November 21, 2021 • 44 mins
Ben returns to the podcast studio to dive deep into the mailbag answering select P1 questions from the #MallerMilitia on this edition of the mailbag! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring. Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere, never tight lip,
not on the podcast The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
from the Tabernacle. That's a fun word, right, Tabernacle. That's
(00:46):
actually just the podcast studio at a secret location somewhere
deep in the north Woods. Because four hours a night
during the week or not enough. We must come in
to the Sanctuary a days a week, eight days a
week here bloviating the night away, reminiscing about days of
(01:09):
yore and days to come as well. And let's not
that's not really what we do here. But this the
Sunday edition of The Fifth Hour, and we thank you
have those that have sent questions in. We will get
to the many, many questions that have come in for
this week's mailbag. And as I said, if you did
not listen on Saturday. We have no official announcement on
(01:34):
who is replacing Gascon Mr West of the four oh
five as the sidekick on the podcast, but we will
keep you abreast of the situation. Hopefully, if everything goes well,
knock on wood, we will have someone in place by
this coming weekend, assuming we do the podcast. It is
(01:56):
Thanksgiving weekends, so let me know. Maybe I'll put a
Twitter pull up here at some point whether or not
you want fresh podcast if you're actually gonna listen to
them on Thanksgiving weekend, or I should just take the
Thanksgiving weekend off and avoid doing the podcast stuff. So
that is yet to be determined. But without further ado,
here we go. They you, Ohio. All these are actual
(02:35):
listener questions. These are not fake made up questions. These
are questions sending by fellow consumers of the product. Uh.
They have said, listen, we are here for you. I
got mail, I got mail, I got a lot of mail.
I'm very excited about it. Some of these submitted via
(02:56):
Facebook the Facebook page Ben Mallard Show. All right, Facebook
page Ben Mallard Show. And you can also email your
question in real fifth hour, real fifth hour. Yes we do,
so we will get to that. Thanks to Ohio Al
for sending in those many, many, many wonderful songs that
(03:21):
he's he's done a us. I think he sent three in.
That's a lot. That's more than I've ever made. But
on with the questions. Alright, come back, it's time from
mail call alright, alright, calm down. So the first message
comes from Kevin in Kansas. He says, dear Bend, besides teaching,
(03:41):
I also mo and clean a lot of yards. With
the season winding down, it makes me wonder if you
have time to do your own yard work or are
you one to higher outside help meaning of course a
gardener and all that. Please keep these podcasts going. So Kevin,
I don't have much of a green thumb. If you've
(04:03):
listened in previous podcasts, I've told the story. I'm still
working on the yard as it got destroyed in the
home renovation. The home renovation is not completely done. Most
of it's done, there's still some stuff that needs to
be finished, and the yard needs to be improved. So
I am working on putting the grass down and taking
(04:25):
care of that. Typically during the week, I don't have
a lot of time and work at night, so I'm
not really awake during the daylight hours when most gardening
work is done. Um, but I do try to trim
the trees and do some of the the guarding work.
But we do have someone that comes to the house
and takes care of it usually once once a week,
(04:47):
once every couple of weeks and takes care of it. Uh.
But that's good hustle by you, Kevin. You know you're
not only teaching, but you're also makeing a electra. I
assume you're not doing that for free. That's not pro
Oh no work that you're actually out there and you're
getting paid a little bit of money for it. Good
job by you, and you're right. In Kansas, you have
to stop doing that. In California, you don't have to
(05:09):
worry about it. There's one season in California it rains
for like two or three weeks, maybe maybe during the wintertime,
and then it gets oppressively hot for part of the
year and the rest of the time it's it's my
old temperatures. Pierre in Springfield, Massachusetts, home of the Pro
(05:30):
Basketball Hall of Fame, where the great Muffett mcgrawl is enshrined.
I know you're impressed by that. Fun fact. I know
it is very, very impressive, but listen, we have fun
fact anyway, Pierre a friend of alf the amienal pining. Right,
since it's been now that we don't have gascon to
(05:50):
kick around anymore, since he took his ball and went home,
are you looking for a yes man that believes in
radio analytic or someone that has a great feel for radio? Alright?
Wonderful question from Pierre. Pierre, you know how I feel
about analytics and stats tell you what has happened, not
(06:14):
what's going to happen. And they have these these weird
squiggly lines, these squiggly ziggly lines that mess everything up.
So my preference would be to bring somebody in who
is a radio pro, someone that gets radio. That would
be the way we are leaning. And we we do
have someone in mind, and I think everything should be
(06:35):
good on that to have the announcement, but I have
not been allowed from management to give the green light.
The person we are trying to put in the podcast
is not currently available to do said podcast, and so
we have to make sure everything is good on that. Uh.
He also says any progress on the outdoor wood or
gas fired pizza oven, I'm living vicariously through your cooking escapades.
(07:02):
So we have not gone out and gotten the pizza oven.
The back back of the house there the outdoor area,
outdoor space, whatever you call it. It still needs a
lot of work. We cleaned up a lot of it
last weekend, I think it was. We did a lot
of clean up, so a lot of the broken glass
is all gone. The stuff we could find. I used
(07:23):
a shop back that was missing a wheel to put
everything out there and put everything together. So, uh, we're
not at that point. But you did send me I
think it was you, Pierre that sent me a nice
link on Amazon. I'm sure that thing's gone up in price.
That an outdoor pizza oven. That wasn't that much. I
(07:45):
gotta do it. I make the Mallard pizza. I've made
that a few times in the house. I made it
this week. Last weekend we made the rip off Popeye's
Chicken sandwich, a recipe we got off the YouTube, which
is amazing, and it is shocking how little chicken is
(08:06):
actually in the Popeye's chicken sandwich, at least the one
I made. Because what I do is I get I
even get a chicken breast and cut it up into
chicken tender size. Or what I'll do is I'll get
the chicken tenders from like Walmart or whatever, and I'll
just take one chicken tender, pound that thing down, make
it as flat as you can possibly make it, because
it'll puff back up when you cook it, and it
(08:29):
makes this large chicken sandwich. I should have taken a picture.
Next time I make that, I'm gonna have to take
a picture. But I will keep you updated, Pierre on
cooking with Benny. We'll have to come up with a
better name than that. Fred in Spring, Texas writes in
and Fred says, hey, Ben, where did you and your
wife hunting moon? So Fred, back in the day when
(08:53):
I left a bachelorhood behind became an honest man, I
got married in Hawaii. And when you get married in Hawaii,
you don't need to go anywhere else for your honeymoon.
So we got married. No family was there, just me
and my wife, and we got married, and we hung out,
and we went to Hawaii and we hung out on
(09:14):
the Garden Island. And there are a few different islands
in the Hawaiian Island chain that are part of the
United States. There's actually I read this the other day
that there's a hundred and thirty two islands that make
up the Hawaiian island chain, but there's only a few
that are actually part of the United States. Right. It's
(09:36):
kind of it's kind of crazy when you think about
how many now what they classify as an island. Uh,
most of us would look at and say, uh, you know,
there's no there's no one living there, so that's not
really an island. And it's like a little rock popping
up out of the ocean. And but they say that
(09:58):
there's like a hundred and thirty two of the is
little little things popping up. Some of the big ones
are part of the United States, Uh, Hawaii on the
Hawaiian Islands, and the rest they're just kind of there.
All right, you are fake, No, I'm not. That's legitimate
information that I read on a website. But I loved
(10:18):
I love Hawaii, love Kauai beautiful. If I was really rich,
I would probably buy a house there and live there
part of the year and have a wonderful time. But
fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your outlook on things, Fred,
I don't have that kind of money, and it's very
expensive even visit Hawaii. But I've been lucky. I've been
there a number of times. I think I've been there
(10:39):
four or five times in my life when when I
was a kid with my parents, And it's great. You
could swim with seat turtles and their seals all over
the place, and the snorkeling and the the water is
just amazing. Oh, it's beautiful, all right, Dave writes in
in Mill Valley, California. He says, Hey, Bank, why do
(11:00):
you tolerate such insubordination from members of your radio crew
when they ruthlessly and shamelessly heck are you? I'm not
saying you don't deserve it, but still, all right, so
this gets asked from time to time. And as you know,
this show, the radio show, is much different than any
(11:24):
other radio just about any other Like most radio shows,
like I often use the analogy Dan Patrick and the
dan Ets Uh, smooch, smooch, love love for Dan, all right.
