March 5, 2020 • 23 mins
Ron interviews his new girlfriend.
Host, Writer, and Executive Producer: Ron Burgundy
Co-host, Writer and Producer: Carolina Barlow
Producer: Nick Stumpf
Talent Producer: Anna Hossnieh
Writers: Andrew Steele and Jake Fogelnest
Engineered, Mixed and Edited by Nick Stumpf
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wrong Bug Podcast. It's fun podcast. And hey, boys and girls,
Uncle Ron's back in town and I hope that couch
is a pullout because he's gonna crash here for a while.
We're back for season three. That's right. My heart tried
(00:23):
to get us off the air. They said we were
getting too political. But the fans out there, that's right,
you people, they protested. You guys did to get us
back in the studio. You rioted, You took days off
from work to storm the streets. You screamed, you cried,
and now we're here. We're actually just renewed for a
third season. We talked to my heart, we negotiated another
(00:47):
contract and here we are. So there was just for
our listeners, there was no crisis. Well okay, that's the
cliff Notes version, which completely discounts the people's revolution. But yes,
uh please welcome back my co host Carolina. Everyone, let's
hear it for Carolina. Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you.
(01:13):
Happy to be back, happy to be back, and I'm
happy to have you back. I am, and I do
not regret for a second that I chose you as
my co host again, despite our mostly contentious relationship. Wait,
so you don't regret bringing me back, or you do.
I do. Yes, I don't very happy you're here, and
(01:37):
we're definitely not waiting to hear on Angie Harmon's availability.
Wait what, it's just we we reached out to her
to see if she could. It doesn't matter, Okay, I'm
just going to pretend it didn't hear that you said
to me that you had an announcement for season three. Yes,
(01:58):
this maybe the season that I find el you v love.
That's right. I don't know. I don't want to give
it away, but yeah, I am tired of making love
too many women, balancing schedules, trying to remember fifteen names
and even more phone numbers. And I can't even enjoy
a dinner party with some of my closest male friends
(02:20):
without having one of their wives jump me in the
laund room and put me in their hamper. Okay, I
don't know if that's sexual or like a hostage situation.
I also haven't had time to eat. Yep, you guessed it.
Too much love making, too much, too much kissing, you know.
And I don't like to eat big meals before love making.
I think that's common when I'm at Chipotle gearing up
(02:42):
for a time with one of my dates, I usually
turned to a burrito bowl instead of just a burrito.
Taking the tortilla out is my diet secret. Interesting. Yes,
I've dropped fifteen pounds scaredline from switching to the Chippotle
burrita bowl. It still has like sour cream and avocado,
and so my goal for this season is to lose
weight with Chipotle's burrito bold diet and defined love. Well,
(03:06):
that might be harder than you expect. Well, it's simple.
I'd like to meet two nice women and start a
relationship with him. Okay, I want no more drama. Mary J. Blige,
I mean unless you're into polyamory. What what what was
that word, Mama's spaghetti. No, I said polyamory. Oh sorry,
I thought we were going to talk about Eminem's performance
(03:27):
at the Oscars, which was honestly completely expected. I predicted it.
So polyamory is when you're romantically involved with multiple people
at once. It's a state or a philosophy. Carolina, I
hate to break it to you, but that's called dating. Well, no,
it's different. Some polyamorousts are married and date people on
(03:47):
the side. That's just called marriage. Okay, Well, all I'm
saying is, maybe find a nice lady who you respect
and admire and reach out to her, and then and
then see what happens. Before you know, you try to
introduce her to someone else you're dating. That's good, that's
real good. Hide them from each other, honest to that.
Then after a few months, maybe during a romantic outing,
(04:10):
reveal that there is someone else. No, no, that's not
what I'm trying to say. In the meantime, our guest
today is my new girlfriend, Lisa. No. No, we're going
to interview Jonathan Franz and today, the novelist. It took
me like six months to schedule. I canceled him. Yeah,
last night I called his house at eleven PM and
I said, it's not gonna happen Johnny, and I hung up.
(04:34):
Run why would you do that? I'll tell you why.
I recently started finding outer space interesting. I've I've recently
heard that space last forever. Think about that. Also, that
we are on a round blue, greenish white. Oh, how
would you describe our Earth, Carolina? It's a planet, No,
(04:57):
something more catchy, you know, modern vernacular. Earth is the
planet we live on. Okay, why don't you work on that.
Today's episode is on outer space? Do we have too
much of it? How much should it cost? How high
is it? But also how low is it? And later
we'll be meeting with an astronaut. So I don't get
(05:17):
the connection between this and your love life. And the
guest is my girlfriend, Lisa, and she's an astronaut. She's
an astronaut, full on astronaut. Where did you meet an astronaut?
