July 31, 2024 • 20 mins
Are you single for the first time in a long time ? Today we read a list on how to get back in the dating world and give advice!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning Show
Suran in the Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, we're talking about this a second ago.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Being single or actually going from in relationship to being
single and getting out there in the dating world can
be a total mind f you know. I mean, it
can just really scare you, maybe to the point where
you just won't go out. And there's nothing wrong with
spending some time with your friends and letting them take
care of you and just being a person and not
(00:28):
having to think about dating someone else. Because when you
start dating someone else, sometimes it turns into this game
like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Sometimes it shouldn't be that way.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
It is.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
It can't be horrible. It's true.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I know that no matter who you have as friends,
someone in your circle, maybe you are in this situation
where it's time to get out there and dating again
if you want so. Nate sent me this article. It's
a great list about dating, getting out there in the
dating world, and there's some things to think about here.
So if this isn't you, maybe you have a friend
(01:02):
who is about to go back into the dating world,
or maybe they are and they're struggling, or or the
succeeding I don't know. So, Hey, Nate, did you ever
find a caller for her?
Speaker 5 (01:11):
I did talk to Renee. She says, dating in twenty
twenty four is like going to a thrift shop.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Oh perfect, let's start with her.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Then, let's just rather than diving into the list. Now,
let's talk to Renee. You're saying dating is sucking for
you these in this day and age.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Why is that, Renee?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
It's absolutely horrible. My comment was, it's like trying to
find the least used item. It doesn't smell bad but
still holds up for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Okay, wow, dating a goodwill salvation army.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I get it.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
It's just it's hard. I most guys either that I
have come into contact with, or either you know, carrying
baggage from their past or you know they are you know,
sewing their wild if you will, on things that they
you know, should have done years ago. And it kind
(02:05):
of trickles down to me, as you know, the one
who's trying to date up. I end up only finding
ways to date down. My daughter actually told me the
other day, Mom, you're like one of those capture the
flag type people, and I seem to capture all the
red flags.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I mean, so you're saying it's impossible that there's nothing
out there for you at all, or are you just
getting started.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We don't know where you are in the process.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I've been doing this now for about ten years, off
and on, trying to find somebody that fits decent and
it has been very difficult. I am not giving up there.
I'm found in a termined There is somebody out there
for me. It's just a matter of finding that person.
And you know, one of the big things I have
(02:53):
learned is I had to set standards and if you
don't meet those standards, then there's really no point in
you coming to you know, to things. But yeah, it
has been difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So what do you think, Gandhi?
Speaker 7 (03:06):
Well, I wanted to know when you say you're trying
to date it, but you end up dating down, what
do you mean by that?
Speaker 6 (03:12):
So I'm trying to find somebody that you know, and
I had, like I said, I set my standards, so
you must have a job. Your job must be something
that is able to take me to dinner, you know.
So I'm trying to find somebody that that has those
good qualities about him, and I only seem to find
those that don't have those qualities.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
So you know, and that's the hard part is trying
to find somebody. And like I said, again, so simple,
and there's yet so many men out there that thinks that,
I mean, how are you going to pay for dinner?
Chivalry is gone, it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Well, I I God, I hate hearing that because I'm
I'm hoping, I'm praying that's not the case for everyone
and it's just been the luck of the draw with you.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But on the other hand, excuse me.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
You know, we all have this weird baggage that we
carry around in lives, in our lives, and so you're
looking for a guy who has less baggage because there's
always going to be something you have to deal with.
There's always going to be ways that you try to
try to match up with someone and who's not totally
messed up forever, right, So exact, and.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
It's all you're willing to compromise with.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Okay, so there can be comfortable exact.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Well, they're there there, you know, there needs to be
you know, obviously, I'm completely okay with somebody who has children.
My daughter's college aged. I'm okay with somebody who has children.
But you know, it's got to be within reason. I
don't need the Brady bunch. And you know, but again,
two or three kids, that's fine, you know, we we
can work with that. But if you've got five, six
(04:53):
kids with multiple mothers, and it's like, that's just too
much for me where I'm at in my life right now, and.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
That's fair for you.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, Danielle, I know you haven't had one hundred percent success,
But is there one place or one maybe dating app
or something that you feel like works better than others.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
I feel like I did have some decent luck on
bumble and Hinge that you seem to be you know,
average people. Anything other than that, you know, the paid apps.