They do everything in their power to make Dan look good.
And it's a good show. And Dan Patrick's a Hall
of Famer on our show. Yeah, it is on and
(11:48):
on like Donkey Kong. And by the end of the show,
normally I am the one standing up the tallest and
the rest of the guys. Yeah, just like in Donkey Kong.
Uh that is it. But uh yeah, for some reason,
I've always had this kind of thing, and I don't
encourage it. I don't think I encourage it. But we
(12:08):
like to bust the balls on the show. We we
goof on the people that call into the show, their
characters on the show. They're part of the program, and
they're part of our little dysfunctional family of the Mallar Militia.
And so the guys in the show have taken some
creative license and had a field day with that. All right,
we do have more mail. Let's go to Jason from
(12:29):
Rocky Mount, Virginia. He says, Ben, throughout your life, have
you ever gotten pretty good at bar or party type
games such as pool, darts, horseshoes, or cornhole? Well, I
have had my moments in cornhole. I've done pretty well.
(12:50):
If that the bean bag tossing game, I've won my share.
I have. I have won my share the game, and
I don't think it quality fights by your definition, Jason
in Rocky Mount, Virginia of like a party type game,
but I do it has been like those fund zone
places Ski ball, al right, ski ball. When I in
(13:15):
my youth, I was a hustler at ski ball, back
at at Chuck E Cheese, back in the day. And
it was a domination situation, all right, Yes it was.
I owned. I had great muscle memory doing that. And
(13:36):
it was very very good one a lot of tickets,
won a lot of cheap plastic toys from that little
gift area where you going that. We had a place
called Bullwinkles, which was like a Chucky Cheese competitor, and
that place was not far from the house, and we
go in there and it was awesome. And I would
(13:57):
just tell everyone else listen, all right, I'm playing the
game here and you're not winning. Okay, you are not winning.
Moving on in the mail bag, Who do we have next?
Let's go do Valls fan Jimmy in Fayetteville, Tennessee. He says,
for both of you, have you and are Mr West
(14:21):
of the four h five ever been in a real knockdown,
drag out fight with anyone? Now? False fan Jimmy. That
tells me you have listened to every podcast unless unless
you have not listened to every podcast, and you somehow forgot,
somehow forgot that Mr West of the four oh five
(14:44):
resigned from the podcast, said I am out of here,
bye bye. Uh yeah, that's it. That's pretty much what
he said, although he didn't give any money back, so
he's not part of the program, So bad job by you.
(15:09):
But valls fan Jimmy, I will answer the question. Back
in junior high school, I did get into some dust ups,
playground fights. I am old enough that when I was
a kid that was allowed. You did not end up
getting kicked out of school when that happened, and being
the biggest kid in the school, it was an accomplishment
(15:32):
to kick the big kid's ass, and so many people
attempted and I had to hold my ground when that
took place. And so that did happen quite a bit. Uh, well,
not quite a bit. I remember junior high I got
into two fights. I've had in one one fight in
high school. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
(15:55):
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
I Got mail, na, I got mail. Yeah, we have
more male j Bone from Portland's Main Rights and he says, Ben,
have you ever been thrown out of a game or
anywhere for that matter. So j Bon, I'm trying to
(16:20):
think off the top of my head. I do not
recall every being kicked out of a game. I assume
you're referring to playing in a game like a high
school game or something along those lines. Now, I will
tell you that I did get chased by security at
(16:40):
what is now the Crypto Arena, which was formerly known
as the Staples Center back in the day when it early,
when it opened up in the late nineties there, and
they had the security staff. They still have the Red coats,
they call them the Red Coats, out there doing their thing.
And I left Staples Center and I had in my
(17:03):
hand a carbonated beverage. As I remember, it was a
Dr Pepper. It's possible it was a Pepsi. It's possible
it was a Cherry Coke. But as I remember it,
it was a Dr Pepper. And so j Bone, I
was leaving. I was covering a Laker game or a
Clipper game or whatever. And I'm walking out a Staple
Center and downtown l A. And it's it's probably eleven
(17:25):
o'clock at night or something like that, and I'm walking out.
I have the carbonated beverage in my hand, and I
walk out of the arena. I get about ten steps
outside the arena and I see a guy on a
walk I see a guy behind me because I turned
around because I heard a kind of kind of a
(17:47):
how would I describe it? I heard? I heard a
little noise. There weren't many people around the game and
ended long enough where there weren't a lot of people
outside Staple Center, so there was some kind of conversation happening.
It turned out it was about me, right, And so
this redcoats on the walkie talk he's saying, hey, some
he's got he's got a beverage he left. He's walking
(18:07):
out of the arena right, and I'm like, what are
you talking about? Me? And uh? And next thing I know,
now I'm pretty fat at this time. I'm a big
I'm a big heifer. I'm Porky the pig. And so
I started going down the street and I'm making my
move whatever, and this guy's following me and he's like
stop stop. I'm like what I'm I'm looking around, like
(18:30):
what the heck did I do? And I'm getting annoyed here,
and so I keep going and I'm like, I don't
think I said anything. By my head, I'm that's what
I'm thinking, right, So I keep going and then another guy.
There's the two guys chasing me. Granted it's a slow
speed chase, right, it's not. It's not one of these
long term situations. But you know, I'm going down doing
(18:51):
the doing. I'm walking away. And it turned out that, uh,
that I had violated the Staples Center policy. You're not
you were not allowed to take beverages out of Staples Center.
That that was contraband how crazy is that? Right? And
so I got in trouble for that. But I wasn't
like kicked out. I just like it was like a
(19:12):
slow speed chase kind of thing. And I I've left
some movies because the movie wasn't bad. I've walked out.
Doesn't count as being kicked out. I'm trying to think.
There's nothing that pops into my head right now of
getting kicked out. I have been banned, well, yeah, I've
been kicked out of locker rooms, covering locker rooms. That's
(19:33):
happened multiple times. I don't I don't consider that the
same though. I don't think of that as being kicked
out of the game. I was just told like, I'm
not a lout in the locker room because I asked
questions that were offensive to players and they snapped at
me and said, hey you u s and shocked the
(19:53):
fuck yeah, And and then the next thing I know,
I had to get out of there, and ID guys
in the days threatened to fight me. We talked with
Jerry Coleman Sports with Coleman on Friday. I could do
an entire podcast going through some of those old locker
room confrontations with players who are all really old now
or dead. I know, right, it's crazy how fast times
(20:17):
go go by, but so, yeah, I guess and that
that would be the closest. And I did get kicked
out of the locker room because of players being offended
by what I said. Who else do we have? Next? Up? Boy?
Who sent this one? I forget? I think this was
from Patricia in Vegas? I think if not, I apologize,
(20:41):
She says, I think Steve de Sager, the update guy,
should be your sidekick. He is very knowledgeable. I like
that he gives extra info on doing the updates. Yeah,
I love Steve Sager is great, had a lot of fun.
We've had Steve. I believe he popped up on this
(21:02):
podcast right at some point we've had him on the podcast.
And me and Steve go way back in the old days.
We had great memories coming games in Anaheim and Dodger Stadium,
and Steve's a lifetime radio guy. I think he's very good.
I I am not sucking up to him, but he's
always been rock solid as a news guy, as a
(21:24):
sports guy. And I remember when Steve Disagreel hosted the
Mighty Duck post game Duck calls million years ago. Alright,
next email, I think if I give you the email
without saying who sent it, you will know if you've
been listening to this podcast that someone who left the
podcast because of Gascon has returned to the podcast. That's right.
(21:52):
Give it up now for Helen and Stu in Palmetto Bay, Florida.
They are back. That's right. Ding Dong the David Gascon
which is gone. Email reads from Helen and Stu. We
(22:12):
have Ben's back, they write, Gascon should have apologized. We
know people, Ding Dong, gascone is gone. Guescon is gone,
but thank you Helen and Stu. I wondered what happened
(22:32):
you now, you guys had sent me an email. Uh
And I actually wrote back to one of your last emails,
and I don't think you use that email address anymore
because I never got a response, although it did not
bounce back. I I was checking in on Helen and
stupid they did not right back. I was very offended, uh,
Andy writes in He's lives in southern California. Andy says
(22:56):
he still lives near the Tommy's in Hollywood and Hobo Paradise.
