#188: Here Comes The Bride (Through The Floor)

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Guess who just got back today, The Brooklyn Bos that
it'd been away. They both have so much to see.
You know their names. A Browny Podcast Episode one, It's

(00:29):
the Brooklyn Boys podcasts. After a week of recharging our batteries,
when I don't even feel like my batteries were ever recharged,
because I'm right back into the rut that I was
before we left for vacation. Well, you know, I read
a cartoon once it said confusus say, no man needs
a vacation more than one who just had one true story.
And I didn't sleep in my bed for more than

(00:49):
one night, I think one night for two nights, very
comfortable in my bed. Yeah, I mean your girlfriend was
there where else? Was I gonna be right? Yeah, because
you know, yeah, she can't resist you. Yeah yeah please,
girlfriend smoking hotches, no interest in me, although she finds
me funny. Now Mix two of us. I appreciate that. Hey,

(01:10):
we had two very different vacations, surprised to no one exactly,
so we'll recap that. Yeah, I mean, at some point
in this podcast, I'm still high vacation. It was weird
being off because right before you and I started recording,
we spent ten minutes asking each other if we told
those stories already on the podcasts. How long? Well, it's

(01:31):
not only hasn't been that long, but I haven't had
anyone to talk to with my stories, so I've been
telling other people. So now when I remember them, I'm like,
did I tell Scary about the couch? Yeah? I like,
I know, I've I've had the conversation. I'm like, I
feel like I podcasted, but I didn't. And by the way,
we took off one week right, People were getting very

(01:52):
confused because we were saying before vacation on the air.
When I say we, I mean not me, you guys,
I wasn't on the air. I have been on the
air like two weeks. Really three weeks. It's been a while. Um.
But when we say we'll see in two weeks, people
thought we were on vacation for two weeks. No, if
we were on vacation but two weeks, we would say
i'll see in three weeks. Yes, that there is confusion

(02:12):
there because of the way the way that we we speak,
but but it is in actuality two weeks. If you
take one week off les, it's eleven days, but it's
like it's the second week because next week we're on
vacation and the week after we'll see you. So we'll
see you in in the second week. Really, that's why,
when when you've skipped things because of the pandemic, which

(02:32):
is over about over a year, you said, I'm like,
I haven't done this in two years. If it's a
seasonal thing, you know, like, I haven't done that in
two years. I haven't been to this place at Jersey
Shore in two years, and like, no, what are you
talking about. It's been a year. Elmo said something that
that's similar to that. He said, I can't believe it's
going to be too soon, which it really isn't gonna

(02:53):
between twenty two soon. But his point was it'll be
three years since well, it'll only be two years in
a month, right, it'll be three years since January, but
since it since the calendar had a nineteen on, it
onlybe two years in a month in a day. Really,
so it's not once. I'm glad we are not next

(03:14):
to each other in a studio. I am. I am
burping up something hard because I made myself a a
spicy crab salad today. I used the jumbo lump crab.
Have you ever But first all, do you know that
there's a there's a big difference in canned crabs. I
mean there's a no hold on, a second hold on. Okay,

(03:37):
I never knew this really, Okay, I know that forget
about softshell crab and the stuff that you catch in
the water. I'm talking about for most of us, we
have to eat crab out of a can. No jokes, please, well, dad,
jokes go Well the crab. If the crabs have gotten
to the can, you're in big trouble. Whole inch and
a half if you have crabs on your can. So no,
but there's different grades and different levels, and they're different

(03:58):
so like there, but they're a certain like the cheaper
ones you're supposed to use for to make crab cakes
out of. Because it's blended, it's more fine. Whatever. But
then as you get up the ladder of crab, this
chicken get expensive. There's this place, there's this there's this company.
I guess it's the Epicure whatever it is. They do

(04:19):
a one pound can and that fucking thing is thirty
five epis something epiccac Epicure, it's it's lump crab. And
and of course the more it's that means it's a
continuous piece of crab. It's like getting a chicken nugget
versus a piece of chicken. Right, so when you open

(04:41):
up this shredded chicken reform, right when you open up
this can it which would apparently last for like two
years in the refrigen. It's gotta be refrigerator. By the way,
you can't get it off the shelf. It's not room temperature.
You this thirty five can of crab. You just open
it up and then it's like these beautiful jo and
continuous pieces of crab, almost like it's fresh out of

(05:04):
the water. So I understand you get in this case,
you get what you paid for. But I said, I
want to do a male less salad, crab salad. So
it called for brody. It called for horseradish and onions
at chopped onions and celery and lemon juice and mustard

(05:24):
olive oil. So I mixed it all together. The problem
you sounds like justin timber Lake at the end of
that song reference. Oh, I thought you were a yeah,
but the end of the justin Tilake so an awful.

(05:46):
But I will say so, I'm like, you know, what
is he hanging it up, by the way, is justin done? No,
he'll be back. I think he's just taking a break.
I think he's out of the pop world. Now he's
on hyenas. Yeah. Is he gonna be Britney's new conservator?
You know what they're more? You know he did speak
in defense of her recently. Yeah, because he screwed her

(06:06):
over and treated her like crap and threw under the bus.
Who knew all that time? Yeah? And then you know
that she cheated on him though, going to the Crimeer
River video. She cheated on him. It's right there in
the video. The girl in the video looks like her.
Didn't he apologize for that? Yeah? He said he got
got Google Google. But so anyway, long story short about Yeah,

(06:30):
I really I must say, um, it don't ruin great
crab by trying to do fancy footwork and get around
like the mayo and the regular stuff that you would
put in a crab salad or whatever. I ruined the
fucking thing. I war thirty dollars worth the crab because
I made this concoction of a dressed guy who yells

(06:50):
at me for putting ketchup on a good steak. Yeah,
you're that guy. You put seventy five ingredients on top
of pure lump crab. Dude, you put butter on it.
You can pull a garlic. What about it's cold. It's
cold you anyway. So now now this concoction, I ate
it and I'm burp ing. I'm burping up a storm.
It's repeating on me. I gotta tell you, Uh, the

(07:14):
crab dip at Costco it's fantastic. Now does it come
like that, like comes like just heating up and heat
and surf kind of thing. Well, it's in a plastic
container and it's you know, it's got it's it's basically
I'm gonna say to me, it's mayonnaisey and shredded crab
and other things. I know that it's. It's other types

(07:36):
of like, um, what's the one they always throw in there?
Uh whiting and like a couple of things that like
crab esque. Right when you see the crab in the containers,
it's like imitation crabming has that red stripe on it.
They spray paint that ship. Don't eat that ship, don't
don't buy that. Oh you're talking about spy. You're talking
about crab with the k and the crab stick crusty,

(07:59):
the crab crompsy, the crab, the crab stick that they
use in like sushi. That's fake. That's fake ship. It's
like they spray painted pickures. It's red. It's red on
the outside and white on the inside. It's not real. Anyway,
you don't have to text me about tweet me rather
about the thing that's the mostly in crab. It'll come
to me. My point was, I still love it anyway.
Shop Right, which is a huge grocery store chain here

(08:20):
in the area, huge, huge area. Um, they have a
crab dip that is similar right, it's about sixty five
percent is good as the Costco one. And by the way,
the Costco one is only available in some locations the
fun Costco. Like, you go to one, they don't have it.
You go to the other one they have it all
the time. I've got on my way fifteen miles the

(08:41):
other direction you'll walk. I would, So I was like,
you know what Costco near me didn't have it. I
was I was craving it on vacation, right, you know,
the holiday weekends coming up, all the crab dip. So
I go to Shop Right, doing my shopping as as
you do. And I go to the the seafood area,
which is right the deli counter, and they have all

(09:02):
the dips you dip by dip, we dip. They don't
have any crab dip, but they've got lobster dip. So
I'm gonna lobster dip A pillow extra four it if
it's lobster dip. Whatever. So I look at the lobster
dip and they look at the ingredients, not because I
care what kind of fishes in it, but I want
to see, like if this celery and ship. I don't

(09:22):
eat in there, right, I just want whatever the white
creamy mayonnaisy stuff is and the seafood, right, I don't
want chopped up minced ship. I don't want red onion
in there. I don't want scallions. You know me, you'll
know me. Well, it's filler, you know it. Also it
also makes fluffs it up, fluffs it up, and they
can charge more because you're they're giving you more volume,

(09:43):
but there's less of the quality stuff in there I want.
I thought I took a picture of it, and I
don't think I took a picture of it because I
wanted to read the label because no joke the first
nine ingredients, eight or nine ingredients. We're not seafood Nazi
food like the Germans, like like Hitler used to Nazi food.