I did have some success, but not tons.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
All right, Well, look stay on it. It doesn't sound
like you're ready to give up. So that's good news,
you know, not at all, not at all.
Speaker 6 (05:41):
There is somebody out there for everyone. It's just a
matter in finding the right person.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm in, all right. Well, thank you so much for
your time, Renee. We appreciate it. You have a I
have a great day, good luck.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Okay, thanks you too, Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
So this list is very interesting dating getting back into
the dating world. Number one to this and I love
this one. Worry less about if they like you and
more about if you even like them.
Speaker 7 (06:08):
Oh that's a good one. Huh.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We're always trying to like, put our lure in the
water and hopefully they'll like our shiny shiny lure better
than the other ones.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Well, what about them? I mean, do I like them?
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
What am I trying to attract here? What do you think, Nate?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
I think that's a very accurate, you know point for
a lot of people, because a lot of people want
what they can't have, right, it's for them.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
It's like, well, why doesn't this person like me? I
gotta try harder?
Speaker 7 (06:35):
You know.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
It's you're trying too hard to get something that doesn't
want you in return. So I think that's a fantastic point.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And also, you know, you see so many people, maybe
you've been in this situation before, when there's a breakup,
you're like, why don't they like me?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
How I need for them to like me. I'm gonna
go try harder, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Well, no, what about you? Why do you want to
be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
I mean it's about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Right? Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Number two, rejection is not as personal as it feels.
Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility then
your inherent worth.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Think about that for a second.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You know, we have to stop thinking about them and
trying to please them and making them like us.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
What are we doing? That is just that sucks? What
about us? What about me?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
You know?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You agree? Oh my god?
Speaker 7 (07:25):
Totally. And just because it doesn't work out doesn't mean
either person is bad. You just weren't good together, right.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Number three goes back to what I was saying in a
second ago. Stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's
not mutual, then why do you want to pursue it?
If they don't want to be with you, they're not
showing enough interest in you. All right later or not
even later?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Bye? Right? I love this list? Where'd you get this list?
Speaker 5 (07:49):
It's from We're Not Really Strangers dot com? It was
on RT and I just thought it was interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Number four, ask yourself, would you be friends with this
person if you weren't physically attracted them?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I mean that's a good one, It.
Speaker 7 (08:02):
Really good one.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
That is really good.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Well, physical attraction is typically what typically what kind of
makes us look at someone to begin with.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I get that, but it's going to be beyond and
deeper than that.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I was thinking of that when I was watching The
Bachelorette for the one day I watched it the other
day because there was a guy who was so hot
and she has this physical attraction to him. But I
didn't feel like there was anything emotionally there or like
that they were really had anything in common or liking
each other. And I was just like, they're just in
it for the physical part. I'm like, so for long term,
(08:36):
that can't work. You know, that's not gonna last. It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
No way to talk you about this for a second.
Let's say you break up with someone or they break
up with you, whatever, and you're like, well, why why
are we not speaking to each other anymore? Were we
not friends when we were together? Why were we even
in that relationship if we weren't friends.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
That's why when people say they started out as friends
first with someone for years and then it went into
that area, I feel like, you know what, that made
so much sense because you knew you like them because
they were your friend first.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Wow, I've never been one of those, have you guys?
Oh that's all I date.
Speaker 7 (09:10):
Have been friends with really we start, Yeah, I have
not dated someone who I was not friends with at
some point in my life or knew before we started dating.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, and Brandon and you hated each other at first.
Remember then you became friends.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And well they were kids. I mean, yeah, you weren't
even twelve. I mean it was that young.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, we were little.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
But yeah, I mean but I knew him for a
while and we still talked online and you knew each
other a bit.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, here's a deep one.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Make it very clear on what you want to give
in a relationship, not just what you want to receive
in a relationship, meaning what unique value do you bring
to a partnership? Wow, see again, you're you're taking the
light off of them and putting it on you.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is about me.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I want to be happy in this relationship. What am
I willing to give? How far am I willing to go?
If ever they push you to the point where they
want you to go into an area where you don't
want to go emotionally or put it up with whatever,
how much.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Do that can you give?
