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February 14, 2019 15 mins

Elvis learns about how the shape of our studio desk came to. Plus why is Skeery so stressed??

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:03):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
firm Elvis Represents Minute Morning Show. Dang, what an intense
show we had this morning. This, of course, is this Thursday,
February fourteen, Valentine's Day. We just finished our live show

(00:26):
and now we're doing the fifteen minute Morning Show podcast.
So we're sitting around the elongated penis table. We've got Gandhi.
They're scary, but who is but hurt over something I
don't know, And there's and there's Brody the cause of it,
and there's Garrett who's here just in time to hear
the hurt story. It walks Sam, producer. Sam's walking out,

(00:48):
she's walking part of the podcast. But I just realized,
fine if you and then Danielle just realized something. Gandhi
and I are the balls of the penis um this tapeall. Actually,
I'm actually at the I'm at the base. I'm at
the balls, and you're at the base of the penis table.
You're at the I'm the venus, the venus the balls.

(01:09):
And then y'all and Garrett and Rodya are sharing the
tip of VPS. The girls would be the foliage. If
the penis table had foliage. There's an entire story about
the penis table in my new book. Oh did you
do that on purpose? I think in a minute, the
penis tables in the book. But we got cut out
the penis table made it should I should have been

(01:30):
a counter. So, as Elvis just described, we have a
penis shaped you know, desk here in the studio. Did
they show you blueprints of what this would look like? No? No, no, no,
he was doing now. I had a totally different layout
for the studio and they ignored all of it. So
someone else went on their own goes, I think this
will look good. I had a big round table with

(01:53):
a big hole in the middle, and then in that
hole would have been cameras that would have gone around
and caught everyone like straight on. It was really a unique,
wonderful design, and so I said, okay, do it, and
they said you got it. So I came to work
when they were finished with the table and it was
a big, long penis table. Are you trying to convince
this room that you originally wanted a round thing with

(02:14):
a hole in the middle and ended up with a
penis table And you didn't decide that. I did not decide.
I was decided for me. Okay, all right, so yes,
you're about to say something, Gandhi, Well, I was just saying,
speaking of penises, the girls, the girls have been sending
new shots to their their significant others. Really okay, so wait, Daniel,

(02:34):
you just you just took a picture of your what
and sent it to your husband's took my I took
my tank top and I pulled it forward and I
took a shot down my shirt and I said, have
a Valentine's Day, and I sent it over to him.
And Gandhi, you sent out a nude photo of yourself
here in the room. I well know. It wasn't here
in the room, it was before where I had a
full length mirror. Because if you're gonna send the good parts,
you got us on them all. It's a good yeah.

(02:54):
And then I showed Danielle and then other people were like,
I don't get to do it down, Calm down, call
hr no. I don't want to harass the visually with things.
That's not okay. I can harass daniel She showed me
your boobs, so the knife showder mine and then tell
you what the conversation was going on. Everyone was so
excited about looking at each other's private parts. And then
someone said I want to see it, and someone else
said me too, and then we heard the words me too.

(03:16):
Were like immediately after after Danielle hit sent, you went,
oh my god. Oh yeah, because here's the thing. You know,
I'm having a problem with my Apple phone. So your
kids did not get it. No, no, no, So my
husband's phone number is just the number right now, there's
no name. And for a moment, I wait, wait, I
thought I sent you to my dad because my dad

(03:38):
and I are talking because my dad has been sick
the last couple of days and I was asking him
how he was and he was the last person I texted.
So you sent your booby shot to your dad, my husband.
I hate to interrupt this, Tim, I'm so it's all happy,
All all is well. That ends well, okay, So Josh
come here. Wow, this is Chief Engineered Joe. Come here.

(03:58):
He's the one who designed the room. Let's ask him
why it's in the shape of a penis. Well, he's
never here. This is this is he's the vice president
of engineering for the world at I Heart Radio. Right
we're doing our podcast, but we have a question for you.
Since you were such an instrumental part of the design
of the studio. I originally designed a studio that with
a round table with a whole mill so you could

(04:19):
put it, you could put a camera. But when we
came back to a new studio, it was in the
shape of a penis. How did my show end up
with a penis table? I mean, there's so many different
ways that I can answer that and really be snarky
and get in and get in trouble. That's the one
we wanted. You thought it would turn me on. Get

(04:40):
the gay guy the show a penis tabe. Really, when
when you drew the plans out, did you really not
see that it looks like a penis? Totally saw that.
I mean, how could you not Why he's the head engineer,
all right, I mean, and I mean what you saw

