November 30, 2021 • 56 mins
Bratty tween runs for president;
Six;
What ancient philosophers were really like.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This guests those
pull scrape for KP for one final time. That's right
back on the next episode. What's Gone? I get to
put out the past year. So I've been fun guys.
Maybe I'll see you. Uh, let's meet everybody, shall we?
(00:26):
James Heney, James, You've got a free day and a
hundred grand that you have to spend, sort of like
Cruiser's millions. What do you do? I have a free day.
I was a hundred thousand dollars. I don't know how
it's like the plans I have taken for the day, Cole.
(00:48):
But I'm gonna put forth all the money I can
to get like, uh, one of those fallout shelter type things.
And once I have that fallout children, I think they're
only like a hundred grand. I think they're less than that. Actually,
I'll figure out where to put it later. But I
want to secure like one of those things that you
would eventually find some because you can bury that in
the mountains, you can bury it anywhere and have a
(01:09):
place to live. So I'll put that hundred thousand dollars
into getting the best fallout shelter I can get. Wow,
that's what I expected it. I mean, shelter. I'm not
a doomsday prepper. I'm just an efficient liver. Like I
want to get I'm not a doomsday prepper. I don't
think it's changed here. If we give you a hundred
thousand dollars today, the first thing you do shelter a
(01:33):
hundred thousand dollars. That's a lot of money. I've never
seen a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah. His point is you
immediately go to spend it like not like I don't
know how. I don't know how else I get through
that whole hundred thousand dollars in a day, like going
to David Busters. Like it's gonna be hard, get of
that money before the trader can disappear. Yeah, it's not.
(01:55):
It's not David. It's not David Busters or a fallout shelter.
I need to find something they can dunk all that money.
Go buy you and your wife a new car. First
of all, made a down payment on a thousand dollar car. Hold,
do you don't million dollars? You're saying ten million dollars
und dollars is very but I've never seen a hundred
(02:17):
cords close to eight. Kidding, those don't look like very
nice cars. I love that. It's he hasn't seen hundred
thousand dollars. No, No, he's saying you can get to
for eighty tho dollars. All right, Well I'm gonna goney, guys,
it's because because he hasn't seen the money. Yeah, you
(02:39):
can't understand. This is a great dude, I need to
make bank and have you in charge of my finances.
I need to have Well, my guesses, you have more
than twenty four hours to deal with your money. If
I don't know you're you're in charge of me to
help me. Well, I know you paid a million dollars
and I bought you ten fallout shelters. I didn't know
what else to do. Good. That's a good at all. Right.
(03:01):
Next up, it's Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthie. Jackie, what candy
is total bullshit? Neco wafers disgusting their trash. That's that
they're total bullshit. No one's enjoint. Give me a Tom's.
I enjoy a Tom's more and that guy. But I'm
(03:25):
so sorry, I'm so I mean, I would never That's okay.
I love Twizzlers are my favorite candy, and a lot
of people are grossed op by that great twizzler. N Up,
it's Chris Alvarado. Chris, what place are kind of place?
Totally relaxes you um sitting in um in the theater
(03:49):
waiting for a play to start, like the Almondson or
like the tour. I love walking in and being seated
seeing like the dark the dark set. It hasn't been lit. Yeah,
I mean there's a curtain. I just nothing feels better
to me than sitting in the theater before a play.
I fucking love that feeling. Now that I answered that quickly, James,
I cannot believe your answer, dude. I cannot believe if
(04:12):
I had an easy question like a gross can be
if I didn't say I ate some tumps for fun sometimes,
just just really quick, do you think two things? Do
you think a hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money?
And do you think it is a lot of money?
It's a lot of money. Cannot take that away from him.
I can't. I can't. One day is a lot of money. Listen, jewels, jewels, jewel.
(04:38):
The singer her mother stole a hundred million dollars from
her by spending ten million dollars a year for ten
years that Jewel wasn't even aware of. Jewel has so
much money. Well, but then she was in debt after that.
My point is, you can a hundred thousand dollars, isn't
that much money. It's a lot of money. So now
(05:01):
do you understand do you understand there are cars on
the road that costs more than that right now? Yeah,
So I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, that's a very
it's very easy to get rid of it. It's not
just your It is true to get rid of it,
but it's still a lot of them. If I had
a hundred dollars, I'm going to move to the middle
of nowhere and live like a king. Thinking for the days,
(05:23):
I was like, oh, go, I'll fly to Spain and
then go to a nice restaurant, and then fly to
New York and then go question. The answer I thought
was gonna happen. To invest it, right, it's snooze can
and use it as a down payment on a house
and start That's what I was saying. But it's when
I when I when he's investing in his he has
(05:45):
no land, he has no land. That's land, guys, in
twenty four hours. You know how difficult it would be
to first of all, buy the fallout shot there and
find that's good. You can do that, find the land,
move it, have it, dug put it, and they get
the funk out of here. Go buy a Bentley. You'll
still need more money. You can't even you can't even
(06:05):
afford it Bentley. But you don't want to sleep in
it Bentley. So let's check you with everybody. Sorry, Creig,
Sorry Joey, you don't produce this episode. Creigt cows game. Craig,
you've got an hour to grab lunch with any screenwriter,
living or dead. Who do you choose? And don't use
that time to buy a bomb shelter. I guess, uh,
(06:29):
Dorothy Parker would be fun, Like she wouldn't spend that
much on lunch, Like I just have to buy her
a couple of drinks and uh, I'd get a bunch
of uh what equips. I mean, the drinks are pretty
pricey at the Algonquin, But otherwise I like that plane. Yeah,
if I'm paying nineties prices, they're not m h. That's true.