Speaker 6 (10:09):
You know?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
It's not about them, it's about you.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
And I also think too. I have a very good
friend who's always complaining about the dating world, and I
asked her once would you date you? And she said no?
So I was like, okay, well, what right to other people?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
You got to fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Was she serious?
Speaker 7 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If you say that I wouldn't date myself, that is
worthy of investigation.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Don't don't you think that's a red flag? Yeah? Wow?
Speaker 8 (10:38):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Again, know what you want from a potential partner. What
are your non negotiables, what are you flexible on? And
then communicate your needs. Don't just look, just think them.
And here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know with an
individual person you're dating what's negotiable or not until you
get to the problem, right, you don't know you date.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's some things like maybe religion that's a non negotiable.
Like I knew going into my relationship being a Catholic
is important to me. I knew I wanted to raise
my kids Catholic. Sheldon's Episcopalian, which is very close. But
you know, like we those are things you need to discuss.
Those are things that if that's that important to you,
going in is that non negotiable.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
You know, Wow, and you're talking about deep into the
relationship with marriage marriage talk. I'm just talking about like
body odor stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Oh okay, well, I hope that's a non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, different people.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Danielle's wrong about you and what you believe
in as far as bodyodor goes. I'm not into bodyodor personally.
I'm just using as example, Yes, Kandhi.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
I think a really important question to ask people, because
you'll get interesting answers, is what is something about you
that I won't find out until we're well into the
relationship or maybe it's too late. And I asked my
boyfriend that when we first started dating, and he said,
I'm a very poor sport, and man if he wasn't
accurate about that, and that is like something that you
(12:00):
deal with all the time on little issues. But it
would have taken a long time to figure that out.
And I'm glad that he told me that so I
could decide if that was, you know, something that bothered
me or not.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Well, asking about those things, most of the ones that
are the most challenging, they're not going to tell you
because they don't face up to those problems themselves.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, they might not even know it exactly exactly what's up? Scary.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Okay, At the risk of sounding as shallow as a puddle,
I just bring it all back.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I'm sorry, I don't want to.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I think that people who are fours and fives and
sixes aim for eights, nines and tens, and the eights
and nines and tens are really dating and with other eights,
nines and tens, they're not looking down at the forest.
Fives and sixes and not just in the forest. Fives
and sixes don't just apply to your looks. I'm just
(12:53):
what it also applies to what you're bringing to the
table in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Scary. Who is giving us these numbers?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I'm trying to figure out, how how do I know
if I'm a four or five or six, Well, you may.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Be lower like for me, Okay, if two people, one
person doesn't have kids and one person has kids, some
of the person without the kids might lower the score
of a person with kids because for them that's like,
you know, they don't have kids and they're they're they're dating.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Okay, so I get that, But the rating of these numbers,
I'm trying to figure out, Like, this isn't the Olympics.
We're not having the German judge give us a number.
I don't know where you're coming up with, Like, how
do you know you're a four? How dare you as
a five go for an eight? How does how does
this apply? Just tell me how that.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Works, because I think more people would be happy and
experience bliss if the fours, fives, and sixes all got
together with each other.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And well, you're not listening or what I'm saying. How
do I know I'm in the category of fours? I
don't know how what makes me feel I'm a four?
And how do you know that you're not a nine
to someone and a three to someone else?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Right, I'm not trying. I'm trying to figure this out.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
I feel like, Okay, looks wise, I may be a
five or a six, but maybe I have a great
so that brings me up to an eight, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Because like, for instance, that woman right.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
There on the phone was looking for someone but dinner.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I can do that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But you think you're an eight, but everyone else thinks
you're a three. Like that's not like you know out though.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
It's it's it's more to it than just the looks.
It's the full package of what you're bringing. If you've
got baggage and you've got like your exes and you've
got other issues going, your number is going to be lower.
You may be really hot, you may be a nine,
but you're lowered to a four. I'm just saying that
the people should get I don't know. This is just
my own theory. And I saw form online.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Okay, good, let me stick figure form.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Let me ask you how much how much sense would
this conversation make if you eliminated the fours, fives, and
six's rating system and just talked as if we're just
people like dating people with baggage versus not and what
gandhi can you help me with this?
