Ep. 250 The End

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YWF

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Let me finish.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
This is the first time I committed a hate crime.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it, you know,
like something like that.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath, you are present my.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Shit put any trash shin.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
You're worst Friend? Do want to know why you're all
fucked up? Just look at the fucking problems to hang
around with.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
So the final time you're listening to Your Worst Friend
with Shane and Matt, I'm Matt and I'm joined today
by my friend and co host, my best friend in
the whole wide world, Shane Joe uh Hey hit them
with one of the classics, what's up all you?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Oh? What's up you skank birds? Okay, all right, that's good.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Uh Today is the recording of the last episode of
Your Worst Friend. I have come to grips with it
over time. I was a little upset at the beginning,
not upset angry we talked about before. I was just
like sad, not.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Angry, vitriolic rage, Phil.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
There's there's what you know I want it to because
I kind of went through the list of emotions I
want it to be, like, oh so now I can't
be I really can't be you know. Obviously we'll touch
on it more, but uh, you have given me something
as a co host that I literally have. I mean,
I've been trying to do this for years now. I've

(01:56):
never been able to find somebody who is consistent and
shows up and understands the vibe and just gets it.
So not to start the show off with that, but
I just want to say I've always very much appreciated that,
and I've always appreciated the work you've put in.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
For the show. So thank you for that, my friend.
Oh no, you're welcome. I appreciate how much work I've
done as well. Oh I mean no, yeah, you did everything.
I got the rage on on it's coming back. I'm
getting no, no, no, no, okay, no, I mean I'll piggyback
off of that. Yeah, this whole show has been a

(02:33):
learning experience for me as far as like just being
more aware of my persona, my presence, all that, how
I want to present myself thinking on the go. It's
been a lot of positivity that's come out of it.

(02:54):
So it's not like I'm leaving, you know, like on
bad terms or because I hate it or something like that.
It's yeah, it's it's it's all positivity for me, at
least in my end. But yeah, I hate to leave
you high and dry and angry and rage and too furious.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well no, I just I'm just glad the way I've
put it in my head, I'm just I go, I'm glad.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
I won't be held back anymore.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
You know.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
That was my big thing?

Speaker 3 (03:23):
There you go?

Speaker 2 (03:23):
That was I was just like, Oh, finally take the
shackles off of me. So I can I can do
the stuff I really want to do? Can I real quick?
Can I can I play a video for you that
I really like. I think it's a great greeting for
today's ship.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Tapussy fart queens.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
So I got my blood results back and it looks
like I have a small type of diabetes.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
So wish me luck. It's it's reversible. Don't worry. Bye,
I love you.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
It looks like uh, Doris, what's her name? That the
bitch who played bass and Smashing Pumpkins twenty five years ago?

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Okay, I don't know who that is. I know who's
the hot girl.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
From Slashing Pumpkins? Yeah, the one who played bass twenty
five years ago?

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Oh she got fat?

Speaker 1 (04:19):
That's a bummer. Yeah, yeah, she looks for real bad
these days.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
I found this girl on Instagram. See this is a
bummer that were wrapping it because my algorithm is on
fucking fire. I am getting people with like three thousand,
four thousand followers like no one, I'm getting beastline here,
and then they're starting to blow up. I found the
the fucking piss guy.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
He was awesome. Remember he's got a contract now, yeah,
he's got any Yeah, he's the newest Disney star.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Did you see the one of him where he makes
shit air?

Speaker 3 (04:55):
No?

Speaker 1 (04:55):
What do you do? Do you just put shit in
the air?

Speaker 2 (04:57):
No? Come on, man, He's a little fucking classier than that.
I mean, can you just can you just have a
little respect for fellow artists.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, that's exactly where I was going with it.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Uh, this is our boy.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
I don't know his name. What is his name? His queen?
I don't know. You're not sharing, I'm about to Yeah, okay,
I'm not sharing.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yeah, I didn't play anything yet. I'm setting it up
a little.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Bit of radio there. Oh dude, this is Potters today.
I'm gonna be teaching you how to make ship air.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
So basically, what you're gonna need some Doodoo stains on
your wall like I do. And you're also gonna need
a fan. And so basically what you're gonna want to
is put the film behind the Dodos things, and then
the Dodos things will create the Doo Doo vortext. And
so basically the Doodo vortext will go all around your
room and then you'll get some beautiful ship air. And
so that's how you make ship air.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
What this guy has, like he's got the best lighting ever,
like better than well, yeah, I mean, but it's like
it's it is better than your studio. I'm not gonna lie,
but this light scheme where it's just like this like

(06:16):
sixty five watt semi white bulb suspended from the ceiling
is the most poverty ass light ever. Like, if you
don't have a lamp in your house, you are your
dirt poor. You know.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
I have to be honest, though I agree with you,
but I also would go the inverse. I think you
need a mix of lights. You yeah to have some
kind of overhead I know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
You've got to have one, but it's not enough.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
My mother's living room has no overhead light.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
It's all, yeah, that's a bitch.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Then if you then you've got then every room looks
like a den, yes, you know, and that that's like
it's not as poor looking, but it is. It makes
you sad because it feels like an old per person's home,
like they're just waiting to die, you know.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
See. I see it as more like sinister a little
with everything yeah dark, Yeah, like we're sitting around planning,
like which Middle Eastern country are we going to go
into next or fucking whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
You're like at a relative's house and they're just waiting
for one of the family members to go into the
darkest corner of the house so that way the other
worldly spirit that lives there can eat them and get
your family member off the hook until next spring.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
You know.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
The funny thing is most of the time my family
just sits around in the den talking about how to
make the best shit air.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah yeah, I remember many conversations by the Yule log
we talked about the shit air.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Uh, all right, let me stop sharing this because I
have anything else. I was okay, I go to Walmart yesterday, right,
and this being the last episode, I will have to
say I am officially going to change who I am
as a human being. I will no longer attempt to
be middle America cis white, male, thirty seven years old,

(08:12):
friendly to people, because it just doesn't pay off, and
I just look like a fucking asshole every time.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, you look like a dummy.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
So I'm going into Walmart yesterday and I have typical
fat guy winter clothing. Right, big sweatshirt on. Well it's
almost teacher's dirty big sweatshirt on, sleeves rolled all the
way up.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Okay, short, all right, yeah, that's whenever I see. Actually,
I just went to my wife's Christmas party for Christmas,
I guess it was a holiday party. Actually, think about it.
I just one of my wife's holiday party, which, by
the way, I know that all these fucking health reps
are supposed to be super sinister and stuff, but it

(08:53):
was really cool hearing them. They didn't really talk about
money at all when they were giving speeches. It was
just all about like how many how many units didn't fail,
And it was like, we wanted less than a quarter
of a percent of these health implants to fail, and
it was an eighth of a percent, So we exceeded
our goal and It's like, Okay, that's seems like these

(09:14):
guys actually care about something. It's nice. And then they
served me undercooked I'm sorry, overcooked RIBI. I asked for
a medium rare. It was definitely medium. It wasn't bad,
but it wasn't great. Wasn't it wasn't good? You know,
it wasn't bad anyway. Yeah, there's this woman that I

(09:35):
haven't seen in forever. She had gastric bypass surgery. She's
lost so yeah, I know she's lost a ton of weight,
but she's still still a little big. But she's still
in fat person mindset. Because we went to the Christmas party.
I'm in like a sweater and then I got like
a collared shirt and a tie on underneath and slacks
and like long wool socks. I'm like freezing my ass

(09:58):
off and I'm all buttoned up, you know, and she's
in there with like a sleeveless shirt and khaki pants.
I was like, bitch, are you out of your fucking mind?
It's typical fat person clothes, right, It's just like stuff
you can slip in and out of. She's lost some weight,
she could buy a new dress, but yeah, she's still
in that fat person mindset.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
When people dress up for things, though, I think they're
kind of like retarded, is the thing that's my view
on it. It's like, this guy sees you, not you,
not you. In general, I understand I am in the
minority on this one. Okay, that I think dressing up
is gay. This guy sees you, and he knows or

