July 7, 2020 • 53 mins
Antartica. That is all.
CIA tries a coup in U.S.
Another day at the world’s worst accounting office — Fabricio & O’Malley Accounting and Memento-guy.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nine
on your host Kevin Policy that Kevin Bogo. Oh well,
thank you and made this character you're referring to as
God bless your mess as well. But I digress. Let's
meet our alchemist shower you know particular order. Say hello
to James E. Johnny Jim knowing how you feel about
(00:23):
hash browns as we do. What is your second favorite
way to prepare potatoes? Second favorite way to prepare potatoes?
Stop repeating the question mashed potatoes. And I like to
boil them with the garlic clothes so that when I
mashed them, the garlic gets mashed into the potatoes as well.
And then the secret ingredient is ranch dressing. On a
(00:47):
little bit, only one person said you and then eventually
throw up sounds, but each of your faces when he
said that on the zoom priceless. Okay, Hey say hey
to Carol D. Cotter. Uh, why did I write load
in the toad? That's a nickname that makes no sense.
(01:10):
I like you. Do you have a fave potato prep?
Do you have a faved potato prep? Do I have
a fave potato prep? Um? It probably wouldn't. It doesn't
include ranch dressing, I'll tell you that much. But I do, Oh,
I do, like, you know, just cooking them in the
oven like hot. Yeah, like a baked potato, put it
(01:33):
on a rack, putting whatever I please inside of it
when it's cooked. English jacket potatoes? English jacket? What's that?
I don't really know? And every time I forget when
I want to make it, I have to look it up.
So I think you cook it twice, but I don't
really know. But it's really good. You guys should look
(01:53):
it up. After twice baked potatoes. I think you're making
all this up. This insane. Everyone on Earth doesn't know
how to cook, and it's sucking insane when they do. Kidding,
I don't know how to cook. I'm an amazing Are
you kidding? Frank? I'm so good at cooking. Look Out,
(02:14):
it's Attorney Champ cal Stratton, Dr Stratt. If Joey were
your life coach, who shall be your post death coach? Oh? God,
Chris Alvarado. That's right, but that suggests he's dead as well.
Hey there's Chriss Alvarado? Obs for days? How long can
you hold your breath above water? Wait for it, Col
(02:44):
Stratton and last, but lunch is on you if you
think of least, it's Joey Greer jay Cock. What's your
dream car? And why? Oh ship nineteen sixty nine Lincoln Continental.
I want, I wanted uh hardtop rome. Sure, I need
(03:05):
Whitewall tires, Hunter spoken rims. I need three beam or suicide.
Oh yeah, that's that's standard on the Lincoln gun Metal.
I mean it's a boat, dude, that car is mean
you have to get a berth at the marina as well, Yes, exactly, Yeah, alright,
let's do a damn show. Almost all of our scenes
today gather from your listener emails if you'd like to
(03:26):
submit yours, man, I love them. Please right a little behind.
By the way, you all have been writing in emails
and it's greatly appreciated and I am doing catchup. Please
right to the podcast at your name here at Alcove
you this dot com. That's your name here at Alcove
to this do uh see. Number one comes from the
patroon v I P. Named Jason, who wrote simply hello,
(03:48):
period Antarctica. Period That is all good? All? Yeah? So,
I mean, of course everywhere is available, but if I
could just point your attention over here. We got a
fantastic cruise. It's gonna take you all the way to
the center of an Arctica. And don't worry. Don't worry. Question, Yeah,
go for you. Where is Antarctica? You will find out
(04:12):
on your trip. No, want to spoil it too much,
but yeah, I'm just sening. You don't know. Oh, yeah,
I do. I do, of course I do. You know
a travel agen and I, first off, I know how
to travel? And question, yes, what sort of sales bonus
do you get per head? Oh? Come on you, I
don't get a sales botus. You know, it's just the
opportunity to take in as an individual like you on
(04:32):
a trip of a life time. That's the bonus I'm
looking for. But it's thirty so you'll be taking us? Well, yeah,
I will be thinking. Yeah, are we gonna be paid?
M question? Question? Alright, say question? If you have a
question and say statement and you have a statement, I'm
not going to know the difference. Okay, yeah, question. Are
we're gonna get paid for our time listening to your speech?
(04:54):
Either way? Even if we don't sign up for the
trip to Antarctica? Yeah, exactly, This is kind of like
a little time shared thing where I bring you up
into my agency and I'll tell you about my trips,
and if you stay for the four hours, you do
get a donut and you do actually get a little money.
That's true, but I would recommend statement, statement, statement. I
want to go to there because they have penguins. That's good.
(05:19):
We gotta go. Question question question, Uh, Mercy, I know
we've only been dating for three months. In these last
three months, I don't even know if i'd say we're dating.
We're not exactly even like official. We're just kind of
seeing each other but continue. But in these three months,
(05:40):
I feel like you've seen me more than I've seen myself.
I don't know, so so far that's been a statement.
Here comes to question, will you go on this Antarctica
trip with me? Oh? God, um god, question. I have
a question for the main guy. Um, what would you say?
(06:05):
It's like the singles two couples ratio usually that goes
on these cruises. Usually usually yes, thank you, I will,
I'll go on the trip with you, but we're still
not exclusive. I would like a separate room, and I
do want you to pay for everything. Separate rooms were
all got to sleep in the same same area. So
(06:25):
just hammocks. So okay, that actually is great. Hey, question
pet black skin but white for and they'll be there too.
Look at that and look at that. Yeah, we got
one right now and that's great. Yeah, right in the back,
and I got it caged up all right. So I
(06:48):
wanted to guy, just give you a lit little taste.
What's what's on the horizon? That is just the sound
of a polar bear. It's audio tape of it. Yeah,
it doesn't really make that much noise as it, so
I had to find that. Yeah, go for a question.
Is your tongue swollen or do you have something in
(07:09):
your mouth that's making it hard for you to Yeah? Yeah,
does anyone want all? But maybe I should, I should offered,
but that's just kind of my no, I'm allergic. Yes,
(07:32):
I didn't know that. You don't ask me anything about myself.
You only tell me about you. And how this is
so self reflective for you because I'm seeing me through
your eyes. I know. Well, um, Tony, I'm looking over
the bank statements here and I don't know if it's
smart to take out fifteen thou dollars for a trip
(07:53):
to Antarctica. Sorry, don't you don't let me get this straight.
You don't know if it's smart? Well, I mean I
I don't. I mean obviously, how's that? Is that? That
that's smart? That did smart? Yeah? Yeah, that's what smart is.
(08:14):
What do you mean he hits you? You just hit me.
I don't know what the fund is going on. Hey,
look at me, Look at me, Look at me, Look
at me. Look. I'm not only your boss, I'm also
I'm also your friend. Okay, okay, friends, and I think
your friends friends help each other. You know what I mean?
Jee this forty five? Yeah? Good eye. Oh he's gonna
(08:38):
come with a gun? Is that what you're telling me?
Cry baby? Cry for me? Cry for me again? Okay,
what do you mean you told him my plan? Don't
tell him? I haven't Where were you we were supposed
to go together. Where were you? I got hungry? I
needed a snack? So when did you leave? Well? Why
did you understand how you made me walking? I'm your friend,
(09:02):
I'm your friend. I'm not just your boss. I'm your friend. Okay,
I'm sorry we can't refund one of your tickets because
your husband was murdered. The cruise is full. You gotta
find somebody else to go with you. Okay, okay, okay,
are you sure? I just can't get that fifteen grand,
(09:24):
thirteen grand, ten grand, just getting in cash right now?
That ticket? Uh, I've done the math, and give me some.
Just give me some. I can't do that. It's it's
not with you. It's it's with the travel company. And
yes it is, it's in your Just open the drawer.
Just give me. Come on the drawer, any of the
(09:44):
drawers behind you. I see like a hundred drawers. These
are pamphlets for our other cruises. If you'd like something,
I don't. There's no till here. Look and the BoatUS
is about to ship off, so you should get on board. Yeah,
maybe it's better if I leave the country. Yes, yes,
that's good. Okay, I'm gonna Welcome to cruise time. Welcome
(10:10):
all to cruise time. Have a bleast, have some fun.
It's cruise time. So everyone just sit down, watch this
instruction of videos. Does everything ready to cruise? About at
You said that we were going to have a lot.
(10:31):
That a question or statement. I've got a statement. When
we were in your little meeting, you said there was
gonna be a live exercise person. You're putting on VHS
tapes of somebody. Oh my god, it's the same guy
that travel agent works on the cruise ship. So why
were you saying? I don't want to watch a video.
(10:53):
I want a real person every time. It's fun time.
Fun time is also safety time. In case of an emergency,
find the magician. The magician will know how to get
you off the boat in any emergency. Here and here,
have fun and hey, plea, it's good, all right, all right, No,
(11:20):
I'm sorry. I have a question. Question, question, question? Are
you talking like question? Huh? Are you talking about that?
Because there's a cock in your mouth? No? Okay, I
can't be more clear. Is I have an inflamed tongue?
I'm allergic dolmant tongue looks exactly like a man anyone's cock. Well,
(11:45):
I'm gonna go downstairs to make sure the boilers were
Marcy turned off. We're Dad, Marcy. I think we get
to pick whatever hammock we want to sleep in. So
I think I'll take this one. Do you want to
take the one? Sorry I should have said this already.
I already picked my um hammock it's on the other
side of the um galley next to that um really
(12:05):
muscular young man. He's Dutch. Okay, problem with that? I
thought we all did. You thought we all had a
problem with dutch Men. Yeah, have you ever been answered him? Yes,
(12:26):
and I loved it. Wait a second, what you have
never I once asked you if you'd ever been abroad
and you spent your I know, I know, but you
never asked me the question back. And if you did
ask me the question back, you to find out that
I went to Amsterdam and I got the best dick
I ever got in my whole life. So yeah, I
(12:47):
like dutch Man is to treas our us might not
us to never get down college this map. Excuse me, sorry,
I just wanted hello. I sorry, I just wanted coming
to my Cottas I am talking to myself, I come
(13:08):
the front at this agentleman la there to day and
I have to build up a zip to do that.
