The Topical
The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.
Episodes
May 20, 2021 • 15 mins
Leslie Price returns from a months-long investigation to serve as host of America’s only daily news podcast one last time.
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Hear why PETA is coming to the defense of these over-bread monstrosities that exist for the sole purpose of having fresh tomato paste extracted from their many teat-like protuberances.
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February 4, 2021 • 8 mins
It looks dirty, and it’s doing a weird thing with its wings. Hear why it would be best if you just didn’t go near it.
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February 3, 2021 • 9 mins
Hear why these arborists believe that if the fruit’s on the ground, it’s ready to pound.
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February 2, 2021 • 9 mins
Plus, from royalty to recluse, we’ll sit down with a former prom king who now lives anonymously among the commoners.
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February 1, 2021 • 8 mins
It’s an awe-inspiring scientific advancement, but is it ethical? Hear why critics say these geneticists shouldn’t be playing God on God by making God.
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January 29, 2021 • 8 mins
Hear why, when they snap their fingers, you will make the sound a donkey makes.
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January 28, 2021 • 8 mins
Hear why authorities now believe the suspect stalked the 4-year-old buck for several hours before shooting him in the chest.
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January 27, 2021 • 8 mins
Hear why scrambling DHS officials are calling the missing folder “no big deal,” but they would really like to find it.
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January 26, 2021 • 9 mins
And they weren’t even playing with it right. Hear why these dead children apparently thought it would be a good idea to ruin the fun for everyone else.
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Hear why Congress is still looking for answers as to why this crucial defense system wasn’t used to melt rioters’ eyeballs right out of their skulls and incinerate their bodies instantly.
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January 22, 2021 • 8 mins
We have everything you need to know ahead of this weekend’s big legal battle.
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January 21, 2021 • 8 mins
Hear why authorities are now questioning how this 10 to 15 mph gust was able to get so close to the 78-year-old president in the first place.
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January 20, 2021 • 8 mins
For the first time since 2016, the U.S. will join over 188 other nations in celebrating the career of the esteemed businesswoman-slash-model-slash-singer-slash-actress.
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January 19, 2021 • 6 mins
It’s called Inuus, and it promises to keep your partner sexually satisfied by sending a discreet, medically certified sex god straight to your home.
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January 18, 2021 • 7 mins
Hear why millions of Americans remain concerned that taking the vaccine could shrink them down to a size so small they would need to fight off mice with a toothpick.
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January 15, 2021 • 6 mins
Hear why consumer advocates are warning that falling for this blatant con job could end up costing you hundreds in food and toys, as well as hours of your valuable free time.
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January 14, 2021 • 9 mins
Hear why detectives believe it could be the work of a serial killer.
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Hear why 9 out of every 10 children go missing as soon as a mother or father chooses to focus on something that isn’t about their kids, like eating or showering or briefly sitting in a chair for the first time all day.
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January 12, 2021 • 7 mins
Nearly 2.3 million Americans die each year from wandering into the ethereal black pine forest. Hear how you can heed the warnings of grizzled woodsmen and lonely widowers to keep from succumbing to alluring calls from beyond the trees.
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