Sober Friends
The Sober Friends Podcast: Two Guys Talking Recovery Matt and Steve have been sober for over a decade each. They still don't have it all figured out. This is a podcast about recovery - AA recovery specifically - but it's not your sponsor's recovery podcast. It's two friends talking through the stuff that actually matters: What do you DO when you're not drinking? How do you handle control issues 15 years in? Why does calling someone in recovery feel so goddamn hard? What happens when you remove alcohol but don't replace it with anything? And seriously, do you miss drinking or do you just miss the relief? Every week Matt and Steve work through these questions together - sometimes they have answers, sometimes they're figuring it out in real time, and sometimes they just need to talk it out like you do with a friend who gets it. If you're in recovery, thinking about recovery, or just trying to figure out how to live without alcohol as your coping mechanism - welcome. Grab some coffee. Let's talk. Topics: Alcoholics Anonymous, 12-step recovery, sobriety, addiction, relapse, service work, early recovery, staying sober, and everything in between. Matt and Steve work AA programs but speak only for themselves. This show isn't affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. New episodes weekly at soberfriendspod.com
Episodes
Most of us spend a lot of time worrying about things that haven't happened yet. We replay conversations, predict outcomes, and try to solve problems that may never arrive. In recovery, that kind of future-tripping can feel overwhelming because alcohol is no longer there to quiet the noise.
In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the connection between anxiety and control. They explore why the need to know ...
In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the disease model of alcoholism—not as an excuse, but as a way to understand why alcohol affected them differently than it does other people. The conversation starts with the idea of “getting better and leaving,” and turns into a deeper look at why staying connected still matters, even after years of sobriety.
They discuss personal responsibility, AA, the &...
Getting sober does not automatically make the voice in your head disappear. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the part of the mind that used to minimize drinking — you’re not that bad, other people drink more, you’re overreacting — and how that same voice can show up later in sobriety as doubt, fear, or the feeling that you don’t deserve what you have.
Matt shares how anxiety le...
There’s a weird part of sobriety where nothing is technically wrong, but you still feel uncomfortable in your own skin. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about what happens when alcohol is gone, but the restlessness, anxiety, expectations, and urge to escape are still there.
They get into why discomfort does not always mean something is wrong, how ordinary life can still feel hard sober, and why learning to ...
In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about acceptance in sobriety — not as approval, not as giving up, and not as pretending everything is fine. It is about getting honest with reality instead of wasting energy trying to control people, outcomes, feelings, or the past.
They dig into why acceptance can feel so uncomfortable for newcomers, especially when it sounds passive or weak. The conversation gets into cont...
Matt and Steve talk about what happens when old alcoholic thinking shows up without the alcohol. Matt shares what it has been like tapering off medication, including the dark, isolating feeling that reaching out would not help — even when he knows connection usually does.
They also get into emotional overreactions, escape fantasies, family stress, broken phones, sponsor avoidance, and the uncomfortable truth th...
A 13-year-old goes to Six Flags and comes back with a story—she could tell right away that another parent had been drinking. No one told her. She just knew.
That moment turns into a bigger conversation about what kids actually pick up on, how early they figure things out, and what it means when you think you’re hiding your drinking—but you’re not. Matt and Steve talk about being that parent, h...
Ever know exactly what you should do… and still can’t make yourself do it?
That’s what this episode is about.
This week, Matt and Steve talk about the kind of overwhelm that doesn’t show up as a crisis — it just builds quietly until everything feels heavy. The to-do list grows, your brain won’t shut off, and even simple things start to feel harder than they should.
They get into:
Ever feel like you’re doing everything right… and it still blows up anyway?
That’s what this episode is about.
This week, Matt and Steve talk about those moments when life hits hard even when you’re showing up, doing the work, and trying to stay on track. The kind of setbacks that make you question what the point is—and whether any of it is actually working.
They get into:
- Why doing th...
