January 21, 2019 • 43 mins
This week, we're talking about mastering your inner game with money so you can create an empowered relationship with money and attract more of it!
To help us, Dan brought in his friend and America's life coach, Stephen Lovegrove!
Stephen takes entrepreneurs, celebrities and world leaders to the next level. Over the next 40 minutes, he's going to drop so many nuggets of wisdom on you that could forever shift your money paradigm.
Things we discuss include...
- How to know if you're in avoidance attachment or anxious attachment when it comes to your relationship with money.
- Why struggle is not required when it comes to building a healthy relationship and a wealthy bank account.
- Where many of the stories we tell ourselves about money really come from.
- Why shaming yourself for your past with money won't get you to a better space financially.
- Why treating debt like a prison and punishing yourself for it isn't the right life approach.
- Why you don't really have a debt problem as much as an income problem.
- How adding the right income is the true way to building the best relationship with money.
- Why harnessing your zone of genius brings you true wealth and prosperity in all aspects of your life.
Find Stephen at AmericasLifeCoach.us and on Instagram @drlovegrove
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Episode fifty four, How to Improve your Relationship with Money
with America's Life coach Stephen love Grove. My name is
Dan Mason in I was overweight, getting divorced, battling depression,
and feeling trapped in a career where I was successful
but bored and unfulfilled. And it's actually the greatest gift
(00:20):
I've ever been given. I use my pain as a
springboard to discover my life's purpose. Now I want to
share the same tools and strategies which helped transform my
life with you so you can live life amplify. And
his landmark book Think and Grow Rich. Napoleon Hill once said,
there are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge.
(00:42):
Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought. And
I know that that's a hard thing to accept if
you're a person who has been in blame around your
money situation for many years. It's easy to blame our
finances on the government, on a broken economy, on our
employee air that doesn't pay us what we're worth. Yet,
as is the case with any major life transformation, it
(01:05):
happens from the inside out. So we really want to
help you master your inner game. This week so that
you can create an empowered relationship with money and attract
more of it. So to help us do this, I
called up one of the best people I know to
have the conversation with our friend, Stephen love Grove. It's
his second time on the podcast. He's known as America's
life coach. He takes entrepreneurs, celebrities, and world leaders to
(01:29):
the next level, and over the course of the next
forty minutes, he is going to drop so many nuggets
of wisdom on you that could forever shift your money paradigm.
Some of the things we're going to discuss this week
is how to know if you're an avoidant attachment or
anxious attachment when it comes to your relationship with money,
Why struggle is not required when it comes to building
(01:49):
a healthy relationship and a wealthy bank account, where many
of our stories about money really come from. He'll tell
us why shaming yourself for your past with money won't
at you to a better space financially, and why treating
debt is a jail you need to punish yourself for
isn't the right life approach. He'll tell us why you
don't really have a debt problem as much as an
(02:12):
income problem and how adding the right income is the
true way to building the best relationship with money. Plus
we'll discuss why harnessing your zone a genius brings you
true wealth and prosperity and all aspects of your life.
This is going to be such an amazing conversation. I
truly believe that if you come with an open heart
in an open mind this week, that this episode could
(02:34):
change your life. And if you're loving the content you here,
please let Stephan and I know you're listening. You can
screenshot the podcast uploaded to your Instagram stories. Be sure
to tag me at c sc Dan Mason and you
can find him at Dr Love Grove. Be sure to
share this with the people in your life, especially the
ones you know who are really trying to get back
(02:55):
up on their feet financially in and if you're still
moved to do so, we would love for you to
leave those five star ratings and reviews. It helps us
get this message out to more people, so you can
do that at Apple Podcast or just give us a
follow here on the I Heart Radio app. Get Ready,
This is gonna be such an inspirational, life changing forty
(03:15):
minutes with America's life coach, Stephen love Grow. Stephen Love Grow,
my friend, welcome back to Life Amplified. So good to
be back, one of my favorite podcasts to listen to
and to be on. And I just I love him
so much, so welcome back to me. I'm very glad
to be here. I've been so lit up. I've woke
up this morning just so stoked because I truly believe
(03:38):
that this conversation we're gonna have today is going to
create a quantum leap in somebody's life. You and I,
you know, we do similar work coaching, and we've heard
a lot of the similar stories out there, and most
of the things that keep people stuck, whether it be
in a soul sucking, shitty job that they hate, sometimes
in a toxic marriage that no longer serves them, but sir,
(04:00):
keeps them from moving forward into creating their own life
Amplified is this story around money. I wanted to talk
a little bit, I guess to start today just about
how we even build a relationship with money, because I
think for somebody listening today, you hear the word relationship,
you think about mom and dad, you think about your partner,
you think about your friends, maybe your pet. But some
people don't even realize that we have a relationship with money.
(04:25):
Might be good, it's usually kind of shitty. How do
we end up creating that relationship and how do we
heal it if we feel that money has just become
a huge burden and a weight on our shoulders in
our life. First of all, let me just say we
all do have a relationship with money. So whether somebody
is on an entrepreneurial path or not, this is a
(04:45):
relevant topic for everybody, and I share the same excitement
with you and the feeling that this is really going
to be a quantum leap for people. It's funny because
for me as a coach, nobody wants to talk about
this particular relationship, right They'd rather talk about their career,
or their marriage, or their dreams, or let's not talk
(05:07):
about money. Because most people, and certainly I would say
the average American, this is not a fun thing to
talk about. But ironically, for me, it's actually one of
my favorite conversations to have because I realize it's one
of the biggest opportunities for healing for people. And so
here's the analogy that I always use here, Damn you know,
in those romantic comedies, you'll have two characters and let's
(05:30):
say they live down the hall from one another, but
they are not on good terms. They keep annoying each
other and they just don't get along. And one day
they both happened to be writing the elevator at the
same time, and the elevator breaks down. And now these
two neighbors, who are not on good terms and have
been in complete avoidance, now have to sit there with
(05:52):
one another for four hours until the elevator gets fixed.
That's truly how I feel most people are with money,
that this is a relationship that whether they like it
or not, we live on an economic planet and they
have this relationship in their life. It's not good. And
most people, I would say, are exactly the word I use.
They're in avoidance. How do you know if you're an avoidance.
(06:14):
I'll help you figure this out in the first two
minutes of the show. You are in avoidance. If you
do not open bank or credit card statements or accounts ever,
you are in avoidance. If you have no clue what
debt you have or where you are in paying it off,
you are in avoidance. If you are not sure how
much money you are bringing in or how much money
(06:35):
is going out at any time. I could go on,
but the bottom line is most people seem to be
in avoidance with this area of their life. And I
think step one for all of us then is we
almost got to get stuck in the elevator by choice
and say, you know what, this may not be fun,
this may not be easy, this may not be comfortable
work to do, but I really need to look at
(06:57):
this relationship in my life and I need to sit
with it, and I need to figure out what's going
on here, because, just like any other relationship, sometimes we
bring in our past trauma into a romantic relationship, right.
We bring that in from one career to the next.
You've had an instance where you've been in a romantic
relationship and you say something and your partner gets triggered
(07:20):
and you don't even know why they're angry, but there's
like this visceral reaction, and we bring a lot of
baggage and trauma into this relationship with money. Most of
it is generational. There's so many messages that we get
early on growing up as kids about either what it
means to have money, what it means to not have money,
we get messages about what it means when other people
(07:40):
have it and we don't. How do we get clear
on what is real when we look at the reality
of our finances versus what is some stuff that our
parents told us because we grew up in a home
where we were told money doesn't grow on trees, or
that we grew up in a home where they've quoted
Bible scripture and use that as a reason to say
it wasn't spiritual to have money. Yeah, well, I would
(08:03):
say the most real place that we could start is
this true struggle is not required. That's where I begin.
Struggle is not required. Struggle is a story and a
pattern that gets passed down, but it is not an
objective reality that you must experience. It is simply not required.
(08:26):
And you know, Dan, I think there's two places that
people get the harmful money ideas, thoughts, and beliefs from.
