A Day with the Elites

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller

(00:24):
starts right now that it does. Welcome into the Magic
podcast Box, if that's even such a thing, because most
people listen to the podcast. I'm told like anywhere in
your car phone, whatever you might be doing, but welcome in.
It is another weekend of the Fifth Degree with me

(00:44):
Ben Maller and bringing up the deadweight. David gascon For
affectionately known as David gagon writing the Hong Kong Express
is David gascon Well. I am a hero of the
protesters in Hong Kong. I'm still getting messages from people
in Hong Kong and that part of the world that
are very very happy that I took photos of crazy

(01:08):
people Staples Center the other day. And uh yeah, but
if you're new to the podcast, welcome. We've been doing
this since the start of the football season, and we
will do it until we start getting paid. But because
four hours not enough, you know, the overnight show on
the radio four hours and night most nights. Uh and uh,

(01:28):
I know I missed the day. We'll explain that. Uh.
And we we are broadcasting on the very powerful I
Heart podcast network. Now. I Heart Media is started out
you know, radio conglomerate and all that, and still is
known as a radio company as the Bread and Butter.
But this podcast things taken off in the last year
and a half two years and it's just just great.

(01:51):
I mean, big big names, big powerful people, uh, and
all that. And the podcast available wherever you get your podcast.
So I think most people get their podcast in like
two or three places, So it's not like there's like
seven different places people get their podcasts. But in the
big ones you can find this podcast. So normally, yes,
and when I go to a restaurant, I look at

(02:12):
the menu, right, So the menu at what we like
to call Benny's Bistro. This week we've got Happy Gilmore returns.
We have that we have I Love the Amish Bad Day,
It's hip. The clip study this which is a staple.
It's in the bag. Those are listener questions and don't

(02:33):
stick to sports, which is pretty much the entire fifth hour.
I'm told that we don't really stick to sports. Well,
I think, to be fair, we we do try to
incorporate as much sports as possible. It's just that there's
so much out there in the in the universe that
we can kind of highlight for for the audience, and
they don't get anywhere else, which is great. Yeah. Well,

(02:57):
I had a boss early in my career, program director
who informed me, kind of schooled me, and said, you know,
you can talk about anything, you just have to find
a sports angle to it, you know, all right, whatever, Sure,
that's exactly what we're doing here. Yeah, yeah, loosely, loosely alright,
so happy Gilmore returns out gas gun and I don't

(03:17):
know who else gets bullied when they are not in
the shop where they work at the Salt Mine. But
earlier this week, and I said on the radio show,
I would go into detail here on what has happened,
what has transpired. Uh so I'm gonna do that right now.
But I was away from my post, my catbird seat,

(03:39):
leading the train into oblivion on the Third, the The Overnight,
The Third Ship, the Ben Maller Show and all that
I missed a night. Uh, and was I sick a
gas gun? Well, it sounds like you're sick, and that's
typical for the days that were record But uh, I
actually asked your significant other. I said, where the fund

(04:01):
has been at? And this is right around the time
of eleven o'clock Pacific PM. And you were a no
show at your your bay. Yeah, and I come to
find out, remember that you had the previous engagements that
did I did. Here's the thing gasking on. I mean,
you've you've known me a few years. I when sick work,

(04:21):
I do not use sick days when I'm actually sick.
I I use sick days when I am not uh
sick to enjoy them. That's a veteran move that you
need to do if you can get away with it,
if you get sick days. Yeah, I mean, I mean,
I'm I'm I'm pretty much quarantined overnight. No one talks
to me. There's no one there, so it's you know,
it's pretty much I'm in my own little room, in

(04:43):
my own little world. No producer, no anchor, no board up. Yeah,
you're by yourself. Now, I'm gonna tell you to say
I did not use a sick day. This was not
a sick day. I did not use a vacation day either.
Now did I get suspended? That was a popular theme
on so the media that I had been suspended, that
one of our bosses finally heard the show and said,

(05:04):
what the F is this idiot doing? You know what
an asshole? Let's suspend it. Well, and if you get suspended,
you only want to be suspended for three days because
if you get a seven day suspension, that's usually leads
down the path determination. Well, you want a paid suspension,
and you want it to be on a Friday or
a Monday, right, that's what you want. You get the

(05:24):
long weekend and who cares, sparks can fly, But I
get a long weekend, and so you're not a picture.
So being suspended for five days is a lot different
than uh, a day. So it's not a scheduled start
for you. Usually it's uh, it's a couple of days out. Yeah,
it's one trip through the rotation, one trip through the rotation.
So but but no, I mean, we'll tell you what happened.

(05:45):
I was part of a huge radio hooting nanny that
took place at a very ritchy golf club in the
exclusive area of South Orange County and I spent now keepon.
This was during the day, but on Wednesday, I was
assigned for the company to take part in this big

(06:07):
gala event. And I spent Wednesday doing something I'm not
very good at doing because I'm an introvert socializing. Yes,
I smoothed, I kissed ass with very powerful people in
the radio business, my industry, my chosen industry. My entire life,
I worked on the radio business and I never get
invited of these things. And I've worked at Fox Sports

(06:27):
Radio for nineteen years. I've never been to uh to
this kind of an event. And I was I was like,
I I kept telling him, are you sure you wanted
to invite me to this? And uh, they said, well,
it might have been a mistake, but you're here, so
uh so do it. But yeah, invited me and all
the big wigs and in advertising. Uh, We're there and

(06:49):
they got to mingle with the blow hards and the
gas bags on the network. Uh. And it was hosted
by iHeart Media, the premier networks. And now I pointed
out for years guest and also that doing a nighttime
radio shift is in the radio business. Uh, they spit
loogie's at you, and I know, I understand. I mean

(07:12):
you have the halves and the have nots. And in
in typically six am to six pm is the Goldilocks
zone in radio. That is where you have morning and
afternoon drive in most of the country. Some cities have
afternoon drive that goes to eight, and sometimes I often
believe morning drive doesn't even start at six anymore. Think
a lot of people in big metropolitan areas get up.

(07:34):
I think we do an hour of morning drive. I'll
challenge anybody on that, because I hear from people that
are getting up at you know, guys that live on
Long Island or in Jersey. They're driving in a New
York listening on satellite radio. Get up, you know, four
thirty or five in the morning. Uh, to beat the
traffic as much as they can. So but anyway, that's
a different conversation. But pretty much anyone else eats hit
or get ship on. Uh probably not eat it. Uh

(07:57):
that wouldn't taste very good. But so one day, Yes,
I got to live the life of run. It was
like a make a wish type thing. And uh, I
got to hang out with very as I said, powerful
people in radio. I was, I was shooting the breeze
with your hero. Uh. Colin Cowherd was there and a
big star of daytime radio. And I say, Cowherd does

(08:17):
an overnight show for me. Uh, and I do an
overnight show for him. So we have that in common.
But I hadn't seen Colin in a few years. I
got to hang out with our guy, Rob Parker. We
love Rob. Rob's great. I chatted up people think we
know all these people like in real life because we
worked at Fox Sports Radio. But like I had talked
to Gottlieb like on on the phone or whatever on radio,

(08:40):
but I never actually met him in person. Um, and
I met Gottlieb. We caught up Clay Travis, who has
been doing the show in the morning show after me
for for a long time. I'd never physically met Clay.
I I've actually known him for probably ten years doing
like TV and radio crap. Uh. Chris, Bruce Sard's another guy.
Talked to Bruce Sarterer of times over the years. I've

(09:01):
never actually physically met him. Uh, And so I I
we got to catch up and all that, and um,
my my regular guys. The only guys in radio. I
really see are like Jason Smith, Mike Harmon, Jonas Knocks,
they were also there, so I got to hang out
with him. And this was played guest gun at the
Monarch Beach Golf Club in Dana Point, Beautiful Dana Point,

(09:22):
which is roughly it's south Orange County, but a lot
of people think it's more. It's almost halfway between l
A and San Diego. It's almost the halfway point. In fact,
uh Greg Maddox who used to pitch for the Hall
of Fame picture for the Cubs and the Braves, but
at the end of his career he played for the
Padres and the Dodgers. And the reason he did that,

(09:43):
in part was because he lived in that are. I
don't know if he still does. But it's you know,
because it's halfway, so you can either pick San Diego
or l A and all that stuff. But this, this
is a couple of things here, all right. So this
golf course is like a it's a traditional Scottish link
style and it's right on the goddamn Pacific Ocean. Okay,

(10:04):
that's the It's amazing. It's like an oil painting. Um,
you got rolling green greens, very tight fairways which I
don't like UM, and they say it's for golfers of
all skill lovers. I believe that's bullshit. UM. I had
not played golf in in a fair amount of time.
But it's one of the higher ranked golf courses in California.

