July 12, 2021 • 53 mins
Over the last six years of coaching clients around the globe, it's become obvious to Dan that the two places where we carry the most shame, guilt and even judgments are around the topics of money and sex. But what happens when online sex work becomes a huge portion of your income? What does that stir up in YOU? What are the judgements and perceptions that you have?
Do us a favor: Put them aside for the next 45 minutes or so.
What we're going to uncover this week are so many other layers to Nikole Mitchell, who has made international headlines this last year from being a pastor turned stripper and life coach who helps people make 6+ figures doing what they love. She works one-on-one with clients, hosts a mastermind with for next level leaders and teaches digital courses on how to create the life of your dreams from the inside out. She's also a top 1% creator on OnlyFans.
This week, she'll talk about the intersection between online pornography and expressing her life's purpose.
The topic might be different than we normally do, but the message behind it is powerful and inspiring.
Note: This might not be an episode you want to listen to with the kids around.
Topics discussed include:
- The impact of religious trauma and how Nikole had to decide between being a good girl or a free woman.
- How the inconsistencies in her church's power structure set her on a self discovery journey that caused her to reevaluate her sexuality and her career path.
- The value of making fast decisions and how they lead to fast results.
- How she deals with her online critics.
- How she reconciles online sex work with being a mother and how she talks to her kids about her career.
- How OnlyFans is an on-ramp to get her larger message out to the world.
Follow Nikole on Instagram at http://instagram.com/mitchellnikole/
Follow Dan on Instagram at http://instagram.com/cscdanmason
To learn more about Dan and how to work one-on-one with him, visit http://creativesoulcoaching.net
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Some days I'm like, Okay, I was like cool, but
like I am also a life coach and I'm a mom.
I'm building an empire, right, I'm I'm getting book deals,
I'm getting TV deals. There's so many amazing things, but
always focus on his past return stripper. But instead of
feeling limited by that or pigeonholed by that, the way
I view it is it gets my foot in the door.
It gets my foot in the door to then talk
(00:21):
about all the other things I care about, right about
my writing, about my TV show, about my children, about
my company that I'm building, um, the people I'm hiring,
the people I'm firing, And so I I'm grateful for
the opportunities it's given me to have these super conversations,
to be on these different podcasts, TV shows and magazines
(00:44):
newspapers that I have written stories on me they never
would have had had my story not become a public thing.
If you're a longtime listener to the podcast, Life Amplified
is not the place that you would expect to come
to and here an interview with an online sex worker
making one hundred thousand dollars a month on only fans
and quite honestly This is not the interview that I
(01:07):
thought I'd ever be having either, But I really encourage
you to withhold your judgment and listen to what Nicole
Mitchell is going to share this week. It's not a
conversation about pornography. What it is is a fascinating look
into the mind of a woman who had to make
a choice between being the good girl that she was
raised to be and being a free woman, free in
(01:30):
her voice, free in her self expression, and free and
her sexuality. This is a fascinating, unconventional path defining your
purpose and I think you're going to be amazed by
the conversation. Welcome back. What is an amplified life. It's
having amplified relationships with people who support and encourage you
(01:50):
to be your best. It's having amplified energy to conquer
the challenges of the day. And it's having an amplified career,
one that's meaningful to you, the world, and your bank accounts.
I'm Dan Mason, life reinvention coach, helping you discover your
calling and create an amplified life on your terms. This
(02:12):
is the Life Amplified Podcast. Over the last six years
of coaching clients around the globe, It's become obvious to
me that the two places in our life where we
tend to carry the most shame, guilt, and even judgments
are around the topics of money and sex. But what
happens when online sex work becomes a huge portion of
(02:35):
your income. What does that stir up within you? What
are the judgments and perceptions that you have? Please put
them aside for the next forty five minutes or so,
because what we're gonna uncover this week are so many
other layers to Nicole Mitchell, who has made international headlines,
is the pastor turned stripper and life coach who helps
(02:55):
people make six figures plus doing what they love. Nicole
works one on one with clients, leads a mastermind for
next level leaders, and teaches digital courses on how to
create the life of your dreams from the inside out.
And oh, by the way, she's also a top one
percent content creator on the site Only Fans, and this
week she's going to talk about the intersection between online
(03:18):
pornography and expressing her life's purpose. It's a fascinating conversation. Now,
probably not one that you want to have with the
kids in the car, but it's one that you should
listen to. Some of the topics that we're going to
talk about this week are the impact of religious trauma
and how Nicole had to decide between being a good
(03:39):
girl or a free woman. She'll discuss how the inconsistencies
in her church power structure set her on a self
discovery journey that caused her to reevaluate her sexuality and
her career path. We'll talk about the value of making
fast decisions and how it leads to fast results. She's
gonna have an honest conversation about all of her online
(04:01):
critics and how she deals with the haters. Plus, we'll
talk about how she reconciles online sex work with being
a mother and how she talks to her kids about
her career. And they'll be a really great conversation at
the end where she'll tie it all together and share
how only Fans is actually an on ramp to help
her get her larger message out to the world. You're
(04:23):
gonna have a lot of feelings about this episode, and
Nicole and I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Be
sure to screenshot the podcast. You can upload it to
Instagram or Twitter. Be sure to tag me at c
sc Dan Mason and tag Nicole at Mitchell Nicole. That
is Nicole with A K and I K O L E.
(04:45):
And if you're a first time listener, don't forget to
give us a follow here on the I Heart Radio
app or whichever podcast platform that you're listening on. She's
been featured at The Jimmy Kimmel Show, The New York Post,
and Sirius XM. Today, she's on the Light Amplified podcast.
Please welcome, get ready for a fascinating conversation with Nicole Mitchell.
(05:09):
Nicole Mitchell, Welcome to Life Amplified. Thank you so much
for having me. We have done this podcast for three
and a half years. We have heard so many stories
of people finding their purpose, the crazy ways that we
get there to that point, but we have never heard
a story like yours. This is gonna be a treat
for people. A queer woman in a straight marriage, preaching
(05:32):
in the church who eventually became a stripper online. So
I don't even know where you want to start. Maybe
we'd take it all the way back because I'm assuming
that if you know, for you to go the church
path and to become a pastor, you probably grew up
in a pretty religious household at an early age. So
(05:53):
tell me, tell me about that relationship for you, how
that shaped who you were, and why it wasn't working anymore. Yes,
I love this. Yeah, I've given a very religious, very
conservative home, and um, it was totally my parents doing
with doing what they knew, Like we all as parents
were doing the best we can with what we know,
with how we were raised. And so I grew up
(06:16):
and I tried so hard until just a few years ago,
So my entire life, I tried so hard to be
a good girl who becomes a good wife, who becomes
a good mother, and eventually had this moment where I
had to decide between being a good girl or a
free woman. But before we get there, Yeah, everything I
did was through the framework of my religion of what
(06:37):
I was taught was appropriate for a woman. And there
the pressure and the assumption and expectation that I was
a straight woman, um, and that my highest aspiration life
was getting married and having babies. And so I took
on those expectations, those beliefs, and tried to make it
my own and live that way for most of my
(06:59):
life until the attorney point where I began to question
everything and re evaluate is this the life that I
want to live or is this the life I was
told to live? And that question changed everything. Yeah, that's
a theme that comes up a lot on this podcast.
And as somebody who grew up in the Pentecostal church
(07:19):
church that got a prophecy shout out, that was that
was a very traumatic experience for me at many points.
I've talked in this podcast about literally having panic attacks
at age eleven, once I hit puberty and started having
panic attacks about the rapture or being left behind. Right.
(07:39):
So I'm curious for you. You you've talked about the
things that you were in, the programming that you were taught.
Was there any age early on, because this was the
case for me, and I'm curious what it was like
for you. I remember at six or seven even questioning
a lot of the things that I was learning. And
(08:00):
you know, I wasn't having a crisis of sexual orientation
by any means, but what was the Was there any
point where You're like, some of this just doesn't make sense. Yeah,
looking back, there are so many moments from a very
young age where I think our deepest truth is always
there and it reveals itself and I've always been someone
(08:22):
who questions. I'm always someone who rebels. I like to
push against what's expected, what's the norm. And I think
it's people like me, like us who create new energy,
new paradigms, new movements, because we're not just doing things
the same way it's always been done, always like is
that the only way? Is that the best way? Could
there be another way? To remember as early as like
(08:44):
first grade, So what are your first grade? Like? Seven? Yeah?
Um me and like curious why we're Why are Cusfords bad?
It's just a word, right, I remember, even if they're
on the same age five or six, Um, it's gonna honest,
Like I would touch myself. I was very connected to
my body and was caught one time by a family member.
(09:06):
I was very quickly shamed for it, and so I
was just like I was very free and very open
and had all these questions, and I very quickly learned
these are things are a lot of question these are
black and white. They know I don't They're right, I'm wrong,
And so my entire life from that little age, I
stuffed down so many questions I had, even to the
(09:29):
point where I think in middle school, I don't know
where this idea came from. I love the idea of
being a stripper. I don't know where I was even
exposed to the idea. I would tell these super small
Christian private schools, what were you when you were like, hey,
stripping might be my path in life? Like when did that? Um?
Probably fifth or sixth grade. I was fascinated by the
(09:49):
idea of it. And then it was an eighth grade
when I went to see the movie Titanic and the
camera pans across Kate Winslet's nude body, and I was like,
oh my god, I want to do that. I want
to do that someday. So they were always there, and
I thought, doesn't everyone? And then I very quickly learned
apparently no, not. Most of my girlfriends wanted to be
strippers or pose naked. So again, I stuffed down those
(10:12):
desires and curiosities until many, many years later. And at
that age, is you're going through that because I'm sure
you see this in your coaching practice. Is well, A
lot of people come to me from a religious background,
and I'm not I'm not anti religion or spirituality, but
I've seen it happen over and over again where there's
(10:34):
a certain set of rules that you have to play by,
and as you hit a certain age, you don't fit
into that box or you start having desires beyond what
you were taught, and it creates the sense of shame
for people. It's you know, I am wrong and literally
you know on a subconscious level. I think a lot
(10:54):
of people get to that point where like, well, if
I'm wrong in the eyes of God, if my higher
power camp of me, even how would anybody love me?
There's a lot of self worth that gets tied in there.
Something that Stephan Love grow Up has been on this
podcast before. He's talked about the idea of God trauma.
But that's I do believe that that's a real thing.
(11:14):
How did you How did you navigate that because you
didn't rebel at that point if you were certainly becoming
a leader and a pastor in the church. Yeah, it's totally.
I'm so glad you brought God trauma. And I term
it more as religious trauma because I think, you know,
God higher powers love, and we sucked it up with
our religion and the toxic theology that was taught to
(11:35):
me was I was totally depraved, completely unworthy of anything. Good,
and that was pounded in me, programmed to me so
deeply that it took until just a couple of years
ago to come home to my wholeness and to come
home to my goodness, and to come home to my
worthiness that I nicole and worthy of good things. I Nicole,
(11:57):
am good. I'm an inherently good person. That is so
not the case inside the churches that I grew up in.
And so because of that toxic paradigm that I'm garbage
it I tried for so long to get a good girl.
Then I point, I'm like, wait, why does it matter?
