#295: My Name's NOT ASIA!!!

#295: Public Relations companies who ask Skeery to cover their events have it backwards; Brody outs more Facebook dummies and exposes an Instagram snowflake; Skeery's family had to threaten a lazy, complacent cemetery worker and Brody refused to pay for a grammatical error etched on his mom's headstone; Brody ended up with his foot in his mouth making assumptions at the store; Skeery scammed his way into a bar that was at capacity using some slick tactics

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Start up, dot Up, start Up, Brooklyn Boy start Up,
Brooklyn Boys start up up, They making noise Data start
up up.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Episode five of the Brooklyn Boys Podcast. We are six
episodes away from three hundred if I include this one. Yeah,
isn't that great. I'm getting a little nervous for it
because people are gonna expect something big and we got
nothing planned. I don't know. We have another montage coming up,
a three hundred episode montage, do we Our guy from

(00:39):
the two hundred montage is working on it. I'll plug
him when we get closer. But okay, all right, all right,
Yeah he's working on it. Oh my god. If he is,
I would love that guy forever. I love him forever
for the two hundred montage. Yeah, I like him for
that too, But I realized it was like two years ago.
It would really cement himself in Brooklyn Boys lore if

(01:01):
he if he comes to him with a second montage,
he's not already submitted. We have people who created a
board game for us. We have people who did the
graphics for Slice Time, which I'm gonna have given them
all credit. But people have done a lot for this podcast.
So many people bought our merchandise. Yeah, a lot of lore.
There's law everywhere. Yeah, you know, there's just no order.

(01:23):
There is no there's certainly no order to this lore,
but no order. Dum dump dum, it's dum oh. Man.
So it's summertime, scary pretty much. It's summertime, summertime, some
some summertime. You know what that means. What does that mean?
It's rooftop man to the rescue. You know, I'm going

(01:44):
to uh some rooftop bars, checking out the guide to
see what's hot this summer. We'll see, uh, you know.
Right now, it's the same old, same old. But I'm
gonna find something. I'm gonna find it, Okay, ship, So slices.
Here's what you need to do on a Wednesday. What
the weather reports in the Jersey City area Hoboken area

(02:06):
of New Jersey. If the weather's really nice, don't expect
a podcast on Wednesday night, because I'll call scary. I'll go, dude, Yeah, eighties,
five degrees clear skies. Yeah, we already have a rooftop
We already have our differences. I like to do I
like to do a podcast in the morning. When I
get off the air, I hit the ground running. At
eleven o'clock or noon. We're just waking up. Brodie's just

(02:29):
waking up, just waking up. Brodie comes alive in the nighttime,
and I take that and I take off. I get
out of here in the nighttime. In fact, here we are.
It's five o'clock on Thursday, May sixteenth, recording the podcast,
and I'm postponing my dinner plans because we're here. Yeah,
but we're doing it before dinner, so you can go
out to dinner. Well, we'll see, we'll see if we

(02:50):
get to Speaking of me sleeping late, you know, I'm
on LinkedIn, Yeah, just for business purposes. Please don't don't
try to follow me on LinkedIn. It's boring as shit.
But sometimes LinkedIn will send you a notification that says
you might know this guy, or you might want to
follow him, you have a lot in common or herr. Yeah,
so I get notification this guy I'm con mention his name,

(03:12):
and he's a big deal in television. He worked on
Late Show with David let him in, he worked with
Comedy Central. He's done a lot of shit in the
industry that I like. And we went to the same
college at the same time. So I feel like, all right,
I'll hit him up, you know, like, because he says
he's working on some new projects similar to the amazing

(03:34):
stuff he's done in the past. Okay, well, I'm between
jobs looking to write comedy. He's a guy who's created
comedy shows, worked, he helped create Comedy Central. I mean,
oh my god, I gotta talk to this guy. I gotta, like,
you know, drop my name be like, hey, we went
to school together. Scary he went to our college. You
and I went to the same college at different times.
He was a TV and radio major, you were a

(03:54):
TV and radio major, but we were in different times. Yeah,
but still he is off a lot of this in common.
So I messaged him and go, hey, man, unbelievable work
that you've accomplished. Amazing. Can't wait to see what you're
working on next. We went to school together, Love to
you know, maybe work with you in the future. Blah
blah blah. Just not a lay in the groundwork in

(04:16):
case he comes up with some great idea. So I said,
you know, love to work with you in the future, Like, meaning,
you create a TV show, you need a comedy writer.
I'm your guy, right, He writes back, Wow, what a
small world. Great meeting you, David. Looks like we have
college and comedy in common. Yeah. Done, you've done aue.

(04:37):
You've done quite a lot for yourself as well. Well.
It sounds like he's going to team up with you
and do something big with you. Yeah, he's listen. I'm
a little busy right now, but I should be free
after August. So I'm thinking if he wants to do
a zoom call me. He says, so anytime after August,
hit me up. I'd love to be a guest on
your show. Oh, okay, meaning the Brooklyn Boys. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

(05:03):
I'm hitting you up for a gig. You're not hitting me. Yeah,
he did the Jedi mind trick. That's a He's like, Oh,
it's great meeting you first time. You'd like to have
me on your podcast to promote what I'm working on? Yeah?
Who wow, wow, Wait a minute exactly. No, no, no,
I didn't reach out. No, no, I want you to
help me. I want you. Did he to help me?

(05:26):
Did he misconstrue that? Or I think he did. I
think he clearly didn't. Look he's not. It doesn't make
him a bad guy. No, he listened. That's an entrepreneur
for you, that's a hustler. You won't remember that. I'm
not going to say, who is the guy who's big
on social media from our old neighborhood. Yeah, And I said, oh,
would love to have you on the podcast. You're from

(05:47):
our neighborhood. You sound like us, you're funnies. He's like, well, yeah,
talk to my agent work out a price. I'm like,
huh are you paying? Are you paying to be on
our podcast? Yeah? What's up with that? You know wanted
us to pay him? You know, this brings up, this
brings up a common You're you're a guy on social
media doing benson Hurst Brooklyn jokes. You know we're going

(06:07):
to you know, it's so weird to me. People think
that our time is free as far as well that
came help them, help them? No, no, yes, But so
I'm gonna just, uh, how do I even explain it? All? Right?
Being in the industry, in the media industry, and when
you say stream in the business, the business, we get

(06:28):
a lot of requests and invites in an email and
emails that say, hey, Scary Jones, hope you're doing well.
We got this product launch coming on this day and
this time, at this place, we would love for you
to come down and cover this for your for your

(06:51):
station right time. Yeah. So, so basically, when you, I guess,
when you launch a product, you send out a press
release and then you some company comes along and starts
emailing individuals like individual news organizations and media to come
cover it for coverage. Now, first of all, you're assuming,

(07:12):
you're assuming that you want me to come to this
product launch to cover something. So let me get this straight.
Your your non event, your non product that nobody knows
or cares about. You want me to come to this
grand opening, this grand launch of that. Okay, waste my
whole day, not get paid, but just show up right

(07:36):
cover it, Maybe record a sound bite. Oh maybe throw
something up on social media. Yeah, promote it for free.
Let's throw it out there on my social to my
your the follow thousand dollars worth of value and then
go back to my podcast or radio show and talk
about it on the air. I mean, if that's not egotistical, well,

(08:00):
I don't know what's in They're giving you content man, yeah, man,
content because I really care about you. Get to take pictures.
How many times I was invited to openings of things
or or like, oh, we want you to come down
to the ugly uh rest freaky looking people uh bashing show.
And it was like there was it was a no brand. No.

(08:21):
I'm like, I don't need to watch, but people walk
down a runway. It doesn't you know, you know, and
they don't know what my role was. They just saw
he works on the morning show and listen, I'm flatted.
I wish I was still you know, not nobody invites
me to anything, but a lot of times you're right.
It's like I appreciate. Look, you know what the publicist
has to prove that they sent out three hundred emails
that they tried to reach out. I know it doesn't work.