(10:38):
is has the distinct possibility in his mind, this guy's
a scumbag. And he walks up and he goes, what
the tie on this guy? Hmm? Maybe all of my
preconceived notions of his scumbaggery were incorrect. And then they need, Yeah,
they meet me and talk to me, and they go, oh,
he is a scumbag. Never mind, never mind, I was

(11:01):
fooled by the tie. Hey, I need to just go
in and present who I am. Funny enough, one time
I started working at my job and the CEO was there,
and it was like a month in and it was
football season, and it was like Friday, everyone can wear
their jersey. If you have a football jersey where it
to work.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
It has to be football.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
So I extended that from September, late September, maybe October
probably at that point, uh huh, into February Super Bowl.
I was wearing a jersey every Friday, the only person
in the entire professional work office wearing a jersey every Friday.
Just pretend like, oh, I didn't hear that, Like I didn't,

(11:43):
I didn't hear what. I don't know what you're talking about.
So it's funny because it's going to tie into my
Walmart story real quick. It was a Cults jersey. I'd
wear an Indianapolis Cults jersey, and the CEO during one meeting,
stands up and he's given a speech. He goes, you know,
I've given speeches to foreign dignitary. I've talked to other
business leaders throughout the world. I've even interviewed I've even

(12:04):
talked to a president in the past. But one thing
I have never given a speech in front of is
an all defense or an all pro defensive end from
the Indianapolis Colts.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
And that was my jersey. Like oh my god.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
And he goes, go on, stand up, stand up, holy
shit up and I just go like, hey, hey, because
what the fuck am I gonna do? And he goes, ah, okay,
that's good. Yeah, we like football spirit. Soon as I
came back upstairs, my manager goes, hey, you can't wear
jerseys on Fridays. That was that was the worst thing

(12:39):
that I've seen at this office.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
And I was just like, all right, that was the
most fucking Marine Corps shit I've heard from inside your
corporate office world. That's that's badass. That's the kind of
shit you you see in the Marines all the time,
where it's like there'll be some marine who's fucked up
and somehow like he passes through through the formation in
the morning. So then there's like a CEO, like a

(13:03):
major or something up there giving a speech before the weekend,
like telling everybody to be safe and stuff. And then
there's like some dirt bag marine with with you know,
like half a day's worth of whiskers on his fucking
chin and stuff, and it's already, you know, it's eight am,
you know, and then he'll be like, stand up, devil dog,

(13:24):
let me have a look at that. And then he'll
have a look at his his face. You know, he's
a major. He's not he's not a drill instructor. He's
an officer. He's got an he's he's a nice guy.
He'd be like, oh, next, next, next time you're gonna
be in a formation before an officer. How about you
just uh you do a little better shave there, devil dog.
All right, have a seat, and then the marine will

(13:45):
sit down, and the whole time the major is giving
the safety brief all the like, the staff sergeants, gunnery sergeants,
first sergeants, every single one of them from every platoon
is behind this kid, just like eyes fixated, like like
like homing missiles, you know. And it's like as soon
as that brief is over, as soon as the major's

(14:05):
like all right, well, you know, get to work or whatever,
get to work and then enjoy the weekend, you hear
like like seven motherfuckers like D's Copple Jones, get your
fucking ass over here, you know.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Oyeah?

Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah yeah that sounds like what happened to you. Yeah yeah,
that's great. It was, uh, it was it was.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
What eventually happened was they started calling for casual fridays,
so I would wear jeans and AE and they would
be like T shirt jersey. Then something happened they were
like yeah a suresy, they were a mess. Uh. Something
happened where they were like we're going business casual. So
I just kept wearing a T shirt every day like

(14:44):
the next six years.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
I just wore a T shirt every day, and that's dope.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
So I'm going into Walmart full fat guy attire, okay,
a nice cheap rebuck sweatshirt on and some shorts.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Right.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
Uh, And I see in Okay, I saw, I see
a black guy. I will tell you why. I hesitated
on that for a second. Oh yes, son.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
You heard him talk and he sounded like me, No,
You're exactly right, but not the end. Oh okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
So I see him and he's wearing one of those
bright yellow like road crew type vests, you know, and
a bright yellow which I've never seen before, road crew
Indianapolis Colts hat. And I go, mom, I owe, hey,
excuse me, sir hey, And he goes eh, And I go,

(15:36):
we must be the only Colts fans in New Jersey. Huh,
just trying to be friendly. I just got out of
my car. I'm next to this guy. He goes, I
don't know what you are saying.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
I got it in a refugee camp.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
I go, your hat the Indianapolis Colts. Do you like
the Colts? And he goes, I get this from my
work and I just went have a nice day, and
I turned and I fucking left. Never again. Never again,
Am I gonna try and be friendly and reach out
and just you know, just the casual like, hey, lift
your day, you know, Hey, buddy, good to see you here.
Good colts at.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
His work is a blood diamond can Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Really I got it because I kept getting blood on
my head from breaking children's ankles.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah, he was the best ankle breaker they had.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah. I just don't do it anymore. Man, I'm just
not gonna do it.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
I've never been that kind of guy, honestly. Like I
feel like maybe maybe a little bit when I was younger,
like maybe eighteen nineteen, but I feel like right right
around the time I got married, like a little after that,
maybe I think all of that died in me. I

(16:48):
just became the kind of person who who Yeah, maybe
it was like I just didn't want to have a
moment like that in front of my chick and then
looked like a fucking total weasel.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
You know, I get that, But.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Let me ask you, how many scars do you show
your chick in your personality?

Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh? I thought you meant on my body. I was
like I can't really hide. Yeah, she's never seen me
below the waist.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
We've talked about we don't. Yeah, we talk is out.
You don't discuss it. You never like I just really
took a big ship and it hurt.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
But oh yeah, yeah, No, we don't talk about that.
That's just not allowed because then I'd have to leave
and never come back. I'd have to eternal sunshine myself.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
Do you all right? But but there, I don't know
if you were joking or you serious. You don't want
to look like a fool saying that to an African
guy and having to be like, I don't know what
you were talking about.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Right, So I'm I'm at a point now where I'm
actually more okay with being but with looking silly in public, right,
you know, or whatever it's. You know, I think it
comes with that guy. As you get older and you
get more secure and you become more comfortable with yourself,
like all that stuff seems to matter less. But I'm

(18:08):
still not a social person. I'll you know, I'll say that,
like I kind of like I kind of just wait
for other people to give me things to react to.
I kind of yeah, I think that's really what it
is I don't like to show my cards first. I
really like to hold my cards like close to my

(18:31):
chest until the last possible second. I like to try
and know everybody else in a situation before I give
them pieces of me. And yeah, so I can control
what is known about me.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
I guess in that instance, the only thing that would
be known about you would be a you know, this
guy is a cults fan or possibly likes the Blue Horseshoe, doesn't.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Well, that might be a big deal. Like in the
refugee camp, if you you know they have they had
two bocks a hat show up. One of them landed
in the the Refuku camp and the other one landed
in the raffikie camp. And you know, the yellow hats
signify Refuku and the bright orange ones are Raffiki. Of course,
you don't really confused that.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
Road crews full of refugees are just going at it
fighting all day long. Someone put the jackhammer into I
almost said Kyle's face.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
I think, God, they give them. Yeah, it's easier, it's
easier than their names. Your name is Kyle. Now, I
was just thinking of these two fucking road crews, you know,
warring it out with their hats and they're they're like, oh,
we can't tell each other apart make sure you put
the hats on.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, that's I mean, it's funny, but it's literally what
happens in Chicago, right, It's literally what happened. Yeah, I
mean it's which one are you? What color hat? Are you?

Speaker 1 (19:52):
All right?