I was just wondering if you knew where I could
find any like coffee on the boat or coffee well,
uh maybe the meddicine comminit, Uh you think? Excuse me,
(13:28):
I'm sorry, And I was looking for snacks too, can you.
I am thinking of what do you come to me
looking for a little by That accent is so wild
and authentic. Yeah, it's just the pretzels, chips, maybe some nuts.
What this is Spirit airlines? You had a trouted to
(13:49):
eat that that should be a nerve. I appreciate the protest,
but if you do know where they are, you could
just say and then check the medicine. I think we
all know they're not in the medicine cabinet. That's why
it's using the word medicine. Hey, hey, little boy, Yeah,
it's me. I'm a talking polar bear. Hi. It's your name,
(14:15):
Gustav Okay, unusual name for a polar bear. Yeah, I
thought so too. It was my dad. He was into things.
I don't know. Listen, you're the only one that can
hear me. I'm the only one. Yeah, believe I believe
in antarctica. No, no, no, it's because yeah, maybe it's
(14:37):
that I don't know the science. I'll just go with it.
There you go, there you go. First of all, do
me a favor. You see that bucket of fish over there? Yep? Sure?
Do I have an eye in it all? Trip? Why
don't you Once you toss one of those in my mouth,
and while you're at it, undo this lee sh huh ah.
(14:59):
I'm a good pollar a bear. Well, I'm gullable. Hey, hey,
do you hear do you hear me? Shut up? Shut No,
I'm the fish. Don't keeve me to that guy up.
Oh man, I don't know what to do here, little
(15:19):
ball on the bucket. Oh no, yeah, So, well, it
looks like this child is struck a fevel something fierce. Well,
whatever it is, he caught it on this ship. So
I think that you guys need to help me handle him.
He is sick. You toss him over all, I'm not
(15:40):
going to do that. Well, I don't know what to do.
It's a possibility that he'll get everybody else on this
cruise ship six. So I think we need to quarantine him.
That's gonna be done. But should we do well? Uh,
it's he says, A cage ors the medicine competa. Um, Well,
(16:01):
is the polar bearcage safe? I mean no, he said,
I say wild animals. That is giving loose pieces of
fish randomly throughout the week. Likely, who did your child surviving?
Is that kind of encounter and enclosed space? I don't
want him to die, like to be able to enjoy
(16:24):
this cruise. Is a single dad, mercy. Hey, Hi, holy shit,
did you get bitten on your neck? Yes? They're hickeys. Yes,
Oh well, I was just dancing in the corner by myself.
I wanted that maybe you want to come dance for
a while. I told you the same thing. I'll tell
(16:48):
you the same thing I told you before, is I'll
come dance with you if there's music playing. But so
far you've just been dancing to silence, and honestly, you
look like a fucking idiot. I don't want to join you,
but I was thinking. I always thinking maybe if we dance,
then the music will come. Has that worked anytime you've
done it? I'll trip. Then I'm not going to do
it with you. I'm gonna go back into this medicine cabinet.
(17:11):
So you said you're a single dad. Where's your son? Uh? Well,
he's uh, he's gotten a little sick, but probably just
because if you on the boat wobbling back and forth
in the water, right, yeah, exactly. So we've put in quarantine,
but I'm I'm sure that I'm safe here. Wow do
you want Well, there's any single Mom, I don't have
(17:35):
any dance. Oh well that's okay. Oh do you mind
if I put my hands on your hips? That scene one?
I mean, I don't think there's a bigger laugh coming.
(17:58):
Scene too. Comes from from j P, who wrote Hello,
is that? Does that represent seven ohs? Do you think? Hello? Alchemists?
You guys, especially Joey, have made my days of doing
mundane housework oddly enjoyable. Oddly I'm not sure how to
(18:18):
take that. Here's my scene suggestion. The c i A
tries to orchestrate a coup in a strategically irrelevant country
like Malta or Greenland. Dumb James Bond mixed with the
Bay of pigs. You're the geniuses. Laughs. Thanks j P
(18:39):
from Denver director, here's the file you've requested. Yeah, no,
thanks for the if. I I appreciate that, But I
got a question for you. Listen carefully. The seagull flies
beneath me. Is that a statement or a question? Well,
(19:00):
if you knew, we'd be done and onto the next phase,
but clearly you' don't. I've picked the wrong bloke. Sorry,
good luck with your troubles. And we never spoke. Yeah, yes,
I know we didn't write. Good Hi director, Yeah, English
(19:21):
jacket potato. How's it going? May? Good to see you.
Good to see you as well? Do you have an
alright trip? Here? I did. Listen, I'm gonna cut to
the chase. I'm retired, please do I was, I'm retired.
I'm done, right, But it's motionable. It's not gonna happen.
Six I'm not gonna. It's not gonna. It's just not gonna.
(19:45):
Million pounds, right, which is like seven point eight million dollars. Well,
let me ask you a question. Please. The seagull flies
beneath me. All right, eleven million? It is all right?
So what are we? What are we doing? Going into
(20:07):
some irrelevant country, something that we no one cares about?
What do we what's what's the ish? Yeah, we're gonna.
We're gonna go into America and to get everyone to
wear masks. I'm out. I'm out. Thank you so much,
thank you so much. Well, of course I'm looking for
(20:29):
a job, okay, but it's hard right now, all right,
Jesus Christ. Okay, I didn't look it was it was.
It was a pure critical thing that I got fired, okay,
And my skills don't translate into corporate America. Okay, wet
work isn't a box I could check off when I
go up to the costco. Okay, what work? Wet work?
(20:49):
Do not listen to me when I come home and
tell you what I do. For godsakes, I'm an assassinator, Okay,
I'm a mechanic. I go in there and I do things.
God damnit, honey. I only know about this from the movie,
but it's assassin. Assassin is a word I've heard before.
Assassinator I've never heard. So. First, well, that's what we
call ourselves, all right. I'm an operator, I'm an assassinator.
It's hard for me to believe you because you haven't
(21:11):
brought a check home in years. You're gone all the time.
Get down, all right, Phillips. Can we out just have
a moment please, I've I've heard it's been reported anyways
that in the field you're using the word assassinator, and
I just thought i'd refresh you a little bit on
(21:33):
the vernacular. It's all right, so you are what we
say properly, an assassin, right. An assassinator is uh, maybe
something child children call each other when they're playing a
game about assassins, Right, so you as what do you
(21:53):
like forty one, fifty three, forty two, right, you would
say assassin. So please tell me I'm comfortable sending you
back into the field and sending in the field talking
to civilians. Please tell me that you're comfortable sending me
(22:14):
back into the field talking to the village. Okay, and
when I hold this up a man, another great day,
my big mac out here man America. Sure is wonderful.
I don't need no mask. I can just sit here.
I can just do whatever I want to do. Wait,
what are all these breadas sposed to? I don't know.
Maybe he got act me from the it's the these
(22:35):
big Max got a lot of oil in them, showing
up on your shirt. Yeah, that's possible. I see what
you're doing there. I agree with you. Hi, uh Clinton. Uh.
We're gonna go out to the skeet range after this
because I gotta fire a gun off or on going
to go crazy. You know what I'm saying. I got
some skeets in the back of my car. If you
(22:57):
want to just do it in the parking lot, that
sounds great, man, Well you shoot them up over the
McDonald's playpan there and I'll shoot him off. Okay, yeah, yeah,
well looking at all your chart here, I gotta say
these red dots, I mean it's pretty peculiar because if
I put my hand in front of this one here,
that red dog gets on my hand and it ain't
(23:19):
on your skin. But if I moved my hand down,
that red dots days there. So this this is something
as a as a medical conunda during them. Yeah, I know,
I'm sure what it was. They've been found me around.
I thought that maybe they was like little aliens that
was in loving me or something, you know, a little
my prognosis, you know, if I had to try to
(23:41):
figure it out, because you know, I've always believed in
extracorrestrial life, and so I thought, you know, maybe maybe
they come down. But they're real small, like you know,
oh my got me too. I believe that should and
I checked this out. This is gonna blow your little
fucking mind right now. Looks I'm a doctor, right, yeah,
yeah you are, I'm a doctor. Right. I am getting fatigued.
(24:07):
I might have taken nap in a bit, but before
I do, look at this little travel pamphlet right there.
It says that you can go all the way to Zerbo.
Look at that deservo. Oh my gosh, I read about that.
I would love you tell this bullshit aliens recruiting us
to go back to their planet to repopulate the the
(24:29):
or that it that we need to because our government
made a deal. Dad. You know what. They're all linked up. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. Oh doctor, Oh my god,
aliens got you. The aliens got you. Oh my gosh,
(24:51):
it's more. I gotta get out of these red dots.
I gotta move. Okay, World Organization of Bad Guys. Are
we all here? It's quick quick, Yeah, we're here. Um
Quincy here, Okay, who else to be? Blood Mouth is here,
(25:14):
blood Mouth is good to see you, Good to see you.
Grim jaw here, Grim jaw by the way, grim Jaw.
I saw somebody wrote grim job. I saw somebody rim
job on the job. I don't know, maybe bloodth I
did it it. Come bucket present, Come buckets, Come bucket.
(25:36):
It's here, and you're the tortoise. King is late. Takes
me a while to get places, okay, but you are here.
Welcome to the group. Yeah, and so on the agenda masks,
you're doing a good job. People are not wearing them
(26:00):
and that is important. That's important. Um. I got a
little memo from the higher ups asking that we have
people remove clothes in general. Clothing in general, so put
that in your ear. We want to make these people
as vulnerable as possible to any kinds of diseases. We're
(26:20):
talking about living in the buff that's right, that's right.
