April 25, 2021 • 41 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka Boom Bob. If you thought more hours a day,
minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's the
last remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. The mail is
about to be delivered here in the air everywhere. Run
for the hills because it's the Sunday mail Bag. No
movers and shakers on. We go above and beyond the
call of duty as we provide you with marginal podcasting,
(00:47):
even on a Sunday. Sunday Sunday, the calm before the
storm of the NFL Draft is sure to cause a stir.
We're here because four hours a night aren't enough. We
do this eight day, do we? At least I do
a spinoff of the Overnight Show. We do not have
to walk on eggshells here because it's a podcast, not
the normal trial and tribulations, the grind of the radio show.
(01:12):
And here we are yet again, and David Gas Scott
Box the Sunday Podcast for snicky wrong. Yes, I am
back and uh I will open up our mailbag session
for today as I I will hide. Yes, I'm a
(01:34):
pilot sent the messages that right, you want to read
a glowing email from I'm a pilot who's did not
but I did discover yesterday, uh Friday or it's gonna
be Saturday, that that you were sam bagging a lot
of reviews and comments on the show, and so I
had to extract those, put those on my desktop and
(01:57):
I am I'm gonna crick kick off the mailbag edition
for today's for today show. So this is another we
call this the bow Guard your bow guarding the podcast. Okay,
bow guard, there we go ahead, boguards kick this thing off.
First of all, Um, title is from Seattle. John. He says,
shock jock Radio gave it a try, really hard to
(02:19):
listen to him talking about you. Typical shock jock radio.
UM can't have its moments. But this should not be
a national media show but a local one. This guy's
a l a hawk, especially his whole crew annoying. That's
from MP dream thirty four. Um, I've been listening to
BED for almost two years. I love the radio show
(02:40):
podcast but this fifth our podcast is the best. That
is from Vague or Vegan, Mary Mallarin, Gascon or Radio Goal.
They must listen to. It's j W I H t
X gave the five stars Burner account. Steve from Seattle
(03:01):
says right in this review to let the corner office
people know I'm listening to the fifth Hour because five
days a week is not enough. It's a good one.
Um Bill R R l It says, fantastic Gascon is awesome.
Love this podcast, Ben at his best. Um, how about
this from B nine O two one ten, A sports
supplement for your ears when sports are shut down? Was
(03:24):
a word about filling the void. Not only has been
and his company filled the void, but their content, whether
game shows, cooking, social commentary, and just down to earth
people talking about sports in life now have created a
listener who is not even missing sports. I'm still amazed
at how this show could be filled with entertaining content
(03:44):
while no sports are played. They're feeling these are all old.
I mean, these are all you going way back in
the hot, tough times. All right, these are sand bags.
I gotta acknowledge him. Well, well, no, I mean this
is a lie bio mission because you left out. Here's
one from John. How about with these? Ben Maller is
the voice of the people. Ben Maller is the voice
of the people. That is a fresh take, as in
(04:07):
John the Jailer as a few days ago, as I
continue it says the Fifth Hour is like finding a
twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. Just great luck that
we get more hours of it. Keep it up, fellas
um from Rich and Kim. Great chemistry. Ben and Dave
have a great chemistry and seem to really enjoy each
other while performing on the podcast. Both very knowledgeable and
(04:28):
the topics are timely. The conversations are entertaining. Their interviews
are always outstanding as well, obviously me asking the good
questions you're asking? Is this guy drug? What a terrible show?
The segments are awful. What an embarrassment for Fox? As
in Dallas? More monologues, less games from Ragmanlogue Uh never
(04:53):
missed podcasts on the Radio Show or The Fifth Hour?
Both are fun. Listen to seventy years. Listen to read
Everyone I Got. This is not a mailback, This is
just reading reviews. This is terrible. How about some brevity?
He makes it a little bit of brevity so long winded.
He says, p one from Vermont, that's a good one.
I'm just please, economy of language. Wait a minute, I
(05:15):
get to please. They wrote this out for us to
consume it and to read it. But but they're not
on a mailbag. This is not but you're you're You're afraid,
you're you are afraid of the questions that are gonna
be asked. Wait, why why can we please get to
the mailbag? This is not the mailbag. This is you
cherry picking random reviews to make you look good and
(05:37):
leaving out the ones that say how terrible you are.
Spare you. So I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a
little bit of insight into what these questions will be.
It'll be from Pierre washing your balls, Pierre trying to
fucking scrub your nuts, from Pierre trying to eat your ass,
and then from Pierre trying to jealous about water jealous.
(05:59):
Just well, how about we find out the questions? How
about that? How about wet we find the damn questions out? All? Right?
Here we go, uh Andy in Augusta, Maine rights and
he says, which were you what were your go to
mall stores? When you were in high school, he says,
he loves the show. Well, Andy, I you're back in
those days. You didn't have the the videos. I would
(06:21):
go to the arcade, uh and they had the hot
dog on a stick, they had the the orange Julius.
You'd go that did a lot of shopping at the
mall was I'm trying to think what stores? What was
the the storre still around where they had like the
weird products, the weird electrical devices that were kind of
you know, you go to the mall. What what's the
name of yah? Drawing a blank here? What city did
(06:42):
you go into? What? What mall? I grew up in
Orange County, so South Coast Plaza, the Hills down south.
There was a mall there, Mission Viejo, places like that.
But what's the name of that store? Though they got
the weird stuff, it's a chain, national chain. I don't
want to say it was like high tech, but I
forget I know. Yeah, all right, uh so you nobody here,
(07:07):
what I care about your your stores? I don't think
you know you did the same probably yeah, arcades and yeah,
all right? What what happened to Kentucky? J and K
Mike writes, Uh, I don't know. I hope they're okay.
We we love Kentucky J and K. They have not
sent a question in a fair amount of time. I
hope everything's all right with them. Very kind, beautiful little
daughter there. What's that the bourbon? Remember during Oh? Yeah
(07:30):
the bourbon? Yeah he does that. But I I have
the Hilltoppers hat in my rotation compliments of Kentucky J
and K, and we thanked them for that. But I
don't know what happened to them. I maybe they're just
listening and not contributing, or maybe they're just not listening.
I don't know. Maybe we said Gascon likely said something
that annoyed them and then they stopped listening. That's my theory.
Carlos in Houston writes in now why does the gascon?
(07:54):
Why do the guests got critics? Why does he criticize
your work ethic? Why does guests got criticize your work at? Uh?
And he hates to actually show up and do the show.
He can't even record a fucking podcast. Doesn't he claim
that the podcast is his baby, so he needs to
show up every week? Yeah, I guess, Scott, and you
(08:17):
respond to sponsor Carlos and Bang Bang Houston. Yeah, this
is this is not my baby. It's uh, this thing
would be uh, actually, I'll leave that colorful comment to myself.
But now it's not my baby. Interesting, but you would
admit you have said things like that, and you like
(08:38):
to claim you have some work ethic, but you don't
usually show up to the body. My work ethic has
never been questioned, never questioned every week on this show.
But those are idiots that are questioning it. You included, uh, Carlos,
look in the mirror, Buddy. Carlos says, we all know
you hate retired numbers, Ben, but are you a fan
of baseball retiring number forty two? Now? I wouldn't retire
(09:00):
any numbers. I I would if you want to put
the Ring of honor. I think everyone should do the
Ring of Honor, and you're gonna have Jackie Robinson and
everyone's Ring of Honor. But I wouldn't retire numbers across
the board. That's just not not my thing. Is I
think it's lame. I think it's dumb. I think it's
it's It started out as a nice thing. It used
to be done when people would die, athletes would die,
(09:22):
while they were playing, you know, during their careers. Now
it's just gotten absurd, so stupid. Berry from the Music
City says yo Yo mob Benny twenty two minutes past
the hour as I write this, them says, I'm not
sure how anyone can dislike Marcel's calls. Well, plenty of
people do. Berry. I should show you some of the
email like it. Why do you put that guy on?
(09:43):
He's a moron? Blah blah blah. All right, uh, he says.
The NBA released a statement on the shopping case there
in Minnesota and apparently, uh the First Take show on
ESPN spent the entire show on the topic. When do
you think this in fusion of politics and sports will
be out of sports? And please don't say never, you won't.
(10:05):
Well at ESPN, I don't see that changing. I think
that's just their business model there. The you know, they're
trying to get democratic fans to watch and they don't
really care about Republican fans. I think that's pretty obvious.
I don't think based on their position politically, I don't
think they'll change it. Fox e Tho though, uh no,
you know it could. They could lessen it, but it's
(10:27):
hard as we always say, we use the line to
put the toothpaste back in the tube, or to unpeel,
to unpeel the orange and then put the orange back together.
