October 1, 2025 • 61 mins
Award-winning sensation Doja Cat joins Angie Martinez to discuss her new album, ‘Vie.’ Doja is in her romance era, which is reflected in the new album. She also goes to therapy twice a week, and tells Angie how it positively impacted her life. Doja talks about her childhood, and Angie asks some In Real Life questions. Finally, she discusses the awe she feels watching SZA and Lady Gaga perform.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I saw the video of you talking about Sissa's vocals.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Still bring it brought you to tears.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Yeah, she's created a new thing and it's inspiring for
me when I hear her voice, which when I imagine
it really even Yeah, when I think about it, I
hear it in my head and it's like very powerful
for me. So I just am very uh thankful for
(00:29):
what she's given to my projects in the past and now,
and like.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
She gets it. Have you said that to her?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
I texted her a few times recently, but I mean,
I want to tell her this more often. I just
don't want to be weird.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
This episode of ral podcast is powered by boost Mobile.
She is one of the most unpredictable genre bendon conversation
sparking artists of our time. From viral beginnings on the
Internet to Grammy winds and worldwide tour, She's proven that
she cannot be boxed in.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
She will not.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
She is a rapper, singer, songwriter, performer artist. She is
built a career by breaking rules and creating her own
lane and has a new amazing album that is such
a vibe called The.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Please Welcome, Don't You Can.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Hi? Hi Welcome to in real Life, Thank you for
having me now.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I'm so happy to have you. What season are we
in right now? Because I'm trying to feel the vibes
where you're at. If I go off the album, I
feel that you're having fun. You may or may not
be in love you are. This is just what album
vibes is giving. I don't know, just free for you?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Tell me romance season?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Is it romance?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes? Like it feels like I don't know. I think
I've just always been a romantic and I just I
love to write about it, and so it just ended
up being the entirety of this project.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, so v is the name of the album, which
is Life.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yes, which is French.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Inspired by just have you spend time in friends recently?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Or just there's something about wm. I mean I've had
French ex boyfriends, but I think that also like French
culture kind of like in the last I mean forever,
it's always been very there's something very romantic about that
and very sexy. And I think like when you think
of like a kissing, you think of French kissing, you know,
(02:41):
and like it's just I don't know, there was something
there for me that I feel like connected with the
emotions and the and the feeling of the album. Maybe
a little bit with the visuals, of course, but I
think I wanted the eighties to really be the main
foundation and then sort of lay on some sprinkles of
(03:03):
French romanticism.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
When you make an album like this and you're in
your head and you're having the French fantasy and the
romanticizing all of it, and then you put it out
for the world.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You're like, here's my baby, yeah, and then people look
at it, criticize it, analyze it.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Yeah, what does da feel like? Well, okay, so going
off of you saying that, like, it's kind of like
having a baby. It's like you have a baby and
you like want to and you love it so much,
but you also want to share it with your family,
or you want to share it with your friends. You
want them to all love this baby with you. And
(03:48):
sometimes it's like maybe like when I look at things
on the internet of like people doing reviews a bit,
I get a lot of like, that's a really cute baby,
and then I get some people who are like I
don't know, I just like don't really I don't really
like kids, or or like it's like drooling too much,
(04:12):
or like I don't think it's it has like a
weird old hair. It looks like an old man. Yeah, yeah,
it doesn't have enough hair, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So that there's that would send me if I put
my baby on the internet and they said my baby
was like a old man, that would send me into
an immediate rage.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Maybe yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I think also though, which is your feelings are always valid.
But at the at the same time, when you look
at your baby, you know that you love it so
much unconditionally and that there's nothing that could take you
away from that, and that you feel you feel so
confident in loving of your child, And that's that's motherhood.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You're gonna be a great mind. Oh god, that's and.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
I mean to switch it up and be quite literal
and just get to the point like that's that's that's artistry.
If you're an artist. Yes, you can doubt your work
sometimes maybe you'll be scared something can happen to I'll
go back to the metaphor, but something will happen to
your baby, like maybe it'll turn out to have, you know,
like cognitive issues or something, but like you still love
(05:25):
your child, and I still love my work no matter what,
because I know that I love it. Maybe there's been
times where I've made something and I've been like I
wish I could like fix this here and this that
and whatever. But I look back at everything and I'm like,
I love what I've done, and I love what I'm doing,
(05:46):
and I love this album. I really do.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
That's so great. We asked this.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We usually started and I got distracted because we were
talking about the album, but we usually.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Start in real life, in real life, how happy are
you in your life right now? Let's get once it's up.
What's a day?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Man? It comes and goes. I think I'm all right.
I'm happy that I have the the outlets that I
have to heal. Like I go to therapy twice a week. Yeah,
(06:23):
I have therapy twice a week. Sometimes it's hard to
go physically because a whole lot of reasons. But that
makes me feel good and that I'm making the right choice.
But yeah, there's moments where I just like, I mean,
during this whole thing, and like, the choices that I've
(06:44):
made have also made me feel kind of bad, like
going on Twitter, Like I'll go on Twitter, or I'll
like the worst thing is when I wake up in
the morning and I open my phone up, because then
it's like harder for me to get out of bed,
and it's like it's it kind of sucks the life
out of you, like being on there and then you
kind of go. Today I didn't, oh you know, maybe
(07:07):
a little bit I could have. I think it was
just hard for me to add that. No, I don't
think I doomed scroll. I didn't doom scroll today.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Call it doom scroll.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
It's called doom scrolling. Oh, but that for you, you know,
it's fine.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But it's okay, and that that's going to happen again too.
It's gonna happen one hundred thousand more times possibly.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
What have you learned about how to manage that? Though?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Because if you want a therapy twice a week, you
have to, like, by the way I'm doing it once
I go once a week, no matter what.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Good or bad, like I have a great week, I
still do it. That's how much I believe in it. Yeah,
I just think it's like opportunity to get to know yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yep, exactly whatever, get.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
To know yourself, the good, the bad, all the things.
So twice a week is interesting, though, that's like another
that's like a level up.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, I'm trying to make sure to make I don't
know that just that I'm all right. I'm just trying
to make sure that I'm talking about everything that I
need to talk about.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And also just I'm I'm.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Excited to get to know myself. I think that's a
big thing in therapy. It's like you got to get
to know yourself. I feel like that's yeah, that's kind
of what we all sort of go through. We learn
things and we lock into these things that don't benefit
us because of an experience that we had or multiple
experiences that we had as a child.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
What was your childhood?
Speaker 5 (08:30):
Like, my god, I know we want to go, you know,
to mercy so.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Much, so much.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's a I mean it's not this isn't for for
a I don't know what for a full documentary. This
might be for a voy you could give me like
a man, versions I had a fun childhood. I had
a very I had a very tough childhood. I mean
(08:58):
I think growing up like with a single mother is
a hard thing to do. And many kids that she
have to five wow, five, I could never know. She's
incredibly the strongest mother, But like it taught me a
(09:20):
lot of things, and I think it also made me,
in some form stronger.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Let's take these off. I want to see.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, are this prescription?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
No, it's to cover when I have bags on the last.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Oh no, you look absolutely stunning, unbelievably good.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
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Speaker 3 (10:26):
But I mean, yeah, it's made me stronger, if anything.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
And so I'm single mom, so I get it too.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
But I'm single mom, only child, one bedroom apartment, and
even still, I don't know how she did that.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
She's working, I'm running around being a lunatic.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
She's navigating her crazy little daughter and her one child.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Five children is like, that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
And I mean when it's five children, everyone's sort of
broken apart because it's a lot of children and no help.
And not to say there was no help. I had
a lot of aunties, a lot of aunties, especially growing
up on the Ashron.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
How do they feel about the level of success that
you've achieved.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like, she's so supportive, she's so proud, and she tells
me like every other day she's like, I'm so proud
of you, and I'm so I'm so excited, and I
loved your I love your dress, I love the thing
you did with the song, and I love everything. She's
like that every every other day.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So put her in your video.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah, And then I put out my video and she's
she really did no, no, no, tell me.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
About that day.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
You only get like two seconds of that. And she
when she was on set, she came she came into
set like totally fine. She was just really happy to
see me, lots of smiles, and then like we talked
a little bit and then we got in front of camera.
I helped kind of dress her a little bit to
make it feel like the mom that I know. She
(12:00):
looked like I know, yeah, she looks like she was
just evolved and incredible, and I, uh, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Let's say it. Say it.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
You know it's dumb.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I don't want to say that she hit my bake.
It's like, I don't.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
I didn't know that she was like that. I didn't
know that she would come in front of camera and
like I was like, who are you? Because she like
really was. If you look at all of the whatever
playback that we have, she's like just really giving like.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
She and I was like, oh, that's why I wanted,
That's why I do that half is good, that's why.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
The teachers arrived.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
And I was like, Okay, that's where it comes from.
I didn't know. I always knew when she did her
make up for the mirror that she was always like,
but like I didn't know, like in front of a
camera that she would absolutely ace every single take, even
while they were doing her makeup and we were kind
of just watching the live and it wasn't recording or anything.
(13:15):
She was still serving like they were doing her make
them check.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Oh you're no way what?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (13:25):
It blew my mind?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
How a great moment is that?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Though, Like when you think about our lives, that will
be a moment that you will have that forever with
your mom.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, you'll have the visuals of that and the experience
of that will light you up, like forever.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Your mom is for sure gonna want to be in
more things.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Well yeah, well now I just want to like dress
her all the time and bring her everywhere and like
I mean, I always do. But that just I loved
having her on set with me. And that's something that
I'm not scared of anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
How would she managed watching her baby?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
You know me as famous upset, You've had moments where
people are coming for your neck, or are you with people,
or you're in the highs or the lows of whatever, whatever,
the ups and downs of fame and the weirdness that
she calls me.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
She calls me and she'll just like make sure I'm okay,
and she'll text me and she'll be like, don't listen.
