March 26, 2020 • 33 mins
Ron hires a new co-host.
Credits:
Host, Writer, and Executive Producer: Ron Burgundy
Co-host, Writer and Producer: Carolina Barlow
Producer: Nick Stumpf
Talent Producer: Anna Hossnieh
Writers: Andrew Steele and Jake Fogelnest
Engineered, Mixed and Edited by Nick Stumpf
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
One of the inevitablest private miseries is this multitudinous e
flux of horritory and psalmondy from the universal foolish human throat,
drowning for the moment, all reflection whatsoever except the sorrowful
(00:30):
one that you are fallen in an evil, heavy laden,
long eared age and must resignedly bear your part in
the same Thomas Carlyle High Folks, that's are on here,
your compadre feels like it's been a what a week
(00:53):
since we got together? And shout the ship and I
bet you're curious as to what I've been up to.
I mean, I know you've been thinking about me, especially you,
mysterious caller. Yep, you the one who has been leaving
me all those voice messages on my home line. Listen
to me, you heavy breathing creep. I like you keep calling.
(01:16):
It's nice Anyway. I do have to announce that since
last week, I am no longer recording this podcast with
my former co host Carolina. We've decided it's not going
to work. The chemistry was just never there. Hey sorry
dark Hey Carolina, Hey, um hm uh wait were you
(01:43):
are you guys recording? Did you you didn't wait for me. Um,
did you? Did you check your phone recently? Your your voicemail?
Did you leave me a dream voicemail? Again? I stopped
listening to those. You you stopped listening to my dream
voicemail really long and I always get them out like
(02:03):
three am. Whatever. That's besides the point. I just well,
I left you another voice mail. Okay, let me listen
a second. What does this say? Hello? Um? Okay, Carolina,
it's wrong, grab a pin uh. In my dream, I
was in a cabin in the woods and it was
(02:24):
made out of moss. I realized that I had a
friend who was a pregnant minotaur. She need help giving birth,
so I was her dula and I helped her give
birth to a little baby minotaur. And then I woke up,
which is just right now. I just woke up. Um,
do me a favor. Give me five words on the
(02:45):
meaning of this dream by five pm today. Thank you. Okay,
I think that was one of my dream voices. Yeah,
I think I think so too. Okay. Um oh, I
just got this one. Yes, hey Carolina, it's raw. Just
driving into this video. Traffic is terrible. Um, how do
you like working on the podcast this is our third season.
(03:07):
I'm pretty cool, pretty crazy stuff. What a ride? Huh?
Time has gone by? You're fired? Wait? What sill? Wait Serrie,
it's Ron Burgundy. I'm on my way and I need
a big gulp waiting serie, execute my command. Okay, you
can stop. Blame that man, just stop. You can stop it.
(03:30):
When did you leave that message? Run? Run? No, don't
get under that desk? Run, get out from under the door.
I'm just tying. No, you're not. You're covering your ears.
Do you more a minute? No, get out from under
the desk. I'm an adult man. I am an adult man.
(03:54):
Why are you saying that? That's my pump up speech?
I'm sorry? Why are you fire ring me? Is it
because you saw me wearing those individual toe shoes? Oh,
don't remind me of that freak show rock climbing class.
You know, each of your toes could get a job
by joining the circus, that's how freaky they look. But
(04:14):
listen to me, You yourself could have ten jobs. You
don't need this one because I have ten toes exactly. Look,
I don't know how to tell you this, but I've
hired a new correspondent. Who who is it? I think
it's pronounced Lucci Lucci Jones. That's Lucy Jones. Yes, Oh
(04:35):
my god, Okay, that's Lucy Jones. Is actually a big deal. Well,
that's doctor Lucy Jones to you, Missy. Let me ask
you this, Carolina, where did you get your doctor it?
You know, I don't have a doctorate, but to be
completely fair, you don't have one either. That that kind
of filthy language is exactly why I'm hiring Lucy. Dr Lucy,
(04:56):
I didn't say anything filthy. You don't have a doctor.
We'll have to leap that out. Nick, What Carolina just said,
you don't have a doctor rate degree? I don't remember
getting one. That's different than not having one. Oh my god.
Please stay tuned, folks, After all, it is Carolina's last show,
last public broadcast of her entire life. That's excessive. We'll
(05:18):
be right back with my new co host, Dr Lucy Jones.
Lucy Lucy Jones is gonna take me a while to
get that nail down. Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
(05:41):
We are joined today by the inimitable world renowned seismologist
Dr Lucy Jones. Dr Lucy, how would you like to
be addressed? Um, I'm happy with just Lucy. But when
you feel the need to remember I know more about earthquakes.
Dr Jones works too, okay, Oh Dr Joe or Lucy Lucy. Well,
(06:04):
I'm just gonna go with Lucy. Go for it if
that's fine. That's fine, Caroline, are you good with it?
I'm great with Lucy. Um. Let me just start by asking,
do you remember your first earthquake? Actually I do, Okay.
I was two years old and we were living in
Ventura and my earthquake started. We were all in the
(06:25):
living room and my mother gathered up us kids into
the hallway and sort of crouched over us, got us
to cover our heads, and she put her body over
us to keep us safe. And later where you're like, Mom,
you didn't need to do that. No, Actually, we were
all a little bit scary. It was over a magnitude
five and it was nearby and are The other thing
(06:46):
I remember is our cats screaming size so seismic Siamese
cat yowls remind me of earthquakes because they jumped off
the TV thinking it was the TV that was moving.
Things kept on moving and they freaked out. They started
screaming and they would never get on the TV again.
Did the Siamese cats start screaming before the earthquake, because
(07:09):
sometimes they say animals can sense when something's about to happen. Okay,
they didn't that, I remember. I was, of course only
two years old. The one thing is that the earthquake
comes in with multiple waves, and the first one is
often smaller than the second one, So the more sensitive
animals might feel the first one, and the less sensitive
humans only feel the second one. So a few seconds
(07:31):
before the animals sometimes will jump up and and it
looks like they knew the earthquake was coming. They're just
feeling the beginning. That that's less sensitive people missed sometimes
because a lot of people think I'm overly sensitive and
I have a sensation that an earthquake is about it,
and I'll just start screaming, earthquake, here it comes. You've
(07:53):
that's rarely and I've never predicted one, But in that moment,
I feel like it's happening, and I probably should just
keep my mouth shut. Probably, Uh, there's a lot of
people who do think it. We kept a file at
the U S Geological Survey of predictions that people sent us.
