#132: Crappy Birthday Dad! Enjoy Your Garbage Gift

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Start uf dot up, Start up, Brooklyn Boy, Start up,
Brooklyn Boys. That data they making noise data dot up
Episode one. This is the Brooklyn Boys podcast coming to
you in sterri Areo sort of unless you're on a

(00:25):
single Bluetooth speaker, and then I can't help you. Yeah,
that's not our fault. We have got nothing to do
with that. That that's just a single speaker then, or
if you have one year button, you're not in stereo,
you're in mono. Now, on the last podcast, we had
a lot of problems with the audio. Okay, this time

(00:45):
I think that we figured it out. Okay, got Brody
here right, yeah, I'm here, Yeah, and I'm over here. Yeah,
I think we're even We got good love. Are you
recording us on two tracks? Because last time you put
us on the same track and then you couldn't adjust
the No, we were in the same track. But I'm looking,
I'm monitoring meters physical meters. Okay, So people accused me

(01:08):
last episode of sabotaging it. Yes, you did to make
me sound superior because I'm louder. Okay, now that was
just an error in the audio. Now I am I
You have you jacked all the way up, Brodie, you
are literally pinning my needle and I've put myself at half.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, We've already established this.
You tried to pin your own needle that has nothing

(01:30):
to do with me, and you know what, I don't
need you jacking me, do not me. We are even now, okay,
trying to scream at the top of your lungs and
I'll steer at my top of your long No this
when we get some level, child on, No even, it's
not even you need to be. I need to be
louder than you this week, so it's even you can even.
That's right, I'm breaking the first rule of free dessert.

(01:52):
That's right. You can't be like, okay, now we're good. No,
we're not good. But then people are gonna be going
up and down with the knob. You know what I'm saying.
We don't want them to go up and down on
the knob like the volume again. You and you you,
you try to go up and down with your knob.
Hop right now, I can tell you that we we
both sound great. Well, I sound good. I sound better

(02:13):
because you know me. I have the four dred sixty
dollar piece of equipment here that you accuse me of.
Every freaking week the price goes up. I don't know
what you're talking about, but a lot of people tweeted
at us, wondering why you spend so much money when
it was right Well, at the end of the day,
I sound good, okay, Now, the only difference is is
the mic quality, and I can't you know that's the

(02:33):
difference between yourto do snowball microphone and my insert price
here inflation, go of what the system I have? Right? Yeah?
And how much party? How much I pay for this microphone?
Six million the g d P of Sweden's Okay, well,
good anyway, we got that out of the way, but
hopefully we sound better to you this week. You still
got that little little clicking noise, but we'll figure that

(02:55):
out another time. I think that's your slow internet. It's
not internet. First, Well, internet doesn't click. I've never heard
that my microphone is clicking. That's not a thing. I
don't hear any clicking. I'm monitoring the same audio you're monitoring.
There's no clicking. The program of music fear is called
clean feed. Now, is it is that a Is that
ironic that that you're coming in with clicks. Yes, it's gorgeous. Yeah,

(03:23):
I was changing. It's just gonna say. We we got
two more tweets this week of people who are now
listening to the other podcast that you recommended over and
over again because they talk about sex or she talks
about but you can't, you can't avoid it. It's Earporne, like,
how do you not listen to that podcast? All right?
Just stop driving people away? And one of their episodes

(03:45):
that I think they actually accused guys, they're like, you, guys,
you know you're sitting there jerking off to listen to
us that tell our filthy, raunchy stories. Well, I'd like
to hope nobody's doing that to this podcast. Believe me,
nobody's doing that if anything. If anything, they're jumping out
windows because we scream at each other. Yeah, speaking of
this podcast, I want to peel back the curtain for

(04:05):
a second. We are this is episode one two. Here
comes a Blooming Onion. Alright, episodes one thirty and one
thirty one, the last two episodes we've done, are down
dramatically in listenership. Yeah, now, scary things. It's because of
the craziness that's going on in the world with the
with the protests and the and COVID, and there's a

(04:26):
disrupt there's a clear disruption in listening to any content.
And I told Brodie, you know what, I'm gonna read
them the text because I have nothing to hide. I'm
gonna go back to the night that I texted you,
that the night that you were in a panic that
these two episodes weren't getting a lot of play. What
did I write? I said, Hey, Brodie, where is it?

(04:47):
God Man? We talk a lot on text. Yeah, um
right here, I'm like, uh, you searched by keyword no
on my app I can search. Okay, well you got
the superior phone I do. Yeah, Android. What I said

(05:08):
that that clicking was your wife? That was That was
a click of disgust in my fucking throat because they
can't find the text. Okay, here's the thing. I can
pull up the text messages. But basically what you said
was people are out of their routines. They're fascinated by
the protesting going on and not listening to podcasts. But
I countered that by saying a hundred podcasts are doing

(05:31):
better than us on the Heart radio Top one hundred.
So people are listening to some other podcasts. They just
have slowed down on The Brooklyn Boys only these two episodes.
So obviously you can't tell us slices why that is
because if you're hearing this, you've already heard those episodes.
So I need to know from people who haven't heard them.
But if they haven't heard them, they're not hearing this

(05:53):
to tell me why I'm gonna put I'm gonna put
this into perspective, and I actually put this into my
own words. Forget about the text. I pretty much told
you we are not that important. People people love us,
that's great. But when there's other things going on, like
I don't know, awesome weather. Maybe some people are finally
going discovering the outdoors. Other people are home and still

(06:14):
busy under lockdown. Other people are are protesting, they're walking
with marchers, or they're doing okay, all that stuff adds
up to what, At what point does the Brooklyn Boys
podcast listening come into play in the order of things
that you have to get done in your day? And
I think that we are relatively at the bottom. I know,

(06:34):
I'm not an egotistical guy. I know there's a zillion
things we are probably the last thing we're background noise
for some people. So that's why I'm saying, don't worry
so much about the fact that the numbers are off
a little bit. Okay, I know that. Um, everything you
said is accurate except a couple of things. I think
the decline started the same episode that you told people

(06:59):
to listen to, of the episode where the girls talk
about sex all the time, of that other podcast, Yeah,
which for some reason we're not mentioning, right, because I
think the dip we've taken is people listening to air
porn and they're like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna
watch the protests on television or I'm gonna go protest.
I've only got time for one podcast. I'm gonna listen

(07:19):
to the girls talking about porn rather than than a
crabby sixty year old guy complain about going to Walmart
and not getting his drunks. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh. Don't
exaggerate my age the way I exaggerate the price of
your sound equipment. Why not, It's fair game. It's all
on the table. You're telling people. I'm dude, I'm not
even close. What are you talking about? Well, then guess

(07:40):
what the price of my equipment wasn't even close. Okay, yeah,
that's that's the same. That's apples and apples right there. Anyway, Um,
people who like to complaining, I want to go right to.
I want to go right to the music that the songs,
the songs that we for some reason, all right, we okay,
we've been holding on to this for three weeks now,

(08:02):
where where Brody and I feel that there's music out
there that we hear on the radio and all over
wherever every day, and this these songs don't make any sense.
Let's explain. So now that we're doing the shows from home. Normally,
when we're in the studio, right when we go to commercial,
we take our headphones off, we go walk around, we
talk to each other. We are not listening to the commercials.

(08:25):
We are not listening to the songs being played. We're
not right because we've heard a moundred times. So we
and plus we have to plan for the next break.
But when you're sitting on the couch in your house,
right you have I have to monitor the show so
I know when we're coming back on the air. So
I'm actually being forced to listen to the songs. Now,
they're catchy they're great songs. Not I don't have a

(08:46):
problem with them being addictive. By the way, addictive and
addicting do not um So one is a verb and
one is an adjective, So go look that up anyway.
People use it wrong all the time. So I have
those a these songs, and I noticed the pattern, and
I wrote down three songs that were driving me crazy.