(10:06):
You said, Nazi food. Oh boy, on a Jewish New
Year week, you're making Nazi jokes. Ba Shanatova Tova l
Shanna Tova Brody. And by the way, thank you for
not using doing the Russia homa joke for Russia Shanna Russia.
How Jews are Russia homa? Yeah, thanks for not doing

(10:28):
it this year. I appreciate that. First time in twenty
five years, I didn't do. You know, Elvis played that
out Today's scary last week that you told him stopped
doing It's offensive scary. Didn't do that? Where did all
the Jews going there? Russia? Russia homa for Russia Shawna, Yeah,
Wellshava does that mean happen here? Yes, means have a
good year, have a good year, and good Yeah, it

(10:50):
means good holiday, really good holiday. Well yeah, okay, so
I'm the ingredients wore like xanthium, gum, sugar, uh, some
kind of like paste, guar like guar gum zum, all
of it scary And then eighth or ninth ingredient was whiting,

(11:10):
which is like ship fish. It's fish. So what brand
was this? I don't know, shop Bright like it was like,
you know whatever. It was like old Bay or old Fisherman,
old Old Steve's Fisherman, anchor like some some sea bearing
term generic bullshit, scary. I couldn't. I stopped reading it

(11:35):
by the third line, No lobster in that fucking thing.
It should have said lobster esque. It should have said
like hint of inspired by lobster people. I was thinking
about lobster essences. They took by the can. They actually
took a perfume bottle with lobster essence and they sprayed

(11:55):
it on. You know, people do. Lot of people don't
realize that that that ingredients labels. It's from most to least.
So the first thing is the most of what's in it. Um.
Now it's funny you bring this up because um um
on a tweet thread we had last week. UM, I

(12:15):
wanted to say hi to read him again. Oh, Hi
him again. We love her. She's great. Um. So Highway explore,
you know, put the picture up of the fair Life milk,
you know where it was classic you know classic white,
and he was pointing out the well, if it's classic
white milk, obviously it's it's that's milk. They don't have

(12:36):
to say classic white. But Rita reads the label and
goes on to say naturally flavored with other natural flavors.
What does that mean? What does that mean? Is that
like a little less than over a minute? But this
is a classic clip of all. Now now read a
good eyes and and great point. However, I learned this
from Dr Roz, and I'll educate the world right now

(12:57):
that that term is actually legit. It's not like a
what do you call It's not, you know, a bullshit
Now the actual okay, there is. So what's trying to
say is there is a natural flavor to it, but
it's loaded with other junk. So when you unk other
when you see Dr Oz told us this, whenever you

(13:20):
see any package that says natural flavors, that is that
is the f d a's legal permission for that prom
client or that that product to load it with shit
that's not natural. So natural flavors doesn't mean anything. So
it means so it's actually a little less alarming, but
it's legally approved by the FDA. It's a way of

(13:42):
tricking you by adding things other than milk, so which
means that product is even worse than you think because
it has things like ribo flavoring and xanatan gum and
go our gum and carried gene and so those are
the quote natural flavors that they speak of, you understand.
So so Rita wasn't wrong in pointing it out, but
it is correct When it says naturally flavored with other

(14:06):
natural flavors, it's it's saying, yeah, it's milk and then
there's other ship so yeah, but but yeah, but it
is it is, it is proper, and that's the way
that they get away with it. And think of how
many things, dude, you know your chicken, Your chicken has
natural flavors written on it, some some of it if
it's poor quality on the package. Think of there's so

(14:27):
many things that have a natural flavors that a lot
of juices have that a lot of you know, a
lot of sodas and things natural flavors. They want you
to think that. It's like you know that that that
lime made is is just is really lime juice, But
it says and other natural flavors. That means it's garbage. Sorry. Sorry,

(14:49):
that's sorry. I was just so basically, there was natural
essence of lobster. Yes, and this ship in your ship Congratulations,
you've got a can of ship on ship podcast. I
wanted to find a tweet. I usually a screenshot everything
and put it in a folder. Um, I can't find

(15:10):
who started it, but I will. I want to give
them credit and slap them across the face at the
same time. Oh here it is uh speaking of things
that are in things, right, I'm not going to ruin
it for people. So I'm going to tell you the
doctor at Dan Rich, who's a regular tweeter Dr Seoul Nope, Nope,

(15:33):
regular tweeter big listen to the podcast. So I have
nothing but love for him. But here's here's my complaint.
Sometimes when you know something is disgusting, you don't have
to tell the other person. By the way, you know
this ship there that you'd find disgusting. Okay, so I'm

(15:54):
gonna I'm gonna get specific. I'm not gonna get that specific,
get specifically. You know, there's a type of of food
that I like. It's a fruit. Okay, I don't know
if you saw the saw the tweet. So I'm gonna leave.
I'm not gonna. I don't want to. I don't want
to be that guy. So this person knows I like
that fruit and says, you know, look, if you guys

(16:15):
want to know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. If
you guys want to google it, go google it. I'm
not rooting it for you, I tell you, and I
want to want to be that guy. I want to
tell the story because I don't make sense to people.
Don't Okay, I'm gonna it'll make sense. Trust me. I'm
a storyteller by nature, not because I hate you. So
he says, I don't know if you know this, brody,

(16:37):
but that fruit you like it's not actually a fruit.
It's partially regurgitation of wasps, and the wasps die inside
of the part that you think is the fruit, and
so when you eat it, you're eating wasp parts, parts
of wasps. I heard that. I heard that. I have

(16:57):
been eating a product with that fruit my whole life.
Love it. I love it, even though some people go,
you should beat that. Old people what it? Love it.
I like the fresh version of that fruit, but it's
the same thing. But the thing if you know I
like it. Don't tell you know, you who you tell
it to. You tell somebody you like that fruit, and

(17:18):
they go, I hate that fruit. You guess what good thing?
You hate it? Because I just found this out. You
don't go, oh, you like that, Let me shoot on
your dreams. That's what you did. That's what you did
to me. So I appreciate the knowledge. But okay, so,
but is it true or is it just an old
wives tale? Nope? I made that. So what I did was,

(17:40):
I said, this can't be right. It's got an old
wives tail or an old wasp tail. So I looked
it up. I did the Google. It's true, it's true.
I knew it. I knew it too. I learned that
in Singapore when I was on a trip. Did they
eat some unusual food in the Singapore area? And you
know it? So it's just just let everybody know what

(18:02):
it is. I'm not you people go around eating wasp
bags in their fruit. You know what, if you want
to know, you could google what fruit has wasps in it?
That's it dead was And by the way, now that
now that now that I I am remember you know
now that when I think about eating this fruit and

(18:24):
I'm crunching down on it. It is makes crunchy noise.
Those are old dead wasps and wasp bags. That's what
I'm eating. It's it's it's inside the fruit. No, those
are the little grainy nut things that you don't see that.
I looked up the size of it. You can't see it.
You don't see that. You know that half of all
the chocolate we eat chocolate, don't do it? Don't don't nope, nope.

(18:48):
Think of how chocolate is made, Brody, I know chocolate
is made in giant that's yes. I know huge drums,
not the size of like the size of like your house.
I know, like swimming. So you don't think you know,
I don't think. No, I don't think. I don't think that.
I hate you. I hate you being mixed around. It's

(19:10):
all being mixed around. It's all. When I eat a
chunky bar, it's legitimately chunky full of stuff. I'm telling you, guys,
you can google this. This is not again. Once again,
this is not a fun when I'm working with you. Look,
there's a degree. There's an amount of lobster dip didn't
have wasp in it. There's an amount of vermin. There's
an amount of vermin in our chocolate, no, and and

(19:33):
and candy because they're attracted to sweet things. Bees and
flies and all kinds of rodents and insects well not well,
not rats, but the insects. Everything they get into when
they're making in these factories, and the huge vats they
get into, the the candy, the chocolate when it's in liquid.
Four but present. Listen, you know what, when you're sleeping,

(19:53):
you swallow like seventy five spiders a year. I'm making
that number up, but that's what happens. That's life, man.
I will go to bed at night thinking about it.
If okay, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna fucking pool
what I like I was last weekend. I'm sitting in
a pool and then about maybe ten feet away is
a woman and her kid, and they're in the pool
and the kid is literally taking water and spitting it

(20:15):
in the in the mother's face and spitting back and forth. Technically,
I'm swimming in that same water no matter how far
away I get. It's the same concept with that's why
my own pool. And don't invite anybody like you over
by the way, I'll talk about my pool. Now, I
I how I invited you over. But I was a
certain day I did this part of my stand up

(20:36):
routine that I haven't done stand up in forever, and
I never did this. I wrote it, but I didn't
do it. Was it was sort of because it seemed
like too much like you might be a redneck. If
you're in a swimming pool and a gross band aid
washes up next to you, you get the hell out
of the pool, but you don't at a water park,
right right, If you see a kid like it loaded
diapers in the pool, you get out, but you don't

(20:59):
at a water park like all the things that are
like you see someone with an open wound in a pool, like,
you get out. You don't want to be like that
nick person's like scamby and bleedy. But in the water park,
you know, you don't. You accept it all because you
paid good money to get in there, and you want
to go down that damn slide. So you're like you're
and you're in the wave pool and you see ship
floating by, you normally be like, oh, I gotta get

(21:19):
out of this fucking thing. You see guys spitting water
at each other and like yeah, but think about it.
Scary the water goes up your ass in a in
a pool, right because of everybody's ass, So you're sharing.
I'm sharing asswater with you every time I'm standing in
a pool, which is why I don't spit water in
a pool, because that water has been on your tits,
your tits, your man Tit's scary, like no offense. It's

(21:42):
been in your pits. I'm not spilling. I don't care
who the chlorine kills it really, really, that's what you think.
That means. Everybody is sharing. Everybody is sharing everybody's water
because crack water. Crack water, Yeah, I get it. Yeah,
who who? Who? Juice? It's all there Yet the pep
you were the one who went there. I wasn't gonna

(22:02):
I'm gonna stop right. They tell you what fruit it is,
but I'll tell you about the pool. That's why my
own pool. I got swimming in my own pool. I
spit water all I want. Because now can you can
we talk about how how you completely you invited me
on the absolutely worst day to go swimming. Yeah. So
a Hurricane Ida, as you know, destroyed the South, but
it also unfortunately did a big number on the northeast

(22:24):
New Jersey, uh, New York area, probably Pennsylvania as well,
especially in the New Jersey area that's south right near Pence,
like near Philadelphia, a tornado hit destroyed huge homes. So
I'm not making it, and I'm before I tell you
the story, I want to make it. Make it clear.
Every man's tragedy is his own tragedy, right, Like if
I stubbed my toe, I know other people have cancer.