Okay Um and we refused to act on them, and
(08:14):
because we said we get a lot of them, we
would get about one a week. Oh so you have
like a hotline. We accepted mail and we kept it
on file. Yep, there were some people who called. There
was somebody who faxed us each day with an outline
of the slug trails from her driveway, and she would
try to predict what earthquakes were going to happen from
those pictures. Carolina, that sounds like something you would do.
(08:35):
It wasn't me. No, really, if I promise, Okay, yeah,
interesting behavior, interesting behavior, Actually the slug trails. I think
we're back in the nineties, so Caroline would be yeah,
um oh wait, hold on, I need to take this.
We're in the middle of a show. Hello, Hi, oh
(08:59):
do you want me put you on? Speak here? Okay,
hold on, Carolina, how do I make the speaker phone
work on? You're serious? We told you? Is this real? Blow? Right?
Can you hear me? Yes? I I hear you. Find
Sia the the the international pop singer who was recently
a guest on the show, who I went on a
date with you. This is insane see a house Dubai.
(09:23):
I miss you so much. I miss you too. Do
you think you can fly out after you've done taping
the podcast. I'll have David Assistant get your ticket. I
just missed you so much. I miss you. Do see
you there, Carolina? Can can we move some things around
so I can I can go meet Sia and Dubai
this weekend? She she misses me. Oh, my heart will
flip out. We really can't see you. Are you really
(09:44):
dating Ron? I just I need to what's going on? Well?
I guess the secret is out now? Thanks. I'm oh.
I didn't mean to invade your privacy. Ron put you
on speaker phone while we're taping the show, so just
sort of naturally. I mean, do you want us to
edit it out? No? No, we don't need to do that,
(10:04):
do do we, sweetheart? No? I mean it's gonna come
out anyway. I'd say the truth is Run and I
have really fallen for each other. Wow, I'm just um,
this is surprising. Wow. Running Carolina really is a speak
of a judgmental idea, as you said she was. Oh
my god, you told cr was a judgmental idiot. Carolina,
(10:26):
don't be jealous of our blossoming relationship. Okay, geez, see
a bear. Listen. I will be on the next flight
to Dubai. I miss you terribly. I don't feel complete
without you near me. You're so sweet. Don't you think
this is moving a little fast? Carolina? Jealousy is not
(10:47):
a good look on you. I'm not jealous. Yeah, you're
a little jealous, Carolina. We all can see it well,
and I have a sound check. David desistent, will make
all the arrangements. Okay, I'll see you soon, running goodbye,
see a there. Okay, dr Lucy. Let let me ask
you this. Do you do you think when Rihanna drops
(11:07):
her next album there'll probably be another earthquake? Uh No,
I don't think the earth knows what we're She is
incredibly popular pop singer and uh we have been waiting
for her next time. I really have I will say.
I mean there could be vibrations off enough people jumped
(11:29):
up and down right, But they once recorded the vibrations
created at the Kingdom at the Seattle Football Stadium with
a touchdown, and the total energy was equivalent to about
a magnitude one and a half to two. Pretty impressive
that a bunch of people could do that. Yes, it's
(11:49):
so gosh, if I was in Rihanna's camp, I try
to get a stadium full of people to break that record.
Album drops and you could hire some seismologist bring out
the seismic recording. That'd be fun for the seismologists they think.
Actually it was they used that data to understand how
waves travel through uh, certain types of soils that were
(12:12):
there under the under the stadium, so it was actually
used for scientific paper. I remember, and I'm dating myself,
when Cisco's album dropped, there was zero seismic activity. Okay,
that's just a fun fact because we get a lot
of people writing in about Cisco Bum but um bum bum.
(12:34):
The thong song, speaking of which you should always have
a thong by your nightside table in case an earthquake hits.
Is that would you recommend that? Uh? That hasn't been
on my list. I underwear some sort of undergarment. We
had a number of people who ran outside in the
North through earthquakes without stopping to clothe, so people who
(12:59):
were very frightened. Personally, I keep a pair of shoes
tied to the pole of my bed. What's in your
earthquake bag? Your jump bag? I don't have a jump back.
You don't have a jump bag because I'm not going
to predict the earthquake. They really are unpredictable, and that
means we don't know when it's coming, so it's not
time you have to evacuate. I make sure that my
(13:20):
house has been reinforced so I'm not going to have
to leave it, and then I keep supplies in my house.
In my bag. I've got charcoal, Habachi grill. I've got
ten Porterhouse steaks. They're Omaha steaks. They're really good that
I gotta keep on dry eyes to keep them perpetually frozen. Um.
(13:42):
I've got Campbell's Chunky soup. Um. Oh, I never pack
a can opener, though, you have to do that. I've
got some glow sticks that you'd use it like a rave. Um.
They could help when there's no elect tricity. Um. Watch
out about that Habachi grill, though, because there will be aftershocks.
(14:06):
So we try to recommend light sources and heating sources
that don't involve open flames so you don't set off fires. Okay,
let me write that down. I've also got two tickets
to a Raiders game that I went to just as
comforting piece of memorabilia. Uh, that's one of the things
we recommend, especially in schools, is what we call comfort bags.
(14:31):
And because people do regress to a younger age under
the stress of the earthquake. Okay, so people actually go
back to a childlike state. Well, or you'll have children
who had given up their their stuffed toys go back
to them. And so like putting an old stuffed toy
in a place where your child, don't give it away,
have it ready in case they need it after the earthquake.
(14:53):
After the quake, we have a book of pictures of
Ron and happier times whenever he's in a bad move
that he we asked him to just look for real.
