Tommy Talk: HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS: HELL YES OR HARD PASS?

On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy dives into a question so many of us wrestle with the moment that reunion invitation lands in our inbox: Should I actually go to my high school reunion… or skip it entirely? High school is a complicated chapter for most of us, filled with big moments, awkward phases, unforgettable friendships, and a few memories we’d rather not revisit. So is it worth the small talk, the curiosity, the nostalgia, or maybe even the rekindling of old connections? Let’s break it down.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, guys, Welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is
high school reunions. Yay or nay. This is a big
decision to make, and it's one that I think a
lot of people have to really think about when they
decide if they want to be going to their high
school reunion or not. So there are many reasons why

(00:25):
people go, and there are many reasons why people don't go,
and we're going to talk about some of those to
help you figure out if that's something you want to
be going to or not. But I think there are
a few questions you have to first ask yourself, and
I think number one is if I go to my
high school reunion, am I genuinely going to enjoy it?
Or am I going to go and start comparing myself

(00:46):
to other people and feeling like I'm not doing great
in my life because I am comparing myself to other people,
Like am I going for a good intention? Or am
I going knowing that it might make me feel less? Then,
because if you're someone who is a constant comparer and
I did a whole episode on comparison syndrome that you

(01:07):
can check out, it could be dangerous to put yourself
in a room where you're sizing yourself up against other people.
So that's a really big thing to consider for sure.
I think also another important factor is are you going
to genuinely connect with people or are you going to
just kind of analyze people from afar, you know, being

(01:27):
a wallflower sitting around just seeing what people are doing,
Like what is your general interest in connection? Because that's
a big factor in deciding if you want to go
or not too. And I think lastly, you have to
ask will I regret going or will I regret not going?
Big question, really big question. It might take a little
time for you to figure out, and you might not know,

(01:48):
and you might go and decide it was the right move,
or you might decide it wasn't the right move. And
the good news is whatever you decide, there's another reunion
that will roll around and you can make your decision then.
But I think there are many reasons why people do
decide to go that are valuable and that are worth it,
and then we're going to talk about the ones that
are not, which I might relate to a little bit more. So.

(02:09):
People go for genuine curiosity, like what are people doing
that I was friends with back then? What are they
up to, what are their jobs? Are they married or
are they single? What have they become? Are they the
same person they were in high school? Like? These are
all curiosity things, right, and we're human beings. We should
be curious about people. So maybe you just genuinely are

(02:30):
curious where everybody kind of ended up and how they're
lives shaped up. Nothing's wrong with that. I think there's
a nostalgia piece to it too. I think we all
want to feel like our inner kids sometimes and be
brought back to a time in our lives where we
feel that kind of I don't know, safety of being
what we once were or being in the world that

(02:52):
we once were. So I think that nostalgia is a
big thing. And I'm the king of nostalgia, trust me.
I love a nostalgic moment, so I understand why people
want to go and feel that nostalgia. In fact, this
year for Christmas, I'm doing lights on my Christmas tree
that are multicolored instead of white because and I've always
been a white light Christmas tree person, like hardcore white

(03:13):
lights are nothing. But I don't know, I'm feeling nostalgic
this year, and I'm wanting to feel how I felt
as a kid waking up on Christmas and seeing those
multicolor lights on my tree. So I get the nostalgia
of it. I really do. So people go for that reason.
I think people go to rekindle friendships. Maybe there are
people you're like, oh, I don't want to lose touch

(03:33):
with them, but I did, and maybe this is the
opportunity for us to get back on the same page
and be friends again. And I think that has great value,
and that's really cool if that's your thing. And I
think people also go for closure, kind of on the
flip side. Maybe something happened in high school that you
want to address with someone. Maybe you're single and there's

(03:53):
an ex that you want to talk about things with
to feel better. Maybe you haven't fully moved on. Maybe
unique closure about something from that period of your life,
so you want to go oh. And I think people
go for networking. I think sometimes you think, hey, like,
maybe there's a great job opportunity, or let me see
what someone sews up to. Because at the end of
the day, if someone's gonna hire or help out somebody

(04:17):
for a potential job, why wouldn't it be someone that's
from your alma mater or you know that you grew
up with versus a random person. So it's not a
bad idea. It really isn't no shame in going for networking.
But this is where this is where the flip side
comes in, and it's you know, a little tricky for
many people to go back to their high school reunions

(04:37):
because it's sometimes revisiting a period of your life that
didn't make you feel your best, and you think, well,
why would I want to do that to myself? Like
for me, I've never chosen to go to a high
school reunion because I feel like it would be stepping
back in time and it would bring me back to
a period of my life where I genuinely feel like

(05:01):
it wasn't my I didn't feel my best. I was
going through a lot in high school. I was figuring
out who I was. I didn't like who I was
because I realized I was gay. It really messed with
my head for a while, and it was a secret
I kept from high school all the way till I
was twenty one years old that I just hid and
suppressed or tried to suppress. So it reminds me of

(05:24):
a time in my life where I didn't feel my
best and I don't know, I don't need to go
revisit that. And even my classmates, Like I had some
great friends in high school, but I had some people
that treated me very poorly. I was different. I was
a theater guy, and I was kind of like I
wasn't like nerdy, but I just was kind of an

(05:45):
artsy kid and that wasn't cool then. And my freshman
and sophomore years, especially, like people were not the nicest
to me about that. And then junior year came around
and I started working out and came back and suddenly
people liked me because I had abs, which I mean,
that's not a great reason I like somebody, but you know,
next thing, you know, you're on prom court and I'm
being nominated for prom king. And it was this total

