Regular Features

Regular Features

Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week

Episodes

624: Why You So Nasty, Your Honour?

August 6, 2026 • 37 mins
You know what really sucks when you're the hunter? Becoming the hunted. It's basically the last thing you want to happen when you're the hunter. Ideally you want to remain the hunter for at least the duration of the hunt. If you, as the hunter, become the hunted, it's not good. In this episode, Joe dusts off his rudebox, Steve will see you in court, and Gav is the sweet-smelling grease that makes the cogs go round. "Summon the Ra...
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623: Murky Dismal's Jizz Baptismal

July 23, 2026 • 32 mins
Sing when you're winning. Dance when you're losing. Scream if it's a draw or, like, extra time or something. Twirl when you're being chased out of the bingo hall. And laugh, my son. Always never stop laughing. It's what your uncle would have wanted. Oh if he could see you now. In this episode, Log is visited by a hue-ruing toon, Joe blows open ancient Riga's dusty troubles, and Steve nods on encouragingly, no light behind those d...
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622: Anthony Pit Pig is Off to the World Cup

July 13, 2026 • 54 mins
Arms up, pits out, get my stinkies in your snout. When you're full and set to burst, boy you've got that pit pig curse. In this episode, Gav is wounded by an Welsh icon's betrayal, Log's short stories go head to head, and Steve unclogs his backed up featurehole.
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621: Avian Scandal at the Filthy Cafe

June 15, 2026 • 54 mins
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but have you heard about what birds are doing to themselves? Do you want that going on in your hand? If you close your fist, you don't know what's happening in there, that bird could be up to all sorts, and you wouldn't know. That's why they call it Schrödinger's Bird - because that bird is doing something to its dinger and you can be Schrö you don't know. Anyway this week, Log's basica...
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620: Sack My Robot Daughter

June 2, 2026 • 51 mins
They really buried the lede with "Jack and the Bean Stalk". Yeah sure it's an impressive stalk, but hello, there's an actual giant man who lives in a cloud castle on top of the world?? Should have called it "Jack and the Giants Are Real and They Are Squatting in A Violent Heaven Forsaken By God". In this episode, Log pitches some hot new Pragmata DLC, Gav has a shocking interaction with a customer support agent, and Steve is paid ...
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619: Ape. Goblin. Horse. In That Order.

May 15, 2026 • 41 mins
Joe can't stand the attention a 100 year-old is getting. Matt can't stand up, because his microphone is simply too low. Log can't stand down from his duty to inform you about horsebook.
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618: A1(M) Syndrome

April 27, 2026 • 43 mins
Are YOU afraid of Paris? Are YOU afraid of the A1(M)? Are YOU afraid of poorly executed jingle work? Well don't YOU have fat luck, because this episode is going to cause you to faint, die, come back to life, and then die again when you remember what just happened. "Gregorian Chant" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
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617: A Big Ol' Mind Flush

April 10, 2026 • 52 mins
This week Log discovers audio books, Steve's had a camera up his arse and Gav could do with a camera in his brain. DISCLAIMER: the hosts of Regular Features are NOT doctors so please don't listen to their medical advice no matter how adamant they are that you DO listen to it.
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616: Scream If You Want Bill Oddie's Tubby Toast

March 18, 2026 • 38 mins
What's that in your mouth? Drop it! Give it here. Oh, it's an episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Log gives Bill Oddie his flowers, Joe treats us to a day in the life of a ghost-face killer, and Steve shares his numerous gripes of which there are loads actually.
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615: Robot Uncle Merkel Carer

March 3, 2026 • 36 mins
This episode of Regular Features is funded in part by the British Associate of Uncles (BAU), because if it's not your mother's brother, well what the hell are we even doing here. In this one, Joe's got robot hoover problems, Log wants to know who's gonna push him around in his wheelbarrow when he's old, and Steve gets to know a former Chancellor what done disappeared because nobody remember to believe in her aww.
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614: Quiet Little Trash Boy

February 9, 2026 • 45 mins
Hello this is the news. In the past hour United Nations has announced that we have flopped through a temporal squirmhole into the rotten Time Dimension, and that we had better get used to living under the autocratic regime of supreme leader Doctor Time and his dope calendars. In this episode of the podcast, Steve dives into the good doctor's rude past, Gav tests our song intro knowledge, and Joe meets the world's foremost expert in...
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613: Lumps, and the Men Who Have Them

January 16, 2026 • 34 mins
To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? The answer is that it is a dog who, just before 12pm, decides to pretend to be a human so that it can buy cigarettes. Later that day, it hardens one of the cigarettes with wax, and uses it as a crutch because its hind legs are so sore. Anyway, I've been the Sphinx, you've been great! ...
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612: The Ramblemas 2026

January 7, 2026 • 41 mins
2026! The future! What will it bring? Cool-ass sunglasses probably?? According to the thumbnail of this podcast - yes! But also, here's another edition of our RAMBLEMAS tradition where we record solo features and whack em all together like a podcast frankenstein.
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611: Krangle's Secret Foot Thing

December 24, 2025 • 51 mins
Yuletide, I'll tide, we'll all tide, for yuletide. That's the Regular Features promise to you, on this, the most Jesus day of the Formula 1 race calendar. On this day in 1952, our lord and saviour got born out of a forgotten easter egg in Bethlehem. And lo did he look upon his flock and say "humpdaaaaay". And when they did say to Jesus, "lord, humpday was yesterday", Christ did say unto them, "humpdaaaaaay" and "ready for the weeke...
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610: Bees Behaving Badly

December 17, 2025 • 58 mins
This one was recorded in person so we got 1. very excited and 2. very naughty. No presents for us this year hahahahahdds
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609: The Four Elements - Bees, Horses, Eggs, Crabs

November 28, 2025 • 52 mins
I'm sick! I'm so sick! I'm being sick! *BLUUURGH* I just vomited out Joe's will! *BAAAAARF* Oh, out comes some Google reviews Steve saw! *GLOOORP* And that's Log's dog walk adventures. I think it's all out now, I think I'm OK now- *GAAAAAARP*
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608: The Buerk Ultimatum

November 16, 2025 • 45 mins
In this episode, something's got under Steve's skin, something's got out of Log's bottom, and something's threatening to explode in Joe's mouth. It's very much a "well that's certainly something" kind of an episode. And will we apologise for that? Yes, actually. Sorry. "Prelude in C" / "Unseen Horrors" / "Wholesome" Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
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607: Scan My Secret Big Boy

October 26, 2025 • 42 mins
Do you think Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger ever had a magic act where Pliny the Elder would climb into a big wooden box with whatever the Latin is for "PLINY THE ELDER'S DE-AGING DEVICE" written on it. Then Pliny the Younger would jump out of the box and say "behold, it is I, Pliny the Elder but younger. But you may call me simply Pliny." Then William Pitt, who had been watching from backstage, calls his dad on the phone ...
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606: Slinging Fish on the Beach

October 9, 2025 • 41 mins
I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. Elsewhere, Joe gets into advertising (again), Matt's been watching strangers on the beach (again), and Log regales us with tales from the life of man who sells fish in pubs (unique). P.S. You're a bee.
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605 - Money, Speed And Scandal

September 30, 2025 • 49 mins
When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and forwards and getting confused", my grandmother used to put a hand on my shoulder and say "more haste, less speed". I looked her square in the eye and said "oh my god you mad hag everyone knows time = distance / speed, that is the most stupid thing I've ever heard". Then I would fall a...
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