And that's kind of a piece of information. I didn't
really want you to talk about, um, but yes, we
have that, and you'll probably want it after the earth
quite probably want to peruse it. It sounds like, um, Lucy,
(15:16):
can you can you tell me about climate change in
the least scary way possible? Because I don't I don't
want to be scared. We're nervous, So maybe speak slowly
and and Carolina, if you could intersperse her answer Lucy's
answer with some with some of my favorite phrases. Okay, okay, um,
(15:38):
climate change is real. Cow goes move. Human activity is
increasing carbon dioxide and that's increasing the heat. And increased
heat means we're going to have increased storms, cat goes
meal and uma. In general, we're going to have a
(16:02):
lot of disruption, so that, um, it's gonna be hard.
They're going to be a lot of people who will
have to choose between moving where they've always lived or dying.
So they're going to move where it goes chip chip
chip train goes choo chow. And we can change it.
(16:23):
We can't change it alone. What you do by yourself,
whether you know, drive a Prius, it's a good thing,
but it's not going to make a big enough difference.
But we can do it together. We could decide that
this mattered to us, and we are going to, uh say,
vote for people who will actually take action on climate change.
(16:45):
And what does what does Teddy Bear say? Hi, run,
thank you, thank you, Lissie, thank you for breaking it down,
and thank you Carolina. Sure I've got I've got you back.
I'll just say that's a little more gentle. There's no
point in worrying about earthquakes if we don't deal with
climate change, because if we don't deal with it, it
(17:05):
will be a lot worse than anything an earthquake could do.
What what can earthquakes teach us about climate change? Or
they scientifically physically, they're not they're not related. The earthquakes
happen too far down in the earth and the climate
change is all happening here in the atmosphere, all right.
They can't teach us how people socially react to hazards,
(17:30):
and they show us that people really need to feel
that something is affecting them personally and happening right now
to be worth doing something about. So, actually, what's happening
with climate change, with all the excess extra fires and
the various disruption we're seeing really obviously now is making
(17:51):
it easier for people to grapple with the problem, and
we need concrete examples. It's like knowing there's theoretically going
to be some earthquake, oh yeah, yeah, right, But seeing
the hospital that you were born in now so badly
damaged it's partially collapsed, Now, what's real. We've got to
do something about it. And the fact that I just
wet my pants is a good sign that what you're
(18:13):
saying is having an effect on me. Okay, it happens.
It happens regardless, so don't even to worry about it. Okay, Okay.
The l A Times called you the Beyonce of earthquakes.
It's quite a compliment, I think so. Yeah, I think
so too. And I've been called the Robert Redford of
(18:33):
of what just of No one finishes it. It's just
dot dot dot. And how many times has this happened
that I know of one? Right now? Yeah, just trying,
that's mine, Just trying to get into the same category
(18:54):
that Lucy's in. Yeah, I get it. I wonder if
Beyonce has ever been called the doctor Lucy Yes of music.
I saw a tweet to that effect, but I don't
think it got out very far. Um, what if we
had behind this door Beyonce herself, wouldn't that be great?
(19:15):
It would be do we have her? Okay, we didn't
get her. Sometimes I just say things that I hope
they're going to happen, and usually they don't. That's the
way the show happens. Um. You once said that scientific
culture was driven by toxic masculinity. Was that directed at me? No?
(19:36):
I don't believe you've ever written a research paper. Oh, yes,
I have. My office is piled with research papers that
I've written and have yet to be published. It's a
lot of drawings of most of them are drawing. It's
actually about the publishing process where we necessarily ask our
competitor to criticize our work because we know the easiest
(20:00):
person to fool as ourselves, and therefore we set up
this peer review process by which we get the most
critical people possible. I already don't like it. I would crumble. Well,
there are people who crumble. There's a bunch of people
who get their PhD and go. But this isn't the
sort of human being I want to be. But also
it doesn't have to be cruel. But some people just
(20:21):
take it that way. But if you have a research
paper in the peer review process and then and then
it's your time to be part of the peer review
of them. Do you're like, I'm going to nail Dr Tony,
you know Anderson here because he was so mean to me. Right,
it's tip for ted. It happens. It's not healthy. It's
not the good part of science. We have to have
(20:42):
that peer review criticism, but we don't have to be
jerks about it, but sometimes we are. But it's really
important because that's part of the validity of the process.
It's the honest approach, right, and that's what that's what
people don't understand about science. They think we can, like
you know, we're saying that because it gets us funding
or something. But we've got this whole process to find
(21:06):
our mistakes. And if you if somebody were able to
disprove climate change, they do it in a heartbeat, wouldn't
they'd be so famous. But they're dirty, conniving scientists, their
money grubbing scientists. That's why they got into it. That's
why we make so much money. So you can have
your vacation home. Yeah I wish. No, you don't get
(21:31):
that sort of money out of science. So Lucy, let
me just ask you, would you be my co host?
I'm firing Carolina, um, absolutely not. Let me check that off.
Maybe I'll come back to you later with and we
need to still discuss what happened. We need to discuss
what firing is a little. It seems excessive, it seems random,
(21:54):
it seems it seems hurtful. I need my notice. I
was going to give you notice, you or you were
going to give me notice, how does it happen? I
just need a I need a second. You can't just
kick me out of the studio. Okay, let's table this first. Sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We can um, let's do a retraction.
(22:18):
And yeah, you're really proud of that moment. That was.
It's one of my finest podcast moments slash journalist moments
ever that I was able to supply you with the
word retraction and I appreciated it. Um lucy. What are
some of the scientific movements that are inspiring you right now? Oh? Um?
(22:43):
I talked a bit about it earlier, and it's a
change in attitude among scientists because this whole process of
figuring out what truth is is so demanding and so meticulous.
We tend to put all our efforts into with and
we have said using the science as somebody else's job, right, right?
(23:06):
But and then because really, I think part because of
climate change, and we're seeing what happens when the science
doesn't get used. Whose job is it? Exactly right? We
give the job to someone who doesn't actually understand what
we're doing, but whose job it should be. Some of
the scientists who really understand what the results are, need
(23:29):
to help translate it, and we are now seeing, especially
among the younger generation of scientists, people taking on that response.
We need a counsel of like the super Friends? What
are super Friends? Wasn't that an animated show? Nick? Do
you remember? He's shaking his head. Now, it was like
(23:50):
all the superheroes and they were big counsel like the Avengers.