(09:07):
I called scary, and I said, have you noticed with
these three songs? He said, oh my god, I've got
a song it's guilty of the same thing. So I
gave him three songs where the chorus or the catchy
part of the song is four lines repeated that rhyme.
But I guarantee unless you looked them up and don't
tweet me. For the most part, the average person has

(09:29):
no idea what they're saying, but their catchy and their hits,
and usually the catchy part makes it a hit. That
we called that the hook, because these songs all became
popular because that's the one that's the that's the anthem
part of the song that you would chant that lad.
Usually with a catchy song, you only know the chorus
right right, You kind of hum the rest, remember like

(09:50):
you might even say, hey, remember that song from fifteen
years ago? It went like that I did, and you
you would say, like the words, those words are usually macarena, right,
those those are that is the hook of the song,
that's the most catchy part. Well, how are you ever
going to reference these songs in five ten years? Hey?
Remember that song that was said? Oh wait what did
they say? Because these are the catchy parts. Okay, So

(10:14):
in no particular order, the four songs will play my
three and then yours because I want you to know,
actually know that the third one actually we both we
both called out, but I'm gonna okay, so here's here's
here's this first one. This is called Heartless by the Weekend.
You've heard this before. Ane trying to find the lawn

(10:35):
that can fix me, judging in the six feet and
I must be sickly. Yeah, okay, you can maybe bring
that's version. I heard the word pussy, so yeah you
have about that. That's your porn right there. Yeah, maybe
you can break down the first line, maybe the second,

(10:55):
But basically what he's doing is what she does in
all the songs. He's like, man, a minute, never meant
a chicken and a chicken pee right then, I'm going
to pee on the big tree on a bitch knee,
trying to find the lawn that can fix me. Be

(11:16):
dodging death in the six speed, I've been dodging something
in the in the six speeds. I guess the car.
I've been dodging death in the six P six speed
because he's got a car that is six You know,
a lot of cars have five speeds, but his is.
You know, his is much more expensive than U s.
I don't you don't have to tweet his lyrics to that.
We can google the lyrics. Our point is, for the

(11:37):
most part, he's kind of just slurring, mumbling and making
up words that rhyme. It's not there's nothing going on
there now here here comes in a doja cat, this
is safe. You all know this song. Listen to this?
Huh didn't he been no notice? You Punchington? You flow

(12:03):
it again, Michelle Obamas floatice? Is that it the only
at those four lines I can only I can only
pick out, why don't you say so? The fourth line
I can't even din't even didn't even notice? And then
it even mumbles itself. Listen to the second line comes

(12:34):
should I bet you had a moment. I don't know,
I don't know. Yeah, you're lying if you said you
heard it once into the words this one here, this
one here you called out, and I'm like, oh, yes,
this is I got very upset with this one. This
is the Black Eyed Peas and Jay bald hold on.
I don't speak Spanish enough to know what he's saying.

(12:55):
I don't even know if it's actual like sentences. They
just they're just saying words and ending it with all right.
So so Black Eyed Peas teamed up with Jay Balvin,
Spanish singer, and uh they took They stole the hook
of the Rhythm of the Night by Corona from by
the way, Corona back in the news again. How great

(13:16):
is that that? You know it's by an artist called Corona,
But anyway, the song is called Rittmo. And you know
this one just started going some damn baby, a nice life.
We bought each other extremo baby, So okay, it gets

(13:39):
better towards the end. We party to the extremo. You
heard that one, right, Brodie? Yeah, but he he rhymed
uh a N memo and femo with Venmo and I think, right, like,
give me, give me something about giving me venmoing me money, which,
by the way, a lot of times you know they
use cash app these days. It's all about the cash album,
not venmoot run. Wait what hold on? Don't just started

(14:08):
going on a semam baby a nice life. We bought
you bought each other, extremo baby you got me? All
these clips are really low. I think he said, no, no,
they are nice and loud for the people, trust me. Okay.

(14:29):
I think he said, I'll retcha and femo which means
to the right, and then I don't look, if you
speak Spanish, then this song makes sense. If you don't
speak Spanish and you just listen to the radio, it's
just a bunch of rhymes. Well because them all. I
think the problem here is a language barrier, and maybe
we need to take some babble because this is Spanish.

(14:49):
So I think that our issue. Whoa whoa, whoa whoa?
Did you just slip in? Did you slip on a client?
Not my client? I don't get money off them all, right,
don't you don't you? That's Danielle's client. They could sponsor
the podcast, by the way, still no takers. The sponsor
to the podcast What's up with that okay, so so yeah,
so the Venmo right party to the extremo. Baby, I

(15:12):
like to shave with some Cramo all right. And this song,
this is one of my actually, it's actually one of
my favorite songs out there right now. It's the perfect
summer song. It's got the perfect summer beat, does it well?
It's called It's called Roses by St John. St. John's song,
the Inbok remix. It's a DJ who remixed that's that's important.
It is important, No I know, and said, this is

(15:35):
uh St John. I don't know. I don't know. No,

(15:57):
I don't wait, I already know, already know. It's all
I could make out. And then this part here, you
know how I get too lit when I turn it on.

(16:17):
I got it, see that. But but that's not what
she said. I can't for the light. I know you
got it. I can't listen. I can't, for the life
of me pick out the first forty five seconds. But
it's catchy. You gotta admit, Brodie, this is the windows
down song. You know what's great? No, it's not because
you can't sing it. You're in the car, you're going, Yeah,

(16:38):
let's sing along to it. I don't. Don't the Pablos
on the floor. No, I like Pablo on the floor.
That makes what sex? This is gonna make me feel?
You already know? Yeah, you already know. Yeah, Okay, I

(16:58):
got I'm in the corner with the money on my face. Anyway,
she knows, but but we don't know. It's a great
song I love. That's one of my favorite songs right now.
It's so sad and I don't know any words to
it except you know, I get too lit when I
turned it on, or maybe not. Anyway, google for yourself.

(17:18):
Follow along with the lyrics. Yeah, that that that's why
it's important to uh, if you know them all you're lying.
That's it. I was gonna call my father. I wish
I'm a happy birthday. You you're buying them a garbage pail.
You you sit on the radio today, you're buying him
a garbage pail. I am Should we call him? No?

(17:39):
I want to talk about the garbage pail first. Okay,
you talked on the radio to day because you couldn't
keep a secret that you brought him a simple human
garbage pail. I got a problem with simple human garbage pails.
And then I'm gonna give you a surprise at the end. Here.
Well we look long. I gotta set this whole thing
up because people know what we're talking about. If they
didn't listen to the big show. No, I was gonna
I was gonna set it up. Go ahead, it's your story.
Well here's the deal. Help me out here. Uh. You know,

(18:02):
I didn't know if buying a trash can for your
father or mother or anyone is a good birthday present.
But I realized my life has been changed by this.
Not a client, not a sponsible. I have this have
a scam bony jingle, wridding because I got an angle. Okay,
all right, I'll get so anyway. Yeah, so this this
company called Simple Human and they make they make garbage pails,
fancy trash cans, their voice activated so you could be

(18:25):
like open can and the little open up, or you
can go walk by it and its sentences that you're
there and it will open the lid. So it's like
a touchless situation. But here's the fun. They're their liners,
their pil liners, which is their you know, their bags,
trash bags. They fit there the curvature of their pal perfectly,
so you don't get any wasted space. You don't have

(18:47):
to stretch it out to get around the rim rim rim,
you know what I mean. So everything you see like
is so perfect and so clean looking. It's like it's
an actual, like piece of art in your kitchen. You know,
some of them coming like crescent half moons. They're coming
around and square or whatever. But but my point is,
I never thought twice about throwing out the trash. Well,

(19:10):
when I got my hands on one of these, I
said to myself, oh my god, this is life changing.
I really was. But now, hold it is life changing.
Hold I understand. But is this garbage pail the scary
sound system of garbage pails? You could equate it like that. Yeah,
maybe that's okay. Is this garbage pail the scary ring

(19:33):
light of garbage pails? Brody people listening to this who
have simple human garbage pails and know what we're talking about,
I don't even want to. I don't even know what
you call them. Maybe not even garbage pail, maybe a waste,
maybe a waste. This will settle it, So I understand,
this will settle it. Would you ask your own pail?

(19:53):
I can tell you right now as I'm standing here,
that I love my garbage pail and I look forward
to taking out the garbage. And here's why, because when
you it's not a sponsor. No, you just pulled the
two sides and they pull it right up. It's nice
and compact. It's and that you know, it keeps its form.
It goes right down the trash shoot very easily. And

(20:14):
and the next garbage and in the next trash bag
is sitting there inside the can. It's kind of like
on its side. It's kind of like a thing, and
you pull it up like like you're pushing pulling tissues
out of a box, and it's right there so you
don't have to go digging for them anywhere. It's it's
just super convenient. So I thought that it would be
great to actually gift this the gift of the simple

(20:35):
human to my father, who's a simple human father love
would love it. I thought, okay, there's two things I'm
gonna say about the simple hue. I have a story
about it, which I'm gonna reserve till the end of this.
But simple human garbage pails, as you've described them, right
when you go to bed Beth and beyond, when you
could bed Beth and beyond had basically two types of garbage.

(20:57):
Yes they did. They have the well three. They have
the plastic ones right like rubber Maid and uh and
an umbra like cheap stuff. Then they had like flimsy
metal aluminum cans that were like thirty dollars, okay, thirty
five dollars, and then you would jump to the simple human,

(21:19):
which were for a garbage can. There was no like,
I want a nice one, but not that nice. You
went with the plastic, you went with the tin can.
When you went for the hundred dollar that was it
and simple human this is the Scamboni hit the jingle scary.

(21:47):
Why is it a scamboni? Okay, because they charged you
a hundred dollars for a garbage pail, which, by the way,
you're gonna use for garbage. Let's not forget that. But
how many times am I going to switch it out
for an upgraded on like an iPhone where I got
a new model coming out next year. Once I got
into my kitchen, it's there, all right, but then they
suggest and give you the impression do you lower that bed?