(08:44):
Who's actually taking the bait on this? And actually like, okay,
thettle show up. I think a little conna be there
with my with my petted by my pad, and little
take notes like who does that? Who's And the best
part of this is when they do an event, Oh
we have this launch in Times Square for this grand
opening or this this launch of this product, I'm like, hey,

(09:04):
you know, you shouldn't be calling me and asking me
to cover it. You should actually be calling me to
fucking host it. Oh look at you? Scary? Do you
should be paying me to be there? Because the question
is if you're on the if you're on the red
carpet of some minor event and you happen to be
a quasi celebrity, it brings you down, do you well know? Well,

(09:28):
the question is shouldn't I be on the other side
of this camera? Oh? Look at you? You want to walk
the red cart No? But like yeah, but okay, listen,
there are certain things that I would say is a privilege?
Do you think I would do? Here's the things I
would cover. Yeah, all the major award shows like the AMA's,

(09:49):
the Grammys, the Oscars, the met Gap. Shouldn't be on
the red carpet, the met Gala, things that are bigger
than me. Okay, those things? What quarter are we talking about?
Those things? I will I will gladly show up. Fourth
quarter is scary, my energy, my efforts. Maybe I'll get it.
Maybe somebody will walk by and give me a SoundBite

(10:10):
for the podcast that I can bring back to the
slice of choy. You'll leave at the radio station and
never bring back to the to the podcast room. Here,
some something with big energy and a lot of celebrities
and star power. Yes, then okay, I will show up
to your red carpet. I will take I will gladly

(10:30):
do some social I will do I will do all
that for free. But if you just launched a friggin
cologne and some dalless celebrity is gonna be there in
Times Square and you want me to cover it, no, no, no,
contraire Montfrere, No, you're you. If anything, you should have

(10:51):
gotten in touch with me to be a part of
the event and help me promote it for you and
pay me to be there and host it as Scary Jones,
I can actually I may actually help bring more people
one hundreds to the event. So so the question becomes,
at what point should you be on the other side
of the At what point are you covering the red

(11:12):
carpet versus walking the red carpet? Because we get we
we have this issue all the time, and nine times
out of ten we are we're asked to cover the
red carpet for these non events, right and and and
your morning show like fuck you do you even know me?
Not e online where you're like looking to cover like

(11:34):
the happenings of events or whatever you're You're a show
that wants to bring important information to the listeners and also,
you know, is bigger than like, oh, this chili place
is opening up in Times Square, Like, where's my free chili?
Mass show up for free chili? Probably, you know, like
when they say, like we want you to come this

(11:54):
faster show and they go, it'll be catered, I go, oh,
all right, I might, I might go. Then I'll go
for some good catered food. Don't get me wrong, but
that your morning show is not the type of outlet
to cover events, unlike you say, unless they're massive events
like the met Gala or whatever else. You know what
I mean. Yeah, By the way, I got an email

(12:15):
today speaking of guests to have on the show, and
he interested having Harrison Butker on the show. Who the
kicker for the Chiefs. He's the biggest story in the
country right now. Oh that's right, I'm gonna I said, no,
you would say no to Harrison Butker. Yeah, yeah, Hey, speaking,
I want to know the story, google it? Oh oh

(12:36):
Harrison Butker. No, he's very controversial. Yeah no kidding, hello,
catch up? Catch Oh yeah, no, no, I know he
said some things. He said some things about things. Yeah,
women's places in the kitchen. He made a speech at
a college graduation, and he said some He had some
pretty disparaging remarks about everyone and almost everyone on the planet. Yeah,

(12:57):
except people who are exactly like him. Just making a
joke we're not gonna have on the podcast. So I
want I'm asking this. They that college spent a lot
of money and spent a lot of money to have
him come out and spew that hate. Is that embarrassing?
I don't want to speak for the college and I
don't want to get into this on this podcast. It
knowsn't exactly NYU that invited him. Okay, the college knew

(13:21):
who they were inviting when they invited him. I'm not
saying that the college agrees with everything he said. They
probably agree with a lot of it. Anyway, My point was,
I was making a joke that we're gonna have him
on that. Being said, do you know what an NFL
schedule release video is? No, So every team when the
schedules are released, they do like a big production. They

(13:41):
do a big release a video or like something for
the fans to show like these are the teams we're playing.
We're gonna kick their ass. Here's our video announcing our season.
Get tickets. We're playing the Raiders, We're playing the you
know whoever. Well, the Chargers, Los Angeles Chargers, who are
one of the biggest rivals of the Chiefs, released their

(14:03):
their video like a SIMS video, and it shows them.
It says, we're playing the Raiders and they put like
clown makeup on the Raiders and we're playing the rest
and it's all right. When they announced it playing the
Chiefs in this video, they had number seven I think
it's number seven, Harrison Butker the kicker in the kitchen cooking.
It's very good. So they getting a lot of attention

(14:24):
on social media. So kudos to the Chargers with social
media team for putting that together so quickly before we
take our break. What exactly in a nutshell? In case
people don't know, but nope, Oh really it's that bad.
Well listen, it's bad. If you think those things are bad.
If you think he's right, then you think he's right.

(14:47):
Didn't he say things to empower men? Did he say
some things that were or did he just go over
the line. I don't I don't know what he said.
I saw the cliff notes. I saw a headline without
giving my opinion. He disparaged gay people, trans people. He
said women have all been lied to that their college
degrees are a waste, that the happiest moment of their

(15:07):
lives will not be having a career, it'll be having babies.
And and all these girls who are graduating this college
were told you don't need a job. Your your best
job ever is just to be a woman. He disparaged
the president. He disparaged men who aren't macho enough. It
is a long list of what he disparaged. And again
it's it's goes along with his beliefs, and you can

(15:30):
have whatever opinion you want. People. He will not be
invited back to speak. Well I can't. I don't know
how the college handled that, because it's an institution that
picked him for a reason. Well, there weren't people walking
out there, weren't people booing a lot of people disagree

(15:50):
with his opinions. But go google it, Harrison, butker b
U t k e R. I'm glad, I'm glad we
passed on him. It's yeh o, my god to that story.
That's the end of Yeah, let's move on, shall we.
Well we were also we were also offer I'm not
going to mention names. We were offered a guest. The

(16:12):
slices can figure it out, but I'm not going to
say who. We were offered a guest yesterday who we've
had on this podcast that we were very fond of
thought thought they did a great job on the podcast,
but since then has become as controversial as the last
guy we just talked about. Huh, and I don't think
it's a good fit right now. Yeah, I know who
we're talking about. I saw that email go by. I

(16:33):
immediately said, not heart passed. So where we get all
these controversial people from. I don't know. They're all coming out. Hey, listen,
our friend Gandhi her podcast saw us on the side.
She just interviewed Drake Bell Drake Studio today. They call
that a get. That was a get because if you
know that he was featured in that documentary Quiet on

(16:56):
Set about the Nickelodeon Nickelodeon Kids when they were growing
up and what was going on behind the scenes of
those shows. Yeah, Drake Bell being one of them. You know,
he had some things to say about some people in
the industry that were much older than him. So so yeah,
so Drake Bell. I wonder how much she got out
of him. It would be interesting to hear this. I

(17:18):
would have liked to have interview him, but it wouldn't
be a good fit for this podcast. No, not for
this podcast, just for for your other podcast, which well,
when I did a YouTube show called The Brody Blog
back in boy the mid two thousands, late late to
speaking of it's being a two thousand scary can you

(17:39):
tell me we're in the what century are we in
right now? The twenty first century? And can you tell
me what day? What's the date of the first day
of the twenty twenty first century. This is a trick question,
ladies and gentlemen. No, it's not a trick question. Has
an answer. I'm gonna say January first, two thousand and one.
Nice job, Yeah, nice job. A lot of people would

(18:02):
have said two thousand thousand. Most people are going to
say two thousand. No, they trip and fall over that. Yeah. Yeah,
because there's no year zero, They're right exactly. It starts
in the year one. Anyway, Yes, nice job, two thousand
and one. Facebook is a Facebook trivia. I told you, Jay,
drive me crazy. I have like ane an errant nose

(18:23):
hair just coming in. Where does this come from? This
was dumbastic came out and this was not it was
It wasn't sticking out this morning. This thing grew in
three hours. No, it may have curled up. You may
have inhaled, you know, and you didn't realize it. Then
you were exhaled and it blew out like one of
those noise maker things on New Year's awfully roll back,

(18:45):
like literally have nose hairs, and it's a gray nose hair.
No less. Oh, it's literally coming out of its house.
It's outside of the nostril. Oh you you got fifty
year old nose. Follow my nose. It always knows, it
always knows. I got to tell you what happened, ah,
because I was about to say something. I don't know
what I was gonna say. All right, well we can't
say what were we talking about? It was important? Whatever

(19:06):
it was me? Did I just throw us off? Yes?
What the hell? All right, well we'll have you to
go back and listen to the tape. But is it
gonna say? I don't know. But in the meantime, shit,
So Mother's Day wasn't exactly the happiest for us, you know,

(19:27):
because obviously my mom passed back in December, and this
was gonna be the first time we were going to
the cemetery to see her. And my father had one
request and that is that the stone, the headstone, be
put up prior to our visit, and he had been
trying desperately for five months to get it to be

(19:52):
put in place. Yeah, trivia question, that's what it was.
I'll get back to We'll get back to it. Yes,
So you know, it's it's weird that that they do
this at cemeteries, but they have. They're pretty they're they're
worse than the DMV. The people in charge of some
of those cemetery offices shouldn't have the jobs they have.