(05:03):
was after I was like, we got to do something
about the nutsack. That was a little bit. And guess
who's sitting at the nutsack at the base. I'm sitting
at the base and the nuts everybody else is on
the shaft, interrupting our flow. When the engineers were like
hanging around hammering stuff out in the in the room,
banging this stuff together. What did you did you say, like, way,

(05:26):
Elvis gets a load of this? I mean, did you
guys joke about it out loud? No? Did someone go hey,
you know, by the way, did you notice that Elvis's
studio has a desk that shaped like a penis? It was,
but you know, being engineers, we look at things practically,
and there was practically there was there was a design criteria,
there was there were needs and alright, best what we

(05:51):
all do that best reflected those needs? Thank you. The
morning guy needs a penis, so we're gonna get him
a penis. Elvis needed a round table and you shafted
on it. Anyway, I was reaching for something like that,
but you're always much faster than you reach them something.
He's someone about the ball, Ladies and gentlemen, the president
of Engineering, for all of my heart, the one and

(06:11):
only Josh, if you would like a penis the table
for moonlights on? What's that? I want to know? Do
they joke around that it's your penis because obviously you're
the head of of the of the desk. Well, if
I'm at the head of the penis, I'm at the
wrong end. Well, no, no, where you are, because if
we're standing. No, because if it's your penis, this would

(06:33):
be your penis. That's right. If I stand up like this,
you're sitting at the end of my penis. So do
you joke that this is Elvis's penis? No, you don't
that person. You should put your hands on your hips.
If you're gonna stand there with a penis that side,
you know, everything lights up in red. So these are
like they bumps on the penis, irriten penis. A thank
you Josh, everyone, Josh, the engineer that gave us the

(06:55):
penis table. Irritated penis. Hey, so you're talking earlier about
sending your pictures of your boobs to each other. So
I was at a party there the night and my
friends Mike and Ritchie said, Ah, we just went to
a wonderful party full of lesbians. Here's what they did. Okay,
So all these lesbians, they're all best friends. They've known
each other for years. They I'm sure they've they've all
they're all very close. They each went, each one of

(07:18):
them went into the bathroom and took a close up
of their boobs and then they actually print them out
on their on their instincts camera and put them all
out on the table and everyone had to try to
guess whose boobs were there was like named that boot.
I smell the game for tomorrow, a little identifiable one

(07:38):
of you. Here's the thing we have mostly guys. I'm thinking, well,
every guy has to go to the bathroom and take
a picture of his let dong. We named the penis.
I have asked for this game, Gandhi for years. I
have said, I guarantee I could pick out half of them,
go and take picture and line them up. I think

(08:01):
we should test your skills. Right, let's go tomorrow. So
so far we're talking about breasts and penises. Right, is
going to be great important body parts. The hip hop
station has the same counter, but it's much bigger. H.
I don't understand what that means. They just ordered the
bigger one. That's all right. So I got a lot

(08:23):
going on today. I have a lot. Do you care
to share? Yeah? I mean all right. So I have
to do my due diligence and do the Valentine's Day thing.
So I'm going out to dinner and then a show.
We have much effort. We've kept opening session, but I
have to before that. I have to go and pack
for eleven days because tomorrow morning I had a wheel
suitcase in here and uh and head out because I'm

(08:44):
going to Kanku. Oh my poor bastards. I also have
to do a Broken Boys podcast with this guy over
here who says, all right, let's get started right after
the show. And then one o'clock he comes to me
and says, let's start recording. So all next week you'll
be in Cancoon and then on Saturday, I'll meet you
at the drag Brunch in Fort Lauderale. To Rich Carlton,

(09:04):
I cannot wait. There still tickets available for the available
just do a search for South Beach Wine and Food
Festival Drag Brunch. Yeah. So halfway through my trip to Cancun,
I'm gonna go to Miami because the South Beach Wine
and Food festivals going on, and and now I heard
that it's it's extended to Fort later Dale. They have
events all the way. Feel bad? Can we start to

(09:27):
go fund me for scary? He's really got it dressed
over on the amount of amount of stuff. I have
a lot to do in a little bit of time,
and I don't like being on a time plunch, and
I've got to I've got to get to I've got
to get to the drag b I have to open
my Valentine's presence. I know you call it a session session,

(09:48):
but don't you understand what don't you ever have so
much to do in a day yesterday, in the day before. Yeah,
it's just I'm coming home to two children every day
and having to do that on top of everything else.
And then I gotta clean my apartment. I gotta do
the dishes. Cleaning lady, No, no, she doesn't come once
every two weeks. I have somebody who's who tidies up
once every two weeks. I don't know, I don't know.