(06:52):
Speaking you go back there, but you don't bring her
to you. Now that's a good that's exam Yes, I
go back in time there might stay there. I'll tell
you what will that Finally, Joey Greer, Joey, I hear
you got a brand new invention to unveil at the
next World's Fair, because they definitely do those. Now, still,
(07:14):
what is it? I'm not gonna answer that, James. You
have to have to get land first, Okay, get the shelter, dude.
You need land, alright. The only thing they're not making
more of. Amen, you can get the thing is you
can go like right on the edge of the Palm desert.
You can get a side of a mountain. That's good
(07:36):
to know. But you didn't do it. You didn't do it.
That's my point. You need to get the land first. Okay.
You need to know where you're right, what the terrain is.
Can you dig there? You gotta know the stuff better
than what would have happened. Okay, So I guess I
was wrong with my answer. Thank you. You gonna have
a jewel level wealth. I'm listening to her book or
(08:01):
I've never broken It's beautiful. Okay, all right, showtop guys,
here we go. All of our Scene suggestions are gathered
from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I p
s to become a Patreon supporter of the show and
enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on over
to Patreon dot com slash alchemy This. You'd like to
submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the
podcast at our email address, Alchemy This email at gmail
(08:25):
dot com. That's Scene one is from listener Scott from Seattle,
who wrote, Hello, Alchemists. I just listened to an episode
where during a scene, Kevin responded to the word log
with and I quote the only log I want from
you is pooh. It caused me to laugh uncontrollably, but
(08:45):
to be honest, I'm not sure if I was laughing
at what he said or a couple of beats of
dead air that followed it. Either way, great stuff, you
guys are amazing. Anyway, my scene suggestion involved one of
my favorite characters that Craig does, which I haven't heard
in a while. It's actually more of a void that
he does when he's playing a Braddy kid or teenager.
Hopefully you know what I'm referring to my suggestion. Braddy
(09:06):
tween runs for president. Thanks Scott from Seattle, and we
just we just calm down, for God's sakes. You can't
get everything you want to understand that. It's like you're
a guy named president United States. I could be. No,
you couldn't. If they changed the constitution, I could be.
You can be anything he wants to be. Okay, he's
(09:27):
got a point. You can't legally America. This is America, Brad,
you know, Brad? God, Yeah, you know what. I'm glad.
I'm not your dad. Okay, I'm glad. You're ill my
dad to Brad. You know what. I want to go
to DC and change the constitution. My two boys are
fighting here and I don't like it. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(09:50):
you know that. Why don't we just drive out there. Well,
it's only a couple of miles. And in this next room,
we're very excited. We have the Declaration of Independence. Geez,
when is it going to get the goud damn constitution?
You know what? Let me high. I think he is high.
You're more like than you think. But are you high? Yeah?
(10:12):
I'm a little high. We up? What's up? What do
you need? What's up? He's not even my son isn't
This isn't my real son, just so you know. Okay,
but he's not my real dad. Yeah, like constitution is
that in the Library of Congress would be the Library
of Congress. It's here, Yeah, it's here. Can you take
(10:38):
it out so you look at it. Just take it
out so you can see it. Please here, put on
these gloves. Put on this white gloves. Please. I'm not
putting on ship. He's not, but neither of mine. For
I'll put the clubs on. I'll put the clubs on. Okay,
thank you. Now I'm gonna open up this class case
and there it is. Oh my, that's the Constitution right there.
(10:59):
You have to be thirty five years old to be president.
That's that's my that's my fucking point. That's my fucking point. Okay,
you can't be president. But what if we scratched out
the Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? We are
not gonna get ice cream with that kind of ship
is now, we are going to get ice cream. This
is the official who cares ship. And you're right, Brad,
(11:30):
We're not getting ice cream because we're getting gelato. Oh no,
no, no no, I'm not gonna get that crap. I'm getting
the real I'm getting. Tell, okay, blow up the candles.
There's fifteen of them. Fine, there we go, they're blown out.
I'm fifteen Jesus Christ. Not even your birthday party, got
(11:51):
damn it. You know you blew up the road. You're
such a selfish piece of ship. You know that, you
know that you would know Brad, You would know Brad
bro O. He you too, you too, you too. It's
Donna's birthday and you're kind of ruining it. Wish. I'm
I'm a little, I'm a little. I fucking it has
(12:14):
nothing to do with Donna. Donna, did you make a wish?
I mean yeah, but I didn't get to bow at
the candles, so I don't think that it counted. It's
his wish. Now he's not my son. But well, that's
the perfect opportunity for me to declare my candidacy for
the presidency. Two four. No one's gonna vote for No
one's gonna vote for you. It's gonna vote for me, Brian.
(12:35):
You know what, I'm running for president too, And welcome
back to the presidential elections. We have brand does the
election or the debate? Are you? Are you high fucking
high Jesus, it's the debate. We got we got it,
we got it, and all right now listen, all right,
(12:55):
let me tell you someone, how about this little piece
of ship? Okay, he is such a piece of ship.
