Tasha Smith: From Struggles To Success, Amazing Advice On Finding Your Purpose

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I feel righteously recycled. That's how I feel righteously recycled.
I feel like Camden is going to be righteously recycled.
What do I mean by righteous recycling? Something like taking
something old that people looked at as trash and recycling

(00:24):
it into something brand new and something useful and something
important to the community and to the environment. I felt
like trash that was recycled into something new. And that's
the same thing I believe and feel about Camp Whoo.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
This episode of IRL podcast is powered by boost Mobile.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
My guest today on IRL is known.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
For too many unforgettable roles to run down right now,
but like why did I get married? Empire atl couples therapy,
and then she of course has gone on powerfully into directing.
Be a methpe Valley Belair, Mayor of Kingstown. She is
a woman of faith. She is a survivor of addiction,
the founder of TSAW, which is her acting workshop that

(01:17):
has empowered hundreds of black performers.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Most recently, she's been.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
In Bad Boys and The Deliveries, and she bodied her
role in Survival of the Thickest from Camden, New Jersey.
Welcome my friend, actress, director producer teacher Tasha Smith is
in the buildings today.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Sasha, that's just a love piece.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
I mean, good about myself, Okay, you feel good about
yourself every day.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's such a testimony.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Like Honestly, anytime I get a chance to hear anyone
like introduce me like that, I feel nothing but gratitude
because it really is a reflection of God's.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Love and grace and promise in my life.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
Like I always go back to that time I was
sleeping in my car at Venice Beach. You know, I
was probably at the time about maybe like twenty twenty
years old.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
Be in your car. It was a little gray Ford escort.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
It reminds me though ange Like seriously, at that time, right,
I was ready to go back to Camden, but I said,
I'm gonna stay here just to see if the dream
that I have is gonna come true. What was the
exact dream the dream? Girl was being an actress. It
wasn't even being a director. It was being an actress.

(02:51):
It was being a stand up comic because at the
time it was right at the beginning of my comedy career.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
But acting comedy.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Was my dream. It was like my dream. But I
didn't have education. I had never gone to school. You know,
I dropped out of school in the ninth grade, So
I was I had insecurities and fears and all that stuff.
I have so many questions about all of that out
of the gates. And I know you've told some of
this story at different times.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
In your life, but like when you really think about
what that means, Like drop out of school in the
ninth grade, You're in Camden, New Jersey. Yes, what is
the moment you say I'm going to go to Los Angeles?
And why do you even think that you could? Like
who put it in you? Who's like the first somebody
believe in you? Did you believe in yourself? Like what
was the thing?

Speaker 3 (03:38):
That's a wonderful question that sent you. That's a wonderful question.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Well, at the time, like I was, you know, trying
to audition and I was doing local I was like
probably fourteen fifteen, Like fourteen, I dropped out of high school.
But I always had the dream to be an actress.
Like sixteen, I was hanging out at this bar. There
was this woman in Camden that owned the Speagheasy called

(04:02):
Celeste Celestis.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
I just actually talked to her not too long ago.
I was like, do you remember me? I would be
in Celes, she remembers.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
She remembers, well, I would be in there getting high
with the dope boys them somebody I'm gonna be an
actress one bak okay snipping cocaine.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
No, I was like fifteen. I mean I started at
about fourteen.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
But when I was hanging out at Celestius, I was
around sixteen years old and I was up in there.
But it was Tisha Campbell, honestly that I meant in
Camden because she was dating Alan Payne and she came
to visit and I stayed in touch with she and
her mom, and it was almost like she was like

(04:43):
the person where my dream was. My grandfather was an
actor as well, but he did a lot of background work.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
He was a concierge for the Temptations.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
But Tisha was like almost like I could see the
dream a lot closely because of my relationship with her,
and so that really gave me the courage.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
And then I have some dope boys give me some
money and a plane ticket. Did you really do it?
Is that how you got it? La? Yes?

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yes? Yes? What? Yes?

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Serious? You never knew that yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
The thing about that said so dope about that is
you hear things like people inspire me or you. Really
it could really take one person to make you believe. Yeah,
it's somebody else's testimony. It's not like she did something
for you in that moment.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
It's just even the.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Vision of her right like yeah, and she did say
I believe you could do this, like she and her
mom was a big support system. But it was still
the dream that I had in my heart. And that's
why I always tell people, if you want to know
where you're supposed to be, close your eyes and dream, like,
just allow yourself to dream, because I believe, I really

(05:52):
believe that God puts the dreams in our hearts. It's
not just this thing, this fantasy that just came up,
really connected to our purpose and our destiny.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Really, I believe that when did that happen for you?
When did you find like when was that little seed planted?

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Before fourteen? Probably baby before fourteen?

Speaker 1 (06:13):
I had that dream probably at about eight years old,
nine years old, Sidri and I would like do like
we would do our little fake place, you know what
I mean, where I would be down a row so
she would be Shaka Khan or somebody you know, and
we would make up these little sketches and stuff, but
it was always this thing. And I would have dreams
about me sitting in a theater but seeing myself on

(06:35):
the screen.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
So you believe that that is a seed that was planned.
I do believe that. Yes, you have watered this shit
out of that.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, all the time, and that's why, you know, sis,
like we just have to continue to stay aware, you know,
like we have to like awareness. I'm gonna go into
this because you know, I was metting this morning and
like yesterday, believe it or not, I get nervous a lot,

(07:05):
like whenever I'm gonna like talk, and I was very nervous.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Toks so surprised you would be nervous, I am.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
I'm nervous because you know why, because I don't take
these platforms lightly, you know what I mean? And like
you've been around, You've been a blessing to our culture,
you know what I'm saying. So it's like, if I
get an opportunity to be on a platform like this,
I want it to be purposeful. I don't want it
to just be you know, just being there right, just

(07:36):
to be there but I really want to make sure
that my voice is used in a in a profound way,
in an honest way, and a way that's going to
you know, touch other people's lives, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (07:48):
And inspire people.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Like when you think about what's happening in the world
right now, says we need inspiration, we need badgement.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Right People are suffering, people are afraid.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
People don't know what the future looks like, and to
some people, the future looks very, very grim, you know
what I mean. So I try to meditate and I
try to listen.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
Tell me this process? Okay?

Speaker 1 (08:09):
So what the process of meditation? I got not tell
me how you get there? You quiet yourself, you say,
I'm nervous. I want to be Is this like a prayer?
What is it? It's a prayer? And you know, I'm
like an old school Christian girl. I know I'll be
cussing a lot. Why I'll cuss you out and cast
the devil out of you all at the same time.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
Okay, but no, in the morning, like I'll just be quiet.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'll pray. Sometimes I'll pray in tongues. I don't know
if you ever heard anybody praying tongues but you know,
I pray in tongues. Like when I got born again
years ago, I got filled with the Holy Spirit, and
so during my prayer time, I'll pray in tongues because
I don't always know what to pray about.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Can you because I have never had that experience. Okay,
the experience, But what is is what does that feel like?

Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, it's a prayer lanelanguage. Oh God, this is said.
I didn't mean to go into this direction. It's a
prayer language that comes from God. Like, as a believer,
you believe that being filled with the Holy Spirit, with
the evidence of speaking in tongues, like, it's a spiritual
gift and it's a prayer language that you're given. It's

(09:18):
a language that you don't understand, but it's a language
that some people do have the gift of interpretation to
be able to interpretate the language right and sometimes like
I believe that we build up our most holy faith,
that this is a scripture that you build up your
most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit. So

(09:39):
if I don't really know what to pray for in
the natural or how to pray, it's no different than
like maybe a Buddhist, you know, doing their chanting, right,
But as a Christian, when you pray in the spirit,
it's not chanting because it's a prayer language that you
don't understand.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
You don't know what you're saying. But as you're praying,
you have to be free.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
You have to be a clear vessel for that to call, Like,
how do you find it?

Speaker 1 (10:04):
It's something that you can accept and allow God to
do for you, and you just have to let go
and be open because it is so super natural that
you may be a little afraid because you're like, what
are these sounds and what are these words that's coming
out of me that I don't understand? And it's something

(10:28):
that you received by faith, and it's something that you
do by faith. You know What's so interesting about that?
And I want to go back to your meditation list? Okay, Okay,
it's conversation. Okay, But it's like when I think about
you as an actress or just actors that are really
good at their craft, right, I almost feel like you
have to be somewhat of an open vessel, yes, to

(10:49):
allow things to come through you without over putting your
brain on it, right, Yes.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
And I just wonder if there's like some type of
connection to that I do.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yes, I do believe. I believe it's with all of
us in the arts. It's no different than you. Like
we are anointed, Like I believe that God has given
us gifts when we came on this earth, right, and
it's up to us to be able to utilize those gifts,
to nurture those gifts, like you said, to water those gifts.

Speaker 5 (11:21):
Right.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
But when you think about you, with what you've been doing,
you know how to tap into your superpower right and
doing your radio show, doing your podcast, it's a gift.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
You know how to flow into it.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
When you think about singers and rap artists and you know,
poets and actors, like it's all something that's very spiritual.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
But it's always best when it's like free. It's like yes,
you can tell what it's.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Yes, the lower you do it, the more you trust it,
the more you allow God to use you in the
rhythm of it.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
Got it.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
You follow what I'm saying, like you have nothing but
freedom doing what you do right? No, you do best right, right, right, best,
and you know how to flow right. But it's the
same as an actor, and it's about us letting go
and allowing God to use us as a vessel to
tell the story, whatever the story is. It doesn't mean

(12:18):
that we're not supposed to prepare though and be good
stewards over it. Like just because we have a gift,
it doesn't mean that we're not supposed to be good
stewards over the gift and practice like you have notes
you prepared for today. Right, As an actor, I have
to study my lines. As a director, I have to
break down my script. I have to know my shots.