Not at all, not at all. It's very similar. Um,
we need more than just a few people. We need
the scientific community to say this is part of our job,
not just determining what's true, but helping other people understand
(24:11):
what's true. Uh if necessary. But a lot of it
is through education. It's like you know, you get taught
something in high school. That's the science that was understood
when you were in high school. There's been a lot
of work done in the last thirty years. It has
evolved the interpretations well, and lots of fundamental facts that
(24:33):
we now understand differently, and like the Earth is flat.
We now know the Earth is flat. Actually, no, we
know that. We still think it's round. We are sure
it's round, but that's changing. No through song No, oh okay,
the Earth is round. At the Earth is round, but
(24:53):
there's some other things like James Harden, you know that
climate change is real? Right, what's the science that shows
that that wasn't taught? When a lot of the people
making decisions in high school and they don't understand, they
don't get it. So why aren't we doing a better
job of explaining. Teach an old dog new tricks, but
(25:16):
we better teach that old dog some new tricks or
that old dog's going to be Is this a song
knowing on its own leg right? And and that is
the song? All right? To help science isn't just for scientists.
We all need to be able to use this information.
Back to earthquake kit. I have also a big gulp
(25:39):
cup from seven eleven in there, and I have a
lock of my own hair to remind me of me,
and I have a knife. Are those good things too?
I guess it's subjective. It's it's subjective, just what you want.
If whatever is going to remind you of a good
place and keep you psychologically grounded, it is a good
thing to do. Uh. Knives are not something that disappear
(26:02):
because of earthquakes, so okay, so there will electricity disappears
because if there's an earthquake, there won't be a run
on knives. I doubt it. Good to know. I was
told the best place to stand during an earthquake is
at a pool party or a Blink concert if you
(26:24):
can find one. What do you think, um, I actually
hope I'm not in a concert with a lot of
people around me when an earthquake happens, because I think
that will be a place to exacerbate few. So that's
some of the old science which we used to be.
Just be with good friends, good drinks, good music, going
good solid tables, Okay, I like to get under a table. Yeah,
(26:51):
anything but glass, right. I only have glass tables in
my apartment, nothing but because I got switch those out.
What you want to do is have a place where
you can protect yourself from flying objects. And a flying
object hitting a glass table might just make more flying objects,
whereas an oak table keeps it from hitting you. So
(27:13):
all of those garbage bags full of shards of glass
I have, you will have after the earthquake that I
currently have I should get rid of. They aren't going
to help you. Thinks they're seed glass, but it's just
broken window glass. NASA. Do we like them? Sure? They
(27:36):
have a lot of scientists. Science is good. How much
money do you make a year inappropriate? Strike that from
the record, let's redact it less than you did your
health and dental. Did you get health and dental? Oh,
from the government. That's one thing they do well. That
was good. Pretty good health and dental. Well, that's good
(27:56):
to know government takes care of you in that way.
Now you're you're retired. I completed my federal service and
moved on to a nonprofit to give myself more leeway
of discussing things like climate change and hazards beyond just earthquakes.
Did they give you a gold watch, any sort of
parting gifts? I have a big gold medal, actually the
(28:19):
Distinguished Medal award from the Department of the Interior. Don't
get too excited, can we Did you bring it? No?
I didn't bring it. Maybe next time. Um. Well, So
back to this subject of co hosting. I would love
to hire you. Can I finish? Please? The pay is
not great? Uh. Please Note that I was upfront about that.
(28:42):
I do call a lot, uh, meaning I call you
on the phone, sometimes in the middle of the night
with ideas that come to me in my dreams. But
not every day, but most days and lunch is free. Uh,
I am still and it's I'm feeling it. So maybe
I am completely engaged with my current work and communicating
(29:07):
hazards in the natural environment from disasters and helping people cope.
So I think I want to stick with what I'm doing.
So I'm going to get your personal information and I'll
call you tomorrow. No, you don't worry about that, thank you. Okay,
I did not go the way that I planned. Um,
but that could be the subject for another one of
my research papers. I have my study that you didn't
(29:31):
get what you wanted. I don't know. It's Dr Lucy
Joan scareline. I'm trying to trying to sound impressive. Okay. Um,
thank you so much for joining us. Dr Lucy. I'm
I'm honored that you seriously considered being my co host,
and I am hurt that you declined. Well, thank you
(29:51):
for having me today and giving me the opportunity to
talk about earthquake housewards, and that's what I'm going to
continue to do. Excellent. We'll be right back after these messages,
(30:11):
and we're back. It's Ron and Well. I gave Carolina
her one day notice and she decided to leave early today.
I'm not gonna lie. It feels a little quiet in here,
a little scary and a little sad. It feels like
(30:33):
an earthquake is hit behind my eyeballs and the tsunami
may fall out of them. Um. Sorry, I just was
about to leave. Was in the parking lot, and I
you left your keys in your car door and your
music blasting, and there was a briefcase full of cash
open on the passenger side, just dollars. We're just flying
(30:57):
out the window. Carolina, please come back, Yeah, of course, Okay, okay, yeah,
I mean I got your last voicemail, this one. How
(31:20):
do you shut this thing off? I have one stipulation,
as long as it's not about money or airtime. I
want to eat lunch with you in the studio. I
don't want to eat at the bus stop on the
corner anymore. Okay, Well, that's only because I watched you
eat a Ruben sandwich one afternoon and it felt like
I was at war for two years. It felt it
(31:41):
felt like the movie nineteen seventeen. Didn't I leave you
a nightmare voicemail about it? This one? Yeah, Caroline, it's wrong.
I just had the worst nightmare. Please grab a pen,
drop this down. You were eating a ruben sandwich and
children were crying, people were running around. It was like
(32:04):
an Irwin Allen movie. Food was falling from your mouth.
You look like a grotesque gargoyle. And you didn't grab
a napkin. Of course, there was mustard and sour count
flying around. It was like the end of POMPEII. That
was a scary one. I got it alright, folks. Well,
(32:24):
Ron Burgundy here signing off with his co host Carolina,
Thank you, thank you, cat you Next time, maybe with
a cooler co host. And now that that now, I'm sorry,
that was just a joke. Pack so thankful you came back.
(32:46):
The Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio.