Come bucket, um, Mr Bucket, driving in the Nago. I'm
a fan of vance. It takes me six hours to
get dressed each day, so it's a savor for me. Great.
(26:42):
One last thing, though, this is gonna it's gonna be
a little bit annoying. The CIA is involved. They've got
their best, they've got their best people on the job,
their best. They're all very dumb. Yeah, but it's working.
That's working for them for some reason. I don't know.
(27:03):
We can we just reflect that on the record that
that was well put what. They're all very dumb? Are you?
Are you making fun of me? I mean, I just
fucking nailed it. I think I have a problem with
somebody in here. Okay, Mrs Mansold, come, come daddy whatever
his name, come buckets. Excuse me. I should have I
(27:23):
should have been able to tell since you're shaped like
a bucket. Yeah, I'm saying he's always annoying me. He's
always being rude about the stuff I say. Maybe he
likes you, Maybe he has a crush on you. I
don't think so. Maybe he does, Quincy, you don't think so,
I don't think so. No, all right, Quincy, I'm gonna
(27:47):
need the c I a recruited fill up the assassinate
or oh wait, I thought he was with us hell
grim job. Now you you know Phillips, you right? You
you served with him, is that right? Yeah? We used
(28:08):
to work together. Yeah, all right, we're gonna need to uh,
we're gonna need you to get some intel on him,
some personal stuff. She was not only my wife, but
she was my friend. It sucks, It sucks, It sucks.
It sucks. Than your time, Thank you? All right? Up
(28:29):
next we got at the chuckle fucking anybody, thanks for
coming to see my set. It was a rough set.
I think it was the crowd. Honestly, I think it
was the crowd. Yeah, honestly, I didn't even I felt
like I only applauded because other people were. I didn't
think it was funny. Honestly, it felt like the wrong venue.
I don't need notes. I'm sorry. I don't need not
(28:53):
I just I'm sorry. You ever feel like you left
the job that you were meant to like yeah, all
the time, Like maybe you weren't supposed to be a
stand up. Maybe I was supposed to be a carpenter,
a terminator, an assassinator killing her. Get down? What are
(29:14):
you doing? You can't say that? Ship over here, there's
ears every week, there's ears and eyes and ears and mouths.
Do you know say what I'm saying? Yeah, everybody's got
a couple of them. I know, I know what you're saying.
I'm just saying I heard you've been working with the USA,
and I want you to come back the YOURKUSA. Use
(29:36):
use it? Use this kaya? They use a kaya? Okay.
And oh, you're not following me. I don't. I'm not.
You're trying to say us A yeah, yeah, U s
A C I A excuse me. I'm reading the napkin
(29:57):
you sent me. That's what That's what that I'm I
was just walking by. I'm a member of the CIA
here for the USA. I heard you guys talking about
what is we do? Uh, we're just talking about my
set comedy said no, thing about using the CIA as
a point of how good they are and how much fun,
(30:19):
how much fun. Great. I'll be on my way if
I get just tell you one thing, you know, I
would do less audience interaction, you know what I mean?
Like sticks and sticks like I'm sorry, I don't want
to I don't want any notes about what I just
wanted to do it. I'm not looking to do this
as a career. I just wanted to overcome a fear
and be able to talk my late wife. So hobbyist, tourist,
(30:40):
got it? Okay, part I'm sorry. Do you know where
Broadway Street is? I'm looking for Broadway, either of you.
This is Broadway, You're on it? Oh so great, Thank
you so much. Can I just add one last thing
in passing less crowd work? What the hell? Yeah? Just
(31:01):
the comedy club, patron, and I really enjoyed your set,
accept your pacing. Jesus, I'm gonna kill I gotta killna
(31:23):
come back, what I gotta go? Grim jaw Listen. I
know you're a bad son of a bit and you're
a piece of trash. I don't want to end you,
but I fucking will. Don't you do it? Don't you
do it right, And I'm an assassinator operator. We just
(31:50):
had a no show up there. If she's just if
you want to get back up, and maybe you look
at type five whoaver, you're covered in blood and you're
holding a man's jaw. It's okay, it's it's not mine.
I'll do it. I know it's not yours. You're speaking
with your mouth. Hey, who's on next? Are you? Jesus?
Are you using props? Now? I can't? Yeah, let me
(32:12):
just get this guy app Okay, you're up next. I'll
do it. Introduced me as the as the assassinator, the assassinator. Okay,
and do you want the light or no? What does
that mean? Well, when it's Jesus really, when it's time
to wrap up, there'll be a light the back of
the room and let you know you've got the minute,
(32:33):
two minutes, how much? How much time? It's like when
they turned the lights on at the end of a bar.
Everyone leaves. Yeah, you know what, forget the question. Um,
let's let's go with do you have any special music?
Any walk on music? I make him. I can make
up my own music when I get there. I can
do with my mouth. Okay, So on the way out. Nothing,
Oh I can do? You want me to make music?
Are there any credits you want me to mention in
(32:54):
the intro? Uh? Young Sheldon two and a half man,
Young Sheldon and to Napman shows that watch. Okay, Oh
that's hilarious. All right, you know what, let's save it
for the stage. I'll bring you out. Okay, what was
your name again? Assassinator? Assassinator? Yeah, yeah, that's what I got.
(33:15):
I'm Nicky Ship. Everybody, have a good night. That was
Nicky's everybody Nicky sheds. You'll be hearing a lot less
from him soon. Our next performer has all kinds of
TV credits according to his TV guide. Uh, please welcome
first timer. Give him a nice welcome the assassinator. Wait,
(33:39):
we already saw that guy earlier. Earlier? I keep singing?
Do I keep singing? Jaws? What is happening? Funny? This
(34:03):
is my buddy, grim jaw Hey, grim jawing. Hello. We
can't talk with the lower part of your jama. Soon
where I put that second? Here? Okay, here we go,
grim jaw say hello, grim jow what's your favorite kind
(34:23):
of candy? Uh? Oh, we just show him all his
bowels are releasing. Okay, that's my time. Thank you. What
Oh I thought that were well? I thought that were well. Yeah,
that was great scene to everybody that was ship very happy.
(34:48):
See three comes so from patron v I P sewn
a k A peaker yall remember peaker Speaker wrote hello
you beautiful little cherubs. First off, I would like to
confess when I first heard James Heeney's voice on the
O G Alchemy this episode, I pictured him to be
a Jason Schwartzman type but with bad eczema. Anyway, my
(35:15):
scenes just oh my god, that for a moment. Yeah,
I got it. Anyway. My scene suggestion today is the
following just another day at the world's worst accounting firm
called Fabrizio and O'Malley Accounting. Thank you, Sean, I got
(35:39):
I got a lot of Is that Russian? Or that?
What was that? Was that Russian? Tell you'll ask that's
a good question. You asked me this every days, so
good USIC for me because my mom is from Russia
(36:02):
and my daddy's from Italy, So for me, it's like
every day it could be either you don't you don't
have to explain it. Your names on the door, do
these interns. They come in, they ask me questions. So
what the hell man, I understand, understand. So we need
to look at the books. You know that all over
(36:24):
the place. Indeed, yeah, I have them in every room.
I put the book in every room. I put them
all over the place. So we have to kind of
find them and do make kind of a fun scavenger
hunt for everyone. You know. Oh shit, that's the door, intern.
Can you go get it? Please get it. I'll get it.
(36:45):
How are you doing? I mean that was scary. He
got to let him in. Yeah, we have a business
hare renowned Catskills comic Shelley apple Bomb let him in. Okay, fine,
(37:06):
let the shell apple bomb in. Hell? What the hell man,
it's funny. Hell Lison my accountant done for the last
seven years or whatnot. I got a tax out and
I gotta heads through. I was told you guys are
real good. I don't care whether it's the whoop side
that doesn't want to mix. I just need this my
(37:29):
accounting charming because the offender he takes no punches. That's right.
I can't believe there's no two best. It's at work.
You you know what I'm saying. Oh my god wow, okay,
hold on the second st again. Thank you. Hello. I
(37:59):
need some right, I need right off? What I need it?
I need some write offs. I'll make Hey, sir, you
look a little cold. What's it going on? You need
the help us? Something? Write us? I need a I
needs a fucking write offs. Yeah, but what time for
(38:20):
your business? What's going on? Business? Do you want a
jacket or something? You're shivering? Hey, I noticed you didn't
have any shirt on and nothing, and you got these
words written all over you. And this one here says
right offs. Is that does that have something to do
with while you're here? I don't know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't know. And this one here says barbecue. I'm
(38:44):
I'm heading next door to Alice after this. I don't know.
Just give me greatest get the ribs. Okay, write offs
for but it seems more like your body is like
a you know, a clue board or something. You know. Yeah,
maybe it's a treasure map, okay, yea yeah, and uh yeah,
(39:08):
I mean that's just that's the tip of it, man, Okay,
because this is really good stuff, the whole thing. And
they say that we're right right underneath that article it's
just so good. It's a huge spaceship. Sorry, here's here's
(39:29):
like another stack of napkins. Sir, you're just distracting the
customers in here. So they just wanted to give you
the rest of the napkins because because it's sass is
just so good, and because it's the government is involved
in a way that you would understand. Phil. So good, Phil,
you're gonna eat that. You're gonna eat that? Yeah, No,
(39:50):
I'm gonna eat it. It's on my plate. Phil. Listen,
can you do me a favor? Yeah? Can you either
a continue eating, be stop eating and talk or see
paid in check and let's get out of here, because
I don't know what's happening. Well listen, we mean, but
that's what I'm trying to explain. The government Okay, has
(40:10):
been working. I need I need barbecue. I need barbecue,
all right, Yes, sorry, well I was just looking at
my phone. I don't I don't want the customers when
they come in. I need um, I need barbecue, barbecue. Okay. Um.