(12:40):
I have to create my shot list.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
I have to.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Prepare for the work. The work doesn't start when we
show up. The work starts weeks before we show up.
So we still have to prepare for the job. And
then once we do.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
That we go. We let go and we let God
flow through us and then we go. That's a level,
but it's true.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Like when you think about I remember right, because let
me just stop, because that doesn't just apply to what
we do.

Speaker 2 (13:09):
It's like anything you do in life if you want
to be successful, if you want to whatever your gift
is or whatever your thing is, it's like learn your craft,
care for it, yes, give.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
It energy, give it love, and like water it.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Like you said yes, then also there has to be
like you got to relax into it.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Yes, can't be od like, Yes, I.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Have all the you know how many times I write
mad notes and that something will happen real with somebody.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
And I don't get to none of that.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
But don't you feel confident and strong and free when
you know you've prepared?

Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah, for sure if you have to pivot, is that
something that you tell like, because I know you teach
a lot of you're a teacher.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Also is that a point one percent? Because like I
teach based on my mentor and teacher, Ivonna Chubbick.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
And there's a.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
Book called The Power of the Actor, and there's a
twelve step to like our process.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
So we go through all the.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Steps, but the twelfth step is letting go and having
faith in what you've already prepared. So you prepare, but
you also be open enough to pivot. And I think
that's in anything in life, like our art. I feel
as like our child a baby, right, if you raise
a baby, right, you're gonna have a wonderful, strong, over

(14:26):
good kid, right, But if you're not paying attention to
the child and not loving on the child, then you
might have somebody else kid.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
This little out of control.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
But if we look at our art as our child,
that we have been blessed to have been given this
child to nurture and to take care and to protect,
and to know that every seed we put into that
preparation there is fruit. There is a harvest that you
will receive. It'll come out in a great performance. It'll

(14:57):
come out where people feel connected to you. It'll come
amount by elevating you as an artist.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
But we have to be good. Stwarides over what it
is that got placed in front of us.

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Speaker 3 (15:57):
So good, gosh, you know what I'm saying. I think
that's for.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Everybody and whatever your purpose is in life. Yes, I
think that's that. And also the same thing about pivoting
is important too, and being in the moment and being
able to pivot. You can't pivot freely if you're not prepared,
because the pivot is scarier. It's scary because it's like prepared,
it's like to fall back on. Yes, But if you're
present and you can pivot, even a child you could
raise it.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yes, child could come from good. But the child can
make a decision yes, well all of a sudden.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Who you thought you were raising?

Speaker 2 (16:26):
You have to pivot, yes, because maybe the kid is
you know, so at any point in life.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yep, that is so true.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
And pivoting you have to have faith in the pivot,
and you have to have faith that I don't know
where I'm a land when I make this pivot, but
I got to just do it and trust that I'm
going to land where I'm supposed to land. Like, this
is what my belief system is in life. Right, That
God is the author and finisher of our faith. That

(16:54):
every person that's born is born with a purpose.

Speaker 3 (16:59):
Everyone has a beginning and an end.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
What the in between looks like is based on how
much we're willing to sacrifice and give into the gift
that God has given us. There's a biblical story about
some people hid their gifts in the sand, right because
they were too afraid to pursue the gift that God
blessed them with. You know what I mean, and trust me.

(17:24):
When I moved to California, says I was terrified. I'm
still terrified sometimes, I promise you. Like sometimes I feel
insecure and I feel deeply afraid, and then I say
to myself, put your fear and put your faith in God.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
But you said you think that everybody has a purpose, right, YEA,
everybody is born with a purpose.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
What do you say to someone who has yet to
find their purpose.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Or doesn't maybe believe that they have one at this point,
maybe it's been so long. I think there's probably people
who have not connected to theirs for whatever reason is,
you know, you say to them.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
I would probably say to them that fear and insecurity
and lack of faith and also lack of being willing
to make the sacrifice and be a good steward has
probably been the thing to get in the way. Because
everyone has a dream, but most of the time people
don't believe in the dream that they have.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
Like look at me.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
I was a kid from Camden, New Jersey High school,
dropout right no education, bartender at a strip club, doing cocaine,
not feeling good about myself as a human right. But
then I had this dream. I go to California. I'm
dealing with all kinds of internal obstacles. Am I pretty enough?
Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I
funny enough? And I'm around all of these brilliant people.

(18:54):
I'm comparing myself to the other people I see around me,
you know, and it calls me to probably delay some
of the opportunity that I could have had, just based
on me living in the fear and living in not
believing that it could actually happen for me.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
And I would just say to them.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Go and go for it, even if you're doing it afraid,
even if you're going afraid, just go take a leap
of faith and try, because other than that, you're gonna
stay stuck and stagnant and inactive. It's almost like you'll
be like that person you know on a flight that's
never landing.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Who else to do? Be that person? You know what
I mean?

Speaker 1 (19:38):
But when you think about it, most of the time,
it's it's fear and its lack of faith that stop
people from pursuing their passion and being clear about And
you know what, this is a good segue and what
I want to tell you about because this is something
that I was thinking about and then I was kind

(19:59):
of met on a little bit right and the word
that I was thinking about was awareness. Awareness is I
feel something that is a blessing. And I feel like
even now it's a season of awareness. It's a time
that we have to be aware. I feel it's in

(20:22):
my bolds right now.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
It's times you feel me aware of the moment that
we're in.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Aware, like really being aware and someone like being fully
present in the moment and really noticing our thoughts and
our emotions and our surroundings without judgment. A lot of
people that may have the dream and not pursuing the dream.

(20:49):
If they got deep into their awareness, they'll probably discover
that they haven't pursued it because of procrastination, because of fear,
because of laziness, because of not willing to do the
work that it takes to get it, because none of
life is easy. It wasn't easy being an actress. It

(21:12):
wasn't easy doing radio. When you think of all the
things that we've gone through, it took a lot of
awareness of us, knowing our surroundings, knowing how we've affected people.
You knew you were gifted just from the way people
would respond to you, even in the beginning of your career, even.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
If I didn't consciously couldn't say it. I felt you
felt I felt it, I felt a connection.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yes, yes, which is a similar thing, but that I
think that to expand on the awareness thing, I think
it's like, uh, it also helps you pivot and it
helps you move when you have awareness, because I think
a lot of times people get stuck because they are
not aware, because they're closed up or they're choosing to
not look at something in their life or things around

(22:00):
their life.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
And I feel like that makes people be.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Stuck, and some people don't want to be aware. Of
this because some people want to be in la la land.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
They want to be in.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
La la land so they can stay stuck, so they
can stay the victim, not at front, and so that
and to knock in front, and to also be irresponsible
over their life. They'd rather just tap out, get high
all day and live in La la land so that
they don't have to be response to lame other people. Yeah, yeah,

(22:30):
don't we know people like that? How many times have
you run into a person that loves to be the victim?
Oh gosh, loves to be the victim, you know what
I mean, just because they don't want to be aware
of what mistakes they have made in a situation and
then they're required to do some work and to change.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
And most people, as we get old, you have less
patience for that.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Honey, child, listen, I don't have any excuse me more
fucks to give when it comes to it.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
I'm not doing it. I'm telling you. It's like a
younger means.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
And I still have a lot of compassion and empathy
for where people are in their lives because now it
takes different people different times to get to it.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
But to insert it into my life, yeah, I have minimal.
I have medical yes to the patients. Yeah, because we're
trying to get better. And when you think about awareness,
awareness is also a mirror and a window. So if
you think about it being a mirror and a window,
if I have the right level of awareness, I'm looking

(23:30):
at myself and I'm seeing myself for everything that I
need to see.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
It's a mirror, but then it can be a window
cyst into all the possibilities of what God's plan is
for you, that window of your dream, that window of
your purpose, that window of like all that could happen
in your life and the possibilities of everything you could have. Hey,

(23:55):
guys is Angie, thank you so much for watching the
pod today. We appreciate you. I can I believe summer
is over.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
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big difference in the house.

Speaker 3 (24:15):
But also like storing things.

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(24:40):
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Speaker 3 (24:43):
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Speaker 2 (24:47):
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Speaker 3 (25:07):
Style, every home.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Tasha Smith, why are you not a preacher? Because I
trusted too much, I cussed too much. I like to
do shocks.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Every now and then.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
No, it was I was like if I if I
was a brazier, if I had a church, we'd be
having communion all day, every day, and I might be
in the pulpit saying, y'all motherfuckers is crazy, but you do,
like get the word, you know how to give.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
Away with you not what and you know what? And
sometimes I just can't help myself.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
But thank God that the gifts and calling of God
is without repentance, that he didn't take away that passion
and that love for people.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
But I'm not meant to be in the church like that.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
Yes, I'm just not, like I'm really not. When I
leave here, I'm going out with morel and Bevy and
we're gonna have some drinks. No sound good old time
andy Ry, We gonna no but no, but for real,
for real. But I feel like God can use me
like this. How about that? So I want to go
Zimmo on the list. That's a whole lot. So I

(26:08):
want to go down. So I want to go we
can get back to the.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
But as of awareness, what have you what have you
become aware of about yourself?

Speaker 3 (26:17):
What's the most recent thing that you've become aware of?

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Oh, my god, Sis, there are so many things.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
I'll tell you.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
One thing I deeply have been aware of that I
did not understand love. I didn't understand love, like when
you grow up with this distorted view of love. Because

(26:48):
when you grow up, the people you first meet, whether
it's your mother, your sister's, your environment, your community, right,
you learn love, whether it's an unhealthy love or whether
it's a very healthy love. But I didn't have a

(27:08):
healthy love growing up, which gave me a distorted idea
of what love was. So I found myself like on
this like hamster will of dysfunction and dysfunctional relationships, attracting
dysfunction all the time because I felt like this was love.