(20:16):
So we happen to know a guy, you know, you
know a guy. We know a guy who are you
telling me Italians? No guys at the time, No, no, no,
we know a guy. The guy we know my brother
went to school with, who did the actual etching of
the stone of the headstone. Okay, And and the stone
was ready, The stone was ready almost immediately because my

(20:38):
brother had the end. Sure, So it's been ready for
five months and the cemetery has had it for that time. Okay,
So my brother, my sister, my father, taking turns calling
the cemetery ring ring ring, ring, ring, ring, ring ring.
No answering machine, no voicemail, there's no email addressed to

(20:59):
this place. It's a cemetery. There's not a lot of
people that are living in it. I mean, if there's
people that are dead in it. But you know what
I'm saying. But the point is the staff non existent,
non responsive, and we found out that as of a
week ago, the stone was not going to be uh

(21:22):
oh ready, it wasn't going to put up because it
wasn't as signed. Okay, so what they were doing with
this stone for five months is beyond me. But the
bureaucracy that's involved in getting a headstone put up at
a cemetery, Brody, you would you would lose your shit.
You would lose your shit if we if and when

(21:43):
you have to deal with this kind of garbage, I'm
well aware. But I have a story as well, so
please continue. So it got so bad that the guy
who did the stone and has experience with that cemetery,
because you would imagine he makes stones for a living
a headstone zones that he's gonna have to you know,

(22:03):
he knows he knows the cemetery, he knows the guy. Well,
he didn't know the guy. He he drove from Staten
Island to Long Island busted in the guy's office like
right before Mother's Day. The guy was sitting there, stack

(22:23):
of papers of orders of headstones that had to be
put up. Guy just didn't do his job. The guy's
been there forever. The guy was a real real moron.
The guy didn't care. He answered to nobody except himself, okay,
and he basically was just sitting on, wasn't assigning the work,
wasn't assigning anything, just sat there. So uh so our

(22:48):
boy who put up, who made the stone, had a
good old Brooklyn on him. Oh oh, let me say
this went listen, I'd like the stone to get put up.
I'd hate for anything to happen. Maybe you know, you
fall in a hole one of these great It literally
the guy they had to throw I want to mess
with a guy so close to a cemetery, hadn't He
had to literally threaten the guy's life. The guy in

(23:09):
the office, he was gonna crack. He was going to
crack some heads. This this guy, my buddy, my brother's friend,
who made the stone, he got it done. So he said, look,
he goes, I don't give a fuck. Okay, you you've
had this stone. I sent it to you. I'm now
driving over from Staten Island to Long Island. That's how

(23:30):
important it is for me to get this stone put
up in time for Mother's Day, the one request this
family had. So the guy heated his warning. Obviously the
guy's a threatening figure, our boy, and he uh, he
basically said, okay, we're gonna get that one done, right

(23:52):
to the top of the pile. So so Sunday at
the top of the pile, right by the pile. Right,
So Sunday we went doan was up. It was a
somber day, but we had a great Italian lunch to
finish it off, which always erases all the all the
said the sadness. Right, so I have been but shout out.
I always want to out the cemetery. But then that

(24:14):
means I'm going to out the guy, you know whatever.
But but I guess it's like, really, even when families
are grieving, even when in a time of sorrow and despair,
and when a pair of you can't grant one one
wish that would you know, shed some light. I mean,

(24:34):
we want, we want to actually wanted to celebrate my
mom on Mother's Day, right, and this month, Offucker almost
came in between us and the slices and I are
probably wondering the same thing. Didn't we talk about how
your your father purchased the headstones in advance for everyone? Yeah? Yeah,
my mom and dad did about a year, several months

(24:57):
prior to this happening. Yes, and say it still wasn't ready.
It wasn't ready. Wow. Now now that it's up, it's
it's like five wide, it's it's it's big, okay, but
it's gonna be for like all the means that yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, Okay,
So I have a question. It's five wide. Does it
say like your mom's first name and then underneath the

(25:20):
last name? No, No, it just has her first It
has her first and last name, and it has and
it has our name on the top of the stone.
That's okay, that's it. Okay, it's blank. Okay, I'm hoping
it's blank for several years to come. Brodie, Okay, let's
not reopen this box. Not like they already put your
last name there to save time and they'll just didn't

(25:41):
put the first names as you guys drop. No, okay,
we're not going there. We're not going half wait done,
You're like, oh, it's over there. It's a family plot
with our names etched beautiful the name the family name
etched huge, Okay, and then it's got my mom. You're
the oldest of three, right, yes, three kids. Yes. Now
I'm an only child, so naturally I know where I'm

(26:03):
going in the plot. I'm going next to my parents.
It's only like it's me, so there's no right. But
let me ask you a question. Is it gonna be
in the order of who passes first? Ye? Do you
get to be next to mom or dad? I don't you.
I don't know, I don't know. No, we're not playing
this game. I'm not I'm not to be on the end.
Stop stop stop stop stop. I can't I can't story.

(26:25):
But anyway, shout out, shout out to to boy Joe
who got it done? Joe got it done? And name
Joe got it done. Joe got it done, Joe got
it done. Who are you gonna call Joe got it done?
But can you imagine you have to threaten someone, You
have to walk into a cemetery of all places and

(26:46):
threaten the guy behind the counter with violence. Now is
he related to uh to get? Don't funk with it?
Been with it? I thought that was an interesting funny
story because it's like, really, at a place like this,
a place of grief, how did you? Why would you
fuck with the stonemaker and a family whose name ends

(27:08):
in a vowel? You looking for problems? Right there? The
guy has become complacent. Apparently he's been there for years
and he's the only person in the department, And I
really hope other people aren't waiting for two years. They
say that the waiting time could be a year to
two years before the stone is put up because of
all this you know, nonsense. But anyway, well let me

(27:29):
let me give you my story. You tell me what
you would have done at the end of all this,
how you would have handled it. So you know, we talked
about this if you're listening in order. I lost my
mom in twenty one, right, and so it was still
tail end of the pandemic, and it was a known
fact that there was a shortage of limestone for the

(27:52):
headstones because so many people were dying from the pandemic
that they were making more headstones than normal. They couldn't
keep up with production, sadly, so when I ordered it,
they told me it could be you know, a year
before you get the stone, and in Jewish tradition, you
have to put the stone up exactly a year. You

(28:13):
do what's called an unveiling. You have the family, he
is the headstone. Everybody calms and you go look at it. Okay, Well,
the process up until the actual delivery of the stone
seems smooth. I used the company my family had used before,
Brooklyn Company, and I wrote, I wrote the verbiage on

(28:35):
the headstone, and you know, look, you guys know I'm
I'm Grammar police. You know my mom was grammar police,
who was school teacher. It's where I got it from.
And the first line on the headstone that I wrote
was a lifelong friend because all of her friends she
knows since grammar school, like her whole life, she went

(28:56):
to all the schools, same colleges, knows them for a
lifelong friend and teacher, I think was what I wrote. Yep,
and they send you normally you'd think it would be
a digital copy. The guy mailed me like a photo
like a Xerox member. Xerox in school. It was like
typed up and like photocopied, and yes, right, it was

(29:18):
like a handwritten We get high off that purple ink. Yeah,
I could smell it now. So he sends me back
this nineteen seventies version of a printed piece of paper
with with what I had written and the graphics I
had picked out and so, but it was all caps
it for whatever reason. When I typed it, you know,
I typed it only the first letter capitalized, right, But

