September 24, 2024 • 42 mins
*TW* This content discusses topics such as mental distress.
Jazz speaks to Whitney Lee-Bandfield, who she met through the Voices Of Hope campaign. Whitney has a powerful story about overcoming childhood adversity and embracing her whakapapa to help her grow and find hope.
Hope Is Real is a Podcast to help you feel a little less alone, a bit more inspired, and a lot more hopeful. Join Jazz Thornton every week as she speaks to empowering and inspiring people from around the world and shares their stories to normalise the way we talk about mental health in society.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
From the ZM podcast network.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
At the age of five, I was in a home
where they staid there with my foster appearance. You know,
they weren't treating us very well. I was like, this
is weird. I don't understand this, and yeah, I sort
of just went with it. That's the hard part. I
think that's what I recognized as a kid was that
I had no control and I knew I needed to
get away, but I couldn't. Cut to everybody.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode of Hope is Real the podcast.
I hope you guys have had a great day, a
great week. I am very very much looking forward to
today's episode. This episode is one that is so inspiring,
that is filled with hope but also filled with tragedy.
Whitney another person that I met on a Voice of
(00:44):
Hope campaign. I feel like I'm bringing you all of
the Voices of Hope campaign people this season. But that's
because these stories, as I've been interviewing them the first time,
at ones that I know need to be shared wider.
Whitney grew up in Cith's care and if you live
Overseas the New Zealand equivalent to child protection. She talks
about every experience that she had, from living in a
(01:05):
tent to stuff that she had to suffer through when
she was younger, not knowing how old, she was not
fitting in at school, and all of the kind of
mental trauma that that led to. She talks about being
in a domestic violence relationship and the impact that that had,
but also why it was that she got into that,
and why it was that she felt she couldn't leave
(01:26):
and what was it that led her to leave. Whitney
is a phenomenal human. She has taken all of this
pain and she's chosen to turn it around and she
now works in mental health and is trying to fight
for other people every single day. She went through a
different method of healing than I've experienced before, where medication
wasn't something that helped her, but multi practices and multi
(01:49):
healing was, and she talks more about that and kind
of explains what that is. But this episode is a goodie.
As always, if anything in this triggers you, please at
any time you can stop, take a break, call, text
to help line, a friend, a family member. You are
not in this alone. But Whitney's story is coming up
right after this. Hi, Hi am so excited to have
(02:14):
you on here. This is the second time I've interviewed
you in a very short space of time. I first
met you on when we were doing Voices of Hope campaign,
and I remember sitting there and very first meeting you,
and you just had this like really calm presence, and
then getting to know your story more and talking to
you and being like, I just I need people to
(02:36):
hear the story more and I need to talk to
you more. Because obviously this was such a short kind
of total project we were doing, so I.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Was like, come on my podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I was like, of course, welcome to homes on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's a little bit different.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
From the from the Voices campaign that we were doing,
but I'd love very at the very beginning, introduce yourself
to our listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, well, I'm Whitney. I grew up in Totonger and
I've been obviously working in mental health space for the
past five years and I'm now in Tomickimikoto and i
moved here around probably two years now, so I don't
know what that was. That was twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh yeah, yeah, I honestly feel like two years ago
should be like twenty twenty but COVID's really just spener.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I reckon, Like I feel like I missed some of
my years and my twenties. You know, yeah, me too.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I've went into lockdown like twenty two, and I've come
out of it like twenty eight, and it's.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like, ah, I know what, it's crazy. Where does it go?
It's so scary.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
If it's fine, we're here, we made it through, and
now we get to sit down and we get to chat.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I would love to just literally go right back to
the beginning.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
You have quite a crazy story that as we were
chatting and I was interviewing you, I related to it
so much. We actually have quite similar stories and ways
and then very different in others.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
What was life like growing up for you? What was
your childhood like?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It was definitely it was like I just was so confused,
you know, I was bouncing from home to home. All
I can remember was at the age of five, I
was in a home where I believed, you know, that
was they said there with my foster pearance. But they weren't.
You know, they weren't treating us very well. You know,
we didn't get the the right like, we didn't get
(04:19):
enough clothes to go to school, we didn't get enough
food to eat, and so then yeah, I apparently we've
just been bouncing home to home and this was our
last home before before moving out back to our family.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
When were you When were you taken from your family?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I was told like to like too, I was taken
away from mom and dad, and I think they were
just so young to have us, and they were like, yeah,
they just weren't able to have, you know, look after
us as kids. So yes, I got involved and talk
me and my brother away.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Looking back on that experience now, I know that there's
been so much uproar with and I don't even myself.
I don't know if you've ever done this or not,
but I had to get access to my files for
the movie that I was doing, Girl on the Bridge,
and it's wild reading through it and being like, what
were you doing? Like you caked this investigation stuff so much.
(05:13):
The case like opens and closes. I've had other people
read through it being like this is so obvious, but
Stef's had to go through an entire like restructure.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Because of the fact that this system wasn't working.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Looking at it now as an adult and kind of
I guess where you were placed.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, it was really odd, Like we would get like
social workers. It would come and chicken every so often,
but I felt like they were just walking in and out,
but they don't really know what's going on. You could
almost put a facade on and say everything's going well
at home. Really it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
And then you get put in a foster home that
doesn't provide for you.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
No, they don't provide for us. You know, they probably
stopped the cupboards up before that the social workers got there,
you know, like yeah, you know, even just being young,
I'm not sure what was going on. I had a
knowing that there was just everything was just so wrong
and I was like, this is weird. I don't understand this,
and yeah, I sort of just went with it because
there's nothing you can do when you're little. You also
(06:12):
don't really understand, right, trying to figure out what it is,
and you're trying to discover what's going on, like because
you're young, you just want to be curious about everything. Yeah,
and you just don't want it to be like that,
that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Well, I also think that those formative ages like it,
there's all the studies and stuff obviously about a lot
of your core beliefs and identity being developed, especially at
you're very younger, like two to three years old, so
then being taken from your parents, and then your little
brain will have developed these beliefs and these responses and
(06:46):
behaviors that you didn't even consciously do, Like it's literally
just developed that fear of like I don't know, fear
of abandonment was a big thing that happens for kids
in those situations. Like it's wild how much the those
first few a few years of your life is so
formative as to who you are as a person.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Oh totally.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Do you have any like specific, any memories that stand
out to you from that Foster home that you were in?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, it was me and my brother. We spent a
lot of time at the beach, and I think it
was because they were never home or I just remember
the rainy days where the doors were locked. We came
home from school, the doors were locked. We didn't have
enough clothes. I was like, in the T shirt and shorts,
pouring down rain. I was like, what do we do?
We didn't want to be around the house. I don't know.
We end up at the beach. We just always spent
(07:31):
time at the beach, and my brother taught me how
to like fish. We would just get I don't even
know how we did today, Like we just wanted sticks
or whatever, and then like get some bait and they're like, fine,
of get some fish. I don't know how we ate it.
I can't actually remember that part, but we were just fish. Yeah.
It was a way to like kind of escape because
you know, they weren't really home. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, So I feel like at that age as well,
like and you're starting school and you're beginning to realize
that other kids aren't the same or have more stuff,
and like.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, you kind of feel like what is this you
know or something?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, and you were we were were missing out.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When did you begin to realize that your life and
what you were living in was not normal.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It was when I was seven. Yeah, we were living
in a tint at the time when we lost our
home from the people that were staying with We lost
our home and ended up living in a campsite and
we had a little tint And one night I was
like to my brother, oh my god, something's wrong. Like
I've realized something's wrong. I want to run away? Should
we run away? And he goes, we were going to
(08:36):
run away to us and not here? You know, I
don't want to be here. But yeah, I that was
when I realized I remember it very well, just lying
there with him and at night.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Just yeah, were you with like a family or anything
at that point, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Don't even know where they were to be honest, sheep,
just leave.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You just had a campsite.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah. Were you in school? Yeah? We were at school,
but it was also very rough school. I don't even
know if we were going there very often.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
All I care remember is like I don't know a
couple of days of the week, but of that school
where I couldn't remember.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
This is why it's so important, Like I do schools
tours literally around the world. Now I get to speak
and from from primary through to high school and being
able to tell kids, like especially when it comes to bullying,
that you've got no freaking idea what kids in your
class are going through. You don't know if kids are
going home to family and their lovely house, or if
they're going home and not to a home, they're going
(09:29):
and sleeping in a tent like that. You know, been
able to teach your kids that and have those conversations,
and also to all of the like teenagers that listen
to this podcast to understand, like the kids that you're
seeing that might be kind of more outcast, Like you
just have no idea what people are going through.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Think about that all the time when you go out
to the schools, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
All the time.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I met this fun kid who was living out of
his car and people were bullying him at school, and
he's like, man, like, I just I'm doing it so rough.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
And I mean, kids just kids don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
And they have no control, right, you know, you can
only go with what's going on around you. And yeah, yeah,
and that's the hard part. I think that's what I
recognized as a kid, was that I had no control. Yeah,
and I knew I needed to get away, but I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
When did you eventually get away?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
It was when I was walking home that day from
my school. My brother and my grandparents found us, and
she had pulled us aside, you know, drove up towards
us while we're walking home. She goes, oh, my god,
like I've been trying to get hold of your kids
and I can't it's been it's your birthday this week
or something, and I thought, what, Oh, you don't know. No,
(10:40):
I didn't know. Oh my goodness. Yeah I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, I cry for you.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah. Yeah. That's when she didn't want to carry on.