A lot of people in AA have a Big Book. Fewer people know how to actually use it. Matt was one of those people for a long time — and he's willing to admit it.
In this episode Matt and Steve dig into what the Big Book actually is and what it isn't. It's not a memoir. It's not a devotional. It's not a loose collection of Bill Wilson's thoughts. It's a textbook — sequential by design, with chapters that build...
Nobody gets sober because they want to stop drinking. They get sober because their life isn't working — and somewhere along the way, someone handed them a set of instructions that actually helped.
Matt and Steve call it the recipe. Not a rulebook, not a religious text, not a list of suggestions. A recipe. Follow the steps enough times and something unexpected happens — it stops being something you do and ...
What does recovery actually mean? If you've ever measured your sobriety by days and wondered if there was more to it than that, this episode is for you.
Matt sits down with Dr. Adi Jaffe — psychologist, neuroscientist, UCLA researcher, and author of The Abstinence Myth and Unhooked — for one of the most honest and wide-ranging conversations Sober Friends has ever had. Dr. Jaffe went from meth-addicted dru...
That's the part nobody wants to say out loud. Alcohol wasn't just a bad habit — for a lot of us, it was a solution. It fixed the social anxiety. It fixed the noise. It fixed the feeling of not fitting in. The problem wasn't that it didn't work. The problem was everything it cost.
Matt shares a moment from a recent trip to Boston — walking past the warm lights of a hotel bar, depleted and exhausted, and fe...
You've heard it a thousand times in the rooms — take what you like and leave the rest. But what does that actually mean? Matt and Steve dig into one of recovery's most repeated phrases and ask the question nobody wants to answer: are you using it as a doorway into the program, or a loophole out of it?
From the opinions of the old-timer who never shuts up to skipping Step 4 because it makes you uncomfortable &md...
"Carrying the message" doesn't mean becoming Mr. AA or giving speeches at speaker meetings. It's not about recruiting, arguing on Facebook, or diagnosing strangers.
In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what carrying the message actually looks like — and why it has nothing to do with preaching.
Steve shares the story of his first AA meeting: lost, confused, and terrified. Then someone reached out w...
Matt and Steve dive deep into Dr. Silkworth's groundbreaking work on alcoholism and why understanding the medical nature of addiction changes everything. They explore a fascinating discovery: Silkworth published his "allergy theory" in a 1937 medical journal—two years before the Big Book—challenging the common AA legend about why he initially hesitated to put his name in print.
The hosts discuss why the D...
Service work in AA recovery isn't about giving back - it's about belonging, commitment, and staying sober.
"I don't even drink coffee."
"That's fine. You haven't been nominated to drink coffee. You've been nominated to make coffee."
Steve heard this exchange at his Thursday night men's meeting, and it might be the greatest line about service work ever spoken. Because that's exactly what service work is - doing so...
"I love to do things that will give me temporary comfort, that will make me very uncomfortable somewhere down the road."
A woman with 30+ years of sobriety shared this in Steve's Wednesday meeting, and it hit hard. Because that's exactly what drinking was - temporary relief that created long-term pain. But here's the real question: when you quit drinking, what are you actually missing?
In this episode, Matt and Steve ...
Ever feel like you're doing everything "right" in recovery but still find yourself pissed off when things don't go your way? Steve opens up about his biggest struggle even after 15+ years sober: the control freak mindset that gets shit done but also sets him up for resentment, anxiety, and dangerous thinking patterns.
In this episode, we dig into the difference between being outcome-focused (expecting specific result...
It’s mid-January, the "Pink Cloud" of New Year’s resolutions has evaporated, and for many in the Northeast, we are staring down a "marathon of dark, cold, and gloomy days". In this episode, Matt and Steve get honest about the "January Gloom" and a phenomenon many newcomers face but rarely understand: Anhedonia.
If you feel numb, bored, or like life has lost its "charm" since the holidays ended, you aren't...
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