Like if I'm already doomed and I can't do anything
good and I'm not deserving of anything good, why does
(12:19):
it matter? And for me, as someone who's always been very,
very sexual from a very young age, I remember the
one thing I wanted to happen before the rapture, same
thing I had raptured trauma, was like I would pray
at night, please God, do not come before I can
have sex every night, and praying I have to have
sex before you come back. In a rapture, Kirk Cameron
(12:42):
shows up like the movie Left Behind and Sex, and
just like Rapture, drama. It took into my late twenties
to not have an instant panic if I walked into
my house and I saw my then husband's shoes and
pants on the floor because it's ned. Yeah, so my
late twenties, I would just like get flushed and pains, like,
(13:04):
oh my God, have been abandoned. I've been left behind,
and I have to like calm down and like connect
the rational dots of like, oh, he said he was
going to the gym, so he probably just changed real quick.
But it was still so there's like a lot of
like like healed anger, but there was a lot of
anger that I feel like I couldn't even just be
an adult. I was still so deeply traumatized from the
beliefs and teachings um I was telling as a little
(13:27):
girl that things like that would trigger me in my
late twenties. But yeah, so I would pray, please God,
let me have sex before you come. And it's interesting,
like you know, in the church and in my family,
sex is very very very very very very very bad
and you have someone who deeply craves it. So when
I finally had it at age sixteen, I felt instant
shame and shame is the voice that says you are bad.
(13:50):
Guilt is the voice that says you did something bad.
And I immediately went to the voice of shame that
I'm just bad and horrible, and it went even deeper
than if I'm so bad horrible, why does it even matter?
And then you add on to that we don't allow
birth control where I in the church of that group,
and we're not allowed to talk about protection because protection
means you're planning on having sex, and that's wick in
(14:12):
the eyes of the Lord. So then I just was reckless.
I didn't have birth control, I didn't use protection. I
viewed myself as garbage, and like how these like all
such the different people, And I feel so bad for
a little Nicole. If she had just been armed with
the truth that like sex is beautiful and sex can
be amazing, and you're worthy of protection and birth controls, Okay,
(14:32):
I could have had a totally different experience. But those
beliefs ingrained in me as a little kid. That's how
they outpictured themselves in my teens and in my twenties.
But what I'm hearing you describe, which I totally appreciate that,
and thank you so much for the vulnerability of it
is dealing on one hand with the shame of I
am garbage, but yet they still striving to want to be,
(14:57):
you know, to curry favor from a very judgmental higher power,
which would manifest I guess, is working your way up
into a position of leadership in the church. How do
you reconcile that though, like, on one hand, I'm garbage,
but here I am, I'm a leader. I'm a pastor
(15:17):
at a mega church. There's a big dissonance there, yes,
there is. It shows the extremeness of my nature, but
also my upbringing where I did all these bad, bad things,
and I consider myself garbage. So the only other extreme
I can think of, the only way to make up
for that is to forsake all that for good. So
(15:37):
there were six years I didn't date or go on
a single date, didn't touch a guy, because I was like, boy,
if I'm really bad and I'm like sexually to pray,
I'm gonna stick with Jesus and Jesus lunch. I joked
that I was dating Jesus because that was how committed
I was to try to like make up for all
those years and like dove deep into all things scripture
(15:58):
and theology, and went to seminary. I said, this dream
of like speaking and teaching and leading, and I'm a
natural speaker and leader by heart. So I just took
everything I knew and everything I wanted in the frame
of which I was taught, which is a church. I
only knew the church. I didn't know life outside of that,
what was available to me, especially as a woman. So
(16:18):
it wasn't until I became a member of this mega
church before ever rose up in rings there and it
was the first church that allowed you to question with
the pastor taught. He would be up there and say,
this is just my opinion. You don't have to agree
with me. And I remember thinking, I have never heard
that in all my life, at all the churches I've
ever been a member of. This is the first pastor.
(16:40):
So every Sunday I would run down because it's a
big church and everyone wants to talk to the pastor. Afterwards,
I'd run down the aisle and go through my list
of questions week after week after week, all these questions
and pilot my entire life and took all the programs
I had at the church, and one night to the
pastors pulled me aside and they said, Nicole, you realize
you're a theologian, right, And I was like, no, there's
(17:02):
three strikes against me. I'm a woman, I'm a mother,
and I've never at this point hadn't been a seminary,
and like, those aren't strikes against you in our church.
So this is also the first church where women were
seen as equals. So that just opened up a whole
new possibility that I could now use my heart and
talent for speaking and teaching within the churches, which is
what all I knew. So then they started training me
(17:24):
to become a pastor, and I was delighted because that,
to me felt like this radical upleve lane, I am
an equal being, which blows my mind that's even a
thought on the twenty one century. But I've been taught
women are subservient to men, so I was like, I'm
on equal being and I'm just as capable as male leaders,
and now I get to use that in the church.
(17:44):
And I was so excited, And yet the pastor career
was short lived. But is that's sort of like the
thing that we talked like, and I'm sure you talked
about this in your coaching, so often we're looking for
some sense of external balid dation. Right, if I get
the next promotion at work, if a bigger company hires me,
(18:06):
I will feel like enough if I find the next relationship,
get into the next tax bracket. But is that the
same energy for you? Hey? If I can just get
in good with the church, it's going to fill this
internal void. Yet it was more of an the energy
of proving I'm going to improve to you that I'm
capable because I had been had all this garbage beliefs
(18:28):
put on me that as a woman, you are not capable.
As a woman, you are less worthy as a woman,
you don't deserve the spotlight. And I was hungry to
prove that Nicole Mitchell crushes it in the spotlight, and
to prove it which at this church, which taught gender equality,
but in practice it was a totally different thing. Women
were not treated equally there. And that's what ended up
(18:49):
pushing me out the church is I found the inconsistency
between what they taught and what they lived. And as
someone who's trying to rise up in the ranks and
seeing all the white men in my circle getting promoted
and getting paid and getting all the favorite positions, and me,
who was a biracial queer woman, having to jump through
more hoops, having the finish line pushed for them further way.
(19:11):
I saw believing in doing or two different things of
the church. So eventually it came to a point of
like I was trying so hard to get that top rank,
and then eventually like right like I got it. And
then that day I walked away from my church and
left without telling one thing. I would never come back
because it was so toxic. They didn't actually want Nicole Mitchell.
(19:34):
They wanted a watered down version of me to be
more like the head pastor. You need to be like him,
act like him, talk like him, be a match for him,
and and totally erased who I actually am. And so
I had to walk away. And it was terrifying because
I wasn't walking into anything. I didn't have another job
lined up. I didn't know I was going to do
this online adult work. I just like, I'm stepping to
(19:56):
the unknown and trusting that it will lead me to
where I meant to be. So I hear that that
there was an element I have to give up. I
can't fully be Nicole Mitchell. Did you know who Nicole
Mitchell was in her fullness at that point, or were
you still searching? I was still searching. I remember thinking, Okay,
(20:16):
I was getting paid very little money at my church.
I mean, it is such an injustice, it's laughable. And
I remember like being so desperate for that money because
we were broke. We were a broke family, and we
just needed every dollar you could get our hands on.
And I'm like, here, I am exhausting myself, sacrificing who
I really am for this meager, meager paycheck. And I
(20:39):
was thinking, but is it possible for me get paid
a lot of money to actually be me and do
what I love? Like, why am I stunning for a
paycheck to be someone I'm not and to do something
I'm It's becoming more misery because of how much they
were stifling my true voice. And that's what I was.
I was willing to find out. I want to find
out if there's something I can do that I love,
that I can make a lot of money doing. And
(20:59):
I didn't if we know what that was that moment,
and that was part equal parts terrifying and thrilling to
go on that journey and find out what that was
so girl. So that's a lot in and of itself, right,
That's why that could be a podcast in and of itself.
But how did you find it in Only Fans? And
I guess we ought to. I guess we ought to
(21:20):
give some perspective for some of the listeners who might
not be familiar with what only Fans is. Do you
want to go ahead and fill them in? Talk about
what what that is? Yes, the Only Fans. It's another
social media platform basically, and you can technically use it
for anything, but it's largely associated with adult work or
sex work, new model erotic erotica, and that's what I
(21:44):
tend to use it for. And it's funny. I didn't
even know what thing existed when I left the church,
even though it was around at that time. And it
was just the more I came home to myself as
more returning to little Nicole, who has always been very sexual,
and I started following other moms, like my life coaches
wife hadn't only Fans and she's a mom with two
little boys, and like seeing these women be whole people
(22:07):
and not choosing I can be a mom, or I
can be a sexy model, or I can be this
or I can be that. Seen them be both, and
once I saw other women doing that, like spark this
fire in me saying if they can do that, I
can do that, and I want to do that. And
I just made slow steps into like maybe I'll get
into modeling, um, maybe I'll do a little bit of nude,
(22:30):
And before I knew it was this full fledged passion
that then became a very lucrative career. Sure so for you,
it was more driven by the passion than the money
up front. Yes, I did not I would do this
for free, not that I recommend that, because I believe
you should be maskly compensated to do what you love.
(22:50):
But the main reason I started my only fans is
because I couldn't post them on Instagram. If Instagram would
let me post my photos, I would be posting my
photos and I'm that proud of them, Like when I
get new um photos or videos I make for my work,
I want the whole world to see them. I am
so proud of them. To me, it is just art, living,
(23:11):
breathing art, and I want the world see but Instagram
won't let me. So it forced me to start a
private site where you have to subscribe to see my artwork,
and I love it. I'm like, thank you, Instagram, because
you just made me a ship ton of money because
of your policies. I know that you posted about this online,
so I don't think I'm speaking out of turn or
or giving up some information that you'd like to keep
(23:33):
private money into the tune of sometimes six figure months,
yet for you amazing. My goal when I was broke,
my big goal is to make six figures a year.
That was like lavish, mind blowing. And now this work,
I've had six figure months and that is just like,
holy shit, all things really are possible. And yeah, if
(23:53):
you're making this transition, I guess the piece that we
haven't addressed. There was a marriage and a man that
you met in the church. You have beautiful children, and
you were coming to a realization about your own sexuality
at that point. How did you manage that? Hey, honey,
you know good news. I got a pathway to make
(24:14):
a hundred grand a month. By the way, here's how
we're going to do it. And what do you think
the Bible is going to say? Like conversation, and I
know that you are I know that you are not
in that marriage anymore. But yes, um, I love this. Yes.
So I actually give a lot of credit to my
ex husband for where I am today. He was always
(24:35):
the more open minded one in our relationship, always the
one who's so laid back, like, you know, I get
really said about something about something someone said or whatever,
and he was like, it's your life, do what you want.
Why do you care so much about what people think
you should do with your life. You're a free agent.
Do what you want. And that was just so radical
because I've been so used to being told either by
(24:55):
my parents or around my church or by other Christians
in my life, who I should be. And then here
is my husband being like girlier free um. And so
I give him a lot of credit for helping me
find my freedom and my self expression. When I started
my Only Fans, he was my biggest supporter. He's buying
me lingerie. He was like taking the photos from my
Only Fans, Um, he was giving ideas of what he
(25:16):
thinks my fans were like. It was the most incredible experience.
And then over time we had this realization of we
want very different things. So it's kind of like we're
going together in life, are going together being super supportive,
and then we just kept going and we had this
moment of do we fight to keep our paths together
(25:37):
or do we release each other to take our own paths.
