May 1, 2021 • 48 mins
The big man on campus turns the calendar to a new year and his faithful showered him with love and praise like never before.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now swinging a sledge hammer,
bringing the sledge hammer down, just like Dave Parker, who
we had on yesterday. It is the Fifth Hour with
Ben Maller. That's the headline right above the marquis there.
Because four hours a night are not enough. You've told
me more and more and more and more and more.
(00:44):
So now every single day we provide you compelling, marginal commentary,
eight days a week, and we thank you that have
come over from the Overnight show. Although I have heard
from people that have reached out to me who found
this audio kind intent, who are not not radio show listeners,
which is odd to me because this is kind of
(01:05):
just continuation of the radio show. But there are people
that have found this show, at least a few of
them less than five who have contacted me who said
they didn't know about the show, and they now are fans.
And so I'm glad that you've found us here on
the podcast format, the power of podcasting. There's no borders
on podcasting, as you know, and we thank you for
(01:26):
subscribing and five stars five stars. Don't forget if you
want to personalized Mallard style monologue or whatever you want
on cameo dot com. It's not free, but it's it's
pretty pretty reasonable cameo dot com, Ben Maller. I'm not
like the Soup Nazi, where I, you know, make my
entire living off cameo. I don't. It's a little extra
(01:46):
from now and now and again, but personalized video message
is available there and yet again here on a Saturday,
we are joined by David gascon affected dog on in
the hallways rush for the four five. So he's l
d dare stop a little little happy anniversary to me. Uh,
(02:11):
this was a one year to the date. I I
promptly went online and and ordered a an uncut, uncut
and uncooked Tom Hawks State to be delivered to the
Mallard mansion. And yeah, we're one year to the day,
Ben Mallory, that you have had something in your good
graces and you have yet to open the presence. So
(02:32):
you are a piece of shit. As I might say, well,
I appreciate that your birthday, it's behind well no, no, actually,
hey Tommy, we're recording this on my birthday. You just
called me a piece of ship on my birthday, you asshole.
Do you understand you are so pretentious, snotty and conceited.
(02:55):
It's all about you. You know, You're just like Doc Mike.
I had Doc Mike and we did a uh you know,
a couple of ask docs, and he made it all
about him. You. You're unbelievable. You are unsavory, manipulated. We
know you're a social climber and all that, but I
mean that is that's the first time in my life
I've been called a piece of ship on my birthday.
(03:18):
So thank you for that. You checked that box. You
have checked that box. Gascon outstanding. That's good. My final
final breath, I'll think, well, one of the things that
happened in my life that I didn't think what happened? Oh,
I know a guy who I worked with calling me
a piece of ship on my birthday that I didn't
expect to have that happened you colossal Jackass's good Dare
(03:43):
you you know how much time I spent production wise
into putting not one, but two videos for you. Oh,
let me get my violin out. Let me get my
tiny violin d digital birthday cards that did from other
We play the smallest violin I can get. I don't
know what this is. This is a sob stories with this,
(04:06):
you're telling a sobs Oh I had to edit a
video together. Oh my god, I was working on a
day that I do not work, and I was. Let
me tell you, yes, my heart bleeds for you. Yeah
it should. I'm shedding tears their crocodile tears, actually thinking
of heart. I actually learned something fascinating the other day
(04:28):
about about the heart. Um, you don't have one. You
you no longer have heart. That you're a heartless bastard
who just called a guy on his birthday piece of Yet.
Did you know that that grapefruits can actually help remove
plaque from your body? Uh? That sounds like something Doc
Mike would throw out, but it does. Listen. Doc told me,
(04:52):
if you want to go a little longer in the bedroom,
just eat macadamia nuts. He told that was a secret
every after it's not chocolate of macadae, no macadamia nuts
and uh, which I used to eat those as a kid.
I don't think he did much for me. But and
then as a what else is doctor? You know? The
pineapple fruit smoothie? Yeah? Yeah, Doc told me off the air.
(05:14):
I talked to him the other day and he said, Ben,
I'm gonna live to be a hundred and twenty because
I do the pineapple fruit smoothie. So yeah, yeah, I got.
He's in his mid seventies stock and uh, he looks
like he's in his fifties. He's doing pretty well. I
wouldn't drink my own piss, but he's doing pretty well.
That's good. That's good for him. And as he's still
in Chicago. Oh yeah, he's back in Chicago. Yeah. He
(05:37):
he is as authentic Chicago is deep Dish pizza and
that Italian beef sandwich to Chicago is famous for. I mean,
he just he is the walking, talking cliche of Chicago.
When you hear him talk, he sounds like Doc sounds
like one of the characters from that old Saturday Night Lives. Yeah,
(05:57):
imitation of like did with what the country is slowly
coming back to its normal state. Are you? Uh? Do
you have a trip to Chicago or Philadelphia or New
York or Boston on the uh? On the front, there's
nothing on the agenda as of now, but I will
likely get to Wisconsin. And when I go to Wisconsin,
(06:19):
I would likely just fly into Chicago because it's cheaper
and I'm frugal, and I'll fly into Chicago, spend a
couple of days in Chicago, and then make the drive
up to Appleton, Wisconsin and uh, you know, see my
my younger brother who's lived in Appleton for a number
of years there, and I think we'll have a Mallard
brother reunion. So I'll get my brother from the East Coast.
(06:41):
We'll meet centrally there in Wisconsin. But we have nothing schedules,
a lot of other things going on, so I'm hoping
that will happen later this summer, but there's no there's
no guarantee. Also, I'm supposed to go to Florida for something,
but I don't know if that's gonna happen either. So
to relocate i'd be great. It would be the first thing.
The first thing they'll tell you if you ever make
(07:03):
it big. Not that you've made a big guest. The
first thing they tell you, moved to Florida, Right, jeter Man,
he got caught for like tax evasion because he claimed
his residency in Florida. Well, the famous story. I have
a friend whose buddies with Matt Drudge, the political the
political political guy. And when the Drudge Report hit, Matt
Drudge was living in Los Angeles and he would put
(07:26):
the Drudge Report together at a coffee shop in in
like West Hollywood. And then during the Clinton like Monica
Lewinsky days, this became this huge deal and he started
making just a ton of money. And the first thing
they told him, as the story was passed on second
hand to me, moved to Florida. If you want to
(07:46):
keep that money, moved to Florida. You can't keep that
money from California. And it's even worse now, I mean,
think about but it's not just California, but it's pretty
much anywhere that has the you know, New York, the
same way they tell you to move to Florida, New Jersey. Yeah,
And after a couple of days ago, with the joint
addressed to the Congress, I'm meant too, I'm done too,
comfortable with where our our country is going in terms
(08:08):
of taxes. What was that old saying no taxation without
what representation? We don't have any kind of representation here
in California right now. It's like take take, takee, takee, take,
and don't fucking mind me. Like so, Ronald Reagan. When
I was a kid, it was, you know, trickled down
economics always a big thing. So what what is the Biden?
(08:29):
You start in the middle and then explode. Is that
what he's planning or at the bottom, and you know,
shoot it up and don't forget. When you die, then
your ass is gonna get a taxed too, with the
death tax, multiple death taxes. So well that's why not
that I would say, you know this, it's nothing illegal.
But if you start a trust, yes that's the move
there if you actually have any money. If you don't
(08:49):
have any money, who cares. But if you can start
a family trust, and you know what I get everyone
else we uhould goof on trust fund babies and things
like that. When I was a kid, oh you're a
trust fund baby. But now I was an adult, I'm like,
whoa that the way to go, right, because you want actually,
if you, you work your life, maybe you're lucky enough
to save a few bucks before you check out. You
want to pass that on to the next generation, or
(09:10):
give it to charity, whatever. But and they don't. The
government comes in there and just like a battering ram
and they take it. But if you have a trust,
you can keep that money and pass that on to
somebody else. That's the way to get and people forget
O J. Simpson. He was found not guilty in his
criminal trial, but he was found guilty in the civil suit. Well,
(09:31):
the Goldman's have had a horrible time trying to collect
on that money. The reason why is because all that
money is protected in his real estate and his trust
in Florida. Yeah, and o J is making um I
was gonna say a killing, but that would be inappropriate.
But he's he's doing very he's doing very well. He's
got the NFL pension, the football pension, which is not great,
(09:54):
but then all the real estate that he made doing
those commercials back back in the day, for sure, And
all of a sudden he's on social media defending police officers,
like what kind of fucked up world do we live?
Double double homicide? Well he should really O J b
be supporting bad prosecutors is what he gparting, because that's
(10:16):
the most important part of that whole o J dynamic
shoddy prosecution, which is why o J while we're doing
this podcast, is playing golf. Okay, So it's I am
good because you get people all right now they're sending
fund the police. I am good if you defunded the police,
just as long as you defunded the Department of Justice.
(10:38):
It just feels like the Department of Justice runs rough
shot over whoever the funk they want, and it's not
blind at all. It is just one way or the other.
God forbid. I'm kind of curious to see what's gonna
happen with really Giuliani. And this is the same dude
that took down the mafia back in the day, and
you have the FEDS rating his apartment in New York
(10:59):
just a couple days ago. Yeah, well, you know that
famous the scales of justice, right, justice is blind, which
you referred to. If you were to update that, you
would have instead of a blindfold, you would have binoculars
instead of the blindfold, one color, one color. Unbelievable. A
(11:20):
chance to watch the joint address to Congress a couple
of days ago. You know, I did not, actually I
I'm not a I don't think Joe Biden is a
very compelling speaker. I should have actually watched it, but
I was doing something else that night, so I did
not check it out. I did I did see some clips.
I did see some clips that of course, the clips
(11:40):
are the most polarizing things, and so that that of
course upset me, as you would imagine. So, but it
plays right into your show because you've had and I
forget who it was, but you've had a couple of
athletes that have had just the greatest sound bites because
it's nothing but cliche. Oh yeah, well Scott Pott, Sidnik,
the king of cliches, the gold standard. Just take it
(12:00):
one game at a time, you know, and all and
he just went on and on. He did like sixteen
or seventeen in a row, rattat tat. Yeah. I think
I think President Biden had a great night of platitudes.