The one they can't unpeel the orange is once you
peel that, that's it. Now you can try to put
it back together, but it's not gonna the same. The
only unfortunate thing is you get guys that get out
in front of certain topics like this, and then all
of a sudden, if the roles or get reversed or
(10:49):
something goes against their narrative, they're nowhere to be fucking
Seen's it's you know, run and hide and don't don't respond. Yeah,
that's Lebron, right, that's what Ron does. He just move on.
And the greatest example of that was the story with
the tweet the Raiders sent out. He had all this
virtue signaling and all these oh I'm offended, Oh my god,
(11:13):
I can't believe the Raiders tweeted that out. And to
Mark Davis's credit, he didn't bow down to the mob
of lunatics cyber thugs. He didn't bow down to him.
All the wokesters woke mcwoke and uh, it was really funny.
Some hack columnists. Somebody sent the story on NAHU. Some
hack columnists wrote a story condemning the Raiders for what
(11:35):
they had done, and Uh. The next day, George Floyd's
brother comes out and says, no problem with the Raiders. Oh,
I loved it. It was so good. He just buried.
George Floyd's brother buried all these these hacks in the
media was outstanding. Out body blow, body blow, body blow.
(11:57):
All right, Ozzy Momentum rights and he said, so, I
want to know what sport you are a hund percent
sure you could beat the other in. For example, Guesscon
could be fairly confident of beating being better than Ben
at baseball given that disgraceful pitch Ben throughout at Bakersfield.
And Ben could be confident that he could beat Gascon
(12:20):
at tennis given Gascon's shoulder being held together by duct
tape and his petulance for whining. Yeah, well, first of all,
you're wrong, Ozzy Momentum about that first pitch. I was
ahead of my time. In fact, that first pitch, that
lollipop breaking ball, Uh, was outstanding, and it was stolen
by a Minnesota twin. All right, we all saw in Anaheim.
(12:45):
While back there Angels and Twins blowout game the great
Asta Dio with a fat guy on the mound, and
he threw the Mallard pitch, the Mallard special. But let's
let's be our guesscon he's a quitter. He he's not
a competitie, doesn't have the fighting spirit. I would beat
him at anything. I would dominate him at any moneyball.
Mallard from the outside, I'd kill you one on one
(13:06):
game of a game of ben I would beat you
at that. You wouldn't be able to win that. You
have the chances bowling, and no, that's of course I
would win it bowling. But football dominate right throw the
ball further than you baseball. I'm a football player. I'm
a crafty right hander. I'm a crafty right hander. Uh
(13:27):
do very well at that. Not hockey. You can't hockey.
I would be wonderful. I've been on the ice with
the Stanley Cup twice in my life. I have been there,
so that's absolutely something. I've spent time with Lord Stanley Cup,
so that thing. But I've been there right when they
hoisted the cup right there, and you have no agility,
no balance, no coordination, Your sites fucked up. Your hearing
(13:50):
is not good to you. My sites? Fine, man, that's good.
Called glasses. None of these things called glasses. Maybe maybe bowling,
maybe ping pong, but boxing, oh god, you'd have no shot.
You would have no chance in boxing. Oh my god,
it would be a blood bath. Dave and Mill Valley, California,
right there, just a little bit, just a wee bit,
(14:12):
north of San Francisco, says what what what? What are you?
What are you laughing? Because San Francisco is a cesspool?
Now he lives in Mill Valley, north, this in Marin County.
I think, right, yeah, right, all right, Hey bet you
often use the verbs hoodwink, the bamboos, al than hornswaggled.
They are three of my all time favorite words. Please
list them in order of your preference. Yeah, and he says,
(14:36):
I'd also like to know what Big Mike thinks, or
you could ask gas Can on the off chance he
actually shows up. Instead, Well, it's actually big mix in
this week. Uh No, I love horn swoggled. That's my favorite.
I don't use it enough. I think it's a fun word.
It's a great word. It's an underused word. Hornswoggled. Then
(14:57):
it's a toss up a slightly mean two bamboozled, and
then hoodwinked would be third. But clearly the leader in
the clubhouse is horns walk. Yeah, it's good, it's solid word. Uh,
let's see here. David from simple Sonville, South Carolina says,
(15:20):
are there any hats you would be uncomfortable having? San
Francisco Giants had the stros about the Podres, and David says,
as the hat gifter, I need to know thanks for
all the shows. Well, thank you, David. No, I wouldn't
be against the Padres thing, but they're blood rival with Dodgers.
(15:43):
It would be inappropriate to wear Padre had But I
worked in San Diego and I used to go to
Podre games when I worked there, and I loved it.
Had great members. Are going to Potre games when there
was no one there and they have fire sale And
it was Tony Gwynn in the the eight students that
were out there for the Padres and but but I
had fun members of that. Uh. But no, I wouldn't
wear a Giant's hat. You know, I'm really shifted. We
(16:05):
talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but I've
shifted more to minor league hats that in college. I
like college hats. I like obscure college hats, minor league hats.
That's that's really what I'm gravitating too. In any hat
with a be on it, any hat with a be
on it, or an m I think there's a hat
at the studio, Is that right? I think so? Yeah.
(16:28):
And I gotta come in there. I gotta get get
in there. Maybe i'll swing by. Maybe I will. Have
you opened that? I mean, you open all my mail.
From what I understand, I could open it. I'll take
a look at it. I wonder if it fits me.
I don't open you No, No, don't don't open my mail.
You've already opened enough in my mail. John the jailer
from alan Town, Pennsylvania, rights scene. He says, been given
(16:49):
your vast radio game show experience. Why were you not
considered to be the next host of Jeopardy? Just imagine
he's easy World where the militia is on Jeopardy. You'd
have beer drinking Brian half pint reading video answers, Oh,
that'd be great. A Mallard militia category. I drove a
(17:13):
bus around San Francisco, walked on hold to a sports
talk radio show. Who am I? You know I could
do that? I got? What was it? Oh? You know,
here's a good one. I won a radio game show
while sleeping. I also got kicked out of my house
for shouting on the same radio show. Who am I
(17:37):
be a good one? Right? Good? I called up a
radio show the night the astro scandal started and said
it was all fake and photoshopped. Who am I? Wonder
who that could be? Wonder who that one could be?
I once showed up to a B LM rally and
(18:00):
shouted the Ben Mallard show at that rally, Who am I?
That's one of the greats? Ed from Spokane? Oh God,
what a character? Ed and Christina I have not hurt
and I called the show this week. I did not
hear from them this week. I don't think, unless unless
maybe I missed it. All right, who else do we
(18:21):
have here? Let's see page But I should be a
Jeopardy host, although I got people from Jeopardy sent me
a cease and assists, so I don't think they like me. Hello,
Lord Ben Jose Right soon, he says, I'm originally from
northern California. I grew up a Giants fan watching Will Clark,
Matt Williams, Kevin Mitchell, Willy Wagee. He says I moved
(18:42):
to Massachusetts. Hey, you didn't mention. No, I don't like
the Giants, but my favorite giant of all time. You
know who it is? Guesscan favorite giant of all time?
I was gonna say Matt Williams or jeff Kenn. Matt Williams,
Doe she I gotta argument with him in the locker.
The one is Jeffrey Leonard, the Hackman. Jeffrey Leonard, my
(19:04):
all time favorite. Johannt He gave me a baseball when
I was a kid. He was playing for the Brewers
at the time. But I still still have fond memories
of that was one of the great moments of my childhood.
I during a game foul ball in the right field
corner of the Big A had seats right near the
foul poll. I ran over, fat kid, and Jeffrey Leonard
came over, scooped the ball up and tossed it and
(19:26):
I caught it, and I was outstanding. I didn't I
was worried it's gonna drop it. Didn't drop it. I
liked Kevin Mitchell back in the day, I made one
of the great catches in baseball history, one handed, bare
handed catch Bush Stadium in St. Louis. I don't like
Will Clark because he's he was a dick and he
he killed me when he was at the Atlanta No.
He was with the Cardinals against the Atlanta Breaks. I
(19:48):
had a huge bet on the break for that, he says.
As a kid, baseball was my number one football as
as a as a kid, football was one. Uh and
and two Basketball three? I baseball was when he said, uh,
football too? In Basketball three he wrote that weird. Uh,
he says, Now football is number one. I haven't watched
baseball game in three years. Analytics have ruined it for me.
(20:10):
The same with basketball. Everything is a foul, no defense,
and all the players are selfish, soft like gag on
you a bad example for kids. That's a good point, Jose.
Do you think you'll ever get to that point? PS
bring back Brian Finlay? Why that you ruined me with
that last line? Uh? Do I do? I Will I
(20:31):
ever get to the point where I'll be the bitter,
jaded old guy. Uh? I'd like to think that I
love sports. It's changed the way I watch sports has
changed with the politics policizing of sports. But no, I
not on think it's gonna you know, I'm gonna completely stop.