I'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer at executive producer Carolina
Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. Our producer
is Nick Stump. Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnier. Writers
are Andrew Steele and Jake vogel Nest. This episode was engineered, mixed,
(33:08):
and edited by Nick Stump. Until next time, This is
Ron Burgundy.
One of the inevitablest private miseries is this multitudinous e
flux of horritory and psalmondy from the universal foolish human throat,
drowning for the moment, all reflection whatsoever except the sorrowful
(00:30):
one that you are fallen in an evil, heavy laden,
long eared age and must resignedly bear your part in
the same Thomas Carlyle High Folks, that's are on here,
your compadre feels like it's been a what a week
(00:53):
since we got together? And shout the ship and I
bet you're curious as to what I've been up to.
I mean, I know you've been thinking about me, especially you,
mysterious caller. Yep, you the one who has been leaving
me all those voice messages on my home line. Listen
to me, you heavy breathing creep. I like you keep calling.
(01:16):
It's nice Anyway. I do have to announce that since
last week, I am no longer recording this podcast with
my former co host Carolina. We've decided it's not going
to work. The chemistry was just never there. Hey sorry
dark Hey Carolina, Hey, um hm uh wait were you
(01:43):
are you guys recording? Did you you didn't wait for me. Um,
did you? Did you check your phone recently? Your your voicemail?
Did you leave me a dream voicemail? Again? I stopped
listening to those. You you stopped listening to my dream
voicemail really long and I always get them out like
(02:03):
three am. Whatever. That's besides the point. I just well,
I left you another voice mail. Okay, let me listen
a second. What does this say? Hello? Um? Okay, Carolina,
it's wrong, grab a pin uh. In my dream, I
was in a cabin in the woods and it was
(02:24):
made out of moss. I realized that I had a
friend who was a pregnant minotaur. She need help giving birth,
so I was her dula and I helped her give
birth to a little baby minotaur. And then I woke up,
which is just right now. I just woke up. Um,
do me a favor. Give me five words on the
(02:45):
meaning of this dream by five pm today. Thank you. Okay,
I think that was one of my dream voices. Yeah,
I think I think so too. Okay. Um oh, I
just got this one. Yes, hey Carolina, it's raw. Just
driving into this video. Traffic is terrible. Um, how do
you like working on the podcast this is our third season.
(03:07):
I'm pretty cool, pretty crazy stuff. What a ride? Huh?
Time has gone by? You're fired? Wait? What sill? Wait Serrie,
it's Ron Burgundy. I'm on my way and I need
a big gulp waiting serie, execute my command. Okay, you
can stop. Blame that man, just stop. You can stop it.
(03:30):
When did you leave that message? Run? Run? No, don't
get under that desk? Run, get out from under the door.
I'm just tying. No, you're not. You're covering your ears.
Do you more a minute? No, get out from under
the desk. I'm an adult man. I am an adult man.
(03:54):
Why are you saying that? That's my pump up speech?
I'm sorry? Why are you fire ring me? Is it
because you saw me wearing those individual toe shoes? Oh,
don't remind me of that freak show rock climbing class.
You know, each of your toes could get a job
by joining the circus, that's how freaky they look. But
(04:14):
listen to me, You yourself could have ten jobs. You
don't need this one because I have ten toes exactly. Look,
I don't know how to tell you this, but I've
hired a new correspondent. Who who is it? I think
it's pronounced Lucci Lucci Jones. That's Lucy Jones. Yes, Oh
(04:35):
my god, Okay, that's Lucy Jones. Is actually a big deal. Well,
that's doctor Lucy Jones to you, Missy. Let me ask
you this, Carolina, where did you get your doctor it?
You know, I don't have a doctorate, but to be
completely fair, you don't have one either. That that kind
of filthy language is exactly why I'm hiring Lucy. Dr Lucy,
(04:56):
I didn't say anything filthy. You don't have a doctor.
We'll have to leap that out. Nick, What Carolina just said,
you don't have a doctor rate degree? I don't remember
getting one. That's different than not having one. Oh my god.
Please stay tuned, folks, After all, it is Carolina's last show,
last public broadcast of her entire life. That's excessive. We'll
(05:18):
be right back with my new co host, Dr Lucy Jones.
Lucy Lucy Jones is gonna take me a while to
get that nail down. Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
(05:41):
We are joined today by the inimitable world renowned seismologist
Dr Lucy Jones. Dr Lucy, how would you like to
be addressed? Um, I'm happy with just Lucy. But when
you feel the need to remember I know more about earthquakes.
Dr Jones works too, okay, Oh Dr Joe or Lucy Lucy. Well,
(06:04):
I'm just gonna go with Lucy. Go for it if
that's fine. That's fine, Caroline, are you good with it?
I'm great with Lucy. Um. Let me just start by asking,
do you remember your first earthquake? Actually I do, Okay.
I was two years old and we were living in
Ventura and my earthquake started. We were all in the
(06:25):
living room and my mother gathered up us kids into
the hallway and sort of crouched over us, got us
to cover our heads, and she put her body over
us to keep us safe. And later where you're like, Mom,
you didn't need to do that. No, Actually, we were
all a little bit scary. It was over a magnitude
five and it was nearby and are The other thing
(06:46):
I remember is our cats screaming size so seismic Siamese
cat yowls remind me of earthquakes because they jumped off
the TV thinking it was the TV that was moving.
Things kept on moving and they freaked out. They started
screaming and they would never get on the TV again.
Did the Siamese cats start screaming before the earthquake, because
(07:09):
sometimes they say animals can sense when something's about to happen. Okay,
they didn't that, I remember. I was, of course only
two years old. The one thing is that the earthquake
comes in with multiple waves, and the first one is
often smaller than the second one, So the more sensitive
animals might feel the first one, and the less sensitive
humans only feel the second one. So a few seconds
(07:31):
before the animals sometimes will jump up and and it
looks like they knew the earthquake was coming. They're just
feeling the beginning. That that's less sensitive people missed sometimes
because a lot of people think I'm overly sensitive and
I have a sensation that an earthquake is about it,
and I'll just start screaming, earthquake, here it comes. You've
(07:53):
that's rarely and I've never predicted one, But in that moment,
I feel like it's happening, and I probably should just
keep my mouth shut. Probably, Uh, there's a lot of
people who do think it. We kept a file at
the U S Geological Survey of predictions that people sent us.