I thought it was fun filled with platitudes. I just
felt like I needed to hug somebody. I feel like
I needed to hug somebody, just close and hold them tight.
While Joe Biden was given US a joint address to
(12:21):
the Congress, not the State of the Union, but a
joint address to the Congress. I thought it was fun,
filled with platitudes. Yeah, it's very similar the State of
the Union addresses too, like the the NFL draft which
is going on this weekend. Right, there's a language, there's
a lexicon. Yeah, like you make a few of those
(12:41):
together and you know the jargon. And once you know
the jargon, you can I could sound like a president
if you gave me, you know, thirty forty minutes to
write a speech as the president in the native tongue
as a president, I could give you a presidential ease
type type speech. You know the language and the words,
(13:03):
and you know, we want to bring everyone together right now,
Biden went off script because normally you never say we
want to raise taxes, so that that was, that was
a lone wolf situation. Normally would not not do that.
We can't we can't build back better. We have to
build back better. It was exactly what he said last
night too. That was that jumped out to me too
(13:25):
last night. I thought that was actually a few days ago. Yeah,
well yeah, I mean it's fresh my mind. So interesting.
But the power of social media. It's front and center,
you have you have that, And then you had Twitter
trending with Tim Scott calling him uncle him, you know,
like God forbid, you know, like Lebron James and social
media account is safe taking a shot at an officer.
(13:47):
He's fine people calling out Tim Scott. He's good to go.
But yeah, you know, if it's one way, it's okay.
If it's the other way, not so much. It's a
it's a wild world that we're in. The great thing.
They have no shame in their game. The people that
are on Twitter, they're like, no, no, this they always have.
There's always an excuse they always Well, all since Lebron
(14:08):
deleted the tweet where he docks the police officer and
threatened him, was really nothing we can do, so not
so I guess Trump should have just deleted. President Trump
should have just deleted all of his tweets, and then
right after he sent him like five minutes later. So, well,
you know, there's one thing you can do. It's not
on our platform anymore. Yeah, he's not apologetic though, he's
not abashed. Yeah. Well, how about our guy Leo Terrell,
(14:30):
friend of the podcast The Great Leo Terrell throwing some
haymakers at Lebron. I love that. I had a smile there.
Leo too, if he missed it. He revealed that a
black police officer wanted to meet with Lebron about his
issues with the police, and Lebron check in it. No no, no,
no no no. So I guess Lebron doesn't really want
(14:50):
checks and balances. Uh, he just wants to to lob
molotov cocktails and stand off on the side and not
to be part of the solution, you know. I mean,
it's easier to go that route because you're protected, you're insulated,
and you could run as wild as you want and
no one's gonna hold you accountable. It's just that's how
with a good conversation last week with Ryan Leaf, and
(15:12):
we talked about that with Kaepernick, like, yeah, you could
have one message, but all of a sudden gets deluded
when you start throwing other shit out there because you
go off the track. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
PM Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
(15:34):
Radio app. Yeah, there's no, there's no question but that
that Lebron thing. Yeah. Combine that with his fight for
the you know, the people make everything better, you know,
for the lower you know man, and then in China
where he's like totally in bed with the Chinese government.
It's it's fascinating, totally out hypocritical. But speaking of being
(15:56):
in bed, I I forgot to tell you this. Uh,
the the day you realize I had to stay up
an extra two hours to put together your birthday videos,
your digital birthday cards. I expected some thank yous. I
expected probably a call to say I appreciate it. Um,
you know, like I was there for you when you're
(16:16):
in the hospital. I was there when you burned your
mouth last season. You didn't come to the hush. You
never visited me in the hospital for your birthday. I
was in the You never showed up to the hospital.
I did. I've been in the hospital a couple of
times since I've met you, and you didn't show up
either time. Well I was I thought about it. Yeah,
you thought, okay, Well that's that's like my dad. My dad.
(16:38):
I he never visited me in the hospital. I was
in that surgery, the gallbladder, and uh he told me, well,
I don't really like those places, like, well, I don't either.
So the COVID thing was perfect for my dad because no, like,
if I would go to the hospital, I was like, well,
I can't visit you know, I'd like to visit you,
but I can't, you know, because of the COVID things.
So that's true. That is all right. So I got
(17:00):
a I got a couple of things that you have
something else. Stay with Dave Parker. Yeah, I mean, I
know you have your nicknames, but Cobra is up there.
And the best part is the way that he taught us.
His ship never stank, it sounded like and he was
just a fucking ball player, which I love. Oh yeah,
(17:21):
I was a big fan of Dave party. That's why
I was excited to have mine. I always et played
in forever since the early nineties. But yeah, uh yeah,
I mean, he he had style. And I told the story,
you know, the sledge hammer when I was a kid,
like remember going to you know, young guys going to
Angel games and and just weren't very good that Dave
Parker and Dave Winfield, but they weren't particularly good. And
(17:43):
and I remember getting down near the on deck circle
and and Dave Parker was like a bigger than life
as he swung the sledge hammer and the on deck
circle and I'm like, what, it's awesome, Man's it was
like really cool, man, It's like four or something like that.
But Flor's hammer. Could you imagine if you're a fan
in Pittsburgh to have the balls though, to throw some
(18:04):
bolts and nuts at him? Yeah, that is astronomically crazy.
You hear stories like I don't want I was, you know,
around the Dodgers back at Candlestick, they would throw batteries
and things. I don't in Philadelphia they did that. But yeah,
you fill a sock, that's a weapon. You could kill someone, Yes,
you could kill them. I remember when the Broncos did
that to the Raiders back in the day of those
(18:25):
snowballs they pack, they'd pack batteries in them and then
fire them and hit him in the head. I just
I can't imagine that. I imagine doing that nowadays, No way.
I mean you'd be prosecuted obviously, well you would be prosecuted,
but I wouldn't be shocked if that stuff still occasionally
takes place. There's always the Yahoo out there, and that's
(18:46):
why I love HBO. They do some great documentaries. But
they would do some features on the Broad Street Bullies,
the old school Philadelphia Flyers and how the Philadelphia Spectrum
was an absolute zoo, not because of all the the
goal activity on the eyes, but they'd just be melee's
in the stands of the Spectrum and people did not
give a fuck. I mean, the Great Western form was
(19:09):
like that on occasions for Lakers and Kings games, but
I don't think I think it pales in comparison to
what was the greatness of Philadelphia back in the day. Well,
the Philadelphia sports fan is it's like a part animal,
you know, part beast, part human, the Philly that's the
reputation and the Yeah. I remember seeing UH in a
(19:32):
story about the Philly Fanatic, Dave Raymond, the guy that
became the Philly Fanatic, and like what he was doing
and what he was walking into in Philadelphia when the
fanatic was born as a mascot, and how he had
to entertain the animals, right, the deplorable fans of the
Phillies and UH, and he he was able to pull
(19:53):
it off, and the greatest mascot of them all. But man,
you go in there and you're you mean you people
are vomiting on you. I mean, it's just it's just terrible.
It's wretched and uh and you go out. You have
the clown costume on through all the Mayhem, chaos and anarchy.
And he pulled it off because you had the you
(20:14):
have the seventies six years, you had the Flyers obviously,
and then of course you go to the vet for
the Phillies. Well, the Eagles is the most legendary and
they were the first team to have NFL jail at
the stadium. I remember that was like a big deal.
It's like, wait a minute, you've got a judge. There's
so many people getting arrested at Eagle games that you
have to have a court, like a little mini courthouse
(20:37):
in the in the stadium. I mean, what's what was
that all about? It's crazy. I wish our court system
was quicker like that nowadays. Oh yeah, and now it's
a bridge to nowhere. Now. It's like that I've said,
it was like that Homer Simpson, Not Homer, it's um,
Grandpa Simpson. You know that famous meme where he walks in,
(20:57):
puts his hat down, circles back, grabs his hat and
his jacket, walks out. That's pretty much what it's like
when you go to court for most things that you're
in and out. It's like, that's what a hamburger is
all about. That's what the justice system is all about.
So I've got haunted Mansion. Uh, We've got a monster
Mash Monster Mash, and a brief pop quiz, but let's
(21:19):
start out with the Haunted Mansion. So it was an
interesting week. I have not I don't believe I've told
this story before, so I'll tell it right here. I
saved it for the podcast. So the other night I
was doing the radio show per Normal from the remote
Fox Sports Radio studio here at the Mallard Mansion. And
in one of the time outs we don't have breaks,
but one of the timeouts where they might or might
not be playing commercials, I heard this like clawing at
(21:42):
the door. I have a door that goes outside from
my studio, and you know, it's the middle of the night,
and I'm shaking my head. I'm like, what the fuck
is that? Uh? So I go to the door I
peek out the window to see what's going huh. I
see nothing but darkness, all right. So I'm like, okay,
(22:04):
it was just my imagination or whatever it was went away.
And then about ten fifteen minutes later, I take my
headphones off and happens again, and I'm like, holy fuck,
what is going on? So again I look outside. All
I see is darkness. I see nothing like zippo. And
(22:26):
so picture if you will, a world where it sounds
for a few seconds like you're hearing this ferocious beast
who's trying to break the door down to get into
your studio, but you don't see anything. I just think
about that. It's like it's like like Poultergeist or something
like that. So at this point I was starting to
(22:47):
think that I was in some kind of like secret
dimension like a sci fi show. I can go full
rod Sterling. You probably don't even know who Rod Sterling is,
right of course, they do, go, why don't you all? Right?
Here we go? Here we go. In my rod Stilling,
there is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known
to man. It is a dimension as vast as space
(23:09):
and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light,
and shadow, between science and superstition. And it lies between
the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge.
This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area
(23:29):
we call the twilight zone. And and and and and
and and and and and that's good. It's good. A righting.