And we chose that the most loving thing was to
let each other go, which is really hard. I had
no plans of getting divorced, and it was a super hard,
even when those amicable and we both wanted it or
agreed to it, it was scary and terrifying. I've never
created so much of my life. I felt so scared
to be a single mom of three and what this meant.
And because of my upbringing, divorce is not allowed. So
(26:00):
to get divorced. Um. I knew I lose family members
over that and friends over that. Um. But now that
I'm here, UM, i am the wealthiest I've ever been,
i am the happiest I've ever been, and I'm the
most fulfilled I've ever been. And I found that it
was absolutely the right call. But he's a large reason
why I got where I am today, and I will
forever be grateful to him because of that. You know,
(26:21):
the way you explain it, it's almost shocking that there
would be a divorce. It seems like you could have
written that out, and I think that that's probably a
point that many couples find themselves in where it's comfortable,
it's safe, you could you could stick it out your
great roommates, you get along, you like watching the same
ship on Netflix. But being able to make that decision.
(26:45):
And was that I mean, everybody always says like it's
an amicable mutual Was it a mutual thing for you guys?
Or it was terrifying? I mean we both because neither
of us had ever planned that was never part of
our future planets, and they were any divorce. We had
always planned to be to it forever. And then the
more we had these realizations and these conversations of like
what do we want and we're both the kind of
(27:07):
personalities were like, we don't ever want to be the
couple or the individuals who settle, because that's what society
has taught us, that's what religion taught us, us, what
family taught us. You should settle. Especially as a life
coach like I just deeply believe that you have your path,
and you have your calling, and you have your destiny.
And one of the fastest ways to sabotage that is
(27:27):
to quit, is to stay is to shrink. It's the
sacrifices to settle. And so the more conversations we had,
it was terrifying to realize I would feel like I
was settling if I was staying. He would feel like
if he was settling, he was setting if he was staying,
And we're like, oh my gosh. And then we're both
terrified how it is going to impact our three kids.
I mean, there was a lot of tears. Went to
(27:49):
therapy and we both loved her. She was an amazing therapist.
Um and so we tried and and I think for me,
I and I don't know about you, but I've heard
so many couples we end up getting divorcing. We should
have gotten divorced. Five years ago. We were you know,
we tried. We tried and tried, and now we hate
each other. We're better or we knew back then. And
I was just dragged out and I did not want
(28:11):
to be that couple I and I told him, I
was like, if we both know what we are meant
to do, I don't want to drag this out for
a second longer. That is not Nicole style. When Nicole
knows what she's meant to do, she doesn't. She doesn fast,
and this is why I get the fast results of
my life. Once I know, I honor that knowing. But
it's terrifying because it's not the case. Most people here
(28:32):
fight for years and go to therapy for years. And
I just didn't want that to be our story, and
so we moved pretty fast in our own situation. You mentioned,
I want to go back to something that you just mentioned.
You were talking about this journey to figure out you're
calling and your purpose and how you got there. I
operate from a paradigm. Perhaps you do as well, that
(28:52):
your purpose is never actually the job that you have,
because you can lose a job and or you know,
anything external to you can change. So my purpose isn't
to be a coach. My purpose isn't to have this podcast.
It's a vehicle through which I'm living my purpose at
the moment. But the purpose of your life is not
(29:13):
to be an online sex worker or a life coach.
What have you learned about yourself? What is Nicole's purpose
and how is the path that you've chosen an unconventional
path You've chosen the best vehicle for you to to
live that and make it real in the world. Yes,
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you brought this up
(29:35):
and you asked this. This is brilliant, Dan. I am
such a deep believer in this. I believe like your
purpose is your being, not just your doing, because like
you said, and thing can change in any moment. Your
marriage can end, your loved wing can die, your job
can be gone, but who you are remains. And so
one of my passions in my life coaching work is
helping people be fully expressed and that your fullest expression
(29:58):
will take different forms yours. It's or a podcast into
your coaching, my through coaching and my online sex work,
like what is your version of stuff expression? Today, I
had a call with a man who for twenty five
years didn't talk because he had such a severe stutter,
and he didn't he was so afraid of being laughed
at too, then making the commitment to talk to a
new person every single day, and now he's gone on
(30:18):
to do two ted X talks, he's currently having his
documentary films like all these amazing things like he is
now fully expressed and his version by using his words.
And so I want to help people realize their purpose
through their being and figure out who you are and
what lights you up, and then for me taking it
to the next level monetizing that. I have a course
(30:40):
called Monetize your Ship right, and it's all about monetizing
who you are, because again, the economy can change, your job,
can change your relationships, as can change, but who you
are always remains. So who you are as always remained.
You can always monetize your passion, your goofy, this, your brilliance,
your curious nous, like what is it that you love doing?
(31:02):
Who are you really fully when you're unleashed and uncensored
and unfiltered, And now let's make money doing that. And
that's what I'm able to make. The money I am
is because I'm not tying it like clocking this many
hours or hoping an employer will pick me. I pick me,
I choose me, I employ me. I picked my rate.
I pick what's worthy of my time and my energy,
(31:23):
and I know how to monetize it really well, and
then my my income just keeps matching that. So I
just want to see people be B B B more
and more of who they really are and make a
lot of money while they're doing that. And part of
that path of living fully expressed, as you said, is
dealing with the people whose vision for your life doesn't
align with that I've talked about. Like, you know, it's
(31:44):
not like I didn't have some haters along the way.
I still remember like the day my dad and step
mom told me that Daniel life coaching is not a
real job, go back to go back to radio, to
get another corporate gig. Like, however, your critics or the
people who have opinions about what you do extend far
(32:06):
and wide. Like you know, I was sort of going
down the Nicole Mitchell YouTube bandwagon. There is a guy
who was like taking your Instagram stories and breaking them
down and analyzing them frame by frame like it was
the goddamn Kennedy assassination footage. And there are tons of
comments happening underneath, and particularly from people who still, you know,
(32:32):
believe a certain believe a certain way, maybe the way
that you used to. So I don't have to, you know,
I get a couple of people, you know, here and there.
People give this podcast a one star rating. By and large,
more people love it than don't. I've never had the
experience of like having hundreds of comments on the video. Yeah,
(32:54):
how do you deal with that, because there's I have
to think, there's still the inner child part, there's part
of little Nicole that wants to fit in that that
might want to prove herself on some days. How do
you reconcile that, Yes, I love that. My kryptonite is
wanting to be understood. That is like the same issue
(33:17):
I returned again again with my own life, coach. I
just want to be understood. I'm not an evil person.
I'm not a horrible person. I'm not a bad mom.
Like all these things I'm accused of, I just understood.
And I'm constantly having to release myself from being understood.
And something I've learned and embodies, you know, for those
of us who are leaders, are we willing to be
misunderstood for the sake of fulfilling our mission? And that's
(33:40):
when I have to, like I have to consciously choose
that again and again when my story goes viral again,
Like my story has gone viral a few different times,
which means it reaches more people, which is awesome, which
means it also finds more trolls and haters, and so
it always brings up that deep desire to be understood
and me releasing that need to be understood, and just
(34:00):
choosing to know that the right people do understand me.
My very intimate circle that I've invested in and have
committed to, they understand me. They love me, to celebrate me.
So one practical way I handle that, I don't read
any YouTube comments. I have a YouTube channel, I post
videos weekly. I don't read any comments. It's interesting how
every platform sets a tone. YouTube is, of all the
(34:21):
platforms I use, is the worst comment section. So much hate,
so much attacking, that I can't even look for the good.
I just let it rest, read it all off, all praise,
all support. So every social media count has this different
vibe and energy, and I just don't even associate or
(34:42):
don't even engage with the comment section or with these
videos that these very creative YouTubers make. I kind of
get a kick out of it. I'm like, I'm kind
of tickled that you're so obsessed with my life that
you're going to analyze my Instagram stories or analyze my
outfits or analyzing the misering um with the free time.
Because one precious life you have, you're focusing on critiquing
(35:04):
me um And something I always tell my life coaching
clients and you you will know this to Dan is
that typically the hate or judgment or strong reactions that
come from people has everything to do with them and
nothing to do with you. I'm just a mirror that
reflects back to them their own beliefs, thrown prejudices, their
own assumptions, thrown misogyny, their own whatever, and instead of
(35:27):
dealing with it, they're projecting it. And so it allows
me to have compassions that I don't think they're evil people.
I think they actually have really good hearts and really
good intentions. They're just they're just misdirected and misguided. You
had mentioned when you were talking about the conversations and
wanting to be understood that hey, I am a good person,
I am a good mother. Talk to me about that part.
I remember I ended up at an industry event, like
(35:51):
a music industry event in my former career, where I
ended up having a conversation with a woman who was
a former adult actress. There was a group of it.
She was talking though about leaving the industry, the adult industry,
because she knew one day it was going to be
a thing with her kids. Now, your kids are young,
but at some point. There's a lot of thirteen year
(36:12):
old little boys out there that know what only fans is,
and you know they're they're they start getting curious and
consuming content. How do you reconcile that for you? Like,
if you thought about how you'll talk about is that
something that concerns you? Is it a worry? Love that
you handle that? So I have two responses. I have
(36:33):
like my reaction, which is like my programming reaction, and
then I have my actual response, which comes from my
wholeness and groundedness. My initial reaction is oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god. Fear, fear, fear, What
are my kids going to think? What's going to happen
to them? Who's going to pick on them? It's all fear,
all the limiting beliefs and lies. I was taught as
a kid that like sex, work is bad, sex is bad,
(36:54):
sexual expression is bad, bad, bad, bad, and bad things
happen to people do bad things. Um that all crops
up and I to address it now from this place
because I've been doing this long enough and I've just
done Obviously, you have to do a lot of inn
work to get to this point where I do what
I do. I feel really grateful. The way I tell
my kids, because there are five, eight and ten, the
(37:14):
way I tell them what I do is I say,
I am so lucky that I get paid to do
what I love. That is what I want for you too.
That's very age appropriate. That is the heart of the
truth of what I do. And then on a more
specific level, they know that I'm a nude and lingerie model.
The I do shoots here, I have lingerie all over
my house. They I'm in magazines that are you know,
(37:35):
on my desk, and so they've seen some of the
work I do and they're just like, that's your butt, mom,
Your butt jigles, and like everybody's but jigles, like it's
just kind of a little bit normal for them. And
then I get really excited. I have this assumption, but
I'd have to actually do some homework and research. I
have this assumption that children raised by those who are
(37:55):
in the adult industry, I think turn out healthier because
so so much of our job is communication, education, consent care,
um testing, all these things that in my upbringing, none
of that was talked about. I didn't learn about consent
until five years into my marriage. I didn't know I
(38:16):
was allowed to say no to my husband, So for
five years I didn't and like and I was flabber acid,
so angry that I didn't know about consent until I
was three. Um and now my kids know very much
about consent, bodily autonomy, bodily agency, feeling safe to like
explore in their bedroom, in the bathroom, there's no like shaming,
(38:39):
like there's appropriate places for curiosity, appropriate times for questions.