(10:26):
I don't know about globally golf digestive. I mean, there's
a million golf courses. Um. They said it was the
number one best golf course in Orange County, and there's
a lot of golf courses in Orange County and a
lot of rich people that live in that part of
the country. So take that for waysworth so and the
other thing's guests on how did I do? I think
that's a bigger question because part of the reason I'm

(10:46):
gonna ask this is because temperatures this week in southern California.
I know, earlier this week we're hovering between eighty five
and ninety degrees, and over the last forty eight hours
they're about seventy five to eighty not a cloud in
the sky. It was a great day to golf if
you are an avid golfer or even a casual golfer,

(11:06):
And as you mentioned, you haven't done that in quite
a few years. So, yes, Ben Mallory, how did you
do actually playing? It was a house of horrors. It
is what it was. It was a pit of misery.
Uh Man, was I terrible? Uh? We we played, fortunately,
we played best ball. If you're not a golf person,
you might not know what that is, but best balls

(11:28):
where you gonna force him. And out of all everyone
takes shots, but whoever has the top shot is the
one you use. And thank God for that. That was
a little bit of a savior from complete embarrassment and disgrace.
But I had not played golf and probably five years
I played. I used to play with my wife when
we first got together a few times, but she's not

(11:48):
a big golf fan and so we didn't continue that.
But I had. I used to play every once a while.
I would played like once a year for something. And
I have a public course. I gotta tell you, guess
my public course is not quite match up with the
endless lakes and sandtraps at Monarch Beach. I mean, my god,

(12:09):
but they were great. The people that worked there were awesome.
It was a v I p very friendly. People are
very nice, and I wanted someone to be an asshole.
Uh No, one was an asshole. Uh, and they rolled
out the red car. But now my force included talk
radio legend Mike Harmon, Bucky Brooks, veteran NFL player for
like five different teams, including Brett Farven the Packers back

(12:32):
in the day, and Uh, a guy I don't know
if he wants me to use his full name, so
I'll just use his first name, Graham, who is a
very powerful media buyer from a company in Chicago and
handles million, millions and millions of advertising for huge companies
like Taco Bell and Discover Card and some other people

(12:53):
that advertised. I actually Taco Bell doesn't advertise in sports radio,
but Discover Card is one of our big sponsors. So
but you know, he was very nice. Well, you know
I should have probably been driving the golf cart with Harmon.
By the way, these golf cards, yes, you know, I
know you're rich, you but I'm not. And last time
I was in a golf cart, you know, it was
it was like gas. This was electric. Had a GPS system.

(13:17):
Minute more on that in a minute. Um had a
had a monitor in there to tell you which, you know,
shot to hit, how far away you were from the
whole um where you were on the course. It was insane. Yeah,
I'm I'm really curious about the tab on this thing. Well,
I don't have that. I My tab was zero because
coming from coming from a guy that's uh, you know,

(13:41):
not seeing anything on this podcast, I'm curious as to
what I heard spent on the kind of lavish afternoon
that you guys had, and I could only I have
no idea. I'm really bad with that, but uh, you
don't want to know. I'm really curious to know exactly

(14:01):
who was all there too, because it sounds like that
there was some real firepower there. And uh yeah yeah,
and I I was being introduced the scotch Apire, our boss,
Don Martin, another one of our bosses. They were there,
and they were introducing me to all these very profitable
like this guy controls all of the I Heart Media's

(14:21):
digital sales, this guy does radio sales, in charge of everything. Uh,
all these executives from New York, where the headquarters of
My Heart is now mostly located, they were all they
were all there, and uh and I met him and
you know Julie who runs Premier Networks, who has been
my boss for you all these years. I met her.

(14:42):
I met her before, but I not very often. I'm
not there during the day, so it was so it
was cool. I got a chance to you, played some golf,
you had some food, And I guess I'm curious because
when you go on an event like this, you're talking
to so many people. Um, there's gonna be a bow
that's put on this thing. So I'm curious now that

(15:05):
after it's all said and done, the bigger question now is,
since um, you are a family man and you are
a supporter, is what did you bring home? What stalp
did you bring home for us so that we can
feast on? Uh? So you're looking for dirt? Is that? No,
not dirt. We need, we need this thing to be

(15:27):
taken to a higher level. And I think you can
agree with me that we're not Joe Rogan, so we
don't have bonds inside of our studio, so we have
primetime guests. But we need uh, we need that kind
of Uh. We need this thing to may be propelled
to a higher level. How are we doing this now?
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific

(15:49):
on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Well,
I mean everyone was very nice. They love the product
that I put out and we put out or whatever,
and um, you know, I got a lot of I
got a lot of atta boys. I got a lot
of pats on the back when I got a lot
of good job by you that I do not believe

(16:10):
we can monetize that. I don't think there's a way
for us to cat in on att a boy. Uh
but I got a lot of those and uh so
may made it made me feel good. It was good
for my ego. I mean that certainly is nice that,
uh you know, these people seem like it. But but
as far as the golf part of it, we'll get
back to the kissing ass of of powerful people on radio.

(16:32):
I actually started now it turned out to be a
ship show for me. But I I started out okay,
and I got progressively worse as I played, And it
makes no sense. I I believe I set golf back
to the stone age. Uh And ironically that's one of
the highlights. There's a couple of things that stood out.
So I used my golf clubs, which I when I

(16:53):
bought them twenty years ago. I proudly displayed to everyone right,
And I even I got some of my old grandfather's
clubs that he didn't use anymore. Maybe it was after
he died. Uh, And I was feeling pretty good about
myself because I had a real golf bag like everyone
else there. We had the golf carts and uh. One
of the hard old golf guys, one of the guys

(17:15):
that was trying to sell some golf product, is a
nice guy. He Uh. He sees my my driver and
he said, wait a minute, let me see that. I
haven't seen that in years. And then he looks at
me right in the eyes and says, man, that should
be donated to a museum. He said he had not
seen anyone using that in a long time. And uh,

(17:38):
you know, so I said, see, it's very valuable. He says, no,
it's not. You'll be lucky if anybody ten bucks for that.
You know what I kind of think. So it was
he's I'll charge you a disposal fee to get rid
of a man like an old like a like a
BlackBerry cell phone that you got. As we get up
with this thing, Ben, I want to ask you on
a tire because we talked about this. I think the
first or second podcast addition, But we were I was

(18:01):
probing around to see exactly what you'd be wearing, since
you were typically not a You're always shorts, right at least?
Why I dressed like a slob at work because no
one's around. But when I go out in public to
you know, meet people, I dressed no. I had you
know that golf golf attire. I got a golf shirt.
Um not. I am upset with Jason Smith because I

(18:22):
was gonna wear shorts. I asked if we were allowed
to wear shorts. Everyone was wearing shorts. Jason's like, it's
right on the ocean. It's gonna be cold down there,
don't you know? You just wear pants? So I wore pants.
It was ninety two degrees or whatever it was, and
I'm sweating now. The good news is I got a
little sunburned, but I didn't get burned on my legs,
so that's so that's a good thing. And U. But

(18:42):
as far as the God, I mean, I was, we'll
wrap this up, and A said, but I was like
I was seeing ghosts. It was really neat, though. I
I I had a couple of other highlights. Just before
I forget I I hit a wooden chair on a drive,
and everyone was that was the highlight for my my FORO.
Everyone could not believe that they were compaired with a

(19:03):
guy that couldn't even get the ball over the wooden chair,
which it sounds impressive until you learned the chair was
about fifteen feet away from where we teed off. It was.
It was on the ground, obviously, and it was like
a par you know it was. It was like a
par five, So it was a long, long hole. I
also hit several trees. I smashed the ball in the

(19:25):
into the wrong part of the course next to the
one the hole next to the one we were supposed
to be on. I killed ants, mosquitoes, a bunch of critters,
and by the end of it, guest gun I had PTSD.
I I lost so many golf balls in that f
and lake and uh the water traps and the sand
traps and the trees and all that that I hit
one into the bushes and I'm like, I can see

(19:47):
it because it was a neon green golf ball, so
I'm going to get it. And I emerged looking like
pig pen. I I had crap hanging out. I was
ridiculous and um and then but you know, so then
after we me the little dinner type thing after the
golf and I had to clean myself up, and but
they brought in This is how important this event was.

