Modern Couples

Modern Couples

Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You Have you ever had questions about relationships? Do you wonder what therapists might know—that you don’t? Then join us! Whether you’re in the car, at the gym, or on a break at work, this is an opportunity to have all your couples’ questions answered by therapists who bring decades of experience to the podcast. Couples therapists Rick Miller, LICSW, and Lilian Borges, LPC, take on relationships’ trickier moments with experience and humor, in a mere 20 minutes presenting a case study and the theory behind it, then sharing their personal takes on the issue and providing some ideas for dealing with it. Richard C. Miller, LICSW, is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and author who has taught at The Harvard Couples Conference, the Milton Erickson Foundation Couples Conference, and on the faculty of well-known couples experts Esther Perel, Terry Real, and Stan Takin. He has been interviewed by the NY Times and writes for the Psychotherapy Networker and Psychology Today. He is a TEDx speaker, and founder and executive director of a nonprofit agency, Gay Sons And Mothers. Lilian Borges, LPC, is an experienced therapist, teacher, presenter, and podcaster who has been treating individuals and couples for more than thirty years. One of very few certified PACT (psychobiological approach to couples’ therapy) therapists in the US, she is additionally an expert in Ericksonian hypnosis. She currently has a private practice in Arizona where her own multinational background facilitates her work with a diverse clientèle. From whether or not it’s okay to share your bed with pets, how to deal with money, keeping secrets from your partner, or deciding where to live, Rick and Lilian have suggestions for making your life richer and bringing your relationships closer. It all starts here!

Episodes

August 5, 2025 33 mins

Infidelity is one of the hottest of hot-button issues in relationships, and a never-ending source of judgment, recrimination, and pain.

But where all that misses the mark is in that infidelity isn’tjust about sex, and there’s never just one side to the story. Andsurprisingly, some relationships do survive one or the other “cheating” on them. While that’s not always possible—unmet emotional and other needs can make ending the relatio...

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By now we’ve all had a chance to try ChatGPT. And it’s probable that the first few times you used it, you were amazed, right? But as time went by, you probably found it less and less enthralling. And that goes double, or maybe even triple, when you’re using it for relationship advice.


So, yeah, trusting your relationship to a machine, no matter how quick and clever it might seem, may not be the best decision you’ve ever made. Bu...

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Marriages work (or don’t work) in a number of different ways. Some couples enjoy frequent sex; others have less sexual activity, or none at all. Whatever they choose is right for them, as long as both partners are in agreement about the level of intimacy they give and receive.


Problems arise when one partner wants more (or less) sexual intimacy than does the other. This can often manifest in thefeeling of being roommates rather ...

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August 13, 2024 23 mins
Couples generally raise their voice when they are not being heard, understood, or when they're feeling desperate. Feeling that nobody is listening can make anybody want to yell! But there are better ways of making yourself heard, and Lilian and Rick want to share them with you today.
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July 9, 2024 20 mins
Our Children need to be allowed to simply be children, but we often put them in the middle of our relationship conflicts, creating a triangulation that's not healthy for anyone. Co-parenting effectively involves modeling loving, respectful intimacy for our kids. Let's talk about how you can do it!
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May 14, 2024 21 mins
Many couples choose to have separate residences for myriad of reasons: job requirements, school district preferences, even military postings. Making decisions together can be challenging when you're living apart. How do you keep it together? How do you define your own couplehood around residences, visits, children, and intimacy?
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April 9, 2024 20 mins
Who hasn't seen their partner rolling their eyes? Who hasn't done it themselves at times? So much is being said in this gesture, often underlining attitudes that make one or both partners feel unsafe in the relationship. What is encoded in nonverbal communication? Is this something you or your partner do routinely? What can replace it to make nonverbal communication work better?
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March 13, 2024 20 mins
Couples argue incessantly about who does (or doesn't do) what chore, when, and how, and resentment around these seemingly mundane tasks can build and become a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship. You don't have to keep doing this dance- Rick and Lilian will tell you how you can change your dynamics!
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February 13, 2024 17 mins
The prevalence of couples who meet on the internet is increasing, while the command of each other's language can be rudimentary, creating communication challenges. Do we use communication as a bridge_ or as a weapon? And is it a metaphor for speaking different languages in other, less obvious ways?
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January 9, 2024 17 mins
The way we handle money in relationships can be a metaphor for how we handle love. Do you keep your money jointly or separately? Do you argue over how to spend money? In this episode, Rick and Lilian talk about issues around control, intimacy, and safety around money.
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December 12, 2023 18 mins
What is it you don't tell your partner? What kinds of secrets do couples keep from each other? Do you keep secrets so you can avoid conflict with your partner, or do you tell your partner everything, or something in-between? What's the best policy?
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November 14, 2023 15 mins
What happens when one or both partners need to travel for work, pleasure, or other reasons? If being apart is part of your life together, how can you develop a routine for checking in with each other? Emotional distance can increase with geographical distance while issues of trust can play out in traveling schedules.
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September 28, 2023 16 mins
Lilian and Rick take on intimacy and sex in this premiere episode: who decides whether pets are allowed in the marital bed? Can these decisions represent barriers to emotional and sexual intimacy? Do all couples have to sleep together? Do issues of power and control affect the way we are intimate together?
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