This House Was Never Meant To Be A Podcast
Two Horror Fans, Velina and Zach, talk about one of their favorite forms of horror television: anthology shows and cover some of the best, and worst, the genre has to offer. The two also share their thoughts on the topics of unknown/underappreciated horror films and documentaries that they happen to stumble across delving deeper and deeper into the clouded veil of obscurity. Be warned, listeners: Velina and Zach will give you a podcast experience beyond limits. Pain and pleasure, indivisible.
Episodes
Old and surly curmudgeon Mr. Killup is home alone on his most hated night of the year, Halloween. His job is simple: hand out candy to trick or treaters while his caretaker son Michael works the night shift, but even this proves to be too much for this Halloween-hater and takes his disdain out on the kids. Little does he know, his treatment of the trick-or-treaters gets the attention of something mysterious, and it's not h...
Fiancees Linda and Doug just acquired a massive 4-story home and are knee-deep in renovations, there’s just one glaring problem: The tenant, a benevolent voodoo witch doctor Mars Gillis, refuses to leave his home on the Parlor Floor Front, and renter’s laws prevent them from booting him out. Will the couple be able to illegally evict the paying tenant and claim the whole home for themselves or will there be a much higher cost to th...
Death row inmate Billy Malone is nearing the end of his wait for his turn on the electric chair, recounting to the reporter the events that led him to his current predicament. It all started with an earthquake that caused a volcano to appear in his basement and a metal ring inside it that had the power to lead to different worlds, when ultimately it spits out a """Ditzy""" woman who can’t communicate with hi...
Filthy rich CEO Ben Martin has a bit of a problem: his near constant anger and stress is killing him, but that’s a problem a mysterious salesman comes to fix. A miraculous medical device, the Lifebomb, is designed to keep its wearer alive, no matter how severe of a medical emergency they have. Will Mr. Martin be able to delay the inevitable, denying death its claim over him, or perhaps there is a worse fate than death?
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Local Impressionist Spiffy Remo runs a comedy(?) routine impersonating celebrities so well, it gets the attention of less-than-savory government figures who need him for a once-in-a-lifetime arrangement. The Mission? Communicate with a captive alien and get it to reveal the secrets to nuclear fusion, but time is ticking away as the atmosphere is slowly killing the otherworldly visitor. Will the mystery of limitless power die with ...
Cassie is a superstitious woman who never makes a decision without consulting a fortune-telling machine. While she is on a quest for her sagittarius, she stops at a bus stop diner and discovers another fortune telling machine, Horace X. However, Horace X warns her that she should not continue her path and warns her of a false prophet. What is she to do? Will she listen to the cult leader who gets way too handsy? Or will she listen...
Grandma is old. So when she causes an accident at the dinner table with her obnoxious family, the first thing the family thinks to do is ship her off to a retirement home. Before she goes, however, the family wants to make the next week good for her so they decide to throw her a party at which she makes a wish. Will she end up being carted away to the old folks home or will her wish play into her fate?
Join Velina and Zach as th...
Bigelow wakes on any normal day and goes through his normal routine: Drink some coffee and light up a cigarette. Except, he discovers that he is living in a recreation of his house and the windows and doors are all barred shut. Then a man appears on the television screen and tells Bigalow that he signed up for an addiction curing program and this is all a part of it. The man on the screen tells him that he must give up smoking or ...
Cruel businessman Carl is referred to a dry cleaner that can wash away sins. The dry cleaner Chow Ting gives him a list of strict rules that he cannot break if he wants his service. When Carl agrees, he starts to ramp up his cutthroat tactics for his corporation and his dirty laundry. However, Chow Ting is starting to ghost him and stops picking up his laundry. Will Carl be able to get his guilt washed away or Is there something mo...
When Frank and his friend Ernie arrive at the dumpy carnival they took a 75 mile road trip to get to, he finally gets to see the great Karma, a magician he admired for his wireless levitation trick. However, when he sees that the magician doesn’t end up doing his famous trick, Frank throws a fit to get what he wants. Will he get the magician to perform his once-famous trick or will this situation get slightly out of hand?
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When gubernatorial candidate Bo Gumbs pays a visit to a small town for his campaign, he gives a speech to the bellhop about how politics is nothing but a big show, a game of entertainment for entertainment’s sake. Strangely, Bo begins to notice some funny things happening to him. He gets a clown suit from the cleaners instead of his normal suit, he hears a street organ outside his room, and other circus-related nonsense starts to h...
When a young woman and her elderly husband invite their mutual friend over for some unnamed business, they decide to whip out the ol’ Ouijia board to have a chat with the resident ghost. The ghost points them to a mysterious, sealed-away room in their house that was the place that drove whoever resided there to insanity. What will they find once they enter the madness room? Is it just a story, or does this story have more truth to...
Prudence has the relentless tendency to cry at even the slightest provocation, but when she meets a mysterious, good-looking stranger who seeks to pay her to collect her tears, she decides to go for it. She soon realizes that she is not only giving him her tears, she may also be giving him her heart. Will she fall for the mysterious tear collector, or is there something more to this man than meets the (misty) eye?
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When an English actress is trying to get some sleep before her commercial shoot the next morning, she is kept up by the sound of a phone relentlessly ringing in the apartment next door. However, she soon discovers that the apartment next door has been vacant for the last few months. So who was receiving the calls, and more alarmingly, who was slamming into the walls in the room next door?
Join Velina and Zach as they make an exa...
When a Satan-worshipping school teacher uses the dark arts to win the lottery, he mouths off to his supervisor and quits his job in anticipation of the victory. When he discovers that not only did he lose the lottery by one number, some random hair stylist won in his place, he decides to break into her business and steal it from her. However, things get tricky once she discovers him and even more so when he discovers her dark secre...
Old married couple Henry and Eleanor are planning their upcoming anniversary dinner when a girl without a place of her own ends up staying with them for a couple days. Will this mysterious girl ruin their plans for a wonderful dinner for two or is she perhaps the missing piece that would make their anniversary dinner truly special?
Join Velina and Zach for dinner as we sink our teeth into one of our favorite episodes and savor ...
Madame Katrina was your typical run-of-the-mill hack tarot card reader, reading tarot cards and giving people the fortunes that they wanted to hear. That all changes when one of her customers mysteriously bows out of a fortune reading and leaves her with a new set of tarot cards. A set of cards that make evil predictions, predictions that always come true. So she sets out to discover who swapped out her cards and how to get rid of ...
When a failing script writer is failing to sell his scripts, his answering machine takes on a life of its own and begins ruining the script-writer’s life. Why? How? What does alternate universes have to do with this? How do they have anything to do with anything? These questions and many more on this exciting episode of All a Clone by the Telephone!
Join Velina and Zach in their conjoined aneurysm as they try to survive this horribl...
When Danny talks about how he ended up in the insane asylum, he tells the examiner the story of how he and his wife found a magical genie in a magical lamp they bought from a magical shopkeeper in a magical tent that magically appears in a magical parking lot. Once they decide to fix their financial problems by using the genie, they discover that the genie has different plans in store for them, plans to make their lives a waking ni...
When Jodie and Ma Tolliver are saying a prayer for his recently deceased grandpa over the breakfast table, they get the shock of their lives when grandpa decides to join them. Ma tells Jodie that his grandfather is, in fact, deceased but the old man is just too dang stubborn to realize it. So Jodie and Ma try to figure out a way to convince grandpa that he's a goner despite the obvious signs of his decomposition. Will they be a...
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