One is childhood, and you're absolutely right. For a lot
of people, it's parents, it's family, it's relatives and how
they were raised. But I would also add to that
it's also culture. I don't remember hearing a lot about
(08:48):
money one way or the other from my immediate family,
but something that I always point to as just a
memory of where I was out financially, what I was
hearing at the time. When I was home from work
in my first job right after college, and I was
home for five months because of an injury. I remember
(09:11):
I would watch TV in the daytime, and if you
just ever pause and listen to the programming, listen to
these daytime shows, Listen especially to the commercials. The entire
narrative is one of struggle, right, people who got screwed over,
and people in bankruptcy, and people getting evicted, And the
narrative of struggle is so prevalent, and so I think
(09:34):
sometimes it comes from childhood, and I think sometimes it
comes from culture to recognize this is not an objective
fact of life, this is a pattern that's been passed
down to me. I think there is so much power
in that, because there's a lot of people listening today
and this is so deeply ingrained in you, but you
actually just believe this is how life works. And yet
(09:57):
the reality is there are so many people having a
different experience. You don't have to struggle. You had a
point on social media recently, and it's actually how you
and I engaged on this topic and decided to record
a podcast. When you talk about the media, there are
a lot of people who are the quote unquote financial
gurus who are the experts in the space on finances,
(10:20):
who also perpetuate those feelings of stress and lack and
panic around money. Can you speak a little bit, we
don't have to name names today, but to the video
that you watched recently and how it really changed the
conversation for you on how you approach this with clients.
Long story less long here. I ended up watching a
(10:41):
video on YouTube from a very popular financial guru and
based on the last numbers that I've read, twelve million
people are listening to or watching this guru every single
day getting advice from them. So you know, naturally, Dan,
I work with people all across America and around the
world on, among other things, their relationship with money. I
(11:04):
wanted to know what are twelve million people in this
country listening to when it comes to their finances. And
I have to tell you I made it through almost
the whole video, but not without literally feeling anxious, feeling afraid,
feeling a sense of dread and discouragement and anst and
(11:25):
by the time this video ended. I literally had to
drink some tea and I felt sick to my stomach,
and I just thought, I gotta turn this off. This
is atrocious. And I have the best relationship with money
and experience with money I've had in my entire life.
So I'm sitting there thinking if this video got to
me that much, where would I have been at? You know,
(11:45):
if this video came to me several years ago, in
the height of my money struggles and what I was
experiencing as a struggle at the time, this video would
have destroyed me. I don't want to go into it
anymore than that, but all I'll say is, even though
the advice given in this video was supposedly quote unquote
the right advice or the right council, the energy of
(12:07):
this video was worry, stress, fear, anxiety, struggle, suffering, and
punishment underneath that Isn't it also like a huge amount
of shame. We carry so much shame around money, don't we.
Absolutely on the majority of people calling in, there was
an energy of guilt or shame created about Well, you
(12:30):
should never have gotten into that much student debt, Well,
you should never have bought those things. Well, you should
never have made those decisions. All I know from a
coaching perspective is if we begin from that place energetically,
it's not gonna end. Wow. You know, I always quote
Elizabeth Gilbert as saying, guilt is the egos way of
(12:50):
making us think we're making progress when we're really not.
There's a lot of people and this is a lightbulb
for millions of people today. There's a lot of people
who believe if they guilt, shame and punish themselves enough
for their past decisions with money, they'll get to a
better space with money. And unfortunately, I have to tell
(13:12):
you it never works. Oh one more time, if you
guilt or shame yourself enough for your past decisions, that
somehow you're going to get to the other side and
be in a better place. That's what so many people believe.
And all it does is perpetuate more of the shame cycle,
right right, What is the tricky hanging about guilt? And
(13:33):
somebody's listening to this for money, but this is actually
a revelation about guilt that goes far beyond this one area.
Any time you buy into guilt, guilt operates at the
level of cause, and we know the law of cause
and effect is always in motion. We know cause and
effect is always at play, and we are at the
level of cause in our lives, as you've heard Dan
(13:54):
talk about. So if we institute guilt and buy into
guilt at the level of cause, the effect it always
carries with it is punishment. And so the problem is,
if you believe that you're guilty when it comes to money,
you must end up punishing yourself. And that's the cycle
(14:14):
you're gonna stay in. And that's true for guilt in
any area, including relationships, including career, including sex, including anything.
When you buy into guilt, someone has to be punished,
and you end up punishing yourself. So it's it's a
very toxic pattern to get in with our money. The
way this would play out in reality, because I've heard
(14:34):
this story so many times, the people who went and
got that master's degree and they took out loans thinking
that the master's degree he was either going to make
them feel enough or help them advance in their career,
and it didn't get the desired results. But then they
shame themselves and beat themselves up. Oh now I have
all this debt, and it keeps them in that low
vibration where you know, it just keeps them focused at
(14:57):
the level of the problem. Right, And actually, I'm glad
you're bringing up debt. This is one of the most
practical things I think we can address today when it
comes to debt. If you view debt like a prison,
as so many people have been taught to do, you
can't move forward. And not only can you not move forward,
it's like you won't give yourself permission to be enjoy Right.
(15:22):
There's a lot of people who don't think they can
relax and rest and enjoy their life because I'm in
this prison of debt and I need to get free
from it before I can x y Z. That is
such an unhelpful paradigm, and I always want people to
know the real story for me is that I started
my business with over thirty dollars of medical related debt,
(15:45):
and I never let it stop me and I never
let it be a prison, and eventually it got paid
off because I generated more income and change my financial situation.
But I really believe I would still be carrying every
penny of that debt to this day if I viewed
it as a prison and paused my life until I
could resolve. Ah, you are so speaking my language today.
(16:08):
Somebody's life has changed on that one right there today,
And this ties seamlessly into the next point I wanted
to make. While we're on the idea of debts and
all the stress and the weights that we carry because
of it, I know one of the things you talk about, like,
at the end of the day, we don't really have
a debt problem. Some people might have a spending problem,
(16:30):
but that's not even necessarily the case. For somebody who
is really feeling overwhelmed financially, you believe that there's only
one real problem that they have. Can you explain what
that is and how they can begin to shift their
mindset there, Let's say somebody is making for just to
choose a number, we're gonna say thirty thousand dollars a year. Right,
(16:53):
Let's say somebody is making thirty thousand dollars a year,
whether or not they have fifty dollars of debt, fifteen
thousand dollars of debt, or a hundred fifty thousand dollars
of debt or greater any of those situations, the debt
is going to feel like an extremely overwhelming thing. But
how will we ever tackle conquer defeat, and yet I'm
(17:16):
exactly what you said. I'm going to say, the core
problem is not a debt problem. The core problem is
an income problem, which is beyond just the debt discussion.
Thirty thousand dollars a year is not enough for this person,
for their lifestyle, for their desires, for their dreams. And
(17:36):
I think a lot of financial experts would then come
in and say, well, then give up the desires, then
let go of the dreams, the lifestyle. You know, That's
not what I'm gonna say. I'm going to say, We've
got to upgrade the income so that you can really
have the life that you want. I believe everybody gets
to have the life that they want. We were not
(17:56):
here to be deprived. God is not depriving you. The
universe is not depriving you. So how can we upgrade
your income so you can have the life that you want?
That's my question, And I really do believe if it's
not everybody, it's people. This income problem is where we
really need to start, not the debt. If we're going
to upgrade our income, this is just my opinion. Tell
(18:19):
me how you feel about this. Does it also require
us to upgrade our expectations for our life and ourselves,
because there are some people that go, well, I'm gonna
upgrade my income, but I'm gonna go take this low paying,
soul sucking, fifty hour a week job I have, and
I'm going to pick up a part time job that
is equally soul sucking that is also not aligned with
(18:43):
who I am, my gifts, my talents, my purpose. And
I'm gonna double up the stress to make pennies on
the dollar for what I'm worth. That just perpetuates more
of the stress. So how do we upgrade the income
in a way that feels good to us, that is
exciting and can really help us take a quantum leap.
When I said we need to upgrade the income, I
(19:05):
think two different groups of people heard two different things.
One type of person, when I say we've got to
upgrade our income, they hear me say it's about to
get a lot harder. And another type of person hears
me say it gets to be a lot better. And
so let's unpack that. Some people, upon this idea of
(19:27):
I need to upgrade my income, the only way they
know how to do that is well, I guess I
could add to bartending jobs work myself to death ninety
hours a week, and I guess have no money or
no time, but more money at the end of the day.
So I'm gonna upgrade my income that way. That is
the pattern of I'm just gonna work much harder, and
it's gonna get a lot harder, and it's gonna take
(19:48):
a lot out of me and be you know, all
kinds of struggle and strain and sacrifice, but I'll upgrade
my income. That is not what I teach or what
I'm suggesting today. My paradigm of upgrading your income is
it gets to be better. You get to do more
of what you love, you get to be in the
best possible environment and situation for you, and you get
(20:11):
to make more money than you've ever made before. That's
the paradigm I'm inviting people to step into and to
open up to and believe in. Not it gets to
be harder, but it gets to be a lot better.