Speaker 7 (14:54):
Yeah? I kind of sadly understand what he's saying a
little bit, because you know, we were on the phone
early with a woman who said, I'm trying to date up,
so I always date down. But if she's trying to
date up, then that means the person she's trying to
date is going to date down. So I think what
he's trying to say is maybe you're trying to like
(15:15):
shop in our category and like stay. I actually dealt
with a dating service called the Three Day Rule, and
they said, one of the biggest dating mistakes is that
everybody wants a ten, sort of what's scary you're saying,
But what are you bringing to the table that makes
you a ten?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it isn't all about looks, It's about lifestyle. It's
about all kinds of things.
Speaker 7 (15:34):
But a lot of people are disappointed because they think
that they're bringing more than they actually are.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
I don't know if that woman, but the guys that
she's looking at are dating other nines and tens. She
may not be a ten to that dude.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It sucks, but that's life.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But everybody's ten is different. Like you're ten is different
than my ten.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
That's my point.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
It's like, it's it's okay, let me just assign myself
a number according to what I feel about me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I do shockingly see where you're going with it.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I don't you know, I don't know. Let's move on.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
If you if you had a way with words, they
move you up to seven. Maybe all right, all right,
stop here we are another list. Uh line here is
stop being shocked by repeated behavior. Oh god, I am
such the worst at this. For example, if someone has
(16:41):
continuously shown you they're they're not a good texture, stop
expecting them to be.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Notice patterns and believe them.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
And this could be something as simple as texting or
something as complicated as anger or whatever. If you see
a pattern there, stop being shocked every time it comes
to the surface.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I'm guilty of that too. I'm sorry too. Is it
because we think it's going to change and it never does?
Is that basically what it is? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (17:10):
Yeah, because you think you're going to change that person.
You think, oh, I'm special, I'm going to change this
person's bad behavior or behavior that I don't agree with
because I'm special, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Nope, that person is that person. You're not going to change.
Speaker 8 (17:24):
Them special, Nate, That's right. I'm telling myself that for years.
Danielle's that's a very good one. We're all guilty of that,
not only in romantic relationships, but in relationship with relationships
with colleagues and friends, whatever. They keep screwing you over
in one way or another, and you just expect it
to get better and it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I love that one.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
You don't need to be perfect to be loved. Perfection
isn't relatable, meaning I could be a four and be loved.
Oh scary, you can't, you can't connect to it. We
all have flow, we all have vulnerabilities, and being able
to own them as one of the most attractive things
we can do. The right person will embrace the things
you once felt you had to hide. What let me
(18:11):
read that again. The right person will embrace the things
you once felt you had to hide.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Like your O, all your special qualities, your KI yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Well yeah, or your thought you know what I'm saying.
I mean, it could be physical or emotional whatever. Yeah,
it's really about self examination, right Gandhi, I.
Speaker 7 (18:31):
Mean, oh absolutely, I think the perfection thing it's so
much harder now because now that everybody is online and
you think that you have so many options, people see
little red flags that they probably would have dealt with
before and it wouldn't have been a big deal, and
they just immediately write that person off and move on
to the next person that appears to be perfect. But everybody,
ourselves included, we all have red flags. You can't just
(18:51):
write people off immediately for that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, God, I gotta find my red flags.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I always so seldom that I'm like, honey, if you
knew this when we were dating, would you had run
the other way? And he's like, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Oh wow, changing that subject. This list, by the way, again,
I'm loving it. A great list you brought in here, Nate.
I just lost it though.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Where did it go? I got the last one? You
want me to read the last one?
Speaker 7 (19:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I read the last one. Okay.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Your love life is just one area of your life.
Don't forget to nurture the rest significant other aside. When
you visualize coming home to a life you love, what
does that look like? So it's not Your life isn't
all about finding that person. You have other areas of
your life that you should nurture and enjoy, not.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Just finding some good one that is a good one.
And sometimes if you nurture those other areas and you
don't focus so much on finding the person, the person
kind of shows up, you know what I mean, in
the most unexpected places.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well, if I could just end it with this text,
it really sums it all up. I'm good with an old,
rich guy with a heart condition.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
All right, okay, and there you go. Should I send
them my number?
