All Episodes

November 21, 2020 43 mins

David Gascon is out so Ben Maller gives a pop quiz with new kid on the block Ryan Smith. Little does he know that he's full of surprises.

Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review on iTunes whenever you get the chance.

Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com

Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and on Instagram @BenMallerOnFOX

Ryan is on Twitter @RyanMcBain and RyanMcBain on Twitch

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing House of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with

(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now, Hey, you know what that is.
It's a Saturday in this podcast, the Fifth Hour eight
days a week, which would include Saturday. That's the eight
days a week. Because four hours are not enough. They
are not enough. And we thank you for finding the podcast,

(00:45):
and I do want to encourage you if you want
the podcast to continue eight days a week, continue to listen.
The numbers have been good. We're growing the audience. The
only way we can grow the audience, though, is with you.
We have no ad budget. You're not gonna see a
billboard for the Fifth Hour. You're not gonna hear a
commercial for the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard. It's not
gonna happen, right. I occasionally mentioned this podcast on my

(01:08):
on the on the radio show that we do right
the Overnight Show that we are all part of I
mentioned it occasionally, but outside of that, we have nothing.
So word of mouth advertising, which is the most effective advertising.
People that work in the ad business get very upset
that the word of mouth advertising is the way to go.
It bothers them. They're annoyed by it. But it's the

(01:28):
reality of the world. It is the reality of the
world that when people tell other people recommendations it means
more like, I love commercials, and we do a lot
of commercials. You'll hear commercials during the podcast. But it
is a fact. I'm getting carried away here. But I know,
for example, like when when you're looking for somewhere to
eat and you're like, hey, you know any good Italian

(01:53):
restaurants and somebody says, hey, I know this place that's
got great chicken palm, and you're like, okay. If it's
someone in your circle, a friend or a relative, someone
that is a value, then you're gonna be like, okay,
let me go give it a shot. Give a shot.
And I will also tell you if if you give

(02:13):
it a shot and you go and eat the chicken
parm and it's like chewing bubblegum, then you're not gonna
listen to that person again, so there is value to it.
So you know it. It's a double edged sword. It
cuts both ways, right, it cuts both ways. But that
is that is part of it. And uh so on
this podcast, we've got into the principal's office and we'll

(02:35):
do pop quiz as well. Right into the Principal's office
and pop quiz and then other random stories that caught
my attention if we have time. Other random stories that
caught my attention. So those are the the tenants of
the podcast. But we begin with this now you probably
noticed already, maybe not, the Friday Podcast was an interview podcast.

(02:59):
It normally unless we can't get anybody to come on
the podcast, and occasionally we can. But the Friday Podcast
this week we had Lee Kleine, the Prince of Darkness.
Lee Kleine, radio legend and a guy that I used
to work with. And Lee was regaling us with stories
there about some of the old days and my run

(03:20):
ins with athletes, and he was a witness to it,
some of our interactions a lot of funds could have leon.
I hope you enjoyed that. Lee's an interesting cat, and
we'll have him on again. But one thing you did
not hear on the Friday podcast, you did not hear
a peep out of David Gascon. You did not hear

(03:41):
a peep. He was quiet. It was radio silence, dead
air from Gascon, right, as we would say here, all
quiet on the West of the four oh five front.
That's right, um. And the reason that you did not
hear from David Gascon on that podcast, the reason you

(04:04):
are not hearing Gascon on this podcast is because David
Gascon has been placed on time out. He has been paced.
He's in podcast jail for the weekend high crimes and misdemeanors.
Because Mr West of the four oh five I know
he doesn't want me to talk about this and he'll
deny it. I he had nobody running interference for him.

(04:27):
Nobody running interference for him. Uh, and so he will
be as quiet as a lamb this weekend. Because Gascon
is the butcher of audio. I don't know if you
know that, but he's the butcher Budio and we do
a bit called Benny versus the Penny iconic I say

(04:48):
that in air quotes, iconic bit wink wink not not,
And we used to do it on the radio. I
hit it on the radio for like ten fifteen years.
Then we moved it to the podcast for a year,
and now we've moved to a standalone own YouTube interactive
show usually on Friday nights. We did last week on
Friday night, week eleven. But back in week ten, all right,

(05:09):
Benny Versus the Penny of the YouTube show. It was
supposed to start at nine thirty in the West. It
did not start till, I believe after an hour delay.
It wasn't because of rain. It wasn't because of rain. Uh,
it was because Gascon left it up. He screwed up

(05:30):
his computer and all that at the very last minute,
at the eleventh hour. And so he is not on
the podcast. It's it's punishment for him in a reward
for for you listener. And so Gascon has been sent
to podcasting Siberia. Uh, and he's gonna have to weather
the storm. He's gonna have to weather the storm there.

(05:52):
He has not been candy, has not been terminated. He
did not get a pink slip. He didn't get the axe.
We would like to give him the boot, but he
has not been whacked. None of those things have happened.
He's not on a coal miners holiday or any of that.
But he's off this weekend from the podcast because of
some mistakes that he made, so in his place, writing
Shotgun as my sounding board. Give it up now for

(06:18):
the Great Ryan Smith. Hello Ryan, Hello, Uncle Ben. Oh
I'm so excited. I don't have to talk to guests. Gone, Ryan,
I get to talk to you. Well, unfortunately I have
to see him every day. So, uh that's not good
for me. Yeah, no it is not. And so we're
gonna do the pop question. But I wanted to get

(06:40):
to know this is a bit that Real Talk does
on the radio show, Like you know, four questions, we'll
do more than four questions. Why don't we do it?
How about this? We'll call it five good minutes learning
about the Great Ryan Smith? Sure? Why not? Sounds great?
It's that? Is that not gonna be a podcast? We're
gonna set a record. We're gonna beat Joe Rogan for

(07:00):
downloads with this. You understand, We're gonna have so many
people downloading this. We're gonna be the top podcast on
the I Heart network. Peas. People are gonna be fascinated
to learn about the life and times of Ryan Smith. Yes,
I'm probably gonna get a lot of hate tweets. Yeah, probably, Well,
they don't know your Twitter account. You want to give
your Twitter account so people can go ahead? Will at

(07:21):
Ryan McBain on Twitter. There you go. Alright, alright, I'm
very funny. All right, So the the fifth Hour listener.
First of all, why don't we start with the basic
for those who don't know who you are and they
have no idea because you're behind the scenes guy. Mostly,
what is your job at Fox Sports Radio? What is
your title at Fox Sports Radio? I am a one

(07:43):
of the mini producers for Colin Cowherd. Wow, you're part
of the herd. I am a part of the herd. Yes,
way behind the scenes, way behind, way behind. So do
you do you think that Colin knows who you are?
He knows me, he doesn't know my name because he
keeps calling me chief or big guy. This is fine,

(08:05):
that's cool, he's calling that's that's fine. Exactly. He's a legend.
And now so you're a low man on the total
pull on that. But if you understand, for the company,
Colin Calherd is omnipresent, almighty and all knowing. He is
the colossal Bofo Sacho gigantic figure at Fox Sports Radio. Right,

(08:28):
that's the conan, the barbarian. Yes, he's the head show. Yes.
Do you feel like you need to throw rose pedals
down when you're around him? He's basically the only host
here at the network that uh if. And when he
yells at me, I just take it. Anybody else all like,
snap back? All right. So there's a fear factor you're
getting here, there's a fear factory because not only and

(08:50):
in this. I love Colin. I've bet him a few
times over the years. He'd been very nice to me.
But Colin has the kind of power I don't think
Colin even realizes how much power is. If Colin wants you,
if you get on the back outside of Colin, it's done.
I mean he has if he wanted to. I'm not
saying he would do this because he probably wouldn't, but
if he wanted to, he could make you be a race.
That's how much influence Colin has on on the business

(09:13):
and the company and all that. Because he's the moneymaker.
We're basically fans. Yeah, one staff and you're gone. Yeah,
he's he's the what's the guy that runs Amazon? There?
The bald guy. What's Yeah, Jeff Bezo, He's our Jeff
Bezos is essentially how that that goes? Now? How long
have you been in radio? Ryan? We're getting to know
Ryan Smith? How exciting is this the guy he's one
of cow Hurts producers. I've been in radio almost twenty years. Really. Yeah,

(09:39):
I've been all over the place. I've been at Sporting
News Radio, I've been at KFI obviously, I've been here
at Fox. I've been at UH, at K Day. I've
pretty much worked everywhere. Now is it all in l A?
Was it all over Los Angeles where you work? Did
you work in other cities? Oh? Just basically in l A?
So you've bounced around the radio dial in l A.

(09:59):
So when you were a at Sporting News, you were
at it was an AM station? Was atty or something like?
The ticket? The ticket? About that? Actually? Oh, you're with
the P. Was with the P. I've known Petrols for
a long time. Yeah, that's good, but Petrols good guy.
He'd be sure to catch live editions of the Ben

(10:20):
Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven pm
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio.
All Right, and so now these are this is gonna
be a very important question here. Um, were you born
and do you live east or west of the four
oh five fruit? And remember answer this Ryan very carefully.

(10:42):
Answer this because I like you. Right now I seem
I seem to enjoy the conversation. But if you answer
this the wrong way, then this might sully our relationship. Well, Um,
I was born in San Jose, California. Okay, that's far
away from the four oh five freeway, so that's very good.
But but but I am not a Giants fan. I'm

(11:03):
a die hard Dodgers fan. Good job by you. You
were raised, you were raised, Clipper, you were raised properly, yes,
And I'm a Raiders fan. So basically all I know
is pain. Um pretty much. Yeah, the agony of being
a sports fan, yes, the agony being so you were
you were San Jose? Guy? Did you grow to high
school and stuff in San Jose? Were you from that?

(11:24):
You just stay there until you were older? Or? Fun fact?
I went to high school uh at Leland High School
with Pat Tillman. Oh is that right, the legendary Pat Tillman.
Good guy. I still talked to one of his brothers.
Uh yeah, Uh, Okay, awesome person. Cool all right, And

(11:45):
and now you're in l A and so now that's
that's dangerous. There's that point of the market. But you're
a producer, so I'm guessing you can't afford to live
west of the four or five. My right? Uh, I
make do I got a side hustle? Oh really, what
do you sell drugs? What do you I'm actually on Twitch?

(12:06):
Actually really you make money on Twitch a little bit? Yeah,
no way, man. Some people think that I'm somewhat entertaining,
you know, you know, how do you what's the what's
the secret? Because I I know Twitch. I've been on
there a few times. I got Tony Bruno did a
Twitch show for a while. But how do you how

(12:29):
does one make money on Twitch? Well? People a lot
of people think that it's just playing video games, but no,
you can you talk to people. You can talk about anything,
you know, as long as you're entertaining and like tell stories. Now, granted,
I'm out of female, so a lot of people don't
want to watch me because a lot of people that
watch Twitch want to see boobies and I don't have

(12:50):
any boobies, So you can you know, you can fix
that now, it's you can get all the things the
ladies have. You can go if you go to like
a Frankenstein doctor, they'll put it together pretty good there. Yeah,
I don't want to look like gask On, So I'm
all right, I'm good. I'm good on that, all right.
So and you just get how do you build an
audience though? Because to get money, right, you have to

(13:12):
have people actually watch it. So how do you convince
people to watch it without having going into it with
the phone? Ah, you just gotta build it. You have
to um, you know, go out on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok,
Facebook and just say hey, I'm going live, and just
have to keep on doing it and doing it and
slowly but surely you'll build an audience. It's not easy,

(13:33):
especially being a dude. Yeah. And also it's the Internet,
and we all know how dirty and bad the internet is.
So you get a lot of harassment. Yeah, well the trolls, right,
and never you're never supposed to feed the trolls. I
like that. People. People are so stupid. They think that
they have uh, you know, this shield, this cone of

(13:54):
silence around them, not code of science, but but they're protected,
they're insulated from reality. They it's so easy to track
people down online that these keyboard assassins, these cyber soldiers
don't even really so dumb they don't realize that anybody
who has, you know, half a brain and it can
immediately track down exactly where they are because there's a

(14:17):
there's a code when you're on the internet, and they
can track it down and these people haven't figured it out.
It's fascinating to me that people are so stupid they
can't figure that part out and they think that they're
protected and they have animity on the Internet. That's because
they don't take the right steps, like having a burner
account and you know, Kevin duran On, you gotta do

(14:40):
it the right way, though, you know, I try now Gascon,
who's who's suspended this weekend? And that's why we have
the great Ryan Smith in But I he he had
a hook up on the VPN, but he has not
shared the VPN with me. He he knew a guy.
I like, I want to get a VPN from a guy,
you know, because I don't know you can buy it
different websites and all that, and uh and so yeah,

(15:03):
I'd like to do Now, what is the strangest thing
that's happened. I love radio stories, right. I've been in
radio for a long time too, so I love good
radio STU. What's the craziest thing you've witnessed at a
radio station in your career. Craziest thing I have ever witnessed? Wow? Yeah, Yeah.
For example, I'm putting on the spot. In the early
days of Fox Sports Radio, we had a guy that's

(15:24):
doing a kind of a job you have, who got
so burned out because they worked into the bone. He
just quit. He in the middle of a shift. He
walked out and said I'm done, but he didn't really
tell anybody in management that he was done, and he
never showed up to work again. And they had to
call the police to make sure they thought he was dead.

(15:44):
They had to call the police. He just quit. He
just had a meltdown and he quit. I've had that happened.
I'm trying to think of some other stories as a reference.
Guy like crazy stuff that has happened. I was one
time was doing local radio and a guy almost burned
the station down. He was smoking cigarettes inside the station
and he dropped a cigarette. He thought it was out.
He dropped into it a trash can and the trash

(16:07):
can lit on fire, and uh and and this smoke
filled up the entire floor of the radio station. And
this was on the this was in a skyscraper, you know.
And so it came very close to the sprinkler system
turning on, which would have would have put water in
all of the electrical equipment. It would have turned the

(16:28):
radio station. So those are some of the stupid things
that I've experienced. What is Is there anything? If? If not,
it's fine, you don't. You can punt, you can punt
no um um. I can't really name any names because
the person still works in radio. But over when I
was over at many many years ago, over at Sporting
News Radio, one of the hosts um snapped at one

(16:48):
of the program directors and literally, uh took the keyboard
from his computer and just chucked it down the hall,
yelling every type of F bomb you can think of.
And I was in my early twenties, and I'm standing there, going,
you know what, I don't want any of that. I
don't want any of that. I don't want that smoke
is the kids are saying, Yeah, so he threw the keyboard.