Speaker 2 (19:53):
I'll kill you?

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Now? Great? I mean I guess it happens in countries too, right.
Wasn't that that's civil war faught along blue in a
gray line?

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Uh? This one our civil war that was about just
property rights? I think, Yeah, what's the argument people make
for that one? They're like, actually it was just property.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Oh, state's rights, states rights, right, the states rights, stone slaves,
that's all.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Sure, the property name was people, but it was property rights.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah. I don't remember any other right that those states
were fighting about from that war. I mean, there might
be some other rights they were concerned about, but I
just don't remember what they were.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
I would assume only because it's been in every government
fight everyone, you know, since the formation of the country.
I assume there was some sort of tax policy they
didn't like with it as well.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, there weren't any more taxes to be collected because
there were no slaves.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Did all right? I got a question. Did you hear
about So we're recording this on Monday? Did you hear
about that shooting in Wisconsin?

Speaker 1 (20:59):
We happened in Wisconsin someone shot up a cheese and
invented Swiss cheese.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, yeah, no, k through twelve.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
School shooter.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
They're saying a girl, but the picture the person is
a guy. So it's very strange.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Okay, take me through that though. Is it is? It?
Is it? Okay? What did it start? As? We don't know?

Speaker 2 (21:26):
They say girl, the picture is a guy. Do you
want to see what I would refer to as the
largest fumble anyone has ever had in their life in
an instance like this? Okay, okay, so let me share
this with you. It's not a video, but I just want.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
To share good Okay, idiot.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
This is the person's last post.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Now.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
I don't know if this is a picture of the
person or what. But they came out and said it was,
in fact a what's it called? The sheriff said it
was a woman. There was confusion at the beginning.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
I don't know. I don't know what, dude. I will
tell you, man. The confusion is real. I me and
my wife are on a dating app right now called Hinge,
and it's like for weird situations. So we're like trying
to find a girlfriend, and we had like we've had
I think we've been on there like a week or
two and we've had several or very few matches. I'm sorry.

(22:25):
So it's like it works like kind of like one
of those swipe things where it's like you have to
you have to both click yes on each other to
even be able to message each other or anything like that.
And the first time we had a match, my wife
sent me a picture and I looked at the person
and is like, I texted our backers like, so she's

(22:48):
a boy or what is that?

Speaker 4 (22:52):
You know?

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Because I couldn't tell even I couldn't tell where the
line was. It was like the it was a person
with like asiany eyes and a chubby face and hairy
legs and like like a thin Chinese mustache, and it
looked very much like a man. But we have like

(23:14):
a setup where it's like you only get matched with women.
So I was like, what the fuck's going on with that?

Speaker 5 (23:21):
You know?

Speaker 1 (23:22):
But that is a woman? Yeah, I apparently I told
her I was like, just block that bitch.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
You can just freak out of my You're just you're
totally tolerant or whatever. And then it comes to your doorstep.
Now tell the monster to kill itself.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Not today.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
So this thing posted the okay, yeah, well I don't
know what it is. If it was like a blow
the well, but it's yeah, but at one point it
was white supremacist. For a long time, it was just okay.
It could also be the thing below your waist to
get to hit him in the right.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
That's I thought, Oh yeah, that's that's what I'm referring
to as the butthole.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
Oh okay.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
I always thought like, when you look down at that
hole below the waist, you're looking at the person's butthole. Okay,
all right, that is what I thought.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Well, this person posted this the hand just before the
shooting along with their manifesto.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
Right, what's in there? So I'm sure really wise stuff.
I'm sure intelligence stuff about healthcare and the state of
the country and all sorts of great amazing shit that's
going to spark at debate. Han Finn fix the world, right,
oh sweetie.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
What happens is when people write these manifestos and post
them on Google docs.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
They normally don't include a password access required.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Literally, they posted their manifesto publicly trying to you know,
and by the way, this person is dead. They killed
a teacher, a student, and then themselves and I think
twelve other people are injured, hopefully no more, you know,
yea dead from that butt. Yeah, they posted their manifesto.
I assume they hit send, sent that picture of the hand,

(25:10):
and then went ran out of the bathroom stall firing.
And what they didn't realize is, yes, no one will
ever be able to read this because man is locked behind.
You have to request access here.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Let's request access to.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Talk about you killing yourself on my podcast. It's the
last episode, so if you could please get back to
me soon, I'd appreciate it. Thanks exclamation point Matt, h

(25:49):
WF the last message I'll ever send.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
That's poetic justice though, huh. Like they were like, oh,
the whole world's going to read this and not a
soul will ever gaze upon it.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
It really speaks to people who go like, I am
so we've talked about zeros and ones and negative ones
and whatever, and they go, I just don't want to
be a fucking zero anymore. I don't care if I'm
infamous for it. I just want to be known for something.
I'm tired of being a zero. It's very, very sad.
But the problem is what leads people to being a

(26:21):
zero are a lack of attention to details, like setting
your manifesto to private. That's not yeah, that's not the way.
Now I'll tell you what. I'll make this person a
super genius if in these posts somewhere there's only two
of them or three.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Of them or something. If in these posts somewhere is
this the password? Yeah, that would be so breaking bad
this Yeah, okay. So you go through and you take
like the second letter of every post, or it's like
the first letter the first post, the second letter of
the second post, and then you put it together it's
the password, and it's like, holy shit, she's Vince Gilligan.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
M Well, these person just wrote hustle hard and smell
good and then the rest of the post is just
videos and stuff.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Hut hard and take your hormones.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Let's see what they mindful magic. They responded to something
I don't know anyway. This guy's a guy, lady. Whatever
it is, fucking loser, and uh, they killed themselves, so
you know the problem solved.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Why didn't they stay alive so they could take part
in the lively debate. They're gonna stir up.

Speaker 2 (27:33):
It's crazy to me, it is crazy. Yeah, really, I
hope it's all about some healthcare thing that would rule.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
That would be funny.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
I'm gonna tag it on with the Luigi fucking whatever thing.
And it just didn't work, Bud, it didn't work. Typical dude,
always fucking typical chick, always fucking something up.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, typical chick doesn't know computers.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
Let me uh, let me play for you the beginning
of the first show we ever did, so you can
hear how the microphone vol quality has improved since then.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
For the bucks.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah no, it wasn't great. For all the people who
are like you guys, son me ship, well, don't worry.
You don't have to sweat that anymore. But two, we don't.
And let me play. This actually has our old intro too, interestingly.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
What's our old intro? I'll play it.

Speaker 6 (28:28):
Uh, oh, oh my god, it is.

Speaker 7 (28:41):
Much bang.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
You're right, this is hell yeah side for a long intro.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
This is the episode of your worst friend with Shane
Mat I'm Matt. That's Shane. I pointed at the camera
and uh, and I received it. Yeah, we're just boring
as fuck. We should have done this.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
Years ago.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
We might have been able to make something more out
of it, but you know, this is what we're working
with now. Umsine.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
I made it, and I think the coronavirus like inspired
us to do it, because now I'm like inside with
everybody else like you.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Yeah, oh man, you sound so dumb.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah I'm not smart. No, you're you're smart.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
You just sounded like you were talking through a fucking
tin can.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
I was. Remember, we had to rig it up to
my headphones. What did we do? We rigged up a
tin can to headphones. We plugged it.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Into my wire Nevada to New Jersey. Oh, we plugged
it into your wire. Okay, good, my wire.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
You know the wire that every house comes with. It
just comes out of the floor. You plug everything in
the house into into the one wire.

Speaker 7 (30:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
Fucking I had hold on. Uh so here's what I
wrote down. Smashshooter fumbles, the manifesto, Molested as a kid, drones.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Oh yeah, let's talk about these drones.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah, let's do the drones first.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yeah, what is the deal?

