The Offensive

Ashwood get their season underway at Vicarage Road as some serious foul play from their Croatian midfielder leaves Head of Communications Jess Tate clearing up the mess. 

 Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall 

Additional voices:

Jo Price

Omari Douglas

Rhys Tees

Oliver Dowling  

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Edited by:

Adam J...

In their first home game of the season, Ashwood City play host to Brighton as stadium developments cause havoc.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Additional voices:

Omari Douglas

Rhys Tees

Oliver Dowling

Dean Kilbey  

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Edited by:

Adam Jarrell

Executive Producer:

Joel Emery

WARNING. This podcast contains e...

On the eve of their game at Crystal Palace; Patrick, Woody and Dan have met for dinner in London. As the night progresses Dan becomes increasingly frustrated that his expected dinner guest in Roy Hodgson is yet to show.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Joel Emery as Dan Watson

Additional voices:

Omari Douglas

Rhys Tees

Raphaela Israel-Öbeñg

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarre...

Following a huge result for Ashwood, Dan Watson's comments in a post-match interview leave reverberations around the club as Patrick, Jess and Woody attempt to curtail the lofty ambitions of their manager.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Joel Emery as Dan Watson 

Additional voices:

Jo Price

Lucinda Shaw

Omari Douglas

Sirena Riley

Suzie Houlihan

Rhys Tees

Lar...

As Ashwood City failed to recruit a new manager during the international break they face Bournemouth with former under 23s coach Liam Brightwell as caretaker manager. Following the match Patrick is detained in Eddie Howe's office after a death threat is made on his life. 

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Dane Baptiste as Liam Brightwell 

Acushla-Tara Kupe as Helen Weston &nb...

Ashwood are moments away from hiring Big Sam as the ownership throw a last minute obstacle in their way. Meanwhile, as Liam Brightwell looks to take charge of his second game as caretaker manager, a disastrous Ashwood City tweet dismisses him from the club.

 Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Dane Baptiste as Liam Brightwell 

Nalan Burgess as Jane

Lucy-Jane Quinla...

Following yet another defeat, this time at the hands of Chelsea; Ashwood City FC face action in the form of a last-minute supporter protest. With the club image in tatters, Jess is tasked with disrupting the protest and buying Ashwood some time - yet she has some commitments of her own.

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate  

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Lucy-Jane Quinlan as Erica  

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' ...

Patrick and Woody are en route to Marseille to obtain the services of Head Coach Felix Grosjean, but a stumbling block is put in their place as the Marseille Chief-Executive is having second thoughts. Jess is tasked with keeping Chinese betting corporation, and Ashwood City shirt sponsor; iBET sweet, but heavy concessions are required.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Ashwood City travel to Burnley after a disastrous and perplexing opening press conference for the new Head Coach; Felix Grosjean. The match takes a turn for the worse after a bust-up in the tunnel between Felix and Burnley manager Sean Dyche. Ashwood's problems deepen as the translator hired by Felix isn't fulfilling his duties.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Denis Mi...

During the height of the media storm following The Portsmouth Matter, Ashwood face Cardiff City on the pitch and an FA investigation off it, courtesy of the new Ashwood City Director of Ethics; Benedict Rice.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate     

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Oliver Dowling as Benedict Rice

Additional voices:

Omari Douglas

Rachel Summers

Jo Price

Lucy-Jan...

As the scandal deepens and FA investigations continue, Head of Ethics: Benedict Rice, along with Chief Executive Patrick Nolan and the Vice Head of Football Operations Nick Bernardi have accompanied the playing staff aboard the train to Newcastle, as a show of solidarity for their upcoming fixture. 

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Sam Hallahan as Nick 'The Prick' Bernardi

Oliver Dowling as Benedict Rice

Additional voices...

As Ashwood City combat a supporter protest during a game where both home and away fans have been banned; Woody is entering his third week of suspension, and is looking to make a comeback.

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall 

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan  

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate  

Additional voices:

Omari Douglas

Sam Hallahan

Luke Stevenson

Oliver Dowling

Simon Shaw

Rhys Tees

Episode written by:

Joel...

Another defeat - this time away to relegation candidates Huddersfield Town, leaves Ashwood in the bottom three for the first time this season. The ownership begin to have mixed feelings about their Head Coach Felix Grosjean; leaving Patrick, Jess and Woody tasked with planning for the future. For Patrick, the vote of confidence from the board members takes an opportunistic turn...

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena...

As Ashwood prepare for the visit of Liverpool, Patrick is infuriated following derogatory comments about Ashwood from Jurgen Klopp and various analysts within the mainstream media. In an effort to enact revenge and give Ashwood the upper hand in the game he and Woody take drastic steps. 

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate  

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Additional voices:

Rhys Tees

...

As Ashwood are drawn against Kent rivals Gillingham in the FA Cup third round; Patrick has gone AWOL from the club as he attempts to close in on his purchase of the Ashwood City shares.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Maude Hirst as Elaine Keller

Additional voices:

Joel Emery

Oliver Dowling

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Edited by:

Adam J...

With the transfer window opening in just over two weeks and with a new Head Coach lined up to replace the struggling Felix Grosjean; Ashwood are conducting their annual transfer committee. Amidst the chaotic player recruitment and research, Patrick is looking to sign his player that will secure funds for Thomas Fell and ensure Patrick receives 15% of the club for a cut price.

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall  

Paul...

MERRY CHRISTMAS 

The Offensive will return on Monday 7th January with an FA Cup special.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate  

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Rhys Tees as Hutch Lewis

Oliver Dowling as Benedict Rice

Denis Michallet as Felix Grosjean

Joel Emery as Dan Watson

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Edited by:

Adam Jarrell

Executive Producer:

Joel Emery

WARNIN...

It's time for the FA Cup Third Round and The Kent Derby. Off the back of an encouraging run under new manager Rod Meadows the Ashwood City bus is stopped in its tracks outside Priestfield Stadium in Gillingham as the local crowds block its approach.

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Edited by:

Adam Jarrell

Executive Producer:

Joel Emery

Back-to-back wins have put Ashwood into 14th and now they face the prospect of Crystal Palace at home. Pre-match, Ashwood are looking to announce a major new signing and have hired a specialist events company for the announcement.

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate  

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Nicola Kill as Kate Sinclair  

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarr...