September 26, 2021 • 62 mins
Long-winded emails from fans get justified attention...this time.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House
of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere,
back at it on a Sunday Football Sunday. You smell that.
That is National Football League action in the air everywhere
as well. We do this podcast because four hours a
(00:44):
night are not enough, eight days a week from a
very secret podcast studio deep in the north Woods. And
we thank you for being parts, supporting and downloading the podcast.
Thank you so much. Love that love that this a
mail bag podcast. And we are joined again from West
of the four oh five. David Gascon is like here,
(01:11):
hide ball, I'm feeling good. Three weeks into the NFL
regular season. Is this new week is upon us? Obviously
Thursday night football with a dreadful game, But hopefully we
don't get too many like that the rest of the way. Well,
there'll be plenty more like that. It's they they have
(01:34):
to put every team in prime time, so that means
all the crappy teams play at some point on Monday
night or Thursday night. They usually put them on those
nights because they never play on Sunday night because that's
the primo television window, and so the crappy teams they
patronize by putting them on prime prime time TV. Every
team has to be on prime time either Sunday or
(01:56):
Monday or Sunday, Sunday, Monday or Thursday at one point
or another. So anyway, it's just the mailbag podcast, guess scout.
I just want to point out before we start. I
like the crowd applause that I get better than Europe.
Like see that's more authentic, that's more real than than yours,
which is just ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. The radios for right, No,
(02:20):
not at all. You have to be authentic, you have
you have to be authentic, okay, and and I have
authentic sound effects. I do, clearly, man. I haven't bet
to talk about a long time. I think I've divorced
Taco Bell ever since they ditched the double decker. Not
gonna lie. So you've taken an active protest against Taco Bell,
(02:41):
but they changed their menu all the time, right, they've rotating.
Not been to Taco Bell in a long time either,
but they loved to put new exotic them and Jack
in the box and KFC don't don't. And I guess
a lot of these fast food places do because their
gimicks they bring people lane and all that. But Taco
(03:01):
Bell is crazy enough. KFC always throws wild stuff out.
There are different weird things to try to get you
to go and buy some frad Chicken frad. When's the
last time you get at KFC. It's been a while,
It's been a long time. I did go to because
I call games that you see Irvin and they have
a Chick fil A right next to campus, and I
(03:25):
go there after every game. It is that's perfect. I
mean to chicken sandwiches, one spy must crispy. You must
not do any games on Sunday. No, don't. Well I do,
but I don't go there on Sundays obviously because they're closed.
But there's this notice. Chick fil A has almost every
(03:49):
Chick fil A I've been to. There's an in and
out Burger in California, right next to it. That's right.
That's exactly it Ya, that's exactly. There's like this, there's
just plaza that's right next to it. It's all connect
And I've also seen a lot of raising canes pop
up around Chick fil A and in and out Burger,
and it's brilliant. If you were starting a restaurant and
(04:10):
you needed locations, wouldn't you peggy back off the market
research from in and Out, Um, Chick fil A, these Starbucks, McDonald's,
these companies spend a fortune on where to put locations
that will get the most bang for their buck. So
if you're a similar restaurant, I mean, it's it's a
(04:34):
great move. You just you know enough to be from
the academia world to know that you just piggyback what
they're doing. You're like, all right, I'll get the leftovers
and the raising canes. One is really smart because there
are fried chicken shop and they know if they are
down the street from Chick fil A. There's the people.
(04:55):
Even though Chick fil has been around for years, there's
certain people that show up on Sunday thinking they want
their fried chicken from Chick fil A and they can't
get it and they want their fried chicken and they said,
wait a minute, oh there's a raising keynes. Let me
give that a try, And then they fall in love
with raising canes and you've got a customer. It's a
brilliant marketing strategy. Yeah, there's two. So there's one in Coasta,
Mesa that's about five miles away from u C Irvine.
(05:17):
There's one in Hunton Beach, which is like seven miles
away from campus. So you're talking about what raising keynes
or raising canes. Yeah, there's there's a few. There's not
that many. They're still expanding as they get their tentacles
all over the country. But you know what that reminds me.
(05:38):
Have you been to North Italia? It's a restaurant like
kind of like, uh, I don't know how describe it.
It's not like a full blown restaurant, like it's an
indoor outdoor cafe. Also like a little bit of a
ball in Irvine anytime, A Yeah, I have I have
been to that. Actually I just went there the other day. Okay, yeah,
(05:59):
I went there. They claim to make everything from scratch.
Is that there? I tell you what. There's one in
Manhattan Beach that I've gone to. But I went to
the one in Irvan for the first time last weekend
next to campus. Yeah, and um yeah, it's what you'd
call a target rich environment. Now I feel I feel
(06:19):
comfortable about relocating to the Irvan area now. But after
going there, as you do, you like the views you're
a fan of. Yeah, I mean yesterday we talked about
beach front property and I thought this is fitting to
carry on over to to today. That location is right
near the Newport Beach border, like Newport Beach a couple
of miles down the road, so you get the Newport
(06:41):
crowd and the rich, the rich people in that part
of Orange County. So yes, yeah, that those are your
people right there. Those are the the name top is,
the stuff shirts, the Braggart's, the nicky. Listen if you
are if you are a single male during Christmas in
the holiday seasons, everybody knows the mall to go to
(07:04):
is the is the South Coast Plaza Mall. That is
Um that's like you know, that's that's like hunting with
with dynamite. It is. Uh, it's loaded with talents. So
you know it's just down the street and uh yeah,
it's perfect, little little dine in, they'll dine out, and
uh yeah, I mean you should appreciate that you're back
in your heyday. At least. I never did well in
(07:27):
that environment. Did not. But my wife always says that
guys should go to on Saturday morning like World Market
and stores like that that has because women go there
and shop on you know, it's your over when the
numbers game is in your favor. Yeah, buying things for
the house. All right, let's can we get to the mailbag? Please? Yes, yes, all,
(07:49):
here we go here, I probably proper open. Here we
hit the button, hit that button right there. All right.
Thank you our buddy al coming up with that song
(08:11):
a tremendous effort. Where we appreciate that very much. The
theme jingle for the mail bag, and these are actual
questions sending by actual listeners like yourself. We thank you
for filling the mail bag. And as long as you
keep feeling the mail bag, will continue to do the
mail bag. You don't have to wait for me to
put something up on Facebook, which I do every Tuesday
morning on Ben Maller Show the Facebook page alerting you
(08:34):
to send your questions on Facebook. You can email them
whenever you want. Real fifth hour at gmail dot com.
Spell that out F I, F T H. Real fifth
Hour at gmail dot com. Can you can? You can?
Can you do that? Can you do that slower for Lee?
Because Lee has a problem with spelling? So wow? Can
you wow? You want to chase him away like you
(08:57):
chased away our nice couple from Florida. They have not
emailed the last couple of weeks. Uh. Yeah, there's a
saying in business that is the most important customer to
keep is the one that you have. Uh. You you
believe in chasing customers away, like Helen, you want to
(09:18):
chase these people away, which is a bad job by you.
I feel bad. I hope Helen and Stewart Okay, they
have not reached out. Helen. Just send me a message, Helen.
Let me know that you're okay, that you're still listening
when I talk and you tune out when he talks.
I'm fine with that. But it's Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. And thanks to ohio Al for sending
(09:38):
in the little little tune that we played there. We
love love the song very good. Uh. First email comes
from Blake in Arkansas. He says, boys, I am en
route to mail the hats, he says, Ben, I am
including a b Negro League hat for your collection. However,
(09:59):
I don't have a sing go one that is made
for a basketball. Oh, he's upset with my head. He says,
you have to for a razorback hat. H David, when
I go back to my storage, I will grab you
a couple more, he says. There. And he then sent
a photo and very very kind here Blake in Arkansas. Uh,
(10:24):
he says, Ben. I hope by the time that this airs,
the Hogs beat A and m and Ben, you can
be the first on the van wagon to air next
week with the new hat. Until next time, whoa pig?
So there you're gonna send a photo of the hats
and uh, very nice and mrs he sent something for everybody,
(10:47):
some hats for you Gascon Uh, the Mexican Roberto there,
it says, the pothead uh, and the hockey dork, all
of them right there. So that's that's pretty cool. So
I'm excited. I'm looking forward to this. Uh, You've got
a couple of nice looking hats that that you accordingly,
so he said they don't just said in the email
(11:09):
they will not fit like the what the Arkansas hat
will fit. The other two are just looking. Yeah. I
like the Arkansas hat. He's gonna force you to go
down there and watch a game with the razorback community,
that's for sure. I go down and I watched the
Arkansas game when they played Texas. It looked like a
great environment for college football. They were fired up. Remember
a few years back when Arkansas had some good teams.
(11:30):
It's been a while. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Uh well,
thank you very much, Blake. I appreciate very kind of you.
Those hats are not cheap, and I do thank you.
I think everyone over the years that has been a
hat benefactor and sent that in and I'm the beneficiary
of that, all right. Next the email comes from Pierre
in Springfield, mass He says, bend time to fess up.
(11:53):
What is the real reason behind your brevity on benny
versus the penny? You were like a kid in a
candy store when you discovered the chat room, and now
it's more like you've got dinner in the oven and
you're raising back the kitchen if yours was done. He says,
I'm guessing that Mr. Four oh five has a reasonable
(12:15):
answer to this. Alright, guess would you like to answer
that question. Yeah, the reasonable answers that we've been told
and advised by numerous people is that individual's attention span
is short lived, and so when you're creating a product
like this, whether it's live or on demand, short and concise, succinct,
(12:36):
those are all important things to adhere to as opposed
to having something that's long and dragged out, because people
can come and go into these kind of things, and
you know, the digital world that we live in right now,
obviously all this stuff is online, so people can pick
and choose what they want to listen to your watch,
and the longer the videos, the shorter the attention span,
(12:58):
and the lower downloads. So we want to make sure
that it's short, clean, and right to the point. Yeah,
So you can blame consultants people. We we had met
with several people about putting Benny Versus the Penny on
different platforms and they were interested, and then they they
said we were too long winded and that I was
(13:20):
one of the criticisms there, that the meandering nature of
the Benny Versus the Benny. So we have decided to
use economy of language, as you use the word brevity.
Alf the alien opine or a k a. Pierre Springfield, brevity.
It's a good words. A good word. Uh yeah, there's
(13:42):
Is there one word for the opposite of that? Like
long winded is two words, so that's not one word. Tiresome,
tedious Maybe tedious would be the Is that the word?
Can you stay elongated? Yeah? I could say elongated. Um. Rambling, Yeah,
(14:03):
rambling works. Rambling. Okay, we've just said it on rambling,
so brevity or rambling as we shout from the bully pulpit,
as we ramble from the black Yeah. But Pierre, I listen.
You know, you know me, Peter, You've been listening to
a long time, and you know that I do love
the chat. I could go I could do that for
three hours. I could just sit there and go back
(14:25):
and forth with the dumb dumbs in the chat. I'm
a big fan. We we do have little chat breaks,
much like the Arizona Cardinals have cell phone brakes during
bandy versus the Penny. Randomly, after every two or three games,
I will I will gaze the chat and I will
evangelize on some of the things I see in there.
(14:45):
But I love it, and I've noticed a lot of
the guys are just talking to each other in the
chat and they're having a good time there. So I'm
not I don't want to discourage you from being in
the chat, and I do look at it. But we
have to we have to be concise, is what we
have to be, all right. Harlos in Houston, Texas, Bang
Bang says, what are the chances that Ilo gets up? Benny?
(15:07):
This great question. Carlos did a terrible question. Zero should
not even be on the radar for a Benny. No, No,
he stepped in, didn't complain one time about the overnight hours,
didn't complain about that, didn't try it out bogart the show.
Like the people that have filled in on that show
(15:28):
when Eddie's away, they either try to hijack the show
and think it's the It's Chuckles Comedy Club and they're
at the open mic and it's all it's all about them.
They hijacked the show, or they just sit there and
fish and complains it whoe is me, it's overnight, I
can't work their shift, blabah. The way he didn't complain
one time he had comedy, he was prepared, changed it up.
(15:51):
Uh And and Ilo was a pretty serious guy, and
I put him in the hard old category. But he
was he was kidding around, he was having fun with us.
So that shows you that he is able to be versatile.
Maybe maybe he has sex before he came on the show. Wow,
it's always a possibility. Very nice, very nice. Uh, Carlos
(16:13):
all said, So he's a hard oh like you. Even
he's uptight. He's like that. He realized when in Rome
act like a Roman went on the Mallard Show. Don't
act like a hard oh, Carlos says, how do you?
He also says, how do you come up with your
openings before your monologue? I'm not sure what you mean.
(16:36):
Maybe the very top of the each hour. Uh. So
of those have been sent in by listeners that have
some I came up with some of the well that
started actually with that vagrant in Miami who used to
say magic radio box and then so then I, initially
as a tribute, I used it. Now it's to pour
(16:59):
salt on his wound because he he was panhandling and
got fired from the show. But yeah, if you want
to recommend something, Carlos, you can send that in and
I might I may use it. Vahed Rights in from
New Orleans Saints Country where every year they get hit
by a hurricane, seems. He says, I know that you
(17:21):
had questions to choose between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Angelina
Jolie in the past, But here's the question for both
of you, Ben and David. What about Julia Roberts and
Angelina Jolie. Which one would you pick? All right? So,
I after doing some research here, looking at some some photogos,
(17:43):
I think we're both going prime Prime, Angelina Jolie Prime,
Julia Roberts. I'm going to Angelina Julie. I'm going to
Angelina Julie. I guess. So if we're only going prime,
then I will I will concur or I will go
with you and Angela and Jolie. If we're going longevity, though,
(18:04):
I'm going Julia Roberts. Yeah, Angelina Jolie has had some
wear and tear. Life has been tough on her, and
I mean, she's not disgusting anything like that, but you know,
I lost a lot for fact. Yeah, she's got a
lot of over overhead too, with all these kids. Julia
Roberts not so much, not really, because she can afford them.
(18:26):
It's only overhead if you can't afford him. Yeah, but
they're getting the way. They're get in the way of me. No,
I don't she has like seven thousand. I'm I'm assuming.
I don't know, But as I understand it, she has
a million nannies and people to watch the kids, and
she's she's Most of these celebrities are around the kids
when it's convenient and when it's not convenient, and other
(18:47):
people raise the kids. That's usually how that works. Isn't
it wrong? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. That's why
I always understand it. Um Kevin in Kansas says, Hey, Ben,
I like your references to Rod Sterling and The Twilight Zone.
I use episodes in my classroom Kevin's teacher. Of course,
he says, did you or David have teachers who used
(19:07):
that series or some like it when you were in school? Now, Kevin,
I don't remember a teacher ever showing The Twilight Zone
when I was in school. But when I was a kid,
it was on reruns a lot. There wasn't a lot
of quality programming, and occasionally in the afternoons coming back
(19:29):
from school, and I would be looking for something to
watch and I'd stumble into it my My father and
mother actually liked the show, so they had become fans
of the show, and so then I kinda and I
kind of got into it a little bit. There were
a few episodes, and the one I remember most when
I was a kid was there's these I forget what
(19:51):
the name of the episode. There. There were a couple
that stood out, but there was the one where the
kids were swimming in the pond and there was like
a a portal in the pond that went took them
to another dimension. Yeah, and that was pretty cool. I
remember that because every time I'd go swimming in the
pool after that for a few years, I thought, I'm
gonna try to find the portal and I want to
(20:13):
go to a different dimension, and you know, traveling through
another dimension, a dimension, you know, blah blah blah blah blah.
There's that. And then there was the one where the
town was deserted. Did you ever watch the Twilight Zone
guest on or not? Very very little? Okay, there was
the one where he was like the only person in
the town. I remember that, And then there were a
(20:35):
couple of other episodes. But yeah, and I had teachers.
I remember they showed documentaries when I was a kid,
like on different things to teach us about different things
when I was a kid, and that that was that
was always cool because it felt like half a day
because you just had to watch watch the TV. And
that was always neat. That's a good way to teach
it is good job by you. Kevin Jason in Rocky Mount, Virginia,
(20:59):
rights In says in I know you're busy with the
remodel of the Mallard Mansion, So do you feel like
it will be totally ready for an epic ugly sweater
party in December? I don't think. I don't think you
could have an ugly sweater party at this place. I
think it would do a disservice to it. Really, you
(21:20):
think we should have no party? No? I think I
think that I think you should encourage the wife to
partake in a masquerade party, a masquerade ball. Yeah, I
mean you guys wanted the chandelier. I think this kind
of fits right into it. Yeah, but we're known for
(21:42):
the ugly sweater party. If you change it up, then
what do you mean? This is that's our thing, the
ugly sweater party? Yeah, but that was that the old
mansion now you've upgraded, and so now you're gonna upgrade
the party team. We're also even further away, so I
don't know how many people are going to show up
because it's I don't even care if I'm the only
one there. I will owever, you'll be there with bells
and whistles on absolutely listen addressing zip code much change,
(22:07):
but you'll be on the prow You will be on
the prowl Yes, uh, hear you, hear you? Uh To
answer a question, Jason, I don't think it will be done.
I don't think it will ever be done. My wife
thinks it will be done by Halloween, which is gonna
be here before, you know, a little over a month away,
so she thinks it will all be done by Halloween.
(22:29):
I am not as optimistic, not nearly as optimistic, because
I'm here all the time. I'm doing the show from here.
I have my studio I hang out in. That's pretty
much the only room I hang out in the house
other than when I go to bed. And it seems
like nothing's getting done. Like most of the days the
contractors are doing other stuff, they're not on the house,
so it's hard to finish. If you don't actually work
(22:50):
on the house. So then but we'll see. Maybe I'm
wrong on that. I hope I am. I hope they
get it done quick. Eric in Omaha rites Sin says,
what is the best streaming service for documentaries? Well, Eric,
he there is no one streaming service for documentaries. The
way the streaming services work, you have to rotate. You
(23:11):
have to be able to adapt to what's what's they
change it? I mean Netflix every month they have different things,
Amazon Prime. I'll tell you a sneaky good place to
find documentaries YouTube for free on the YouTube. You don't
have to pay for YouTube. There is a pay platform
(23:33):
on YouTube, but you can get a bunch of documentaries
on there that are buried because there's so many videos
on YouTube. Let me let me give you a website.
Hold on a sec. You see, I can find the
website to go through my my list of bookmarks here,
(23:53):
because there there is a website that lists Yeah, I
think this is it. Maybe not. I'm gonna click un
right here. Yeah, it's called top Documentary Films dot com.
Top Documentary Films dot com. And this has doesn't have
new documentaries per se. Usually within you know, five six, seven,
(24:15):
eight nine, ten years old within the last decade. There
are some older ones on there, but it provides you
descriptions and links to the documentaries, and it goes by category.
They have a list of featured documentaries, but they have
different categories like I like my favorite h my favorite
documentary usually biography. I like to learn about people, or
(24:36):
at least the bullshit version of people's lives. But they
have different categories. You can you can go on there
and check out their sports. Uh, there's science, religion, politics, philosophy,
performing arts, mystery like They've got all those different categories.
So whatever you know, whatever tickles your your fancy, you
can find it. And I don't. I don't work for
(24:57):
the website. I have nothing to do with the website.
I found the website a few years ago. I do
check it out. Um. And then there's there's obviously just
scanning what's coming out on Netflix and Amazon Prime and
and and all those Apple and all the different services.
But Top Documentary Films dot com that is the recommendation,
(25:18):
and a lot of those links, I think pretty much
all of them are on YouTube. So I'll give you
an example here. Uh, let's see any of things put
up the website here at the top. As I'm doing this,
they list the top documentary featured is called Consumed. It's
from and it's the Possible. It's as possible, the most
(25:42):
possibly the most unthinkable story of the last million years
is the rise of the modern human culture, the cities
we populated in the lives that we need. It is
the environment that our children won't inherit. And then it
goes on and on and on. But that's from twenty seven.
So you click on that it asked you from, So
(26:03):
you click on that, and then an addle pop up,
because of course why not, And then it has a
link and this one is actually it is on YouTube,
so it is a YouTube link. But it's hard to
find these things on YouTube without knowing where to look. Um.
So that's that's the website for you. Eric and Omaha
(26:24):
Pat in Winter Park, Florida says, I watched a little
of the Peyton and Eli show, and this past week
Eli and Gronk are buffoons. What is the cancelation date?
Uh No, ESPN loves Peyton Manning. That is the network
of ball washing athletes lick lick, scrub scrub, so that
(26:45):
that show is not going anywhere and the reason the
ratings went up last week is because the game was
a blot. If you actually want to watch the game
and pay attention to the game, you cannot watch Peyton
and Eli talk. They're doing a talk show and the
game is just backgrounds. It's unwatchable if you're actually concerned
about the game. Now they benefited in the second half.
(27:05):
The Lions fell apart compliments of Jared Goff, and the
people tuned over because hey, the game was a blowout
and you don't want to watch the game, so listen
to the bullcrap from Peyton and Eli. I'm just fascinating
these guys can't do it on their own, that they're
not talented enough. Peyton and elis you just do it
without having a revolving door of guests, which are a
(27:28):
crutch to fill the time. It's fascinated to me. I
thought Peyton was such a great talker and Eli that
they would be fine without needing all of these crutches.
But someone can Someone can make the same comment about
the Ben Mallor Show. With all the callers that come
on every single night, Really, how many guests go through
the go through the list of the guests m hmmm.
(27:50):
See if weed Man you have marked the full name
Guy you have um uh Pete and Pittsburgh you have
been Carlos. What do they all have in common? They
don't call the show anymore. You're you're big dummy. That's wrong.
I'm never await during that time anyway, I understand. And
(28:12):
some hours we don't take any calls. Some hours we
just you know, march On, don't take any calls. But
we have no guests. I've I've not had a guest
on that show since Fred Dryer came on, and now
he's a friend of the show. But it is embarrassing
for Peyton Eli. They're so unentertaining without having you know,
Gronk or Ray Lewis or Brett far Van, it's pretty embarrassing.
(28:34):
R J in San Antonio says, what baseball stadium would
you want to go visit that you haven't been to yet?
For I been asked this question, Well, what's old is
new again? I've been to most of the the old.
I've been to Finway, I've been to Wrigley Field, the
Pittsburgh I didn't go to a game there. I walked
(28:56):
through the stadium. The Pirates were not playing when I
was in Pittsburgh. In San Francisco, San Diego, Arizona, I've
been to most. I haven't been to coors Field. I've
missed coors Field in Denver to check that out. Have
the Ben Mallard Food Tour in Denver, you know, I
(29:16):
mean I don't. There's nothing that really pops that I
have to see. Most of these stadiums are relatively new,
so I don't need to go see. I'm in Philadelphia.
I've been to the link That Complex in Philly and
the Phillies Ballpark right next door. Uh. Nothing that I'm
jones and to get to. I'd like to go to
(29:39):
all of all parks, but it's not realistic. I don't
have the time nor the money. Fred in Spring Texas says,
what's your go to home cooked meal. I'd love to
cook anything, Fred, But yeah, pizza's a staple, usually Tuesday's
or Pizza Day, the Mallard pizza, the garlic onion, bell
(30:02):
pepper pizza, the mallard pie that keeps vampires away. I
am excited. We will cook, you know, on the weekends. Uh,
I'll cook all kinds of stuff, Mexican food, fajita's tacos,
Philly cheese steak. You know, died of a of a
ten year old, But I love it all. Pasta, a
(30:23):
lot of pasta, chicken palm, make a mean chicken palm
at the Mallard Mansion, and pretty much anything one. I'm
looking forward to making monkey bread, that cinnamon monkey bread
I've made that in a long time, have made anything
a long time. So pretty much all of the above
fred And it's unlike gascn It's not covered in broccoli
and all that bullshit that so I don't cover any
(30:47):
of my food into that. I do. I do like
to go to the well for breakfasts with eggs and
sweet potatoes. It's kind of a regular one. I need it.
And that doesn't have to be in the morning time.
It could be the middle of the day in the afternoon,
so you still get hornswaggled into the whole breakfast thing
that marketing campaign. No, I just I just like breakfast.
(31:07):
I mean I don't eat breakfast per se, but I
do eat the type of food that you'd get for breakfast.