You're part of a documentary here too. I could tell now,
as Paul Harvey would say, good day, the rest all
the story, So that wild beast at the end of
the show, I grabbed the flashlight. I said, you know what,
(23:50):
I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna catch this
wild beast. So I I manned up and went outside.
I you want to take a guess what it was.
I'm hopeful that it was a snake. I mean snake,
A snake banging on the door. Yes, um, I'm gonna
say it was a skunk. That's what I thought it was.
(24:14):
It turns out. I walked out, I looked to the
to the right, I didn't see anything. I looked to
the middle, I didn't see anything. I looked to the left,
and staring back at me, shivering was my dog, Bella. Bella.
I had been moving stuff. We had we had been
(24:35):
moving some things around the house out to the mallanmobile,
and I guess lost in the shuffle, Bella had snuck out.
And I did the math on this. I did the
Mallar math on this guestcount and Bella, my dog, ended
up spending roughly six or seven hours outside. Am I
talking about the backyard? This was to the front. The
(24:55):
Bella could have run could have been three miles away
for all I know. And unlike previous situations when she
did wander off, she did not go on a sojourn
around the neighborhood, or if she did, she came back
and she was sitting there outside my studio. Listen. She
must have been listening to the entire show, just waiting
(25:16):
for me to shut up the big mouth that I am.
So I feel like I dodged a bullet on that one.
It's funny because we actually talked about this situation and
Bella last week. Yeah, you had a situation like a
few years ago where you actually had her outside for
a long period of time. Yeah, I mean this has
happened where she's she's gone out and about, but this
(25:39):
was a whild She's like jumping and knocking against the
door and she would do that kind of stuff in
the house, and I just figured she was in the house.
No more, she sleeps when I'm on the air, because
why wouldn't you. But that was that was just saying
now the monster mash moving on, all right, the monster
mash big thanks to Phil in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Now why
(26:00):
must I thank Phil in Cambridge, Massachusetts? Because Phil is
the hot dog benefactor. He's my dog dealer. He's my
dog dealer. Now. I have long said Gascon that the
greatest hot dog that I've had in the ballpark is
the Monster Dog, the Finway Monster Dog. It trumps the
(26:22):
Dodger dog. The hot dogs in Cleveland are pretty good,
you know, New York whatever, But the Monster dog is
the perfect dog. And it's and and so you know,
I don't I don't get the Boston that much. And
this guy lives that right there in the belly of
the beast. And so he hooked hooked me up with
some Finway Monster Dogs and send those out with some
(26:45):
dry ice there. And he's been doing this for years.
I didn't happen last year because of the whole the
whole nonsense with with the COVID. But uh yeah, every
summer at the Mallard mansion. It's a guilty pleasure, you know.
You know, a few times during the summer, and a
couple of times every month, I'll be out grilling the dogs,
the Finway Monster Dogs, watching some baseball. Now, are you
(27:06):
are you the type that loads up the hot dog?
Are you going catchup mustard, Sarah Kroud, onions, bell peppers?
Are are you? Do you have your regular Well that's
a great question, uha, Reilily, You're on the pulse of
the people there with that question. So what I have done,
guest gun? Originally I was just a catchup guy, but
then people would shame me for being a ketchup guy.
(27:28):
So then I go, I go a line of ketchup,
line of mustard, back to back, so I I create
like this pin stripe effect on the dog where I
go back with and I I've only been open to
onions occasionally. I'm not against it, not into sauer Kraut
at all. I've taken a strong anti sauer Kraud position.
But yeah, and to me, a hot dog, if it's
(27:50):
properly made, you don't need all that crap on top
of it. A properly cooked hot dog. The proper amount
of grilling and char on it. Oh man, what what
about barbecue sauce? Yeah, I'm not a barbecue honey mustard.
I've done honey mustard on the hot dog. Um, I've
also here's a veteran move. Rather than put the toppings
(28:11):
on top of the dog, you could do the old dipsy,
do the dip, right, do the dip. Then every bite
is covered in whatever kind of sauce you want to
put on. That's not bad now, my my fat days,
I would do that with babe, you were never fat?
What are you talking about? I would do I would
(28:31):
do that with bagels and cream cheese. I would dunk
the I would dunk the bagel into the cream cheese,
not spread it with a knife like a normal human being.
I would get cream cheese and just get a buttlet
of cream cheese. And all the things we all did
when we were at our fattest was just just simply
(28:55):
I would standing. I remember I would when I was
living as a bachelor, I would get a giant bag
of Cheetos and like two or three of those giant
oversized Hershey bars with almonds, and I just like double fist,
you know, one hand Cheetos. The other hand, I would
go with the candy bars, and yeah, that's that's my move.
(29:16):
I was working last week with Jason Smith and he
told me that you guys would you guys would make
your walks to the liquor store in between breaks, you
guys would buy at least four cans or four bottles
of coke or whatever you guys are drinking that. Oh yeah, man,
that in the early days of Fox Sports Radio. Yeah,
it was. It was on man. We it was total gluttony.
(29:38):
And yeah, because both me and Jason we were you know,
he was he had a girlfriend, but I didn't even
have a girlfriend. And it was just gorging, right. We
would just gobble, gobble, gobble, and the radio show actually
got in the way of us trying to shovel food
into our mouths uh. And we were like making a
run at Joey Chestnut. It was and all you can
(30:01):
eat buffet. Man. Remember that sandwich shop, Blimpia's. Yeah, we
we were. We were Blimp's. Is that even still around?
Blimpezer is that gone? Is completely gone? Out of business?
But that's an outdated reference. But yeah, we we needed
personal trainers. Jumping Jack's uh you know, push up zoombo whatever.
But we uh we we just had gummy bears, huge
(30:24):
bags of chips, soda. Oh god. And now look at us.
We now we have synthetic beef that's being made. How
about that? We look at me now. I don't even
eat much during the week. I mean I've got I
eat like, uh, you know, I don't etn on Monday.
I don't eat on Wednesday, I do I was. I
don't even on Thursday, so I don't sometimes I don't
(30:46):
even on Sunday. So yeah, I got some weird weird. Yeah,
it's good. I over ate so much. I'm just trying
to equalize, trying to equalize by eating less. Now all right, now,
have you have you gone away from all the fast
food places like in and out, McDonald's, Carl's, JR. Burger King.
(31:07):
Have you have you completely put those? No, I'm not completely.
I will do raising canes, chicken fingers, I will do that.
I will do Wabba grill, which they claim is healthy,
but it's covered in like sugary sauce, so I don't
think it's really healthy. It's good, though, you know, like
wabba grill, it's a local place. I know it's a chain,
I think, but it's just as cal. I think it's
in the West. I think, yeah, it's pretty good. I'll
(31:29):
do that, you know, I have. My dad used to
love Panda Express of all places, so we would go
there with him occasionally. Double orange yeah was the no. No.
I went Orange Beijing beef, all right, Yeah, Orange Beijing
beef would be my chow Maine. I used to be
a rice gap and then I shifted over to the
chow mane. You didn't do mixed Yeah, I meant mostly
(31:51):
to chow Maine. It felt like I was eating vegetables
because there were vegetables mixed in with the noodles. So no, no,
so yeah, uh that's about it. I don't even I
haven't even McDonald's in a long time. I used to
love McDonald's. The fries, Oh that twenty piece nugget and fries.
I was in heaven. Carl's Jr. I'm not gonna lie.
(32:12):
I had Carl's Junior two days ago, and I'm I'm
really disappointed it what you get the six dollar burger?
I just still called the six dollar burger. It's about
twelve dollar burger. I I always get the number four,
which is a double Western bacon cheeseburger, fries and dr Pepper.
And back in the day when I was a kid,
it costs five dollars and ten cents. I got it.
A few days ago was thirteen dollars. Same well yeah, yeah,
(32:35):
and uh that used to drive me crazy. I would
go to Windy's and I knew exactly how much my
I was. I was such a regular customer at Windy's.
I would get the chicken sandwich combo and a six
piece nugget. That was my go to right, and I
knew exactly how much I had to spend. And back
in those days, you know, I had cash. And then
every time they would raise the prices, it would totally
(32:56):
funk up my whole plan because I had you know,
I only brought a certain amount of money. It's like
Tito's tacos here in l A, right. I love Tito's.
It's a it's a guilty pleasure for me. Tito's tacos.
But I used to go there. I could get five
tacos for like eight bucks. Now it's like five dollars
of taco, so it's it's like twenty five dollars for
(33:18):
the same thing that would cost like eight bucks when
I first started going. It's pain. It's pain. I'm not
gonna lie, though, I don't think I'm gonna have I
can't have a number four again. I've had that residual
effects of the double Western bacon cheeseburger for forts. So, oh,
you're getting a old guest un once you turned fifty
and have become problematic and you're way past fifty, man
(33:39):
you are man oh man. That does suck, though, when
you eat something that you enjoy, and it happens every
once in a while, like all on the weekends, I
have this pretty rigorous thing where I fast, and I
fact I've let me, let me brag a little bit.
I'll pull a guest on here. Let me see what
when I'm at here, Mike trying to get to three
sixty five. But I think that is going to be
(34:00):
the rest of my life. I have fasted now. I
have three hundred nine consecutive fast, but it's actually longer
than that because a forty eight hour or a sixty
five hour fast counts is one fast. So I think
I'm actually way over the three nine consecutive fast and
(34:21):
my wife gets a little annoyed because we'll be on
the you know, we're going somewhere on the weekends, and
I'll be like, I can't eat for another four hours
because I ate too late last night. And it's like
this this rush to try to finish. I usually try
to finish eating by eight o'clock because then I can
eat at noon, I can eat lunch the next day,
because that's if I just go sixteen hours on the weekends.
I usually go sixteen or seventeen. But it's sometimes you know,
(34:44):
you're doing stuff and you cannot stop right when you
you want to. So interesting, that makes sense, man, that's uh,
that's impressive. That's streak. That's impressive. And what do you
act on your your streak? You like to brag about
your fast I'm I'm not fast. And this week since
I've have gone off the rails a little bit, I
will I will commence day of the draft. I'll read.