(27:31):
I thought love was abusive, love was jealous, you know
what I mean? Love was that because like when you're
a child or when you're a young person and someone
says that they love you, but then they smack the
shit out of you, then you're thinking, well, maybe this
is what love is. Or someone says I love you

(27:53):
but you ain't shit. Then you're thinking, well, I guess
you're saying that because you love me.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
Then you have this real confused idea of what love is.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
So you find yourself attracting a lot of dysfunctional relationships
and dysfunctional ideas of love, and as an adult at.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Fifty four years old.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
I'm realizing I never really experienced true love that was
not full of abuse, that was not full of manipulation,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
And I'm really sis.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
I mean, I have friends that I believe love me,
but I got to tell you, like I have had
even insecurities and fear. Even when it comes to friendship,
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes, you know,
I feel like I could say the wrong thing that
could blow them up, or that could make them not
talk to me. You know what I mean, don't trust it.

(28:52):
It's like it's because love has been so unstable, you
know what I mean is that we're in my life
of that like what I don't I know some of
your family, but not yes, I mean I would just
say the root of just how I was raised and
you know, just you know, fighting a lot, you know,
as a kid.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
It's some things that's so deeply personal. I don't know if.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
It'd be totally if appropriate to talk about right now,
but that's fine, you know.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
But it's a lot has to do with my preteen.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
You know, or like my you know, probably from eight
to probably twenty one, twenty two, maybe twenty five. You
know what I'm saying, like just dysfunction and trying to
get out of the cycle of dysfunction, and trying to
get out of the cycle of dysfunctional relationships, like trying

(29:42):
to attract healthier people in my life so I can
have more healthy forms of love in my life.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
I love that you found that awareness though, yeah, cares
what age it happens.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Yeah, trying to find that.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
But when you think about like you you know, you
kind of laugh and you joke about the time being
fourteen years old, We're going to slay doing cocaine, Like
what is it even that's you were a baby, you
know what I mean, somebody, somebody's supposed to be loving
on you, protecting you, and being fourteen years old, being
in that space and you were either trying to find

(30:18):
something or cover something or I.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
Was like, what do you think what that was? I
was trying to find love.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
I was trying to find like a purpose, a place
for myself. And then before you and then I was
just really surviving. Cis like I was like in full
survival gives a child that young drugs?

Speaker 3 (30:41):
Honey.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
It was in the community, you know, Like I'm from Camden,
New Jersey like, she's like, baby the corner up the block,
serious chos store. I feel like I know I know
better than that, right, But it's when you think about that,
but sis, it was intentional because Camden was like in

(31:04):
a place, a small city that was probably looked at
like a junkyard. Like not too long ago, my friend
who is the mayor of Camden, we were talking about
the fact that Camden was like a dump site to
construction workers that lived out, that worked outside of the community.

(31:25):
People would come into Camden, New Jersey and dump in
the middle of the night and they would dump piles
of trash on people's streets. People would wake up in
the morning and they would see piles of trash in.

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Front of their homes.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Think about the construction sites that you see and they're like,
where should we dump this shit?

Speaker 3 (31:49):
And they say, we know.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
Camden because they looked at it as such a small crime,
you know, community right where they didn't give a fuck
about the people in Camden, so they would go dump
trash in Camden.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
What else did they dump in Camden?

Speaker 1 (32:08):
They dumped bad food in Camden, they dumped drugs in Camden.
They dumped a bunch of liquor stores in Camden, I
promise you when people first started testing crack, I'm sure
they gave it to some niggas in Camden and said here.
And because of the systemic issue that we had to
deal with in Camden, because of these young, brilliant minds

(32:30):
that weren't able to get opportunity and jobs and all
of that shit.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
They were in survival mode.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
So guess what they started doing, hustling dope and guests
who started doing it, the people in the community. And
guess who some of those people were, Me, my mother,
some of the friends I.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
Grew up with.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
That's what we had access to. That's how we communed
and fellowshipped. We fellowshipped over a line of cocaine and
some naughty had gin. Okay, That's how we got down
in Camden. And so it was easy access. It was
easy to get it. But oh, goe ahead and tell

(33:11):
me when did you when did you feel like that
was a problem?

Speaker 3 (33:14):
When yeah, like, what moment did you because you said
you was fine.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
We were a Fellowshit, it was fourteen you probably you
were young or teenagers.

Speaker 3 (33:20):
Whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Oh, I was about twenty five sisters, reliness like at
twenty five was when I got born again and I
stopped doing drugs.

Speaker 3 (33:29):
I literally stopped doing cocaine, So that's fine.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
I was getting high from fourteen to twenty five and
I didn't see nothing wrong with it until I was twenty.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Five years old.

Speaker 5 (33:39):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Literally I didn't think it was a problem. I thought
it was the way that I was coping. And honestly,
the dope dealers I loved and they loved me, and
so you know, it was it was family, you know
what I'm saying. And do you think that that's part
of why? Because when I think about that, you said
a dope dealers loved you. Right, you have an ability
to connect with people when people see you, especially even

(34:02):
even in character.

Speaker 3 (34:04):
Even in some of your roles.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
I wonder if those experiences helped you to kind of
connect with people in the way that you do now
one hundred per You know what I'm saying, one hundred percent.
That's why I always will rep Camden, New Jersey because
I learned so much about life in camp like from

(34:26):
being from Camden. I mean, people are funny and Camden strong,
don't don't take no shit, you know things, and it's
authenticity that's in Camden. And I want to say something
because I thought about this, and this is how I
feel right coming from Camden, a place that I feel
people looked at as trash.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
Like people used to say that makes me said, yes,
I believe you. You know you think about it.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
People used to talk about Camden be and one of
the highest crime cities. You know in America. There were
more murders in Camden, more dope dealers in Camden, more
poverty in Camden, and it was a place that looked
like nothing but trash. But I believe, and this is
how I feel about myself. I feel righteously recycled. That's

(35:19):
how I feel, righteously recycled. I feel like Camden is
going to be righteously recycled.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
What do I mean by.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
By righteous recycling? Something like taking something old that people
looked at as trash and recycling it into something brand
new and something usable and something important to the community
and to the environment. I felt like trash that was

(35:53):
recycled into something new. And that's the same thing I
believe and feel about Campton.

Speaker 3 (35:59):
Who I hear that says I swear I do, no
I do.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
What do you say to somebody, because not when you're
telling your story, I'm thinking, Wow, what a beautiful story
you've made it out this. I don't know inspiration to
people who are in similar situations, but I think about
for every one of you that gets recycled in this way, yes,
how many people didn't make.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
It out of that situation.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
I think about all the things that went wrong in
people's lives that didn't at twenty five make them want
to stop what they've been doing since they're fourteen.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (36:34):
What do you say to somebody who hasn't made it
to the other side yet.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
It's never too late, Like, it really isn't too late
to me. As long as we have breath and as
long as we have ability, it's not too late.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Sis, it really isn't.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Like I remember back in the day when I would
go and teach in Atlanta, like acting classes, right because
there was so much production coming into Atlanta. And I
remember people would come in, older women, younger people, you know,
all kinds of people. But when the older people would
come in and they'd be like, well, I always had

(37:12):
a dream to be an actor. Well guess what you got,
Tyler Perry Studios. That's doing great stuff in Atlanta. You
have all these productions that's coming into Atlanta. Let me
teach you the tools of acting, and let's see you
become a co star. Background. It could start off being background.

(37:34):
You're acting. A background actor is an actor. We need background,
We need you in the scene. We need to fill
in the blanks of the scene. Let's say now we have.

Speaker 3 (37:42):
A co star. You might just give one line, two lines,
but guess what you're acting. You're doing the dream that
you never thought you would be able to do. Now.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
There's a whole community of people that live in Atlanta
and the surrounding cities because of all the production that's
been going to Atlanta that's now living the We need
old people, we need young people, we need middle aged people,
we need all kinds of people.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
It's never too late as long as you're still living.
Who's the oldest person that came in for acting class?
Oh my god, I remember there was this guy named Jerry.
How old was Jerry? Jerry was like he was probably
he had to be almost seventy. He had never acted.
Almost seventy. You'd never act, had he?

Speaker 1 (38:26):
He was trying to pursue his acting, but at seventy.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
I mean, I've had all kinds of pleasures, plessure, and I've.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Had strippers, porn stars, i had all kinds of people
that will cry. And I always wanted the people that
felt overlooked, anybody that felt overlooked, Those are the people
I wanted. There was this one girl that came in
who was a former stripper, and she was not that
good wait, stripping or acting. Well, she was better at

(38:57):
stripping than she was at but see when I was stripped,
but I wasn't as good as stripping.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
Thank god, I could act all right. Check her.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
As people always talked about how bad she was, and
I was like, but she's still coming every day.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
She's every week, She's in class every week.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
And guess what her passion and her her persistence, her perseverance.
I'm telling you she is working her ass off. No.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Her name is Keisha, and Keisha you know who you are?

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Oh my god? Is she working?

Speaker 1 (39:40):
Like?

Speaker 3 (39:41):
Is she working at She's a working actress?

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Why every time I look at her Instagram, I'd be like,
that's the.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
One they said wasn't gonna make it.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Look at her go going, and she'd be one you
reward you and you the want to root for her.
I was the one you root before my heart for
I promise you I love that.

Speaker 3 (39:59):
Yes, okay, so let's go back for a second.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
So twenty five year old, now you make a change
in your life, right, you change your life?

Speaker 2 (40:08):
The drugs is gone. How do you treat yourself? How
do you at twenty five? How do you feel about
your life before that? Because sometimes we have regrets, we
might have some shame, especially when you make a big
pivot like that, when you looking at your life with

(40:28):
a fresh new lens.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
I just wonder if you had any to deal with
a lot of shame. Yeah, I had a lot of shame.
I had a lot of.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Fear, and I really looked at myself horribly, Like it
was like it's almost like if you have like this
beautiful mirror that you throw a bunch of shit on
and then you try to look at yourself in it,
and you really can't see yourself clearly. There was a
time since that I wouldn't even look in the I

(41:00):
didn't want to look in the mirror. Like I could
go in a bathroom and I could be like trying
to avoid the mirror because I felt so tainted from
the experiences that I experienced that I did not look
beautiful to myself. Like I literally did not think that
I was beautiful. Crazy, like I'm not even kidding. With

(41:22):
the skin chickbone cysts, I could not see myself sometimes,
like I'll look back at pictures of my younger self.
You know, when my titty sat up on their own. Well,
but now they sit up on their own now because
I got a titty reduction and the left. Okay, tmy
reduction and left I got a titty reduction and a

(41:46):
left It looked lovely, sis, these.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Titties, as are you there over? Honest? I mean I
got just a little you know, some braw at Sis.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Listen, these titties were hanging so deep. I said, if
I don't get a handle on this, I would be
talking these motherfuckers in my pants.

