Can You Don't?
Can You Don't? is a weekly, comedic podcast where Joe Paisley and Bryan Albrandt delve into the depths of the Internet in order to retrieve the best and worst examples of humanity, while openly mocking themselves along the way for being complete idiots.
Episodes
If aliens offering immortality landed on Earth tomorrow and were willing to take you on a tour of the entire universe BUT you could never return to Earth... would you go? Let's talk about that, why the heck Bryan was crying in bed like a giant man-baby, another doctor doing more shady shit while he shouldn't be, the amazing world of counterintuitive but true facts, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
*** Wann...
Joe might run for Mayor. And his entire platform will be built around upgrading ONE GODDAMN THING THAT HAS BEEN LEFT BEHIND SINCE 1995! Let's talk about that, what it would be like living with 20 tiny men, can the washer/dryer actually turn your clothes inside out, winning a sweepstakes promising 'money for life' but having that company go bankrupt, strangers using a trampoline to save your family from a house fire, and mo...
How are serving sizes set? BECAUSE NO PERSON ON PLANET EARTH WOULD CALL THAT AMOUNT AN ACTUAL SERVING! Let's talk about that, taking the wrong kid home from daycare, getting shot in the face with a flare gun by your elderly neighbor, getting a seatbelt ticket after breaking nearly every bone in your body, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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We've never had sex with a hamburger... but maybe we will after today's episode. Let's talk about that, the worst advice from an implied expert in his field, spraying disabled kids with your sprinkler system while they load and unload the school bus, wearing the perfect pajamas to fight crime, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Bryan is so close to shoving something in his butthole. Let's talk about that, the embarrassment of getting stuck in a tube slide as a grown-ass man, why can't we put whatever little pictures we want on our license plates, messing everything up when you're only just trying to help, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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I think we all know that feeling when you just NEED to have a drink... but I'm not sure if stopping for beer while on your way to the hospital with your wife after you just shot her is ever a good time for a drink. Let's talk about that, why is Canada so amazing, selling seats at your wedding to help cover the cost, forgetting where you parked your airplane, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
*** Wanna becom...
The future of relationships is going to be a little nutty. Imagine being with someone who only caters to your wants, needs, and world view... it's going to be hard to stay with a real person who challenges you when AI will just praise you and make you cum. Let's talk about that, why we all collectively do things we know are bad for us, how sexualized TV shows were in the 90's, streaming porn for an entire education board m...
Imagine all the things you purchase while out and about in your neck of the woods. Now imagine if the only way to purchase those things required you winning them via a claw machine. Let's talk about that, eating the perfect butt biscuit at a 5-star restaurant, catapulting your old pet horse over a zoo fence, how insane rich people's dinner etiquette actually is, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
*** Wanna ...
Planet Fitness may not be the last place you'd expect to see a naked man running around in the ceiling, but it's probably pretty damn close. Let's talk about that, being high as f-word on weed gummies all the time, a never ending debate about snapping a hockey stick over your knee, some insane war stories, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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We're not doctors by any means, but something tells us that muting a patient's vital signs because the beeping is interrupting your game of music bingo isn't a good idea. Let's talk about that, arresting a man in a wheelchair for kicking a door down, watching a girl rub herself while she's rubbing your poop all over her body, having sex with Putin, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Fashion is a funny thing. And chimps are taking it to a whole new level! Let's talk about that, adding lead-based paint to school lunches for some reason and getting hundreds of kids sick, an AI band that is doing better than probably 99.9% of real people bands out there, Joe almost getting blasted by a rogue shard of glass at the dump, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Is it just a 90's kid thing or is something wrong with us? But every time we imagine something spinning we can't help but think about the Goddamn Gravitron! Let's talk about that, an awkward time to be informed that big Kit Kats are back in stock, why do pharmacies always seem like such a pain in the ass, a flight getting grounded over a stupid text message, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
*** Wanna becom...
We all know the ol' tin can and string telephone trick, yeah? What if that was your only form of communication regardless of the distance? Let's talk about that, jumping off a cruise ship to save your daughter, parents asking you to do shit at the worst possible times, luring a bank robber out of hiding by dangling soda from a drone, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Sometimes someone's name just fits who they are and what they do, right? So when you find out what Patches Magickbeans did... you'll have that same "that checks out" type of feeling. Let's talk about that, having a giant lid stuck around your neck for two years, if a boomerang doesn't come back is it still a boomerang, jerking off your fingers just enough to complete a given task, and more on today's episode of Can You Don...
When you think of jobs Bryan could possibly have in this world... would you ever imagine courtroom sketch artist?! BECAUSE IT F**KING HAPPENED. Let's talk about that, snorting liquid poop off your mom's finest china, the worst blowup doll for your dog, your grandma giving her entire estate to a male escort, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Did you know that there's a bunch of people out there showing up to airports thinking their Costco card is an acceptable form of ID? That's silly. Let's talk about that, taking a trip to the Gaping Goose, finding a briefcase full of cash with a severed finger inside it, Bryan having no clue how the show works 157 episodes in, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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Half marathon? Hard. Full marathon? Very Hard. Ultra Marathon? Insanely hard. Ultra marathon while breastfeeding a baby and still managing to win your division? WHAT IN THE F**K?!?! Let's talk about that, IOU a rimjob Willy Wonks candy bars, accidentally spilling 70,000 lbs of bees on the highway, Joe smashing his head into the ceiling in an airplane bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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AHHHHHH!!! THREE YEARS ALREADY?! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for all the support over the last few years. Hopefully you enjoy this FLONG'ED out episode to celebrate three years of utter nonsense we like to call Can You Don't?! HUGS AND TUGS.
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There's only so many ways to make a pickle... pretty sure that's all you need to know. Let's talk about that, what to do when someone starts talking to you during a movie, sticking things in your butt while your dad takes a shower, slamming your dong in a doorknob while your partner carries the groceries, and more on today...
What position did you play?! Let's talk about that, the implications of having one arm that's an entire foot longer than your other arm, lonely people caring way too much about their Roomba vacuums, all the different "laws" that people use to navigate society, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!
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