(20:52):
I'd like to think not, but you never know what
the you know what the what the future hold holds.
And and I hear from guys all the time, and
I'm not watching sports because of politics, and I I
don't agree with the politics of a lot of these
idiots in sports, but I still think it's stupid to
not watch. I mean, just because somebody has a different viewpoint.
I just don't like being preached to. I don't care
(21:14):
le Bron James is a lunatic politically, that's he can
do whatever he wants. But if you're preaching from the
bully pulpit, that is to me, that's I don't I
don't watch sports for that. So but you know, everyone
has the right to have their own viewpoint. I don't
don't care about that right to be wrong. Um, but
you don't like if if I worked for somebody that
(21:36):
I didn't agree with him, I gonna quit my job.
I don't think that's that's how that would go anyway.
In any response to Jose is a big fan of
your work, he says soft, like a gag on. I
don't know what his problem is. You're the problem. Did
you kick out Findling or something? We I was he
talking about bringing him back? No, I diin't. I ain't know.
(21:58):
He's he's a Findley is a stalker. He's a creepy guy.
He's like the Deshaun Watson, Oh boy of the radio.
That's what I hear. I don't know. That's what you
told me off the year? Is that not said that
to you? You told me that off the year. I'm
just repeating what you told me. I never have disparaging
remarks for for my colleagues here, and that's a line.
(22:18):
That's a lie. Nobody gossips more than you. You're like
a schoolyard girl. He just gossip gossip. Gossip. People tell
me if things. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
(22:41):
Mitch and Fort Collins, Colorado. Ever been to Fort Collins?
I have, yes, fan, No not a fan. I like it.
I mean I like Denver better, but yeah, Colorado is
a great state, alright, Mitch, Right, So, and he says
that have you watched the documentary? Assume you have Baseball
(23:03):
by Ken Burns, the PBS documentary. I don't know how
I've missed it my entire life, but I watched it
on PBS over the weekend. I enjoyed the history telling.
I was wondering, you know, what you thought of it,
and if you have any suggestions on other cool baseball
history books or documentaries that every fan should have in
(23:25):
their library. Uh. Yeah, I mean there's a bunch of
baseball documentaries that you know it's hard. Off the top
of my head, the Baseball Card one, which is it
was made a couple of years ago, exposing the upper
deck scandal again opening up a wound. If you're around
my age, I don't know how hold your, Mitch, but
maybe you're a little younger, maybe a little older. But
(23:46):
that was a big one for me. There was a
documentary about a minor league baseball team in Oregon in
Portland that was pretty good. I saw that. Oh and Screwball.
Remember Screwball? That was the one about Alex Rodriguez and
the Biogenesis Clinic. That was a very good documentary. That
was a few years ago. And I have a fond
(24:08):
memory of the Baseball documentary from Ken Burns. I was
working at the Mighty six ninety in San Diego when
that came out in the nineties, and I was I
was a lowly peon at the radio station, and they
felt bad for me because I was I was getting
no money and I was a you know, low man
on the Total Bowl and they hooked me up with
the Baseball and that was a big deal. I have
the I had. I just got rid of it recently.
(24:30):
But the VHS copy that's a whole long ago. This
was of the Ken Burns Baseball documentary, but it was
well done. He also says, Mitch, do you think they
should make a sequel to cover the nineties the steroid here,
the cheating, as strows, well, that would be great. I
I actually subscribe to the doc PBS as like a documentary.
(24:53):
I love documentary, so they have a documentary streaming service.
It's pretty much all ken burn stuff, which is cool.
And uh, and you know, Burns his great I thought
I were trying to cancel him. Weren't they the lunatics
trying to cancel Ken Burns? The uh, the woke mob
was upset because Ken's white and that's problematic and they
had to get him out of there. And there's a
(25:13):
lot of layers though with baseball these days, just the nineties,
like you mentioned the ownership that turned a blind eye
to that stuff, and then you know the Red Sox
one of the World Series, and people are ending the
Curse of the banding of the Cubs, ending the curse
of the Billy Goat. Well, you could just talk to
about Manny and David Ortiz, right, Like those are two
guys that were using p E. D s that obviously
(25:36):
helped them get over the top them come. But just
just you could do two documentaries, one each on the
Curse of the ban Being, which I'm sure has already
been done, and then the Billy Goat and or combine
those things together. Nome. When I was a kid, I
my brother moved to New York when I was in
high school, and I went back to visit him. First time,
went to a Yankee game at the old Yankee Stadium
and they were playing the Red Sox and the Red
(25:58):
Sox weren't very good. But I still remember I and
the bleachers because I wanted to be in the bleachers
because I had heard things about the bleacher creatures and
it was pretty well because there were like women fighting
with women in the bleachers. The Yankee state in the
game I went to. It was pretty crazy. But now
I heard it's all corporate. Now it's all they've raised
the prices and everything. But it was expensive then. But
the fans like the Red Sox. Uh anytime the Yankees
(26:19):
did anything, and the Yankee Bleacher Creatures were nineteen eighteen nineteen.
It was great. It was out standing. Fond memories of that. Emmett,
the blind Seahawk fan, this kid is the breakout star.
What a wonderful caller he is. He's better than the
(26:39):
grown ups and he's only in high school, sixteen years old.
This kid really talented. He's going places. Blind him the
Seahawk fan says, uh, did you fire Gagon? Yes, we
re hired him, but we fired him last week. Emmett
also says, what is the best dish you can make? Well? None, Emmett, none.
(27:00):
The Mallard pizza is bone appetite. It is year. But
I was so good this. It was so good, you dummy,
that I had to eat it fast. I couldn't wait
to get it into my mouth. I was savoring every
little it was. It was a medley for my taste, Budge.
(27:21):
It was so yummy, it was amazing. You're stress eating
because you could not get a media credential from the Rams,
so you went home you burned. That is true. But
I like, I'm gonna stick into the Rams because they
were they were playing the Buccaneers who had Jamis Winston,
who were terrible, and they wouldn't let me in. Yeah,
the team I I suck up to every night on
(27:44):
the radio and giving them publicity, these assholes, and they
wouldn't let me in, Like those ship bags in Seattle,
the Seahawks, who wouldn't allow me in there either. Um,
I guess I'm not allowed at some of these NFL
state I'm banned from me. I'm like Kaepernick, I'm not
allowed in the NFL. But uh. But anyway, so I
was like, oh, my, a pizza and I'll watch the game,
and I can make a better pizza than I can
eat Peter Food than if I went to the game.
(28:05):
And then I I made a delicious pizza, but I
was so in such a rush to eat it because
I was hungry. I'd been on a fast and uh yeah,
a little little uh mouthfeasance on my part eating the
pizzaster burn your no. But I'm a good no emt.
I'm a good cook man. I can make uh like
(28:27):
chicken palm en, chicken parma gena. I make that very
good chicken fingers. I make a rip off Popeye's chicken sandwich,
raising cane chicken fingers like it's all delicious. It's finger
licking good. I guess we can use that because camc
retired that it's finger licking good. Cheese. I make the
Philly cheese steak. That's right. I mean this is some Yeah,
(28:47):
I like it. And that's something I didn't really cook
until I got married. My wife taught me a little bit,
and I learned some stuff off YouTube. But I was
a TV dinner fast food guy before before I got married.
So it's only been somewhat recently, the last ten years
or so that I started cooking. Great question, Emvalls fan
(29:09):
Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee, says, big, have you ever had
a conflict at the Ugly sweater Christmas party that you
had to step in between you And has Bella ever
bitten anyone? Uh? No, I actually have a great Bella
story that I forgot. Oh, this is great. I'm glad
you see you triggered this, Jimmy, Have we had any fights? No,
(29:32):
that the closest we came to a fight was a
douchebag that showed up and ninety minutes late and complained
about the food. That was the biggest asshole. And then
my friend already who gets completely wasted every year and
starts telling stories of when he was in desert storm
and uh, it goes rat a tat tat with it.
He makes the fake gun. That's that's about as far
(29:52):
as crazy town as we've gone. He doesn't leave until
like three in the morning. Now he's the last one,
you know, we have to shepherd him out. He's the
last one every year at the Mallard Ugly Sweater party.
But the Bella story. So we've been moving some stuff
around the Mallard mansion. Again, we'll tell you later why
we're doing that. But we're moving some stuff around, like
inside and outside, redecorating some stuff, and uh, you know
(30:16):
that some stuff was taken outside. And uh, let's just
say that it was it was a night. I was
doing the show this week, and I didn't really I
hadn't seen Bella the Dog my dog in a while.
I have a studio and I do the show and
(30:37):
Bella sometimes sits in with me when I do the show.
