April 10, 2021 • 40 mins
Does a recent monologue deserve a Marconi Award? A baseball rant for the ages gets some raving reviews.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, bloviating all weekend long.
Hope things are going well in your world. We were
back at it again in the air everywhere via the
podcast the global reach of the I Heart Podcast Network,
and this of course available you found it wherever you
(00:44):
get your podcast, whatever platform you use, and I normally
use the Apple podcast area that's normally where I get
my podcast. But this is available anywhere you can find.
The audio content a spinoff, of course, of the overnight
show that we do. I do five nights a week
here broadcast on Fox Sports Radio across the vast United
(01:11):
States and also all over the place. And the Armed
Forces can hear the show as well, so we have
multiple ways you can hear the show on that American
for not Armed Forces, it's the American Forces Network, is
what they call it, but that's pretty cool. The Fox
Sports radio programming is there and hurt in more than
a hundred and sixty five countries and more than a
(01:32):
hundred and fifty ships at sea via the American Forces Network.
But the podcast can be downloaded by people on ships
that have WiFi and things like that all over the place.
We are joined yet again by West of the four
oh five, the toucher. This is this plocast for other
(01:53):
songs that he has that's good at tennis. I'm sure
you're due to miss a podcast here at some point,
because you've actually been here. If weeks in a row
and we we would miss your condescending attitude if you
weren't here, because the other people are good. If you
weren't here, we wouldn't have anyone to bash. There's a
difference between good and great, and I'm a cut above
everybody else. I was actually thinking about you over the
(02:15):
last couple of days. Oh thank I'm glad. I'm glad
that I was in your head because I didn't spend
a second thinking about you. Well, I did not think
about you at all. I was I was thinking about you.
I was thinking about your listeners. I was reminiscing about
the times I was on your show, and then thinking
back and reviewing some of the stories that were out
there about a certain president's son that was snorting parmesan cheese,
(02:36):
and I was like, wow, this reminds me of the
Mallard militia and guys with you know, teeth missing and
starting whatever it is in the carpets and kind of
you know, licking your boots and trying to shine your
shoes and you know, well yet again spit and how
pretentious you are, guest gun everyone, unsavory character, unrelatable. This
(02:59):
is why you're never going to be successful in sports radio.
You have to relate to all listeners. It's broadcasting. You
do narrow casting, right. You're very manipulative, and you only
want to appeal to the people west of the four
oh five, the aristocrats. But I appeal to everyone, not
(03:22):
just the white collar worker that you're trying to get.
But I am blue collar Benny, one of my unofficial nicknames,
blue Collar Benny. I represent the working class. You you
think you go to a restaurant and all the food
is just there. You don't realize there are people delivering
that food all night. You go to a grocery store. Right,
(03:44):
you go in there, You're like, oh, look, everything's on
the shelves perfectly. You don't realize there's an army of
people in that warehouse putting everything so together so it
looks nice. You have no respect little for the working
class little, and I have respect for the people that
keep the economy moving while you're sleeping on your satin sheets,
(04:05):
You pretentious, dope. A little odd because my first job
was actually stocking shelves when I was eighteen years old
at a grocery store. And uh, you clearly didn't learn anything.
You clearly didn't learn any front of us actually has
the grit, the chin, and the intestinal fortitude to actually
drive to work. You're not letting somebody I drive to
work every single day. Let it know. I have a
(04:29):
long commute. I have a very long commute. I have
to I get up, I have to do the normal
things we do in the morning. Dressed, i have to
walk down, make a turn and make another turn. I've
got to turn on equipment which seemingly works once every
four days, and it takes three hours to warm up
(04:50):
the equipment. All this, the hardship I have to go
through the hardship to do this and and you don't.
You don't get it. You just don't get it. Bad
job by you, Bad job by you. Did you did
you remind anybody on your crew or at least name
of your listeners that I got a great trophy along
(05:11):
with one of your listeners last week? I don't know
if you brought that breaking news to the thing. Now,
we do not celebrate participation awards. I thought that was fair.
We don't celebrate participation awards. Filling of the Year and
goes to David Gascon Trump, I'm sure you earned that award. Gascon.
I'm sure you did a lot of hard work to
get that troph the best fill in producer for the
(05:32):
Ben Mallor Show, David ja Gascon. It's pretty awesome. This
is much like just Josh Right he got the best
of the show. Would disagree with that? Fine job. Keep trying,
Ryan tremendous, Burr Shinger's outstanding. I don't know about that. Yeah,
so you found someone to send you a trophy and
(05:57):
are you gonna put it next to you like your
fourth place trophy and Little League in your third place
in basketball trophy? Like so somebody had deep pockets and
and man, got you a trophy. I mean, are you
proud of this? Do you feel like this is in
a company like I got a trophy because I walked
a fucking marathon years ago. I walked twenty six point
two miles in one day. I did I did all.
(06:21):
I just walked all over the streets in the neighborhood
I lived in, just to see if I can do
because I was walking like ten twelve miles a day,
and I said, you know what, let me just go
all in. And I started in the morning and it
was all day, all day into the night. But I
made it twenty six point two miles and then I
(06:42):
didn't walk for like a month after that. But I
was gifted in a nice trophy for my hard work
and I earned that. You you showed up. You you
butchered the show, and they gave you a trophy. Because
the definition of a participation award call butchering the show.
When your listeners call into bitch and moan about me,
(07:04):
and then as soon as I pick up the phone,
they say, it's good to hear from you. Glad you're
working the sugar night. You do a great job. Keep
doing what you're doing. Don't let Ben mall and give
you ship. We're just playing with you. We're just messing around.
And then he wakes up. Then he wakes up and
realizes none of that actually happened. None of that happened.
And did you get a pat on the back and
(07:25):
an out a boy as well? I get that. I
got some additional work, which is always the highest compliment
for a professional broadcaster like myself. And yeah, good things continue.
I got it. I got enough work. And my plate
is full. I gotta everything I need in my plate
right now, very busy. My plate is so full. Oh boy, yeah,
it's it's very difficult. I've juggle everything I've got to do.
(07:47):
I do have five radio shows, three unique original audio
podcast a week. It's a lot of effort that goes
into this audio content. It's mission impossible every week, and somehow,
some how we were able to pull it off. It's
an act of God if you knew what went on
behind the scenes here, the clown show that we have
(08:08):
to deal with. I have to deal with all right,
and but hey, here we are week after week. I
never complained. Do I complain? No, I do not. Sometimes,
But speaking of a full plate um. The fasting this
week has been tremendous for me, and I wanted to
show you're such a losing You're such you're stealing my act.
That is me, that I am the fasting guy. You're
(08:30):
stealing my trademarked material. Right. You know, I don't understand
why you can't do your own thing. This is my michig. Guys,
I have been team fast team intermittent eating team for
a while. You're like teams. You're like team cardiac arrest
before you transition due to the new Ben Maller. So
you don't need to fat shame me because I was
(08:51):
large charge h and I gorged on the on the regular.
I I was the king of gluttony for many, many years.
But now I have worked it out. I'm no personal
trainer and that I haven't gotten a peloton or the
Nordic track or no pilates or any of that. Not
doing zoomba. Uh just inter minute fasting and I got
(09:15):
a treadmill and that's it. But I don't need you know.
I used to send a guest. I'll let you let
you know what goes on behind the scenes here. Uh
So I would send a Guesstcon, I'll tell you how
we make the hot dogs. I would send him screenshots
of me fasting for twenty four forty eight sixty five hours,
which I usually do one of at least one of
(09:37):
those fast each week. I'll do one fast where it's
like a day. I'll do one that's forty eight hours roughly,
maybe sometimes forty six. I'll do one that's like sixty
five plus. And so I'll send guestcon and then usually
he would send me like a side of ribs back
or triple triple double cheeseburger type thing and that whole thing.