Know what they're saying, babe, stuff like that, she.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Ever check you? Say? I don't love that you did that?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
No, she doesn't, and you can you can see that
I never really got checked. But sometimes I definitely act
like I've never been checked.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So who can check you? Can anyone check you? You
need somebody to check you.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, I get checked. I definitely checked, and not not
by my mom, but like I get checks team yeah, no,
my friends, friends, yeah, and my team. My team, My
team's good at that. Sometimes I have to check them
to check me. So I have to be like, I
need this from you. I need you to tell me
(14:58):
that I'm doing this because this is I'm embarrassed by
this thing that I did, and in order to keep
things afloat, I need some form of And I have
incredible support from my team, and that's I mean, that's
all you could really ask for. But I feel like
(15:20):
there's there's something really important about like them also checking
you and making sure that yeah, not just being like, oh,
you're so funny all the time, and like you're the
funniest person.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
I know.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You look amazing in a trash bag.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You're the perfect But how do you deal with that though,
How are you with criticism or feedback that maybe you
disagree with the Are you open to that.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I don't love I don't love being stroked, and sometimes
maybe I am stroked or kidding. I'm absolutely I get
stroked and people kind of like when I experience that,
I I don't love it, and it's I'm it makes
(16:07):
me scared. I get I get afraid when something doesn't
feel like a genuine you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Looking for truth? Yeah, you want truth more than something yeah? Sweet?
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yeah. And I know like laughter comes from nervousness sometimes,
so if somebody's laughing at everything I say, then I'm like, well,
they're probably fucking like nervous and like they're just trying
to like figure out how to do this ship.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
And so I hate.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Everything me too. I don't like it either because I
feel bad for that part. I didn't start to feel like, well,
I mean, at least they're laughing their way through it,
Like there's something like I can't be around that that's funny.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I've never really heard somebody else say that. That definitely
makes me have family members to it.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
It's too much.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Not that funny.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Nothing is that.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Nothing is that funny nobody is that funny? Why is
that funny at all? Right now?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Just thinking about it, it pisss me on, like I
can't even hide it, it really does.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's funny. Hey, guys.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
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Speaker 2 (18:47):
Then speaking of funny.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
The last time I spoke to you, we did this
Harper's Bizarre magazine interview, and you said that you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Do stand up yes, that you actually were funny. There
was so maybe you actually are funny.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
I think I can be funny.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
It'd be funny.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I haven't done it though, Huh. It doesn't feel like
the error right now. It doesn't kind of go with
the you.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Know, there might be a time, but I just yeah, honestly,
if it was any time to do it, it would
be it would be now, really yeah, because there's something
about the eighties and like stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
It's giving like eighties.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
It's like somewhere between uh, Richard Richard pryor ed hilarious,
all leather color, leather outfit.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yes, you're coming out with the color. I can absolutely
see this.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Like that makes me think of that, Will you do that?
I feel like that would be really fun to do
something like some sort of content piece and like film,
something that feels kind of vintage, but like do like
a seventy piece.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I think you should do it. I think you have
it in you.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It could be fun and.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Then people will be laughing for a reason. And make
everybody feel better.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Okay, let's about what's important. Also, I have some in
real life questions because I just are in real life.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Bowl grab What.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Is the hardest lesson you learned in this life?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You can go to the next one if you feel
like there might be a better one. I think that's
a great question.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Okay, good, okay, okay, what is the hardest lesson you
learned in this life? The hardest lesson I learned in
this life is that I am a grown woman with
a child on the inside, and that I need to
(20:36):
mitigate that child or there actually is three people. And
I don't mean this in any sort of like harsh
diagnosis of like I don't have a condition. It's just
the it's the reality is that I am now an adult,
but there is a younger girl who's taking care of
(21:00):
an even younger girl. So there's a baby, but this
one is the one that I need to take control of.
And this lesson is still something I'm still learning.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Oh my god, I need I need that in my
life now.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Is that there's a bratty teenager who lashes out and.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Does that's the middle.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
This is my protector, So this is my defense. System,
and I need to figure out how to control that
defense system because it gets in the way of my success.
It gets in the way of things that are good
for me, and it's not permanent. It's something that can
really truly be healed. But that's something that I'm that's
(21:46):
the hardest, hardest lesson.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Huh do you think this is everybody has this or
this is just you?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I think a lot of people haven't. I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I mean, we hear people talk about talking to their
inner child and whatever, but never really hurt. Is that way.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
When you see people who are doing things that are
are damaging to themselves, damaging to their future, damaging to
their relationships, it's usually because they are resorting to a
defense that has worked for them when they were really little,
(22:25):
and it's not it doesn't work for them now because
it's not in relation to what is the issue that
they're trying to fix now, got it. It's a thing
that they just know that because that was like the
biggest horrible thing that happened to them when they were little,
and so they're like, Okay, if this is going to help,
(22:47):
then I'm going to use this later.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
For the rest of my life. Yes, yes, when you
no longer need it.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah, that's so good. That's a little bit of me
in a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
You fucking boded that question to the next level. So
that middle one of you, is she the one.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Who sometimes says things that get people riled up?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
For yes?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So then do you shy away from that or isn't
that or is that part of who you really like?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
If you removed that person, is it really still you then?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Or don't remove them? You don't remove them. You you
give them a sense of direction and you recognize before
they step forward, and so that instead of them getting
up out of their seat and having to be like
this you you go, no, you can sit down, just
(23:48):
sit down.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
You used her as a way, especially when you got
when you got thrown into fame, right, it was like.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Noisy a lot right at the time. So she probably
came to your defense.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she was protective.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
So she shows up, wants to argue people the internet,
she wants she wants to stand up for herself.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
She wants to say whatever the fuck she means about
how you receive it.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
Yeah, that kind of tracks. Yeah, So how do you
manage her now? Because this is like an evolved version
of you. Now you're not the same person. Well maybe
you are, but you evolved and grown and.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
It's in there. It's in there one hundred percent. Yeah.
I think it's like, uh see, this is why it's hard,
because I'm now trying to explain what it looks like
when it happens. So if, for instance, I feel threatened
(24:49):
by something and I see the threat, I go, what
has this made me feel like? And then I remember
my reactions in the past, and then I choose accordingly
what that that response should be. Yeah, sometimes when you're scared,
(25:18):
it's like you're or you feel threatened. You just see
red and you just don't there's nothing you can do
about it, like you just get locked into a spot.
But I think that's sort of a way to do
another fun way to do it. I have a toy
in my purse, not like that. It's it's like a
(25:45):
Littlest Pet Shop cat like I when I so basically,
my therapist to me this, you take a toy from
your childhood and you keep it in your pocket, or
you keep it in your purse, or you put something
that it reminds you of your childhood, something that you
can touch, and that'll help you in the beginning stage
of reminding yourself that.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
You're a little kid.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You've got it, you're a little kid. And so it's
really it's helped a lot because there's times where I
don't feel like I'm in a defense mode or anything
like that, and I just see it. I just see
that there's like a little plastic cat in my bag
or on a dresser or something in my house. I
had a bunch of them, and I'll like look at
(26:30):
it and be like, that does happen to me, doesn't it.
It's like someone standing there, almost like an angel standing
there and telling you, like, by the way, you could
be an asshole, and that's like important. I think that's
like a really useful way to deal with stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Huh do you ever have after one of those moments?
I don't know what comes up after that. So you
have one of those moments, I'm sure sometimes you're like
I said what I say said, which I said what
I said.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But I'm sure there are times where you probably a
little remorse about maybe how a message was to live it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I think about.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
The the uh you got to think of your fans recently,
where you said, uh, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It was, Yes, there was a thing I have with
the fan and the and it was people that unfollowed
because it was received as you don't care about.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Yourself, that that situation is exactly this that we're talking about.
This was this was a moment of TELP me share
that me.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
So it.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I don't like telling people my business. I guess do
one thing that you do, one thing that you fear
every day. So I guess, honestly, nah, fuck that. Well, okay,
So this was an instance of that. This was me
feeling like if I feel like people can come up
(28:04):
to me and either hold my arm or hug me,
or give me a kiss on the cheek or offer
me a gift, if I feel if I feel like
I've given everybody a pass to do that, that in
my mind looks like people tearing at my skin and
(28:27):
ripping off my hair and tearing at my clothes. It
looks like hell to me. And that means I have
no boundaries, and I had to set a boundary. However,
I wasn't in my right mind at that moment to
express that I had waited so many days because I
(28:49):
have such an issue with setting boundaries for myself. I
usually am very like yes, like come, like.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Hug, touch, be, take whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
I've taken take whatever you want. I have a family,
like you know what I mean, that's me and so
and so I I I've had a really hard time
setting boundaries. When I saw the virality in the way
that that to the way that that whole thing happened,
(29:21):
I thought that that meant, Okay, everybody, it's your turn.
And so I thought that if I stepped out of
my house, something would happen to me, all irrational fear,
all based on my own personal experience, and that kind
of that was a trigger for me. And I instead
(29:48):
of being like, hey, by the way, don't do this,
I said, I said, don't fucking touch me. If any
of you ever come up to me and.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Touch me, you're done.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Like I made I was, I went like this, I
puffed my chest out. I did that. Instead of closing
the door, I kicked it and the knob fell off,
and so now the door is fully open, and now
I'm now I'm the I'm the least protected that I could.
If anything, I I sabotaged and I made it so
(30:26):
that I couldn't be protected at all because it was
an over reaction, but a valid over reaction, but still
not excusable.
Speaker 7 (30:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
It's more, there's there's a lot of kind of twists
and turns to it, but it's it was a poorly
handled situation in conclusion.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I get that though, and I get how you could
get there in that moment. Yeah, but when something happens
and it isn't poorly handled, do you is there remorse
about it?
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Is there a desire to want to clear it up?