Yeah that is I mean, I look around there, and
what are you doing in my swamp? Yeah, that's a
swamp of really hard scrabble, hard scrabble territory there. That
(23:17):
is not not good, not the good at all. Anyway,
the message continues from Andy. He says, Ben, have you
considered replacing David Gagon with Penny Hardaway, a Penny Hardaway
style little penny named Little Benny. I like this email
continues he can co host Benny Versus the Penny the
(23:40):
Fifth Hour and make occasional appearances on the radio show.
This is a good idea. Who owns little Penny? Somebody's
got to own the Little Penny. But if I called
it little Benny, and I said it was satire that
would be allowed. I think satire is allowed, right, I
believe that's I'm not lawyer. I play one on the radio.
(24:02):
I'm pretty sure I'll have to look that up. That
that's a lot. I have to look at that. Uh Andy,
the email continue says, come on, can't you see it?
Get a little penny off eBay, change the jersey to
a Costco flannel at a newsboy hat and glasses and
higher an intern to handle the voiceover the v O.
(24:26):
There you go. That's a great idea, Andy, and I
I should actually look at it. I wonder how much
it costs to buy a little penny, right, and then
I of course have to check with the lawyers to
find out, and then the loyals will say, hey, you're
not you can't do that. But assuming I could, that's
a good idea. I'd be a funny bit. Anthony from Manchester,
(24:47):
New Hampshire, writes in has some radio friends that I
worked with in Boston that live in New Hampshire for
financial reasons. Anyway, Anthony says, I want your advice on something.
My employer has lifted their mask mandate only if you
are vaccinated, so I have a co worker who now
(25:10):
doesn't wear a mask and his breath smells like ass. Uh,
Anthony says personally, would you say something? All right? So, Anthony,
I am an introvert, So I in my head, I
would be m effing this particular human being. I would
be thinking really mean things about this person and would
(25:33):
be cursing up a storm. But would I actually say
any of that to them? Uh? No, I would not.
I'll tell you why. There's a couple of reasons. Obviously.
The biggest is I'm an introvert, and so I try
not to engage in any kind of small talk be
(25:55):
that can backfire you, backfire on you in a very
ugly way. And you know, and I know, especially in
this age of activism, where there is no small indeed
undone uh that that cannot be taken to hr And
(26:15):
then the next thing you know, you are dealing with
a giant mess, right, and uh, you just wish you
could go up to that person and say, you know,
cover your mouth, how about some mouth wash, how about
your brush, your teeth, Shut the funk up? Okay, shut
the fuck up. Now what you could do, Anthony, is
(26:38):
for the Christmas holidays coming up. You could buy one
of those high end um uh toothbrushes, right, why do
they call it a toothbrush on a teeth brush? It's
very odd anyway, the toothbrush thing. You can buy one
of those more expensive toothbrushes, like an electric one. They're
kind of pricey, and as I suggest in or mouthwash,
(27:02):
you could do that. Like if you were to approach
this person, you've got to do a cost benefit analysis.
Is the breath that foul that toxic where you wish
you were who d n e yes and you could
make it all vanish and all go away? Or is
it tolerable enough where you could spray something in the
(27:26):
air and make it better. Now, we've all been around
people that have bo that have issues, and it's not
not a comforable thing. But to answer a question, I
would not be the person to do it because I'm
an introvert. And I also even if I were that
annoyed by it to bring it up to their face,
I would be concerned that they would then weaponize that
(27:48):
and then look to turn me in and rap me
in to hr and then it becomes a back and
forth situation and it's political bullshit. Yeah, that happens in
the office all the time, right that you hear that
all the time. And again the age we live in now,
people are encouraged. Back in the old days, it was
(28:09):
like you got a problem, address it. You know, you
got an issue, address it. Now, like I'm talking about
face to face, employee to employee, man to man, Manda,
woman has grown ups. But in these days you can't
really get away with it because people start screaming yeah,
and it's uh, it's not good. And then somebody has
(28:31):
a panic attack. I'm in danger, yeah, and it's just
a big mess. Alright, moving on, Yes we do. We
have more mail. John the jailer from Pennsylvania rights and
he says, what's what's your all time best Al Bundy
athletic moment? Mine was a goal line hit before halftime
in the ninth grade. Well, one of my great memories. Also,
(28:53):
just like you, John, I was in ninth grade. I
was a freshman in high school. I was playing left
tackle and I was so much bigger than the other
defensive players that we ran the same running play and
the running back at our school, this guy named Scott,
running just behind my block, set a freshman record for
(29:17):
rushing yards, But it was pretty much just because I
pancaked the kids that weighed like a hundred and seventy
pounds less than I did. Not that I was the
most athletic, mind you, but I dominated. And then of
course in little league when I was Benny the Bopper
and I hit one of the furthest home runs in
the history of my little league. Uh. And I was
ahead of my time as a ball player, all right,
(29:40):
I was. I was ahead of my time. Now what
do I mean by that ahead of my time? I
think baseball. And when I was a kid, baseball was
about batting average, getting on base small ball, that was
all a big part of baseball. Now it's you swing
from the heels, right, So when you go to a
ball game, it's ike out or home run. Right, it's
(30:01):
like charge just like that. So uh. But back in
the day, I verily, very rarely made contact. But I
didn't make contact a few times, and when I did,
(30:24):
because of the size of me as a human being
in the metal bats that we use, hit some major
league size home runs in literal league, but one in particular,
and I was playing for the Oakland A's at the time.
I had the green A's jersey on and hit a bomb.
Also got I believe more than one hit off a
(30:45):
guy Hunter who I didn't even know at the time.
He was on a different little league team, and I'm
still friends with him now all these years later. And
part of the reason he actually I went to high
school with him too, But one of the reasons I
owned him, and I didn't own very many people, but
I owned him. And then, of course, as you know,
John the Jailer. Another Al Bundy moment at a media
game at Dodger Stadium, hitting a ball off the wall
(31:08):
that would have been a home run. I used a
Corey Snyder wouldn't bat. If I had used a metal bat,
it would have been a home run. Didn't do it.
Bad job by me. R J in Sanna Tonio is
next and he says, what's your go to dish to
make for Thanksgiving? Smoke? Yeah, No, that's not it, that's Coop's.
(31:31):
Actually that's Coops. That's a who hit that button. That's
a bad job by them. Uh no, uh the the
r J. It's weird. My mom loved turkey. That was
her favorite meal. So when we were a kid, any
big event, like any big accomplishment in school, birthdays, special
events for the family. Turkey that was my mom's go to.
(31:54):
She loved it, so Thanksgiving was just another turkey eating experience.
She bought a bigger bird for for Thanksgiving. But I
don't actually eat that much turkey even on Thanksgiving. Not
that I really celebrate much Thanksgiving anymore because I'm usually
working and I might get a leftover turkey sandwich slobbered
in mayonnaise or something like that, which I like, or
(32:16):
garlic paste. Um. But Thanksgiving good stuffing, well made stuffing,
outstanding cranberries. That's something my mom loved. Also, I still
love cranbers. I don't eat cranberries very often. In all
the desserts, the apple pie, the pumpkin pie, the banana
cream pie. Uh, there's a pie here, there, pie everywhere.
(32:39):
It's so good. Next up is Randy in North Hollywood.
He says, why is David gascon or gag On such
a smug prick? Well, that's not very nice. No. I
get along with gascon I do, and I wish you
could have continued with the podcast, but he had some
(32:59):
other of things that were more important, and I get it,
and he just he's kind of tired of the financial
setup and all that, so he left the podcast. I
don't blame him, uh, but you know the reason he
is a smug. He is smug. I don't know about
the prick part. West of the four oh five. Okay, yeah,
West of the four oh five. That's all you need
(33:21):
to know. And uh over on this side of the
four oh five, Man of the people, Man of the people.
On the other side, pig, pig, dog whatever, spider pig,
that's right. Can you thing from that's right? No, we can't.
He's a pig. Look he is watch out, watch out
(33:43):
for that. Uh, this one. I don't know who sent
this one in because they don't think they signed their name.