(09:57):
But now Gascon he's a stee lean my material because
he's now sending me of photos of fast like wanting
a pat on the back. That's a bad job by you. Well,
I think the perfect compliment is the fast to the
workout in the gym, and then to the meal prep
and then the actual meat itself that I usually I
don't need to know the inner workings of the workers.
(10:21):
Were friends for your wedding? Were friends? Was there for
my wedding? You're a liar the witness there. You weren't
at my bar mitzvah, you weren't there either a couple
of years. You've only been to my house a few times,
and you complained everything. Oh the chickens cold, Oh the
chickens cold. Didn't even pay for the chicken. People are
(10:43):
wolfing down the chicken. They said, that's the greatest chicken
I've ever had. I want more, And you come in there,
Mr Negative, Right, you're Mr Grumpio. It's a little coal.
Was the chicken goal? What's up with that, cantankerous, belligerent schmuck.
I drove seventy five miles. I think that's paying for
the chicken myself. Don't you don't did I force you
(11:04):
to drive seventy five miles? Well, did I say come
out here, Mr Cranky, No, you chose to. I didn't
put a gun to your head or a knife to
your throat and said come to my dumb party. And
you come in there contentious, argumentative, and disrespectful. And that's
why you were not invited to the Ugly Sweater Party,
(11:26):
which was a speakeasy, and you were not invited. Bad
job by you. Someone had to talk to the females
that were there, and that someone had to be me.
So that was why I had to show up. You
were the Deshaun Watson of these parties. All right, that's
what you are here? Yeah, over under seasons he has
(11:47):
left in his career. What is it at seven? Oh man?
At this moment, based on what we know and his
inability to keep the anaconda in the cage, don't say half.
I say he will play again, but it's gonna be
I think multiple years. I think this is gonna be,
(12:08):
like you know, some he'll he'll get charged, although he
doesn't have a criminal record, So how about it. I'll
go at least one year. I think he's not gonna
play about that because at minimum it's half the season. Yeah,
he's already getting eight games and then with everything else
and everything that's been said about his his love of
(12:29):
the disco stick there and putting it to all over play. Yeah,
I think it's gonna be. But at least, but how
are if you're a goodell, Like, how do you package
all of this into one blanket charge of suspending him? Like?
How do you do that? I mean one charge? Your
accusations enough, obviously if you're going to court for that,
but to have twenty two plus be sure to catch
(12:51):
live editions of the ben Maller Show weekdays at two
a on eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and
the I Heart Radio app. Yeah. Well, the move is
you've got to put them on time out first. You
put them in time out, you put them on the
Commissioner's Examplest. But I believe you have to have criminal
(13:12):
charges to be on that list. So I don't think
they can do it just for a civil matter. Well
didn't Ezekiel Elichott pop though, for his topless accusations and
the video that surfaced to him at a party during
spring break. Yeah, but he didn't get put on the
Commissioner's Exemplest like that. I know some bureaucracy bull crap
that you have to pay attention to and all that,
(13:33):
but yeah, I mean the Annival has got to do something.
It's it's the same argument that we've made about these
other leagues. I've gone down this road where they they
can't wait for this to be adjudicated. They have to
they call to action right there, demanding people. They demanded
people to vote that all these things, and so yeah,
they're gonna have to have to put him out in
(13:54):
the past year somewhere. Now, if you are an investigator
for the National Football League and you put on your
p I hat, are you finding out what the evidence
is and try to conceal that? Are you just trying
to find out the evidence and disclose it to Roger Goodell? Well,
if that was going to be the kids when you
(14:15):
try to disclose, it's the horses left the barn. You
can close the barn door. The information is out there.
It's it's percolating around and more and more are coming out.
And now Rusty Harden I saw this week. Rusty Harden
wants to know all the names of all the women.
And you know, be careful what you asked for because
(14:37):
once you put names on this and it starts coming out,
some of them will be able to be dismissed, I
would imagine, but not all of them. And all it
takes is one. It only takes one. It's it's like
you were told when you were a kid, the birds
and the bees guest gun. You know, you you can
hook up only one time and it might end up
with a child, could happen with that. How many do
(15:00):
you think we'll recant percentage wise? I'd say of the
twenty three, I'll say five will be proven bogus at
least five. How about that? So we're at eighteen. Of
the eighteen, I would say probably four or five of
them have really good heart evidence, hard evidence. Yeah, thank you.
(15:26):
Uh so, I'll say four or five are really good cases,
and then the rest are kind of hazy and could
go either way. This is wild, man, this is I mean, obviously,
there's nothing that we've seen that runs parallel to this
right now. I mean, you can go back to Kobe Bryant,
you can go back to Darren Sharper, obviously, Bill Cosby,
(15:46):
but none of this runs consistent with with what Deshaun
Watson is doing well and in his reputation. Yeah, I
knew he was a creepster when he blocked me. You
were a defender of his. You defended this pertending congratulations,
you defended No, no, yeah, you were defending Deshaun Watson.
You defended Deshaun Watson and Kyler Murray, those two you defended,
(16:10):
and a shame on you. You've been proven incorrect about
the Deshaun Watson. Would you like to apologize for all
that styling and profile and you were doing celebrating with
Deshaun Watson. I get the text on a Sunday. Did
you see that passed by Deshaun Watson. Oh my god,
it was so good. You've already talked about how we're
just work friends, so I have no reason to apology.
(16:30):
I wasn't me sending you the message. You were the
one sending me the message. You're trying to be my friend.
I was, you know, just asking to see if you
actually saw what he was doing on the field. Is yeah,
you know, I don't watch football on Sunday. I don't
believe there's certain games that you knew. Kind of bullcrap?
Is that? I mean, don't don't tell you. What do
you think I don't watch? I mean, come on, you
people actually watched the Houston Texans weekend and week out.
(16:51):
I work around, depends if I have a bet on
it or not. If I have a bet on it,
you know, I'll put some cash down and that's that boom. God, alright,
moving on, give him the Marconi. We've got pop quiz,
now give him the Marconi. I realized we're still on
the first quarter of one. But I had a rant
(17:14):
this week which has become critically acclaimed by the industry.
Uh a Dusty Baker as strows rant. I did two
of them early in the week as the A Strows
went to Anaheim and it rained down trash cans, both
(17:35):
inflatable and real trash cans. Great job by the fans
in Anaheim. The Dodgers and Angels fans nestled against each
other there with one common goal to take down the
evil empire of the cheating a holes. And so I
went on this long rant. I had a small rant
and a long rant, and uh it clearly touched the
(18:01):
nerve with a number of people and was celebrated as
a master class and how to do a proper monologue?
And I know it upset you, guests gone, because one
of the industry trade papers wrote a whole story celebrating
the monologue and how wonderful it was and how I
just absolutely dominated that particular monologue. I know that bothered you.
(18:24):
You do not like when any positive attention is given
to me. But could that be the one that we
get the Marconi now A listener told me that, and
the way the Marconi process works from what I understand
it's somebody has to submit something to get a Marconi. Now, I,
of course am not a prima donald like yourself, so
(18:46):
I will never submit anything to try to win uh
a Marconi award. But if somebody wants to do it
for me, okay, I'm fine with that. But I'm not
going to be the one out there it's like, oh
look at me. I'm not self absorbed like you. So uh,
could that be the segment, the segment about Dusty Baker
and the Stros, the cheating s Stros that brings home
(19:10):
a Marconi. Now, as you know, I am Marconi Maller.
I worked at w e I in Boston. I was
a nighttime host a couple of days a week, and
that station won the Marconi Award for Excellence in Sports
Talk Radio Coattails well listen. I was on there after
Red Sox games, you know, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday during
(19:31):
the week, sometimes two days, sometimes one day, sometimes three days.
But I was there and that station won the Marconi.
So I am Marconi Mallar, but I have not won
an individual Marconi. So this could be the one. The Astros,
the cheating a holes could lead me to my first
individual Marconi. Well, you know, if you talk to people upstairs,
you might talk to a certain program director or a
(19:53):
PR representative about getting this onto the radar for a Marconi.