(35:07):
You gotta have discipline, gotta have that discipline. No, no, all, right,
here we go. Pop quiz, pop quiz, pop quiz, pop quiz.
I do a few of these ninety This is stuff
I found on the internet, and I think it's interesting.
So we'll talk about it. Percent of social media users
have unfollowed someone because of this reason. What is it
(35:29):
their politics? No? No, And the reason it's not politics
is because most people only follow people that have the
same thoughts they have, right, But it's someone constantly pitching products.
There's always that an annoying person. Buy my new cologne,
or you should buy this outfit, Like, no, I don't
(35:51):
want to buy that. Don't shove that down my throat.
Say I see that mostly on Instagram. I don't see
it on Twitter, and I'm not on Facebook. So yeah, uh,
what else we have? About one out of three of
us have done this in our sleep? What is it? Sleepwalked? No? No,
(36:11):
sleepwalking is the lower percentage. But send a text message?
No way? How can you tend? How can you do that?
I can understand butt dialing, which is the thing, or
maybe if your phones on the bed somehow, if it's
not locked, you hit the right button and you you
call somebody. But to send a text message, yeah, that's
that's challenging. Yeah, one out of three. It's a pretty
(36:35):
pretty high percentage. Pret high percentage. All right, now, what
is next year? Any meny money? Mo? A new survey
asked people to name the biggest ways they treat their
pets like children. The numbber answer was a tie between
make sure they eat a healthy diet and blank that one, um,
(37:00):
they carry them around as opposed to letting them walk. No,
this involves food. Also, m hm, they let them eat
the food out of their mouth. Well not kind of
sharing food with What the fuck? It's so? You don't
those two go against each other. Isn't that like a
(37:20):
you know, it's like a quite the juxtaposition, because if
a dog is not technically supposed to eat human food, right, So,
if you're number one goal is to make sure your
dog eats a healthy diet, or any pet for that matter,
and then your number two, which is tied with number one,
is sharing the food you're eating when you're not. That
goes counter what you're trying to do with the other things.
(37:42):
Now I've heard I've had people tell me that dog
food is harder for dogs to process than chicken or
vegetables that that we eat. Do you ever feed bella
regular food? No, of course no Bella. Bella is uh
spoiled beyond the leaf the fact that bell has actually
(38:06):
left and run away considering the the diva attention that
she gets is gets is insane already. A new survey
found thirty three pc of people feel guilty when they
do this while shopping. What do they feel guilty about? Um?
(38:28):
Uh do do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Buying looking for coupons?
So they would feel guilty about looking for Cooper Yeah,
uh no, the the it's actually the opposite that of
people corner this new survey felt guilty when they actually
(38:50):
paid full price. All right, yeah, it is one of
the great games. I know. I occasionally will shop at
j C. Penny, which is still around, and their business
model is promo codes, coupons, deals, so you always feel
like you're getting a deal. You always feel and that's
really a smart way to do it. And there's other
(39:12):
stores that do it too. I'm just using j C.
Penny as an example, but it makes you feel like
you're you're getting getting something special, and you're more prone
to buy something if you think you're getting it. My
wife falls for this all the time, will be going
out and what's on sale? We should get it? And
I'm like, well, no, it's not really on sale, it's
it's for sale. That's they're saying it's on sale, but
(39:32):
it doesn't seem like it's that good a deal to me. Now,
the key is to go to when you go to Costco.
It's the the cheat code. We've talked about this before
on the podcast, but the last part of of the
price at Costco, if it's on sale, uh, the there's
a way you can tell based on it. If it's
(39:53):
full price, it's like ninety nine cents at the end,
but then it's like it could be eighty nine or
seventy line and if it's like if it's fifty nine,
it's like I think, I remember, I'm trying to do
this off the top of my head, but I think
it was like fifty nine cents or something like that.
Something really low means it's a clearance item and it's
it's like as low as it's gonna get, and they're
trying to get rid of the products anyway, La la
(40:17):
la la, Here we go. A German Man has the
largest collection of this item in the world. It's something
you often see while you're on vacation postcards. No, those
do not disturb signs, that's great, Yeah, how does one
(40:37):
start going down that rabbit hole? Now? Are you one
of those guys when you check into a hotel or
even on a cruise where you put the do not
disturb sign immediately on your door. Yes. Yes, although my
wife says you can now I guess she's done this occasionally.
Just tell the people you don't want your room clean,
and they'll not they'll not do it. So yeah, but yeah,
(40:58):
I was always praying, right. I put the chain lock
on every lock I could get. I put the do
not disturb sign in there. It's always worried. You need
to be sleeping and somebody to be coming in. And
it did happen a few times when I was doing
the TV stuff at NBC back back in Connecticut. I'd
be sleeping during the day and knock, knock, and they
just come in. It's very awkward. You're in bed and
(41:18):
it's like this weird person with a broom or a
vacuum cleaner, Like, what the going on? Yeah, it's not good.
In the past twenty years, consumption of this item a
triple to eight pounds per person, by the way, is
something I do not eat. You probably eat a lot
(41:39):
of this, but I do not eat ramen, no avocado.
I mean I do eat some of it. But it's
amazing how bad it'll get fast. Yeah, it's also amazing
how expensive the avocad. That is tremendous. Tremendoustrument instruments. All right.
(42:04):
A new survey found fifteent of people were terrified of
these when they were children, and they're still scared of
them today. What are they afraid of? Spiders? No escalators? Yeah,
my my wife actually will she always stands on I
think it's the the left side of the right. So
(42:25):
she has to be holding on because she had an
accident when she was a kid and she like broke
her ankle on an on an escalator, so she's traumatized.
So even like when we go up escalators, she's all
gotta hold onto the side there and all that. I
don't care. I don't give a funk. I'll stand in
the middle. I'm a rebel because I didn't have that incident.
I don't have I'm not scarred like this. So brave
of you. Thank you, your poor wife with PTSD from
(42:46):
an escalator. Not all heroes were capes, some of them,
some of them right escalators in the middle. The the
elevators freaked me out at the malls, though the ones
where you can look out and see people. Oh the
glass elevators, Yeah, yeah, because they would stall when they'd
go up to and you never knew if they would
actually get to their destination. Always, we'll run down to
(43:09):
about seventy of us human beings say that we do
this every time we have dinner at home. Um, we
leave the we don't wash the dishes after we eat.
Now we sit in the same chair. Yeah, I have
my spot. Do you have your spot? Um? No, no,
(43:32):
not really, but all right, we're all creatures of habits.
So don't you generally go to a certain place more
than others sometimes? But are you guilty? Do you eat
your food while standing up after you make it? No?
I don't usually do that, but I I pretty much
just eat on the couch. That's what I mean. I'm hungry,
I'm gonna eat it right after I cook it. If
I'm really really starving. I know you shouldn't do that,
(43:54):
but I'll eat standing up? What a hawser as eaters
were hawsard? Alright. A forty percent of women do this
every single day. The ladies um pluck their eyebrows, No
way themselves plucking eyebrows probably higher here in l A.
(44:18):
But there's a lot of things higher in l A. Then, alright,
of women always carry this in their purse. What is it? Yeah,
mm hmm, mace chocolate. You gotta have a little chocolate.
You gotta have a little a little taste, just a
(44:39):
little taste, a little chocolate. You gotta have a little chocolate.
What else do we have? A new report claims the
average person will wait nearly four months before cleaning this,
which you'd find it's in most homes. I can't imagine
having a home without it. Every apartment has this if
you don't clean it for four months on that to hell? Um,
(45:04):
I don't know what. I don't know. Um stump the swab, uh,
stump the swab, I don't know. All right, clean the refrigerator.
Oh yeah, when's the last time? You don't know? But
you're saying that every apartment has us. I think every
(45:26):
building or house or unit would have it now. Well, no, no,
I watched some of those travel videos on YouTube, and
there are some places that don't have refrigerators. What. Yeah,
there's a whole big world out there, guests, guy, I
guess not everything's like America here, where everyone's got a
refrigerator and Alvin and the whole thing. Yeah, microwave. Yeah, alright.
(45:47):
A new report says that most of us have at
least one of these in our kitchen, and about a
third of us have more than a dozen. What are they?
Um A lighter? Now it actually relates to the refrigerator,
um A water purifier. No, it's too many. He couldn't
(46:11):
have I couldn't have more than a dozen water pureflis
no refrigerator magnets, well, dopey masket, go go go solvinging
and you have the mask the little uh windmill magnet
or whatever. Alright. A new service is roughly two and
five people eight this for breakfast today bacon. That is correct,
(46:37):
you cheated? Alright. Seven percent of people admit they did
this when they were in high school. What is it plagiarized? Well, yeah,
they forged their parents signature. Boom, what's up there? You go?
I did that? Did you do that with your No,
with my mom? Yeah, you wouldn't do that with your dad.
Handcuffs yeah, words, the signature of the head guy over
(47:02):
the L A P D. Yeah, yeah I did that. Yeah,
that would have been that would have been gold. All right.
At of guys in a relationship feel comfortable enough to
do this after three months? What is it, fart? No,
this is something I'm still not comfortable doing, and I've
(47:22):
been married for a number of years. Share their toothbrush? What?
Who the fuck? Yeah? I know right, No, that's no.
You don't share your toothbrush. You don't on every level. No,
you get it. Everyone should have their own colored toothbrush. Uh,
you know you got one over there one. You know,
(47:43):
you could have the white toothbrush, the blue one, the
red one, the green one, the black one, doesn't matter.
But you each get your own color and nobody touches
the other colored toothbrush. That is amazing. That's pretty wild.
That's great. All right, that's it. Guessing on that said,
we put the baby to bed just like that. At
Magical Amazing. We have the Mailbag podcast on Sundays Sundays Sunday.
(48:06):
But if you did not hear Dave Parker again, former
n v P of Baseball, has got a new book out,
So go back and hear the Friday podcast. But have
a great day today, enjoy the rest of the NFL Draft,
and we'll catch you next time. Be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live
(48:28):
editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am
eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the
I Heart Radio app
Ka boom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now swinging a sledge hammer,
bringing the sledge hammer down, just like Dave Parker, who
we had on yesterday. It is the Fifth Hour with
Ben Maller. That's the headline right above the marquis there.
