Beer Me That Movie
Some beers deserve a toast. Others deserve a full-blown feature film. Welcome to Beer Me That Movie, the podcast where hosts Jon and Harrison crack open wild beer names and brew them into even wilder movie pitches. Every week, we take a beer (or five), let our imaginations run drunk, and craft the most absurd, over-the-top, and occasionally Oscar-worthy cinematic concepts you’ve ever heard. From action-packed blockbusters to horror-fueled fever dreams and rom-coms with more foam than substance—nothing is off-limits.
Episodes
In this week’s Fast Five, we hitch a ride with a former Army Ranger, wake up in a medieval fever dream, and head to space to fight a rock monster that cuddles gravity like a teddy bear. Also: what is the virtue of patience? And how do you escape a fog that may or may not be alive?
Five beers. Five movie pitches. And only one will become next week’s Feature Film.
This Week’s Beers and Bonkers Pitches:
🍺 Destination Unknown – F...
In our 37th Feature Film, we chew our way into Gumballhead—a prophetic street performer trapped in a gumball machine costume… and possibly reality itself. After one too many candy-coated warnings come true, Gumballhead becomes a viral oracle. But when a chicken conglomerate with ties to defense contracts takes interest in his chewy powers, the bubble starts to stretch.This is the rise, fall, and sticky aftermath of the man who told...
In this week’s Fast Five, we’re serving up five fresh beer-inspired movie pitches, including one killer listener submission that might just become our next Feature Film. From cursed hotel service to ancient kazoo mythology, things get weird fast.
This Week’s Beer-to-Movie Madness:
•Gumballhead – A failed mall vendor discovers he can see the future through his gumball machine helmet… and TikTok loves it.
•Cold Hearted Woman – A s...
In Feature Film #36, we take a beer-fueled journey into the chaos of optimization gone too far. Meet Jim: burnout husband, master procrastinator, and reluctant user of a sketchy AI self-improvement app. What starts as calendar syncing and text replies spirals into full-blown identity theft when a synthetic version of Jim starts living his life better than he ever did.
From psychological sabotage missions to a drunken showdown at...
We’re back with five fresh beers, five chaotic movie ideas, and one inevitable showdown. At the end, only four survive, and YOU decide which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.in this episode:Recap of last week’s Sexual Tyrannosaurus, our Jesse Ventura-led Predator prequel that redefined subtletyBeer of the Week: Later — one of us will have to bury the other… laterMulligan: A luxury cruise where everyone is secretly co...
Before he fought the Predator… he seduced spies, ripped off miniguns, and deathrolled a cult leader.This week, we’re rewriting the Predator playbook with a totally unlicensed, absolutely unhinged origin story for Blaine (Rhett) “Sexual Tyrannosaurus” Cooper. From gator-wrangling in the Louisiana swamps to unleashing pheromone-fueled chaos in Laos, this movie is 100% swamp sweat, zero subtlety.Will Rhett “Animal God” Cooper embrace ...
This week, we’re back with five new beers and five original movie pitches—only four survive, and YOU get to vote on which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.
Also in this episode:
🦍 Recap of “Boots and Buckles,” our pirate buddy epic featuring a monkey sidekick, a dance-fighting revolution, and the mysterious Iron Taint
🧻 A bus bomb thriller powered by diarrhea (yes, really)
🌲 The dark sequel to The Lorax, introduci...
What do you get when a washed-up pirate with jazz hands and his boot-wearing monkey sidekick go up against the British Navy’s porcelain-eyed menace? A full-blown, dance-fueled revolution on the high seas.
This week, we’re cracking open a barrel of absurdity and sailing into Boots and Buckles—a buddy-pirate epic where cannonballs fly, alliances form through tap dancing, and monkeys explode warships from the inside.
From desert...
In Fast Five #33, we’re unleashing five new beer-fueled movie pitches — and only four survive to make it to the poll. That’s right: one idea gets banished to the Beer Me Vault, never to be featured (unless we change our minds later). But the top vote-getter? That one becomes next week’s full-blown feature film.
Last week we melted hearts (and possibly a few faces) with Let It Morph — our 32nd Feature Film, a nostalgic shape-shif...
