Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

A team of artists telling THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND STORY that the galaxy has ever seen! While everybody else is out saving the world, we’re just trying to find the next best place to eat. Join us on our haphazard adventure.

Episodes

S4E01: Surprise Surprise feat. Fiona K. T. Howat and Hamilton

September 27, 2025 • 82 mins
The Caps, The remaining Bastards, and… Margo’s BioLife escapee friends, are teaming up to bring back Cleo. Vache de Mer and The Nine Blades have been captured by BioLife almost more times than they can count. (They are after all, remnants of experiments failed.) Which is why they’re Margo’s ticket to stealthily finding the BioLife stronghold that’s holding Cleo. The plan is airtight. Set a trap, lay the bait, wait for capture- an...
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Short Stories | Robin

September 10, 2025 • 8 mins
Cleo and Robin almost made it. Together they saw the light at the end of the proverbial BioLife hallway. But of course, that was the plan. The scientists bring Robin into Cleo’s cell for one last chat, hoping to wring out the last of their secrets before they eke out the last of her nanites. There can’t be much left, now. Just about a seed’s worth, if anything at all. Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bring...
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Short Stories | Sanctuary

August 27, 2025 • 10 mins
After the battle at Garcia Station, many Synths accepted M8’s offer of Sanctuary. They heard the code, and they answered the call- not fully understanding what it might mean to be free. The idea itself was a reshaping. To help them along, M8 regales the Synths with tales and visions of Sanctuary, and the great possibility that awaits them all. But as they pull into view, they find that M8’s wondrous data does not quite match what...
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Short Stories | Taxi

August 13, 2025 • 18 mins
Back on Prospect Town, our old friend Parter has picked up three rather pompous officers. They’re loud, they’re crass, and they’re bragging in the backseat about destroying the local restaurant "Stu's" (home of “The Everything”!), and discussing their top secret mission to retrieve an "immortal Ursine" from BioLife. They might want to be careful about who they talk around though- because loose lips sink ships, even in space… Se...
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Short Stories | The Art of Getting Caught feat. Hamilton and Fiona K. T. Howat

July 30, 2025 • 10 mins
While the Bastards and The Caps are busy planning their rescue mission, Margo is busy hunting down her own backup plan. Deep in the jungle on a desolate planet, Margo is tracking down the perpetually-captured duo known as "Nine Blades", (despite having only eight visible), and his precognitive partner Vache de Mer. With their “help”, Margo hatches a scheme to infiltrate BioLife and save Cleo. Her plan? Use Vache and Nine Blades’ ...
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Short Stories | The Other Family

July 16, 2025 • 34 mins
The gang's all here! Well, all but one. After being scattered across the galaxy, The Bastards finally reunite on the dusty Backwater planet of Daius to prepare for a Cleo rescue- wherever she may be. They meet up with some of Cleo’s old crew, obey to hear their tales about mysterious black nanobots and a BioLife capture! Between Boris's newfound assertiveness, Trevor's questionable ship repairs, and Ze's Ze-ness, the Bastards must ...
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S3E13: The split II - Dogs Breakfast

September 13, 2024 • 71 mins
Trevor has returned and has brought news of Cleo, but she needs help. So now Ze and Boris must race to finish their business on Garcia station to get to her aid. But just one thing, that business is an intergalactic war. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by @georginalesaux Ambiance sound support by Ja...
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S3E12: The split I

August 28, 2024 • 61 mins
Trevor has returned and has brought news of Cleo, but she needs help. So now Ze and Boris must race to finish their business on Garcia station to get to her aid. But just one thing, that business is an intergalactic war. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by @georginalesaux Ambiance sound support by ...
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BONUS | SideArm Offcuts

August 14, 2024 • 27 mins
The bastards have been hit with the most ancient of foes, the scheduling big bad! and have lost. So this week instead of an episode we give you a tasty offcut. Please take this offering and grant us some extra time. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi Synth Mus...
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S3E11: Budgy Smuggler