Asked that stinking genius guy he loves the Mallard militia. Yeah, yeah,
sticking genius, big fan, big fan. Uh, the man that
ran away from filling in on the overnight show valuable
national sports talk radio four hundred plus radio stations. We
(34:05):
are the most cleared show on Fox Sports Radio because
not because I'm good, not I'm not saying that, but
it's the time slot. When you're on overnight, you are
on more radio stations than anyone else at the radio
station and stinking genius. My my guy Arnie who's been
on the podcast, not a not a fan because of
(34:27):
because of you. In the Mallard Militia, Mr Avalanche writes
in from Oakland, California, says, Hey, Ben, I wanted to
ask you two questions. Will you guys ever consider doing
teasers in benny versus the penny? And how do you
play teasers? Like, say the spread is Jets plus seven
(34:48):
against say the Rams, but the teaser is thirteen? Does
this change how you bet? Uh? Well, Mr Avalanche, Yeah,
I have played teasers. I try to avoid ta teasers
and parlay's because it's generally a sucker bet. But I'm
more inclined to bet a teaser than I am a parlay.
(35:09):
You don't get the same bang for your buck. But
I am a underdog player. There is the chalk player
that plays the favorites and there's the underdog player. I
leaned towards the dog, all things being equal. So the
way I would play a teaser and you mentioned, uh,
the Rams for example, Uh, you know Rams and Jets
(35:30):
to say it was plus seven, I would be more
inclined to take the third team points rather than the
one point. Now, there are exceptions to that rule, and
if it's a really terrible team, a really horrible team
that doesn't have their quarterback and it is missing several
skill players, then I am more inclined to take the
(35:50):
lesser point spread. But so many of these NFL games
over the years are decided by eight points or less.
If you're getting over ten points, you're in really a
good shape. What I have learned, Mr. Avalanche, from betting
teasers back in the day. Typically what would happen is
you do a three team teaser and you'd win to
(36:12):
no problem, and then all of a sudden, surprised motherfucker. Yeah,
some team that should have won by twenty eight points
ends up uh, their quarterback gets hurt, the coach has
a day off, and the next thing you know, it's
not good and all that, and sometimes that stuff will
(36:34):
even happen in the postseason way off. Yeah, it does
happen in the playoffs. But there's a monster thing to
the monster teaser, which is ten points that that they'll
give you. But it's hard enough to win one game.
What you should do, it's all money management. The key
to gambling. You gotta go into gambling knowing you're gonna
lose money, and if you win money, boy, that's great.
(36:57):
So that's a big thing. But the other point money management.
I learned when I got into sports betting back in
the day from some of the older guys that pulled
me aside, say hey, you know, I was betting teasers
and parlay's, and like, what do you do? So if
you don't have if you want to win a lot
of money, play a lottery or something like that, sucker's bet.
What you do is you pick an odd number, so
(37:18):
you either bet one game, you bet three games or
five games, or whatever your bank roll can afford. Typically
the numbers three, but sometimes people a bit more, and
that the more games you bet, the harder it gets
because you have to get more games right. So the
sweet spot would be three, and if you can get
two out of three right, you'll make money. You're not
gonna make a lot of money, but it's just a
(37:39):
it's a habit. It's a it's a hobby rather not
a habit. And if it's a habit and you like
doing it from time to time and you have the
money and you can afford to lose a little bit
of money, there's nothing wrong with it. But my advice
would be to avoid teasers and parlays. But if you
were to bet, I would bet. I would bet teasers,
and I would be more inclined to take the points,
(37:59):
and I would Actually what I would do is I
bet games that have smaller point spreads where the casino
thinks the games are gonna be closer, and then I
would end up betting that uh to end up whoever
the underdog is at three point line, I get nine.
And if I'm getting a game at nine where the
casino thinks it's gonna be within the margin of three,
(38:21):
give or take a couple of points, I feel like
I've got more of an advantage than if I took
a seven point underdog and made it thirteen. Now maybe
that's just my head and there's no truth in that
at all, but that's how I look at it, and
(38:41):
I am using some Mallar math on that. Be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern Pacific. All right, we'll keep going
with the mail. Calm down, Joe and Darcy in Florida
right in and say, has William Shatner's recent trip to
the edge of space mellowed him out in a way
(39:04):
to finally put an end to your several year feud.
Did he ever figure out that you don't work for ESPN?
Or is he still calling you? Are calling for you
to be fired at ESPN? Inquiring minds want to oh,
Code of the Cat still sucks from Joe and Darcy
in Florida. So Joe and Darcy, Uh, you bring up
(39:28):
a great memory. One of the really great accomplishments of
my time at Fox Sports Radio was the war with
William Shatner on social media, the spats with shots where
he blocked me, he started blocking everyone on Twitter, and
it led to the crescendo where William Shatner contacted ESPN
(39:49):
corporate on social media to attempt to get me to
fire and get me fired. And the funniest part about that,
which I still la fat, is the fact that someone
from ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut, uh said they responded to
William shatter and said, hey, uh we we that person
(40:12):
does not work at our company. Shut Yeah, sorry about that,
and uh, I can only imagine the reaction of Mr Shatner. Yeah,
a lot of that and not not happy at all
at all, But that was hilarious and if you missed it,
(40:32):
Joe and Darcy, William Shatner, this is hilarious. He does this.
He has this horse charity in Burbank here in the
l A area, and so he's burying to the horses
and treating Horry whatever. So he has fundraisers a couple
of times a year, as I understand it. And one
of the fundraisers a couple of years ago, I think
(40:53):
it was William Shatter, had on there that if you
cut a check for like I think it was five
hundred bucks, it might have been less than that, might
have been more than I think it was five as
I remember the story. But whatever it was, if you
write a check, somebody can get me. Me being William
Shatner who put this up to unblock Ben Maller, Me
(41:17):
talking to the third person. So somebody who wasn't even
part of the Mallard militia ponied up the money, like
paid the money, so this particular drama would end. It
was a trekky. It was a trekky. One of the
William Shatner fans who had seen all this victriol between
(41:42):
foot soldiers of the Mallard militia going at it with
the trek eas and said, hey, wait a minute, let's
put an end to this. And so Shatner unblocked me.
He doesn't follow me on Twitter, but he did send
me a message at the end of I believe that
was our last interaction. Carlos in Houston writes, and he says,
(42:05):
I am really going to miss the gas can on
the fifth Hour, but it is what it is. Well,
you know, I love is it is what it is
as a phrase. I live for that. Carlos in the
den of an equity uh sports and equity in Houston.
He says, now that he's gone, will you be cooking
that frozen steak in the freezer? And I think Danny
G or Roberto should be your new partner in crime. Well,
(42:30):
thank you for the suggestions, and Roberto or Danny g
would be a wonderful addition to the Fifth Hour. We
will keep you posted, Stay tuned, same Bat time, same
bat channel. On the podcast, Dave in Toronto writes, and
he says, would who would you say was a great
tragedy in their career? Great college player? Non proper recognition
(42:55):
due to bias, and then he named three Canadian football players,
Chuck Ealie, Condredge Holloway and Johnny Rogers. So the way
I will answer this day, the only one I recognize,
the only name I recognize is Johnny Rogers. He won
a Heisman Trophy back in the day. And with all
due respect to the other two gentlemen, I do not
(43:17):
recognize their names. I don't remember their their past and
all that. So the answer, by default, Dave in Toronto,
is Johnny Rogers, who won a Heisman Trophy. If he's
the same Johnny Rodgers I am thinking of, and then
went on to a career in the Canadian Football teague.
Oh I think he also played in the NFL, but
(43:38):
mostly the Canadian Football League. All right, that'll do it
for the fifth hour podcast on a Sunday state till
we might have podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. I will keep
you updated on social media. Remember if I post something
on the Facebook page Ben Maller's show asking for questions,
then obviously obviously we will have another mail bag in
a full weekend of podcast. But I'll probably put a
(44:00):
Twitter pull up see what people want where we should
do the podcast or not. But have a great rest
of your Sunday. Enjoy the football today and remember we
will be back at eleven pm Pacific two am Monday
morning in the East, and we'll have a brand new
edition of the Ben Maller Radio Show. And slap that
(44:21):
five star button on this podcast. We will catch you
next time.