Like I could eat French toast for lunch or dinner,
that's for sure. I could eat waffles for dinner. Um,
how many go to I know we talked about this
a couple of weeks ago, but how many how many
marketing phrases have turned into culture of human beings like
(31:30):
the way human beings are. Why it's fascinating to me
every time I see people I gotta eat breakfast, people
that have to eat breakfast, and I'm like, wow, all
because of the Kellogg brand. It's wild they came up
with that marketing. So look at breakfast is the most
important meal of the day to try to promote the
(31:50):
sales of breakfast cereal because people weren't eating breakfast, you know,
they were eating leftovers for breakfast, or sometimes they wouldn't
even eat breakfast because they just didn't care. And all
because of that marketing slogan, generation after generation, we have
to eat breakfast, you know, even if it's Tony the
Tiger or Captain Crunch or don't you know you can
(32:12):
bring in the you know, Snaggle Puss Cereal or whoever,
it doesn't matter, Klondike, Pete, bring him on, come on,
the choice of a new generation. Yeah, just do it, Nike.
So al right, what is next year? Boston fan Paul
writes in on the mail bag, He says, why is
(32:32):
it a field goal is measured where it is kicked,
but a punt is measured from the line of scrimmage.
That's a great point, Paul, I haven't thought of. I've
not thought of and I don't have the answer to that.
But yeah, usually punt about seven eight yards behind the
(32:53):
line of scrimmage. Typically you kick a field goal seven
yards behind the line of scrimmage, they attack on seven
teen yards to the the field goal. Why don't they?
Here's what they should do for field goals. Remember the
old days of football, they had the goal post right
at the goal line. With technology, couldn't you have the
(33:15):
goal post move during the game. Wouldn't it be rather
simple to spend the money? And so when it's a
kicking situation, you have the goal post at the goal line,
and then when it is not a kicking situation, you
have the goal post back behind where it is right now. Yeah,
(33:39):
post though I don't think you would. They have stadiums
that open up the dome, stadiums that you know will
open up in just a couple of minutes. There's any
problem with that. It's great patting myself, I'm patting myself
on the back here. Why not? How come nobody else
(33:59):
has thought about I'm an answer this guy, Tony and
Milwaukee says, since your brother lives in Appleton, in the
Appleton area, and there's a big minor league baseball team here,
why haven't you shown up? Why haven't you come to
town brought the show? Well, Tony in Milwaukee, would you
drive up, Tony, up to Appleton. If I come to
(34:21):
the Holy Land of Wisconsin and and be part, I'd
like to do it. I'm gonna get to Appleton, I
keep saying that. And now football seasons started, so I'm
not going anywhere during football season. But that is the goal.
And I'll tell you this, Tony, how about this reach
out to the minor league team if you want to
(34:41):
do some legwork for me, do some groundwork, see if
they're interested. And if they're interested, well that'll mean that
I'll have to go during baseball season. And I we
can have like a Mallard Knight at the ballpark. That
would be great. We can invite listeners down, have a
fine time. Do the thing that we did out here
in California where threw out the for Is pitch. And
that goes also hacking. I know in Minnesota. I gotta
(35:04):
get over to you right next to Wisconsin there in
Minnesota and go to the Twin Cities. Are these St.
Paul Saints affiliated with anybody? Are they still an independent operation?
That minor league team in St. Paul. I don't know.
That's a good question. I think they're still independent. Have
to check it out. But Tony loved there that says
they're an affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. Okay, so they're
(35:27):
no longer independent. Balls fan Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee, says,
for both of you, what was the most trouble you
got into in school and that you got in trouble
with at home? Uh, well, that's I was a terrible
I was terrible about going I hated going to school.
I was not a morning person. I didn't like going up.
My biggest problem in fact, I Uh, I ended up
(35:49):
bouncing around schools a bit because I just could not
wake up. I stayed up late even as a kid.
It's helped me as an adult in radio. But when
I was a kid, I just couldn't get up. I
wasn't a morning person and I missed a lot of school.
So that caused me problems, and that cost me problems
at home because my mom was frustrated and all that
stuff that I skipped so much school, But it wasn't
(36:11):
like I was skipping school to do you know, lines
of coke. I was skipping school because I couldn't get up.
And then when it felt weird showing up to school
after you missed the first two hours of school, you
feel like you can't show up after that. And so
I just watched reruns of Twilight Zone, prices right with
Bob Barker. I remember Monty Hall, Let's make a Deal,
(36:32):
all the TV game shows of the day and all
that stuff. So what about you, guesscot Man. On my
uh my senior year of high school, we had a
with a welcome freshman dance. And before that dance, like
a bunch of us guys and girls went to a
friend's house for like a little pre party, and um,
(36:57):
one of the girls got insane and talks caated, and
so at the said dance, she um, she got loose
and then all of a sudden she started throwing up.
So we all left a dance early. Obviously, they like
get away from the scene of the crime and like
three weeks later, after they were finished investigating and someone
basically ratted us out. We got me and like two
(37:21):
other guys, we got suspended and uh we got suspend
it from school for a week. And to top it off,
like my name was in the like my name was
in the local paper because I was the star football player.
And yeah, basically that aired out for for not being available.
(37:41):
So it was not good. And uh, you never find
out did you find out who the tattle tale was? Yeah?
Yeah I knew who it was. So um one of
the one of the girls crumbled under pressure she thought
would get caught one way or another. So and I
was the first person because obviously I had a lot
of steak and I told everyone like, deny everything, Like,
(38:03):
deny that you were there, deny anything. They can't prove
it unless they have someone that says that they were there.
So they were good for three weeks and then someone
broke and then we all got broken off. So it sucked.
It is the same theory I have that most games
are lost, they're not one. Most crimes are solved because
people admit to the crimes right or they they are
sloppy about the crime. And all that stuff. Yeah, I
(38:25):
was good. I I covered everything up. I was I
was efficient because you didn't cover everything up because some
motor mouth, some loose tongue girl there went yak at
the yak. I thought it was good until three weeks
later she crumbled, So yeah, it was not good. They
say that the perfect crime is a crime that is
(38:45):
done by one person that doesn't tell anyone else about
the crime. Right, that would be the perfect crime. But
it's impossible to have the perfect crime these days because
there's cameras everywhere and DNA technology. You cannot have the
perfect crime. There is no such thing. It does not exist. Yeah,
Bob the Bears fan, right, since as you and David
(39:06):
should switch it up and talk about some crazy, outlandish
ship and call it the third rail on my end podcast,
that's what Bob wants. We almost had that, Bob, a
couple of weeks ago, but we had an issue that
that podcast did not air. But we we almost went
there a couple of weeks, right, we did. There's enough
(39:28):
content out there for people to consume. I'm still astonished
that we have numbers like we do now because there's
just so many things out there. In the podcasting role,
for people to uh to spend their time on. Yeah,
let's see old Yogi Bearer quote. I'm gonna butcher the
Yogi bearra quote. But it's something along the line. There's
there's so many podcasts. Nobody listens to any of them.
(39:50):
You know it's there, right, It's like, you know, the
restaurant is so busy, nobody goes there anymore. Yeah, there
are endless amounts of podcast but we do pretty well
in the podcast game. We're in the top percentile of podcasts,
and we thank you for that. Brandon in Michigan says,
when you drink, or if you drink, are you right
out of the bottle or the can? Or do you
(40:12):
pour it into a glass? Are you that type of
drink or not? I'm right out of the bottle. I
don't need to pour into a glass. No, no, no,
and no and no. That's that's busy body work. I
don't need a glass. I just have I have a
beer bottle. I'm gonna drink it out of the beer bottle.
What do I want to put it in the glass for?
Then you gotta wash the glass. No, I don't need that.
(40:33):
I don't even like when I go to a restaurant.
If I have a drink and they put it into
the glass, I don't need that. Yeah, leave it there
with you. Although I've ditched, I've ditched drinking out of
cans nowadays, I've I've ditched the consumption of anything in
a can. For what happened a littminum? Okay, got all right,
Joe in Richmond, Virginia. The r v A says, if
(40:57):
you were to travel to the eastern part of the
United States in an RV and planned planned to stay
off the grid for one week, where would you spend
that week? That's a good question. I would like to
explore some of the national parks, uh in in the
(41:19):
eastern part of the United States. Or you're not like
one of the mountains that the Smoky Mountains, you could
do that. Uh, there's there's a couple of different But
I guess if you want to go off the grid
just away from people, from what I've seen, I've not
been two parts of North Carolina, um Tennessee. I've been
to Tennessee, but there's a lot of open land, like
(41:40):
there's just nothing, there's nothing for miles, so you can live.
But that was that guy that that blew up the
abortion clinic and was living in the woods. Remember that, guys,
still they'ren catch them for years. He was just camping
out in the woods of the Carolinas. I think it
was Georgia, no matter, I don't know. It was somewhere
in the south. And and that guy like he was
(42:01):
living in like a tent somewhere in the middle of
the fourth They didn't find that guy for for for years.
He was able to do that. I got a heax
hang out in Gettysburg for a little bit, right, Yeah,
I've been there before. Gettysburg is awesome. I've been to Gettysburg.
I'd like to go back. I was only there briefly
that out. What about Lexington? Have you been there? I
have not. I have not been to Lexington. Have you've
(42:23):
been in any of these places? I have not. I
need to go, although I gotta be down for the
fried food too. I think I'd be consuming so much
fried food I'm out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
I mean there's like, there's an island that is a
national park. The whole island is a National park. That
would that's you know, that's an off key West. Have
(42:45):
you seen that? No? Although where did Jonas work? Joonas
was like in Charleston, South Carolina. Have you been there?
That's from my niece. I need to go there. My
niece goes to college in Charleston, so she's there. She's yeah,
that's my brother New York drives down there. He he
loves it so much. He's like, maybe we should buy
(43:05):
a house here and move here. Charleston, South Carolina. I
heard Savannah, Georgia is awesome during holiday it's especially St.
Patrick's Day. Um, yeah, I don't know. How about that
Hot Springs National Park? You ever been there? No? Never
in Arkansas? No, you've never never been avery good things
(43:25):
about that in the Central Garland County, Arkansas. The Hot
Springs right in the middle of Arkansas. I'm trying to
that I have the ever Glades. I've driven through that
in Florida. That that I don't really need. That that
didn't really wow me. What else? I'm trying to think
of some other places. There's a bunch, but I'd go
(43:46):
to national park. Maine has one. Isn't there a big
national park in Maine? Do they think it's not that big?
I don't know it's Maine, but yeah, here it is
it's bar Bar Harbor, Maine, A Katie, I think that's
i Sit National Park. It's one of the most picture
(44:10):
esque scenic parks in the entire country. The park boasts
some of the best of foliage on the East Coast
and uh, camping, cycling, hiking, all that have a Cadillac
Mountain feet high. It's the highest mountain on the East coast.
Did you know that the highest mountain on the East
coast in Maine? Who knew? I do need to go
(44:33):
to the Naval Academy Museum up in Rhode Island. I
want to go to that area Rhode Island Way. Yeah
you can, that's easy. You go to you can do
the NT corridor right, go through then do that whole thing.
Uh yeah, so so, Joe, There's a bunch of places
that I would love to check out that I have
not checked out. The Shenandoah National Park, right, that's that's
(44:56):
outside d C in Virginia. That's supposed to be one
her full there's and then there's others in that region Maryland, Virginia,
that area. Uh what else? A cliff from Nashville says, Ben,
have you or Gascon ever seen a baby pigeon escon. No, No,
I have not either. Alan and Akron says, now that
you live deep in the north woods, are you at
(45:18):
risk from forest fires that seem to ravage California every year. Well,
living in California, you're never that far away from a wildfire.
It is the most left up situation. The the hippies.
I love trees, my favorite place. I was very concerned
because the giant forest almost burned up It's Sequoia National
(45:42):
Park this week and they were able to dodge that.
But it's because the the environmentalist in California will not
allow the controlled burns, and so the trees grow two
points that they cannot be controlled. It is a ship
show and there's no end in sight. It's wild forest management.
(46:07):
And then they blame global warming as to why there
are so many wildfires. The wildfires are a direct result
of not managing the forest properly. If you manage the
forest properly, you're not gonna have as many wildfires. I
know I'm going off on a tangent here, Gascon, but
it's every time during the year I watch I watched
(46:28):
the fires and it's not even part of your It's
a year round there's fires in California, and I just
shake my head. I'm like, really, I mean, you know
why why you don't have to do it like that.
You can manage the force to have controlled burns. There
are ways to do it to limit the damage, but
they don't do that. It's annoying. It's a third rail
on man. I'm just pointing that out. My wrong gascon
(46:50):
am I wrong. No, if you're not wrong. But it's
the same thing with up and down the state too.
So I mean it's evident clearly, especially up near uh
Napa Valley and Sonoma and those parts of California that
you know, most people feel at the most, you know,
the hardest because of all the investments and the wineries
and the exotic cottages, the golf courses and all that stuff.
(47:14):
So yeah, I mean people say that stuff from afar
and then all of a sudden you're knee deep in it.
You're like, wait a minute, they're not taking care of
the of the state first of all, before it gets
to where it is. Yeah, I spent some time my
my brother got married, my younger brother got married in
Grass Valley, uh, you know, in between Sacramento and San
Francisco out there and in the in the sticks, and
(47:37):
I mean it's just forest land as far as you
can see, and it burns up every every couple of years. Alan.
That was Alan in Akron, Dave and Mill Valley, California.
Speaking of trees, he says, what is your favorite drop? Also,
could you please not sing over Kathleen's classic Hey Mona?
(47:59):
The delicate nuances are lost when you do that. All right, Sorry, Dave,
I'll try not to do that. I have to add on.
I like to add on to these things. What is
my favorite drop? Well, that is a revolving, revolving situation.
I'll tell you one that doesn't get played that much
because it's an Eddie drop. When he was doing the
update and he was giving the hockey scores and he said,
(48:21):
the Canadians beat the Canadians to meet that that is
simple and hilarious. I laugh every time. It reminds me
of an old Saturday Night Live skit. He's not wrong
because it's Canadian players playing Canadian players. It was just
the way that he he delivered that line was also
Eddie when he when he butchered the Fab five and
(48:42):
that was that was outstanding too, but there's a much
I like the old Genie Medford Genie from Medford drops.
Those don't get played a lot because Roberto wasn't around
when Genie was on the show. Um, Doc, Mike's got
a bunch of good ones. I mean there's there's a lot.
So we we we are, we are very rich in drops.
We are. I'm a pilot rights in. He says, Hey, Ben,
(49:04):
I know you've got plenty of recipes, but from someone
from Texas, if you want one that works. You're talking
about mosquitoes here, hear me out, and then he gives
me the mosquito recipe he named per methram s f R.
Does that ring a bell with your guests? Gun? No,
he says, you can buy this stuff. I'm a pilot
(49:24):
at a tractor supply store. He says. A bottle cost
like twenty dollars. Buy a gallon sprayer it's about twelve bucks.
I looked it up. Is actually more than that here
in California. Put two ounces per gallon and spray it everywhere,
he says, Spray it everywhere on ground, bushes, patio. It's safe,
(49:48):
it's for all bugs. Spray it like once a week.
He says he sprays it all the time. It really
helps out bugs and mosquitoes. He says, he sprays it
all over the place. Is the same as those companies
like Mosquito Joe use and whatnot, So so I guess
(50:08):
he says, that's the same stuff. Now my only question,
and I don't want Bella to get killed from spraying
pesticide all over the place, so that is my concern.
But I'm assuming I'm a pilot, you have kids, You
probably have a dog or a cat or something like that,
so this can you right back, I'm a pilot, and
(50:29):
let me know that this is not going to damage
my dog, because I don't want to. There's the dog,
and then I'll have a different problem. But I looked
up this crap and according to the Internet, this is
what they use, what I'm a pilot uses, and what
he claims these mosquito companies use is a medication used
(50:49):
to treat headlights. Tiny insects that fest and you know,
get on your scalp and all that. So that's kind
of cool. So if if you can put this on
your scalp, I would think it would be okay for
for a dog. But what do I know, I'll have
to investigate that more, but thank you. I'm a pilot.
(51:12):
That doesn't seem like it's that much. If it's thirty
dollars for a canister of this crap and you only
use two ounces per gallon of water, uh, that does
sound that bad. Sounds pretty good, Ben and gascon and
or co host. When you first meet someone, this is
(51:33):
from John to Jeller. When you first meet someone and
you don't want to intimidate them because you're a big
time radio personality, what do you tell them that you
do for a living? John, great question, and my go
to in the past was, I was I worked on
a blog. I was I was a internet writer because
I had Ben Mallard dot com. I don't do that anymore.
So now I say I work in sales, because I
(51:55):
do work in sales. Radio is sales, were audio sales.
The most important part of DIO is when I do
a commercial for DraftKings or I do a spot for
you know, any of our sponsors. Gonna go down the
list there. We have Lost Vegas, visit Las Vegas. They're
a new sponsor. But so I always say sales, and
I'm in the sales business because Normally people don't ask
(52:15):
like too many questions. They might ask what you sell,
and I'll be like, well, I sell I sell fantasy
football or you know, I said, or whatever the product
I'm selling at the time. So that's it. There you go.
Look at that kists, gun bells and whistles going off.
It's fascinating. All right, What about you, guest? Gun do
you tell? You? Probably just tell people I work in
(52:35):
radio and television and all that stuff, right, No, no, um, wait, no,
I tell my du voice over stuff. There you go.
I hit this wrong button here and it all all
hell broke loose all of a sudden, so I gotta
hit this button over here. Well s, I'm gonna go
over here. Let me do this right now. Feel free.
I could not hear you for a second. I hit
(52:56):
the wrong button, but go ahead, yesca, Oh no, I said,
I tell my due voice over work voice safer that way, yes,
Rick from San Ramon right. Since it's Ben and David,
what in the wild wild world of sports has happened
to the audio feed of the Fifth Hour podcast. Whenever
(53:16):
the two of you are talking at the same time,
Ben's Ben's audio sounds like he's talking underwater, and it
also happens when Ben plays his drops. I'm assuming I'm
not the only person hearing this, but just in case, uh,
you're the only one, Rick, I've not gotten any other complaints,
I guess, Gana, is this an issue that we need
(53:38):
to know about? Here? Is Rick the only one that's
hearing this? Could be the only one, although there are
times when we talk over each other, and I'll just
blame that to your bad hearing, So I will blame
that on your bad timing. Okay. John in Colorado says,
have you ever crop dusted a grocery store aisle? Or
(53:59):
do you suffer until you're in the parking lot? No? John, No,
no no. What you do is you try to walk
away from a busy part of the grocery store. What
you attempt to do. My move is I will go
to the aisle with the trash bags because there's normally
a lot of not a lot of people on the
(54:20):
aisle with the trash bags. And and then you let
it rip, You let her rip, You keep walking, never
look back. Net when you crop dust, you never look back.
You keep walking, and you might even have to walk
down the aisle again to appreciate what you've done to
the store, but I I do not do not go
(54:43):
out to the the parking lot. The one we brought
this up before in the past. The issue that I
annoys me is the the hotel. When you're in a
hotel room and when you're dating. And you know, I'm
married now, so I don't care. But when I was
dating and if you had to let it rip right,
let U got big gass fart out, I didn't want
to do that, you know, because you don't want to
(55:04):
fart around the other person. So I would I would.
I said, I have to go down to the lobby
to get something, So I would go all the way
down to the lobby and walk around the casino floor
like in Vegas, and then fart there or use the
bathroom down there. That would be mine booth. But in
the grocery store, yeah, I don't really, I don't really
mind you. I think the best or my favorite is
(55:28):
when you're either in a bar or a lounge or
a club, because you're protected with the music. Yes, background
noise is essential, yes, and so that's the that's the
best because sometimes you can just let it marinate for
a hot minute and then bolt. Yeah, but obviously have
(55:51):
you ever had have you ever had this instant a
guesscount in the bathroom where it's appropriate to let her
rip in the bathroom. But if you're in there and
there's another person in the stall next to you, and
you're the only two people in the bathroom, and you
let her rip, right if they get out a little
bit before you and then you get out, they then
(56:12):
they give you that that evil eye, you know, that
look like. I think you have to treat it like
a horn, right Like if you have if you have
a powerful horn on your car, you can let that
thing go as long as possible. But if you have
a weak horn, you don't want to use it, like,
you want to be very very cautious on how you
deploy it. So I think it's the same thing, right Like,
(56:34):
if you're in a stall like that, If it's if
it's with power enthusiasm, you wear that thing loud and proud.
But if it's not, if it's like weak and limp,
you want to just you know, kind of tucktail and run. Yeah. Yeah,
I try not to spend too much time. Now. What
I have done in that situation is I've been in
(56:55):
that spot before I have. This is so stupid. I
have prematurely flushed the toilet trying to drown out the
sound of the fart I have. Yeah, everyone does that.
I thought I thought I was special. I'm not special,
all right, Seattle Sammy writes in he Is It Is It?
(57:19):
He's a sports question, He says, Man, if you were
given the opportunity to consult the Seattle Manners management, what
advice would you give them? As you probably know, the
Mariners have not made the postseasons since they have the
longest postseason drought in North American sports today, Seattle Sammy asked, Yeah, Well,
(57:39):
the biggest problem for teams like the Mariners and the
Minnesota Timberwolves is they have no no gumption to stick
with the plan. There's two problems. They hire the wrong
people and then and then they get as soon as
one thing goes wrong, they immediately get antsy and have
to make a change. So it is a revolving door.
(58:01):
It's a never ending cycle of futility for those those franchises.
It's bad, bad, bad, bad, bad bad bad. But the
answer to Seattle's problem is to hire theo Epstein. You
hire theo Epstein you're gonna win. He's available, he's working
for Major League Baseball. Not convincing him to take the
Maritage job is a different conversation, right. Last one, Lord
(58:22):
Goofa rites in and he has a story to share
about his own d n A And it came up
on the show and he used the twenty three and
Me website to find his biological father and he sent
the whole story here. I don't know that we have
time to get to it all right now, but so
(58:43):
I read it and it's it's quite the story. He
was born in nineteen eighty back in Ohio to a
single mother an unknown father, and it wasn't he said,
just that he wasn't in the picture. No one knew
his name, And so Lord Goofer shares the story, says
that his mom told him that when you know, she
(59:05):
was dating this guy who had cheated on her, so
she decided to get back at him, and she cheated
on him and that one night stand turned out to
be Lord Goufa. How about that? That's wild, um, she
said she allegedly she allegedly got black out drunk, does
(59:27):
not remember any details surrounding the events of the night
of my conception. Wow, that's wild, um, he said, Lord goofer.
There were a couple of suitors that were tested via
old school blood testing, a very flawed method of determining
paternity that can only exclude people, and all were excluded.
(59:48):
The method likely resulted in tens of thousands of false positives.
But that's another story anyway. So moving on, So he
goes through a whole bunch of backstory, you know, the
efforts back in the eighties and nineties couldn't find anything.
Fast forward, he says he was thirty four years old,
happily married, two kids, all that great stuff, and he
(01:00:08):
talks about submitting about DNA online DNA. He went to
a couple of sites or his service, rather his service,
and he says, in layman terms, he says, I need
not bother with there's a big word here that I
don't know how to uh to say uh as this
was passed down by mothers. Anyway, it didn't work. It
(01:00:28):
didn't work, and he had grown tired, and I mean,
there's a long, long story here, guests, gun, but let
me give you the in the terms of brevity, because
I know we gotta we gotta wrap this thing up.
So Eventually he found his way on a group on
to twenty three and me and his wife, I guess
(01:00:48):
found it and asked if he'd be interested and in
giving d n A another shot. And he was skeptical
because it hadn't worked in the past and he still
hadn't seen anything closer on ancestry dot com or anything
like that. So anyway, uh it it, It happened, It happened.
Uh they signed up for it, and initially, you know,
(01:01:12):
it didn't didn't really work out, and then he had
the Eureka moment and he tells the story here he
was able to track down his father because of d
n A and it's a great story, Lord Goofer, thank
you for sending you know, I appreciate, wish we had
more time to to give the whole thing here, but
it's pretty cool. He says. He was he was driving
(01:01:32):
around March of nine in a showered made breakfast, normal
day with his wife, his kids. Wife took off to
take the youngest child, uh to two work to school,
to the high school, and then off to work. And
he said he was in the car with his oldest
(01:01:54):
and message popped up on his phone and that was
the message that they had found found his dad. So
that's pretty cool. It has a happy story. Man. Yeah,
that's great. That's what that must have been tough as
a kid, right, not knowing anything about your father. I
know a lot of people go through that, but man,
(01:02:15):
oh man, oh man. All right, very good listen, have
a great rest of your Sunday. I know we went
along on the mail bag. We will catch you next
week on the podcast and if all goes well, big name,
big name, hopefully good guests. Big name scheduled for the
Friday podcast was supposed to be on the podcast this
past week canceled. We'll see if it happens this week.
(01:02:36):
Looking forward to have a great Sunday, enjoy the NFL
games back on the radio tonight and we'll catch you
in
Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, I think again. He's the last
remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness.