(40:35):
We have ribs, we got yeah, I'm telling you what
we have. We have brands, we have brisket, we have
um potatoes as a side. I don't know. I'll just
give you the brisket. It's our most popular selling I know. Okay,
that's fifteen dollars. Please, I don't have, buddy, I don't
(40:58):
you have a guy at the counter out on look
at the small of his back? Things like why are
you looking at the small of his back? Well, because
it's there's no shirt off. God says, he's got like
a map of an't understand, but that's none of my
business what a man chooses to have as a whale tail.
Look might look what I'm saying that, like, isn't this
a little I'm sorry, Hi, why do you gotta? Uh?
(41:21):
My wife and I are trying to eat and the
sounds you're making or is that what your wife and
you were trying to do? You were trying to eat,
trying to tell me a story, and it looks like
your friend is deep throwing that sausage and you cannot
listen to some money longer. We're trying to just have
ourselves a nice dinner for our anniversary, and it sounds
that sounds trying. But what's going on with y'all doing it?
(41:43):
What can you do? Every time we try to eat,
it's like acid reflux because vomits coming up in the
back of our throats. Okay, works, Why don't you back
off describing my friends eating style is deep throating sauce.
You got, I got a zel trans you want them? Sir?
Please stop licking your fingers. Please stop it. Uh, I'm
(42:07):
gonna put your chart up here. As you can see,
your fingers are down to the bone. There is no
skin left, so please stop. We're gonna put a cone
on you so you won't do that anymore, all right,
Usually reserve this for animals and stuff, but just medicine,
medicine sugar free, because I'm tasting sweetness in this. I
(42:27):
don't it's it's mostly it's it's mostly just phenament and
I don't know. I don't know it. Stopped licking your fingers,
literally stopping. You're killing yourself. Catch you tell those those
are bones. There are bones. You know what's bones? Aliens
and they're working with the government. Okay, we got bones
that are aliens and they're working with the government. I'm
(42:50):
not going to disagree with that. I fully agree that
bones are working with the government and aliens and things.
But please just put this cone on, and please don't
don't lick your fingers anymore. So I do wear like
a skirt or something, or how do I wear this?
Keep wearing around your neck, and it's gonna be awfully
big because you have long arms. So this is gonna
let's go ahead, and this is hurting my shoulders. Oh god,
(43:13):
alright now, just if you stop licking those fingers, the
skin should grow back. It'll take a while, like a
couple of months. In the cone, I can't leave the door.
The door frame is too small for the cone. I
can't get out. You're gonna have new battles, new hardships
every day if you can't navigate one door. I don't
know what's sorry. I have a solution. If you back
(43:34):
through the door. I'm sorry. It's just a nurse, but
I'm pretty good at the stuff. If you go backwards
through the door, the cone will just perfectly slip through. Hey,
cone boy, Hey nice, nice? Look what do you? What?
Are you a cone head? You come boy? Yeah? So
(43:55):
what what what have you? Look at your ass too much?
Look at my fingers and went straight to the bone fingers.
Yeah right, that's what it is. I couldn't get enough
of your own balloon ties that what the problem was
was that my butt hole? What are you trying to say?
I don't lick my butt hoole. I licked my fingertippy.
Why would someone put a cone on you unless you
were going to town making a meal out of your asterix?
(44:17):
What do you think I could do? You think I
had the Wait a second, can you look at your asshole? Can't? Everyone? So,
where are you from? Are you from Antarctica? You just
got I am. As a matter of fact, we just
gotta have a little more of restraint. Holy sh it,
this is first. I mean, I've been in Jersey, my
family moved there when I was nine, But I was
born in Antarctica. Yeah, Antarctica A and T A R C.
(44:41):
I have you been there. I've never been, never had
the luxury to go there. But I know for a
fact if you go. When you talk to lou the
Polar Bear, he knows just like nine, I can't write
this that when we fingered, sir, please stop licking your asshole.
I'm gonna put your chart here. As you can see
(45:02):
you're in. This is almost completely gone. We're gonna put
a second cone on you. Uh, this time the cones
and go like a skirt. It's gonna go around your waist.
So this is for your own good. All right, Your
fingers will grow back, your butthole will survive. But you've
got to stop looking. Okay, okay, um, excuse me, but
(45:25):
I had seen the truth. You you you this picture.
It's a picture of you tattooed on my back. Oh
my god, that's me. I saw that at the I
don't know how long, but I didn't realist that was
that was me. This is prophecy. This is prophecy. What now,
(45:46):
what next? I don't no, I don't know. Let me
see the rest of your body. Let me see the
rest of BC. Hey, what are you look at my
butthole having? Okay, let's see. Okay, okay, I'm with a
patient right now. Just wait until we're done. Can't wait.
(46:11):
I can't wait. I need to know my future. Okay.
You get to understand that I'm gonna meet aliens. The
bones are talking to me. Okay, you just take it
to the lobby. There's a lot of patients backed up.
If this is just gonna be some weird negotiation, I
really need to get more people in. Doctor. You have
read red dots all over your face. Oh wow, I okay,
(46:37):
let's see if I move, they come with me. That's
that's bizarre. Have acne? Um wait, let me look at
let me look at your back, sir. Here's my face.
Um o, half on my face. The rest has been
blown open. I don't know how you would have my god,
(47:02):
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Like you,
everyone needs to be quiet and be calm. I am
a bone alien and I've come here collecting. Stop look
(47:23):
at my buddle, stop, look at my podle nervous, I'm scared.
Just don't say anything. Don't know. You can say whatever
you want, but don't resist. And you can, I guess
you can say whatever you want, but don't resist because
I'm going to take your bones, my bones, yes, yes,
(47:46):
give me your fingertips. What was what was my purpose
this entire time? I may not tell you. Man, that's
just a fact. Man, you know what I mean. I'm
a doctor. So these are the stories I'm hearing. Rat buddy,
I mean, there's only came down there. It took people's bones.
Another sky's spinker got all you know whatever, and like
(48:07):
so it's just like me. When you're going out there,
just be mindful of that. That that's that's truly the
government government. Thanks for seeing us together, Doc. I just
feel like if it's contagious and it goes to you,
then it's very possible that these red dots could go
to main. Look, the reality is this. If you're gonna
(48:28):
tell me to wear a mask, I want to tell
you to go much on my butt. All right, that's
just a fact. And if you're telling me that there's
a thread of transmission from two people without a mask,
well fuck, let's bring a third because that'll cancel out
one of them. That's math. That's math. That's like denominators
and numerators or whatever. You know. Amen? Amen, oh so
(48:48):
so hard? Interrupted you three one another round? Or do
you want to hear the specials? Or do you want
to order whatever? Martini place will do? Another three martini?
What about you, sir? Yeah, I'll take a Martini um
with a bud chaser. Right, but cha, sir? All right?
What about using he said blood? He said blood, not
but what he said? But from on with you, man,
(49:14):
hold on, hold on a second. I think that the
waiter heard him say bud. Let me just say, you
are a card and you need to be dealt with
all right, I got the order, I'll be back. And
then you want to hear the fast sholds. Do you
want to hear fellas looking for a couple of skinny ladies.
(49:37):
We are not bone aliens looking for a good time. Yeah,
we are not bone aliens. Sure. Yeah, there's only two
of you and three of us, so maybe maybe Clinton
you said this one out? Huh, hold on a second.
I'm pretty much you know I would like to meet
these ladies, so you can sit out on this one.
(49:59):
We Okay, it's all right, Look like you could have
my butt chaser and I'll deal with it later. All right,
I thought you ordered the blood chaser. Okay, fine buck it.
Oh sure, you're going to have to pay the tab.
I know you said two other that's our show, remember
(50:24):
our motto. If we're having fun, you're having fun. What
a great show in my particular view, and that was
as enjoyable as this ship gets. Let's thank all of
our alchemists, please, starting with the lovely Caroline Carter. Caroline,
thank you so very much. And um, the folks were
to try to track you down on the innerwere where
should they begin other than Google? Um? I guess just
(50:46):
Carter Poop. Sure, let's start there and hopefully finished there. Yeah,
Carter Poop, it is well. Thank you again, Christoph Veranda,
welcome back home. And uh, I hope the quarantine new
style goes great? And um what should folks look you up?
Should that be their uh paragons? I'm thinking you'll have
(51:09):
a better chance for fun if you follow Cotter Poop
if I'm being honest, Yep, good call. Thank you for
that call, Stratton, thanks so much for joining once again.
Of course, still throwing up some some retro of the
sketch fest on the Instagram. We are to a week
we're putting up retro videos from the archives. In fact,
(51:32):
I think on either July seventh to July four teeth
the Camera which we're releasing the Alan Arkin and you
conversation from a couple of which is a lot of fun.
So I recommend that. But we're all the rentals now
are just so we're trying to get more about it
to check them out, and there's tons of great shows
from our archives. Yeah, please check them out, folks. Um,
there's amazing help to be had for others as well
(51:54):
as your own personal entertainment value going through the roof
These are archives that were not previously available. So it's
pretty damn exciting when when all across and you can
feel damn good about helping out. Um, James, it's just
a pleasure to be here. And I know that we
had a little problem with the live hang it's not
(52:15):
up for Patreon as of this recording. My computer broke down,
but I swear we're working on getting it up. There
a s a p thank you for that, James. Remember
you don't have to apologize to anyone. You are beloved.
You understand that. Yes, thank you, Yes, all right. Uh. Conversely,
Joey Grey, thanks very much for being here today. Thank
(52:37):
you for having me very fun. Uh. Any shows or
things you want to mention check out Twitch, Western Company
Theater Twitch. We got bear Spy going on every Wednesday,
and keep an eye out. We're gonna be promoting Bearsby
is gonna be doing some weird ship. I'm gonna be
doing some weird stuff. I can't wait to tell you
about it when it's when it's ready. Well, I think
it's fair to say we all can't wait to hear
(52:57):
more about the weird ship coming from Joey Greer. Let's
thank our engineering producer to the stars by fine folks
that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Please
stay incredibly healthy out there. Wear a mascot, damn. Go
to wash your hands when you think of it. Until
next time.
