Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't
Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom.
Episodes
October 4, 2026 • 114 mins
2 hours of rants - recorded from a filthy motel room in Miami, Florida during an intermittend layover - about the route from Santa Cruz dela Sierra, Bolivia West into the dry Inter-Andean Valleys and up to the Altiplano, and the many plants encountered along the way :
Onoseris acerifolia,
Deuterocohnia meziana,
Neoraimondia herzogiana,
Schinus mollis,
Puya glomerata,
Schinopsis lorentzii,
Cereus hankeanus,
H...
Onoseris acerifolia,
Deuterocohnia meziana,
Neoraimondia herzogiana,
Schinus mollis,
Puya glomerata,
Schinopsis lorentzii,
Cereus hankeanus,
H...
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October 1, 2026 • 117 mins
Originally recorded June of 2026 in Los Angeles California.
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September 16, 2026 • 127 mins
In this episode we talk with Chuck Delwiche about the early evolution of land plants, photosynthetic bacteria, what Earth may have looked like 4 billion years ago, what some of the first land plants look like, why bioluminescent dinoflagellates (Pyrocystis) "light up", and the species of algae responsible for the reflecting pool disaster that nearly have the president an aneurysm over the summer.
Chuck Delwiche is a pr...
Chuck Delwiche is a pr...
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August 31, 2026 • 49 mins
Laiken Jordahl is the national public lands advocate for the center for biological diversity. In this episode he tells us about the destruction of Big bend National Park for a pointless and unnecessary border wall and what efforts have been made to stop it.
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August 24, 2026 • 82 mins
Rants about Taos, Garden Design in the sba to j aisle, how to tell if a plant has massive tuberous roots, Peteria scoparia, a new species of Paronychia leucochthonicola, Texas Madrone in Denver, US intervention in Latin America, and more.
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August 5, 2026 • 119 mins
Ad-free episodes of the podcast are available on the crime pays but botany doesn't patreon. A reminder to any complaining jadrools : I don't choose the ads. Your own algorithm does. Thank your corporate overlords.
This episode contains rants about Tennessee Oak Savannas, suburban Chicago fire ecology, granite balds in South Carolina and Georgia, the close ties between shame, status and native plants in South Texas-Mexican Am...
This episode contains rants about Tennessee Oak Savannas, suburban Chicago fire ecology, granite balds in South Carolina and Georgia, the close ties between shame, status and native plants in South Texas-Mexican Am...
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July 3, 2026 • 97 mins
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Extinction of the Ft. Worth Prairie, the rediscovery of Dalea sabinalis, plants with huge taproots, dry limestone plants, idiotic development, getting fleeced and ripped off in Costa Rica, fleabag motels, the Bowel Movement Supermarket, reminiscing about riding freight trains to Ft. Madiso...
Rants about the Extinction of the Ft. Worth Prairie, the rediscovery of Dalea sabinalis, plants with huge taproots, dry limestone plants, idiotic development, getting fleeced and ripped off in Costa Rica, fleabag motels, the Bowel Movement Supermarket, reminiscing about riding freight trains to Ft. Madiso...
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June 10, 2026 • 111 mins
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
In this episode we rant about all night drives through the desert, meth-amphetamine and Del Taco Management, Phoenix Horticultural Atrocities, the "Kicked Outta Da Botanic Garden" Tour, plumbing leaks, Brad Lancaster's work in the Dunbar Spring Neighborhood of Tucson, and more.
In this episode we rant about all night drives through the desert, meth-amphetamine and Del Taco Management, Phoenix Horticultural Atrocities, the "Kicked Outta Da Botanic Garden" Tour, plumbing leaks, Brad Lancaster's work in the Dunbar Spring Neighborhood of Tucson, and more.
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May 24, 2026 • 95 mins
(NSFW) Rants about Dr Phil, Fire Ecology, Carnivorous Plants, the Piedmont Forests of North Carolina, Sandhills, Coastal Plain Longleaf Pine Savannas and more...
All Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
All Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
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May 14, 2026 • 75 mins
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco is a biologist, educator, and naturalist in Nuevo León, Mexico who has been teaching and studying the region's botany for 30+ years. He has written a guidebook to the plants of Nuevo León and helped describe new species such as Astrophytum caput-medusae.