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere, never tight lip,
not on the podcast The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
from the Tabernacle. That's a fun word, right, Tabernacle. That's
(00:46):
actually just the podcast studio at a secret location somewhere
deep in the north Woods. Because four hours a night
during the week or not enough. We must come in
to the Sanctuary a days a week, eight days a
week here bloviating the night away, reminiscing about days of
(01:09):
yore and days to come as well. And let's not
that's not really what we do here. But this the
Sunday edition of The Fifth Hour, and we thank you
have those that have sent questions in. We will get
to the many, many questions that have come in for
this week's mailbag. And as I said, if you did
not listen on Saturday. We have no official announcement on
(01:34):
who is replacing Gascon Mr West of the four oh
five as the sidekick on the podcast, but we will
keep you abreast of the situation. Hopefully, if everything goes well,
knock on wood, we will have someone in place by
this coming weekend, assuming we do the podcast. It is
(01:56):
Thanksgiving weekends, so let me know. Maybe I'll put a
Twitter pull up here at some point whether or not
you want fresh podcast if you're actually gonna listen to
them on Thanksgiving weekend, or I should just take the
Thanksgiving weekend off and avoid doing the podcast stuff. So
that is yet to be determined. But without further ado,
here we go. They you, Ohio. All these are actual
(02:35):
listener questions. These are not fake made up questions. These
are questions sending by fellow consumers of the product. Uh.
They have said, listen, we are here for you. I
got mail, I got mail, I got a lot of mail.
I'm very excited about it. Some of these submitted via
(02:56):
Facebook the Facebook page Ben Mallard Show. All right, Facebook
page Ben Mallard Show. And you can also email your
question in real fifth hour, real fifth hour. Yes we do,
so we will get to that. Thanks to Ohio Al
for sending in those many, many, many wonderful songs that
(03:21):
he's he's done a us. I think he sent three in.
That's a lot. That's more than I've ever made. But
on with the questions. Alright, come back, it's time from
mail call alright, alright, calm down. So the first message
comes from Kevin in Kansas. He says, dear Bend, besides teaching,
(03:41):
I also mo and clean a lot of yards. With
the season winding down, it makes me wonder if you
have time to do your own yard work or are
you one to higher outside help meaning of course a
gardener and all that. Please keep these podcasts going. So Kevin,
I don't have much of a green thumb. If you've
(04:03):
listened in previous podcasts, I've told the story. I'm still
working on the yard as it got destroyed in the
home renovation. The home renovation is not completely done. Most
of it's done, there's still some stuff that needs to
be finished, and the yard needs to be improved. So
I am working on putting the grass down and taking
(04:25):
care of that. Typically during the week, I don't have
a lot of time and work at night, so I'm
not really awake during the daylight hours when most gardening
work is done. Um, but I do try to trim
the trees and do some of the the guarding work.
But we do have someone that comes to the house
and takes care of it usually once once a week,
(04:47):
once every couple of weeks and takes care of it. Uh.
But that's good hustle by you, Kevin. You know you're
not only teaching, but you're also makeing a electra. I
assume you're not doing that for free. That's not pro
Oh no work that you're actually out there and you're
getting paid a little bit of money for it. Good
job by you, and you're right. In Kansas, you have
to stop doing that. In California, you don't have to
(05:09):
worry about it. There's one season in California it rains
for like two or three weeks, maybe maybe during the wintertime,
and then it gets oppressively hot for part of the
year and the rest of the time it's it's my
old temperatures. Pierre in Springfield, Massachusetts, home of the Pro
(05:30):
Basketball Hall of Fame, where the great Muffett mcgrawl is enshrined.
I know you're impressed by that. Fun fact. I know
it is very, very impressive, but listen, we have fun
fact anyway, Pierre a friend of alf the amienal pining. Right,
since it's been now that we don't have gascon to
(05:50):
kick around anymore, since he took his ball and went home,
are you looking for a yes man that believes in
radio analytic or someone that has a great feel for radio? Alright?
Wonderful question from Pierre. Pierre, you know how I feel
about analytics and stats tell you what has happened, not
(06:14):
what's going to happen. And they have these these weird
squiggly lines, these squiggly ziggly lines that mess everything up.
So my preference would be to bring somebody in who
is a radio pro, someone that gets radio. That would
be the way we are leaning. And we we do
have someone in mind, and I think everything should be
(06:35):
good on that to have the announcement, but I have
not been allowed from management to give the green light.
The person we are trying to put in the podcast
is not currently available to do said podcast, and so
we have to make sure everything is good on that. Uh.
He also says any progress on the outdoor wood or
gas fired pizza oven, I'm living vicariously through your cooking escapades.
(07:02):
So we have not gone out and gotten the pizza oven.
The back back of the house there the outdoor area,
outdoor space, whatever you call it. It still needs a
lot of work. We cleaned up a lot of it
last weekend, I think it was. We did a lot
of clean up, so a lot of the broken glass
is all gone. The stuff we could find. I used
(07:23):
a shop back that was missing a wheel to put
everything out there and put everything together. So, uh, we're
not at that point. But you did send me I
think it was you, Pierre that sent me a nice
link on Amazon. I'm sure that thing's gone up in price.
That an outdoor pizza oven. That wasn't that much. I
(07:45):
gotta do it. I make the Mallard pizza. I've made
that a few times in the house. I made it
this week. Last weekend we made the rip off Popeye's
Chicken sandwich, a recipe we got off the YouTube, which
is amazing, and it is shocking how little chicken is
(08:06):
actually in the Popeye's chicken sandwich, at least the one
I made. Because what I do is I get I
even get a chicken breast and cut it up into
chicken tender size. Or what I'll do is I'll get
the chicken tenders from like Walmart or whatever, and I'll
just take one chicken tender, pound that thing down, make
it as flat as you can possibly make it, because
it'll puff back up when you cook it, and it
(08:29):
makes this large chicken sandwich. I should have taken a picture.
Next time I make that, I'm gonna have to take
a picture. But I will keep you updated, Pierre on
cooking with Benny. We'll have to come up with a
better name than that. Fred in Spring, Texas writes in
and Fred says, hey, Ben, where did you and your
wife hunting moon? So Fred, back in the day when
(08:53):
I left a bachelorhood behind became an honest man, I
got married in Hawaii. And when you get married in Hawaii,
you don't need to go anywhere else for your honeymoon.
So we got married. No family was there, just me
and my wife, and we got married, and we hung out,
and we went to Hawaii and we hung out on
(09:14):
the Garden Island. And there are a few different islands
in the Hawaiian Island chain that are part of the
United States. There's actually I read this the other day
that there's a hundred and thirty two islands that make
up the Hawaiian island chain, but there's only a few
that are actually part of the United States. Right. It's
(09:36):
kind of it's kind of crazy when you think about
how many now what they classify as an island. Uh,
most of us would look at and say, uh, you know,
there's no there's no one living there, so that's not
really an island. And it's like a little rock popping
up out of the ocean. And but they say that
(09:58):
there's like a hundred and thirty two of the is
little little things popping up. Some of the big ones
are part of the United States, Uh, Hawaii on the
Hawaiian Islands, and the rest they're just kind of there.
All right, you are fake, No, I'm not. That's legitimate
information that I read on a website. But I loved
(10:18):
I love Hawaii, love Kauai beautiful. If I was really rich,
I would probably buy a house there and live there
part of the year and have a wonderful time. But
fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your outlook on things, Fred,
I don't have that kind of money, and it's very
expensive even visit Hawaii. But I've been lucky. I've been
there a number of times. I think I've been there
(10:39):
four or five times in my life when when I
was a kid with my parents, And it's great. You
could swim with seat turtles and their seals all over
the place, and the snorkeling and the the water is
just amazing. Oh, it's beautiful, all right, Dave writes in
in Mill Valley, California. He says, Hey, Bank, why do
(11:00):
you tolerate such insubordination from members of your radio crew
when they ruthlessly and shamelessly heck are you? I'm not
saying you don't deserve it, but still, all right, so
this gets asked from time to time. And as you know,
this show, the radio show, is much different than any
(11:24):
other radio just about any other Like most radio shows,
like I often use the analogy Dan Patrick and the
dan Ets Uh, smooch, smooch, love love for Dan, all right.
