Beer Me That Movie

This is the last Fast Five ever... but Beer Me That Movie isn’t over.

After 48 Fast Fives, hundreds of beers, and thousands of votes, Jon and Harrison are turning five real craft-beer names into ridiculous movie pitches one final time. They’re drinking Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA, revisiting The Mystery, and giving you one last chance to choose the next feature film.

This Week’s Final Fast Five Movie Pitches:

Bee...

"If the USDA arrives before you call them—hide the fish-man."What happens when a failed salesman named Mike H accidentally cracks open a pre-Egyptian alien vault beneath rural Iowa? He discovers the Anunnaki’s discarded rough drafts of humanity: fish-men, dog-headed weirdos, alligator-jawed bruisers—and one enormous opportunity.Inspired by Mike H’s check-in of Tree House Brewing’s “The Mystery,&r...

This Week's Fast Five Movie Pitches:

• Beer #1: Mind Plant – When common houseplants suddenly gain sentience, one man sees their terrifying evolution as a divine miracle straight from the heavens—while the rest of the world watches the vines reclaim the concrete and sees a clear sign of the end times. They are aware... and they are angry.

• Beer #2: The Mystery – A group of rural kids exploring a hidden quarry lake ...

"Find the rat. Stop the explosion. Don’t get thrown in the space psych ward."

What happens when your shift as an overworked, blue-collar asteroid miner gets interrupted by your massive corporate mothership instantly vaporizing into dust? If you're Constant—the most unflappable scout pilot in the outer solar system—you get thrown backward in time and forced to hunt down a ship saboteur before the timeline catches up...

Ladies, gentlemen, rogue ice runners, and victims of the front lawn—welcome to Fast Five #45! We are back to turning your Thursday night Untappd check-ins into Hollywood cinematic gold, all while attempting to jumpstart a 20-foot Hyundai long boat and coasting uphill into another chaotic week.

Before we open up the feed, we zoom out to look at last week's deeply philosophical, rural monster-thriller feature film, Copy That. We...

Grab 2 cold ones because on this edition of Beer Me That Movie, Jon and Harrison are breaking down the script for the ultimate localized identity crisis and high-stakes psychological mind game: COPY THAT.

When a congressman's daughter goes missing in the dense, fog-covered West Virginia mountains, a jaded local sheriff and a hyper-serious rookie FBI agent team up to track a kidnapper—only to discover a 5,000-year-old subterran...

THE BALLOT BOX IS OPEN, THE PIT IS HUNGRY, AND THE ALGORITHM DEMANDS A CHOICE.

Before we unleash five pristine, highly explosive narrative frameworks upon your ears—and before you judge the fact that Jon is currently eating cold, leftover cocktail shrimp out of a Tupperware container—we have a vital public service announcement: We have no corporate overlords. We are fueled strictly by your uncoerced generosity, the linge...

Grab a cold one (or a warm gallon of whole milk, if you're Jono), because on this special National Long Island Ice Tea Day edition of Beer Me That Movie, Jon and Harrison are breaking down the script for the ultimate gravity-defying, heist-of-the-century block-blaster: DOUBLE JACKED.

When London’s Anti-Gravity Cores go offline, the financial district goes floating, double-decker buses become kites, and a legendary phantom thie...

Welcome to Fast Five #43!

Before we jump into the digital beer swamp, we take a look in the rearview mirror to recap last week's triumphant feature film from last week - "All This From a Slice of Gabagool" which is a sequel to Feature #9 "The Hustle Is Weird"

With the tank full, we shift into high gear and dive straight into the live Untappd feed to bring you this week's Fast Five lineup:

Cave: A dark, mythical quest where a desperate...

In a world where a Cleveland sandwich shop is the frontline defense against the underworld, one man must choose between his legacy on the baseball diamond and his shift at the deli. Welcome to the highly anticipated official sequel to The Hustle Is Weird!

Josh is a rising Minor League baseball star who just tied the home run record. He returns home to Mentor, Ohio for the All-Star break, eagerly anticipating a relaxing week filled w...

Welcome to Fast Five #42! Have you ever thought about how bad VHS tracking actually made movies better.

Before we jump into the Untappd trenches, we take a look back at last week's feature film, True Love. After our recap, Jon unearths a deeply traumatic childhood memory: the 90s Lunchables "Ham Shield"

With Harrison's 1954 Coupe Chrysler MeatWagon in full neutral drop, we grind the metal rims down to sparks and jump into this week's...

The robots mapped his brain. They predicted his future. But they forgot one crucial piece of the puzzle: You can’t knock down a man with nothing to lose and a pocket full of room-temperature deli meat.This week on Beer Me That Movie, Jonathan and Harrison are diving headfirst into the wildest, most chaotic Bastille Day premiere of the century: TRUE LOVE.It starts as a high-stakes sci-fi thriller about a surveillance state run...

Before we jump into the Untappd trenches, we take a look back at last week's feature film, It's a Whole Thing. We officially tore the lid off the wellness industry and exposed the dark underbelly of the "Big Bean" legume industrial complex. We also threw in a fun epilogue dusting off Victor Lancaster, revealing whether or not he actually got exploded by the Noble Stomach.

After a quick detour fueled by the pure childhood nostalgia o...

In an alternate 2026 where marriage is outlawed, meat is banned, and society relies entirely on canned beans for protein, what happens when you discover that the internet's biggest wellness trend is actually a toxic global conspiracy?

Meet Kat, a lonely government software engineer who spends her days curating her backyard carrot sanctuary and religiously following the minimalist, dirt-eating lifestyle of mega-influencer Hope "Whole...

Welcome to Fast Five #40! It takes 40 weeks for a human fetus to fully develop, yet here we are, 78 total episodes into Beer Me That Movie, still operating at the mental level of a damp sponge. But as Jon's youth pastor used to say, "it’s better to be damp than dry!"

Before we dive into the Untappd trenches, we take a trip back in time to recap last week's feature film, Freelance. We successfully invented a brand new movie gen...

Logline: A failing hitman on a metric-boosting "Pro-Bono" contract falls for his target and must use his bumbling skills to fight off an AI-driven "Optimizer" assassin before the IRS—or a ninja—kills his vibe.

Imagine your "Uber-for-Assassins" rating is so low you’re essentially the digital equivalent of a lukewarm ham sandwich. To save your SEO (and your life), you have to take a "Pro-Bono" hit on a target who tu...

Ladies, gentlemen, clones, and interdimensional Sexy Nuns—welcome to Fast Five #39! We are back to doing what we do best, even though Harrison STILL owes a dangerous amount of money to bill-collecting apes.

Before we jump into the Untappd feed, we take a look in the rearview mirror at last week's triumphant Feature Film, Baby Ghost. We recap the interdimensional romance between a starving NYC artist and a 127-year-old Ellis Is...

In a world full of terrifying hauntings, demons, and poltergeists, what happens when the spirit in your apartment just wants to see you succeed?

Meet Jim, a struggling, starving artist living in a New York City apartment. He's out of ideas and out of luck, until he realizes his "roommate" is actually a beautiful ghost from the Ellis Island era who tragically died before she could get married. Instead of haunting him, she begins to m...

Mark your calendars, Shed Family, because a modern miracle has occurred: we are recording two weeks in a row without mysteriously vanishing into the ether! The Honda Hatchback is fully gassed up, the mics are hot, and the Cone Goblins haven't eaten our hard drives.

Before we jump into the Untappd trenches, we take a look back at last week's triumphant feature film, Shepherd Warrior. We finally tackled the highly anticipated origin s...