Death by Review
A horror movie review show full of spoilers and opinions. Each week we'll share fun facts, discuss intriguing details, and rate movies that we love, hate, and love to hate. We encourage listener interaction by telling us if our review pleases the masses or are we DEAD wrong. So light your torches and get your pitchforks. We'll see you at the gallows.
Episodes
Not much is scarier than a being trapped in a building, surrounded by a blood-thirsty horde... Except for your partner and their BFF in the same room.
When I die, I want to come back with a motorcycle... and like, a sweet rack.
Absolutely vile. I am sick to my stomach. Why would anyone think a post Art Deco table would fit in with neo-mid-century living room decor.
If Raisin Bran made a horror film... I've been more scared in line at the DMV... An unripened pear has given me more chills... Something something not a horror movie.
Iowa is for lovers... or whatever. </3
Honestly, we are in such desperate need for a vacation, that this cabin doesn't seem that bad.
*Awful, de-tuned clarinet folk music intensifies*
There's great ghost movies out there, like Grave Encounters, Paranormal Activity or Skinamarink... Then there's The Conjuring. James Wan movies would be so much better if they didn't suck so hard.
The only good nazi is an un-alived nazi.
Honestly, this could have just been a Goosebumps episode...
Valentine's Day is for kissing, and hugging and chocolate and murder... And sexual tension between a bunch of men. They leave that part out.
Oh Mr. Alien, please don't come sneak into my room and watch me while I sleep. Oh it would be just so scary if you gave me a little kiss on the lips and touched my butt with your spindly finger. Oh, the horror!
Do you like heart-felt movies that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Well this one won't do that. I mean, it'll make you feel something inside. Maybe icky... yeah, definitely icky.
No I promise, you're not on drugs... well maybe you are, but that's not the point. Strap in for MANDY, the longest Doom Metal video we've ever watched.
The art of stop-motion seems to be waaaaaay too hard to find even remotely enjoyable. It's like if someone decided to make waiting in line a full time job.
Necromancy always leads to cults. Talking to the dead? Cult. Try to resurrect a corpse? Cult. Open a portal to an ethereal plane full of body-harvesting parasites that sprouts wiggly worms from your face? Believe or not, cult. Every time.
Let this be a valuable lesson to not get your kids a pet for Christmas. They will fuck it up and destroy the entire town in the process.
"On this weeks episode of Death by Review, murder comes home for the holidays!! A sorority girl narrowly escapes the SLASHING and THRASHING of a mad man. Or does she?"
...Or at least that's what I would write if we we're an insufferable pair of co-hosts with a lack of self control and a tenuous grasp on broadcasting.
Imagine Terminator if it were based on Christmas. Now imagine it being made with a much smaller budget. Now imagine it with an ever more forgettable cast. This is what you'd get. Harbor Freight "Sarah Conner" and her band of alt punk dipshits.
How the hell do you trap the devil?? It's not like they're a racoon, or Jess, looking for snacks, and just happen to lure them into a cage. Like, "Oh, come here little devil. I've got little snackies and Mean Girls on DVD." ...Come to think of it, Jess, the devil, and racoons have a lot more in common than I realized.
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