Buckle up everyone, it's the final AGROBAR episode of 2025, and the guy that they put at the wheel for this one most definitely does not have a license. That's right, we're doing two Jesus-adjacent versions of GGROBAR! "Grandma Got Won Over by a Stranger" by ApologetiX might give you whiplash with its mix of goofy parody-of-a-parody sound and its needlessly dark subject matter. And listen all y'all, it's...
HARKpodcast
Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song. All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
Episodes
January 7, 2026 • 52 mins
As the twelve days of Christmas come to a close once again, we're celebrating Epiphany with two songs about three men. By listener request, we check out "We Three Slow Kings" by Electric Santa, a song that may or may not be a joke, and "If I Were a Wise Man" by Flannel Graph, an undoubtedly sincere song with a familiar Sufjan-esque flavor.
The ranking music in this episode is "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield, which is...
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December 24, 2025 • 80 mins
In this milestone episode, Jam and Ian add the 799th (???) and 800th (!!!) songs to HARK's massive, unruly list. Jam aims for the top of the list with a near-classic and the hosts talk about Jesus for a while, with just a liiiittle heresy (as a treat). Then Ian uses his bottom pick to launch an exploratory mission into a new kind of bad song and raise some philosophical questions about the future of novelty Christmas music in an a...
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December 9, 2025 • 51 mins
Hanukkah is fast approaching! And to celebrate, we have two songs... well, OK. We have one song about Hanukkah, and one song about Not Christmas. "Chanukah in West Virginia" by Scott Simons wraps a somewhat sad sentiment in a cheerful package (for better or worse), while "Chinese Food on Christmas" by Brandon Walker is a thoroughly silly celebration of not celebrating.
The ranking music in this episode is "No War on Xmas", also by ...
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November 27, 2025 • 50 mins
You may be wondering why this episode is going up on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday. Well, first of all, it's technically still Wednesday in our time zone, and this episode is all about going local! And second... we are adjacent to the ball.
In this episode, we're encouraging you to shop local, support Wikipedia, and listen along with us to two holiday-sweater-themed songs: "Ugly Xmas Sweater Party" by girlhouse and "I Wanna Tak...
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November 11, 2025 • 63 mins
It's Jam's birthday! To find out the first song they selected, go to Paragraph 2 (P2). To skip ahead to the ranking music, go to P5.
P2: It was "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall Out Boy! For their second selection, they give Ian two options -- past or future. If you think he should choose "future", go to P3. If you prefer "past", go to P4.
P3: Ian chose the same thing! And the song was, unfortunately, "Feels Like Christmas" by Pani...
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October 29, 2025 • 52 mins
It's that time again! Gut that pumpkin and fill it with eggnog, because we're listening to EVEN MORE Christmas/Halloween crossover songs. Not only have we not run out of these, we've still got a few that are, you know, not terrible! We start with "Spooky Halloween Chrismtas" by Giftshop and have to re-learn what psychobilly is, then get into a more familiar groove with "Halloween on Christmas" by The Walking Who. Plus: a last-minut...
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October 15, 2025 • 53 mins
After a short delay, we're back! And just in time, too. Because it's... the time of year... well, you get it. We are, after ten years of doing this dang show, finally covering "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by Andy Williams! And if you prefer the noodley 00s-era indie kinda bullshit we love to cover over the mid-century classics, you'll love "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by the Polyphonic Spree!
The ranking...
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September 24, 2025 • 52 mins
We may never run out of holiday music, but sometimes we do run low on holidays that are funny to talk about. So in this episode, we're celebrating (by a loose definition of celebration) two holidays (by a loose definition of holiday) that fall on October 3rd, Mean Girls Day and National Boyfriend Day. First up, unpacking "Rocking Around the Pole" performed by the cast of the Mean Girls musical (Erika Henningsen, Taylor Louderman, A...
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September 9, 2025 • 47 mins
Nah, just kidding, we're not starting another annual month-long theme. Can you imagine? I mean, sure, yes, we can imagine. But we've apparently run out of ska-punk Hanukkah songs already. Until someone proves us wrong on that (email requests to harkpodcast at gmail!!), we're making do with some ska/punk winter holiday songs that felt appropriate for the approaching Rosh Hashanah. We start off with a listener request for a song of p...