(20:08):
Guest on Sean Hannity flew in from the East Coast
and smoke for like five minutes to tell everyone how
all these powerful people, how glad he was to be here.
And it was I give him credit because Hannity is
so he's polarizing now because of his friends, and he's
best friends with Trump. That's right, President Trump, and he
handed he's telling the story about how he was at

(20:29):
the White House last a couple of days ago. I
guess with the President or whatever, he's telling some story
about that. You know, I give because there you know
a lot of liberal people there California, man, And uh,
you know, he was no shame in his game. Man.
He's a good guy. He's been in radio longer than
he's been in TV by a long time. Oh yeah,
no doubt you. And yeah you mentioned Hannity, but you

(20:51):
also had, like you said, with Coward being there, and
I heard about the dinner that you guys had, So
it was that's quite the Expia. It was similar to
like um full for a radio geek, which I guess
I am. Uh, you know it was it was Disneyland,
you know, it was shang Ralai, was Nirvana and that

(21:11):
that kind of thing. It was. It was cool And
now I go back to reality with you, all right,
moving on, I love the Amish gas. Let me tell
you I've had a running joke over the years on
radio that has been the one group of people we
can goof on the Amish, right, because it is okay
to poke fun of them, because what is a real
authentic Amish person doing? Not listening to the radio, right,

(21:33):
because by definition you can't use modern technology, so you're
not a lot of listening to the radio. Well, last
week I had a terrible case of heartburn acid reflux. Right,
Have you ever had that? Once or twice? It's coming.
You're getting older, one old man, it's coming. So it's terrible.
If you've ever had this, you feel like you're having
a heart attack, you think you're gonna die. These are

(21:55):
end times. It's it's like a biblical prophecy. And this
happened to me last year in for the first time.
I've never had this happen to me before. Last year
and I went on the internet and I found this
you know, bs uh website that said this is the
cure for heartburn. In one minute, you will be cured.

(22:18):
It's a proven old Amish formula to stop heartburn immediately.
And I'm like, well, this is bullshit, but man, is
that heartburn horrible. I'm willing to try anything. You know.
It's kind of like those people who get unfortunately get
you know, some kind of weird form of cancer and
they go to Mexico for some bullshit medical procedure that's

(22:38):
not don't even work most of the time, but it's
called quackery, is what it's called. Anyway, So hand to God,
this stuff work. Like Matt I, I had my talking
to my wife about it. She bought it. We had
had it for a year. Yeah Mary Poppins with her
bag of you know, remedies and all it's anyway, So
we had it in the house and uh, man, this

(22:59):
stuff is like magic. In about five minute. It wasn't
a minute, but in about five minutes, pressed though my pain,
my agony was gone. I love the Amish. You saved
my life. This stuff is as basic as it gets. Gastcut.
It's just It's like I always say, with garlic when
I get sick, and I use the garlic when I
have laryngitis because it kills the infection in my throat um,

(23:21):
which I've done for years and it's really helped me out.
In the old world garlic, you know, the original plant
based medicine before dr your modern medicine came around. But
this stuff has apple cider vinegar mixed with high a pepper,
garlic juice, and ginger. That's it. That's all. It's disgusting
because there's a lot of Kien pepper in it, but man,

(23:45):
is it effective. And thank God for this, But I
always worry, like I'm gonna get this. You know, I
eat a big meal. I don't eat much during the
week so when I eat on the weekends a nice
regular meal, I'm like, oh crap. And and it was
pretty cool, al right, how did you consume it? Though?
You just well, you can either drink a shot of it. Now.
I I put what I had my wife to it
because I could not move. I was literally I felt

(24:07):
like I was on my deathbed. But so dramatic, I'm
not trust me. I've been dramatic for the last three
weeks and your stupid fucking tongue and now your heartburn
every week. Man, like you're getting old in front of
my ears. Wasn't believable. It's it's it's embarrassing. But but anyway,
so um, I don't know what I was gonna say,

(24:30):
but I uh we we I poured. I had to
her pour this and and mix it with some water.
And that's the kind of deluded a little bit. And
then you drink it like a shot. So are you're
feeling better? I'm fine not you know, I felt immediately better,
and I haven't had heartburn since then. I haven't eaten much,
although I had. That's the other thing. Guest on on
the golf Back to the golf thing real quick. So

(24:51):
I don't normally eat on Wednesdays, you know, I take
I skip every other day during the week, but I had.
You know, it's rare and appropriate, you know, you know,
this is a rare thing and it was appropriate to
eat eat. I felt like I had to eat because
everyone But it was funny. Before the thing, I forgot this.
But before the event, we I got there earlier, they
had lunch, you know, sandwiches to eat for lunch. And

(25:11):
and you could practice, you know, putting or hitting golf
balls and um, and everyone was doing that except me
and Jason Smith eating roast beef salmi. Yeah, we were
eating roast beef sandwiches. All these other people are practicing,
you know, taking hard ohs and golf and all that. Anyway, alright,
but moving on, getting up. Now it's a bad day. Now,
this this is a gas go on special. Now, I
assume you've had a lot of bad days. Guess what

(25:33):
makes this a better bad day than all the other
bad days. Well, part of this is attributed to the
month of July. And uh, you had a producer that
decided to leave the country for a couple of weeks,
and so I volunteered to subben and and fill in
for him. And as I did so, one of the

(25:53):
nights that I had some questionable parking, you decided to
take a picture of it. I did, and you posted
not only on your social media accounts, but then it
was retweeted through Fox Sports Radio social media account. Well,
we wanted the full bang for the buck. Yeah. Well,
speaking of bank, you had a bunch of different assholes
that we're talking about. I should get fists. I should

(26:15):
get my car keyed, I should get my ass kicked
all that stuff. So when those are all legitimate points,
yeah they are, but they're not really anything of value
to to someone like me. So coming around the bend um,
we have a producer here, Lee de Lap, who is
not he is, but he's new and in free into

(26:36):
the world again. His girlfriend from a couple of months
ago I decided to call it quits, so she dumped them. So,
as the good friend that I am, the good colleague
that I am, I decided to say, Hey, Lee, I'm
gonna take you out. We'll go out in town and
get you some drinks, get you right back in the world,
and get you all healed up. So Saturday night I
take Lee. We go down to Studio City, which is

(26:58):
fairly close to where we yet for Fox Sports Radio.
We go out for drinks and we're watching, uh, we're
watching the Astros play. I got the Alcs on against
the Yankees rotching college football's while USC was trashing Arizona.
And we've stopped at a couple of bars, have dinner,
then go have some drinks, and then we go to
one other place for for the night festivities to end.

(27:23):
And Ben I get to my car at one thirty
in the morning on Ventura Boulevard and I get into
my car. I'm ready to turn on the car and
I hear traffic. Normally you can't hear traffic when it's
that late of a night. I looked to my passenger

(27:44):
side right rear window and it was blasted out. So
I go to my car because I was I was
thinking to myself, well, funk, I just got off of
work a little while ago. I have my laptop, I
have my hard drive, you know, the bag that I
bring in. So I go to the back of my car.
This is great. How it ends, though, is I go

(28:04):
to the back and I look to see if my
bags still in there. It is. It was in the trunk.
It was still Yeah, I have at a trunk. Yeah,
that's the problem. That's the one. I love those trucks
and four but you know, I'm a big fan of
the trunk. You can hide crap in there. I love
the trunk. We'll see. Here's the kicker on this. My
bag was still in the truck. But I go to

(28:26):
the front of my fore Runner to go and see,
like what else is around or if I could take
pictures of the address. The fucker's that broke into my
car tried taking my twenty five pound weighted vest out
of my car. They took it and then dropped it
in front of my car. Did they take anything, though?
Did you notice anything that was the only Those are

(28:48):
the only two items that I had in there of
any value. I have some boxing gloves and some hitting pads,
but that's it, and a foam roller. But these guys
took my weighted vest. The weighted vest not only is
it heavy, but it also smells like hockey gear. It
has this old, dirty smell to it. So these guys
grab it, quickly, pulled it out and then dropped it
as there were like two feet in front of my car. So, um, Ben,

(29:11):
this is kind of the the dark cloud that you
put over me in my vehicle UH to have it vanialized,
and it came to fruition because I was taking care
of a colleague. So now I need one of your
listeners and supporters to help me out because my insurance
company won't even pay for the window to be replaced
for a market window. They will pay for an UH

(29:31):
secondary market window, which is even worse because the window
itself has tint to it and also not like that
I want to tint, but it has tint to it
and also has the sensors for defrost, which are really expensive.
The vehicle, Um, it's not got a good night, so
it was an expense if it makes you feel better.
Living in Los Angeles all these years, I've had my

(29:53):
car smashed and broken into multiple times. I I don't
know that we have time to get into here, but
I I one was on Chris this day and like
nine or two thousand, I was at a Laker Blazers
game in downtown Los Angeles, but when Staples Center had
first open, so it was like and uh so I

(30:14):
came to my you know, I came out to my
car after the game. That was like when Scottie Pippen
was on the Trailblazer or whatever the long time ago
and came out of the car, uh clicked the button open,
you know the thing, and hear glass tingled down and
you're like, oh crap, that's not supposed to happen. So
so anyway, I flagged down up an L A p
D guy and the guy was like, I'm swamped. There's

