Pessimistic at Best
Welcome to Pessimistic at Best, a podcast for those with a penchant for frequent frustrations, personal gripes, unpopular opinions, honest observations, and the like. Hosted by Sam, your resident Pessimistic Patty, this weekly show dares to ask the question—have we tried listening to women? Each week, Sam sits down with a guest to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly. A surprisingly good country album by your favorite pop artist, a bad bang trim you gave yourself during a manic episode, a military homecoming video on the internet that made you ugly cry. The list is endless, and therein lies the beauty. Come on in, we saved you a seat!
Episodes
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Picture this: the year is 2006, and Disney's three-episode crossover series 'That's So Suite Life of Hannah Montana' is releasing its first episode at 8/7 central, and you're SAT, ready to witness a piece of history.
James and I take to the podcast to nerd out over iconic crossover episodes, spiral over the sensation of an itch, and pick apart some truly curs...
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We're all secretly afraid that our kids will be losers, and listen, I'm here to tell you that if that happened to me? I wouldn't talk to him either!
James and I jump on the podcast to toast to bar games (think pool, darts, shuffleboard, yktv!!!), lament the fact that our thousand-dollar pocket computers require protective gear just to survive, and side-eye parents who ...
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Why did breakfast box itself into such narrow thinking? The day's most important meal could be so much more than eggs, if only we let it become fully realized!!!
Sadie and I jump on the podcast to chat about nicknames we love, bike lanes we loathe, and our deep dissatisfaction with the oppressive egg agenda.
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If there's a viral snack collab unfolding, Lilly is on the scene! Mountain Dew x Flamin’ Hot Cheetos? Sign her up. Swedish Fish Oreos? She's buying 'em, and nobody can stop her, damn it!
Lilly and I take to the podcast to indulge in absurd snack innovations, spiral about accumulating too much “stuff,” and express our utter disgust at some of the world’s most nauseating...
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Who eats sardines straight from the tin, carries a wad of rubberband-bound singles, and is in “talks” with the Italian government? Depends on who's asking.
Adam and I take to the podcast to toast to tinned fish, raise a stink about early morning construction, and pour one out for the many folks who were recently denied Italian citizenship thanks to the consulate's ever-cha...
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It’s important to remember that the SUR experience has little to do with the food. Its true specialties lie in campy ambiance, overpriced cocktails, and the chance to share a room with some of reality TV’s messiest players—pure bliss!
Matt and I jump on the podcast to honor our favorite divorce albums, condemn car culture’s grip on society, and reflect on the tragedy of the...
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Picture this: You're freshly thirteen, you've got your brand new Ocean Pacific swimsuit on, and you're patiently making your way up the wooden staircase with your tube in hand. What's waiting for you at the top, you ask? None other than the Wilderness' most infamous waterslide, the Hurricane. Talk about full-body chills!
Colton and I jump on the pod...
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Name something more c*nty than a giant chiseled man with a spray tan and platinum blonde blowout strutting to the ring in a bedazzled outfit to the tune of "Real American"—you can't!
Rohan and I take to the podcast to celebrate grown men finding an outlet for self-expression, reject the creation of breast milk-flavored ice cream, and criticize the wealthy elite hoardin...
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If I have to use my own cellphone to pull up the menu at the restaurant, I'm clocking in because I work here now. I said what I said!
James and I return to the podcast to celebrate Flow's Academy Award for Best Animated Feature (s/o to Latvia, a real place that exists!), dismantle the Digital Menu Industrial Complex™️, and point fingers at people who don't ma...
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I recently found myself feeling insecure about my Hydro during a Zoom call full of Stanleys and decided enough is enough! Screw your trendy water bottle! Unless you're still chewing on your Camelbak straw, like seriously, it's time to move on.
James and I hit the podcast to celebrate mixing metals, call out water bottle fads, and critique public feuds. Join in, you know you...
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Picture this: The year is 2025 and you're making the active choice to jump back on the reading train after it dawns on you that you've forgotten how to do anything besides watch TV. Sound familiar? If so, you're safe here!
Grace and I take to the podcast to celebrate Chelsea Handler's new book, I'll Have What She's Having, recoil at the thought of receiv...
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Have you ever been out to eat when your waiter suddenly goes missing, only to reappear on stage, mic in hand, bringing down the house? It's like, sure you wanted another martini, but ultimately you're happy they're having their moment!
Owen and I take to the podcast to celebrate servers with secret talents, protest loud speakers in public places, and cringe a...
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Were you normal, or were you spending your iTunes gift cards on Glee covers? Don't worry, you're amongst friends!
Donnie and I take to the podcast to celebrate authenticity, stress over our favorite strategy-based reality TV game shows, and complain about men, naturally! Btw, did we ever figure out if Lea Michelle could read? Lmk, seriously.
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Brunch is something you plan in advance. It's an event you prepare for. Heck, you might even put on a cute outfit! Breakfast, on the other hand, is thrust upon you (whether you like it or not!)
Luke and I take to the podcast to rejoice in the pleasure of breakfast with your friends, complain about the reality of women's healthcare, and clap back at people who pick...
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Everyone can be someone and anything can be cool — and isn't that beautiful? Sure, there will always be pop stars with seismic fanbases like Taylor Swift and Beyoncé, but the "mainstream" is over, you heard it here first!
James and I take to the podcast to dive into the death of the mainstream, protest our apparent collective dedication to ignoring the human desire to ...
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We're back, babies! And ever so grateful to be back in your ears each week. We missed you terribly — what a long two months it has truly been. Much to catch up on, so let's take it from the top!
James and I take to the podcast to share our favorite onomatopoeias, lament over the humiliation of running to catch the bus, and complain about pants when they inevitably...
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Friendly reminder that the absolute worst thing you can do is tell someone they seem tired, it never goes over well. Instead, you could try, "You look like shit," or "What the hell is your problem." This week James and I take to the podcast to encourage more themed parties, commiserate about just how much it sucks to throw up, and to render our final verdict on t...
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Great news team, becoming a better person is actually incredibly easy! Follow our 5-step process and you'll surely go straight to heaven or be reincarnated as something really cool or whatever. In this week's episode, James and I take to the podcast to celebrate the versatility of the fist bump, condemn the act of killing bugs outside, and drag the folks who film strangers...
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Have you ever been to the state of Delaware? Because me neither, and I have no designs on visiting! Devonte and I take to the podcast to celebrate finding fulfillment in our respective careers and shared community, to burst the bubble that is traveling for work, and to throw shade at the CTA.
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Playing dumb is all fun and games until you're on the receiving end of such behavior — we said what we said! Aidan and I take to the podcast to sing the praises of our favorite fast-food chain (Taco Bell, duh!), deliberate over the appropriate way to deplane after a flight, and expose people for weaponizing their incompetence.
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