They couldn't find us.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, it was that not steps responsibility to like your
biological family.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah, there's more to the story, to be fair, I
should look more into it. But yeah, I hardly really
saw them. It was because we lost contact. Yeah, and
it was the time that she decided I don't want
to lose you anymore. But yeah, because she pulled us away,
you know, like we hopped in her car. I think
we went to her house that day and we got
all these munch cheese and stuff because making up for
our birthday. She gets into your birthday this week. I
(11:22):
actually didn't really know how old I was. Actually I
only remember that's how old I was from that day onwards,
and I was seven. Yeah. It was weird, man, Like
I don't know, just yeah, just so I don't actually
know when my birthday was. Before I was.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Like, how would you? How would you when you were
in these foster homes.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I think the school system helped me in a year,
you know everyone else's age. Yeah. It was the only
time like I knew how old I was.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That is absolutely wild. So your grandmother takes you? Where
does she take you?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We go to home and we have like we try
to make enjoy it, you know, like we just had
birthday things like she got us a gift and you know,
we had food there. And then when it all ended
that night, she said, oh, I have to take you
home now you can't stay and I can't. I was like, huh.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Huh what like, like her, what she's taking?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
What?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
To take us home? Yeah? It was because you know
she hit she she well I wasn't under her kid.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yeah, of course she is this back to the tent.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, back to the tent. She took us back to
the tent. Yeah, And that's when she knew what she
needed to do, and so she fought back to get
us back.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And then she how olre you when she got your bag?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'd say eight. It must have taken a year.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Yeah, Which what would you want to say if you
could be in a room with people right now that
are running the child protection services? What would you say
to them?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Oh, they need to change the system. You know, I
think working in mental health over the past five years,
I've seen so many gaps in this system, and I
have a huge for my people, and unfortunately I old
feedback to my team leader and then obviously it's their
responsibility to go to someone else. But it never goes up,
you know, like your feedback, it doesn't really hit the
(13:12):
ground rolling.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Well, that's why these conversations are so important, right, because
if you can create enough public outrage, you can start
to see things shift. But even now, like I'm still
seeing stories flooding the news and social media of young
Malti kids that are being taken from their families a
lot of the time without so like there's obviously reasons
(13:36):
that automatic kid gets involved, but to take them then
out of their culture and out of like being surrounded
by their people. The fact that that hasn't changed now,
that's not okay, no, it's not like we're so much
older now. And the fact that for you as a kid,
that's still happening now, yeah, and that you ended up
(13:56):
in like I can't, I can't comprehend the fact that
this place that was supposed to protect you then.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Allowed you to be sleeping in a team.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah. To be fair, the social worker stopped visiting from
that point onwards. So I'm wondering what, yeah, what my
false appearance at the time told them like, we don't know, have.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
You ever been in contact with your foster appearance since.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Actually I was at once this post. I used to
deliver the mail in Naawa here and that family is
from there. I'm not gonna discuss names, but she was
at the mailbox as I loved the mail, and she goes, oh,
my god, is that you Are you married? Do you
have kids? And I was like what, Like, I was
so confused, and I said, no, no, I don't have kids.
All that I've got to carry on, you know, like
(14:38):
delivering the mail, and I just sort of said my goodbyes.
I came across to I don't know where. That's so weird.
I was delivering the mail.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, so you've moved and with your grandma.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
And then when we were doing our interview, you were
talking about how you then kind of entered a very
white school, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And very well wealthy families who'd own a lot of land. Yeah,
we ended up moving away onto the farm.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
That's such a big contrasting difference. What school like for you,
high school amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I had really good friends. I was very very high achiever,
way too much of a high achiever to a point where,
oh my goodness, my grandparents were really hard on me.
I didn't have a social life. Yeah, sport was it,
you know, pay sport, go home, repeate, go to school.
Because I think they just didn't want to see the
repeat in our family, you know, like me getting pregnant
young and losing kids or you know, I think they
(15:30):
just wanted to for me to have a good life.
So high school was really tough for me. But all
with it.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, I mean it's high school.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
I mean the same.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
For me.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
High school was wild and I ended up moving out
of home when I was sixteen. And we were talking
just before this episode started about being on the Independent
Youth been there of course, which is something that, like
you said, like not a lot of people know about it,
and I remember for me it was the police that
got me onto it. And it's basically for those of you,
I guess from music Ellen and also not from New
(16:01):
Zealand are listening to this, it's basically government support to
be able to live as a young person who's not
connected to their family, and it's really helpful to be
able to kind of not end up on the street.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
But there should be more awareness around it, because you know,
I didn't know. At least someone told me about it, Like, yeah,
I wouldn't have known. Wouldn't have known.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And it frustrates me when people also look at that
kind of thing, A specific demographic of people look at
that thing and like, oh, you're just taking like our tea.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I was like, you try to have the upbringing
that you.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
Have, got no support, no to make the best for
your life and obviously having the childhood that you did,
there was so much stuff and trauma that happened.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
In what ways did that manifest and kind of impact
your mental health?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, it came in ways. I actually realized my mental
health had different Like there was always symptoms to today,
Like as a kid, I was hearing voices. It was
probably a trauma response to what was going on around
my environment. That disappeared when I was like thirteen or fourteen,
and then all of a sudden, when I got into sport,
it was like made things Okay, I was okay, you know,
(17:21):
I didn't have any mental health problems, but it was
when home became a little bit unf you know, a
little bit chaotic with my grandparents. Yeah, obviously my drink.
My granddad was drinking a lot of alcohol, and he
stopped taking me to soccer, which obviously left me in
a really bad mental state. And all the childhood just
(17:43):
came all at once. Wow, And that's when I was
just in a bad place from sixteen onwards.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
I explained what that was, like what happened at sixteen sixteen?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh yeah, I felt like my grandparents had had a
lot of pressure on them and you know, and that's
when I knew I had myself. I realized everything that
had happened to me as a child, and then I
was getting treated at home. Everything that had bolded up,
bottled up over the years just turned into suicidal thoughts.
And I wasn't good enough and I was fainting. I
(18:18):
was having these weird fainting spells just randomly at school,
Like I was just faint, and I think I was
just going through PDC. Yeah, and I didn't have my
grandparents support at the time. They didn't understand what was
going through and yeah, yeah, no, and my friends were
really supportive. That's when I actually went on too that benefit. Yeah,
my friends decided, do you want to come and live
(18:40):
with us? My mum will help you. I was like, okay,
and so I loved with her for the rest of
my high school years. Yeah, but I had those fainting
spells for ages. I went to go see a psychologist
and then they sent me to breathing specialists. I don't know.
They were trying to figure out what was wrong with me,
and they just said, I think it's a traum my response,
(19:00):
which makes sense. Yeah, but I didn't know. Everyone thought
I had epilepsy, and I was getting all these these
treatments like, oh not, treatments are and tests done and yeah,
then I realized, I think that's just trauma.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
The body has like such a physical response to trauma
that we don't even realize a lot of the time. I,
funnily enough, also had the fainting spells.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Did you which it's weird. I don't even know describe it?
How would you describe that they're not really fainting, but
you're not can't respond to people?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Well, I had I know that I have something called
absent migraines, which is different, but like everything kind of
blacks out and then I kind of come to eventually,
but those ones, I literally was like passing out, but
a lot of it, Like I can't remember who it
was that I was talking to about it, but saying
that when you go through the kind of things that
we both did as kids, as young kids, that your
(19:49):
body goes into that fital flight mode and if there's
anything that can be triggered around it, whether it's like
senses or smells or anything, like, your body can just go,
I need to get out of your bomb.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yeah, it's almost like it's very like you're like for me,
I was present, but I couldn't respond to people around me.
It's just I just collapse and then I'm completely shut down.
