Where Do I Fit In With His Friends

Dear Steve and Shirley, I recently married the man of my dreams and I love everything about him, except his female friends and his ex-girlfriends. This man is friends with everyone from his past and before we got married, his house was party central. He slowed it down when we got serious and he changed his phone number to show me that he was serious about being a one-woman-man......................

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
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(00:21):
Buckle up and hold on tight. We got it for
you here. It is Strawberry Letter. Thank you nephew. Okay,
subject where do I fit in with his friends? Dear
Stephen Shirley. I recently married the man of my dreams,
and I love everything about him except his female friends
and his ex girl friends. This man is friends with

(00:43):
everyone from his past, and before we got married, his
house was party central. He slowed it down when we
got serious, and he changed his phone number to show
me that he was serious about being a one woman man.
He still allows an open door policy for his friends,
and I can't complain because he's such a great person.
The only problem I have is that he's too available

(01:06):
for his female friend and they think we're all a
big family and I'm their sister. In law. I have
politely corrected them for the past three years, and they
complain to my husband that I'm too standoffish and brash.
So a couple of weekends ago, we had a crap
crawfish boil for my husband's birthday, and I worked my

(01:29):
behind off to get the food and prepare the house
for to kick back. One of my husband's female friends
called and asked if she could bring the birthday cake
because her mom makes my husband's favorite Italian cream cake.
I told her thanks, but no thanks. On the day
of the party, not only does she bring the cake,
she brought her mom. Her mom pulled me aside and

(01:51):
told me that I'm going to run my husband off
with my attitude and I need to stop trying to
shut his girlfriends out of his life. She said she
came in peace, but I was crushed. I wasn't expecting that,
and I tried to get through the rest of the festivities.
I felt out of place in my own home and
told my husband about it after everyone left. He apologized

(02:14):
and held me tightly, but then said he can't argue
with the old folks wisdom. How can he agree? I
feel like the outsider here are my feelings valid. Well, yes,
of course your feelings are valid because your valot. You
know your feelings are not being valued. I don't think
by your husband, who agreed with the woman in front

(02:36):
of you. You don't do that. There's no way you
should feel like a stranger in your own home because
of his friends. But I have to point out that
you married him knowing he had all these female friends
and all these ex girlfriends, and apparently he was a
player or something because he mentioned about being a one
woman man when he got with you. I'm sure you

(02:57):
thought he would stop being friends with them, but nothing
changed when she became his wife. What happened to him
being a one woman man? Did that just go out
of the window. I mean, you might be his only wife,
but he still got all these other females in his life.
And I think that's the issue. You expected he would change,
as so many women do, and he didn't. Well, okay,

(03:18):
he did change his phone number, but they found him anyway.
It's his behavior hasn't changed. You say, he's a great guy.
You can't complain about his open door policy, but you
don't want your home to be party central anymore. That
was fine for him, back when he was single. The
problem is he hasn't made you his wife the priority.
If he did, I mean, his friends, you know, wouldn't

(03:40):
be allowed to just bring a cake when you asked
them not to, you know, or she didn't have to
bring the birthday cake you asked them not to just
come to the house and enjoy the festivities. Okay, the
friend's mom wouldn't be pulling you aside telling you all
that stuff, and she wouldn't feel just to fight. But
then again, older people are gonna say whatever they want,

(04:04):
so we'll give her a path on that. But he
should never have agreed with them over you. So you
know which one is it gonna be. Either he's gonna
put your first to pull away from all these female
friends and ex girlfriends, or keep them and face the
possibility of losing you. Those are the choices. Your husband
can't have it both ways. Steve seem to me like

(04:25):
in this letter, you're gonna either have to fit in
or you're gonna get in the back of the line
where you seem to be anyway. See, how you start
is how you finish. All you can say it ain't
how you start is how you finish. But if you're
gonna start a marriage and a relationship a certain kind

(04:46):
of way and it is allowed to exist for a while,
how do you change that? You said, I recently married
the man of my dreams. Really okay, well, let's let's
find out about this dream and I love everything about
about him. Accept his female friends and ex girlfriends. You

(05:07):
ain't mentioned to do you got a problem with his
female friends and his ex girl friends with an s.
So let me lead you back to your letter. You said,
I love everything about him, and so do they? See

(05:29):
you have a community husband. He ain't just your husband.
He's a communal husband. He's he's he just too damn friendly.
He missed happy go lucky. Well, see, you're gonna have
to go somewhere else and be lucky, because it ain't
gonna be up in the hell. You didn't marry the

(05:50):
man of your dreams, who is mister happy go lucky
make everybody feel good and you if he can, Which
is the wrong approach in the marriage. Clearly you're supposed
to leave all others and cleave only on to her,
that's it. But now everybody see her. He turned to