She happens to have studied at the NASA Training Facility
in Houston, Texas, where she completed candidate training in two
thousand fourteen. And guess what Caroline, out of a class
(05:40):
of eighty applicants guests who graduated top of her class?
She did. She graduated top of her class. She even
served as a flight engineer on Expedition three seven two
to nine, six four eight, five eleven DASH Alpha Bravo
Dash E four seven DASH Jim and I I was
(06:03):
just curious, you want to look that up just to
double check my work? Yeah, and that was that was
an expedition to guess where the space station outer space?
So she's an astronaut. I wasn't happy to get a
copy of her driver's license if you want to check
that too. I'm just curious, where did you meet an astronaut?
(06:23):
Where did I meet an astronaut? My girlfriend Lisa? Yeah,
where did you meet her? In a shop? In the shop, Yes,
in a shop in a strip mall got it? You
want me to draw you a map. I'm not trying
to give you the third degree or anything. I really
thought I was asking a simple question. Don't you mean
(06:44):
the fifth degree? No, it's the third degree. I think
you might be thinking of the fifth element. Oh yep,
that's what I was thinking of. Yes, okay. Anyway, so
after you guys met in the shop, Yes, then we
went on one date, just one. I'm not a cat,
(07:07):
so I didn't try to, you know, sleep with her. No, no, no,
I didn't try to pay for dinner. I didn't pay
for dinner. I didn't want to offend her. She said,
I think we can both get this. That's really generous
of her. And then I winked at her and I said,
how about I get it next time? You know, she
(07:30):
works for NASA, so she's pulling down some major coin
and I'm I'm stuck in the USS bunker with you
after day. Well, it's sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
I might be dramatic, but just bolt us in, send
(07:51):
us to our deaths. Anyway, she left our way to
a great tip, which led me to believe that I
may be dating a very classy astrona lady. So, since
she paid for this meal, where are you going to
take her next? Oh? God? Great question is is dippin'
dots still around? That's cheap right? Well? Yeah, I mean
(08:12):
it's like a space ice cream, you know. Yeah, you
know what, give me a reservation for eight pm tomorrow
night at the closest dippin Dots. So for today, do
you have any specific questions about space? You want to
ask her? For our listeners? Yeah? Yeah, of course yes.
I wrote a few of them down on this legal
(08:35):
pad here. Let me see, yes, all right, Um, what
does NASSA stand for? Oh that's a good. Well, that's
a great question. I actually know what it stands for.
It stands for the National Yeah, I think I'll ask
the astronaut. But thanks, it's this card. I noticed that
(08:56):
you have blue bags under your eyes. You look so tired.
Do you think you have an iron deficiency? Is this
a real question? You're gonna you can't ask her that. Yeah, well,
I'm interested to hear more about that because I have
an iron deficiency, and I think a lot of our
listeners have hired deficiencies. Nothing wrong with that. You should
never tell a woman she looks tired, well, what am
(09:17):
I supposed to say when she's good? I mean that's
like saying you should never tell a woman with a
large stomach that they look pregnant. You should never tell
a woman with large You shouldn't like never ever. Okay,
you I have seen you, because you know me, I'm
an open book. I always walk in, you know, scour
(09:38):
the room. Excuse me, pregnant six months? Let me guess
I've personally seen you do this, or you look like
you're having twins. Still, Yeah, you've got to be really careful.
I think people appreciate the odesty kind of address the
elephant in the room. So read the next she's oh
(10:01):
my god, Ron, you can't ask her these questions. What
goes on down there? When you're all the way up there,
you've only been on one day? Shut up, shut up.
She's here, she's here. Look look out the window. Oh
my god, Wow, she's so pretty. She really is? Does
she know she's here super early. Alright, gotta get ready,
pass me my comb. Okay, you know your hair looks great. Wait,
(10:24):
oh my gosh, now it looks really good. You really
do know how to grown. And she'd probably get my
pants on. You're not wearing pants when my legs are
sitting under the table. No, do you wear shoes to bed? God,
I'm a little jittery. I just want a nice step
mom for my son. You literally never talked about your son. Oh, Lisa, Hey, Hi,
(10:49):
why do you go ahead and have a seat right there? Welcome,
Welcome to the party. I am Carolina co host. Nice
to meet you. Say you're the one. Yeah, okay, okay,
let's take a commercial break. We'll be right back with
(11:11):
the Ron Burgundy Podcast. My astronaut girlfriend Lisa needs a kiss,
and Carolina is getting a little cranky. Not Welcome back
(11:33):
to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's episode is on outer space.