And I go like that for about an hour and
then all of a sudden, when I get out of it,
I just want to sleep and I'm just so exhausted
from what had happened. And it happened when I was
playing soccer, would be at school and actually, you know,
(20:21):
it was really sad. Like I was a captain of
the first living at tottle A Girls College in year thirteen,
and I remember I was giving the opportunity to take
that role on but every time I was playing I
was fainting. I was like, oh my god. And so
unfortunately they had to take the role off me because
I kept fainting and gave it to someone else. And
I was really guarded because I couldn't play full games anymore,
(20:42):
and I couldn't take a team on, like you know,
lead the team because I keept fainting. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Yeah, when we were doing the then I kept alluding
back to it because the first time we met, the
first time I got to hear a lot of your story,
and you talked about there was a moment where you
came really close to not being here. Oh yeah, what happened?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I went I went to a concert with Mike's partner,
Friday Gems, And yeah, I had taken a couple of substances,
like like I think they would PRECP or whatever, and
you thought it was just like just to go have
fun with but not realizing I had like taken something
and that I shouldn't have. And at the time I
(21:26):
was taking substances like very like almost self sabotaging myself,
like overdoing it, like I'd get wasted and then it
would take two, you know, And I thought they were
safe and they weren't, and I remember I ran away
from him and I was like, nah, maybe I'll just
keep I'll take another one. So I took the second one,
(21:48):
and then all of a sudden, my body just went
into shut down mode. Like intuitively, I just knew something
was wrong. I was high, but I knew, yeah, it
was wrong. And I tried to find and I was
looking through the crowd to find my my expartner, and
I said, I need help. I think something bad's gonna
happen to me. And he said what I said, no,
(22:08):
just get us help now. I don't have much time.
And all I remember is just like vision was so fast,
like I couldn't see anything anymore, but my mind had
gone really clear, like I could tell this was my
last moments. And I was just processing the transition from
you know, being like overdose straight to like this could
be me about to in my life. And I was
(22:29):
like to myself, I'm my god, you're stupid. Why did
you do that? Like because I wasn't having my relationship,
I thought just getting wasted and having a good time
at a concert would be the best thing. And yeah,
we ended up in the ambulance scent and I just
remember being like, Okay, this is it, and I remember
my body just going into relax mode and all of
a sudden everything just turned white. Oh and that's when
(22:50):
I yeah, I was like could feel myself leaving my body,
and all of a sudden, this doctor just well, I
don't know. I think it was a doctor. I don't
know who it was. He just ran to towards me,
and like they must've I must have like convulsed or
like gone into a seizure and woke up in the
ambulance and then yes, it dated me to sleep and
(23:11):
then woke up in Ico, but they keep putting me
back to sleep because I think my heart rate was
so hogh.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Waking up and ic you is the weirdest experience.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And I was like, what is going on?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Did you have the tube in your mouth when you
woke up?
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I kin'd of remember I just made the mask and
all the vent you know, all the machines.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Yeah, And I was like, what I remember waking up
after one of my my sooicida teams, waking up and
I see you and like literally you kind of see
all of the wires and stuff. But I still had
the thing down my throat and I was like, oh
my god, I can't breathe, like choking. But obviously this
thing is like breathing for you because I couldn't breathe.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
On my own.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
But also I see you. I don't know if it's
the same way you were, but I see you. When
I was in there as all open plan and so
I remember kind of like looking and then just seeing
these other people and strapped of ventilators like all beside
me and these beds, and being like what is going on?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Like the fact that you could see because I couldn't
was so blarry, you know, when you're so goea, like.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
What, Yeah, my hands were like tied down to the
bid because I think I was trying to pull out
my years.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Is that a reaction response, because that's what happened to me.
I remember lying there and I had just pulled out
needles out of my arm. They were running and I'm
like what and all you see his blood gushing. I
was like, oh my god, like.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
I just need things out of my mind.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I was like, what is going on? Like I was
so confused, it's.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Such a it's such a weird thing.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
And then also being like coming to the realization that
you literally actually nearly died.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, it's so really hard to explain, I'd be honest. Yeah,
even though you know, you don't have to show the symptoms,
you can feel yourself going somewhere else that wasn't here,
and like, yeah, and seeing the white light and my
body processing things was just random. Like I had almost
lost the high after that, Like the high wasn't even
the non existent, it was just shutting my body down,
(25:01):
was trying to.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
So you were in a relationship at oh, had just.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Ended it ended it within that year.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, it happened, which was quite a not great, No,
it was horrible, horrible.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
We both had mental health issues that we should have addressed.
And and yeah, we were both of us were in
and out of mental health services, and the police were
often involved in our relationship because we just went healthy
for each other. You know, it was just we were
tall my bonding, I guess you put it the way. Yeah,
and then always using substances to escape our mental health. Yeah,
(25:39):
and that was tough.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Which these conversations the reason that I mean, there's so
many reasons that I don't want to say love having them,
because no one wants like you don't want, does.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Happen to anyone, no way.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But I think it also brings so much context to
people in situations that can be so stigmatized and misunderstood totally.
And I think that being able to bring a story
behind what can be seen as a stigma, especially when
it comes to like DV relationships and like all of
that kind of thing to then kind of like for
(26:13):
people to understand like how someone can get to that point,
I think helps bring a little bit more understanding and
a little bit more empathy.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, really having a mental health like if you're not
going to address it, it becomes an external like external
things come at you. Yeah, for you to realize and
go get help or Yeah, my relationships were deteriorating and yeah,
I was not looking after myself. It just was going downhill.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
What was the turning point for you?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Turning point? Yeah, what was that turning point? It was
when I got pregnant. Yeah, I got pregnant to that
guy and I wanted the baby. And when I found
out got pregnant, I was like, this is not the guy,
This is not the guy. Oh my god, and I
want this And the doctor was so happy for me,
(27:01):
and I said I can't but you know, she didn't
quite understand. I said, I can't have the baby. I'm mother, Really,
you know, this guy isn't for me. So I went
through that whole process of yeah, aborting my baby, and it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Was hard, the decision that you had to make for yourself.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
He didn't support it. So I went through those whole
symptoms pregnancy symptoms alone, like I was d I had
the worst pregnancy and yeah, I did it by myself,
the whole thing, and it was hard to take on.
And that's when I knew I wanted to leave him.
After that. It was that was actually soon after I
had that near death experience. Within the two weeks I
(27:41):
had that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
A near death experience will do that to you a
It was.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Like that happened, Okay, cool, well now you're pregnant, like
what like I So it happened pretty quickly and very Yeah,
that was my transition to realizing I need to get
out of this and I'm going to go get my
healing done and then go and work in medwealth.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Which I think is a I would really love to
talk about this because it wasn't something that I had
kind of heard a lot of your specific healing journey
which I think is so important because westernized medicine is
obviously one thing, and often especially in a lot of
countries where culture has been taken away from westernized people
(28:22):
coming in.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Holistic side of things.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah, and like I know that.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Like for me, medication has been amazing, and for you
that hasn't been the case. And I think it's important
to be able to tell all these different stories because
for some people medication will work and for other people
it's not. It wasn't going to work, and that wasn't
the case. You found healing in another way, Yeah, you
tell us about it.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah. So when I obviously, you know, losing my identity
growing up, you know, I was trying to reconnect to
my culture. Yeah, Like it really really got to me
when I was going through my mental health journey how
much I wanted to connect to my culture. So, you know,
I was learning a bit about my fuck up, where
I was from and all that, and then yeah, I
(29:03):
started to find out about that there's healers out there
that help people mental health or its chronic pain with
physical pain, and so my grandmother actually recommended that I
go to this Japanese holistic healer first, and so it
was called reiki they call it, and he helped me
cure like my anxiety, my suicidal thoughts, and my depression
(29:24):
within like one session, and after that I was in
a really good space. And from there I started discovering
about tour hungers and then you know how what do
they call them, my t kits here, which is people
who can see beyond the physical and they help people
on their journey around mental health. And you know, this
got deep and deep into my culture and I tried
(29:45):
to incorporate them in to my work now to help
other maori. Yeah, but it really did. It did start
from finding who I was again to connecting with this
reiki healer. Yeah, I love it. I make sure a
bit like a little bit to it because it's almost
like you know, when somebody's going like if your body
is like out of whacker into I just go straight
(30:06):
to a tohunga or align this again for me and
I feel renewed again, Like yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
It's just it's so cool and I think like being
able to explore different avenues of healing and different kinds
I don't want to use with medicine, but I guess
you know, like it's different, it's just so.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It's more understood. I think, yeah, I think they are
starting to acknowledge it in the mental health space with
now getting Mauldi hellers come in, yeah, which is great
and even acc you can see that they've now got
that and that's so cool if you know about that,
but they you can ask for practitioner now.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
That's so It's so important because Western medicine is not
going to work for everyone and for some people like
I personally have, I'm so thankful why we're on antidepressants
again how long like six months ago and for me
being able to of restabilized, but for a friend of
mine who went on them.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Didn't didn't work.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
So personalized that having different options that you can try
is so important, and especially when you bring culture into
it and been able to kind of reconnect to that
for you and finding something that worked.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Not only it makes you feel connected to you know, Yeah,
well now that I go to talking as now not
so much with the reiki, I feel connected to my
culture and also know I'm getting healing done At the
same time, do.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
You also feel like it's healing to your like little
two three year old self who was just kind of
ripped away from her culture and.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Her who she was. I mean, yeah, I don't know
how I would have Yeah, do you mean like how
I process it is that you a younger?