Nice line, which, Brad, Oh, nice language, nice, nice lange.
Where did you learn it from you? I learned from
watching you. Oh my god, don't even don't even. I
have a question for the candidates. Uh, you're given a
hundred thousand dollars and a free day and you have
(13:18):
to spend that money. What would you do? Hundred thousands?
It's a lot of money. It's not stop, Brad, No,
it's not. And that's the problem with America right now.
I'm pivoting, pivoting, oh, all in to a certain subset
of people, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Jewel, Oh, my head
(13:41):
this is classic, Ronnie. Look running, dude. Did you know
even my headset, my headset came off that I got
so out of at it there? Why don't you take
them off? Run? Hey, Donna? Are you in your room? Yeah? Hey,
I did? You could come in? Okay, okay, okay, okay,
Oh my god, were you just see my tips? Get
(14:02):
out of here? Wait? Hold on. I'm just I miss
my little girl. What the hell? Mom? Just wait for me,
let me put on a shirt. Just wait, I'm not looking. Okay,
you can come in. Maybe we could go get our
nails done or something today. Or is there like a
top you wanted to buy or something I just want?
Is that because I was just topless? Because I can
(14:24):
do whatever I want in my in my room? No,
I know, I just get that. My candidates fighting? Wait?
What my candidate? He also changed the age that you
can be to vote. You're not voting for Ronnie? Of
course I'm voting for Ronnie. He's a little language. Your language. Yeah, God, Donna,
(14:51):
I can't in here to connect this afternoon. Maybe go
to the mall. But it seems like you want to
get political. If you want to get political, you have
to understand. I'm a brady gal. I'm a brad cow.
Are you hearing me right now? To me? I used
to be meek, and Ronnie taught me, Hey, Ronnie, pick
a running me yet, deek? Wass the dough can? Deeply
(15:13):
you're running, mate, I'm potdering my choices, deke. Okay, there's
a lot of good options out there, all right, let's
put my hand in the ring. He just got deeked. Oh,
there's poop all in my head, Deke. No talking in
this math class. No talking sucks? Right for president? I
still got to go to school. I'm sorry. Can you
(15:38):
not talk to the candidate like that? Excuse that you
know I already have Secret Service protection? Okay, I can
do whatever I want. Look, i'm looking. We will have
to put you on the ground, all right. I can
put my hand on his desk if I want to
put on the ground. We're not doing math anymore. Phrase,
(16:04):
Mr Clarkson, I'm sorry, but we're gonna let you go. Uh.
You attack the candidate, didn't attack. The school is not
gonna pay to get your ribs remade or whatever you
wrote down. I'm sorry, We're just not gonna do that.
New rabs. You broke all my ribs, Mr Clarkson, I
don't believe that. Who are you voting for? By the way,
that's an inappropriate question. I need new ribs at least
(16:28):
they can get from this fucking schools to know who
they're voting on. Mr Clarkson, you need a new job,
that's what you need. Okay. I'm sorry that your ribs
might be bruised or broken too. What you say, but
we're not gonna put the brad lad. I'm a brad Lad. Okay,
I'm a brad Lad. Brah bruise. Oh my goodness, Jesus Christ, Mr.
(16:52):
You're paying for this new test alright, members of the media,
thank you, thank you. I'm ready to announce my running
May and after a lot of internal wrestling, I've decided
that I'm running with brads aside and our different factions. Yeah, okay,
(17:19):
how why Well? He was just about to answer and
then you cut him off, so let him just let him.
Thank you, Brad. Just to be clear, I want to
be president. He's gonna be vice president. What Uh, that's
not what we discussed, Brad. Well, that's that's the thing,
you know, That's exactly what we discussed. Right. No, I
(17:40):
mean maybe that's what you heard, but that's that's not
what we talked about. That's exactly what we talked about.
That's what's going on. I want the primary, Brad. But
you kids need this dumbass, fucking kids voting. You need
an adult to be in the room to run the show.
Will be in the room, but you will be vice president.
I'm not going to be vice president. Okay, you're still
in my house. These are my rules, all right, might
not be your dad. I'm going with Deek my heart. Mom. Okay,
(18:08):
we're getting our nails done. Now, will you listen to me.
I'm gonna listen to you with an open mind and
an open heart. Go ahead. There's an opening spot in
the presidential race, and I want to do it. Okay, wait, what? How? Why? Well?
(18:29):
Brad conceded he was going to be his Ronnie's running mate.
That kind of blew up to but he got pissed
and there is an opening and I want to run
against Ronnie. Okay, so what is that? Oh? Um? Can
I get them make me tickle pink? I don't know
(18:51):
if you know that. That's a sixty extra charge. But
we're not doing that. We're not doing that. I'm not
gonna do that for that color. Mm hmm. Do you
have something similar in a different brand? Donna, Donna, hear
me out, Donna, hear me out, hear me out. If
you're going to run to be president, maybe you should
get presidential colors. I want to back you on this. Well,
(19:12):
that's the thing. Studies actually show that if women have
brightly colored nails, there aren't taken as seriously then as
women who have just a nude a more neutral tone
to their nails. Okay, how much is the nude or
neutral tone? Listen right here? Yeah, that one looks anytee.