If you actually communicated with other colleagues in this building,
I don't pick up the phone and come into work
talk to people now again, but that would be me
doing the leg work here when you did the leg
work already. So just cut the damn thing up and
(20:14):
send it on its way. You know, if somebody wants
to submit, like a producer, now I don't have I
don't have that. You like an anchor, No, no, I don't.
I don't have that. How about a director? How about
a director technical director? No I don't. I don't know
anyone in that vein. I don't know what you're talking
about there. Well, that sucks for you. That sucks. It
(20:37):
sucks that on your show, no one has your back.
Oh they got my back, They have my back. They
don't pat my back. It's it's I've said many times,
it's like an NHL game where you're on if you
if you break down and you know there's penalties are
going the penalty box, you're shorthanded. Um, And so it's
(20:59):
you know these game shows. It's it's so annoying here.
These stool pigeons that I work with, they they always
try they work together. It's like the Montreal screw job.
It's in this case it's the Mallard screw job where
they attempt to take away wins in these game shows
(21:19):
with their nonsense. It's not right, it's not right. But
the good news is the listener can hear it the
snake type moves that are made to try to silence
my domination in these game shows. So it must be
comforting them to come over to the podcast. And to
use another hockey analogy, you can be Gretzky and I'm
(21:40):
your Martin mcsorley's hard to say, Hey, that's an outdated reference.
It's pretty fair to say, though it's not accurate. Great
one still alive. Mc s early is to people, you
live in a fictional world and the muscle I'm the
protector of your imagination, play defense. I. Back in the
old country, we would call that WHOI. That's what we
(22:02):
would call that. That's a bunch of we can we
acknowledge the fact that you go to one website to
have you jerked off. That's what you do with with
Jason Barrett and oh no, no, those other websites that
that's not that's not the one. Listen, just because Jason
Barrett couldn't he wouldn't you go through everyone in radio.
He wouldn't be able to come up with your name
at all. That's bullshit. He has no idea who you are.
(22:24):
You're nothing. You're not even a pebble of sand on
his beach at this point. All right, it's just you
don't have to be jealous. It's okay. I mean, listen,
greatness respects greatness, and that's what happened. Why don't you
ask him to submit you for a Marconi? How about that?
That's a professional blabber mouth and yakety yak and all
that one wind bag to another wind bag. Yeah, listen,
(22:48):
it pays off occasionally, be motormouth, mallard. It does pay off.
You get to rub elbows and schmooz with some people
in radio. Now, keep in mind, my first twenty years
in radio, none of the console tins in radio knew
who the hell I. So it's only recently that I
am able to mingle with people that actually have a
(23:09):
voice in the industry. So I don't know what changed
all of a sudden, but but only recently. For a
long time did not happen. Well, I can give you
a few things that have changed. Here we go. This
is gonna be you crediting yourself. No, No, I mean
you've gone from weekend to weekday. Yeah. That's been doing
weekdays for a number of years now. I think he's
been five, six, seven years. You've gone from four eight pounds.
(23:32):
Oh yeah, and your voice has actually improved drastically during
that time. No, yes, microphone, it's a microphone. If you
meet me in person, I have the weary, high pitched vice.
I'm Betty. I'm Betty. On the radio, I think was pinched.
(23:54):
I started before gone through puberty. Listen, that's why I'm
longer than you. You keep saying I'm older than you
Fox Fox Sports Radio. In those days, it was it
was like I was working at Nike. You know, it
was child labor, making making some air Jordan's or something
like that. Anyway, I do appreciate the nice review. I
(24:20):
tweeted it out, you know, because people, I want the people,
see fans of the show, the pe ones, to see
that it was outstanding, celebrated Mala monologue, and I do
appreciate that. All right. So here's the pop quiz things
I found randomly around the interweb, and we'll quiz Gascon
and then we'll quiz you as well. You can as
(24:40):
you're listening to this podcast, see if you can get
these right. See if you can do better than Gascon,
Which isn't that hard, Which isn't that hard? All right?
So new report claims that parents will keep this particular
item for up to sixteen years. What is it? Dud, dud, dude,
don't do a crib do do do do know? Uh?
(25:04):
This would be art your child made, you know, those
finger paintings in kindergarten. Yeah, but not your parents. Your
dad kept everything right my mom My dad though in
his defense, he just didn't move anything when my mom passed.
He just kept everything the way it was like preserving,
preserving everything. Yeah, my my mom would. She didn't throw
(25:27):
away anything, you know. She kept every freaking thing from
when I was a kid, and not just me, my
brothers and well she loved She was very proud mother,
donating mother for sure. All right. Uh, this item that
we associate with the Old West, and he's actually being
used today as well, quite often in the modern world.
(25:48):
Has his origins actually in India. Not a lasso, No,
a bandanna, Yeah, h India. Yeah. Interesting, Bombay they don't
call it Bombay anymore? Right? They change the name? What
(26:09):
did they change it to? Do they? What do they
call it? What's the name? I was trying to think
of what else would be from those glory days? Like
what did what else did Gauchos have? You're not You're
not allowed to use the word gautro. Why not? That's
a that's an offensive term. You're not allowed to say it.
(26:29):
I I my college, Saddleback College, was called the Gauchos,
and they're changing the mascot, the wocal Roddy. You gotta
get on the woke wagon bat drop by you man? Yeah,
I mean, you know, cheering the saddleback Gauchos. On why
I was a racist, clearly, no question about it. I
(26:53):
only came to realize that when I was told that
by some some loser that that was the case. Oh
my god, so we are no longer allowed to celebrate
the skilled horsemen from the Rio Grand Valley. It was
the bolas. The bolas is what the gauchos used to
to basically hammer down their their prey. Oh yeah, that
(27:17):
was the Yeah. It looked like there was two balls
that were attached to the end of it and they
would whip it around and then throw it. That could
be taken out of context and be used to make
you look very bad. Well, we wouldn't want to do
that here on the podcast, would we be inappropriate? Cancel
the way you describe that was rather rather, do you
ever wear the bandana? No, never worn a bandanna, although
(27:42):
I had to wear something similar to that when I
played football back in the day, almost like Kelly Rudy.
Kelly Ready would wear a blue bandanna on his helmet
because the sweat would get into his eyes. I don't
work something like that because the bridge of my nose
would get cut profusely, profusely. He speaking of the changing
(28:04):
of team names, did you see opening Day? We mentioned
this on the show, but the Cleveland Indians opening Day
and people very upset with the changing of the Indian nickname.
And uh so they they were they rented some some
airplanes and they were flying around with messages and all that.
(28:25):
Do you see any of that? That was I thought
a little bit of it. I'm excited because I think
you talked about this last week or the week before
with the Washington football team potentially going back to the Redskins. Yeah,
I'll get what that be with Daniel Snell. Well, no,
they're not going to do it, but they they from
what I had heard, they asked pulse of the people,
(28:47):
what do you want to call the football team in Washington?
And most people said call it the Redskins. And that's
not what they were looking for. That didn't fit the agenda.
So now they're like, well, maybe we'll just keep the
colors and well, you know, we'll uh you know, called
the Washington football team as a as a midway point.
(29:10):
But as far as the Cleveland Indians thing on on
opening day, they the people that paid for the banner, uh,
that were flying around and they had all kinds of
messages and whatnot on there. There was a website and
I went and Shake checked it out and this website
(29:32):
is an anti like mask website and they sell mask
that actually aren't masks. Did you see this? No? What
is it? Hold on me, I'm gonna send you a
link right now with this not do I have any
music here? Do do do do do do? Yeah, they
sell like a bunch of products like where you can
be within the guidelines where you have to wear a mask,
(29:52):
but they're not like really mask. It's pretty pretty crazy.
And they got a bunch of random T shirts and
stuff like that. So the incognito fake mask, yeah, just
it's a compliant face mask. This is fake mask USA.
(30:13):
Now that's one says the offensively fake mask. Is that
because the mask is white. I don't I don't know.