(30:34):
hardly anybody working it's Christmas, and he's like, go to
the precinct, right, So he tells me to go to
the precinct, which is in skid Row. The closest police station,
the Staples Center in Los Angeles is on skin Row.
So I go down there. I parked my car in
front of the police station. Now keep in mind, it
was kind of a cool night that year, and there
were there were people out in front of the police station,

(30:56):
like across the street, homeless people that had lit a
trash can on fire to keep warm. It was like
a scene out of like Sodom and Gomorrow a movie
or something like that. So anyway, I go into the
police stage. You know, it's Christmas. There were many people
there actually, and a very nice police officer came out
and so he wanted to take a report, and so
he walks out. Uh, and we go down to my car,

(31:17):
and as we walk down, which is only a few
steps down from the precinct, one of the homeless dudes
is halfway in my car, rummaging to see if he
can find anything else. They need some change, and the
police officers like trying to show him a way get
out of there. And uh, it was it was crazy.
And uh, I've had my car broken into three times

(31:38):
when we where we worked though guests. And I've told
you this before. That is the car thief capital of
l A. Because we are located right between the one
oh one and the four oh five freeway and you
can get on right I mean you can either get
on the four or five or the one on one
right away, and so a lot of cars get stolen
there more than anywhere else in l A. And a

(31:59):
lot of is obviously get broken into, but that's everywhere.
I think that's a big problem because the people, even
if you get caught, they don't really punish the people
to do this. Yeah, And I found out two when
I asked him if I can get some fingerprints taken,
they wouldn't even go and do that. The local precinct.
The really yeah, I want to call to ask for
a police report. So because I could have gotten fingerprints
off the vest, I think, um, but's odd because they

(32:23):
did do that. They offered that to me a long
a long time ago. They must have stopped because it
happened so much that it's like a waste of a time. Yeah,
it was brutal, So yeah, trying to do the right
thing for a colleague that was fallen, and uh, I
get busted that this all goes back to your shitty
picture and tweets. So I hope you feel better about yourself.
I have a last twenty four hours boosing it up

(32:45):
and now putting a hex on me. Be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. You know it's like Cinderella,
the Pumpkin and the Carriage turn us to a pumpkin again?
Uh and bat reality? Who I am? Yea? Uh? Moving
on though it is hip the clip. I am in
a good mood. I've been in a good mood all week.

(33:05):
Why am I that good mood? It's Kauai would not Hollywood,
It's Kauai would Terminator l A will never be the same.
Kauai Leonard better than Lebron James Kawhi Leonards the top
player in the NBA, and he's wearing a damn Clipper uniform.
And I'm not just blowing smoke, guest. I know you're
a Laker fanboy and all that, and you grew up

(33:26):
with the purple and goal, but Kawhi Leonard Is I
would say about equal, maybe a little worse than Lebron offensively,
but he is light years ahead of Lebron defensively. Lebron
is like a designated hitter at this point. He's a
one trick pony. Uh Kauai is a Swiss army knife,
or in basket or baseball parlance, he's like a five

(33:47):
tool player. He can do a little bit of everything
to kill you and uh and I love it. And
the Laker historians free life tip you want to make
a lot of money, and I would say invest in
vice stocks because these these historians are having a tough
time dealing with it. And there the arrogance has no bounds.
These guys a Lakers are gonna put the Clippers in

(34:08):
their place opening night. They're gonna win by thirty or
Lakers unstoppable duo Anthony Davis and Lebron James. There were
one of six in the fourth quarter of those two idias.
I know it's one game, it's all we really have
to go with, uh, but I predict that the Laker
historian base will be self medicating with booze and drugs
by the time the playoffs come around and I'm very

(34:30):
proud I had aligned on a monologue this week, but
I feel I feel like we need a report here
repeated here because people might not have heard it that
since Jerry Bust died, the Laker franchise has been Charlie Brown.
They have been the Charlie Brown Basketball And I think
of it in those terms, right, and the famous cartoon
character Charlie Brown thinking they are close to winning again, Right,

(34:53):
We're gonna only to have the ball cruelly pulled away
at the last second by Lucy. He's falling on your
b said, you got all these lottery picks, you know,
number two, pick number two, pick number two pick that
all sucked as Lakers. Some of them have become productive
players elsewhere, but not as Lakers. You didn't get Lebron James.
Now you can't. You can't funk up Lebron James. Right,

(35:15):
this guy makes the play He's in the finals. Every
year they don't even make the playoffs with Lebron James.
Now they get Anthony Davis and they get trumped by
the Clippers and Kawhi Leonard. It just keeps getting better
and better, and uh anyway, and and and then the
other thing from that Clipper Laker game. I mentioned this.
I don't mean we've talked about it together. Is that
China China Hong Kong thing? We mentioned it earlier, But

(35:36):
I mean that the that was crazy, man. That was
like Fremont Street in Vegas or Venice Beach or uh.
It was wild man. It was freaky town down there. Yeah.
I say, you taking some of the pictures and you
said that there was heightened security outside Staples Center to
I know, there are some fans with free Hong Kong
shirts that were out there posting those things up. So

(35:59):
I gotta imagine this scene was pretty intense, but it was.
I had to go through two sets of metal detectives.
Guy said it was like super Bowl level security, like
that kind of security for a regular season NBA game
between the Clippers and Lakers. You didn't watch the World Series.
You didn't watch Game one of the World Series. You
went to Game one of eighty two between the Clippers
and the Lakers. Let's you obviously you don't follow me

(36:21):
on Twitter. You can, I would recommend you give me
a follow there at Ben Maller on Twitter. I washed,
I'm sure it was. It might have been legal. It
might have been illegal. I don't know, but I watched
on my laptop with my headset, my headphones. I watched
Game one of the World Series and my Washington Nationals natitude,
I get that win and then they got to win.

(36:41):
I did not see much of Game two, actually because
I was socializing that they did have the game on television.
But I I watched all of Game one. And but
it's the The NBA, though, is stuck between a rock
and China. I mean they are. They are, Scott rude.
There's so much money that comes out of China for
the NBA. It's a a mess. Alright. Moving on, we
gotta the up guests, n study this. Are you ready?

(37:03):
We'll do a few of these. Yes, yea, let's do it.
These are actual studies. Now I'm addicted to these kind
of things. I used to do them on the radio show,
but I just save them for the podcast. These are
I collect these during the week. These are actual studies
done by universities mostly I think pretty much all universities.
Uh and and whatnot. So I knew studies says sugar sweets, Uh,
maybe as addictive as cocaine. About that. According to a

(37:25):
scientific study recent evidence may suggest, I don't know how
they throw may in there, which is a weasel word,
may suggest that the sugar craves we have are very
similar to the addictive narcotics. So I could say, like,
I what, I've never been I've never done cocaine, But
I could say like I was, like, I'm addicted to cocaine. Yeah,
I love, I've been addicted to sugar. I've I've tried

(37:47):
to wean myself out a little off in a little bit,
but it's tough man. Same way. I mean, I'm like
that with caffeine. It doesn't matter if it's an espresso
or an energy drink, whatever it is. The caffeine I have,
especially when I'm working in the studio or on site somewhere,
I need that extra extra shot to give me a
little wake up juice. But I've been like that, And yeah, sugar,

(38:09):
I don't know how you get with candy and chocolate
and things like that. But as soon as you have one,
like Pringles, you can't only have just one. You gotta
have a couple of them. So I believe that one
This is probably gonna be taking the wrong way, but
I'll say it anyway, because the hard the hardcore fan
of the show, the super fans listen to the podcast guest,
and the casual fan does not listen to the podcast.
You're you're a higher level Mallard Militia person if you

(38:31):
listen to the podcast. So I've often thought, you know,
in years when I was a kid, I was like,
why do we eat the cow and the chicken, but
not the horse and not, you know, not these other
animals that are we could cheat, you know, the elephant.
Why don't we eat the elephant? You know, I wonder
why do we choose the cow? And now I learned
that we don't eat horses because they were very valuable

(38:53):
and they were cars in the early days of humanity,
and that's why we don't eat horses. But not anymore
we have cars. Um. But it's like, why is sugar
okay but cocaine is not? You know what I mean?
How come some things are like according to this research,
and it might be bullshit, but they say it's just

(39:14):
as addictive as cocaine, and it's also gives you. I
I realized, because I've had a sugar addiction, I'm probably
get some gnarly disease when I get older. Because of it. Umb,
what's that diabetes? Well, yeah, the diabetes and all, I
mean all that stuff. But I mean that's it's odd.
I mean, if you knew this is bad for you

(39:35):
and it's addictive, but yet society has decided that's. I know.
I'm not saying you should ban everything and adults should
be able to choose. It's just odd how we've chosen
these rules. That cocaine's bad and again not that I'm
endorsing cocaine, but sugar apparently is also as as bad
in some ways. Guess you don't die immediately though from
the sugar. Well what about this then? Does that mean? Why?