(17:12):
What a hissy fit? What a temper change? Rumh, my god.
The best part about it is, um he was doing
an interview, a live interview at the time. This guy's
got talent. I mean, I love the old radio show.

(17:33):
I I had a program director at one time that
ran down the hall. Well I really he kind of
waddled down the hall and started banging his hands on
the wall because we did a bad segment. He didn't
like how he handled this second and he just started
screaming at us. And I was like, what a lunatic?
I mean, my god, I mean, just there's different ways
to do this. My my goodness. Here all right, now

(17:57):
a couple where we're getting to let Ryan Smith and
I got to get to the pot quiz because it's
very important show here. Do you have any odd skills?
Can you juggle? Uh? Is? There? Can you? Is? You're
some kind of weird thing that you have that you
could make. But you're on Twitch, so you've already revealed
one thing that's not normal. Um, but by by the

(18:17):
by the way, like what do you what kind of
stories do you tell on Twitch? Maybe some sleazy sex
stories from my past music, uh, movies, like you know,
pretty much basic stuff. So you times and sometimes I
may or may not be drunk. So okay, Now, were
you like a male jiggolo back in the day? No,

(18:40):
I was not. But I was a professional wrestler back
in the day. Well, you're buried to leave my mind.
You're buried to leave my mind. I was getting to it.
I was getting to it. I mean, come on, that's
a big story. You were a professional now where there's
different levels of wrestling as I know where where were
you a professional wrestler here in l A on the

(19:01):
indie scene? But I have wrestled with and against some
pretty big name stars or or been on the same
like quote unquote shows with people that that like blew
up and made it um. One guy I won't bear
the lead. Maybe you've heard of him, John Cena. Really
I knew him when his wrestling name was the Prototype,

(19:23):
before he was John. So the way it works is
I understand it, but you worked in the wrestling world.
The way I understand it is that these lower level
wrestling like it's kind of a feeder system and then
you if you want to get into the like the
top level where like the w W or the other
what's the other one called the in Atlanta or the South.

(19:43):
What's the other wrestling I forget m W CW I
think you're talking about. Yeah, I think that there's like
two big ones that supposedly at the top. But isn't it,
from what I understand, and maybe I'm completely wrong, that
they scout out guys at these lower levels and then
you have to go to like an academy. I don
the w w E does that. You have to go
to academy in Florida and then you have to work

(20:04):
your way up again, right, isn't that how that works? Oh,
that's exactly how it works. Sometimes people, um, you can
go to Japan and wrestle, but yeah, it's uh now
like here, there's only like two major federations. It's the
w E and there's a w Those are two big
ones right now. Okay? And so when you what was

(20:24):
what you're you're wrestling? Stick? Like? What was your stick?
When you were? Were you just a guy that people
the other guys beat up? I remember when I was
a kid and I love the WWF and I'd go
to the card on like Saturday at the Anaheim Convention
Center and they have the big name wrestler against like
Bill Smith who just had who just had like the
blue shorts on and there was nothing to him, and
he was just you knew, he was just there. He

(20:46):
was the tomato can that the star could beat and
then they'd move on to the next match. Yeah, they
call them jobbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the job exactly right,
that's it. Good job you. Of course you wouldn't know that, Yeah,
the jobber. It's kind it's kind of like the Clippers
back in the day with the abbers they were yeah exactly.
So what was your stick? I was? I had all

(21:06):
different types of names, but I basically went by Ryan McBain,
which is why I go by that on Twitch and
also on Twitter. Uh. I think when I first started out,
I went by sweet Dick Ryan McBain, and I would
come out with this nice fedora. You know. It was

(21:26):
really fond of that name, but a lot of promoters
were like, you know what, let's just go with Ryan McBain.
I'm like, okay, what I didn't like sweet Dick. I
didn't like it. I don't know why. Friendly. If you
were bad, you could have been slap dicks. You could
have been slap dick, and look at that would have
been a way that would have been the way to right,
we got slap dick over here doing doing this thing.