Neil Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Buzz Aldrin, Kevin Bacon. These are
some of the most famous astronauts of all time. Well,
I think there's some confusion because Kevin Bacon played an
astronaut in a movie, so did Sandra boul look in
(11:54):
a different movie. Yes, and they're famous. Yeah, okay, I
see weak man. Let's just move on. But today I
am joined by Lisa, my girlfriend, who is out of
this world cool. She's been in outer space. Ron, we've
been on one date. One. I mean, that doesn't really
make his boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Ron? Why are you
(12:15):
shuffling in your seat like that? Are you scooting? Are
you excited? I'm not. I have to pee. I got
excited and held it. Okay, Ron, just go pee? Okay, thanks,
we can cut this. Hi, Hi, thanks, thank you so
(12:37):
much for doing this. It's so amazing to meet an
actual astronaut. Thanks. Yeah, it's it's awesome. How's it going
with Ron? He's so much better than my ex? Oh?
Good to year? Is that an over? Sure? No? No,
that's totally fine. Yeah he was a psycho. I almost
killed him. Girl talk, girl talk? What were you guys
(13:00):
talking about? Where you buy your wigs? Ron? What were
you going to say? What about? Just now? You were
talking about your ex? And what? What? Sorry? Never mind? Okay, Ron,
why don't you ask Lisa one of your space questions? Oh? Sure, yes,
good idea? Okay, Lisa, who shot the moon landing, Stanley
(13:25):
Kubrick or the director mcg no ron that was real.
The moon landing was real. It's a common conspiracy theory. Um, Lisa,
I want to ask you. I'm curious about floating water
in space. Is that a real phenomenon? Yes, that's actually
one of my favorite tidbits. Astronomers have found a massive
water vapor cloud which holds one and forty trillion times
(13:48):
the massive water in the Earth's oceans. It's about ten
billion light years away. Sounds like how long it takes
Carolina to grab me a coffee in billion light years? Okay, yeah, Bixter, Well,
at least he's not a cheater. What the only thing
I've ever cheated on is my diet? Sorry, he was
(14:09):
a cheater, so I'm sorry. Ah, Okay, it's okay. People
have you don't have to be a first boyfriend. Okay,
let's let me just take a knee here for a second.
(14:30):
Just let this moment pass. Didn't anticipate that piece of
informacione than Um. All right, you know what, do you
actually have coffee here? Yeah? Okay, yeah we do. If
you just leave the room and there's a pod thing,
if you just make a right, Okay, great? Thanks? Who
(14:55):
are a bit of a gut punch. I'm not gonna
lie to you U. But hey, other than that, what
do you think? Right? She's great? Do you want her
to be your mommy? Know what? No, she's not going
to be my mommy. If you guys date, no, I know.
But but if you could choose a new mommy, wouldn't
(15:16):
you want it to be her? Lisa the astronaut? That astronaut. No,
she seems a little dark, maybe a little um obsessed
with her ax? No, no, no, I believe me. Tell
me about a girlfriend. But I just you know, I
tuned her out when she starts talking about him. That's
what I was doing there at least fresh hot coffee.
(15:38):
Oh yeah, delicious. So any more space questions? How was
your experience up there? You know, when you when you
went in your your shiny rocket ship? Did something? Did
something happen? Lisa? Nothing? No, everything's fine. I don't have
(15:58):
to pee either either. You're cookie. Gotta love you? Sorry?
Can you just tell me what happened with your ex? Carolina?
Why is wrong with you? Where is that music coming
from my chest? I'm so sorry, guys, that's actually my
daughter playing Magilla. Don't. I'm sorry. Oh that's okay. She
(16:19):
sounds great. Nick, You've got a talented kid. I'm leaving.
You make me sick. Carolina, what Lisa? I warned you
about this? Why are you acting so surprised? I said.
Everyone at the studio is nice, but Carolina may try
to pry into your personal life, and she'll make you sick.
I'm sorry. There were just so many teases about your past.
It just felt like you wanted to talk about. Yes,
(16:40):
I was an astronaut, a brilliant astronaut, the likes of
which you've never seen. But while I was up there
looking at the moon and the planets and all that,
my husband was cheating on me. I'm so sorry. So
when I found out, I did what any normal woman
would do. Are you the astronaut who wore the diapers?
I bought a wig and a trench coat and disguised
myself sexiest staff And then I put on my Space
(17:01):
diapers and I drove nine miles before getting pulled over
by authorities. And I never thought i'd find love again.