Speaker 3 (42:07):
So you lay that, I saision five sail. So doctor
Mark Richards, thank you for my new tens. And by
the way, doctor Mark Richard's well done, sir. I say,
they sitting up by themselves.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
But when I would look at pictures of my former self,
when my titties sat up on their own before the reduction,
I was like I didn't think she was beautiful. You
feel like, I'm like, damn, that's a shame that my
mind was so jacked up. As fine as I was, I.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Did not think, oh, it is beautiful. So what turned
that around for you?

Speaker 1 (42:42):
I had these sorry, you know, I feel like prayer
and like therapy, you know, honestly, And I went like
eight years. I don't know if you know this, but
I went eight years of celibacy. I was celibate for
eight years.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Wait, I have to understand this timeline. So at twenty five,
what's the thing that makes you so you said you
were born again? That's what made you stop messing with.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Drugs and yes, what sex, alcohol, cigarettes, like everything?

Speaker 3 (43:12):
Like I went cold Turkey.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
I went cold Turkey and it was so like crazy,
like just one day, like I went to a church,
I got saved and then I quit everything and I
literally was having major, massive anxiety attacks. What do you mean, like,
we're I thought I had something in my chest? Do

(43:34):
you think it was because you're from this day, I
should know it was because I went to the hospital
several times begging for the doctor to do an X
ray of my chest because I felt like my chest
was literally caving in, Like I literally was learning how
to be in life, sober and healthy and really trying

(43:57):
to learn myself. So that time of elibacy was me
spending time with Tasha to get to know Tasha and
get to know God, because I also I was coming
out of being atheists, so I was atheist. I didn't
believe in God, didn't believe in myself. You know, I
had done drugs all that time, So I was literally

(44:17):
relearning my life myself and trying to be comfortable in
this new mentality, this mindset and these emotions and these feelings.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
And yes, it was love. It was a lot.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
And I thank God for all my friends that were
patient with me during that time because I struggled a
lot on a mental health level and emotional level, just
a spiritual level.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Like life was tough. It was tough. What do you
think was the low point of that?

Speaker 1 (44:48):
Like, what is the point where you feel like, you know,
what is the low point of depression? You get depression,
you know what I mean, feeling like you're not supposed
to be here, you know, I mean when during that
time I had thoughts, suicidal thoughts, you know what I'm saying,
Like not knowing what my life was going to be.
You know what I mean, just being so afraid, Sis,

(45:12):
that I just was. I was not healthy. I just
wasn't healthy. I'm not even gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
But you had something in you that made you want
to be clean, that made you want to be celibate,
that made you want to find another way?

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Is that's why I give it?

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Like I don't mean to be preachy all the time,
but that's why even my tattoo says to dream big, right,
to dream big and to trust God, like I can't
give it to anything but God, Like when I was
at my wits end, Like that's the only answer I have.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
I don't know any other answer. I don't know how
I had the drive.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
I don't know how I did, how I did it,
how I made it, how I had the energy being depressed.

Speaker 3 (46:00):
In bed crying for days and days at a time.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
Remember I did a lot of drugs to try to
cover the pain and cover the reality of my pain,
and then to have to face that stuff.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Sis, I was not okay, and I can't.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
The only thing I could give it to is God's
grace well and God's love for my life.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
I cannot give it to anything else.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
I have to ask you, because we talk about the
low moment, When is the high moment?

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Girl? When is that mean? Sis? I remember one high
moment that I always think about.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
I had gotten this job in Mexico. Like back in
the day, there were these novellas that they turned into I.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
Did a novella, but I did.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
I'd like to hear novella, but they made it like American, right,
And I think I was getting like around twenty three
hundred and twenty five hundred it a week. And girl,
I was rich because mind you, I was. I was
six months behind in my rent. I was staying in
this apartment in Culver City, right. I had a Latino

(47:12):
Mexican guy that owned the building. And I remember I
would tell this guy, please don't evict me.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
I promise you.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
I will have the money, I promise you. I wish
I knew where that man was. He was a barber
Culver City. But he trusted me. Sist six months but
six months, says he trusted me. Now I got this
this uh, this novella, right, and I let a friend
move in to kind of sublet the apartment while I

(47:43):
was gone. It's such a great story. You're gonna love this,
so you're gonna love it. So so let me just digress.
Let me back up a little bit. I was a
stand up comic at the time, and at the time
I was best friends with a guy named Anthony Clark, comedian.
He was did a show called Yes Dear, stand up
comic and we would do comedy together, and we met

(48:05):
these guys named Max Muchnik and David Cohen. Max Muchnick
and David Cohen became the writers and creators of Will
and Grace. Right, so they were working on a show
for Anthony Clark and they me met Anthony and we
were all had this little love fest. So cut back
to being in Mexico doing this this novella. So that

(48:26):
was money that God gave me sustaining me. I got
money to pay back this guy. So I get a
call from Max Muchnick and David Cohen and they're like,
we got a show picked up on NBC called Boston
Common for Anthony Clark, and we wrote a character after you.
Her name is Tasha King, and she's in charge of

(48:48):
the student union at Emerson College. And you know, it's
kind of like you and Anthony's friendship. But we need
to do a screen test, you know, for the studio.
Like they won't just give it to you because they
don't know you. But if you get down here, we'll
do a screen test. I went to the guys in Mexico.
I said, kill me, kill me as quickly as possible,

(49:09):
you know, because I was like, I know I'm gonna
get this job. I convinced them to kill me, and
I was a pain in their ass at the time anyway,
but they ended up getting rid of me off this show.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I think they girl.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
I took some like LSD or some shit, and I listen,
but it was I, oh, you could probably find it, assist.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
It was the worst I took.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
I took this like overdosed, and then I was like, girl,
it was the worst that.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
You ever could imagine. It was awful.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
I hope you can't find it because it's embarrassing. But anyway,
so I odd real quick, I mean, and it was
such a bootleg production.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
You saw booms in the shot and you saw everything.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
But anyway, so I go to La and at the
time I had the guy in my apartment, so who's house.
I had to go to Yo Yo, you know Yo
y course, So that's my girl. So I went and
I stayed at Yo Yo's house, and I'm staying with
yo Yo because I got this dude still in my
apartment and I'm staying with yo Yo in her house.

(50:11):
And she like popping right, Oh she popping. Oh yeah,
yo Yo, it's popping. Come asking you know that.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
I remember her car stays around me and make a
big fuss. I love yo y'all. Anyway, that's my sister.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
So I've known her ever, right, So anyway, so I'm
staying with yo Yo, and I go on this audition
and the guys fine clothes for me because I didn't
have the right clothes.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
They went and borrowed something from.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Tai Leone's closet or something some actionsts that was on
the lot that they went to the wardrobe person and said,
we need to dress this girl. So they dressed me
max Muchnick David Cohen read lines with me, like rehearsed
with me before my Networks like test. And then I
went into that room with Autumn people. I did my test,

(51:04):
and I remember as I'm walking out of the room,
I look over and I see David Kohen going and
I said, I got it.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
So now I'm going back to Yo Yo's house now.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
And mind you, I didn't have a key to get
through the gate, so I had to jump the fence
to get into the house. So I'm jumping the fence,
and as I'm jumping the fence, we didn't have cell
phones or anything. I'm jumping the fence and the door
was unlined and I'm hearing the phone ringing, and I
just remember falling over that fence, tumbling down, running into
that house, picking up the phone, and it was my

(51:38):
agent and her name was ruth An Secunda, telling me
I got the job. I was making ten thousand dollars
an episodes.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
Imagine like ten thous like for me.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
People where I grew up wasn't even making ten thousand
dollars a year.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
I was making ten thousand dollars and episodes. So that
was like a.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
High moment being on an NBC show as a series
regular and the character's.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
Name is Tasha King. That was a high moment. On
top of King, ain't meant to that. You're a great storyteller.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
I see it jumping over, you see me jumping on
see those I remember that deal was such a blessing
in my life, such a blessing.

Speaker 3 (52:26):
She still is a wonderful friend. I didn't even know
you guys have friends. That's so cute, Tiffany, and send
now my little nieces. That's so sweet.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
You never know how who shows up for who and
how much it means in their lives at that moment.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
That's why I always say we are in community. Like
us as women, we are not meant to be in competition,
and it's important for us to understand that and to
know that don't compete with one another.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
All of us are individuals.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
I would always say, like, for instance, like when you
think about you know, Michael Jordan and like you know
Dennis Rodman and Scottie you know they were a dream team,
right of athletes, Right, they're all special. Yes, Jordan is Jordan,
but you can't not like Robbin, you know what I'm saying,

(53:18):
And like everyone has a position to play.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
So funny we had that conversation with Kelly, had Kelly
rolling on the bike. Yeah, and we're talking about Destiny
Child and Beyonce having that light, but Kelly having.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
Her own light. Yeah, the only thing like stand in her.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Own l yes, with somebody else who's like right, Yeah,
but that's because Beyonce is secure in who she is.
And when you're really secure in who you are, you
don't want to dim the light of others around you.
You actually want to empower them, and you actually want
to give them more candles and more light and say,

(53:55):
come on, keep shining, because you shining is what's going
to make this group amazing. Mhmm.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
It was my part of one of my favorite parts
of that conversation with Kelly, because sometimes it works the
other way. Sometimes you can be in a room full
of people that are so bright that it makes you
want to go small. It can make you like, okay,
let me just play my position, yea. And sometimes I
feel like like you can do that because to me,

(54:25):
that's you honoring, Like like if I'm out with my
friends like us all of our friends, Like, if.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
I'm with you and this is your event, I'm.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Not trying to go out to your event. Now you
want me to hold your purse? You want I want
to assist you?