It is super nice. Common colors. So many people have.
I mean, you know, what isn't it bs that that's
(19:34):
the case. I should be able to wear any color
nail polish I want. It's doing nothing but expressing my
own individuality, my own taste. Why is that inventsive to people?
The neutral colors may be ab extra. I can't even
I can't afford that. We can't. Well, you're not paying
for any of this. I'm paying for well dad's paying
for it, but he just you know, do you want
to do that? I want to do I want to
(19:54):
do red, white, and blue. And can you do sparkles
on the ring fingers? Of course? Yeah. I'm what you're saying,
it's don't that. Don't worry about it. Okay, Okay, it's
I'm dead. Now I'm gonna be running. Welcome back to
the presidential debate. The election, you idiot, election election. We
(20:16):
are now you are. It's time to vote. It's time
to vote. Are you high? Are you voting for Donna?
Are you voting for Ronnie? That's what I know. That's
what I know. Well, this sucks. We gotta sit here
in the same room until we find out. I know,
I know. But full credit Donna, you're in a tight race,
(20:36):
and full credit to you. You look really cool to tie. Hey,
you look cool what you're wearing. Thanks? Did you know
that it's actually one piece? It's not separate pants and shirt.
It's a hey, are you going to the Are you
going to junior prom? I don't know. I kind of
(20:57):
wasn't stupid, it's stupid, but yeah, I wasn't planning on
it unless someone asked me, and then I would go.
Someone asked me, Yeah, I mean, like, do you want
to go? Just like as and the results are in,
the results are in, and your new president of the
United States the always do it? Mr Clarkson, stop, buddy,
(21:22):
like you can't get up there, buddy, Okay, just I'm
just saying, I want to know. These riots are so strong.
It's me I want I'm the adult. Third party Green
Party took it over. Mr Clarkson is now the new
president of the United States. Everybody, you have a good night?
(21:43):
Can he call that himself? What? What does Cornaki have
to say? That was weird? That was weird? Ronnie? I uh,
I just heard what happened on stage and and all that. Donna,
how do um very not doing well? Those are huge nails,
by the way, Yeah, I got him acritics. They're great,
(22:03):
Thank you. Maybe try this card. It can't all be declined.
I've got a lot of money in the bank. I've
got like a dollars, So try running this card alright,
just charging them right out? Still the same thing. I'm
gonna have to call. I'm gonna have to call American Express. Hold,
I say, because I've got like I thought I thought
(22:27):
that you could pay for this. I asked for like Actually, yes,
we have a gentleman here is trying to pay for
an entire campaign on one card. The total is going
to be about thirteen million dollars. Uh so I think
he's speaking in snake hold on one second. Yes, I
(22:48):
didn't know it's thirteen million dollars. I don't have that
much money. Could you canceled that transaction? Hold one day,
I'm gonna let you talk to the card holder hid
other card. Yes, um, so he might know. I'm a Actually,
we're gonna we're gonna go ahead. We're gonna because you're
such a good customer, we're gonna lift your limit. You know,
(23:11):
I'm a fifteen million dollars hold on limit. But that
transaction didn't go through. It just went through. Now do
God bless America. You're pretty good at slow dancing, Donna. Yeah.
Can you believe I've never even done it before. Wow,
(23:31):
you wouldn't know it. They just say, you know, waddle,
waddle back and forth like a penguin. Yeah, but we're
waddling like in tune. Yeah. That was weird that we
just ran each other against each other for president, wasn't
It wasn't even weirder that we that we lost. Yeah,
that was sucked up right. I think the polls, oh, hey,
you know what, you complement each other so well, you
(23:54):
should run together. I said a number deeps in your mouth.
Looks like we just got deeked. And that's our first scene.
C two is from Alchemyniac Peaker, who wrote they use
(24:16):
just up from V I P to Alchemniac. Specially thanks
to Joey for that hot tip on that piece of
land in the valley. I promise I'll return that you.
Chill is to you A S A P. Let's try
this scene suggestion again six s I x six. Thanks
as always, Love you guys, beaker six six. The service
(24:41):
doesn't start for another thirty minutes. Um. You could sit
towards the front if you want. We're just prepping for
today's service. Sir. Oh, I've been enough prepping. Enjoy the service. Actually,
if you're not busy, I could use some help putting candles. Wait,
come back. It's hard putting all these candles out before
(25:06):
the service. Every service about I'm just talking to God
in God's house here. Oh, actually, do you have a minute.
I'm trying to put these candles out. Oh, all right away.
I heard you, Jesus. Oh my god, I didn't know
(25:29):
you were here. I'm always here, I know, I know.
It just gets lonely when nobody typically answers back except
for the brandos. You know you haven't had a lot
of people lately. Huh. It's been really light crowd. It's
almost makes me feel like I shouldn't put all the
candles out because I'm burning. You should put all the
(25:51):
candles out. I mean, it's more important to reach the
people that are there, right, yeah, thanks Jesus. Wait, you're
not just a guy that has a beard and long
hair right wearing a weird robe. I am all those things,
are you? I mean it shouldn't surprise me, but are you, Jesus,
(26:14):
I'm walking away. I'm walking away. Oh damn it, so
lonely putting these candles out here by myself. Hey father, Oh,
I know that you're not open yet, but always open
for you. Come on in. Thanks, um, if you help
these candles, I'm happy to help. Oh my gosh, yes,
(26:36):
please please here. Each one of these goes on one
of those holders. And don't like it because that's an
adult job. Okay, I just like this, right, just like that, Okay, awesome.