(22:47):
I'm just telling you my toe hurts. So I know
people lost a lot. I'm telling you that all I
had damage to my house was my pool, which you
guys should have seen on my Instagram at David Brodie. Yeah,
which I know you all even because I only have
like three thousand likes on it and we have way
more listeners than that, so check it out. Um, So

(23:07):
the storm. Normally, when is a storm, I'll run out
and let water out of the pool periodically, like every
hour of a half hour, depaying how hard it's raining.
I'll run out to the pool and I'll let water out.
But I wasn't home right. I was in Central Jersey,
which is normally about a forty fifty minute drive home. Well,
in the rain, it took me three hours because there

(23:27):
was major flooding. There was lane closures. There were cars
that was stopped dead in the water in the right lane,
and then everyone had to like scooch around in the
left lane to get around it. Then where the underpasses
dip again, you dip by dip crab crab. You had
to get off, do the loop, the loop, take the streets,
and get back on on the other side of the overpass.

(23:48):
So it's a lot of like going through other people's neighbors.
You were pretty much fucked well. Not only that, and
thank god for my navigation system when I got off
the parkway, and if you could, if you want to
tweet me, because this I need help with. I didn't
google it, so I'm interested in knowing the side streets
I had to take. A lot of cars were parked
at an angle, like at a forty five degree angle

(24:10):
at the curb. Now I don't know if the water
pushed them all away from the curb, but they were
all parked as if they were like pulling out and
then stopped. And then there were cars just stopped in
the middle of the street and people got out left.
There was no water, they just got out of the
car and left middle of the street. So there were
roads blocked by cars that just stopped. And people are like, fucking,

(24:30):
I'm getting out. I can't find a parking space. I'm
leaving it here. So it was a nightmare. So when
I got home, Um, no one in my house was
home but me, right, Um they were. My family was
visiting friends a couple of blocks away and they didn't
want to travel in the weather. So I get home
and my backyard, the water in my pool is over

(24:52):
the top and the water is now rushing like a
river across the deck of my pool. From from left
to right. Now the way my neighborhood is my street.
At the end of my street is a main road. Okay,
main avenue, and one side of the avenue where all
the all the houses are is a hill. All the

(25:14):
houses are on a hill. It's a mountain. Okay, my
side is level ground. But what happens is the water
rolls down the big hill across the avenue and then
through our back yard. That's right, It was about to
happen that I have a liner. I have an in
ground pool with a liner. I can't have a concrete
pool in my backyard. I'm not allowed, you know, allowed

(25:37):
because there's so much water pressure so it will pop
the concrete out. So my pool has was filmed with um.
All the dirt from my neighbor to the left in
my pool. So it was pitch black and I had
tree limbs and branches just mayhem in my pool. That

(25:59):
was Wednesday night. I can't do anything. Wednesday was raining.
All that was the night you invited me over. I say,
come over over, and come over comes swimming, so you
can't say I never invited you. So it took me
three days and I'm surprised. Like I've had my pool
now for twenties something years. I would have play that
same logic, by the way, with your steak dinner. You
watch Oh you take me the steak dinner when you're

(26:22):
in Costa Rican exactly, So I used I I did
a little flocking shock. So if you have a pool,
you should know where flock is. It's flacculent, which sounds
like a sexual term, but it's for sure it's called flock.
When when the flock meets the water, it's the fan.
What Yeah, it clumps, right? Is it like a clumping formula?

(26:43):
So what you do is you put the flock in
a couple of hours before you shut your filter off
at night. It circulates around the pool for a couple
hours and then you turn the filter off. The whole
of the pump everything uh and an overnight it all
clumps and draw the bottom. Brilliant, it's brilliant. Whoever invented flock,
I bless you, they're probably not living anywhere. Basically dirt

(27:07):
glue and so your water is mostly crystal clear, except
it's got little algae algae tint to it because you
had little tree points. So how do you get that
part out? Well, once you vacuum the pool, right, you
get the dirt out of the bottom. You just you
just over chlorinate the pool and run the filter and
it gets the green out. So it took me. It
took me two and a half days of work on it.
But now my pool is cleaner than it's ever been

(27:28):
all season. It's shiny, it's clean, it's clean. Yeah. But
you yeah, I wanted you to come over. Yeah, thanks,
so question so clean clean, clean clean. But I was
saying I had a week before you hit the commercial jingle.
By the way, if you played a brody and scary
jingle because I keep hearing the scary and Brody, I
always rotate. Okay, all right, rotate um. I did have

(27:51):
another story about a bad experience this week on my vacation. Vacation, vacation.
I want to talk about vacation, That's what I'm saying,
because vacation was first of all, just list all the
places you were at, all right. I went to day one,
I'm just gonna go broad stroke. Went to Delray Beach, Florida.
You know, I was hanging out at the Seagate Hotel

(28:11):
and spa client. Yes, okay, God got that out of
the way quick. Uh. And then after that I came.
I went from there. They paid for my second flight. Kids,
keep in mind, they have to they have to fly
me in, they fly me back. So I'm like, well,
if they fly me to a second place, why not,

(28:35):
why don't I do that and use that as the flight. Aha,
that's being smart and that's using their money on my behalf.
So I said, fly me to Costa Rica from here, which,
by the way, it was only two hours from Florida.
So rather than fly back to New York and then
have a five hour flight, I let them them pay
for a two hour flight from there right to Costa
Rica that some of friends came on dude the Friday though,

(28:58):
cutting it close coming back I fly. I flew back
into Newark Airport, landed at four fIF pm. I had
to be at a wedding in Queens at that place
Russo's on the Bay, which I have to I wanted
to talk about. Um, that's what I wanted to mention.
At six fifteen for cocktail hour, Brody, thank god for

(29:19):
global re entry. I have all the bells and whistles,
I have t s, a pre check, I have anything.
I carried my bag on the flight because I knew
I didn't want to wait at the baggage carousel. WHOA,
you didn't have someone carry a bag for you? Are
you okay? No, Brody, I'm I brought my bag on
the flight. I packed lightly and I brought my bag
on the flight so I would I literally quick on,

(29:40):
quick off off the plane, voop right through you know
customs immigration. With the global re entry, that's like the
fast pass. And then I had a car waiting for
me because I scheduled it because I didn't want to
wait no fucking taxi line. Because I had to get
home only to sit in three hours of fucking traffic
because I forgot it was Friday, going into Labor Day
weekend and it was the middle of rush hour. So

(30:02):
I came home, took a quick shower, changed into my
suit to go to this wedding on Friday, and then
I got fucked and I sat in my car for
two and a half hours trying to get there. Um.
And then then after that I went to the Jersey Shore,
which was that was part four of my vacation. Uh.
But but one thing I wanted to pause on, and

(30:24):
that is the wedding Shenanigans, the brody. We've all seen it,
at least we have in the Northeast. I don't know
who's familiar, who's listening to this podcast, but people tend
to how do we describe this? We we go overboard
with weddings, um, with the bride, the groom, They get

(30:44):
a want to say anything. I thought it was I
thought the video you posted there was. I thought that
first of all, we could go into listen, it's all
in good fun. Listen God bless Marina and Vinny. This
is and this was the couple I told you that
had the we this is part two of the wedding,
because it was part one was back in May. So
this was the big reception, the one with hundreds of people,
the big I wanna say it gumba Guido like mobster

(31:09):
like get together a place. Don't use that didn't say that,
you know it's there's a place called Russo's. I'm painting
a picture. Russo's on the Bay super Italian. It's Cross
Bay Boulevard russ Its name is Russo Okay, and they
got bub bron, they got rice balls and meat balls
and fried trimp and gallama. Nothing but wonderful things about that.