Do you see they have the the gator though, you
have the gator one side of the gator, which is
actually the real side, and then they have the fake
side side by side, So very very exciting, very exciting.
(30:35):
But they were they were the ones I looked it
up because I saw some photos of the planes, and
they were the ones that I gets paid for it.
The protest governors and these ridiculous politics we've had to
deal with over the last year, the draconian Detroit Dercroonian ways.
All right. According to a new report, more than half
(30:56):
of Americans admit they don't do this as often as
they should. What are they not doing? Floss not checking
their bank account? You don't have that problem. You love
checking your financials and then sending out messages do you
know what my FICO score is? Just you might as
(31:17):
well just say you know how big an asshole I am?
Let me tell you right now. Yeah, there you go
west of the four oh five. I have no idea
what my FICO scores, nor do I care what my
FICO scores, right the reflection of who you are as
an individual. That really reflects on how much money you've borrowed.
(31:38):
It actually reflects on how much money you've actually paid
back on time. But if you don't borrow money, if
you don't need to borrow money, then you don't have
to worry about it. How about that? And you've got
no history then, so you're not relevant. Yeah, it's it's
essentially a score to the bank that you have given
back money to the bank. But you shouldn't need to
keep getting loans us by job by you. It's not
(32:00):
true because banks will use that information. But guess who
else uses it? Employers use it when they use it
when they do a background check, they look up your
credit scores. So don't give me that. Like I said, though,
if you you shouldn't need that. I mean employers want
to know who they're getting in bed with. I think
you would agree on that, alright. Um. Meanwhile, a new
survey asked people to name a food that instantly puts
(32:23):
them in a better mood. Now, bacon and eggs was
the second most popular answer. Or what was number one? Pizza? No, donuts, Nope,
ice cream over three you've struck out. Sorry. Tacos Yeah,
put you in a good mood. Nice crunchy taco, gringo
taco with the cheese on top from Tito's Tacos. Yeah,
(32:46):
but here's the thing. If the shell is cracked, then
it puts you in a bad mood. Well, you're the
one cracking the shell. If a properly made crunchy taco,
the shell should not be cracked. I know. But sometimes
the delivery gets fucked up, or that's true, gets messed up.
In translatinos, it was pretty good because they're passive. What's
wrong with that? Nothing? I mean, just it's hard judging
(33:07):
me by the size of my taco. No, it didn't
sound right. No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Teenage girls do this about once a week. What is it?
M M, I don't know. Slam a door only once
a week. That's like you though, don't you slam the
(33:30):
door though? Gasc On, I mean you've you've had some
hissy fits at work. These doors are too big to slam. Yeah,
so they're bank vault doors. That's why. In a new survey,
more than eighty five percent of children admit they lied
to their parents about this. What do they lie about? Showering?
Brushing their teeth was the second guess? Yeah, I did
(33:51):
that too. I would lie to my parents. Oh yeah,
I brush my teeth. Yeah. Yeah, it was all good.
But then they would figure out because usually I'd leave
some toothpaste in the sink, you know, a little bit
of evidence behind didn't clean up completely, didn't the crime
scene was there was still some toothpaste remnants. And yeah.
A new report claims only twenty of people do this
during their morning routine, but those who do are more awake, healthy,
(34:15):
and productive than their peers. What do they do? Drink water?
No wake up without an alarm. Yeah, so that means
twenty of people don't have jobs, because if you had
a job, you wouldn't be able to wake up without
an alarm because you you have to be somewhere, You
have things to do right, So al right, nearly half
(34:38):
of people say, if they're going to do this, they
prefer to do it at home. What is it? Wow? Um,
I guess it's relevant. Now watch a movie. Do Do
Do Do, Do Do Do Do? No workout not you?
(34:58):
You love to go to gym and I got beautiful
select Mahattan Beach and her. What's uh? You know, redondocud,
you really go to the gym. It's like when I
would go to the gym. You go during the the overnight,
early morning hours. There's people working out as older crowd.
You go during the days. You know, the women are
all dolled up, They've got a bunch of makeup on.
The guys are flexing and gyrating. And I mean it's different,
(35:22):
different situations. Don't jealous, jealous at all. I don't go
to the gym anymore. I got my I got my treadmill.
I'm good. What's your problem? I'm fine? Man? All right.
I nearly half of people say if they're going to
do this, they prefer to or did that one? How
about this one? All right? Moving on? This baseball game
staple was created by a Pennsylvania company. It's become a
(35:43):
tradition really over the last like thirty twenty years, about
the last twenty years. But it started in a Pennsylvania
company baseball staple um the wave, No, the hot dog gun.
(36:05):
All right. Hatfield Meats in Pennsylvania created the hot dog cannon,
which has caused lawsuits. I remember the Royals mascot got
in some trouble. They're using the hot dog gun and
misfired and shot someone in like the face, and it's
a big problem. I shot one of those in Baker's
field that shoot him sky high, though not at people,
(36:26):
but just sky high. It's when it landed on him
it usually exploded, So you'd make it rain. You make
that What happened to that hot dog gun? Did you
take that? When the team went bankrupt? Did you broke?
A study found that doing this can actually reduce stress
and anxiety in your life. Not working for Ben Maller,
(36:46):
I wouldn't call what you do work. I'd say, I
don't know what I would call what you do, but
I wouldn't call it work. I'd say meditating. No, grocery shop, yes, stressing,
dig that's so much better. No, I go, I do
the grocery shopping at the Mallory Household and said two
weeks ago, was washing dishes or something like that help
reduce stress. Well, that was a study a couple of
(37:08):
weeks ago. This is a new study that said that
you can reduce anxiety by grocery shop. Huh, yeah, I
don't I like grocery shop. Do you know? You have
a list, You get what you need, usually by a
couple of things you don't need that you toss in there.
It's dangerous though, because you go shopping at Costco. Don't
you feel more compelled to just buy everything there because
it's dirt sheep? No, I mean there's something you don't
(37:32):
you have space for, you don't need, you know, that
kind of stuff. It's not You're not everything, all right?
A Moving on, twenty of people people over the age
of sixty five, claim they have never done this, traveled
outside the United States, no use the internet. So that
(37:57):
would mean of the people over the age of sixty
five have no chance of hearing this podcast because the
only way to hear this podcast is on the intraweb. Oh. Last,
one one in nine men did this for the first
time during the pandemic. What is it? One in nine
men believe you're on this list as well. You're one
(38:20):
of one in nine men did this for the first
time during the pandemic. Do do do Do Do Do
Do Do Do Do do do do do? I don't
know um wrote a book. No, it doesn't involve books though,
(38:43):
So I read a book. Yeah, one one in nine
men I did this for the first time during the pandemic.
Read a book. You read? Your first book was a
coloring book. You read it? Congratulations, kid's book? Your Your
better half actually bought me two books for my birthday
ball he is read page one. She sent a page
two three and Outliers. Great Mrs Maller has send that
(39:09):
along as a birthday gift. I really appreciate that for
remembering the birthday. And also I believe she read you
a little tale there about how to how to read
the A. B. C's and the one two threes right
reading for idiots. I think I read nine or ten
books last year. Congratulations. I hate reading too. Do you
want a cookie? I mean, when was the last time
(39:31):
you actually had to read books that or did read
books on the regular? Oh no, but I'm reading like
hundreds of hundreds of like different news stories through the day,
so I don't need to read a book. I'm getting
plenty of reading it. I mean, I'm scanning through tons
of stories, so I don't really need if I if
I wasn't doing that, if I had a job where
I didn't do that, I would absolutely read a bunch
of would you I would. Yeah, I don't mind reading,
(39:54):
but I do it during the day like trying to
find stuff to talk about, scanning different websites or whatever.
So yeah, I'm not anti reading. Just anyway, that's it.
Guessing we get the mail bag on Sunday. Very exciting,
so fired up for the mail bag. It's one of
the more popular things that we do here. So anyway,
(40:17):
we will get to that on Sunday. Have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday and we will catch you then.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
Ka boom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now, bloviating all weekend long.
