 (01:08:35):
Oh, they're the best ones. If they go missing, yeah,
it even comes to look for them.

Speaker 2 (01:08:39):
You know. That's what a lot of people don't seem
to realize is all those fucking people in the sixties
who did that like finding yourself thing, that Jack Kerouac shit,
that Hunter s Thompson shit. Those were all spoiled rich
people with nothing to do, you know, like they just
went out and did nothing. They just went out and
became homeless.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
These are these beat Nicks or not beat Nicks.

Speaker 2 (01:09:02):
Beat Nicks and those inspired by them. Yeah, Like, so
you have your like Hunter s. Thompson right, Like it
kind of embodies that for me, where it's like fuck authority,
fucking formity, fuck anybody but yourself, like hedonism all this bullshit, right,
that whole thing is just like, uh, it's just being

(01:09:26):
a homeless person. But you you're cool somehow, you know
you're a showered homeless person.

Speaker 1 (01:09:34):
I always forgot Hunter S. Thompson died in two thousand
and five. I gotta be honest with you. I think
you would have hated Trump, but he would have been
disgusted with the Democratic Party too.

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
Maybe. I think he probably would have been fucking zonked
out of his mind and been like, h Johnny, Johnny,
you gotta take me back to my room, Johnny.

Speaker 1 (01:09:56):
My wife keeps shitting everywhere, Hunter, and I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
I can't, I can't. I have to clean my bed.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
What a fucking loser, john Can.

Speaker 2 (01:10:04):
You imagine cleaning your wife's shit out of bed and
she's not having a demented episode.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
Or she's not showering off because you ask for it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:17):
Yeah, I can imagine that part.

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
No, me too, But like that's another scenario. You know what?
Uh go to your worst friend dot com. UH follow
us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at worst friend Cast.
Most importantly, I want you to check out our Patreon
patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast. You get a
bonus episode every week. Access to everything ever recorded, entirely

(01:10:40):
commercial free, and something else.

Speaker 2 (01:10:43):
Right. Uh yeah, you get a bonus episode where you
suck my cock.

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
Ah, thank you for that. So patreon dot com slash
Worst Friend Cast. Uh all right, we're gonna wrap this
one up. Do you have anything to say? Why are
you reading fucking natural propane safety instructions?

Speaker 2 (01:11:01):
Oh? Because I was gonna say my closing remarks como
mana jar una fuga de gas on El Interior Day
and unemabo conduct us de gasso natural bajo tierra.

Speaker 1 (01:11:17):
For yours friend Aman with sunglasses.

Speaker 2 (01:11:19):
On Miablo Espanola. Shane, thanks for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
We'll see you next week.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
You know, all his own Bruno.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
You know I'm really gonna mist you go in

Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
The show's over.