(39:55):
It just like goes hat in hand with with tobacco, alcohol? Um,
what else do we got? I mean, vaping now is
the thing? Well, now they're trying to ban vaping, and
so they started vaping. Some people would stop smoking because
they thought it was like the lesser of two evils.
And now now they determined they got to get rid
of the vaping. But I gotta be honest, if I know,

(40:17):
not that I do either of those things, but if
I had to choose between sitting next to someone who
vapes and someone that smokes, I'll take the vapor, Give
me the vapor, man, Yeah, of course anyway. Alright, moving
on to self absorbed researchers create this is important for
you guests on the arrogance spectrum, to help classify the condition.

(40:38):
There are six degrees of the arrogance spectrum. Uh, let's
see how many of these we qualified for. Denigration of others. Check.
That's I make my living denigrating athletes about how I
do it. That's right, believe or assumption of superiority. I

(40:58):
don't think I'm superior than any what. Well you you
looked down upon everybody? Well, but I treat everyone the same. Yeah.
But contempt, yes, failure to consider the perspectives of others. Absolutely,
I never consider anyone. I'm all about me. Resistance to
new information about one's limits. Uh, yeah, you're pretty defined

(41:22):
on that. I'm a I'm a taurist man, I'm a bull. Uh.
Let's see who else. Number two overestimation of one's information
and abilities. I don't say that, no, Yeah, and I'm
not like that. Number one Distorted information and limitations inabilities.
That's the number one thing here on the scale of arrogant. Man.

(41:47):
It sounds like everybody on social media. Then sounds like
everyone I've ever worked with in radio, where's my guy,
Pat Obrian? I love Pat. Pat is the single most
arrogantuy I've ever met. I love him to death. He's so,
he's so, and he knows it too. Pat knows he's just.
I'll never forget when I was on a call with
when I was doing a show with Paddle Ryan years ago,
the old entertainment guy and sports guy at CBS. I

(42:10):
grew up watching. I told he should tell Pat all
the time. He would hate it. I told him I lost.
I used to watch him do those big Lakers Celtic
games when I was a kid. You know, and you
get annoyed. But but but anyway, Uh, I was on the
I was talking to Pat on the phone. I called
him what we were talking and he's like, hey, Ben,
I I gotta I gotta hang up here. I gotta
call you back. Yoko is calling on the other line. John.

(42:31):
Let you know it's a widow. Oh that was That
was funny. So there's the arrogance spectrum? What else we
have to do a few more of these that study this?
Do you check your emails at work? Gast guard? All
you do all right. A new study says some workers
who don't have access to their email after hours experience
a decline in their well being. That's bullshit, I now, no,

(42:57):
I agree with that. Yeah, that's that's ridiculous. Here's here's
a fun one. Ants are immune to traffic jams, recorded
a new a study. How about this? The university which
university was is, I don't have this in front of me.
Uh yeah, they said, even in crowding conditions, ant colonies
still managed to maintain smooth traffic flow. And so like

(43:19):
they're studying the are they gonna try to get human
beings to act more like ants? Uh? Is that? I
don't know what their their endgame on this. This is
unlike self interested humans. Are there you go ripping humans?
It's have a common goal, the colony's survival. And this
maybe why just widening highways does not reduce human traffic congestion? Son?

(43:42):
Should we should we identify in the new year? Should
we identify as ants? Are you? Yeah? You're allowed to
do that right in California, we can do whatever the
identify as what's those? What are the possible people? Remember people?
Or the possibles? All right? Uh, let's see how about
how about the here's the University of Richmond, A lot

(44:04):
of listeners in Richmond, Virginia. University of Richmond. Rats that
drive aren't just unusual if they're taught to skill, they
also find the process of learning driving rather relaxing. They
put rats in many cars and had him drive around.
Scientists of trained rats to drive these little, tiny cars,
suggesting that brains of rodents are so flexible and much

(44:28):
more flexible than initially thought. That is fascinating. Who's the
guy that saying, you know, why don't we put these
guys in cars? These little rats and cars? It's exactly it.
What kind of vehicle would you put them in the
first place? They look like little I saw a photo
of it or a video of it, and it looks like, um,
like a Lego type cars are very obviously rats. They're small,

(44:48):
they're not that big lab rats man Mini Cooper. Yeah,
like a golf carts that you were in over the
last couple of days. Those were nice golfer I'd like
to buy one. I couldn't afford one of those. Maybe
give me one or something like that. Trying to relax,
check this out. This is depressing, trying to relax can
actually make anxiety worse. About that, I can believe that.

(45:09):
I can stand believe that. According to a new study,
thinking too much could cause you to die sooner, according
to this study done by Harvard. So you're not supposed
to think you're supposed to meditate. Yeah, well I know
people to meditate. My wife meditate. She got me a
meditating she spade for a meditation app. I used it
a few times. I probably should do it more. It's

(45:29):
like a deep breathing thing, you know, as that is
not all meditation is when you breathe in, pause, breathe out.
That kind of crap. You're supposed to have all your
warriors left the door. Do you do that when you're
at the gym? No. I watch Fox News, CNN, MSNBC
and hear them all either praise Trump or rip Trump.
That's pretty much what I watched. See how when I'm
in the gym, I hate doing this because I listened

(45:51):
to a lot of music, but my mind and my
energy starts increasing, and then my mind starts racing. So
I didn't start thinking about what I should do for
the day, or what do I need to accomplish, or
what steps INTO take in terms of just a project
or or something that nature, like I'm not doing enough. Yeah,
just gets the blood flowing. Well. My problem, Gascon is

(46:12):
that I I'm like that all the time. Like I'm
always like, what what can I do? What if I
don't do it? Am I gonna be behind? You know?
And someone's gonna beat me on the show? And I'm like,
even when I go to bed, it's I'm always like,
I'm gonna miss something, you know, and I'm gonna you know,
it's gonna be some big scandal that's gonna break and
I'll be sleeping and I get I'm paranoid, and it's

(46:36):
it's so dumb because who cares. I can wake up
and people don't really care. But yeah, I think about
that stuff a lot. I'm always like trying to plan
ahead and what you know, what, what's an angle tonight?
What do you think the big story is gonna be?
So I have an idea for the next show? And
so you're a warrior? No, of course. Yeah, let's say

(46:56):
kind of the Jewish DNA. I guess you're supposed to
worry about. That's my my grandpa grandmother told me when
I was a kid, you know, you don't worry about.
It's the insecurity of working in the industry that we
work in, because that's part of it. That's absolutely part
of it, because you always think that someone's gonna come
over the top and one up. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
you know, I'm always worried like I'm gonna have a
really bad show. I'm gonna screw something up and then

(47:17):
the wrong person is going to hear it, and then
that's Uh, that's the caput. I'll be working pushing shopping
cards at Costco, finally living my dream of of doing that. Uh,
let's see here. I don't know if there's anything else
that here's the one that I thought was interesting. A
new studies says that sixty percent of Uber drivers don't
tip at all. Six out of ten don't leave a

(47:38):
tip on you meant passengers, Oh yeah, writers, I said,
as that drivers on the writers they don't tip at all?
And how what percentage of these people actually tip every time? No? Well,
I just said six don't tip, So how could it
be fifty dummy of the oftent don't You're not good

(48:03):
with the man. Not only one percent of people that
take Uber tip every time. So that means the people
that take Uber. There's one percent that are Uber wealthy. Right,
bum bum bump, thank you. Ver has a long way
to get to that. Here's another study. We're wrapping up
on this one. A new study show that just forty

(48:23):
of employed Americans say they're in good jobs versus forty
in mediocre jobs and scent in bad jobs. Seventy nine
percent of workers and good jobs report a high quality
of life, but only a third in bad jobs reported
a good quality of life. So there's a lot of
ship jobs out there. If you have one, you're in

(48:44):
the majority. I guess, So where are you at? Then? Well,
I have a I have a good job with bad hours.
I have a good job with bad hours. Like, I
love my job, but the hours can be tough. But
I I've adjusted. I'm nocturnal. I'm the nocturnal colonel. So
what about your work life balance? Oh that's terrible. Yeah, yeah,
it's I need to improve and I got on weekends.

