Battle Royale: French Monarchs
Passing judgement on all the Kings and Emperors of France from Clovis to Napoleon III. Each episode, Ben recounts the story of a monarch to Eliza, then together they decide on how to score them in 5 categories. But who will they select as the crème de la crème, and who will they send to the Guillotine? Proudly inspired by the Rex Factor podcast.
Episodes
May 9, 2025 • 114 mins
Now that we've finished Louis XIV's life, we're going back to fill in some details and decide what score the Sun King should get. Will he escape the guillotine?
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April 27, 2025 • 82 mins
This episode we talk about the zenith and slow decline of the sun king.
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April 20, 2025 • 90 mins
The Sun King is risen. This episode, we chronicle the first half of Louis XIV's life, from his earliest years of civil war and turbulence to the apex of his power.
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more!
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listen.
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You ca...
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March 6, 2025 • 86 mins
You've heard of the Sun King, but what about his mother? From Infanta of Spain to Regent of France, Anne of Austria's 50-year career is a rollercoaster of intrigue, family drama and civil war.
⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.
You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob ...
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February 3, 2025 • 90 mins
The Louis XIII of Alexandre Dumas's "The Three Musketeers" is a comically naïve and easily manipulated do-nothing king, dominated by his scheming chief minister Cardinal Richelieu. But as we're about to learn, the history is a little more complicated when you consider that Louis did have military victories, he struggled against debilitating chronic illness, and France owes a lot more than expected to his partnership with the cardin...
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January 6, 2025 • 89 mins
After seizing the regency upon the death of Henry IV, will the second Medici to rule France be as successful as the first? Get ready for court intrigue, family drama and shocking twists of fate. To view Marie's most famous series of depictions, Rubens's "Marie de' Medici Cycle", head to the Louvre website to view all 20+ paintings together. They are possibly the most spectacular paintings we have ever talked about on the podcast!
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December 9, 2024 • 79 mins
How will "Good King Henry" fare as we rate him? We know he spent his reign fighting, drinking and womanising, but what did he do for France? And more importantly, was he really the second coming of Hercules?Let is know what you thought of Henry, and whether he deserves the fate we've given him...⚜️The rendition of "Vive Henri IV" used for this episode was performed by Les Quatre Barbus, released in 1993 by Playtime records on the a...
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December 2, 2024 • 81 mins
We're back!!! And we're starting off a new royal line with Henry IV, the first Bourbon king. Is this stinky, ill-mannered heretic really the hero France has been waiting for after 30 years of civil war?Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, when we will rate Henry and decide whether he deserves the guillotine. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple ...
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September 20, 2024 • 56 mins
It's time for Margot to truly REBEL.How will Margot's rollercoaster end, and how will she rate compared to the rest of the Valois clan? ⚜️Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.
You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our bonus content: movie reviews, deep dives...
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September 12, 2024 • 60 mins
The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behind and the reevaluation of modern historians show a different side to her story. She was a woman who struggled to find agency and self-determination in a world where the cards were stacked against her from the start. Can Margot break free of her abusive, conniving family and help brin...
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August 24, 2024 • 45 mins
Au revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned supreme from 1328 to 1589. Before they take a well-earned break and start gearing up for the Bourbon kings, Ben and Eliza step back to re-examine the Valois. Who did the best? Who did the worst? And who escaped the guillotine?Spoilers incoming, obviously!Our outro music is Hildegard ...
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August 12, 2024 • 93 mins
This week we delve into the treacherous, tumultuous and frankly bizarre reign of King Henry III, who is certainly unlike any other king we've seen thus far! Will his entertaining shenanigans earn him a place in the tournament? And how much of his scandalous legacy is historical fact? ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or ...
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July 29, 2024 • 97 mins
This episode, we close out Catherine de' Medici's life and give her a score. How does this notorious queen measure up against the likes of Charlemagne and Philip Augustus?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.
You can also support the show on Patreon! Join the official Angry Mob and get access to our b...
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July 26, 2024 • 67 mins
In our first part of the endlessly fascinating life that is Catherine de' Medici's, we chart her rise from an orphaned Italian "merchant's daughter" to the Queen-Mother of Europe's most prestigious kingdom. Next episode, we will conclude the story and ask ourselves, is she really the scheming sorceress history has made us believe? Well ... she's no angel, that's for sure!⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries,...
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July 6, 2024 • 82 mins
There will be blood.⚜️A summary of the major political figures in this episode (most of whom will be dead by the end):Catherine de' Medici, ruling on behalf of her son Charles IX, a moderating force between the factions (at first)The Ultra-Catholics:
Duke Henry of Anjou, Charles IX's precocious younger brother
The Duke and Cardinal de Guise, recently kicked out of power
Anne de Montmorency, Constable of France, an elderly vetera...
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June 23, 2024 • 63 mins
After the sudden demise of his father, young Francis II struggles to grasp his new responsibilities as King of France. Meanwhile, his ambitious young wife Mary Stuart and her relatives, the Guise family, make their first big bid for power. And the rumbles of religious unrest in France are only getting louder...⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on ...
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June 8, 2024 • 81 mins
He's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a period dominated by these legendary women? How will he fare against the might of the Hapsburg Empire? And how will he reconcile his religion with the unlikely allies he has to make?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave u...
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April 27, 2024 • 81 mins
It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine! With this monarch, we enter a new age of Protestant rebellions, American colonialism and Hapsburg domination. Did Francis rise to meet these new challenges, or was he just a blustering fool?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, S...
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April 21, 2024 • 67 mins
The long-awaited Renaissance king has finally arrived! This episode we go through the big moments his life from birth to death, from his famous meeting with Henry VIII at the Field of Cloth of Gold to his disastrous imprisonment in Spain. Next episode, we will be examining Francis's reign and legacy in further detail, and determining whether or not he will escape the guillotine!⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summ...
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April 7, 2024 • 81 mins
From unwanted daughter to first lady of France, this episode we chart the gradual rise of Louise of Savoy - the mother, mentor and "great regent" of King Francis I. We'll see how she measures up to other French rulers of her time, and see whether she gets to sit in the VIP Box with our other impressive matriarchs.⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review ...
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