Or it is? Kind of it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
So what happens with me is all this sort of
thing will happen. I'll be like, I'll be like, we're
how fuck you? And then I'll and then I'll go
and then I'll go I'm fine, everything's fine, Everything's okay, guys,
it's okay. Like that's my condition. That's sort of how
(31:22):
that works. It's there's a word for it, but I
just I could be my my next challenge is like
opening up about those things and saying what that is.
But that's sort of the way that I operate my
remorse levels. I do have remorse, and it's very it's
(31:46):
very it's very quick. It's very like jumped straight to
the way that when I when it comes to I
think when during the moment, nada because I'm seeing red
and I just don't care. I just don't care. But
when I see the effect that it has, that's when
I start to.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
This.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
The chemicals change and I feel I feel wrong and
I and I know that it needs to be corrected
because it at the end of the day, the day
hast end. But I know that I need help, and
(32:32):
I know that I can hurt people. I can't with
my words, with my actions, I know that I can,
and so anything that I can do to mitigate and
help those things, I'm gonna do. And that is therapy.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
So what would you want?
Speaker 8 (32:52):
And I don't know if you've had this conversation directly
with your fans at any point I'm alive or whatever.
But have you ever like addressed because a bystander of
that could be somebody who was a big fan that
thinks they're lumped into a.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Moment that you had with one other person. That's what
I'm wondering. If there's ever a.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
You know, to clarify anything that I do to one
individual is between me and that individual or anything we
do to each other is between us, and it has
nothing like if it's me, i'd be smart. I think
(33:34):
it's always between the two people that the issue needs
to be resolved. When you put it on social media,
it becomes a performative thing. What I was doing when
I reacted in the way that it reacted was performative.
It was me being like, look how big I am,
Look how strong I am. That's me. That's an example
(33:54):
of me doing that very thing. Apologizing to somebody on
the internet is the same. You know what I mean.
Perform Please don't like. It's like it's being like, please
don't leave me, Please don't do please don't like I
I I let me show you, Let me show you
how good I am. This is what I like, This
(34:16):
is what I do, This is who I am. Look,
I'm not the kind of person that loves to do that.
There's been times where I've done some like sort of
performative stuff like that, and I was just sort of
discovering who I was and trying to figure out what
I wanted to do. But I don't like doing stuff
like that, so I I yeah, I was face to
(34:37):
face with this person and they're just lovely, just a
human being who is fabulous and very likable and so yeah,
and that and that is my That's where I feel
happy and satiated and comfortable is when there's closure between
(35:00):
me and that person.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So you had closure there.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, that's so.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
This might sound crazy, I find that to be really
inspiring because I think in this world where we are
like a lot of us are are.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Prone to be people pleasers, especially in social age world
where perception or how we present is really important to
a lot of people. Yeah, it's like, if you know what.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Your internal is doing, is it always necessary to lay
it out for people or have a performance piece to
kind of make people feel that.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Yeah, it's interesting, you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
But I think also those choices come from a place
that's not just like nonexistent. It comes from a place
of either you feel guilty, or you feel like you
need to fix something and you need to fix it fast,
or you know what I mean. Or it comes from
a place of possibly insecurity when somebody is like I
(36:01):
need people to know that the you know, and and
insecurity is human, and being unsure is human, and being
scared is human. It's just how you how you navigate
and and how much you're keeping up with it and
being consistent. So sometimes it's hard to be You can't
(36:25):
work out every single day of your entire life for
the rest of your life. But if you get enough
of it, then you'll be great and you'll feel beautiful.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Do you ever feel I was thinking with something else
that I had heard somebody say about you or underline
something stuff online.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
It's like they're a miss. It's a misconception that any misconception.
I just wonder, do you ever want to clean those up?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Like somebody sees some some different image imagery and then
somebody who works in the store thinks you worship the death.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Is it inside you to ever clear something that like
that up? Or you just kind of let that be
faster in the world as does it wants to.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I think about it a lot. I think about it
almost every day. What part of it, it's every single part,
every time, every pinpoint of when that's happened to me
down my career. It's happened a lot, and I think
it's not for me to prove to people who cannot
(37:36):
or don't wish to listen. It's the harsh reality. But
I'd like to stay there, and I feel comfortable there
because there's so many other great things happening that I can,
(37:57):
instead of ruminating, can choose to express maybe the way
I feel about that thing with music, or with an
outfit or a painting or with something. Being creative is
really a good outlet for addressing to me personally. But
(38:20):
unless somebody asks all the beautiful questions the way you do,
I mean, then maybe I can discuss it. But I
also don't want to. I don't ever want to say
something that and I can't. I'm telling you like in
the past, I could not talk. I still honestly am
learning how to talk.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
You're wonderful that sometimes I can.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Talk really well. But there's times where if I have
a camera on me and there's like a person who's
talking to me and I'm distracted by something, or if
I had a bad day or something like all the
things in the biome have to fall together correctly or
else I can't. I can't speak the way that I
wish I spoke, Like when I'm laying in bed with
the lights off and I'm like thinking, and I'm like,
(39:01):
damn said that.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
You know I killed that ship he's so smart say
this is exactly what, exactly what you mean. It happens
so much, and I say it like that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
I don't always say it the way I want to
say it, even when I have a guest you're coming
in and it's like, oh, don't there's so many things
I want to say, so many.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Things I want to ask her. But then you get in.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
The chair and you're like, yeah, so this is but
this is like a great environment. I don't know why
I love you and it's great.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
So I'll take it. I'll take it.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
So it's it's like, uh, yeah, I think I could
talk about those things everything.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
I have one question about these things because when you
talk about that specifically, because I didn't hear somebody say
she worships the devil, I was like, what are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
This one does not equal.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
To However, I am curious about what is your relationship
with God?
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Religion.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
I believe in a higher power. I believe that there's
something going on.
Speaker 9 (40:06):
I don't know what, and I don't want to question it.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
I don't follow any formula of any sort of traditional thing.
I mean, I celebrate Christmas, but like.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
In a non traditional way.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
In traditional way, but like, yeah, I think it also
does a massive good for me to believe that there
is something bigger than myself, because that's where you get lost.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
It's really surprising to me that you that you're not.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
Because you're so thoughtful in how you operate in the
world and it does so much work on yourself, and.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
I don't know, it just surprises me that you haven't
narrowed down your connection to spirituality, God whatever.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
To a lifelong process it really is. I think it's
just a learning a learning process I've had. I've actually
I've had issues with things like like drinking and things
like that, and that that's sort of those two things
(41:27):
are in the same park for me because it's like,
if I don't believe that there's something bigger, then I'm
always going to fall to here. And I think sometimes
on impulse, maybe if I'm celebrating. I know it always
gets messy when I celebrate, but it's been a very
(41:50):
long time since I've been like like sad, like, oh God,
I need a glass of wine sort of sad. So
what else? And it happens, And I mean, but.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
By the way, I also couldn't you're giving the gloves
and the gloves makes me feel so.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I just I just feel like you know, no, I
I yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
There is a there is a There is a question
in that bowl that says, if God were to text
you right now, what would it say in your mind?
I mean even that it's good. I love that.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Uh. He would probably say you're doing You're doing great.
He'd be like he go, he go wow h And
he'd also go be careful mm hmmm l O L No,
(43:01):
he'd go be careful idiot l L Yeah, and he'd go, wow,
good job.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Though.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
That sums nice.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
That's a great text. You should save that somewhere in
your phone.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
That question is brilliant.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Oh thank you? What do you What do you have
to be careful of?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (43:20):
I think like a what waters are you?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
I think like a just impulses again, like I know
a lot now and it's it's helped me like move
forward and in ways that like like I've been a
lot more. Even if you if you ask my fans
like they it's funny because they'll they'll compare Scarlet to
be and the eras and the way that I spoke
(43:47):
during Scarlet. There's one specific one I know if I
can remember, but I said something like, if you don't
like my album cover, fuck you, it's amazing and you
can eat a dick like something like that.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (43:58):
And then when I was talking about like like V
and everything, I was like, you, guys, V is an
album about blah blah blah blah blah, and this is
my album cover and this is why this means a
lot to me.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
And so it's kind of like two different worlds. Yeah,
and the gloves really go. Yeah, I feel like you
should wear these different.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Verdi and see if I can get two more colors.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Spread definitely get more colors. Yeah, okay, face, I have
some in real life in my own Number one in
real life? What are you proudest of yourself for?
Speaker 3 (44:31):
I'm most most proud of. I'm most proud of my growth.
I think I'm most proud of like like I was like, damn,
i hate going to vocal lessons and and I'm trying
to figure out a way around the puzzle of making
it like fun to do. And then I got there
(44:55):
and now I'm doing it, and then my voice got
better and I'm proud of that growth. That's more specific,
but I'm proud of my growth I'm proud of my
of the way I've I've given care and love to
my instrument.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I could see how much you care about it, like
every I guess everybody can, how much effort and stuff.
Even the other day, I was telling you, I saw
the video of you talking about Scissa's vocals.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Still bring it brought you to tears? Yeah, what was happening?
Speaker 7 (45:27):
It's like she really like cares about this and was it?
Is it Sissa or was it the music or was it? Well,
why do you have to ask me this? No, no, no,
it's a good question.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
So Siss's voice for me personally, there's something she has
I think it's just stylistically for me. But then also
everything she's done on her on her own, sorry, everything
she's done on her own has been absolutely it's like
(46:06):
it's in she's created a new thing, and it's inspiring
for me and to hear her on my music and
and the way that her voice intertwines with the selection
that I've made for the beats and just the way
the production falls. She's always fell perfectly into place and
(46:28):
also has kind of given my work a new form
of life or like a different glow that I didn't
see before. And when I hear her voice, which when
I imagine it really even though yeah, when I think
about it, I like hear it in my head and
(46:51):
it's like very powerful for me. And uh so I
just am very uh thankful for for what she's given
to my projects in the past and now, and like
she gets it.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Have you said that to her?