Speaker 2 (30:30):
So it's so crazy. I'm seeing people going like a
just so you know they're not aliens. I think everyone
understands we get not aliens.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yes, yeah, we didn't just get id Ford. You know,
it's just no.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Yes, we're aware these are not extraterrestrial life forms. What
we'd like to know is what they are and who
they're from.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Okay, So I will say this about the drones first,
I will say this. I think for the Luigi Mangione thing,
I think you said there was talk it was a
ghost gun, and I said, no, it wasn't, and that
was because I didn't know what you meant by ghost gun.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
I did not say that. I said it was a
vet gun as one report I read early.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
But go ahead, okay, sorry, yeah, well yeah, I thought
you were referring to like this special ops pistol that
is has a built in silencer and it is lever action.
So I described it on the episode. But yeah, it
was a ghost gun. It was three D printed, and
I was saying, no, it's a regular, regular ass gun.

(31:32):
So a ghost gun is basically like a regular gun.
It's except that it's plastic, right, it's not metal. So
I just wanted to say that. I I remember, I
remember you saying it was some sort of gun, and
I was correcting you because it was clear it wasn't
this like special ops weapon that I heard mentioned. But
if you meant it was a ghost gun, yeah, you

(31:53):
were right about that apparently. But either way, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
The reports early on said it was a like real
early said it was like a VET gun that they
use for something. I don't even remember. I don't even
think they said it. They said there's possibility it could
be a VET gun, and we talked about it too.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
At first.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
News reports were like, oh god, look how confident this
kid is clearing the jam and whatever. He must be
a professional. I don't know. I think he just got lucky.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, I think he got lucky. And yeah, and I
stand by all that other stuff. Piece of shit has
has no real concern. I don't care about his back problem,
don't care about any of that. He killed somebody who
didn't do anything to him. You know, he just killed somebody.
He just wanted to kill somebody. That It's plain and
simple case clothes. Fuck that guy anyway, Moving on to
these drones. I will say it's a little maybe I'm

(32:46):
actually I'm giving too much credit to that argument for myself.
But I will say I understand why regular people are like, hey,
why isn't the government doing anything? Why aren't they telling
us anything? Why are they just like brushing us off?
I get why that's frustrating. If if I was the government,
if I was the monolith that is the whole government,

(33:08):
and I was just speaking for everything, I would point out, Okay,
it's ridiculous that this is aliens. Right, we can agree
on that. Let's kind of agree on how ridiculous it
is for it to be another government. Right. We would
blow them out of the sky, right, we would. We would,

(33:29):
We would see them from very far away. We would
have probably intelligence reports from other countries telling us about it,
from our our own guys who are implanted as spies
telling us about it. We would know if this was
a coordinated military effort, And the fact that we're not
seeing these things get blasted out of the sky constantly

(33:53):
is probably a good sign for our safety. Like it
leads me to believe it's probably pranks. It's probably people
who are amateur drone operators who are fucking with you
by flying these things over your homes and your highways

(34:14):
and military bases and stuff. I am I'm totally fine
with the government investigating, like doing whatever. But I'm pretty
sure it's probably like kids or like in cells from
a four Chan subreddit or something like that, who are

(34:37):
gathering together to just fuck with people on.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Mass So the only thing I would that was I
figured similar. But I would say, just to counter that,
we let that balloon float across the whole country for
a long time and we didn't shoot it down because
there's and the way they explained at the time, there's
a lot of logistics into shooting these things down.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Oh sure, I mean sure, but it's what was that balloon?
I mean, what would be easier? Moving? Whatever? Is really like,
I mean, it's it's just silly. What would the government keep?
What secret stuff would they just keep hidden out in
plane sight? Right?

Speaker 4 (35:17):
Like?

Speaker 1 (35:17):
It doesn't make any sense. So it's like the balloon thing,
why even shoot it down? Anyway? They've got satellites which
can probably resolve images just as clearly as that giant balloon.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
Well, but the idea was to capture the payload on
it and figure out what information they are gathering. So
I think with this, if you were like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
I think it doesn't matter. I think the government knows, like, oh,
just don't leave our special toys out for them to see,
you know, see.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
And the only other you know, because I thought too
all right, they would have shot it down if it
was foreign government, and if it was their own, you
wouldn't have things like the air force or shutting down
those air Force bases. Like if it was stuff, you know,
they would back channel and say, hey, don't worry about that.
I feel like, you know, and they would express that.

(36:06):
The only thing is if you say it's an individual person,
right or somebody's drown. Sure, sure, I think it would
have to be probably a ship of people, right. Some
of these are like six feet big and thousands and
thousands and thousands of dollars. And then once they start
doing again, this was in the news for weeks, a
few weeks. Maybe it didn't hit national, but it was

(36:27):
in the news for a few weeks. Once the governor
comes out, Once they shut down two airports, sorry it
wasn't air force bases. They shut down two airports. Right,
Once you do something I really feel like at that point,
and there's crazy people. We just talked about one who
fucking shot up a school. But at that point, I
think the normal person goes, hey, I could I really
need to not fuck with this anymore, because now it's

(36:49):
getting serious.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
Sure, yeah, and that's the thing. That's why it could
be like it could be. Here's like a plausible sounding
scenario where it's like these people got more attention than
they thought they would get, and now they're pushing it
as far as they can push it, you know, like, oh,
let's let's find a way to anonymize this thing so

(37:12):
if it does get shot down or something, they can't
even trace it back to us. And then he pushing
the limits to where they can get away with flying it.
You know.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, maybe I think I think people are a little
annoyed with the rush off responses.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
I saw one yesterday. I get that.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Yeah, whoever, that Kirby guy is some military guy, I think,
But he gives some talks like the the Black Woman
does the Kareem John Pierre, So I don't know if
he's like the head of Jack Kirby. Now I don't
know that's Jack Kirby. It's someone Kirby. I thought, I
think he's a I think Marshmallow.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
That he Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Kirby Nintendo Kirby.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
He came out and he said, what it most likely
is is that they lifted the ban on flying drones
at night, so you're probably just seeing more of them.
The problem that Yeah, that band was lifted in September
twenty twenty three. I mean it's not it's a year
later though.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
I Mean that's the kind of thing, dude, where it's
like people are just paying attention more now. I mean,
it's like autism, right, it may be.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
My wife came at me with the other day. She's like,
listen to some podcasts and we're talking about how there's
there's more women of power who who commit abuse or whatever,
And I was like, think about that for a second.
There's just more women in power.

Speaker 6 (38:31):
You know.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
It's not about women in power committing abuse more now
than before. It's just now there's more women with power
than there were before. You know, it's like we're just
noticing it more because now there are more women in
these positions.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yes, but this is a drastic jump from maybe like
one a month these reports are to what fifty of
them a night, some people are saying, and then numbers
aren't as high ast but you know, one guy sees
the same or twenty guys see the same drone, they say, oh,
it's twenty drones.

Speaker 6 (39:02):
You know.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
I get that it's not, but it is.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
I don't. It doesn't feel hobby to me.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
I don't know. I'm not saying it's specific.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
It's prankster, you know.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
That's what I mean, though the hobby. I feel like
maybe maybe I'll be wrong.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
We don't know.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
I don't see some foreign I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yeah, but it's like that you don't. But the thing is,
I think if it.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
Was us, they would have back channeled to say, like,
everything's safe, everything should Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
I don't think it's US at all. I think go ahead. Yeah.
Like I said, I think it's pranksters or something.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Did I hear did you hear about the uh the
dirty bomb sniffing drone theory?

