Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast
A team of artists telling THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND STORY that the galaxy has ever seen! While everybody else is out saving the world, we’re just trying to find the next best place to eat. Join us on our haphazard adventure.
Episodes
December 18, 2025 • 87 mins
The fight is over.
One by one our rescuers find each other again. Boris, Fron and Bortis leave a grim discovery behind them, while Vache and Nine Blades realize a new mission. At the last moment, Dr. Ze hears Cleo in the darkness.
The whole party is back together, so many foes have been bested, and they have their heading…
…but the damage has been done.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber...
Mark as Played
November 19, 2025 • 92 mins
When the going gets tough, the tough split the party. (…Right?)
The hunt for Cleo continues, as the Cap/Bastard rescue squad spreads through the BioLife flagship like a handful of subpar nanites.
Ze kicks us off by taking one for the universe by locking himself in with Robin to both protect the party, and gather intel. Together, they discover that Robin is not the only big fish in this pond.
While Ze goes brain to brain with a fe...
Mark as Played
October 23, 2025 • 76 mins
The plan is working, and our crew is aboard the BioLife ship, where wave after wave of guards welcome them. It's the fastest slow going you could hope for, while Boris, Trevor, Dr. Ze, The Nine Blades and Vache fight to clear the halls, and our Cleo fights to stay alive. Every BioLife lackey between the rescue team and Cleo is a bag of extracted blood, a few million nanites, a last minute stalling tactic.
Regardless, our rescuers...
Mark as Played
September 27, 2025 • 82 mins
The Caps, The remaining Bastards, and… Margo’s BioLife escapee friends, are teaming up to bring back Cleo.
Vache de Mer and The Nine Blades have been captured by BioLife almost more times than they can count. (They are after all, remnants of experiments failed.) Which is why they’re Margo’s ticket to stealthily finding the BioLife stronghold that’s holding Cleo. The plan is airtight. Set a trap, lay the bait, wait for capture- an...
Mark as Played
September 10, 2025 • 8 mins
Cleo and Robin almost made it.
Together they saw the light at the end of the proverbial BioLife hallway. But of course, that was the plan. The scientists bring Robin into Cleo’s cell for one last chat, hoping to wring out the last of their secrets before they eke out the last of her nanites. There can’t be much left, now. Just about a seed’s worth, if anything at all.
Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bring...
Mark as Played
August 27, 2025 • 10 mins
After the battle at Garcia Station, many Synths accepted M8’s offer of Sanctuary.
They heard the code, and they answered the call- not fully understanding what it might mean to be free. The idea itself was a reshaping. To help them along, M8 regales the Synths with tales and visions of Sanctuary, and the great possibility that awaits them all. But as they pull into view, they find that M8’s wondrous data does not quite match what...
Mark as Played
August 13, 2025 • 18 mins
Back on Prospect Town, our old friend Parter has picked up three rather pompous officers.
They’re loud, they’re crass, and they’re bragging in the backseat about destroying the local restaurant "Stu's" (home of “The Everything”!), and discussing their top secret mission to retrieve an "immortal Ursine" from BioLife. They might want to be careful about who they talk around though- because loose lips sink ships, even in space…
Se...
Mark as Played
July 30, 2025 • 10 mins
While the Bastards and The Caps are busy planning their rescue mission, Margo is busy hunting down her own backup plan.
Deep in the jungle on a desolate planet, Margo is tracking down the perpetually-captured duo known as "Nine Blades", (despite having only eight visible), and his precognitive partner Vache de Mer. With their “help”, Margo hatches a scheme to infiltrate BioLife and save Cleo. Her plan? Use Vache and Nine Blades’ ...
Mark as Played
July 16, 2025 • 34 mins
The gang's all here! Well, all but one. After being scattered across the galaxy, The Bastards finally reunite on the dusty Backwater planet of Daius to prepare for a Cleo rescue- wherever she may be. They meet up with some of Cleo’s old crew, obey to hear their tales about mysterious black nanobots and a BioLife capture! Between Boris's newfound assertiveness, Trevor's questionable ship repairs, and Ze's Ze-ness, the Bastards must ...
Mark as Played
September 13, 2024 • 71 mins
Trevor has returned and has brought news of Cleo, but she needs help. So now Ze and Boris must race to finish their business on Garcia station to get to her aid. But just one thing, that business is an intergalactic war.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by @georginalesaux
Ambiance sound support by Ja...
Mark as Played
August 28, 2024 • 61 mins
Trevor has returned and has brought news of Cleo, but she needs help. So now Ze and Boris must race to finish their business on Garcia station to get to her aid. But just one thing, that business is an intergalactic war.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by @georginalesaux
Ambiance sound support by ...
Mark as Played
August 14, 2024 • 27 mins
The bastards have been hit with the most ancient of foes, the scheduling big bad! and have lost. So this week instead of an episode we give you a tasty offcut. Please take this offering and grant us some extra time.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi
Synth Mus...
Mark as Played
August 1, 2024 • 64 mins
Ze, Boris and M8 are at war. Barely alive and grappling with the deformed remnants of their plans, the Doctor and his crew face the wrath of the roused Synth Army. As the drones fly in, Ze and the assembled Bastards prepare for the end. But what they get, is something else entirely.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthe...
Mark as Played
July 17, 2024 • 74 mins
Dr. Ze, Boris and M8 have no choice but to flee the Angel they came to save. With the help of a fast car, the legacy code, and Thespa’s militia, they brace for the impact to come… Both from the loose Angel, and the leagues of synthetic deserters- desperate for the refuge of a less violent world.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ...
Mark as Played
June 19, 2024 • 89 mins
The Doctor Ze , Boris and M8 otherwise known as PUMP BOIS are in some deep danger, how deep? try behind enemy lines deep. But they must go deeper if they are to find and free M8s angel.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by IG @georginalesaux
Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi
Syn...
Mark as Played
June 5, 2024 • 31 mins
It's a special time, it's time for us to chow down on some OFFCUTS, all the tasty lil morsels that didn't make it into the main episode are now here, for your ear pleasure. And if you wanna hear more of this and all of our other Patreon exclusive content then check us out on Patreon. There is even a FREE 7 day trial if you would just like a taste.
Love ya all and see you INNN SPPPAAACCCCEEEE! ( in space )
Starring:
DM Dick Dyn...
Mark as Played
May 23, 2024 • 62 mins
Cleo has been taken aboard the ship for scientific testing, but it doesnt seem like this will be easy, for Cleo or the crew.
But whos that in the shadows?
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by Drew
Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi
Synth Music Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio
Episode...
Mark as Played
April 25, 2024 • 82 mins
Bortis and Margo have infiltrated the Biolife stronghold, leaving Cleo and Fron in the jungle behind them. Struggling to find a way after them, Cleo and Fron turn to old tactics. It wasn’t that long ago that a party split punished the Bastards- what tidings will it bring today?
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
...
Mark as Played
April 11, 2024 • 80 mins
M8, Ze and Boris have found their way to Garcia station, and with the help from an old friend Thespa they now know how to get to the synth side to find their lost Angel. But to do that they will need to rely on Brawn, not brains.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by Daniel Matthews
Ambiance sound sup...
Mark as Played
March 28, 2024 • 76 mins
M8, Ze and Boris arrive on Garcia station. But the station, its changed, and the gang are looking for a lost angel . So in order to do that they are first gonna have to find the local warlord. Thespa.
Starring:
DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell
Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon
Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews
Episode art by Bodieh
Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi
S...
Mark as Played
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