They know they can ask me anything, and slowly asked
me all kinds of things, and I give them age
appropriate responses. And so my home is this very open, safe,
respectful container where you can express yourself and question and
explore and not be shamed or punish. And I get
(39:01):
excited to think about how much healthier they're going to
be as adults because of that. For the people listening
today who might not be fully on board or understand
this path and your desire to be understood. Part of you, know,
the concern about any sort of pornography is that it's
an objectification of women. How do you respond to that
(39:24):
because you seem very much in your power and in
this career path that you're in. Yeah, I'm sure there's
probably some gross comments from people that slide into the
d m s as well. You know, as much as
I'd like to think that every Only Fan subscriber is
like Nicole, you're an inspiration. I'm sure you get some
gross stuff too. How do you how do you reconcile that?
(39:47):
How do you how do you deal with that? Without Dan?
You're such a good interviewer. I just love your questions.
Everyone just listen to it, and he's are amazing. Okay,
I just first have to say some of us women
like to be objective by but they're okay, right? Is
that sort of like a relative thing, Like I feel like, yes,
you know, if the dude looks like Ryan Reynolds, people
(40:10):
are like, yes, objective. If I go sliding into the
d m s on an Instagram model's account, they're like,
hard pass, I'm going to you. So I do feel
like that's a little specific and a nuanced conversation. Yes, okay,
there's there's appropriate times and places. So for example, you
can subscribe to my Only Fans and obviously I post
(40:31):
explicit content there and like cute contents everything. I'm a
whole person, so I bring my whole stuff. I'm not
there are some girls who do this where they're purely
fantasy material. They don't engage with their personality, they don't
tell stories from the real life. I talked about my kids,
I talked about trips I'm going on. I talked about
my interviews. I post my interviews and my only fans
um and actually then for Nicole, And you know, this
(40:53):
is a life coach. We attract who we are. I
attract the most amazing humans in my own fans. And
I wrote a social media post yesterday sharing how I
love my two year old to blend. I have only
fans subscribers who become life coaching clients. I have life
coaching clients who subscribe to my only fans, because in
my space, all of you is good, all of you
(41:16):
is welcomed, all of you is love, nothing is wrong
or bad. So and yesterday I just had lunch with
my client who started He still is an only fan subscriber,
but he's also my life coaching client, the most incredible
human doing incredible work in the world. And it just
were these two, like walking dichotomies, were reach. Instead of
refusing to live a fragment of life, we allow ourselves
to live a whole life. But like so in my
(41:38):
only fans, it's explicit, it's sexy. You can be like
a little bit raunchy and not even with me. I
love it. But there's also a level of respect. And
my fans have deep respect for me, and they know,
for example, they can ask me to make custom content
and they can ask me anything. They also know that
I retain the right to say no. So they'll say, Nicole,
will you make such and such? And I read it
(41:58):
and I'm like, oh, I feel uncomfortable. So I would say, hey,
thank you so much for asking me. I'm not comfortable
with making that. Is there something else you'd be interested in? Like, oh, no, worries. Absolutely,
the engagement the entire time is super respectful, even when
it's like raunchy, it's incredibly respectful. And so it's so
different from the idea of like when we typically think
of pornography or we think of porn consumers. It is
(42:20):
unlike anything I was ever taught about porn my entire life.
And as I'm always telling my friends, like everyone subscribed everyone,
you just need to see this amazing community I have
in segment only fans for Instagram. Like you mentioned, if
you're going to slide into my d m s or
any sexy woman's dms whoever you think it's hot, sexy
or dude or whatever. This is night sound cocky, but
(42:41):
we know we're beautiful, we know we're sexy. You leading
with a common that we're beautiful, we're sexy. You're just
one of a million. What actually reaches me and like
pauses me, catches my attention and makes me tempted to
respond to you are those who message me about my content.
I write your social media post today. It was deeply
moving and here's how it did to me, right, and
I'm like, oh my god, I love that what I wrote?
(43:03):
What my Facebook Live, my Instagram like, what my my copy?
It reached you. That's amazing. And then I've made some
amazing connections on social media because of people are able
to see past just my looks and just my photos
to like what I have to offer, which is so
much more than that. And that's what ends up making
my only fans so magical is I think a lot
(43:23):
of people subscribe thinking they're going to get just a fantasy,
and they get this whole, fully expressed person who has
a life and who has passions and endeavors and fears
and doubts, and it's so satisfying. It's deeper than just pictures.
There's a person you can connect with and and I'll
wrap up with this. You can book skype calls with me,
(43:46):
which typically are would be used for a sexy time.
Out of all the skype calls my fans have booked
with me, all of them except for one, have been
for life coaching support. How can I start my dream job?
How can I make more money? How can I put
better pleasure my wife? How can I ask this person out?
How can I leave my family's religion? And our conversations
(44:06):
are so deep and soulful, which again just shows me
people are so hungry for this kind of living and
being and connecting. Have you stopped to consider that the
raunchy requests that come in that you deny might be
people from your former church on the ive? Had I
was a high school teacher before I was a pastor,
(44:28):
and I have high school. I mean they're not They're
like they're late twice now they're like hi, miss Nicole,
and I'm like, which I admire their bravery to admit
that they are in my holy vands, and I will
almost always jokingly say like, hi, so man, I said,
you get to see a whole new side of me.
(44:49):
So yeah, some of them have introduced themselves, and I'm
sure there's a lot of church members. I'm sure there's
even relatives who secretly subscribed. And I have no idea,
but I always like, you're you're welcome here too. You.
I were on a panel together a couple of months ago,
you know, because I also am a top one percent
only fans. No, that's not everyone subscribed. Yeah, I post
(45:13):
unsolicited dog picks online and uh my dog is very
handsome animals. Make sure to follow him on Instagram at
Brady Mason pop. He's he's the man candy of the household.
We were on a panel about media and pr together
and you said something interesting that caught my attention, and
(45:33):
it was not what I expected you would tell you
you're known and every story that sort of comes up
if people google you, it's the pastor turned stripper. And
you had said, this is my story, and sometimes I
wish it wasn't, but all of it is authentic. So
for all that you've shared today and the work that
(45:53):
you've done, and you seem very at peace and in
your power and very connected to yourself and something bigger
than you. Tell me what you meant by that. What
is the part of you that wishes it wasn't your
story if there was, if there was a part of
it you could rewrite. Do you think about that? Yeah,
(46:13):
it's my my stories. Very can be very easily sensationalized,
and it has been. Right. That's the tagline passenger triples
where I've gone viral a few different times over the
span of um ten months, and I love it. I
love that it catches people's attention. I've had several people
right now like, oh my god, this is amazing. Wait
(46:33):
a second, there's more to her than what that tagline suggested.
Like they felt a little duped, but in a good way.
They're like, I wasn't expecting to learn so much or
go so deep. And I love that. Um But because
it's so sensationalized and it's like hyper focused on some days,
I'm like, Okay, I was like cool, but like, I'm
also a life coach and I'm a mom. I'm building
(46:55):
an empire right, I'm I'm getting book deals, I'm getting
TV deals or so many amazing things, but always focus
on his pastor turn stripper, but instead of feeling limited
by that or pigeonholed by that, the way I view
it is it gets my foot in the door. It
gets my foot in the door to then talk about
all the other things I care about, right about my writing,
(47:16):
about my TV show, about my children, about my company
that I'm building, um, the people I'm hiring, the people
I'm firing, And so I I'm grateful for the opportunities
it's given me to have these super conversations to be
on these different podcasts, TV shows and magazines newspapers that
I have written stories on me that I never would
(47:38):
have had had my story not become a public thing.
And I know it'll eventually die out, and I'm cool
with that too, because I know who we are as
always evolving, and once this part of my story has
runs course, something new and beautiful will already have taken
its place, and I just look forward to whenever that is.
So I'll wrap up with this question. You would talked
(48:00):
earlier about all the things that you would believed about
yourself and some of these beliefs that were formed based on,
you know, the religious trauma that left behind culture. I
think we've covered what you used to believe about God
slash higher power, universe, whichever verbions you prefer. What do
you believe about it now? Yeah? I feel way more
(48:26):
spiritual today than I ever did, and only use the church.
I feel way closer to God, divine Universe, whatever you
wanna call, feel way closer to it than I ever
did before. And for me, I feel like I just
eliminated the middleman, which was church, which was male leadership,
which was for me even scripture. In Jesus, no middleman
is required. And my previous beliefs are based on separation.
(48:48):
My beliefs now are based in oneness. I'm one with
all that is. Nothing can be taken from me. I'm
whole forever and always. I'm worthy for all, forever and always.
I'm loved forever and always, and I get to have
it all. And these are polar opposites of what I
was taught to believe. And as I learned and leaned
into these new beliefs, it felt like one giant returning.
(49:10):
It felt like I was coming home. It was like
the ancient language of my soul, though I had never
heard those beliefs growing up once I started hearing those
and leaning into those, it's like my deep soul took
an exhale, like your home, nicle, your home, and it's
why I feel so at peace, my friend. I think
we've covered all the bases. Is there anything that we
(49:32):
didn't cover? Is there anything that you would like to
leave leave the listener with today? Yes? I think. The
last thing I want to say is because of the
work I do and people become a coaching clients or
start following in social media, they're like, oh, I feel like,
do I have to start only fans too? While I
highly recommend it, it's not required. But what I want
for you, I think what I want from you to
(49:52):
take away one of many things want to take away
from Danny's conversation is I want for you ultimately to
be fully expressed, whatever that looks like. Whether it's you
starting the podcast you've always wanted, whether it's you starting
your dream business, whether it's you relieving the toxic toxic
family member or relationship you've been dragging on holding onto
for way to many years, whatever your path is, I
(50:13):
want you to live a fully express life. And I
know how terrifying obviously facing that and deciding that. But
life on the other side of trusting yourself, trusting your desires,
trusting your path is so worth it. It's so worth
I would do it all over again. You're worth it
and you'll make it. That is what we call the
amplified life, my friend. So, Nicole, where can people find
(50:38):
you on the socials? Yes, come find me on my
website Nicole Mitchell dot com. Nicole is filled with a
K and at K O l E find me out Instagram.
I'm the most active on Instagram and Facebook, but I'm
on YouTube, I'm on Twitter, but come say hi. I
love meting people. If you heard our interview, please let
me know. I love meeting people who listen to deep
conversations like this. Appreciate my friend. Thanks for doing this.
(51:01):
Thank you Dan, this is amazing. Appreciate you. I had
a lot of opinions on how that interview would turn
out before we did it, But what I realized is
is there is so much more to Nicole, so many
layers and so much depth. And I'm reminded of the
quote by Walt Whitman that says we are large, we
are multitudes. But what were your big takeaways? Would love
(51:26):
to get your feedback, screenshot the podcast, upload it to
Instagram or Twitter. Be sure to tag me at c
sc Dan Mason. You can find Nicole on Instagram at
Mitchell Nicole. Be sure to share what did you think?
I have a feeling There's gonna be a lot of
opinions on this particular episode, but let's continue the conversation.
(51:47):
For me, I boiled that interview down to one phrase,
self expression, as in finding the right vehicle that allows
you to fully express who you are. For me, it's
my podcast for Nicole only fans has been a powerful
tool for her. You heard her say should be given
those photos away on Instagram if it didn't violate the
(52:09):
community guidelines. But the bigger question is what's your vehicle
to self expression? And are you living as fully as
you would like? Or are you stuck in the life
that somebody condition you to want many years ago? And
if you're not happy with the answer to that question,
and maybe this podcast has opened up some new pathways
(52:31):
or portals of thinking for you, don't hesitate to reach out.