(21:50):
What was the worst injury you suffered when you were wrestling? Right?
It was the worst injury is what that was actually
training I wasn't even wrestling. I got a concussion, like
a really na see where your head spinning kind of thing. Yeah,
So basically the guy goes training me. I won't name
any names, but he was he liked to do the steroids. Sure,
he didn't know his own strength, and uh, he like

(22:12):
pretty much ran my head right into the match. It
did not. It was like the worst injury I ever got. Yeah,
and like the how how beat up? Like I know,
I've I've had some friends that were wrestlers before. We
had some listeners that went on to be good wrestlers,
which I'm which I'm proud of. But like in a

(22:33):
typical match, I got you. It's it's acting right, you're
not you're not supposed to actually get hurt. But did
you get beat up? Where you would you end up
with a bunch of bruises and stuff after a match
when you're you're not that's not the goal obviously, But
how beat up did you get after a standard match? Well,
we're basically like stunt men. Yeah, basically. Uh So, like
after a match, you feel like the next day you

(22:53):
feel like, wow, I've had a great workout. You're really sore.
And the more you did it, the more your body
to get used to it. Uh. I would go through
times where I would wrestle like maybe like once, I'd
be like a couple of months and that and like
my body's I used to it, and then I wake
up the morning, I'm like, I I'm not getting out
of bed. I'm just this. This is not gonna work.

(23:15):
I am too sore. But uh, obviously, you know we're
not trying to kill each other. Some people or quote
unquote stiff as they say when they're like you're in
the ring and go, hey man, you want to like
not try and kill me in here? Damn? Do I
owe your money? Stop? Now? How much choreographing did you
do before the match? Did you? Because I notice I've

(23:35):
heard stories I actually seen it been around the wrestlers
and the fact like they kind of go over what
the plan is, you know, like I'm gonna you know,
I'm gonna start out and I'm actually going to go
over the ropes and you know, I'm gonna you know,
I'll go outside. I'll bring a chair in. Like, did
you do that? Did you go that far into it?
Were that far into the weeds? Everybody's different. Usually that
the hell or the quote unquote bad guy he would

(23:55):
call the match. How I would do it is this
is how this is gonna go down. We're gonna do
this at the beginning, and then this is gonna be
the end, and in the middle, will do a few
things here and there. But like I was really uh
strict on the beginning because you gotta like the beginning
is very very important, and then the ending. Now, some
people have the whole thing planned out, like move by

(24:18):
a move. I'm like, no, I'm not doing all that.
So yeah, so you didn't, like did you have like
the armbar, the backbreaker, you have the forearm drop, like
the head scissors? Like, what was your move there? We
would like depends so you're working with I usually go like,
these are the moves that I do. Most people would
go go like, okay, I can do that. I can
take that. I can take that. Some people who I have,

(24:40):
who I would have never wrustled before back in the day,
they would say, um, I want to do this. I'm like, well,
I'm not taking that. You're crazy. Uh like giving you
like a like a power bro I'm off the top rope,
or like give you a pile driver off the top rope.
I'm like, no, dude, No, we're not doing all that
crazy stuff. No, you're gonna break my damn neck. So
you never got the elevated double chicken wing or whatever

(25:03):
you get that that never never happened back. And no,
Also I'm also burying the lead. I'm pretty big myself.
I'm six five. Yeah, I've been told. I think Gagan
says that we look we have a we have a
similar look, although I know I don't know if that's
true or not. He he has referenced to you many
times there, he has referenced you many times. All right,
we'll look at that. Who knew? I I learned all

(25:24):
about Ryan Smith with more that was actually more that
was like twenty minutes. I said, I do five. We
did twenty minutes. I didn't know you were a wrestler.
I had no idea. Yeah, I lit of the very
crazy life. Now what, you got a good job in radio,
but like if you could have any job, what would
your job be well, if you could pick any job,

(25:45):
I just don't say the Overnight Show. Like, if you
could have any job, like what with it? Honestly, I
would just like win a lottery and then be left alone.
I would like change my number and people just not
bug me anymore. That's that's probably what I'm aiming for. Okay,
you're like me. You're an introvert, oh very much. You know.
People are like, oh, it's COVID, we can't go anywhere.

(26:06):
That's great for me because I hate people. So this
is perfect. Oh man, this is where have you been? Right?
I mean, I gotta deal with this a whole gagon
over there, Mr West of the four oh five l
d DA and all that. But you you are, you are.
We're like P two p's out of you know, the
same party here. This is amazing because I am a recluse.

(26:29):
I am absolutely a recluse, uh clearly more this year
than ever, and socially awkward as well. All right, let's
get to pop Quiz and then we'll get the hell
out of here for the Saturday podcast Pop Quiz. Pop
Quiz here it is, and this is the bit here.
Just you play the role of gagon and uh, and
I'll just ask the question and you say, I don't
know the answer, but maybe you know the answer, and
then we'll we'll yap about it. So these are things

(26:51):
I found around the internet, random pop culture related things. Us.
We call it the pop quiz. Alright, So this is
the number one item that is lost in a household.
Number one item that people lose in their house. What
do you think it is? I would say, uh, car keys.