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I I texted her a few times recently, but I mean,
I want to tell her this more often. I just
don't want to be weird.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
I don't want to I don't want to be a freak.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
But yeah, I mean I always I think about it
and I want to say something. I just I said it,
and so I want to just be be chill. I
think we're both like very shy, and so it's hard
to kind of connect deeper. I think we are very
like It's it takes a lot to like be very
very close with somebody and then also work with them.
(47:47):
You want to you want to balance it so that
things don't get, you know, off balanced.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
But yeah, that is so sweet.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Though I love her, No, I clearly, and I'm sure
she knows.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Who else do you love like that? The other artists
litter or Is that a rare, kind of rare experience
for you.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
Yeah, the reaction. There's other artists that I feel that
way about, but not with Sizza because she's collaborated with her.
But there's artists.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Awards you've got and you won an award with her
and you've had success with her.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yes, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
Goga is another one that that does that to me.
I went to see her live recently and me and
my creative director, Brett we were we were like, I
was sobbing and he I think he was all you
were you also sobbing with his mouth was hanging open
(48:45):
and he was like screaming crying. I was also and
what is that?
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Though? What is what? It's? Why can you explain that?
Speaker 3 (48:59):
You know what? That's why it makes me cry so
much because I can't explain it. All I can really
tell you is that I am absolutely inspired. I moved constantly,
and I'm proud and I'm just I'm so so happy
(49:22):
for where she's made it to and how and how
she orchestrates her creative and her voice is something that
is incredibly unique and just very very lovely to hear,
and I just am so I'm so so inspired by
(49:46):
her and her.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
Also, I think the sobbing went on I would imagine for.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Yeah yeah, well no yeah, I mean yeah, I cry
like that with yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
But it's so funny because I like such a hard
at the hard beds in.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Like a ball of bush in the other.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
Ways, I know, I am, I know, and I don't
like to show that, but I should maybe, But I
have to show.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
That it's the full picture. You can't just show a
little piece of the picture, you know.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
She she uh The way that she treats people when
it comes to her fans, when it comes to just
people on the street, or really anybody. The way she talks,
it's very It's something that I wish to aspire to.
(50:36):
And I talk about that in therapy, and that's something
that I'm now everybody is gonna know. But she she
has a great heart, and I that's that's my favorite
thing about her. I think her music is fabulous. I
don't even really listen to her music that much. I'll
(50:59):
be honest, I don't. It's her as a it's it's
her as a person that draws me to her. But
the music is just a bonus. And so I really
am happy to be alive in a time seeing that.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Does it ever resonate for you that people feel the
same the same way about you?
Speaker 3 (51:22):
I don't ever think about it.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
There's somebody for sure that every one of these shows
you're about to have, there will be somebody in the
audience that will have that same reaction to you.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Yeah, maybe maybe.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
How does that sit with it? Is that uncomfortable for you?
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Or I don't know, I mean, I don't, I don't know.
I think I hope so I hope I can be
a positive influence for people. Yeah, when when I do
things that are positive, I hope that those are things
that influence people positively.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
You know what's so interesting I had this thought you
were just talking now and I was like, Cose, she
really is like a mush she has like a soy side.
And then I think about the other side of that
we were talking about before. How you say what you
mean and you don't want to you know, there's certain
things you shouldn't have to do.
Speaker 10 (52:10):
And then I wonder, if you were a man, would
it be expected for you to have to uh be
performed and been apologized on a remorse.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
So, you know, like when I think about artists like
I don't know Rick James or you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
We're talking about that era and stuff like that. But
when you know, I'm just saying, there's so many men.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
They get out there, they talk their ship, they're artists,
they're like I mean, Prince was notorious for but like.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Everybody's sit down, Yeah, get off my stage. You can't dance,
you know, like he was. He was a little ruthless
in that, in that type of way.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
Yeah, but I think I wonder if more sensitivity expected
from you in general.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
I mean, also, that was such a different right, that
was a different time, so everybody couldn't put their opinion
right in front of your face, like, oh, just what
I think of you? You had they had to literally
find you physically.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
Yeah, so you would have thrived in that time.
Speaker 3 (53:11):
My god, I think that I might have. Yeah maybe,
but yeah, I think, like it's I like to I
don't know. I was sitting on the toilet the other
day and I thought, I was thinking, I'm not trying
to run for president. I just want to make music.
(53:32):
And I think a lot of people look at music
like this is a competitive sport. I also Verbatim saw somebody,
Like I saw someone write that they said, this is
a competitive sport. People better be ready, and I'm like,
(53:52):
but it's not. It's not that for everyone. What like
what this is like a it's like a spiritual thing
and not all the time. Maybe for some people it
is actually which is totally fine, that's totally fine, that's entertaining,
that's cool.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
But I think it.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Starts to get blurred and people think that it's like
that for everyone, and that everybody's like trying like out
for each other and trying to like take each other down,
and like that there's panic and chaos everywhere and everyone
needs to be defensive and protect and like it's not
(54:34):
like that for everyone, and that I just want That's
something I think I want my fans to take away.
If there's any any of my my young fans who
like want to make music, I think a big one
is to know that, like it doesn't have to be
that way for you. You can you can just like make
music and like do whatever you want. You're good, Like
(54:55):
you don't You're you're not immediately associated with everyone just
because of this. That and the third you can just
be in your own thing.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Where do you like, or do you even think about that?
I don't know where is your life or you or
your or what you put in the world. Where do
you hope it lands with people?
Speaker 3 (55:16):
I think like I think I want my fans to
feel like then everything is doesn't have to be so
streamlined and formulaic, and that you can really do whatever
(55:37):
you want and you don't have to be you know,
it's not up to other people to to tell you
how to express yourself. It's up to you. It feels
kind of like cliche, but I know, like in the past,
I've made a lot of albums that all the songs
(55:57):
sounded so different on them. There was really no kind
of consistent and see whatsoever. And I was like, oh,
I don't like that. And but I was like, I
like these songs individually, I just don't feel like it's
a consistent album. I've always felt like that. Really yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:12):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (56:13):
But Scarlett started to get a little more cohesive, but
not really even then, it was just like, what the
fuck is that. There's a lot of songs like sore thumthing,
they just.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
Like sit out cohesive.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
This was very cohesive for me, yes, in comparison, But
I think like I mean when it comes to music.
I hope that they take that away, that like music
is really just music. You can paint however you want
to paint, you can express however, you can design however
you want to design, and if it makes you happy,
(56:43):
that's kind of all that matters. And that's like literally,
that's that's the best I can and but but that
it does ring really true to me, So hopefully they
take that from it and also be weird, like you're
you're gonna be cringe whether you like it or not.
Probably to someone leant the weird the people who think
(57:05):
that they're not cringe and that they've got it all together,
like there's a group of people looking at them, going ew,
But they probably look back at that group of people
and they're probably like so, like, at the end of
the day, who cares. It doesn't matter. People are gonna
think you're lame.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
What can somebody And that's okay. Somebody's gonna think you're
like people.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
Multiple people are gonna be like you suck and you
didn't even do anything wrong.
Speaker 2 (57:35):
You can do anything. I kind of wish I could
do that more.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
How does somebody lean into their weird bag, like let
your freak flag fly.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
Well, it's a development. I think that not not My
weirdness isn't a development. It's something that uh I well
maybe it was a development. Yeah, I think it's part
of my weirdness.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
First of all, you're not weird.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah, well I'm definitely. I'm fucking kooky. I'm a little
I'm so different, like I'm mad different.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
So but no.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
I I think that like, you don't have to be
weird either. You can be totally not weird. You can
just be whatever you want. I think it's like also subjective,
like some someone might be like, that's weird that they're
wearing head to toe Adidas, Like that doesn't like that
(58:32):
person's weird to me. And then the person wearing the
Adidas is looking at the person who's wearing Alo Nike,
Adidas U Puma head to toe, and that person's like
they're they're like weird, They're like why would you mix
all of that? But like that's a cute outfit, and
(58:55):
so is that Yeah, that's intentional? So is that you know?
So it's kind of like that's just how it is.
I don't think to lean into your weirdness is to
be trusting of your surroundings or or maybe comfortable, uh,
(59:16):
trusting of yourself.
Speaker 2 (59:20):
Having fun, I would imagine.
Speaker 3 (59:21):
Yeah, yeah, I mean there's also bad weird, which we
can discuss flapping.
Speaker 2 (59:27):
All the time.
Speaker 6 (59:28):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's weird definitely in real life.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
How often do you think about your legacy? Hm hmm,
you are a legacy artist. I expect a good answer here.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Once every three to four weeks. Really, yeah, what does
it look like? What is the I'm like old and
singing pretty good, and I'm like, I don't know. I'm like,
I got a dog and a husband.
Speaker 2 (59:57):
Husband, yeah, maybe have kids. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Uh, this world is very scary. I don't know if
i'd want to bring kids into this world. But you know,
I think, uh yeah, my legacy.
Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Oh no, I don't really think.
Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
I honestly, I don't think I really think about that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Really.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
I just see myself kind of old and round, and
I'm like singing, I got im like a big fur coat.
That's my legacy.
Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
You're gonna have great stories, thanks, Yeah, I'm gonna have
great stories.
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Then the time when I and my whole team was
freaking out because I did or whatever, I have.
Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Good stories now, I bet. I bet you're gonna have
amazing stories after this tour. I have them great time
on tour. It's gonna be so exciting. Thank you anything.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
We should leave the people with what what should they know?
What should they expect?
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
I mean, I start tour for Asia Australia in November,
and then I'm out there for a little bit, and
then I come back, I do my US tour. I'm
touring till December of next year.
Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
Shit. Oh yeah, and therapy twice a week still happens.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
And I'm sure somebody will be in the crowd and
be as moved by you as you are. Thank you
by your favorite Thank you, and you're wonderful today.
Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 10 (01:01:27):
Soljakai in real life.
Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
This is Dojacat in real life.
Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Hey guys, thanks for watching.
Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all
of the other episodes we have on Edge.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
Martinez Irl Podcast
I saw the video of you talking about Sissa's vocals.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Still bring it brought you to tears.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Yeah, she's created a new thing and it's inspiring for
me when I hear her voice, which when I imagine
it really even Yeah, when I think about it, I
hear it in my head and it's like very powerful
for me. So I just am very uh thankful for
(00:29):
what she's given to my projects in the past and now,
and like.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
She gets it. Have you said that to her?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
I texted her a few times recently, but I mean,
I want to tell her this more often. I just
don't want to be weird.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
This episode of ral podcast is powered by boost Mobile.
She is one of the most unpredictable genre bendon conversation
sparking artists of our time. From viral beginnings on the
Internet to Grammy winds and worldwide tour, She's proven that
she cannot be boxed in.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
She will not.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
She is a rapper, singer, songwriter, performer artist. She is
built a career by breaking rules and creating her own
lane and has a new amazing album that is such
a vibe called The.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Please Welcome, Don't You Can.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Hi? Hi Welcome to in real Life, Thank you for
having me now.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I'm so happy to have you. What season are we
in right now? Because I'm trying to feel the vibes
where you're at. If I go off the album, I
feel that you're having fun. You may or may not
be in love you are. This is just what album
vibes is giving. I don't know, just free for you?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Tell me romance season?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Is it romance?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes? Like it feels like I don't know. I think
I've just always been a romantic and I just I
love to write about it, and so it just ended
up being the entirety of this project.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, so v is the name of the album, which
is Life.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yes, which is French.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Inspired by just have you spend time in friends recently?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Or just there's something about wm. I mean I've had
French ex boyfriends, but I think that also like French
culture kind of like in the last I mean forever,
it's always been very there's something very romantic about that
and very sexy. And I think like when you think
of like a kissing, you think of French kissing, you know,
(02:41):
and like it's just I don't know, there was something
there for me that I feel like connected with the
emotions and the and the feeling of the album. Maybe
a little bit with the visuals, of course, but I
think I wanted the eighties to really be the main
foundation and then sort of lay on some sprinkles of
(03:03):
French romanticism.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
When you make an album like this and you're in
your head and you're having the French fantasy and the
romanticizing all of it, and then you put it out
for the world.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You're like, here's my baby, yeah, and then people look
at it, criticize it, analyze it.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Yeah, what does da feel like? Well, okay, so going
off of you saying that, like, it's kind of like
having a baby. It's like you have a baby and
you like want to and you love it so much,
but you also want to share it with your family,
or you want to share it with your friends. You
want them to all love this baby with you. And
(03:48):
sometimes it's like maybe like when I look at things
on the internet of like people doing reviews a bit,
I get a lot of like, that's a really cute baby,
and then I get some people who are like I
don't know, I just like don't really I don't really
like kids, or or like it's like drooling too much,
(04:12):
or like I don't think it's it has like a
weird old hair. It looks like an old man. Yeah, yeah,
it doesn't have enough hair, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So that there's that would send me if I put
my baby on the internet and they said my baby
was like a old man, that would send me into
an immediate rage.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Maybe yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I think also though, which is your feelings are always valid.
But at the at the same time, when you look
at your baby, you know that you love it so
much unconditionally and that there's nothing that could take you
away from that, and that you feel you feel so
confident in loving of your child, And that's that's motherhood.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You're gonna be a great mind. Oh god, that's and.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
I mean to switch it up and be quite literal
and just get to the point like that's that's that's artistry.
If you're an artist. Yes, you can doubt your work
sometimes maybe you'll be scared something can happen to I'll
go back to the metaphor, but something will happen to
your baby, like maybe it'll turn out to have, you know,
like cognitive issues or something, but like you still love
(05:25):
your child, and I still love my work no matter what,
because I know that I love it. Maybe there's been
times where I've made something and I've been like I
wish I could like fix this here and this that
and whatever. But I look back at everything and I'm like,
I love what I've done, and I love what I'm doing,
(05:46):
and I love this album. I really do.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
That's so great. We asked this.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
We usually started and I got distracted because we were
talking about the album, but we usually.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Start in real life, in real life, how happy are
you in your life right now? Let's get once it's up.
What's a day?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Man? It comes and goes. I think I'm all right.
I'm happy that I have the the outlets that I
have to heal. Like I go to therapy twice a week. Yeah,
(06:23):
I have therapy twice a week. Sometimes it's hard to
go physically because a whole lot of reasons. But that
makes me feel good and that I'm making the right choice.
But yeah, there's moments where I just like, I mean,
during this whole thing, and like, the choices that I've
(06:44):
made have also made me feel kind of bad, like
going on Twitter, Like I'll go on Twitter, or I'll
like the worst thing is when I wake up in
the morning and I open my phone up, because then
it's like harder for me to get out of bed,
and it's like it's it kind of sucks the life
out of you, like being on there and then you
kind of go. Today I didn't, oh you know, maybe
(07:07):
a little bit I could have. I think it was
just hard for me to add that. No, I don't
think I doomed scroll. I didn't doom scroll today.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Call it doom scroll.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
It's called doom scrolling. Oh, but that for you, you know,
it's fine.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But it's okay, and that that's going to happen again too.
It's gonna happen one hundred thousand more times possibly.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
What have you learned about how to manage that? Though?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Because if you want a therapy twice a week, you
have to, like, by the way I'm doing it once
I go once a week, no matter what.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Good or bad, like I have a great week, I
still do it. That's how much I believe in it. Yeah,
I just think it's like opportunity to get to know yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yep, exactly whatever, get.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
To know yourself, the good, the bad, all the things.
So twice a week is interesting, though, that's like another
that's like a level up.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, I'm trying to make sure to make I don't
know that just that I'm all right. I'm just trying
to make sure that I'm talking about everything that I
need to talk about.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And also just I'm I'm.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Excited to get to know myself. I think that's a
big thing in therapy. It's like you got to get
to know yourself. I feel like that's yeah, that's kind
of what we all sort of go through. We learn
things and we lock into these things that don't benefit
us because of an experience that we had or multiple
experiences that we had as a child.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
What was your childhood?
Speaker 5 (08:30):
Like, my god, I know we want to go, you know,
to mercy so.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Much, so much.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's a I mean it's not this isn't for for
a I don't know what for a full documentary. This
might be for a voy you could give me like
a man, versions I had a fun childhood. I had
a very I had a very tough childhood. I mean
(08:58):
I think growing up like with a single mother is
a hard thing to do. And many kids that she
have to five wow, five, I could never know. She's
incredibly the strongest mother, But like it taught me a
(09:20):
lot of things, and I think it also made me,
in some form stronger.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Let's take these off. I want to see.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, are this prescription?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
No, it's to cover when I have bags on the last.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Oh no, you look absolutely stunning, unbelievably good.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
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Speaker 3 (10:26):
But I mean, yeah, it's made me stronger, if anything.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
And so I'm single mom, so I get it too.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
But I'm single mom, only child, one bedroom apartment, and
even still, I don't know how she did that.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
She's working, I'm running around being a lunatic.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
She's navigating her crazy little daughter and her one child.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Five children is like, that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
And I mean when it's five children, everyone's sort of
broken apart because it's a lot of children and no help.
And not to say there was no help. I had
a lot of aunties, a lot of aunties, especially growing
up on the Ashron.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
How do they feel about the level of success that
you've achieved.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like, she's so supportive, she's so proud, and she tells
me like every other day she's like, I'm so proud
of you, and I'm so I'm so excited, and I
loved your I love your dress, I love the thing
you did with the song, and I love everything. She's
like that every every other day.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So put her in your video.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah, And then I put out my video and she's
she really did no, no, no, tell me.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
About that day.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
You only get like two seconds of that. And she
when she was on set, she came she came into
set like totally fine. She was just really happy to
see me, lots of smiles, and then like we talked
a little bit and then we got in front of camera.
I helped kind of dress her a little bit to
make it feel like the mom that I know. She
(12:00):
looked like I know, yeah, she looks like she was
just evolved and incredible, and I, uh, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Let's say it. Say it.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
You know it's dumb.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I don't want to say that she hit my bake.
It's like, I don't.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
I didn't know that she was like that. I didn't
know that she would come in front of camera and
like I was like, who are you? Because she like
really was. If you look at all of the whatever
playback that we have, she's like just really giving like.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
She and I was like, oh, that's why I wanted,
That's why I do that half is good, that's why.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
The teachers arrived.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
And I was like, Okay, that's where it comes from.
I didn't know. I always knew when she did her
make up for the mirror that she was always like,
but like I didn't know, like in front of a
camera that she would absolutely ace every single take, even
while they were doing her makeup and we were kind
of just watching the live and it wasn't recording or anything.
(13:15):
She was still serving like they were doing her make
them check.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Oh you're no way what?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (13:25):
It blew my mind?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
How a great moment is that?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Though, Like when you think about our lives, that will
be a moment that you will have that forever with
your mom.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, you'll have the visuals of that and the experience
of that will light you up, like forever.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Your mom is for sure gonna want to be in
more things.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Well yeah, well now I just want to like dress
her all the time and bring her everywhere and like
I mean, I always do. But that just I loved
having her on set with me. And that's something that
I'm not scared of anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
How would she managed watching her baby?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
You know me as famous upset, You've had moments where
people are coming for your neck, or are you with people,
or you're in the highs or the lows of whatever, whatever,
the ups and downs of fame and the weirdness that
she calls me.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
She calls me and she'll just like make sure I'm okay,
and she'll text me and she'll be like, don't listen.