I just want to say, like, I know that you're
it's been kind of slow lately, that the crowds are dwindling,
but I think it's football season you Yeah, I get it, um,
(26:59):
But I just I just wanted to let you know
that I thought you had a great set last Sunday.
Thank you. I just I just wish I could sermonize
like you do. And and I'm just wondering if you
have any tips. You know what the tip is just
to get doing it. What if I let you do
the opening sermon today? Really? Yeah, you could sermonize tight.
(27:24):
We'll give you a Type five and then I'll do
my sermonizing. That would be amazing, Father, I would love that.
All right, Well then, uh, I guess as soon as
people sit down and get ready, that will be good
to go. Oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean to throw
into this. You've got something that you'd like to talk about, right, yeah,
(27:44):
I mean it's a little dated. I wrote it a
long time ago. Well, so sur Bible. You know, I'm
happy to give it a shot. Yes, please please do Okay,
the congregation has been seated. Um, there is a real
strong presence this this morning, Father, A real real devil
(28:07):
presents this morning. Yeah. Did anything happened here this morning
when you were setting up? Well, there was a couple
of people that were waiting early. One was six six
and then the other was probably that. Yeah, it sounds
like Satan was something this morning. But Jesus was also here,
(28:30):
but I think I disappointed him. Oh well, I here's
what I'm thinking. I'm thinking, Uh, the fate of this,
of this, I'm so starting to right these are you
the priest here? Yeah, I gotta do a quick confession. Please,
(28:50):
it's not usually it's I'll step out, do you mind? Okay,
close the door? Come on? If we do it with
the partition, so you don't know who I am, I
if that makes you feel more comfortable to what I
didn't want you to know who I am for what
I'm about day. Okay, that's fair, that's fair. Um, well,
(29:12):
how about this, I'll just cover my eyes. Well, why
don't we just lay on the ground and we'll use
some of the some of the pews here to block
our view. Huh that sounds perfect. I'm just gonna get comfortable,
are you okay, I'm alright, I'm alright, alright. My eyes
are closed and I can't see you, Jim, whenever you're ready. Father,
(29:33):
it's been about it's been about six years. It's my
last good fishing. I remember you do. Well, I'm not
supposed to say that I do, Jim. I don't have
that many people here, so go ahead. Well you remember
my last confession, that's well, it was pretty brutal. It
(29:54):
was disgusting, so you judge me for it then too.
I didn't judge. You does it sound like I was
being judge? It was just one of those things that
I had nightmares about for a while. Go ahead, I
don't know if I can be here. Maybe I should
just go pray to Satan. Don't. Can I get a
bowl um brown rice? Black beans? Easy on the brown rice?
(30:18):
What is what is so free tois? It's just like
a mix of stuff and it's like in olive oil
and then we uh sauteed and yeah it's good, it's vegetables.
It's healthy for you. Sorry, I thought you said something. Um, yeah,
I'll do that. I'll do this to Frieda's and some
(30:39):
of these, uh, some of these fajitas. Everybody on the
ground right now, the fucking stick of he Hey, hey
you me or this guy? You the one trying to
stick us up? Look, lady, even in a fun me o, gay,
(31:00):
what's the problem? What's probably you don't know what it's like. Man,
I got this one loaf and there's one fish, and
I gotta I gotta feed all these people. Man, it's impossible.
I just got this one loaf and this is one
of It's not it's not impossible. How many people do
you need to feed? Hundreds and when when is when
(31:23):
is the dinner tonight? It isn't now even well, why
do you only have one loaf and one fish? That's
so like, fuck you man, that's all I fucking cat. Okay,
that's all I got. That's all you can afford, or
all you got until I got asshole right, I'm sorry,
I can you need you need to get more food.
(31:45):
I mean that's on you. That's on you if you've
scheduled the dinner where you're responsible for feeding hundreds of people.
Now werena uh, We're so sorry you had to go
through that scary, scary moments there, But we think you
did a pretty good job. Yeah, protecting one thing. It's
not a big deal. But it's like I think you
(32:06):
said something to the effect of get the funk out
of my Chipotle. We don't. We didn't like that the board.
They didn't like that part. I'm confused. It's more Archibald,
it's the boards Chipotle, right. I mean I understand that
(32:27):
I don't own the Chipotle that I own, do you? Okay,
we see to make that very clear. I was just
trying to stop it from getting robbed. He was going
to take all of our food because he was hosting
a massive party. But we only had one loaf of
bread and one fish all of our food or all
of my food, because that's probably what you think, right, right,
that's the issue here. Wow, guys, So what's going on?
(32:51):
And a dog and a dog when you say when
you refer to the boards, Wow, guys and dog thing?
If you're gonna fire me, fucking fire me? Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa,
We're not you think you're a great manager. Um, we're
not gonna fire you. We just need you to make
(33:12):
it clear to every customer you interact with from here
on out that you do not own this establishment. That's
not not that doesn't naturally come up. And we're gonna
give you a raise, okay, six six bucks an hour?