(27:13):
That's a good guest. Car Keys is good. I would
have thought remote control for the television. I would have
gone with that one. The correct answer. The according to
this socks. Socks. People lose socks. They disappear. Yeah, you
know because a lot of people just put all their
socks in the wash and then it gets lost in

(27:33):
the dryer and they okay, you don't wash your socks. Well, um,
you don't do your long your mom does your black one. Oh,
you wear the same colored socks, so it doesn't matter.
I'll buy a bunch of black ones. And then like
so if it's dirty item, I don't know, what are
you Johnny Cash, the Man in Black or something like that.

(27:53):
Come on, jeez, be sure to catch live editions of
the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern, I'll
leven p em Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the
I Heart Radio app. Alright. One in three single adults
say this is why they have no interest in meeting someone.

(28:15):
You think, here, d D D D D D D, well,
that would be your reason, but uh no, the answer
is they're not over an ex about that. They're heartbroken,
love sick. Man. That sucks all right. Nine of parents

(28:35):
say this is stressing them out the most in their lives.
What do you think, your parents, what do you think
the thing that's stressing you at the most? I would
go with taxes. You would think taxes, but it's actually
the according to this survey, it's helping kids with their homework.
And that is that is a freaking nightmare. Man, you
just triggered me. I remember back in the day when

(28:55):
I was a kid, my dad used to help me
with my homework next day at school. It'll all be wrong.
You just you just triggered me. Man. Oh good lord.
The word the worst is like the math, because a
lot of that for gaysing math that you do, you
never actually use it in life, right at least it

(29:17):
depends on what your job is. Like my job, my job,
I use basic math with percentages and things like that
for sports stats, but I'm not doing advanced algebra and
calculus and crap like that. And I can understand, like
if you have a regular job and you have a
kid that comes home and they're in like junior high
school or something, and they have, you know, all this
ridiculous math. I think the cool thing now, though, is

(29:40):
you can go to the internet and probably find all
the answers, Like you could cheat and find the answers
to pretty much anything on the internet, right if you
really wanted to about the way. The worst part is,
my dad is an engineer. He made it a math.
Do not teach it to save his life. I'm like, Dad,
this makes no sense, Like how do you not get
it because you're a crappy teacher? Dad? See that that's

(30:03):
the same theory, right, That's the same theory as like
the great player cannot really coach typically because they can
those that can do cannot teach, and those that can
eat can teach, cannot do. I'm just convinced my dad
cheated and that's how he got his degree. How about
the fight your dask why I don't want to deal
with this bull crap an screw you. I'll just write

(30:23):
some answers down and that's it. I'm done, get out
of here. Uh yeah, that's probably what happened. Yeah, I don't.
I don't blame your pops. By the way, of all
these bought today at stores will get thrown out unused condoms.

(30:45):
But I'm bump uh no, potatoes really yeah, you know why.
I have a theory on this, because you buy the
big bag of potato at a place like a Costco
or somewhere like that, and that's at you. You'd have
to eat like three or four potatoes a day to
get through that entire giant jumbo bag of potatoes. I

(31:06):
can understand that. I don't if you go through my
draw or I have a box of condoms never used. Well,
that's because you're an introvert. Usually my experience with women
is normally you have to talk to them before you
know the fun times beginning the way. I'm bam, no,
it's almost work. I don't want to do all this work.
And you say, hey, how is your day, and they
give you like their life story. I'm like, dude, just

(31:26):
give me the cliff notes, Well, you have to learn
you have to learn the art Ryan of how to
listen without listening. Yeah, men learn that at some point
in their life. You listen, but you're not actually paying attention,
and you have to nod. And there's a technique, there's
a skill to it, like you have to occasionally like
ask a follow up question and the skill. I learned

(31:49):
this a long time ago. Not that I would ever
do this because it would be wrong. But whatever the
person said last, if you just repeat that as like
an echo chamber and then ask, like, tell me more
about that, they will think you are intently listening to
their conversation. It is an amazing life hack. It does work,
you see. Actually, what it works better is a good

(32:11):
pickup line. And I had the best pickup line in
the world. Oh I gotta hear this. Hi, I'm Jeff Bezos.
Now you go. Perfect works every time. You know. It's
amazing about Jeff Bezos. The woman he's stooping right now.
I knew Lauren Sanchez. She was a sportscaster in l
a and I had a dinner at the same table

(32:33):
with her many times when she was at the let
this forum covering the Lakers and and all that, and
the and Staples Center, and she was on local TV
and l A doing sports for years, and now she is.
I don't think they're married, but she's got some of
that Amazon money. Uh. He actually owns twitch, So I

(32:53):
have nothing to say. So all right, you know, you
say she's a lovely lady. In my apologies to her lady,
in my apologies, tore Alright, forty seven percent we're doing popui.
Forty seven percent of us do this every morning? What
is it self? Self pleasure? Is that way brush your teeth?