Hope things are going well in your world. We were
back at it again in the air everywhere via the
podcast the global reach of the I Heart Podcast Network,
and this of course available you found it wherever you
(00:44):
get your podcast, whatever platform you use, and I normally
use the Apple podcast area that's normally where I get
my podcast. But this is available anywhere you can find.
The audio content a spinoff, of course, of the overnight
show that we do. I do five nights a week
here broadcast on Fox Sports Radio across the vast United
(01:11):
States and also all over the place. And the Armed
Forces can hear the show as well, so we have
multiple ways you can hear the show on that American
for not Armed Forces, it's the American Forces Network, is
what they call it, but that's pretty cool. The Fox
Sports radio programming is there and hurt in more than
a hundred and sixty five countries and more than a
(01:32):
hundred and fifty ships at sea via the American Forces Network.
But the podcast can be downloaded by people on ships
that have WiFi and things like that all over the place.
We are joined yet again by West of the four
oh five, the toucher. This is this plocast for other
(01:53):
songs that he has that's good at tennis. I'm sure
you're due to miss a podcast here at some point,
because you've actually been here. If weeks in a row
and we we would miss your condescending attitude if you
weren't here, because the other people are good. If you
weren't here, we wouldn't have anyone to bash. There's a
difference between good and great, and I'm a cut above
everybody else. I was actually thinking about you over the
(02:15):
last couple of days. Oh thank I'm glad. I'm glad
that I was in your head because I didn't spend
a second thinking about you. Well, I did not think
about you at all. I was I was thinking about you.
I was thinking about your listeners. I was reminiscing about
the times I was on your show, and then thinking
back and reviewing some of the stories that were out
there about a certain president's son that was snorting parmesan cheese,
(02:36):
and I was like, wow, this reminds me of the
Mallard militia and guys with you know, teeth missing and
starting whatever it is in the carpets and kind of
you know, licking your boots and trying to shine your
shoes and you know, well yet again spit and how
pretentious you are, guest gun everyone, unsavory character, unrelatable. This
(02:59):
is why you're never going to be successful in sports radio.
You have to relate to all listeners. It's broadcasting. You
do narrow casting, right. You're very manipulative, and you only
want to appeal to the people west of the four
oh five, the aristocrats. But I appeal to everyone, not
(03:22):
just the white collar worker that you're trying to get.
But I am blue collar Benny, one of my unofficial nicknames,
blue Collar Benny. I represent the working class. You you
think you go to a restaurant and all the food
is just there. You don't realize there are people delivering
that food all night. You go to a grocery store. Right,
(03:44):
you go in there, You're like, oh, look, everything's on
the shelves perfectly. You don't realize there's an army of
people in that warehouse putting everything so together so it
looks nice. You have no respect little for the working
class little, and I have respect for the people that
keep the economy moving while you're sleeping on your satin sheets,
(04:05):
You pretentious, dope. A little odd because my first job
was actually stocking shelves when I was eighteen years old
at a grocery store. And uh, you clearly didn't learn anything.
You clearly didn't learn any front of us actually has
the grit, the chin, and the intestinal fortitude to actually
drive to work. You're not letting somebody I drive to
work every single day. Let it know. I have a
(04:29):
long commute. I have a very long commute. I have
to I get up, I have to do the normal
things we do in the morning. Dressed, i have to
walk down, make a turn and make another turn. I've
got to turn on equipment which seemingly works once every
four days, and it takes three hours to warm up
(04:50):
the equipment. All this, the hardship I have to go
through the hardship to do this and and you don't.
You don't get it. You just don't get it. Bad
job by you, Bad job by you. Did you did
you remind anybody on your crew or at least name
of your listeners that I got a great trophy along
(05:11):
with one of your listeners last week? I don't know
if you brought that breaking news to the thing. Now,
we do not celebrate participation awards. I thought that was fair.
We don't celebrate participation awards. Filling of the Year and
goes to David Gascon Trump, I'm sure you earned that award. Gascon.
I'm sure you did a lot of hard work to
get that troph the best fill in producer for the
(05:32):
Ben Mallor Show, David ja Gascon. It's pretty awesome. This
is much like just Josh Right he got the best
of the show. Would disagree with that? Fine job. Keep trying,
Ryan tremendous, Burr Shinger's outstanding. I don't know about that. Yeah,
so you found someone to send you a trophy and
(05:57):
are you gonna put it next to you like your
fourth place trophy and Little League in your third place
in basketball trophy? Like so somebody had deep pockets and
and man, got you a trophy. I mean, are you
proud of this? Do you feel like this is in
a company like I got a trophy because I walked
a fucking marathon years ago. I walked twenty six point
two miles in one day. I did I did all.
(06:21):
I just walked all over the streets in the neighborhood
I lived in, just to see if I can do
because I was walking like ten twelve miles a day,
and I said, you know what, let me just go
all in. And I started in the morning and it
was all day, all day into the night. But I
made it twenty six point two miles and then I
(06:42):
didn't walk for like a month after that. But I
was gifted in a nice trophy for my hard work
and I earned that. You you showed up. You you
butchered the show, and they gave you a trophy. Because
the definition of a participation award call butchering the show.
When your listeners call into bitch and moan about me,
(07:04):
and then as soon as I pick up the phone,
they say, it's good to hear from you. Glad you're
working the sugar night. You do a great job. Keep
doing what you're doing. Don't let Ben mall and give
you ship. We're just playing with you. We're just messing around.
And then he wakes up. Then he wakes up and
realizes none of that actually happened. None of that happened.
And did you get a pat on the back and
(07:25):
an out a boy as well? I get that. I
got some additional work, which is always the highest compliment
for a professional broadcaster like myself. And yeah, good things continue.
I got it. I got enough work. And my plate
is full. I gotta everything I need in my plate
right now, very busy. My plate is so full. Oh boy, yeah,
it's it's very difficult. I've juggle everything I've got to do.
(07:47):
I do have five radio shows, three unique original audio
podcast a week. It's a lot of effort that goes
into this audio content. It's mission impossible every week, and somehow,
some how we were able to pull it off. It's
an act of God if you knew what went on
behind the scenes here, the clown show that we have
(08:08):
to deal with. I have to deal with all right,
and but hey, here we are week after week. I
never complained. Do I complain? No, I do not. Sometimes,
But speaking of a full plate um. The fasting this
week has been tremendous for me, and I wanted to
show you're such a losing You're such you're stealing my act.
That is me, that I am the fasting guy. You're
(08:30):
stealing my trademarked material. Right. You know, I don't understand
why you can't do your own thing. This is my michig. Guys,
I have been team fast team intermittent eating team for
a while. You're like teams. You're like team cardiac arrest
before you transition due to the new Ben Maller. So
you don't need to fat shame me because I was
(08:51):
large charge h and I gorged on the on the regular.
I I was the king of gluttony for many, many years.
But now I have worked it out. I'm no personal
trainer and that I haven't gotten a peloton or the
Nordic track or no pilates or any of that. Not
doing zoomba. Uh just inter minute fasting and I got
(09:15):
a treadmill and that's it. But I don't need you know.
I used to send a guest. I'll let you let
you know what goes on behind the scenes here. Uh
So I would send a Guesstcon, I'll tell you how
we make the hot dogs. I would send him screenshots
of me fasting for twenty four forty eight sixty five hours,
which I usually do one of at least one of
(09:37):
those fast each week. I'll do one fast where it's
like a day. I'll do one that's forty eight hours roughly,
maybe sometimes forty six. I'll do one that's like sixty
five plus. And so I'll send guestcon and then usually
he would send me like a side of ribs back
or triple triple double cheeseburger type thing and that whole thing.
(09:57):
But now Gascon he's a stee lean my material because
he's now sending me of photos of fast like wanting
a pat on the back. That's a bad job by you. Well,
I think the perfect compliment is the fast to the
workout in the gym, and then to the meal prep
and then the actual meat itself that I usually I
don't need to know the inner workings of the workers.