So ultimately, the paradigm shift that we're talking about is
taking the focus away from how do I earn another
paycheck and really shifting into how do I start discovering
(20:35):
my purpose and bring that to life. Because when I'm
aligned with the purpose. I'm in a flow, the work
feels easy and natural, it is fun, and it generally
means that I'm solving problems for people which will always
come back to me in the form of financial abundance. Right.
I really believe in this concept that Gay Hendricks introduced
(20:56):
to the world decades ago, that we all have a
zone of genius, which is where we are really most
in our flow and doing what we love, but also,
as you mentioned, solving problems and contributing to the world.
And so what I teach my clients is the more
you are in your zone of genius, the more wealth
(21:18):
and abundance and prosperity awaits you there. And the good
news about this, and I wish more entrepreneur has told
the truth about this. The good news is you don't
have to be an entrepreneur to be in your zone
of genius and living in an experience of prosperity. I
know many, many people who have a boss, who go
to a job, who work for somebody else, who are
(21:39):
very much in their zone of genius and prospering in it.
And so please hear me today, I am not here
to pitch everybody needs to become a coach or even
everybody needs to become an entrepreneur. What I want to
invite people to look at is how could you sink
deeper into that zone of genius for you? And if
you not only do, but if you own it and
(22:01):
you stand in the value that you're bringing, whether it's
to your clients, to your customers, to your employer, you
can begin to receive more than you have before, more
than you have in the past, more than you thought possible. Beautiful.
One of the other things that you talk about a
lot is it pertains, I guess financially, but also is
(22:21):
a life approach is living in the flow of yes,
that we're meant to live in a flow of yes.
What does that mean? Though? I'm so glad you brought
this up, because this gets down to what do I
actually believe that money exists for? Right? I don't believe
money exists so that we can just accumulate it for
(22:44):
no reason. In my life, in my experience with my clients,
money is a vehicle so that we can say yes,
yes to God, source the universe, Yes to ourselves, Yes
to our fashion, our purpose, our dreams. Money, from my
experience and understanding, is really just something that allows us
(23:07):
to say yes. You know, there's infinite examples I could
give of saying yes. But you know, I always think
of this famous story with Louise Hey, that Louise Hey
wanted to do something to address and help with the
HIV AIDS crisis back in the eighties and nineties, And
so what did Louise Hey have the means to do?
(23:28):
She had the means to put on I think it
was a million dollars or more into the efforts that
she wanted the support to tangibly make a difference and
save people's lives. Right, money enabled her to say yes.
And whether we're talking about a career path you want
to pursue charity work that you want to support, a
message that you want to get out to the world,
(23:48):
money is there so that you get to say yes
and move forward and the money support you in doing
that rather than being the excuse why you can't. Somebody
listening today is going Stephen Dan, I've said yes. I've
said yes to myself. I said yes to buying the
Lexus December to Remember sales vehicle for the holidays. I
(24:11):
said yes to taking to Disney cruises with the family
last year. I said yes to buying the new designer clothes,
and now I got sixty dollars in debt. I don't
have a way to pay it off. Somebody is thinking
that today, what would you say to that person? To
that person, I would say, the yes that really matters
(24:31):
the most is the yes to your purpose. And if
the yes the saying is not grounded in that place,
it might give you something in the short term, but
it's a shallow or a superficial yes. And so one
of the things I know, we talked about this the
last time I was on your podcast, is the idea
of we are meant to be creating our lives from
(24:54):
the inside out. And that is the kind of yes
I am referring to. Where there's a dream in my
heart that won't go away, or there's a desire in
my heart that just keeps talking to me. What if
I am meant to say yes to that, that's the
kind of yes we're referring to. And you know, Dan,
there's a quote I love that says, if you don't
(25:17):
choose your own I am, you're going to be at
the mercy of other people's you are. With a lot
of the examples you just shared. I'm hearing some externally
based outside in yes is where we're looking for validation
or looking for some external thing to magically fix our lives.
(25:39):
Those yeses do not end well. But that's not the
yes that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the flow
of yes, of saying yes to what is in your heart.
And by the way, sometimes it is material things that
allow and support and go along with the yes. There's
no problem with that. Get the car, get the handbag,
(25:59):
get house. I would love to celebrate with you for
all of those things. However, you want to make sure
that you're saying yes from a place of I am
walking in purpose and living from the inside out, and
that is where the value and validation comes from, not
I think this g wagon is going to make me happy,
or that it's going to make me look like enough
(26:19):
to the neighbors, or that I'm keeping up with the
joneses you know across the stream. And that brings up
the point that's not even your yes, that's somebody else's yes,
and there's people listening who. You've said yes to what
your parents want your whole life. You've said yes to
what the religion or church wants, you've said yes to
(26:41):
what society thinks looks good. I'm talking about your own
yes that may not look anything like that. You know.
I'll share a story here from my own personal experience,
something that I went through, because I think that sometimes
one of the biggest challenges is for people, Yes, it's
stepping into abundance, but the moment that you really start
(27:01):
to taste that abundance is trusting that it will stay.
You know, a lot of times we talk about being
avoidant with money, but the the flip side to that
is having an anxious attachment with money and being afraid
that money will leave you or that it will go away.
I've talked a lot about on the podcast about my
journey from leaving a cushy six figure job and nearly
(27:21):
going bankrupt to bouncing back and building this business where
last year was my highest earning year as an adult,
but in a way that felt really aligned and felt
like I was walking in my purpose. And I made
it this decision last year because the months between August
and September was crazy abundance in my life. I made
more money in that two months than I think I
(27:42):
made total in I was just serving a lot of people.
There were many blessings. Financial abundance was happening, and I
made that decision in the moment that this is where
I'm going to pursue a dream that's always been important
to me. I know that I thrive when I'm living
on the water. I know that I've always felt a
pull to come move here to San Diego and Stephen.
(28:03):
Literally the minute I signed the lease on this place
that I'm in right now in October, I felt as
if everything dried up, like all of a sudden, all
the abundance and the new opportunities and the new income
generating opportunities, I couldn't see them anymore. The answers that
used to be a yes that I was getting it
all become a no. And it really put me into
(28:23):
a bit of a tailspin at the end of last year,
where I started to question, Oh my god, what if
this was all a fluke. What if this me living
on the beach in San Diego is just some egotistical
thing for me. What if I don't really deserve that
and I've stepped away. I had so many stories that
(28:44):
didn't empower me and spun me out, and I know
that that happens for a lot of people in the
irony is is the minute that I moved here and
put myself back in the energy of what I desire.
Everything picked right back up, and I'm having like a
record month of business and jail anuary. But sometimes it's
that faith piece. It is so hard to believe that
(29:04):
the good times will last. This could be with money,
it could be with relationships. This is why some people
sabotage relationships. But how do we manage the inverse of
the avoidance with money, which is the anxious feelings about
it going away and leaving us first and foremost. I
want people to realize whether you're in avoidance or anxious attachment,
(29:24):
those are two sides of the same coin, which is
called fear. The person and avoidance is absolutely in fear,
and the fear just looks like I don't open the envelopes,
I throw them away when they come into mail, if
I even check the mail. Right the person and anxious
attachment is checking the account every thirty minutes wondering why
(29:45):
more money hasn't come in papal yet. That's both driven
by fear. So I'm gonna say two sides of the
same coin, same vibration of fear either way, you don't
trust it to be there for you. What you're describing
is extremely normal for people and extremely common, and I
think the reason is we have been taught that struggle
(30:07):
is normal. So when we break out of that experience
and we start to have another one, not only does
it feel like a fluke. And I love that you
use that word, because that's I've been there, my clients
have been there. That's often what it feels like to
people is a fluke. But it almost feels like you're
cheating the system somehow, like how am I really getting
away with this? I think a lot of people feel
(30:29):
that way. And again, the reason we feel that way
is that paradigm has become so normalized that it feels like, well,
we must have just cheated the system for a hot
minute here, but it's gonna dry up soon. And so
one of the most important things we've got to do
is normalize the good. Normalize that it's supposed to be easy.