Speaker 1 (39:45):
I heard that word.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
But some guy broke down what model drone it was
that he was able to get on video, and it
specifically was one that I think Obama ble in twenty
ten that they've been saving for a while, and what
it can do, and this guy broke down all the
model numbers and blah blah blah like it was again
who knows, could be totally wrong. I'm just saying what
I read, and it's been given some credence by people.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
This specific model.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
Thing can pick up on gamma radiation or something, some
kind of thing that would be associated with if there
were nuclear materials in this area. What these things do
is a sweep over the area to see if it
can pick up on any of those materials or whatever
it is. They said the best place to test it
would be New Jersey because it's close to New York,
it's density.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
I was literally just thinking, like, Okay, if you were
going to use something like that, New Jersey, New York, well, Pennsylvania, Delaware,
these are all great places.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
I would say, Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. I would say
throwing it directly into New York wouldn't possibly cause a panic,
So it makes sense to me to test it elsewhere. Yeah,
apparently we had never had a real need to roll
these things out before until Ukraine, and we have been
using these according to the post I read who knows

(41:04):
in Ukraine ever since the talk of Putin was like,
you know, maybe we'll just use a fucking nuke.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
You know, I found out that that's actually more of
a likely scenario than I once thought, but not in
the way, not in a doomsday sort of way.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
There are controlled nukes, right, well, the tactical nukes, yes,
so yeah, there are situations where using a nuke.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
In a conflict might actually be a decent option. So
like one one, one one thing is like your your
you have a strategic position, right, that is your territory,
and it's about to be overrun. It might be smarter
to evacuate your people and nuke your own territory rather

(41:53):
than let it be completely taken by enemy forces. And
that's just it's just like simple. You don't want to
give the infrastructure, you don't want to give them the weapons.
You can't give them the advantage or you even take it,
or even just a path.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
Right, So nuke this area. Yes, I'm not there to
defend it anymore, but I was about to lose it anyway,
and now it's nuked, you're gonna have a real tough
time getting.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Through it, exactly exactly, Yeah, that makes sense. And then
for naval strikes too out on the open ocean. If
you have like an entire enemy fleet coming to you,
like likely, if you're going to be invaded by two
hundred and fifty naval warships and there's aircrafts aboard them
and they have you know, one hundred millimeters artillery cannons

(42:39):
and missile it like it might actually be smart to
drop a nuke on them and just blow the entire
fleet out of the water. It would make more sense
for a fleet to spread out, like disperse immensely across
the open ocean. But still, there are tactical reasons in
times you would use a nuke, So I'm actually I'm

(43:02):
actually open to the idea, Like okayu, the future of
actual combat might include might include nukes. It's pretty scary,
but yeah, Like if China invades Taiwan in twenty twenty seven,
I think it's a definite possibility you could see nukes
on the ocean, which is crazy, right, but I don't
think they would go. It wouldn't be the doomsday scenario.

(43:24):
Everyone thinks. It would be maybe one or two of them,
But then there would be no there would be no
tactical advantage to using any more of them because you
would have destroyed each other's fleets.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
You know, I was going to play the Simpsons clip
where he says, nuke the whales. I was talking about
dropping it in the water.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
On nuke the whales.

Speaker 8 (43:43):
You don't really believe that, do you got a nuke something?

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Great point.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
But what I never noticed about the clip is do
you see the other pictures on the way He's got
to post it just as nuke the whales, But then
he has one that says bomb the Arabs and take
their oil, and another sign that says bomb the Indians
and take their casinos.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Man, the Simions went hard back in the day. He
didn't realize get this.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
On DVD because they're about to pull it from Disney Plus.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
That is sure. I don't know. I mean no, they
just put warnings on Disney Plus. It's cool. They even
have the old cartoons. It's it's like they had that
one whether where it's all those racist cows.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
I don't remember the racist cows. I think you're gonna
say a crow in blackface.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
That one too. Yeah, yeah, that's the sequel. That's the
sequel to racist cows. It's called racist crow.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Oh nothing back from the school shooter yet. Fuck yeah,
we'll say, well, we can go ahead.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Old Disney cartoons. I watched a Neil Stevenson thing today
where he's like giving a chat a talk, you know,
like a Ted talk, but for nerds, not for fucking
pretentious dick wads. And uh. He was saying how he
watched this old cartoon and then he summarized the cartoon
as like a metaphor or an analogy or something for uh,

(45:05):
for cryptocurrency. And it was funny because when he introduces
one of the characters who's like a you know, like
a blackface cow basically, because all those characters were essentially
just like imitation, racist imitations of people from all around
the world. You know, it's like, oh, we'll make the
cow a black guy, and we'll make the crow an
even blacker guy, and we'll make we'll make the donkey

(45:28):
a fucking Indian.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
You know.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Like those cartoons were great.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Sir, I do not want to be carrying I can't
do accents.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
I didn't want to.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
I wanted the donkey to be carrying something heavy and
he was middle he was Indian.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
It's a nuke. Were you talking, feather, No, I was talking.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
A donkey.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
I was talking genetic researcher. Oh okay, oh yeah, I'm
not alcoholic casino.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
All right, I am part native. I would ask you
to refrain from the racist talk.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
Okay, sorry, I hate to speaking generalizations.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Did you see this dude get mad at his check
for what I don't know, from being a bitch, I assume,
I don't know, but.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
It looks like where where is this? But it looks
like California.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
I could be it's I don't know where it is,
but I.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Thought this video was cool. Oh he's gonna die.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
That's his ex wife. He just punched her window. He's
gonna die, and then left a huge thing of blood on.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Them getting woozy. Oh my god, he's gonna die. Oh well,
I think that's what you get when you punch like
a fucking pussy. Did you see how he punched? He
punched like with the side, He hammer fisted the fucking thing. Dude,
that's not how you punch something, at least that's when
it's standing up.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Let's watch it again from the start. So he punched
this woman's window and immediately slice his fucking armald He.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
He left a comical amount of blood on on the window.
If I saw this in a movie, it'd be like,
that's so unrealistic.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
All right, let's see it again, all the way through again.
Like I said, he realizes pretty quickly, I've made a
grave error.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Here.

Speaker 9 (47:15):
Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
He's spraying blood all over the wall.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Here, he's gonna who's gonna die. He needs a tourniquet
right now, he needs a tourniquet. Now he needs please No,
oh my god. Oh he's dead.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
He did live. He did live.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
He died.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
He did He didn't need emergency medical assistance instead his
wife did.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
It's not him fire.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Or streaming somewhere else, what else.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
He's dead. He didn't make it. Man, that's fucking gross.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Yeah, it was a lot, that was.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
It was uh yeah, I don't know me about getting molested. Okay,
Oh man, that was so gross. Oh I was okay,
I was just looking at I watched a documentary over
the weekend about the invasion of Iraq and it was
told from the point of view of marines. It was
it was all footage shot by one marine. It was
called a severe Clear. I would highly recommend it. It was

(48:36):
very good. It really a stunning picture. Of what it's
like to be a marine. It's like, in the first
couple of minutes, I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah,
they get like this is it, you know, like the
humor that like they just like it just felt like
being home, you know. The this is how dark and
nasty these guys talk to each other, but they're just

(48:56):
like laughing about it, like oh my god, They're like
and the very first clip, it's like one dude has
filmed the other guy, and the guy being filmed looks
at the cameraman. He's like, what is this So if
you get blown up? You can send it to your parents?
You know, I give you're dead. You know, It's it's
just dark. You know, it's just like ye there and

(49:18):
they're just laughing, you know. I'm like, oh yeah, this
this feels so good. And the uh anyway, the whole
thing just got me feeling like super juiced about being
a marine. And I was looking at my pictures from Iraq.
I think I even sent you one of me holding
an AK forty seven and I back up to a
hold now yeah, I wish I could, But I was

(49:41):
looking at pictures and I was looking at my gear
in like pictures of me on patrol and stuff, and
I was looking at all the stuff and I was like,
oh my god, forgot Like I had an extra bag
that the other marines, like in my squad, didn't have.
I was the combat life saver, so I had a medbag.
And then I had like a seat belt cutter in

(50:02):
my flak jacket. I had just all this stuff that
I was like, oh, in this, in this, And then
I saw the tourniquit. You have, like like one of
those police style tourniquets where it's like a velcro strap
and it's got a little plastic twisty so you can
put a lot of pressure and then you can sinch
it down. And I was like, oh wow. I was
like what I even remember how to use a tourniquit.