(22:11):
They give you the impression that you have to buy
their bags. So what they do is they tell you
the letter of the bag type that goes with your garbage. Right,
So I my garbage pail clearly has the blue will
circle that has the letter J on it. So J.
So I gotta find J bags, right, Well, you know
where to find D bags. You hung out with them

(22:31):
this weekend, all right? So the J bags, they're like
ten times the price of buying Glad bags or Hefty
bags in a giant box or buying Kirkland bags at Costco. Right,
so you have to buy these special bags because they
fit perfectly in your hundred dollar garbage pail. So they
get you both ways. It's a double scam. Well, guess

(22:52):
what in my kitchen next to the oven, there is
nine and a half inches between the wall and my
stove since we bought the stove eighteen years ago. That's
how much room there is. Okay, there is nowhere else
in my kitchen to put a tall kitchen garbage pail

(23:13):
except that spot. That's it, and the only place to
put that. Only company that makes a garbage pail that
fits that. Let me guess it's simple human. No, you're wrong,
it's rubber made, cheap plastic that when you step on
it too hard, the lever pops off, and I gotta
turn it upside down and pop it back in. And

(23:33):
that's the garbage pail we my wife and I and
my family have been using for twenty years. Sounds like
you should throw the garbage pail in the garbage pail
because that's trash. Okay, so hold on. So for years
my wife has been saying, we got to find a
better place to put a garbage pail. There's nowhere else
to do it. If I go to the other side
of the wall, that's the dining room, and who he
wants a garbage pail in your dining room? There is

(23:55):
nowhere to put a garbage pail in the way the
kitchen is laid out. Your calenge, you stick it in
the middle of the room. Just stick it there. That's it.
So I broke down this week and I said, you
know what, I'm gonna go and get a simple human
garbage pail. That's it. I've been saving up. I got
some coupons at bed Bath and Beyond, and I'm gonna
buy it. Well, guess what the coupons coupons you know

(24:19):
and love at bed Bath, Oh, they don't work at
Simple Simple Human products coupon does not apply. So f
you again, simple human. You can't even use the coupons
because they're so elitist. You have to pay full price. Okay,
I go, And I said, you know what, I don't care.
I've been promising my wife. I'm gonna put it on
the other side of the wall in the dining room.

(24:39):
She'll hate where it is and we'll go back to
the plastic piece of ship. So I bought the I
bought it right. It's it's the chrome silver one. It's
a hundred dollars. I felt awful. I'm sick to my
stomach even saying it. But I was like, okay, fine,
So it comes with it comes with bags, right, it
comes with whatever, letting fucking scam bags it comes with.
And I said, fuck it. I put a hefty bag

(25:01):
in and guess what's scary. It's still perfectly. It fits perfectly,
So don't fall for the scam. Figure out what company?
No hold on? So I get the bait right. So
it's gotta, it's gotta. It's got this expensive ring that
comes down and holds the bag in place, right, and
then the lid goes down softly, oh so soft, So

(25:21):
soft into the rim, right, so only this little thin
flap goes up and it drops down into the ring
and it's just whisper, quiet, whisper. So my wife comes
home and I say, you can put the first garbage in.
I surprise her and she goes over to it. And
my wife has never stepped on the foot pedal on

(25:41):
the rubber made piece of ship, because if you stepped
on it too hard, it broke off. So for the
past ten years she lifts the lid by hand. Well,
you can't lift the lid by hand on the simple
Human because it's paper, it's and it fits in the ring,
and it's not alright, alright, you know how to destroy
every thing, to knock everything down. I'm telling you everyone,

(26:02):
it's a great thing. You hold on. Let me see
if there's an alternative home depot, because they're open. Only
had this one, the top of the line one, So
I go on the website. They make one the same size.
The metal isn't as shiny, and the lid is black plastic,
but it's a lid that you can lift off. Well.

(26:24):
Simple humans like three weeks to ship and Amazon charges
more money, and the only place it has it is
home depot, but you can do a search and find
the store that has it, because my store didn't have it.
So I find the one near your house. Scary. I
go to the home depot near your house. It says
they've got three in stock. So I go there. They
have none in stock. None they at me. So three

(26:49):
cans at you because they obviously are unaccounted for and
they're missing right right, or they're using them in the
break room, or somebody scanned the wrong item and then
switched them or whatever. So I had ordered from Amazon,
I have to wait a week now, So I've got
the Whisper Quiet super expensive one. Now, how to take
the garbage out so it's still clean? So if I

(27:10):
have to return it, it's it only got used for
like a minute. So my point is, first of all,
they're too expensive, and if you buy the wrong one,
you fucked, and right, buy the bags. That's all that
I get. You know, you could find the bags on Amazon.
You could buy the imitation the imitation ones out there.
You don't have to buy their brand. That's fine, that's cool,
all right, whatever, go to Target. All that said, All

(27:32):
that said, you know your father, you know what he's
gonna say, I'm gonna call him right to him. I
think I'm a simple man. Why would you exactly has
the word simple in it? What did he say to
you when you when you bought a two and fifty
dollar turkey? He ate it? He gobbled away, Yes he did.
He said he loved it. You don't need, We don't need.
Williams say, that's the thing my father's Sicilian and not

(27:56):
Ladan we have. He's got a clash in his own blood.
And here's the problem with that is we're thick headed.
He's thick headed. But then once you introduce him to
something new and you take him out his root, out
of his routine, then he's excited about it. Then he's like, Okay, alright,
guess what. It's now ten years later and I'm still
buying that same freaking turkey after he told me not

(28:17):
to and at the first year, the first year. So
now he loves it. He looks forward to it. Right
around November one, he's a good yea, you're gonna you
gotta You're gonna come over for Thanksgiving. And I'll be like,
of course, Dad is so okay, um, damn you can
You're gonna you're gonna get the toyky you go, We're
gonna get Dad. Don't worry about it. You don't have

(28:39):
to ask. You know, I'm buying the turkey. See he
kind of he sniffs around for it because he loves it. Now,
that's what I'm saying. It's it's Tony. How long you
after you give him this garbage pail to? How much?
I'm gonna call him up right now? Hold on, he
you're gonna tell you to Tom how much you're gonna
tell him what youre buying him? Yes, his birthday is tomorrow.
It's on the way and and you're gonna tell him

(29:00):
that he's responsible buying his own garbage bags special, Yes, yes,
hold on. Hello, Hey ma, I'm went to Brooklyn Boys
podcast with Brody. How are you doing? Oh good? How
are you now? We've been good? Yeah, we're great. Him scared?

(29:21):
How are you doing? How are you doing? Brody? I'm
doing well? Thank you good? So may that you know
what's coming daddy? There? Dy? Yes, he is put him
on the phone. Well, what mom is Scary? Scary has

(29:43):
a gift. Scary has an idea for a very expensive gift.
You know your son? He can't. He can't go moderate
with anything. He has an idea for a gift for
your husband that he thinks it's going to be stellar.
And I think, knowing knowing Tony, he doesn't like this
certain thing shouldn't be extravagant. They should be said, right,

(30:03):
absolutely right. So you know how Scary goes overboard on
things that he shouldn't go overboard on. So way do
you hear this, this ridiculous ideas? Yeah, it's scary. Tell
him what your ideas? All right? Wait, he's going to
pick up the phone. Hold no, no, no, no, no no,
put him on the phone together. No, I won't want
your mom with give an opinion first. Oh, I'll say

(30:25):
it out loud quickly. Okay, So there's a there's am
I bought him a simple human garbage pail and it's
on the way to the house for his birthday. Don't
anything like this sounds like the phone tap with the bicycles,
you know. Remember what do you think he's gonna love
it or not? Do you think he's gonna like it

(30:46):
or not? Mama Ski, how much do you think a
garbage pail should cost? Well? That's well, I you know why,
First of all it's got. First of all, I know
about simple human garbage pail. Hey, stopped say it out loud.
What do you do? I tell he wants to tell
my No, he's outside, he's outside. He didn't hear. Yes. Um,

(31:10):
so I know about them because we've looked at them
in um, in bath and beyond. Hold on, hold on,
And why didn't you get one? Well, because sometimes it's
not you know, like I can only put it in
a certain spot, okay, and um it has to fit.
And I know the thing, and I knew and I

(31:32):
know that you have to have certain garbage pails, the
the what you call the big exactly right. And I
didn't want to have to be doing that all the time.
I wanted to just get a big box from Costco.
And what don't you want about Kirkland, Kirkland? Thank you? Okay,
you got that right. That's fine, that's fine, that's great.

(31:54):
So you can't give somebody gift that's gonna cost them, No,
it's not, because I already I already two cases of
liners coming to the house. Oh my god, you mean
we have to keep this garbage pill You're just going
to replace the one that you have that that disgusting
one that you have sitting over the mine is fine,
It's not fine. Wait wait till you wait till you

(32:17):
see this, Wait till you see how it works. But
I have to ask you. I have to ask you
a very important question. Okay, now you've got this garbage pail?
Is it going to pick up the garbage every night
and bring it outside? I mean, if it's that expensive
and it's that great, I would think that it should
take itself outside and put it in the garbage pail. Exactly.