(30:52):
Normalized that it doesn't require sacrifice and struggle. Normalize that
we're continually making more and more, that it's continually getting
better and better. This is why I often encourage clients
whoever you're working with, whoever your coaches, don't be the
person that hires somebody makes a bunch of money that
like you've never made before and then says, well, I'm
(31:14):
good to go, thanks so much, and then tries to
do it on your own. You may have brought in
some good, but you didn't integrate it and you didn't
normalize it right, and so it's not a stable experience
in your life yet. And that's so important. I think
the most you know two thousand eight team certainly taught
me this. The most important work I do with my
(31:35):
clients is often integrating and normalizing the good. There's a
lot of work that you can do there. What I
would the one thing I would just offer today is
this an idea that frees people frequently with This is
the idea that wealth is a frequency, Prosperity is a frequency,
Abundance is a frequency. And so here's what that knowledge
(31:59):
does for you. If you understand that, you know that
the frequency is real, it already exists, it's always been there,
it's always been available to you. It's always been an
option and it always will be. So you can always
go back to that frequency which has always been there
(32:19):
and has always been inside of you. When you understand that,
you understand wealth is not this fleeting thing that maybe
I had a moment of, but it's gonna leave and
never return. No. Wealth is a frequency, And any time
I go back to that truth, I can experience that
because it's always been there, it's always been inside of me,
(32:41):
it's always been available to me. These are the kinds
of things we've got to understand to normalize the good
and be able to keep living in it. That is
absolutely incredible. And I knew that you were just going
to come on and drop bombs all over the place
today for people that we're going to blow their minds.
But let's take this back now. For the person listening
(33:02):
today who is staying in the job that's beneath them
and the soul sucking job they're not living their purpose
because they say I can't monetize it. For the person
who is avoiding and has a stack of credit card
statements that they haven't opened since like Christmas of last
year because they just don't want to deal with it.
For the person who is obsessing over the student loan debt.
(33:24):
What would be the first three actionable small steps that
are going to help them turn things around in their
life here in twenty nineteen, what is going to make
this the year they build an empowered, positive, exciting, loving,
passionate relationship with money. So I have three recommendations for
(33:48):
what I heard. There as kind of three different scenarios
that somebody could be in. Okay, so let's start with
this one. For the person who's in a job that
you don't joy, don't think that you have something you
can monetize, and don't see a way out. For that person,
I think what's most needed is a new paradigm about
(34:10):
work and career and purpose. And so I'm actually gonna
make a book recommendation. This isn't my book, I'm not
an affiliate, I have no monetary reason to back this.
I just believe in it. For that person, I'm going
to recommend that you get the Gay Hendricks classic. It's
entitled The Big Leap, and that book will get you
(34:32):
into the paradigm that you're actually meant to be doing
work you love and life is supposed to get better
and better. So for the person stuck in the job,
that's my action step for them. Get The Big Leap,
read it and report back. To us about how it
changed the way you think forever. For the person who
is in the situation of I avoid everything, I don't
(34:54):
open the statements, that I can't check my account whatever,
this is gonna be the hardest homework of the three.
I'll warn you right now. But at some point the
person in this category is going to have to rip
the band aid off and get out of avoidance. There's
no way to make this necessarily easy or sexy, but
(35:14):
all I can tell you is there's power and freedom
on the other side of it. And what I would
recommend to that person is you're going to have to
at some point look at the numbers, face the fact,
and just get it all out in front of you.
How much are you consistently bringing in, how much is
consistently going out, and how much do you owe? Again,
(35:37):
nobody wants to do this, I know because I avoided
it myself for months when I was in the worst
of the money stuff right, But it is single handedly
the most powerful thing you can do, because until you
have the awareness, you don't know how to move forward.
So for the person who is an avoidance of everything,
that's the unsuckedy but will change your life. Next at
(36:00):
and here's the deal. It's really not as scary as
you think once the numbers are in front of you,
because you don't here. Here's the good news. You don't
have to solve it all today. You don't have to
feel like it's a prison. You don't have to freak
out about it, and you don't have to feel like
you have to solve it all today. You just need
to stand in your power of knowing where you're at.
(36:22):
By the way, this is what CEOs do. Don't don't
think that this is just a low income problem. CEOs
have to continually look at the numbers and know where
they're at, whether or not it looks good at the moment.
Step into your CEO self, look at the numbers, face
the facts so you can know how to move forwardward.
That's my action step for category two. And then category
(36:44):
three is the person who just feels insurmountable debt, student loan, debt,
credit card. I don't care what it is insurmountable of
that feels overwhelming. This action stuff gets really fun. My
action stup for this person is figure out what you're
able to pay, whether it's the minimum or something a
little bit more. Figure out what you're able to pay
(37:04):
on that debt. Set that so it automatically happens, and
it's truly not something you have to give any more
energy and mental energy, especially to anymore. And then go
back to the income question of how can I bring
more money in? That is such a fun action step
to me, Dan, because that is really what I did
(37:25):
with my business. I had student loan debt, I had
medical debt, and I had credit card debt. And I
faced the facts kind of related to action step two.
I looked at what do I need to pay on
each one of these to at least pay the minimum?
And what can I pay? Do you know where can
I pay more? I set it all up and these
(37:45):
were little payments, right, Some of these were like payments
but I set up but I could be paying. And
then I went back to the income question. So the
default question in my brain every day was not how
am I going to get out of debt? How am
I going to get that? The default question was how
can we create and receive more income? And that question
(38:06):
led to a much better result which allowed me to
pay off the debt. So that's my action step for
category three is figure out a plan with the debt
that's automated, and then be done giving your mental energy
to it and get back to the income question. Well,
I promised people at the top of the episode that
somebody's life is going to change today, and I am
confident and I can say with certainty that this conversation
(38:30):
has led to that. Stephen, you are always full of
amazing wisdom. You're always inspiring to follow up on social media.
You're one of the ones out there who are practicing
what you preach, and I know that that doesn't always
happen in our space. So for people who want to
get in touch with you on social media, how can
(38:50):
they find you? And if they want to go deeper
here in the money conversation with you, how do they
do that? Sure? Well, all my social media links you
can get to out America's Life coach us. I know
some people are Twitter people, some people are Instagram lovers,
which I've recently become. Some people are still hanging out
on Facebook, which I also really love. But you can
(39:11):
find me on all those platforms and all the links
are at America's Life Coach dot us. I would also
say to somebody who's really ready to do a deep
dive and really heel and transform and shift this relationship.
There's a program that I have available on demand. It's
called Money Flow Forever, and it is a deep dive
(39:33):
comprehensive across the board, from debt to savings, to income
to worry to flow. You are going to transform your
entire relationship with money. Not everybody listening is honestly interested
in or ready for that kind of work, and that's okay.
What I want for everybody is to take your next
step wherever you're at, whatever that looks like for you.
(39:55):
But if you are ready for that comprehensive, I'm gonna
dedicate my time over the next three months to do
this work and to change this relationship. Money Flow Forever
is on my site. You're welcome to message us through
any of the social media channels. My team would love
to talk to you about it, but Money Flow Forever
is available to you. But you know, Dan, what I
(40:16):
want everybody to hear from me as we close today
is just this, wherever your relationship with money is that
right now? Understand, I don't care how bad you think
it is. I've seen worse, I promise you. No matter
where it is, it is subject to change, and I
promise you can have a different relationship and experience with
(40:39):
money much sooner than you think. I've seen it change
for myself. I've seen it change for my clients. It
does not have to take decades. And it is possible
for you that one year, three years, five years, even
six months from now, you could be living in a
completely different reality with money. So I know that it's
possible and take the next step, whatever that looks like
(41:02):
for you. You know, I've talked about it on the podcast.
You know, this idea of living here in La Joya
two years ago was my tenure plan, and sure here
it is happening in January of this year. So when
you focus and let go of the struggle, when you
focus on solutions, when you take responsibility to create whatever
it is in your life, whether it be financially, relationship, career,
(41:24):
life gets really good in a hurry. And uh, Stephan,
it's always great to have you on the podcast. I
love you, my man. Now that I'm in southern California,
we're gonna have to get the tilly Is and get
together this year and go do a Disney Day or something.
But but I really appreciate you taking the time. I
know you've inspired some people today and we'll be sure
to keep following you on social media for more inspiration. Well,
(41:46):
thank you as always for the opportunity, Dan, and to
everybody listening just now, you are prayed over. You have
been prayed over in advance as you listen to this,
and we are blessing you out of the struggle and
into the flow into the truth of who you really are.
So sending everybody lots of love. Thank you so much, Dan,
(42:07):
I was so excited to release this episode to the
world today. I just love the content. Stephen is incredible
and always a pleasure to have him on the podcast.
So if you're feeling the content, please share this with
your friends and let Stephane and I know you're listening.
You can screenshop the podcast uploaded to Instagram and Twitter.