And then you met me. No, I met this other
guy who was great, but he broke up with me
when he saw my space diapers. And then Ron and
I met at the silver ware shop and it just
felt right. Yeah. I was at the silver ware shop
(17:22):
looking for an oyster fork. It's what Baxter uses to
eat spaghetti. Got it. It's now becoming clear to me
that this is never going to work out. Hold hold on,
hold on, listen. This makes sound crazy, but I don't
judge a thing. Just so you know, Lisa, I mean,
we've we've all taken a road trip in a diaper
seeking revenge. Oh no, I haven't done that. I've never
(17:44):
done that. Okay, well hold on. Let me clarify that
people who date regularly have got it, Lisa, Can I ask,
I'm sorry to ask, are you wearing a diaper right now?
What do you think? All right, she's aating in her shorts.
I can hear it dripping onto the carpet. Yep, I
(18:05):
recognize your in shorts anywhere. So you're not wearing a diaper.
We got it? Nick, can we cut to a commercial
and we'll be right back. Welcome back to the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. I honestly think today went very well. You
(18:27):
do a great normal start to season three. Nothing weird happened,
and I may have found love. I truly think that
I'm I am not delusional. I am what they call
in the medical profession, a stable genius. I'm sorry you
think today went well, Yes, I really do. You met
(18:48):
my girlfriend and we both got to know a little
more about her. It was easy, peasy. I don't think
she ever was your girlfriend. I'm going to be honest
with you, and I think if she was, I think
I think it's over. I think I just lost your
train of thought. So when security was carrying her out right,
she screamed, and I repeat, she screamed, never contact me again.
(19:12):
Go to a different silver ware shop. Well that is crazy.
That is crazy because there is one good silverware shop
in all of San Diego, and that's fork It up
right on the corner of Bernwood Street. So if she
thinks I'm going anywhere else, she's really messed up. Yeah,
she she is. Listen, If she doesn't want to see
(19:33):
me again, that that may be a red flag for me.
I may have to break up with her, you know what.
You may have to call her and tell her. I
think we should take some time off. Do you mind,
You don't mind? Yeah, I'll handle it. Oh my goodness,
that would be great. And I still believe season three
(19:53):
will be this season I find love. Sure you don't
believe that, No I do. I do you? You don't
look like you believe it. But but then again, your
face always looks sort of grimacing like that, like you
like you just saw something horrible, like two feral dogs
(20:15):
fighting over a toddler's dress. You my face is completely
neutral anyway. If I don't find love this season, no,
I'll find love. Absolutely, it'll happen. I can't believe I
doubted myself even for a second. Just please don't fall
in love with all of our guests. You know what now,
I I won't fall in love with any of our guests.
(20:38):
These will be women in the outside world, women I
meet in silverware shops, mirror stores, outside by that truck
that sells black market ivory combs. I don't want to
know about that. And then I'll bring them into the
studio so the audience can go on this ride with me.
And I won't bring someone in every week. That's the
mistake I made today. But this season and I will
(21:00):
meet the woman I am going to marry In the meantime.
I'd love if we could focus on our episodes topic. Well,
I think we learned a lot about outer space today,
you do. I mean we didn't even talk about stars
or you know the controversy over Pluto. I'm still speaking,
thank you. Okay. To learn more about space, please visit
Google dot com and type in a question. That's the
(21:23):
website I used to learn more about space. You can
type in other stuff too. They're the best. They're absolutely
the best. They read a first class operation there. Or
you can also watch the movie Rocket Man. I think
that's the Elton John biopic starring Taran ed Edgerton. Okay,
(21:44):
The Edge nicknamed The Edge. I think that movie came
out last year in May May. I sure did. Do
you have a promo deal with them, tarn Edgerson. Rocketman
brought to you by Paramount Pictures Viacom Company. You really
should include us all in those sales. You can't do
(22:05):
under the table. One. Whenever I go to see a movie,
I see a movie by Paramount Pictures. Dune, Dune, Dune,
Dun Dune, Paramount number one in movie makings. It's rocket Man.
In theaters, we have a commercial break for this reason.
That's my man. Tear An Edgeton, thank you as always
(22:27):
for listening, and I love you, Hm. I love you all.
It's true. I love you, not just say that anything
you want to say, Carolina, I love you too. I
love our listeners. I love you, But do you mean
it the way I mean it? Well, that's hard to say.
(22:49):
I don't know. I saw you once say I love
you too, because I get a get a mental image
of every single one of our listeners when I say
I love you, HM, all the all the cartoon faces.
When I have a mental limit, when I picture all
of our listeners, it's pretty much the cast of Peanuts.
(23:11):
Peanuts cartoons. Yeah, I can see that. Well, then I
love you. I'm featuring every member. Well it's a it's settled.