He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as
the rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House
of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere,
back at it on a Sunday Football Sunday. You smell that.
That is National Football League action in the air everywhere
as well. We do this podcast because four hours a
(00:44):
night are not enough, eight days a week from a
very secret podcast studio deep in the north Woods. And
we thank you for being parts, supporting and downloading the podcast.
Thank you so much. Love that love that this a
mail bag podcast. And we are joined again from West
of the four oh five. David Gascon is like here,
(01:11):
hide ball, I'm feeling good. Three weeks into the NFL
regular season. Is this new week is upon us? Obviously
Thursday night football with a dreadful game, But hopefully we
don't get too many like that the rest of the way. Well,
there'll be plenty more like that. It's they they have
(01:34):
to put every team in prime time, so that means
all the crappy teams play at some point on Monday
night or Thursday night. They usually put them on those
nights because they never play on Sunday night because that's
the primo television window, and so the crappy teams they
patronize by putting them on prime prime time TV. Every
team has to be on prime time either Sunday or
(01:56):
Monday or Sunday, Sunday, Monday or Thursday at one point
or another. So anyway, it's just the mailbag podcast, guess scout.
I just want to point out before we start. I
like the crowd applause that I get better than Europe.
Like see that's more authentic, that's more real than than yours,
which is just ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. The radios for right, No,
(02:20):
not at all. You have to be authentic, you have
you have to be authentic, okay, and and I have
authentic sound effects. I do, clearly, man. I haven't bet
to talk about a long time. I think I've divorced
Taco Bell ever since they ditched the double decker. Not
gonna lie. So you've taken an active protest against Taco Bell,
(02:41):
but they changed their menu all the time, right, they've rotating.
Not been to Taco Bell in a long time either,
but they loved to put new exotic them and Jack
in the box and KFC don't don't. And I guess
a lot of these fast food places do because their
gimicks they bring people lane and all that. But Taco
(03:01):
Bell is crazy enough. KFC always throws wild stuff out.
There are different weird things to try to get you
to go and buy some frad Chicken frad. When's the
last time you get at KFC. It's been a while,
It's been a long time. I did go to because
I call games that you see Irvin and they have
a Chick fil A right next to campus, and I
(03:25):
go there after every game. It is that's perfect. I
mean to chicken sandwiches, one spy must crispy. You must
not do any games on Sunday. No, don't. Well I do,
but I don't go there on Sundays obviously because they're closed.
But there's this notice. Chick fil A has almost every
(03:49):
Chick fil A I've been to. There's an in and
out Burger in California, right next to it. That's right.
That's exactly it Ya, that's exactly. There's like this, there's
just plaza that's right next to it. It's all connect
And I've also seen a lot of raising canes pop
up around Chick fil A and in and out Burger,
and it's brilliant. If you were starting a restaurant and
(04:10):
you needed locations, wouldn't you peggy back off the market
research from in and Out, Um, Chick fil A, these Starbucks, McDonald's,
these companies spend a fortune on where to put locations
that will get the most bang for their buck. So
if you're a similar restaurant, I mean, it's it's a
(04:34):
great move. You just you know enough to be from
the academia world to know that you just piggyback what
they're doing. You're like, all right, I'll get the leftovers
and the raising canes. One is really smart because there
are fried chicken shop and they know if they are
down the street from Chick fil A. There's the people.
(04:55):
Even though Chick fil has been around for years, there's
certain people that show up on Sunday thinking they want
their fried chicken from Chick fil A and they can't
get it and they want their fried chicken and they said,
wait a minute, oh there's a raising keynes. Let me
give that a try, And then they fall in love
with raising canes and you've got a customer. It's a
brilliant marketing strategy. Yeah, there's two. So there's one in Coasta,
Mesa that's about five miles away from u C Irvine.
(05:17):
There's one in Hunton Beach, which is like seven miles
away from campus. So you're talking about what raising keynes
or raising canes. Yeah, there's there's a few. There's not
that many. They're still expanding as they get their tentacles
all over the country. But you know what that reminds me.
(05:38):
Have you been to North Italia? It's a restaurant like
kind of like, uh, I don't know how describe it.
It's not like a full blown restaurant, like it's an
indoor outdoor cafe. Also like a little bit of a
ball in Irvine anytime, A Yeah, I have I have
been to that. Actually I just went there the other day. Okay, yeah,
(05:59):
I went there. They claim to make everything from scratch.
Is that there? I tell you what. There's one in
Manhattan Beach that I've gone to. But I went to
the one in Irvan for the first time last weekend
next to campus. Yeah, and um yeah, it's what you'd
call a target rich environment. Now I feel I feel
(06:19):
comfortable about relocating to the Irvan area now. But after
going there, as you do, you like the views you're
a fan of. Yeah, I mean yesterday we talked about
beach front property and I thought this is fitting to
carry on over to to today. That location is right
near the Newport Beach border, like Newport Beach a couple
of miles down the road, so you get the Newport
(06:41):
crowd and the rich, the rich people in that part
of Orange County. So yes, yeah, that those are your
people right there. Those are the the name top is,
the stuff shirts, the Braggart's, the nicky. Listen if you
are if you are a single male during Christmas in
the holiday seasons, everybody knows the mall to go to
(07:04):
is the is the South Coast Plaza Mall. That is
Um that's like you know, that's that's like hunting with
with dynamite. It is. Uh, it's loaded with talents. So
you know it's just down the street and uh yeah,
it's perfect, little little dine in, they'll dine out, and
uh yeah, I mean you should appreciate that you're back
in your heyday. At least. I never did well in
(07:27):
that environment. Did not. But my wife always says that
guys should go to on Saturday morning like World Market
and stores like that that has because women go there
and shop on you know, it's your over when the
numbers game is in your favor. Yeah, buying things for
the house. All right, let's can we get to the mailbag? Please? Yes, yes, all,
(07:49):
here we go here, I probably proper open. Here we
hit the button, hit that button right there. All right.
Thank you our buddy al coming up with that song
(08:11):
a tremendous effort. Where we appreciate that very much. The
theme jingle for the mail bag, and these are actual
questions sending by actual listeners like yourself. We thank you
for filling the mail bag. And as long as you
keep feeling the mail bag, will continue to do the
mail bag. You don't have to wait for me to
put something up on Facebook, which I do every Tuesday
morning on Ben Maller Show the Facebook page alerting you
(08:34):
to send your questions on Facebook. You can email them
whenever you want. Real fifth hour at gmail dot com.
Spell that out F I, F T H. Real fifth
Hour at gmail dot com. Can you can? You can?
Can you do that? Can you do that slower for Lee?
Because Lee has a problem with spelling? So wow? Can
you wow? You want to chase him away like you
(08:57):
chased away our nice couple from Florida. They have not
emailed the last couple of weeks. Uh. Yeah, there's a
saying in business that is the most important customer to
keep is the one that you have. Uh. You you
believe in chasing customers away, like Helen, you want to
(09:18):
chase these people away, which is a bad job by you.
I feel bad. I hope Helen and Stewart Okay, they
have not reached out. Helen. Just send me a message, Helen.
Let me know that you're okay, that you're still listening
when I talk and you tune out when he talks.
I'm fine with that. But it's Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. And thanks to ohio Al for sending
(09:38):
in the little little tune that we played there. We
love love the song very good. Uh. First email comes
from Blake in Arkansas. He says, boys, I am en
route to mail the hats, he says, Ben, I am
including a b Negro League hat for your collection. However,
(09:59):
I don't have a sing go one that is made
for a basketball. Oh, he's upset with my head. He says,
you have to for a razorback hat. H David, when
I go back to my storage, I will grab you
a couple more, he says. There. And he then sent
a photo and very very kind here Blake in Arkansas. Uh,
(10:24):
he says, Ben. I hope by the time that this airs,
the Hogs beat A and m and Ben, you can
be the first on the van wagon to air next
week with the new hat. Until next time, whoa pig?
So there you're gonna send a photo of the hats
and uh, very nice and mrs he sent something for everybody,
(10:47):
some hats for you Gascon Uh, the Mexican Roberto there,
it says, the pothead uh, and the hockey dork, all
of them right there. So that's that's pretty cool. So
I'm excited. I'm looking forward to this. Uh, You've got
a couple of nice looking hats that that you accordingly,
so he said they don't just said in the email
(11:09):
they will not fit like the what the Arkansas hat
will fit. The other two are just looking. Yeah. I
like the Arkansas hat. He's gonna force you to go
down there and watch a game with the razorback community,
that's for sure. I go down and I watched the
Arkansas game when they played Texas. It looked like a
great environment for college football. They were fired up. Remember
a few years back when Arkansas had some good teams.
(11:30):
It's been a while. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Uh well,
thank you very much, Blake. I appreciate very kind of you.
Those hats are not cheap, and I do thank you.
I think everyone over the years that has been a
hat benefactor and sent that in and I'm the beneficiary
of that, all right. Next the email comes from Pierre
in Springfield, mass He says, bend time to fess up.
(11:53):
What is the real reason behind your brevity on benny
versus the penny? You were like a kid in a
candy store when you discovered the chat room, and now
it's more like you've got dinner in the oven and
you're raising back the kitchen if yours was done. He says,
I'm guessing that Mr. Four oh five has a reasonable
(12:15):
answer to this. Alright, guess would you like to answer
that question. Yeah, the reasonable answers that we've been told
and advised by numerous people is that individual's attention span
is short lived, and so when you're creating a product
like this, whether it's live or on demand, short and concise, succinct,
(12:36):
those are all important things to adhere to as opposed
to having something that's long and dragged out, because people
can come and go into these kind of things, and
you know, the digital world that we live in right now,
obviously all this stuff is online, so people can pick
and choose what they want to listen to your watch,
and the longer the videos, the shorter the attention span,
(12:58):
and the lower downloads. So we want to make sure
that it's short, clean, and right to the point. Yeah,
So you can blame consultants people. We we had met
with several people about putting Benny Versus the Penny on
different platforms and they were interested, and then they they
said we were too long winded and that I was
(13:20):
one of the criticisms there, that the meandering nature of
the Benny Versus the Benny. So we have decided to
use economy of language, as you use the word brevity.
Alf the alien opine or a k a. Pierre Springfield, brevity.
It's a good words. A good word. Uh yeah, there's
(13:42):
Is there one word for the opposite of that? Like
long winded is two words, so that's not one word. Tiresome,
tedious Maybe tedious would be the Is that the word?
Can you stay elongated? Yeah? I could say elongated. Um. Rambling, Yeah,
(14:03):
rambling works. Rambling. Okay, we've just said it on rambling,
so brevity or rambling as we shout from the bully pulpit,
as we ramble from the black Yeah. But Pierre, I listen.
You know, you know me, Peter, You've been listening to
a long time, and you know that I do love
the chat. I could go I could do that for
three hours. I could just sit there and go back
(14:25):
and forth with the dumb dumbs in the chat. I'm
a big fan. We we do have little chat breaks,
much like the Arizona Cardinals have cell phone brakes during
bandy versus the Penny. Randomly, after every two or three games,
I will I will gaze the chat and I will
evangelize on some of the things I see in there.
(14:45):
But I love it, and I've noticed a lot of
the guys are just talking to each other in the
chat and they're having a good time there. So I'm
not I don't want to discourage you from being in
the chat, and I do look at it. But we
have to we have to be concise, is what we
have to be, all right. Harlos in Houston, Texas, Bang
Bang says, what are the chances that Ilo gets up? Benny?
(15:07):
This great question. Carlos did a terrible question. Zero should
not even be on the radar for a Benny. No, No,
he stepped in, didn't complain one time about the overnight hours,
didn't complain about that, didn't try it out bogart the show.
Like the people that have filled in on that show
(15:28):
when Eddie's away, they either try to hijack the show
and think it's the It's Chuckles Comedy Club and they're
at the open mic and it's all it's all about them.
They hijacked the show, or they just sit there and
fish and complains it whoe is me, it's overnight, I
can't work their shift, blabah. The way he didn't complain
one time he had comedy, he was prepared, changed it up.
(15:51):
Uh And and Ilo was a pretty serious guy, and
I put him in the hard old category. But he
was he was kidding around, he was having fun with us.
So that shows you that he is able to be versatile.
Maybe maybe he has sex before he came on the show. Wow,
it's always a possibility. Very nice, very nice. Uh, Carlos
(16:13):
all said, So he's a hard oh like you. Even
he's uptight. He's like that. He realized when in Rome
act like a Roman went on the Mallard Show. Don't
act like a hard oh, Carlos says, how do you?