August 1, 2024 • 64 mins
Ze, Boris and M8 are at war. Barely alive and grappling with the deformed remnants of their plans, the Doctor and his crew face the wrath of the roused Synth Army. As the drones fly in, Ze and the assembled Bastards prepare for the end. But what they get, is something else entirely. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthe...
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S3E10: Junk in the trunk

July 17, 2024 • 74 mins
Dr. Ze, Boris and M8 have no choice but to flee the Angel they came to save. With the help of a fast car, the legacy code, and Thespa’s militia, they brace for the impact to come… Both from the loose Angel, and the leagues of synthetic deserters- desperate for the refuge of a less violent world. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ...
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S3E09: From Pod to Bod!

June 19, 2024 • 89 mins
The Doctor Ze , Boris and M8 otherwise known as PUMP BOIS are in some deep danger, how deep? try behind enemy lines deep. But they must go deeper if they are to find and free M8s angel. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by IG @georginalesaux Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi Syn...
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BONUS | SideArm Offcuts

June 5, 2024 • 31 mins
It's a special time, it's time for us to chow down on some OFFCUTS, all the tasty lil morsels that didn't make it into the main episode are now here, for your ear pleasure. And if you wanna hear more of this and all of our other Patreon exclusive content then check us out on Patreon. There is even a FREE 7 day trial if you would just like a taste. Love ya all and see you INNN SPPPAAACCCCEEEE! ( in space ) Starring: DM Dick Dyn...
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S3E08: Thats a lot, Robin!

May 23, 2024 • 62 mins
Cleo has been taken aboard the ship for scientific testing, but it doesnt seem like this will be easy, for Cleo or the crew. But whos that in the shadows? Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by Drew Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi Synth Music Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio Episode...
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S3E07: She the queen and we the sorry people

April 25, 2024 • 82 mins
Bortis and Margo have infiltrated the Biolife stronghold, leaving Cleo and Fron in the jungle behind them. Struggling to find a way after them, Cleo and Fron turn to old tactics. It wasn’t that long ago that a party split punished the Bastards- what tidings will it bring today? Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews ...
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S3E06: PUMP BOIS

April 11, 2024 • 80 mins
M8, Ze and Boris have found their way to Garcia station, and with the help from an old friend Thespa they now know how to get to the synth side to find their lost Angel. But to do that they will need to rely on Brawn, not brains. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by Daniel Matthews Ambiance sound sup...
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S3E05: Thrifting

March 28, 2024 • 76 mins
M8, Ze and Boris arrive on Garcia station. But the station, its changed, and the gang are looking for a lost angel . So in order to do that they are first gonna have to find the local warlord. Thespa. Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by Bodieh Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi S...
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S3E04: Rig, Its a quiet place

March 14, 2024 • 129 mins
It’s leap year on Earth, and that means one thing- Tay and Dan are putting on TURTLENECKS. Trevor and R.E.E.S.E. continue their hunt for Dr. Ze and Boris, when they hit a spot of engine trouble. Find out what becomes of them as Tay and Dan co-DM the DM for the first time ever in a special one time glimpse into Trevor’s Travels! He’s on a journey, and at this rate- it might take a whole ‘nother leap year to get back home… (Especia...
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S3E03: All systems Margo

February 29, 2024 • 87 mins
Margo and Cleo head out to thwart the galactic company Biolife once more, but halfway there they are con-fronn-ted with stowaways. Now the crew must navigate a jungle planet to discover if Margo's worst fears are true. - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by Daniel Matthews Ambiance sound support by J...
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S3E02: Patching things up

February 7, 2024 • 75 mins
Cleo is back on Diaus, Old friends Bortus and Fronn are waiting for the return of their great leader, But how will they take her new look? and is CapTown ready for Cleo's return? - Starring: DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews Episode art by Daniel Matthews Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi Synth Music ...
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