Francesca Rudkin: It's the end of an era for Kiwi parents

If you have a child in year 13, like we do, there’s a good chance they had their last official day of school on Friday. It has been a big week, with a fitting celebration on Friday evening. It’s also been quite emotional.

There are still exams to come, and a graduation dinner – but 13 years of bells, uniforms, timetables, organised sport, study, exams, dramas, and discovering your identity as you move from tween to teen has come to an end.

It has been a lot. Just completing high school is an accomplishment in itself.

So regardless of whether you loved or hated the experience it’s worth taking a moment to celebrate and reflect.

13 years and 3 schools, it’s been a rollercoaster ride filled with highs and lows, regrets and achievements, lessons learnt – both in the classroom  and socially, and for many it’s one a toughest social experiments they’ll experience.

So congratulations to all the school leavers out there - you have survived the zoo.

And now, as life changes for one member of our family, it changes for us all. We all feel a bit differently about it in our house. My son has made the most of celebrating the comradery of his year group, and the shenanigans of the final week of school, but admits he’s emotional about it all coming to an end. His father is contemplating how much he will miss his son when he moves to a different city for university.

Like many younger siblings -  his young sister is simply looking forward to having a bathroom to herself.

As for me? Well, I’m a mixed bag of nostalgia, relief and excitement. Unlike his father, I think I struggled with the loss of my gorgeous young boy when puberty hit. You know, that stage when they go from cuddly, overly enthusiastic and communicative to grunters who can’t remember why they crossed the room.

As the parent dealing with the more day to day aspects of our kids’ lives, I grieved for the loss of my little boy. I knew he’d be back, and he is – he’s a gorgeous, smart, kind and happy young man, but I wonder whether that grief mothers experience when their sons are around 13 is an opportunity for them to slowly start preparing to let their boys go at 18.

When he leaves I will miss him terribly. But I know he’s ready to go, and needs to go, and I believe our mother-son relationship will go to a new level when he does.

So yes, I am sentimental about the end of school. I’m emotional seeing the emotion between mates, the strength of the friendships he’s made, and the realisation many are heading off in different directions next year. But I am also hugely excited for him to explore his new-found freedom and find what his future holds.

To keep the emotions in check, this week I drew on Celia Lashlie, author of He'll Be Ok: Growing Gorgeous Boys Into Good Men. She had a ‘bridge of adolescence’ concept. She believed mothers should walk on to the bridge, let their son's hand go, sit on the side and enjoy watching him, occasionally engaging in what is going on if help is needed.

As hard as that’s going to be – that’s what I am going to try and do. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Sunday Session podcast with Francesca Rudkin
from News TALKSB.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
If you have a child in year thirteen, like we do,
there's a good chance they had their last official day
of school on Friday. It has been a big week,
with a fitting celebration on Friday night. It's also been
quite emotional. There are, of course, exams still to come
in at graduation dinner, but thirteen years of bells, uniforms, timetables,

(00:34):
organize sport, study exams, dramas and discovering your identity as
you move from tween to teen has come to an end.
It has been a lot. Just completing high school is
an accomplishment in itself, so regardless of whether you have
loved or hated the experience, it is worth taking a
moment to celebrate and reflect. Thirteen years three schools a

(00:58):
rollercoaster ride filled with highs and lows, regrets and achievements,
lessons learned both in the classroom and socially, and for
many it's one of the toughest social experiments they'll experience.
So congratulations to all the school leaders out there. You
have survived the zoo and now as life changes, for
one member of our family, it changes for us all,

(01:20):
and we all feel a bit differently about it. In
our house, my son has made the most of celebrating
the camaraderie of his year group and the shenanigans of
the final week of school, but it admits he's emotional
about it all coming to an end. His father is too.
He's contemplating how much he will miss his son when
he moves to a different city for university next year.

(01:43):
Like many younger siblings, his sister is simply looking forward
to having a bathroom to herself. As for me, well,
I'm a mixed bag of nostalgia, relief and excitement. And
like his father, I think I struggled with the loss
of my gorgeous young boy when puberty hit, so that
stage when they go from cudley overly enthusiastic and comunicative

(02:07):
to grunters who can't remember why they cross the room.
As the parent dealing with the more day to day
aspects of our kids' lives, I grieved for the loss
of my little boy. I knew we'd be back, and
he is, and he's gorgeous and smart and kind and
happy young man. But I wonder whether that grief that
mother's experience when their sons are around thirteen is an

(02:29):
opportunity for them to slowly start preparing to let their
boys go at seventeen eighteen, when he leaves, I am
going to miss him terribly, but I know he is
ready to go, and he needs to go, and I
believe our mother's son relationship will go to a whole
new level when he does. So. Yes, I am sentimental

(02:49):
about the end of school. I'm emotional seeing the emotion
between mates, the strength of the friendships he's made, and
the realization many are heading off in different directions next year.
But I'm also hugely excited for him to explore his
new found freedom and find what his future holds. To
keep the emotions in check. This week, I drew on
Celia Ashley, author of He'll Be Okay, Growing Gorgeous Boys

(03:12):
into good Men. She had a bridge of adolescence concept.
She believed mothers should walk onto the bridge, let their
son's hand go, sit on the side, and enjoy watching him,
occasionally engaging in what is going on if help is needed,
And as hard as that is going to be, that
is what I'm going to try and do for.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
More from the Sunday Session with Francesca Rudkin. Listen live
to News Talks That Be from nine am Sunday, or
follow the podcast on iHeartRadio