He also says, how do you come up with your
openings before your monologue? I'm not sure what you mean.
(16:36):
Maybe the very top of the each hour. Uh. So
of those have been sent in by listeners that have
some I came up with some of the well that
started actually with that vagrant in Miami who used to
say magic radio box and then so then I, initially
as a tribute, I used it. Now it's to pour
(16:59):
salt on his wound because he he was panhandling and
got fired from the show. But yeah, if you want
to recommend something, Carlos, you can send that in and
I might I may use it. Vahed Rights in from
New Orleans Saints Country where every year they get hit
by a hurricane, seems. He says, I know that you
(17:21):
had questions to choose between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Angelina
Jolie in the past, But here's the question for both
of you, Ben and David. What about Julia Roberts and
Angelina Jolie. Which one would you pick? All right? So,
I after doing some research here, looking at some some photogos,
(17:43):
I think we're both going prime Prime, Angelina Jolie Prime,
Julia Roberts. I'm going to Angelina Julie. I'm going to
Angelina Julie. I guess. So if we're only going prime,
then I will I will concur or I will go
with you and Angela and Jolie. If we're going longevity, though,
(18:04):
I'm going Julia Roberts. Yeah, Angelina Jolie has had some
wear and tear. Life has been tough on her, and
I mean, she's not disgusting anything like that, but you know,
I lost a lot for fact. Yeah, she's got a
lot of over overhead too, with all these kids. Julia
Roberts not so much, not really, because she can afford them.
(18:26):
It's only overhead if you can't afford him. Yeah, but
they're getting the way. They're get in the way of me. No,
I don't she has like seven thousand. I'm I'm assuming.
I don't know, But as I understand it, she has
a million nannies and people to watch the kids, and
she's she's Most of these celebrities are around the kids
when it's convenient and when it's not convenient, and other
(18:47):
people raise the kids. That's usually how that works. Isn't
it wrong? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. That's why
I always understand it. Um Kevin in Kansas says, Hey, Ben,
I like your references to Rod Sterling and The Twilight Zone.
I use episodes in my classroom Kevin's teacher. Of course,
he says, did you or David have teachers who used
(19:07):
that series or some like it when you were in school? Now, Kevin,
I don't remember a teacher ever showing The Twilight Zone
when I was in school. But when I was a kid,
it was on reruns a lot. There wasn't a lot
of quality programming, and occasionally in the afternoons coming back
(19:29):
from school, and I would be looking for something to
watch and I'd stumble into it my My father and
mother actually liked the show, so they had become fans
of the show, and so then I kinda and I
kind of got into it a little bit. There were
a few episodes, and the one I remember most when
I was a kid was there's these I forget what
(19:51):
the name of the episode. There. There were a couple
that stood out, but there was the one where the
kids were swimming in the pond and there was like
a a portal in the pond that went took them
to another dimension. Yeah, and that was pretty cool. I
remember that because every time I'd go swimming in the
pool after that for a few years, I thought, I'm
gonna try to find the portal and I want to
(20:13):
go to a different dimension, and you know, traveling through
another dimension, a dimension, you know, blah blah blah blah blah.
There's that. And then there was the one where the
town was deserted. Did you ever watch the Twilight Zone
guest on or not? Very very little? Okay, there was
the one where he was like the only person in
the town. I remember that, And then there were a
(20:35):
couple of other episodes. But yeah, and I had teachers.
I remember they showed documentaries when I was a kid,
like on different things to teach us about different things
when I was a kid, and that that was that
was always cool because it felt like half a day
because you just had to watch watch the TV. And
that was always neat. That's a good way to teach
it is good job by you. Kevin Jason in Rocky Mount, Virginia,
(20:59):
rights In says in I know you're busy with the
remodel of the Mallard Mansion, So do you feel like
it will be totally ready for an epic ugly sweater
party in December? I don't think. I don't think you
could have an ugly sweater party at this place. I
think it would do a disservice to it. Really, you
(21:20):
think we should have no party? No? I think I
think that I think you should encourage the wife to
partake in a masquerade party, a masquerade ball. Yeah, I
mean you guys wanted the chandelier. I think this kind
of fits right into it. Yeah, but we're known for
(21:42):
the ugly sweater party. If you change it up, then
what do you mean? This is that's our thing, the
ugly sweater party? Yeah, but that was that the old
mansion now you've upgraded, and so now you're gonna upgrade
the party team. We're also even further away, so I
don't know how many people are going to show up
because it's I don't even care if I'm the only
one there. I will owever, you'll be there with bells
and whistles on absolutely listen addressing zip code much change,
(22:07):
but you'll be on the prow You will be on
the prowl Yes, uh, hear you, hear you? Uh To
answer a question, Jason, I don't think it will be done.
I don't think it will ever be done. My wife
thinks it will be done by Halloween, which is gonna
be here before, you know, a little over a month away,
so she thinks it will all be done by Halloween.
(22:29):
I am not as optimistic, not nearly as optimistic, because
I'm here all the time. I'm doing the show from here.
I have my studio I hang out in. That's pretty
much the only room I hang out in the house
other than when I go to bed. And it seems
like nothing's getting done. Like most of the days the
contractors are doing other stuff, they're not on the house,
so it's hard to finish. If you don't actually work
(22:50):
on the house. So then but we'll see. Maybe I'm
wrong on that. I hope I am. I hope they
get it done quick. Eric in Omaha rites Sin says,
what is the best streaming service for documentaries? Well, Eric,
he there is no one streaming service for documentaries. The
way the streaming services work, you have to rotate. You
(23:11):
have to be able to adapt to what's what's they
change it? I mean Netflix every month they have different things,
Amazon Prime. I'll tell you a sneaky good place to
find documentaries YouTube for free on the YouTube. You don't
have to pay for YouTube. There is a pay platform
(23:33):
on YouTube, but you can get a bunch of documentaries
on there that are buried because there's so many videos
on YouTube. Let me let me give you a website.
Hold on a sec. You see, I can find the
website to go through my my list of bookmarks here,
(23:53):
because there there is a website that lists Yeah, I
think this is it. Maybe not. I'm gonna click un
right here. Yeah, it's called top Documentary Films dot com.
Top Documentary Films dot com. And this has doesn't have
new documentaries per se. Usually within you know, five six, seven,
(24:15):
eight nine, ten years old within the last decade. There
are some older ones on there, but it provides you
descriptions and links to the documentaries, and it goes by category.
They have a list of featured documentaries, but they have
different categories like I like my favorite h my favorite
documentary usually biography. I like to learn about people, or
(24:36):
at least the bullshit version of people's lives. But they
have different categories. You can you can go on there
and check out their sports. Uh, there's science, religion, politics, philosophy,
performing arts, mystery like They've got all those different categories.
So whatever you know, whatever tickles your your fancy, you
can find it. And I don't. I don't work for
(24:57):
the website. I have nothing to do with the website.
I found the website a few years ago. I do
check it out. Um. And then there's there's obviously just
scanning what's coming out on Netflix and Amazon Prime and
and and all those Apple and all the different services.
But Top Documentary Films dot com that is the recommendation,
(25:18):
and a lot of those links, I think pretty much
all of them are on YouTube. So I'll give you
an example here. Uh, let's see any of things put
up the website here at the top. As I'm doing this,
they list the top documentary featured is called Consumed. It's
from and it's the Possible. It's as possible, the most
(25:42):
possibly the most unthinkable story of the last million years
is the rise of the modern human culture, the cities
we populated in the lives that we need. It is
the environment that our children won't inherit. And then it
goes on and on and on. But that's from twenty seven.
So you click on that it asked you from, So
(26:03):
you click on that, and then an addle pop up,
because of course why not, And then it has a
link and this one is actually it is on YouTube,
so it is a YouTube link. But it's hard to
find these things on YouTube without knowing where to look. Um.
So that's that's the website for you. Eric and Omaha
(26:24):
Pat in Winter Park, Florida says, I watched a little
of the Peyton and Eli show, and this past week
Eli and Gronk are buffoons. What is the cancelation date?
Uh No, ESPN loves Peyton Manning. That is the network
of ball washing athletes lick lick, scrub scrub, so that
(26:45):
that show is not going anywhere and the reason the
ratings went up last week is because the game was
a blot. If you actually want to watch the game
and pay attention to the game, you cannot watch Peyton
and Eli talk. They're doing a talk show and the
game is just backgrounds. It's unwatchable if you're actually concerned
about the game. Now they benefited in the second half.
(27:05):
The Lions fell apart compliments of Jared Goff, and the
people tuned over because hey, the game was a blowout
and you don't want to watch the game, so listen
to the bullcrap from Peyton and Eli. I'm just fascinating
these guys can't do it on their own, that they're
not talented enough. Peyton and elis you just do it
without having a revolving door of guests, which are a
(27:28):
crutch to fill the time. It's fascinated to me. I
thought Peyton was such a great talker and Eli that
they would be fine without needing all of these crutches.
But someone can Someone can make the same comment about
the Ben Mallor Show. With all the callers that come
on every single night, Really, how many guests go through
the go through the list of the guests m hmmm.
(27:50):
See if weed Man you have marked the full name
Guy you have um uh Pete and Pittsburgh you have
been Carlos. What do they all have in common? They
don't call the show anymore. You're you're big dummy. That's wrong.
I'm never await during that time anyway, I understand. And
(28:12):
some hours we don't take any calls. Some hours we
just you know, march On, don't take any calls. But
we have no guests. I've I've not had a guest
on that show since Fred Dryer came on, and now
he's a friend of the show. But it is embarrassing
for Peyton Eli. They're so unentertaining without having you know,
Gronk or Ray Lewis or Brett far Van, it's pretty embarrassing.
(28:34):
R J in San Antonio says, what baseball stadium would
you want to go visit that you haven't been to yet?
For I been asked this question, Well, what's old is
new again? I've been to most of the the old.
I've been to Finway, I've been to Wrigley Field, the
Pittsburgh I didn't go to a game there. I walked
(28:56):
through the stadium. The Pirates were not playing when I
was in Pittsburgh. In San Francisco, San Diego, Arizona, I've
been to most. I haven't been to coors Field. I've
missed coors Field in Denver to check that out. Have
the Ben Mallard Food Tour in Denver, you know, I
(29:16):
mean I don't. There's nothing that really pops that I
have to see. Most of these stadiums are relatively new,
so I don't need to go see. I'm in Philadelphia.
I've been to the link That Complex in Philly and
the Phillies Ballpark right next door. Uh. Nothing that I'm
jones and to get to. I'd like to go to
(29:39):
all of all parks, but it's not realistic. I don't
have the time nor the money. Fred in Spring Texas says,
what's your go to home cooked meal. I'd love to
cook anything, Fred, But yeah, pizza's a staple, usually Tuesday's
or Pizza Day, the Mallard pizza, the garlic onion, bell
(30:02):
pepper pizza, the mallard pie that keeps vampires away. I
am excited. We will cook, you know, on the weekends. Uh,
I'll cook all kinds of stuff, Mexican food, fajita's tacos,
Philly cheese steak. You know, died of a of a
ten year old, But I love it all. Pasta, a
(30:23):
lot of pasta, chicken palm, make a mean chicken palm
at the Mallard Mansion, and pretty much anything one. I'm
looking forward to making monkey bread, that cinnamon monkey bread
I've made that in a long time, have made anything
a long time. So pretty much all of the above
fred And it's unlike gascn It's not covered in broccoli
and all that bullshit that so I don't cover any
(30:47):
of my food into that. I do. I do like
to go to the well for breakfasts with eggs and
sweet potatoes. It's kind of a regular one. I need it.
And that doesn't have to be in the morning time.
It could be the middle of the day in the afternoon,
so you still get hornswaggled into the whole breakfast thing
that marketing campaign. No, I just I just like breakfast.
(31:07):
I mean I don't eat breakfast per se, but I
do eat the type of food that you'd get for breakfast.