Know what they're saying, babe, stuff like that, she.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Ever check you? Say? I don't love that you did that?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
No, she doesn't, and you can you can see that
I never really got checked. But sometimes I definitely act
like I've never been checked.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So who can check you? Can anyone check you? You
need somebody to check you.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, I get checked. I definitely checked, and not not
by my mom, but like I get checks team yeah, no,
my friends, friends, yeah, and my team. My team, My
team's good at that. Sometimes I have to check them
to check me. So I have to be like, I
need this from you. I need you to tell me
(14:58):
that I'm doing this because this is I'm embarrassed by
this thing that I did, and in order to keep
things afloat, I need some form of And I have
incredible support from my team, and that's I mean, that's
all you could really ask for. But I feel like
(15:20):
there's there's something really important about like them also checking
you and making sure that yeah, not just being like, oh,
you're so funny all the time, and like you're the
funniest person.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
I know.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You look amazing in a trash bag.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You're the perfect But how do you deal with that though,
How are you with criticism or feedback that maybe you
disagree with the Are you open to that.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I don't love I don't love being stroked, and sometimes
maybe I am stroked or kidding. I'm absolutely I get
stroked and people kind of like when I experience that,
I I don't love it, and it's I'm it makes
(16:07):
me scared. I get I get afraid when something doesn't
feel like a genuine you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Looking for truth? Yeah, you want truth more than something yeah? Sweet?
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yeah. And I know like laughter comes from nervousness sometimes,
so if somebody's laughing at everything I say, then I'm like, well,
they're probably fucking like nervous and like they're just trying
to like figure out how to do this ship.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
And so I hate.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Everything me too. I don't like it either because I
feel bad for that part. I didn't start to feel like, well,
I mean, at least they're laughing their way through it,
Like there's something like I can't be around that that's funny.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I've never really heard somebody else say that. That definitely
makes me have family members to it.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
It's too much.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Not that funny.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Nothing is that.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Nothing is that funny nobody is that funny? Why is
that funny at all? Right now?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Just thinking about it, it pisss me on, like I
can't even hide it, it really does.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's funny. Hey, guys.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
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Speaker 2 (18:47):
Then speaking of funny.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
The last time I spoke to you, we did this
Harper's Bizarre magazine interview, and you said that you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Do stand up yes, that you actually were funny. There
was so maybe you actually are funny.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
I think I can be funny.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
It'd be funny.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I haven't done it though, Huh. It doesn't feel like
the error right now. It doesn't kind of go with
the you.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Know, there might be a time, but I just yeah, honestly,
if it was any time to do it, it would
be it would be now, really yeah, because there's something
about the eighties and like stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
It's giving like eighties.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
It's like somewhere between uh, Richard Richard pryor ed hilarious,
all leather color, leather outfit.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yes, you're coming out with the color. I can absolutely
see this.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Like that makes me think of that, Will you do that?
I feel like that would be really fun to do
something like some sort of content piece and like film,
something that feels kind of vintage, but like do like
a seventy piece.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I think you should do it. I think you have
it in you.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It could be fun and.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Then people will be laughing for a reason. And make
everybody feel better.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Okay, let's about what's important. Also, I have some in
real life questions because I just are in real life.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Bowl grab What.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Is the hardest lesson you learned in this life?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You can go to the next one if you feel
like there might be a better one. I think that's
a great question.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Okay, good, okay, okay, what is the hardest lesson you
learned in this life? The hardest lesson I learned in
this life is that I am a grown woman with
a child on the inside, and that I need to
(20:36):
mitigate that child or there actually is three people. And
I don't mean this in any sort of like harsh
diagnosis of like I don't have a condition. It's just
the it's the reality is that I am now an adult,
but there is a younger girl who's taking care of
(21:00):
an even younger girl. So there's a baby, but this
one is the one that I need to take control of.
And this lesson is still something I'm still learning.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Oh my god, I need I need that in my
life now.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Is that there's a bratty teenager who lashes out and.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Does that's the middle.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
This is my protector, So this is my defense. System,
and I need to figure out how to control that
defense system because it gets in the way of my success.
It gets in the way of things that are good
for me, and it's not permanent. It's something that can
really truly be healed. But that's something that I'm that's
(21:46):
the hardest, hardest lesson.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Huh do you think this is everybody has this or
this is just you?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I think a lot of people haven't. I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I mean, we hear people talk about talking to their
inner child and whatever, but never really hurt. Is that way.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
When you see people who are doing things that are
are damaging to themselves, damaging to their future, damaging to
their relationships, it's usually because they are resorting to a
defense that has worked for them when they were really little,
(22:25):
and it's not it doesn't work for them now because
it's not in relation to what is the issue that
they're trying to fix now, got it. It's a thing
that they just know that because that was like the
biggest horrible thing that happened to them when they were little,
and so they're like, Okay, if this is going to help,
(22:47):
then I'm going to use this later.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
For the rest of my life. Yes, yes, when you
no longer need it.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah, that's so good. That's a little bit of me
in a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
You fucking boded that question to the next level. So
that middle one of you, is she the one.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Who sometimes says things that get people riled up?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
For yes?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So then do you shy away from that or isn't
that or is that part of who you really like?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
If you removed that person, is it really still you then?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Or don't remove them? You don't remove them. You you
give them a sense of direction and you recognize before
they step forward, and so that instead of them getting
up out of their seat and having to be like
this you you go, no, you can sit down, just
(23:48):
sit down.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
You used her as a way, especially when you got
when you got thrown into fame, right, it was like.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Noisy a lot right at the time. So she probably
came to your defense.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she was protective.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
So she shows up, wants to argue people the internet,
she wants she wants to stand up for herself.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
She wants to say whatever the fuck she means about
how you receive it.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
Yeah, that kind of tracks. Yeah, So how do you
manage her now? Because this is like an evolved version
of you. Now you're not the same person. Well maybe
you are, but you evolved and grown and.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
It's in there. It's in there one hundred percent. Yeah.
I think it's like, uh see, this is why it's hard,
because I'm now trying to explain what it looks like
when it happens. So if, for instance, I feel threatened
(24:49):
by something and I see the threat, I go, what
has this made me feel like? And then I remember
my reactions in the past, and then I choose accordingly
what that that response should be. Yeah, sometimes when you're scared,
(25:18):
it's like you're or you feel threatened. You just see
red and you just don't there's nothing you can do
about it, like you just get locked into a spot.
But I think that's sort of a way to do
another fun way to do it. I have a toy
in my purse, not like that. It's it's like a
(25:45):
Littlest Pet Shop cat like I when I so basically,
my therapist to me this, you take a toy from
your childhood and you keep it in your pocket, or
you keep it in your purse, or you put something
that it reminds you of your childhood, something that you
can touch, and that'll help you in the beginning stage
of reminding yourself that.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
You're a little kid.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You've got it, you're a little kid. And so it's
really it's helped a lot because there's times where I
don't feel like I'm in a defense mode or anything
like that, and I just see it. I just see
that there's like a little plastic cat in my bag
or on a dresser or something in my house. I
had a bunch of them, and I'll like look at
(26:30):
it and be like, that does happen to me, doesn't it.
It's like someone standing there, almost like an angel standing
there and telling you, like, by the way, you could
be an asshole, and that's like important. I think that's
like a really useful way to deal with stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Huh do you ever have after one of those moments?
I don't know what comes up after that. So you
have one of those moments, I'm sure sometimes you're like
I said what I say said, which I said what
I said.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But I'm sure there are times where you probably a
little remorse about maybe how a message was to live it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I think about.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
The the uh you got to think of your fans recently,
where you said, uh, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It was, Yes, there was a thing I have with
the fan and the and it was people that unfollowed
because it was received as you don't care about.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Yourself, that that situation is exactly this that we're talking about.
This was this was a moment of TELP me share
that me.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
So it.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I don't like telling people my business. I guess do
one thing that you do, one thing that you fear
every day. So I guess, honestly, nah, fuck that. Well, okay,
So this was an instance of that. This was me
feeling like if I feel like people can come up
(28:04):
to me and either hold my arm or hug me,
or give me a kiss on the cheek or offer
me a gift, if I feel if I feel like
I've given everybody a pass to do that, that in
my mind looks like people tearing at my skin and
(28:27):
ripping off my hair and tearing at my clothes. It
looks like hell to me. And that means I have
no boundaries, and I had to set a boundary. However,
I wasn't in my right mind at that moment to
express that I had waited so many days because I
(28:49):
have such an issue with setting boundaries for myself. I
usually am very like yes, like come, like.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Hug, touch, be, take whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
I've taken take whatever you want. I have a family,
like you know what I mean, that's me and so
and so I I I've had a really hard time
setting boundaries. When I saw the virality in the way
that that to the way that that whole thing happened,
(29:21):
I thought that that meant, Okay, everybody, it's your turn.
And so I thought that if I stepped out of
my house, something would happen to me, all irrational fear,
all based on my own personal experience, and that kind
of that was a trigger for me. And I instead
(29:48):
of being like, hey, by the way, don't do this,
I said, I said, don't fucking touch me. If any
of you ever come up to me and.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Touch me, you're done.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Like I made I was, I went like this, I
puffed my chest out. I did that. Instead of closing
the door, I kicked it and the knob fell off,
and so now the door is fully open, and now
I'm now I'm the I'm the least protected that I could.
If anything, I I sabotaged and I made it so
(30:26):
that I couldn't be protected at all because it was
an over reaction, but a valid over reaction, but still
not excusable.
Speaker 7 (30:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
It's more, there's there's a lot of kind of twists
and turns to it, but it's it was a poorly
handled situation in conclusion.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I get that though, and I get how you could
get there in that moment. Yeah, but when something happens
and it isn't poorly handled, do you is there remorse
about it?
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Is there a desire to want to clear it up?
Or it is? Kind of it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
So what happens with me is all this sort of
thing will happen. I'll be like, I'll be like, we're
how fuck you? And then I'll and then I'll go
and then I'll go I'm fine, everything's fine, Everything's okay, guys,
it's okay. Like that's my condition. That's sort of how
(31:22):
that works. It's there's a word for it, but I
just I could be my my next challenge is like
opening up about those things and saying what that is.