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nine
on your host Kevin Policy that Kevin Bogo. Oh well,
thank you and made this character you're referring to as
God bless your mess as well. But I digress. Let's
meet our alchemist shower you know particular order. Say hello
to James E. Johnny Jim knowing how you feel about
(00:23):
hash browns as we do. What is your second favorite
way to prepare potatoes? Second favorite way to prepare potatoes?
Stop repeating the question mashed potatoes. And I like to
boil them with the garlic clothes so that when I
mashed them, the garlic gets mashed into the potatoes as well.
And then the secret ingredient is ranch dressing. On a
(00:47):
little bit, only one person said you and then eventually
throw up sounds, but each of your faces when he
said that on the zoom priceless. Okay, Hey say hey
to Carol D. Cotter. Uh, why did I write load
in the toad? That's a nickname that makes no sense.
(01:10):
I like you. Do you have a fave potato prep?
Do you have a faved potato prep? Do I have
a fave potato prep? Um? It probably wouldn't. It doesn't
include ranch dressing, I'll tell you that much. But I do, Oh,
I do, like, you know, just cooking them in the
oven like hot. Yeah, like a baked potato, put it
(01:33):
on a rack, putting whatever I please inside of it
when it's cooked. English jacket potatoes? English jacket? What's that?
I don't really know? And every time I forget when
I want to make it, I have to look it up.
So I think you cook it twice, but I don't
really know. But it's really good. You guys should look
(01:53):
it up. After twice baked potatoes. I think you're making
all this up. This insane. Everyone on Earth doesn't know
how to cook, and it's sucking insane when they do. Kidding,
I don't know how to cook. I'm an amazing Are
you kidding? Frank? I'm so good at cooking. Look Out,
(02:14):
it's Attorney Champ cal Stratton, Dr Stratt. If Joey were
your life coach, who shall be your post death coach? Oh? God,
Chris Alvarado. That's right, but that suggests he's dead as well.
Hey there's Chriss Alvarado? Obs for days? How long can
you hold your breath above water? Wait for it, Col
(02:44):
Stratton and last, but lunch is on you if you
think of least, it's Joey Greer jay Cock. What's your
dream car? And why? Oh ship nineteen sixty nine Lincoln Continental.
I want, I wanted uh hardtop rome. Sure, I need
(03:05):
Whitewall tires, Hunter spoken rims. I need three beam or suicide.
Oh yeah, that's that's standard on the Lincoln gun Metal.
I mean it's a boat, dude, that car is mean
you have to get a berth at the marina as well, Yes, exactly, Yeah, alright,
let's do a damn show. Almost all of our scenes
today gather from your listener emails if you'd like to
(03:26):
submit yours, man, I love them. Please right a little behind.
By the way, you all have been writing in emails
and it's greatly appreciated and I am doing catchup. Please
right to the podcast at your name here at Alcove
you this dot com. That's your name here at Alcove
to this do uh see. Number one comes from the
patroon v I P. Named Jason, who wrote simply hello,
(03:48):
period Antarctica. Period That is all good? All? Yeah? So,
I mean, of course everywhere is available, but if I
could just point your attention over here. We got a
fantastic cruise. It's gonna take you all the way to
the center of an Arctica. And don't worry. Don't worry. Question, Yeah,
go for you. Where is Antarctica? You will find out
(04:12):
on your trip. No, want to spoil it too much,
but yeah, I'm just sening. You don't know. Oh, yeah,
I do. I do, of course I do. You know
a travel agen and I, first off, I know how
to travel? And question, yes, what sort of sales bonus
do you get per head? Oh? Come on you, I
don't get a sales botus. You know, it's just the
opportunity to take in as an individual like you on
(04:32):
a trip of a life time. That's the bonus I'm
looking for. But it's thirty so you'll be taking us? Well, yeah,
I will be thinking. Yeah, are we gonna be paid?
M question? Question? Alright, say question? If you have a
question and say statement and you have a statement, I'm
not going to know the difference. Okay, yeah, question. Are
we're gonna get paid for our time listening to your speech?
(04:54):
Either way? Even if we don't sign up for the
trip to Antarctica? Yeah, exactly, This is kind of like
a little time shared thing where I bring you up
into my agency and I'll tell you about my trips,
and if you stay for the four hours, you do
get a donut and you do actually get a little money.
That's true, but I would recommend statement, statement, statement. I
want to go to there because they have penguins. That's good.
(05:19):
We gotta go. Question question question, Uh, Mercy, I know
we've only been dating for three months. In these last
three months, I don't even know if i'd say we're dating.
We're not exactly even like official. We're just kind of
seeing each other but continue. But in these three months,
(05:40):
I feel like you've seen me more than I've seen myself.
I don't know, so so far that's been a statement.
Here comes to question, will you go on this Antarctica
trip with me? Oh? God, um god, question. I have
a question for the main guy. Um, what would you say?
(06:05):
It's like the singles two couples ratio usually that goes
on these cruises. Usually usually yes, thank you, I will,
I'll go on the trip with you, but we're still
not exclusive. I would like a separate room, and I
do want you to pay for everything. Separate rooms were
all got to sleep in the same same area. So
(06:25):
just hammocks. So okay, that actually is great. Hey, question
pet black skin but white for and they'll be there too.
Look at that and look at that. Yeah, we got
one right now and that's great. Yeah, right in the back,
and I got it caged up all right. So I
(06:48):
wanted to guy, just give you a lit little taste.
What's what's on the horizon? That is just the sound
of a polar bear. It's audio tape of it. Yeah,
it doesn't really make that much noise as it, so
I had to find that. Yeah, go for a question.
Is your tongue swollen or do you have something in
(07:09):
your mouth that's making it hard for you to Yeah? Yeah,
does anyone want all? But maybe I should, I should offered,
but that's just kind of my no, I'm allergic. Yes,
(07:32):
I didn't know that. You don't ask me anything about myself.
You only tell me about you. And how this is
so self reflective for you because I'm seeing me through
your eyes. I know. Well, um, Tony, I'm looking over
the bank statements here and I don't know if it's
smart to take out fifteen thou dollars for a trip
(07:53):
to Antarctica. Sorry, don't you don't let me get this straight.
You don't know if it's smart? Well, I mean I
I don't. I mean obviously, how's that? Is that? That
that's smart? That did smart? Yeah? Yeah, that's what smart is.
(08:14):
What do you mean he hits you? You just hit me.
I don't know what the fund is going on. Hey,
look at me, Look at me, Look at me, Look
at me. Look. I'm not only your boss, I'm also
I'm also your friend. Okay, okay, friends, and I think
your friends friends help each other. You know what I mean?
Jee this forty five? Yeah? Good eye. Oh he's gonna
(08:38):
come with a gun? Is that what you're telling me?
Cry baby? Cry for me? Cry for me again? Okay,
what do you mean you told him my plan? Don't
tell him? I haven't Where were you we were supposed
to go together. Where were you? I got hungry? I
needed a snack? So when did you leave? Well? Why
did you understand how you made me walking? I'm your friend,
(09:02):
I'm your friend. I'm not just your boss. I'm your friend. Okay,
I'm sorry we can't refund one of your tickets because
your husband was murdered. The cruise is full. You gotta
find somebody else to go with you. Okay, okay, okay,
are you sure? I just can't get that fifteen grand,
(09:24):
thirteen grand, ten grand, just getting in cash right now?
That ticket? Uh, I've done the math, and give me some.
Just give me some. I can't do that. It's it's
not with you. It's it's with the travel company. And
yes it is, it's in your Just open the drawer.
Just give me. Come on the drawer, any of the
(09:44):
drawers behind you. I see like a hundred drawers. These
are pamphlets for our other cruises. If you'd like something,
I don't. There's no till here. Look and the BoatUS
is about to ship off, so you should get on board. Yeah,
maybe it's better if I leave the country. Yes, yes,
that's good. Okay, I'm gonna Welcome to cruise time. Welcome
(10:10):
all to cruise time. Have a bleast, have some fun.
It's cruise time. So everyone just sit down, watch this
instruction of videos. Does everything ready to cruise? About at
You said that we were going to have a lot.
(10:31):
That a question or statement. I've got a statement. When
we were in your little meeting, you said there was
gonna be a live exercise person. You're putting on VHS
tapes of somebody. Oh my god, it's the same guy
that travel agent works on the cruise ship. So why
were you saying? I don't want to watch a video.
(10:53):
I want a real person every time. It's fun time.
Fun time is also safety time. In case of an emergency,
find the magician. The magician will know how to get
you off the boat in any emergency. Here and here,
have fun and hey, plea, it's good, all right, all right, No,
(11:20):
I'm sorry. I have a question. Question, question, question? Are
you talking like question? Huh? Are you talking about that?
Because there's a cock in your mouth? No? Okay, I
can't be more clear. Is I have an inflamed tongue?
I'm allergic dolmant tongue looks exactly like a man anyone's cock. Well,
(11:45):
I'm gonna go downstairs to make sure the boilers were
Marcy turned off. We're Dad, Marcy. I think we get
to pick whatever hammock we want to sleep in. So
I think I'll take this one. Do you want to
take the one? Sorry I should have said this already.
I already picked my um hammock it's on the other
side of the um galley next to that um really
(12:05):
muscular young man. He's Dutch. Okay, problem with that? I
thought we all did. You thought we all had a
problem with dutch Men. Yeah, have you ever been answered him? Yes,
(12:26):
and I loved it. Wait a second, what you have
never I once asked you if you'd ever been abroad
and you spent your I know, I know, but you
never asked me the question back. And if you did
ask me the question back, you to find out that
I went to Amsterdam and I got the best dick
I ever got in my whole life. So yeah, I
(12:47):
like dutch Man is to treas our us might not
us to never get down college this map. Excuse me, sorry,
I just wanted hello. I sorry, I just wanted coming
to my Cottas I am talking to myself, I come
(13:08):
the front at this agentleman la there to day and
I have to build up a zip to do that.