Speaker 3 (54:38):
Do you understand?

Speaker 1 (54:39):
And I've done it. I've done it. I've done it.
I've done it. Because you don't need to be the star, listen,
I don't always have to be the star. I love you, know,
I mean, come on, cool star, I'm okay to co star.
Like if you go out with Janny Jackson, that's Janet Jackson.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
I'm not earl you. Janney Jackson, bitch, you want what
you need me to do for you? Did you go
out with?

Speaker 1 (55:04):
But you know even where I would marry like ever,
Like sometimes it's not on me in the moment. And
I don't mind being the one to assist you know
what I'm saying, and to be there to support, be
the supporting friend or even the supporting character. Do you

(55:25):
follow what I'm saying. I don't always have to be
the star, but you are.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
I mean you can.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
I can't help it, but I.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Can't help it.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
But I don't mind ever taking the back seat. I
really don't mind. And most of my friends that are
in my life deeply, they know that I've gone with
Angela Bassett to her premieres and I've help. I will
hold your purse, I got you, let me fix your hair,

(55:58):
let me make sure you're good.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
And I'll be right over there. I don't even have.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
To walk on the carpet with her. No, this show premiere,
I don't have to do it. I feel like we
all have our time to shine.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
What does Angela Bassett do when you say let me
hold your purse? Oh, she'd be like, thank you, darling,
thank you darling.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
She'd be at work, no, And I know she appreciates
that she's got a friend that's willing to do that.

Speaker 3 (56:27):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
That's there and I don't have to be trying to
just be with her just to get some of her life.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
Just as far as like that.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Because you know, sometimes you could have friends and they'd
be like, well, can your makeup bars?

Speaker 3 (56:40):
Do my makeup bars?

Speaker 1 (56:41):
And can you make sure that your policy is get
me on the carpet and things like that. But it's
like sometimes like you don't want to feel pressure like that.
Do you follow what I'm saying and feel like you
have to? Like you know, you make people feel like
you have to always be there, Like I'd rather be
the friend. To be honest, I'd rather be the friend

(57:01):
home playing Rummy Cube and spades with you, Like I'd
rather meet you and be in your dressing room after
you're done and us having fun in the background, like
I would rather. Yeah, that's and you know that's being
Barry's relationship too. I'd be like, Sis, I don't have
to go. I'd rather sit at the house. I'd rather

(57:22):
cook crab, which I have done, and have Mary all
the time.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
You come over and best sit on the floor and
eat your girls. Girl, I swear I am. I love it.
I love it.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
I love it like I love facetiming with my friends,
especially you know, if we're not all in the same
city with our wigs off and our scarves on and
drinking off wine and have our phones sitting up on
and we cooking and talking.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
You know what I'm saying. Yisn't always like to FaceTime.

Speaker 1 (57:51):
But the only one who loves to face time is
Taraj loves to face time. We will FaceTime doing all
kinds of stuff. I'll pee with Taraji on FaceTime. I'm
on face time with Janet. I'll be too, but I
will pe with Janet.

Speaker 3 (58:09):
On face time.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
I'd be like, I gotta be Okay, I excuse the noise. Okay,
this is why people love me.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
I will be.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
I feel like we got to go to our irl bowl,
or wait before we go to the bowl, I feel
like I want you to look at your meditation list
to see if there's anything one more thing on here.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
I think, yeah, because I don't want okay, because if
that came to you, you know what I'm saying. I
want to Let's see. These are two things I'll say.
I like your notes. I'm confined with this interview going
into your notes instead of my notes.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Why because I always try to like be in your present,
like because it really is the pod. I've said this before.
It's like I really think of it as an offering.
It's it's like, so what do you have to offer?
What has come to you? What is your experiences right now?
What do you want to share that you think other
people can receive? And so yeah, I can think I
know what you people can receive, but you know best

(59:04):
what people can receive. So the fact that you even
had that moment, it is so dope to me because
it's like I would rather have to be yes.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
I just was like I didn't know what we would
talk about, and I just I was like, what can
I offer? I guess yeah, you know what I means
to But I mean, even as taking as time, right,
it's an offering you sharing your story, intimate, challenging parts
of your life.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
You sharing that, not because what for what reason? Only
because it's an offering. Yes, w so somebody who needs.

Speaker 3 (59:35):
To hear that story, right, it's not like you need
it to tell it. Yes, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
I feel like so then that's that's why we do it.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Your list is way more important.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
Well, how about this is something that at least we
can encourage people, okay, right to be aware, right to
be fully present in the moment, and to notice and
pay attention to your thoughts and your feelings and your surroundings.
And there was one other thing that I wrote down

(01:00:12):
about awareness and to be mindful of God's voice. Like,
the more that we sit in our awareness, we exercise
our spirit to listen to that still small voice of God.
You know how sometimes you say you felt something, you

(01:00:34):
felt like you heard something in your spirit. You know,
some people say, oh, I felt like I should go
down that street, or I had this feeling that I
was supposed to call this, or I had a feeling
that I was supposed to say yes or no to this.
You know, like we have to be aware of our
inner world. Don't ignore that, don't ignore it, because the

(01:00:55):
more we listen and we're aware of that voice. The
more we're strong and we have more faith in listening
and seeing that what we will discover when we pursue
the guidance of that voice. You follow what I'm saying,
and like, you know, when you listen to that voice

(01:01:16):
and you see a blessing or you see a warning,
or you see something that protected you, you're like, oh,
I am so glad that I listen to that. But
then sometimes you may have not listened to it. You
may have intentionally not you didn't want to be aware
of what those thoughts were, and you ignored it, and

(01:01:38):
then you see how you may have to suffer for
it in the long run. So the word is awareness.
Be aware of God's voice, be aware of people around you,
be aware of community, be aware of your environment, be
aware of other people's feelings and emotions, being sensitive and
aware of just people because people are hurting, people are suffering,

(01:02:03):
and we can't walk out into the world all the
time only worried about ourselves, but being aware of other
people around us as well. So oh yes, And to
remember awareness is a mirror and a window. I love
that a mirror in a window.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
Is that like scripture or does that just come?

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
No, that was you know, just you know, because I
always research stuff. I'd be looking up stuff. I'd be like,
oh good, what is this and where can I find this?
And what?

Speaker 3 (01:02:29):
You know? So I'm looking at stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
I'm always researching because you are passing eggs timing. No,
I'm not. I'd be an evangelist because I don't have
patience spending this all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
No, let me stop. It's so funny. All right, let's
get our irl bowl. You know what hold on for
the iral bowl?

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
One of two things. There's a part of your story
that I find very interesting. Tell me you and you
said you were twenty five and you for eight years
you were celibate.

Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
Yes, what is that experience?

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
It's like because people, well, even whether it's love, relationships, sexuality,
all that, there's always so much especially on women, women
in Hollywood, Like there's so much energy people want to
look sexy, feel sexy that I don't know, it's just

(01:03:20):
put on that energy is put on women so hard
all the time. When you're choosing to be without it
for eight years, what does that do change?

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
What it feel like?

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
All that? I'll say this, it's a blessing. And at
the same time, it's a problem because like it's a
blessing that I was able to, you know, have that
time with myself and God. But the problem was I
did feel like I lost myself in the sense of

(01:03:55):
like when I was young, right and this and for
some some church folks may have a problem with this,
but I really don't care. Okay, But like before I
got I became celibate, I felt sexy, like even when
I was dancing, I wasn't insecure about my body, you
know what I mean. Like I had this sense of

(01:04:16):
freedom even with my body. There was something about taking
that time and trying not to think, cause I really
was celibate, Like I didn't masturbate like the like I
messed around at the beginning of my celibacy.

Speaker 3 (01:04:34):
It's funny, you're gonna laughs. She needed water for this.

Speaker 1 (01:04:39):
I started feeling guilty, Like I was just feeling guilty.
I felt like, Okay, I'm not gonna have sex, but
we can do oral sex.

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
You know what I mean. I'll let you go down
on me or something like that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
But then I'm like, I can't, like sex is sex,
Like I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:04:56):
I gotta be celibate, like I just can't do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
So I lost touch with my body, Like I had
to relearn like what feeling sexy and being sexy and
what an orgasm felt like.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
And it was a trip sis, what was the what
was the thing you were to get out of it?

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Like? What was the choice? Did you know you were
to do eight years? So that's just how it landed or.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
Did you say it's because I had said I wasn't
going to have sex until I was married.

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
Got it?

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
I was literally on that page, got it, I was
not going to have sex until I was married.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
And then I got married and I was married.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
For two years, and I said I should have just
fucked him.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Repented.

Speaker 1 (01:05:44):
God forgives me no literally no, but I oh God,
but but I just had to learn myself all over again.

Speaker 3 (01:05:52):
Wow, I get married. So then you didn't have sex
until you got married? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
Wow, Yes, fascinating Tash girl. We need to have conversial
this off the podcast because I have so many other.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
So just being.

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
Comfortable with sex, like you think of that while that
I was really uncomfortable sexually, Like I was uncomfortable because
of the span, because of the span, and because of
just I just had this warped idea in my mind.

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
I can't believe I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
This, but I mean, but it's fine, like you know,
because it's the truth.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
And it was just yeah, girl, I can't even believe
that I went that long.

Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
And I was like, now, lord me, and you're gonna
have to have its all because I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:44):
We have to make some changes. Do you think that
had to do it? Get me?

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
Like getting married, like, because you're putting this hold on
yourself and until you get married, yeah, if you want
to get married fast, yes, before getting to know someone,
before getting to know if they're the right one.

