Beer Me That Movie

Logline: A failing hitman on a metric-boosting "Pro-Bono" contract falls for his target and must use his bumbling skills to fight off an AI-driven "Optimizer" assassin before the IRS—or a ninja—kills his vibe.

Imagine your "Uber-for-Assassins" rating is so low you’re essentially the digital equivalent of a lukewarm ham sandwich. To save your SEO (and your life), you have to take a "Pro-Bono&qu...

Ladies, gentlemen, clones, and interdimensional Sexy Nuns—welcome to Fast Five #39! We are back to doing what we do best, even though Harrison STILL owes a dangerous amount of money to bill-collecting apes.

Before we jump into the Untappd feed, we take a look in the rearview mirror at last week's triumphant Feature Film, Baby Ghost. We recap the interdimensional romance between a starving NYC artist and a 127-year-old Ellis ...

In a world full of terrifying hauntings, demons, and poltergeists, what happens when the spirit in your apartment just wants to see you succeed?

Meet Jim, a struggling, starving artist living in a New York City apartment. He's out of ideas and out of luck, until he realizes his "roommate" is actually a beautiful ghost from the Ellis Island era who tragically died before she could get married. Instead of haunting hi...

Mark your calendars, Shed Family, because a modern miracle has occurred: we are recording two weeks in a row without mysteriously vanishing into the ether! The Honda Hatchback is fully gassed up, the mics are hot, and the Cone Goblins haven't eaten our hard drives.

Before we jump into the Untappd trenches, we take a look back at last week's triumphant feature film, Shepherd Warrior. We finally tackled the highly anticipa...

He brought the gospel of peace. She brought a tactical shepherd's crook. Two thousand years ago, under the exact same star in Nazareth, humanity received a savior... and an enforcer.

Meet the unknown half-sister of Jesus.

Born in a pre-paid manger just three blocks down to Joseph's "side piece," she wasn't destined to be a carpenter or a leader of men. While her brother was preaching, she was the "adjudicator of men," acting as a se...

Welcome back to Beer Me That Movie for Fast Five #37... again.

If you're staring at your podcast app feeling a heavy dose of déjà vu, don't worry—we originally recorded this, but the real world attacked us, the feature film was lost to the ether, and we decided to wipe the slate clean and start over. Today, we are back in the Untappd trenches with five brand new beers and five brand new movie pitches.

First, we take a trip b...

In a world where the only thing tighter than an airplane bathroom is a wrestler's spandex, one man must choose between his legacy and his future.

When washed-up wrestling legend Rhett "The Wrestler" Harrison boards a red-eye flight to Louisville to finally kick "the juice" and reunite with his estranged daughter, he doesn’t expect his plane to be hijacked by the notorious Lagerstani Air Pirates. But when brute force is the only way ...

Welcome back to Beer Me That Movie, the podcast that took a five-month hiatus and came back with zero answers and the exact same premise.If you’ve been wondering where we’ve been—fair question. Did we get eaten by a Cone Goblin? Did diabetes finally win? Did we quietly cancel the show like a mediocre Netflix original?In this special "recalibrating" episode, Jon and Harrison sit down in the shed to have an honest conversat...

This Fast Five was abandoned to life, trauma, and repair... but it lives on the internet so it's still here....

In this week’s Fast Five, we hitch a ride with a former Army Ranger, wake up in a medieval fever dream, and head to space to fight a rock monster that cuddles gravity like a teddy bear. Also: what is the virtue of patience? And how do you escape a fog that may or may not be alive?

Five beers. Five movie pitches....

In our 37th Feature Film, we chew our way into Gumballhead—a prophetic street performer trapped in a gumball machine costume… and possibly reality itself. After one too many candy-coated warnings come true, Gumballhead becomes a viral oracle. But when a chicken conglomerate with ties to defense contracts takes interest in his chewy powers, the bubble starts to stretch.This is the rise, fall, and sticky aftermath of the man who told...

In this week’s Fast Five, we’re serving up five fresh beer-inspired movie pitches, including one killer listener submission that might just become our next Feature Film. From cursed hotel service to ancient kazoo mythology, things get weird fast.

This Week’s Beer-to-Movie Madness:

•Gumballhead – A failed mall vendor discovers he can see the future through his gumball machine helmet… and TikTok loves it.

•Cold Hearted Woman – A s...

In Feature Film #36, we take a beer-fueled journey into the chaos of optimization gone too far. Meet Jim: burnout husband, master procrastinator, and reluctant user of a sketchy AI self-improvement app. What starts as calendar syncing and text replies spirals into full-blown identity theft when a synthetic version of Jim starts living his life better than he ever did.

From psychological sabotage missions to a drunken showdown at...

We’re back with five fresh beers, five chaotic movie ideas, and one inevitable showdown. At the end, only four survive, and YOU decide which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.in this episode:Recap of last week’s Sexual Tyrannosaurus, our Jesse Ventura-led Predator prequel that redefined subtletyBeer of the Week: Later — one of us will have to bury the other… laterMulligan: A luxury cruise where everyone is secretly co...

Before he fought the Predator… he seduced spies, ripped off miniguns, and deathrolled a cult leader.This week, we’re rewriting the Predator playbook with a totally unlicensed, absolutely unhinged origin story for Blaine (Rhett) “Sexual Tyrannosaurus” Cooper. From gator-wrangling in the Louisiana swamps to unleashing pheromone-fueled chaos in Laos, this movie is 100% swamp sweat, zero subtlety.Will Rhett “Animal God” Cooper embrace ...

This week, we’re back with five new beers and five original movie pitches—only four survive, and YOU get to vote on which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.

Also in this episode:

🦍 Recap of “Boots and Buckles,” our pirate buddy epic featuring a monkey sidekick, a dance-fighting revolution, and the mysterious Iron Taint

🧻 A bus bomb thriller powered by diarrhea (yes, really)

🌲 The dark sequel to The Lorax, introduci...

What do you get when a washed-up pirate with jazz hands and his boot-wearing monkey sidekick go up against the British Navy’s porcelain-eyed menace? A full-blown, dance-fueled revolution on the high seas.

This week, we’re cracking open a barrel of absurdity and sailing into Boots and Buckles—a buddy-pirate epic where cannonballs fly, alliances form through tap dancing, and monkeys explode warships from the inside.

From desert...

In Fast Five #33, we’re unleashing five new beer-fueled movie pitches — and only four survive to make it to the poll. That’s right: one idea gets banished to the Beer Me Vault, never to be featured (unless we change our minds later). But the top vote-getter? That one becomes next week’s full-blown feature film.

Last week we melted hearts (and possibly a few faces) with Let It Morph — our 32nd Feature Film, a nostalgic shape-shif...

A crashed alien ship. A shape-shifting blob. A town where nothing ever happens… until now.In our latest cinematic fever dream, we’re headed to Tranquil Pines — a sleepy Midwestern town where four high school friends stumble upon a mysterious creature named Morph who can become anything. Rambo? Check. Your crush? Unfortunately, also check.As government agents close in and tempers flare, the boys must confront their own fears, friend...

In Fast Five #31, we’re back to the chaos you know and tolerate — five beers, five movie pitches, and one vote that decides which unhinged idea gets the full Feature Film treatment next week.

Last week, we wrapped up the Muffin trilogy (for now). This week, we’re pitching everything from mystical martial artists to guilty men in chainmail. You’ll hear the five pitches, but only four make it to the vote. The weakest idea gets the axe...