Because four hours a night are not enough. You've told
me more and more and more and more and more.
(00:44):
So now every single day we provide you compelling, marginal commentary,
eight days a week, and we thank you that have
come over from the Overnight show. Although I have heard
from people that have reached out to me who found
this audio kind intent, who are not not radio show listeners,
which is odd to me because this is kind of
(01:05):
just continuation of the radio show. But there are people
that have found this show, at least a few of
them less than five who have contacted me who said
they didn't know about the show, and they now are fans.
And so I'm glad that you've found us here on
the podcast format, the power of podcasting. There's no borders
on podcasting, as you know, and we thank you for
(01:26):
subscribing and five stars five stars. Don't forget if you
want to personalized Mallard style monologue or whatever you want
on cameo dot com. It's not free, but it's it's
pretty pretty reasonable cameo dot com, Ben Maller. I'm not
like the Soup Nazi, where I, you know, make my
entire living off cameo. I don't. It's a little extra
(01:46):
from now and now and again, but personalized video message
is available there and yet again here on a Saturday,
we are joined by David gascon affected dog on in
the hallways rush for the four five. So he's l
d dare stop a little little happy anniversary to me. Uh,
(02:11):
this was a one year to the date. I I
promptly went online and and ordered a an uncut, uncut
and uncooked Tom Hawks State to be delivered to the
Mallard mansion. And yeah, we're one year to the day,
Ben Mallory, that you have had something in your good
graces and you have yet to open the presence. So
(02:32):
you are a piece of shit. As I might say, well,
I appreciate that your birthday, it's behind well no, no, actually,
hey Tommy, we're recording this on my birthday. You just
called me a piece of ship on my birthday, you asshole.
Do you understand you are so pretentious, snotty and conceited.
(02:55):
It's all about you. You know, You're just like Doc Mike.
I had Doc Mike and we did a uh you know,
a couple of ask docs, and he made it all
about him. You. You're unbelievable. You are unsavory, manipulated. We
know you're a social climber and all that, but I
mean that is that's the first time in my life
I've been called a piece of ship on my birthday.
(03:18):
So thank you for that. You checked that box. You
have checked that box. Gascon outstanding. That's good. My final
final breath, I'll think, well, one of the things that
happened in my life that I didn't think what happened? Oh,
I know a guy who I worked with calling me
a piece of ship on my birthday that I didn't
expect to have that happened you colossal Jackass's good Dare
(03:43):
you you know how much time I spent production wise
into putting not one, but two videos for you. Oh,
let me get my violin out. Let me get my
tiny violin d digital birthday cards that did from other
We play the smallest violin I can get. I don't
know what this is. This is a sob stories with this,
(04:06):
you're telling a sobs Oh I had to edit a
video together. Oh my god, I was working on a
day that I do not work, and I was. Let
me tell you, yes, my heart bleeds for you. Yeah
it should. I'm shedding tears their crocodile tears, actually thinking
of heart. I actually learned something fascinating the other day
(04:28):
about about the heart. Um, you don't have one. You
you no longer have heart. That you're a heartless bastard
who just called a guy on his birthday piece of Yet.
Did you know that that grapefruits can actually help remove
plaque from your body? Uh? That sounds like something Doc
Mike would throw out, but it does. Listen. Doc told me,
(04:52):
if you want to go a little longer in the bedroom,
just eat macadamia nuts. He told that was a secret
every after it's not chocolate of macadae, no macadamia nuts
and uh, which I used to eat those as a kid.
I don't think he did much for me. But and
then as a what else is doctor? You know? The
pineapple fruit smoothie? Yeah? Yeah, Doc told me off the air.
(05:14):
I talked to him the other day and he said, Ben,
I'm gonna live to be a hundred and twenty because
I do the pineapple fruit smoothie. So yeah, yeah, I got.
He's in his mid seventies stock and uh, he looks
like he's in his fifties. He's doing pretty well. I
wouldn't drink my own piss, but he's doing pretty well.
That's good. That's good for him. And as he's still
in Chicago. Oh yeah, he's back in Chicago. Yeah. He
(05:37):
he is as authentic Chicago is deep Dish pizza and
that Italian beef sandwich to Chicago is famous for. I mean,
he just he is the walking, talking cliche of Chicago.
When you hear him talk, he sounds like Doc sounds
like one of the characters from that old Saturday Night Lives. Yeah,
(05:57):
imitation of like did with what the country is slowly
coming back to its normal state. Are you? Uh? Do
you have a trip to Chicago or Philadelphia or New
York or Boston on the uh? On the front, there's
nothing on the agenda as of now, but I will
likely get to Wisconsin. And when I go to Wisconsin,
(06:19):
I would likely just fly into Chicago because it's cheaper
and I'm frugal, and I'll fly into Chicago, spend a
couple of days in Chicago, and then make the drive
up to Appleton, Wisconsin and uh, you know, see my
my younger brother who's lived in Appleton for a number
of years there, and I think we'll have a Mallard
brother reunion. So I'll get my brother from the East Coast.
(06:41):
We'll meet centrally there in Wisconsin. But we have nothing schedules,
a lot of other things going on, so I'm hoping
that will happen later this summer, but there's no there's
no guarantee. Also, I'm supposed to go to Florida for something,
but I don't know if that's gonna happen either. So
to relocate i'd be great. It would be the first thing.
The first thing they'll tell you if you ever make
(07:03):
it big. Not that you've made a big guest. The
first thing they tell you, moved to Florida, Right, jeter Man,
he got caught for like tax evasion because he claimed
his residency in Florida. Well, the famous story. I have
a friend whose buddies with Matt Drudge, the political the
political political guy. And when the Drudge Report hit, Matt
Drudge was living in Los Angeles and he would put
(07:26):
the Drudge Report together at a coffee shop in in
like West Hollywood. And then during the Clinton like Monica
Lewinsky days, this became this huge deal and he started
making just a ton of money. And the first thing
they told him, as the story was passed on second
hand to me, moved to Florida. If you want to
(07:46):
keep that money, moved to Florida. You can't keep that
money from California. And it's even worse now, I mean,
think about but it's not just California, but it's pretty
much anywhere that has the you know, New York, the
same way they tell you to move to Florida, New Jersey. Yeah,
And after a couple of days ago, with the joint
addressed to the Congress, I'm meant too, I'm done too,
comfortable with where our our country is going in terms
(08:08):
of taxes. What was that old saying no taxation without
what representation? We don't have any kind of representation here
in California right now. It's like take take, takee, takee, take,
and don't fucking mind me. Like so, Ronald Reagan. When
I was a kid, it was, you know, trickled down
economics always a big thing. So what what is the Biden?
(08:29):
You start in the middle and then explode. Is that
what he's planning or at the bottom, and you know,
shoot it up and don't forget. When you die, then
your ass is gonna get a taxed too, with the
death tax, multiple death taxes. So well that's why not
that I would say, you know this, it's nothing illegal.
But if you start a trust, yes that's the move
there if you actually have any money. If you don't
(08:49):
have any money, who cares. But if you can start
a family trust, and you know what I get everyone
else we uhould goof on trust fund babies and things
like that. When I was a kid, oh you're a
trust fund baby. But now I was an adult, I'm like,
whoa that the way to go, right, because you want actually,
if you, you work your life, maybe you're lucky enough
to save a few bucks before you check out. You
want to pass that on to the next generation, or
(09:10):
give it to charity, whatever. But and they don't. The
government comes in there and just like a battering ram
and they take it. But if you have a trust,
you can keep that money and pass that on to
somebody else. That's the way to get and people forget
O J. Simpson. He was found not guilty in his
criminal trial, but he was found guilty in the civil suit. Well,
(09:31):
the Goldman's have had a horrible time trying to collect
on that money. The reason why is because all that
money is protected in his real estate and his trust
in Florida. Yeah, and o J is making um I
was gonna say a killing, but that would be inappropriate.
But he's he's doing very he's doing very well. He's
got the NFL pension, the football pension, which is not great,
(09:54):
but then all the real estate that he made doing
those commercials back back in the day, for sure, And
all of a sudden he's on social media defending police officers,
like what kind of fucked up world do we live?
Double double homicide? Well he should really O J b
be supporting bad prosecutors is what he gparting, because that's
(10:16):
the most important part of that whole o J dynamic
shoddy prosecution, which is why o J while we're doing
this podcast, is playing golf. Okay, So it's I am
good because you get people all right now they're sending
fund the police. I am good if you defunded the police,
just as long as you defunded the Department of Justice.
(10:38):
It just feels like the Department of Justice runs rough
shot over whoever the funk they want, and it's not
blind at all. It is just one way or the other.
God forbid. I'm kind of curious to see what's gonna
happen with really Giuliani. And this is the same dude
that took down the mafia back in the day, and
you have the FEDS rating his apartment in New York
(10:59):
just a couple days ago. Yeah, well, you know that
famous the scales of justice, right, justice is blind, which
you referred to. If you were to update that, you
would have instead of a blindfold, you would have binoculars
instead of the blindfold, one color, one color. Unbelievable. A
(11:20):
chance to watch the joint address to Congress a couple
of days ago. You know, I did not, actually I
I'm not a I don't think Joe Biden is a
very compelling speaker. I should have actually watched it, but
I was doing something else that night, so I did
not check it out. I did I did see some clips.
I did see some clips that of course, the clips
(11:40):
are the most polarizing things, and so that that of
course upset me, as you would imagine. So, but it
plays right into your show because you've had and I
forget who it was, but you've had a couple of
athletes that have had just the greatest sound bites because
it's nothing but cliche. Oh yeah, well Scott Pott, Sidnik,
the king of cliches, the gold standard. Just take it
(12:00):
one game at a time, you know, and all and
he just went on and on. He did like sixteen
or seventeen in a row, rattat tat. Yeah. I think
I think President Biden had a great night of platitudes.