(10:21):
Were friends for your wedding? Were friends? Was there for
my wedding? You're a liar the witness there. You weren't
at my bar mitzvah, you weren't there either a couple
of years. You've only been to my house a few times,
and you complained everything. Oh the chickens cold, Oh the
chickens cold. Didn't even pay for the chicken. People are
(10:43):
wolfing down the chicken. They said, that's the greatest chicken
I've ever had. I want more, And you come in there,
Mr Negative, Right, you're Mr Grumpio. It's a little coal.
Was the chicken goal? What's up with that, cantankerous, belligerent schmuck.
I drove seventy five miles. I think that's paying for
the chicken myself. Don't you don't did I force you
(11:04):
to drive seventy five miles? Well, did I say come
out here, Mr Cranky, No, you chose to. I didn't
put a gun to your head or a knife to
your throat and said come to my dumb party. And
you come in there contentious, argumentative, and disrespectful. And that's
why you were not invited to the Ugly Sweater Party,
(11:26):
which was a speakeasy, and you were not invited. Bad
job by you. Someone had to talk to the females
that were there, and that someone had to be me.
So that was why I had to show up. You
were the Deshaun Watson of these parties. All right, that's
what you are here? Yeah, over under seasons he has
(11:47):
left in his career. What is it at seven? Oh man?
At this moment, based on what we know and his
inability to keep the anaconda in the cage, don't say half.
I say he will play again, but it's gonna be
I think multiple years. I think this is gonna be,
(12:08):
like you know, some he'll he'll get charged, although he
doesn't have a criminal record, So how about it. I'll
go at least one year. I think he's not gonna
play about that because at minimum it's half the season. Yeah,
he's already getting eight games and then with everything else
and everything that's been said about his his love of
(12:29):
the disco stick there and putting it to all over play. Yeah,
I think it's gonna be. But at least, but how
are if you're a goodell, Like, how do you package
all of this into one blanket charge of suspending him? Like?
How do you do that? I mean one charge? Your
accusations enough, obviously if you're going to court for that,
but to have twenty two plus be sure to catch
(12:51):
live editions of the ben Maller Show weekdays at two
a on eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and
the I Heart Radio app. Yeah. Well, the move is
you've got to put them on time out first. You
put them in time out, you put them on the
Commissioner's Examplest. But I believe you have to have criminal
(13:12):
charges to be on that list. So I don't think
they can do it just for a civil matter. Well
didn't Ezekiel Elichott pop though, for his topless accusations and
the video that surfaced to him at a party during
spring break. Yeah, but he didn't get put on the
Commissioner's Exemplest like that. I know some bureaucracy bull crap
that you have to pay attention to and all that,
(13:33):
but yeah, I mean the Annival has got to do something.
It's it's the same argument that we've made about these
other leagues. I've gone down this road where they they
can't wait for this to be adjudicated. They have to
they call to action right there, demanding people. They demanded
people to vote that all these things, and so yeah,
they're gonna have to have to put him out in
(13:54):
the past year somewhere. Now, if you are an investigator
for the National Football League and you put on your
p I hat, are you finding out what the evidence
is and try to conceal that? Are you just trying
to find out the evidence and disclose it to Roger Goodell? Well,
if that was going to be the kids when you
(14:15):
try to disclose, it's the horses left the barn. You
can close the barn door. The information is out there.
It's it's percolating around and more and more are coming out.
And now Rusty Harden I saw this week. Rusty Harden
wants to know all the names of all the women.
And you know, be careful what you asked for because
(14:37):
once you put names on this and it starts coming out,
some of them will be able to be dismissed, I
would imagine, but not all of them. And all it
takes is one. It only takes one. It's it's like
you were told when you were a kid, the birds
and the bees guest gun. You know, you you can
hook up only one time and it might end up
with a child, could happen with that. How many do
(15:00):
you think we'll recant percentage wise? I'd say of the
twenty three, I'll say five will be proven bogus at
least five. How about that? So we're at eighteen. Of
the eighteen, I would say probably four or five of
them have really good heart evidence, hard evidence. Yeah, thank you.
(15:26):
Uh so, I'll say four or five are really good cases,
and then the rest are kind of hazy and could
go either way. This is wild, man, this is I mean, obviously,
there's nothing that we've seen that runs parallel to this
right now. I mean, you can go back to Kobe Bryant,
you can go back to Darren Sharper, obviously, Bill Cosby,
(15:46):
but none of this runs consistent with with what Deshaun
Watson is doing well and in his reputation. Yeah, I
knew he was a creepster when he blocked me. You
were a defender of his. You defended this pertending congratulations,
you defended No, no, yeah, you were defending Deshaun Watson.
You defended Deshaun Watson and Kyler Murray, those two you defended,
(16:10):
and a shame on you. You've been proven incorrect about
the Deshaun Watson. Would you like to apologize for all
that styling and profile and you were doing celebrating with
Deshaun Watson. I get the text on a Sunday. Did
you see that passed by Deshaun Watson. Oh my god,
it was so good. You've already talked about how we're
just work friends, so I have no reason to apology.
(16:30):
I wasn't me sending you the message. You were the
one sending me the message. You're trying to be my friend.
I was, you know, just asking to see if you
actually saw what he was doing on the field. Is yeah,
you know, I don't watch football on Sunday. I don't
believe there's certain games that you knew. Kind of bullcrap?
Is that? I mean, don't don't tell you. What do
you think I don't watch? I mean, come on, you
people actually watched the Houston Texans weekend and week out.
(16:51):
I work around, depends if I have a bet on
it or not. If I have a bet on it,
you know, I'll put some cash down and that's that boom. God, alright,
moving on, give him the Marconi. We've got pop quiz,
now give him the Marconi. I realized we're still on
the first quarter of one. But I had a rant
(17:14):
this week which has become critically acclaimed by the industry.
Uh a Dusty Baker as strows rant. I did two
of them early in the week as the A Strows
went to Anaheim and it rained down trash cans, both
(17:35):
inflatable and real trash cans. Great job by the fans
in Anaheim. The Dodgers and Angels fans nestled against each
other there with one common goal to take down the
evil empire of the cheating a holes. And so I
went on this long rant. I had a small rant
and a long rant, and uh it clearly touched the
(18:01):
nerve with a number of people and was celebrated as
a master class and how to do a proper monologue?
And I know it upset you, guests gone, because one
of the industry trade papers wrote a whole story celebrating
the monologue and how wonderful it was and how I
just absolutely dominated that particular monologue. I know that bothered you.
(18:24):
You do not like when any positive attention is given
to me. But could that be the one that we
get the Marconi now A listener told me that, and
the way the Marconi process works from what I understand
it's somebody has to submit something to get a Marconi. Now, I,
of course am not a prima donald like yourself, so
(18:46):
I will never submit anything to try to win uh
a Marconi award. But if somebody wants to do it
for me, okay, I'm fine with that. But I'm not
going to be the one out there it's like, oh
look at me. I'm not self absorbed like you. So uh,
could that be the segment, the segment about Dusty Baker
and the Stros, the cheating s Stros that brings home
(19:10):
a Marconi. Now, as you know, I am Marconi Maller.
I worked at w e I in Boston. I was
a nighttime host a couple of days a week, and
that station won the Marconi Award for Excellence in Sports
Talk Radio Coattails well listen. I was on there after
Red Sox games, you know, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday during
(19:31):
the week, sometimes two days, sometimes one day, sometimes three days.
But I was there and that station won the Marconi.
So I am Marconi Mallar, but I have not won
an individual Marconi. So this could be the one. The Astros,
the cheating a holes could lead me to my first
individual Marconi. Well, you know, if you talk to people upstairs,
you might talk to a certain program director or a
(19:53):
PR representative about getting this onto the radar for a Marconi.
