Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Welcome to Cocktober! We're spending this whole month on a plethora of penis things.

As a sex researcher, I can tell you that when it comes to men's top sex problems, a common and unrelenting theme is around erections: getting them, keeping them, and being able to savor or "complete" them.

This past spring and summer I interviewed ten men about their experiences with erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (...

"Polarity" is a term we throw around a lot on this podcast, and a concept that has gained popularity in discussions on masculinity, femininity, sacred sexuality, and conscious relationship over the last few decades.

Here we delve into what it actually means ... and how it connect to hot sexy sex. ;)

Seriously, though, polarity is a big part of how to generate attraction regardless of what type of body you're in, and it al...

According to Gallup News, nearly 48 million people in the US alone struggle with depression, which is a staggering ~18% of the population. In fact, depression is the leading cause of disability in the country.

And the US isn't the only place affected -- rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and more are rising globally, especially post-pandemic.

We need new, innovative, and effective ways of meeting this challenge, which...

When things are bad, are you good at asking for support?

More than once, we've had clients disappear for a bit, and upon reappearing say things like, "Sorry, I just had one of the worst weeks of my life last week."

And we wonder: Why, during some of your darker times, are you not reaching out for love?

Here we break down the reasons why this pattern exists. Why is it so hard for men in particular to ask for help? What help...

"I'm afraid that if I don't do what she wants, she'll leave ... and then I'll be alone."

The truth is, almost all human beings have a visceral, primal fear of being alone. We are social animals, and our survival has depended on inter-connectivity since time immemorial. We fear and are stressed by isolation, separation, and loneliness.

It is also true that this fear of being alone is a driving force behind any ...

Worldwide, 150 million women get urinary tract infections (UTIs) yearly, and 30-44% of them get recurrent UTIs (defined as 2+ infections in 6 months, or 3+ in a year.)

I was one of those women.

UTIs are so prevalent that they are the second-most common reason for antibiotic prescriptions on the planet. And in case you've never had one, rest assured that UTIs are painful, disruptive, and deeply anxiety-producing.

They are also, 90%...

“I knew it was something I wanted to be in because I thought it’d get me chicks.”

So begins Jason in describing his journey around learning to be "in his masculine" and "in his feminine." These are terms related to polarity that get thrown around a lot, and we wanted to break down what we're referring to in more depth.

What does it mean to be dominating versus assertive? Is it ever helpful to be passive? How does ...

How connected do you feel to your heart? How about to your cock?

One of the advantages we have as coaches for men is that we seen the patterns that frequently show up for different men. We've noted three specific archetypes in our work and here, we go over them. (If you've ever heard me reference the heart/cock matrix, that's part of this episode.)

Why does this matter? In large part because most women I know who are attr...

A whole bunch of our clients have related with either parents or partners with BPD (or BPD traits). Here we go into even more depth around the origins of BPD, and what you can do as a partner if this is something you're contending with. We answer questions like:

• When you “cross” someone with BPD, they often want to punish you / make you suffer. Why?
• Why are folks with BPD traits so sensitive to rejection?
• Does BPD show up diff...

If you've ever been scared of approaching a woman because you might make her uncomfortable; frightened about what a woman might ask of you; or worried about "getting in trouble" with your women partner, I have news for you: You're a normal man.

That said, there are also some underlying patterns that may need addressing, particularly if this is a recurring pattern that's preventing you from even getting started da...

“Every one of us walking onto that property was nervous.”

So says one man on this episode, describing his experiencing attending his first in-person men's retreat.

If you've ever felt intimidated or unsure about doing in-person work with other men, you're far from alone. In the words of one man on this panel, “There’s a shared understanding of the brutality between men.”

But it doesn't have to stay that way. There can ...

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, or like you knew something was off but didn't know what to do about it? Maybe you've had a vague awareness that you're somehow suffering (and so is she), but again, you didn't know how to even start to go about addressing it.

A lot of people know the term "codependence" but aren't clear on what it actually means in a concrete way, or what to do about it if it ...

Did you have healthy boundaries modeled for you when you were growing up? Do you feel like you know how to set healthy boundaries with your folks?

If not, then some of these things may apply:

• You felt like (or continue to feel like) you need to take care of your mom or dad
• You don't really feel free to live your life as you'd like because you know this might "hurt" one or both of your parents
• While growing up and/or...

When Jason was in his mid-20s, he was stuck. He numbed out with porn much of the time, had never had sex, and struggled with dating and love relationship.

Even outside of dating, it felt like something was missing in his life ... like he just wasn't completely alive. He knew he wanted something different, but didn't know how to get there.

Then he attended one of his first personal growth events -- a men's workshop. When t...

Have you got a history of partnering with women who are physically or emotionally unstable? Maybe they've got an insecure living situation (or chaotic/dangerous ex-partner). Perhaps they're financially challenged, or they've got serious issues with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

You may even have been with a partner who became so emotionally dependent on you that you became concerned that if you were...

Have you ever wished you could scientifically determine what’s wrong in your relationship? 

Or felt it would be helpful to somehow mathematically see how compatible you are with someone you’re dating? 

Or gone through a difficult period with a relationship partner and wished you could understand one another better? 

There’s a love tool that may be able to help. 

Zoey Charif went from getting a degree in Crimonology to writing about lov...

What does it mean to be a good parent?

If part of your job is to provide stability, then it can seem like even if your love relationship isn't fulfilling, it's best to grit your teeth and get through it -- at least until the kids are out of the house.

The truth is a lot more nuanced.

Consider the following, for example:

What are you role-modeling to your children if you stay in a relationship that's physically or emotionall...

Have you experienced any of the following yourself, or been in a love relationship with a partner who did?

• You've held beliefs like, "I must be broken," or, "The world is completely dangerous."
• You constantly tested your partner's loyalty
• You've thought things like, "I'm too much and my needs are too much."
• You've played out patterns to the effect of: "If I meet your needs perfectly, ...

We all know the "rules" have changed when it comes to dating and relationships. There are few absolute in terms of how to relate to a dating or relationship partner, which begs questions like:

If not money, then what IS the modern man supposed to provide?

If you're a man, it may be hard to grasp what a woman truly craves from you. There's good news on this front, though: We women still need you! In fact, many would sa...