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Well, yeah, like just thinking about like being able to
I guess do all this stuff whilst connected to your culture,
if that has almost like healed your inner child a
little bit of this.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Kid who didn't know what was happening and was kind.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Of almost field that curiosity. Now I understand and or
like what's going on? Like I can reflect back now
and then acknowledge what had happened to me and how
much I've turned that around to make it, you know,
way a bit alive. Yeah, you know, because I don't
ever ever Yeah, I want to be able to go
through that traumau again around reliving those moments.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
But what would you say to other young MOLTI people
who I want to I'm going to ask you a
few different questions here because I know, for example, my
co founder of Voices of Hope, she's multigenv here and
she had a very very different upbringing. She was very privileged,
but she never ever really connected to her culture and
felt really disconnected from it and has only just kind
(32:42):
of begun this journey of trying to rediscover that.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
What would you say to it?
Speaker 3 (32:47):
To young people who might feel ashamed of their culture,
might be confused or detached from it, Like, what's your
advice there?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Definitely reaching out. There's providers out there that can help you.
There's a lot more support out there than we think.
We know, you know, just reaching out to the local
multi trust, they tend to have a lot of contacts.
And I tell you now, like working in that space,
you discover so many contacts and people that can help you,
and they're willing to help you. It's amazing and you
(33:19):
will find yourself so much because that supports out there.
You know, it's just google it. You come up with
dames and contacts, call and be like, hey, look I
would like to reconnect to my culture and I'm from here. Okay, cool,
We'll link you up to somebody. Yeah, and that's a
matter of like, you know, few phone calls and then
you meet up and then you know it opens doors.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yeah, to kids in the foster care system, yeah, what
would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That's a very hard question, you know, especially when I
was saying before, you know, there's no control over your situation. However,
just know that keep persevering and ask someone for help
if you can at school and if they feel unsafe.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
However, you know, I don't know what it's like these
days anymore.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
If it's changed, I think that they've tried to make changes.
But I think obviously, when when an entire system is broken,
it takes a long time to be able to put
the pieces back. But the reason I asked you that
is that I also just feel like seeing you now
and knowing what you do and working and mental health
(34:28):
and everything, and just knowing that for these kids at
the hope for them.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
I think, Yeah, it's definitely help because I always knew
I wanted to help people. So I think even in
that such I was very young, I think I knew
straight away that I needed to do something about it.
When I get older and what's a maut of this,
I'm going to sort this out. I want to fix
the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
And that's what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, exactly, which is amazing.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Give you even do you take time to actually realize
that you like you did that this kid who had
literally nothing had to fight for her damn life.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yeah, is now. I think I have had a couple
of those moments, I think I do need to give
myself more credit. Topic Yeah, yeah, yeah, you to.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Give yourself way more credit, like being able to be
a voice for these kids, but also just for yourself.
And like I keep thinking back to that kid who
didn't even know it was her birthday, which still makes
me to cry, And just seeing you now and just
knowing that you fought so hard for the life that
you have is so empowering. And I also think to
(35:29):
a lot of young people that are struggling is so
inspirational and I would love to know kind of what
you would say to I'm gonna go very pointed in here,
young girls who are in relationships that they know they
should not be in and they don't know how to
get out of it. What's your advice there?
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, okay, if I be honest with you, Yeah, when
I was in that relationship because I didn't really have
anyone and that's all I know, I sort of just
stayed until something really significant is going to impact you
from that relationship. That's when you walk away. But you know,
I think it's tirely up to the individual. It's really
hard to say, Like I'll be honest, like I stayed
(36:16):
because it was a safe almost felt safe, but it
wasn't safe, you know, because I had no one else
talked to. If I kept him around, it was filling
a little bit of me. But I will say that
as soon as something very significant that's going to impact
you a lot in that relationship and it's not a
good thing at all, I'd remove myself. That's when, you know. Yeah,
especially after I had been when I got pregnant, I
(36:37):
knew straight away that was an instant, no question about it.
But yeah, it takes a lot to really walk away
from it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I also think it's really hard when you don't know
yourself will because it hasn't been.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
No, and that's all you knew what I thought. That's
what love was, you know, even though it didn't I
knew it wasn't right. But you know, I thought, well,
the s guy loves me enough, or you know, there's
ups and downs, Cole stay. But how many times do
I need to keep saying that and then talk something
actually happens? Oh my god. So yeah, that's a really
hard one. I think it's just when you know, when
(37:14):
something completely bad goes wrong in the relationship, you've got
to walk away.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Or try to walk away before something goes wrong.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah. Yeah, situation when it gets ugly, that's when you've
got a good do it, not when you know you're thinking,
you're thinking about it. But yeah, very something very significant
has to happen for you to just do it. Go,
you got to go.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Why have you chosen to start sharing your story publicly?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Just get on to the other side, and all you
want to do is share it to the world. My
grandmother said down on me one time and said, don't
even feel embarrassed, right, don't even feel embarrassed about your story.
You've got to tell your story because there's going to
be other people out there going through the same and
they want to hear and know that they're not alone. Yeah.
And I think after she'd telling me that, I was like, whoa, okay,
sweet own it. Then, yeah, let's just own it. And
(38:03):
then once it comes out you you want to be
able to speak it to people because you know, if
they want to know who you are, you tell them
your story. Yeah, you know it shouldn't have to be embarrassed.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Yeah, And then being able to know that there are
like younger versions of you out there who would love
to be able to know these kind of stories, know
that there was hope and know that And for me,
that's the whole purpose of this podcast is to be
able to tell all of these different stories so that
if you see someone or you hear one story that
you relate to, you can know that, like, no matter
(38:31):
what it is that you're facing, there's always hope for
you to be able to move through. And your life
now is so evident of that. Who you are now,
Like you are such a I don't even like you're
such a there's always a weird word to use it
you feel like such like a gilly person is what
does it mean?
Speaker 4 (38:49):
Like like' like bushy and like just like like you're
so warm to be around, which I think is like
incredible given your history and given what you grew up
in to be this like such a kind hearted, soft
spoken but very strong.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Warrior, like to be able to carry that is something
that not a lot of people do a lot of
people can just live and rightfully so with the anger
of everything that happened, and I think there's always space
for that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
But for you to be the person that you are
is phenomenal, and you.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Are such a such a kind person and I've only
spent two days with you now doing these kind of
and both times has been like told me your life.
But like, you're such an amazing person and I'm so
thankful that you too. I'm so thankful that you have
chosen to share your story. I think that we need
more stories of hope, specifically within the stuff that you've
(39:46):
been through in your situation, and so for you been
willing to be that is amazing. And I love to
ask you one more question before I wrap us up,
and I ask everyone this question. And like I said,
just knocked my microphone.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I'm so sorry. Like I said, this podcast called Hope
is real.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
I want to know what does the word hope mean
to you?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Not giving up knowing that there's light on the other
side of the tunnel, even though you keep thinking you're
seeing dark all the time, there's always light. Yeah, And
when you're there, you're there, You're like, whoa, it really
is true?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, Yeah, life can be so much better.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
And obviously sometimes life goes up and down, like there's
literally what it is right, like it's a roller coaster.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
But when you experience you feel like you.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Can't there's no escape. Yes, why you're trying to find
that light. Well, you've got to realize you are getting there.
It's just keep persevering not to give up. Yeah, even
though there's those moments you're like really like this is
happening to me again.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Yeah, yeah, you know that things can always change.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
And yeah, thank you so much for taking the time.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
And tracking out to Auckland City to be able to
come and hang out with us and shar your story.
You're so brave and you have done so incredibly well
and I'm so proud of you and I'm so thankful
that the world has you.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, I appreciate that. Hey, I've got a little gift
for you. Oh gosh, I just got this little little
gift for you, just just on your journey, you know,
like how much you've done in regard to your healing.
So yeah, just a little something for me.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah, And I just want you to keep this close
to you when when times are tough, because this is
very special. And yeah, I'm gonna cry. Oh my goodness.
Thank you so much. Thank you and your an inspiration
to so many people, like and I want you to
remember that, Like, I don't know if you're having hard times,
(41:36):
just know that you're doing such an amazing job.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
What an emotional in this episode. For those of you
who are not obviously watching this visually, I just can
you oh my gosh, yeah, it's I can't.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
I'm gonna post I'll post the photo of this on
our if that's okay.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
It's just so oh my gosh. Yeah, thank you all
blessed and all that. So yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
I need to hug you.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I need to hug you immediately.
Speaker 3 (42:04):
Well, there you have it, guys, thank you so much
for staying and for listening to this episode. And like
I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if
anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought
anything up for you, you feel like you need to
talk to someone, then please remember and know that the
bravest thing that you can do right now is to
talk to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's
(42:26):
from a friend, a family member, or if you don't
know who to talk to, then if you live in
Altaiola here you can call or text one seven three
seven at any time to talk to a trained counselor,
or if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub
dot the Voices of Hope dot org for a list
of international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is
that you're facing, no matter what it is that you're
(42:47):
going through, that in all things, hope is real and
change is possible.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
I'll see you guys next week.
