Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson
Hey Happy Campers! Camp Counselors is a good natured podcast hosted by your favorite fake camp counselors Zachariah and Jonathan. Here at Camp Shady Birch we love the great outdoors in theory, but we’d rather spend our time making friendship bracelets, spreading camper gossip, keeping our heads in the clouds, and avoiding archery. We know we would make great camp counselors minus the fact that we know nothing about camping. So grab your sunscreen and bug spray because things are about to get campy.
Episodes
In our final episode of the year we’ve got some big surprises. Counselor Zachariah finds out his mom has a secret half-brother! Speaking of brotherly love, we also get into our love for the Jonas Brothers Christmas movie, judge some truly unwell neighbor holiday decor, and make an important announcement: we’re taking a short break from the podcast, but we’ll be back in the new year. Plus, we get into a James Bond jewel thi...
In this mini episode, we’ve got another batch of listener-submitted stories. First up, one camper needs help addressing an uncomfortable situation with her stepson's very loud very gay late night wrestling. Then we take it to Pittsburgh, where a summer school van run turns into a literal cliffhanger. And finally, we enter the realm of spiritual warfare: a teen gets dragged to a priest for an exorcism.
This week at Camp Shady Birch, we’re unwrapping the worst part of the holidays: truly unhinged gift guides and the chaos of simply being alive in December! Counselor Zachariah kicks things off with a parking violation saga for the ages after he found a bright orange sticker slapped on his perfectly legal parked car and immediately took to the internet to publicly drag the culprit. Festive! Counselor Jonathan dives into the...
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories. First up, a Cancun wedding trip turns chaotic when a tequila-fueled vacation fling with a younger boss collides with a very sensitive stomach. Then, a quick Sonic run in a comfy romper turns into a drive-through moment so embarrassing our camper still refuses to go back. Finally, we head into the New England woods, where our camper's little brother goes f...
This week on Camp Counselors, the holiday chaos begins! We kick off the episode by showing off our newly decorated studio (check it out on youtube duh!) To wet the whistle, we are talking panic attacks, gay sheep whose wool was serving lewks in the West Hollywood scene, and an Aussie band’s canceled show and massive bar tab. Naturally, this spirals into classic counselor TAKE A HIKE rants abou losers who refuse to particip...
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories about a camper robbed of her gingerbread glory by the cookie cartel, a midweek snow storm that turned a middle school into an emergency shelter, and a dark tale about a camper interviewed by the FBI… and later visited by a ghost.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and su...
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories!
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
This week’s episode is a full cross-country recap of our travel week. We kicked things off in New York City for Zachariah’s live show, plus his SPICY moment on Hot Ones. From there, we headed straight to Salt Lake City, where a very enthusiastic Mormon couple attempted to convert us. They were like... totally obsessed with us. Then we made a spiritual pilgrimage to Swig to get our hands on some dirty sodas! Of course, Zach...
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories! First, Counselor Jonathan read a confession from a former college junior whose feud with her roommate escalated into a petty act of revenge involving yellow liquid a bottle of mouthwash. Then, Counselor Zachariah breaks down a listener’s journey running the Taco Bell 50K in Denver!! YES FOR REAL! Crunchwraps, wrong turns, and all 31 miles of the race. Fin...
It all started with a simple trip to TJ Maxx. Because every great night begins in the clearance aisle. From there, things only went uphill. Hibachi takeout, a Sister Wives marathon, and a little too much saké that led Zach to start one sided beef with TLC network and then continue to DM one of the stars of the show. This week, we unpack our obsession with reality TV drama, a strong opinion on fake “podcasts” that are reall...
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories! First, a camper discovers her boyfriend is a little too close to his twin brother... like… way too close. Then, a heartwarming story about a grandfather sending a message from the other side. And finally, a seemingly innocent April Fools’ Day prank that turned into 17 years of petty revenge and one perfectly evil text.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Por...
This week at camp, we’re recapping our wild tour stops through Nashville, Kansas City, and Chicago. Yes, a honky-tonk woman in an arm sling was hitting on us at the Nashville Dolly Parton rooftop bar. Then we cover the riveting story of a man who spent months convincing Costco to give him their iconic $1.50 hot dog sign, and the Vatican finally returning Indigenous artifacts to Canada. Naturally we spiral into a series of ...
In this mini episode we are reading more chaotic listener submitted stories! First up, a camper lets someone change the song... and accidentally uncovers her fiancé’s double life. Then, a hungover college girl runs over a cup of queso in a parking-garage. And finally, a middle-school leadership camp goes completely off the rails thanks to a mouthwash-chugging, money-stealing bunkmate. From cheating scandals to cheesy disas...
HAPPY HALLOWEEN CAMPERS! This week, we step into the button-eyed world of Coraline for our annual spooky episode! And we're taking you on a journey from the World Worm Charming Championships, to the Taco Bell Ultramarathon! People are literally changing their eye color, Jonathan has Aphantasia, and it's a lot to unpack. Come hang out for Halloween, listen to some unhinged tangents, and meet us in the mess hall to bob for s...
In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about an empty duplex that had an active weekend, a camper whose bachelorette weekend came with one extra bridesmaid, a camper who learned that while she was watching the house, something was watching her.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for ...
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Works Cited:
➜ Catherine Woulfe. “Let’s Find a Mate for Ned.” New Zealand Geographic. Accessed 21 Oct. 2025.
➜ Robert Mackey. “New California Law Bans Loud Ads on Streaming Services for ‘Peace and Quiet.’” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 7 Oct. 2025.
Camp...
In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper finding out that kindness may be costing them their fridge, a story about a camper who learned that some guests never leave, and a tale of a camper who learned crisis management through carbs.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiri...
In this highly emotional episode, Zachariah opens up about the hustle of landing that first big breakout role, while Jonathan pitches his true dream job to the sharks: designing elaborate mini golf courses!! Can you imagine? How freakingg fun. We also dive into the glory of Suite Life legend Kim Rhodes and her HashtagBoyMom MOMMY energy, an off-brand Aura Ring that trapped a man (and his finger) at the airport, and the unb...
In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper whose innocent caffeine fix turned into a lifelong core memory of shame, a camper who gave birth to a celebrity, and became the reluctant face of dairy in her county, and t truly scary story about a camper whose weekend retreat became the reason she’ll never rent a cabin again.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour...
In this episode, we wander off the beaten path. Literally. We are sharing highly important stories about finding hidden forest trails and why being in the woods feels like our ultimate happy place... until three soaking-wet off-leash mongrel ran straight out of a river and tackled Zach mid-hike. Natr'lly, then this episode takes a turn with a teacher arrested for a fart-spray prank, a bizarre kindergarten art heist in Aust...
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