(33:18):
Brush your teeth, dot that's funny. Uh, it's it's take
a vitamin take take yeah yeah, yeahez guestcon's probably doing
that right now because he's suspended from the podcast. That's
probably doing that all right now. Alright, owning seven of
these in Texas is illegal. You're on seven of these.

(33:40):
You're violating the law in Texas. What do you think
it is? This actually kind of relates to what we
were just talking about. Wives. I don't know, um, sex toys,
Oh yeah, dildos and all that. Yeah, you're you're not allowed.
Apparently six is okay, but if you own seven. You're
an outlaw about that. I call them marinal aid and

(34:03):
U like the fine sex toy I don't have. They
didn't they didn't write the definition. I would assume the
usual standard fair, or, as the Bill's mafia calls it,
just good fan gear. You know good? Yeah? Well you
remember right right? They build multiple times, they've They've thrown
dildos on the field at Bill's games. It's the great

(34:25):
moments in Bill's history there over the years. Clearly. Yeah.
I mean they played the Patriots. Some somebody in Bill's
mafia would check that you not a Patriot game. I'm
a Raiders fan. I think Tom Prady is a fraud.
I think it's a cheater. Wow. A matter of fact,
I hate everything Boston oye. You I am an honorary Bostonian.

(34:52):
I did a stint in Boston radio. How dare I'm
gonna slap you? How dare you cheez Louise Man? All right?
Uh this president it was known to greet foreign dignitaries
in his pajamas, that Bill Clinton phil with a cigar
in his mouth or somewhere else. Uh uh No. The

(35:12):
the correct answer is one of the early presidents, Thomas
One of the founding fathers. Thomas Jefferson. H yeah, but
that the you go back in the back in the
early days were before my time. Now you're old. Come on,
I am not that old. Are you sure about that?
He was president? Let me see her. Thomas Jefferson was

(35:33):
president of the United I'm gonna look at the years here.
Let's see, la la la la la. He was a
third president. He was. He was in office from eighteen
o one to eighteen o nine. H Aaron Burr and
George Clinton were his vice president. How about he changed?

(35:55):
How about that he changed vice presidents for his second term. Yeah,
and he succeeded by the great James Madison, which is
now a university, so you have you have that as well.
But Thomas Jeffers, why not man be casual? Might be casual? Oh?
Come on? You know the pjs. I just wear boxers

(36:15):
and a shirt. Old people wear pjas. I guess I'm
not old. Or if you're like in cold weather, you'd
wear a peach. If you're like you're in a cold
weather place, that you'd wear pjas in California? Who needs
pjas in California? Rue? All right? This probably happens to
you about two hundred times a week and you often

(36:36):
don't even realize it. I'm getting cussed at. Well, that
happens more than two hundred times a week at the
I Heart Media buildings, So that's not the the correct answer.
You are filmed by security cameras. You were filmed and
you don't even realize it. A lot of times you
don't because they're hitting cameras. In fact, in the I
Heart Media building which you're in right now, there's there's

(36:58):
cameras all over that place. So every time you walk
in the hallways, you can give the bird to one
of the cameras, because that's the way you should do
it exactly. Yeah, alright, what famous current artist loves the
number thirteen? This performer says, I was born on the thirteenth.
I turned thirteen on Friday the thirteenth, and my first

(37:21):
album went gold in thirteen weeks. I don't know, jar rule,
uh no, the correct answer. I'm sure you listen to
this person a lot. Taylor Swift, She's still relevant. Taylor Swift.
I don't know. I don't keep tracking her like her
whole like uh all her music whatever, some guy bought

(37:43):
it and oh she lost everything she's done. Huh No,
I mean like she didn't own the rights too, like
her previous albums before she like went someplace else. Some
guy bought her catalog and sold it off for like
three million or something like that. Oh, wow, didn't was
it Michael Jackson, the late Michael Jackson? He did he

(38:05):
own some of the rights to Beatles Music. Yeah, I
think he bought the whole catalog. I think. Oh, could
you imagine owning the rights to two Beatles music? Oh
my god, I have. And people don't know. For those
who don't know how the music business works, radio state,
we have to pay money to the radio, to the
music industry to play music, and we can only play

(38:27):
like a certain amount, and we go over that, we
have to pay them more money. And uh, it's it's
quite the hustle. It's quite the hustle. But the people
that get the money most are the people that own
the rights to the music. So if you want to
make a lot of money in music right music and
own it right, that's the way to do it. Rather
than perform. Perform you make good money, but you can
make even more ridiculous money. It's kind of like syndication