Okay Um and we refused to act on them, and
(08:14):
because we said we get a lot of them, we
would get about one a week. Oh so you have
like a hotline. We accepted mail and we kept it
on file. Yep, there were some people who called. There
was somebody who faxed us each day with an outline
of the slug trails from her driveway, and she would
try to predict what earthquakes were going to happen from
those pictures. Carolina, that sounds like something you would do.
(08:35):
It wasn't me. No, really, if I promise, Okay, yeah,
interesting behavior, interesting behavior, Actually the slug trails. I think
we're back in the nineties, so Caroline would be yeah,
um oh wait, hold on, I need to take this.
We're in the middle of a show. Hello, Hi, oh
(08:59):
do you want me put you on? Speak here? Okay,
hold on, Carolina, how do I make the speaker phone
work on? You're serious? We told you? Is this real? Blow? Right?
Can you hear me? Yes? I I hear you. Find
Sia the the the international pop singer who was recently
a guest on the show, who I went on a
date with you. This is insane see a house Dubai.
(09:23):
I miss you so much. I miss you too. Do
you think you can fly out after you've done taping
the podcast. I'll have David Assistant get your ticket. I
just missed you so much. I miss you. Do see
you there, Carolina? Can can we move some things around
so I can I can go meet Sia and Dubai
this weekend? She she misses me. Oh, my heart will
flip out. We really can't see you. Are you really
(09:44):
dating Ron? I just I need to what's going on? Well?
I guess the secret is out now? Thanks. I'm oh.
I didn't mean to invade your privacy. Ron put you
on speaker phone while we're taping the show, so just
sort of naturally. I mean, do you want us to
edit it out? No? No, we don't need to do that,
(10:04):
do do we, sweetheart? No? I mean it's gonna come
out anyway. I'd say the truth is Run and I
have really fallen for each other. Wow, I'm just um,
this is surprising. Wow. Running Carolina really is a speak
of a judgmental idea, as you said she was. Oh
my god, you told cr was a judgmental idiot. Carolina,
(10:26):
don't be jealous of our blossoming relationship. Okay, geez, see
a bear. Listen. I will be on the next flight
to Dubai. I miss you terribly. I don't feel complete
without you near me. You're so sweet. Don't you think
this is moving a little fast? Carolina? Jealousy is not
(10:47):
a good look on you. I'm not jealous. Yeah, you're
a little jealous, Carolina. We all can see it well,
and I have a sound check. David desistent, will make
all the arrangements. Okay, I'll see you soon, running goodbye,
see a there. Okay, dr Lucy. Let let me ask
you this. Do you do you think when Rihanna drops
(11:07):
her next album there'll probably be another earthquake? Uh No,
I don't think the earth knows what we're She is
incredibly popular pop singer and uh we have been waiting
for her next time. I really have I will say.
I mean there could be vibrations off enough people jumped
(11:29):
up and down right, But they once recorded the vibrations
created at the Kingdom at the Seattle Football Stadium with
a touchdown, and the total energy was equivalent to about
a magnitude one and a half to two. Pretty impressive
that a bunch of people could do that. Yes, it's
(11:49):
so gosh, if I was in Rihanna's camp, I try
to get a stadium full of people to break that record.
Album drops and you could hire some seismologist bring out
the seismic recording. That'd be fun for the seismologists they think.
Actually it was they used that data to understand how
waves travel through uh, certain types of soils that were
(12:12):
there under the under the stadium, so it was actually
used for scientific paper. I remember, and I'm dating myself,
when Cisco's album dropped, there was zero seismic activity. Okay,
that's just a fun fact because we get a lot
of people writing in about Cisco Bum but um bum bum.
(12:34):
The thong song, speaking of which you should always have
a thong by your nightside table in case an earthquake hits.
Is that would you recommend that? Uh? That hasn't been
on my list. I underwear some sort of undergarment. We
had a number of people who ran outside in the
North through earthquakes without stopping to clothe, so people who
(12:59):
were very frightened. Personally, I keep a pair of shoes
tied to the pole of my bed. What's in your
earthquake bag? Your jump bag? I don't have a jump back.
You don't have a jump bag because I'm not going
to predict the earthquake. They really are unpredictable, and that
means we don't know when it's coming, so it's not
time you have to evacuate. I make sure that my
(13:20):
house has been reinforced so I'm not going to have
to leave it, and then I keep supplies in my house.
In my bag. I've got charcoal, Habachi grill. I've got
ten Porterhouse steaks. They're Omaha steaks. They're really good that
I gotta keep on dry eyes to keep them perpetually frozen. Um.
(13:42):
I've got Campbell's Chunky soup. Um. Oh, I never pack
a can opener, though, you have to do that. I've
got some glow sticks that you'd use it like a rave. Um.
They could help when there's no elect tricity. Um. Watch
out about that Habachi grill, though, because there will be aftershocks.
(14:06):
So we try to recommend light sources and heating sources
that don't involve open flames so you don't set off fires. Okay,
let me write that down. I've also got two tickets
to a Raiders game that I went to just as
comforting piece of memorabilia. Uh, that's one of the things
we recommend, especially in schools, is what we call comfort bags.
(14:31):
And because people do regress to a younger age under
the stress of the earthquake. Okay, so people actually go
back to a childlike state. Well, or you'll have children
who had given up their their stuffed toys go back
to them. And so like putting an old stuffed toy
in a place where your child, don't give it away,
have it ready in case they need it after the earthquake.
(14:53):
After the quake, we have a book of pictures of
Ron and happier times whenever he's in a bad move
that he we asked him to just look for real.
And that's kind of a piece of information. I didn't
really want you to talk about, um, but yes, we
have that, and you'll probably want it after the earth
quite probably want to peruse it. It sounds like, um, Lucy,
(15:16):
can you can you tell me about climate change in
the least scary way possible? Because I don't I don't
want to be scared. We're nervous, So maybe speak slowly
and and Carolina, if you could intersperse her answer Lucy's
answer with some with some of my favorite phrases. Okay, okay, um,
(15:38):
climate change is real. Cow goes move. Human activity is
increasing carbon dioxide and that's increasing the heat. And increased
heat means we're going to have increased storms, cat goes
meal and uma. In general, we're going to have a
(16:02):
lot of disruption, so that, um, it's gonna be hard.