(50:25):
And then watching that man spray blood all over the
windows and walls, I was like, there's no way. There's
no way. If I was there right now, you know,
I would remember in an instant, like how to get
it off my flak jacket, how to get it around,
which way to sin shit, which way to twitch, Like,
oh my god, I'm so glad I didn't have to
deal with that shit I made.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I told you this maybe a couple of weeks ago.
I really I need to promise to myself that the
next time a family member like needs emergency medical assistance,
I need to like step up and take care of
whatever it is, blood, whatever it is them. I just
after my brother when I just got so scared with him,

(51:09):
like passed out and whatever. I was just like, I
won't let this happen again. I don't you know, if
someone's there and I can try and he was gone,
I wouldn't have helped it all.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
But you know, he would have probably gotten puke in
your mouth.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
But no, he was he was gone. But I don't
want to touch anyone else's blood that I don't know,
like my chick, my mom, whatever.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
That's fine.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
But like I say that, and I say, like, I'll
step up. I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do that for family,
Like if some dude is bleeding on the side of
the road, as I encountered one time when I pulled
over because some dude was just laying in the gutter
and I went to go check him out and a
few other people did too. Then I noticed like blood
on his arm. I was like, oh, okay, no, thank you.
I'll just stay, I'll stand back here and call the police.

(51:54):
That'll be great.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
You got to get over that in the military.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Okay, good, No, I don't, I'm too well.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
It's just a thing like where I remember when we
were doing that combat Lifesaver's course, we did like simulated
IV sticking in like you know, so we did the
actual IVS, but we were simulating combat. So we would
have like you know, we would be in running like
a drill where it's like we're on a patrol. Then

(52:22):
we get shot or we get ambushed or something, and
somebody is told in advance like, oh, yeah, you're gonna
be injured, and Hines is going to be told to
come and give you aid.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
You know.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
It's and so there's like blanks being fired, and if
you got a good actor on your hands, they'll like
scream and squirm around while the person's trying to give
them care to make it more difficult. But I remember
somebody being like, oh, aren't we going to have gloves?
And it's like, no, you know, you're not gonna have
fucking gloves in a combat situation. You're not gonna have

(52:56):
them here in training either, nobody has fucking aids, right, And.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
None of you better have aids right.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
Now, tell you no gloves.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
The only thing I would say that to push back
on that a little bit though, is that becomes your family,
right right. I understand you would jump on your buddy
and oh that's the cool side of the family, or
to the side that we don't talk to and more
fun family. Yeah. But but again, by that same idea,

(53:30):
you know, some guy in your squad gets a giant
slash on his arm and you got to turn quit him. Yeah, sure, whatever,
and you might get some of his blood on you.
Some dude in some market gets his arm trapped in
a door. They're like tournique at this and he is
spraying blood all over and he has row goat meat
on his hands, like.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Gets his dick chopped off by the sliding glass in
the fucking glory hole. No thank you, dude. You think
I'm gonna fucking resuscitate that fucking bleeding cock stump with
my mouth? No way.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
So when I was like ten or eleven years old, okay,
we weren't old enough. It might have even been a
little bit younger, but we weren't old enough to stay
home during the summertime. My mom had to work. My
dad had to work, so I had my younger brother,
he was probably six seven.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
What do you mean stay home during You couldn't stay
at your home in the daytime right and be unwatched
you know? Fuck that sucks.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
Well, yes, but again I was like ten or eleven
and Pat was like six or seven, so I kind
of get that.

Speaker 1 (54:38):
See I feel like my buddy Kevin, And I'll let
you keep talking. I just want to say, like my
buddy Kevin told me, he feels like jen X was
the last of the latch latch key kids, which is
like kids who have no supervision left at home all
the time. And I truly feel like that was me
and that was my generation to us, you know, because

(54:59):
I was unsupervised at home, probably from the age of
eight onward. Like I would walk home from school in
third grade and I would be alone at the house.
And I think my mom tried to keep up appearances.
She tried to make me go to a neighbor's house

(55:20):
and stay with them because there was like an older
kid there, but he used to beat the shit out
of me.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
You the neighbor was like, Shane wanted to leave, so
it just led him.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Yeah, yeah, Shane's Shane's he's got his own free will. Yeah,
he's not a prisoner here. Yeah. So uh no, but
I think that kid would like beat the shit out
of me. So my mom was like, Okay, well just
come home and eat a bunch of junk food and
don't bother anybody, you know. So I did that from
like eight onward. But I never realized, like eight to
what you said twelve, that's a huge gap of time.

(55:51):
So you missed out on a huge like what I
would say is like for me, was like a huge
developmental period. But now that I think about it is
probably developmental stunting, you know, because I was just like
fucking eating paint chips and trying to figure out what
jerking off was.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Well, see, here's the thing. By the time I hit
like sixth grade, then I was.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
All right to like stay home and watch pat.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
We took the bus home, I got off a couple
of blocks down the street, walked all the way down.
That was totally fine. Now here's the thing, though, you
you're right on the latch key thing. What you've said
in the past. You don't let Deonta stay over at
people's houses, right, we have actually we've actually loosened that.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
Yeah, he uh he uh. I don't know if he
just like put something in my wife's drink, or if
he fucking hext her or if he like beat her
up when I wasn't around. But one day he was
like saying, can I please go and stay over it?
You know Deandre's house at Deontay, his friend DeAndre, And

(57:01):
my wife was finally like, should we? And I was like,
I don't know if you want to let him? Finally
fucker let him, and she like relented. It was like
a big thing. She's like, you better understand how big
a deal this is. And then he went over there
and he didn't get molested, at least according to him.
And she asked, believe me, She asked, do you want
to touch your penis? Did anyone molest Joe?

Speaker 2 (57:23):
No? One fucked your face?

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Right? Did they make you jerk them off?

Speaker 2 (57:27):
We just played PlayStation five, all right while you were
jerking someone off?

Speaker 5 (57:31):
No?

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Was it facebuck simulator?

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Oh see, I have to call this episode the end,
otherwise I would call it please fu simulator.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Oh yeah, I mean, I'm sure somebody else has thought
of face fox, and it's probably a real thing actually.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
So, uh, I'm a little kid, I would consider myself
at this point, probably ten, but I was pounding off
at this point, so dope. So you know, I knew,
I knew what was up.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Kind of okay.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
Yeah, So we went to this woman's house. Her name
was Suzanne, and she was the sister of my mother's coworker.
So my mother worked with this lady. Her sister goes,
you know, I stay home, my husband works, I watch kids,
I take care of babies, I take it was a

(58:21):
you know, it was what we did in the fucking
nineties where it was like you got a friend. What
we would do. She would send us with twenty dollars
to watch us for the day in a bag of groceries.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
That was the rule.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Twenty dollars a kid bag of groceries every week. And
then that way she uses that those groceries to make
food for all the kids.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
You know, my mom paid my babysitter when I was
a little in crack Rock, all.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Right, see, and that's why she was more comfortable leaving
you at home.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
It was more like a red party barter system.

Speaker 2 (58:53):
You'll ever seen eyes wide shut, That's what it was like.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
Yeah, you know, the second past.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
So we would all, I mean, you would hang out
in the neighborhood. You would ride bikes around, you'd go
to the little like corner store. It was fucking you know,
nineteen fifty two or something. It felt like there were
no Jews everywhere.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
But so we would all hang out in the backyard
or in the main living room. But she had a
daughter named Katie, and Katie was sixteen at the time.
I remember that because she had just got h yeah,
she had just gotten like her permit or something like that.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Tits. Yeah, oh, she had tits.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
So we were never allowed to go up in Katie's room. Obviously,
we're kids. Whatever, we go, we go up there. One day,
we get the invite, Hey do you kids, do you
guys want to go watch Austin Powers. It was it
just came out on VHS, right, and they're like, hell, yeah,
she's not gonna put that on. She's not gonna put
that on in the main living room with like the

(59:54):
babies and shit like that. So they're like, Okay, if
you want to go up to Katie's room, you guys
can watch Austin Powers. Now, mind you. I I probably
shouldn't be watching that either. I'm a little fucking kid,
but whatever, my parents don't give a shit about that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
My dad let me watch it alone in a hotel
room in Vegas. Why he gambled down below.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Well, there were a couple Easters where my brother and
I waited at the at the rope so we could watch.