(38:48):
and television where you make typically in the past, not
so much now, but in the past you make a
lot of money. You make decent money doing it really
in real time. But like Jerry Seinfeld is still getting
massive checks a Seinfeld, which he hasn't done since the nineties,
And here we are in the and it's syndicated and
he's still on television. He gets a check. My dream, Ryan,

(39:11):
in a parallel dimension, is to have radio shows paid royalties,
like for people when people download this, I get a
like a ten cents or something like, wouldn't that be great?
Wouldn't that be wonderful? Why stop fair? Why ten cents?
How about more than that? Um? I start out low
and then it's like kind of like you're h o A.
If you have an h o A, it starts out

(39:32):
low and then keeps going higher and higher and higher.
So that goes all right, I'll do a few more
pop quiz here. Americans eat about one billion pounds of
this every year. What is it? Uh? I would say
red meat? Red meat? All right? Uh, that is incorrect.

(39:53):
It's the chicken, the chicken of the sea, catfish, shrimp, lobster.
You don't know what the chicken of the Sea is, Bryan,
have you lived a sheltered life? Ryan? Awqua Man, I
don't know what. Oh man. The Chicken of the Sea
is tuna? Really, Yeah, you didn't. That's actually a brand

(40:16):
of tuna. It's canned seafood Chicken of the Sea. Yeah.
I only know that because my mom when I was
a kid, rotated peanut butter and jelly and tuna sandwiches,
which was not a problem until the weather got hot,
and then by the time I would eat lunch in
elementary school with my metal lunchbox, the the tuna sandwich

(40:39):
was room temperature and it did not taste particularly good. Yeah.
The last time I had tuna, I got some, got
some at Ralph's and I was sick as a dog.
It was like one in the morning. I got to
call my boss here at Fox and I was saying,
you know what, I'm not coming in. There's no way
in hell good. Yeah. I hate seafood. I do not
like seafood. Though it's healthy. You're supposed to eat seafood,

(41:00):
butmp lobster. You don't like lobster. I don't know. I
don't I used to eat. The only fish I will
still eat is beer. Battered fish sticks with breading and
dipped in tartar sauce. Yeah. When when I was a kid,
I'd eat salmon, but it was like fried salmon, was
like salmon patties. I used to eat that, like anything
fried or beer battered. I'm I'm all for that. Yeah,

(41:21):
that's about the only way I can eat any of
that stuff. All right, Well, Thanksgiving is coming up. Do
you know about that? Yeah, alright, eighty one, you've heard
about it. It's kind of a big deal. One of
us will be doing this on Thanksgiving. What is it fighting? Yeah,
well that's well not because of King Knewsome here. We're
not supposed to. He'll be fighting because he'll have a
nice Thanksgiving dinner, but the peasants will not be able to.

(41:44):
Now counting calories, know what? He counts calaries on Thanksgiving.
That's what I'm saying, right right, Come on, man, who
does it? That's a day your birthday and Thanksgiving. Those
are days calaries do not count. Those are days you
just go for it. You go big, You eat the pie,
and you eat the all the side dishes and all

(42:05):
that stuff, and you gotta go for it. Yeah. I don't.
First of all, I never count calories like no, I
don't either. But my my new thing is I'm doing
this inter minute fasting, which is my michigas. So I've
been doing it for a while. It's not really new.
I just like to pretend like it's new. Alright, last
one of women, and this is the way you can

(42:26):
pick up women. By the way, you say, did you
know of women have had this job at some point
in their life? What do you think? It doesn't matter
your background, your ethnicity. You've had this gig as a
woman hostess, hostess with the mostess. Uh no, the correct

(42:46):
answer baby sitter. I'll let's say call girl or something.
But yeah, depends on what part of town you come from.
I guess it depends with a part of town you
come from. All right, well listen, Ryan, thank you, good
job by you. Look at that you you hit a
home run here? How amazing is that? Well? The bar

(43:07):
was stet pretty low. You know, I was filming in
for gas On. It's not that difficult. That is true.
That is true. And although I like that you were
able to work in that you do live. It sounded
like you admitted you lived west of the four oh five,
but you didn't actually say that. You kind of just
skipped past that. That's a veteran move. That's a veteran move.
But you're one of the good guys that happened to

(43:28):
might might live on the wrong side of the highway there. Anyway, listen,
Thank you and thank you for listening. Obviously we appreciate it. Again,
Cameo dot Com, Ben Maller, get me on Twitter at
Ben Maller and Facebook, Ben Mallers Show, Instagram, Ben Maller
on Fox and Ryan again hot for those that are
you know, listening at the very and how can they

(43:50):
reach you again on Twitter and all that. Ryan McBain
on Twitter and Ryan McBain on Twitch. All right, thanks,
we'll catch you on Sunday. See you, guys,
Advertise With Us

Host

Ben Maller

Ben Maller

Popular Podcasts

Monster: BTK

Monster: BTK

'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.

Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.