This is my life's work. It's helping people work through
this for themselves. You can go to my website, Creative
soul coaching dot net. We got one on one coaching programs, there,
group coaching programs, so many different ways that we can
work together for you to step into your purpose, and
(52:51):
what a powerful time to do it, as the world's reopening.
If you're loving this episode, please be sure to share
it on your social media with as many people as
you know, and don't forget to give us a follow
here on whatever platform you're listening to. I love you,
I appreciate you, and I look forward to talking to
you next week. In the meantime, turn down the volume
(53:11):
on your negativity, turn up the volume on your purpose
so you can live life amplified.
Some days I'm like, Okay, I was like cool, but
like I am also a life coach and I'm a mom.
I'm building an empire, right, I'm I'm getting book deals,
I'm getting TV deals. There's so many amazing things, but
always focus on his past return stripper. But instead of
feeling limited by that or pigeonholed by that, the way
I view it is it gets my foot in the door.
It gets my foot in the door to then talk
(00:21):
about all the other things I care about, right about
my writing, about my TV show, about my children, about
my company that I'm building, um, the people I'm hiring,
the people I'm firing, And so I I'm grateful for
the opportunities it's given me to have these super conversations,
to be on these different podcasts, TV shows and magazines
(00:44):
newspapers that I have written stories on me they never
would have had had my story not become a public thing.
If you're a longtime listener to the podcast, Life Amplified
is not the place that you would expect to come
to and here an interview with an online sex worker
making one hundred thousand dollars a month on only fans
and quite honestly This is not the interview that I
(01:07):
thought I'd ever be having either, But I really encourage
you to withhold your judgment and listen to what Nicole
Mitchell is going to share this week. It's not a
conversation about pornography. What it is is a fascinating look
into the mind of a woman who had to make
a choice between being the good girl that she was
raised to be and being a free woman, free in
(01:30):
her voice, free in her self expression, and free and
her sexuality. This is a fascinating, unconventional path defining your
purpose and I think you're going to be amazed by
the conversation. Welcome back. What is an amplified life. It's
having amplified relationships with people who support and encourage you
(01:50):
to be your best. It's having amplified energy to conquer
the challenges of the day. And it's having an amplified career,
one that's meaningful to you, the world, and your bank accounts.
I'm Dan Mason, life reinvention coach, helping you discover your
calling and create an amplified life on your terms. This
(02:12):
is the Life Amplified Podcast. Over the last six years
of coaching clients around the globe, It's become obvious to
me that the two places in our life where we
tend to carry the most shame, guilt, and even judgments
are around the topics of money and sex. But what
happens when online sex work becomes a huge portion of
(02:35):
your income. What does that stir up within you? What
are the judgments and perceptions that you have? Please put
them aside for the next forty five minutes or so,
because what we're gonna uncover this week are so many
other layers to Nicole Mitchell, who has made international headlines,
is the pastor turned stripper and life coach who helps
(02:55):
people make six figures plus doing what they love. Nicole
works one on one with clients, leads a mastermind for
next level leaders, and teaches digital courses on how to
create the life of your dreams from the inside out.
And oh, by the way, she's also a top one
percent content creator on the site Only Fans, and this
week she's going to talk about the intersection between online
(03:18):
pornography and expressing her life's purpose. It's a fascinating conversation. Now,
probably not one that you want to have with the
kids in the car, but it's one that you should
listen to. Some of the topics that we're going to
talk about this week are the impact of religious trauma
and how Nicole had to decide between being a good
(03:39):
girl or a free woman. She'll discuss how the inconsistencies
in her church power structure set her on a self
discovery journey that caused her to reevaluate her sexuality and
her career path. We'll talk about the value of making
fast decisions and how it leads to fast results. She's
gonna have an honest conversation about all of her online
(04:01):
critics and how she deals with the haters. Plus, we'll
talk about how she reconciles online sex work with being
a mother and how she talks to her kids about
her career. And they'll be a really great conversation at
the end where she'll tie it all together and share
how only Fans is actually an on ramp to help
her get her larger message out to the world. You're
(04:23):
gonna have a lot of feelings about this episode, and
Nicole and I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Be
sure to screenshot the podcast. You can upload it to
Instagram or Twitter. Be sure to tag me at c
sc Dan Mason and tag Nicole at Mitchell Nicole. That
is Nicole with A K and I K O L E.
(04:45):
And if you're a first time listener, don't forget to
give us a follow here on the I Heart Radio
app or whichever podcast platform that you're listening on. She's
been featured at The Jimmy Kimmel Show, The New York Post,
and Sirius XM. Today, she's on the Light Amplified podcast.
Please welcome, get ready for a fascinating conversation with Nicole Mitchell.
(05:09):
Nicole Mitchell, Welcome to Life Amplified. Thank you so much
for having me. We have done this podcast for three
and a half years. We have heard so many stories
of people finding their purpose, the crazy ways that we
get there to that point, but we have never heard
a story like yours. This is gonna be a treat
for people. A queer woman in a straight marriage, preaching
(05:32):
in the church who eventually became a stripper online. So
I don't even know where you want to start. Maybe
we'd take it all the way back because I'm assuming
that if you know, for you to go the church
path and to become a pastor, you probably grew up
in a pretty religious household at an early age. So
(05:53):
tell me, tell me about that relationship for you, how
that shaped who you were, and why it wasn't working anymore. Yes,
I love this. Yeah, I've given a very religious, very
conservative home, and um, it was totally my parents doing
with doing what they knew, Like we all as parents
were doing the best we can with what we know,
with how we were raised. And so I grew up
(06:16):
and I tried so hard until just a few years ago,
So my entire life, I tried so hard to be
a good girl who becomes a good wife, who becomes
a good mother, and eventually had this moment where I
had to decide between being a good girl or a
free woman. But before we get there, Yeah, everything I
did was through the framework of my religion of what
(06:37):
I was taught was appropriate for a woman. And there
the pressure and the assumption and expectation that I was
a straight woman, um, and that my highest aspiration life
was getting married and having babies. And so I took
on those expectations, those beliefs, and tried to make it
my own and live that way for most of my
(06:59):
life until the attorney point where I began to question
everything and re evaluate is this the life that I
want to live or is this the life I was
told to live? And that question changed everything. Yeah, that's
a theme that comes up a lot on this podcast.
And as somebody who grew up in the Pentecostal church
(07:19):
church that got a prophecy shout out, that was that
was a very traumatic experience for me at many points.
I've talked in this podcast about literally having panic attacks
at age eleven, once I hit puberty and started having
panic attacks about the rapture or being left behind. Right.
(07:39):
So I'm curious for you. You you've talked about the
things that you were in, the programming that you were taught.
Was there any age early on, because this was the
case for me, and I'm curious what it was like
for you. I remember at six or seven even questioning
a lot of the things that I was learning. And
(08:00):
you know, I wasn't having a crisis of sexual orientation
by any means, but what was the Was there any
point where You're like, some of this just doesn't make sense. Yeah,
looking back, there are so many moments from a very
young age where I think our deepest truth is always
there and it reveals itself and I've always been someone
(08:22):
who questions. I'm always someone who rebels. I like to
push against what's expected, what's the norm. And I think
it's people like me, like us who create new energy,
new paradigms, new movements, because we're not just doing things
the same way it's always been done, always like is
that the only way? Is that the best way? Could
there be another way? To remember as early as like
(08:44):
first grade, So what are your first grade? Like? Seven? Yeah?
Um me and like curious why we're Why are Cusfords bad?
It's just a word, right, I remember, even if they're
on the same age five or six, Um, it's gonna honest,
Like I would touch myself. I was very connected to
my body and was caught one time by a family member.
(09:06):
I was very quickly shamed for it, and so I
was just like I was very free and very open
and had all these questions, and I very quickly learned
these are things are a lot of question these are
black and white. They know I don't They're right, I'm wrong,
And so my entire life from that little age, I
stuffed down so many questions I had, even to the
(09:29):
point where I think in middle school, I don't know
where this idea came from. I love the idea of
being a stripper. I don't know where I was even
exposed to the idea. I would tell these super small
Christian private schools, what were you when you were like, hey,
stripping might be my path in life? Like when did that? Um?
Probably fifth or sixth grade. I was fascinated by the
(09:49):
idea of it. And then it was an eighth grade
when I went to see the movie Titanic and the
camera pans across Kate Winslet's nude body, and I was like,
oh my god, I want to do that. I want
to do that someday. So they were always there, and
I thought, doesn't everyone? And then I very quickly learned
apparently no, not. Most of my girlfriends wanted to be
strippers or pose naked. So again, I stuffed down those
(10:12):
desires and curiosities until many, many years later. And at
that age, is you're going through that because I'm sure
you see this in your coaching practice. Is well, A
lot of people come to me from a religious background,
and I'm not I'm not anti religion or spirituality, but
I've seen it happen over and over again where there's
(10:34):
a certain set of rules that you have to play by,
and as you hit a certain age, you don't fit
into that box or you start having desires beyond what
you were taught, and it creates the sense of shame
for people. It's you know, I am wrong and literally
you know on a subconscious level. I think a lot
(10:54):
of people get to that point where like, well, if
I'm wrong in the eyes of God, if my higher
power camp of me, even how would anybody love me?
There's a lot of self worth that gets tied in there.
Something that Stephan Love grow Up has been on this
podcast before. He's talked about the idea of God trauma.
But that's I do believe that that's a real thing.
(11:14):
How did you How did you navigate that because you
didn't rebel at that point if you were certainly becoming
a leader and a pastor in the church. Yeah, it's totally.
I'm so glad you brought God trauma. And I term
it more as religious trauma because I think, you know,
God higher powers love, and we sucked it up with
our religion and the toxic theology that was taught to
(11:35):
me was I was totally depraved, completely unworthy of anything. Good,
and that was pounded in me, programmed to me so
deeply that it took until just a couple of years
ago to come home to my wholeness and to come
home to my goodness, and to come home to my
worthiness that I nicole and worthy of good things. I Nicole,
(11:57):
am good. I'm an inherently good person. That is so
not the case inside the churches that I grew up in.
And so because of that toxic paradigm that I'm garbage
it I tried for so long to get a good girl.
Then I point, I'm like, wait, why does it matter?
Like if I'm already doomed and I can't do anything
good and I'm not deserving of anything good, why does
(12:19):
it matter? And for me, as someone who's always been very,
very sexual from a very young age, I remember the
one thing I wanted to happen before the rapture, same
thing I had raptured trauma, was like I would pray
at night, please God, do not come before I can
have sex every night, and praying I have to have
sex before you come back. In a rapture, Kirk Cameron
(12:42):
shows up like the movie Left Behind and Sex, and
just like Rapture, drama. It took into my late twenties
to not have an instant panic if I walked into
my house and I saw my then husband's shoes and
pants on the floor because it's ned. Yeah, so my
late twenties, I would just like get flushed and pains, like,
(13:04):
oh my God, have been abandoned. I've been left behind,
and I have to like calm down and like connect
the rational dots of like, oh, he said he was
going to the gym, so he probably just changed real quick.