Speaker 6 (20:20):
Over
Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning Show
Suran in the Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, we're talking about this a second ago.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Being single or actually going from in relationship to being
single and getting out there in the dating world can
be a total mind f you know. I mean, it
can just really scare you, maybe to the point where
you just won't go out. And there's nothing wrong with
spending some time with your friends and letting them take
care of you and just being a person and not
(00:28):
having to think about dating someone else. Because when you
start dating someone else, sometimes it turns into this game
like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Sometimes it shouldn't be that way.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
It is.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
It can't be horrible. It's true.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I know that no matter who you have as friends,
someone in your circle, maybe you are in this situation
where it's time to get out there and dating again
if you want so. Nate sent me this article. It's
a great list about dating, getting out there in the
dating world, and there's some things to think about here.
So if this isn't you, maybe you have a friend
(01:02):
who is about to go back into the dating world,
or maybe they are and they're struggling, or or the
succeeding I don't know. So, Hey, Nate, did you ever
find a caller for her?
Speaker 5 (01:11):
I did talk to Renee. She says, dating in twenty
twenty four is like going to a thrift shop.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Oh perfect, let's start with her.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Then, let's just rather than diving into the list. Now,
let's talk to Renee. You're saying dating is sucking for
you these in this day and age.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Why is that, Renee?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
It's absolutely horrible. My comment was, it's like trying to
find the least used item. It doesn't smell bad but
still holds up for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Okay, wow, dating a goodwill salvation army.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I get it.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
It's just it's hard. I most guys either that I
have come into contact with, or either you know, carrying
baggage from their past or you know they are you know,
sewing their wild if you will, on things that they
you know, should have done years ago. And it kind
(02:05):
of trickles down to me, as you know, the one
who's trying to date up. I end up only finding
ways to date down. My daughter actually told me the
other day, Mom, you're like one of those capture the
flag type people, and I seem to capture all the
red flags.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I mean, so you're saying it's impossible that there's nothing
out there for you at all, or are you just
getting started.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We don't know where you are in the process.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
I've been doing this now for about ten years, off
and on, trying to find somebody that fits decent and
it has been very difficult. I am not giving up there.
I'm found in a termined There is somebody out there
for me. It's just a matter of finding that person.
And you know, one of the big things I have
(02:53):
learned is I had to set standards and if you
don't meet those standards, then there's really no point in
you coming to you know, to things. But yeah, it
has been difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So what do you think, Gandhi?
Speaker 7 (03:06):
Well, I wanted to know when you say you're trying
to date it, but you end up dating down, what
do you mean by that?
Speaker 6 (03:12):
So I'm trying to find somebody that you know, and
I had, like I said, I set my standards, so
you must have a job. Your job must be something
that is able to take me to dinner, you know.
So I'm trying to find somebody that that has those
good qualities about him, and I only seem to find
those that don't have those qualities.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
So you know, and that's the hard part is trying
to find somebody. And like I said, again, so simple,
and there's yet so many men out there that thinks that,
I mean, how are you going to pay for dinner?
Chivalry is gone, it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Well, I I God, I hate hearing that because I'm
I'm hoping, I'm praying that's not the case for everyone
and it's just been the luck of the draw with you.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But on the other hand, excuse me.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
You know, we all have this weird baggage that we
carry around in lives, in our lives, and so you're
looking for a guy who has less baggage because there's
always going to be something you have to deal with.
There's always going to be ways that you try to
try to match up with someone and who's not totally
messed up forever, right, So exact, and.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
It's all you're willing to compromise with.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Okay, so there can be comfortable exact.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Well, they're there there, you know, there needs to be
you know, obviously, I'm completely okay with somebody who has children.
My daughter's college aged. I'm okay with somebody who has children.
But you know, it's got to be within reason. I
don't need the Brady bunch. And you know, but again,
two or three kids, that's fine, you know, we we
can work with that. But if you've got five, six
(04:53):
kids with multiple mothers, and it's like, that's just too
much for me where I'm at in my life right now, and.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
That's fair for you.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, Danielle, I know you haven't had one hundred percent success,
But is there one place or one maybe dating app
or something that you feel like works better than others.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
I feel like I did have some decent luck on
bumble and Hinge that you seem to be you know,
average people. Anything other than that, you know, the paid apps.