(31:31):
People go there. Food is outrageous. However, by I'm changing
what I said before, everything's fantastic. So here's the one thing.
And I don't know who if there's bride Zilla's listening
or if you've done this, please don't be offended. Wouldn't
it be bride Zillow's yo yo? So when after the
cocktail hour, they always there's always the next room where

(31:54):
they sit down to to sit down dinner, and there's
always a DJ, a very over zealous DJ on the
mic and try to was saying for the first time,
as you know and they always do. They do that. Now, well,
they have the people walking into the room led by
Deborah Joe. It's John the you know, you know grooms
Ben John cousin John, and they come into some crazy

(32:14):
song let's get it started in here or nowadays Brodie
I came into a parody, I wrote at the wedding.
At the weddings, they do the the the the all
the bride's bridal party comes into like like doing funny
things like one like the the bride, the bridesmaid will
come running into the room first, and then the groom

(32:36):
will like throw a football pass at her and then
like you know, and then and they'll walk in together.
But they'll or they'll do a dance or they'll do
some crazy you know, some kind of funny ship. So
that's like the newer thing that they do when they
were entering the room. But then it comes time for
everybody to rise and then for the first time as
husband and wife, they announced the couple into the room.
And we've been there before. However, if you've been to

(33:00):
a Brooklyn Queen's Long Island Northeast Italian wedding, a lot
of these catering halls that specialize in this stuff. The
bride and groom, they don't enter from the they don't
enter from the same doors as the rest of the
bridal party. Oh no, they enter from the floor below.
The dance floor has a has a has a carving,

(33:23):
a circular carving in it that just looks like a design.
But what really is is an elevator. Now, Brodie, I
know you have a lot to say on this, but
when they say and now, now, I would imagine they
were given the couple was given a choice. Do you

(33:44):
want to enter the room like the rest of your
bridal party, like through the doors, or do you want
to do the fancy bells and whistles? Was it the
father and the no, the bride and the groom, And
remember the video that well so and then so they come.
So it was like it was like a cylindrical, cylindrical,

(34:05):
cylindrical thing comes twisty from combined Calandra's restaurant with cylindrical
the the cylindrical designed dance floor now is rising and
before your very eyes, the it's it realized it's a
fucking elevator from the floor below that they got into.

(34:25):
And then it kind of on a twist and very slowly,
it makes its corkscrew way up to the main level,
where they are greeted with fog machines and lights and lasers,
and the new couple enters. They literally enter from the
floor below you. It's it's crazy and they come up
from the floor. Yeah, okay, So my problem, My problem

(34:48):
is videos. Okay, so no, no, look it's not my style,
but I said I think it's a fun entrance. My
problem is it took eleven minut It was a slow
elevator ride up from they know, for safety reasons whatever,
you know, strapped them in and speed the thing up.
Because it's by the time they got to like ground level,

(35:10):
you'd be hungry and you're like, okay, Mr and Mrs.
Now hold on, scary hold on Mr and Mrs. For
the first time. Mr Vanny, it's so of course it
is name is Vanny. Here you ready? Here comes here

(35:32):
they come. Remember, please wish them a happy first anniversary.
From the time they got into the thing, they've been
married a year. It was like there you could see
their heads. It was like, okay, I can see their
shoulders now a pause. It was like like you see

(35:53):
the head of the baby and they have to wait,
it was so slow at that point. There's no it's
gotta be like, you know, it's gonna be like it's
out like beat me up, Scotty, come up quickly. There
should be like a cloud of smoke and then like
the side curtains dropped. It's got to be like the
drive through teller at the bank with the tube the right.
They should slide the tube out on the floor. There

(36:14):
should be like a cloud of smoke, and then the
curtains on all the side they're there like we're both
a light. Right. This was like here we come and
you know, there's a guy in the basement cranking it like, yeah,
it was a little it was the moment had passed.
I don't know. I guess it was a little the
Viennese table had passed, had passed. It was an anticlimactic moment, right,

(36:39):
And I don't have a problem with the entry. It
just it was well some listeners did because I posted
that on my I G and everyone's like yo seven
called they want their moves back, you know, because I
mean it's been a known thing that you know, some
of these cantering halls have done this. It's been an
idea that's been done over and over again. I thought
it was wonderful. It's all she ever wanted and she

(37:00):
got her day and she got so I thought it
was I thought it was a fun wedding. I'm just saying.
The elevator was slow, That's all I'm saying. Um So
that was that Brooklyn Catering Halls famous, the Grand Prospect Hall,
the Grand Prospect On the gaudiest look if you were

(37:21):
married there. I apologize, but it's like mirrored Florida ceiling
with like gold everywhere. It's you know so, but the
people you'll hear the accent. I'm gonna play the commercial
for you there. They have a very unique accent unless
you're from there, in which case it's not unique. And uh,
I want you to listen to them and people. This
was a commercial us to run in New York like

(37:41):
one in the morning, but on cable TV for years,
but like decades, and it's the same commercial always looked
like it was filmed in nineteen eighty and and the
special effects, you know, how like the picture would like
like it would flip and flip and flip and fly away,
and like you know, like you learned in school, had
to like do a wash where the picture slides to
the right, another pictures behind it, like the most basic,

(38:03):
awful editing. But here's the audio. Hold on, wait, do
I remember the line we make your dreams come true?
Here we go about it. It's betting, carefully planned and
here is the most important. That's not the one of
your life. I think that's not the couple. No, hold on,

(38:28):
they're in the picture come true, prosper Hall seven one
eight seven eight eight oh seven seven seven. Yeah, that's
the short one. That's the short version of it. But
dreams come true? Yeah, they went out of business the
other on. Oh, I gotta a skip ad. God damn

(38:49):
with the skip ad. But bro, do you the follow
up to that story have something for you? Grand prosper
Hall you stinking out again? Yeah? They're boy last year's weddings.
Fence the balls and banquets here advice is that like
SuDS the Mahom restaurant and duplicated. I got handers for

(39:13):
brides and grooves and brosp holl middles are broken all
seven eight all seven seven seven. I like to go
minutes away in Brooklyn, minutes where I live, right, you
could be in Westchester. I'm so I'm coming from Philly
minutes away? How many minutes? Seven? Six? Yeah, but every
you know what, everything is minutes away, the moons minutes away,

(39:36):
he said, to figure how many minutes? And now. So
the follow up on that story is they're tearing it
down or didn't someone buy it? Somebody bought it. Now
there tearing it down. That's awful. That places a piece
of Brooklyn a slice of Americana. David is something. Anyway,
that was only one part of my vacation. But you know,

(39:56):
you know, my my my highlight was using the toilet
paper on at bar a, which is quite that. So
let me fast forward. I don't want to bore everybody
with by vacation details. But when I got back, I
did a bar a gig at down the Jersey Shore
with with the radio stage. I feel like you should
almost hit the jingle there. I feel like, alright, So

(40:26):
Bacardi ardy legend in the business. The guy is full
of tricks. The guy dresses. You might have seen a
viral video of him. He dressed up as the cheese
Burglar once jumped on the bar and started throwing out cheeseburgers.
Real mcdonald' cheeseburgers they had gotten like fucking three giant
bags full and throwing it out to a very hungry,
drunk crowd. This is what Baccardi already does. But he's

(40:49):
been in the business since the eighties. He actually used
to work a little fun fun fact, he used to
work on the street team of Z one Radio in
New York in the mid eighties. You know, he recently
got into a fight. I saw it on the news
because yeah, with Malibu still two of them were fighting. Anyway,
he is he is an m C and he's full
of tricks and fun in games and especially when he's

(41:11):
given a budget, so he always goes over the top.
But but one of the things that me and the
Jersey kid Greg T were remembered so fondly that was
created at Bar a Gregg T. And I was when
we used to go on stage there. I mean, I'm
going back years. But Cardiardy was there back then, and
he was there this past Saturday night of course. Uh

(41:32):
and he created a toilet paper gun. Okay, he took
a leaf blowers. What what night of the week was
this Saturday night? Oh, because on Friday nights, Henny Kenny
works well he took a leaf he has a leaf blower, okay,
and then he takes a paint a paint roller, spindle

(41:55):
strips it of the roller, and then he makes it
so that you could put toilet paper on it. When
you press the button on the fucking leaf blower, the
toilet paper roll fucking unloads at the crowd, you know,
like a ribbon formation, and about maybe twelve seconds. And
so back in the day, we used to live for
this fucking thing because there was no Greg t and

(42:15):
I and everybody. We all used to us Sam Baccarti
already invented this. Well, we've all listened to me. We've
done these bar gigs all over the city, over all
over the place, and we never saw a toilet paper gun.
And already's like, yeah, I just made it myself. Well
now in Wikipedia now and it says, uh, fireball Paul
made it. Well, all these years later, Bacardi already has

(42:39):
perfected the toilet paper gun. This is like toilet paper
gun six point oh, Like you remember when you used
to have regular water guns. And then the super soaker
came out, and then the fucking mega blaster with the
fucking engine on it, and the thing. And it's a
semi automatic water gun. That's what this leaf blower, that
is what this this new uh fangled toilet paper gun is.