I thought it was fun filled with platitudes. I just
felt like I needed to hug somebody. I feel like
I needed to hug somebody, just close and hold them tight.
While Joe Biden was given US a joint address to
(12:21):
the Congress, not the State of the Union, but a
joint address to the Congress. I thought it was fun,
filled with platitudes. Yeah, it's very similar the State of
the Union addresses too, like the the NFL draft which
is going on this weekend. Right, there's a language, there's
a lexicon. Yeah, like you make a few of those
(12:41):
together and you know the jargon. And once you know
the jargon, you can I could sound like a president
if you gave me, you know, thirty forty minutes to
write a speech as the president in the native tongue
as a president, I could give you a presidential ease
type type speech. You know the language and the words,
(13:03):
and you know, we want to bring everyone together right now,
Biden went off script because normally you never say we
want to raise taxes, so that that was, that was
a lone wolf situation. Normally would not not do that.
We can't we can't build back better. We have to
build back better. It was exactly what he said last
night too. That was that jumped out to me too
(13:25):
last night. I thought that was actually a few days ago. Yeah,
well yeah, I mean it's fresh my mind. So interesting.
But the power of social media. It's front and center,
you have you have that, And then you had Twitter
trending with Tim Scott calling him uncle him, you know,
like God forbid, you know, like Lebron James and social
media account is safe taking a shot at an officer.
(13:47):
He's fine people calling out Tim Scott. He's good to go.
But yeah, you know, if it's one way, it's okay.
If it's the other way, not so much. It's a
it's a wild world that we're in. The great thing.
They have no shame in their game. The people that
are on Twitter, they're like, no, no, this they always have.
There's always an excuse they always Well, all since Lebron
(14:08):
deleted the tweet where he docks the police officer and
threatened him, was really nothing we can do, so not
so I guess Trump should have just deleted. President Trump
should have just deleted all of his tweets, and then
right after he sent him like five minutes later. So, well,
you know, there's one thing you can do. It's not
on our platform anymore. Yeah, he's not apologetic though, he's
not abashed. Yeah. Well, how about our guy Leo Terrell,
(14:30):
friend of the podcast The Great Leo Terrell throwing some
haymakers at Lebron. I love that. I had a smile there.
Leo too, if he missed it. He revealed that a
black police officer wanted to meet with Lebron about his
issues with the police, and Lebron check in it. No no, no,
no no no. So I guess Lebron doesn't really want
(14:50):
checks and balances. Uh, he just wants to to lob
molotov cocktails and stand off on the side and not
to be part of the solution, you know. I mean,
it's easier to go that route because you're protected, you're insulated,
and you could run as wild as you want and
no one's gonna hold you accountable. It's just that's how
with a good conversation last week with Ryan Leaf, and
(15:12):
we talked about that with Kaepernick, like, yeah, you could
have one message, but all of a sudden gets deluded
when you start throwing other shit out there because you
go off the track. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
PM Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
(15:34):
Radio app. Yeah, there's no, there's no question but that
that Lebron thing. Yeah. Combine that with his fight for
the you know, the people make everything better, you know,
for the lower you know man, and then in China
where he's like totally in bed with the Chinese government.
It's it's fascinating, totally out hypocritical. But speaking of being
(15:56):
in bed, I I forgot to tell you this. Uh,
the the day you realize I had to stay up
an extra two hours to put together your birthday videos,
your digital birthday cards. I expected some thank yous. I
expected probably a call to say I appreciate it. Um,
you know, like I was there for you when you're
(16:16):
in the hospital. I was there when you burned your
mouth last season. You didn't come to the hush. You
never visited me in the hospital for your birthday. I
was in the You never showed up to the hospital.
I did. I've been in the hospital a couple of
times since I've met you, and you didn't show up
either time. Well I was I thought about it. Yeah,
you thought, okay, Well that's that's like my dad. My dad.
(16:38):
I he never visited me in the hospital. I was
in that surgery, the gallbladder, and uh he told me, well,
I don't really like those places, like, well, I don't either.
So the COVID thing was perfect for my dad because no, like,
if I would go to the hospital, I was like, well,
I can't visit you know, I'd like to visit you,
but I can't, you know, because of the COVID things.
So that's true. That is all right. So I got
(17:00):
a I got a couple of things that you have
something else. Stay with Dave Parker. Yeah, I mean, I
know you have your nicknames, but Cobra is up there.
And the best part is the way that he taught us.
His ship never stank, it sounded like and he was
just a fucking ball player, which I love. Oh yeah,
(17:21):
I was a big fan of Dave party. That's why
I was excited to have mine. I always et played
in forever since the early nineties. But yeah, uh yeah,
I mean, he he had style. And I told the story,
you know, the sledge hammer when I was a kid,
like remember going to you know, young guys going to
Angel games and and just weren't very good that Dave
Parker and Dave Winfield, but they weren't particularly good. And
(17:43):
and I remember getting down near the on deck circle
and and Dave Parker was like a bigger than life
as he swung the sledge hammer and the on deck
circle and I'm like, what, it's awesome, Man's it was
like really cool, man, It's like four or something like that.
But Flor's hammer. Could you imagine if you're a fan
in Pittsburgh to have the balls though, to throw some
(18:04):
bolts and nuts at him? Yeah, that is astronomically crazy.
You hear stories like I don't want I was, you know,
around the Dodgers back at Candlestick, they would throw batteries
and things. I don't in Philadelphia they did that. But yeah,
you fill a sock, that's a weapon. You could kill someone, Yes,
you could kill them. I remember when the Broncos did
that to the Raiders back in the day of those
(18:25):
snowballs they pack, they'd pack batteries in them and then
fire them and hit him in the head. I just
I can't imagine that. I imagine doing that nowadays, No way.
I mean you'd be prosecuted obviously, well you would be prosecuted,
but I wouldn't be shocked if that stuff still occasionally
takes place. There's always the Yahoo out there, and that's
(18:46):
why I love HBO. They do some great documentaries. But
they would do some features on the Broad Street Bullies,
the old school Philadelphia Flyers and how the Philadelphia Spectrum
was an absolute zoo, not because of all the the
goal activity on the eyes, but they'd just be melee's
in the stands of the Spectrum and people did not
give a fuck. I mean, the Great Western form was
(19:09):
like that on occasions for Lakers and Kings games, but
I don't think I think it pales in comparison to
what was the greatness of Philadelphia back in the day. Well,
the Philadelphia sports fan is it's like a part animal,
you know, part beast, part human, the Philly that's the
reputation and the Yeah. I remember seeing UH in a
(19:32):
story about the Philly Fanatic, Dave Raymond, the guy that
became the Philly Fanatic, and like what he was doing
and what he was walking into in Philadelphia when the
fanatic was born as a mascot, and how he had
to entertain the animals, right, the deplorable fans of the
Phillies and UH, and he he was able to pull
(19:53):
it off, and the greatest mascot of them all. But man,
you go in there and you're you mean you people
are vomiting on you. I mean, it's just it's just terrible.
It's wretched and uh and you go out. You have
the clown costume on through all the Mayhem, chaos and anarchy.
And he pulled it off because you had the you
(20:14):
have the seventies six years, you had the Flyers obviously,
and then of course you go to the vet for
the Phillies. Well, the Eagles is the most legendary and
they were the first team to have NFL jail at
the stadium. I remember that was like a big deal.
It's like, wait a minute, you've got a judge. There's
so many people getting arrested at Eagle games that you
have to have a court, like a little mini courthouse
(20:37):
in the in the stadium. I mean, what's what was
that all about? It's crazy. I wish our court system
was quicker like that nowadays. Oh yeah, and now it's
a bridge to nowhere. Now. It's like that I've said,
it was like that Homer Simpson, Not Homer, it's um,
Grandpa Simpson. You know that famous meme where he walks in,
(20:57):
puts his hat down, circles back, grabs his hat and
his jacket, walks out. That's pretty much what it's like
when you go to court for most things that you're
in and out. It's like, that's what a hamburger is
all about. That's what the justice system is all about.
So I've got haunted Mansion. Uh, We've got a monster
Mash Monster Mash, and a brief pop quiz, but let's
(21:19):
start out with the Haunted Mansion. So it was an
interesting week. I have not I don't believe I've told
this story before, so I'll tell it right here. I
saved it for the podcast. So the other night I
was doing the radio show per Normal from the remote
Fox Sports Radio studio here at the Mallard Mansion. And
in one of the time outs we don't have breaks,
but one of the timeouts where they might or might
not be playing commercials, I heard this like clawing at
(21:42):
the door. I have a door that goes outside from
my studio, and you know, it's the middle of the night,
and I'm shaking my head. I'm like, what the fuck
is that? Uh? So I go to the door I
peek out the window to see what's going huh. I
see nothing but darkness, all right. So I'm like, okay,
(22:04):
it was just my imagination or whatever it was went away.
And then about ten fifteen minutes later, I take my
headphones off and happens again, and I'm like, holy fuck,
what is going on? So again I look outside. All
I see is darkness. I see nothing like zippo. And
(22:26):
so picture if you will, a world where it sounds
for a few seconds like you're hearing this ferocious beast
who's trying to break the door down to get into
your studio, but you don't see anything. I just think
about that. It's like it's like like Poultergeist or something
like that. So at this point I was starting to
(22:47):
think that I was in some kind of like secret
dimension like a sci fi show. I can go full
rod Sterling. You probably don't even know who Rod Sterling is,
right of course, they do, go, why don't you all? Right?
Here we go? Here we go. In my rod Stilling,
there is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known
to man. It is a dimension as vast as space
(23:09):
and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light,
and shadow, between science and superstition. And it lies between
the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge.
This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area
(23:29):
we call the twilight zone. And and and and and
and and and and and that's good. It's good. A righting.
You're part of a documentary here too. I could tell now,
as Paul Harvey would say, good day, the rest all
the story, So that wild beast at the end of
the show, I grabbed the flashlight. I said, you know what,
(23:50):
I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna catch this
wild beast. So I I manned up and went outside.