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
For you, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
Like, I mean, people have other thoughts and other opinions,
and I'm sure you have like folks out there that's
gonna be like you know, but I'm keeping it one
hundred for me.

Speaker 3 (01:07:19):
I'm just like you know, I.

Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
Feel you rush into it and you end up probably
sometimes with the wrong person.

Speaker 3 (01:07:27):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
That that was your experience, Yeah, for sure. I could
only imagine two years too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
That's quick, yes, yeah, and then you're out yeah and
you're single again, yes, not celibate anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
No, living your life, living.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
My life so where do you stand with that now? Like,
where do you because you're still very much in touch with.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
Your faith, yes I am, So how do you where
do you place the sexuality?

Speaker 3 (01:07:55):
Will you get married again? You know?

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
Marriage is not like something that I have to do,
you know what I mean? Like I really just don't
feel like like it's not what I feel like I
have to do. I don't mind having a partner, but
I don't know that I have to be married in
that way like going through the court system and all

(01:08:18):
of that stuff. I mean, I just don't know that
that's how I feel at this time in my life.
And I don't have those same feelings even about sexuality.

Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
I am not celibate at all. I'm not, and you know,
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
Guess what most people that try to act like, especially
folks in the church that try to act like they celibate,
they home looking at poorn.

Speaker 3 (01:08:46):
Right now, Like it's a lot like really, like I
just feel like people should be honest, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Like people will sit there and try to present one thing,
but they know, damn well, it's not true. When I
was celibate, I was celibate, and I was really celibate.
I didn't have toys, I wasn't masturbating. I didn't do
any of it. Wow, I didn't do any of it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:09):
Were you cranky?

Speaker 1 (01:09:10):
I kind of feel like I was. Life got lighter
once I started having orgasics. I remember one time I
went to this eeronologist.

Speaker 3 (01:09:17):
He said, oh my god, you got to build up.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
You know, he was looking through my eyes and he
could see that I have not released anything else. Really
that's hilarious. But yeah, so it's just interesting.

Speaker 3 (01:09:29):
Sis.

Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
I just think life is interesting when it comes to that.
But like right now, like I do as much as
I believe in God, and I believe that God loves me,
no different, I really do. I believe that God loves me.
He knows exactly who I am. He knows exactly what
He's designed me to be. You know what I'm saying,
Like he just knows me in a way that is

(01:09:52):
so deep and authentic, you know what I'm saying, And honestly,
like this is just where I am.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
I love that you because with women, man, it's like
when are you getting married?

Speaker 1 (01:10:05):
When are you gonna have a family? When are you
gonna all the things that are put on you? Yes,
and it ain't for everybody. No, I'm enjoying my life good,
Like I really am having a good time. I'm having
a good time.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
Sis, How happy are you on a scale of one
to ten? And like, I am very happy right now.
Thank God.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
I feel more free than I've ever felt. I feel
more confident than I've ever felt. I feel just like
I have Like I feel like an adult. I mean,
isn't that great adults like I feel just I'm still

(01:10:54):
excited about life, about art, about creativity, you know what
I'm saying about opera tunities like and trust me, I
did not always feel like this at all. And I
mean I've had moments, you know what I mean, Like
earlier this year, I went through some stuff, you know,
family stuff, just personal stuff that kind of made me

(01:11:15):
feel like I lost my balance a little bit, you
know what I mean. It's like almost like you were
walking a tightrope and you almost feel and you feel that,
you know, and I kind of felt like that, and
I just I thank God, like to just continue to
do the work to get past that, you know what
I'm saying, and to just like move on.

Speaker 3 (01:11:34):
But it's in life at all. Yeah, you can get
off balance at anything.

Speaker 1 (01:11:38):
Yes, yes, yes, but I feel like I have my
feet on the ground that you and I'm taking nice walks,
you know what I'm saying, Like nice walks.

Speaker 2 (01:11:48):
The thing about your career don't want to go back
to for a second. It's like I see the actor
in you right, Like it's like could you carry such
are Like it's such a free vessel. It's not surprising
to me that you're so good at what you do,
but those so that you've chosen to teach people, it's
like a different It's just a different layer of it,

(01:12:10):
isn't it.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
Like honestly, it was my seed to what I wanted,
Like literally it was my seed to what I was
believing God for in my life. Like I wanted it
so bad that I felt the best thing that I
could do was empower other people to pursue their purpose
in the arts, Like it became an addiction.

Speaker 3 (01:12:32):
I wanted to be a bridge.

Speaker 1 (01:12:34):
I was like, I want this so bad, like I've
needed bridges.

Speaker 3 (01:12:38):
I've needed people.

Speaker 1 (01:12:39):
To sew into my life and into my career and
for me to want it so bad, I was like,
let me give back and empower other people to pursue
their purpose and every time I've seen like even like
when you think about Mary Sis, like when I first
started to marry, Yes, when I first started coaching her
and she was working on mud Bound, and I just

(01:13:03):
remember like Mary had a lot of fears, a lot
of insecurities about her actor. But as we started prepping
the work, I remember telling her, I just got a feeling,
you're going to get a nomination. You're going to get
an Oscar nomination, like, you know. And to see Mary J.

(01:13:23):
Blige expose herself in the way she did in mud Bound,
and to be nominated for.

Speaker 3 (01:13:32):
An Oscar magic, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
To be nominated for this Golden Glow and to go
on that Oscar campaign, that right there was so fulfilling,
Like it blessed me that I got a chance to
be a part of that journey with her and to
collaborate with her for that part of her legacy, even

(01:13:55):
Andrew Day, you know, when she came to me when
well Lee actually had me work with her, you know,
and for her to be nominated for an Oscar someone
that never believed that she could ever act, really, yes,
she's so good. Oh my god, you have no idea.
She did not believe and I remember when I was working,

(01:14:17):
I was coaching her, just seeing if she could do
the job. I remember I tapped into something with her
and I said can I record this? And she said
I don't care? You know, she was like sure, And
I recorded this scene and I sent it to Lee.
I said, this is your Billy. I said, this is
your Billy. And not only is she going to do it,

(01:14:39):
but she's going to get an Oscar nomination for this,
and she ended.

Speaker 3 (01:14:42):
Up winning a Golden Globe.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
Beyond and seeing her career take off, seeing Mary's career
take off, I mean, Mikayla Cole, you know Fka Twiggs,
that's my baby.

Speaker 3 (01:14:55):

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):
And to see her acting career Lance Gross, Joseph Gabrielle Dennis.
I mean, so many amazing actors have come out of
my school, and it's it is a blessing to be
a part of someone else's career.

Speaker 3 (01:15:12):
What is that experience going in?

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Like if I'm a young actor and I sign up
and I have to be the day that you're there
teaching a class, what is the one on one for
young actors? Like how are you? How are you raising them?
What are you telling them. What is the thing if somebody,
if somebody's sitting home now and has that little that.

Speaker 3 (01:15:35):
Little thing that you said, that little dream, that.

Speaker 1 (01:15:37):
Little what is the one thing as an actor that
they should know or as an aspiring actor. Well, if
you come into my studio, right, I feel like it's
like a church, you know, I swear right. And if
you come to me and you believe that that God
placed me in your life to help empower you, I

(01:15:59):
say to trust me, Like, just trust me because I
may inspire you to do things that you've never done before. Right,
But that's my job as a coach. I want to
push you past what you feel your limitations on because
a lot of times, you know, actors come into class
and they think I can only do but like.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
But so much? Don't do that? People do that, do
you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:16:22):
But as as your coach, I'm looking at you and
I'm seeing all these other things that I know you
can do. So I'm going to go after that stuff
because when you discover all the things you can do,
it's only going to give you even more confidence for
the for the.

Speaker 3 (01:16:36):
One little thing you thought you could do. Have people
come in there, tell me I don't cry. I don't.
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:16:41):
I'm not happy, Like I want people to discover just
how talent like they are.

Speaker 3 (01:16:45):
You could teach us in this room right now how
to cry. Oh I could.

Speaker 1 (01:16:49):
I could take you through an exercise that could help
you and tap into your tears. I could, like like
in class, like we have our twelve step right, which
is understanding like what to look for in the script,
like you have your overall objective, like understanding what your
character's overall objective is in the script, understanding what your

(01:17:10):
character needs more than anything in the script.

Speaker 3 (01:17:14):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:17:14):
When you know what your character needs, you know based
on where your character ends up in the script, you
know that's what my character was fighting for throughout the
duration of the script. So then you look at your scenes,
all right, how does this scene support where I'm going?
What is my scene objective? What is the objective in
this scene? And what are the obstacles in this scene

(01:17:34):
that's blocking me from getting to where I'm trying to
get to? Because that's all life is, right, Like we
pursue our dreams, we get obstacles in the way, and
then the obstacles sometimes are physical things or emotional things,
are internal things or mental things that get in the
way of us pursuing what our dream is. Right, I
had an obstacle thinking I wasn't good enough, I wasn't

(01:17:56):
talented enough, I didn't have enough education. Those became opso
for me in pursuing my dream as an axt. So
even in the script, you have obstacles, you have things
that get in the way, right, you know, so you're
looking for all of these things.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
You start breaking down.

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
You get the blueprint of your character, of understanding who
your character is, understanding all of those things, your placing. Fourth,
while it's just acting one oh one, we deal with
the foundations of acting.

Speaker 3 (01:18:23):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:18:24):
Aside from the foundations of acting, I also teach emotional preparation.
So some people don't understand how to access their emotions.
So then we go through another process of how to
access your emotions. So I have like a ton of
exercises that I could take you through that can help.

Speaker 3 (01:18:45):
You tap into any emotions.

Speaker 1 (01:18:48):
Because at the end of the day, as actors, our
emotions are part of our instrument and part of our
ability to tell the story. You know what I mean,
And so we discover what we're able to do by
God went through those exercises, So I got an exercise
for everything, I bet you do.

Speaker 3 (01:19:05):
You know why.