They do everything in their power to make Dan look good.
And it's a good show. And Dan Patrick's a Hall
of Famer on our show. Yeah, it is on and
(11:48):
on like Donkey Kong. And by the end of the show,
normally I am the one standing up the tallest and
the rest of the guys. Yeah, just like in Donkey Kong.
Uh that is it. But uh yeah, for some reason,
I've always had this kind of thing, and I don't
encourage it. I don't think I encourage it. But we
(12:08):
like to bust the balls on the show. We we
goof on the people that call into the show, their
characters on the show. They're part of the program, and
they're part of our little dysfunctional family of the Mallar Militia.
And so the guys in the show have taken some
creative license and had a field day with that. All right,
we do have more mail. Let's go to Jason from
(12:29):
Rocky Mount, Virginia. He says, Ben, throughout your life, have
you ever gotten pretty good at bar or party type
games such as pool, darts, horseshoes, or cornhole? Well, I
have had my moments in cornhole. I've done pretty well.
(12:50):
If that the bean bag tossing game, I've won my share.
I have. I have won my share the game, and
I don't think it quality fights by your definition, Jason
in Rocky Mount, Virginia of like a party type game,
but I do it has been like those fund zone
places Ski ball, al right, ski ball. When I in
(13:15):
my youth, I was a hustler at ski ball, back
at at Chuck E Cheese, back in the day. And
it was a domination situation, all right, Yes it was.
I owned. I had great muscle memory doing that. And
(13:36):
it was very very good one a lot of tickets,
won a lot of cheap plastic toys from that little
gift area where you going that. We had a place
called Bullwinkles, which was like a Chucky Cheese competitor, and
that place was not far from the house, and we
go in there and it was awesome. And I would
(13:57):
just tell everyone else listen, all right, I'm playing the
game here and you're not winning. Okay, you are not winning.
Moving on in the mail bag, Who do we have next?
Let's go do Valls fan Jimmy in Fayetteville, Tennessee. He says,
for both of you, have you and are Mr West
(14:21):
of the four h five ever been in a real knockdown,
drag out fight with anyone? Now? False fan Jimmy. That
tells me you have listened to every podcast unless unless
you have not listened to every podcast, and you somehow forgot,
somehow forgot that Mr West of the four oh five
(14:44):
resigned from the podcast, said I am out of here,
bye bye. Uh yeah, that's it. That's pretty much what
he said, although he didn't give any money back, so
he's not part of the program, So bad job by you.
(15:09):
But valls fan Jimmy, I will answer the question. Back
in junior high school, I did get into some dust ups,
playground fights. I am old enough that when I was
a kid that was allowed. You did not end up
getting kicked out of school when that happened, and being
the biggest kid in the school, it was an accomplishment
(15:32):
to kick the big kid's ass, and so many people
attempted and I had to hold my ground when that
took place. And so that did happen quite a bit. Uh, well,
not quite a bit. I remember junior high I got
into two fights. I've had in one one fight in
high school. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm
(15:55):
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
I Got mail, na, I got mail. Yeah, we have
more male j Bone from Portland's Main Rights and he says, Ben,
have you ever been thrown out of a game or
anywhere for that matter. So j Bon, I'm trying to
(16:20):
think off the top of my head. I do not
recall every being kicked out of a game. I assume
you're referring to playing in a game like a high
school game or something along those lines. Now, I will
tell you that I did get chased by security at
(16:40):
what is now the Crypto Arena, which was formerly known
as the Staples Center back in the day when it early,
when it opened up in the late nineties there, and
they had the security staff. They still have the Red coats,
they call them the Red Coats, out there doing their thing.
And I left Staples Center and I had in my
(17:03):
hand a carbonated beverage. As I remember, it was a
Dr Pepper. It's possible it was a Pepsi. It's possible
it was a Cherry Coke. But as I remember it,
it was a Dr Pepper. And so j Bone, I
was leaving. I was covering a Laker game or a
Clipper game or whatever. And I'm walking out a Staple
Center and downtown l A. And it's it's probably eleven
(17:25):
o'clock at night or something like that, and I'm walking out.
I have the carbonated beverage in my hand, and I
walk out of the arena. I get about ten steps
outside the arena and I see a guy on a
walk I see a guy behind me because I turned
around because I heard a kind of kind of a
(17:47):
how would I describe it? I heard? I heard a
little noise. There weren't many people around the game and
ended long enough where there weren't a lot of people
outside Staple Center, so there was some kind of conversation happening.
It turned out it was about me, right, And so
this redcoats on the walkie talk he's saying, hey, some
he's got he's got a beverage he left. He's walking
(18:07):
out of the arena right, and I'm like, what are
you talking about? Me? And uh? And next thing I know,
now I'm pretty fat at this time. I'm a big
I'm a big heifer. I'm Porky the pig. And so
I started going down the street and I'm making my
move whatever, and this guy's following me and he's like
stop stop. I'm like what I'm I'm looking around, like
(18:30):
what the heck did I do? And I'm getting annoyed here,
and so I keep going and I'm like, I don't
think I said anything. By my head, I'm that's what
I'm thinking, right, So I keep going and then another guy.
There's the two guys chasing me. Granted it's a slow
speed chase, right, it's not. It's not one of these
long term situations. But you know, I'm going down doing
(18:51):
the doing. I'm walking away. And it turned out that, uh,
that I had violated the Staples Center policy. You're not
you were not allowed to take beverages out of Staples Center.
That that was contraband how crazy is that? Right? And
so I got in trouble for that. But I wasn't
like kicked out. I just like it was like a
(19:12):
slow speed chase kind of thing. And I I've left
some movies because the movie wasn't bad. I've walked out.
Doesn't count as being kicked out. I'm trying to think.
There's nothing that pops into my head right now of
getting kicked out. I have been banned, well, yeah, I've
been kicked out of locker rooms, covering locker rooms. That's
(19:33):
happened multiple times. I don't I don't consider that the
same though. I don't think of that as being kicked
out of the game. I was just told like, I'm
not a lout in the locker room because I asked
questions that were offensive to players and they snapped at
me and said, hey you u s and shocked the
(19:53):
fuck yeah, And and then the next thing I know,
I had to get out of there, and ID guys
in the days threatened to fight me. We talked with
Jerry Coleman Sports with Coleman on Friday. I could do
an entire podcast going through some of those old locker
room confrontations with players who are all really old now
or dead. I know, right, it's crazy how fast times
(20:17):
go go by, but so, yeah, I guess and that
that would be the closest. And I did get kicked
out of the locker room because of players being offended
by what I said. Who else do we have? Next? Up? Boy?
Who sent this one? I forget? I think this was
from Patricia in Vegas? I think if not, I apologize,
(20:41):
She says, I think Steve de Sager, the update guy,
should be your sidekick. He is very knowledgeable. I like
that he gives extra info on doing the updates. Yeah,
I love Steve Sager is great, had a lot of fun.
We've had Steve. I believe he popped up on this
(21:02):
podcast right at some point we've had him on the podcast.
And me and Steve go way back in the old days.
We had great memories coming games in Anaheim and Dodger Stadium,
and Steve's a lifetime radio guy. I think he's very good.
I I am not sucking up to him, but he's
always been rock solid as a news guy, as a
(21:24):
sports guy. And I remember when Steve Disagreel hosted the
Mighty Duck post game Duck calls million years ago. Alright,
next email, I think if I give you the email
without saying who sent it, you will know if you've
been listening to this podcast that someone who left the
podcast because of Gascon has returned to the podcast. That's right.
(21:52):
Give it up now for Helen and Stu in Palmetto Bay, Florida.
They are back. That's right. Ding Dong the David Gascon
which is gone. Email reads from Helen and Stu. We
(22:12):
have Ben's back, they write, Gascon should have apologized. We
know people, Ding Dong, gascone is gone. Guescon is gone,
but thank you Helen and Stu. I wondered what happened
(22:32):
you now, you guys had sent me an email. Uh
And I actually wrote back to one of your last emails,
and I don't think you use that email address anymore
because I never got a response, although it did not
bounce back. I I was checking in on Helen and
stupid they did not right back. I was very offended, uh,
Andy writes in He's lives in southern California. Andy says
(22:56):
he still lives near the Tommy's in Hollywood and Hobo Paradise.