(32:38):
Put Daddy on the phone. Why it's time? Why he
spent two two hundred dollars on the garbage pail? I
can't He did not? He did not? You know him? Oh?
Do I know him too? Well? Do you know? Do
you know he brought home studio equipment for for a
hundred nine thousand dollars for the for the gaggerating. This

(33:00):
guy's exaggerating. Don't listen to him. Come on, hold on,
Time is money here? All right? You're you're ready for that? Yes,
time is money? Yeah? Yeah, come on, yeah, all right,
how was going to stick? And let me get hold on,
let's get Tony on the phone. Your mom agree with me?

(33:22):
Kirkland garbage back in the meantime alright with Scary and Rody. Okay, serious, Hey,
hey guys, how how are you doing? Hey? Happy birthday,
thank you, Happy birthday, Happy backday, thank you. Listen, Um,

(33:45):
we've got a problem. We don't have a problem. We
don't have a problem. I'm telling you. I'm gonna tell
you this live on this podcast right now. But keep
in mind your wife agreed with me already. What are
you trying to pit her against me? She's already. Dad,
I don't your birthday to morrow, and I know I
really didn't get you anything. So well, here's what I did, Okay,

(34:06):
I did. I'm sending you a gift, okay, because I
know that this is gonna come in handy, because I
know that for all these years I've wanted well, I
didn't really care and I didn't want one of these,
and then I got one and it changed my life.
So now I'm gonna change your life. As tomorrow or Sunday,
whenever it comes to the house, you are going to
get in the mail a simple human kitchen, stainless steel

(34:33):
garbage pail with two cases of liners. Wow, I want
to know. Can I go to bed with this thing,
and maybe I could have some fun with it or something.
I mean, if it's so, if it's so exciting and
something I'm looking forward to all my life, I could
use a little sexual activity with it and stuff like that.

(34:55):
This is scary. It costs more than the turkey he
buys every year. Shut up, broady, stop it so listen.
I had to tell you no, listen, I'm being honest.
It's on its way to the house. I wanted it yesterday.
It's coming. So here's what. It's going right to the house.
So what what it is is, it's a stainless steel.
It's gonna look like a piece of art in the kitchen.

(35:17):
It's gonna look like it belongs a furniture. That's how
beautiful these cans are. And but wait, there's more there is.
I want to know if that's so beautiful. I've sent
him Valentine's Day cards every year because or something like that.
Let me say this, every time you walk by it,

(35:38):
it knows you want to put garbage in there, so
it the lid opens automatically. It has a sense on it.
You got the censor one, Oh my god, and it
sounds like the one that was that Stephen has because
when here whatever I passed flight, it would open up.
And I'm saying, has nothing. It's throwing here. Why is
it opening up because you walk by too closely? It's

(36:00):
so I learned that it learns your your moves and
it knows. So if you're in the kitchen a lot,
it's not gonna move. No, it knows. No, I'm telling you, Anthony, listen.
I I appreciate any anything you do from you know that.
But the freaking garbage pail in the kitchen that we
we passed that is just about eating with me every

(36:21):
day because that's how big the kitchen is. I mean,
you know it's going to think I want to throw
stuff in it all the time and keep popping open. No,
it's not what I'm trying to think. That. It learns
your It learns your mannerisms and your gestures. If you
come close to if you get close to it in
a certain way, it will open up, and it will
it will wait for garbage. I'm telling you, if you
have to and rub it, it'll open. I'm telling you now,

(36:44):
I almost got you. The one that has a voice
sensor where you scream open, can open, can and it
will open up the really open can and it flips.
You've been alone too long. I think, I think you
really have to stop thinking from my birthday this year,

(37:04):
I'm getting it in the can. Oh no, God, hey,
what you tried to do when you were a kid. Okay,
so here's the thing, so back to the can. Uh.
What I want to do is listen. I bought you
two cases of liners. You and by the way, the
these liners are, they're fitting. And when you when you

(37:27):
take the garbage out, okay, when you pull the two
handles and you take the garbage out, you can see, no,
you can see you can see inside the can. The
next uh, the next liner sitting there like a tissue
box and all you gotta do is pull it out
and then you put it on and it fits perfectly.
I'm telling you you're gonna love this. How expensive bodies
line is because you know me, I'm an easy guy.

(37:50):
I'm I'm I'm very basic, easy going guy. Man, I
go I go to Well, Well, here's the thing. I
will tell you this. The first one and twenty are
on me because I got you two cases. Well how
much well I got I got two D forty for
sixty six dollars. How much garbage you can get that

(38:12):
many a cost? Go for fifteen bucks? How much? Can
I ask you a question? How often do you throw
out the garbage? Every Oh? You've got it? Well? You know, Anthony,
if you, if you, if you throw it out at
least once, maybe twice, I don't know, every every other day.
This is gonna ask you. This is gonna last you
a year, a year's worth of liners. It was like

(38:34):
story about it. I don't know what can I tell you?
Done already? Right? Listen a new garden the hill? Don't you?
Can't you using new garbage pail? Oh no, no, that
is not the first thing on my list. What did

(38:56):
you you listen to? I wish you would have conferred
with mommy praise at least talked the mommy first, and
she would have told you, Anthony, you know, not really
you know what I mean? If he asked me, I
would have said the same thing, sir, I mean, I
hope I'm not hurting your feelings, but I'm sorry. You know,
freak garbage till that open line is caught. But the

(39:19):
price of the line, I could go out and buy
three garbage pails alright, that's okay, because for Father's Day
he got your talking toilet paper dispenser. You got me.
It's a it's a it's a stand that holds toilet
paper and it talks to you, and it doesn't I

(39:41):
want to know if I want to know, to wich
my ass, tolush the toilets for me, wipes it wipes
your ass. And then he altso brought you the bags
so you can put the toilet paper in the bag
so you don't have to flush the toilet anymore. Oh
my god. Well it's called simple human Listen. Try Anthony, listen.
Is this too? Wait to send it back to where

(40:02):
it came. It's showing up tomorrow or Sunday whatever. I'm
telling you, you're gonna love it. You know you have one.
I do have one. That's what get inspired me to
buy it. I'm like, you, Anthony, you have one? Could
I cannot use too? Hey? Hey, scary scary? Does does

(40:22):
Robin have one? No? But Robin was the one who
inspired me to buy it? Because she just got one,
So I'm like, that's why I'm getting Yeah, she has
one already, Otherwise I would give it to her. Sorry,
you're stuck with this one. You're gonna have to throw
out your own garbage. You get, throw that garbage pail
in this garbage pail and then call it away. All right,
all right, I got good. I tell you the thought

(40:43):
was behind it. It was good, but you know, the
thought was definitely behind it instead of in front of you.
All right today, all right, by anything, I nailed it.
I told you he is a simple human. I said
he was a simple human. But but meaning like he'll

(41:04):
he's okay, he doesn't. He wouldn't be offended by me
buying him a garbage pail as opposed to something else.
That's why he's a simple to it. It's his birthday.
He lived another year, and to celebrate him staying alive
one more year in the world, it is today, dodging
the coronavirus. You got him garbage pail and a garbage
pail and bags. Nothing says I love you like you

(41:25):
should throw out your human waste into this pail. Well,
you know that stuff you ate for dinner. Throw out
the remains in the gift I gave you. What were
you thinking? You just make me feel like shit. No,
I think it's a great garbage pail. If you're a
boogie single guy. I'm not a bougie. It's not a
bougie garbage pail you call yourself. You can't even say

(41:47):
that a boogie single guy? How much? How much does
the sense of hunting forty? All right, let's just just
change the topic because I can't. You're about to ask
him if that I asked him, if they knew that
I set my own it, or try to if you
know what we're talking about. You're not listening to the
episodes in order. Excuse me, my god, you have corona. No, no,

(42:09):
you're dick. Hey. So I got a couple of things
I want to get off my chest if you don't mind.
First of all, I want to send a couple of
thank you's. Last episode, I told you I couldn't find
Tostitos Baked scoops anywhere, Okay, right, I told you they
were discontinued because of the COVID nineteen pandemic. So thank

(42:30):
you to James Hark Jr. One of our loyal listeners.
James Love James. He was in a Dwayne Reid I think,
or uh, Walgreens maybe, he said, and he found them
stashed behind other chips. I think he said he found
seven bags of big scoops and he bought them all

(42:52):
from me. So thank you, James. I don't need him
from anybody else, and I won't need him again for
about six months. So can you shower received By the way,
I ran into James one day in a mall. I
hope he's okay. Yeah, I think yeah, I went into
I ran him into a mall and he was like, hey,
what's up. Scary I was. I was running out and
he was running in it. Any thank you. Thank you