(43:01):
It is fucking hilarious. It works, it's it's beautiful. It's
the Porsche of toilet paper guns. So I had so
much fun with it, and I filmed myself on stage
spraying the crowd with toilet paper, and then listeners fucking
texted me, I'm getting anxiety because I couldn't find t
P for a year, you know, during the pandemic. This
is crazy and you're wasting toilet paper. I'm like, come on,

(43:24):
we're just having fun. Yeah, that toilet paper shortage is over. Yeah,
charming should be happy. No, I see, I didn't have that.
I went to one bar on vacation, but all they
had was was jin Vin and he wasn't very entertaining anyway.
Bart they threw a hell of a party. The twelve
foot balls twelve ft beach balls there to the crowd.

(43:46):
How much how much do you think the guy got
paid who was working at Bacardi and realized that it
rhymes with party. Well that's a great question. Well, because
you know McCarty was around for much longer then of course.
Well no, no, not forget about already. I'm talking about
like Boccardi parties. Yeah, at some point it was just Piccardi. Right,

(44:09):
A bunch of old guys worked there and they made
run and they're like some guy had to go you
know rhymes with party, right, guy must have made buko dollars. Well,
I don't think already made a penny of Piccardi for
being Boccardi already. No, he probably owes the money if
you've been licensing anyway. So yeah, so that was the
you know whatever, what about your vacation, Brody, Enough about

(44:31):
my vacation. I didn't even forget about Costa Rica and
the flock of macause that I saw and the black
sand beach I went on, and I'm talking about toilet
paper guns and rising from the floor at a wedding. Well,
let me tell you. Do you want to hear the
Uh yeah, I'll tell you two stories happened to me
on vacation. One at the at the big actually right

(44:51):
before vacation. I'll save that, But let me tell you
how else my vacation was. So, what's today today? We're
recording this on when on when they birthday on Wednesday.
So Monday, I'm home alone, right, thank you. My daughter
is out, my wife is at work, um, and I'm

(45:12):
I'm home with the dogs now. One of the dogs
is my daughter's dog, and we're watching while she's away,
and he's he's a runner. No, he's not been trained
yet to not run out. If the door is open,
he'll run out and run all over the lawn and
you scare, here's the hell out of you. And you're
terrified he's gonna hit by a car. Right, So I

(45:33):
go out to get the mail and I see that
the siding on my house is filthy. It's got like,
you know, like a layer of dirt on and my
house is uh is light blue. So there's a guy
painting my neighbor's house. So my neighbor moved. He had
a yellow house, and the new guy is painting the

(45:54):
siding blue, like a medium blue. So this guy's on
ladders all all over the house for weeks, painting and
fixing the roof. He's putting a lot of money in
before he moves in. Okay, So I'm looking at my house.
I'm thinking, God, this house is all clean now because
he washed it and painted it. And I have this
film layer of dirt on my on my house. You
know what, I'm gonna hose down the porch just around

(46:17):
the door entrance. You're gonna hose at that house, right,
put the hose on the house. So I said, you
know what I'm gonna So I go out the front door,
and I'm not driving my car, so my house keys
are on my car key ring. I put the keys
down because I don't want to get them wet, right,
I don't get the fob wet. And I go out

(46:37):
and I closed the door. Now I know I'm locking
the door so that the dog doesn't run out, because
I was like, I'll leave the door halfway. No, I
pulled the door closed, and I know I have the
code to my garage door where I can get in.
And I know that when I'm home during the day,
I leave the interior garage door open, not lock it

(46:58):
at night. But you know, when i'mre not home him,
I locked them in the way out, but when I'm
home that's my way in. So I go out and
I hosed down the whole front of the front the house,
get it all clean. Them very proud of myself. I
got something done on Monday, and I go into the
garage with my key code and I go into the
garage door. It's a steel door. It's a heavy steel

(47:19):
door in my garage, and it's locked. Somehow the little
push button on the other side got pushed in. I
don't know if my daughter did it accidentally when she
was leaving. I don't know. So I'm like, oh, fuck,
all right, so I'll go out and I'll go on
back on my deck. I have French doors. Maybe I
left them open. Nope, can't get in. I go to

(47:40):
the back door of my house. I can't get in. Well,
my wife and daughter don't have keys to the house
because they go into the garage or someone's always home,
right And my daughter I just lost her key, so
she said, oh, can you go to home deep and
make me a new key? I want a green one whatever,
Like okay, yeah, So on my us to do Tuesday

(48:01):
was go to home depot and get keys made. Now
you're probably thinking, why don't you have a key in
the garage right in case this happens. Well, I had
a key in the garage, but my daughter needed it
and she lost it and I never replaced it. So
Lesson learned. I'm now trapped. So I called my wife

(48:22):
and she says, I think I gave a key to
the neighbors across the street because we have their key
when they go on vacation, we get their mail. I
go across the street. They don't have a key. So
I call my buddy. Who who's Mr Toole? Mr Toole's guy.
Is he's a tool? No, he's Mr Tools. Here's everything?
So I said, hey, got a crowbar? He says yeah,

(48:43):
but I'm going out. I'll leave it outside for you. Well,
I'm not my keys. I can't get in my car.
I can't drive my car. Everything's in the house and
the dogs are in the house barking. So my daughter
texts me and says, oh, I left my window unlocked
on the top floor because I was looking out the
window the other night and I'm pretty sure I left

(49:04):
it open. So I go to the guy painting the
house next door on the giant ladder. I say, hey, man,
can you uh can I probably ladder for a second
and I need to go with my house in the window.
So he says, oh, yeah, no problem, no problem. So
he puts the big, big ladder up against the house. Scary.
You have a climb the ladder to the It doesn't
seem like a high thing to do, right until you

(49:26):
are halfway up, which is basically now, I'm at window
level for the first floor, and you realize you have
to go another level. And I'm sorry, guys, if you're
looking at me going and I'm realizing to myself, I
then have to open a window and climb in the
window from the top of the ladder. I'm not doing that.
I suddenly realized I'm not a firefighter. I'm not gonna

(49:47):
do it. So I climbed back down and he looks
at me, and so he was hispanic. He still is Hispanic.
He didn't speak a lot of English. He looks at me, goes, oh,
like he knows I'm not doing it. So he goes,
he goes, I go, I go. So I go, all right,
I'll give you ten dollars. I'll please just shut up. Man.

(50:09):
I had a ten dollar bill in my pocket. So
he goes, okay, So I said, just go up and
then go down the two staircases and let me in.
He goes up and the windows locked. My daughter locked
the window right, yes, He goes to the can you checked.
So then I'm like, well, already I'm in for ten bucks, right,
so can you check the other windows? He checks the

(50:29):
other front window locked. I said, I said, can you
can you go on the back? You check my other
back So he checks all the windows, bedroom windows all locked.
Your daughter, she she forgot that she actually did the
right thing and locked the window. Yeah, So he looks
at the front window. Now, the front of my house
has a picture window and a regular window on both
sides right and then and then my door to the house.

(50:52):
Right to the left of my my porch is a
picture window and a regular window on each side of
the picture window. And he looks in and he says,
the window on the right is unlocked, which is weird
to me because I'm from Brooklyn. I locked everything, but
you're not gonna ask any questions, so I'm just gonna
so I So he leaves because I need a little ladder.

(51:12):
I get in a little ladder and I can't see
the top of the window, but he said it was unlocked.
So I try to lift the storm window up, then
the glass window that before the screen, and I shatter
it glass because I had a screw driver trying to
pry it up because the release is inside, right, the
little two clicks the two things you pinch in and

(51:33):
it lifts up. So I was like, oh, I'll just
use the screwdriver and I'll jimmy it. Nope, cracked window.
So then he comes over and he goes, I'll help you,
and then he looks. He goes, oh my my, he goes.
He goes, yeah, he goes, well, he said again, he
didn't say that. He says, oh uh, he said. I
think he said my fault or my bad something like that.

(51:55):
The window he is locked, so not over. So now
you're just like, fuck it, man, just just punch the
rest of the window out and just grab it from
You can't get in. You can't. You can't get to that.
How did you finally solve this problem? So I call
my second friend, who also is a tool guy, because

(52:15):
the first guy didn't have the tools, he didn't have
the crowbar, and he was going out. So the second
guy says, to meet You know, you can just call
the police precinct and they'll come. Now, it's scary. I'm
from Brooklyn, right so n y p D. I would
never think to call them to get me into an apartment.
I'd call a locksmith because the NYPD is like this
massive force of police officers patrolling fifty people. I'm not gonna,

(52:40):
So he says, called the precinct. I go, there's gotta
be something more important for the officers to be doing.
I don't want to bother him, because that's to trust me.
If they if they time, they'll do it. So I
call the precinct and the officer says, I'll call the
fire department. They'll be right over. No, no, no, no, no,
don't bother the firefighters. Lane come on, are they gonna,
because if they're busy, they'll tell you. But if they're
not busy, they come. All right, Look, please tell him

(53:01):
not to have the sirens on. Please just tell him
to come in like a van. But I feel terrible.
So they shot up to my house in a in
a big fire truck right with the lights spinning, no sirens,
and three wonderful two men and a woman firefighters get out,
and I said, guys, I'm so sorry, don't be ridiculous.
We just finished lunch with don't worry about it. Uh,

(53:23):
this is what we do. And they took out two
screw drivers and they went to my steel door and
he did like a they opened the door. Of course,
of course I said that first, Well, you saved your
broken window in ten bucks, right, so I never thought
to call the fire department. I don't have a cat
in a tree to say, but that's what they do.