Yeah that is I mean, I look around there, and
what are you doing in my swamp? Yeah, that's a
swamp of really hard scrabble, hard scrabble territory there. That
(23:17):
is not not good, not the good at all. Anyway,
the message continues from Andy. He says, Ben, have you
considered replacing David Gagon with Penny Hardaway, a Penny Hardaway
style little penny named Little Benny. I like this email
continues he can co host Benny Versus the Penny the
(23:40):
Fifth Hour and make occasional appearances on the radio show.
This is a good idea. Who owns little Penny? Somebody's
got to own the Little Penny. But if I called
it little Benny, and I said it was satire that
would be allowed. I think satire is allowed, right, I
believe that's I'm not lawyer. I play one on the radio.
(24:02):
I'm pretty sure I'll have to look that up. That
that's a lot. I have to look at that. Uh Andy,
the email continue says, come on, can't you see it?
Get a little penny off eBay, change the jersey to
a Costco flannel at a newsboy hat and glasses and
higher an intern to handle the voiceover the v O.
(24:26):
There you go. That's a great idea, Andy, and I
I should actually look at it. I wonder how much
it costs to buy a little penny, right, and then
I of course have to check with the lawyers to
find out, and then the loyals will say, hey, you're
not you can't do that. But assuming I could, that's
a good idea. I'd be a funny bit. Anthony from Manchester,
(24:47):
New Hampshire, writes in has some radio friends that I
worked with in Boston that live in New Hampshire for
financial reasons. Anyway, Anthony says, I want your advice on something.
My employer has lifted their mask mandate only if you
are vaccinated, so I have a co worker who now
(25:10):
doesn't wear a mask and his breath smells like ass. Uh,
Anthony says personally, would you say something? All right? So, Anthony,
I am an introvert, So I in my head, I
would be m effing this particular human being. I would
be thinking really mean things about this person and would
(25:33):
be cursing up a storm. But would I actually say
any of that to them? Uh? No, I would not.
I'll tell you why. There's a couple of reasons. Obviously.
The biggest is I'm an introvert, and so I try
not to engage in any kind of small talk be
(25:55):
that can backfire you, backfire on you in a very
ugly way. And you know, and I know, especially in
this age of activism, where there is no small indeed
undone uh that that cannot be taken to hr And
(26:15):
then the next thing you know, you are dealing with
a giant mess, right, and uh, you just wish you
could go up to that person and say, you know,
cover your mouth, how about some mouth wash, how about
your brush, your teeth, Shut the funk up? Okay, shut
the fuck up. Now what you could do, Anthony, is
(26:38):
for the Christmas holidays coming up. You could buy one
of those high end um uh toothbrushes, right, why do
they call it a toothbrush on a teeth brush? It's
very odd anyway, the toothbrush thing. You can buy one
of those more expensive toothbrushes, like an electric one. They're
kind of pricey, and as I suggest in or mouthwash,
(27:02):
you could do that. Like if you were to approach
this person, you've got to do a cost benefit analysis.
Is the breath that foul that toxic where you wish
you were who d n e yes and you could
make it all vanish and all go away? Or is
it tolerable enough where you could spray something in the
(27:26):
air and make it better. Now, we've all been around
people that have bo that have issues, and it's not
not a comforable thing. But to answer a question, I
would not be the person to do it because I'm
an introvert. And I also even if I were that
annoyed by it to bring it up to their face,
I would be concerned that they would then weaponize that
(27:48):
and then look to turn me in and rap me
in to hr and then it becomes a back and
forth situation and it's political bullshit. Yeah, that happens in
the office all the time, right that you hear that
all the time. And again the age we live in now,
people are encouraged. Back in the old days, it was
(28:09):
like you got a problem, address it. You know, you
got an issue, address it. Now, like I'm talking about
face to face, employee to employee, man to man, Manda,
woman has grown ups. But in these days you can't
really get away with it because people start screaming yeah,
and it's uh, it's not good. And then somebody has
(28:31):
a panic attack. I'm in danger, yeah, and it's just
a big mess. Alright, moving on, Yes we do. We
have more mail. John the jailer from Pennsylvania rights and
he says, what's what's your all time best Al Bundy
athletic moment? Mine was a goal line hit before halftime
in the ninth grade. Well, one of my great memories. Also,
(28:53):
just like you, John, I was in ninth grade. I
was a freshman in high school. I was playing left
tackle and I was so much bigger than the other
defensive players that we ran the same running play and
the running back at our school, this guy named Scott,
running just behind my block, set a freshman record for
(29:17):
rushing yards, But it was pretty much just because I
pancaked the kids that weighed like a hundred and seventy
pounds less than I did. Not that I was the
most athletic, mind you, but I dominated. And then of
course in little league when I was Benny the Bopper
and I hit one of the furthest home runs in
the history of my little league. Uh. And I was
ahead of my time as a ball player, all right,
(29:40):
I was. I was ahead of my time. Now what
do I mean by that ahead of my time? I
think baseball. And when I was a kid, baseball was
about batting average, getting on base small ball, that was
all a big part of baseball. Now it's you swing
from the heels, right, So when you go to a
ball game, it's ike out or home run. Right, it's
(30:01):
like charge just like that. So uh. But back in
the day, I verily, very rarely made contact. But I
didn't make contact a few times, and when I did,
(30:24):
because of the size of me as a human being
in the metal bats that we use, hit some major
league size home runs in literal league, but one in particular,
and I was playing for the Oakland A's at the time.
I had the green A's jersey on and hit a bomb.
Also got I believe more than one hit off a
(30:45):
guy Hunter who I didn't even know at the time.
He was on a different little league team, and I'm
still friends with him now all these years later. And
part of the reason he actually I went to high
school with him too, But one of the reasons I
owned him, and I didn't own very many people, but
I owned him. And then, of course, as you know,
John the Jailer. Another Al Bundy moment at a media
game at Dodger Stadium, hitting a ball off the wall
(31:08):
that would have been a home run. I used a
Corey Snyder wouldn't bat. If I had used a metal bat,
it would have been a home run. Didn't do it.
Bad job by me. R J in Sanna Tonio is
next and he says, what's your go to dish to
make for Thanksgiving? Smoke? Yeah, No, that's not it, that's Coop's.
(31:31):
Actually that's Coops. That's a who hit that button. That's
a bad job by them. Uh no, uh the the
r J. It's weird. My mom loved turkey. That was
her favorite meal. So when we were a kid, any
big event, like any big accomplishment in school, birthdays, special
events for the family. Turkey that was my mom's go to.
(31:54):
She loved it, so Thanksgiving was just another turkey eating experience.
She bought a bigger bird for for Thanksgiving. But I
don't actually eat that much turkey even on Thanksgiving. Not
that I really celebrate much Thanksgiving anymore because I'm usually
working and I might get a leftover turkey sandwich slobbered
in mayonnaise or something like that, which I like, or
(32:16):
garlic paste. Um. But Thanksgiving good stuffing, well made stuffing,
outstanding cranberries. That's something my mom loved. Also, I still
love cranbers. I don't eat cranberries very often. In all
the desserts, the apple pie, the pumpkin pie, the banana
cream pie. Uh, there's a pie here, there, pie everywhere.
(32:39):
It's so good. Next up is Randy in North Hollywood.
He says, why is David gascon or gag On such
a smug prick? Well, that's not very nice. No. I
get along with gascon I do, and I wish you
could have continued with the podcast, but he had some
(32:59):
other of things that were more important, and I get it,
and he just he's kind of tired of the financial
setup and all that, so he left the podcast. I
don't blame him, uh, but you know the reason he
is a smug. He is smug. I don't know about
the prick part. West of the four oh five. Okay, yeah,
West of the four oh five. That's all you need
(33:21):
to know. And uh over on this side of the
four oh five, Man of the people, Man of the people.
On the other side, pig, pig, dog whatever, spider pig,
that's right. Can you thing from that's right? No, we can't.
He's a pig. Look he is watch out, watch out
(33:43):
for that. Uh, this one. I don't know who sent
this one in because they don't think they signed their name.