Like I could eat French toast for lunch or dinner,
that's for sure. I could eat waffles for dinner. Um,
how many go to I know we talked about this
a couple of weeks ago, but how many how many
marketing phrases have turned into culture of human beings like
(31:30):
the way human beings are. Why it's fascinating to me
every time I see people I gotta eat breakfast, people
that have to eat breakfast, and I'm like, wow, all
because of the Kellogg brand. It's wild they came up
with that marketing. So look at breakfast is the most
important meal of the day to try to promote the
(31:50):
sales of breakfast cereal because people weren't eating breakfast, you know,
they were eating leftovers for breakfast, or sometimes they wouldn't
even eat breakfast because they just didn't care. And all
because of that marketing slogan, generation after generation, we have
to eat breakfast, you know, even if it's Tony the
Tiger or Captain Crunch or don't you know you can
(32:12):
bring in the you know, Snaggle Puss Cereal or whoever,
it doesn't matter, Klondike, Pete, bring him on, come on,
the choice of a new generation. Yeah, just do it, Nike.
So al right, what is next year? Boston fan Paul
writes in on the mail bag, He says, why is
(32:32):
it a field goal is measured where it is kicked,
but a punt is measured from the line of scrimmage.
That's a great point, Paul, I haven't thought of. I've
not thought of and I don't have the answer to that.
But yeah, usually punt about seven eight yards behind the
(32:53):
line of scrimmage. Typically you kick a field goal seven
yards behind the line of scrimmage, they attack on seven
teen yards to the the field goal. Why don't they?
Here's what they should do for field goals. Remember the
old days of football, they had the goal post right
at the goal line. With technology, couldn't you have the
(33:15):
goal post move during the game. Wouldn't it be rather
simple to spend the money? And so when it's a
kicking situation, you have the goal post at the goal line,
and then when it is not a kicking situation, you
have the goal post back behind where it is right now. Yeah,
(33:39):
post though I don't think you would. They have stadiums
that open up the dome, stadiums that you know will
open up in just a couple of minutes. There's any
problem with that. It's great patting myself, I'm patting myself
on the back here. Why not? How come nobody else
(33:59):
has thought about I'm an answer this guy, Tony and
Milwaukee says, since your brother lives in Appleton, in the
Appleton area, and there's a big minor league baseball team here,
why haven't you shown up? Why haven't you come to
town brought the show? Well, Tony in Milwaukee, would you
drive up, Tony, up to Appleton. If I come to
(34:21):
the Holy Land of Wisconsin and and be part, I'd
like to do it. I'm gonna get to Appleton, I
keep saying that. And now football seasons started, so I'm
not going anywhere during football season. But that is the goal.
And I'll tell you this, Tony, how about this reach
out to the minor league team if you want to
(34:41):
do some legwork for me, do some groundwork, see if
they're interested. And if they're interested, well that'll mean that
I'll have to go during baseball season. And I we
can have like a Mallard Knight at the ballpark. That
would be great. We can invite listeners down, have a
fine time. Do the thing that we did out here
in California where threw out the for Is pitch. And
that goes also hacking. I know in Minnesota. I gotta
(35:04):
get over to you right next to Wisconsin there in
Minnesota and go to the Twin Cities. Are these St.
Paul Saints affiliated with anybody? Are they still an independent operation?
That minor league team in St. Paul. I don't know.
That's a good question. I think they're still independent. Have
to check it out. But Tony loved there that says
they're an affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. Okay, so they're
(35:27):
no longer independent. Balls fan Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee, says,
for both of you, what was the most trouble you
got into in school and that you got in trouble
with at home? Uh, well, that's I was a terrible
I was terrible about going I hated going to school.
I was not a morning person. I didn't like going up.
My biggest problem in fact, I Uh, I ended up
(35:49):
bouncing around schools a bit because I just could not
wake up. I stayed up late even as a kid.
It's helped me as an adult in radio. But when
I was a kid, I just couldn't get up. I
wasn't a morning person and I missed a lot of school.
So that caused me problems, and that cost me problems
at home because my mom was frustrated and all that
stuff that I skipped so much school, But it wasn't
(36:11):
like I was skipping school to do you know, lines
of coke. I was skipping school because I couldn't get up.
And then when it felt weird showing up to school
after you missed the first two hours of school, you
feel like you can't show up after that. And so
I just watched reruns of Twilight Zone, prices right with
Bob Barker. I remember Monty Hall, Let's make a Deal,
(36:32):
all the TV game shows of the day and all
that stuff. So what about you, guesscot Man. On my
uh my senior year of high school, we had a
with a welcome freshman dance. And before that dance, like
a bunch of us guys and girls went to a
friend's house for like a little pre party, and um,
(36:57):
one of the girls got insane and talks caated, and
so at the said dance, she um, she got loose
and then all of a sudden she started throwing up.
So we all left a dance early. Obviously, they like
get away from the scene of the crime and like
three weeks later, after they were finished investigating and someone
basically ratted us out. We got me and like two
(37:21):
other guys, we got suspended and uh we got suspend
it from school for a week. And to top it off,
like my name was in the like my name was
in the local paper because I was the star football player.
And yeah, basically that aired out for for not being available.
(37:41):
So it was not good. And uh, you never find
out did you find out who the tattle tale was? Yeah?
Yeah I knew who it was. So um one of
the one of the girls crumbled under pressure she thought
would get caught one way or another. So and I
was the first person because obviously I had a lot
of steak and I told everyone like, deny everything, Like,
(38:03):
deny that you were there, deny anything. They can't prove
it unless they have someone that says that they were there.
So they were good for three weeks and then someone
broke and then we all got broken off. So it sucked.
It is the same theory I have that most games
are lost, they're not one. Most crimes are solved because
people admit to the crimes right or they they are
sloppy about the crime. And all that stuff. Yeah, I
(38:25):
was good. I I covered everything up. I was I
was efficient because you didn't cover everything up because some
motor mouth, some loose tongue girl there went yak at
the yak. I thought it was good until three weeks
later she crumbled, So yeah, it was not good. They
say that the perfect crime is a crime that is
(38:45):
done by one person that doesn't tell anyone else about
the crime. Right, that would be the perfect crime. But
it's impossible to have the perfect crime these days because
there's cameras everywhere and DNA technology. You cannot have the
perfect crime. There is no such thing. It does not exist. Yeah,
Bob the Bears fan, right, since as you and David
(39:06):
should switch it up and talk about some crazy, outlandish
ship and call it the third rail on my end podcast,
that's what Bob wants. We almost had that, Bob, a
couple of weeks ago, but we had an issue that
that podcast did not air. But we we almost went
there a couple of weeks, right, we did. There's enough
(39:28):
content out there for people to consume. I'm still astonished
that we have numbers like we do now because there's
just so many things out there. In the podcasting role,
for people to uh to spend their time on. Yeah,
let's see old Yogi Bearer quote. I'm gonna butcher the
Yogi bearra quote. But it's something along the line. There's
there's so many podcasts. Nobody listens to any of them.
(39:50):
You know it's there, right, It's like, you know, the
restaurant is so busy, nobody goes there anymore. Yeah, there
are endless amounts of podcast but we do pretty well
in the podcast game. We're in the top percentile of podcasts,
and we thank you for that. Brandon in Michigan says,
when you drink, or if you drink, are you right
out of the bottle or the can? Or do you
(40:12):
pour it into a glass? Are you that type of
drink or not? I'm right out of the bottle. I
don't need to pour into a glass. No, no, no,
and no and no. That's that's busy body work. I
don't need a glass. I just have I have a
beer bottle. I'm gonna drink it out of the beer bottle.
What do I want to put it in the glass for?
Then you gotta wash the glass. No, I don't need that.
(40:33):
I don't even like when I go to a restaurant.
If I have a drink and they put it into
the glass, I don't need that. Yeah, leave it there
with you. Although I've ditched, I've ditched drinking out of
cans nowadays, I've I've ditched the consumption of anything in
a can. For what happened a littminum? Okay, got all right,
Joe in Richmond, Virginia. The r v A says, if
(40:57):
you were to travel to the eastern part of the
United States in an RV and planned planned to stay
off the grid for one week, where would you spend
that week? That's a good question. I would like to
explore some of the national parks, uh in in the
(41:19):
eastern part of the United States. Or you're not like
one of the mountains that the Smoky Mountains, you could
do that. Uh, there's there's a couple of different But
I guess if you want to go off the grid
just away from people, from what I've seen, I've not
been two parts of North Carolina, um Tennessee. I've been
to Tennessee, but there's a lot of open land, like
(41:40):
there's just nothing, there's nothing for miles, so you can live.
But that was that guy that that blew up the
abortion clinic and was living in the woods. Remember that, guys,
still they'ren catch them for years. He was just camping
out in the woods of the Carolinas. I think it
was Georgia, no matter, I don't know. It was somewhere
in the south. And and that guy like he was
(42:01):
living in like a tent somewhere in the middle of
the fourth They didn't find that guy for for for years.
He was able to do that. I got a heax
hang out in Gettysburg for a little bit, right, Yeah,
I've been there before. Gettysburg is awesome. I've been to Gettysburg.
I'd like to go back. I was only there briefly
that out. What about Lexington? Have you been there? I
have not. I have not been to Lexington. Have you've
(42:23):
been in any of these places? I have not. I
need to go, although I gotta be down for the
fried food too. I think I'd be consuming so much
fried food I'm out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
I mean there's like, there's an island that is a
national park. The whole island is a National park. That
would that's you know, that's an off key West. Have
(42:45):
you seen that? No? Although where did Jonas work? Joonas
was like in Charleston, South Carolina. Have you been there?
That's from my niece. I need to go there. My
niece goes to college in Charleston, so she's there. She's yeah,
that's my brother New York drives down there. He he
loves it so much. He's like, maybe we should buy
(43:05):
a house here and move here. Charleston, South Carolina. I
heard Savannah, Georgia is awesome during holiday it's especially St.
Patrick's Day. Um, yeah, I don't know. How about that
Hot Springs National Park? You ever been there? No? Never
in Arkansas? No, you've never never been avery good things
(43:25):
about that in the Central Garland County, Arkansas. The Hot
Springs right in the middle of Arkansas. I'm trying to
that I have the ever Glades. I've driven through that
in Florida. That that I don't really need. That that
didn't really wow me. What else? I'm trying to think
of some other places. There's a bunch, but I'd go
(43:46):
to national park. Maine has one. Isn't there a big
national park in Maine? Do they think it's not that big?
I don't know it's Maine, but yeah, here it is
it's bar Bar Harbor, Maine, A Katie, I think that's
i Sit National Park. It's one of the most picture
(44:10):
esque scenic parks in the entire country. The park boasts
some of the best of foliage on the East Coast
and uh, camping, cycling, hiking, all that have a Cadillac
Mountain feet high. It's the highest mountain on the East coast.
Did you know that the highest mountain on the East
coast in Maine? Who knew? I do need to go
(44:33):
to the Naval Academy Museum up in Rhode Island. I
want to go to that area Rhode Island Way. Yeah
you can, that's easy. You go to you can do
the NT corridor right, go through then do that whole thing.
Uh yeah, so so, Joe, There's a bunch of places
that I would love to check out that I have
not checked out. The Shenandoah National Park, right, that's that's
(44:56):
outside d C in Virginia. That's supposed to be one
her full there's and then there's others in that region Maryland, Virginia,
that area. Uh what else? A cliff from Nashville says, Ben,
have you or Gascon ever seen a baby pigeon escon. No, No,
I have not either. Alan and Akron says, now that
you live deep in the north woods, are you at
(45:18):
risk from forest fires that seem to ravage California every year. Well,
living in California, you're never that far away from a wildfire.
It is the most left up situation. The the hippies.
I love trees, my favorite place. I was very concerned
because the giant forest almost burned up It's Sequoia National
(45:42):
Park this week and they were able to dodge that.
But it's because the the environmentalist in California will not
allow the controlled burns, and so the trees grow two
points that they cannot be controlled. It is a ship
show and there's no end in sight. It's wild forest management.
(46:07):
And then they blame global warming as to why there
are so many wildfires. The wildfires are a direct result
of not managing the forest properly. If you manage the
forest properly, you're not gonna have as many wildfires. I
know I'm going off on a tangent here, Gascon, but
it's every time during the year I watch I watched
(46:28):
the fires and it's not even part of your It's
a year round there's fires in California, and I just
shake my head. I'm like, really, I mean, you know
why why you don't have to do it like that.
You can manage the force to have controlled burns. There
are ways to do it to limit the damage, but
they don't do that. It's annoying. It's a third rail
on man. I'm just pointing that out. My wrong gascon
(46:50):
am I wrong. No, if you're not wrong. But it's
the same thing with up and down the state too.
So I mean it's evident clearly, especially up near uh
Napa Valley and Sonoma and those parts of California that
you know, most people feel at the most, you know,
the hardest because of all the investments and the wineries
and the exotic cottages, the golf courses and all that stuff.