I did have some success, but not tons.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
All right, Well, look stay on it. It doesn't sound
like you're ready to give up. So that's good news,
you know, not at all, not at all.
Speaker 6 (05:41):
There is somebody out there for everyone. It's just a
matter in finding the right person.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm in, all right. Well, thank you so much for
your time, Renee. We appreciate it. You have a I
have a great day, good luck.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Okay, thanks you too, Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
So this list is very interesting dating getting back into
the dating world. Number one to this and I love
this one. Worry less about if they like you and
more about if you even like them.
Speaker 7 (06:08):
Oh that's a good one. Huh.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We're always trying to like, put our lure in the
water and hopefully they'll like our shiny shiny lure better
than the other ones.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Well, what about them? I mean, do I like them?
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
What am I trying to attract here? What do you think, Nate?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
I think that's a very accurate, you know point for
a lot of people, because a lot of people want
what they can't have, right, it's for them.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
It's like, well, why doesn't this person like me? I
gotta try harder?
Speaker 7 (06:35):
You know.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
It's you're trying too hard to get something that doesn't
want you in return. So I think that's a fantastic point.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And also, you know, you see so many people, maybe
you've been in this situation before, when there's a breakup,
you're like, why don't they like me?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
How I need for them to like me. I'm gonna
go try harder, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Well, no, what about you? Why do you want to
be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
I mean it's about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Right? Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Number two, rejection is not as personal as it feels.
Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility then
your inherent worth.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Think about that for a second.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You know, we have to stop thinking about them and
trying to please them and making them like us.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
What are we doing? That is just that sucks? What
about us? What about me?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
You know?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You agree? Oh my god?
Speaker 7 (07:25):
Totally. And just because it doesn't work out doesn't mean
either person is bad. You just weren't good together, right.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Number three goes back to what I was saying in a
second ago. Stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's
not mutual, then why do you want to pursue it?
If they don't want to be with you, they're not
showing enough interest in you. All right later or not
even later?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Bye? Right? I love this list? Where'd you get this list?
Speaker 5 (07:49):
It's from We're Not Really Strangers dot com? It was
on RT and I just thought it was interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Number four, ask yourself, would you be friends with this
person if you weren't physically attracted them?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I mean that's a good one, It.
Speaker 7 (08:02):
Really good one.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
That is really good.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Well, physical attraction is typically what typically what kind of
makes us look at someone to begin with.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I get that, but it's going to be beyond and
deeper than that.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I was thinking of that when I was watching The
Bachelorette for the one day I watched it the other
day because there was a guy who was so hot
and she has this physical attraction to him. But I
didn't feel like there was anything emotionally there or like
that they were really had anything in common or liking
each other. And I was just like, they're just in
it for the physical part. I'm like, so for long term,
(08:36):
that can't work. You know, that's not gonna last. It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
No way to talk you about this for a second.
Let's say you break up with someone or they break
up with you, whatever, and you're like, well, why why
are we not speaking to each other anymore? Were we
not friends when we were together? Why were we even
in that relationship if we weren't friends.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
That's why when people say they started out as friends
first with someone for years and then it went into
that area, I feel like, you know what, that made
so much sense because you knew you like them because
they were your friend first.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Wow, I've never been one of those, have you guys?
Oh that's all I date.
Speaker 7 (09:10):
Have been friends with really we start, Yeah, I have
not dated someone who I was not friends with at
some point in my life or knew before we started dating.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, and Brandon and you hated each other at first.
Remember then you became friends.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And well they were kids. I mean, yeah, you weren't
even twelve. I mean it was that young.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, we were little.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
But yeah, I mean but I knew him for a
while and we still talked online and you knew each
other a bit.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, here's a deep one.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Make it very clear on what you want to give
in a relationship, not just what you want to receive
in a relationship, meaning what unique value do you bring
to a partnership? Wow, see again, you're you're taking the
light off of them and putting it on you.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is about me.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I want to be happy in this relationship. What am
I willing to give? How far am I willing to go?
If ever they push you to the point where they
want you to go into an area where you don't
want to go emotionally or put it up with whatever,
how much.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Do that can you give?
Speaker 6 (10:09):
You know?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
It's not about them, it's about you.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
And I also think too. I have a very good
friend who's always complaining about the dating world, and I
asked her once would you date you? And she said no?