(43:16):
to Haley MG. She sent me a picture. She was
she saw this and she was thinking of me. Uh.
It's a it's a shelf full of cases of soda,
and one of them is a case a twelve pack
of diet grape soda. She said, I was thinking of you.
So in the picture there's also a green box of
soda and a red box of soda. And the red

(43:38):
box of soda looks like a Dr. Pepper box, but
it's called Dr Bob. And the green box of soda
looks a lot like mountain dew. It's called it's called
Mountain shouting. Oh wow, knockoff right rotten right, But The
point of her picture was that she found diet grapes

(43:59):
so to she said, it's not grape a goo, but
I found it. It's at a giant food stores, which
we don't have an area, and she offered to ship
them to me, and I told her that wasn't necessary.
Thank you. I appreciated that, but I wan't going to
say thank you to Haley, who is willing as a
slice for life. She said, to ship me the twelve
pack of diet grape soda, and I said, or the
mountain shouting you're you're not gonna or the doctor Bob,

(44:22):
Dr Bob Well, Dr Bob good boys, the staff. Thank
you both for free ship for us, for us, thank
you for the free ship for us. You can always
send us free ship, but not right now. We're on
pause because a lot of people are working from home
and we have a part time mail department, so we

(44:43):
don't want to bog them down right now. So we'll
continue the free ship in September when we get back
into the office where my scoop survives. Scary, you're gonna
need to bring those home for me. Yeah, I already have.
I already have the morning show Scrubs sitting here to
to pair for you, and I appreciate waiting. So I'm
just gonna add that scoops and then the scoops. So um.

(45:04):
In the meantime, we got a couple of emails we
could deal with and then I know you you have
something that you you really have to put I know
you do, but I have I have some tweets, So
you read the emails. I got some tweets. We'll get
that out of the way. Yeah, because we do have
some some fun mail mail talk that sounds like it's

(45:25):
mail time. Welcome, you've got mail. You can always email
us at the Brooklyn Boys Podcast at gmail dot com
and get into us on our socials at Scary Jones,
at David Brody Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat all of it. Doesn't
have a Snapchat though, anyway, But we like to read
the mail from the email address. This is from Carrie

(45:47):
Carrie Jerdy Road. Hey guys, they've been catching up on
all the episodes and just as baffled as y'all are
by who is considering themselves essential workers and first responders
during these times during quarantine. I started in a new
marketing position for a memory care facility. There's an awesome
sign outside that says heroes work here. Yes, heroes certainly

(46:08):
do work here, but I do not consider myself one
of them. I do marketing. I sit at a desk
and strategies. I am not the one taking care of
our awesome residents. I thank our nursing staff every day
for being heroes. Thank you so much for providing my
drive home with entertainment. And last there's hashtag slash for
life and Carrie. Sorry, I have to grammar policia. You

(46:30):
spelled heroes h e r O S, not h g
r O e S. That's the correct way, all right
here here us right and Nick Handelman, But but but
superhero superheroes, you know, supposed superheroes. Um? Oh, yes, right, yeah.
When I was at six Flags Great Adventure, they had

(46:51):
a giant booth set up to buy capes and it said, uh,
superhero capes, and they left out the E as well. Now, Brodie,
who sent you the scoops? Who's gonna send you the scoops?
James Hark Jr. And you just said that you don't
have any more, that you're done with the scoops? I said,
baked scoops and coming I'll eat them. Well, guess what.

(47:13):
There's more on the way from Nick Edelman, Baked Tostito scoops. Hey, Brodie,
if you still need those big tostedo scoops, we have
them here in Georgia and I will send you some bags.
How many do you want? So he's there, he's ready
to take your order. That's Nick Edelman checking out. Nick.
I'll let you know see if James comes through or not.
Here's a story of hope from Steve Hillsdorf. It's a

(47:37):
free car wash. How about this. I hope you guys
are doing well. Got a quick free dessert. Story doesn't
involve a large sum of money, but it is a
great example of business doing the right thing. Wanted to
highlight these guys. Went to the one of those automated
car washes last night and noticed a ton of soap
on the windshield, roof and trunk of my car after
the wash was supposedly finished. Well, it looked like the

(47:58):
sprayer arm that's supposed to rinch off the soap they'd
not remove, did not move across the entire with the car,
leaving a ton of soap in the middle section. I
paid twelve dollars for this car wash, which I don't
feel as a large sum of money. However, the fact
that I paid twelve dollars and still had to go
home to rinse off the car myself piste me off.
I wrote a comment on the company website when I

(48:19):
got home and woke up this morning to coupon codes
for two free four car washes hashtag free dessert, Stay safe,
stay healthy. I don't think you're staying healthy, Brodie. You're
coughing and wheezing in the background as I'm reading this email.
I'm a little flemmy. Yeah, okay, but I moved the mic.
I didn't cough into the mic. And this one here

(48:39):
from Tiffany Harvey. I love hearing this. The subject is
silent Slice for Life. Hey guys, Um Brodie, scary scary Brodie.
I said both, so neither one of y'all can get
mad at me. But if you use the example scary
and Brodie, Brodie and scary in that order, you're technically
saying it first his way. I hear say Brody and scary,

(49:00):
scary and Brodie. Either way, I hope to I hope
to hear a shout out on the next show. Um,
I was a fan of your old podcast, Scary the
off Air Show. I was an off air head, and
now I've been converted into a slice for life. I've
wanted to email you guys both forever, since I've been
so far behind. I felt it was pointless. I should
have kept notes on everything y'all mentioned that I wanted

(49:22):
to comment on, but I didn't. Maybe I'll go back
and listen again and email y'all. Maybe not, But anyways,
I stopped listening back in September when I want on
maternity leave, and I was, uh, soday, you go, Brodie,
there's a reason why the listener ship drop. Everyone got exactly.
That was in May two thousand nineteen. I went back
to work may have this year, and as of today,

(49:43):
I am all the way caught up. I love you
back and forth banter. I love to hit the jingle.
I love how Scary throws in his companies at just
the right times, you know, companies like Sloman's. I'm not
from Brooklyn, you ever, No, no, no, no, what are
you talking about. I'm not going to give an example
of something in an email so that I won't know
that context that you son of a bitch hit the

(50:07):
jingle hit it. I was just giving context for people
that don't know what that meant. So I had to
mention the client in the email. It was it's like
you did not have to mention this specific client. Move on,
go on, move on, snake, go on anyway. Okay, So, uh,

(50:30):
I'm not from Brooklyn and nor have I ever been
to New York, but he was away. I think it
was the y'all that gave that away. Um anyway, um,
but I love that thing just means you're not from Brooklyn.
I don't really enjoy you guys talking about it and
all the places around it. By the way, should we
tell the audience what the Brooklyn equivalent of y'all is?
It's you motherfucker's Yeah, how you do? Forget about that

(50:55):
Y'alluck's No, y'all is like y'all you motherfucker's. Hey assholes
would be the equivalent of you all right, right, you
a bunch of guys I think, hey assholes. So anyway,
but the fact that you guys talk about all this
stuff makes me want to come visit one day. I

(51:15):
used to listen to the Big Show all the time,
but ever since getting Oh my goodness, I don't listen
as much. Now what, Well, you gotta get back into
the Big Show anyway. Um, the episode where you guys
called Walgreens was I was secretly hoping one of you
would slip into the uh the fat Patrick Fitzgerald and
the other dude, Gerald Fitzpatrick. Oh that's my phone tap
that we do from the Big Show with Ronnie. But

(51:36):
you could have Yeah. But anyway, anyway, I also love
I have the complete set of Friends DVDs like you, scary,
but I did just purchase HBO Max just so I
didn't have to get up and switch DVDs out just
to watch Friends. A huge fan of the podcast could
go on all right anyway, And one last thing, can
I make a Friends comment real quick? Yes? Oh, they

(51:58):
just wanted to wait on f That's Tiff from Lynchburg, Virginia.
What's up, Tiff? Um? So, in regards to Friends, I
don't know if people know this, but if you buy
the DVDs, you'll you'll see what you'll see the scenes
I'm talking about. But on broadcast television that the reruns
they take scenes out. In fact, there are some scenes

(52:21):
that have not been on television since they originally aired
on television. Now, why do they do that because they're
gonna offend people or because it's just because because in syndication, right,
they put in they put in more commercials. So, UM,
my daughter, who's right now, Both both my second and
third oldest daughters are obsessed with Friends always and they're
just in the mood now since we had HBO Max,

(52:42):
they're re binging. But also my youngest uh tapes every
day on the DVR Friends on television, So she watches
NonStop episodes all you know, constantly. But she likes now
pointing out what scenes are missing. And so we were
watching an episode in her room the other day and
she says, right there, Dad, the Monica dances missing. And

(53:04):
I'm like, wait a minute, it vaguely sounds familiar. And
she pulled up the scene on YouTube and there's a
scene in like this particular episode where where um, Rachel
is by the kitchen table in in the the girls
apartment and Monica is over by the couches, right, and
so Monica I just walked out of the bathroom or
something and um, they say, oh, they tell her something,