In this episode we talk ...
Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco is a biologist, educator, and naturalist in Nuevo León, Mexico who has been teaching and studying the region's botany for 30+ years. He has written a guidebook to the plants of Nuevo León and helped describe new species such as Astrophytum caput-medusae.
In this episode we talk ...
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May 8, 2026 • 96 mins
Saumitra Kelkar is a biologist and public educator In Oakland, California. This episode we talk about getting kids into nature, Bay area plant habitats, human selection of native plants and native plant cultivars, remnant edible wild gardens created by indigenous people, human-plant mutualisms, illegal gardening and more.
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutb...
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutb...
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May 5, 2026 • 119 mins
In this episode we talk about the dead fly fungus, fertilizing Trichocereus with piss, how to get a good compost heap running, the science of backyard microbes, human manure composting, cultivating oyster mushrooms, trying to find out what mycorrhizal fungus associates with Texas Madrones, and more.
Follow Damon Tighe on IG at @damontighe
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.p...
Follow Damon Tighe on IG at @damontighe
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.p...
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May 3, 2026 • 113 mins
Rants about Mexican Cops, finding Arroyo Sweetwood in the wild, refugial canyons of the Sierra Madre that feel like humid forests in Georgia, and more .
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the patreon at ww.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the patreon at ww.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
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April 17, 2026 • 96 mins
Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesnt podcast are available on the Patreon at:
www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Philippines, street trees of Manila, the jade vine Stronglyodon macrobotrys, the parasitic plant genus Rafflesia and its host Tetrastigma (Vitaceae), understory forest palms, old world lineages of aroids, and more.
www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about the Philippines, street trees of Manila, the jade vine Stronglyodon macrobotrys, the parasitic plant genus Rafflesia and its host Tetrastigma (Vitaceae), understory forest palms, old world lineages of aroids, and more.
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April 6, 2026 • 103 mins
Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
In this episode we talk Philippines Botany with Jayson Mansibang and Johnny Altomonte from Philippine Taxonomic Initiative. We talk about biogeography, Nepenthes, diversity in the genus Ficus, Dacrydium, Begonias, Dipterocarpaceae and the genus Shorea, describing new species, ultramafic areas of the Phili...
In this episode we talk Philippines Botany with Jayson Mansibang and Johnny Altomonte from Philippine Taxonomic Initiative. We talk about biogeography, Nepenthes, diversity in the genus Ficus, Dacrydium, Begonias, Dipterocarpaceae and the genus Shorea, describing new species, ultramafic areas of the Phili...
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March 31, 2026 • 77 mins
All episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
Rants about saving the Borderlands Caper Tree, salvaging star cactus from a housing development in South Texas, mowing (and "dethatching") dead turf grass, vandalizing Nandina domestica in private landscaping, and more.
Rants about saving the Borderlands Caper Tree, salvaging star cactus from a housing development in South Texas, mowing (and "dethatching") dead turf grass, vandalizing Nandina domestica in private landscaping, and more.
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March 15, 2026 • 111 mins
Ad-free episodes of The Crime pays but Botany doesn't podcast can be listened to on the Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
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March 11, 2026 • 132 mins
All episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available - without obnoxious ads - on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt
A conversation about California Native Plants with Jessie Dickson aka "Sacramento Food Forest" (he has no interest in permaculture). Jessie Dickson is responsible for stoking interest in native plants and ecosystems in quite a few thousand people who might not otherwise ...
A conversation about California Native Plants with Jessie Dickson aka "Sacramento Food Forest" (he has no interest in permaculture). Jessie Dickson is responsible for stoking interest in native plants and ecosystems in quite a few thousand people who might not otherwise ...
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March 2, 2026 • 106 mins
All episodes of The Crime pays podcast are available ad free on the Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt
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February 19, 2026 • 132 mins
Brad Lancaster is a guerilla tree-planter and rainwater harvester in Tucson who has been instrumental in changing the way that the city he lives in treats rainwater and street trees. He has helped covince the city of Tucson to update its own infrastructure so as to absorb - rather than waste - rainwater by using things like curb-cuts, street-side infiltration basins and native plants. In this conversation, we learn how citi...
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