(53:44):
They rescue cats and trees when they when there's no fire.
If they have I'd rather have them doing like real stuff. Yeah,
but you know sometimes you can, you know, you can
call it. Did you tip them? No, they wouldn't take it.
I said, can I guy buy you guys lunch? I
was gonna drop off like pizza at the fire Yeah.
They didn't want it to which what we do. My

(54:06):
point of the story is you never know because I
because I reached out to a locksmith, wanted a hundred
and fifty dollars just to show up because it was
labor day. I'm like, oh fuck labor day. I'm you
know what, free labor from the fire department. Well, I
wasn't my intention, but yes, my point was they were
very helpful and you may get locked out of your

(54:27):
house someday. By the way, that was my vacation Monday
Labor Day. My house can't wait to hear the about
the rest of the vacation and tell you about the plumber.
At some points, Podcast Scared needs your your your opinion
on this. Tell me what's wrong if if this stands
out to you. I'm at home Depot, uh, and they

(54:47):
were they were closing. I was getting keys made Tuesday night,
right I finished all my all my stuff I was
doing in family stuff, and I ran to home Depot
no Labor Day Monday. Labor day Monday, I went to
get to key the same day as the apartment. I
gotta get the keys made. I'm not gonna procriss. This
is a great ending to your I'm just realizing this.
This was the end of your vacation. This wasn't the beginning.

(55:08):
Right home Depot right Monday night. So I go to
Home Depot and I hear Home Depot will be closing
in ten minutes. Please bring bring your final purchases to
the register. You know, I've never heard that before because
I've never been to I go. I've been there like
three times in my life. You don't go, you go
to apartment hunt. I don't. I just don't go to

(55:30):
these places. So that the announcement when you've heard this announcement,
please bring the final So I went up to the
guy behind the I went to the guy at at
the register and I said, hey, I had a question
for you. What's the difference between please bring your final
purchases to the register and please bring your purchases to

(55:50):
the register. Oh god? And he says, you're playing grammar
games with these people. Want to go asking. I always
wondered that, why, like, what do you mean my final
purchases to be bill run up and then at the
last minute go back and get more stuff, like you come,
we're closing, Come buy your ship. He says to me,
you know what, I work here for thirty years. I've

(56:11):
never noticed that. You're right, there's no difference. And he
goes up to the next cast here he says, what's
the difference, and she goes, I don't know just exactly
why are we saying that? And it's actually in their script, right, yes,
you have to say it just like that, right, right,
Please bring your final purchases because because they don't want
you to bring your purchase final final purchase. Right. Yeah,

(56:33):
that's two people run back and ga, I feel like
all purchases are final once they passed the register, unless
you want to return it at a later date, right,
But like, what's yes, that's that's my he was like
he's thinking me, he goes, thank you so much. I
never that way. Yeah, also bought a couch. You bought
a couch. We have this sound here. Should we go
into this first? Yeah? I think we should because a

(56:56):
lot of them. You're very very very very heavy on
the Mets sound for a team that's out of it
and it's going nowhere this season. First of all, they're
not out of it. There are four games out. They're
not out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out
of I'm out of hope. Okay, so let me. I'm
gonna tell you what what clips to play because we
have a lot here. Um, can you play the pumpkin
spice clip? Now? You remember last episode because you listen

(57:18):
in order where I said I talked about pumpkin spice.
It doesn't that pumpkin in it. There's no pumpkin spice.
I apologize. One of our listeners tweeted at me and said,
I saw that that's wrong. Dunkin Donuts, UH coffee has
the pumpkin spice. Latte has pumpkin in it. Now, that
may be the case, but I didn't say pumpkin spice.

(57:40):
Latte's don't have pumpkin. Pumpkin spice doesn't have pump Pumpkin
spice is just that a spice. So last night on
Late Night with Seth Myers, play the clip because You'll
be dead from cinnamon poisoning. Second, what that is? Pumpkin
spice don't taste like punk and it tastes like all

(58:00):
the garbage you have to put on pumpkin. It tastes
like anything. It's like referring to butter as lobster spices.
Very true, Thank you, set Yes, I think he's listening
to our podcast. I think so. I think that's where
they're getting their ideas from. Play so scary. What's that
thing you know when when something stands out like it's

(58:21):
a it's a special special thing like a star. Yeah, Like,
what's that call with an A? Like that's gonna have
a asterisk? Right, aster risk asterisk? This clip is Ron
Darling Yale graduate hit it talking about an asterisk and
the directord books. He said, asterick now record books aster

(58:48):
rick or aster rix with an X both wrong? Yeah,
terrible it's risk at the end, and you said it right,
scary very of course, asterisk I know that. Come on,
I'm a grammar guy from way back. I want you
to listen to this home run call and then listen
to the fan. This is on on television. You can
hear a fan at the end of the clip before
they cut him off. It says a fan in the stands,

(59:11):
listen after the home run call. With an opposite field
home run and the Mats that lead five to three, Wow,
what a fucking what I think he was gonna say.
I don't know, because with an opposite field home run

(59:33):
and the Mats that lead five to three. Wow. And
by the way, that's what happens. That's what happens when
nobody's there at the game and you could hear anything
anyone said. It was a Mets national game in Washington,
so it was I guess it was someone who wasn't
happy the Mets at home run. Okay, so uh, let's

(59:58):
let's see we have the All Star State a state
rather and the bullpen stuff. This is a clip of
Gary Cohen, who's the straight laced main announcer, and Keith Hernandez,
who is a legendary baseball player who's a great announcer
and was on Seinfeld. Don't know if you saw the
two part episode The Spinner. Keith is great, but sometimes

(01:00:19):
Keith loses focus. I have a couple of clips of
Keith losing I love Keith the record. He is hilarious
and he could do no wrong. My favorite was the
clip where he had to apologize after the break because
I guess they were doing one of those opening shots
of you know, in between innings, and there was there
was a hot girl as a hot girl with like

(01:00:42):
a tight T shirt on cut off t shirt the
Padres game, and there was a woman in the dugout. Yeah, yeah,
and then the camera was on. He just wants the
little lady doing the dugout or he goes another time.
He was just being a perfuse my old look at that. Yeah,
but the little lady or something like that doing in

(01:01:03):
the dugout. They gotta get he out of there before
the inning starts. Turns out she's a coach. The coach
he you know, he's he's old school. So they're doing
a read like we do you do commercials, right, They're
doing a commercial for one of the sponsors, which is
all State. What is the slogan for all State All State? Well,

(01:01:23):
I represent state farm because like a good neighbor, state
farm is there? So like a good neighbor state farm
is there that that state farm All State is. You're
in good hands with all States. Play the clip of
Gary doing the read and Keith chiming in. That was
your All State good hands play. Welcome back. Luiski Ormy
first started five weeks and he's already showed off the

(01:01:43):
d It's always good to be a good neighbor. Don't wait.
Good good hands kids, good good hands. Yes you should
know about good hands. Don't say anything else. Just focus
on that part of the clip because I got so

(01:02:04):
so he's doing the commercial All State that they're about
to make a kid goes so it's going to be
a good neighbor. It looks like All State is gonna
be getting some free commercials from the Mets Berry soon.
That's like doing a McDonald's commercial. I'm going, Wow, that's
a whopper. Now, now Barry to Night clip play Mets
all State too, because this made me laugh out loud

(01:02:26):
and you just heard it. Did back. Luiski or he
first started five weeks and he's already showing off the
df D. We're twelve year old boys, Okay, so sticking
with Keith hernandez uh just we have a podcast just
on this guy. This is just this week. So I

(01:02:47):
want you to listen to Gary Cohen talking about the
how the Mets bullpen hasn't let any runs in since
the starter was out. All of the relievers have pitched
scoreless innings. Go ahead, play the first clip that's bullpen's
been impeccable today four innings or three and two thirds things,
no runs, no hits. And then about a minute later,

(01:03:09):
play Keith, do you know what? I just want to
scare freaking me if I'm wrong? You met bullpen today?
If Diaz gets the last out, there'll be uh four
and two thirds innings pitched with no hits? Right, yeah?
Am I wrong? Nobody and nobody mentioned that until that.