(53:25):
and um, she says what And on the episode that
was on television, it cuts and all of a sudden,
Rachel is in the living room. Oh that's terrible, that's
awful continuity. They can't they can't cut a scene like
that where it doesn't flow right. So what they took
out was Monica asking a question, Rachel sang something still

(53:47):
in the kitchen, and Monica doing a dance and a
song that was hilarious, and then Rachel walking over as
she was singing. So they cut that out. So you
wouldn't know. If you're watching Friends on reruns one levision
like I didn't, you wouldn't. You might not even notice it.
But if you're Friends not like my kids are, you'd
notice it. So HBO Max is, to my knowledge, playing

(54:08):
the whole episode Old School Now with no commercial. I
wonder how many scenes have been deleted from syndication from
the show because they had their commercials in. Yeah, so
I google. By the way, we don't have that problem
here on The Brook Boys. No, No, you can. You
can google, like what scenes were cut out of Friends
or whatever, and there's websites that will show you all

(54:29):
of the scenes, like this one scene of Rachel in
a restaurant that hasn't been on television like ten years
that they just caught for time and they felt it
was unnecessary and so it's never aired. I feel cheated.
I feel dirty. So HBO Max is showing, to my knowledge,
the full episodes now, so you'll see the Monica dance
and everything else that's been missing. So I would think

(54:50):
there are some people maybe who have watched friends who
have maybe never seen certain scenes that even Netflix didn't have. Now,
do you have some other tweets? You do have a
couple of things I want to read you, So I
wanna so Mike Hansen underscore. I may have read this one,
but he got a new fitbit and he said it's
preloaded with Deezer, your favorite. That's why we need to

(55:11):
be there. You make fun of me for wanting to
get on Deezer the only the only platform, by the way,
that carries podcast that we are not on. So hello,
I told you. Freddie Gordon bought Um. Freddy Gordon Jr.
Bought Metal Sparks after I said why don't they make
metal sports? Why aren't they more popular? Um? He wanted

(55:32):
to thank us because we mentioned him twice. He said,
I feel I feel famous. Good guy. He showed me
he sent the picture of him eating ices that were
hard with his metal spark. That was the only thing
that could dig into the ices and get the ices out.
It was the perfect utensil. And he said, hashtag sports sponsor,
hashtag Peter Millar sponsor. By the way, people are tweeting

(55:55):
us in the morning and texting us that they're hearing
the Peter Malaw commercials. See what hundred in New York
is on right, damn it? Um, Now I'm getting spam
on Instagram in my d m s. I'm sure we
all get them, right. Um. But I reported them and

(56:17):
deleted them, but not because they spammed me. So this
was the message, h e e y parentheses, cat face,
I wait you here? So they spelled hey wrong and
then wrote I wait you here with an arrow, So

(56:38):
just on the bad grammar. I blocked them and reported
them because that's a fake account. And then another fake
account wrote he h e y sad face, I and
my girlfriends here what with a with an arrow? So

(56:59):
if you're gonna stay m me, you better do it
grammatically correct. That's what I'm saying. Um, we gotta you
and I both got tweeted. Um. It's a picture of
the front of a business and it's a big banner.
It's a t x O b g y N at
a t x O b g y n Austin. O

(57:20):
b g y N associates with the big sign. Curb
side visits. It's a guy no doing herb side visits.
Have so many questions. Are you just like putting your
legs up on the dashboard? Do you have to have
a hatchback and you laid down in the back of
your suv? What's going on there? Herb side visits for ginos.

(57:43):
So here's what I'd like to do, scary next episode,
you and I are gonna call O b g y
N Associates and we'll go in Austin and we're gonna
call them and ask him what goes on in a
curbside visit? Do you wanna do that today or next time?
I would go next time on that one, Okay, So
now look, don't you do it and ruin the surprise

(58:04):
for us? Um I'm looking to buy a laptop. I
bought a laptop for my mom because they were sold
out at garbage pails. Dumb dumbass. It's her birthday this
week as well, and so I'm looking on the website
of an electronics store. I think it's um. I don't
want to say the wrong storks. I was on the
website of a couple. First of all, laptops are sold out.

(58:25):
You can't get affordable laptops because everybody's buying the cheap ones.
I guess to get ready to go to college or
go back to school or whatever. They're all gone. So
I'm looking up to statistics and it says so one
of them was estimated battery life. Right. You know on
websites you can click like three or four and compare
them and it shows you all of them side by
side and the stats. So one of them had ten

(58:47):
hour battery life, which is really good. One of them
had six and a half hour battery life. This one
says estimated battery life. This is my favorite part. Up
to make sure you you listen, they sit up to
up to t b D hours. Oh, the ambiguity of
it all. So not just t b D hours. It's

(59:10):
up to up to t D hours, right, so we'll
let you know, but just know that it's up to
a miscellaneous number of hours. They shouldn't be allowed to
do that. They need to actually provide a number No,
it's probably a very it's probably on the low side
of t b D. Ours. Yeah, right, I guess they

(59:34):
don't give a ship. There's a commercial running. I haven't
gotten the audio from it. I'm gonna get it, but
I'm gonna go ahead and tell you what the audio
is and then we can play it maybe next week
if I get the audio. It's about hiring your own. Um,
it's one of these companies where you hire a centralized
employee and then anyone who calls that eight hundred number.
So rather than every company having like an HR an

(59:54):
HR department person, you just hire an HR department person
or a receptionist and then they answer the fall for
like ten companies. So it sounds like you have a
big company with a receptionist. So the guy says, or
whoever was says, the first impression is so important. You
can increase business up up to twenty five to up

(01:00:17):
to up. That makes no sense. It's either not either
or right. It's either somewhere up to twenty five to nine.
Maybe it's really just up and then you're fucked. You
make it. So basically it's t b D. It's tb D.

(01:00:39):
That's so okay. So that's then we're gonna play some
sound after we play some commercials. How about that, we're
going back to commercial? Yeah, we have to, alright, I
want to I want to rip a company. I want
to rip some people, and I want to Can I
tell you about the guy? What else? Back? I want
to tell you about the guy I can't be friends
with at Target? It's scary. I see the scar Sky

(01:01:02):
Rizzy commercial sitting here in from Oh we want to
do that first. Yeah, okay, So you know drug commercials,
and they try to make it look like everybody's active
having a good time, and they try to distract you
while they're reading the list of illnesses and diseases and
possible ways you could die right, loss of a lung,

(01:01:22):
anal bleeding, heart attack, death, cancer. But the people are
like sail boating and wind surfing and every great times.
And I'm I'm rarely distracted by that because I'm paying
attention to all the things that can kill me. So
they distract you with the visuals usually, and then they
have there while they're giving you the bad news now
fine print, and you've many of you have seen this commercial.

(01:01:45):
First of all, it features some very attractive women in
very summary attire, sleeveless dresses. You know, it's very summary.
Look and it's fun. It's a catchy jingle too. Well,
that's the thing. They were in a convertible. They're dancing around,
but the jingle. Now again they're singing about drugs that

(01:02:06):
can ultimately possibly help you to kill you. Right. The
side effects are horrific. But this song there's two parts
because they talk in the middle and I had asked
Scary to connect him and he didn't. So we're gonna play.
Just listen, how freaking catchy this is. It's so catchy.
Are getting clear nothing and hand in hand nothing on

(01:02:31):
a skin? That's my new player, Keep your skin clearer?
What's kind of easy. Three out of it right now?
Play the second part. There's a third part place after
two starter doses. I think the thing in a different way,
and it's names your risking and stuff, and then they

(01:02:53):
go on to tell you that it's gonna kill you, right,
but I think the product clears up your skin. Yes, right,
so you're right, okay, Now song that song every word
clear is that Dosa Cat can't touch that song? That
song is a hit. Yeah, sky Rizzy should be top
five songs in America right now, I said, I walk
around my day sing it, you know, when I'm online

(01:03:15):
ordering a simple human garbage back. Nothing, everything right, And
I don't like the sky Rizzy is like a made
up a combination of words. It's it's like, you know,
but but this ching and the girls are with attractive girls,
and I mean that should be on the radio. Yeah,
so I post alone is not doing a song that catchy.