You can tag me at c sc Dan Mason, and
(42:29):
you can find Stephen at Dr Love Grove. Hey and
I get in. I know there's some of you out
there who've been waiting for your money situation to change
before you make that investment in yourself in maybe you're
feeling a little bit different after listening to this content
this week. If you are looking for a mentor to
help you break through. You can find out how to
(42:50):
get on the waiting list to work with me in
February at my website Creative Soul Coaching dot net. Just
click on the application, fill it out, and moll schedule
a compliment rate thirty minute discovery call. We'll talk more
about your goals this year and how coaching can help
you rapidly accelerate your progress. Thank you so much for
spending time with me this week. If you're moved to
(43:10):
do so, please leave us those five star ratings and
reviews up on Apple, or just give us a follow
here on the I Heart Radio app. And in the meantime,
turned down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can get out there
and live life amplified. I love you for listening. We'll
talk next week.
Episode fifty four, How to Improve your Relationship with Money
with America's Life coach Stephen love Grove. My name is
Dan Mason in I was overweight, getting divorced, battling depression,
and feeling trapped in a career where I was successful
but bored and unfulfilled. And it's actually the greatest gift
(00:20):
I've ever been given. I use my pain as a
springboard to discover my life's purpose. Now I want to
share the same tools and strategies which helped transform my
life with you so you can live life amplify. And
his landmark book Think and Grow Rich. Napoleon Hill once said,
there are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge.
(00:42):
Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought. And
I know that that's a hard thing to accept if
you're a person who has been in blame around your
money situation for many years. It's easy to blame our
finances on the government, on a broken economy, on our
employee air that doesn't pay us what we're worth. Yet,
as is the case with any major life transformation, it
(01:05):
happens from the inside out. So we really want to
help you master your inner game. This week so that
you can create an empowered relationship with money and attract
more of it. So to help us do this, I
called up one of the best people I know to
have the conversation with our friend, Stephen love Grove. It's
his second time on the podcast. He's known as America's
life coach. He takes entrepreneurs, celebrities, and world leaders to
(01:29):
the next level, and over the course of the next
forty minutes, he is going to drop so many nuggets
of wisdom on you that could forever shift your money paradigm.
Some of the things we're going to discuss this week
is how to know if you're an avoidant attachment or
anxious attachment when it comes to your relationship with money,
Why struggle is not required when it comes to building
(01:49):
a healthy relationship and a wealthy bank account, where many
of our stories about money really come from. He'll tell
us why shaming yourself for your past with money won't
at you to a better space financially, and why treating
debt is a jail you need to punish yourself for
isn't the right life approach. He'll tell us why you
don't really have a debt problem as much as an
(02:12):
income problem and how adding the right income is the
true way to building the best relationship with money. Plus
we'll discuss why harnessing your zone a genius brings you
true wealth and prosperity and all aspects of your life.
This is going to be such an amazing conversation. I
truly believe that if you come with an open heart
in an open mind this week, that this episode could
(02:34):
change your life. And if you're loving the content you here,
please let Stephan and I know you're listening. You can
screenshot the podcast uploaded to your Instagram stories. Be sure
to tag me at c sc Dan Mason and you
can find him at Dr Love Grove. Be sure to
share this with the people in your life, especially the
ones you know who are really trying to get back
(02:55):
up on their feet financially in and if you're still
moved to do so, we would love for you to
leave those five star ratings and reviews. It helps us
get this message out to more people, so you can
do that at Apple Podcast or just give us a
follow here on the I Heart Radio app. Get Ready,
This is gonna be such an inspirational, life changing forty
(03:15):
minutes with America's life coach, Stephen love Grow. Stephen Love Grow,
my friend, welcome back to Life Amplified. So good to
be back, one of my favorite podcasts to listen to
and to be on. And I just I love him
so much, so welcome back to me. I'm very glad
to be here. I've been so lit up. I've woke
up this morning just so stoked because I truly believe
(03:38):
that this conversation we're gonna have today is going to
create a quantum leap in somebody's life. You and I,
you know, we do similar work coaching, and we've heard
a lot of the similar stories out there, and most
of the things that keep people stuck, whether it be
in a soul sucking, shitty job that they hate, sometimes
in a toxic marriage that no longer serves them, but sir,
(04:00):
keeps them from moving forward into creating their own life
Amplified is this story around money. I wanted to talk
a little bit, I guess to start today just about
how we even build a relationship with money, because I
think for somebody listening today, you hear the word relationship,
you think about mom and dad, you think about your partner,
you think about your friends, maybe your pet. But some
people don't even realize that we have a relationship with money.
(04:25):
Might be good, it's usually kind of shitty. How do
we end up creating that relationship and how do we
heal it if we feel that money has just become
a huge burden and a weight on our shoulders in
our life. First of all, let me just say we
all do have a relationship with money. So whether somebody
is on an entrepreneurial path or not, this is a
(04:45):
relevant topic for everybody, and I share the same excitement
with you and the feeling that this is really going
to be a quantum leap for people. It's funny because
for me as a coach, nobody wants to talk about
this particular relationship, right They'd rather talk about their career,
or their marriage, or their dreams, or let's not talk
(05:07):
about money. Because most people, and certainly I would say
the average American, this is not a fun thing to
talk about. But ironically, for me, it's actually one of
my favorite conversations to have because I realize it's one
of the biggest opportunities for healing for people. And so
here's the analogy that I always use here, Damn you know,
in those romantic comedies, you'll have two characters and let's
(05:30):
say they live down the hall from one another, but
they are not on good terms. They keep annoying each
other and they just don't get along. And one day
they both happened to be writing the elevator at the
same time, and the elevator breaks down. And now these
two neighbors, who are not on good terms and have
been in complete avoidance, now have to sit there with
(05:52):
one another for four hours until the elevator gets fixed.
That's truly how I feel most people are with money,
that this is a relationship that whether they like it
or not, we live on an economic planet and they
have this relationship in their life. It's not good. And
most people, I would say, are exactly the word I use.
They're in avoidance. How do you know if you're an avoidance.
(06:14):
I'll help you figure this out in the first two
minutes of the show. You are in avoidance. If you
do not open bank or credit card statements or accounts ever,
you are in avoidance. If you have no clue what
debt you have or where you are in paying it off,
you are in avoidance. If you are not sure how
much money you are bringing in or how much money
(06:35):
is going out at any time. I could go on,
but the bottom line is most people seem to be
in avoidance with this area of their life. And I
think step one for all of us then is we
almost got to get stuck in the elevator by choice
and say, you know what, this may not be fun,
this may not be easy, this may not be comfortable
work to do, but I really need to look at
(06:57):
this relationship in my life and I need to sit
with it, and I need to figure out what's going
on here, because, just like any other relationship, sometimes we
bring in our past trauma into a romantic relationship, right.
We bring that in from one career to the next.
You've had an instance where you've been in a romantic
relationship and you say something and your partner gets triggered
(07:20):
and you don't even know why they're angry, but there's
like this visceral reaction, and we bring a lot of
baggage and trauma into this relationship with money. Most of
it is generational. There's so many messages that we get
early on growing up as kids about either what it
means to have money, what it means to not have money,
we get messages about what it means when other people
(07:40):
have it and we don't. How do we get clear
on what is real when we look at the reality
of our finances versus what is some stuff that our
parents told us because we grew up in a home
where we were told money doesn't grow on trees, or
that we grew up in a home where they've quoted
Bible scripture and use that as a reason to say
it wasn't spiritual to have money. Yeah, well, I would
(08:03):
say the most real place that we could start is
this true struggle is not required. That's where I begin.
Struggle is not required. Struggle is a story and a
pattern that gets passed down, but it is not an
objective reality that you must experience. It is simply not required.
(08:26):
And you know, Dan, I think there's two places that
people get the harmful money ideas, thoughts, and beliefs from.
One is childhood, and you're absolutely right. For a lot
of people, it's parents, it's family, it's relatives and how
they were raised. But I would also add to that
it's also culture. I don't remember hearing a lot about
(08:48):
money one way or the other from my immediate family,
but something that I always point to as just a
memory of where I was out financially, what I was
hearing at the time. When I was home from work
in my first job right after college, and I was
home for five months because of an injury. I remember
(09:11):
I would watch TV in the daytime, and if you
just ever pause and listen to the programming, listen to
these daytime shows, Listen especially to the commercials. The entire
narrative is one of struggle, right, people who got screwed over,
and people in bankruptcy, and people getting evicted, And the
narrative of struggle is so prevalent, and so I think
(09:34):
sometimes it comes from childhood, and I think sometimes it
comes from culture to recognize this is not an objective
fact of life, this is a pattern that's been passed
down to me. I think there is so much power
in that, because there's a lot of people listening today
and this is so deeply ingrained in you, but you
actually just believe this is how life works. And yet
(09:57):
the reality is there are so many people having a
different experience. You don't have to struggle. You had a
point on social media recently, and it's actually how you
and I engaged on this topic and decided to record
a podcast. When you talk about the media, there are
a lot of people who are the quote unquote financial
gurus who are the experts in the space on finances,
(10:20):
who also perpetuate those feelings of stress and lack and
panic around money. Can you speak a little bit, we
don't have to name names today, but to the video
that you watched recently and how it really changed the
conversation for you on how you approach this with clients.