(49:05):
I have a good time. I try to get away
from it a little bit, but I definitely need to
have uh more more hands on deck. I guess you
need to go out more. You need to be more engaging.
You can't just you can't do a Netflix documentary and
chill night with the wife. That's every Saturday. Now, No,
I we go, I go out, we go out. We
when we spent a lot of time with family, and

(49:26):
we're big with the family. I saw my dad after
the golfing and uh, I said, I had to leave
actually a little early, as like my dad goes to
bed early, so I had to get there before you.
The old man passed out, and uh I took him
out to get some food because you know, we've got
to look out for your pops. Would you take him
Raising canes chicken fingers? All right? Damn right? Man? Uh

(49:48):
So I did that? Oh probably I forgot to mention
gascon so a Raising Canes opened up this week right
near the Mallard Manchi and Beverly Hills. I have been
waiting for the for like ten years. I'm not exaggera.
My first experienced Raising Kings in Vegas a long time
and I loved it. And they've come to l A

(50:08):
and they just opened one. So the deal is if
you get there early, you the first day it opens,
they have a drawn like a lottery, and twenty people
will be selected to get a free year of Raising Kings,
free me, free year of food. Now you talk about

(50:28):
a conundrum. So I'm like, I get off the radio
l a time about you know three, I have about
you know, an hour plus drive or whatever defending on
that to get home. So I'm like, I didn't get
there like four four thirty in the morning and wait,
but I had to beat this golf event and I

(50:48):
had to be up at ten in the morning to
go to the Gulf. And that's why I was off
from the radio show this week. And it was a
last second decision. I actually drove by the Raising Kates
restaurant on the way home to decide where they wanted
to go, and there were people already lined up, and
I said, ah, fuck it. I'm I mean, I don't
want to deal with it. You know. Was it as
bad as a Black Friday for Best Buy when you

(51:10):
get people that are pretty much tailgating and there's a
line that's typically wrapped around the block. Well, it wasn't
that bad, but there were people enough people there where
I looked at that and I said, well, imagine all
the other people that are gonna come. The math doesn't
really work out for this. And they were sitting in
like these are professional line sitters. They had chairs like
beach chairs and the folk pop up chairs that they

(51:30):
were sitting in and all that. All right, it's in
the bad gas On. These are listener questions. You ready
for this? Let's get you up, all right, we'll do
a few of these. Uh Tarrell rights in from Columbus, Georgia,
says Ben. Since you used to always say you would
discuss hockey and the w n B A and the
fifth hour, will you keep your word and do a
Mallary maneuver or or do a Mallary maneuver and move

(51:51):
it into the sixth hour? Well, yeah, I listen, Terrell.
That's these are good questions. Um and and I'll tell
you what I'm gonna have Gaess go onto a standalone
fifth hour and he'll talk only w n B A
and hockey. All right, I'm gonna take that week off Gascon.
You can do it yourself. Yes, I don't know if
I could pull it off. Can you imagine doing anything
with n h L N w n B A related
for a podcast? Fox Sports Radio has the best sports

(52:14):
talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows
at Fox sports radio dot com. And within the I
Heart radio app search f s R to listen live. Yeah, yeah,
that would be uh we do. I've done hockey some.
I did the Boston thing. I did bruin Boston Bruins monologue.
That's a little bit different because it's a it's a
hot market to do hockey, and you can't do hockey
in Los Angeles. You can do hockey and Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver, Boston,

(52:39):
New York, Chicago, even in Boston. Be honest with you,
it's a niche thing right now. It's become a niche
thing the Bruins. At least it was when I maybe
since I was the messenger station though yeah him a right,
since says Ben, please come to daytime l A radio
you and the petrol some money show would would kill

(53:00):
thank you him me, But yeah, I love petros, no
petrols for years, no money for years. Love those guys,
uh stars of talk radio. But uh, I don't think
that's gonna happen. But you never know that on line.
I used to work local radio and l I was
eleven fifty back then, but I used to fill in

(53:21):
on AM. I haven't used me as a fill in guy.
They always invite me to fill in when I'm on
vacation at the end of the year. They're like, hey,
you want to fill in for petrol some money. I'm like, why,
I'm already on vacation. Why could I Why would I
leave my vacation, my end of the year sabbatical to
go do that. Plus my wife won't allow me to
do it, you know what I mean, guess for a
good reason? Would you ever consider asking to be a

(53:43):
more regular host on on five seventy? Well, the problem
is my sleep schedule. Um, But they used me for
a while. I had had fun doing it, and I
did I used to. Last time I did it a
couple of years ago, I filled in on Dodger Talk,
which was fun. You know, I was like the filling guy.
But they don't. They don't need that anymore. Mopar writes

(54:04):
and says, what do you really sound like? Well, I'm
actually not a real person, Momar Mopart. I am a
creation of the magic radio Box. Ye, Siri, I do
not exist. I do not Brian in Newton Mass writes
and he says, hey, Bench is guest Gon sucks and
clearly is not on the show. And Brian Finley is incompetent.
Why not do a podcast with Wreckett, Ralph or Coop?

(54:26):
Either of them would be better. That's from Brian in Newton, mass. Well,
that's up to guess. I guess ye have any update
on the acting gig that you're up for? You have
you gotten it? Are you leaving the podcast? Are you stay?
You haven't gotten anything just yet. So it could be
the situation where no call is is no job. I'd
probably give it another two weeks. Uh, there was there

(54:49):
was something else that I was selected four, and that
was a month after the audition, So I gotta wait
this thing out for probably another two three weeks. Okay,
so the weight continues. Jay Rodd writes in or Jared
in l A. He says, is it true that a
warm basketball bounces higher than a cold basketball? Uh? Well,

(55:10):
thank you. That was a commercial that we did a
couple of years ago. I didn't write that copy, but
we lost one of my crazy callers because of that,
Randy and Norman, Oklahoma. Randy loved the show but was
so offended that I used bouncier. He said, Paul, can't
be bounce here. You're very upset, and he stopped calling

(55:32):
the show. Because you imagine stopped calling you show what
a looney. Well, you've had some You've had some listeners
that have stopped calling the show for some rather peculiar reasons.
He got one guy in Miami that was pretty much
asking for people on the radio for money calling the show.
That's right. Yeah, he got upset because I tried to
stop his business of begging panhandling listeners. He got offended

(55:54):
by that. Genie and Medford stopped calling. Um, she dropped dead.
I don't think that that that's to me, that's a
legitimate try. Yeah, alright, alright, Uh Caesar from South Texas.
Right so, and he says, Ben, I'm a Newish listener here.
I was introduced to you buy a colleague of mine.
I enjoyed listening to the show. Well, thank you, Caesar.

(56:14):
And again he wants to know if Fox Sports Radio
offered you a daytime slot, would you take it? Um, Well, well, Caesar,
I don't think you have to worry about that happening.
I like working at night. I've done this a long time.
I often say that the cool thing about doing a
nighttime radio show is are the artistic freedom. You'll get
paid as much money, but like I can try and
stuff out and and throw crap against the wall. We're

(56:37):
during the day. It's it's you know, you have a
bad segment, the bosses is coming in to talk to you,
or you know something, people are coming around. I don't
have to worry about that. The language is different too. Yeah,
you can get away with a lot more and be
just more colorful and and vibrant with your show as
opposed to what you do during the daytime side of things. Yeah,

(56:59):
I mean, I absolutely, And it's a different type of radio.
Daytime radio and nighttime radio are different. And the reasons
for that, and we can debate whether that, you know,
nighttime radio would work during the day and the sensibilities
of the listener are different during the day and all that,
but it's just a different animals, a lot more interview
based during the day and things like that, and at
night obviously we don't do that kind of thing. John

(57:24):
from Parts Unknown says, I've been listening to you for years.
I've never heard you swear on the radio until the
fifth hour, have you and the crew ever made a
swearing mistake? And what was from? John? Uh? Well, John,
I'm even uncomfortable cursing here. I don't do too much
of it because the problem is we we record this
podcast on sometime on Thursday, and then I have to

(57:46):
go do the Thursday and the Friday show. And so
if I start cursing like a sailor here, then I'm like, oh,
I wanna do it on the other show. You know,
it becomes problematic. But I have the famous cursing story
with me is when I was doing local radio. It
was during one of the Olympics in the I don't
want to say one because I'm gonna date myself, but

(58:08):
it was a long time ago, and the we were
doing a show. We were preempted, and the boss is like, well,
there's like a like a one percent chance, so I
might need you to come back, but just go down
and have dinner at the and have some drinks at
the bar. Don't worry about it. I probably won't need you.
And so we went down there and got hammered. I
don't even I'm not even, you know, And we got hammered,

(58:29):
and me and the late great Mark Smith Dave Smith,
and it was Ben and Dave show, and we were
all drinking, eating, having a good time and being married.
You know, young single guy having a great time. That
was a that was adults. You don't know adults, is
guest con. But it's this old Chicken Finger place. The
original o G of the Chicken Finger was closed like
a million years ago. What off of it was on