(01:03:38):
But but sky Rizzy is very clever because they got
attractive women, they got a catchy jingle, and they're hoping
you don't have them here that anal leakage is part
of the side effects for this. Right, your boobs may
fall into the ocean, but doesn't matter because they're windsurfing.
Now we have we have well usually do we have
a progressive all right? All right, So now I'm gonna

(01:04:01):
give you a warning on the Progressive clip, just trying
to be humorous. Leave your snowflaked him at the door. Okay,
But there's a commercial for Progressive that features a bunch
of people on a zoom meeting. Okay, and one of
the guys who's a regular in the Progressive insurance commercials
he's the skinny, blonde guy. He's kind of effeminine. Okay,

(01:04:23):
I'm not saying he's gay. He just gives the impression
he might be. Okay, In this particular commercial, he's trying
to show that he grew a beard. He's like, oh,
I haven't shaved, you know, because we're quarantined. But he
doesn't have any beard, and they kind of making fun
of him. Play the commercial. Listen to what the guy
says at the end, keeping in mind that I think

(01:04:44):
he might be gay. Play the clip and that protects
our customers twenty for a second. Sorry, I'm later everybody,
and apologies for my appearance. You're just look like a
wanted boster. I didn't have time to get my beard
routine in this morning. So what beard routine? Well, the
key is Mabel Nectar gives it that cheene is there's

(01:05:05):
something wrong in my screen? What's worry about? You're right, Alan,
we should be talking about bundling home and auto with
progressive and not. This's just made of mine, Jamie. Do
you know what a beard is? Gay reference there, So
he says like, do you know what a beard is?
Because the guy obviously he doesn't have a beard. His

(01:05:26):
face is completely clean shaven. But a beard is when
someone who's gay and doesn't want people know he's gay,
gets a girlfriend and pretends there is a girlfriend and
people call that the beard. Like the beard, Yes, So
I just I don't know if they plan that or
they didn't realize it. I'm saying that I think they're
leaning into it, to be quite honest, do you even

(01:05:47):
know what a beard is? And I'm thinking that guy
knows what a beard is, of course, And I guess
guess what. I think that was written in as a script,
and I think they're trying to poke fun and they're
trying to h Yeah, they definitely on what they're saying,
double entre. You think they deliberately referenced him all day,
all day, Alright, there's no way that there's no way

(01:06:09):
that they couldn't have realized that. I would think the
actor would realize it. No, But my point is there's
no way that everybody involved in that production, from the
writers to the producers to the actors in it, didn't
you know, I don't know the joke. Listen, maybe that
guy's not gay, and so it never crossed their mind

(01:06:32):
that it would be taken that way. Is that I mean,
is that possible because that guy that guy is is
yeahs off, he may be. He gives the impression he
might be. Not that all gays are feminine, but he
seems to specifically fits the bill. Okay, he's he's like,
he's like Jack on Will and Grace Way. He's that

(01:06:54):
kind of persona. So when the guy was like, do
you even know what a beard is? I just I
don't know. If you see the commercial, now let us
know what you think. Now here's a song parody that
was rejected from the Morning Show, but wasn't it was yet?
Oh it was yeah, yeah, yeah, We're not gonna be
playing this on the Big Show. So we usually do
unused punch line. Did you ask him? Did you ask him? Yes?

(01:07:17):
I usually we do unused punch lines. Did say did
Elvis say what it was? Like? It was? It was
a hard note, So usually do unused punch lines. So
today we're gonna do an unused parody. And I didn't
want to. I didn't want to. I didn't want to
burst Prody's bubble. I'm like, really gonna do this? Okay, great, Well,
this is the only time we're ever gonna hear it.
This is a Brooklyn Boys exclusive, So it's just my take. Yeah,

(01:07:39):
this is a simple human trash is Brody's rubber Maid parody.
And now, by the way, you weren't calling Elvis trash.
You were making a metaphor that simple human trash. I
was going back. It was a recall from the simple
human garbage pail discussion from earlier. Yes, okay, there was
more of an analogy. I'm sorry. Okay, So this is
my take on a song. You a real song you

(01:08:01):
can't play right now and might take on the world
as it is now and after after the double course
at the end scare you can fade it out and
it might seem crazy what I'm about to say. So
Shine is here, I'm gonna stay away. If you go

(01:08:24):
shop and put her mask on your face because the
air we must be where, virus every place, because things
are crappy. On your hands if you are sick of quarantine,
because things are crappy. In your hands, if you're scared,
there is no vaccine. Things are crappy. Have your hands,

(01:08:48):
if you've seen the fires in the streets, because things
are crappy. How your hands. If all you do is
eat and sleep and eat bring me up? Can't nothing
crappy bring me up? Since March, I'm inside bas won't
go out at nothing crappy? Open now, I said, tell

(01:09:10):
you now, be feeling down? Can nothing bring me up?
My stress is too high from the shut down. Can't
nothing crappy bring me up? I says things are crappy
at the long. If you can't go to work or
go to school because things are crapping on the long,
if you have a former rotten tooth because things are

(01:09:34):
crappy a long. If each night you're eating the same
food because things are crappy up the long. If you
feel like twenty is screwed because things are cropping, Okay,
then as if the shows you we're good. Done, up
your hands. If board games are no longer fun because

(01:09:59):
up your head. If all of your puzzles haven't done,
the things are crappy, have your hands. If you're but
gained a powder, done there you go? No after thy seconds,

(01:10:20):
I gotta be honest, hold on, were you were you
adjusting the volume middle of the song. That might be
the clean feed not feeding anyway, but anyway that aside um.
I wasn't happy with the way the singer turned out
not your best worlds Brody, You're brilliant when it comes
to song parodies. That was not an example of that.
It wasn't the first of all, it wasn't the vibe

(01:10:41):
I wanted. UM. I had asked one singer to do
it a certain way, he sucked at it. I asked
a second singer to do it h And by the
time I got that version back, I I was just
kind of like, I can't anymore. And so I was
going for a certain an angry behind the music. Now,
by the way, I wanted the singer to be angry.
I wanted it to be because a crappy And what

(01:11:03):
I got was I felt like there was the singer
should have been exasperated as they were doing the lyrics,
like things are crappy. Yeah, I wanted that, and what
I got was that so sometimes they're a hit. I
thought it was a lyrical masterpiece. I will say I
did write a song you could find on YouTube UM
called say Their Names, which is a parody of Destiny's

(01:11:26):
Child Say My Name and Uh. It plays into the
theme of the protest marches. So if that's your thing,
you can check that out on YouTube. It's under say
their Names written by David Brody. That's the title. So
go enjoy that. UM, I bought a shirt. I had
told you to buy a shirt. Scary, I emailed you
about three weeks ago. Well I know, I texted you.

(01:11:47):
I'm sorry and I said, oh my god, I found
this website. It's a sports memorabilia like you know, logo
stuff for your favorite sports teams. The website is called
sports fan t Okay. Now what it is is basically
it's a shell that sells the same crap as UH fanatics,

(01:12:08):
UM and MLBD shop dot com. They all have the
same website. They just change the header. I don't know
if you know this, and they change the sale code.
So like MLB the code was bats and on sports Fantee,
I think the code was like gloves. So it's a
big scamboni. Um. They're all the same price, same merchandise.

(01:12:31):
So you know those jerseys, their t shirts in the
color of your your favorite baseball team, and they have
the baseball logo the shirt, the team logo on this
together and on the on the back it's got the
name and number of the player. So it's a shirt jersey.
It's a jersey. Now some people call them jerts, but
those people are dumb k They're terrible people. They're terrible people.

(01:12:55):
So I noticed the site was like, rather than get
a player his name, you could get a customed with
your name and number. So I sent it to Scary
and he's like, oh, this is great. So I ordered mine.
It took three weeks. A week ago, I said, hey,
where the hell's my shirt? Because it said it's shipped.

(01:13:16):
But then there's no tracking number. It hadn't shipped. Well,
it arrived yesterday and it has the correct number I
wanted on it. But it doesn't have the high quality
graphics in the picture. The numbers are much smaller proportionally
than the numbers of the picture. And that says your
name and double zero and the name it says b

(01:13:41):
R O D too much of a space. And then
why it looks like Broad? Why it doesn't look like Brody.
So it's not happy with the outcome of your jersey.
It looks like, why said, fuck you, Broad, I'm going
over here by right shoulder. I'm gonna go hang out
by the right shoulder. You. I'm gonna post a picture
of it, right, So I text I emailed them back

(01:14:04):
and I said, hey, sports Fan t e the shirt arrived.
It took three weeks, which is longer than you should
that you then you said it would and the letters
aren't spaced out properly and the numbers are too small.
I would like to arrange a refund. They wrote me
back and said, send us a picture, but we don't

(01:14:25):
do returns or exchanges on custom merchandise. So I wrote
back and I said, what's the purchase and be sending
you a picture if you're not going to do a refund.
And oh, by the way, you're going to be doing
a refund one way or another, the easy way or
the hard way, you will be returning my money. So
I'm starting the process with our slices. I'm letting you know,

(01:14:47):
don't buy the customize jersey from fan Graphs or whatever
Fanatics all of them, they're all the same. If you
if you google image customized jerseys, you'll see all eight websites.
It's the same freaking website that just sells feed into
the same place. They just bought a bunch of domain names.
It's a big fucking Scamboni and MLB dot com, MLB

(01:15:11):
shop dot com, they're guilty of it because it's the
same website, so they don't like MLB. Hold on, God,
so you guys got you think MLB shop dot com
is like running their own website. Oh no, they're basically
housing the shell of a site you can order merchandise.