We love you, Thank you. Got you next time on
the Iron Burgundy podcast. Tell all your friends and neighbors
to listen.
Wrong Bug Podcast. It's fun podcast. And hey, boys and girls,
Uncle Ron's back in town and I hope that couch
is a pullout because he's gonna crash here for a while.
We're back for season three. That's right. My heart tried
(00:23):
to get us off the air. They said we were
getting too political. But the fans out there, that's right,
you people, they protested. You guys did to get us
back in the studio. You rioted, You took days off
from work to storm the streets. You screamed, you cried,
and now we're here. We're actually just renewed for a
third season. We talked to my heart, we negotiated another
(00:47):
contract and here we are. So there was just for
our listeners, there was no crisis. Well okay, that's the
cliff Notes version, which completely discounts the people's revolution. But yes,
uh please welcome back my co host Carolina. Everyone, let's
hear it for Carolina. Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you.
(01:13):
Happy to be back, happy to be back, and I'm
happy to have you back. I am, and I do
not regret for a second that I chose you as
my co host again, despite our mostly contentious relationship. Wait,
so you don't regret bringing me back, or you do.
I do. Yes, I don't very happy you're here, and
(01:37):
we're definitely not waiting to hear on Angie Harmon's availability.
Wait what, it's just we we reached out to her
to see if she could. It doesn't matter, Okay, I'm
just going to pretend it didn't hear that you said
to me that you had an announcement for season three. Yes,
(01:58):
this maybe the season that I find el you v love.
That's right. I don't know. I don't want to give
it away, but yeah, I am tired of making love
too many women, balancing schedules, trying to remember fifteen names
and even more phone numbers. And I can't even enjoy
a dinner party with some of my closest male friends
(02:20):
without having one of their wives jump me in the
laund room and put me in their hamper. Okay, I
don't know if that's sexual or like a hostage situation.
I also haven't had time to eat. Yep, you guessed it.
Too much love making, too much, too much kissing, you know.
And I don't like to eat big meals before love making.
I think that's common when I'm at Chipotle gearing up
(02:42):
for a time with one of my dates, I usually
turned to a burrito bowl instead of just a burrito.
Taking the tortilla out is my diet secret. Interesting. Yes,
I've dropped fifteen pounds scaredline from switching to the Chippotle
burrita bowl. It still has like sour cream and avocado,
and so my goal for this season is to lose
weight with Chipotle's burrito bold diet and defined love. Well,
(03:06):
that might be harder than you expect. Well, it's simple.
I'd like to meet two nice women and start a
relationship with him. Okay, I want no more drama. Mary J. Blige,
I mean unless you're into polyamory. What what what was
that word, Mama's spaghetti. No, I said polyamory. Oh sorry,
I thought we were going to talk about Eminem's performance
(03:27):
at the Oscars, which was honestly completely expected. I predicted it.
So polyamory is when you're romantically involved with multiple people
at once. It's a state or a philosophy. Carolina, I
hate to break it to you, but that's called dating. Well, no,
it's different. Some polyamorousts are married and date people on
(03:47):
the side. That's just called marriage. Okay, Well, all I'm
saying is, maybe find a nice lady who you respect
and admire and reach out to her, and then and
then see what happens. Before you know, you try to
introduce her to someone else you're dating. That's good, that's
real good. Hide them from each other, honest to that.
Then after a few months, maybe during a romantic outing,
(04:10):
reveal that there is someone else. No, no, that's not
what I'm trying to say. In the meantime, our guest
today is my new girlfriend, Lisa. No. No, we're going
to interview Jonathan Franz and today, the novelist. It took
me like six months to schedule. I canceled him. Yeah,
last night I called his house at eleven PM and
I said, it's not gonna happen Johnny, and I hung up.
(04:34):
Run why would you do that? I'll tell you why.
I recently started finding outer space interesting. I've I've recently
heard that space last forever. Think about that. Also, that
we are on a round blue, greenish white. Oh, how
would you describe our Earth, Carolina? It's a planet, No,
(04:57):
something more catchy, you know, modern vernacular. Earth is the
planet we live on. Okay, why don't you work on that.
Today's episode is on outer space? Do we have too
much of it? How much should it cost? How high
is it? But also how low is it? And later
we'll be meeting with an astronaut. So I don't get
(05:17):
the connection between this and your love life. And the
guest is my girlfriend, Lisa, and she's an astronaut. She's
an astronaut, full on astronaut. Where did you meet an astronaut?