But that's sort of the way that I operate my
remorse levels. I do have remorse, and it's very it's
(31:46):
very it's very quick. It's very like jumped straight to
the way that when I when it comes to I
think when during the moment, nada because I'm seeing red
and I just don't care. I just don't care. But
when I see the effect that it has, that's when
I start to.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
This.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
The chemicals change and I feel I feel wrong and
I and I know that it needs to be corrected
because it at the end of the day, the day
hast end. But I know that I need help, and
(32:32):
I know that I can hurt people. I can't with
my words, with my actions, I know that I can,
and so anything that I can do to mitigate and
help those things, I'm gonna do. And that is therapy.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
So what would you want?
Speaker 8 (32:52):
And I don't know if you've had this conversation directly
with your fans at any point I'm alive or whatever.
But have you ever like addressed because a bystander of
that could be somebody who was a big fan that
thinks they're lumped into a.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Moment that you had with one other person. That's what
I'm wondering. If there's ever a.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
You know, to clarify anything that I do to one
individual is between me and that individual or anything we
do to each other is between us, and it has
nothing like if it's me, i'd be smart. I think
(33:34):
it's always between the two people that the issue needs
to be resolved. When you put it on social media,
it becomes a performative thing. What I was doing when
I reacted in the way that it reacted was performative.
It was me being like, look how big I am,
Look how strong I am. That's me. That's an example
(33:54):
of me doing that very thing. Apologizing to somebody on
the internet is the same. You know what I mean.
Perform Please don't like. It's like it's being like, please
don't leave me, Please don't do please don't like I
I I let me show you, Let me show you
how good I am. This is what I like, This
(34:16):
is what I do, This is who I am. Look,
I'm not the kind of person that loves to do that.
There's been times where I've done some like sort of
performative stuff like that, and I was just sort of
discovering who I was and trying to figure out what
I wanted to do. But I don't like doing stuff
like that, so I I yeah, I was face to
(34:37):
face with this person and they're just lovely, just a
human being who is fabulous and very likable and so yeah,
and that and that is my That's where I feel
happy and satiated and comfortable is when there's closure between
(35:00):
me and that person.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So you had closure there.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, that's so.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
This might sound crazy, I find that to be really
inspiring because I think in this world where we are
like a lot of us are are.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Prone to be people pleasers, especially in social age world
where perception or how we present is really important to
a lot of people. Yeah, it's like, if you know what.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Your internal is doing, is it always necessary to lay
it out for people or have a performance piece to
kind of make people feel that.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Yeah, it's interesting, you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
But I think also those choices come from a place
that's not just like nonexistent. It comes from a place
of either you feel guilty, or you feel like you
need to fix something and you need to fix it fast,
or you know what I mean. Or it comes from
a place of possibly insecurity when somebody is like I
(36:01):
need people to know that the you know, and and
insecurity is human, and being unsure is human, and being
scared is human. It's just how you how you navigate
and and how much you're keeping up with it and
being consistent. So sometimes it's hard to be You can't
(36:25):
work out every single day of your entire life for
the rest of your life. But if you get enough
of it, then you'll be great and you'll feel beautiful.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Do you ever feel I was thinking with something else
that I had heard somebody say about you or underline
something stuff online.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
It's like they're a miss. It's a misconception that any misconception.
I just wonder, do you ever want to clean those up?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Like somebody sees some some different image imagery and then
somebody who works in the store thinks you worship the death.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Is it inside you to ever clear something that like
that up? Or you just kind of let that be
faster in the world as does it wants to.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I think about it a lot. I think about it
almost every day. What part of it, it's every single part,
every time, every pinpoint of when that's happened to me
down my career. It's happened a lot, and I think
it's not for me to prove to people who cannot
(37:36):
or don't wish to listen. It's the harsh reality. But
I'd like to stay there, and I feel comfortable there
because there's so many other great things happening that I can,
(37:57):
instead of ruminating, can choose to express maybe the way
I feel about that thing with music, or with an
outfit or a painting or with something. Being creative is
really a good outlet for addressing to me personally. But
(38:20):
unless somebody asks all the beautiful questions the way you do,
I mean, then maybe I can discuss it. But I
also don't want to. I don't ever want to say
something that and I can't. I'm telling you like in
the past, I could not talk. I still honestly am
learning how to talk.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
You're wonderful that sometimes I can.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Talk really well. But there's times where if I have
a camera on me and there's like a person who's
talking to me and I'm distracted by something, or if
I had a bad day or something like all the
things in the biome have to fall together correctly or
else I can't. I can't speak the way that I
wish I spoke, Like when I'm laying in bed with
the lights off and I'm like thinking, and I'm like,
(39:01):
damn said that.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
You know I killed that ship he's so smart say
this is exactly what, exactly what you mean. It happens
so much, and I say it like that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
I don't always say it the way I want to
say it, even when I have a guest you're coming
in and it's like, oh, don't there's so many things
I want to say, so many.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Things I want to ask her. But then you get in.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
The chair and you're like, yeah, so this is but
this is like a great environment. I don't know why
I love you and it's great.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
So I'll take it. I'll take it.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
So it's it's like, uh, yeah, I think I could
talk about those things everything.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
I have one question about these things because when you
talk about that specifically, because I didn't hear somebody say
she worships the devil, I was like, what are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
This one does not equal.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
To However, I am curious about what is your relationship
with God?
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Religion.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
I believe in a higher power. I believe that there's
something going on.
Speaker 9 (40:06):
I don't know what, and I don't want to question it.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
I don't follow any formula of any sort of traditional thing.
I mean, I celebrate Christmas, but like.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
In a non traditional way.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
In traditional way, but like, yeah, I think it also
does a massive good for me to believe that there
is something bigger than myself, because that's where you get lost.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
It's really surprising to me that you that you're not.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
Because you're so thoughtful in how you operate in the
world and it does so much work on yourself, and.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
I don't know, it just surprises me that you haven't
narrowed down your connection to spirituality, God whatever.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
To a lifelong process it really is. I think it's
just a learning a learning process I've had. I've actually
I've had issues with things like like drinking and things
like that, and that that's sort of those two things
(41:27):
are in the same park for me because it's like,
if I don't believe that there's something bigger, then I'm
always going to fall to here. And I think sometimes
on impulse, maybe if I'm celebrating. I know it always
gets messy when I celebrate, but it's been a very
(41:50):
long time since I've been like like sad, like, oh God,
I need a glass of wine sort of sad. So
what else? And it happens, And I mean, but.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
By the way, I also couldn't you're giving the gloves
and the gloves makes me feel so.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I just I just feel like you know, no, I
I yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
There is a there is a There is a question
in that bowl that says, if God were to text
you right now, what would it say in your mind?
I mean even that it's good. I love that.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Uh. He would probably say you're doing You're doing great.
He'd be like he go, he go wow h And
he'd also go be careful mm hmmm l O L No,
(43:01):
he'd go be careful idiot l L Yeah, and he'd go, wow,
good job.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Though.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
That sums nice.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
That's a great text. You should save that somewhere in
your phone.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
That question is brilliant.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Oh thank you? What do you What do you have
to be careful of?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (43:20):
I think like a what waters are you?
Speaker 3 (43:25):
I think like a just impulses again, like I know
a lot now and it's it's helped me like move
forward and in ways that like like I've been a
lot more. Even if you if you ask my fans
like they it's funny because they'll they'll compare Scarlet to
be and the eras and the way that I spoke
(43:47):
during Scarlet. There's one specific one I know if I
can remember, but I said something like, if you don't
like my album cover, fuck you, it's amazing and you
can eat a dick like something like that.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (43:58):
And then when I was talking about like like V
and everything, I was like, you, guys, V is an
album about blah blah blah blah blah, and this is
my album cover and this is why this means a
lot to me.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
And so it's kind of like two different worlds. Yeah,
and the gloves really go. Yeah, I feel like you
should wear these different.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Verdi and see if I can get two more colors.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Spread definitely get more colors. Yeah, okay, face, I have
some in real life in my own Number one in
real life? What are you proudest of yourself for?
Speaker 3 (44:31):
I'm most most proud of. I'm most proud of my growth.
I think I'm most proud of like like I was like, damn,
i hate going to vocal lessons and and I'm trying
to figure out a way around the puzzle of making
it like fun to do. And then I got there
(44:55):
and now I'm doing it, and then my voice got
better and I'm proud of that growth. That's more specific,
but I'm proud of my growth I'm proud of my
of the way I've I've given care and love to
my instrument.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I could see how much you care about it, like
every I guess everybody can, how much effort and stuff.
Even the other day, I was telling you, I saw
the video of you talking about Scissa's vocals.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Still bring it brought you to tears? Yeah, what was happening?
Speaker 7 (45:27):
It's like she really like cares about this and was it?
Is it Sissa or was it the music or was it? Well,
why do you have to ask me this? No, no, no,
it's a good question.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
So Siss's voice for me personally, there's something she has
I think it's just stylistically for me. But then also
everything she's done on her on her own, sorry, everything
she's done on her own has been absolutely it's like
(46:06):
it's in she's created a new thing, and it's inspiring
for me and to hear her on my music and
and the way that her voice intertwines with the selection
that I've made for the beats and just the way
the production falls. She's always fell perfectly into place and
(46:28):
also has kind of given my work a new form
of life or like a different glow that I didn't
see before. And when I hear her voice, which when
I imagine it really even though yeah, when I think
about it, I like hear it in my head and
(46:51):
it's like very powerful for me. And uh so I
just am very uh thankful for for what she's given
to my projects in the past and now, and like
she gets it.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Have you said that to her?