So I was like, okay, well, what right to other people?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
You got to fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Was she serious?
Speaker 7 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If you say that I wouldn't date myself, that is
worthy of investigation.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Don't don't you think that's a red flag? Yeah? Wow?
Speaker 8 (10:38):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Again, know what you want from a potential partner. What
are your non negotiables, what are you flexible on? And
then communicate your needs. Don't just look, just think them.
And here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know with an
individual person you're dating what's negotiable or not until you
get to the problem, right, you don't know you date.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's some things like maybe religion that's a non negotiable.
Like I knew going into my relationship being a Catholic
is important to me. I knew I wanted to raise
my kids Catholic. Sheldon's Episcopalian, which is very close. But
you know, like we those are things you need to discuss.
Those are things that if that's that important to you,
going in is that non negotiable.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
You know, Wow, and you're talking about deep into the
relationship with marriage marriage talk. I'm just talking about like
body odor stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Oh okay, well, I hope that's a non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, different people.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Danielle's wrong about you and what you believe
in as far as bodyodor goes. I'm not into bodyodor personally.
I'm just using as example, Yes, Kandhi.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
I think a really important question to ask people, because
you'll get interesting answers, is what is something about you
that I won't find out until we're well into the
relationship or maybe it's too late. And I asked my
boyfriend that when we first started dating, and he said,
I'm a very poor sport, and man if he wasn't
accurate about that, and that is like something that you
(12:00):
deal with all the time on little issues. But it
would have taken a long time to figure that out.
And I'm glad that he told me that so I
could decide if that was, you know, something that bothered
me or not.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Well, asking about those things, most of the ones that
are the most challenging, they're not going to tell you
because they don't face up to those problems themselves.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, they might not even know it exactly exactly what's up? Scary.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Okay, At the risk of sounding as shallow as a puddle,
I just bring it all back.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I'm sorry, I don't want to.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I think that people who are fours and fives and
sixes aim for eights, nines and tens, and the eights
and nines and tens are really dating and with other eights,
nines and tens, they're not looking down at the forest.
Fives and sixes and not just in the forest. Fives
and sixes don't just apply to your looks. I'm just
(12:53):
what it also applies to what you're bringing to the
table in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Scary. Who is giving us these numbers?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I'm trying to figure out, how how do I know
if I'm a four or five or six, Well, you may.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Be lower like for me, Okay, if two people, one
person doesn't have kids and one person has kids, some
of the person without the kids might lower the score
of a person with kids because for them that's like,
you know, they don't have kids and they're they're they're dating.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Okay, so I get that, But the rating of these numbers,
I'm trying to figure out, Like, this isn't the Olympics.
We're not having the German judge give us a number.
I don't know where you're coming up with, Like, how
do you know you're a four? How dare you as
a five go for an eight? How does how does
this apply? Just tell me how that.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Works, because I think more people would be happy and
experience bliss if the fours, fives, and sixes all got
together with each other.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And well, you're not listening or what I'm saying. How
do I know I'm in the category of fours? I
don't know how what makes me feel I'm a four?
And how do you know that you're not a nine
to someone and a three to someone else?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Right, I'm not trying. I'm trying to figure this out.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
I feel like, Okay, looks wise, I may be a
five or a six, but maybe I have a great
so that brings me up to an eight, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Because like, for instance, that woman right.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
There on the phone was looking for someone but dinner.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I can do that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But you think you're an eight, but everyone else thinks
you're a three. Like that's not like you know out though.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
It's it's it's more to it than just the looks.
It's the full package of what you're bringing. If you've
got baggage and you've got like your exes and you've
got other issues going, your number is going to be lower.
You may be really hot, you may be a nine,
but you're lowered to a four. I'm just saying that
the people should get I don't know. This is just
my own theory. And I saw form online.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Okay, good, let me stick figure form.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Let me ask you how much how much sense would
this conversation make if you eliminated the fours, fives, and
six's rating system and just talked as if we're just
people like dating people with baggage versus not and what
gandhi can you help me with this?