But it was still so there's like a lot of
like like healed anger, but there was a lot of
anger that I feel like I couldn't even just be
an adult. I was still so deeply traumatized from the
beliefs and teachings um I was telling as a little
(13:27):
girl that things like that would trigger me in my
late twenties. But yeah, so I would pray, please God,
let me have sex before you come. And it's interesting,
like you know, in the church and in my family,
sex is very very very very very very very bad
and you have someone who deeply craves it. So when
I finally had it at age sixteen, I felt instant
shame and shame is the voice that says you are bad.
(13:50):
Guilt is the voice that says you did something bad.
And I immediately went to the voice of shame that
I'm just bad and horrible, and it went even deeper
than if I'm so bad horrible, why does it even matter?
And then you add on to that we don't allow
birth control where I in the church of that group,
and we're not allowed to talk about protection because protection
means you're planning on having sex, and that's wick in
(14:12):
the eyes of the Lord. So then I just was reckless.
I didn't have birth control, I didn't use protection. I
viewed myself as garbage, and like how these like all
such the different people, And I feel so bad for
a little Nicole. If she had just been armed with
the truth that like sex is beautiful and sex can
be amazing, and you're worthy of protection and birth controls, Okay,
(14:32):
I could have had a totally different experience. But those
beliefs ingrained in me as a little kid. That's how
they outpictured themselves in my teens and in my twenties.
But what I'm hearing you describe, which I totally appreciate that,
and thank you so much for the vulnerability of it
is dealing on one hand with the shame of I
am garbage, but yet they still striving to want to be,
(14:57):
you know, to curry favor from a very judgmental higher power,
which would manifest I guess, is working your way up
into a position of leadership in the church. How do
you reconcile that though, like, on one hand, I'm garbage,
but here I am, I'm a leader. I'm a pastor
(15:17):
at a mega church. There's a big dissonance there, yes,
there is. It shows the extremeness of my nature, but
also my upbringing where I did all these bad, bad things,
and I consider myself garbage. So the only other extreme
I can think of, the only way to make up
for that is to forsake all that for good. So
(15:37):
there were six years I didn't date or go on
a single date, didn't touch a guy, because I was like, boy,
if I'm really bad and I'm like sexually to pray,
I'm gonna stick with Jesus and Jesus lunch. I joked
that I was dating Jesus because that was how committed
I was to try to like make up for all
those years and like dove deep into all things scripture
(15:58):
and theology, and went to seminary. I said, this dream
of like speaking and teaching and leading, and I'm a
natural speaker and leader by heart. So I just took
everything I knew and everything I wanted in the frame
of which I was taught, which is a church. I
only knew the church. I didn't know life outside of that,
what was available to me, especially as a woman. So
(16:18):
it wasn't until I became a member of this mega
church before ever rose up in rings there and it
was the first church that allowed you to question with
the pastor taught. He would be up there and say,
this is just my opinion. You don't have to agree
with me. And I remember thinking, I have never heard
that in all my life, at all the churches I've
ever been a member of. This is the first pastor.
(16:40):
So every Sunday I would run down because it's a
big church and everyone wants to talk to the pastor. Afterwards,
I'd run down the aisle and go through my list
of questions week after week after week, all these questions
and pilot my entire life and took all the programs
I had at the church, and one night to the
pastors pulled me aside and they said, Nicole, you realize
you're a theologian, right, And I was like, no, there's
(17:02):
three strikes against me. I'm a woman, I'm a mother,
and I've never at this point hadn't been a seminary,
and like, those aren't strikes against you in our church.
So this is also the first church where women were
seen as equals. So that just opened up a whole
new possibility that I could now use my heart and
talent for speaking and teaching within the churches, which is
what all I knew. So then they started training me
(17:24):
to become a pastor, and I was delighted because that,
to me felt like this radical upleve lane, I am
an equal being, which blows my mind that's even a
thought on the twenty one century. But I've been taught
women are subservient to men, so I was like, I'm
on equal being and I'm just as capable as male leaders,
and now I get to use that in the church.
(17:44):
And I was so excited, And yet the pastor career
was short lived. But is that's sort of like the
thing that we talked like, and I'm sure you talked
about this in your coaching, so often we're looking for
some sense of external balid dation. Right, if I get
the next promotion at work, if a bigger company hires me,
(18:06):
I will feel like enough if I find the next relationship,
get into the next tax bracket. But is that the
same energy for you? Hey? If I can just get
in good with the church, it's going to fill this
internal void. Yet it was more of an the energy
of proving I'm going to improve to you that I'm
capable because I had been had all this garbage beliefs
(18:28):
put on me that as a woman, you are not capable.
As a woman, you are less worthy as a woman,
you don't deserve the spotlight. And I was hungry to
prove that Nicole Mitchell crushes it in the spotlight, and
to prove it which at this church, which taught gender equality,
but in practice it was a totally different thing. Women
were not treated equally there. And that's what ended up
(18:49):
pushing me out the church is I found the inconsistency
between what they taught and what they lived. And as
someone who's trying to rise up in the ranks and
seeing all the white men in my circle getting promoted
and getting paid and getting all the favorite positions, and me,
who was a biracial queer woman, having to jump through
more hoops, having the finish line pushed for them further way.
(19:11):
I saw believing in doing or two different things of
the church. So eventually it came to a point of
like I was trying so hard to get that top rank,
and then eventually like right like I got it. And
then that day I walked away from my church and
left without telling one thing. I would never come back
because it was so toxic. They didn't actually want Nicole Mitchell.
(19:34):
They wanted a watered down version of me to be
more like the head pastor. You need to be like him,
act like him, talk like him, be a match for him,
and and totally erased who I actually am. And so
I had to walk away. And it was terrifying because
I wasn't walking into anything. I didn't have another job
lined up. I didn't know I was going to do
this online adult work. I just like, I'm stepping to
(19:56):
the unknown and trusting that it will lead me to
where I meant to be. So I hear that that
there was an element I have to give up. I
can't fully be Nicole Mitchell. Did you know who Nicole
Mitchell was in her fullness at that point, or were
you still searching? I was still searching. I remember thinking, Okay,
(20:16):
I was getting paid very little money at my church.
I mean, it is such an injustice, it's laughable. And
I remember like being so desperate for that money because
we were broke. We were a broke family, and we
just needed every dollar you could get our hands on.
And I'm like, here, I am exhausting myself, sacrificing who
I really am for this meager, meager paycheck. And I
(20:39):
was thinking, but is it possible for me get paid
a lot of money to actually be me and do
what I love? Like, why am I stunning for a
paycheck to be someone I'm not and to do something
I'm It's becoming more misery because of how much they
were stifling my true voice. And that's what I was.
I was willing to find out. I want to find
out if there's something I can do that I love,
that I can make a lot of money doing. And
(20:59):
I didn't if we know what that was that moment,
and that was part equal parts terrifying and thrilling to
go on that journey and find out what that was
so girl. So that's a lot in and of itself, right,
That's why that could be a podcast in and of itself.
But how did you find it in Only Fans? And
I guess we ought to. I guess we ought to
(21:20):
give some perspective for some of the listeners who might
not be familiar with what only Fans is. Do you
want to go ahead and fill them in? Talk about
what what that is? Yes, the Only Fans. It's another
social media platform basically, and you can technically use it
for anything, but it's largely associated with adult work or
sex work, new model erotic erotica, and that's what I
(21:44):
tend to use it for. And it's funny. I didn't
even know what thing existed when I left the church,
even though it was around at that time. And it
was just the more I came home to myself as
more returning to little Nicole, who has always been very sexual,
and I started following other moms, like my life coaches
wife hadn't only Fans and she's a mom with two
little boys, and like seeing these women be whole people
(22:07):
and not choosing I can be a mom, or I
can be a sexy model, or I can be this
or I can be that. Seen them be both, and
once I saw other women doing that, like spark this
fire in me saying if they can do that, I
can do that, and I want to do that. And
I just made slow steps into like maybe I'll get
into modeling, um, maybe I'll do a little bit of nude,
(22:30):
And before I knew it was this full fledged passion
that then became a very lucrative career. Sure so for you,
it was more driven by the passion than the money
up front. Yes, I did not I would do this
for free, not that I recommend that, because I believe
you should be maskly compensated to do what you love.
(22:50):
But the main reason I started my only fans is
because I couldn't post them on Instagram. If Instagram would
let me post my photos, I would be posting my
photos and I'm that proud of them, Like when I
get new um photos or videos I make for my work,
I want the whole world to see them. I am
so proud of them. To me, it is just art, living,
(23:11):
breathing art, and I want the world see but Instagram
won't let me. So it forced me to start a
private site where you have to subscribe to see my artwork,
and I love it. I'm like, thank you, Instagram, because
you just made me a ship ton of money because
of your policies. I know that you posted about this online,
so I don't think I'm speaking out of turn or
or giving up some information that you'd like to keep
(23:33):
private money into the tune of sometimes six figure months,
yet for you amazing. My goal when I was broke,
my big goal is to make six figures a year.
That was like lavish, mind blowing. And now this work,
I've had six figure months and that is just like,
holy shit, all things really are possible. And yeah, if
(23:53):
you're making this transition, I guess the piece that we
haven't addressed. There was a marriage and a man that
you met in the church. You have beautiful children, and
you were coming to a realization about your own sexuality
at that point. How did you manage that? Hey, honey,
you know good news. I got a pathway to make
(24:14):
a hundred grand a month. By the way, here's how
we're going to do it. And what do you think
the Bible is going to say? Like conversation, and I
know that you are I know that you are not
in that marriage anymore. But yes, um, I love this. Yes.
So I actually give a lot of credit to my
ex husband for where I am today. He was always
(24:35):
the more open minded one in our relationship, always the
one who's so laid back, like, you know, I get
really said about something about something someone said or whatever,
and he was like, it's your life, do what you want.
Why do you care so much about what people think
you should do with your life. You're a free agent.
Do what you want. And that was just so radical
because I've been so used to being told either by
(24:55):
my parents or around my church or by other Christians
in my life, who I should be. And then here
is my husband being like girlier free um. And so
I give him a lot of credit for helping me
find my freedom and my self expression. When I started
my Only Fans, he was my biggest supporter. He's buying
me lingerie. He was like taking the photos from my
Only Fans, Um, he was giving ideas of what he
(25:16):
thinks my fans were like. It was the most incredible experience.
And then over time we had this realization of we
want very different things. So it's kind of like we're
going together in life, are going together being super supportive,
and then we just kept going and we had this
moment of do we fight to keep our paths together
(25:37):
or do we release each other to take our own paths.
And we chose that the most loving thing was to
let each other go, which is really hard. I had
no plans of getting divorced, and it was a super hard,
even when those amicable and we both wanted it or
agreed to it, it was scary and terrifying. I've never
created so much of my life. I felt so scared
to be a single mom of three and what this meant.
And because of my upbringing, divorce is not allowed. So
(26:00):
to get divorced. Um. I knew I lose family members
over that and friends over that. Um. But now that
I'm here, UM, i am the wealthiest I've ever been,
i am the happiest I've ever been, and I'm the
most fulfilled I've ever been. And I found that it
was absolutely the right call. But he's a large reason
why I got where I am today, and I will
forever be grateful to him because of that. You know,
(26:21):
the way you explain it, it's almost shocking that there
would be a divorce. It seems like you could have
written that out, and I think that that's probably a
point that many couples find themselves in where it's comfortable,
it's safe, you could you could stick it out your
great roommates, you get along, you like watching the same
ship on Netflix. But being able to make that decision.