Asked that stinking genius guy he loves the Mallard militia. Yeah, yeah,
sticking genius, big fan, big fan. Uh, the man that
ran away from filling in on the overnight show valuable
national sports talk radio four hundred plus radio stations. We
(34:05):
are the most cleared show on Fox Sports Radio because
not because I'm good, not I'm not saying that, but
it's the time slot. When you're on overnight, you are
on more radio stations than anyone else at the radio
station and stinking genius. My my guy Arnie who's been
on the podcast, not a not a fan because of
(34:27):
because of you. In the Mallard Militia, Mr Avalanche writes
in from Oakland, California, says, Hey, Ben, I wanted to
ask you two questions. Will you guys ever consider doing
teasers in benny versus the penny? And how do you
play teasers? Like, say the spread is Jets plus seven
(34:48):
against say the Rams, but the teaser is thirteen? Does
this change how you bet? Uh? Well, Mr Avalanche, Yeah,
I have played teasers. I try to avoid ta teasers
and parlay's because it's generally a sucker bet. But I'm
more inclined to bet a teaser than I am a parlay.
(35:09):
You don't get the same bang for your buck. But
I am a underdog player. There is the chalk player
that plays the favorites and there's the underdog player. I
leaned towards the dog, all things being equal. So the
way I would play a teaser and you mentioned, uh,
the Rams for example, Uh, you know Rams and Jets
(35:30):
to say it was plus seven, I would be more
inclined to take the third team points rather than the
one point. Now, there are exceptions to that rule, and
if it's a really terrible team, a really horrible team
that doesn't have their quarterback and it is missing several
skill players, then I am more inclined to take the
(35:50):
lesser point spread. But so many of these NFL games
over the years are decided by eight points or less.
If you're getting over ten points, you're in really a
good shape. What I have learned, Mr. Avalanche, from betting
teasers back in the day. Typically what would happen is
you do a three team teaser and you'd win to
(36:12):
no problem, and then all of a sudden, surprised motherfucker. Yeah,
some team that should have won by twenty eight points
ends up uh, their quarterback gets hurt, the coach has
a day off, and the next thing you know, it's
not good and all that, and sometimes that stuff will
(36:34):
even happen in the postseason way off. Yeah, it does
happen in the playoffs. But there's a monster thing to
the monster teaser, which is ten points that that they'll
give you. But it's hard enough to win one game.
What you should do, it's all money management. The key
to gambling. You gotta go into gambling knowing you're gonna
lose money, and if you win money, boy, that's great.
(36:57):
So that's a big thing. But the other point money management.
I learned when I got into sports betting back in
the day from some of the older guys that pulled
me aside, say hey, you know, I was betting teasers
and parlay's, and like, what do you do? So if
you don't have if you want to win a lot
of money, play a lottery or something like that, sucker's bet.
What you do is you pick an odd number, so
(37:18):
you either bet one game, you bet three games or
five games, or whatever your bank roll can afford. Typically
the numbers three, but sometimes people a bit more, and
that the more games you bet, the harder it gets
because you have to get more games right. So the
sweet spot would be three, and if you can get
two out of three right, you'll make money. You're not
gonna make a lot of money, but it's just a
(37:39):
it's a habit. It's a it's a hobby rather not
a habit. And if it's a habit and you like
doing it from time to time and you have the
money and you can afford to lose a little bit
of money, there's nothing wrong with it. But my advice
would be to avoid teasers and parlays. But if you
were to bet, I would bet. I would bet teasers,
and I would be more inclined to take the points,
(37:59):
and I would Actually what I would do is I
bet games that have smaller point spreads where the casino
thinks the games are gonna be closer, and then I
would end up betting that uh to end up whoever
the underdog is at three point line, I get nine.
And if I'm getting a game at nine where the
casino thinks it's gonna be within the margin of three,
(38:21):
give or take a couple of points, I feel like
I've got more of an advantage than if I took
a seven point underdog and made it thirteen. Now maybe
that's just my head and there's no truth in that
at all, but that's how I look at it, and
(38:41):
I am using some Mallar math on that. Be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern Pacific. All right, we'll keep going
with the mail. Calm down, Joe and Darcy in Florida
right in and say, has William Shatner's recent trip to
the edge of space mellowed him out in a way
(39:04):
to finally put an end to your several year feud.
Did he ever figure out that you don't work for ESPN?
Or is he still calling you? Are calling for you
to be fired at ESPN? Inquiring minds want to oh,
Code of the Cat still sucks from Joe and Darcy
in Florida. So Joe and Darcy, Uh, you bring up
(39:28):
a great memory. One of the really great accomplishments of
my time at Fox Sports Radio was the war with
William Shatner on social media, the spats with shots where
he blocked me, he started blocking everyone on Twitter, and
it led to the crescendo where William Shatner contacted ESPN
(39:49):
corporate on social media to attempt to get me to
fire and get me fired. And the funniest part about that,
which I still la fat, is the fact that someone
from ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut, uh said they responded to
William shatter and said, hey, uh we we that person
(40:12):
does not work at our company. Shut Yeah, sorry about that,
and uh, I can only imagine the reaction of Mr Shatner. Yeah,
a lot of that and not not happy at all
at all, But that was hilarious and if you missed it,
(40:32):
Joe and Darcy, William Shatner, this is hilarious. He does this.
He has this horse charity in Burbank here in the
l A area, and so he's burying to the horses
and treating Horry whatever. So he has fundraisers a couple
of times a year, as I understand it. And one
of the fundraisers a couple of years ago, I think
(40:53):
it was William Shatter, had on there that if you
cut a check for like I think it was five
hundred bucks, it might have been less than that, might
have been more than I think it was five as
I remember the story. But whatever it was, if you
write a check, somebody can get me. Me being William
Shatner who put this up to unblock Ben Maller, Me
(41:17):
talking to the third person. So somebody who wasn't even
part of the Mallard militia ponied up the money, like
paid the money, so this particular drama would end. It
was a trekky. It was a trekky. One of the
William Shatner fans who had seen all this victriol between
(41:42):
foot soldiers of the Mallard militia going at it with
the trek eas and said, hey, wait a minute, let's
put an end to this. And so Shatner unblocked me.
He doesn't follow me on Twitter, but he did send
me a message at the end of I believe that
was our last interaction. Carlos in Houston writes, and he says,
(42:05):
I am really going to miss the gas can on
the fifth Hour, but it is what it is. Well,
you know, I love is it is what it is
as a phrase. I live for that. Carlos in the
den of an equity uh sports and equity in Houston.
He says, now that he's gone, will you be cooking
that frozen steak in the freezer? And I think Danny
G or Roberto should be your new partner in crime. Well,
(42:30):
thank you for the suggestions, and Roberto or Danny g
would be a wonderful addition to the Fifth Hour. We
will keep you posted, Stay tuned, same Bat time, same
bat channel. On the podcast, Dave in Toronto writes, and
he says, would who would you say was a great
tragedy in their career? Great college player? Non proper recognition
(42:55):
due to bias, and then he named three Canadian football players,
Chuck Ealie, Condredge Holloway and Johnny Rogers. So the way
I will answer this day, the only one I recognize,
the only name I recognize is Johnny Rogers. He won
a Heisman Trophy back in the day. And with all
due respect to the other two gentlemen, I do not
(43:17):
recognize their names. I don't remember their their past and
all that. So the answer, by default, Dave in Toronto,
is Johnny Rogers, who won a Heisman Trophy. If he's
the same Johnny Rodgers I am thinking of, and then
went on to a career in the Canadian Football teague.
Oh I think he also played in the NFL, but
(43:38):
mostly the Canadian Football League. All right, that'll do it
for the fifth hour podcast on a Sunday state till
we might have podcast on Thanksgiving weekend. I will keep
you updated on social media. Remember if I post something
on the Facebook page Ben Maller's show asking for questions,
then obviously obviously we will have another mail bag in
a full weekend of podcast. But I'll probably put a
(44:00):
Twitter pull up see what people want where we should
do the podcast or not. But have a great rest
of your Sunday. Enjoy the football today and remember we
will be back at eleven pm Pacific two am Monday
morning in the East, and we'll have a brand new
edition of the Ben Maller Radio Show. And slap that
(44:21):
five star button on this podcast. We will catch you
next time.
Host
Ben Maller
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