(06:07):
mind fuck because I'm like, wait, I was just like
made to feel like I didn't matter and I was worthless,
and now suddenly people like me because I have a
six pack, Like it was a really weird thing. But
I just didn't have the best memories. Even in my
theater group in high school, like my director would say
things like, you know, you don't look like a theater kid,
like you shouldn't be in theater. So I had this

(06:27):
like this identity crisis almost like who am I? Where
do I belong? I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
So for me, God, I don't mean to get so
deep on this, but for me, high school was a
place of not knowing who I was or never feeling
good enough. And I just never really felt the need
to go back to that place. And I've had people

(06:48):
reach out to me over the years being like, please come,
like we want you there. You're you're a part of
our grade and we want you there, and we're so
proud of you and so proud of what you're doing.
And it's great to see where you're at. But it's
easy to say that now when back then I just
needed a little bit more kindness, you know. And I
don't hold grudges. I don't hold onto anything. I had

(07:08):
many positives about high school. I really did. It wasn't
this horrible traumatic experience, like I had a lot of
great things about it. I just never felt like, for me,
it was a time in my life where I was peaking.
And some people say, oh my god, I felt like
high school was the peak for me, like I was
killing it. I don't feel like that. So I don't

(07:29):
feel a burning desire to go back and revisit that
period of my life because it does feel like stepping
back in time and I want to move forward. And
I'm a very forward thinking person. I also have incredible,
incredible people in my life and friendships and connections and
friends that I need to make more time for because
I love them and I missed them in life just

(07:50):
gets busy. I don't really have people from high school
I'm super close with, so for me, it's an easy
decision to not go back because of that reason. I
think if you have like a group of best friends
from high school is an amazing, beautiful thing, and rock
on for having that experience. I love that you have
that experience. That's an absolute reason to go enjoy a
high school reunion and have fun with your girlfriends or
guy friends or whoever. That's amazing. I didn't really I

(08:14):
don't have that. I don't have a group of people
I'm still close to from high school. My quality friendships
came later. They came college and beyond. So I don't
feel like I need to go sit in a room,
you know, mingling with people who I don't have a
genuine connection to, and I think that is a part

(08:36):
of me curious where some folks ended up. Of course,
of course I am. But at the end of the day,
what would be my intention for going to a high
school reunion? I don't know. I don't know. I don't
really have an intention for going to a high school
reunion at this point in my life. I really don't.
So I think that alone answers the reason why I

(08:57):
haven't gone to a high school reunion. So I employ
people to think about what is your intention when these
high school reunions roll around. Do you want to go
because it's going to make you feel great and you'll
have genuine connection with people, or does going possibly trigger

(09:17):
feelings that you don't want to be brought up again
in your life. Both are valid and there's no right
or wrong answer. I love anything that brings people together,
So I'm never going to knock a high school re
union because I think it's a cool thing. I think
it's a really cool thing to bring people together. But
I think you have to make the decision if that's
the healthiest thing for you to do. Is it healthy

(09:38):
for you to revisit your high school days or is
it not. And it's okay if it is, and it's
okay if it's not. But you should never feel pressure
to do something because you think it's what you should
be doing, Like, oh my god, I should do it.
It only rolls around a few times a year and
I don't know, maybe I gotta go, and then you
go and you're miserable. Don't do it. You know at

(09:59):
your core if you want to go to a high
school reunion or not. You also know in your core
the people that you have kept in touch with in
high school are the people that you still have in
your life. So if you guys all hang out and
do your thing and have girls night or guys' night, like,
do you need to go interact with people who you
really have no relationship with anymore. That's my biggest thing.

(10:19):
I don't feel a need to keep tabs with people's
lives that I genuinely just don't have relationships with. And
I don't believe in going to compare ourselves because that's
a disaster and nobody needs to do that. Y'all are
on your right paths, So just be really mindful when
deciding if you do or don't want to go. I

(10:40):
think it's always great to revisit memories from high school.
Like I think about things all the time and things
that make me smile. Then I think about things that
don't make me smile. And that's life, and that's growth,
and that's reflection. And as you get older, you reflect
more and more and more. So high schooler reunions yay
or nay. I'm going to give a high schooler re
union in I'm going to give a high school reunion

(11:04):
a yay, nay, yay. If it's a healthy thing for
you to go do, nay. If it's an unhealthy thing
for you to go do, And if it's something that
you're like, man, I wish I could go experience it,
but it's not great for me. Create your own traditions,
like reunite with friends that you have developed close relationships
with in your life that you don't always see, Like

(11:24):
do your own reunions. You don't have to go back
to your hometown sitting in an event hall that you
have no connection to if you don't want to, and
then if you do want to go, because it's a
really fun thing for you and you still have roots
and connections and such fond memories of that thing. Go.
There is no judgment at all. I just wanted to
bring this up today because it's such an interesting topic
that people really have to think hard about, and it's
like a back and forth for so many people. So

(11:46):
if you want to go, go, and hey, I say,
I don't want to go now. But I also believe
in never putting a period on things. So you might
hear from me in ten years and I might say,
you know what, y'all. I woke up one day and said,
I'm going to my high school reunion. So I went
in my my jazz shoes that I wore when I
was choreographing the high school musicals and sashade my way

(12:07):
through that arena and did a ballroom dance a la
dancing with the stars, and it was fantastic. I mean,
is that likely? I don't know, but I kind of
like how it sounds. So do whatever you want to
do in the moment, have fun, just make sure it
is healthy for you. I've never said this before. Is

(12:27):
hosted by Me Tommy Dedario. This podcast is executive produced
by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy with
editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never said this before is
part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts
for more rate, review and subscribe to our show and

(12:47):
if you like this episode, tell your friends. Until next time,
I'm Tommy Dedario