(26:45):
And was that I mean, everybody always says like it's
an amicable mutual Was it a mutual thing for you guys?
Or it was terrifying? I mean we both because neither
of us had ever planned that was never part of
our future planets, and they were any divorce. We had
always planned to be to it forever. And then the
more we had these realizations and these conversations of like
what do we want and we're both the kind of
(27:07):
personalities were like, we don't ever want to be the
couple or the individuals who settle, because that's what society
has taught us, that's what religion taught us, us, what
family taught us. You should settle. Especially as a life
coach like I just deeply believe that you have your path,
and you have your calling, and you have your destiny.
And one of the fastest ways to sabotage that is
(27:27):
to quit, is to stay is to shrink. It's the
sacrifices to settle. And so the more conversations we had,
it was terrifying to realize I would feel like I
was settling if I was staying. He would feel like
if he was settling, he was setting if he was staying,
And we're like, oh my gosh. And then we're both
terrified how it is going to impact our three kids.
I mean, there was a lot of tears. Went to
(27:49):
therapy and we both loved her. She was an amazing therapist.
Um and so we tried and and I think for me,
I and I don't know about you, but I've heard
so many couples we end up getting divorcing. We should
have gotten divorced. Five years ago. We were you know,
we tried. We tried and tried, and now we hate
each other. We're better or we knew back then. And
I was just dragged out and I did not want
(28:11):
to be that couple I and I told him, I
was like, if we both know what we are meant
to do, I don't want to drag this out for
a second longer. That is not Nicole style. When Nicole
knows what she's meant to do, she doesn't. She doesn fast,
and this is why I get the fast results of
my life. Once I know, I honor that knowing. But
it's terrifying because it's not the case. Most people here
(28:32):
fight for years and go to therapy for years. And
I just didn't want that to be our story, and
so we moved pretty fast in our own situation. You mentioned,
I want to go back to something that you just mentioned.
You were talking about this journey to figure out you're
calling and your purpose and how you got there. I
operate from a paradigm. Perhaps you do as well, that
(28:52):
your purpose is never actually the job that you have,
because you can lose a job and or you know,
anything external to you can change. So my purpose isn't
to be a coach. My purpose isn't to have this podcast.
It's a vehicle through which I'm living my purpose at
the moment. But the purpose of your life is not
(29:13):
to be an online sex worker or a life coach.
What have you learned about yourself? What is Nicole's purpose
and how is the path that you've chosen an unconventional
path You've chosen the best vehicle for you to to
live that and make it real in the world. Yes,
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you brought this up
(29:35):
and you asked this. This is brilliant, Dan. I am
such a deep believer in this. I believe like your
purpose is your being, not just your doing, because like
you said, and thing can change in any moment. Your
marriage can end, your loved wing can die, your job
can be gone, but who you are remains. And so
one of my passions in my life coaching work is
helping people be fully expressed and that your fullest expression
(29:58):
will take different forms yours. It's or a podcast into
your coaching, my through coaching and my online sex work,
like what is your version of stuff expression? Today, I
had a call with a man who for twenty five
years didn't talk because he had such a severe stutter,
and he didn't he was so afraid of being laughed
at too, then making the commitment to talk to a
new person every single day, and now he's gone on
(30:18):
to do two ted X talks, he's currently having his
documentary films like all these amazing things like he is
now fully expressed and his version by using his words.
And so I want to help people realize their purpose
through their being and figure out who you are and
what lights you up, and then for me taking it
to the next level monetizing that. I have a course
(30:40):
called Monetize your Ship right, and it's all about monetizing
who you are, because again, the economy can change, your job,
can change your relationships, as can change, but who you
are always remains. So who you are as always remained.
You can always monetize your passion, your goofy, this, your brilliance,
your curious nous, like what is it that you love doing?
(31:02):
Who are you really fully when you're unleashed and uncensored
and unfiltered, And now let's make money doing that. And
that's what I'm able to make. The money I am
is because I'm not tying it like clocking this many
hours or hoping an employer will pick me. I pick me,
I choose me, I employ me. I picked my rate.
I pick what's worthy of my time and my energy,
(31:23):
and I know how to monetize it really well, and
then my my income just keeps matching that. So I
just want to see people be B B B more
and more of who they really are and make a
lot of money while they're doing that. And part of
that path of living fully expressed, as you said, is
dealing with the people whose vision for your life doesn't
align with that I've talked about. Like, you know, it's
(31:44):
not like I didn't have some haters along the way.
I still remember like the day my dad and step
mom told me that Daniel life coaching is not a
real job, go back to go back to radio, to
get another corporate gig. Like, however, your critics or the
people who have opinions about what you do extend far
(32:06):
and wide. Like you know, I was sort of going
down the Nicole Mitchell YouTube bandwagon. There is a guy
who was like taking your Instagram stories and breaking them
down and analyzing them frame by frame like it was
the goddamn Kennedy assassination footage. And there are tons of
comments happening underneath, and particularly from people who still, you know,
(32:32):
believe a certain believe a certain way, maybe the way
that you used to. So I don't have to, you know,
I get a couple of people, you know, here and there.
People give this podcast a one star rating. By and large,
more people love it than don't. I've never had the
experience of like having hundreds of comments on the video. Yeah,
(32:54):
how do you deal with that, because there's I have
to think, there's still the inner child part, there's part
of little Nicole that wants to fit in that that
might want to prove herself on some days. How do
you reconcile that, Yes, I love that. My kryptonite is
wanting to be understood. That is like the same issue
(33:17):
I returned again again with my own life, coach. I
just want to be understood. I'm not an evil person.
I'm not a horrible person. I'm not a bad mom.
Like all these things I'm accused of, I just understood.
And I'm constantly having to release myself from being understood.
And something I've learned and embodies, you know, for those
of us who are leaders, are we willing to be
misunderstood for the sake of fulfilling our mission? And that's
(33:40):
when I have to, like I have to consciously choose
that again and again when my story goes viral again,
Like my story has gone viral a few different times,
which means it reaches more people, which is awesome, which
means it also finds more trolls and haters, and so
it always brings up that deep desire to be understood
and me releasing that need to be understood, and just
(34:00):
choosing to know that the right people do understand me.
My very intimate circle that I've invested in and have
committed to, they understand me. They love me, to celebrate me.
So one practical way I handle that, I don't read
any YouTube comments. I have a YouTube channel, I post
videos weekly. I don't read any comments. It's interesting how
every platform sets a tone. YouTube is, of all the
(34:21):
platforms I use, is the worst comment section. So much hate,
so much attacking, that I can't even look for the good.
I just let it rest, read it all off, all praise,
all support. So every social media count has this different
vibe and energy, and I just don't even associate or
(34:42):
don't even engage with the comment section or with these
videos that these very creative YouTubers make. I kind of
get a kick out of it. I'm like, I'm kind
of tickled that you're so obsessed with my life that
you're going to analyze my Instagram stories or analyze my
outfits or analyzing the misering um with the free time.
Because one precious life you have, you're focusing on critiquing
(35:04):
me um And something I always tell my life coaching
clients and you you will know this to Dan is
that typically the hate or judgment or strong reactions that
come from people has everything to do with them and
nothing to do with you. I'm just a mirror that
reflects back to them their own beliefs, thrown prejudices, their
own assumptions, thrown misogyny, their own whatever, and instead of
(35:27):
dealing with it, they're projecting it. And so it allows
me to have compassions that I don't think they're evil people.
I think they actually have really good hearts and really
good intentions. They're just they're just misdirected and misguided. You
had mentioned when you were talking about the conversations and
wanting to be understood that hey, I am a good person,
I am a good mother. Talk to me about that part.
I remember I ended up at an industry event, like
(35:51):
a music industry event in my former career, where I
ended up having a conversation with a woman who was
a former adult actress. There was a group of it.
She was talking though about leaving the industry, the adult industry,
because she knew one day it was going to be
a thing with her kids. Now, your kids are young,
but at some point. There's a lot of thirteen year
(36:12):
old little boys out there that know what only fans is,
and you know they're they're they start getting curious and
consuming content. How do you reconcile that for you? Like,
if you thought about how you'll talk about is that
something that concerns you? Is it a worry? Love that
you handle that? So I have two responses. I have
(36:33):
like my reaction, which is like my programming reaction, and
then I have my actual response, which comes from my
wholeness and groundedness. My initial reaction is oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god. Fear, fear, fear, What
are my kids going to think? What's going to happen
to them? Who's going to pick on them? It's all fear,
all the limiting beliefs and lies. I was taught as
a kid that like sex, work is bad, sex is bad,
(36:54):
sexual expression is bad, bad, bad, bad, and bad things
happen to people do bad things. Um that all crops
up and I to address it now from this place
because I've been doing this long enough and I've just
done Obviously, you have to do a lot of inn
work to get to this point where I do what
I do. I feel really grateful. The way I tell
my kids, because there are five, eight and ten, the
(37:14):
way I tell them what I do is I say,
I am so lucky that I get paid to do
what I love. That is what I want for you too.
That's very age appropriate. That is the heart of the
truth of what I do. And then on a more
specific level, they know that I'm a nude and lingerie model.
The I do shoots here, I have lingerie all over
my house. They I'm in magazines that are you know,
(37:35):
on my desk, and so they've seen some of the
work I do and they're just like, that's your butt, mom,
Your butt jigles, and like everybody's but jigles, like it's
just kind of a little bit normal for them. And
then I get really excited. I have this assumption, but
I'd have to actually do some homework and research. I
have this assumption that children raised by those who are
(37:55):
in the adult industry, I think turn out healthier because
so so much of our job is communication, education, consent care,
um testing, all these things that in my upbringing, none
of that was talked about. I didn't learn about consent
until five years into my marriage. I didn't know I
(38:16):
was allowed to say no to my husband, So for
five years I didn't and like and I was flabber acid,
so angry that I didn't know about consent until I
was three. Um and now my kids know very much
about consent, bodily autonomy, bodily agency, feeling safe to like
explore in their bedroom, in the bathroom, there's no like shaming,
(38:39):
like there's appropriate places for curiosity, appropriate times for questions.
They know they can ask me anything, and slowly asked
me all kinds of things, and I give them age
appropriate responses. And so my home is this very open, safe,
respectful container where you can express yourself and question and
explore and not be shamed or punish. And I get
(39:01):
excited to think about how much healthier they're going to
be as adults because of that. For the people listening
today who might not be fully on board or understand
this path and your desire to be understood. Part of you, know,
the concern about any sort of pornography is that it's
an objectification of women. How do you respond to that
(39:24):
because you seem very much in your power and in
this career path that you're in. Yeah, I'm sure there's
probably some gross comments from people that slide into the
d m s as well. You know, as much as
I'd like to think that every Only Fan subscriber is
like Nicole, you're an inspiration. I'm sure you get some
gross stuff too. How do you how do you reconcile that?
(39:47):
How do you how do you deal with that? Without Dan?
You're such a good interviewer. I just love your questions.