A crashed alien ship. A shape-shifting blob. A town where nothing ever happens… until now.In our latest cinematic fever dream, we’re headed to Tranquil Pines — a sleepy Midwestern town where four high school friends stumble upon a mysterious creature named Morph who can become anything. Rambo? Check. Your crush? Unfortunately, also check.As government agents close in and tempers flare, the boys must confront their own fears, friend...
In Fast Five #31, we’re back to the chaos you know and tolerate — five beers, five movie pitches, and one vote that decides which unhinged idea gets the full Feature Film treatment next week.
Last week, we wrapped up the Muffin trilogy (for now). This week, we’re pitching everything from mystical martial artists to guilty men in chainmail. You’ll hear the five pitches, but only four make it to the vote. The weakest idea gets the axe...
Five years after liberating the clones and torching the country club, Muffin is back—and this time, she’s not unhinged. She’s undercover.When global elites start disappearing and returning as flawlessly sculpted, emotionally vacant versions of themselves, Muffin trades exotic dance therapy for spywork to uncover the truth. Alongside her mentor Donna (still as sultry as ever), Muffin uncovers a clone replacement scheme orchestrated ...
In Fast Five #31, we break the rules and bend the muffin. A brand-new beer inspired by a previous feature film (Muffin on the Backside) just landed on our doorstep — and it’s so damn good we’re throwing out the vote.
Next week’s Feature Film will be a Muffin sequel (inspired by the new Muffin beer from Funktastic Meads & Beer), but you get to decide which unhinged continuation we bring to life. Will it be Harrison's erot...
When pollution poisons the forest and developers bulldoze his home, Bambi doesn’t just mourn—he mutates. With a chain-smoking Thumper, a stitched-on trigger finger, and a hunger for vengeance, this isn’t your childhood deer. It’s nature’s R-rated revenge fantasy, and no one is safe from the wrath of Bambi’s Revenge.
Listener Greg dropped this banger in our Fast Five comments, and thanks to your votes (and some close competition from...
In our 30th Fast Five, the listeners came out SWINGING. We’ve got grannies with grenades, deer with trauma, and a secret knock that opens way more than doors. Join Jon and Harrison as they turn four wild listener-submitted beers (plus one mystery pick from Harrison) into the kind of movie ideas that should absolutely not be greenlit — but we’ll try anyway.
🍺 The Beers & The Madness:
•Bambi’s Revenge (Submitted by Greg) — A g...
What happens when the world’s richest minds run a 5K… and someone spikes the water?
In our 29th Feature Film, Giggle Water, a charity race turns into a mind-melting mockumentary when an anonymous protestor doses the hydration stations with LSD. Suddenly, Silicon Valley’s most powerful CEOs are tripping mid-race, unlocking childhood trauma, seeing hallucinated demons, and questioning everything from capitalism to crypto. One CEO ...
What happens when you combine five beers, zero budget, and two podcast hosts who legally shouldn’t be left unsupervised? You get Fast Five #29 — a wild ride of beer-inspired movie pitches you’ll either love… or deeply regret voting for.
This week’s cinematic disasters include:
•Giggle Water — A mockumentary where CEOs accidentally save the world after drinking LSD-laced water during a charity 5K.
•Vortex Hands — The worst superh...
What if your college couch… was evil?
Two roommates score the ultimate Craigslist futon. It’s soft. It’s supportive. It whispers to them at night. As missed classes pile up and snack bags multiply, one pre-med roommate starts to wonder: Is the couch just comfy, or is it slowly draining their souls?
Welcome to COUCH TIME — a slacker horror-comedy where laziness is a curse, chips are a sacrament, and the only way out… is off the couch.
...
Welcome to Fast Five #28 – the only podcast episode where we pitch five completely original movie ideas based on actual beers, and none of them are safe for the Oscars… or humanity.
This week, we recover from the chaos of Stuffed Cheeks (Feature Film #27) and dive headfirst into five new cinematic disasters waiting to happen. We’ve got a Angels vs Demons + Amish thriller, a sentient couch conspiracy, and yes, time manipulation via c...
What happens when you mix Saw, Hot Ones, and a haunted Golden Corral? You get STUFFED CHEEKS – a horrifyingly hilarious tale of competitive eaters, cursed chicken wings, and one man’s journey to unlock… The Noble Stomach.💀 Hosted in a sinister mansion by an unhinged philanthropist with a vendetta against gluttony, five elite eaters must devour their way through twisted food challenges or face deliciously deadly consequences.Starri...
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