I was just wondering if you knew where I could
find any like coffee on the boat or coffee well,
uh maybe the meddicine comminit, Uh you think? Excuse me,
(13:28):
I'm sorry, And I was looking for snacks too, can you.
I am thinking of what do you come to me
looking for a little by That accent is so wild
and authentic. Yeah, it's just the pretzels, chips, maybe some nuts.
What this is Spirit airlines? You had a trouted to
(13:49):
eat that that should be a nerve. I appreciate the protest,
but if you do know where they are, you could
just say and then check the medicine. I think we
all know they're not in the medicine cabinet. That's why
it's using the word medicine. Hey, hey, little boy, Yeah,
it's me. I'm a talking polar bear. Hi. It's your name,
(14:15):
Gustav Okay, unusual name for a polar bear. Yeah, I
thought so too. It was my dad. He was into things.
I don't know. Listen, you're the only one that can
hear me. I'm the only one. Yeah, believe I believe
in antarctica. No, no, no, it's because yeah, maybe it's
(14:37):
that I don't know the science. I'll just go with it.
There you go, there you go. First of all, do
me a favor. You see that bucket of fish over there? Yep? Sure?
Do I have an eye in it all? Trip? Why
don't you Once you toss one of those in my mouth,
and while you're at it, undo this lee sh huh ah.
(14:59):
I'm a good pollar a bear. Well, I'm gullable. Hey, hey,
do you hear do you hear me? Shut up? Shut No,
I'm the fish. Don't keeve me to that guy up.
Oh man, I don't know what to do here, little
(15:19):
ball on the bucket. Oh no, yeah, So, well, it
looks like this child is struck a fevel something fierce. Well,
whatever it is, he caught it on this ship. So
I think that you guys need to help me handle him.
He is sick. You toss him over all, I'm not
(15:40):
going to do that. Well, I don't know what to do.
It's a possibility that he'll get everybody else on this
cruise ship six. So I think we need to quarantine him.
That's gonna be done. But should we do well? Uh,
it's he says, A cage ors the medicine competa. Um, Well,
(16:01):
is the polar bearcage safe? I mean no, he said,
I say wild animals. That is giving loose pieces of
fish randomly throughout the week. Likely, who did your child surviving?
Is that kind of encounter and enclosed space? I don't
want him to die, like to be able to enjoy
(16:24):
this cruise. Is a single dad, mercy. Hey, Hi, holy shit,
did you get bitten on your neck? Yes? They're hickeys. Yes,
Oh well, I was just dancing in the corner by myself.
I wanted that maybe you want to come dance for
a while. I told you the same thing. I'll tell
(16:48):
you the same thing I told you before, is I'll
come dance with you if there's music playing. But so
far you've just been dancing to silence, and honestly, you
look like a fucking idiot. I don't want to join you,
but I was thinking. I always thinking maybe if we dance,
then the music will come. Has that worked anytime you've
done it? I'll trip. Then I'm not going to do
it with you. I'm gonna go back into this medicine cabinet.
(17:11):
So you said you're a single dad. Where's your son? Uh? Well,
he's uh, he's gotten a little sick, but probably just
because if you on the boat wobbling back and forth
in the water, right, yeah, exactly. So we've put in quarantine,
but I'm I'm sure that I'm safe here. Wow do
you want Well, there's any single Mom, I don't have
(17:35):
any dance. Oh well that's okay. Oh do you mind
if I put my hands on your hips? That scene one?
I mean, I don't think there's a bigger laugh coming.
(17:58):
Scene too. Comes from from j P, who wrote Hello,
is that? Does that represent seven ohs? Do you think? Hello? Alchemists?
You guys, especially Joey, have made my days of doing
mundane housework oddly enjoyable. Oddly I'm not sure how to
(18:18):
take that. Here's my scene suggestion. The c i A
tries to orchestrate a coup in a strategically irrelevant country
like Malta or Greenland. Dumb James Bond mixed with the
Bay of pigs. You're the geniuses. Laughs. Thanks j P
(18:39):
from Denver director, here's the file you've requested. Yeah, no,
thanks for the if. I I appreciate that, But I
got a question for you. Listen carefully. The seagull flies
beneath me. Is that a statement or a question? Well,
(19:00):
if you knew, we'd be done and onto the next phase,
but clearly you' don't. I've picked the wrong bloke. Sorry,
good luck with your troubles. And we never spoke. Yeah, yes,
I know we didn't write. Good Hi director, Yeah, English
(19:21):
jacket potato. How's it going? May? Good to see you.
Good to see you as well? Do you have an
alright trip? Here? I did. Listen, I'm gonna cut to
the chase. I'm retired, please do I was, I'm retired.
I'm done, right, But it's motionable. It's not gonna happen.
Six I'm not gonna. It's not gonna. It's just not gonna.
(19:45):
Million pounds, right, which is like seven point eight million dollars. Well,
let me ask you a question. Please. The seagull flies
beneath me. All right, eleven million? It is all right?
So what are we? What are we doing? Going into
(20:07):
some irrelevant country, something that we no one cares about?
What do we what's what's the ish? Yeah, we're gonna.
We're gonna go into America and to get everyone to
wear masks. I'm out. I'm out. Thank you so much,
thank you so much. Well, of course I'm looking for
(20:29):
a job, okay, but it's hard right now, all right,
Jesus Christ. Okay, I didn't look it was it was.
It was a pure critical thing that I got fired, okay,
And my skills don't translate into corporate America. Okay, wet
work isn't a box I could check off when I
go up to the costco. Okay, what work? Wet work?
(20:49):
Do not listen to me when I come home and
tell you what I do. For godsakes, I'm an assassinator, Okay,
I'm a mechanic. I go in there and I do things.
God damnit, honey. I only know about this from the movie,
but it's assassin. Assassin is a word I've heard before.
Assassinator I've never heard. So. First, well, that's what we
call ourselves, all right. I'm an operator, I'm an assassinator.
It's hard for me to believe you because you haven't
(21:11):
brought a check home in years. You're gone all the time.
Get down, all right, Phillips. Can we out just have
a moment please, I've I've heard it's been reported anyways
that in the field you're using the word assassinator, and
I just thought i'd refresh you a little bit on
(21:33):
the vernacular. It's all right, so you are what we
say properly, an assassin, right. An assassinator is uh, maybe
something child children call each other when they're playing a
game about assassins, Right, so you as what do you
(21:53):
like forty one, fifty three, forty two, right, you would
say assassin. So please tell me I'm comfortable sending you
back into the field and sending in the field talking
to civilians. Please tell me that you're comfortable sending me
(22:14):
back into the field talking to the village. Okay, and
when I hold this up a man, another great day,
my big mac out here man America. Sure is wonderful.
I don't need no mask. I can just sit here.
I can just do whatever I want to do. Wait,
what are all these breadas sposed to? I don't know.
Maybe he got act me from the it's the these
(22:35):
big Max got a lot of oil in them, showing
up on your shirt. Yeah, that's possible. I see what
you're doing there. I agree with you. Hi, uh Clinton. Uh.
We're gonna go out to the skeet range after this
because I gotta fire a gun off or on going
to go crazy. You know what I'm saying. I got
some skeets in the back of my car. If you
(22:57):
want to just do it in the parking lot, that
sounds great, man, Well you shoot them up over the
McDonald's playpan there and I'll shoot him off. Okay, yeah, yeah,
well looking at all your chart here, I gotta say
these red dots, I mean it's pretty peculiar because if
I put my hand in front of this one here,
that red dog gets on my hand and it ain't
(23:19):
on your skin. But if I moved my hand down,
that red dots days there. So this this is something
as a as a medical conunda during them. Yeah, I know,
I'm sure what it was. They've been found me around.
I thought that maybe they was like little aliens that
was in loving me or something, you know, a little
my prognosis, you know, if I had to try to
(23:41):
figure it out, because you know, I've always believed in
extracorrestrial life, and so I thought, you know, maybe maybe
they come down. But they're real small, like you know,
oh my got me too. I believe that should and
I checked this out. This is gonna blow your little
fucking mind right now. Looks I'm a doctor, right, yeah,
yeah you are, I'm a doctor. Right. I am getting fatigued.
(24:07):
I might have taken nap in a bit, but before
I do, look at this little travel pamphlet right there.
It says that you can go all the way to Zerbo.
Look at that deservo. Oh my gosh, I read about that.
I would love you tell this bullshit aliens recruiting us
to go back to their planet to repopulate the the
(24:29):
or that it that we need to because our government
made a deal. Dad. You know what. They're all linked up. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. Oh doctor, Oh my god,
aliens got you. The aliens got you. Oh my gosh,
(24:51):
it's more. I gotta get out of these red dots.
I gotta move. Okay, World Organization of Bad Guys. Are
we all here? It's quick quick, Yeah, we're here. Um
Quincy here, Okay, who else to be? Blood Mouth is here,
(25:14):
blood Mouth is good to see you, Good to see you.
Grim jaw here, Grim jaw by the way, grim Jaw.
I saw somebody wrote grim job. I saw somebody rim
job on the job. I don't know, maybe bloodth I
did it it. Come bucket present, Come buckets, Come bucket.
(25:36):
It's here, and you're the tortoise. King is late. Takes
me a while to get places, okay, but you are here.
Welcome to the group. Yeah, and so on the agenda masks,
you're doing a good job. People are not wearing them
(26:00):
and that is important. That's important. Um. I got a
little memo from the higher ups asking that we have
people remove clothes in general. Clothing in general, so put
that in your ear. We want to make these people
as vulnerable as possible to any kinds of diseases. We're
(26:20):
talking about living in the buff that's right, that's right.
Come bucket, um, Mr Bucket, driving in the Nago. I'm
a fan of vance. It takes me six hours to
get dressed each day, so it's a savor for me. Great.
