Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also highlighting how charm without change...

This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true love cannot coexist with manipulation...

This is PBSE Episode 295—When betrayal trauma collides with a history of childhood sexual abuse, partners often feel doubly overwhelmed, carrying both the scars of the past and the pain of the present. Silence, a survival strategy from childhood, often resurfaces in marriage, leaving betrayed partners afraid to voice their needs for fear of conflict or abandonment. But silence only deepens the trauma. Healing begins when partners r...

In Episode 293, Mark ands Steve address how childhood sexual abuse is a form of complex trauma that imprints deeply on a survivor’s understanding of love, trust, and sexuality. It often distorts sexual norms, blurs boundaries between consent and compliance, and creates lasting confusion around intimacy. Survivors may develop insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—and struggle with either extreme sexual avoida...

This episode (#292) explores the repeated heartbreak many betrayed partners experience when they unknowingly enter relationships with porn or sex addicts, offering both empathy and practical strategies for breaking the cycle. It begins by affirming that betrayal is never the betrayed partner’s fault, highlighting how addicts often hide their behaviors through manipulation, secrecy, and even self-denial. The emotional devastation of...

In response to a powerful message from an 18-year-old listener, Mark and Steve devote this episode to young adults balancing school, mental health, and porn addiction. They applaud the listener’s maturity and self-awareness and use his story as a springboard to discuss the foundational concepts of being “accountable” and “responsible.” They emphasize that healing begins with personal ownership and the ability to respond intentional...

Episode 290 of the PBSE Podcast explores a powerful question submitted by a betrayed partner whose addict husband is in active recovery but refuses to discuss his past. The discussion centers on what real intimacy requires—emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the willingness to be known. While many addicts hold back due to fear, shame, or cultural conditioning, we unpack how these barriers undermine authentic connection in relat...

This episode tackles the heartfelt question of a recovering porn addict whose wife frequently screams, lashes out, and accuses him of lying—despite his efforts at sobriety and support. We emphasize that these outbursts often stem from deep, layered trauma, especially when relapse reopens old wounds. Recovery is not just about avoiding porn; it's about understanding and owning the devastating emotional impact the betrayal has h...

In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery, tells her that she’s overreacting a...

PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep trauma. In her desperation for rea...

PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view that acknowledges sexuality as a core ...

In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially when performance was once their only ...

In Episode 284 of the PBSE podcast, we dive into the harrowing story of a woman navigating her husband’s sudden shift from sex addiction recovery to identifying as polyamorous. After years of pain, betrayal, and dedicated recovery work, she’s now facing a radical alteration in the foundation of their relationship. Her husband demands acceptance of his new identity, while she grapples with whether this is a genuine expression of sel...

This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like shame, pride, and a desire for autono...

PBSE Podcast Episode 282 tackles the emotionally complex question many betrayed partners face: “How long should my former addict partner maintain sobriety and recovery before I consider getting back with him?” Rather than offering a simple timeline, it reframes the question to focus on the quality and consistency of change in both partners. The article underscores that while time matters, what matters more is whether the former add...

PBSE Podcast Episode 281, tackles the painful and familiar experience of betrayed partners who live in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the next betrayal to surface. Centering around a listener’s heartfelt submission, the article outlines the emotional toll of repeated trauma, especially in relationships where staggered disclosures have prolonged the hurt. Despite doing some recovery work, the listener still struggles with ...

In PBSE Episode 280, Mark & Steve address the complex challenge faced by betrayed partners—especially those healing from porn or sex addiction in their relationships—who want to guide their teenage children toward healthy sexuality. It begins by acknowledging the emotional burden and conflict many betrayed partners feel, especially when trying to teach their children something they themselves are still struggling to reclaim. Dr...

PBSE Podcast 279 confronts the painful contradiction many addicts face: a deep longing for intimate connection paired with a habitual avoidance of it. Through a heartfelt partner’s submission and personal reflections, Mark and Steve illustrate how addiction, as an intimacy disorder, fuels this cycle of wanting but not acting—of making promises without follow-through. The core issue often isn’t a lack of sincerity, but a profound di...

In this PBSE episode (#278), Mark & Steve delve deeply into a critical topic for betrayed partners—After enduring the deep wounds of a marriage ending due to porn addiction, stepping back into the dating world requires tremendous courage, self-awareness, and intentional preparation. We encourage betrayed partners to first focus inward, engaging in compassionate self-analysis to better understand past relational dynamics. Explor...