They're going to be a lot of people who will
have to choose between moving where they've always lived or dying.
So they're going to move where it goes chip chip
chip train goes choo chow. And we can change it.
(16:23):
We can't change it alone. What you do by yourself,
whether you know, drive a Prius, it's a good thing,
but it's not going to make a big enough difference.
But we can do it together. We could decide that
this mattered to us, and we are going to, uh say,
vote for people who will actually take action on climate change.
(16:45):
And what does what does Teddy Bear say? Hi, run,
thank you, thank you, Lissie, thank you for breaking it down,
and thank you Carolina. Sure I've got I've got you back.
I'll just say that's a little more gentle. There's no
point in worrying about earthquakes if we don't deal with
climate change, because if we don't deal with it, it
(17:05):
will be a lot worse than anything an earthquake could do.
What what can earthquakes teach us about climate change? Or
they scientifically physically, they're not they're not related. The earthquakes
happen too far down in the earth and the climate
change is all happening here in the atmosphere, all right.
They can't teach us how people socially react to hazards,
(17:30):
and they show us that people really need to feel
that something is affecting them personally and happening right now
to be worth doing something about. So, actually, what's happening
with climate change, with all the excess extra fires and
the various disruption we're seeing really obviously now is making
(17:51):
it easier for people to grapple with the problem, and
we need concrete examples. It's like knowing there's theoretically going
to be some earthquake, oh yeah, yeah, right, But seeing
the hospital that you were born in now so badly
damaged it's partially collapsed, Now, what's real. We've got to
do something about it. And the fact that I just
wet my pants is a good sign that what you're
(18:13):
saying is having an effect on me. Okay, it happens.
It happens regardless, so don't even to worry about it. Okay, Okay.
The l A Times called you the Beyonce of earthquakes.
It's quite a compliment, I think so. Yeah, I think
so too. And I've been called the Robert Redford of
(18:33):
of what just of No one finishes it. It's just
dot dot dot. And how many times has this happened
that I know of one? Right now? Yeah, just trying,
that's mine, Just trying to get into the same category
(18:54):
that Lucy's in. Yeah, I get it. I wonder if
Beyonce has ever been called the doctor Lucy Yes of music.
I saw a tweet to that effect, but I don't
think it got out very far. Um, what if we
had behind this door Beyonce herself, wouldn't that be great?
(19:15):
It would be do we have her? Okay, we didn't
get her. Sometimes I just say things that I hope
they're going to happen, and usually they don't. That's the
way the show happens. Um. You once said that scientific
culture was driven by toxic masculinity. Was that directed at me? No?
(19:36):
I don't believe you've ever written a research paper. Oh, yes,
I have. My office is piled with research papers that
I've written and have yet to be published. It's a
lot of drawings of most of them are drawing. It's
actually about the publishing process where we necessarily ask our
competitor to criticize our work because we know the easiest
(20:00):
person to fool as ourselves, and therefore we set up
this peer review process by which we get the most
critical people possible. I already don't like it. I would crumble. Well,
there are people who crumble. There's a bunch of people
who get their PhD and go. But this isn't the
sort of human being I want to be. But also
it doesn't have to be cruel. But some people just
(20:21):
take it that way. But if you have a research
paper in the peer review process and then and then
it's your time to be part of the peer review
of them. Do you're like, I'm going to nail Dr Tony,
you know Anderson here because he was so mean to me. Right,
it's tip for ted. It happens. It's not healthy. It's
not the good part of science. We have to have
(20:42):
that peer review criticism, but we don't have to be
jerks about it, but sometimes we are. But it's really
important because that's part of the validity of the process.
It's the honest approach, right, and that's what that's what
people don't understand about science. They think we can, like
you know, we're saying that because it gets us funding
or something. But we've got this whole process to find
(21:06):
our mistakes. And if you if somebody were able to
disprove climate change, they do it in a heartbeat, wouldn't
they'd be so famous. But they're dirty, conniving scientists, their
money grubbing scientists. That's why they got into it. That's
why we make so much money. So you can have
your vacation home. Yeah I wish. No, you don't get
(21:31):
that sort of money out of science. So Lucy, let
me just ask you, would you be my co host?
I'm firing Carolina, um, absolutely not. Let me check that off.
Maybe I'll come back to you later with and we
need to still discuss what happened. We need to discuss
what firing is a little. It seems excessive, it seems random,
(21:54):
it seems it seems hurtful. I need my notice. I
was going to give you notice, you or you were
going to give me notice, how does it happen? I
just need a I need a second. You can't just
kick me out of the studio. Okay, let's table this first. Sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We can um, let's do a retraction.
(22:18):
And yeah, you're really proud of that moment. That was.
It's one of my finest podcast moments slash journalist moments
ever that I was able to supply you with the
word retraction and I appreciated it. Um lucy. What are
some of the scientific movements that are inspiring you right now? Oh? Um?
(22:43):
I talked a bit about it earlier, and it's a
change in attitude among scientists because this whole process of
figuring out what truth is is so demanding and so meticulous.
We tend to put all our efforts into with and
we have said using the science as somebody else's job, right, right?
(23:06):
But and then because really, I think part because of
climate change, and we're seeing what happens when the science
doesn't get used. Whose job is it? Exactly right? We
give the job to someone who doesn't actually understand what
we're doing, but whose job it should be. Some of
the scientists who really understand what the results are, need
(23:29):
to help translate it, and we are now seeing, especially
among the younger generation of scientists, people taking on that response.
We need a counsel of like the super Friends? What
are super Friends? Wasn't that an animated show? Nick? Do
you remember? He's shaking his head. Now, it was like
(23:50):
all the superheroes and they were big counsel like the Avengers.
Not at all, not at all. It's very similar. Um,
we need more than just a few people. We need
the scientific community to say this is part of our job,
not just determining what's true, but helping other people understand
(24:11):
what's true. Uh if necessary. But a lot of it
is through education. It's like you know, you get taught
something in high school. That's the science that was understood
when you were in high school. There's been a lot
of work done in the last thirty years. It has
evolved the interpretations well, and lots of fundamental facts that
(24:33):
we now understand differently, and like the Earth is flat.