(01:03:31):
I just I'm looking at the summation of the game. Here,
my god, did you mention it? The Sota nothing at
a long you mentioned it. You gotta speak up. I
love you, Keith, speak up. I just noticed I wasn't
paying attention on boys. Oh it's good stuff. Care that

(01:03:52):
is hysterically. I got one more, one more Keith this week,
So the Mets haven't pitched. He just repeated everything he said, Yeah,
you know, okay, So Taiwan Walker pitches for the Mets.
T A I j U A n Taiwan Okay, good
picture for the Mets. Gary starts talking about him, and
then Keith chimes in, go ahead. Than Walker leads off

(01:04:14):
for the Mets of the second after a wild first
inningrone batting left hand tyrone. We gotta get this guy
some focus. Fact there. T Wan Walker leads off for
the Mets in the second after a wild first inning
Tyrone batting left handed. The guy has been on the

(01:04:36):
team since since February. February marks, yeah, so I got
one more clip. This is This sounds like the soundtrack
to a porn movie. Now it's actually W. B. Mason.
But the guy, the big burly guy, says, I'm right here,
and then listen to horror and a couple of women
in the clip, and see if it could sound like

(01:04:58):
a porn movie to me? Go ahead? Where where he
should put it? Go ahead? Um, I don't have it.
You have W. B. Mason? No, I know, we don't
have it. I'll play it off my phone. Hang on
you I have eight clips and we've used it all.
Here we go, hold on, here we go. Can you
sure here or here or even here? Oh my god,

(01:05:28):
that does sound like porn. Yeah, you can put it in.
Can you put it here? Yeah? How about here? And
how about even here? Every time I see it, that
was when we had it was like when we had
Rachel Ray cooking clips. And then if you don't, we're
not watching TV. You don't know what she's doing. She's
actually chopping things up, like cucumbers and things. And then
just all you do is hear her and go, oh yeah,

(01:05:49):
that's gushy, Oh that's squeeze. Oh yeah, look at that.
It's a little slimy right there. I gotta get that
part out. Yeah, you never know, you know, you never know.
That's like the old the old threes Company joke. We're
not gonna go there. This is the seventies reference when
when they would actually mistake people for having sex and

(01:06:10):
doing sexual things in the next here through the door,
Like usually it's Jack Tripp or the main character who's
listening in, and then like someone else is in there
with someone else, but they're doing something completely different. You know,
they're you know, they're basting the turkey and they're like, oh,
shove the base through this, shove it this way. You're
in there in the rubbed the breast. And then they

(01:06:31):
barge into the kitchen like what is going on in here?
And they're like making it and they're like, we're making
a turkey. Yeah, exactly. Hey, I got this text message today.
We got this text message at the morning show. It says,
what is the number phone number for the show? I
pointed that out to Elvis. I tried searching and it
only shows radio station numbers. So I said, you searched

(01:06:55):
for it? Did you google what is the number for
the Elvis Durant show? Because when you do that, it
says why would you not do that? So I didn't
want to like be an asshole and go what exactly
did you search for? But what did you search? What
did you search for? And then, by the way, when

(01:07:16):
people say, oh, every morning when you guys are recording
your show, like, no, we we don't record our show.
We do live, like we never recording our show. We
don't record. Yes, we we make a copy of recording,
copy of it, but we're not recording our show. We
record this podcast because you're hearing you're not hearing you
in real time. But our radio show is we don't

(01:07:39):
go in the studio and record our show. And well,
here's the thing. At the beginning of the of the
show at six am East Coast times, this program prerecorded.
That's for legal reasons. You know what's prerecorded, the music
and the phone taps. Well, the music, of course is
pre and the commercials. Yeah, but as far as the content,
the phone taps are prerecorded because we have to beat
them and edit them. That's that's it. But legally that's

(01:08:01):
what the government wants now or wanted a year and
a half ago. Were today years old when you found
that one out? And if you know, yeah, we got
two kids. We got two text messages here today for
the show, which we will go over after this. David,
I think you're getting paid for hitting the commercial button,

(01:08:22):
that's what I think. No, I'm just being told we
have to hit the commercial Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, we
were told we haven't hit the commercial button enough, so
now we're we're trying to hit the commercial button. So
I think two people were today years old when they
learned something and I'm again, it's just the world we
live in. It's not a sign of not it's not
it's I'm not making fun of these people. I'm just
pointing out that I'm amazed that people don't know things

(01:08:44):
that are old school technology. So if you use a
cell phone and I call you, what happens? If you're
on the phone, it'll be biopop, right, and you might
pick up because you might be in the lot. Okay,
but people aren't used to calling landlines, so you obviously
don't work in I don't know. You don't call companies

(01:09:06):
or what. I guess people don't call landlines, right like
you don't call your auntie, your grandparents, whatever a lot.
Because when you call a landline, a couple of things happen.
If the circuits get overloaded, right In other words, maybe
the system can handle five phone calls, but eight thousand
people are calling to win the phone tapp prize. It
gets overloaded. They can't handle that many calls, so it

(01:09:28):
goes to a call, it goes paper. The number you've
reached it cannot be reached right now, or the circuits
are overloaded. There's some are busy, right, and then people
are text in their phone numbers not working. No, the
phone number works. It's just overload, right, that's that's it's
an old term that people don't understand. Fine, but we

(01:09:49):
got two text messages today that I've never seen before,
and I'll tell you what My response was. The first one,
and again I'm not blaming these people. The first one
was when we call, are we supposed to wait at
the busy signal forever? Or keep trying to call until
it sounds like something else? Wow? That those are people

(01:10:10):
who don't pick up the phone and make any phone calls. No,
they don't call landlines. The second one, okay, stupid question
of the day. When trying to get through, Will I
have better luck staying on the line listening to the
constant beeping or hang up and keep trying? Oh my god.
So I wrote back to both of them politely. There's

(01:10:30):
not a phone in the world that changes from a
busy signal to a ring Somehow, they they not knowing
a busy signal, think that after a while it changes
to ringing. My guess is there gen z or younger
And they don't know because they just never called a
landline where they've gotten a busy signal. If you've heard

(01:10:52):
that a noise and they like how they call it
a noise beeping, they don't say the word. They don't
know the word busy signal, because a busy signal is
just that. It would tell you if you knew what
a busy sugnal was, and you knew the term busy signal,
you know to hang up and try again, right hear listen,
I hear that. We're pretty difficult to get in touch
with in the morning. Dad, we're very popular. I don't know,

(01:11:16):
but um, I got some more reedy stuff. You got
something because I don't we know. Continue, we hit the
commercials again. We're good. We're good. We're good. We're good.
We're good. We're done on commercials. Okay. From a comment
on the green Pool picture I put up from Monster
donut Pants, which was your name in high school? Isn't
it Monster donnut Pants? Yeah? That you were, Mr Munchkin.

(01:11:37):
That's right, Munchkin. I wasn't short. Okay, all right, Um, Brody,
I saw I wrote down on the on the picture
I invited you to the pool, so this says she wrote,
But Brody, we all know at Scary Jones would get
in the pool if there is wouldn't get in the
she wrote, would get but she mean wouldn't get in
the pool if there isn't a DJ poolside bar and
hot girls in bikinis filling the pool with expensive and paign.

(01:12:00):
Hashtag boogie bastard. So I laughed at that. That was
pretty funny. Um, angel angel Hurst sent me a sent
us a picture. As I read this, the ramp music
is playing in my head. It's a picture of a
case of coke. It says fifteen pack, three more cans
than twelve pack. Is that really? Oh? Yeah, because it's

(01:12:25):
just then three more, right, because in just in case
you don't know how to do basic math, it has
it right. It spells it out in another way that
you get three extra cames. Nothing, no problem with that, right,
Kelly uh screen named Roscoe's mama. She sent me a picture.
She said, UM, check out the great value Walmart has
on Lysol. So Lysol has cans of lysol one for

(01:12:50):
five dollars and forty eight cents. Right, two value pack
eleven sixty seven more than twice the price of the one. Yes,
I I get it. You want me to get the
case back so you can I know we're good. We're good,
We're good. I have I have a couple of email

(01:13:10):
with I have a grammar police. Is that okay? Police?
Like a couple more things I wanted to read. I'll
go for it. Continue. Uh not a grammar police. Uh.
Lord of Enjoyment sent a picture. I still don't know why,
a picture of two milk crates that he got popped
up in his Instagram feed. So I guess for the

(01:13:30):
for the milk car because we were talking about we
were talking about the milk crate challenge, and the milk
crates popped up in his feed. So then that girl Aarnell,
you know her? Yeah, that girl her. I mean, I'm sorry,
Aaron Yeah. She wrote are these white milk rates? I
thought it was hilarious, a reference to white milk. She's
She's sharp as attack. I love her, She's great. I

(01:13:52):
wanted to say welcome aboard to Shelly right at love
to rescue you. She's not gonna hear this for another
six months. Oh, new listener. I started listening to The
Brooken Boys in August, and I've only gotten through episodes before.
I can't begin to tell you how much I love
you too, hopefully I will be caught up by the spring.