Usually not, She's bored with it. Like every woman in
my life. Anybody in radio knows this. When you tell
a woman you're dating you're in radio, they were very
excited to listen to everything you do for the first
like couple of shows, and then about a week later
they never listened again. Happens all the time. So so anyways, like, well,
Bella got bored with me. She's so then like it's
(30:59):
like two in the morning and I hear this like
scratching sound on the door, like the door to the
outside from my studio, and so I hear the scratching sound, right, Like,
what the fund is that? Is there? Like a wild
animal out there? Is I got coyote or a skunk?
And I I opened up the door and I don't
(31:20):
see anything. I'm like, whoa, Like I'm in the twilight zone, man,
Like what the funk happened, and so like, all right,
I go back, I do the show, and then I
I wrapped up the show and I'm kind of winding
down and I hear it again, and I text my wife.
I said, well, there's an animal outside my door and
(31:42):
it's I looked at I didn't see anything. What is
going on? And she said, probably Bella. I said, no, no,
it's not Bella. And I go through the house to
try to find Bella. Can't find Bella. So I don't
hear the noise noise anymore. I go back out. I
then open the door with the flashlight and there is Bella,
(32:03):
freezing her ass off, shivering, sitting by the door, waiting
for me to open the door. She had spent all night,
probably from like seven o'clock in the evening until two
in the morning or three actually by this point it
was like three in the morning, uh, sitting outside, And
so we almost loved Bella could have run away, she
(32:23):
could have been like in another state by the time
I figured out that she was outside. That's my Bella story.
How how cold do you think it was? I mean
it wasn't that was California cold. I mean, it wasn't
like cold, cold, but California. But she hasn't for coats,
so she's all right, yeah, but you since she was shivering, Yeah,
she seemed annoyed cold and like, hey, asshole, I've been
(32:46):
out here the whole time. But in my defense, I
had headphones on most of the time, so I couldn't
hear it. Got you. Yeah, that's that's that. Kevin and
Kansas says, Hey, Ben as kids, did you? And David
he says, this must be a mistake. The best produced,
the best podcast co host out there, by that's a mistake.
Bam bamming. Uh did you ever have dreams of playing
(33:10):
a professional sport when you grew up? And if so,
did you have a specific player you emulated? Keep the
podcast coming. Oh yeah, listen, I was an amazing basketball
player in the Moneyball Mallard originated in the backyard at
the Mallard mansion. The hoop there had fun, but I
(33:31):
would play baseball for hours with the tennis ball. We
used to play street ball in the neighborhood. And we
had in that house we grew up in, we had
eucalyptus trees, these giant eucalyptus trees in the in there's
like a green belt in the middle of the street,
and so it was perfect. The way the driveway was
lined up. There were three of these eucalyptus trees, and
(33:52):
so we had first base, second base, and third base,
each of each giant these massive trees were were and
so we did that. But then I would I was
such a loser. I had no friends for a while
that I would just for hours throw the tennis ball
against the wall and I would imagine, you know, I
was you know, any number of players. I would go
(34:14):
through the list because I'd watch This Weekend Baseball and
then I was Dodging fan. But I watched This Weekend
Baseball and be like, oh, you know, they do some
vignette on Ozzy Smith, you know, because he was a player,
a big star in those days, and I'd be the
Wizard of Oz, you know, and I'd be like, all right,
and then I'd make these plays back, you know, going
there and and then uh, you know, behind the back
throws and things like. I mean, it was crazy. I
(34:35):
was good, and obviously football, but football I knew I
was gonna be alignment. So I channeled some of the
the alignment of the day. What about you guess, and yeah,
I I mean I thought about growing up, I thought
about playing outside of basketball. I thought about playing every
sport professionally. But I was really good in hockey, but
(34:55):
my parents couldn't afford the insurance for for goal equipment.
And then, um, I played baseball in college and football
in college, and I thought I was I was better
in football, but my dad thinks I had more talented baseball.
And I'm left handed and I was a picture. Um
but I love. That's a tough racket though, baseball. Man.
(35:19):
I had a buddy in high school that was a
very good player. And actually the first time I went
to a couple high school with the first high school
I went to, and he got drafted and he toiled
in the minor leagues. He never made the big leagues,
and he was in the minor leagues. He got he
got you know, double A. Had a couple of buddies
he got to double A. One guy was with the
Blue Jays and he was like there. He was their
(35:41):
second rated minor league prospect in a ball and he
got to double A and he did okay, and then
he went to triple and couldn't hit. I just forgot
how to hit and then he never never made it.
So yeah, I mean I grew up. I mean I
was a huge Broncos fans. I love John Elway, but
I'm you know, left handed and half any left hand
quarterbacks outside of Steve Young, and so I tried to
(36:04):
emulate Shinnon Sharp, you know, as a great ship talker.
But he was a was a great receiver even at
tight end. I was a better blocker than new Ones.
But um, but yeah, man, I Well, the one guy
that I remember was was like I kept reading these
mythical lumber lumberjack stories about this guy was Tony Manderidge.
(36:24):
Who was this offensive lineman. Well he was. He was
at Michigan State and he was the second overall pick.
We talked to Ryan Leef the other day, who was
one of the great NFL draft bus But Tony Manderish
he didn't get as much attention from being a disaster
because he was an offensive lineman. But he was drafted
by the Green Bay Packers in the late eighties and
(36:47):
was who I guess, he was a total fraud. He
was all like a steroid guy and he just couldn't play. Yeah,
but I thought I'd read these stories and I believed everything.
At that time, I was not naive and Jay and
I believed everything I read, and you know, the eyes
of a child. I was like, you know, a teenager,
and I was like, whoa, this guy is great, you know,
(37:08):
highly touted at Michigan State and and this this guy
he was in this draft class. Think about the other
players that draft had Troy Aikman, Barry Sanders, Dion Sanders,
Derek Thomas, and Tony Mandrich. Who doesn't belong on that list? Man,
(37:30):
it's I mean, obviously Derrick Thomas passed away too early,
but fuck yeah, he's the only one of those top
five picks that did not end up in the Pro
Football Hall of Unbelievable. Yeah, and that's the guy I
gravitated to right there. That's my guy that was going
to be the guy right there that was going to
(37:51):
be it. So there you go. Pierre in Springfield, Massachusetts.
He says, Ben, do you and the mrs have any
attentions of raising offspring or Bella, Gagon and Finley more
than you can handle? Well, Gagon and Finley, Uh, they
are children. They act like babies. That is correct, Pierre.
(38:11):
A good call on that. Ce Pierre has got a
very good ear. He knows that you are a childlike.
He is a super duper nut hugger of Ben Mallary.
He's a quality man. He's a pickle lover and he's quality.
He likes pickles. I didn't mean like that pert. Wow,
that guy? Would I know that for a fact? My
(38:34):
toilet water is good, Jesus, wonderful toilet water. Murray and
Saskatoon writes in so we're both of you. Who was
your first girlfriend? And what is she doing now? Also?
What did you do on your first date with her?
I have no idea, do you? I have not kept track.
I guess it wasn't It was like a like a
(38:56):
junior high school, like like high school type thing. You know?
Is his a casual? And I went to Newport Beach.
That was where he went, the right there west of
the four oh five. Wow, wow, Gascan, your first girlfriend?
(39:17):
Is she alive or dead? She's probably an older women
you were dead the cougars. Yeah, my my first I guess,
true true girlfriend. I think she's in New York now
and she she's married. No, I probably take some credit
to that because I was kind of a shitty boyfriend
growing up. You ruined her life. I think so she's
(39:39):
wonderful job she's got. She's got some hate for men
now and it was a bad job by me, but
she was awesome. I also hate men because of YouTube,
so we have that in common. We gotta wrap, we
gotta wrap, all right, I'm sorry to Jason and Rocky Man, Virginia,
(40:01):
John and Omaha. Who else do we have here? Adrian
of the Mileized City Lugo, All you guys, Gascon says he.
We gotta rap, so we will not get to any
of your questions. And those are all wonderful questions to
be continued, not Lugo. Lugo's question was not that good,
so just resubmit your question next week. We're on a
tight clock here on the podcast. Do you think we
(40:22):
could go on forever? But Gascons west of the four
oh five with no work ethic, so he can't go
on forever. But if you want to send a message
for a future podcast, Every Wednesday we posted on the
show facebook page. Ben Mallor Show usually in the morning,
sometimes afternoon. Sometimes I forget. It's not to the evening,
but there's a post. You can send a question in.
Put your name in city first, and you can email
(40:43):
if you are inclined the Real Fifth Hour, Real fifth
Hour at gmail dot com and have a wonderful rest
of your day. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
(41:03):
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Radio app.