(29:41):
when he sent it to me, the whole thing was capitals.
So I looked at it. It seemed fine. I looked.
I matched it up to where I sent him, and
looked fine. When he sent me a picture of the
headstone a year and ten eleven months years and thirteen
fourteen months later, when it was fine, only done, they

(30:01):
wrote all life long, life long is two words, a
life long friend. Oh, And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa,
it's life long one word. No fucking way, He says,
you approved it. I said, oh, I'm looking at the
sheet now because they're all capitalized. The letters are closer

(30:23):
together than a full space, so you can't tell there's
a space. There were not, And if if they were
if they weren't all capitalized, I would have seen it
was a new word. So what what did you do?
He says, I'll tell you what. It costs about five
hundred dollars to fix it, because you have to you
have to move life over to the right and ah
over to the right, which means you have to fill

(30:44):
it in and then recarve it. And I said, all right,
you'll pay for that, and you'll give me you'll give
me money back because it's not going to look the same.
He says, no, you have to pay for it. You
didn't catch it. I said, listen. I still owed him
the balance, right, and I had put down like twenty percent.
I said, if you think I'm giving you the other
eighty percent, I said, you can suck it. I'm not

(31:07):
paying five hundred dollars for your mistake, even if I
approved it. Let's say, how does you guys changed it?
Your paperwork doesn't match what I mailed in, and the
fact that you don't know that lifelong is one word
that's on you. You You sent me this bullshit. It
is even like a word doc. It's a fucking mimeograph thing.
It's like hard behind. Yeah, I said, so if you

(31:29):
want the other thousands of dollars I owe you, I said.
Otherwise I'll eat my losses on the few hundred I
gave you already, and I'll order it from somebody else.
He said, well, I'll tell you what, I'll split it
with you. Spliss you spit me. So now I'm out
two hundred and fifty whatever it is for you again
for your mistake. He said, Well, you want this placed?
I said, yeah, I want to place it, he said.
I We're going to place it under your your you know,

(31:51):
he said, But I got to hire a stone guy
to refill it and chop it and fill it and
cut it and the whole thing. I said, I will
get it done, man, get it done. So he got
it done. It looks about ninety four percent what it should. Okay,
but now it's at least grammatic, he said to me.
He says, as he said to me, scary. Now. Look,
you know me, you can only imagine my mother and
her family being, and your mom, who's a stickler for

(32:14):
grammed How would my mother look down upon me if
I left a fucking grammatical error in a ristin word
on her headstone? Do you imagine every time I would
get to go to see her by the Grammar Police jingle. Yeah.
So he says to me, no one's gonna notice. He says,
you're being anal about it. Your family's not gonna notice.

(32:34):
I said, my family is all ivy league graduated doctors
and lawyers, no joke. You don't think they're going to
notice that. And they're gonna think I didn't notice it.
So now when I have the unveiling, I have to say, oh,
by the way, there's a typo. But I didn't want
to pay for it, right, I said, I can't just
ignore it. I have to address it otherwise they're gonna think,
how did David not notice that lifelong was two words?

(32:56):
He doesn't that look slices. I don't expect you guys
to know it. I'm not casting a spurs if you
didn't know it. But I knew it. And a guy
who makes headstones for a living, he must have seen
the word lifelong before on a headstone. It's not an
unusual word. Yeah, it's not like I got but califragilistic
xpialadocious and he's like, wow, how do you spell that? Expialidocius?

(33:16):
I would imagine people write the word lifelong on headstones
all the times. This reminds me of that episode of
uh of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It was one of the
first ones when uh uh. Someone on Larry's wife's side
of the family died, a woman, I think it was
the mom or something like that, and Larry was in
charge of getting the obituary done, and you know, they wrote,

(33:38):
you know, beloved aunt, you know, sister to this person, whatever,
And then the newspaper comes and Larry walks into the
room and they're all screaming and crying at the same
time because they read the oh bit its head beloved cunt.
But but it wasn't Larry's fault. Larry, he said, no,

(34:00):
I said, if I put it into an I said,
told you I wrote in there with the newspaper messed
it up. It's all their fault. Okay. So now I
said to I said to him, real quick, here's where
I need your answer. I said to him, well, get
it done. So he gets it done, he says, I
I paid the guy. The headstone is placed. Here's a

(34:21):
picture of it placed. Here's the repair. It looks pretty good.
Like I said, ninety four percent. There's some shadowing you
can tell, He says, I send me, send me your
half of the money, whenever you have time. What would
you do? Wow? Okay, so he's still he's still sticking
with this. Yeah, yeah, what would you do? Because originally
he said I'm not getting it done till you give
me half. But then he says, I'm gonna be a

(34:42):
good guy. I'm gonna get it done and you'll give
me the money. When when you i'd walk away all together?
Is that what you do? Well wait a second, yeah, yeah,
well no, no, no, it's already placed, The headstone is
at the cemetery. It's done. All right, walk away without
paying him? S He says, what would you do? Leave
us a talk back to the heart radio app hit
the microphone. Would you still pay the guy who spelled

(35:04):
a word wrong on your mother's headstone and tried to
get you to pay half of it? No? No, because
his answer is no. The answer is I will tell
which I tell you next week? When I did tell
us you after the break a commercial break? All right,
Sari and Brody. If I know you, David Brody, I'm
gonna go with an honest, principled man. You didn't pay it?

(35:25):
You didn't pay a nickel. You think I didn't pay
a man for doing the job. And you know how
honest I am and how principled I am. You are correct, sir,
you are correct. I know I am, because that's so you.
He fucked up. He gave me something that was hard
to read that I assume was correct, And then if

(35:46):
you look at it, if I gave it to you, you'd say,
it looks like there's like a like three centimeters more
space between life and long than the other letters, especially
since you said it was ninety four percent it wasn't
where well no, no, no, no, no, now that it's fixed,
it's one hundred. No, it's not it's it's it's like
I said, it's because what happened is when you fill
in the letters, you can sort of still see the
outline with the letters got moved. I got you. Yeah,

(36:08):
well all right, well I don't know. I don't have
to explain it to my family when they go and
they're like, typo on them. That's the last place in
cement in limestone. You want to have a spelling out, huh,
Let me ask you a question from Facebook? How do
you spell cows? How do you spell cow? Sorry, he
spoke cows in thirteen letters? In thirteen letters? Yeah? Another

(36:33):
trick question here? How do you spell any time? I
asked you a question? Is it a trick question? Just
a question? How do you spell cow in thirteen letters?
In thirteen letters? Yeah? You could also do it in
seventeen letters? All right, I'm just gonna give up on
this one. My brain hurts the same way you spelled
it in the first letter c ow. Huh you write letters?

(36:58):
It was it's a letter pun. Oh okay, that's if
you write thirteen letters to thirteen people and you work.
That's lame. Ok I know it's lame. But it popped
up on my Facebook. Okay? Do I try to avoid Facebook? Oh?
Speaking of Facebook, can I get share some Facebook shit
with you? Please? You know I always have good Facebook
shit always. He's got a scam? Is a scamboni? Not

(37:20):
a scamboni? No, no, no, I scam I scamboni the
nightclub I never told you guys about when we were
in Spain. Oh, it's hysterical. But I encourage our slices
to do this whenever, never they're in need and they
need a last ditch effort to get into a place
that they can't if that ever happens. All right, So
I'm on Facebook and i'm I'm in a particular group

(37:41):
of somebody of things you collect. It's a group of
things that I collect that other people collect. Okay. A
guy puts up a picture of a bunch of these
collectibles and says for sale or trade, and a guy
writes price in mind? Question mark Huh. The guy writes back,

(38:01):
I'm not really open to offers, So I write, then,
why are you saying there for sale? The man asked
you what price you have in mind? You must have
a price in mind if you want to sell them.
What do you mean on open to offers? You're selling them?
He has not responded back yet. What kind of deuce,
writz I'm not open to offers, you're selling them the

(38:23):
lowest common denominator of person. Sit. Okay, let me tell
you another one that you have to help me out
with on this umm waiting. I'm in a pizza group
on Facebook and somebody asked this question, when you order

(38:45):
a pizza half pepperoni or half any topping? Yeah, half
meat pull half sausage, love it? No, no, shush? Yeah, Okay,
that's fine, Yeah, does the place charge you for full
topping on the whole thing? And if they do, do
they give you double top on the half? No good?
Which I would imagine that they would charge me for