I you want to take a guess what it was.
I'm hopeful that it was a snake. I mean snake,
A snake banging on the door. Yes, um, I'm gonna
say it was a skunk. That's what I thought it was.
(24:14):
It turns out. I walked out, I looked to the
to the right, I didn't see anything. I looked to
the middle, I didn't see anything. I looked to the left,
and staring back at me, shivering was my dog, Bella. Bella.
I had been moving stuff. We had we had been
(24:35):
moving some things around the house out to the mallanmobile,
and I guess lost in the shuffle, Bella had snuck out.
And I did the math on this. I did the
Mallar math on this guestcount and Bella, my dog, ended
up spending roughly six or seven hours outside. Am I
talking about the backyard? This was to the front. The
(24:55):
Bella could have run could have been three miles away
for all I know. And unlike previous situations when she
did wander off, she did not go on a sojourn
around the neighborhood, or if she did, she came back
and she was sitting there outside my studio. Listen. She
must have been listening to the entire show, just waiting
(25:16):
for me to shut up the big mouth that I am.
So I feel like I dodged a bullet on that one.
It's funny because we actually talked about this situation and
Bella last week. Yeah, you had a situation like a
few years ago where you actually had her outside for
a long period of time. Yeah, I mean this has
happened where she's she's gone out and about, but this
(25:39):
was a whild She's like jumping and knocking against the
door and she would do that kind of stuff in
the house, and I just figured she was in the house.
No more, she sleeps when I'm on the air, because
why wouldn't you. But that was that was just saying
now the monster mash moving on, all right, the monster
mash big thanks to Phil in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Now why
(26:00):
must I thank Phil in Cambridge, Massachusetts? Because Phil is
the hot dog benefactor. He's my dog dealer. He's my
dog dealer. Now. I have long said Gascon that the
greatest hot dog that I've had in the ballpark is
the Monster Dog, the Finway Monster Dog. It trumps the
(26:22):
Dodger dog. The hot dogs in Cleveland are pretty good,
you know, New York whatever, But the Monster dog is
the perfect dog. And it's and and so you know,
I don't I don't get the Boston that much. And
this guy lives that right there in the belly of
the beast. And so he hooked hooked me up with
some Finway Monster Dogs and send those out with some
(26:45):
dry ice there. And he's been doing this for years.
I didn't happen last year because of the whole the
whole nonsense with with the COVID. But uh yeah, every
summer at the Mallard mansion. It's a guilty pleasure, you know.
You know, a few times during the summer, and a
couple of times every month, I'll be out grilling the dogs,
the Finway Monster Dogs, watching some baseball. Now, are you
(27:06):
are you the type that loads up the hot dog?
Are you going catchup mustard, Sarah Kroud, onions, bell peppers?
Are are you? Do you have your regular Well that's
a great question, uha, Reilily, You're on the pulse of
the people there with that question. So what I have done,
guest gun? Originally I was just a catchup guy, but
then people would shame me for being a ketchup guy.
(27:28):
So then I go, I go a line of ketchup,
line of mustard, back to back, so I I create
like this pin stripe effect on the dog where I
go back with and I I've only been open to
onions occasionally. I'm not against it, not into sauer Kraut
at all. I've taken a strong anti sauer Kraud position.
But yeah, and to me, a hot dog, if it's
(27:50):
properly made, you don't need all that crap on top
of it. A properly cooked hot dog. The proper amount
of grilling and char on it. Oh man, what what
about barbecue sauce? Yeah, I'm not a barbecue honey mustard.
I've done honey mustard on the hot dog. Um, I've
also here's a veteran move. Rather than put the toppings
(28:11):
on top of the dog, you could do the old dipsy,
do the dip, right, do the dip. Then every bite
is covered in whatever kind of sauce you want to
put on. That's not bad now, my my fat days,
I would do that with babe, you were never fat?
What are you talking about? I would do I would
(28:31):
do that with bagels and cream cheese. I would dunk
the I would dunk the bagel into the cream cheese,
not spread it with a knife like a normal human being.
I would get cream cheese and just get a buttlet
of cream cheese. And all the things we all did
when we were at our fattest was just just simply
(28:55):
I would standing. I remember I would when I was
living as a bachelor, I would get a giant bag
of Cheetos and like two or three of those giant
oversized Hershey bars with almonds, and I just like double fist,
you know, one hand Cheetos. The other hand, I would
go with the candy bars, and yeah, that's that's my move.
(29:16):
I was working last week with Jason Smith and he
told me that you guys would you guys would make
your walks to the liquor store in between breaks, you
guys would buy at least four cans or four bottles
of coke or whatever you guys are drinking that. Oh yeah, man,
that in the early days of Fox Sports Radio. Yeah,
it was. It was on man. We it was total gluttony.
(29:38):
And yeah, because both me and Jason we were you know,
he was he had a girlfriend, but I didn't even
have a girlfriend. And it was just gorging, right. We
would just gobble, gobble, gobble, and the radio show actually
got in the way of us trying to shovel food
into our mouths uh. And we were like making a
run at Joey Chestnut. It was and all you can
(30:01):
eat buffet. Man. Remember that sandwich shop, Blimpia's. Yeah, we
we were. We were Blimp's. Is that even still around?
Blimpezer is that gone? Is completely gone? Out of business?
But that's an outdated reference. But yeah, we we needed
personal trainers. Jumping Jack's uh you know, push up zoombo whatever.
But we uh we we just had gummy bears, huge
(30:24):
bags of chips, soda. Oh god. And now look at us.
We now we have synthetic beef that's being made. How
about that? We look at me now. I don't even
eat much during the week. I mean I've got I
eat like, uh, you know, I don't etn on Monday.
I don't eat on Wednesday, I do I was. I
don't even on Thursday, so I don't sometimes I don't
(30:46):
even on Sunday. So yeah, I got some weird weird. Yeah,
it's good. I over ate so much. I'm just trying
to equalize, trying to equalize by eating less. Now all right, now,
have you have you gone away from all the fast
food places like in and out, McDonald's, Carl's, JR. Burger King.
(31:07):
Have you have you completely put those? No, I'm not completely.
I will do raising canes, chicken fingers, I will do that.
I will do Wabba grill, which they claim is healthy,
but it's covered in like sugary sauce, so I don't
think it's really healthy. It's good, though, you know, like
wabba grill, it's a local place. I know it's a chain,
I think, but it's just as cal. I think it's
in the West. I think, yeah, it's pretty good. I'll
(31:29):
do that, you know, I have. My dad used to
love Panda Express of all places, so we would go
there with him occasionally. Double orange yeah was the no. No.
I went Orange Beijing beef, all right, Yeah, Orange Beijing
beef would be my chow Maine. I used to be
a rice gap and then I shifted over to the
chow mane. You didn't do mixed Yeah, I meant mostly
(31:51):
to chow Maine. It felt like I was eating vegetables
because there were vegetables mixed in with the noodles. So no, no,
so yeah, uh that's about it. I don't even I
haven't even McDonald's in a long time. I used to
love McDonald's. The fries, Oh that twenty piece nugget and fries.
I was in heaven. Carl's Jr. I'm not gonna lie.
(32:12):
I had Carl's Junior two days ago, and I'm I'm
really disappointed it what you get the six dollar burger?
I just still called the six dollar burger. It's about
twelve dollar burger. I I always get the number four,
which is a double Western bacon cheeseburger, fries and dr Pepper.
And back in the day when I was a kid,
it costs five dollars and ten cents. I got it.
A few days ago was thirteen dollars. Same well yeah, yeah,
(32:35):
and uh that used to drive me crazy. I would
go to Windy's and I knew exactly how much my
I was. I was such a regular customer at Windy's.
I would get the chicken sandwich combo and a six
piece nugget. That was my go to right, and I
knew exactly how much I had to spend. And back
in those days, you know, I had cash. And then
every time they would raise the prices, it would totally
(32:56):
funk up my whole plan because I had you know,
I only brought a certain amount of money. It's like
Tito's tacos here in l A, right. I love Tito's.
It's a it's a guilty pleasure for me. Tito's tacos.
But I used to go there. I could get five
tacos for like eight bucks. Now it's like five dollars
of taco, so it's it's like twenty five dollars for
(33:18):
the same thing that would cost like eight bucks when
I first started going. It's pain. It's pain. I'm not
gonna lie, though, I don't think I'm gonna have I
can't have a number four again. I've had that residual
effects of the double Western bacon cheeseburger for forts. So, oh,
you're getting a old guest un once you turned fifty
and have become problematic and you're way past fifty, man
(33:39):
you are man oh man. That does suck, though, when
you eat something that you enjoy, and it happens every
once in a while, like all on the weekends, I
have this pretty rigorous thing where I fast, and I
fact I've let me, let me brag a little bit.
I'll pull a guest on here. Let me see what
when I'm at here, Mike trying to get to three
sixty five. But I think that is going to be
(34:00):
the rest of my life. I have fasted now. I
have three hundred nine consecutive fast, but it's actually longer
than that because a forty eight hour or a sixty
five hour fast counts is one fast. So I think
I'm actually way over the three nine consecutive fast and
(34:21):
my wife gets a little annoyed because we'll be on
the you know, we're going somewhere on the weekends, and
I'll be like, I can't eat for another four hours
because I ate too late last night. And it's like
this this rush to try to finish. I usually try
to finish eating by eight o'clock because then I can
eat at noon, I can eat lunch the next day,
because that's if I just go sixteen hours on the weekends.
I usually go sixteen or seventeen. But it's sometimes you know,
(34:44):
you're doing stuff and you cannot stop right when you
you want to. So interesting, that makes sense, man, that's uh,
that's impressive. That's streak. That's impressive. And what do you
act on your your streak? You like to brag about
your fast I'm I'm not fast. And this week since
I've have gone off the rails a little bit, I
will I will commence day of the draft. I'll read.