Ka Boom Bob. If you thought more hours a day,
minutes a week was enough, I think again. He's the
last remnants of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. The mail is
about to be delivered here in the air everywhere. Run
for the hills because it's the Sunday mail Bag. No
movers and shakers on. We go above and beyond the
call of duty as we provide you with marginal podcasting,
(00:47):
even on a Sunday. Sunday Sunday, the calm before the
storm of the NFL Draft is sure to cause a stir.
We're here because four hours a night aren't enough. We
do this eight day, do we? At least I do
a spinoff of the Overnight Show. We do not have
to walk on eggshells here because it's a podcast, not
the normal trial and tribulations, the grind of the radio show.
(01:12):
And here we are yet again, and David Gas Scott
Box the Sunday Podcast for snicky wrong. Yes, I am
back and uh I will open up our mailbag session
for today as I I will hide. Yes, I'm a
(01:34):
pilot sent the messages that right, you want to read
a glowing email from I'm a pilot who's did not
but I did discover yesterday, uh Friday or it's gonna
be Saturday, that that you were sam bagging a lot
of reviews and comments on the show, and so I
had to extract those, put those on my desktop and
(01:57):
I am I'm gonna crick kick off the mailbag edition
for today's for today show. So this is another we
call this the bow Guard your bow guarding the podcast. Okay,
bow guard, there we go ahead, boguards kick this thing off.
First of all, Um, title is from Seattle. John. He says,
shock jock Radio gave it a try, really hard to
(02:19):
listen to him talking about you. Typical shock jock radio.
UM can't have its moments. But this should not be
a national media show but a local one. This guy's
a l a hawk, especially his whole crew annoying. That's
from MP dream thirty four. Um, I've been listening to
BED for almost two years. I love the radio show
(02:40):
podcast but this fifth our podcast is the best. That
is from Vague or Vegan, Mary Mallarin, Gascon or Radio Goal.
They must listen to. It's j W I H t
X gave the five stars Burner account. Steve from Seattle
(03:01):
says right in this review to let the corner office
people know I'm listening to the fifth Hour because five
days a week is not enough. It's a good one.
Um Bill R R l It says, fantastic Gascon is awesome.
Love this podcast, Ben at his best. Um, how about
this from B nine O two one ten, A sports
supplement for your ears when sports are shut down? Was
(03:24):
a word about filling the void. Not only has been
and his company filled the void, but their content, whether
game shows, cooking, social commentary, and just down to earth
people talking about sports in life now have created a
listener who is not even missing sports. I'm still amazed
at how this show could be filled with entertaining content
(03:44):
while no sports are played. They're feeling these are all old.
I mean, these are all you going way back in
the hot, tough times. All right, these are sand bags.
I gotta acknowledge him. Well, well, no, I mean this
is a lie bio mission because you left out. Here's
one from John. How about with these? Ben Maller is
the voice of the people. Ben Maller is the voice
of the people. That is a fresh take, as in
(04:07):
John the Jailer as a few days ago, as I
continue it says the Fifth Hour is like finding a
twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. Just great luck that
we get more hours of it. Keep it up, fellas
um from Rich and Kim. Great chemistry. Ben and Dave
have a great chemistry and seem to really enjoy each
other while performing on the podcast. Both very knowledgeable and
(04:28):
the topics are timely. The conversations are entertaining. Their interviews
are always outstanding as well, obviously me asking the good
questions you're asking? Is this guy drug? What a terrible show?
The segments are awful. What an embarrassment for Fox? As
in Dallas? More monologues, less games from Ragmanlogue Uh never
(04:53):
missed podcasts on the Radio Show or The Fifth Hour?
Both are fun. Listen to seventy years. Listen to read
Everyone I Got. This is not a mailback, This is
just reading reviews. This is terrible. How about some brevity?
He makes it a little bit of brevity so long winded.
He says, p one from Vermont, that's a good one.
I'm just please, economy of language. Wait a minute, I
(05:15):
get to please. They wrote this out for us to
consume it and to read it. But but they're not
on a mailbag. This is not but you're you're You're afraid,
you're you are afraid of the questions that are gonna
be asked. Wait, why why can we please get to
the mailbag? This is not the mailbag. This is you
cherry picking random reviews to make you look good and
(05:37):
leaving out the ones that say how terrible you are.
Spare you. So I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a
little bit of insight into what these questions will be.
It'll be from Pierre washing your balls, Pierre trying to
fucking scrub your nuts, from Pierre trying to eat your ass,
and then from Pierre trying to jealous about water jealous.
(05:59):
Just well, how about we find out the questions? How
about that? How about wet we find the damn questions out? All? Right?
Here we go, uh Andy in Augusta, Maine rights and
he says, which were you what were your go to
mall stores? When you were in high school, he says,
he loves the show. Well, Andy, I you're back in
those days. You didn't have the the videos. I would
(06:21):
go to the arcade, uh and they had the hot
dog on a stick, they had the the orange Julius.
You'd go that did a lot of shopping at the
mall was I'm trying to think what stores? What was
the the storre still around where they had like the
weird products, the weird electrical devices that were kind of
you know, you go to the mall. What what's the
name of yah? Drawing a blank here? What city did
(06:42):
you go into? What? What mall? I grew up in
Orange County, so South Coast Plaza, the Hills down south.
There was a mall there, Mission Viejo, places like that.
But what's the name of that store? Though they got
the weird stuff, it's a chain, national chain. I don't
want to say it was like high tech, but I
forget I know. Yeah, all right, uh so you nobody here,
(07:07):
what I care about your your stores? I don't think
you know you did the same probably yeah, arcades and yeah,
all right? What what happened to Kentucky? J and K
Mike writes, Uh, I don't know. I hope they're okay.
We we love Kentucky J and K. They have not
sent a question in a fair amount of time. I
hope everything's all right with them. Very kind, beautiful little
daughter there. What's that the bourbon? Remember during Oh? Yeah
(07:30):
the bourbon? Yeah he does that. But I I have
the Hilltoppers hat in my rotation compliments of Kentucky J
and K, and we thanked them for that. But I
don't know what happened to them. I maybe they're just
listening and not contributing, or maybe they're just not listening.
I don't know. Maybe we said Gascon likely said something
that annoyed them and then they stopped listening. That's my theory.
Carlos in Houston writes in now why does the gascon?
(07:54):
Why do the guests got critics? Why does he criticize
your work ethic? Why does guests got criticize your work at? Uh?
And he hates to actually show up and do the show.
He can't even record a fucking podcast. Doesn't he claim
that the podcast is his baby, so he needs to
show up every week? Yeah, I guess, Scott, and you
(08:17):
respond to sponsor Carlos and Bang Bang Houston. Yeah, this
is this is not my baby. It's uh, this thing
would be uh, actually, I'll leave that colorful comment to myself.
But now it's not my baby. Interesting, but you would
admit you have said things like that, and you like
(08:38):
to claim you have some work ethic, but you don't
usually show up to the body. My work ethic has
never been questioned, never questioned every week on this show.
But those are idiots that are questioning it. You included, uh, Carlos,
look in the mirror, Buddy. Carlos says, we all know
you hate retired numbers, Ben, but are you a fan
of baseball retiring number forty two? Now? I wouldn't retire
(09:00):
any numbers. I I would if you want to put
the Ring of honor. I think everyone should do the
Ring of Honor, and you're gonna have Jackie Robinson and
everyone's Ring of Honor. But I wouldn't retire numbers across
the board. That's just not not my thing. Is I
think it's lame. I think it's dumb. I think it's
it's It started out as a nice thing. It used
to be done when people would die, athletes would die,
(09:22):
while they were playing, you know, during their careers. Now
it's just gotten absurd, so stupid. Berry from the Music
City says yo Yo mob Benny twenty two minutes past
the hour as I write this, them says, I'm not
sure how anyone can dislike Marcel's calls. Well, plenty of
people do. Berry. I should show you some of the
email like it. Why do you put that guy on?
(09:43):
He's a moron? Blah blah blah. All right, uh, he says.
The NBA released a statement on the shopping case there
in Minnesota and apparently, uh the First Take show on
ESPN spent the entire show on the topic. When do
you think this in fusion of politics and sports will
be out of sports? And please don't say never, you won't.
(10:05):
Well at ESPN, I don't see that changing. I think
that's just their business model there. The you know, they're
trying to get democratic fans to watch and they don't
really care about Republican fans. I think that's pretty obvious.
I don't think based on their position politically, I don't
think they'll change it. Fox e Tho though, uh no,
you know it could. They could lessen it, but it's
(10:27):
hard as we always say, we use the line to
put the toothpaste back in the tube, or to unpeel,
to unpeel the orange and then put the orange back together.