(26:42):
One last thing, though, this is gonna it's gonna be
a little bit annoying. The CIA is involved. They've got
their best, they've got their best people on the job,
their best. They're all very dumb. Yeah, but it's working.
That's working for them for some reason. I don't know.
(27:03):
We can we just reflect that on the record that
that was well put what. They're all very dumb? Are you?
Are you making fun of me? I mean, I just
fucking nailed it. I think I have a problem with
somebody in here. Okay, Mrs Mansold, come, come daddy whatever
his name, come buckets. Excuse me. I should have I
(27:23):
should have been able to tell since you're shaped like
a bucket. Yeah, I'm saying he's always annoying me. He's
always being rude about the stuff I say. Maybe he
likes you, Maybe he has a crush on you. I
don't think so. Maybe he does, Quincy, you don't think so,
I don't think so. No, all right, Quincy, I'm gonna
(27:47):
need the c I a recruited fill up the assassinate
or oh wait, I thought he was with us hell
grim job. Now you you know Phillips, you right? You
you served with him, is that right? Yeah? We used
(28:08):
to work together. Yeah, all right, we're gonna need to uh,
we're gonna need you to get some intel on him,
some personal stuff. She was not only my wife, but
she was my friend. It sucks, It sucks, It sucks.
It sucks. Than your time, Thank you? All right? Up
(28:29):
next we got at the chuckle fucking anybody, thanks for
coming to see my set. It was a rough set.
I think it was the crowd. Honestly, I think it
was the crowd. Yeah, honestly, I didn't even I felt
like I only applauded because other people were. I didn't
think it was funny. Honestly, it felt like the wrong venue.
I don't need notes. I'm sorry. I don't need not
(28:53):
I just I'm sorry. You ever feel like you left
the job that you were meant to like yeah, all
the time, Like maybe you weren't supposed to be a
stand up. Maybe I was supposed to be a carpenter,
a terminator, an assassinator killing her. Get down? What are
(29:14):
you doing? You can't say that? Ship over here, there's
ears every week, there's ears and eyes and ears and mouths.
Do you know say what I'm saying? Yeah, everybody's got
a couple of them. I know, I know what you're saying.
I'm just saying I heard you've been working with the USA,
and I want you to come back the YOURKUSA. Use
(29:36):
use it? Use this kaya? They use a kaya? Okay.
And oh, you're not following me. I don't. I'm not.
You're trying to say us A yeah, yeah, U s
A C I A excuse me. I'm reading the napkin
(29:57):
you sent me. That's what That's what that I'm I
was just walking by. I'm a member of the CIA
here for the USA. I heard you guys talking about
what is we do? Uh, we're just talking about my
set comedy said no, thing about using the CIA as
a point of how good they are and how much fun,
(30:19):
how much fun. Great. I'll be on my way if
I get just tell you one thing, you know, I
would do less audience interaction, you know what I mean?
Like sticks and sticks like I'm sorry, I don't want
to I don't want any notes about what I just
wanted to do it. I'm not looking to do this
as a career. I just wanted to overcome a fear
and be able to talk my late wife. So hobbyist, tourist,
(30:40):
got it? Okay, part I'm sorry. Do you know where
Broadway Street is? I'm looking for Broadway, either of you.
This is Broadway, You're on it? Oh so great, Thank
you so much. Can I just add one last thing
in passing less crowd work? What the hell? Yeah? Just
(31:01):
the comedy club, patron, and I really enjoyed your set,
accept your pacing. Jesus, I'm gonna kill I gotta killna
(31:23):
come back, what I gotta go? Grim jaw Listen. I
know you're a bad son of a bit and you're
a piece of trash. I don't want to end you,
but I fucking will. Don't you do it? Don't you
do it right, And I'm an assassinator operator. We just
(31:50):
had a no show up there. If she's just if
you want to get back up, and maybe you look
at type five whoaver, you're covered in blood and you're
holding a man's jaw. It's okay, it's it's not mine.
I'll do it. I know it's not yours. You're speaking
with your mouth. Hey, who's on next? Are you? Jesus?
Are you using props? Now? I can't? Yeah, let me
(32:12):
just get this guy app Okay, you're up next. I'll
do it. Introduced me as the as the assassinator, the assassinator. Okay,
and do you want the light or no? What does
that mean? Well, when it's Jesus really, when it's time
to wrap up, there'll be a light the back of
the room and let you know you've got the minute,
(32:33):
two minutes, how much? How much time? It's like when
they turned the lights on at the end of a bar.
Everyone leaves. Yeah, you know what, forget the question. Um,
let's let's go with do you have any special music?
Any walk on music? I make him. I can make
up my own music when I get there. I can
do with my mouth. Okay, So on the way out. Nothing,
Oh I can do? You want me to make music?
Are there any credits you want me to mention in
(32:54):
the intro? Uh? Young Sheldon two and a half man,
Young Sheldon and to Napman shows that watch. Okay, Oh
that's hilarious. All right, you know what, let's save it
for the stage. I'll bring you out. Okay, what was
your name again? Assassinator? Assassinator? Yeah, yeah, that's what I got.
(33:15):
I'm Nicky Ship. Everybody, have a good night. That was
Nicky's everybody Nicky sheds. You'll be hearing a lot less
from him soon. Our next performer has all kinds of
TV credits according to his TV guide. Uh, please welcome
first timer. Give him a nice welcome the assassinator. Wait,
(33:39):
we already saw that guy earlier. Earlier? I keep singing?
Do I keep singing? Jaws? What is happening? Funny? This
(34:03):
is my buddy, grim jaw Hey, grim jawing. Hello. We
can't talk with the lower part of your jama. Soon
where I put that second? Here? Okay, here we go,
grim jaw say hello, grim jow what's your favorite kind
(34:23):
of candy? Uh? Oh, we just show him all his
bowels are releasing. Okay, that's my time. Thank you. What
Oh I thought that were well? I thought that were well. Yeah,
that was great scene to everybody that was ship very happy.
(34:48):
See three comes so from patron v I P sewn
a k A peaker yall remember peaker Speaker wrote hello
you beautiful little cherubs. First off, I would like to
confess when I first heard James Heeney's voice on the
O G Alchemy this episode, I pictured him to be
a Jason Schwartzman type but with bad eczema. Anyway, my
(35:15):
scenes just oh my god, that for a moment. Yeah,
I got it. Anyway. My scene suggestion today is the
following just another day at the world's worst accounting firm
called Fabrizio and O'Malley Accounting. Thank you, Sean, I got
(35:39):
I got a lot of Is that Russian? Or that?
What was that? Was that Russian? Tell you'll ask that's
a good question. You asked me this every days, so
good USIC for me because my mom is from Russia
(36:02):
and my daddy's from Italy, So for me, it's like
every day it could be either you don't you don't
have to explain it. Your names on the door, do
these interns. They come in, they ask me questions. So
what the hell man, I understand, understand. So we need
to look at the books. You know that all over
(36:24):
the place. Indeed, yeah, I have them in every room.
I put the book in every room. I put them
all over the place. So we have to kind of
find them and do make kind of a fun scavenger
hunt for everyone. You know. Oh shit, that's the door, intern.
Can you go get it? Please get it. I'll get it.
(36:45):
How are you doing? I mean that was scary. He
got to let him in. Yeah, we have a business
hare renowned Catskills comic Shelley apple Bomb let him in. Okay, fine,
(37:06):
let the shell apple bomb in. Hell? What the hell man,
it's funny. Hell Lison my accountant done for the last
seven years or whatnot. I got a tax out and
I gotta heads through. I was told you guys are
real good. I don't care whether it's the whoop side
that doesn't want to mix. I just need this my
(37:29):
accounting charming because the offender he takes no punches. That's right.
I can't believe there's no two best. It's at work.
You you know what I'm saying. Oh my god wow, okay,
hold on the second st again. Thank you. Hello. I
(37:59):
need some right, I need right off? What I need it?
I need some write offs. I'll make Hey, sir, you
look a little cold. What's it going on? You need
the help us? Something? Write us? I need a I
needs a fucking write offs. Yeah, but what time for
(38:20):
your business? What's going on? Business? Do you want a
jacket or something? You're shivering? Hey, I noticed you didn't
have any shirt on and nothing, and you got these
words written all over you. And this one here says
right offs. Is that does that have something to do
with while you're here? I don't know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't know. And this one here says barbecue. I'm
(38:44):
I'm heading next door to Alice after this. I don't know.
Just give me greatest get the ribs. Okay, write offs
for but it seems more like your body is like
a you know, a clue board or something. You know. Yeah,
maybe it's a treasure map, okay, yea yeah, and uh yeah,
(39:08):
I mean that's just that's the tip of it, man, Okay,
because this is really good stuff, the whole thing. And
they say that we're right right underneath that article it's
just so good. It's a huge spaceship. Sorry, here's here's
(39:29):
like another stack of napkins. Sir, you're just distracting the
customers in here. So they just wanted to give you
the rest of the napkins because because it's sass is
just so good, and because it's the government is involved
in a way that you would understand. Phil. So good, Phil,
you're gonna eat that. You're gonna eat that? Yeah, No,
(39:50):
I'm gonna eat it. It's on my plate. Phil. Listen,
can you do me a favor? Yeah? Can you either
a continue eating, be stop eating and talk or see
paid in check and let's get out of here, because
I don't know what's happening. Well listen, we mean, but
that's what I'm trying to explain. The government Okay, has
(40:10):
been working. I need I need barbecue. I need barbecue,
all right, Yes, sorry, well I was just looking at
my phone. I don't I don't want the customers when
they come in. I need um, I need barbecue, barbecue. Okay. Um.