Well there you go, my brother. I mean, do you
think it's actually feasible to have fed all these people
(33:33):
with one loaf and one fish? Or is it more
feasible to get catering from Chipotle? I guess catering? I
guess yes. It's pretty affordable. Right, You've got trays of
rice and trays of people can symbol their own burritos.
I mean, but how am I gonna pay for this, man,
I don't know I'm gonna pay for this. Well, it's
pretty reasonably priced. Yeah, yeah, man, we maybe put it
(33:54):
on my card. Man, I have a limit. Man, I
really wanted bread and fish. Um, excuse me, father, I
have sinned. It's been Um, I don't even remember since
my life. I don't remember you ever coming in either, honestly.
(34:16):
Oh sorry, I can actually see through this. I don't
recognize you. Okay, Um, I'm sorry that was awkward. I
just get excited if we don't get new people in
very often. Okay, do you want me to keep going? Or? Oh? Absolutely?
(34:36):
Did I interrupt you? You said it's been a while.
I was saying. What I was trying to say is
I don't think you've ever confessed, at least not to me, right,
but I have confessed in my It's been a while.
I can't remember how long, but I've definitely done it before.
God go ahead. Okay, Um, I just I've been coveting
(34:58):
my boss is work, my boss's acquisitions, my boss's assets.
You've been having sex with his assets? What are you
talking about? I said, I've been coveting. Yeah, I know
what you said, and that's nasty. I listened to some
(35:18):
nasty ship. I think I loved coveting in a different church.
As you know what. This church has a specific way, myrna,
thank you for meeting with the board. Um so we
had a priest stop by this afternoon. Okay, good sex?
What with I mean? Sometimes store are with the money
(35:44):
in the safe? Wait wait, I'm not sucking this store.
I don't know dog. Yeah, he agrees, we heard what
we heard. Guys, there's there there, there are cameras it
up here. I'm sure that I'm sure that you can
see that. We're not gonna watch that. Okay. The ocean
(36:08):
is beautiful, isn't it? Father ed? Oh you surprised me.
I thought I was sorry, said, I mean to sneak
up on you. Do you want some chips and quark?
By the way, sure, I got a few different salces here,
arranging from from milder peoko to guayo to spice here, Oh,
Piko de guio spicy enough for me? Well bring hey,
(36:30):
you know this there's only a one set of footprints
here on the on the beach. Yeah, you must have
flown down, flown down? Hold on, hello, hi is the
father there closing around this is this is Terry? Terry,
(36:50):
how did you get my number? Calling every number trying
to find the father. Look, I'm on the beach right now,
trying to enjoy the water. Okay, can you just getting
stuff on? It's weird that there's one set of footprints
because you have security with you. I'm a pretty big
deal father kind of figure. I'm a pretty big deal
father figure. Oh I'm not sure how you're punctuating. Um,
(37:17):
forgive me father, for I have since again. Um, it's
been three weeks since my last confession with you. Um,
so my boss is they accuse me of having sex
(37:38):
with my workplace. Well, they must have found out somehow.
I don't know how they found out. But maybe you
shouldn't do nasty stuff like that at the workplace because
people eat there, like maybe some people have their family
go to that place. So I'm sure they're going to
find out one time or another. Well here's the messed
up thing. Um, I haven't done that. But then they
put the idea in my mind, and I thought, interesting,
(38:02):
I want to be more a little more adventurous with
my sexuality. I'll give it a go. Oh my god.
And then I did. And now I'm very into it,
So I just I wanted to get that off of
my chest and confess that I have been Marna. I
(38:24):
don't know how else to tell you this, but you're pregnant.
Mm hmm, I don't. You're pregnant. The dog, the dog,
the dog. Shouldn't my doctor be telling me this or
the board? Are you guys firing me? No, we're legally
we're not allowed to. No, I can't do it because
(38:46):
we understand that you are pregnant with fresh ingredients. You're
pregnant with um cook wear. If you've birth any avocados,
that will be charged to you. Actually. C three is
(39:08):
from listener Anthony Defonzo, who wrote what's up you guys?
Did my corrugated correlated scene? I really appreciate it. I
played that episode at nausea. My family is over it,
you know how In the intro question, Joey's response spirals
off into nonsense. So the suggestion is ancient philosophers, what
were they really like? Thanks again for the awesome show, Tony. Look,
(39:30):
there's no way to know what they were like. We
just have a limited resource of their material. There's so
much lost, right, I mean, yeah, we have a lot
of cistero. But that's just one person, okay, so just
don't really think too much about it. Just you know,
enjoy the piece. If I told you that I had
the ability to bring them to the future so we
(39:54):
could talk to them. Uh, we heard you. Um, let's
just get a drink where we could go to the
we could go to the past, but it's dangerous in
the past. Can I can I get another Gin Martini? Well? Gin? Fine?