From the ZM podcast network.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
At the age of five, I was in a home
where they staid there with my foster appearance. You know,
they weren't treating us very well. I was like, this
is weird. I don't understand this, and yeah, I sort
of just went with it. That's the hard part. I
think that's what I recognized as a kid was that
I had no control and I knew I needed to
get away, but I couldn't. Cut to everybody.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode of Hope is Real the podcast.
I hope you guys have had a great day, a
great week. I am very very much looking forward to
today's episode. This episode is one that is so inspiring,
that is filled with hope but also filled with tragedy.
Whitney another person that I met on a Voice of
(00:44):
Hope campaign. I feel like I'm bringing you all of
the Voices of Hope campaign people this season. But that's
because these stories, as I've been interviewing them the first time,
at ones that I know need to be shared wider.
Whitney grew up in Cith's care and if you live
Overseas the New Zealand equivalent to child protection. She talks
about every experience that she had, from living in a
(01:05):
tent to stuff that she had to suffer through when
she was younger, not knowing how old, she was not
fitting in at school, and all of the kind of
mental trauma that that led to. She talks about being
in a domestic violence relationship and the impact that that had,
but also why it was that she got into that,
and why it was that she felt she couldn't leave
(01:26):
and what was it that led her to leave. Whitney
is a phenomenal human. She has taken all of this
pain and she's chosen to turn it around and she
now works in mental health and is trying to fight
for other people every single day. She went through a
different method of healing than I've experienced before, where medication
wasn't something that helped her, but multi practices and multi
(01:49):
healing was, and she talks more about that and kind
of explains what that is. But this episode is a goodie.
As always, if anything in this triggers you, please at
any time you can stop, take a break, call, text
to help line, a friend, a family member. You are
not in this alone. But Whitney's story is coming up
right after this. Hi, Hi am so excited to have
(02:14):
you on here. This is the second time I've interviewed
you in a very short space of time. I first
met you on when we were doing Voices of Hope campaign,
and I remember sitting there and very first meeting you,
and you just had this like really calm presence, and
then getting to know your story more and talking to
you and being like, I just I need people to
(02:36):
hear the story more and I need to talk to
you more. Because obviously this was such a short kind
of total project we were doing, so I.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Was like, come on my podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I was like, of course, welcome to homes on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's a little bit different.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
From the from the Voices campaign that we were doing,
but I'd love very at the very beginning, introduce yourself
to our listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, well, I'm Whitney. I grew up in Totonger and
I've been obviously working in mental health space for the
past five years and I'm now in Tomickimikoto and i
moved here around probably two years now, so I don't
know what that was. That was twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh yeah, yeah, I honestly feel like two years ago
should be like twenty twenty but COVID's really just spener.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I reckon, Like I feel like I missed some of
my years and my twenties. You know, yeah, me too.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I've went into lockdown like twenty two, and I've come
out of it like twenty eight, and it's.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Like, ah, I know what, it's crazy. Where does it go?
It's so scary.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
If it's fine, we're here, we made it through, and
now we get to sit down and we get to chat.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I would love to just literally go right back to
the beginning.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
You have quite a crazy story that as we were
chatting and I was interviewing you, I related to it
so much. We actually have quite similar stories and ways
and then very different in others.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
What was life like growing up for you? What was
your childhood like?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It was definitely it was like I just was so confused,
you know, I was bouncing from home to home. All
I can remember was at the age of five, I
was in a home where I believed, you know, that
was they said there with my foster pearance. But they weren't.
You know, they weren't treating us very well. You know,
we didn't get the the right like, we didn't get
(04:19):
enough clothes to go to school, we didn't get enough
food to eat, and so then yeah, I apparently we've
just been bouncing home to home and this was our
last home before before moving out back to our family.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
When were you When were you taken from your family?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I was told like to like too, I was taken
away from mom and dad, and I think they were
just so young to have us, and they were like, yeah,
they just weren't able to have, you know, look after
us as kids. So yes, I got involved and talk
me and my brother away.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Looking back on that experience now, I know that there's
been so much uproar with and I don't even myself.
I don't know if you've ever done this or not,
but I had to get access to my files for
the movie that I was doing, Girl on the Bridge,
and it's wild reading through it and being like, what
were you doing? Like you caked this investigation stuff so much.
(05:13):
The case like opens and closes. I've had other people
read through it being like this is so obvious, but
Stef's had to go through an entire like restructure.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Because of the fact that this system wasn't working.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Looking at it now as an adult and kind of
I guess where you were placed.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, it was really odd, Like we would get like
social workers. It would come and chicken every so often,
but I felt like they were just walking in and out,
but they don't really know what's going on. You could
almost put a facade on and say everything's going well
at home. Really it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
And then you get put in a foster home that
doesn't provide for you.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
No, they don't provide for us. You know, they probably
stopped the cupboards up before that the social workers got there,
you know, like yeah, you know, even just being young,
I'm not sure what was going on. I had a
knowing that there was just everything was just so wrong
and I was like, this is weird. I don't understand this,
and yeah, I sort of just went with it because
there's nothing you can do when you're little. You also
(06:12):
don't really understand, right, trying to figure out what it is,
and you're trying to discover what's going on, like because
you're young, you just want to be curious about everything. Yeah,
and you just don't want it to be like that,
that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Well, I also think that those formative ages like it,
there's all the studies and stuff obviously about a lot
of your core beliefs and identity being developed, especially at
you're very younger, like two to three years old, so
then being taken from your parents, and then your little
brain will have developed these beliefs and these responses and
(06:46):
behaviors that you didn't even consciously do, Like it's literally
just developed that fear of like I don't know, fear
of abandonment was a big thing that happens for kids
in those situations. Like it's wild how much the those
first few a few years of your life is so
formative as to who you are as a person.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Oh totally.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Do you have any like specific, any memories that stand
out to you from that Foster home that you were in?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, it was me and my brother. We spent a
lot of time at the beach, and I think it
was because they were never home or I just remember
the rainy days where the doors were locked. We came
home from school, the doors were locked. We didn't have
enough clothes. I was like, in the T shirt and shorts,
pouring down rain. I was like, what do we do?
We didn't want to be around the house. I don't know.
We end up at the beach. We just always spent
(07:31):
time at the beach, and my brother taught me how
to like fish. We would just get I don't even
know how we did today, Like we just wanted sticks
or whatever, and then like get some bait and they're like, fine,
of get some fish. I don't know how we ate it.
I can't actually remember that part, but we were just fish. Yeah.
It was a way to like kind of escape because
you know, they weren't really home. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, So I feel like at that age as well,
like and you're starting school and you're beginning to realize
that other kids aren't the same or have more stuff,
and like.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, you kind of feel like what is this you
know or something?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, and you were we were were missing out.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When did you begin to realize that your life and
what you were living in was not normal.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It was when I was seven. Yeah, we were living
in a tint at the time when we lost our
home from the people that were staying with We lost
our home and ended up living in a campsite and
we had a little tint And one night I was
like to my brother, oh my god, something's wrong. Like
I've realized something's wrong. I want to run away? Should
we run away? And he goes, we were going to
(08:36):
run away to us and not here? You know, I
don't want to be here. But yeah, I that was
when I realized I remember it very well, just lying
there with him and at night.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Just yeah, were you with like a family or anything
at that point, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Don't even know where they were to be honest, sheep,
just leave.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You just had a campsite.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah. Were you in school? Yeah? We were at school,
but it was also very rough school. I don't even
know if we were going there very often.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
All I care remember is like I don't know a
couple of days of the week, but of that school
where I couldn't remember.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
This is why it's so important, Like I do schools
tours literally around the world. Now I get to speak
and from from primary through to high school and being
able to tell kids, like especially when it comes to bullying,
that you've got no freaking idea what kids in your
class are going through. You don't know if kids are
going home to family and their lovely house, or if
they're going home and not to a home, they're going
(09:29):
and sleeping in a tent like that. You know, been
able to teach your kids that and have those conversations,
and also to all of the like teenagers that listen
to this podcast to understand, like the kids that you're
seeing that might be kind of more outcast, Like you
just have no idea what people are going through.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Think about that all the time when you go out
to the schools, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
All the time.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I met this fun kid who was living out of
his car and people were bullying him at school, and
he's like, man, like, I just I'm doing it so rough.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
And I mean, kids just kids don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
And they have no control, right, you know, you can
only go with what's going on around you. And yeah, yeah,
and that's the hard part. I think that's what I
recognized as a kid, was that I had no control. Yeah,
and I knew I needed to get away, but I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
When did you eventually get away?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
It was when I was walking home that day from
my school. My brother and my grandparents found us, and
she had pulled us aside, you know, drove up towards
us while we're walking home. She goes, oh, my god,
like I've been trying to get hold of your kids
and I can't it's been it's your birthday this week
or something, and I thought, what, Oh, you don't know. No,
(10:40):
I didn't know. Oh my goodness. Yeah I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, I cry for you.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah. Yeah. That's when she didn't want to carry on.