We now know the Earth is flat. Actually, no, we
know that. We still think it's round. We are sure
it's round, but that's changing. No through song No, oh okay,
the Earth is round. At the Earth is round, but
(24:53):
there's some other things like James Harden, you know that
climate change is real? Right, what's the science that shows
that that wasn't taught? When a lot of the people
making decisions in high school and they don't understand, they
don't get it. So why aren't we doing a better
job of explaining. Teach an old dog new tricks, but
(25:16):
we better teach that old dog some new tricks or
that old dog's going to be Is this a song
knowing on its own leg right? And and that is
the song? All right? To help science isn't just for scientists.
We all need to be able to use this information.
Back to earthquake kit. I have also a big gulp
(25:39):
cup from seven eleven in there, and I have a
lock of my own hair to remind me of me,
and I have a knife. Are those good things too?
I guess it's subjective. It's it's subjective, just what you want.
If whatever is going to remind you of a good
place and keep you psychologically grounded, it is a good
thing to do. Uh. Knives are not something that disappear
(26:02):
because of earthquakes, so okay, so there will electricity disappears
because if there's an earthquake, there won't be a run
on knives. I doubt it. Good to know. I was
told the best place to stand during an earthquake is
at a pool party or a Blink concert if you
(26:24):
can find one. What do you think, um, I actually
hope I'm not in a concert with a lot of
people around me when an earthquake happens, because I think
that will be a place to exacerbate few. So that's
some of the old science which we used to be.
Just be with good friends, good drinks, good music, going
good solid tables, Okay, I like to get under a table. Yeah,
(26:51):
anything but glass, right. I only have glass tables in
my apartment, nothing but because I got switch those out.
What you want to do is have a place where
you can protect yourself from flying objects. And a flying
object hitting a glass table might just make more flying objects,
whereas an oak table keeps it from hitting you. So
(27:13):
all of those garbage bags full of shards of glass
I have, you will have after the earthquake that I
currently have I should get rid of. They aren't going
to help you. Thinks they're seed glass, but it's just
broken window glass. NASA. Do we like them? Sure? They
(27:36):
have a lot of scientists. Science is good. How much
money do you make a year inappropriate? Strike that from
the record, let's redact it less than you did your
health and dental. Did you get health and dental? Oh,
from the government. That's one thing they do well. That
was good. Pretty good health and dental. Well, that's good
(27:56):
to know government takes care of you in that way.
Now you're you're retired. I completed my federal service and
moved on to a nonprofit to give myself more leeway
of discussing things like climate change and hazards beyond just earthquakes.
Did they give you a gold watch, any sort of
parting gifts? I have a big gold medal, actually the
(28:19):
Distinguished Medal award from the Department of the Interior. Don't
get too excited, can we Did you bring it? No?
I didn't bring it. Maybe next time. Um. Well, So
back to this subject of co hosting. I would love
to hire you. Can I finish? Please? The pay is
not great? Uh. Please Note that I was upfront about that.
(28:42):
I do call a lot, uh, meaning I call you
on the phone, sometimes in the middle of the night
with ideas that come to me in my dreams. But
not every day, but most days and lunch is free. Uh,
I am still and it's I'm feeling it. So maybe
I am completely engaged with my current work and communicating
(29:07):
hazards in the natural environment from disasters and helping people cope.
So I think I want to stick with what I'm doing.
So I'm going to get your personal information and I'll
call you tomorrow. No, you don't worry about that, thank you. Okay,
I did not go the way that I planned. Um,
but that could be the subject for another one of
my research papers. I have my study that you didn't
(29:31):
get what you wanted. I don't know. It's Dr Lucy
Joan scareline. I'm trying to trying to sound impressive. Okay. Um,
thank you so much for joining us. Dr Lucy. I'm
I'm honored that you seriously considered being my co host,
and I am hurt that you declined. Well, thank you
(29:51):
for having me today and giving me the opportunity to
talk about earthquake housewards, and that's what I'm going to
continue to do. Excellent. We'll be right back after these messages,
(30:11):
and we're back. It's Ron and Well. I gave Carolina
her one day notice and she decided to leave early today.
I'm not gonna lie. It feels a little quiet in here,
a little scary and a little sad. It feels like
(30:33):
an earthquake is hit behind my eyeballs and the tsunami
may fall out of them. Um. Sorry, I just was
about to leave. Was in the parking lot, and I
you left your keys in your car door and your
music blasting, and there was a briefcase full of cash
open on the passenger side, just dollars. We're just flying
(30:57):
out the window. Carolina, please come back, Yeah, of course, Okay, okay, yeah,
I mean I got your last voicemail, this one. How
(31:20):
do you shut this thing off? I have one stipulation,
as long as it's not about money or airtime. I
want to eat lunch with you in the studio. I
don't want to eat at the bus stop on the
corner anymore. Okay, Well, that's only because I watched you
eat a Ruben sandwich one afternoon and it felt like
I was at war for two years. It felt it
(31:41):
felt like the movie nineteen seventeen. Didn't I leave you
a nightmare voicemail about it? This one? Yeah, Caroline, it's wrong.
I just had the worst nightmare. Please grab a pen,
drop this down. You were eating a ruben sandwich and
children were crying, people were running around. It was like
(32:04):
an Irwin Allen movie. Food was falling from your mouth.
You look like a grotesque gargoyle. And you didn't grab
a napkin. Of course, there was mustard and sour count
flying around. It was like the end of POMPEII. That
was a scary one. I got it alright, folks. Well,
(32:24):
Ron Burgundy here signing off with his co host Carolina,
Thank you, thank you, cat you Next time, maybe with
a cooler co host. And now that that now, I'm sorry,
that was just a joke. Pack so thankful you came back.
(32:46):
The Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio.
I'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer at executive producer Carolina
Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. Our producer
is Nick Stump. Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnier. Writers
are Andrew Steele and Jake vogel Nest. This episode was engineered, mixed,
(33:08):
and edited by Nick Stump. Until next time, This is
Ron Burgundy.
Host
Will Ferrell
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