The one they can't unpeel the orange is once you
peel that, that's it. Now you can try to put
it back together, but it's not gonna the same. The
only unfortunate thing is you get guys that get out
in front of certain topics like this, and then all
of a sudden, if the roles or get reversed or
(10:49):
something goes against their narrative, they're nowhere to be fucking
Seen's it's you know, run and hide and don't don't respond. Yeah,
that's Lebron, right, that's what Ron does. He just move on.
And the greatest example of that was the story with
the tweet the Raiders sent out. He had all this
virtue signaling and all these oh I'm offended, Oh my god,
(11:13):
I can't believe the Raiders tweeted that out. And to
Mark Davis's credit, he didn't bow down to the mob
of lunatics cyber thugs. He didn't bow down to him.
All the wokesters woke mcwoke and uh, it was really funny.
Some hack columnists. Somebody sent the story on NAHU. Some
hack columnists wrote a story condemning the Raiders for what
(11:35):
they had done, and Uh. The next day, George Floyd's
brother comes out and says, no problem with the Raiders. Oh,
I loved it. It was so good. He just buried.
George Floyd's brother buried all these these hacks in the
media was outstanding. Out body blow, body blow, body blow.
(11:57):
All right, Ozzy Momentum rights and he said, so, I
want to know what sport you are a hund percent
sure you could beat the other in. For example, Guesscon
could be fairly confident of beating being better than Ben
at baseball given that disgraceful pitch Ben throughout at Bakersfield.
And Ben could be confident that he could beat Gascon
(12:20):
at tennis given Gascon's shoulder being held together by duct
tape and his petulance for whining. Yeah, well, first of all,
you're wrong, Ozzy Momentum about that first pitch. I was
ahead of my time. In fact, that first pitch, that
lollipop breaking ball, Uh, was outstanding, and it was stolen
by a Minnesota twin. All right, we all saw in Anaheim.
(12:45):
While back there Angels and Twins blowout game the great
Asta Dio with a fat guy on the mound, and
he threw the Mallard pitch, the Mallard special. But let's
let's be our guesscon he's a quitter. He he's not
a competitie, doesn't have the fighting spirit. I would beat
him at anything. I would dominate him at any moneyball.
Mallard from the outside, I'd kill you one on one
(13:06):
game of a game of ben I would beat you
at that. You wouldn't be able to win that. You
have the chances bowling, and no, that's of course I
would win it bowling. But football dominate right throw the
ball further than you baseball. I'm a football player. I'm
a crafty right hander. I'm a crafty right hander. Uh
(13:27):
do very well at that. Not hockey. You can't hockey.
I would be wonderful. I've been on the ice with
the Stanley Cup twice in my life. I have been there,
so that's absolutely something. I've spent time with Lord Stanley Cup,
so that thing. But I've been there right when they
hoisted the cup right there, and you have no agility,
no balance, no coordination, Your sites fucked up. Your hearing
(13:50):
is not good to you. My sites? Fine, man, that's good.
Called glasses. None of these things called glasses. Maybe maybe bowling,
maybe ping pong, but boxing, oh god, you'd have no shot.
You would have no chance in boxing. Oh my god,
it would be a blood bath. Dave and Mill Valley, California,
right there, just a little bit, just a wee bit,
(14:12):
north of San Francisco, says what what what? What are you?
What are you laughing? Because San Francisco is a cesspool?
Now he lives in Mill Valley, north, this in Marin County.
I think, right, yeah, right, all right, Hey bet you
often use the verbs hoodwink, the bamboos, al than hornswaggled.
They are three of my all time favorite words. Please
list them in order of your preference. Yeah, and he says,
(14:36):
I'd also like to know what Big Mike thinks, or
you could ask gas Can on the off chance he
actually shows up. Instead, Well, it's actually big mix in
this week. Uh No, I love horn swoggled. That's my favorite.
I don't use it enough. I think it's a fun word.
It's a great word. It's an underused word. Hornswoggled. Then
(14:57):
it's a toss up a slightly mean two bamboozled, and
then hoodwinked would be third. But clearly the leader in
the clubhouse is horns walk. Yeah, it's good, it's solid word. Uh,
let's see here. David from simple Sonville, South Carolina says,
(15:20):
are there any hats you would be uncomfortable having? San
Francisco Giants had the stros about the Podres, and David says,
as the hat gifter, I need to know thanks for
all the shows. Well, thank you, David. No, I wouldn't
be against the Padres thing, but they're blood rival with Dodgers.
(15:43):
It would be inappropriate to wear Padre had But I
worked in San Diego and I used to go to
Podre games when I worked there, and I loved it.
Had great members. Are going to Potre games when there
was no one there and they have fire sale And
it was Tony Gwynn in the the eight students that
were out there for the Padres and but but I
had fun members of that. Uh. But no, I wouldn't
wear a Giant's hat. You know, I'm really shifted. We
(16:05):
talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but I've
shifted more to minor league hats that in college. I
like college hats. I like obscure college hats, minor league hats.
That's that's really what I'm gravitating too. In any hat
with a be on it, any hat with a be
on it, or an m I think there's a hat
at the studio, Is that right? I think so? Yeah.
(16:28):
And I gotta come in there. I gotta get get
in there. Maybe i'll swing by. Maybe I will. Have
you opened that? I mean, you open all my mail.
From what I understand, I could open it. I'll take
a look at it. I wonder if it fits me.
I don't open you No, No, don't don't open my mail.
You've already opened enough in my mail. John the jailer
from alan Town, Pennsylvania, rights scene. He says, been given
(16:49):
your vast radio game show experience. Why were you not
considered to be the next host of Jeopardy? Just imagine
he's easy World where the militia is on Jeopardy. You'd
have beer drinking Brian half pint reading video answers, Oh,
that'd be great. A Mallard militia category. I drove a
(17:13):
bus around San Francisco, walked on hold to a sports
talk radio show. Who am I? You know I could
do that? I got? What was it? Oh? You know,
here's a good one. I won a radio game show
while sleeping. I also got kicked out of my house
for shouting on the same radio show. Who am I
(17:37):
be a good one? Right? Good? I called up a
radio show the night the astro scandal started and said
it was all fake and photoshopped. Who am I? Wonder
who that could be? Wonder who that one could be?
I once showed up to a B LM rally and
(18:00):
shouted the Ben Mallard show at that rally, Who am I?
That's one of the greats? Ed from Spokane? Oh God,
what a character? Ed and Christina I have not hurt
and I called the show this week. I did not
hear from them this week. I don't think, unless unless
maybe I missed it. All right, who else do we
(18:21):
have here? Let's see page But I should be a
Jeopardy host, although I got people from Jeopardy sent me
a cease and assists, so I don't think they like me. Hello,
Lord Ben Jose Right soon, he says, I'm originally from
northern California. I grew up a Giants fan watching Will Clark,
Matt Williams, Kevin Mitchell, Willy Wagee. He says I moved
(18:42):
to Massachusetts. Hey, you didn't mention. No, I don't like
the Giants, but my favorite giant of all time. You
know who it is? Guesscan favorite giant of all time?
I was gonna say Matt Williams or jeff Kenn. Matt Williams,
Doe she I gotta argument with him in the locker.
The one is Jeffrey Leonard, the Hackman. Jeffrey Leonard, my
(19:04):
all time favorite. Johannt He gave me a baseball when
I was a kid. He was playing for the Brewers
at the time. But I still still have fond memories
of that was one of the great moments of my childhood.
I during a game foul ball in the right field
corner of the Big A had seats right near the
foul poll. I ran over, fat kid, and Jeffrey Leonard
came over, scooped the ball up and tossed it and
(19:26):
I caught it, and I was outstanding. I didn't I
was worried it's gonna drop it. Didn't drop it. I
liked Kevin Mitchell back in the day, I made one
of the great catches in baseball history, one handed, bare
handed catch Bush Stadium in St. Louis. I don't like
Will Clark because he's he was a dick and he
he killed me when he was at the Atlanta No.
He was with the Cardinals against the Atlanta Breaks. I
(19:48):
had a huge bet on the break for that, he says.
As a kid, baseball was my number one football as
as a as a kid, football was one. Uh and
and two Basketball three? I baseball was when he said, uh,
football too? In Basketball three he wrote that weird. Uh,
he says, Now football is number one. I haven't watched
baseball game in three years. Analytics have ruined it for me.
(20:10):
The same with basketball. Everything is a foul, no defense,
and all the players are selfish, soft like gag on
you a bad example for kids. That's a good point, Jose.
Do you think you'll ever get to that point? PS
bring back Brian Finlay? Why that you ruined me with
that last line? Uh? Do I do? I Will I
(20:31):
ever get to the point where I'll be the bitter,
jaded old guy. Uh? I'd like to think that I
love sports. It's changed the way I watch sports has
changed with the politics policizing of sports. But no, I
not on think it's gonna you know, I'm gonna completely stop.