If you actually communicated with other colleagues in this building,
I don't pick up the phone and come into work
talk to people now again, but that would be me
doing the leg work here when you did the leg
work already. So just cut the damn thing up and
(20:14):
send it on its way. You know, if somebody wants
to submit, like a producer, now I don't have I
don't have that. You like an anchor, No, no, I don't.
I don't have that. How about a director? How about
a director technical director? No I don't. I don't know
anyone in that vein. I don't know what you're talking
about there. Well, that sucks for you. That sucks. It
(20:37):
sucks that on your show, no one has your back.
Oh they got my back, They have my back. They
don't pat my back. It's it's I've said many times,
it's like an NHL game where you're on if you
if you break down and you know there's penalties are
going the penalty box, you're shorthanded. Um, And so it's
(20:59):
you know these game shows. It's it's so annoying here.
These stool pigeons that I work with, they they always
try they work together. It's like the Montreal screw job.
It's in this case it's the Mallard screw job where
they attempt to take away wins in these game shows
(21:19):
with their nonsense. It's not right, it's not right. But
the good news is the listener can hear it the
snake type moves that are made to try to silence
my domination in these game shows. So it must be
comforting them to come over to the podcast. And to
use another hockey analogy, you can be Gretzky and I'm
(21:40):
your Martin mcsorley's hard to say, Hey, that's an outdated reference.
It's pretty fair to say, though it's not accurate. Great
one still alive. Mc s early is to people, you
live in a fictional world and the muscle I'm the
protector of your imagination, play defense. I. Back in the
old country, we would call that WHOI. That's what we
(22:02):
would call that. That's a bunch of we can we
acknowledge the fact that you go to one website to
have you jerked off. That's what you do with with
Jason Barrett and oh no, no, those other websites that
that's not that's not the one. Listen, just because Jason
Barrett couldn't he wouldn't you go through everyone in radio.
He wouldn't be able to come up with your name
at all. That's bullshit. He has no idea who you are.
(22:24):
You're nothing. You're not even a pebble of sand on
his beach at this point. All right, it's just you
don't have to be jealous. It's okay. I mean, listen,
greatness respects greatness, and that's what happened. Why don't you
ask him to submit you for a Marconi? How about that?
That's a professional blabber mouth and yakety yak and all
that one wind bag to another wind bag. Yeah, listen,
(22:48):
it pays off occasionally, be motormouth, mallard. It does pay off.
You get to rub elbows and schmooz with some people
in radio. Now, keep in mind, my first twenty years
in radio, none of the console tins in radio knew
who the hell I. So it's only recently that I
am able to mingle with people that actually have a
(23:09):
voice in the industry. So I don't know what changed
all of a sudden, but but only recently. For a
long time did not happen. Well, I can give you
a few things that have changed. Here we go. This
is gonna be you crediting yourself. No, No, I mean
you've gone from weekend to weekday. Yeah. That's been doing
weekdays for a number of years now. I think he's
been five, six, seven years. You've gone from four eight pounds.
(23:32):
Oh yeah, and your voice has actually improved drastically during
that time. No, yes, microphone, it's a microphone. If you
meet me in person, I have the weary, high pitched vice.
I'm Betty. I'm Betty. On the radio, I think was pinched.
(23:54):
I started before gone through puberty. Listen, that's why I'm
longer than you. You keep saying I'm older than you
Fox Fox Sports Radio. In those days, it was it
was like I was working at Nike. You know, it
was child labor, making making some air Jordan's or something
like that. Anyway, I do appreciate the nice review. I
(24:20):
tweeted it out, you know, because people, I want the people,
see fans of the show, the pe ones, to see
that it was outstanding, celebrated Mala monologue, and I do
appreciate that. All right. So here's the pop quiz things
I found randomly around the interweb, and we'll quiz Gascon
and then we'll quiz you as well. You can as
(24:40):
you're listening to this podcast, see if you can get
these right. See if you can do better than Gascon,
Which isn't that hard, Which isn't that hard? All right?
So new report claims that parents will keep this particular
item for up to sixteen years. What is it? Dud, dud, dude,
don't do a crib do do do do know? Uh?
(25:04):
This would be art your child made, you know, those
finger paintings in kindergarten. Yeah, but not your parents. Your
dad kept everything right my mom My dad though in
his defense, he just didn't move anything when my mom passed.
He just kept everything the way it was like preserving,
preserving everything. Yeah, my my mom would. She didn't throw
(25:27):
away anything, you know. She kept every freaking thing from
when I was a kid, and not just me, my
brothers and well she loved She was very proud mother,
donating mother for sure. All right. Uh, this item that
we associate with the Old West, and he's actually being
used today as well, quite often in the modern world.
(25:48):
Has his origins actually in India. Not a lasso, No,
a bandanna, Yeah, h India. Yeah. Interesting, Bombay they don't
call it Bombay anymore? Right? They change the name? What
(26:09):
did they change it to? Do they? What do they
call it? What's the name? I was trying to think
of what else would be from those glory days? Like
what did what else did Gauchos have? You're not You're
not allowed to use the word gautro. Why not? That's
a that's an offensive term. You're not allowed to say it.
(26:29):
I I my college, Saddleback College, was called the Gauchos,
and they're changing the mascot, the wocal Roddy. You gotta
get on the woke wagon bat drop by you man? Yeah,
I mean, you know, cheering the saddleback Gauchos. On why
I was a racist, clearly, no question about it. I
(26:53):
only came to realize that when I was told that
by some some loser that that was the case. Oh
my god, so we are no longer allowed to celebrate
the skilled horsemen from the Rio Grand Valley. It was
the bolas. The bolas is what the gauchos used to
to basically hammer down their their prey. Oh yeah, that
(27:17):
was the Yeah. It looked like there was two balls
that were attached to the end of it and they
would whip it around and then throw it. That could
be taken out of context and be used to make
you look very bad. Well, we wouldn't want to do
that here on the podcast, would we be inappropriate? Cancel
the way you describe that was rather rather, do you
ever wear the bandana? No, never worn a bandanna, although
(27:42):
I had to wear something similar to that when I
played football back in the day, almost like Kelly Rudy.
Kelly Ready would wear a blue bandanna on his helmet
because the sweat would get into his eyes. I don't
work something like that because the bridge of my nose
would get cut profusely, profusely. He speaking of the changing
(28:04):
of team names, did you see opening Day? We mentioned
this on the show, but the Cleveland Indians opening Day
and people very upset with the changing of the Indian nickname.
And uh so they they were they rented some some
airplanes and they were flying around with messages and all that.
(28:25):
Do you see any of that? That was I thought
a little bit of it. I'm excited because I think
you talked about this last week or the week before
with the Washington football team potentially going back to the Redskins. Yeah,
I'll get what that be with Daniel Snell. Well, no,
they're not going to do it, but they they from
what I had heard, they asked pulse of the people,
(28:47):
what do you want to call the football team in Washington?
And most people said call it the Redskins. And that's
not what they were looking for. That didn't fit the agenda.
So now they're like, well, maybe we'll just keep the
colors and well, you know, we'll uh you know, called
the Washington football team as a as a midway point.
(29:10):
But as far as the Cleveland Indians thing on on
opening day, they the people that paid for the banner, uh,
that were flying around and they had all kinds of
messages and whatnot on there. There was a website and
I went and Shake checked it out and this website
(29:32):
is an anti like mask website and they sell mask
that actually aren't masks. Did you see this? No? What
is it? Hold on me, I'm gonna send you a
link right now with this not do I have any
music here? Do do do do do do? Yeah, they
sell like a bunch of products like where you can
be within the guidelines where you have to wear a mask,
(29:52):
but they're not like really mask. It's pretty pretty crazy.
And they got a bunch of random T shirts and
stuff like that. So the incognito fake mask, yeah, just
it's a compliant face mask. This is fake mask USA.
(30:13):
Now that's one says the offensively fake mask. Is that
because the mask is white. I don't I don't know.
Do you see they have the the gator though, you
have the gator one side of the gator, which is
actually the real side, and then they have the fake
side side by side, So very very exciting, very exciting.
