Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In PBSE Episode 303, Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner's questions about what real accountability looks like for a recovering porn/sex addict. Real accountability in porn and sex addiction recovery is far more than saying “I’m sorry.” It’s a deep, ongoing process of taking full ownership of one’s actions, beginning with radical honesty toward oneself and others. Addicts must stop minimizing, rationalizing, or blamin...

In this PBSE episode (#302), Mark & Steve respond to a betrayed partner who faces an all-too-common form of "double-dealing." When a partner says “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” but secretly consumes porn featuring people who look nothing like you—who are NOT you—the contradiction is deeply painful. It undermines trust, triggers feelings of rejection, and cuts to the core of self-worth. This isn’t just ...

This episode of the PBSE Podcast (#301) centers on the question, “How does a porn/sex addict coercing his partner into acting out fantasies impact them both?” Mark and Steve begin by acknowledging the devastating reality of such coercion and the way it violates the original commitment of exclusivity and mutual respect that every relationship is meant to hold. They describe how many addicts enter marriage hiding a “secret sexual bas...

Episode 300 highlights the raw submission of a betrayed partner struggling with a husband who pressures her sexually despite her clear “not yet.” He gawked, grabbed, and dismissed her boundaries while excusing his behavior as a “high sex drive.” His minimization left her doubting herself, wondering if she was the problem. This dynamic illustrates how gaslighting erodes self-trust and places partners in a painful double bind: desiri...

In this episode (#299), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner’s story of exhaustion after five years of broken promises from her addict spouse. Despite his grand gestures—weekly check-ins, new hobbies, and podcast listening—he repeatedly relapses and becomes defensive when confronted. This cycle leaves her hyper-vigilant, carrying the weight of the household, and feeling unseen and dismissed. The hosts emphasize that her pai...

In this powerful PBSE conversation (Episode 298), we respond to a listener who vulnerably asked whether he is staying in his marriage out of love—or out of fear and obligation. Three and a half months into the space between Discovery Day and full therapeutic disclosure, he wonders if he can truly love his wife, or if he is staying simply because of the kids, his reputation, or fear of being alone. Mark and Steve normalize these que...

In Episode 297, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a porn/sex addict in active recovery. He describes an ongoing situation that is very difficult for his betrayed partner and shows a great deal of genuine concern for her. Here's the issue—compliments by friends, family and others, aimed at an addict in recovery, can create painful triggers for betrayed partners, who know both the admirable qualities others ...

When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also highlighting how charm without change...

This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true love cannot coexist with manipulation...

This is PBSE Episode 295—When betrayal trauma collides with a history of childhood sexual abuse, partners often feel doubly overwhelmed, carrying both the scars of the past and the pain of the present. Silence, a survival strategy from childhood, often resurfaces in marriage, leaving betrayed partners afraid to voice their needs for fear of conflict or abandonment. But silence only deepens the trauma. Healing begins when partners r...

In Episode 293, Mark ands Steve address how childhood sexual abuse is a form of complex trauma that imprints deeply on a survivor’s understanding of love, trust, and sexuality. It often distorts sexual norms, blurs boundaries between consent and compliance, and creates lasting confusion around intimacy. Survivors may develop insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—and struggle with either extreme sexual avoida...

This episode (#292) explores the repeated heartbreak many betrayed partners experience when they unknowingly enter relationships with porn or sex addicts, offering both empathy and practical strategies for breaking the cycle. It begins by affirming that betrayal is never the betrayed partner’s fault, highlighting how addicts often hide their behaviors through manipulation, secrecy, and even self-denial. The emotional devastation of...

In response to a powerful message from an 18-year-old listener, Mark and Steve devote this episode to young adults balancing school, mental health, and porn addiction. They applaud the listener’s maturity and self-awareness and use his story as a springboard to discuss the foundational concepts of being “accountable” and “responsible.” They emphasize that healing begins with personal ownership and the ability to respond intentional...

Episode 290 of the PBSE Podcast explores a powerful question submitted by a betrayed partner whose addict husband is in active recovery but refuses to discuss his past. The discussion centers on what real intimacy requires—emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the willingness to be known. While many addicts hold back due to fear, shame, or cultural conditioning, we unpack how these barriers undermine authentic connection in relat...

This episode tackles the heartfelt question of a recovering porn addict whose wife frequently screams, lashes out, and accuses him of lying—despite his efforts at sobriety and support. We emphasize that these outbursts often stem from deep, layered trauma, especially when relapse reopens old wounds. Recovery is not just about avoiding porn; it's about understanding and owning the devastating emotional impact the betrayal has h...

In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery, tells her that she’s overreacting a...

PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep trauma. In her desperation for rea...

PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view that acknowledges sexuality as a core ...

In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially when performance was once their only ...