(40:15):
Or no, it's not fine? Okay, I would like something
a little better than well Gin please? Okay? Can you
name a gin company? Yes, a kinky Okay, I'd like
to do um. Printers please, printers Gin? Yeah, okay, how
about for you pal boom bers Jim boom Bers Jim
(40:39):
boom bos boom boom right, said Boomers. Employees gather around,
Guess what we've been requested. Evidently the Welgion wasn't fine
and he wanted Boomers and um, you know we're usually
at the bottom bottom shelf, but day today were the kings. Well,
(41:02):
let's let's start fermenting some of those juniper berries. Crazy now, Okay,
I understand Plato, but perhaps not Okay, cut you gotta say, Boomers,
you gotta say boom bers gin in this. Okay, I
(41:24):
thought that the placement of the bottle next to me
spoke for itself. Do you know, you know, you know
plenty plan of the yells with that beer. Yeah, you
know it's goddamn successful they are. Okay, we we got
to use Plato here to get boomers on the map here.
All right, we're using philosophy thought. All right, now, just
just just just come on. You got Aristotle. Whatever you
(41:47):
lean forward, you're in Plato's light. Oh my elogies. God,
I want to kill that guy. I don't know what
it is. I just want to fucking kill it. I
don't know. Can I ask a question? In um? I
understand that? Uh. In the script it says Socrates doesn't
have any lines, But I think I could really add
(42:10):
something to the spot. Is there your question? Yes, it
sounded like a statement, well, the question being can I
get some lines? Listen, when we brought you guys here
from the past, it wasn't so you could bullshit around
on set. Okay, what's bullshitting around on set if not
(42:31):
exploring creativity? Mm hm m hm. The exploring creativity happened
when we gave you the script. That's the creativity. We
need you to execute the creativity. But where the line?
I gotta know, because right now he's not let we're
not we're not giving him a line. We're not giving him. Okay,
it's playto His method is pretty effective, though, that, like
(42:53):
that question really made me think. Let me have that
quick question. Here, are you sure you want to go
with the slogan boom? It's better than hemlock? Hold on
this second. Uh, Questions are kind of my thing? What's
going on over here? I think questions are a thing.
Questions are just the thing. It's okay, thing, alright, Questions
(43:13):
are just a thing. They're just the thing. Okay, So
let's just go from one. You got it? Everyone good? Okay,
everyone good. Everyone just kind of like looking at me
like they're thinking, can I just get it? Like yes
or no? Please? That this is going on? Yes, what's good?
That's what I was gonna say. Bombers, Jim, that's good. Yeah, Bombers,
(43:35):
it's good. That's good. Okay, Bomber, that's good. Jim is good.
You can't be around these guys. I'm right here. No, no,
no, no no, oh my god. Okay, alright, alright, let's just
take a break. Let's take a break, please. Okay, I
gotta go get Welcome to Bombers. Jim, do a temperature check.
Do I have to wear my mask while I work out? No,
(43:57):
you don't have to wearry mask. We're just doing you know.
We just gotta go through the motions with the temperature. Chick. Alright,
what do you're good? I run hot? What can I say? Hey?
What machine are you gonna use? I'm going to go
for the fly machine? The fly machine? All right, yeah,
(44:22):
fly girl, fly girl. Yeah. I gotta really work on
my chest and back is the thing. My lats and
my adults are a bit lacking right now. It's so good. Uh,
actually have somebody here, you know, at the gym, because
I feel like during the pandemic, you know a lot
of people just didn't feel safe. You know. Also a
(44:43):
lot of people confuse us with Bomber's gin, right that, Yeah,
that was a little bit confusing. For sure. Bombler's gin
is taken off. We need to do something to differentiate
printers gin. Hmm. Can we do? What could we do? Oh?
I have it? What if we put gin inside pieces
(45:04):
of paper? Mm hmm? Go on that that's all I have.
I think he's onto something. They used to put a
liturgic descam with acid less d and they put it
in a piece of paper. What if we did that
with our gin? Wait? Wait? What what does zealous de
(45:26):
sand for? Liutistic? Just acid? That's all you need to
do is you put it a little bit? And they
called it taps and we could give tabs of princess gin.
Wait a second tabs is a cola drink. Maybe we
should use tabs cans and fill them with paper. What
(45:48):
do you think and the paper be soaked with princess gin?
I don't know. So are you understanding what these allegories
are all about? Mr Clarkson? I don't all. You gotta
give me more than that, anybody? M hmmm. I'm oh sorry,
(46:10):
we were just sorry, but no kissing Donna. Other president
kissing you forgot his name? Is? Mr Clarkson's a national candidate.
I understand that I was supposed to gain ten pounds
of muscle for the role um. I have been going
(46:31):
to the gym every day. I really don't know what
to tell you. I don't know what. Look, I'm sorry,
but the commercial spot has been canceled. I'm sorry, no
one hits you. I've been preparing for this commercial for
three months. I've been going to the gym every day,
which which is great, which is a little bit risky
right now, let me just say yeah, I mean, I'm
you can work at home. There's so many safe ways
(46:52):
to do it. But you know, it's we just couldn't
do it. We transported some actors I guess our philosopher
from the past, and long story short, they they just
really chewed our ass. But what the kind of the
meaning of the commercial was and why we were doing
and we just gave it up. Let's just give it up.
So I'm sorry. I still at the day rate though,
(47:15):
right this is non unions. Mm hmm, what is I
max really? No? That was good? That was good? That
was good. That's the take. I needed another one for lighting.
I need another one for good. Was that good? That
(47:37):
was so good? Is that? Okay? Okay, let's just go
right away, right away, right away, right away? All right, okay,
any notes any notes for me? Mm hmm. These seats
are comfy and big, but what is I max really?