(10:10):
Maybe you don't say that. It's like calling a flight
attendant a stewardess. You just don't do that. I guess,
not say the cleaner. What's your biggest problem? Okay? I
have fresh produce, fruits and vegetables that are going to
go bad because they're not going to be I'm gonna
be gone for eleven days. Can I bring in my

(10:31):
tomatoes tomorrow at not going anywhere. I'm going to do
a staycation and do some stuff with my bring them
to bring them to Daniel Ganda. You're so quiet because
we talked too much. This is one thing you needed
to know before you came to join our shows several
months ago. You gotta like fight for your right to
talk in. Yeah, We've had this conversation before, but I
just can't do it once everybody starts yelling. I'm just

(10:51):
listening and hearing what's going on, silently judging and the
funniest stuff to say, and were never hearing because everyone else.
Oh thanks. I don't have any produces or anything to
bring in, and I'm not started out about this awesome
vacation week we're about to have. I'm very happy. Everything's good. Tomatoes.
What are you doing for vacation? Do you care to share?
I do care to share. I'm doing Kesha's weird and

(11:11):
wonderful Rainbow Cruise. Talk about it. Kesha a Norwegian hooked
it up. So we're gonna go to the Bahamas and
there's tons of really cool stuff on the On the ship,
they're gonna be drag queens. There's dirty karaoke, dirty bingo,
Kesha in general, and I get to take one of
my best friends in the whole world, which is making
me super happy because I missed her wedding and it
was awful and she cried about it when I missed it.

(11:33):
So this is my makeup to her. When do you
guys uh depart Sunday? On Sunday? Are there still I mean,
this is so last minute this podcast, But are there
still ways to get on the Kesha Cruise? Are there
are a couple of places spots available? Still not a lot,
but you can still grab them if you want to
go to n c L dot com and do a
Google for yes, come party with us. I love that.

(11:53):
I know I can't wait, and I'm not starts about
the point. Is Kesha gonna be there? Okay? Just checking?
I saw her post something on her Instagram the other
day and I was like, oh, maybe I should dam
her like, hey cruise buddy, Oh god, you're using your God,
this is the last podcast before our vacations. About that
too out Normally you like us to lie and don't

(12:16):
tell people on vacations scary. I'm just saying, why would
you do that? It's like we're gonna make it seem
like it's flawless. People know we're on vacation, Daniel, they
hear the same old crap they've heard before, and the
ratings go up by the way. Yeah, that is something
Garrett that just said. It's so true. When we're on
vacation for like two weeks during the holidays and stuff,

(12:37):
the ratings go up. We're worried we're worth more dead
than a lot. We shouldn't tell people this, No, and
we have so many years of shows in the can.
We could basically be fired now and they could run
those for the next five years. They have the rights
to do that. They do, they do interesting they All

(12:57):
I can think about right now is if we had
to kill someone in the room, who would it be? Daniel?
I'm very quick. I didn't didn't think about that, really
have to all these years now, I would kill Scary.
That's another thing for him to stress about. But don't worry.
I'll wait till after your eleven day vacations. I wouldn't.
There's no one. Why would you ask that question? There's

(13:18):
no one in here. You're always thinking when I'm in
a group of people, like if we were to get
started on a desert island, who am I going to eat?
I like to decide that. Okay, don't that's easy? You
eat Scary? You want to know why? Look at his
calf muscles. There's so much meat on those bones, you'll
keep you going for days. You thought about that too,
You have to like gall I mean, they have more
meat than real calves. You really don't think a lot

(13:39):
of pineapples. It's like Popeye. Look here, here's the thing
about that question. About that question, Gandhi asked. We would
never be able to find Gandhi because I stood in
the studio for almost two hours one day, just recording
stuff for our show. She was hiding in the corner
the entire time, salamander like a lamp. Like, yeah, she
had a coat over her head. Didn't say a word. Wait,

(14:03):
hold on, back up. What you were standing in a
corner of the studio with a coat over your hand.
It was like a little suitcase over there. There was
a tiny little spot for me to tuck myself into.
And all I wanted to do was terrorized Scary and
Brody Brodie and Scary whatever. And they were supposed to
come in and do the podcast, like Scary said, they
were supposed to be at eleven thirty, twelve fifteen twelve thirty.
Garrett rolls in and he's talking to someone. And then

(14:24):
finally I was just like carrot. I'm here, don't worry
about it. Scared the crap out of me. We had
sat in the corner with a coat on her head
for an hour. I know that sounds so relaxing. Well,
my legs fell asleep after like fifteen minutes. I couldn't move,
So it was really Yeah, you were so weird. Garrett

(14:45):
was like, you were really committed to this. I'm like
I was. Now, I'm dying never find her on the A.
If we had to eat someone, I would eat Gandi
because I love Indians. Yeah, minute morning, l

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