(58:51):
Riverside driving Burbank, right next to Warner Brothers studios, bottom
floor of an office building which used to be the
K Rock building. We were at the Kiss F M
Building which was across the street. And uh and that
Warner Brothers I think owns all those buildings. I think
they bought it. But anyway, so long story short, so
we we we got hammered h John and then we

(59:12):
got a phone call, not a text, because there's no
text in those days. I got a phone call, Hey, uh,
you know, numb nuts, come back and do the show.
And I didn't even realize. I didn't know what was
going on. I I I believe I cursed four or
five times on regular radio. Um, I believe it was
fuck and ship you know those I mean, I you

(59:32):
know those kind of things. So and and and Mark Smith,
the engineer who was also drinking it. Mark Mark didn't
mess around. I love Mark. He would he came in
and punched me because he kept having a dump me.
And you know, there's only a certain amount of dumps
you have, and then it becomes a problem. Big Loue
writes and says for this is for David Gascon, a
Big Loue from the LBC says, how many chicks at

(59:53):
Big Bend's Christmas party did you slay? Uh? During or
after the party? And will you try to beat that
number this year? Well, I think the bigger question is
how many women were actually at the party? Because I
think I mentioned this in a previous edition. It felt
like an eighth grade dance where you had men on
one side of the room and then women on the

(01:00:14):
other side of the room. So it was pretty it
was pretty well segregated, and for some odd reason it
was but there were a lot of married people there,
at least in the women's side of things. Well, it
was segregated well by the way. Guess you know, sometimes
women say they're married just so you'll leave them alone.
I've never run of that problem. Yeah, yeah, uh so yeah,

(01:00:35):
I know so so so anyway, uh yeah, it is.
You have the radio side, which is my side, and
my wife's works at the police station. So you have
the police side. Yeah, so what that it's code? Shall
they mingle? Never? Shall they mingle? Well, what that code
for is that radio people are ugly people and then
everyone else is actually good looking. That's what it basically means.

(01:00:56):
I saw some ugly people on that side of the
room too, and usually on the radio side, it's just
Looney regaling us in stories, is what that is. That's
normally and everyone just listening to Looney talk about himself.
How that goes? Uh, let's see your Mike and St.
Paul's please find a cure. I'm a Life Along Lions fan.
I am doomed. I love your show. Thank you, Mike,

(01:01:18):
well all of you want. I My wife bought a
voodoo doll to killing the Dodgers and it's working. I'm
killing the Astros with the voodoo doll. So maybe I
can loan that out the listeners who want to put
a hex on uncertain teams or remove a hex. That's
very Indiana Jones Temple of Doom. Ask I can appreciate that.
Jesse and Pomona in SoCal says, Hey, Ben, with all

(01:01:40):
the criticism you've been tossing at the Dodgers, especially Clayton Kershaw.
Do you ever worry that one day you'll go to
blue Heaven on Earth and they will turn you away,
bann you from the stadium. Uh, you know, Jesse, Jesse,
that's actually a legitimate question. Now, I couldn't obviously do
this if I I did dodge your talk, because that
is a you know, that's paganda for the die. I

(01:02:01):
did it. I love it, and I do love the Dodgers.
And I'll tell you what Tommy Hawkins, the late great
Tommy Hawkins told me. He used to be a Dodger executive.
I love Tommy Hawkins. And he told me, and this,
I don't know if this is still a philosophy, so
maybe it's not, but he said, you know, I don't
care if you guys rip us and you know, the
Dodgers and all that. We don't care because it shows passion.

(01:02:25):
And as long as you're passionate, as long as you care,
then that matters. The thing that everyone in professional sports
is worried about, and the thing that at that time
the Dodgers were worried about was apathy. It was being aloof,
It was being detached or disinterested and and I'm not disinterested.

(01:02:45):
I'm not detached at all. Uh. And so I'd like
to think that the people that work for the Dodgers
are are grown up and know that I am coming
coming at this from a place of hoping things get better.
But you know, it is a legitimate thing. And I'll
tell you, I'll give credit to the Lakers. I have
a lot of friends that work for the Lakers. I

(01:03:06):
have been savage against the Lakers over the years, and
they still welcome me, and they're very nice to me,
and they tell me things I probably shouldn't know about
the franchise and things like that. And and so I'll
give the Lakers credit because they have thick skin. Not
the fan base or the historians, but the people that
work for the Lakers have been very good to me
for the most part. And uh, and I have been

(01:03:27):
I have just shipped all over them. There's nothing wrong
with being critical either. We live in a world now
where God forbid, if you have any kind of disagreement
or any kind of dissension, people look at it as
now you going to take things personal and it goes
off the reservation. Yeah, it's true, you know, And we
see this in relationships all the time where people, you know,
Republicans only want to be with the Republicans, Democrats only

(01:03:49):
want to be the Democrats. And my my wife has
telling me some of her girlfriends are like, you know,
she's telling them like they only want to be with
like liberal guys because they're liberal, and like, you gotta
open it up. Man, you get to a certain age,
you know, suddenly the uh, the laundry list goes a
little shorter. You know what you're what you're looking for
exactly in man, let's get you up with this thing,
all right, don't stick the sports stories of the week.

(01:04:12):
What do we go? So? Bet? How about this? One
forty six year old man developed a rare disease. It's
called the auto brewery syndrome, better known as the drunken disease. Now,
I don't know if you've heard about this, but a
guy back in two thousand eleven, and it continued for
six years. Um He told doctors that he had no
kind of medical issues, no psychiatric history at all, nothing wrong,

(01:04:35):
but he began feeling depressed and his brain started to
feel foggy. He also at times got an aggressive behavior
were It turned out that his his body started turning
carbohydrates into alcohol. Yeah, by taking antibiotics. How the fund

(01:04:56):
does that happen? Exactly? It? So what happened was, you
tell me, by drinking, like it's your body thinks you're
drinking whiskey and vodka and all that, but you're just
you're eating carbs. Yeah. So what happened was and this
is unfortunate for him, but uh, one morning he was
actually arrested for alleged drunk driving and he was pulled
over and he took a breathalyzer test from a hospital

(01:05:19):
and it actually occurred that his blood alcohol content had
skied high, like it was above ten alcoholic drinks for him.
So after the arrest was over, he went to to
get some treatment and they actually took a stool sample
from him and found out that the yeast and his
body uh was actually converted into what they have from

(01:05:39):
like wineries and and breweries and whatnot. So any of
the carbon hydrates that he had turned over into alcohol,
which obviously elevated his blood alcohol levels. Well, how many
people have that it's rare disease? Like how uh A
dozen people were talking that's a good question. I don't know.

(01:06:00):
You don't know, I make it up. It'd be like
loony and just make it up. Twelve people been twelve people.
They're all in India, some in Pakistan. Uh you know, yeah,
and this is it all stemmed from taking antibiotics. So
just imagine taking antibiotics and having that trigger your carbohydrates
and turn that in an alcohol. Yeah. I try not
to take antibiotics because I feel like I'll need him

(01:06:21):
at some point and if you take him now, they
won't be as effective, that's what they say. I mean,
I do that with hand sanitizer. Oh you don't. You
don't do the hands. I barely use hand sanantires. And
the reason why is because the disinfectant that's used on
your hands um your body, the way that it fights
off some of the germs and whatnot, it becomes it

(01:06:42):
doesn't become as potent the the wipes that you use,
the the hand sanitizers, so you're gonna pick your spots,
you know. I don't like hand sanitizer anyway, Like I'm
old fashioned, like soap and water. Is nothing wrong with that.
How about this one? An Australian man was actually uh
he pled guilty a manslaughter for killing a sixty year

(01:07:02):
old homeless guy. Now here's the kicker on this. A
gentleman back in two thousand and eighteen left a pub
down in Sydney, Australia, and got into an argument with
another guy. And they were they were talking, they were pushing,
they were shoving and whatnot. And the other gentleman, who
was obviously hammered too, pulled out a knife and stabbed
this guy. Um. The guy's name, will call him Thomas.

(01:07:23):
Thomas said, all right, go ahead and stab me. Pulls
out a knife, gets stabbed, and as he gets stabbed,
the the obviously the guy that stabbed him released the
knife because it was in his body. He pulls it
out of his own body and his stomach and stabs
the attacker back and kills him. How about that? You
know what that that tells you? If you're gonna stab someone,
be a backstabber. That's what a brutal story that is got.