She happens to have studied at the NASA Training Facility
in Houston, Texas, where she completed candidate training in two
thousand fourteen. And guess what Caroline, out of a class
(05:40):
of eighty applicants guests who graduated top of her class?
She did. She graduated top of her class. She even
served as a flight engineer on Expedition three seven two
to nine, six four eight, five eleven DASH Alpha Bravo
Dash E four seven DASH Jim and I I was
(06:03):
just curious, you want to look that up just to
double check my work? Yeah, and that was that was
an expedition to guess where the space station outer space?
So she's an astronaut. I wasn't happy to get a
copy of her driver's license if you want to check
that too. I'm just curious, where did you meet an astronaut?
(06:23):
Where did I meet an astronaut? My girlfriend Lisa? Yeah,
where did you meet her? In a shop? In the shop, Yes,
in a shop in a strip mall got it? You
want me to draw you a map. I'm not trying
to give you the third degree or anything. I really
thought I was asking a simple question. Don't you mean
(06:44):
the fifth degree? No, it's the third degree. I think
you might be thinking of the fifth element. Oh yep,
that's what I was thinking of. Yes, okay. Anyway, so
after you guys met in the shop, Yes, then we
went on one date, just one. I'm not a cat,
(07:07):
so I didn't try to, you know, sleep with her. No, no, no,
I didn't try to pay for dinner. I didn't pay
for dinner. I didn't want to offend her. She said,
I think we can both get this. That's really generous
of her. And then I winked at her and I said,
how about I get it next time? You know, she
(07:30):
works for NASA, so she's pulling down some major coin
and I'm I'm stuck in the USS bunker with you
after day. Well, it's sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
I might be dramatic, but just bolt us in, send
(07:51):
us to our deaths. Anyway, she left our way to
a great tip, which led me to believe that I
may be dating a very classy astrona lady. So, since
she paid for this meal, where are you going to
take her next? Oh? God? Great question is is dippin'
dots still around? That's cheap right? Well? Yeah, I mean
(08:12):
it's like a space ice cream, you know. Yeah, you
know what, give me a reservation for eight pm tomorrow
night at the closest dippin Dots. So for today, do
you have any specific questions about space? You want to
ask her? For our listeners? Yeah? Yeah, of course yes.
I wrote a few of them down on this legal
(08:35):
pad here. Let me see, yes, all right, Um, what
does NASSA stand for? Oh that's a good. Well, that's
a great question. I actually know what it stands for.
It stands for the National Yeah, I think I'll ask
the astronaut. But thanks, it's this card. I noticed that
(08:56):
you have blue bags under your eyes. You look so tired.
Do you think you have an iron deficiency? Is this
a real question? You're gonna you can't ask her that. Yeah, well,
I'm interested to hear more about that because I have
an iron deficiency, and I think a lot of our
listeners have hired deficiencies. Nothing wrong with that. You should
never tell a woman she looks tired, well, what am
(09:17):
I supposed to say when she's good? I mean that's
like saying you should never tell a woman with a
large stomach that they look pregnant. You should never tell
a woman with large You shouldn't like never ever. Okay,
you I have seen you, because you know me, I'm
an open book. I always walk in, you know, scour
(09:38):
the room. Excuse me, pregnant six months? Let me guess
I've personally seen you do this, or you look like
you're having twins. Still, Yeah, you've got to be really careful.
I think people appreciate the odesty kind of address the
elephant in the room. So read the next she's oh
(10:01):
my god, Ron, you can't ask her these questions. What
goes on down there? When you're all the way up there,
you've only been on one day? Shut up, shut up.
She's here, she's here. Look look out the window. Oh
my god, Wow, she's so pretty. She really is? Does
she know she's here super early. Alright, gotta get ready,
pass me my comb. Okay, you know your hair looks great. Wait,
(10:24):
oh my gosh, now it looks really good. You really
do know how to grown. And she'd probably get my
pants on. You're not wearing pants when my legs are
sitting under the table. No, do you wear shoes to bed? God,
I'm a little jittery. I just want a nice step
mom for my son. You literally never talked about your son. Oh, Lisa, Hey, Hi,
(10:49):
why do you go ahead and have a seat right there? Welcome,
Welcome to the party. I am Carolina co host. Nice
to meet you. Say you're the one. Yeah, okay, okay,
let's take a commercial break. We'll be right back with
(11:11):
the Ron Burgundy Podcast. My astronaut girlfriend Lisa needs a kiss,
and Carolina is getting a little cranky. Not Welcome back
(11:33):
to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's episode is on outer space.