(47:14):
So yeah, I mean people say that stuff from afar
and then all of a sudden you're knee deep in it.
You're like, wait a minute, they're not taking care of
the of the state first of all, before it gets
to where it is. Yeah, I spent some time my
my brother got married, my younger brother got married in
Grass Valley, uh, you know, in between Sacramento and San
Francisco out there and in the in the sticks, and
(47:37):
I mean it's just forest land as far as you
can see, and it burns up every every couple of years. Alan.
That was Alan in Akron, Dave and Mill Valley, California.
Speaking of trees, he says, what is your favorite drop? Also,
could you please not sing over Kathleen's classic Hey Mona?
(47:59):
The delicate nuances are lost when you do that. All right, Sorry, Dave,
I'll try not to do that. I have to add on.
I like to add on to these things. What is
my favorite drop? Well, that is a revolving, revolving situation.
I'll tell you one that doesn't get played that much
because it's an Eddie drop. When he was doing the
update and he was giving the hockey scores and he said,
(48:21):
the Canadians beat the Canadians to meet that that is
simple and hilarious. I laugh every time. It reminds me
of an old Saturday Night Live skit. He's not wrong
because it's Canadian players playing Canadian players. It was just
the way that he he delivered that line was also
Eddie when he when he butchered the Fab five and
(48:42):
that was that was outstanding too, but there's a much
I like the old Genie Medford Genie from Medford drops.
Those don't get played a lot because Roberto wasn't around
when Genie was on the show. Um, Doc, Mike's got
a bunch of good ones. I mean there's there's a lot.
So we we we are, we are very rich in drops.
We are. I'm a pilot rights in. He says, Hey, Ben,
(49:04):
I know you've got plenty of recipes, but from someone
from Texas, if you want one that works. You're talking
about mosquitoes here, hear me out, and then he gives
me the mosquito recipe he named per methram s f R.
Does that ring a bell with your guests? Gun? No,
he says, you can buy this stuff. I'm a pilot
(49:24):
at a tractor supply store. He says. A bottle cost
like twenty dollars. Buy a gallon sprayer it's about twelve bucks.
I looked it up. Is actually more than that here
in California. Put two ounces per gallon and spray it everywhere,
he says, Spray it everywhere on ground, bushes, patio. It's safe,
(49:48):
it's for all bugs. Spray it like once a week.
He says he sprays it all the time. It really
helps out bugs and mosquitoes. He says, he sprays it
all over the place. Is the same as those companies
like Mosquito Joe use and whatnot, So so I guess
(50:08):
he says, that's the same stuff. Now my only question,
and I don't want Bella to get killed from spraying
pesticide all over the place, so that is my concern.
But I'm assuming I'm a pilot, you have kids, You
probably have a dog or a cat or something like that,
so this can you right back, I'm a pilot, and
(50:29):
let me know that this is not going to damage
my dog, because I don't want to. There's the dog,
and then I'll have a different problem. But I looked
up this crap and according to the Internet, this is
what they use, what I'm a pilot uses, and what
he claims these mosquito companies use is a medication used
(50:49):
to treat headlights. Tiny insects that fest and you know,
get on your scalp and all that. So that's kind
of cool. So if if you can put this on
your scalp, I would think it would be okay for
for a dog. But what do I know, I'll have
to investigate that more, but thank you. I'm a pilot.
(51:12):
That doesn't seem like it's that much. If it's thirty
dollars for a canister of this crap and you only
use two ounces per gallon of water, uh, that does
sound that bad. Sounds pretty good, Ben and gascon and
or co host. When you first meet someone, this is
(51:33):
from John to Jeller. When you first meet someone and
you don't want to intimidate them because you're a big
time radio personality, what do you tell them that you
do for a living? John, great question, and my go
to in the past was, I was I worked on
a blog. I was I was a internet writer because
I had Ben Mallard dot com. I don't do that anymore.
So now I say I work in sales, because I
(51:55):
do work in sales. Radio is sales, were audio sales.
The most important part of DIO is when I do
a commercial for DraftKings or I do a spot for
you know, any of our sponsors. Gonna go down the
list there. We have Lost Vegas, visit Las Vegas. They're
a new sponsor. But so I always say sales, and
I'm in the sales business because Normally people don't ask
(52:15):
like too many questions. They might ask what you sell,
and I'll be like, well, I sell I sell fantasy
football or you know, I said, or whatever the product
I'm selling at the time. So that's it. There you go.
Look at that kists, gun bells and whistles going off.
It's fascinating. All right, What about you, guest? Gun do
you tell? You? Probably just tell people I work in
(52:35):
radio and television and all that stuff, right, No, no, um, wait, no,
I tell my du voice over stuff. There you go.
I hit this wrong button here and it all all
hell broke loose all of a sudden, so I gotta
hit this button over here. Well s, I'm gonna go
over here. Let me do this right now. Feel free.
I could not hear you for a second. I hit
(52:56):
the wrong button, but go ahead, yesca, Oh no, I said,
I tell my due voice over work voice safer that way, yes,
Rick from San Ramon right. Since it's Ben and David,
what in the wild wild world of sports has happened
to the audio feed of the Fifth Hour podcast. Whenever
(53:16):
the two of you are talking at the same time,
Ben's Ben's audio sounds like he's talking underwater, and it
also happens when Ben plays his drops. I'm assuming I'm
not the only person hearing this, but just in case, uh,
you're the only one, Rick, I've not gotten any other complaints,
I guess, Gana, is this an issue that we need
(53:38):
to know about? Here? Is Rick the only one that's
hearing this? Could be the only one, although there are
times when we talk over each other, and I'll just
blame that to your bad hearing, So I will blame
that on your bad timing. Okay. John in Colorado says,
have you ever crop dusted a grocery store aisle? Or
(53:59):
do you suffer until you're in the parking lot? No? John, No,
no no. What you do is you try to walk
away from a busy part of the grocery store. What
you attempt to do. My move is I will go
to the aisle with the trash bags because there's normally
a lot of not a lot of people on the
(54:20):
aisle with the trash bags. And and then you let
it rip, You let her rip, You keep walking, never
look back. Net when you crop dust, you never look back.
You keep walking, and you might even have to walk
down the aisle again to appreciate what you've done to
the store, but I I do not do not go
(54:43):
out to the the parking lot. The one we brought
this up before in the past. The issue that I
annoys me is the the hotel. When you're in a
hotel room and when you're dating. And you know, I'm
married now, so I don't care. But when I was
dating and if you had to let it rip right,
let U got big gass fart out, I didn't want
to do that, you know, because you don't want to
(55:04):
fart around the other person. So I would I would.
I said, I have to go down to the lobby
to get something, So I would go all the way
down to the lobby and walk around the casino floor
like in Vegas, and then fart there or use the
bathroom down there. That would be mine booth. But in
the grocery store, yeah, I don't really, I don't really
mind you. I think the best or my favorite is
(55:28):
when you're either in a bar or a lounge or
a club, because you're protected with the music. Yes, background
noise is essential, yes, and so that's the that's the
best because sometimes you can just let it marinate for
a hot minute and then bolt. Yeah, but obviously have
(55:51):
you ever had have you ever had this instant a
guesscount in the bathroom where it's appropriate to let her
rip in the bathroom. But if you're in there and
there's another person in the stall next to you, and
you're the only two people in the bathroom, and you
let her rip, right if they get out a little
bit before you and then you get out, they then
(56:12):
they give you that that evil eye, you know, that
look like. I think you have to treat it like
a horn, right Like if you have if you have
a powerful horn on your car, you can let that
thing go as long as possible. But if you have
a weak horn, you don't want to use it, like,
you want to be very very cautious on how you
deploy it. So I think it's the same thing, right Like,
(56:34):
if you're in a stall like that, If it's if
it's with power enthusiasm, you wear that thing loud and proud.
But if it's not, if it's like weak and limp,
you want to just you know, kind of tucktail and run. Yeah. Yeah,
I try not to spend too much time. Now. What
I have done in that situation is I've been in
(56:55):
that spot before I have. This is so stupid. I
have prematurely flushed the toilet trying to drown out the
sound of the fart I have. Yeah, everyone does that.
I thought I thought I was special. I'm not special,
all right, Seattle Sammy writes in he Is It Is It?
(57:19):
He's a sports question, He says, Man, if you were
given the opportunity to consult the Seattle Manners management, what
advice would you give them? As you probably know, the
Mariners have not made the postseasons since they have the
longest postseason drought in North American sports today, Seattle Sammy asked, Yeah, Well,
(57:39):
the biggest problem for teams like the Mariners and the
Minnesota Timberwolves is they have no no gumption to stick
with the plan. There's two problems. They hire the wrong
people and then and then they get as soon as
one thing goes wrong, they immediately get antsy and have
to make a change. So it is a revolving door.
(58:01):
It's a never ending cycle of futility for those those franchises.
It's bad, bad, bad, bad, bad bad bad. But the
answer to Seattle's problem is to hire theo Epstein. You
hire theo Epstein you're gonna win. He's available, he's working
for Major League Baseball. Not convincing him to take the
Maritage job is a different conversation, right. Last one, Lord
(58:22):
Goofa rites in and he has a story to share
about his own d n A And it came up
on the show and he used the twenty three and
Me website to find his biological father and he sent
the whole story here. I don't know that we have
time to get to it all right now, but so
(58:43):
I read it and it's it's quite the story. He
was born in nineteen eighty back in Ohio to a
single mother an unknown father, and it wasn't he said,
just that he wasn't in the picture. No one knew
his name, And so Lord Goofer shares the story, says
that his mom told him that when you know, she
(59:05):
was dating this guy who had cheated on her, so
she decided to get back at him, and she cheated
on him and that one night stand turned out to
be Lord Goufa. How about that? That's wild, um, she
said she allegedly she allegedly got black out drunk, does
(59:27):
not remember any details surrounding the events of the night
of my conception. Wow, that's wild, um, he said, Lord goofer.
There were a couple of suitors that were tested via
old school blood testing, a very flawed method of determining
paternity that can only exclude people, and all were excluded.
(59:48):
The method likely resulted in tens of thousands of false positives.
But that's another story anyway. So moving on, So he
goes through a whole bunch of backstory, you know, the
efforts back in the eighties and nineties couldn't find anything.
Fast forward, he says he was thirty four years old,
happily married, two kids, all that great stuff, and he
(01:00:08):
talks about submitting about DNA online DNA. He went to
a couple of sites or his service, rather his service,
and he says, in layman terms, he says, I need
not bother with there's a big word here that I
don't know how to uh to say uh as this
was passed down by mothers. Anyway, it didn't work. It
(01:00:28):
didn't work, and he had grown tired, and I mean,
there's a long, long story here, guests, gun, but let
me give you the in the terms of brevity, because
I know we gotta we gotta wrap this thing up.
So Eventually he found his way on a group on
to twenty three and me and his wife, I guess
(01:00:48):
found it and asked if he'd be interested and in
giving d n A another shot. And he was skeptical
because it hadn't worked in the past and he still
hadn't seen anything closer on ancestry dot com or anything
like that. So anyway, uh it it, It happened, It happened.
Uh they signed up for it, and initially, you know,
(01:01:12):
it didn't didn't really work out, and then he had
the Eureka moment and he tells the story here he
was able to track down his father because of d
n A and it's a great story, Lord Goofer, thank
you for sending you know, I appreciate, wish we had
more time to to give the whole thing here, but
it's pretty cool. He says. He was he was driving
(01:01:32):
around March of nine in a showered made breakfast, normal
day with his wife, his kids. Wife took off to
take the youngest child, uh to two work to school,
to the high school, and then off to work. And
he said he was in the car with his oldest
(01:01:54):
and message popped up on his phone and that was
the message that they had found found his dad. So
that's pretty cool. It has a happy story. Man. Yeah,
that's great. That's what that must have been tough as
a kid, right, not knowing anything about your father. I
know a lot of people go through that, but man,
(01:02:15):
oh man, oh man. All right, very good listen, have
a great rest of your Sunday. I know we went
along on the mail bag. We will catch you next
week on the podcast and if all goes well, big name,
big name, hopefully good guests. Big name scheduled for the
Friday podcast was supposed to be on the podcast this
past week canceled. We'll see if it happens this week.
(01:02:36):
Looking forward to have a great Sunday, enjoy the NFL
games back on the radio tonight and we'll catch you
in
Host
Ben Maller
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