Speaker 2 (01:19:05):
I loved that you shared that, and I wanted to
ask that because I think sometimes people have a dream
and they don't they don't even see the line to it.

Speaker 3 (01:19:12):
Yeah right, But it's just that you haven't found it yet.

Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
Yes, right, So it's somebody who's sitting in Camden or
some small town with it, dumping.

Speaker 3 (01:19:19):
Garbage exactly doesn't see a line to it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:22):
It takes a but there are steps, there are things
that can get you to whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (01:19:27):
Yes, you just have to You just have to find it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:30):
And I want to give a little shout out to
Mayor Vic Carstarffin in Camden, New Jersey. You're doing a
great job and I'm proud of what you're doing for
our city.

Speaker 3 (01:19:40):
And keep up the good work.

Speaker 1 (01:19:42):
Yeah, I got you, because there's a lot of good.
We don't want to make it sound like it's not
beautiful things happening.

Speaker 3 (01:19:49):
Yeah it is, and it's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
All right, Tasha Smith, you're going in my rolbow right
now in real life?

Speaker 3 (01:20:02):
Oh big a question? Any question?

Speaker 1 (01:20:05):
If you could instantly master any skill what would it be.
I like this for you, instantly, not giving a fuck
like you. I really sometimes care too fucking much. I
do give no fucks this. I really have to, really

(01:20:27):
really because sometimes I'd be caring too much. But if
we want to look at a different kind of skill,
you want to look at like a physical skill. Sure, Honestly,
I wish I really had that AI shit down, like
I wish that I understood computers more like I wish
I was like a computer techie.

Speaker 2 (01:20:46):
I wish I was techie. I wish I had that
skill that have an episode two episodes ago, I talked
to a girl. Her name is Shanai Bobel right Snein Boveel.
She's an AI expert.

Speaker 1 (01:20:59):
She cansaults with the U and Advisory Board like young, smart,
super dope.

Speaker 2 (01:21:05):
I did an episode with her. It's not even normal
that we would do that thing on I r L.
But she understands the world and the and she framed
AI for us in such an interesting way. Not that
I'm been out, we just dropped it.

Speaker 1 (01:21:19):
Oh, I got it, because honestly, I.

Speaker 3 (01:21:22):
Feel like she's somebody you should know. I think she
would I would love that because we got to get together, says,
you know it's had. World is changing. She used them.
I thought that it's like electricity. It is.

Speaker 2 (01:21:33):
You don't even have to choose to us Ai, it's
already had. It's electricity.

Speaker 3 (01:21:36):
It's on. It's it's on like you, it's on, It's
on everything. I want to understand all of it more.
Just watch the pot that I want. You need to
be please, we need to get you please. You know
I love that for you. Yes, I have my only one.
You want to do one more? Last one? Last one's
up to you. We usually do three. Go ahead, do
one more? Okay? You know I don't wand a question.

(01:22:00):
I could talk right.

Speaker 1 (01:22:01):
No, that's the.

Speaker 3 (01:22:03):
Problem, I said. I'm like brind of wine A okay.

Speaker 1 (01:22:06):
That's what we needed for this episode was, Oh my god,
if today were your last day on Earth, what would.

Speaker 3 (01:22:12):
You be doing? Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:22:15):
If it was my last day on Earth, what would
I be doing? Honestly?

Speaker 3 (01:22:22):
What would I be doing?

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
I would just want to be happy and loving on myself,
like just appreciating myself, appreciating myself and my life and
the things that I've done, and not being hard on myself,
like really saying, Tash, you did that just really just
loving and celebrating myself. Like who wants to go out
and not like have loved yourself and have celebrated yourself,

(01:22:48):
you know what I mean? Like, that's why you got
to do everything you want to do because life is
so short. You don't want to constantly live life only
to please everyone else else.

Speaker 2 (01:23:00):
Imagine you leave the earth without having that glory moment
that you know what I'm saying, how proud you are
of yourself, of yourself, and also thinking, I really neglected
myself so much and delayed.

Speaker 3 (01:23:14):
Today is my last day.

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
But I didn't even give myself the chance in the
way that I gave everyone else around me.

Speaker 3 (01:23:21):
That's a word.

Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
Okay, I didn't give myself a chance in the way
that I gave everyone else around me.

Speaker 3 (01:23:28):
Think about it, like, sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:23:30):
We're more patient and loving with everyone else because of
whether we want to be liked or accepted. But we
will love on everyone else sometimes more than we even
love on ourselves.

Speaker 3 (01:23:43):
Why don't we do that? I don't know. Maybe it's
because of just the way we've been brought up. I
don't know. But when does it end? Girl? Hopefully?

Speaker 1 (01:23:51):
Right? Dawn?

Speaker 3 (01:23:53):
You know what I'm saying like, can we.

Speaker 1 (01:23:54):
Just please love ourselves the way that we try to
love people that we want attention from, because think about it.

Speaker 2 (01:24:04):
Okay, No, I was gonna say that. I always remind
myself because I used to hear you know, you gotta
it's like the airplane. You gotta put your sepelt down
before you take care of everybody else or put yourself first.
And I never could wrap my brain around putting myself first,
especially when there's people in my life that I love
so much.

Speaker 3 (01:24:23):
But something about when I realized.

Speaker 1 (01:24:25):
Okay, if you're not all the way ready to put
yourself first, which sounds crazy, I know, but if you're
not ready for that, at least put yourself on the
same level that you put everybody else that you love.

Speaker 3 (01:24:38):
Okay, just at the bare minimum.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
Okay, you know what I'm saying, Like something about hearing
it that way or telling it to myself that way
really put some shit into perspective.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
It's real because think about the people that we will
go out of our ways for.

Speaker 3 (01:24:55):
Yeah, for sure, right we will go out of our
ways for people. But then when this time for us
to go out of our ways for ourselves, we may
not always do that you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:25:07):
Yeah, Or you're afraid to do something because how it's
going to affect everyone else? Yes, how other will land
and other people's But then you're.

Speaker 3 (01:25:12):
Like, well, how is it landing on me?

Speaker 2 (01:25:14):
Why do I only care about how it's landing for
everyone else?

Speaker 3 (01:25:18):
Yes? Why am I at least even if I put
myself above? Why am I not at least in the
equation of how this lands?

Speaker 1 (01:25:26):
Sis, you are so good at what you are, like seriously,
like you're so good, Like I didn't know. And when
I see your show, like I see how thoughtful you
are and how present you are with people and everything.

Speaker 3 (01:25:44):
But honestly, Sis, you are so good.

Speaker 1 (01:25:47):
It's almost like I felt like I was sitting here
with Barbara Walters for a hot second. I'm just looking
at you, and I'm just like, you are just so
good and so thoughtful, and your heart is so incredible.

Speaker 3 (01:26:02):
It You're really good.

Speaker 1 (01:26:03):
I just pray you get everything you want out of
this and even more, even more, I feel like you.
I feel like I just you do it because it's
what you're supposed to do, and I feel connected to it,
and so I don't know, I don't have an objective
even to where this lands.

Speaker 2 (01:26:19):
This pot is really I tell you, it's really an offering.
There's no big plan. Yes, do I want to pray
for the big plan?

Speaker 3 (01:26:25):
Okay, I'll take it. I want the big plan really yeah.
I always want to be I want you to get
like a show on you know something, what what do
you like?

Speaker 1 (01:26:34):
I mean, honestly, I see this show like it's not
like what sixty Minutes was, but it's like what Barbara
Walters was like. I see it like that, Like I
see you being on prime Time, like I do they
need you?

Speaker 3 (01:26:51):
They're missing out.

Speaker 5 (01:26:52):
I don't know if prime Time is it's right, but
whatever that is, like whether it's through streamer, through you
know whatever, prime streaming prime like like cable Prime, you know,
uh TV.

Speaker 1 (01:27:10):
Not that this isn't a great platform, because this is
a great platform, but I just I feel like there
is more that's coming, that there's greater that's coming.

Speaker 3 (01:27:20):
I receive it. I'll take it. I do man, I'll
do all of that. I just really do see it.
Thank you. I love that. Thank you. I'll take it.
And I believe by the way, I don't know something
about the way you deliver of something aligned.

Speaker 1 (01:27:33):
I believe it because we need you and we need
your energy, like we need your energy and we need
what you are allowing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:42):
People to do on this platform. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:27:45):
I'm grateful for that, the same way you say, like
you don't you you don't take any of it for granted,
and you know it's grateful.

Speaker 3 (01:27:50):
It's the same with me.

Speaker 2 (01:27:51):
Also, I feel like these are a lot of times
I do share some of my stories, but it's not
my stories to tell, right, So I really live in
the gratitude of it because it's it's whoever sits in
the chair, it's your offering, you know, like I told you,
so it's I don't. I don't take all the glory
for it, but I'm grateful to have to be in
the seat and to be given the purpose to be
able to.

Speaker 3 (01:28:11):
Help deliver the story. So wherever it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:14):
Goes, I'm on the ride and it's and it's fine.
And if we stay right here, that's cool too. There's
other things I want to do. I shared with you
that next week I'm starting.

Speaker 1 (01:28:22):
An exciting so excited Brittany wants me to talk about
it today? Should I talk about it today?

Speaker 3 (01:28:27):
It's too soon.

Speaker 2 (01:28:28):
How do you feel about putting things in the universe
before you do them. Are you a person who, like
I always go back and forth with that, like, just
do the work and then let it speak for itself,
or do you put it in the universe and share
and then?

Speaker 3 (01:28:43):

Speaker 1 (01:28:44):
It's so interesting because there are so many things that
I want to share with you right now that I
can't yet.

Speaker 3 (01:28:50):
You don't want to put in the universe. I can't
put it in the universe yet, got it?

Speaker 1 (01:28:53):
But that's what you are really doing, like mine is
in a week away.

Speaker 3 (01:28:59):

Speaker 1 (01:29:00):
But I understand what you're saying because I feel the
same way.