They couldn't find us.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, it was that not steps responsibility to like your
biological family.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah, there's more to the story, to be fair, I
should look more into it. But yeah, I hardly really
saw them. It was because we lost contact. Yeah, and
it was the time that she decided I don't want
to lose you anymore. But yeah, because she pulled us away,
you know, like we hopped in her car. I think
we went to her house that day and we got
all these munch cheese and stuff because making up for
our birthday. She gets into your birthday this week. I
(11:22):
actually didn't really know how old I was. Actually I
only remember that's how old I was from that day onwards,
and I was seven. Yeah. It was weird, man, Like
I don't know, just yeah, just so I don't actually
know when my birthday was. Before I was.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Like, how would you? How would you when you were
in these foster homes.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
I think the school system helped me in a year,
you know everyone else's age. Yeah. It was the only
time like I knew how old I was.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That is absolutely wild. So your grandmother takes you? Where
does she take you?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We go to home and we have like we try
to make enjoy it, you know, like we just had
birthday things like she got us a gift and you know,
we had food there. And then when it all ended
that night, she said, oh, I have to take you
home now you can't stay and I can't. I was like, huh.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Huh what like, like her, what she's taking?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
What?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
To take us home? Yeah? It was because you know
she hit she she well I wasn't under her kid.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yeah, of course she is this back to the tent.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, back to the tent. She took us back to
the tent. Yeah, And that's when she knew what she
needed to do, and so she fought back to get
us back.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And then she how olre you when she got your bag?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'd say eight. It must have taken a year.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Yeah, Which what would you want to say if you
could be in a room with people right now that
are running the child protection services? What would you say
to them?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Oh, they need to change the system. You know, I
think working in mental health over the past five years,
I've seen so many gaps in this system, and I
have a huge for my people, and unfortunately I old
feedback to my team leader and then obviously it's their
responsibility to go to someone else. But it never goes up,
you know, like your feedback, it doesn't really hit the
(13:12):
ground rolling.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Well, that's why these conversations are so important, right, because
if you can create enough public outrage, you can start
to see things shift. But even now, like I'm still
seeing stories flooding the news and social media of young
Malti kids that are being taken from their families a
lot of the time without so like there's obviously reasons
(13:36):
that automatic kid gets involved, but to take them then
out of their culture and out of like being surrounded
by their people. The fact that that hasn't changed now,
that's not okay, no, it's not like we're so much
older now. And the fact that for you as a kid,
that's still happening now, yeah, and that you ended up
(13:56):
in like I can't, I can't comprehend the fact that
this place that was supposed to protect you then.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Allowed you to be sleeping in a team.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah. To be fair, the social worker stopped visiting from
that point onwards. So I'm wondering what, yeah, what my
false appearance at the time told them like, we don't know, have.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
You ever been in contact with your foster appearance since.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Actually I was at once this post. I used to
deliver the mail in Naawa here and that family is
from there. I'm not gonna discuss names, but she was
at the mailbox as I loved the mail, and she goes, oh,
my god, is that you Are you married? Do you
have kids? And I was like what, Like, I was
so confused, and I said, no, no, I don't have kids.
All that I've got to carry on, you know, like
(14:38):
delivering the mail, and I just sort of said my goodbyes.
I came across to I don't know where. That's so weird.
I was delivering the mail.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yeah, so you've moved and with your grandma.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
And then when we were doing our interview, you were
talking about how you then kind of entered a very
white school, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And very well wealthy families who'd own a lot of land. Yeah,
we ended up moving away onto the farm.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
That's such a big contrasting difference. What school like for you,
high school amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I had really good friends. I was very very high achiever,
way too much of a high achiever to a point where,
oh my goodness, my grandparents were really hard on me.
I didn't have a social life. Yeah, sport was it,
you know, pay sport, go home, repeate, go to school.
Because I think they just didn't want to see the
repeat in our family, you know, like me getting pregnant
young and losing kids or you know, I think they
(15:30):
just wanted to for me to have a good life.
So high school was really tough for me. But all
with it.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, I mean it's high school.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
I mean the same.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
For me.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
High school was wild and I ended up moving out
of home when I was sixteen. And we were talking
just before this episode started about being on the Independent
Youth been there of course, which is something that, like
you said, like not a lot of people know about it,
and I remember for me it was the police that
got me onto it. And it's basically for those of you,
I guess from music Ellen and also not from New
(16:01):
Zealand are listening to this, it's basically government support to
be able to live as a young person who's not
connected to their family, and it's really helpful to be
able to kind of not end up on the street.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
But there should be more awareness around it, because you know,
I didn't know. At least someone told me about it, Like, yeah,
I wouldn't have known. Wouldn't have known.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And it frustrates me when people also look at that
kind of thing, A specific demographic of people look at
that thing and like, oh, you're just taking like our tea.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I was like, you try to have the upbringing
that you.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
Have, got no support, no to make the best for
your life and obviously having the childhood that you did,
there was so much stuff and trauma that happened.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
In what ways did that manifest and kind of impact
your mental health?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, it came in ways. I actually realized my mental
health had different Like there was always symptoms to today,
Like as a kid, I was hearing voices. It was
probably a trauma response to what was going on around
my environment. That disappeared when I was like thirteen or fourteen,
and then all of a sudden, when I got into sport,
it was like made things Okay, I was okay, you know,
(17:21):
I didn't have any mental health problems, but it was
when home became a little bit unf you know, a
little bit chaotic with my grandparents. Yeah, obviously my drink.
My granddad was drinking a lot of alcohol, and he
stopped taking me to soccer, which obviously left me in
a really bad mental state. And all the childhood just
(17:43):
came all at once. Wow, And that's when I was
just in a bad place from sixteen onwards.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
I explained what that was, like what happened at sixteen sixteen?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh yeah, I felt like my grandparents had had a
lot of pressure on them and you know, and that's
when I knew I had myself. I realized everything that
had happened to me as a child, and then I
was getting treated at home. Everything that had bolded up,
bottled up over the years just turned into suicidal thoughts.
And I wasn't good enough and I was fainting. I
(18:18):
was having these weird fainting spells just randomly at school,
Like I was just faint, and I think I was
just going through PDC. Yeah, and I didn't have my
grandparents support at the time. They didn't understand what was
going through and yeah, yeah, no, and my friends were
really supportive. That's when I actually went on too that benefit. Yeah,
my friends decided, do you want to come and live
(18:40):
with us? My mum will help you. I was like, okay,
and so I loved with her for the rest of
my high school years. Yeah, but I had those fainting
spells for ages. I went to go see a psychologist
and then they sent me to breathing specialists. I don't know.
They were trying to figure out what was wrong with me,
and they just said, I think it's a traum my response,
(19:00):
which makes sense. Yeah, but I didn't know. Everyone thought
I had epilepsy, and I was getting all these these
treatments like, oh not, treatments are and tests done and yeah,
then I realized, I think that's just trauma.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
The body has like such a physical response to trauma
that we don't even realize a lot of the time. I,
funnily enough, also had the fainting spells.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Did you which it's weird. I don't even know describe it?
How would you describe that they're not really fainting, but
you're not can't respond to people?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Well, I had I know that I have something called
absent migraines, which is different, but like everything kind of
blacks out and then I kind of come to eventually,
but those ones, I literally was like passing out, but
a lot of it, Like I can't remember who it
was that I was talking to about it, but saying
that when you go through the kind of things that
we both did as kids, as young kids, that your
(19:49):
body goes into that fital flight mode and if there's
anything that can be triggered around it, whether it's like
senses or smells or anything, like, your body can just go,
I need to get out of your bomb.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yeah, it's almost like it's very like you're like for me,
I was present, but I couldn't respond to people around me.
It's just I just collapse and then I'm completely shut down.
