Lightning Strikes Thrice

This week, we break the seal on one of the big franchises... but not the game you're thinking. It's three old people trying to explain to the youths that Persona didn't always mean jazz, teens, and calendars. At one point in time, people could be gay and/or adults! All this and more as we venture into the new old realm and expect them to reveal this remake any day now.

Episode art this season will be pulled, if it isn't a game scr...

This week, Jack and the gang bring this whole fight to a conclusion through three very FF14-based DLCs, complete with rat tails, new job classes, monsterfuckin', a guy named Greg, the most unoptimized bridge in Cornelia, and a man who was gonna spew bullshit from the instant we meet him.

Also, now that your editor has started playing FF14 and grinding out literally everything: Chris' comment is correct, DLC2 really is just adaptin...

This week, we wrap our crystal exploration by revisiting MMO locales, arguing about how far you should go with verticality in a Souls-like title, and preparing the groundwork for a brutal emotional journey home.

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium anime podcast!
• Listen to Ryan's band at Cannon & DeVaron and their solo work as Catastrophizer
• Read Matt's yuri reviews on O...

This week, it's time to pay the piper (our way?), as we wrap the main game of Stranger of Paradise with the very emotional journey to destroy Chaos and save the world of Corneria.

Except clearly we don't get there quite as expected, and there's more story to come in the DLC next time...

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium anime podcast!
• Listen to Ryan's band at Cannon &...

This week, mechanics and plot and everything begins weaving a tapestry with the party fully assembled, and the cattiest queer in Final Fantasy not named "Kefka" takes the stage. Plus: MILFs, orbs, dress-up, and The Difficulty Problem Is Solved.

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium anime podcast!
• Listen to Ryan's band at Cannon & DeVaron and their solo work as Catastrophi...

It is new season time again, and we're taking a short detour into the absolutely fantastic Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin, the answer to a question nobody asked: "what if the mechanical geniuses behind Nioh remade Final Fantasy 1 as a tragedy, and one of the strongest games in the entire franchise ensued?"

Plus, in the over a year since this was recorded, your humble editress can confirm: yes, that stage IS the not-qui...

The story of Werdna comes to an end, or several ends, as we discuss the metaphysics and metapuzzles of Wizardry IV's final floors. Above, below, and more - we're all here and we're going to look at how we got there. Plus: an interjection from future Sibyl!

The document I mention in the cut-in is behind this link, and I highly recommend clicking and reading through. It's a delight.

We'll be back next month with the debut of our Fi...

Folks: it's here, the final boss of Wizardry IV: a three-floor megachallenge known as the Cosmic Cube. We also include some host backtracking for items which are needed to find your way out of this three-dimensional disaster, and movie reviews with a side of musical critique! Get ready for an extravaganza.

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium anime podcast!
• Listen to Ryan's ...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded during November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

This week gives us what your humble editrix describes as "the worst dungeon crawler map in the history of the genre". You wanna hear what that's like, right? 'Course you do.

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium anime podcast!
• Listen to Ryan's band at Cann...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded during November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

This week is... actually probably the nicest episode we're going to have for a while. Learn about pleasant nerds from yesteryear and have a laugh at some of the funniest "why did I do that" item tricks the game throws at you.

Don't worry, soon it'll get vicious again. I promise.

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Editor's note: This podcast was recorded before November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

KNIVES OUT KNIVES OUT KNIVES OUT

Alright, here we go, it's what the sickos have been waiting for, the second nastiest floor in the game. See how different ports make this a different challenge for everyone, and watch procrastination bite people in the whole ass.

Also, Sibyl does a terrible Brenda Romero.

...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

The first stage that gets some "okay, this concept rocks" out of everyone, and also inspires more rants than any other so far. You know you're in for a good time when the hosts begin to turn on each other, and we haven't even made it halfway through the game.

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Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

You have hired a contractor to create ten different mad traps for the immortal wizard in your basement. A few suggested mazes. Some went to real Halaster Blackcloak territory with their suggestions for "paths through Hell" and "time upon space" and the ilk. In the end, one of the pitches you heard sounded incredibly...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in November 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

Did you know that they buried Werdna about half a mile under a portal to Hell? And somehow this is also where they bury a lot of the honored dead of the castle town? You can't think about this dungeon too long, it'll drive you mad in a "how does any of this come together" sense. Roe Adams III was a king for this, th...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in August 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

This time out, the game explicitly begins, with one of the most infamous puzzles in the genre, and then... okay, next time. This one's not too bad. Also, dungeon ecologies, and what to do with a Dink! Next time we'll have the full cast as the chaos begins.

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Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in August 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

So it's come to this. We're going to look at one of the granddaddies of the RPG genre worldwide... through the lens of the most controversial and dismissed title in the entire franchise. Welcome to Wizardry IV: The Return of Werdna, a game that eschews party creation and stat rolling for brutal puzzles and series mech...

Editor's note: This podcast was recorded in July 2024. Don't @ us about how weird some of it reads in hindsight.

Here, at last, we come to the end of all things underground, and then we decide "what if we actually turned away from the sun and went deeper for a week?" to explore the bonus dungeon. Welcome to the climax of Dragon Quarter.

• Support Us On Patreon to hear Chris and Ryan's FF14 podcast and the Boku No Stop Premium ...