(06:10):
take into account too many people, and this just ain't
gonna work. Sister, you didn't put your age in here.
I don't know how y'all ain't got no kids, but man,
it's just too much. When we come back, I'm gonna
let Sister Odale, oh walk you through this letter with Shirley,

(06:31):
and Sister Odale will answer the questions that Shirley presents
or walk her through this letter. All right, we'll have
part two of Steve's reaction, of Steve's response and the
reenactment coming up with twenty three minutes after the hour
Today's Strawberry letter? Subject where do I fit in with
his friends? We'll get into it right after this. You're

(06:52):
listening to show, all right, Come on, Steve, let's recap
today's strawberry letter. Reenact today's strawberry letter. We have a
special guest to do that. Uh. The subject is where
do I fit in with his friends? Our special guests
his family members Sister Odell to help her out. Lord, Yeah,

(07:12):
you know it is the first time. First of all mornies.
Everyone's hi, y'all. You know, I haven't been here so long.
You know, my feelings was sort of hurt because y'all
don't ask me back no more. But I just figured,
you know, you got yourself up at it, you know,
and you know, you know Steve included, you know, he

(07:33):
went off. Now he don't, he don't just remember nobody now,
But you know it's okay, you know, that's just hope
that one stays on the ad. Oh all of them,
ain't you know. I'm just said calling it the way
it is. Shit Anyway, I'm here to help this help
with this letter because she's in him and got some

(07:54):
things that she don't seem to understand. Shouldn't it here
to marry this man with all these help us hanging
on health vons, hanging on that's it. Well, yeah, that's
the halling in on health less, hanging on health less
hro uh no lotch gold. So now what is it

(08:19):
you need to know? She reley sweetehih she only been
a while. Well, hello, sister Hotel, welcome beautiful brutal for
how the Mexican man that you married. What's his name?
A black man? His name is Ernesto. Thank you, Lenny
sound you know anyway? Well, thank you for asking. He's
doing well, thank you, sister Odell. Okay, Well, this woman

(08:44):
wrote in she she she said she married the man
of her dream She loves everything about He's the man
of a lot of people's dreams. Yeah, but he has
all these female friends and these ex girlfriends. Um, how
many times has Steve hold y'all that y'all can't have
all these opposite sex friends and it don't cause a

(09:04):
problem in your relationship? He's saying it over and over. Yeah,
too many times to count the throw too many times
to count, um, she says. And what is wrong with him?
She wants to know. He's friends with everyone from his
past before they got married, but with girl friends, and

(09:25):
she said, in a lot of ex girlfriends with an
ass only meaning he got more than one. He don't
cut nobody loose. Now, that's two things could be happening here. Okay,
that friendly Oh lord lord, he was bringing it and
they just can't cut him loose. He must have been
up in there just he must have been letting him

(09:48):
have it. Really. Oh hey, Carlie, why sweetie, you know
I've been to tell the truth. Steve can't answer this
letter like I can't go ahead and shooting. Okay, well,
she said he slowed it down when they got married.
He changed his phone number. Yeah, because he wanted to
show her that he changed his phone number, but they

(10:11):
got the new number. Yeah, they got it. He wanted
to let her know he was a one woman man.
But sister O'Dell, he still has an open door policy
for his friends. And then she says she can't complain
because he's such a good person. But she's stat of
y'all having a home. You got a club. Stop the club?

(10:36):
They just coming in going like they won't do it open,
they can't. Ain't nobody after do? They just coming in
and out. You ain't even got a body guard a
dish club, right right? Not a bouncer. Ain't nothing. Yeah,
she says she doesn't complain about that because he is
such a great person, but she says he's too available

(10:59):
to his female friend. He's a great person to too
many people, sweetie, he's supposed to be a great person
to you. Well know what, let me help you. He
could be a great person all he won't. Then, if
you're gonna be a great person again, you needs to
be a greater husband. That's right, that's right, that's right.

(11:20):
Now she's gonna be a great husband. I don't give
a damn by how greater people he is uhhh, but
the poles skills somewhere else. I need a husband up
in hill, right. I need somebody to serve and protect,
love and honor, deathly sickness, off for health. Richard Pope
said he'll death. Vis Ain't said nobody to take care

(11:43):
all these other healths. The wedding wires theyre at the house,
she says, they because they think they're one big happy family.
And I could put a stop to the big happy
family and the thing come to white time meet me.
I bet you won't coming up here. Thank you. We're

(12:04):
a big happy family. After I come up in there. Yea,
let me come over, sweet stop. All is happy as
coming up in here if you want to. We're doing
it half for checks at the dough half for checks.
And then they complain about her being stand offish. Uh

(12:24):
to the husband she stand offish yeah and brash. Yeah,
all right, we gotta go. I wish thank you, thank
y'all for having me though it was real nice. I
hadn't been here in a while. By college. By hey, monic,
MONI coming hey Mississippi. Tell you mama be oning for

(12:45):
some catfish next Friday. All right, sister Dell, thank you.
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