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
My parents gamble. In Atlantic City, Why easter do they
have like a special holiday buffet or something? What the cause?

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Honestly, I don't know, but I think they were just like,
this is something to do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
We'll go do something that's a good way to celebrate
our lord.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
But that's like the time my mom took a fucking
nine year old me and a five year old pat
on a garden walk through Philadelphia. It was six hours
looking at people's gardens, all gardens.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Oh, it was fucking a trope.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Yeah, they got to grow the fucking kratum and poppy somewhere.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
And they got to grow that trash somewhere.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
So we go up to Katie's room and we watch
Awesome Powers. It's fun, it's whatever, it's me. It's a girl.
We went to high school with. Okay, believe Devin, remember Devin.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
The one with the real fucked up face, no.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Kind of a cute face, but eventually went on just
to date black guys.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Jada l Yes, okay, yeah, I thought she had a
weird face. Okay, but I went to middle school with her,
did you?

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Okay, well I went to summer camp with her. So yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
I went to middle school with a lot of these
bitches who When I think back, I was like, oh, man,
so yeah, I like, I remember that there were all
these popular girls, and I liked all the ones that
had big hips and big butts. And I remember the
remember that kid Ron.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Yes, I saw him outside of home depot the other day.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
He worked. What was he doing? Oh what a piece
of shit? Huh So I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Hey, hey, good for him working, man. But he was
a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Yeah, oh yeah, he was a dirt dirt bag. But
I remember him being like, uh, do you remember a
girl named Dana with the blonde hair, no big ass?
Maybe no, she went to our high school. Not not Dana,
the one who fucked suicide boy. Different Dana. Yeah, but
I remember him being like her ass is literally a bubble,

(01:02:22):
and everybody laughed like it was super funny, and I.

Speaker 5 (01:02:24):
Was like, I think that's a bubble. But I think
that's I think that's a good thing. Like I think
that's supposed. I think that's I think that's all right
with black people, you know, Like I don't see what
the problem is. But yeah, Like, but Devin was like
the one. Devon was like one of those chicks like
in middle.

Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
School, like Ron and who else was Harrison? You know Harrison,
all these like popular dudes. I thought Devin was like
the hottest chick. And I was like, dude, she is
literally a little girl because we're kids and and but
like she didn't have any body or anything, and I
always thought she was ugly. But yeah, I get it,

(01:03:01):
Like I get why you're saying, like you thought she
was hot. Everybody else seemed to like it was just me,
you know.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
It was more to make it even creepier, But it's
using the clarification you made there. I thought she was
cute when we were little kids together. You're right, she
got She just didn't look mangled, is what I would say.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
She's fine, ye know, and she didn't look broken in yet.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
So it's me, it's Devin. I believe it's Katie and
it's her cousin Mark. So Suzanne Arks watched yes, yeah,
and we watched this Austin Powers movie, and I think
Devin left, and I think another girl came up to
hang out. I don't remember, but around the same age.
So you have two probably ten year old. So you
have Katie sixteen, and you have Mark who's probably fourteen.

(01:03:48):
Mark is her blood cousin. Okay, so they start playing
truth or dare. Oh god, ten years old.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
This ain't good. This is bad. Shouldn't be playing that
till you're like twelve.

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
Well, I see people want to know, like, why do
you want to interview porn stars? It's because I'm broken, Okay,
I'm working human being, so I'm obviously highly Like I
don't know as far as sex stuff even being mentioned
or whatever. When I was little, I just got real
awkward feeling about it, like embarrassed, like I don't want
to talk about it with you, not you, but the

(01:04:25):
person who's asking.

Speaker 1 (01:04:26):
Yeah, I think I'm like, i'd not discuss it. I
think that's a societal thing, you know, like more than
more than anything. It's not to say like society is
wrong or bad. It's just I think that society has
done that where it's made. It's made those topics so

(01:04:46):
ubiquitous in our art and are just the content we consume.
But at the same time we're so moralistic and judgmental
that it's like it's never comfortable to really bring up
in any situation that's not overtly sexual, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:05:03):
Sure, and I would say it was religion, but we
didn't really touch on anything sexual that young. Yeah, I
just I was trying to like associate in my mind
where I just I'd always I remember one time I
was in the car with Pat, my brother, his scumbag friend,
and his hot scumbag mother who was who had divorced

(01:05:27):
her corrections officer her husband or broke up with him,
maybe not even divorced, started fucking his brother and the
son would refer to him as like uncle whatever his
name was.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Oh my god, Yeah, that's so sad.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
I remember we were in the car one time and
she put stern on and they were talking about Lois
Lane having these big giant tits and blah blah blah
blah blah and whatever. And I just was like so
embarrassed that my brother was like being exposed to this.
And he was like five or something, I mean little
little Yeah. So I've always had that thing about me,

(01:06:04):
even before like any of the religious shame or whatever
and shit like that. So it starts getting weird. Yeah right,
it's it's yeah. I mean, you break from that eventually,
and then you really go overboard where I'll just tell
anyone anything.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
I don't give a.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
A ship blood, oh ship blood, just a sexual thing though,
don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
So so truth or dare starts going and it starts
getting weird because it's starting to be like, oh, flash everybody,
and then Katie flashes everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
Oh who did that? There?

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
I think her fucking cousin. It's a weird thing.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
Man.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
It starts getting real weird. It's like, hey, Katie, I
remember this too, because it fucking grossed me out and
weird at me out. It's like, hey, take this cue
tip and put it in your ass.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
And that she's a little strange.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
She did it right, Why would she do that? Okay,
I don't know. At one point they measured her and Mark,
two blood cousins. First cousins measured Mark's dick. They dared him.
Someone measured him.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
I mean, what was the result, I think four and
a half.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Soft, which is impressive at that age. I think he
was fourteen.

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
Yeah, well he might have just been a shower, you know,
it could have just been four and a half hard to.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
It doesn't even grow that much, by the way, It
just just pumps up.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
It just gets real thick.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Hey, as a fellow grower, I'm not gonna cast dispersions
upon anyone. So it gets to the point where it's like,
I'm just doing truth every time, because what the fuck like,
I'm in a total.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
You're into deep world.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Yeah, I'm in too deep here.

Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
Yeah, you're you're like all those fucking unnamed accomplices in
the fucking Proud Boys indictment.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
Now I don't want to say gay, but there was
a dare. Hey, Katie put your tits in Matt's face
and I was.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Like no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
And then Mark kind of held me down and she
did it. Now look looking back, awesome, pretty cool, awesome.
But I think it might have been a little too
early for me to get exposed to shit like that,
because I really do think it fucked with me from
that point on. I remember the next day and for
the next couple weeks going to like people like Mark

(01:08:31):
or that other girl that was there and being like, oh, man,
I hope we go up in Katie's room again. That
was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:38):
He was that real pathetic when you're trying to recapture
the moment. Oh yeah, I'm a kid, and it's an
awesome moment in retrospect, so you know, I'm not crying
about it, but at the time, yeah, I think it
might have fucked me up a little bit.