(20:52):
I'd like to think not, but you never know what
the you know what the what the future hold holds.
And and I hear from guys all the time, and
I'm not watching sports because of politics, and I I
don't agree with the politics of a lot of these
idiots in sports, but I still think it's stupid to
not watch. I mean, just because somebody has a different viewpoint.
I just don't like being preached to. I don't care
(21:14):
le Bron James is a lunatic politically, that's he can
do whatever he wants. But if you're preaching from the
bully pulpit, that is to me, that's I don't I
don't watch sports for that. So but you know, everyone
has the right to have their own viewpoint. I don't
don't care about that right to be wrong. Um, but
you don't like if if I worked for somebody that
(21:36):
I didn't agree with him, I gonna quit my job.
I don't think that's that's how that would go anyway.
In any response to Jose is a big fan of
your work, he says soft, like a gag on. I
don't know what his problem is. You're the problem. Did
you kick out Findling or something? We I was he
talking about bringing him back? No, I diin't. I ain't know.
(21:58):
He's he's a Findley is a stalker. He's a creepy guy.
He's like the Deshaun Watson, Oh boy of the radio.
That's what I hear. I don't know. That's what you
told me off the year? Is that not said that
to you? You told me that off the year. I'm
just repeating what you told me. I never have disparaging
remarks for for my colleagues here, and that's a line.
(22:18):
That's a lie. Nobody gossips more than you. You're like
a schoolyard girl. He just gossip gossip. Gossip. People tell
me if things. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
(22:41):
Mitch and Fort Collins, Colorado. Ever been to Fort Collins?
I have, yes, fan, No not a fan. I like it.
I mean I like Denver better, but yeah, Colorado is
a great state, alright, Mitch, Right, So, and he says
that have you watched the documentary? Assume you have Baseball
(23:03):
by Ken Burns, the PBS documentary. I don't know how
I've missed it my entire life, but I watched it
on PBS over the weekend. I enjoyed the history telling.
I was wondering, you know, what you thought of it,
and if you have any suggestions on other cool baseball
history books or documentaries that every fan should have in
(23:25):
their library. Uh. Yeah, I mean there's a bunch of
baseball documentaries that you know it's hard. Off the top
of my head, the Baseball Card one, which is it
was made a couple of years ago, exposing the upper
deck scandal again opening up a wound. If you're around
my age, I don't know how hold your, Mitch, but
maybe you're a little younger, maybe a little older. But
(23:46):
that was a big one for me. There was a
documentary about a minor league baseball team in Oregon in
Portland that was pretty good. I saw that. Oh and Screwball.
Remember Screwball? That was the one about Alex Rodriguez and
the Biogenesis Clinic. That was a very good documentary. That
was a few years ago. And I have a fond
(24:08):
memory of the Baseball documentary from Ken Burns. I was
working at the Mighty six ninety in San Diego when
that came out in the nineties, and I was I
was a lowly peon at the radio station, and they
felt bad for me because I was I was getting
no money and I was a you know, low man
on the Total Bowl and they hooked me up with
the Baseball and that was a big deal. I have
the I had. I just got rid of it recently.
(24:30):
But the VHS copy that's a whole long ago. This
was of the Ken Burns Baseball documentary, but it was
well done. He also says, Mitch, do you think they
should make a sequel to cover the nineties the steroid here,
the cheating, as strows, well, that would be great. I
I actually subscribe to the doc PBS as like a documentary.
(24:53):
I love documentary, so they have a documentary streaming service.
It's pretty much all ken burn stuff, which is cool.
And uh, and you know, Burns his great I thought
I were trying to cancel him. Weren't they the lunatics
trying to cancel Ken Burns? The uh, the woke mob
was upset because Ken's white and that's problematic and they
had to get him out of there. And there's a
(25:13):
lot of layers though with baseball these days, just the nineties,
like you mentioned the ownership that turned a blind eye
to that stuff, and then you know the Red Sox
one of the World Series, and people are ending the
Curse of the banding of the Cubs, ending the curse
of the Billy Goat. Well, you could just talk to
about Manny and David Ortiz, right, Like those are two
guys that were using p E. D s that obviously
(25:36):
helped them get over the top them come. But just
just you could do two documentaries, one each on the
Curse of the ban Being, which I'm sure has already
been done, and then the Billy Goat and or combine
those things together. Nome. When I was a kid, I
my brother moved to New York when I was in
high school, and I went back to visit him. First time,
went to a Yankee game at the old Yankee Stadium
and they were playing the Red Sox and the Red
(25:58):
Sox weren't very good. But I still remember I and
the bleachers because I wanted to be in the bleachers
because I had heard things about the bleacher creatures and
it was pretty well because there were like women fighting
with women in the bleachers. The Yankee state in the
game I went to. It was pretty crazy. But now
I heard it's all corporate. Now it's all they've raised
the prices and everything. But it was expensive then. But
the fans like the Red Sox. Uh anytime the Yankees
(26:19):
did anything, and the Yankee Bleacher Creatures were nineteen eighteen nineteen.
It was great. It was out standing. Fond memories of that. Emmett,
the blind Seahawk fan, this kid is the breakout star.
What a wonderful caller he is. He's better than the
(26:39):
grown ups and he's only in high school, sixteen years old.
This kid really talented. He's going places. Blind him the
Seahawk fan says, uh, did you fire Gagon? Yes, we
re hired him, but we fired him last week. Emmett
also says, what is the best dish you can make? Well? None, Emmett, none.
(27:00):
The Mallard pizza is bone appetite. It is year. But
I was so good this. It was so good, you dummy,
that I had to eat it fast. I couldn't wait
to get it into my mouth. I was savoring every
little it was. It was a medley for my taste, Budge.
(27:21):
It was so yummy, it was amazing. You're stress eating
because you could not get a media credential from the Rams,
so you went home you burned. That is true. But
I like, I'm gonna stick into the Rams because they
were they were playing the Buccaneers who had Jamis Winston,
who were terrible, and they wouldn't let me in. Yeah,
the team I I suck up to every night on
(27:44):
the radio and giving them publicity, these assholes, and they
wouldn't let me in, Like those ship bags in Seattle,
the Seahawks, who wouldn't allow me in there either. Um,
I guess I'm not allowed at some of these NFL
state I'm banned from me. I'm like Kaepernick, I'm not
allowed in the NFL. But uh. But anyway, so I
was like, oh, my, a pizza and I'll watch the game,
and I can make a better pizza than I can
eat Peter Food than if I went to the game.
(28:05):
And then I I made a delicious pizza, but I
was so in such a rush to eat it because
I was hungry. I'd been on a fast and uh yeah,
a little little uh mouthfeasance on my part eating the
pizzaster burn your no. But I'm a good no emt.
I'm a good cook man. I can make uh like
(28:27):
chicken palm en, chicken parma gena. I make that very
good chicken fingers. I make a rip off Popeye's chicken sandwich,
raising cane chicken fingers like it's all delicious. It's finger
licking good. I guess we can use that because camc
retired that it's finger licking good. Cheese. I make the
Philly cheese steak. That's right. I mean this is some Yeah,
(28:47):
I like it. And that's something I didn't really cook
until I got married. My wife taught me a little bit,
and I learned some stuff off YouTube. But I was
a TV dinner fast food guy before before I got married.
So it's only been somewhat recently, the last ten years
or so that I started cooking. Great question, Emvalls fan
(29:09):
Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee, says, big, have you ever had
a conflict at the Ugly sweater Christmas party that you
had to step in between you And has Bella ever
bitten anyone? Uh? No, I actually have a great Bella
story that I forgot. Oh, this is great. I'm glad
you see you triggered this, Jimmy, Have we had any fights? No,
(29:32):
that the closest we came to a fight was a
douchebag that showed up and ninety minutes late and complained
about the food. That was the biggest asshole. And then
my friend already who gets completely wasted every year and
starts telling stories of when he was in desert storm
and uh, it goes rat a tat tat with it.
He makes the fake gun. That's that's about as far
(29:52):
as crazy town as we've gone. He doesn't leave until
like three in the morning. Now he's the last one,
you know, we have to shepherd him out. He's the
last one every year at the Mallard Ugly Sweater party.
But the Bella story. So we've been moving some stuff
around the Mallard mansion. Again, we'll tell you later why
we're doing that. But we're moving some stuff around, like
inside and outside, redecorating some stuff, and uh, you know
(30:16):
that some stuff was taken outside. And uh, let's just
say that it was it was a night. I was
doing the show this week, and I didn't really I
hadn't seen Bella the Dog my dog in a while.
I have a studio and I do the show and
(30:37):
Bella sometimes sits in with me when I do the show.