(39:07):
whatever sausage costs. I'll wait a second, I give me
a susage. If it's sauce, sausage and every every topic
is two fifty. Are they charging me a dollar twenty
five and giving me the regular amount on half? Or
they charging me to fifty and putting twice as much,
or they charging me to fifty and just giving me
half as much because I think, I think that the

(39:30):
right thing to do is if it's two fifty a
topping and I have two toppings on a whole pie
half half, I still think it's too it's two fifty
for the entire thing. Some places may charge your five
dollars because you've chosen two toppings and not put on
double the topping on that half. Yes, bullshit, right, but
that is bullshit? But then okay, so yeah, you junk

(39:51):
up the pie though if you put too much, I mean,
how much sausage you gonna eat? Well, I'm gonna eat
I'm gonna need a lot of sausage. If I'm paying
for it, I'm gonna eat it. So this guy writes,
you want to complicate the pizza I'm making for you,
then you fucking pay for it. He writes, besides half pepperoni,
question mark, All that pepperoni grease lenks onto the other side,

(40:13):
and the whole thing tastes like pepperoni. Anyway, who orders
half a pepperoni pie? I'll charge you double coming to
my pizza shop with that's the order, which is just ignorance.
I take it you won't be patronizing that that pizza.
Stop that pizza place now, So I wrote, how is
it ignorant or complicated unless a moron is running the

(40:34):
pizza place. You're putting half as much, doing half the work.
And who orders half pepperoni? A family that has people
that don't like pepperoni, or vegetarians or people who want
meat pulling another half? But his point is that it's
already contaminated. Yeah, this is not uncommon, This is normal
for pizza. You should just not be so surprised, he

(40:57):
writes back. I would take a picture from my cat
my security cameras of you and your family and politely
let you know that one more visit to my shop
is considered trespassing. You would be on the wall of
shame behind the counter to ask it for half pepperoni. Hey,
listen to his private establishment. He could do what he

(41:18):
wants to do if he wants to lose customers over it.
So yeah, of course he wants to lose customers over it.
How about that? How about that? All right? I got more?
I asked. I sold a couple of record albums, autographed
record albums, Okay, that I have gotten over the minute.
Is not redundant record albums, No, because I could have

(41:41):
been a photo album. I have to specify what kind
of album, Okay, not all records or albums, not all
albums around. I think a record album. I think that
that's a It's not, though, I just told you why
it's not. If I say a record to an ATM machine,
no record album, No, it's not a record. No. I
just told you all records on albums and all albums.

(42:01):
But so you sold records. I sold an LP, a
twelve inch vinyl record. Say I was selling a record
because it's an album, Because I could have sold a
forty five. I'm telling you I sold an LP. Something
I say no, I said, correctly, it's a record album,
and I've never heard that in my life. Really, how

(42:22):
many record albums has a band record album? Time? It's
either an album or record, but not both. That's not true.
Hold on his record album redundant? Yes, no, record album
is not redundant because an album is a collection of songs,
while a record is a format. For example, an album
can be on CD. Yeah, but you could led you

(42:45):
play in my record you know what. Let me get
to the point, because you're wrong. Scary is wrong, Okay, Brody,
So I needed some kind of shipping container now for
your record albums. People make people make actual boxes to
mail records, okay, because most boxes you get from Amazon
are not big enough for wide enough record understore. They're

(43:07):
too high you pay, Okay, they're specialized. I get it.
So I wrote looking, and I capitalize the word local.
This is in one of my local town's advice pages.
Looking for a local all caps store that sells boxes
to ship individual LPs mailers that you know for a
fact sell them. I look for a local store that

(43:30):
sells boxes to ship individual LPs that you know for
a fact sells them. It's already too convoluted for anybody
to understand. No, it's not for them for them to understand. Okay,
here's what Brian had to say. Okay, here we go.
Your best bet is to set up an account with
you Linegranger Orzoro dot com, to which I wrote back,

(43:52):
I appreciate your input, but I specifically ask for a
local place. I'm looking to pick them up today and
I only need one. All of those places selling packages
of fifty. Then someone else wrote, have you tried Amazon
dot com? This is what I get because you wouldn't

(44:13):
think till if you were looking for something that could
be mailed to you, you wouldn't think to go to
Amazon dot com. Brody Right, Yeah, that's a great I
wow Amazon show Amazon. WHOA what a great idea? Okay,
I also want to give a shout out to Ruby, Underscore,
Carrion c A R R I O N. Why am

(44:35):
I giving them a shout out? Scary? Do you remember
the military vet military vet of the game for the Mets,
Seymour Wienerier. He's like ninety eight years old. He came
on the field, they gave him an American flag, they
honored him, and then he blew up on he blew
up on on on social media. People love that his
name is Seymour Wiener like that. That's a poor name, right,

(44:58):
So they decide to do a special night at the
met game April thirtieth, dollar hot Dog Nights, And there
is a picture of Seymour Wiener. They photoshopped a hot
dog into his raised hand and it says April thirtieth,
everyone loves a Wiener, and it says a Seymour Wiener
approved message. Obviously he's getting paid for that, of course

(45:20):
he is. He's not offended by it. No, they did
Dollar hot Dog Knights. Of course. They normally sell something
like ten thousand hot dogs at a baseball game, and
they sold like one hundred thousand. God bless him. And
let me guess some of the proceeds went to a
good cause. I'm sure they did well whatever it is.
But they used shown out to Ruby carry On Ruby

(45:43):
Underscore Carrion. Oh we're making fun of veterans now, Oh
my god, you which an onslaught of people, you moron.
It says right on the on the graphic, a Seymour
Wiener approved message. He's in on it. No one's making
fun of him. He's ninety eight years old. He knows

(46:05):
his name is Seymour Weener. He's hurry to joke, kicking
this out right. This just didn't happen overnight, right, Ruby,
He's lived with this for ninety eight years of his life,
daily jokes about his name. A man survived being in
the military with that name. And you think you're gonna
defend him, you think he needs your defending. Ruby, Karen, Oh,

(46:28):
I want to make it fun of veterans. I'd be
ashamed of himself. So somebody wrote, you must be fun
at parties. I just people did not be offended for
other people. Well, that's what they do. That's what karens
do best. That's what snowflakes do best. It's snowing. Oh,

(46:48):
it's snowing on the podcast. It's snowing on Scary's roof top.
Far Ah, you snowflake. You let us know, let us know,
let us know. Ruby. Carry on, Yeah, Ruby, Karen, Yeah,
stop carrying on, Ruby, carry out right. I gotta I
got a pizza story for you in a little while.

(47:10):
And I got a problem with with Asians. I've had
some issues with Asian things I also need to tell
you about, all right, And I also have a Scamboni
coming out for you. Oh I got scambonies too, Yeah,
Scamboni times Scamboni that I pulled though by podcast. We
will be right back. So when I was you pulled
the Scamboni. Yeah, I always played the jingle for other people. Yeah,

(47:33):
today I have to play it for myself, all right,
but not with yourself now, I'm not. I'm gonna save
the Scamboni for your scambonies because mine is more just clever,
a clever mind mine or not made. Okay, let's get
the jingle. Jingle's ready, it's ready. Yeah, I have the
Scamboni jingle. It's the clever way. It's the clever way
of beating the system. And you could apply this to

(47:55):
any your own system. Yeah. So here I am in
a foreign country and actually waiting for me to go first.
It's a Saturday night. Okay, No, you go first. You
said I'm waiting for you to do yours. I'm waiting still,
okay at a jingle and then you start doing yours. Oh,
Bookie Scamboni the Scamboni department. All right. You know I

(48:20):
can probably have AI do a new Scamboni jingle. I mean,
there's nothing better than that one. But I think that
one's tops. It's maybe my favorite jingle on this entire podcast.
Oh okay, but that doesn't include the h slice time
opening jingle. Right, No, I like this one better. Wow? Okay,
all right, very good. I like this one better. Okay,

(48:41):
So what happens? It was initially your idea? Yes, I
got it produced and what it sounds the way it
does because of memes. But you gotta give you sixty
five thirty five on that one. Yeah, all right. So
you know scary that I don't have a job right now.
You also know that I'm dipping my foot in the
water to figure out where I want to go next
and what I want to do next. So I get
a couple of text messages over the past week and