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August 27, 2025 • 49 mins
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August 12, 2025 • 61 mins
Unforunately, our annual tradition is back! We once again listened to two "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"-related songs, this time exploring Dr. Elmo's own sequels, "Grandma's Spending Christmas With the Superstars" and "Grandpa's Going to Sue the Pants Off of Santa". We notice some issues, and pitch a ton of punch-ups. You're welcome!
I feel compelled to include a content note that we talk about (an actual, historical) suicid...
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July 16, 2025 • 51 mins
It's Ian's birthday, and he is over it! He has passed along his birthday-boy-song-picking duties to our backlog of listener requests. At least we got to listen to an "all time weirdo" track in "Happy Holiday/It's the Holiday Season" performed by Andy Williams, as well as identifying one of our pop culture blindspots in "Wintering" by The 1975.
The ranking music in this episode is "December, forever" by Big Society.
Thank you to Da...
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July 1, 2025 • 53 mins
Before we can fully embrace the season, Ian and Jam need to turn in some overdue assignments. We finally listened to a few long-languishing requests, and this episode is our essay comparing and contrasting them! "Our Last Christmas" by Thor and "I'm Spending Christmas Alone" by Future Wife both seem like melancholy ruminations on paper, but there's more to interpret than at first glance. Grab your No. 2 pencils and stare wistfully ...
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June 17, 2025 • 55 mins
It's Jam from the present here. I've now gotten the tooth removed, so I'mma keep this short. The songs we listened to for this tooth-themed episode were "All I Want For Christmas is My Upper Plate" by Homer and Jethro and "Santa's False Teeth" by Saint Etienne. Also, it turns out teeth AREN'T bones, but they ARE skeleton. You learn something new every day.
The ranking music is "My Shiny Teeth and Me" by Chip Skylark.
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June 4, 2025 • 58 mins
Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and basketballers are basketballing. Listen, Ian knows what NBA event aligns with the release of this episode, but he's in the other room and I'm on my own here. I'm gonna say the finals? Anyway, we celebrate with two bouncy Christmas tunes: "Christmas Slam Dunk" by Hot Dad and "Baby Wants a Basketball for Christmas" by The Living Sisters. Enjoy the part where we remember a totally differen...
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May 21, 2025 • 59 mins
What makes someone goth? Is it wearing lots of black eyeliner? Or is it spending a lot of time thinking about what a good ghost you'd be? Hopefully it's both, because we're recognizing World Goth Day by listening to two versions of eyeliner-loving Finnish band Hanoi Rocks's "Dead By X-Mas". First we tackle the 1980s original, and then hear the '00s update by Sohodolls.
A content note: self-harm and abuse are talked about in this ep...
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May 7, 2025 • 60 mins
In honour of World Migratory Bird Day, we're listening to two songs about birds! And also, Christmas! "The Gift" by Garth Brooks definitely has a bird in it, but beyond that, offers more questions than answers. "Christmas is For the Birds" by Conway Twitty and, uh, "His Little Friends", has a decent amount of answers, and a decent amount of birds, but a distressingly low amount of Conway Twitty.
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April 22, 2025 • 49 mins
As May approaches, we're celebrating... May, I guess? May. Christmas songs that mention May? Yes. And no, not "May your days be merry and bright". We're talking MONTH OF MAY ONLY.
First up (appropriately enough) is "First of May" by The Bee Gees. Then we hear the endearingly baffling "When Was Jesus Born?" by Lil Gee (no relation).
The ranking music in this episode is "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton.
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April 9, 2025 • 63 mins
It's that time of year again! And for this rare holiday equinox which sees Easter, Passover, and 4/20 overlapping, we endeavor to cover some weed-tacular winter holiday songs with more of a religious connection than in previous years.
We find great joy in the sincere silliness of "Little Dealer Boy" performed by Willie Nelson and Stephen Colbert. Then, unfortunately, we really fucked up by listening to "Angels We Have Heard on High...
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March 25, 2025 • 56 mins
Blobby blobby blobby blobby! Blobby blobby? ...Blobby. Blobby blobby blobby!
...Nah, just kidding. But we did listen to "Christmas in Blobbyland" by Mr. Blobby and friends, followed by "Cheeky Christmas" by the Cheeky Girls. See ya at Nandos, I guess!
The ranking music in this episode is "Brodyquest" by Neil Cicerega.
Thank you to Liam for these requests!
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