Everyone just listen to it, and he's are amazing. Okay,
I just first have to say some of us women
like to be objective by but they're okay, right? Is
that sort of like a relative thing, Like I feel like, yes,
you know, if the dude looks like Ryan Reynolds, people
(40:10):
are like, yes, objective. If I go sliding into the
d m s on an Instagram model's account, they're like,
hard pass, I'm going to you. So I do feel
like that's a little specific and a nuanced conversation. Yes, okay,
there's there's appropriate times and places. So for example, you
can subscribe to my Only Fans and obviously I post
(40:31):
explicit content there and like cute contents everything. I'm a
whole person, so I bring my whole stuff. I'm not
there are some girls who do this where they're purely
fantasy material. They don't engage with their personality, they don't
tell stories from the real life. I talked about my kids,
I talked about trips I'm going on. I talked about
my interviews. I post my interviews and my only fans
um and actually then for Nicole, And you know, this
(40:53):
is a life coach. We attract who we are. I
attract the most amazing humans in my own fans. And
I wrote a social media post yesterday sharing how I
love my two year old to blend. I have only
fans subscribers who become life coaching clients. I have life
coaching clients who subscribe to my only fans, because in
my space, all of you is good, all of you
(41:16):
is welcomed, all of you is love, nothing is wrong
or bad. So and yesterday I just had lunch with
my client who started He still is an only fan subscriber,
but he's also my life coaching client, the most incredible
human doing incredible work in the world. And it just
were these two, like walking dichotomies, were reach. Instead of
refusing to live a fragment of life, we allow ourselves
to live a whole life. But like so in my
(41:38):
only fans, it's explicit, it's sexy. You can be like
a little bit raunchy and not even with me. I
love it. But there's also a level of respect. And
my fans have deep respect for me, and they know,
for example, they can ask me to make custom content
and they can ask me anything. They also know that
I retain the right to say no. So they'll say, Nicole,
will you make such and such? And I read it
(41:58):
and I'm like, oh, I feel uncomfortable. So I would say, hey,
thank you so much for asking me. I'm not comfortable
with making that. Is there something else you'd be interested in? Like, oh, no, worries. Absolutely,
the engagement the entire time is super respectful, even when
it's like raunchy, it's incredibly respectful. And so it's so
different from the idea of like when we typically think
of pornography or we think of porn consumers. It is
(42:20):
unlike anything I was ever taught about porn my entire life.
And as I'm always telling my friends, like everyone subscribed everyone,
you just need to see this amazing community I have
in segment only fans for Instagram. Like you mentioned, if
you're going to slide into my d m s or
any sexy woman's dms whoever you think it's hot, sexy
or dude or whatever. This is night sound cocky, but
(42:41):
we know we're beautiful, we know we're sexy. You leading
with a common that we're beautiful, we're sexy. You're just
one of a million. What actually reaches me and like
pauses me, catches my attention and makes me tempted to
respond to you are those who message me about my content.
I write your social media post today. It was deeply
moving and here's how it did to me, right, and
I'm like, oh my god, I love that what I wrote?
(43:03):
What my Facebook Live, my Instagram like, what my my copy?
It reached you. That's amazing. And then I've made some
amazing connections on social media because of people are able
to see past just my looks and just my photos
to like what I have to offer, which is so
much more than that. And that's what ends up making
my only fans so magical is I think a lot
(43:23):
of people subscribe thinking they're going to get just a fantasy,
and they get this whole, fully expressed person who has
a life and who has passions and endeavors and fears
and doubts, and it's so satisfying. It's deeper than just pictures.
There's a person you can connect with and and I'll
wrap up with this. You can book skype calls with me,
(43:46):
which typically are would be used for a sexy time.
Out of all the skype calls my fans have booked
with me, all of them except for one, have been
for life coaching support. How can I start my dream job?
How can I make more money? How can I put
better pleasure my wife? How can I ask this person out?
How can I leave my family's religion? And our conversations
(44:06):
are so deep and soulful, which again just shows me
people are so hungry for this kind of living and
being and connecting. Have you stopped to consider that the
raunchy requests that come in that you deny might be
people from your former church on the ive? Had I
was a high school teacher before I was a pastor,
(44:28):
and I have high school. I mean they're not They're
like they're late twice now they're like hi, miss Nicole,
and I'm like, which I admire their bravery to admit
that they are in my holy vands, and I will
almost always jokingly say like, hi, so man, I said,
you get to see a whole new side of me.
(44:49):
So yeah, some of them have introduced themselves, and I'm
sure there's a lot of church members. I'm sure there's
even relatives who secretly subscribed. And I have no idea,
but I always like, you're you're welcome here too. You.
I were on a panel together a couple of months ago,
you know, because I also am a top one percent
only fans. No, that's not everyone subscribed. Yeah, I post
(45:13):
unsolicited dog picks online and uh my dog is very
handsome animals. Make sure to follow him on Instagram at
Brady Mason pop. He's he's the man candy of the household.
We were on a panel about media and pr together
and you said something interesting that caught my attention, and
(45:33):
it was not what I expected you would tell you
you're known and every story that sort of comes up
if people google you, it's the pastor turned stripper. And
you had said, this is my story, and sometimes I
wish it wasn't, but all of it is authentic. So
for all that you've shared today and the work that
(45:53):
you've done, and you seem very at peace and in
your power and very connected to yourself and something bigger
than you. Tell me what you meant by that. What
is the part of you that wishes it wasn't your
story if there was, if there was a part of
it you could rewrite. Do you think about that? Yeah,
(46:13):
it's my my stories. Very can be very easily sensationalized,
and it has been. Right. That's the tagline passenger triples
where I've gone viral a few different times over the
span of um ten months, and I love it. I
love that it catches people's attention. I've had several people
right now like, oh my god, this is amazing. Wait
(46:33):
a second, there's more to her than what that tagline suggested.
Like they felt a little duped, but in a good way.
They're like, I wasn't expecting to learn so much or
go so deep. And I love that. Um But because
it's so sensationalized and it's like hyper focused on some days,
I'm like, Okay, I was like cool, but like, I'm
also a life coach and I'm a mom. I'm building
(46:55):
an empire right, I'm I'm getting book deals, I'm getting
TV deals or so many amazing things, but always focus
on his pastor turn stripper, but instead of feeling limited
by that or pigeonholed by that, the way I view
it is it gets my foot in the door. It
gets my foot in the door to then talk about
all the other things I care about, right about my writing,
(47:16):
about my TV show, about my children, about my company
that I'm building, um, the people I'm hiring, the people
I'm firing, And so I I'm grateful for the opportunities
it's given me to have these super conversations to be
on these different podcasts, TV shows and magazines newspapers that
I have written stories on me that I never would
(47:38):
have had had my story not become a public thing.
And I know it'll eventually die out, and I'm cool
with that too, because I know who we are as
always evolving, and once this part of my story has
runs course, something new and beautiful will already have taken
its place, and I just look forward to whenever that is.
So I'll wrap up with this question. You would talked
(48:00):
earlier about all the things that you would believed about
yourself and some of these beliefs that were formed based on,
you know, the religious trauma that left behind culture. I
think we've covered what you used to believe about God
slash higher power, universe, whichever verbions you prefer. What do
you believe about it now? Yeah? I feel way more
(48:26):
spiritual today than I ever did, and only use the church.
I feel way closer to God, divine Universe, whatever you
wanna call, feel way closer to it than I ever
did before. And for me, I feel like I just
eliminated the middleman, which was church, which was male leadership,
which was for me even scripture. In Jesus, no middleman
is required. And my previous beliefs are based on separation.
(48:48):
My beliefs now are based in oneness. I'm one with
all that is. Nothing can be taken from me. I'm
whole forever and always. I'm worthy for all, forever and always.
I'm loved forever and always, and I get to have
it all. And these are polar opposites of what I
was taught to believe. And as I learned and leaned
into these new beliefs, it felt like one giant returning.
(49:10):
It felt like I was coming home. It was like
the ancient language of my soul, though I had never
heard those beliefs growing up once I started hearing those
and leaning into those, it's like my deep soul took
an exhale, like your home, nicle, your home, and it's
why I feel so at peace, my friend. I think
we've covered all the bases. Is there anything that we
(49:32):
didn't cover? Is there anything that you would like to
leave leave the listener with today? Yes? I think. The
last thing I want to say is because of the
work I do and people become a coaching clients or
start following in social media, they're like, oh, I feel like,
do I have to start only fans too? While I
highly recommend it, it's not required. But what I want
for you, I think what I want from you to
(49:52):
take away one of many things want to take away
from Danny's conversation is I want for you ultimately to
be fully expressed, whatever that looks like. Whether it's you
starting the podcast you've always wanted, whether it's you starting
your dream business, whether it's you relieving the toxic toxic
family member or relationship you've been dragging on holding onto
for way to many years, whatever your path is, I
(50:13):
want you to live a fully express life. And I
know how terrifying obviously facing that and deciding that. But
life on the other side of trusting yourself, trusting your desires,
trusting your path is so worth it. It's so worth
I would do it all over again. You're worth it
and you'll make it. That is what we call the
amplified life, my friend. So, Nicole, where can people find
(50:38):
you on the socials? Yes, come find me on my
website Nicole Mitchell dot com. Nicole is filled with a
K and at K O l E find me out Instagram.
I'm the most active on Instagram and Facebook, but I'm
on YouTube, I'm on Twitter, but come say hi. I
love meting people. If you heard our interview, please let
me know. I love meeting people who listen to deep
conversations like this. Appreciate my friend. Thanks for doing this.
(51:01):
Thank you Dan, this is amazing. Appreciate you. I had
a lot of opinions on how that interview would turn
out before we did it, But what I realized is
is there is so much more to Nicole, so many
layers and so much depth. And I'm reminded of the
quote by Walt Whitman that says we are large, we
are multitudes. But what were your big takeaways? Would love
(51:26):
to get your feedback, screenshot the podcast, upload it to
Instagram or Twitter. Be sure to tag me at c
sc Dan Mason. You can find Nicole on Instagram at
Mitchell Nicole. Be sure to share what did you think?
I have a feeling There's gonna be a lot of
opinions on this particular episode, but let's continue the conversation.
(51:47):
For me, I boiled that interview down to one phrase,
self expression, as in finding the right vehicle that allows
you to fully express who you are. For me, it's
my podcast for Nicole only fans has been a powerful
tool for her. You heard her say should be given
those photos away on Instagram if it didn't violate the
(52:09):
community guidelines. But the bigger question is what's your vehicle
to self expression? And are you living as fully as
you would like? Or are you stuck in the life
that somebody condition you to want many years ago? And
if you're not happy with the answer to that question,
and maybe this podcast has opened up some new pathways
(52:31):
or portals of thinking for you, don't hesitate to reach out.
This is my life's work. It's helping people work through
this for themselves. You can go to my website, Creative
soul coaching dot net. We got one on one coaching programs, there,
group coaching programs, so many different ways that we can
work together for you to step into your purpose, and
(52:51):
what a powerful time to do it, as the world's reopening.
If you're loving this episode, please be sure to share
it on your social media with as many people as
you know, and don't forget to give us a follow
here on whatever platform you're listening to. I love you,
I appreciate you, and I look forward to talking to
you next week. In the meantime, turn down the volume
(53:11):
on your negativity, turn up the volume on your purpose
so you can live life amplified.
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