(49:03):
a half from numbers that don't recognize Hello, I'm HR
assistant Isabella from Wilson Group. Okay, I don't know what
that is. I am contacting you for a job offer,
not with a job offer, for a job offer like
she wants me to send her a job offer, but

(49:23):
her grammar's bad. Scary, I am contacting you for a
job offer. Can I briefly share the job details here
that seems legit. Oh yeah, they probably only need my
social Security number. I would about to sit down. I
would respond with your credit card. Yeah, And then I
was like, wait a minute, that sounds like the job

(49:44):
for me. But hold on, this competition they're knocking down
my door. Scary. Yeah, I'm a very popular person. I
could tell here we are. Hello, I'm Dahlia. Are you
interested in remote positions? At first I thought maybe this
was a porn text. Can I provide you with more
information related to this? Scary? I've got competition? Now they're

(50:05):
fighting over me. They really are. Wait a minute, I
got another one. Hi, this is Cassandra. I'd like to
talk to you about a position with Kavanaugh. Can I
give you information about that position with Kavanaugh? Here? So
I've got Delia, right, I've got you, got Kavanaugh coming

(50:25):
at me. Yeah, I've got the Wilson Group. All yep,
all ye for your intelligence and you're you're currently all
know I'm available. Wow, you're a pro on the loose.
I don't know who to contact first. They all sound
equally legitimate, very legit. I mean, one is as legitimate
as the next. Where do I start? Oh my god,

(50:47):
I am contacting you for a job offer. Okay, that
seems legitimate. You're not texting me from some foreign country,
so they're not texting me like as a bot. Okay,
so say did you did you right back to them. No,
I'm trying to figure out, you know, if I need
to buy new clothing. I want to be prepared when
they offer me the job. Yeah, you know, I'm doing

(51:08):
my research on the company. I see, I see. Yeah,
I gotta figure you see who Deli is on LinkedIn
before I get back to her. So you got more
scambonies those that's why I am dying now to hear
your It's not even a scamboni. It's more of a
way to just get into restaurants. Now, remember way back
when when I needed to get into that restaurant in

(51:30):
that Satanta in Atlanta. Yes, and I decided to call
ahead to the five star hotel in town and talk
to the concierge, tell them I'm on my way the
next day. And uh, I was gonna concierge, I was
gonna be there a day early. And then could you
call this restaurant and get us into this restaurant we
couldn't get into, and the and the hotel followed through

(51:53):
got me into the restaurant. Yep. But yet I wasn't
even checking into that hotel and it was all a
lot hello in the order day verify if I was
or not right, because the hotel is more clout than you.
So we went to a hotel bar, a hotel and
it had a bar, and the bar was the hot
spot to be on the Friday night in Marbea, Spain.

(52:14):
I mean, all the people were there. It was like
an outdoor situation, drinking, people were hanging out. It was
just it was a good vibe, seventy seven degree evening
and we walk up to the front and then they
tell us, sorry, you can't come in. I'm like, well,
what's going on? Yeah, we're at capacity. And then me
and told Darren look at each other. We're like, what

(52:35):
the who? Tara told Darren. It looks at me and
I look at toil Darren and I'm looking at them.
We're like, dude, des room in there for us. Come on,
they're just right. Second quarter of scary. And now this
this was a restaurant bar, but it was part of
a hotel or it had an affiliation to a hotel.
So no I say this again, so I said Darren.

(52:58):
I said, all right, let's just back up. Let's walk
out of here. Let's where's the hotel front desk. So
we walk around outside, around the path down the yellow
brick road to the front of the hotel. It was
about maybe a three minute walk to the front of
the hotel. Okay, so you have to sit down and
take a breath and walk exactly. We walked into the

(53:20):
hotel and there was the concierge people, So I said Darren,
before I approach him, look up the name of the
general manager of this hotel. You know, the general manager
is not on duty right now, it's Friday night. The
person who runs the hotel has a nine to five
cush job. Sure guaranteed you know it. And where did

(53:42):
you look this up? LinkedIn? So Darren went on LinkedIn
to the hotel the hotel website on LinkedIn and then
looked and he goes, all right, looks like Orlando Pititiato
is the general manager of this hotel. I made that
or Orlando Pasiata Okay, great good, let's roll with that.

(54:03):
Then we approached the concierge desk. I'm like, hi, how
are you is Orlando Pitziato around, and then the concierge
person goes, no, no, he's gone for the day. He
leaves at six o'clock. Of course, is that what you
turned it down and go Orlando went home already? Yes, yes, yes,
a whole bit going on, but do you believe it?
He's not here? And then he's like, dude, he said

(54:23):
he was gonna be here tonight, all right, listen, And
then Darren's like, we got a problem. He goes, He goes, oh, no,
he didn't say we got a problem. He said, okay, Well,
Orlando Piziato was supposed to h show us the bar
lounge called whatever whatever, the place we couldn't get in.
I said, he was supposed to show it to us.

(54:46):
He was supposed to hang. We were supposed to have
some drinks with him. But I guess he's not here.
This is a guy from a national radio program in
the States. I mean, no need to go beyond that.
So I didn't know he was going to use that
as the excuse. I thought he was gonna just did
he go on LinkedIn to verify you. I didn't wanted
to use the radio bit, but he didn't have to

(55:06):
I mean, the guy didn't know your plan is already.
He doesn't know it Z one hundred days or elvis
or anything. It didn't matter the podcast though, right, oh sure, yeah.
But the idea, the spirit of it was that we
were two guys on business. We were supposed to meet
the general manager, Lando Orlando Piziato. Who I got Lando, Lando,
Lando said, and he said, you know what, he's yeah,

(55:27):
we're here on radio business. He was supposed to like, show,
show my friend here the bar and have a drink
or two. And he goes, oh, he goes and very
quickly he assumed, he assumed like like they were in
the wrong, right, because Orlando wasn't there. Sure, yea, all
of a sudden they're in the wrong. Now. We never
said they were in the wrong for not being there,

(55:48):
but he so he felt like he owed it to
us to take care of us. He goes, oh, he goes, well,
no problem. He goes. The bar is over there down
the street, you know, down the path on the left.
So then Darren's like, yeah about that. We approached the
front and there was you know, they wouldn't let us
in because they're over capacity. And then the concierge goes, oh,

(56:11):
I'll help you out, no worries. The guy gets up
from his concierge desk, walks us out the door around
the path, goes right up to the front to where
there are people. Now there's about twenty five people trying
to get in and they're not letting anybody in her capacity.
He goes to the guy. He goes, he talks in
Spanish to him and he points him out, and then

(56:34):
he goes, ah. He goes all right, He goes, walk
this way, waves us on. He goes, you guys, she'll
take care of smith. She'll take care of you. So
go up to the woman at the front, says sys Hi.
He goes yes. She goes, your guys are guests of
Orlando Piciato, and I said yeah. She goes oh. She
goes al, she goes, come on in, let me show
you the place, and she starts tour. I'm like the

(56:58):
bar area and this and that. She did everything except
by us around the drinks. Oh, I see that wasn't
part of his story. He said he's invited me to
come down for drinks. Well, I didn't want to push it.
All we cared about was access what we cared about
was access. I don't care about a free drink. I'm
not going to be that guy. Orlando said he'd get
take the treatment. At the dinner, Darren was saying that

(57:18):
after she walked away, he goes, dude, he goes, We
could have totally did that, Orlando. Orlando told us to meet.
You know, we were gonna We're gonna try the food
because they got some new menu items. Orlando said he
was gonna buy us a couple of drinks. They have
a new cocktail at the bar. Anyway, we didn't do that.
But the messages to the slices where there's a will,

(57:39):
there's a way. When they say that you can't come
in there overcapacity, they're lying. And if you say the
right things, if you take a step back and take
the path less traveled, and use your brain and do
a little research on the computer in your pocket for
a second, you may be able to accomplish your goal.
And our simple goal was to get into a place
that wasn't accepting people. That night, when people say to you,

(58:01):
tell me about the Brooklyn Boys podcast, just you need
to say it's funny and informative. Yeah, and informative. So
I'll tell you a story, scary similar, but before LinkedIn
and before the Internet. My wife and I had been married. No,
there was an internet, but not like there is now.
My wife and I had been married a couple of years,
didn't have any kids at this point, and we went