(40:35):
We have ribs, we got yeah, I'm telling you what
we have. We have brands, we have brisket, we have
um potatoes as a side. I don't know. I'll just
give you the brisket. It's our most popular selling I know. Okay,
that's fifteen dollars. Please, I don't have, buddy, I don't
(40:58):
you have a guy at the counter out on look
at the small of his back? Things like why are
you looking at the small of his back? Well, because
it's there's no shirt off. God says, he's got like
a map of an't understand, but that's none of my
business what a man chooses to have as a whale tail.
Look might look what I'm saying that, like, isn't this
a little I'm sorry, Hi, why do you gotta? Uh?
(41:21):
My wife and I are trying to eat and the
sounds you're making or is that what your wife and
you were trying to do? You were trying to eat,
trying to tell me a story, and it looks like
your friend is deep throwing that sausage and you cannot
listen to some money longer. We're trying to just have
ourselves a nice dinner for our anniversary, and it sounds
that sounds trying. But what's going on with y'all doing it?
(41:43):
What can you do? Every time we try to eat,
it's like acid reflux because vomits coming up in the
back of our throats. Okay, works, Why don't you back
off describing my friends eating style is deep throating sauce.
You got, I got a zel trans you want them? Sir?
Please stop licking your fingers. Please stop it. Uh, I'm
(42:07):
gonna put your chart up here. As you can see,
your fingers are down to the bone. There is no
skin left, so please stop. We're gonna put a cone
on you so you won't do that anymore, all right,
Usually reserve this for animals and stuff, but just medicine,
medicine sugar free, because I'm tasting sweetness in this. I
(42:27):
don't it's it's mostly it's it's mostly just phenament and
I don't know. I don't know it. Stopped licking your fingers,
literally stopping. You're killing yourself. Catch you tell those those
are bones. There are bones. You know what's bones? Aliens
and they're working with the government. Okay, we got bones
that are aliens and they're working with the government. I'm
(42:50):
not going to disagree with that. I fully agree that
bones are working with the government and aliens and things.
But please just put this cone on, and please don't
don't lick your fingers anymore. So I do wear like
a skirt or something, or how do I wear this?
Keep wearing around your neck, and it's gonna be awfully
big because you have long arms. So this is gonna
let's go ahead, and this is hurting my shoulders. Oh god,
(43:13):
alright now, just if you stop licking those fingers, the
skin should grow back. It'll take a while, like a
couple of months. In the cone, I can't leave the door.
The door frame is too small for the cone. I
can't get out. You're gonna have new battles, new hardships
every day if you can't navigate one door. I don't
know what's sorry. I have a solution. If you back
(43:34):
through the door. I'm sorry. It's just a nurse, but
I'm pretty good at the stuff. If you go backwards
through the door, the cone will just perfectly slip through. Hey,
cone boy, Hey nice, nice? Look what do you? What?
Are you a cone head? You come boy? Yeah? So
(43:55):
what what what have you? Look at your ass too much?
Look at my fingers and went straight to the bone fingers.
Yeah right, that's what it is. I couldn't get enough
of your own balloon ties that what the problem was
was that my butt hole? What are you trying to say?
I don't lick my butt hoole. I licked my fingertippy.
Why would someone put a cone on you unless you
were going to town making a meal out of your asterix?
(44:17):
What do you think I could do? You think I
had the Wait a second, can you look at your asshole? Can't? Everyone? So,
where are you from? Are you from Antarctica? You just
got I am. As a matter of fact, we just
gotta have a little more of restraint. Holy sh it,
this is first. I mean, I've been in Jersey, my
family moved there when I was nine, But I was
born in Antarctica. Yeah, Antarctica A and T A R C.
(44:41):
I have you been there. I've never been, never had
the luxury to go there. But I know for a
fact if you go. When you talk to lou the
Polar Bear, he knows just like nine, I can't write
this that when we fingered, sir, please stop licking your asshole.
I'm gonna put your chart here. As you can see
(45:02):
you're in. This is almost completely gone. We're gonna put
a second cone on you. Uh, this time the cones
and go like a skirt. It's gonna go around your waist.
So this is for your own good. All right, Your
fingers will grow back, your butthole will survive. But you've
got to stop looking. Okay, okay, um, excuse me, but
(45:25):
I had seen the truth. You you you this picture.
It's a picture of you tattooed on my back. Oh
my god, that's me. I saw that at the I
don't know how long, but I didn't realist that was
that was me. This is prophecy. This is prophecy. What now,
(45:46):
what next? I don't no, I don't know. Let me
see the rest of your body. Let me see the
rest of BC. Hey, what are you look at my
butthole having? Okay, let's see. Okay, okay, I'm with a
patient right now. Just wait until we're done. Can't wait.
(46:11):
I can't wait. I need to know my future. Okay.
You get to understand that I'm gonna meet aliens. The
bones are talking to me. Okay, you just take it
to the lobby. There's a lot of patients backed up.
If this is just gonna be some weird negotiation, I
really need to get more people in. Doctor. You have
read red dots all over your face. Oh wow, I okay,
(46:37):
let's see if I move, they come with me. That's
that's bizarre. Have acne? Um wait, let me look at
let me look at your back, sir. Here's my face.
Um o, half on my face. The rest has been
blown open. I don't know how you would have my god,
(47:02):
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Like you,
everyone needs to be quiet and be calm. I am
a bone alien and I've come here collecting. Stop look
(47:23):
at my buddle, stop, look at my podle nervous, I'm scared.
Just don't say anything. Don't know. You can say whatever
you want, but don't resist. And you can, I guess
you can say whatever you want, but don't resist because
I'm going to take your bones, my bones, yes, yes,
(47:46):
give me your fingertips. What was what was my purpose
this entire time? I may not tell you. Man, that's
just a fact. Man, you know what I mean. I'm
a doctor. So these are the stories I'm hearing. Rat buddy,
I mean, there's only came down there. It took people's bones.
Another sky's spinker got all you know whatever, and like
(48:07):
so it's just like me. When you're going out there,
just be mindful of that. That that's that's truly the
government government. Thanks for seeing us together, Doc. I just
feel like if it's contagious and it goes to you,
then it's very possible that these red dots could go
to main. Look, the reality is this. If you're gonna
(48:28):
tell me to wear a mask, I want to tell
you to go much on my butt. All right, that's
just a fact. And if you're telling me that there's
a thread of transmission from two people without a mask,
well fuck, let's bring a third because that'll cancel out
one of them. That's math. That's math. That's like denominators
and numerators or whatever. You know. Amen? Amen, oh so
(48:48):
so hard? Interrupted you three one another round? Or do
you want to hear the specials? Or do you want
to order whatever? Martini place will do? Another three martini?
What about you, sir? Yeah, I'll take a Martini um
with a bud chaser. Right, but cha, sir? All right?
What about using he said blood? He said blood, not
but what he said? But from on with you, man,
(49:14):
hold on, hold on a second. I think that the
waiter heard him say bud. Let me just say, you
are a card and you need to be dealt with
all right, I got the order, I'll be back. And
then you want to hear the fast sholds. Do you
want to hear fellas looking for a couple of skinny ladies.
(49:37):
We are not bone aliens looking for a good time. Yeah,
we are not bone aliens. Sure. Yeah, there's only two
of you and three of us, so maybe maybe Clinton
you said this one out? Huh, hold on a second.
I'm pretty much you know I would like to meet
these ladies, so you can sit out on this one.
(49:59):
We Okay, it's all right, Look like you could have
my butt chaser and I'll deal with it later. All right,
I thought you ordered the blood chaser. Okay, fine buck it.
Oh sure, you're going to have to pay the tab.
I know you said two other that's our show, remember
(50:24):
our motto. If we're having fun, you're having fun. What
a great show in my particular view, and that was
as enjoyable as this ship gets. Let's thank all of
our alchemists, please, starting with the lovely Caroline Carter. Caroline,
thank you so very much. And um, the folks were
to try to track you down on the innerwere where
should they begin other than Google? Um? I guess just
(50:46):
Carter Poop. Sure, let's start there and hopefully finished there. Yeah,
Carter Poop, it is well. Thank you again, Christoph Veranda,
welcome back home. And uh, I hope the quarantine new
style goes great? And um what should folks look you up?
Should that be their uh paragons? I'm thinking you'll have
(51:09):
a better chance for fun if you follow Cotter Poop
if I'm being honest, Yep, good call. Thank you for
that call, Stratton, thanks so much for joining once again.
Of course, still throwing up some some retro of the
sketch fest on the Instagram. We are to a week
we're putting up retro videos from the archives. In fact,
(51:32):
I think on either July seventh to July four teeth
the Camera which we're releasing the Alan Arkin and you
conversation from a couple of which is a lot of fun.
So I recommend that. But we're all the rentals now
are just so we're trying to get more about it
to check them out, and there's tons of great shows
from our archives. Yeah, please check them out, folks. Um,
there's amazing help to be had for others as well
(51:54):
as your own personal entertainment value going through the roof
These are archives that were not previously available. So it's
pretty damn exciting when when all across and you can
feel damn good about helping out. Um, James, it's just
a pleasure to be here. And I know that we
had a little problem with the live hang it's not
(52:15):
up for Patreon as of this recording. My computer broke down,
but I swear we're working on getting it up. There
a s a p thank you for that, James. Remember
you don't have to apologize to anyone. You are beloved.
You understand that. Yes, thank you, Yes, all right. Uh. Conversely,
Joey Grey, thanks very much for being here today. Thank
(52:37):
you for having me very fun. Uh. Any shows or
things you want to mention check out Twitch, Western Company
Theater Twitch. We got bear Spy going on every Wednesday,
and keep an eye out. We're gonna be promoting Bearsby
is gonna be doing some weird ship. I'm gonna be
doing some weird stuff. I can't wait to tell you
about it when it's when it's ready. Well, I think
it's fair to say we all can't wait to hear
(52:57):
more about the weird ship coming from Joey Greer. Let's
thank our engineering producer to the stars by fine folks
that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Please
stay incredibly healthy out there. Wear a mascot, damn. Go
to wash your hands when you think of it. Until
next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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