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I I texted her a few times recently, but I mean,
I want to tell her this more often. I just
don't want to be weird.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
I don't want to I don't want to be a freak.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
But yeah, I mean I always I think about it
and I want to say something. I just I said it,
and so I want to just be be chill. I
think we're both like very shy, and so it's hard
to kind of connect deeper. I think we are very
like It's it takes a lot to like be very
very close with somebody and then also work with them.
(47:47):
You want to you want to balance it so that
things don't get, you know, off balanced.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
But yeah, that is so sweet.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Though I love her, No, I clearly, and I'm sure
she knows.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Who else do you love like that? The other artists
litter or Is that a rare, kind of rare experience
for you.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
Yeah, the reaction. There's other artists that I feel that
way about, but not with Sizza because she's collaborated with her.
But there's artists.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Awards you've got and you won an award with her
and you've had success with her.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yes, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
Goga is another one that that does that to me.
I went to see her live recently and me and
my creative director, Brett we were we were like, I
was sobbing and he I think he was all you
were you also sobbing with his mouth was hanging open
(48:45):
and he was like screaming crying. I was also and
what is that?
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Though? What is what? It's? Why can you explain that?
Speaker 3 (48:59):
You know what? That's why it makes me cry so
much because I can't explain it. All I can really
tell you is that I am absolutely inspired. I moved constantly,
and I'm proud and I'm just I'm so so happy
(49:22):
for where she's made it to and how and how
she orchestrates her creative and her voice is something that
is incredibly unique and just very very lovely to hear,
and I just am so I'm so so inspired by
(49:46):
her and her.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
Also, I think the sobbing went on I would imagine for.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Yeah yeah, well no yeah, I mean yeah, I cry
like that with yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
But it's so funny because I like such a hard
at the hard beds in.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Like a ball of bush in the other.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
Ways, I know, I am, I know, and I don't
like to show that, but I should maybe, But I
have to show.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
That it's the full picture. You can't just show a
little piece of the picture, you know.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
She she uh The way that she treats people when
it comes to her fans, when it comes to just
people on the street, or really anybody. The way she talks,
it's very It's something that I wish to aspire to.
(50:36):
And I talk about that in therapy, and that's something
that I'm now everybody is gonna know. But she she
has a great heart, and I that's that's my favorite
thing about her. I think her music is fabulous. I
don't even really listen to her music that much. I'll
(50:59):
be honest, I don't. It's her as a it's it's
her as a person that draws me to her. But
the music is just a bonus. And so I really
am happy to be alive in a time seeing that.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Does it ever resonate for you that people feel the
same the same way about you?
Speaker 3 (51:22):
I don't ever think about it.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
There's somebody for sure that every one of these shows
you're about to have, there will be somebody in the
audience that will have that same reaction to you.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Yeah, maybe maybe.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
How does that sit with it? Is that uncomfortable for you?
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Or I don't know, I mean, I don't, I don't know.
I think I hope so I hope I can be
a positive influence for people. Yeah, when when I do
things that are positive, I hope that those are things
that influence people positively.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
You know what's so interesting I had this thought you
were just talking now and I was like, Cose, she
really is like a mush she has like a soy side.
And then I think about the other side of that
we were talking about before. How you say what you
mean and you don't want to you know, there's certain
things you shouldn't have to do.
Speaker 10 (52:10):
And then I wonder, if you were a man, would
it be expected for you to have to uh be
performed and been apologized on a remorse.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
So, you know, like when I think about artists like
I don't know Rick James or you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
We're talking about that era and stuff like that. But
when you know, I'm just saying, there's so many men.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
They get out there, they talk their ship, they're artists,
they're like I mean, Prince was notorious for but like.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Everybody's sit down, Yeah, get off my stage. You can't dance,
you know, like he was. He was a little ruthless
in that, in that type of way.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
Yeah, but I think I wonder if more sensitivity expected
from you in general.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
I mean, also, that was such a different right, that
was a different time, so everybody couldn't put their opinion
right in front of your face, like, oh, just what
I think of you? You had they had to literally
find you physically.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
Yeah, so you would have thrived in that time.
Speaker 3 (53:11):
My god, I think that I might have. Yeah maybe,
but yeah, I think, like it's I like to I
don't know. I was sitting on the toilet the other
day and I thought, I was thinking, I'm not trying
to run for president. I just want to make music.
(53:32):
And I think a lot of people look at music
like this is a competitive sport. I also Verbatim saw somebody,
Like I saw someone write that they said, this is
a competitive sport. People better be ready, and I'm like,
(53:52):
but it's not. It's not that for everyone. What like
what this is like a it's like a spiritual thing
and not all the time. Maybe for some people it
is actually which is totally fine, that's totally fine, that's entertaining,
that's cool.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
But I think it.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Starts to get blurred and people think that it's like
that for everyone, and that everybody's like trying like out
for each other and trying to like take each other down,
and like that there's panic and chaos everywhere and everyone
needs to be defensive and protect and like it's not
(54:34):
like that for everyone, and that I just want That's
something I think I want my fans to take away.
If there's any any of my my young fans who
like want to make music, I think a big one
is to know that, like it doesn't have to be
that way for you. You can you can just like make
music and like do whatever you want. You're good, Like
(54:55):
you don't You're you're not immediately associated with everyone just
because of this. That and the third you can just
be in your own thing.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Where do you like, or do you even think about that?
I don't know where is your life or you or
your or what you put in the world. Where do
you hope it lands with people?
Speaker 3 (55:16):
I think like I think I want my fans to
feel like then everything is doesn't have to be so
streamlined and formulaic, and that you can really do whatever
(55:37):
you want and you don't have to be you know,
it's not up to other people to to tell you
how to express yourself. It's up to you. It feels
kind of like cliche, but I know, like in the past,
I've made a lot of albums that all the songs
(55:57):
sounded so different on them. There was really no kind
of consistent and see whatsoever. And I was like, oh,
I don't like that. And but I was like, I
like these songs individually, I just don't feel like it's
a consistent album. I've always felt like that. Really yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:12):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (56:13):
But Scarlett started to get a little more cohesive, but
not really even then, it was just like, what the
fuck is that. There's a lot of songs like sore thumthing,
they just.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
Like sit out cohesive.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
This was very cohesive for me, yes, in comparison, But
I think like I mean when it comes to music.
I hope that they take that away, that like music
is really just music. You can paint however you want
to paint, you can express however, you can design however
you want to design, and if it makes you happy,
(56:43):
that's kind of all that matters. And that's like literally,
that's that's the best I can and but but that
it does ring really true to me, So hopefully they
take that from it and also be weird, like you're
you're gonna be cringe whether you like it or not.
Probably to someone leant the weird the people who think
(57:05):
that they're not cringe and that they've got it all together,
like there's a group of people looking at them, going ew,
But they probably look back at that group of people
and they're probably like so, like, at the end of
the day, who cares. It doesn't matter. People are gonna
think you're lame.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
What can somebody And that's okay. Somebody's gonna think you're
like people.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
Multiple people are gonna be like you suck and you
didn't even do anything wrong.
Speaker 2 (57:35):
You can do anything. I kind of wish I could
do that more.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
How does somebody lean into their weird bag, like let
your freak flag fly.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
Well, it's a development. I think that not not My
weirdness isn't a development. It's something that uh I well
maybe it was a development. Yeah, I think it's part
of my weirdness.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
First of all, you're not weird.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah, well I'm definitely. I'm fucking kooky. I'm a little
I'm so different, like I'm mad different.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
So but no.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
I I think that like, you don't have to be
weird either. You can be totally not weird. You can
just be whatever you want. I think it's like also subjective,
like some someone might be like, that's weird that they're
wearing head to toe Adidas, Like that doesn't like that
(58:32):
person's weird to me. And then the person wearing the
Adidas is looking at the person who's wearing Alo Nike,
Adidas U Puma head to toe, and that person's like
they're they're like weird, They're like why would you mix
all of that? But like that's a cute outfit, and
(58:55):
so is that Yeah, that's intentional? So is that you know?
So it's kind of like that's just how it is.
I don't think to lean into your weirdness is to
be trusting of your surroundings or or maybe comfortable, uh,
(59:16):
trusting of yourself.
Speaker 2 (59:20):
Having fun, I would imagine.
Speaker 3 (59:21):
Yeah, yeah, I mean there's also bad weird, which we
can discuss flapping.
Speaker 2 (59:27):
All the time.
Speaker 6 (59:28):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's weird definitely in real life.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
How often do you think about your legacy? Hm hmm,
you are a legacy artist. I expect a good answer here.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Once every three to four weeks. Really, yeah, what does
it look like? What is the I'm like old and
singing pretty good, and I'm like, I don't know. I'm like,
I got a dog and a husband.
Speaker 2 (59:57):
Husband, yeah, maybe have kids. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Uh, this world is very scary. I don't know if
i'd want to bring kids into this world. But you know,
I think, uh yeah, my legacy.
Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Oh no, I don't really think.
Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
I honestly, I don't think I really think about that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Really.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
I just see myself kind of old and round, and
I'm like singing, I got im like a big fur coat.
That's my legacy.
Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
You're gonna have great stories, thanks, Yeah, I'm gonna have
great stories.
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Then the time when I and my whole team was
freaking out because I did or whatever, I have.
Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Good stories now, I bet. I bet you're gonna have
amazing stories after this tour. I have them great time
on tour. It's gonna be so exciting. Thank you anything.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
We should leave the people with what what should they know?
What should they expect?
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
I mean, I start tour for Asia Australia in November,
and then I'm out there for a little bit, and
then I come back, I do my US tour. I'm
touring till December of next year.
Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
Shit. Oh yeah, and therapy twice a week still happens.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
And I'm sure somebody will be in the crowd and
be as moved by you as you are. Thank you
by your favorite Thank you, and you're wonderful today.
Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 10 (01:01:27):
Soljakai in real life.
Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
This is Dojacat in real life.
Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Hey guys, thanks for watching.
Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all
of the other episodes we have on Edge.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
Martinez Irl Podcast
Host
Angie Martinez
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