Speaker 7 (14:54):
Yeah? I kind of sadly understand what he's saying a
little bit, because you know, we were on the phone
early with a woman who said, I'm trying to date up,
so I always date down. But if she's trying to
date up, then that means the person she's trying to
date is going to date down. So I think what
he's trying to say is maybe you're trying to like
(15:15):
shop in our category and like stay. I actually dealt
with a dating service called the Three Day Rule, and
they said, one of the biggest dating mistakes is that
everybody wants a ten, sort of what's scary you're saying,
But what are you bringing to the table that makes
you a ten?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it isn't all about looks, It's about lifestyle. It's
about all kinds of things.
Speaker 7 (15:34):
But a lot of people are disappointed because they think
that they're bringing more than they actually are.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
I don't know if that woman, but the guys that
she's looking at are dating other nines and tens. She
may not be a ten to that dude.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It sucks, but that's life.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But everybody's ten is different. Like you're ten is different
than my ten.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
That's my point.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
It's like, it's it's okay, let me just assign myself
a number according to what I feel about me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I do shockingly see where you're going with it.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I don't you know, I don't know. Let's move on.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
If you if you had a way with words, they
move you up to seven. Maybe all right, all right,
stop here we are another list. Uh line here is
stop being shocked by repeated behavior. Oh god, I am
such the worst at this. For example, if someone has
(16:41):
continuously shown you they're they're not a good texture, stop
expecting them to be.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Notice patterns and believe them.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
And this could be something as simple as texting or
something as complicated as anger or whatever. If you see
a pattern there, stop being shocked every time it comes
to the surface.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I'm guilty of that too. I'm sorry too. Is it
because we think it's going to change and it never does?
Is that basically what it is? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (17:10):
Yeah, because you think you're going to change that person.
You think, oh, I'm special, I'm going to change this
person's bad behavior or behavior that I don't agree with
because I'm special, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Nope, that person is that person. You're not going to change.
Speaker 8 (17:24):
Them special, Nate, That's right. I'm telling myself that for years.
Danielle's that's a very good one. We're all guilty of that,
not only in romantic relationships, but in relationship with relationships
with colleagues and friends, whatever. They keep screwing you over
in one way or another, and you just expect it
to get better and it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I love that one.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
You don't need to be perfect to be loved. Perfection
isn't relatable, meaning I could be a four and be loved.
Oh scary, you can't, you can't connect to it. We
all have flow, we all have vulnerabilities, and being able
to own them as one of the most attractive things
we can do. The right person will embrace the things
you once felt you had to hide. What let me
(18:11):
read that again. The right person will embrace the things
you once felt you had to hide.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Like your O, all your special qualities, your KI yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Well yeah, or your thought you know what I'm saying.
I mean, it could be physical or emotional whatever. Yeah,
it's really about self examination, right Gandhi, I.
Speaker 7 (18:31):
Mean, oh absolutely, I think the perfection thing it's so
much harder now because now that everybody is online and
you think that you have so many options, people see
little red flags that they probably would have dealt with
before and it wouldn't have been a big deal, and
they just immediately write that person off and move on
to the next person that appears to be perfect. But everybody,
ourselves included, we all have red flags. You can't just
(18:51):
write people off immediately for that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, God, I gotta find my red flags.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I always so seldom that I'm like, honey, if you
knew this when we were dating, would you had run
the other way? And he's like, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Oh wow, changing that subject. This list, by the way, again,
I'm loving it. A great list you brought in here, Nate.
I just lost it though.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Where did it go? I got the last one? You
want me to read the last one?
Speaker 7 (19:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I read the last one. Okay.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Your love life is just one area of your life.
Don't forget to nurture the rest significant other aside. When
you visualize coming home to a life you love, what
does that look like? So it's not Your life isn't
all about finding that person. You have other areas of
your life that you should nurture and enjoy, not.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Just finding some good one that is a good one.
And sometimes if you nurture those other areas and you
don't focus so much on finding the person, the person
kind of shows up, you know what I mean, in
the most unexpected places.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well, if I could just end it with this text,
it really sums it all up. I'm good with an old,
rich guy with a heart condition.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
All right, okay, and there you go. Should I send
them my number?
Speaker 6 (20:20):
Over
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Missed in History Class
Join Holly and Tracy as they bring you the greatest and strangest Stuff You Missed In History Class in this podcast by iHeartRadio.
2. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
3. Crime Junkie
If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people.