Long story less long here. I ended up watching a
(10:41):
video on YouTube from a very popular financial guru and
based on the last numbers that I've read, twelve million
people are listening to or watching this guru every single
day getting advice from them. So you know, naturally, Dan,
I work with people all across America and around the
world on, among other things, their relationship with money. I
(11:04):
wanted to know what are twelve million people in this
country listening to when it comes to their finances. And
I have to tell you I made it through almost
the whole video, but not without literally feeling anxious, feeling afraid,
feeling a sense of dread and discouragement and anst and
(11:25):
by the time this video ended. I literally had to
drink some tea and I felt sick to my stomach,
and I just thought, I gotta turn this off. This
is atrocious. And I have the best relationship with money
and experience with money I've had in my entire life.
So I'm sitting there thinking if this video got to
me that much, where would I have been at? You know,
(11:45):
if this video came to me several years ago, in
the height of my money struggles and what I was
experiencing as a struggle at the time, this video would
have destroyed me. I don't want to go into it
anymore than that, but all I'll say is, even though
the advice given in this video was supposedly quote unquote
the right advice or the right council, the energy of
(12:07):
this video was worry, stress, fear, anxiety, struggle, suffering, and
punishment underneath that Isn't it also like a huge amount
of shame. We carry so much shame around money, don't we.
Absolutely on the majority of people calling in, there was
an energy of guilt or shame created about Well, you
(12:30):
should never have gotten into that much student debt, Well,
you should never have bought those things. Well, you should
never have made those decisions. All I know from a
coaching perspective is if we begin from that place energetically,
it's not gonna end. Wow. You know, I always quote
Elizabeth Gilbert as saying, guilt is the egos way of
(12:50):
making us think we're making progress when we're really not.
There's a lot of people and this is a lightbulb
for millions of people today. There's a lot of people
who believe if they guilt, shame and punish themselves enough
for their past decisions with money, they'll get to a
better space with money. And unfortunately, I have to tell
(13:12):
you it never works. Oh one more time, if you
guilt or shame yourself enough for your past decisions, that
somehow you're going to get to the other side and
be in a better place. That's what so many people believe.
And all it does is perpetuate more of the shame cycle,
right right, What is the tricky hanging about guilt? And
(13:33):
somebody's listening to this for money, but this is actually
a revelation about guilt that goes far beyond this one area.
Any time you buy into guilt, guilt operates at the
level of cause, and we know the law of cause
and effect is always in motion. We know cause and
effect is always at play, and we are at the
level of cause in our lives, as you've heard Dan
(13:54):
talk about. So if we institute guilt and buy into
guilt at the level of cause, the effect it always
carries with it is punishment. And so the problem is,
if you believe that you're guilty when it comes to money,
you must end up punishing yourself. And that's the cycle
(14:14):
you're gonna stay in. And that's true for guilt in
any area, including relationships, including career, including sex, including anything.
When you buy into guilt, someone has to be punished,
and you end up punishing yourself. So it's it's a
very toxic pattern to get in with our money. The
way this would play out in reality, because I've heard
(14:34):
this story so many times, the people who went and
got that master's degree and they took out loans thinking
that the master's degree he was either going to make
them feel enough or help them advance in their career,
and it didn't get the desired results. But then they
shame themselves and beat themselves up. Oh now I have
all this debt, and it keeps them in that low
vibration where you know, it just keeps them focused at
(14:57):
the level of the problem. Right, And actually, I'm glad
you're bringing up debt. This is one of the most
practical things I think we can address today when it
comes to debt. If you view debt like a prison,
as so many people have been taught to do, you
can't move forward. And not only can you not move forward,
it's like you won't give yourself permission to be enjoy Right.
(15:22):
There's a lot of people who don't think they can
relax and rest and enjoy their life because I'm in
this prison of debt and I need to get free
from it before I can x y Z. That is
such an unhelpful paradigm, and I always want people to
know the real story for me is that I started
my business with over thirty dollars of medical related debt,
(15:45):
and I never let it stop me and I never
let it be a prison, and eventually it got paid
off because I generated more income and change my financial situation.
But I really believe I would still be carrying every
penny of that debt to this day if I viewed
it as a prison and paused my life until I
could resolve. Ah, you are so speaking my language today.
(16:08):
Somebody's life has changed on that one right there today,
And this ties seamlessly into the next point I wanted
to make. While we're on the idea of debts and
all the stress and the weights that we carry because
of it, I know one of the things you talk about, like,
at the end of the day, we don't really have
a debt problem. Some people might have a spending problem,
(16:30):
but that's not even necessarily the case. For somebody who
is really feeling overwhelmed financially, you believe that there's only
one real problem that they have. Can you explain what
that is and how they can begin to shift their
mindset there, Let's say somebody is making for just to
choose a number, we're gonna say thirty thousand dollars a year. Right,
(16:53):
Let's say somebody is making thirty thousand dollars a year,
whether or not they have fifty dollars of debt, fifteen
thousand dollars of debt, or a hundred fifty thousand dollars
of debt or greater any of those situations, the debt
is going to feel like an extremely overwhelming thing. But
how will we ever tackle conquer defeat, and yet I'm
(17:16):
exactly what you said. I'm going to say, the core
problem is not a debt problem. The core problem is
an income problem, which is beyond just the debt discussion.
Thirty thousand dollars a year is not enough for this person,
for their lifestyle, for their desires, for their dreams. And
(17:36):
I think a lot of financial experts would then come
in and say, well, then give up the desires, then
let go of the dreams, the lifestyle. You know, That's
not what I'm gonna say. I'm going to say, We've
got to upgrade the income so that you can really
have the life that you want. I believe everybody gets
to have the life that they want. We were not
(17:56):
here to be deprived. God is not depriving you. The
universe is not depriving you. So how can we upgrade
your income so you can have the life that you want?
That's my question, And I really do believe if it's
not everybody, it's people. This income problem is where we
really need to start, not the debt. If we're going
to upgrade our income, this is just my opinion. Tell
(18:19):
me how you feel about this. Does it also require
us to upgrade our expectations for our life and ourselves,
because there are some people that go, well, I'm gonna
upgrade my income, but I'm gonna go take this low paying,
soul sucking, fifty hour a week job I have, and
I'm going to pick up a part time job that
is equally soul sucking that is also not aligned with
(18:43):
who I am, my gifts, my talents, my purpose. And
I'm gonna double up the stress to make pennies on
the dollar for what I'm worth. That just perpetuates more
of the stress. So how do we upgrade the income
in a way that feels good to us, that is
exciting and can really help us take a quantum leap.
When I said we need to upgrade the income, I
(19:05):
think two different groups of people heard two different things.
One type of person, when I say we've got to
upgrade our income, they hear me say it's about to
get a lot harder. And another type of person hears
me say it gets to be a lot better. And
so let's unpack that. Some people, upon this idea of
(19:27):
I need to upgrade my income, the only way they
know how to do that is well, I guess I
could add to bartending jobs work myself to death ninety
hours a week, and I guess have no money or
no time, but more money at the end of the day.
So I'm gonna upgrade my income that way. That is
the pattern of I'm just gonna work much harder, and
it's gonna get a lot harder, and it's gonna take
(19:48):
a lot out of me and be you know, all
kinds of struggle and strain and sacrifice, but I'll upgrade
my income. That is not what I teach or what
I'm suggesting today. My paradigm of upgrading your income is
it gets to be better. You get to do more
of what you love, you get to be in the
best possible environment and situation for you, and you get
(20:11):
to make more money than you've ever made before. That's
the paradigm I'm inviting people to step into and to
open up to and believe in. Not it gets to
be harder, but it gets to be a lot better.
So ultimately, the paradigm shift that we're talking about is
taking the focus away from how do I earn another
paycheck and really shifting into how do I start discovering
(20:35):
my purpose and bring that to life. Because when I'm
aligned with the purpose. I'm in a flow, the work
feels easy and natural, it is fun, and it generally
means that I'm solving problems for people which will always
come back to me in the form of financial abundance. Right.
I really believe in this concept that Gay Hendricks introduced
(20:56):
to the world decades ago, that we all have a
zone of genius, which is where we are really most
in our flow and doing what we love, but also,
as you mentioned, solving problems and contributing to the world.