Neil Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Buzz Aldrin, Kevin Bacon. These are
some of the most famous astronauts of all time. Well,
I think there's some confusion because Kevin Bacon played an
astronaut in a movie, so did Sandra boul look in
(11:54):
a different movie. Yes, and they're famous. Yeah, okay, I
see weak man. Let's just move on. But today I
am joined by Lisa, my girlfriend, who is out of
this world cool. She's been in outer space. Ron, we've
been on one date. One. I mean, that doesn't really
make his boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Ron? Why are you
(12:15):
shuffling in your seat like that? Are you scooting? Are
you excited? I'm not. I have to pee. I got
excited and held it. Okay, Ron, just go pee? Okay, thanks,
we can cut this. Hi, Hi, thanks, thank you so
(12:37):
much for doing this. It's so amazing to meet an
actual astronaut. Thanks. Yeah, it's it's awesome. How's it going
with Ron? He's so much better than my ex? Oh?
Good to year? Is that an over? Sure? No? No,
that's totally fine. Yeah he was a psycho. I almost
killed him. Girl talk, girl talk? What were you guys
(13:00):
talking about? Where you buy your wigs? Ron? What were
you going to say? What about? Just now? You were
talking about your ex? And what? What? Sorry? Never mind? Okay, Ron,
why don't you ask Lisa one of your space questions? Oh? Sure, yes,
good idea? Okay, Lisa, who shot the moon landing, Stanley
(13:25):
Kubrick or the director mcg no ron that was real.
The moon landing was real. It's a common conspiracy theory. Um, Lisa,
I want to ask you. I'm curious about floating water
in space. Is that a real phenomenon? Yes, that's actually
one of my favorite tidbits. Astronomers have found a massive
water vapor cloud which holds one and forty trillion times
(13:48):
the massive water in the Earth's oceans. It's about ten
billion light years away. Sounds like how long it takes
Carolina to grab me a coffee in billion light years? Okay, yeah, Bixter, Well,
at least he's not a cheater. What the only thing
I've ever cheated on is my diet? Sorry, he was
(14:09):
a cheater, so I'm sorry. Ah, Okay, it's okay. People
have you don't have to be a first boyfriend. Okay,
let's let me just take a knee here for a second.
(14:30):
Just let this moment pass. Didn't anticipate that piece of
informacione than Um. All right, you know what, do you
actually have coffee here? Yeah? Okay, yeah we do. If
you just leave the room and there's a pod thing,
if you just make a right, Okay, great? Thanks? Who
(14:55):
are a bit of a gut punch. I'm not gonna
lie to you U. But hey, other than that, what
do you think? Right? She's great? Do you want her
to be your mommy? Know what? No, she's not going
to be my mommy. If you guys date, no, I know.
But but if you could choose a new mommy, wouldn't
(15:16):
you want it to be her? Lisa the astronaut? That astronaut. No,
she seems a little dark, maybe a little um obsessed
with her ax? No, no, no, I believe me. Tell
me about a girlfriend. But I just you know, I
tuned her out when she starts talking about him. That's
what I was doing there at least fresh hot coffee.
(15:38):
Oh yeah, delicious. So any more space questions? How was
your experience up there? You know, when you when you
went in your your shiny rocket ship? Did something? Did
something happen? Lisa? Nothing? No, everything's fine. I don't have
(15:58):
to pee either either. You're cookie. Gotta love you? Sorry?
Can you just tell me what happened with your ex? Carolina?
Why is wrong with you? Where is that music coming
from my chest? I'm so sorry, guys, that's actually my
daughter playing Magilla. Don't. I'm sorry. Oh that's okay. She
(16:19):
sounds great. Nick, You've got a talented kid. I'm leaving.
You make me sick. Carolina, what Lisa? I warned you
about this? Why are you acting so surprised? I said.
Everyone at the studio is nice, but Carolina may try
to pry into your personal life, and she'll make you sick.
I'm sorry. There were just so many teases about your past.
It just felt like you wanted to talk about. Yes,
(16:40):
I was an astronaut, a brilliant astronaut, the likes of
which you've never seen. But while I was up there
looking at the moon and the planets and all that,
my husband was cheating on me. I'm so sorry. So
when I found out, I did what any normal woman
would do. Are you the astronaut who wore the diapers?
I bought a wig and a trench coat and disguised
myself sexiest staff And then I put on my Space
(17:01):
diapers and I drove nine miles before getting pulled over
by authorities. And I never thought i'd find love again.