(01:07:50):
I got plenty of that in this industry. How about this?
In the UK, a man was arrested after driving unsupervised
to his own driving test. So it's just like a
young guy or an old guy. I was a middle
age guy. Middle age middle aged guy, and he's he's
going to take his driving test, and uh, and so
why what happened? So what happened was this all stems

(01:08:12):
from the incident itself, because he wanted to take a
driving exam not for the first time, not for the
second time, but for the tenth time. He had failed
the driving test nine other times. And then obviously that's
kept going with it. He was arrested on suspicion of
taking a vehicle without the owner's consent as he arrived

(01:08:33):
to the test. I think that's called stealing, isn't that called?
So this guy drove a stolen car to take a
driving test and then failed it again. Oh my god,
that's like they say, though, you know, it reminds me
like the You can fail the bar endlessly and eventually
if you pass it, you're called a lawyer. Right. This

(01:08:55):
guy fails the driving test, you know, nine ten times,
but eventually if he passed, says, they call him a driver.
It's unbelievable, that's all. That's a lot of hoots. But man,
you imagine, I mean, that is uh, take someone special
to keep going at it like that. Yeah, that's wild man.
Last two ones? How about this? Do you know anyone
that works in UH as like a flight attendant or

(01:09:17):
as a pilot or god, I wish, I wish my
wife would work at the airlines. That's I mean, man,
you get that free air travel or discounted friends fly free, man,
I wish. Yeah, speaking of that, this woman by the
name of Tiffy Jenkins, she's on the East Coast. She's
facing twenty years in prison after she pleaded guilty UH
to some federal charges. She basically scammed UH the airline

(01:09:40):
Jet Blue over a million dollars because what she would
do is that she'd put codes in for passengers UM
that had regularly priced rates on their flights, but she
would price them out at a discounted rate. So she
would have there's a code in the system for different things,
whether it's for senior citizens or for UM, for people

(01:10:03):
with infants obviously because they fly for free or they
pay like a discount of rate, and military the same thing. UM.
There's also a code in there for people that fly
because of some kind of family distress. And so she
was in putting these people that wanted to buy flights
and she was pocketing the money, so she'd give them
the regular price flight, but that input the code into

(01:10:26):
the system at a cheaper flight, the cheaper fair. How
long did she do this? It probably not that long
because airline tickets are pretty prices, so right, yeah it was.
It was actually a little bit less than a year
and a half. She did it five five times. You
know what this reminds me of. Do you remember the

(01:10:46):
NBA official scandal? No? No, no, not that one. There
was another scandal that didn't get as much play. There.
There was a travel expense scandal. I think the Major
League Baseball umpires were also their own scandal. But this
goes back before your time, in the nineties, but I
remember talking about this when I first got in the radio.
Forty three NBA referees had been running a scam where

(01:11:10):
they the NBA bought them first class plane tickets, right
and they they would go, they would downgrade first class
the full fair coach plane tickets, and and they pocketed
the money and and eat. Each each made between seventy
two hundred and seventy seven thousand a year by just

(01:11:31):
taking the worst flight, you know, or not the first class,
but going to coach. And they they did that for
for several years and eventually they got caught obviously, and um, Steve,
I think Steve Jabby was acquitted, but he was a
longtime referee, he was. But but all the other ones
were Eleven of the twelve that were indicted ended up,

(01:11:53):
um being being in trouble, you know, being a lot
of trouble. So Zyra Coban was like slap on the wrist.
I think a lot of them took a lot of
them took plea deals, if I remember correctly, is that
what it was? What's that was that? Like? Do you
remember what the plea deals were? Though? I mean, it's
nothing like the college scandal right now? Correct? Um, yeah,

(01:12:13):
I mean it's yeah, I mean it's like the punishments
of the similar I mean, they're people aren't really getting
punished for the college scandal, right mostly and these people,
the referees as I and I was a long time
ago guestcum but I don't remember them getting I think
they got community service and they had to pay back money,
you know that kind of thing restitutional. Yeah, yeah, I
think it was that kind of all right, fair enough,
But this one. We're both huge pizza lovers. Do you

(01:12:37):
have a favorite. I don't know, Well, the homemade Mallard pie.
I love the bubbles in the crust of the pizza,
and uh I love that. I make a pie myself,
usually on the weekends. Um I was a when I
go to Pieces, I liked the round table pizza was
like a northern California chain. Um I like that. But
Chicago style, New York style. Um more, Kirkland brand style.

(01:13:01):
Shut up, don't pizza snobby or don't be frugal with
your pizza. No, Kirkland brand pizza is wonderful. It's okay.
It's nothing compared to Chicago or New York. New York.
Let me tell you something. The New York pizza is
so freaking overrating over it. I go to New York
every couple of years because my brother lives there, my
older brother, and so these two famous pizza places in Brooklyn,

(01:13:23):
right why we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge to eat pizza.
We made a pilgrimage and I'm I told my wife,
I said this, I can get better pizza costco. It's
not even that good. It's a high end pizza. It's
a high end pie. What about Chicago pizzas like a cake.
That's like eating a piece of cake. No, that's that's
like a pie. That is like I would to choose

(01:13:43):
if I had to choose between Chicago pizza New York,
I would take Chicago pizza, of course I would. They
used been a place called Numero Uno Pizza Change. Oh yeah,
I remember that. I love that place, and that was
more Chicago style pizza anything. Don't they still around, No,
not that I'm aware of. Maybe they are pizzas around.
I don't know if you used to go to that
back in the day. And there's that you know where

(01:14:04):
we work in uh In in Sherman Oaks part of
l A. They opened a authentic Chicago pizza. We should go.
That's where we got to go, guests gar um when
we get to were we get together in real life? Um,
there's a Chicago pizza places apparently opened up like a
famous one of the famous Chica. They don't have very
many locations outside Chicago, and they opened one up here.

(01:14:25):
All right. I mean it's tough to get away from
Fat Souths which is right down the street. That's a
really good spot. Obviously, no pizza there. Uh Medine Cheese
is a good pizza spot down the street from where
we're at too. So I bring all that up because
a vegan um has been traumatized. Yeah, they had asked
Dominos to make him a vegan pizza and uh, the

(01:14:46):
chain pizza obviously down there is a little bit different
than here in the United States. But they had actually
added to the menu a couple of plant based options
for people that included Hawaiian option. Well, the Hawaiian option,
as you know, is what it's ham and pineapple. Well
he ordered the Hawaiian uh dish, but it wasn't fake ham.

(01:15:10):
It was actually real ham. And now he has disclosed
to the Daily Mail in Australia that he feels horrible.
It's a sinking feeling. And I had to eat an animal.
Not eating animals has become a core part of my
belief system. I felt shame and pain for the animal.
End quote. Now get over. I mean, my god, it's

(01:15:31):
so it's so stupid. That's the world we live in.
A plant base there you go, that's wonderful. So that's
just some guy working to the pizza shop that grabbed
the wrong instead of the fake ham, he grabbed the
real right, I mean, is that probably unless it was
intentional And yeah, you know when you go out to eat,

(01:15:51):
you were taking a risk that you're gonna get what
you order. I think we all know that, right that
no one's gonna spit a loogie in your food or
do something the other disgusting thing in your food. You know,
take you take a chance. Aren't rolling the dice? That's right?
I even roll the dice when I was at the
Mallard mansion. Well, the food is the Mallard match this
top notch, wonderful booze everywhere, food everywhere. Companies a little suspect,

(01:16:14):
But wow, I don't know that you're gonna be invited
this year. I don't know. You might, you might not
be invited. If there's any luck, I'll be working. They
usually say that if you're a good broadcaster worth your salt,
you're working on the holidays. Is that right? Well, yeah,
you want to know, if you know, if you're if
you're not important, you're working in the holiday. That's not true,

(01:16:36):
because the absolutely true. The NBA has their showcase games
on Christmas Day. Thanksgiving. We got three four games National Football.
I work on Thanksgiving. I do work, not really, I do.
I do a Thanksgiving show every year, much to the
disdain of my wife, I do. I she's got a
good point. Anyways, that's it for now. That's that's it
for me on this. All right, very very We'll get

(01:16:58):
you up and get the hell away, and don't forget
the other podcast, which you should see or it'll be
up soon if you don't see it right now. If
you get this right away, that'll be Benny versus depending.
Another winning week last week picking NFL games and a
lot of big favorites again, a lot of big favorites
in the NFL uh this weekend, So we'll we'll give
you that and have a great weekend. Thank you for

(01:17:20):
supporting the show. Thank you. Follow us on social media.
I'm at Ben Maller, what's your Twitter account? Gast guns
at David J. Gascon and email us the Real Fifth
Hour or just Real Fifth Hour at gmail dot com
is the email address for this. The Facebook page Ben
Mallory Show. I got the I've got Instagram. I got
my password from Elijah for the Instagram page. So I'm

(01:17:41):
gonna try to get back on that maybe this week,
post some photos on there. So it's my name Ben
Maller on Instagram and I'm excited about that and have
a wonderful weekend. Be safe. We'll be back in the
Magic Radio Box Sunday night into Monday on the overnight

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