(01:15:32):
It's all outsourced. It's all outsourced. So I think my
shirt came from China, China, China, China. Next, yeah, why
don't you invest in a new microphone? Because it's now
you're crackling. I feel like either that or you're melting
the plastic on what you're talking. I hear you're talking
about why did I buy? Why did I buy a

(01:15:53):
snowball microphone? You say, because scary? Said my girlfriend has it.
She loves it. You should my girlfriend, I I, I said,
I said, my podcast partner share Share has But the
thing is, I said, he's got two. She's got two snowballs.
I said, there's another. There's another microphone you should go for.
And that microphone is up five thousand dollars. No it's not.

(01:16:14):
It's gold plated superhuman microphone. It's called YETI Blue. If
you get it for under a hundred dollars, and you
sound like gold, I got the YETI snowball. YETI Blue
is the one you need, all right anyway, but continue,
by the way, they called you that when you were
a kid, right yet Blue, Yeah, tried to YETI blue himself. Yeah,
all right, that's great. Now now you're now I'm piste off.

(01:16:37):
And now we've been on for an hour and a
half and I gotta go. Okay, yes I still haven't.
I still haven't talked about the flip, the problem. I
got so much to talk about. That's great, all right,
you have something short, let's do it. I'll tell you what.
They tried to screw me at the tire place, and
I didn't people slices listen up. So I had the
right front tire on my car fixed. I told you
that last week right at Mavis Tire. I love Mavis Tire.

(01:17:01):
But now I noticed my left front tire is leaking air.
Like tire problem in two weeks to the other tire
is leaking air and now like it was a slow leak, right,
So I put an air in the tire and I
figured out, I let's see how long it takes. So
I'm driving on Monday or Tuesday, and I'm over in
the shopping area in my in my town, right, the main,

(01:17:23):
the main shopping street, the main, the main fair, you know,
big wide Street, and you know where all the stores
are exporting goods. I'm deep all to call the car
dealerships and my tire it says low tire again. So
I call. I call up the Mavis Tire place, not
the one I always go to, but the one where
I'm close to. And when you call Mavis Tire, they

(01:17:46):
give you the corporate office, like the main sales department.
Even if you call the branch, it goes to the
main people. It doesn't go to the store, so they
don't be they're not bothered by you. Right, So the
guy tells me on the phone to fix the flat
or the lead is twenty five dollars plus tax. Now scary.
You know, when you go to the flat fixed places
in the bad neighborhoods, it's fives, it's five dollars, nine dollars,

(01:18:10):
it's not twenty five dollars. So I said, well, I said,
I probably have like a nail in the tire. It's
a slow leak. Yeah, but we we do a high
quality job. I said, I just want you to pull
the thing out and plug it. Oh no, no, I said,
what am I getting for twenty five dollars? He says,
we take the tire off the rim, we seal it
from the outside and the inside, and then we rebalance

(01:18:33):
it and mount it on the rim. We do the
whole package. You're getting the best possible tire leak. Uh
you know? And I said, why don't I just want
you to take the nail out? It's probably a nail
not we we trust me at a leak again? You
want the best? I said, come on, man, I got
my my leak fixed from the other Mavis. I think
I think it was ten bucks. He says, I don't

(01:18:56):
know what. I don't know what. I can't verify that.
He's I'll give it to you for twenty I said,
We'll have no choice my tires leaking, right, I'll come
in fro twenty. So I go into the tired dealership.
You know this is not gonna well, okay, come on,
So I go in and you know what you know who?
You should have known that going in. You know it's
working on the counter. Mr and Mrs not covering your

(01:19:19):
nose what your mask brigade? Most people by the way
next week, I got a story. Hey, guess what the
mask is so that you don't breathe or blow your nose,
snots on me and give me coronavirus. Covering up your
bottom lip isn't helping anybody covering your fucking face. So
I stand twenty ft from the counter and I tell

(01:19:39):
them the problem. Okay, So they go to the car
and they take the card. Now, I've never been to
a deal a tired dealership like this. Behind them is
all windows and you can look right into the shop.
And there were no cause there be mine. So I
can look right through the window like it's like I'm
a Disney World and you're seeing them service your car.
I'm seeing him fix my tire. So the guy walks over.

(01:20:02):
They put the car up on the lift and they
look at the tire. He's staring at it. He's respinning
it to see the whole tire, and I'm going right,
he's gonna take the tire off the rim, he's gonna
patch it from both sides, or he's gonna tell me
tire can't be fixed and I gotta buy a new
tire again. So I see him. He finds a nail
He's like, I got the nail. He takes pliers, he

(01:20:25):
pulls the nail out, he takes that other tool that
shoves the rubbers, rubber stopper in the hole. He shaves
it off and puts the car back down. But what
happened to my service that I'm getting the twenty bucks?
Where's the whole super flat fixed guy? So? I called
I so Mr and Mrs King of nose sticking out.

(01:20:47):
I'm not gonna ask them. I call the number again.
The guy says to me, how can I help you?
I says this, Scott, Yeah, because it was Scott the
last time. I say, Scott, tell me again. When I'm
getting from my twenty bucks for flicking my tie. He says, uh,
you know we're gonna take does the whole thing again?
I said, well, I just watched the guy he pulled

(01:21:08):
the nail out and stuck it with a with a
cork and put my car back down. Why am I
paying twenty dollars if he just did the same thing
the guy at the flat fixed place, we'll do for five.
Why would I pay twenty dollars for the super service?
Did he think I wasn't watching? Does he think like
I wasn't paying attention, like, oh, I'll just plug the

(01:21:28):
thing up and charge him twenty bucks. No fucking way.
So I say, Scott, I'm not paying twenty bucks. He said, well,
you gotta pay for the tire. We fixed the flat.
I go, I didn't get the Cadillac service. I got
the k A service. I want the Cadillac service. He says, why,
here's something we can do. There's no discount for the
there's only one price. I said, there's only one price.
Have a nice day, Scott, have a nice day. So

(01:21:50):
I go inside, is said, excuse me, Mr nose sticking
out guy, Can I speak to your manager? He says, yeah,
I'll go get him Hector. He's not gonna get Hector.
So Hector comes. I see him coming from a back room,
storage room behind the cars. Hector comes out. Hector is
one of these guys whereas Bell, he's hanging over the

(01:22:11):
front of his pants and the back of his asses
hanging out. Yeah, it looked like he had all his
keys on his hip, but he had no keys. But
you can just picture the keys on his hip. So
he comes out and I see him walk towards the
windows and the Mr knows, goes out to talk to him,
and he tells him I want to speak to him. Now.
Mr Nose doesn't know what my complaint is, but whatever,
he said. Hector looks through the glass and gives me

(01:22:34):
that that look like he just smelled bad fish. And
again it's a window, I can see you. He could
see him like giving you. He's giving me stink. I
So Hector comes in and guess what Hector is wearing.
He's wearing the chin mask. So I said, I'm gonna
stand over here. Hector. Why, well, I'm sorry you're not

(01:22:56):
wearing your mask. He says, yes, I am. I go right, Well,
my definition of wearing a mask is over your nose,
in your mouth. He says, oh, I'm sorry. I was working.
I'm sorry, and he puts it on. No problem. Mr
and Mrs uh Nasal Spraye, they don't put their masks
on their face, so I'm keeping away from them. So
I said, hey, man, uh Scott at your corporate office
told me I was getting the Cadillac at Tire Changes

(01:23:17):
flat fixing for Bucks. Yeah, well you guy just plugged it.
Took a nail out and plugged it. Because I asked
the guy I said, hey, the guy who did my
car when he brought my keys back, I said, what'd
you do to my tire? Because always just a nail?
I plugged it? Oh man, thanks appreciate it. So I said,
you guy pulled the thing out, pulling nail out and
he stuck a plug in. That's twenty five dollars discounted

(01:23:38):
to twenty. So he looks at me, goes, uh, oh
there was he pulled the nail out. Yeah. Uh. He
looks at He looks at Captain nose guard and he says, uh,
charge him ten bucks. Sorry, man, So I already paid
ten bucks for the Cadillac of flat fixing. The guy

(01:24:00):
did right by me anything he didn't. So now I'm
wondering was he was he supposed to patch the inside
of the tire, like, am I gonna? Is it gonna
go flat again? Because you know that half far ten
dollars get you at that place? Right? But I mean,
but but here's the thing. Had I not said anything,
had I not been watching the guy right, had I

(01:24:21):
not been watching him through the glass, had I not
been in the location where you could watch the guy,
had I not questioned it, I would have paid another
ten bucks on my tire. Had I not complained about
twenty five dollars, I would have paid fifteen dollars more
for the same work getting done. My point is don't
let him fuck you. That's my advice. I hit the

(01:24:44):
music now you and I don't let people fuck us
because we're from Brockley Boys Boys Rob ro

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David Brody

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