(58:23):
to a really nice hotel in Long Island. We just
want to get away for the weekend. Beautiful hotel, beautiful
near the water and golf course and spa. It was beautiful.
And we saw when we were booking the room they
have a hotel suite massive, sweet, and there's a there's
a package deal. You rent out the honeymoon suite. Went

(58:47):
to honeymoon, obviously, and they bring you food and chocolates
and liquor. It's the whole big thing. Meals are included,
the whole big package. So we go to check in.
We didn't take the honeymoon sweet. We had a normal
king sized bedroom and uh, I said, so that checking in,

(59:07):
the guy says to my wife and what's uh what's
your last name? And she says her maiden name. I
go honey, and she was, I'm so sorry. We just
got married. This is our honeymoon get away. I'm not
even used to having his name anymore. I'm so sorry.
We're both Brodie. But it's your honeymoon. Yeah yeah, well,

(59:29):
you know we we had someone in the family. You know,
we weren't able to go away for a honeymoon. This
is all honeymoon weekend. We're so excited to come to
your hotel and relax for the week I love to
be it for the weekend. The guy says, it's you.
It's your honeymoon, if you'll allow me, mister and missus Brodie, congratulations,
we'd like to put you in the honeymoon suite. It's

(59:49):
not it's not occupied right now. It's it's vacant for
the weekend, and we would like to put you up
for Friday and Saturday night. Yes, be our guests, who
are like, oh my god. Again, we're mar like two
three years. Our marriage is kicking off on the right foot.
This is so nice of you. We we you know,
we're starting out. We're young couple. We never would have
had the money to Oh my god, so amazing. We

(01:00:10):
go up to the room, scary. There's bottles of liquor
and baskets and chocolate all right, red carpet and and
it's like you know it's a four poster bed with
the overhead thing with your post. Oh it's amazing. It
wasn't our honeymoon, of course not. It's like when you
go to a restaurant like it's my birthday. Oh, free
dessert your birthday. They don't ask for your driver's license.
So we got the honeymoon sweet because we played it

(01:00:33):
like it was we just got married. These are the
permissible lies. I like that. Yeah, hudos to my wife.
Oh man, So so do you want my cheese pizza
fight story or my problem my three Asian related problem.
We already had the pizza. We did a pizza thing earlier.

(01:00:54):
Then I'll hold off on the pizza. I get into
you and and and levels and levels. The first one
is I went to a chain restaurant. You've been to
this chain restaurant? Scary? They have them in like strip malls,
shopping malls and food courts. They used to have one
a Great Adventure six legs Great Adventure, New Jersey. I
don't want to say the name, but let's just say

(01:01:16):
the title is like a panda. This is quick, right.
They may or may not have been a client of mine.
Recently on the radio, Panda, Quick Panda continue. Okay, So
back in the day, you'd go in and they had
steam tables of food and it was like boneless ribs

(01:01:36):
and Asian chicken, which was like big pieces of chicken
and sauce, and they had different things. And then it
was like General Chow's chicken, which is breaded and fried.
But I would always get the chicken, which was like
white meat chicken and a sauce, and I would get
the boneless ribs, and I might get the beef, which
was you know, it's like beef and like beef and peppers.

(01:01:57):
I eat red peppers, so I was like, I get
that the beef stroke it off. Nope, that's you. Okay. Anyway,
I stopped at the Quick Panda place. Oh the shaking beef. Yeah.
I stopped off at the Quick Panda place. And the
menu is completely different. Now there's no You go to
the drive through and it's like, yep, fried orange chicken,

(01:02:18):
fried General So's chicken, fried Mongolian chicken. It's all breaded
and fried every single There's no more bonus ribs, there's
no more white meat chicken and a sauce. The pineapple chicken.
It's all the same fried chicken breaded and fried. It's different,
a different sauce. Of course. Well I'm already to drive through.
When I'm craving it, I'm like, how you know, I
used to love this place, the old the old Quick

(01:02:40):
Panda place. Uh huh. So I get the I go,
I get the drive t I get to the window enough.
First of all, I get to the Quick Panda place,
and the guy working there is actually Asian, which is
a rarity and a drive through. Wow, okay, okay, this
guy eats the out of food. Be good. I haven't
had the new menu. I get all the items. I

(01:03:04):
pull over to make sure that they didn't put vegetables
in my shit, you know, and they did put veg.
You can't order no vegetables, so I had to like
see like if there was a lot. I had picked
the vegetables out before I could eat it. So I
pull over and I start eating every single piece of food. Scary.
I'm not sure there was chicken or beef other than

(01:03:25):
there was fried bread with sauce on it. It was
like crispy crust. That is a scambony. Don't pretend to
be a cheap knockoff fast food. Chinese restaurant and live
up to it by giving me the crispiest, thinnest lack
of chicken ninety breading yeah I've ever had in my life. Yeah. No, good,

(01:03:48):
that's bad. So I'm not saying every location is this way,
but this location they were breading bread. They were breading
bread and putting sauce on it. Bread on bread. Let's
put old. So would not be happy to have his
bread over bread over bread at the place. I'm not
going to mention the name of right, it's kind of crazy.

(01:04:11):
And I know you have a couple more of these,
But I just look for protein forward places to eat.
I mean, I mean, yeah, I'm a sucker for a
good pasta or some pizza here and there and some
bread and fried something meal I have. I need protein.
I need a meat. I need a piece of fish.
And that's why you chicken. I need a piece of chicken.

(01:04:33):
I need But what would you say that? But you're
an asshole? Stop it? Okay, all right, I should I
heard what you said. No you didn't, But it's true though,
it really is. It's like and people should strive for
that if they could, you know, you know, But I'm
the best chicken, chicken chicken false advertising. Yeah, I can't

(01:04:55):
stand so's bread. I hate carbs on, carbs on, carbs. Oh,
I can't unless I want a good slice of pizza.
Different story. Yeah, but then that Okay. Do you eat
beg ZD Pizza? No? Because somebody put up a picture
in this pizza group. I mean, like, have you ever
had a big Z on a pizza? No? Like, why
would you put carbs on carbs? Like do you have
have a chicken colon sandwich that's breaded? It's carbs on bread.

(01:05:20):
You put at least his chicken in there. There's no
redeeming quality to ZD pizza. It's carbs on, carbs on,
carbs on. This did not happen to me. But my
friend wanted Japanese food, but he was at work, so
he texted his wife, this is the Japanese food I want.

(01:05:44):
And one of the items he wanted, which he texted
his wife that he didn't know how to spell, was
beef negamaki. Sca, you've had beef megamaka? Of course, it
looks like a sushi roll, but it's cooked beef in
a roll with scallions in the middle. Right, it's basically,
it's a wonderful role. It's amazing. It's basically like Chinese
pepper steak, but twice as much money for the same thing.

(01:06:05):
It's fully cooked and rolled. But it's called nagamaki, and
you eat it like you eat it like sushi with chopsticks,
because it's it's in sushi format. Course, there's nothing sushi
about it other than that's correct. The the the shape right.
So my friend, my friend texts his wife and says,
I would like, uh sashimi, I would like this, I'd

(01:06:26):
like and I'd like an order of beef negamaki. Yeah. Well,
it auto corrected because he didn't type it right to Nagasaki.
If you don't know, Nagasaki is one of the two
cities in Japan that America dropped nuclear bombs on, so
it auto corrects to Nagasaki, which, if you were being
a dick or being offensive to Asian people, you'd make

(01:06:46):
a Nagasaki joke. You might be in a restaurant going right,
you would never do that. Well, my friend's wife did
not catch the auto correct and she called in the
order and said, I'd like one order a beef Nagasaki,
to which the guy replied fuck you and hung up
on her. Oh no, oh man, he wouldn't. He couldn't

(01:07:10):
give her the benefit of the doubt that he made. Sure,
what is it you want? And she said, I want
to order a beef Nagasaki large, a large Nagasaki And
he said he said fuck you when he hung up
on her. I mean, innocent mistake. Yeah, but you basically
or it's like a prank call. She sounded like she

(01:07:30):
was prank calling him. Yeah, I don't know, man, I
think the guy just he jumped the gun on that one.
He shouldn't have. He should have reacted that way, especially
since I mean he's you gotta give her some of
the benefit of the doubt. You gotta assume that they're
not your thought. Yeah. Right. So here's my third problem
with the Asian theme. Scary. What is it you call

(01:07:53):
the Asian psych out? You've said this on the radio, yeah,
or the It's it's like if I see, if I
see a person who's Asian and they, let's say, speak
British or a Pacific islander or an Indian, you know,

(01:08:16):
a Pacific and you see somebody of that nature, and
then they're talking with an Italian accent. It's like when
when the visual doesn't match the audio, what's coming, what
you would assume? And of course we we know better
these days. Okay, thanks for bringing up my past. Okay,

(01:08:37):
now that might have been a twenty year old thing
that I that I observe you. Yeah, you would never
say that now. So I'm I'm at a retail establishment
with a very long counter with registers. I'd say the
whole count is like maybe thirty feet wide. And I'm
at register one returning a couple of items, and my
receipt is crinkled like it and it's faded from my pocket,

(01:08:58):
and she can't scan the bar code to do the returns.
So she says, I got to get my manager to
help with this. I said. She goes, but I can't
leave the register. I said, well, can you page the manager? Nope,
I can't page the manager because you know, the paging
system isn't working. Okay, I said, all right, well I'll wait.