(35:07):
You gotta have discipline, gotta have that discipline. No, no, all, right,
here we go. Pop quiz, pop quiz, pop quiz, pop quiz.
I do a few of these ninety This is stuff
I found on the internet, and I think it's interesting.
So we'll talk about it. Percent of social media users
have unfollowed someone because of this reason. What is it
(35:29):
their politics? No? No, And the reason it's not politics
is because most people only follow people that have the
same thoughts they have, right, But it's someone constantly pitching products.
There's always that an annoying person. Buy my new cologne,
or you should buy this outfit, Like, no, I don't
(35:51):
want to buy that. Don't shove that down my throat.
Say I see that mostly on Instagram. I don't see
it on Twitter, and I'm not on Facebook. So yeah, uh,
what else we have? About one out of three of
us have done this in our sleep? What is it? Sleepwalked? No? No,
(36:11):
sleepwalking is the lower percentage. But send a text message?
No way? How can you tend? How can you do that?
I can understand butt dialing, which is the thing, or
maybe if your phones on the bed somehow, if it's
not locked, you hit the right button and you you
call somebody. But to send a text message, yeah, that's
that's challenging. Yeah, one out of three. It's a pretty
(36:35):
pretty high percentage. Pret high percentage. All right, now, what
is next year? Any meny money? Mo? A new survey
asked people to name the biggest ways they treat their
pets like children. The numbber answer was a tie between
make sure they eat a healthy diet and blank that one, um,
(37:00):
they carry them around as opposed to letting them walk. No,
this involves food. Also, m hm, they let them eat
the food out of their mouth. Well not kind of
sharing food with What the fuck? It's so? You don't
those two go against each other. Isn't that like a
(37:20):
you know, it's like a quite the juxtaposition, because if
a dog is not technically supposed to eat human food, right, So,
if you're number one goal is to make sure your
dog eats a healthy diet, or any pet for that matter,
and then your number two, which is tied with number one,
is sharing the food you're eating when you're not. That
goes counter what you're trying to do with the other things.
(37:42):
Now I've heard I've had people tell me that dog
food is harder for dogs to process than chicken or
vegetables that that we eat. Do you ever feed bella
regular food? No, of course no Bella. Bella is uh
spoiled beyond the leaf the fact that bell has actually
(38:06):
left and run away considering the the diva attention that
she gets is gets is insane already. A new survey
found thirty three pc of people feel guilty when they
do this while shopping. What do they feel guilty about? Um?
(38:28):
Uh do do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Buying looking for coupons?
So they would feel guilty about looking for Cooper Yeah,
uh no, the the it's actually the opposite that of
people corner this new survey felt guilty when they actually
(38:50):
paid full price. All right, yeah, it is one of
the great games. I know. I occasionally will shop at
j C. Penny, which is still around, and their business
model is promo codes, coupons, deals, so you always feel
like you're getting a deal. You always feel and that's
really a smart way to do it. And there's other
(39:12):
stores that do it too. I'm just using j C.
Penny as an example, but it makes you feel like
you're you're getting getting something special, and you're more prone
to buy something if you think you're getting it. My
wife falls for this all the time, will be going
out and what's on sale? We should get it? And
I'm like, well, no, it's not really on sale, it's
it's for sale. That's they're saying it's on sale, but
(39:32):
it doesn't seem like it's that good a deal to me. Now,
the key is to go to when you go to Costco.
It's the the cheat code. We've talked about this before
on the podcast, but the last part of of the
price at Costco, if it's on sale, uh, the there's
a way you can tell based on it. If it's
(39:53):
full price, it's like ninety nine cents at the end,
but then it's like it could be eighty nine or
seventy line and if it's like if it's fifty nine,
it's like I think, I remember, I'm trying to do
this off the top of my head, but I think
it was like fifty nine cents or something like that.
Something really low means it's a clearance item and it's
it's like as low as it's gonna get, and they're
trying to get rid of the products anyway, La la
(40:17):
la la, Here we go. A German Man has the
largest collection of this item in the world. It's something
you often see while you're on vacation postcards. No, those
do not disturb signs, that's great, Yeah, how does one
(40:37):
start going down that rabbit hole? Now? Are you one
of those guys when you check into a hotel or
even on a cruise where you put the do not
disturb sign immediately on your door. Yes. Yes, although my
wife says you can now I guess she's done this occasionally.
Just tell the people you don't want your room clean,
and they'll not they'll not do it. So yeah, but yeah,
(40:58):
I was always praying, right. I put the chain lock
on every lock I could get. I put the do
not disturb sign in there. It's always worried. You need
to be sleeping and somebody to be coming in. And
it did happen a few times when I was doing
the TV stuff at NBC back back in Connecticut. I'd
be sleeping during the day and knock, knock, and they
just come in. It's very awkward. You're in bed and
(41:18):
it's like this weird person with a broom or a
vacuum cleaner, Like, what the going on? Yeah, it's not good.
In the past twenty years, consumption of this item a
triple to eight pounds per person, by the way, is
something I do not eat. You probably eat a lot
(41:39):
of this, but I do not eat ramen, no avocado.
I mean I do eat some of it. But it's
amazing how bad it'll get fast. Yeah, it's also amazing
how expensive the avocad. That is tremendous. Tremendoustrument instruments. All right.
(42:04):
A new survey found fifteent of people were terrified of
these when they were children, and they're still scared of
them today. What are they afraid of? Spiders? No escalators? Yeah,
my my wife actually will she always stands on I
think it's the the left side of the right. So
(42:25):
she has to be holding on because she had an
accident when she was a kid and she like broke
her ankle on an on an escalator, so she's traumatized.
So even like when we go up escalators, she's all
gotta hold onto the side there and all that. I
don't care. I don't give a funk. I'll stand in
the middle. I'm a rebel because I didn't have that incident.
I don't have I'm not scarred like this. So brave
of you. Thank you, your poor wife with PTSD from
(42:46):
an escalator. Not all heroes were capes, some of them,
some of them right escalators in the middle. The the
elevators freaked me out at the malls, though the ones
where you can look out and see people. Oh the
glass elevators, Yeah, yeah, because they would stall when they'd
go up to and you never knew if they would
actually get to their destination. Always, we'll run down to
(43:09):
about seventy of us human beings say that we do
this every time we have dinner at home. Um, we
leave the we don't wash the dishes after we eat.
Now we sit in the same chair. Yeah, I have
my spot. Do you have your spot? Um? No, no,
(43:32):
not really, but all right, we're all creatures of habits.
So don't you generally go to a certain place more
than others sometimes? But are you guilty? Do you eat
your food while standing up after you make it? No?
I don't usually do that, but I I pretty much
just eat on the couch. That's what I mean. I'm hungry,
I'm gonna eat it right after I cook it. If
I'm really really starving. I know you shouldn't do that,
(43:54):
but I'll eat standing up? What a hawser as eaters
were hawsard? Alright. A forty percent of women do this
every single day. The ladies um pluck their eyebrows, No
way themselves plucking eyebrows probably higher here in l A.
(44:18):
But there's a lot of things higher in l A. Then, alright,
of women always carry this in their purse. What is it? Yeah,
mm hmm, mace chocolate. You gotta have a little chocolate.
You gotta have a little a little taste, just a
(44:39):
little taste, a little chocolate. You gotta have a little chocolate.
What else do we have? A new report claims the
average person will wait nearly four months before cleaning this,
which you'd find it's in most homes. I can't imagine
having a home without it. Every apartment has this if
you don't clean it for four months on that to hell? Um,
(45:04):
I don't know what. I don't know. Um stump the swab, uh,
stump the swab, I don't know. All right, clean the refrigerator.
Oh yeah, when's the last time? You don't know? But
you're saying that every apartment has us. I think every
(45:26):
building or house or unit would have it now. Well, no, no,
I watched some of those travel videos on YouTube, and
there are some places that don't have refrigerators. What. Yeah,
there's a whole big world out there, guests, guy, I
guess not everything's like America here, where everyone's got a
refrigerator and Alvin and the whole thing. Yeah, microwave. Yeah, alright.
(45:47):
A new report says that most of us have at
least one of these in our kitchen, and about a
third of us have more than a dozen. What are they?
Um A lighter? Now it actually relates to the refrigerator,
um A water purifier. No, it's too many. He couldn't
(46:11):
have I couldn't have more than a dozen water pureflis
no refrigerator magnets, well, dopey masket, go go go solvinging
and you have the mask the little uh windmill magnet
or whatever. Alright. A new service is roughly two and
five people eight this for breakfast today bacon. That is correct,
(46:37):
you cheated? Alright. Seven percent of people admit they did
this when they were in high school. What is it plagiarized? Well, yeah,
they forged their parents signature. Boom, what's up there? You go?
I did that? Did you do that with your No,
with my mom? Yeah, you wouldn't do that with your dad.
Handcuffs yeah, words, the signature of the head guy over
(47:02):
the L A P D. Yeah, yeah I did that. Yeah,
that would have been that would have been gold. All right.
At of guys in a relationship feel comfortable enough to
do this after three months? What is it, fart? No,
this is something I'm still not comfortable doing, and I've
(47:22):
been married for a number of years. Share their toothbrush? What?
Who the fuck? Yeah? I know right, No, that's no.
You don't share your toothbrush. You don't on every level. No,
you get it. Everyone should have their own colored toothbrush. Uh,
you know you got one over there one. You know,
(47:43):
you could have the white toothbrush, the blue one, the
red one, the green one, the black one, doesn't matter.
But you each get your own color and nobody touches
the other colored toothbrush. That is amazing. That's pretty wild.
That's great. All right, that's it. Guessing on that said,
we put the baby to bed just like that. At
Magical Amazing. We have the Mailbag podcast on Sundays Sundays Sunday.
(48:06):
But if you did not hear Dave Parker again, former
n v P of Baseball, has got a new book out,
So go back and hear the Friday podcast. But have
a great day today, enjoy the rest of the NFL Draft,
and we'll catch you next time. Be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live
(48:28):
editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am
eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the
I Heart Radio app
Host
Ben Maller
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