And so what I teach my clients is the more
you are in your zone of genius, the more wealth
(21:18):
and abundance and prosperity awaits you there. And the good
news about this, and I wish more entrepreneur has told
the truth about this. The good news is you don't
have to be an entrepreneur to be in your zone
of genius and living in an experience of prosperity. I
know many, many people who have a boss, who go
to a job, who work for somebody else, who are
(21:39):
very much in their zone of genius and prospering in it.
And so please hear me today, I am not here
to pitch everybody needs to become a coach or even
everybody needs to become an entrepreneur. What I want to
invite people to look at is how could you sink
deeper into that zone of genius for you? And if
you not only do, but if you own it and
(22:01):
you stand in the value that you're bringing, whether it's
to your clients, to your customers, to your employer, you
can begin to receive more than you have before, more
than you have in the past, more than you thought possible. Beautiful.
One of the other things that you talk about a
lot is it pertains, I guess financially, but also is
(22:21):
a life approach is living in the flow of yes,
that we're meant to live in a flow of yes.
What does that mean? Though? I'm so glad you brought
this up, because this gets down to what do I
actually believe that money exists for? Right? I don't believe
money exists so that we can just accumulate it for
(22:44):
no reason. In my life, in my experience with my clients,
money is a vehicle so that we can say yes,
yes to God, source the universe, Yes to ourselves, Yes
to our fashion, our purpose, our dreams. Money, from my
experience and understanding, is really just something that allows us
(23:07):
to say yes. You know, there's infinite examples I could
give of saying yes. But you know, I always think
of this famous story with Louise Hey, that Louise Hey
wanted to do something to address and help with the
HIV AIDS crisis back in the eighties and nineties, And
so what did Louise Hey have the means to do?
(23:28):
She had the means to put on I think it
was a million dollars or more into the efforts that
she wanted the support to tangibly make a difference and
save people's lives. Right, money enabled her to say yes.
And whether we're talking about a career path you want
to pursue charity work that you want to support, a
message that you want to get out to the world,
(23:48):
money is there so that you get to say yes
and move forward and the money support you in doing
that rather than being the excuse why you can't. Somebody
listening today is going Stephen Dan, I've said yes. I've
said yes to myself. I said yes to buying the
Lexus December to Remember sales vehicle for the holidays. I
(24:11):
said yes to taking to Disney cruises with the family
last year. I said yes to buying the new designer clothes,
and now I got sixty dollars in debt. I don't
have a way to pay it off. Somebody is thinking
that today, what would you say to that person? To
that person, I would say, the yes that really matters
(24:31):
the most is the yes to your purpose. And if
the yes the saying is not grounded in that place,
it might give you something in the short term, but
it's a shallow or a superficial yes. And so one
of the things I know, we talked about this the
last time I was on your podcast, is the idea
of we are meant to be creating our lives from
(24:54):
the inside out. And that is the kind of yes
I am referring to. Where there's a dream in my
heart that won't go away, or there's a desire in
my heart that just keeps talking to me. What if
I am meant to say yes to that, that's the
kind of yes we're referring to. And you know, Dan,
there's a quote I love that says, if you don't
(25:17):
choose your own I am, you're going to be at
the mercy of other people's you are. With a lot
of the examples you just shared. I'm hearing some externally
based outside in yes is where we're looking for validation
or looking for some external thing to magically fix our lives.
(25:39):
Those yeses do not end well. But that's not the
yes that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the flow
of yes, of saying yes to what is in your heart.
And by the way, sometimes it is material things that
allow and support and go along with the yes. There's
no problem with that. Get the car, get the handbag,
(25:59):
get house. I would love to celebrate with you for
all of those things. However, you want to make sure
that you're saying yes from a place of I am
walking in purpose and living from the inside out, and
that is where the value and validation comes from, not
I think this g wagon is going to make me happy,
or that it's going to make me look like enough
(26:19):
to the neighbors, or that I'm keeping up with the
joneses you know across the stream. And that brings up
the point that's not even your yes, that's somebody else's yes,
and there's people listening who. You've said yes to what
your parents want your whole life. You've said yes to
what the religion or church wants, you've said yes to
(26:41):
what society thinks looks good. I'm talking about your own
yes that may not look anything like that. You know.
I'll share a story here from my own personal experience,
something that I went through, because I think that sometimes
one of the biggest challenges is for people, Yes, it's
stepping into abundance, but the moment that you really start
(27:01):
to taste that abundance is trusting that it will stay.
You know, a lot of times we talk about being
avoidant with money, but the the flip side to that
is having an anxious attachment with money and being afraid
that money will leave you or that it will go away.
I've talked a lot about on the podcast about my
journey from leaving a cushy six figure job and nearly
(27:21):
going bankrupt to bouncing back and building this business where
last year was my highest earning year as an adult,
but in a way that felt really aligned and felt
like I was walking in my purpose. And I made
it this decision last year because the months between August
and September was crazy abundance in my life. I made
more money in that two months than I think I
(27:42):
made total in I was just serving a lot of people.
There were many blessings. Financial abundance was happening, and I
made that decision in the moment that this is where
I'm going to pursue a dream that's always been important
to me. I know that I thrive when I'm living
on the water. I know that I've always felt a
pull to come move here to San Diego and Stephen.
(28:03):
Literally the minute I signed the lease on this place
that I'm in right now in October, I felt as
if everything dried up, like all of a sudden, all
the abundance and the new opportunities and the new income
generating opportunities, I couldn't see them anymore. The answers that
used to be a yes that I was getting it
all become a no. And it really put me into
(28:23):
a bit of a tailspin at the end of last year,
where I started to question, Oh my god, what if
this was all a fluke. What if this me living
on the beach in San Diego is just some egotistical
thing for me. What if I don't really deserve that
and I've stepped away. I had so many stories that
(28:44):
didn't empower me and spun me out, and I know
that that happens for a lot of people in the
irony is is the minute that I moved here and
put myself back in the energy of what I desire.
Everything picked right back up, and I'm having like a
record month of business and jail anuary. But sometimes it's
that faith piece. It is so hard to believe that
(29:04):
the good times will last. This could be with money,
it could be with relationships. This is why some people
sabotage relationships. But how do we manage the inverse of
the avoidance with money, which is the anxious feelings about
it going away and leaving us first and foremost. I
want people to realize whether you're in avoidance or anxious attachment,
(29:24):
those are two sides of the same coin, which is
called fear. The person and avoidance is absolutely in fear,
and the fear just looks like I don't open the envelopes,
I throw them away when they come into mail, if
I even check the mail. Right the person and anxious
attachment is checking the account every thirty minutes wondering why
(29:45):
more money hasn't come in papal yet. That's both driven
by fear. So I'm gonna say two sides of the
same coin, same vibration of fear either way, you don't
trust it to be there for you. What you're describing
is extremely normal for people and extremely common, and I
think the reason is we have been taught that struggle
(30:07):
is normal. So when we break out of that experience
and we start to have another one, not only does
it feel like a fluke. And I love that you
use that word, because that's I've been there, my clients
have been there. That's often what it feels like to
people is a fluke. But it almost feels like you're
cheating the system somehow, like how am I really getting
away with this? I think a lot of people feel
(30:29):
that way. And again, the reason we feel that way
is that paradigm has become so normalized that it feels like, well,
we must have just cheated the system for a hot
minute here, but it's gonna dry up soon. And so
one of the most important things we've got to do
is normalize the good. Normalize that it's supposed to be easy.
(30:52):
Normalized that it doesn't require sacrifice and struggle. Normalize that
we're continually making more and more, that it's continually getting
better and better. This is why I often encourage clients
whoever you're working with, whoever your coaches, don't be the
person that hires somebody makes a bunch of money that
like you've never made before and then says, well, I'm
(31:14):
good to go, thanks so much, and then tries to
do it on your own. You may have brought in
some good, but you didn't integrate it and you didn't
normalize it right, and so it's not a stable experience
in your life yet. And that's so important. I think
the most you know two thousand eight team certainly taught
me this. The most important work I do with my
(31:35):
clients is often integrating and normalizing the good. There's a
lot of work that you can do there. What I
would the one thing I would just offer today is
this an idea that frees people frequently with This is
the idea that wealth is a frequency, Prosperity is a frequency,
Abundance is a frequency. And so here's what that knowledge
(31:59):
does for you. If you understand that, you know that
the frequency is real, it already exists, it's always been there,
it's always been available to you. It's always been an
option and it always will be. So you can always
go back to that frequency which has always been there
(32:19):
and has always been inside of you. When you understand that,
you understand wealth is not this fleeting thing that maybe
I had a moment of, but it's gonna leave and
never return. No. Wealth is a frequency, And any time
I go back to that truth, I can experience that
because it's always been there, it's always been inside of me,
(32:41):
it's always been available to me. These are the kinds
of things we've got to understand to normalize the good
and be able to keep living in it. That is
absolutely incredible. And I knew that you were just going
to come on and drop bombs all over the place
today for people that we're going to blow their minds.