And I go like that for about an hour and
then all of a sudden, when I get out of it,
I just want to sleep and I'm just so exhausted
from what had happened. And it happened when I was
playing soccer, would be at school and actually, you know,
(20:21):
it was really sad. Like I was a captain of
the first living at tottle A Girls College in year thirteen,
and I remember I was giving the opportunity to take
that role on but every time I was playing I
was fainting. I was like, oh my god. And so
unfortunately they had to take the role off me because
I kept fainting and gave it to someone else. And
I was really guarded because I couldn't play full games anymore,
(20:42):
and I couldn't take a team on, like you know,
lead the team because I keept fainting. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Yeah, when we were doing the then I kept alluding
back to it because the first time we met, the
first time I got to hear a lot of your story,
and you talked about there was a moment where you
came really close to not being here. Oh yeah, what happened?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I went I went to a concert with Mike's partner,
Friday Gems, And yeah, I had taken a couple of substances,
like like I think they would PRECP or whatever, and
you thought it was just like just to go have
fun with but not realizing I had like taken something
and that I shouldn't have. And at the time I
(21:26):
was taking substances like very like almost self sabotaging myself,
like overdoing it, like I'd get wasted and then it
would take two, you know, And I thought they were
safe and they weren't, and I remember I ran away
from him and I was like, nah, maybe I'll just
keep I'll take another one. So I took the second one,
(21:48):
and then all of a sudden, my body just went
into shut down mode. Like intuitively, I just knew something
was wrong. I was high, but I knew, yeah, it
was wrong. And I tried to find and I was
looking through the crowd to find my my expartner, and
I said, I need help. I think something bad's gonna
happen to me. And he said what I said, no,
(22:08):
just get us help now. I don't have much time.
And all I remember is just like vision was so fast,
like I couldn't see anything anymore, but my mind had
gone really clear, like I could tell this was my
last moments. And I was just processing the transition from
you know, being like overdose straight to like this could
be me about to in my life. And I was
(22:29):
like to myself, I'm my god, you're stupid. Why did
you do that? Like because I wasn't having my relationship,
I thought just getting wasted and having a good time
at a concert would be the best thing. And yeah,
we ended up in the ambulance scent and I just
remember being like, Okay, this is it, and I remember
my body just going into relax mode and all of
a sudden everything just turned white. Oh and that's when
(22:50):
I yeah, I was like could feel myself leaving my body,
and all of a sudden, this doctor just well, I
don't know. I think it was a doctor. I don't
know who it was. He just ran to towards me,
and like they must've I must have like convulsed or
like gone into a seizure and woke up in the
ambulance and then yes, it dated me to sleep and
(23:11):
then woke up in Ico, but they keep putting me
back to sleep because I think my heart rate was
so hogh.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Waking up and ic you is the weirdest experience.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And I was like, what is going on?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Did you have the tube in your mouth when you
woke up?
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I kin'd of remember I just made the mask and
all the vent you know, all the machines.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Yeah, And I was like, what I remember waking up
after one of my my sooicida teams, waking up and
I see you and like literally you kind of see
all of the wires and stuff. But I still had
the thing down my throat and I was like, oh
my god, I can't breathe, like choking. But obviously this
thing is like breathing for you because I couldn't breathe.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
On my own.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
But also I see you. I don't know if it's
the same way you were, but I see you. When
I was in there as all open plan and so
I remember kind of like looking and then just seeing
these other people and strapped of ventilators like all beside
me and these beds, and being like what is going on?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Like the fact that you could see because I couldn't
was so blarry, you know, when you're so goea, like.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
What, Yeah, my hands were like tied down to the
bid because I think I was trying to pull out
my years.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Is that a reaction response, because that's what happened to me.
I remember lying there and I had just pulled out
needles out of my arm. They were running and I'm
like what and all you see his blood gushing. I
was like, oh my god, like.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
I just need things out of my mind.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I was like, what is going on? Like I was
so confused, it's.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Such a it's such a weird thing.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
And then also being like coming to the realization that
you literally actually nearly died.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, it's so really hard to explain, I'd be honest. Yeah,
even though you know, you don't have to show the symptoms,
you can feel yourself going somewhere else that wasn't here,
and like, yeah, and seeing the white light and my
body processing things was just random. Like I had almost
lost the high after that, Like the high wasn't even
the non existent, it was just shutting my body down,
(25:01):
was trying to.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
So you were in a relationship at oh, had just.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Ended it ended it within that year.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, it happened, which was quite a not great, No,
it was horrible, horrible.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
We both had mental health issues that we should have addressed.
And and yeah, we were both of us were in
and out of mental health services, and the police were
often involved in our relationship because we just went healthy
for each other. You know, it was just we were
tall my bonding, I guess you put it the way. Yeah,
and then always using substances to escape our mental health. Yeah,
(25:39):
and that was tough.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Which these conversations the reason that I mean, there's so
many reasons that I don't want to say love having them,
because no one wants like you don't want, does.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Happen to anyone, no way.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But I think it also brings so much context to
people in situations that can be so stigmatized and misunderstood totally.
And I think that being able to bring a story
behind what can be seen as a stigma, especially when
it comes to like DV relationships and like all of
that kind of thing to then kind of like for
(26:13):
people to understand like how someone can get to that point,
I think helps bring a little bit more understanding and
a little bit more empathy.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, really having a mental health like if you're not
going to address it, it becomes an external like external
things come at you. Yeah, for you to realize and
go get help or Yeah, my relationships were deteriorating and yeah,
I was not looking after myself. It just was going downhill.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
What was the turning point for you?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Turning point? Yeah, what was that turning point? It was
when I got pregnant. Yeah, I got pregnant to that
guy and I wanted the baby. And when I found
out got pregnant, I was like, this is not the guy,
This is not the guy. Oh my god, and I
want this And the doctor was so happy for me,
(27:01):
and I said I can't but you know, she didn't
quite understand. I said, I can't have the baby. I'm mother, Really,
you know, this guy isn't for me. So I went
through that whole process of yeah, aborting my baby, and it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Was hard, the decision that you had to make for yourself.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
He didn't support it. So I went through those whole
symptoms pregnancy symptoms alone, like I was d I had
the worst pregnancy and yeah, I did it by myself,
the whole thing, and it was hard to take on.
And that's when I knew I wanted to leave him.
After that. It was that was actually soon after I
had that near death experience. Within the two weeks I
(27:41):
had that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
A near death experience will do that to you a
It was.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Like that happened, Okay, cool, well now you're pregnant, like
what like I So it happened pretty quickly and very Yeah,
that was my transition to realizing I need to get
out of this and I'm going to go get my
healing done and then go and work in medwealth.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Which I think is a I would really love to
talk about this because it wasn't something that I had
kind of heard a lot of your specific healing journey
which I think is so important because westernized medicine is
obviously one thing, and often especially in a lot of
countries where culture has been taken away from westernized people
(28:22):
coming in.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Holistic side of things.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah, and like I know that.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Like for me, medication has been amazing, and for you
that hasn't been the case. And I think it's important
to be able to tell all these different stories because
for some people medication will work and for other people
it's not. It wasn't going to work, and that wasn't
the case. You found healing in another way, Yeah, you
tell us about it.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah. So when I obviously, you know, losing my identity
growing up, you know, I was trying to reconnect to
my culture. Yeah, Like it really really got to me
when I was going through my mental health journey how
much I wanted to connect to my culture. So, you know,
I was learning a bit about my fuck up, where
I was from and all that, and then yeah, I
(29:03):
started to find out about that there's healers out there
that help people mental health or its chronic pain with
physical pain, and so my grandmother actually recommended that I
go to this Japanese holistic healer first, and so it
was called reiki they call it, and he helped me
cure like my anxiety, my suicidal thoughts, and my depression
(29:24):
within like one session, and after that I was in
a really good space. And from there I started discovering
about tour hungers and then you know how what do
they call them, my t kits here, which is people
who can see beyond the physical and they help people
on their journey around mental health. And you know, this
got deep and deep into my culture and I tried
(29:45):
to incorporate them in to my work now to help
other maori. Yeah, but it really did. It did start
from finding who I was again to connecting with this
reiki healer. Yeah, I love it. I make sure a
bit like a little bit to it because it's almost
like you know, when somebody's going like if your body
is like out of whacker into I just go straight
(30:06):
to a tohunga or align this again for me and
I feel renewed again, Like yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
It's just it's so cool and I think like being
able to explore different avenues of healing and different kinds
I don't want to use with medicine, but I guess
you know, like it's different, it's just so.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It's more understood. I think, yeah, I think they are
starting to acknowledge it in the mental health space with
now getting Mauldi hellers come in, yeah, which is great
and even acc you can see that they've now got
that and that's so cool if you know about that,
but they you can ask for practitioner now.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
That's so It's so important because Western medicine is not
going to work for everyone and for some people like
I personally have, I'm so thankful why we're on antidepressants
again how long like six months ago and for me
being able to of restabilized, but for a friend of
mine who went on them.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Didn't didn't work.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
So personalized that having different options that you can try
is so important, and especially when you bring culture into
it and been able to kind of reconnect to that
for you and finding something that worked.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Not only it makes you feel connected to you know, Yeah,
well now that I go to talking as now not
so much with the reiki, I feel connected to my
culture and also know I'm getting healing done At the
same time, do.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
You also feel like it's healing to your like little
two three year old self who was just kind of
ripped away from her culture and.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Her who she was. I mean, yeah, I don't know
how I would have Yeah, do you mean like how
I process it is that you a younger?