(01:09:18):
Can you pause the transaction and take the next customer?
I said, what's your manager's name? She says, well, my
manager's name is Asia. I said, I well, I'll go
try to find Asia, and uh, you know, I'll help
you out. He says, oh, you see those those two
women over there? She goes, my manager's over there, so

(01:09:39):
I said, she goes, could you just talk to them
and see if she'll come over. I said, yep, at
least I could do. So I look over there as
two women. There's a black woman and an Asian woman. Okay,
and I walk up to the Asian woman. I said,
excuse me, I'm trying to do a return, and the
girl at the register said, uh, I needed to get
her manager. So I'm looking for Asia. I assume that's you,

(01:10:03):
to which the Asian girl saw, My goodness, the Asian
girl says to me, my name's not Asia, it's Julie.
And the black woman says, how can I help you?
I mean again, honest mistake. I I you know I

(01:10:25):
she pointed. I saw the woman. She had keys on
her I thought like she must be the manager, Like, oh,
are you Asia? I was told to go get Asia,
so of course I see a woman with a with
a keys on her belt. I assume she's the manager.
So I A you Asia. I'm not Asia. Okay, I'm sorry.
Now I told the story to someone. They were like,
why would you assume an Asian person had the name Asia.

(01:10:46):
I I don't know. I legitimately have a friend named
Christian who's Christian Christian, So why would I assume the
Asian girl maybe his her name is in Asia. I
wasn't a Sinua, she was born in Asia. I didn't
I didn't ask how she spelled her name. It could
have been a ja like the Steely Dan album. I thought.
I thought. I thought that they were then going to

(01:11:07):
follow up with oh what you didn't? You're a racist.
You didn't think that I could be her manager, you know,
because you went over you. No, I didn't know. It
was not about that. It was you know that I
assume the Asian girl was Asian? Right? You did? So
you can't you can't win, you can't win well, but
would you have made that mistake? Would you have? Like
two hundred? I assumed that girl. She's like, there's my

(01:11:31):
manager right there, but my manager is Asia. Well, so
I'm like, oh, she's got the keys, she must be
the manager. I'm like, hi, are you Asia? What I'm like,
She's like, am I Asian? Are you Asian? Julie like, no,
I'm not Asia. You assume my name is Asia because
I'm Asian, doesn't look but no, no, no, no, no,
she said. Yeah. I was like, no, I'm Asia, but

(01:11:52):
why are you name it a black girl Asia? She's yeah,
so well that was her. You know. I meant, Now
that I think about it more, it does make sense,
you know. Yeah, yeah, you fucked up, you fucked up. Yeah,
but it was but again, no harm, no foul. This
is no, there was no more harm. There wasn't mal

(01:12:15):
no harm, wasn't mal intended, right, I was basing. I
was like Google, yeah, yeah, so so yeah, there you
have it nice. There, you have it all right. We
gotta get out of here. Yeah, so be listen slices.
Before we get out of here, I've given you some assignments.

(01:12:36):
I asked you about the pizza toppings. I asked you
what you should how you should be paid or charged? Uh,
asked I'm asking you to leave a talk back if
it was blatant I was wrong, and asked if the
Asian girls Asia. There's a lot you can talk about
when you leave talkbacks for slice time, you know, comment
on what we're talking about, comment on scaries. Tip of
the day on how to study what scams. Stop fighting

(01:12:58):
with each other what scams have you you pulled that
worked for you that you could share what right? And
and you know, a lot of this is becoming very
much inside the inside jokes like if you didn't catch
two slice times ago when this person ranked out that
person or said that, yeah, and nobody knows, but nobody
knows what you're talking about. But wait, we could also
I would love some new slices to leave some some

(01:13:20):
you know, well, I'm sorry slices to leave some who
haven't left talkbacks yet use radio app, join in on
the phone, just click the microphone. But it really needs
I need you guys your opinion on this stuff. So
I needed to you know, actually, you know, one last
departing And by the way, nobody responded to my call
out when I said, would anyone be interested in doing
like live streaming the episodes with us in the chat

(01:13:41):
room for like a nominal fee? Not one person responded yeah,
but that means that means uh, they don't could have
hung out and could have interacted for two hours, but
they wanted for free ninety nine. Well, I can't always
do it. I got to pay for the platform. So
uh so I did help our friend Cheryl different Cheryl
uh not the and that was on the last episode
who I'm now the godfather of her son? Right. I

(01:14:03):
helped Cheryl clean out her garage and she was doing
a garage show. Some of the stuff went to charity,
some of the stuff got thrown out, and some of the
things got put in a separate section for Facebook Marketplace.
So one of the things that was up for sale
for Facebook Marketplace was this metal, old school slot machine Brodie.

(01:14:25):
It's got the real actual working reels and makes noise
and you pull this the lever on the side, and
it's a really cool items. It's like a mini slot machine.
It's like a tabletop slot machine. And as we were
leave it, I'm like, oh my god, that's a cool
slot machine. What are you going to sell that for?
And she goes you like it? I said, yeah, she
just take it. And I'm like, Cheryl, I can't, I mean,

(01:14:48):
you're She goes, yeah, my grand my grandmother gave it
to my dad and my dad passed away, and you
could have it. I was just gonna put it up
online and just sell it on Facebook Marketplace. But you
can have it. I felt so guilty walking away with
it because I'm I'm like, wait a second, this is
like now profits out of her pocket. Do I owe

(01:15:09):
her money? Do I am? I supposed to pay the
you know what she was going to charge for it online,
and I said, how much are you gonna put it
up for? She wouldn't tell me. How's so much she
was gonna list it for? Well, let me, I said,
I said, I want to venmo you at least half.
That's a fair question. Let me ask you a similar
question slices and you can leave a talk back. Scary

(01:15:29):
a couple of weeks ago asked me if I wanted
to sell his old Apple computer that he said was
a clunker that he replaced. You got a brand new
spit shining machine. I said, I don't know. I gotta
figure what it's worth. I listed see what it is,
what the model number is, whatever. So then the guess today,
he goes, you know what, it's old, I'll just give
it to you now. Similar. Actually that's exactly that. That's

(01:15:52):
a great analogy. So it's to say, if Scary owes
the money for the slot machine, do I owe him
many money for the computer? He said, yeah, I give
it to you. It's probably not worth much, so scary. Yeah,
if you get to keep the slot machine, then I
get your computer. Seems fair. You're not gonna get an
argument out of me. I told you can have a
free okay, then the slot machine's yours done, all right?

(01:16:14):
See that word. It's a win win. You're got a
slot machine, so scary. That's what I'm gonna do. Only
only you weren't part of this initial equation. Oh I
was actually before that equation. You offered it to me before,
and I said, I thought, you'll do I gain a
slot machine, to lose a computer, and then you get
my computer. But what do you lose? I don't lose anything.
Cheryl's Cheryl's out the slot machine. That's not my problem.

(01:16:34):
I don't know, Brody, this sounds a little weird to me. Well,
maybe i'll give Cheryl like an old microphone or something.
I'll figure it out. I speaking of, I'm gonna have
an extra microphone because I'm gonna install the gold one
next week. Oh, maybe I want to give me that one.
Boys choice