But let's take this back now. For the person listening
(33:02):
today who is staying in the job that's beneath them
and the soul sucking job they're not living their purpose
because they say I can't monetize it. For the person
who is avoiding and has a stack of credit card
statements that they haven't opened since like Christmas of last
year because they just don't want to deal with it.
For the person who is obsessing over the student loan debt.
(33:24):
What would be the first three actionable small steps that
are going to help them turn things around in their
life here in twenty nineteen, what is going to make
this the year they build an empowered, positive, exciting, loving,
passionate relationship with money. So I have three recommendations for
(33:48):
what I heard. There as kind of three different scenarios
that somebody could be in. Okay, so let's start with
this one. For the person who's in a job that
you don't joy, don't think that you have something you
can monetize, and don't see a way out. For that person,
I think what's most needed is a new paradigm about
(34:10):
work and career and purpose. And so I'm actually gonna
make a book recommendation. This isn't my book, I'm not
an affiliate, I have no monetary reason to back this.
I just believe in it. For that person, I'm going
to recommend that you get the Gay Hendricks classic. It's
entitled The Big Leap, and that book will get you
(34:32):
into the paradigm that you're actually meant to be doing
work you love and life is supposed to get better
and better. So for the person stuck in the job,
that's my action step for them. Get The Big Leap,
read it and report back. To us about how it
changed the way you think forever. For the person who
is in the situation of I avoid everything, I don't
(34:54):
open the statements, that I can't check my account whatever,
this is gonna be the hardest homework of the three.
I'll warn you right now. But at some point the
person in this category is going to have to rip
the band aid off and get out of avoidance. There's
no way to make this necessarily easy or sexy, but
(35:14):
all I can tell you is there's power and freedom
on the other side of it. And what I would
recommend to that person is you're going to have to
at some point look at the numbers, face the fact,
and just get it all out in front of you.
How much are you consistently bringing in, how much is
consistently going out, and how much do you owe? Again,
(35:37):
nobody wants to do this, I know because I avoided
it myself for months when I was in the worst
of the money stuff right, But it is single handedly
the most powerful thing you can do, because until you
have the awareness, you don't know how to move forward.
So for the person who is an avoidance of everything,
that's the unsuckedy but will change your life. Next at
(36:00):
and here's the deal. It's really not as scary as
you think once the numbers are in front of you,
because you don't here. Here's the good news. You don't
have to solve it all today. You don't have to
feel like it's a prison. You don't have to freak
out about it, and you don't have to feel like
you have to solve it all today. You just need
to stand in your power of knowing where you're at.
(36:22):
By the way, this is what CEOs do. Don't don't
think that this is just a low income problem. CEOs
have to continually look at the numbers and know where
they're at, whether or not it looks good at the moment.
Step into your CEO self, look at the numbers, face
the facts so you can know how to move forwardward.
That's my action step for category two. And then category
(36:44):
three is the person who just feels insurmountable debt, student loan, debt,
credit card. I don't care what it is insurmountable of
that feels overwhelming. This action stuff gets really fun. My
action stup for this person is figure out what you're
able to pay, whether it's the minimum or something a
little bit more. Figure out what you're able to pay
(37:04):
on that debt. Set that so it automatically happens, and
it's truly not something you have to give any more
energy and mental energy, especially to anymore. And then go
back to the income question of how can I bring
more money in? That is such a fun action step
to me, Dan, because that is really what I did
(37:25):
with my business. I had student loan debt, I had
medical debt, and I had credit card debt. And I
faced the facts kind of related to action step two.
I looked at what do I need to pay on
each one of these to at least pay the minimum?
And what can I pay? Do you know where can
I pay more? I set it all up and these
(37:45):
were little payments, right, Some of these were like payments
but I set up but I could be paying. And
then I went back to the income question. So the
default question in my brain every day was not how
am I going to get out of debt? How am
I going to get that? The default question was how
can we create and receive more income? And that question
(38:06):
led to a much better result which allowed me to
pay off the debt. So that's my action step for
category three is figure out a plan with the debt
that's automated, and then be done giving your mental energy
to it and get back to the income question. Well,
I promised people at the top of the episode that
somebody's life is going to change today, and I am
confident and I can say with certainty that this conversation
(38:30):
has led to that. Stephen, you are always full of
amazing wisdom. You're always inspiring to follow up on social media.
You're one of the ones out there who are practicing
what you preach, and I know that that doesn't always
happen in our space. So for people who want to
get in touch with you on social media, how can
(38:50):
they find you? And if they want to go deeper
here in the money conversation with you, how do they
do that? Sure? Well, all my social media links you
can get to out America's Life coach us. I know
some people are Twitter people, some people are Instagram lovers,
which I've recently become. Some people are still hanging out
on Facebook, which I also really love. But you can
(39:11):
find me on all those platforms and all the links
are at America's Life Coach dot us. I would also
say to somebody who's really ready to do a deep
dive and really heel and transform and shift this relationship.
There's a program that I have available on demand. It's
called Money Flow Forever, and it is a deep dive
(39:33):
comprehensive across the board, from debt to savings, to income
to worry to flow. You are going to transform your
entire relationship with money. Not everybody listening is honestly interested
in or ready for that kind of work, and that's okay.
What I want for everybody is to take your next
step wherever you're at, whatever that looks like for you.
(39:55):
But if you are ready for that comprehensive, I'm gonna
dedicate my time over the next three months to do
this work and to change this relationship. Money Flow Forever
is on my site. You're welcome to message us through
any of the social media channels. My team would love
to talk to you about it, but Money Flow Forever
is available to you. But you know, Dan, what I
(40:16):
want everybody to hear from me as we close today
is just this, wherever your relationship with money is that
right now? Understand, I don't care how bad you think
it is. I've seen worse, I promise you. No matter
where it is, it is subject to change, and I
promise you can have a different relationship and experience with
(40:39):
money much sooner than you think. I've seen it change
for myself. I've seen it change for my clients. It
does not have to take decades. And it is possible
for you that one year, three years, five years, even
six months from now, you could be living in a
completely different reality with money. So I know that it's
possible and take the next step, whatever that looks like
(41:02):
for you. You know, I've talked about it on the podcast.
You know, this idea of living here in La Joya
two years ago was my tenure plan, and sure here
it is happening in January of this year. So when
you focus and let go of the struggle, when you
focus on solutions, when you take responsibility to create whatever
it is in your life, whether it be financially, relationship, career,
(41:24):
life gets really good in a hurry. And uh, Stephan,
it's always great to have you on the podcast. I
love you, my man. Now that I'm in southern California,
we're gonna have to get the tilly Is and get
together this year and go do a Disney Day or something.
But but I really appreciate you taking the time. I
know you've inspired some people today and we'll be sure
to keep following you on social media for more inspiration. Well,
(41:46):
thank you as always for the opportunity, Dan, and to
everybody listening just now, you are prayed over. You have
been prayed over in advance as you listen to this,
and we are blessing you out of the struggle and
into the flow into the truth of who you really are.
So sending everybody lots of love. Thank you so much, Dan,
(42:07):
I was so excited to release this episode to the
world today. I just love the content. Stephen is incredible
and always a pleasure to have him on the podcast.
So if you're feeling the content, please share this with
your friends and let Stephane and I know you're listening.
You can screenshop the podcast uploaded to Instagram and Twitter.
You can tag me at c sc Dan Mason, and
(42:29):
you can find Stephen at Dr Love Grove. Hey and
I get in. I know there's some of you out
there who've been waiting for your money situation to change
before you make that investment in yourself in maybe you're
feeling a little bit different after listening to this content
this week. If you are looking for a mentor to
help you break through. You can find out how to
(42:50):
get on the waiting list to work with me in
February at my website Creative Soul Coaching dot net. Just
click on the application, fill it out, and moll schedule
a compliment rate thirty minute discovery call. We'll talk more
about your goals this year and how coaching can help
you rapidly accelerate your progress. Thank you so much for
spending time with me this week. If you're moved to
(43:10):
do so, please leave us those five star ratings and
reviews up on Apple, or just give us a follow
here on the I Heart Radio app. And in the meantime,
turned down the volume on your negativity, turn up the
volume on your purpose so you can get out there
and live life amplified. I love you for listening. We'll
talk next week.
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