Speaker 3 (01:29:05):
I just would like to ask if.

Speaker 1 (01:29:08):
You would invite me back on your show after you
do what you're doing next week, so that we could
talk about your experience. Well, it's just I think the
only reason I even think to talk about it is
because of what you do and how great you are
at it and the universe putting us in the chair together,
it makes me kind of your spirit set. I don't know,

(01:29:32):
I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's fine, it's not
like a big secret. It's just that I shared this
with you privately.

Speaker 3 (01:29:39):
And something that I am so excited about.

Speaker 1 (01:29:42):
You're so sweet and I'm so happy for you, and
I mean, I am so like I am celebrating you already,
and I am my foot is on your ass, and
I am kicking you out there like aggressively, like I
am like pushing you.

Speaker 3 (01:30:00):
I'm like pushing you like out there. So weird stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:30:04):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:30:04):
It's funny because you tell me, oh, you do this,
and like you were, It's like you doing something out
of your comfort zone. You have your comfort zone and
you're great at what you do. I have my comfort zone.
But then every now and then we have to challenge ourselves,
right and the things that are outside of our comforence.
And I've always had this. I posted something once during
COVID because I was writing a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:30:22):
During COVID. I write a lot. People don't maybe not
know that, but I write a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:30:26):
And one time I was writing during COVID and I
posted that it's on my bucket list to be able
to write, create, and direct and complete a project from
the beginning of inception to putting it out into the world.
It's like on a bucket list thing for me, Like
I really want to have that experience, right.

Speaker 3 (01:30:43):
So I've been writing, writing, writing.

Speaker 2 (01:30:45):
The first script kind of just had been sitting and
then I wrote this. It's a short film that I wrote,
and the God, the universe, the world has just kind
of put me in position to finally shoot it next Monday.

Speaker 1 (01:30:58):
Yeah, and you're sure because you are what the the director?

Speaker 3 (01:31:06):
Yes, the director. I am the writer and director and
the director. I wrote it. I'm going to direct and
who don't listen.

Speaker 2 (01:31:13):
The reason I don't want to share it too much
is because who knows where it lands?

Speaker 3 (01:31:16):
You create?

Speaker 2 (01:31:17):
You don't know where your creation lands. It can less
who knows, And so I don't want to have too
much expectations.

Speaker 1 (01:31:22):
You are about to direct the first short film that
you wrote, and can I tell you sis, that's how
I started directing. Really, I wrote and directed my first
short film, Paul boxed In. I spent my own money.
It was the seed into my directing career. You are

(01:31:46):
writing and directing, paying for it, and I think you
got donations too, right, didn't somebody get.

Speaker 2 (01:31:53):
Firsone who gave me I'm shooting it's very short, Yeah,
but it's a low budget. Yeah, He's like to you know,
it's a big I got a lot of favors, yes,
ask for a lot of favors to get it.

Speaker 1 (01:32:04):
Yes, And that's where it starts. And I believe that
you're gonna do this. And then just like I did it,
I didn't know like I would end up directing the
pilot for BMF, directing Mayor of Kingstown, directing Nine to
one one, directing the Equalizer, directing the Rookie directing Harlem,

(01:32:24):
directing of these shows. Don't we just have a one
time s not a little one side for that says,
that's amazing. You don't know where you might be directing
all of the New York shows. You might be like,
all right, long order, I'm on my way, and I
know I'm coming. I'm a director, sis.

Speaker 3 (01:32:41):
I don't know where it goes. Honestly, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:32:43):
It's a little baby seed of something that I've always
wanted to do and I'm just gonna do it. It's
like I don't know where it lands, but I'm gonna
just get it done. And Brittany is my producing partners
on it. I'm so my podcast this. This is the first
time I was working on a documentary. I was kind
of directing that didn't cut come out.

Speaker 3 (01:33:00):
But I've never done anything scripted. This is my first project.

Speaker 1 (01:33:03):
Yeah, so it's exciting to even push yourself to do
something so excited me too. I'm so exciting and you
have so when I told you you were.

Speaker 3 (01:33:12):
You were like more excited than me. I was like,
oh gosh, you're so excited.

Speaker 4 (01:33:15):
Wait a minute, am I'm like, no, Natasha took like
a little project's like, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:33:20):
Matter, if it's four minutes long, it is amazing, and
it's gonna be great and you're gonna have an amazing experience.
And then it's gonna be your choice. All right, do
you want to keep going? And more than likely you
probably will.

Speaker 3 (01:33:33):
Let's see, let's see what did you do?

Speaker 1 (01:33:35):
You have?

Speaker 3 (01:33:36):
The number one directing advice.

Speaker 1 (01:33:37):
For me, the numb is to trust your story, trust
your spirit, trust the story you want to tell. Like,
don't let anyone try to get you to be indecisive
about your choices. I always say, and a double minded
man is unstable on set.

Speaker 3 (01:33:53):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:33:54):
Like, you're unstable. If you're double minded all the time,
you won't make choices fast enough. Like time is money,
Money is time, and so you have to trust your choices,
you know, especially if you have to work within a
certain timeframe. I direct a lot of episodic television, so
you are always it's like a race against time. So
when you make your choices, you gotta trust your choices.

(01:34:16):
You may have other people coming in and trying to
throw all kinds of shit out there, but you if
something sounds good, great, but if it doesn't, no.

Speaker 3 (01:34:25):
I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:34:27):
Be decisive, Be extremely decisive about your choices.

Speaker 3 (01:34:32):
And this is your story to tell.

Speaker 1 (01:34:34):
That's why the DGA says that every director has to
tell their story.

Speaker 3 (01:34:38):
You have a right to tell your story.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
Trust your story, tell it in the way you see it,
and just know that everyone around you is there to
support your vision. Everyone is there to support your vision,
and you're not there by yourself. You don't have to
do everything. You have a cameraman, you have a DP,
you have sound.

Speaker 3 (01:35:02):
We have a small we have a small cross time
through Yeah, and Eth has been very.

Speaker 2 (01:35:09):
We love we love Eve and Pacas like my community
has been like.

Speaker 3 (01:35:13):
Yeah, girl, you want to I doubt you. I've been
you know. People have offered their support, which is so
which is trust yourself, thank your story sis.

Speaker 2 (01:35:23):
One of the reasons I share that story is is
also I just I was reluctant because I don't want
it to get into like I'm promoting.

Speaker 3 (01:35:29):
It's It's really not that, but I am.

Speaker 2 (01:35:32):
I do want to promote the idea of like trying
new ship, yes, to myself and to whoever's watching for
that to land.

Speaker 3 (01:35:41):
Like everybody has little things you want to do, we
want to try this.

Speaker 2 (01:35:44):
By the way, this I have five hundred thousand reasons,
including the siren in the background, why I don't have
time for this, or I shouldn't do it, or what
is the point I could I could talk myself off
the ledge five thousand times, but.

Speaker 3 (01:35:58):
The point is is like we live one time. You
live one time.

Speaker 2 (01:36:02):
You want to do something that you get that little
you get a little story in your heart.

Speaker 3 (01:36:06):
Yeah, tell it, tell it right, gotta tell me. Hold on.

Speaker 1 (01:36:10):
I'm so excited and I will be sending you love.
And you know I'm a phone call away. You could
call me for anything if it's any thoughts. And I
know you have eve as well. But just know I'm
here for you.

Speaker 3 (01:36:22):
I know you are. I know you're gonna kick ass.

Speaker 1 (01:36:24):
I know you are Oh my god, if you need
help with directing your actors, call me. Okay, I'm gonna
call you because, yeah, one of my girls, one of
the girls that I cast it is in equal Less.

Speaker 3 (01:36:36):
Shut up the daughter. She's playing my lead, my lead.

Speaker 1 (01:36:42):
I know, I know, you have one of the most
incredible actresses.

Speaker 3 (01:36:51):
I love you. She's amazing. You are about to kick ass. Oh, honey,
Chod you are. Name is Leah Hayes.

Speaker 2 (01:37:00):
She's super talented and when I say people have hopped in,
she's on a prime time She doesn't.

Speaker 3 (01:37:06):
Have to do this little short.

Speaker 1 (01:37:07):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:37:08):
She likes the story.

Speaker 2 (01:37:09):
She's like into it. She met my other co star
and she was like, Okay, I'll do it.

Speaker 3 (01:37:13):
I was like, you will.

Speaker 1 (01:37:14):
Oh my god, I'm very happy for you because I
got a chance to direct her on The Equalizer. She's
like a chef's kiss. I promise you if you already
have the cake, she is the icing that's delicious to Leyah.

Speaker 3 (01:37:33):
Yes, I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:37:34):
You're so supportive and so amazing and inspiring. And your story,
I'm sure is going to land and move people. And
I can't wait till you ready to.

Speaker 3 (01:37:44):
Share this this next season.

Speaker 2 (01:37:48):
To think that's about to serious on our last as
we close out, What do you think where do you
hope your story lands for other people?

Speaker 3 (01:37:59):
Motivation and inspiration.

Speaker 1 (01:38:02):
I hope that that it's activated on the inside of them,
that their faith is activated, that they are excited about life,
because it really does make me sad when I think
about how many people are suffering and hurting right now,
but just like motivation and inspiration and being activated in

(01:38:25):
their faith to just live their life and live the
life they really desire to live.

Speaker 3 (01:38:32):
Honestly, you have inspired and motivated me, So you've got
one in the I love you, Amazing Tasha Smith. Everybody
in real life.

Speaker 1 (01:38:44):
This is Tasha Smith in real life. Hey y'all, what's happening?
This is Tasha Smith in real life.

Speaker 3 (01:38:50):
Ay a

Speaker 2 (01:38:57):
Crazy For more episodes, you know to do subscribe like
comments and we'll see you on the next I r
L podcast

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Episode Transcript

Host

Angie Martinez

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Tasha Smith: From Struggles To Success, Amazing Advice On Finding Your Purpose