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
I was just watching this thing with these two doctors
talking about well they're talking about a bunch of stuff.
But in in the case of like children developing, they
all do it at their own pace. Right, So most
people who say like, oh, my six year old, he's
sow this, or he's so that, he's so ahead of

(01:09:16):
the curve, he's a little genius, he's going to be
a superstar, it's usually not that they are super advanced.
It's just that they reached a certain level quicker. Because
kids develop at different rates, and so that's why you
can have like four year olds who are reading and

(01:09:37):
writing and maybe even doing math and stuff. But then
once they get to the second or the third or
the fourth grade, they kind of plateau, they kind of
fall in with everybody else. And it's it's like even
accounting for controls, like you know, placement and opportunity and

(01:09:57):
in all this stuff. Right, it's like the kid just
reached a certain level of aptitude quicker. And I think
that's true of like your emotions and all these other
things of development. So it's like it would make sense
that if you hit a certain place quicker, then you
were intended right like it would linger and it would

(01:10:18):
you know, cause like some sort of hang up because
you weren't at that level of development, but you were
then introduced to the concepts or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:10:28):
Yeah, but now I can't comb unless someone puts a
Q tip in their ass. So what is that about? Well,
you know, I try to think I can't come unless
I see sixteen year old tits.

Speaker 1 (01:10:40):
Well okay, well yeah, lets say that for the Patreon.
But I try to like pin down some of my
like I guess just like my fetitious dick thoughts and
stuff were like, but I can't really pin it to
any moment or any I just have like I am

(01:11:02):
like attracted to concepts and things. So I don't know
how we would relate in that regard, but I do.
I do get the sense that lacking like a concrete
example like shoving a Q tip in an ass and
so you can come. I do feel like I just

(01:11:23):
enjoy everything about like sex and eroticism and all that
stuff way more when there's like a scenario or you know,
like if I'm role playing with my wife or something,
or it's pornography or something I'm there's like certain scenarios
that have stuck with me from my young like from

(01:11:45):
my adolescence till now, and I don't know where it
comes from. I still like I don't, but it's like
there's something about like these ideas, right, like I don't know,
just use a piss fetish for example, just an easy example.
There's just something about certain concepts, ideas fetishes where it's
like I can I can concretely say like, oh yeah,

(01:12:07):
that's been like a part of my thinking for almost
as long as I can remember, But I have no
clue where it comes from. But when you just said
the thing about that's why I want to do interviews
because of how awkward these things these topics were and everything,
I was like, oh, well, that kind of that kind

(01:12:27):
of turned a little light bulb on for me. That
kind of made it all make sense, Like that's why
I do these porn star interviews. It's like, oh, yeah,
that is why you do them. Huh.

Speaker 2 (01:12:36):
Probably you know I always I like, you know me,
I like talking to people who know their shit about
any industry.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
I've said it about a dick.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
Like if you said, like, oh, the top ten best
NASCAR drivers want to be interviewed by you, I'd sit
down and do the research and give them a legitimate interview.
I'd fold in my own.

Speaker 8 (01:12:56):
Stuff while you go drive so fast? See huh, Jeff,
And that's so funny. Jen's dad rest in peace, big
man whatever man. Jen always talks about how her dad
was a huge Dale Earnhardt fan, and he used to
call Jeff Gordon just a sissy faggot every chance he got.

(01:13:18):
Look the sissy fag at Jeff Gordon.

Speaker 2 (01:13:20):
He's no Dale.

Speaker 1 (01:13:21):
That's better than what my my wife's step grandfather would
call WHOOPI Goldberg.

Speaker 2 (01:13:29):
All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Do you
have anything you would like to say?

Speaker 6 (01:13:38):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
Yeah, before we wrap it up, I mean, oh you
got something else? Are you gonna be okay. Oh yeah,
I'm better than okay after that tits thing.

Speaker 2 (01:13:47):
Oh yeah, I'm great. I've been living my life with
it so far.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
That's all. I just wanted it to hang there for
a second. I just wanted everyone to let that sink,
and yeah I did. I thought about it, like I
thought to myself, Matt's probably gonna do this whole big
fucking speech, and he's got a power point and he's
gonna play that Vitamin C song graduation. I should probably

(01:14:13):
write a best man speech. But then, in true best
man fashion, I crumpled it up and threw it away
right before we started, cause you know, I'm I'm an
in the moment kind of guy for but yeah, for
as far as what I'm going to say for the
last episode, this has been like super fun. I got

(01:14:33):
so much out of it, and I feel like I'm
taking a lot with me on whatever I do next.
I feel like I'm I might actually be at a
point where I'm ready to start like writing a book
or writing short stories or something like putting a pen
on a paper, and I'm going to use my time

(01:14:53):
constructively and creatively. And I don't think I would be
if I had not started the podcast, Like, I don't
know that what the impetus would have been for me
to want to pursue creation in my spare time were
it not for doing the podcast, Because before the podcast,

(01:15:14):
I was playing drums, that was a hobby, I was reading,
but I didn't really create anything. And now I'm creating
this with you, and I'm creating content with my wife,
and I feel like, when I'm not doing this anymore,
I'm going to want to create other things for me.
And I think I am ready to start doing something,

(01:15:35):
at least just for me. It's definitely not going to
be the Internet and talking into a microphone, but I
think I'm ready to just start like writing words on
paper and see where it takes me. And I just
feel like that would have been a pipe dream of
mine had I not done.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
This kind of feel the same way. I kind of
feel like for a long time I had big, grand
ideas for different creative things and different projects, and what
this show has shown me is any of that stuff
is achievable. You know, there's a when you talk about success,

(01:16:14):
there's luck that goes into that, there's marketing, there's this,
and that I'm not talking about success I'm talking about
just creating something and being happy with what you created.
That is possible, and it is part of a larger
point I'd like to make when you're done.

Speaker 1 (01:16:33):
Oh I made Okay, Well, just piggybacking off of that.
I mean, you've seen those Buddhist monks where they create
a beautiful thing of sand, like a picture out of sand,
and then they destroy it a moment later. And I
think I remember you saying like you thought that was like,
I don't remember you thought it was somehow like arrogant.

(01:16:53):
I don't I don't remember it what it was, but
I kind of elucidated for you. It's like, the point
is to an enjoy the act. You know, it's not
about having something and just having it forever to have it.
It's about creating something and you get the joy from
the creation. And yeah, I like I tried to embody

(01:17:14):
that with this, and I feel like you did too.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
So when we started this show, I didn't know if
it would go past five episodes, but it was fun
and this was my passion. And what I didn't realize
is that this show would be so therapeutic for me.
Getting on Zoom talking to my friend Shane brought me
a comfort during the darkest points of my life. If
you have a passion, here's what I'm saying to you,
go after it. It might cost you money, it might

(01:17:39):
cost you some time, but what you're buying is the
ability to, at the end of your life look back
and say I did something that mattered to me. I
want to end this with my favorite Chuck Pallino quote.
We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The
goal is to create something that will. And the coolest
thing in the world is the fact that we got
to do that. So for your worst friend, I'm Matt,

(01:18:01):
I'm Shane, and from the bottom of our hearts, thanks
for listening.

Speaker 3 (01:18:06):
Something field up.

Speaker 7 (01:18:14):
My heart.

Speaker 3 (01:18:17):
Nothing someone told me not to cry.

Speaker 7 (01:18:34):
Now then.

Speaker 3 (01:18:37):
Older, my heart colder, and I can't see that.

Speaker 7 (01:18:53):
It's a.

Speaker 10 (01:19:23):
Children wake up, Oh god, a stack of.

Speaker 3 (01:19:37):
Bull durn the summer. Eight children don't glue up at

(01:19:57):
s Get me up, Oh that twelve.

Speaker 7 (01:20:03):
W job.

Speaker 3 (01:20:04):
I'm the little guy till my dog done.

Speaker 7 (01:20:08):
I got diet.

Speaker 3 (01:20:14):
I'm done to.

Speaker 7 (01:21:12):
Joh ship time. You know.

Speaker 2 (01:21:15):
I don't want to sell queer enough, but I'm really
gonna miss you guys. When the show's over.