Born Offside

New Season, same old shit, we kinda go through or predicted table then think we're running out of time, only to waste the last 5 minutes on Southampton. 

Will the space time continuum be ruptured? Or do they play on opposite sides of the pitch and probably nothing will happen? did Leipzig lose because of Julian's incredibly tight trousers? Does Ever Banega belong on the street? Are you still reading this description?

Barcelona are shit, Pep over thinks, Sterling misses, and we've got about 30 mins on each of those things. 

We say goodbye to Joao and his pool skimmer, arrivederci to the boys from Bergamo, and hello to ... well nothing good. 

Will Lionel be able to give Barca a semi or will Jerome get his revenge? 

Join us for all that and an incredible insight into the mind of Phil Foden. 

We contemplate the attractiveness of Andrea Pirlo, Mr Felix, and Mauricio Sarri. Doesn't turn out well for old ladies that.
And also, we wave goodbye to Ronaldo, and worry about Thomas Muller's age. 

Like all good cockroaches, we're back. And this time it's Champion's Legal! We've got Paul Scholes and his albino lockdown parties, El Cholo and his balls, and other serious stuff. 

Messi is aging backwards, Bayern ruin everything, oh and football is back!!!! Sadly everyone now hates Spurs. 

We're back. Corona didn't kill us, and it didn't kill football either. We discuss the important things on everyone's mind, like what's up with Thomas Muller, whether Suarez is safe to play with, and what's going on with Disney land and the Bio dome. 

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff. Just the kind of stuff to stuff the stuffing out of stuff... after Christmas.

Yes, we still exist. And yes we are talking about the apocalypse potentially derailing Liverpool's title bid. 

We finally settled our law suit with Rebekah Vardy's instagram account and we're back on the air. 

Jason's watched some football. Dave claims to have, near-hilarity insists. 

Eric's made our week, Bobby Firminho is pearly and we don't like Michael Owen much. 

They’ve signed a crack poodle. He’s a liability. He’s going to make a shit defence even worse… just with bigger hair. All this plus more David, David, Niko, Niko, and more dribble when all you want is a shower.

We discuss when Fat Lamps and OGS will now get sacked, an abysmal Southampton and Watford, and Poch throwing Tizzy Wizzes.

The season is upon us and we're happy. We talk transfers, the title race, who's going down, and other things which have little-to-nothing to do with football.

This season! There'll be another in 3 weeks! We don't care if you don't listen. 

All you need to know about Lionesses, Vikings, and another whole segment on filthy Luis Suarez's tears. Gotta love it.

From Double Mini Trampolines Championships to Champions League Finals... with Love. Of course. Which will prevail in the level-of-importance-o-meter?