(30:35):
But they were they were the ones I looked it
up because I saw some photos of the planes, and
they were the ones that I gets paid for it.
The protest governors and these ridiculous politics we've had to
deal with over the last year, the draconian Detroit Dercroonian ways.
All right. According to a new report, more than half
(30:56):
of Americans admit they don't do this as often as
they should. What are they not doing? Floss not checking
their bank account? You don't have that problem. You love
checking your financials and then sending out messages do you
know what my FICO score is? Just you might as
(31:17):
well just say you know how big an asshole I am?
Let me tell you right now. Yeah, there you go
west of the four oh five. I have no idea
what my FICO scores, nor do I care what my
FICO scores, right the reflection of who you are as
an individual. That really reflects on how much money you've borrowed.
(31:38):
It actually reflects on how much money you've actually paid
back on time. But if you don't borrow money, if
you don't need to borrow money, then you don't have
to worry about it. How about that? And you've got
no history then, so you're not relevant. Yeah, it's it's
essentially a score to the bank that you have given
back money to the bank. But you shouldn't need to
keep getting loans us by job by you. It's not
(32:00):
true because banks will use that information. But guess who
else uses it? Employers use it when they use it
when they do a background check, they look up your
credit scores. So don't give me that. Like I said, though,
if you you shouldn't need that. I mean employers want
to know who they're getting in bed with. I think
you would agree on that, alright. Um. Meanwhile, a new
survey asked people to name a food that instantly puts
(32:23):
them in a better mood. Now, bacon and eggs was
the second most popular answer. Or what was number one? Pizza? No, donuts, Nope,
ice cream over three you've struck out. Sorry. Tacos Yeah,
put you in a good mood. Nice crunchy taco, gringo
taco with the cheese on top from Tito's Tacos. Yeah,
(32:46):
but here's the thing. If the shell is cracked, then
it puts you in a bad mood. Well, you're the
one cracking the shell. If a properly made crunchy taco,
the shell should not be cracked. I know. But sometimes
the delivery gets fucked up, or that's true, gets messed up.
In translatinos, it was pretty good because they're passive. What's
wrong with that? Nothing? I mean, just it's hard judging
(33:07):
me by the size of my taco. No, it didn't
sound right. No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Teenage girls do this about once a week. What is it?
M M, I don't know. Slam a door only once
a week. That's like you though, don't you slam the
(33:30):
door though? Gasc On, I mean you've you've had some
hissy fits at work. These doors are too big to slam. Yeah,
so they're bank vault doors. That's why. In a new survey,
more than eighty five percent of children admit they lied
to their parents about this. What do they lie about? Showering?
Brushing their teeth was the second guess? Yeah, I did
(33:51):
that too. I would lie to my parents. Oh yeah,
I brush my teeth. Yeah. Yeah, it was all good.
But then they would figure out because usually I'd leave
some toothpaste in the sink, you know, a little bit
of evidence behind didn't clean up completely, didn't the crime
scene was there was still some toothpaste remnants. And yeah.
A new report claims only twenty of people do this
during their morning routine, but those who do are more awake, healthy,
(34:15):
and productive than their peers. What do they do? Drink water?
No wake up without an alarm. Yeah, so that means
twenty of people don't have jobs, because if you had
a job, you wouldn't be able to wake up without
an alarm because you you have to be somewhere, You
have things to do right, So al right, nearly half
(34:38):
of people say, if they're going to do this, they
prefer to do it at home. What is it? Wow? Um,
I guess it's relevant. Now watch a movie. Do Do
Do Do, Do Do Do Do? No workout not you?
(34:58):
You love to go to gym and I got beautiful
select Mahattan Beach and her. What's uh? You know, redondocud,
you really go to the gym. It's like when I
would go to the gym. You go during the the overnight,
early morning hours. There's people working out as older crowd.
You go during the days. You know, the women are
all dolled up, They've got a bunch of makeup on.
The guys are flexing and gyrating. And I mean it's different,
(35:22):
different situations. Don't jealous, jealous at all. I don't go
to the gym anymore. I got my I got my treadmill.
I'm good. What's your problem? I'm fine? Man? All right.
I nearly half of people say if they're going to
do this, they prefer to or did that one? How
about this one? All right? Moving on? This baseball game
staple was created by a Pennsylvania company. It's become a
(35:43):
tradition really over the last like thirty twenty years, about
the last twenty years. But it started in a Pennsylvania
company baseball staple um the wave, No, the hot dog gun.
(36:05):
All right. Hatfield Meats in Pennsylvania created the hot dog cannon,
which has caused lawsuits. I remember the Royals mascot got
in some trouble. They're using the hot dog gun and
misfired and shot someone in like the face, and it's
a big problem. I shot one of those in Baker's
field that shoot him sky high, though not at people,
(36:26):
but just sky high. It's when it landed on him
it usually exploded, So you'd make it rain. You make
that What happened to that hot dog gun? Did you
take that? When the team went bankrupt? Did you broke?
A study found that doing this can actually reduce stress
and anxiety in your life. Not working for Ben Maller,
(36:46):
I wouldn't call what you do work. I'd say, I
don't know what I would call what you do, but
I wouldn't call it work. I'd say meditating. No, grocery shop, yes, stressing,
dig that's so much better. No, I go, I do
the grocery shopping at the Mallory Household and said two
weeks ago, was washing dishes or something like that help
reduce stress. Well, that was a study a couple of
(37:08):
weeks ago. This is a new study that said that
you can reduce anxiety by grocery shop. Huh, yeah, I
don't I like grocery shop. Do you know? You have
a list, You get what you need, usually by a
couple of things you don't need that you toss in there.
It's dangerous though, because you go shopping at Costco. Don't
you feel more compelled to just buy everything there because
it's dirt sheep? No, I mean there's something you don't
(37:32):
you have space for, you don't need, you know, that
kind of stuff. It's not You're not everything, all right?
A Moving on, twenty of people people over the age
of sixty five, claim they have never done this, traveled
outside the United States, no use the internet. So that
(37:57):
would mean of the people over the age of sixty
five have no chance of hearing this podcast because the
only way to hear this podcast is on the intraweb. Oh. Last,
one one in nine men did this for the first
time during the pandemic. What is it? One in nine
men believe you're on this list as well. You're one
(38:20):
of one in nine men did this for the first
time during the pandemic. Do do do Do Do Do
Do Do Do Do do do do do? I don't
know um wrote a book. No, it doesn't involve books though,
(38:43):
So I read a book. Yeah, one one in nine
men I did this for the first time during the pandemic.
Read a book. You read? Your first book was a
coloring book. You read it? Congratulations, kid's book? Your Your
better half actually bought me two books for my birthday
ball he is read page one. She sent a page
two three and Outliers. Great Mrs Maller has send that
(39:09):
along as a birthday gift. I really appreciate that for
remembering the birthday. And also I believe she read you
a little tale there about how to how to read
the A. B. C's and the one two threes right
reading for idiots. I think I read nine or ten
books last year. Congratulations. I hate reading too. Do you
want a cookie? I mean, when was the last time
(39:31):
you actually had to read books that or did read
books on the regular? Oh no, but I'm reading like
hundreds of hundreds of like different news stories through the day,
so I don't need to read a book. I'm getting
plenty of reading it. I mean, I'm scanning through tons
of stories, so I don't really need if I if
I wasn't doing that, if I had a job where
I didn't do that, I would absolutely read a bunch
of would you I would. Yeah, I don't mind reading,
(39:54):
but I do it during the day like trying to
find stuff to talk about, scanning different websites or whatever.
So yeah, I'm not anti reading. Just anyway, that's it.
Guessing we get the mail bag on Sunday. Very exciting,
so fired up for the mail bag. It's one of
the more popular things that we do here. So anyway,
(40:17):
we will get to that on Sunday. Have a wonderful
rest of your Saturday and we will catch you then.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.
Host
Ben Maller
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