(01:14:14):
Keep it going. You have an incredible impact on everyone.
So I wrote back, what made you finally listen to
the show We've been on for three years? And she
wrote back, I was just looking for something light and funny.
I work on a gang task force and it gets
pretty heavy. You make me laugh so hard with the
rants and scary brings out my Italian side. You all
really provide a great service to me. Thank you. So

(01:14:37):
then Omar and uh Shady jew Mobster and a couple
of the people forgive me welcome them new Slice Alert,
Welcome aboard, listen in order. Uh So, it was great,
but I have a bone to pick with. Omar sent
me a picture. You're gonna gonna you're gonna want to
pretend you didn't see this. A player on a football team,

(01:15:00):
college football. Oh no, I saw this Indiana right. But
the shirt says in Indiana indeed I N D I
N I A. They spelled Indiana wrong across the front
of his jersey. Now that's what I don't understand. Is
it just on his jersey or it was in a
miscording to Omar, it was this guy must have gotten

(01:15:21):
they must have like hand ironed them on and somebody
spelled his wrong right, So I wrote back to Omar
at bagged Waddy. Yeah, of course he's an old school
he's an affair from way back. So I wrote back,
what college is that? And before you say INDIODA, I

(01:15:41):
said specifically because I wanted to talk about it on
the podcast, I said, is in Indiana State, Indiana University,
Indiana Tech, like it could be a lot of a
lot of Indiana colleges rather than you got Indiana stupid.
I asked questions because I know why I'm asking them,
so I rather than him saying Indiana. So so he
writes back, can you believe that? And this one off

(01:16:02):
like four tweets. Well, I kept saying what college is it?
And he go, I guess one that can't spell no,
no no, which so finally someone else had the chime
in and tell me it was Indiana Universal. So just
at some point read text messages re tweets, police Police,

(01:16:23):
Kristen Hilty road to us at the Brooklyn Boys podcast
at gmail dot com. Yes, regular email works. Thank you
both for everything you do. I'm glad the big show
is on Vaccasion this past week. So I could finally
work on getting caught up on the Brooklyn Boys. As
a teacher, I love the grammar police section of the podcast. However, Brody,
I am curious why you don't have the same passion

(01:16:43):
for people saying numbers correctly as you do people using
correct grammar. I do. I hate when they say twelve
people in Brooklyn. When reading numbers, there should not be
the word and in any whole number, and is only
said when you eats the decimal point. It was driving
me crazy awhile listening to the episode about Ali's Instagram likes.

(01:17:06):
For homework, I used to have students listen to the
radio and watch TV and record every time someone said
a number incorrectly. They were always so surprised how often
adults don't know how to use same numbers. Regardless. I
love you both, Brodie. I wish they brought you into
the Big show a little more often. You and I
would have a great time at dinner because of our
eating habits are very similar. Kristen, you lost me on that. Please.

(01:17:31):
Brodie's eating habits no dale, no no green stuff, no vats,
the balls anyway. But yeah, but bro can you you
want to respond to Kristen about that, well, I'm about
the decimal point forms dot com and it says using
and in numbers is not wrong at all. So there
you go, there, Kristen, put that into your pipe and
smoke it if you smoke. Louise Cruise wrote to us

(01:17:54):
about the ugly section. Hey, Scary and Brodie. First of all,
you guys are legendary, the most entertaining pot cast out there.
Big fan of you guys in The Big Show, Scary,
check out Curb Your Enthusiasm Season ten, episode seven. It's
basically the same thing that happened to you with the
sitting in the ugly section at the restaurant you're in.
Larry David was a riot and how he handled the

(01:18:15):
ugly section seating um. Also, as much as I love
Danielle on The Big Show, I've got to call her
out for something you guys. You guys criticized some celebrities
of doing. I think it was a DSW commercial. Don't
tweet me. I heard that's the shoe warehouse. I heard
during the Big Show. But she read it as we
as if she works for them. So she was doing

(01:18:37):
a commercial for the ds W shoe warehouse and as
soon as I heard that, I was like, the hell
all because of what you guys talked about a few
episodes back. You guys are rock stars. So yeah, So
Danielle must have been reading commercial copy directly from the copy,
and the way it was written was we here at
D s W Shoe Warehouse, whereas she shouldn't have said that.

(01:18:59):
She should probably have said they at at at D
s W Shoe Warehouse because she doesn't work for them.
Got it, got it all right? And then I have
a scamboni from from Megan. If I can hit the button, well,
my buttons are real slow today, but Brodie, this is

(01:19:21):
oh my god, Melanie the tillow. I want to let
you guys how I found out about a scamboni. Our
old Curig coffee machine broke at the office, so I
brought our boss thought and bought a new one. And
it was a new Curig Mini. The machine wouldn't intake
all of the water or brew anything. We thought the

(01:19:43):
unit was defective. That one was just sitting around in
someone's basement before we brought it in, so we bought
a new one of the same kind. Okay, so they
bought the same exact Mini after the other one wasn't working. Um. Anyway,
we opened it up right the directions and so that
Curig says not use distilled water. What do you know?
The first mini Curing we had now works if we

(01:20:06):
just use tap water. We can use spring water as well.
But the point is that newer curings have a mineral
sensor in them to detect water without minerals. We believe
this is a scamboni so that people have to use
tap and spring water in their machines and build up
will happen faster. So you have to buy the scaler

(01:20:27):
from Curing and replace the curings more often. Just call
me mel zinny too late anyway, mels zinny Um. Do
you think that Curing would go with Brodie? Do you
think Curing would install mineral detectors so the machine doesn't
work with mineral water, so you're forced to use filthy water,

(01:20:49):
which causes you to buy the the scaler, which I
don't I don't know. I don't think that she's really
overthinking this. I don't know if she may be right.
I don't know. First of all, why breaks their own
phones so you have to buy new ones? So so
would would Curig No force you into buying the scale
or but the thing is okay. So then then answer

(01:21:10):
the question why doesn't it work with mineral water because
I don't know that the chemical makeup of mineral water.
But for instance, if mineral water is hard water, hard
water damages your machines, you have you have to you
have to cleanse them out. I know my wife's curig.
When she had a curig, the hard water damaged it

(01:21:31):
and you had to de scale it from hard water.
So I mineral water is considered hard water. Uh, and
you can look that up. I'll look it up later.
That maybe why? And then one final scamboni from Mike Felix, Um,
how the hell are you guys not talking about the
Amazon scamp? I was not aware as a prime member
that to day shipping is not two day shipping anymore

(01:21:52):
on the pandemic On my Ring video, I catch Amazon
customer service informing me they are being deceptive, So why
are we paying prime membership fees? Wasn't it for to
day shipping? Linked to my Ring video below, this person
actually sends, oh my god, they taped them. Okay, I
don't know if we should play this. What did they tape?

(01:22:14):
They take their conversation through with the Amazon arguing with
the Amazon person. So, look, if it comes in three days,
I can live with it. If it comes in seven days,
then I asked for a credit. It depends on if
I need the product. But but he's trying to say,
two day shipping should be two day shipping. You're paying
for two day shipping. Why is it showing up in
three Well, I said why because of the pandemic. Certain

(01:22:36):
certain warehouses are a little short staff. Certain suppliers don't
have the product that was short on things, and they
tell you when you buy it may may be affected.
It sounds like you want doesn't say it sounds like
he doesn't want you should get discount. He doesn't. He
shouldn't have to pay to ship to day shipping fees
for three day shipping. Well, you're not paying day shipping
fig you're getting this shipping free. Well, maybe should get

(01:22:56):
money off your prime membership. You can ask what you want.
You can you can you can uh do that because
they're big super company and they have all the money
in the world. Or you can say, you know a
lot is a pandemic going on. I might give him
a leading. Let them took for a day. Like if
it's a day, I let him off the hook. If
it's a week and a half, you know, like there's

(01:23:17):
gotta be a middle point where you go, you've had
some problems in the past during this pandemic where you
did not let them off the hook, and you've got
your free dessert. Yeah, but different things like if they
send me the wrong thing, or it's broken, or it
comes a week later, if it's three days and there
was no warning, then I'll let it slide. I don't
normally need things, gotta have it, but you know, it depends,

(01:23:37):
by the way. So a couple of things I'm looking
up just to be to be safe here. The British
way of saying the numbers is always to use act,
and the American ways to occasionally use the end. For instance,
it's you don't use it when the two digits are
zero zero. In other words, you'd say, right, right, okay.

(01:23:58):
It is said after thousand when the last three digits
of the number are less than a hundred. In other words,
you would say five thousand and twenty six. And on
checks you always use and if there are no thousands, um,
and let's say it's a million if you had a
million and you added forty seven, you would say a millillion,

(01:24:19):
and otherwise you'd say a million forty seven and you
got seven. It's confusing to to sort of eliminate the
confusion you use, and and that is on multiple websites.
Grammarly works. Brody is is spanking the math teacher with
her own ruler. Well, listen, I'm sure she's a wonderful

(01:24:41):
math teacher, but she's not an English teacher. It's actually
an English issue. But listen, you can teach your students
anything where you want, but there are certain exceptions to
the rule. And since it is a British way, you
can use it. It's not wrong to say it. Don't
I don't. I don't adhere to the British way. I
adhere to the brief Gray, the Brooklyn way. How do

(01:25:01):
you spell gray? G R E y R g r
A y Okay? Well, g R E y is English,
British English either way, No, no, A y is a
for American. Just because squinsense just you said you don't
subscribe to the British way, and yet you just spelled gray,
spread spread love it's the Brooklyn's. Then I'm not dying.
What are you doing so wrong? I got another hour.

(01:25:25):
Did you really have bonies? Boys Brooklyn Brookland Boys bro

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