And then you met me. No, I met this other
guy who was great, but he broke up with me
when he saw my space diapers. And then Ron and
I met at the silver ware shop and it just
felt right. Yeah. I was at the silver ware shop
(17:22):
looking for an oyster fork. It's what Baxter uses to
eat spaghetti. Got it. It's now becoming clear to me
that this is never going to work out. Hold hold on,
hold on, listen. This makes sound crazy, but I don't
judge a thing. Just so you know, Lisa, I mean,
we've we've all taken a road trip in a diaper
seeking revenge. Oh no, I haven't done that. I've never
(17:44):
done that. Okay, well hold on. Let me clarify that
people who date regularly have got it, Lisa, Can I ask,
I'm sorry to ask, are you wearing a diaper right now?
What do you think? All right, she's aating in her shorts.
I can hear it dripping onto the carpet. Yep, I
(18:05):
recognize your in shorts anywhere. So you're not wearing a diaper.
We got it? Nick, can we cut to a commercial
and we'll be right back. Welcome back to the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. I honestly think today went very well. You
(18:27):
do a great normal start to season three. Nothing weird happened,
and I may have found love. I truly think that
I'm I am not delusional. I am what they call
in the medical profession, a stable genius. I'm sorry you
think today went well, Yes, I really do. You met
(18:48):
my girlfriend and we both got to know a little
more about her. It was easy, peasy. I don't think
she ever was your girlfriend. I'm going to be honest
with you, and I think if she was, I think
I think it's over. I think I just lost your
train of thought. So when security was carrying her out right,
she screamed, and I repeat, she screamed, never contact me again.
(19:12):
Go to a different silver ware shop. Well that is crazy.
That is crazy because there is one good silverware shop
in all of San Diego, and that's fork It up
right on the corner of Bernwood Street. So if she
thinks I'm going anywhere else, she's really messed up. Yeah,
she she is. Listen, If she doesn't want to see
(19:33):
me again, that that may be a red flag for me.
I may have to break up with her, you know what.
You may have to call her and tell her. I
think we should take some time off. Do you mind,
You don't mind? Yeah, I'll handle it. Oh my goodness,
that would be great. And I still believe season three
(19:53):
will be this season I find love. Sure you don't
believe that, No I do. I do you? You don't
look like you believe it. But but then again, your
face always looks sort of grimacing like that, like you
like you just saw something horrible, like two feral dogs
(20:15):
fighting over a toddler's dress. You my face is completely
neutral anyway. If I don't find love this season, no,
I'll find love. Absolutely, it'll happen. I can't believe I
doubted myself even for a second. Just please don't fall
in love with all of our guests. You know what now,
I I won't fall in love with any of our guests.
(20:38):
These will be women in the outside world, women I
meet in silverware shops, mirror stores, outside by that truck
that sells black market ivory combs. I don't want to
know about that. And then I'll bring them into the
studio so the audience can go on this ride with me.
And I won't bring someone in every week. That's the
mistake I made today. But this season and I will
(21:00):
meet the woman I am going to marry In the meantime.
I'd love if we could focus on our episodes topic. Well,
I think we learned a lot about outer space today,
you do. I mean we didn't even talk about stars
or you know the controversy over Pluto. I'm still speaking,
thank you. Okay. To learn more about space, please visit
Google dot com and type in a question. That's the
(21:23):
website I used to learn more about space. You can
type in other stuff too. They're the best. They're absolutely
the best. They read a first class operation there. Or
you can also watch the movie Rocket Man. I think
that's the Elton John biopic starring Taran ed Edgerton. Okay,
(21:44):
The Edge nicknamed The Edge. I think that movie came
out last year in May May. I sure did. Do
you have a promo deal with them, tarn Edgerson. Rocketman
brought to you by Paramount Pictures Viacom Company. You really
should include us all in those sales. You can't do
(22:05):
under the table. One. Whenever I go to see a movie,
I see a movie by Paramount Pictures. Dune, Dune, Dune,
Dun Dune, Paramount number one in movie makings. It's rocket Man.
In theaters, we have a commercial break for this reason.
That's my man. Tear An Edgeton, thank you as always
(22:27):
for listening, and I love you, Hm. I love you all.
It's true. I love you, not just say that anything
you want to say, Carolina, I love you too. I
love our listeners. I love you, But do you mean
it the way I mean it? Well, that's hard to say.
(22:49):
I don't know. I saw you once say I love
you too, because I get a get a mental image
of every single one of our listeners when I say
I love you, HM, all the all the cartoon faces.
When I have a mental limit, when I picture all
of our listeners, it's pretty much the cast of Peanuts.
(23:11):
Peanuts cartoons. Yeah, I can see that. Well, then I
love you. I'm featuring every member. Well it's a it's settled.
We love you, Thank you. Got you next time on
the Iron Burgundy podcast. Tell all your friends and neighbors
to listen.
Host
Will Ferrell
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