Usually not, She's bored with it. Like every woman in
my life. Anybody in radio knows this. When you tell
a woman you're dating you're in radio, they were very
excited to listen to everything you do for the first
like couple of shows, and then about a week later
they never listened again. Happens all the time. So so anyways, like, well,
Bella got bored with me. She's so then like it's
(30:59):
like two in the morning and I hear this like
scratching sound on the door, like the door to the
outside from my studio, and so I hear the scratching sound, right, Like,
what the fund is that? Is there? Like a wild
animal out there? Is I got coyote or a skunk?
And I I opened up the door and I don't
(31:20):
see anything. I'm like, whoa, Like I'm in the twilight zone, man,
Like what the funk happened, and so like, all right,
I go back, I do the show, and then I
I wrapped up the show and I'm kind of winding
down and I hear it again, and I text my wife.
I said, well, there's an animal outside my door and
(31:42):
it's I looked at I didn't see anything. What is
going on? And she said, probably Bella. I said, no, no,
it's not Bella. And I go through the house to
try to find Bella. Can't find Bella. So I don't
hear the noise noise anymore. I go back out. I
then open the door with the flashlight and there is Bella,
(32:03):
freezing her ass off, shivering, sitting by the door, waiting
for me to open the door. She had spent all night,
probably from like seven o'clock in the evening until two
in the morning or three actually by this point it
was like three in the morning, uh, sitting outside, And
so we almost loved Bella could have run away, she
(32:23):
could have been like in another state by the time
I figured out that she was outside. That's my Bella story.
How how cold do you think it was? I mean
it wasn't that was California cold. I mean, it wasn't
like cold, cold, but California. But she hasn't for coats,
so she's all right, yeah, but you since she was shivering, Yeah,
she seemed annoyed cold and like, hey, asshole, I've been
(32:46):
out here the whole time. But in my defense, I
had headphones on most of the time, so I couldn't
hear it. Got you. Yeah, that's that's that. Kevin and
Kansas says, Hey, Ben as kids, did you? And David
he says, this must be a mistake. The best produced,
the best podcast co host out there, by that's a mistake.
Bam bamming. Uh did you ever have dreams of playing
(33:10):
a professional sport when you grew up? And if so,
did you have a specific player you emulated? Keep the
podcast coming. Oh yeah, listen, I was an amazing basketball
player in the Moneyball Mallard originated in the backyard at
the Mallard mansion. The hoop there had fun, but I
(33:31):
would play baseball for hours with the tennis ball. We
used to play street ball in the neighborhood. And we
had in that house we grew up in, we had
eucalyptus trees, these giant eucalyptus trees in the in there's
like a green belt in the middle of the street,
and so it was perfect. The way the driveway was
lined up. There were three of these eucalyptus trees, and
(33:52):
so we had first base, second base, and third base,
each of each giant these massive trees were were and
so we did that. But then I would I was
such a loser. I had no friends for a while
that I would just for hours throw the tennis ball
against the wall and I would imagine, you know, I
was you know, any number of players. I would go
(34:14):
through the list because I'd watch This Weekend Baseball and
then I was Dodging fan. But I watched This Weekend
Baseball and be like, oh, you know, they do some
vignette on Ozzy Smith, you know, because he was a player,
a big star in those days, and I'd be the
Wizard of Oz, you know, and I'd be like, all right,
and then I'd make these plays back, you know, going
there and and then uh, you know, behind the back
throws and things like. I mean, it was crazy. I
(34:35):
was good, and obviously football, but football I knew I
was gonna be alignment. So I channeled some of the
the alignment of the day. What about you guess, and yeah,
I I mean I thought about growing up, I thought
about playing outside of basketball. I thought about playing every
sport professionally. But I was really good in hockey, but
(34:55):
my parents couldn't afford the insurance for for goal equipment.
And then, um, I played baseball in college and football
in college, and I thought I was I was better
in football, but my dad thinks I had more talented baseball.
And I'm left handed and I was a picture. Um
but I love. That's a tough racket though, baseball. Man.
(35:19):
I had a buddy in high school that was a
very good player. And actually the first time I went
to a couple high school with the first high school
I went to, and he got drafted and he toiled
in the minor leagues. He never made the big leagues,
and he was in the minor leagues. He got he
got you know, double A. Had a couple of buddies
he got to double A. One guy was with the
Blue Jays and he was like there. He was their
(35:41):
second rated minor league prospect in a ball and he
got to double A and he did okay, and then
he went to triple and couldn't hit. I just forgot
how to hit and then he never never made it.
So yeah, I mean I grew up. I mean I
was a huge Broncos fans. I love John Elway, but
I'm you know, left handed and half any left hand
quarterbacks outside of Steve Young, and so I tried to
(36:04):
emulate Shinnon Sharp, you know, as a great ship talker.
But he was a was a great receiver even at
tight end. I was a better blocker than new Ones.
But um, but yeah, man, I Well, the one guy
that I remember was was like I kept reading these
mythical lumber lumberjack stories about this guy was Tony Manderidge.
(36:24):
Who was this offensive lineman. Well he was. He was
at Michigan State and he was the second overall pick.
We talked to Ryan Leef the other day, who was
one of the great NFL draft bus But Tony Manderish
he didn't get as much attention from being a disaster
because he was an offensive lineman. But he was drafted
by the Green Bay Packers in the late eighties and
(36:47):
was who I guess, he was a total fraud. He
was all like a steroid guy and he just couldn't play. Yeah,
but I thought I'd read these stories and I believed everything.
At that time, I was not naive and Jay and
I believed everything I read, and you know, the eyes
of a child. I was like, you know, a teenager,
and I was like, whoa, this guy is great, you know,
(37:08):
highly touted at Michigan State and and this this guy
he was in this draft class. Think about the other
players that draft had Troy Aikman, Barry Sanders, Dion Sanders,
Derek Thomas, and Tony Mandrich. Who doesn't belong on that list? Man,
(37:30):
it's I mean, obviously Derrick Thomas passed away too early,
but fuck yeah, he's the only one of those top
five picks that did not end up in the Pro
Football Hall of Unbelievable. Yeah, and that's the guy I
gravitated to right there. That's my guy that was going
to be the guy right there that was going to
(37:51):
be it. So there you go. Pierre in Springfield, Massachusetts.
He says, Ben, do you and the mrs have any
attentions of raising offspring or Bella, Gagon and Finley more
than you can handle? Well, Gagon and Finley, Uh, they
are children. They act like babies. That is correct, Pierre.
(38:11):
A good call on that. Ce Pierre has got a
very good ear. He knows that you are a childlike.
He is a super duper nut hugger of Ben Mallary.
He's a quality man. He's a pickle lover and he's quality.
He likes pickles. I didn't mean like that pert. Wow,
that guy? Would I know that for a fact? My
(38:34):
toilet water is good, Jesus, wonderful toilet water. Murray and
Saskatoon writes in so we're both of you. Who was
your first girlfriend? And what is she doing now? Also?
What did you do on your first date with her?
I have no idea, do you? I have not kept track.
I guess it wasn't It was like a like a
(38:56):
junior high school, like like high school type thing. You know?
Is his a casual? And I went to Newport Beach.
That was where he went, the right there west of
the four oh five. Wow, wow, Gascan, your first girlfriend?
(39:17):
Is she alive or dead? She's probably an older women
you were dead the cougars. Yeah, my my first I guess,
true true girlfriend. I think she's in New York now
and she she's married. No, I probably take some credit
to that because I was kind of a shitty boyfriend
growing up. You ruined her life. I think so she's
(39:39):
wonderful job she's got. She's got some hate for men
now and it was a bad job by me, but
she was awesome. I also hate men because of YouTube,
so we have that in common. We gotta wrap, we
gotta wrap, all right, I'm sorry to Jason and Rocky Man, Virginia,
(40:01):
John and Omaha. Who else do we have here? Adrian
of the Mileized City Lugo, All you guys, Gascon says he.
We gotta rap, so we will not get to any
of your questions. And those are all wonderful questions to
be continued, not Lugo. Lugo's question was not that good,
so just resubmit your question next week. We're on a
tight clock here on the podcast. Do you think we
(40:22):
could go on forever? But Gascons west of the four
oh five with no work ethic, so he can't go
on forever. But if you want to send a message
for a future podcast, Every Wednesday we posted on the
show facebook page. Ben Mallor Show usually in the morning,
sometimes afternoon. Sometimes I forget. It's not to the evening,
but there's a post. You can send a question in.
Put your name in city first, and you can email
(40:43):
if you are inclined the Real Fifth Hour, Real fifth
Hour at gmail dot com and have a wonderful rest
of your day. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
The Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven
(41:03):
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Radio app.
Host
Ben Maller
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