Worthless Clowns

Lucia Whalen (What a Waste Pod) joins us!! Lucia’s at a wedding stealing the show with her medically-bad sunburn, and demands that everyone please stop talking about the Titanic. Ali’s listening to It’s Raining Men on repeat, and Brittany’s cheerleading with girls half her age. RAT NEWS: how rats taught us about love addiction. Memories of The SS Edmond Fitzgerald, compost alarms, and falling into manholes. 

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Ali’s butt-out in goth makeup, capsizing a kayak. Brittany’s roasting her brother’s love of lambs, hate of broken brownies, and letters to mommy and daddy. A relationship gets rocky when a woman refuses to eat an orange, peel and all. Memories of reading bedtime Tik Toks, celebrity pilots, and Where’s Waldo (the lizard version).

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalionei...

We decide on our couple’s name, it’s: Briali. Ali’s at Jesus camp using a tampon wrong and pretending it didn’t just fall out into the pool. For Christmas, Brittany and her brothers buy their uncle only a Meatloaf CD. A man gets revenge by planting gnomes in the neighbors yard. Memories of putting garter snakes in pockets, fake exercise, and dogs checking their notifications. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns,...

Our good friend, Steven Rogers (Colbert), joins us for his induction into the Repeat-guest Hall of Fame. Steven’s newly single, (not) approaching women reading books, commenting on their Rick James jackets, and wishing he could introduce himself by listing his TV credits. Memories of monkeys writing Shakespeare, women’s cyclic mating preferences, and piles of buttons. 

Check out Steven’s brand new special, “Half of We” on Nateland (...

Ali has a life changing dream about a celebrated family of inventors called “The Poops.” Brittany is 8 years old, failing hard at pretending not to have a horse obsession. A woman accidentally gets a tattoo of her mother in a coconut bra. Memories of putting Garter snakes in pockets, dog fundraisers and giant dog beds, and the devastating plot of Black Beauty.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @britto...

Ali’s brother takes a risk making small chat with dudes in a dark sauna. Brittany’s college roommate makes their dorm room into a depression sanctuary. RAT NEWS: We discover which rats we are! A man thinks marriage is about having someone to put your C-PAP machine away. Memories of Seinfeld Club, putting cats in the sink, and dad jokes about whittling.  

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonu...

Shaunak Godkhindi (Don't Tell Comedy) is our special guest!! Shaunak is on a date in his pajamas at Taco Bell, missing every single sign this girl is into him. Brittany is sick of being told she has bangs now, and Ali lashes out about a woman’s big feet. Memories of men putting lint on women, bird murmurs, and practicing agency.

Follow Shaunak @shaunakg, and go see him at a show!! 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @wort...

Brittany gets ASMR from a Nick Cave concert, and sends a foreboding message to everyone she knows. Ali adds to her frog collection every time she gets sad,  and is convinced she’s developing a relationship with Cris Angel (mind freak). A mother expects everyone on the train to entertain her child. Memories of Ali’s Red Right Hand, the Bin Laden Song, and men with no object permanence. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthle...

Brittany’s brother makes her cry just by saying “GECKO.” Ali and her work friend switch shirts and are the only ones laughing about it. A woman accidentally sends a picture of her butt crack to her manager. Memories of James from Love On the Spectrum yawning, crooked phones, and Wendy Williams talking about “The Killer”.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rat...

Ali witnesses a man projectile vomit onto himself, and hooks up with the entire rugby team. Brittany’s brother regrets playing Pretty Pretty Princess and painting his toenails. A relationship is tested by a collection of porcelain clowns. Memories of Squiggies Gay Bar, ice cream trucks with beats, and Tony Braxton’s Unbreak My Heart. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalion...

Ali and Brittany start two separate pods about fish and horses. Ali turns her room into an immersive fish tank experience. Brittany gets called “ISIS” by a man with a Trump impression. A monster cockroach frees himself from the toilet by climbing up a man’s shit. Memories of dogs being put down at Petco, Prince Ali Fabulous He, and shrimp writing term papers. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @britto...

Ali accidentally flashes the UPS guy. Brittany’s serious conversation with her boyfriend gets interrupted by a brand new set of fake boobs. A woman severely misinterpret’s her gynecologist’s comments about her cat. Memories of Guys Talkin In Rooms, Bad Baby, and black hole documentaries. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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We’ve got a special guest this week: it’s Lucas Connolly (Comedy Central)!! Lucas tries to lose his virginity through an elaborate craigslist ad, but loses an object inside himself instead. Brittany gets fooled into thinking some birds sound like babies and machine guns, and Ali’s aquarium obsession grows. Memories of Gillette vibrating razors for men, birds quoting Seinfeld, and the fear of holding newborns. 

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Ali craves the respect of a man who pisses his pants every day on Tik Tok, and gets swallowed by a snake. Brittany clogs the hotel toilet, pees her pants at a sleepover, and almost dies at the gesturing hands of her Uber driver. HR acuses one of its employees of eating animal remains. Memories of Brittany trying to be really angry, the McDonalds Triad, and sleeping inside whales. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclo...

Ali and her boyfriend get hit by a car on Valentine’s day and all they want is an apology. Brittany’s terrible childhood dog poops his way into the afterlife. Ali fears getting a DUI just for not knowing the alphabet backwards, and Brittany and her death metal boyfriend run from the cops for no reason at all. A listener saves his hamsters with CPR. Memories of pimple videos behind paywalls, bombing in the mirror, and Sacajawea coin...

Gabby Jordan Brown (Two Nosy Meerkats pod) joins us!! Gabby does some bad Facebook detective work, fails to connect with a woman over a chicken photo, and has a front tooth missing for months. Ali’s high on J-train paint fumes, and Brittany has a pick up artist’s bad diagrams seared into her brain. Memories of the Kennedy family’s medical problems, Mary Poppins, and growing boobs. 

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Brittany has a crush on the prettiest girl in school, and reminisces on the first time she saw a cow take a dump. Ali ruins Fridays for interns with her lava lamp, and cannot stop looking at restaurant stickers. A man gets whipped by the wings of a goose MMA fighter. Memories of impressing boys with Eminem lyrics, laptop dancing, and the bottoms of totem poles. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brit...

Ali stops being a vegetarian so that she’s free to become a vampire, and shares her new special interest in fish tanks. Brittany’s parents tricked her into thinking she might one day own a horse, a car, or even a chair. A woman’s hyper-religious parents stalk her Spotify to make sure she’s not listening to witch music. RAT NEWS: a parrot and dogs join a death metal band. Memories of our subpoena friendship necklaces, Ludacris, and ...

Brittany goes to Monster Jam, and is beefing up to catch a predator. Ali gets scammed by two plumbers who are scared of her dog. A man eats 116 eggs and can no longer experience joy. Memories of nu metal poses, battle bots, and Peanut Butter and the Apple Jams Gang.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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