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Well, yeah, like just thinking about like being able to
I guess do all this stuff whilst connected to your culture,
if that has almost like healed your inner child a
little bit of this.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Kid who didn't know what was happening and was kind.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Of almost field that curiosity. Now I understand and or
like what's going on? Like I can reflect back now
and then acknowledge what had happened to me and how
much I've turned that around to make it, you know,
way a bit alive. Yeah, you know, because I don't
ever ever Yeah, I want to be able to go
through that traumau again around reliving those moments.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
But what would you say to other young MOLTI people
who I want to I'm going to ask you a
few different questions here because I know, for example, my
co founder of Voices of Hope, she's multigenv here and
she had a very very different upbringing. She was very privileged,
but she never ever really connected to her culture and
felt really disconnected from it and has only just kind
(32:42):
of begun this journey of trying to rediscover that.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
What would you say to it?
Speaker 3 (32:47):
To young people who might feel ashamed of their culture,
might be confused or detached from it, Like, what's your
advice there?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Definitely reaching out. There's providers out there that can help you.
There's a lot more support out there than we think.
We know, you know, just reaching out to the local
multi trust, they tend to have a lot of contacts.
And I tell you now, like working in that space,
you discover so many contacts and people that can help you,
and they're willing to help you. It's amazing and you
(33:19):
will find yourself so much because that supports out there.
You know, it's just google it. You come up with
dames and contacts, call and be like, hey, look I
would like to reconnect to my culture and I'm from here. Okay, cool,
We'll link you up to somebody. Yeah, and that's a
matter of like, you know, few phone calls and then
you meet up and then you know it opens doors.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yeah, to kids in the foster care system, yeah, what
would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That's a very hard question, you know, especially when I
was saying before, you know, there's no control over your situation. However,
just know that keep persevering and ask someone for help
if you can at school and if they feel unsafe.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
However, you know, I don't know what it's like these
days anymore.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
If it's changed, I think that they've tried to make changes.
But I think obviously, when when an entire system is broken,
it takes a long time to be able to put
the pieces back. But the reason I asked you that
is that I also just feel like seeing you now
and knowing what you do and working and mental health
(34:28):
and everything, and just knowing that for these kids at
the hope for them.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
I think, Yeah, it's definitely help because I always knew
I wanted to help people. So I think even in
that such I was very young, I think I knew
straight away that I needed to do something about it.
When I get older and what's a maut of this,
I'm going to sort this out. I want to fix
the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
And that's what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, exactly, which is amazing.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Give you even do you take time to actually realize
that you like you did that this kid who had
literally nothing had to fight for her damn life.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yeah, is now. I think I have had a couple
of those moments, I think I do need to give
myself more credit. Topic Yeah, yeah, yeah, you to.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Give yourself way more credit, like being able to be
a voice for these kids, but also just for yourself.
And like I keep thinking back to that kid who
didn't even know it was her birthday, which still makes
me to cry, And just seeing you now and just
knowing that you fought so hard for the life that
you have is so empowering. And I also think to
(35:29):
a lot of young people that are struggling is so
inspirational and I would love to know kind of what
you would say to I'm gonna go very pointed in here,
young girls who are in relationships that they know they
should not be in and they don't know how to
get out of it. What's your advice there?
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, okay, if I be honest with you, Yeah, when
I was in that relationship because I didn't really have
anyone and that's all I know, I sort of just
stayed until something really significant is going to impact you
from that relationship. That's when you walk away. But you know,
I think it's tirely up to the individual. It's really
hard to say, Like I'll be honest, like I stayed
(36:16):
because it was a safe almost felt safe, but it
wasn't safe, you know, because I had no one else
talked to. If I kept him around, it was filling
a little bit of me. But I will say that
as soon as something very significant that's going to impact
you a lot in that relationship and it's not a
good thing at all, I'd remove myself. That's when, you know. Yeah,
especially after I had been when I got pregnant, I
(36:37):
knew straight away that was an instant, no question about it.
But yeah, it takes a lot to really walk away
from it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I also think it's really hard when you don't know
yourself will because it hasn't been.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
No, and that's all you knew what I thought. That's
what love was, you know, even though it didn't I
knew it wasn't right. But you know, I thought, well,
the s guy loves me enough, or you know, there's
ups and downs, Cole stay. But how many times do
I need to keep saying that and then talk something
actually happens? Oh my god. So yeah, that's a really
hard one. I think it's just when you know, when
(37:14):
something completely bad goes wrong in the relationship, you've got
to walk away.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Or try to walk away before something goes wrong.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah. Yeah, situation when it gets ugly, that's when you've
got a good do it, not when you know you're thinking,
you're thinking about it. But yeah, very something very significant
has to happen for you to just do it. Go,
you got to go.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Why have you chosen to start sharing your story publicly?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Just get on to the other side, and all you
want to do is share it to the world. My
grandmother said down on me one time and said, don't
even feel embarrassed, right, don't even feel embarrassed about your story.
You've got to tell your story because there's going to
be other people out there going through the same and
they want to hear and know that they're not alone. Yeah.
And I think after she'd telling me that, I was like, whoa, okay,
sweet own it. Then, yeah, let's just own it. And
(38:03):
then once it comes out you you want to be
able to speak it to people because you know, if
they want to know who you are, you tell them
your story. Yeah, you know it shouldn't have to be embarrassed.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Yeah, And then being able to know that there are
like younger versions of you out there who would love
to be able to know these kind of stories, know
that there was hope and know that And for me,
that's the whole purpose of this podcast is to be
able to tell all of these different stories so that
if you see someone or you hear one story that
you relate to, you can know that, like, no matter
(38:31):
what it is that you're facing, there's always hope for
you to be able to move through. And your life
now is so evident of that. Who you are now,
Like you are such a I don't even like you're
such a there's always a weird word to use it
you feel like such like a gilly person is what
does it mean?
Speaker 4 (38:49):
Like like' like bushy and like just like like you're
so warm to be around, which I think is like
incredible given your history and given what you grew up
in to be this like such a kind hearted, soft
spoken but very strong.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Warrior, like to be able to carry that is something
that not a lot of people do a lot of
people can just live and rightfully so with the anger
of everything that happened, and I think there's always space
for that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
But for you to be the person that you are
is phenomenal, and you.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Are such a such a kind person and I've only
spent two days with you now doing these kind of
and both times has been like told me your life.
But like, you're such an amazing person and I'm so
thankful that you too. I'm so thankful that you have
chosen to share your story. I think that we need
more stories of hope, specifically within the stuff that you've
(39:46):
been through in your situation, and so for you been
willing to be that is amazing. And I love to
ask you one more question before I wrap us up,
and I ask everyone this question. And like I said,
just knocked my microphone.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I'm so sorry. Like I said, this podcast called Hope
is real.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
I want to know what does the word hope mean
to you?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Not giving up knowing that there's light on the other
side of the tunnel, even though you keep thinking you're
seeing dark all the time, there's always light. Yeah, And
when you're there, you're there, You're like, whoa, it really
is true?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, Yeah, life can be so much better.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
And obviously sometimes life goes up and down, like there's
literally what it is right, like it's a roller coaster.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
But when you experience you feel like you.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Can't there's no escape. Yes, why you're trying to find
that light. Well, you've got to realize you are getting there.
It's just keep persevering not to give up. Yeah, even
though there's those moments you're like really like this is
happening to me again.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Yeah, yeah, you know that things can always change.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
And yeah, thank you so much for taking the time.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
And tracking out to Auckland City to be able to
come and hang out with us and shar your story.
You're so brave and you have done so incredibly well
and I'm so proud of you and I'm so thankful
that the world has you.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, I appreciate that. Hey, I've got a little gift
for you. Oh gosh, I just got this little little
gift for you, just just on your journey, you know,
like how much you've done in regard to your healing.
So yeah, just a little something for me.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah, And I just want you to keep this close
to you when when times are tough, because this is
very special. And yeah, I'm gonna cry. Oh my goodness.
Thank you so much. Thank you and your an inspiration
to so many people, like and I want you to
remember that, Like, I don't know if you're having hard times,
(41:36):
just know that you're doing such an amazing job.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
What an emotional in this episode. For those of you
who are not obviously watching this visually, I just can
you oh my gosh, yeah, it's I can't.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
I'm gonna post I'll post the photo of this on
our if that's okay.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
It's just so oh my gosh. Yeah, thank you all
blessed and all that. So yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
I need to hug you.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I need to hug you immediately.
Speaker 3 (42:04):
Well, there you have it, guys, thank you so much
for staying and for listening to this episode. And like
I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if
anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought
anything up for you, you feel like you need to
talk to someone, then please remember and know that the
bravest thing that you can do right now is to
talk to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's
(42:26):
from a friend, a family member, or if you don't
know who to talk to, then if you live in
Altaiola here you can call or text one seven three
seven at any time to talk to a trained counselor,
or if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub
dot the Voices of Hope dot org for a list
of international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is
that you're facing, no matter what it is that you're
(42:47):
going through, that in all things, hope is real and
change is possible.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
I'll see you guys next week.
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