That's the cut? That feel good for everybody? Everybody claim
(48:00):
good happy. Was that good? We're good? I'mlin okay good
online sound. Here's the problem with sound is at the
end of his line, the uh, the character with no
lines was saying, is that good? And then it picked
up on my audio, so it kind of overlapped. I
guess why I could do it? Universal question though, what
(48:23):
is good? Good? Good? Excuse me? Client? Um, this is
uh supposed to be a spot for Chipotle, So I'm
just confused as to why we're referencing imax if if
we even have the rights to do so. Well, it
goes on to see that I have smuggled in at
Chippotle Burrito, but can we use that word? I just
(48:46):
want to make sure that we have clearance to use
that word within our commercial. Are you the clients, because
I feel like I see you at the one on third.
This is Murna Scherner. That's mine. Yeah, she's on the
board of Chippotle. Oh, I'm sorry, Ernu Shearon legly Chapolte, mommy,
Oh what Chipote? Mommy? Are you on laxidermyessajerming acid right now?
(49:15):
Dude a little bit. Murner Sherman, murder, Sherman, murder, sermon
all right, have you ever been to you know? I
think I'm getting what do you want? What's going on?
I'm trying to psyche you out. Okay, this isn't my
first audition. I was a Fanta girl. Okay, wuanna wanna?
(49:37):
Don't you wanna Juanna? I was the perpect. So yeah,
I think I'm going to be the next Chipotle mommy. Okay, alright,
I understand that there's room for three of us, as
they do want three. God, I did not realize that
this was a unisex. I don't want you sake me
out here to try to sign you in. Okay, Hi,
(49:59):
I like to sign an please, yeah, just give me
a saying. I'm just funked up, right, I don't know
who I am? Um a little, I mean, I guess
I have to be high. Okay, Okay, okay, okay, okay,
Who's who's next to your next? You don't actually know
who you are until you've had some boomers gin boomers
(50:19):
know you thyself. That's really good. That's really really good.
Shut up, really really good. I'm just signing it. I'm
just signing in. Okay, don't tell me to shut up? Wait?
What like? Shut up? You dare do that to me?
(50:45):
All right, I'm leaving. That's really quick. You asked me
to pick you up so soon. I was just around
the block. What happened? Did you book in? I don't think.
I don't think I'm cut off for this baby? What
do you mean? I know I moved us and our
child and our dog and everything from Nashville because I
had a dream. I just don't think I'm we're support you.
What did you get the commercial? Daddy? Of course he did?
(51:11):
Dog dog Baby. I know I know you wanted to
live in this car, and I know I know we're
all to Bentley. We had one love some I'm voting
for Dog for president? Who are you voting for? I'm
voting for Berna? I don't know. I don't know if
(51:31):
I agree with her viewpoints. It's catching. Have you guys
heard about that tab can with loose pieces of paper?
And yeah, a bunch of people are choking on it.
It's a total liability. You know what is Tab's going
down for it? But really it should be Printer's gin. Yeah,
(51:52):
excuse me, that's get one more drink before excuse me, sir? Yeah, yeah,
I can. Can we get a couple of drinks here before. Yeah,
that's why I said, last coll what what kind of
jins do you have? Ah? Let me see, we got generic,
we got boom boomers, we got printers, generic gin employees.
(52:15):
And hey, it happened. What we did we get retrusted
or just mentioned? Did we get requested? Oh? Shit, shit,
what happened? Don't do this to us again, do not?
I don't, I don't know. I mean this. Look, Jesus Christ,
I'm looking at the report. Our name was said. Okay,
(52:35):
this is your fault. Jesus. You said I've only worked
here for a week. It was a mention. It was
just a mention, Jesus. Look like that last we went
on a ride. Everybody. We're all getting paid a hundred
(52:56):
grand for this though, so feel free to go use
it and today today only. Yeah, that's it. Let's check
in with everybody. James Anny gosh, darn, I love it.
Check out. On November, which is the last Saturday of
the month, as it always is, at eleven am, we're
gonna have our live hang so check it out Twitch
(53:19):
dot tv, slash Alchemy. This Chris Alvarado. I'm um my
fiance Jessica recently try to like punk me on Instagram
say saying that I couldn't run an eight minute mile. Um,
I haven't ran in years. To be honest, I worked
out at home, but I don't. I don't run or
do much cardio. I think I'm gonna go do that
(53:41):
this afternoon. I think I'm gonna go to the park
right now, and and she's going, she's gonna be there,
and um, she she thinks I can. I can. I
can't do an eight minute mile. She thinks I can
do a nine minute mile. Um, My knees aren't what
they used to be. I'm being honest, but um, I
think I'm gonna do it. So I'm gonna go run
a mile and I'll be posted. Can you put a
(54:01):
go pro on it so with the timer running so
we can all see how it unfolds. I do have
a stupid little go pro. It's I do have a GoPro,
but that wouldn't be nauseating. I just wanted to wish
everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I never know how far out
we are, but I think this is roughly right. Maybe
(54:23):
this will be before Thanksgiving, and if we can be honest,
this is really far out today, isn't it, so I
just hope you I just get your turkey now, Get
your turkey now, because they are hard to find. Nice
Jackie Gonzalez, Dorothy, Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Thank you for having
me here. I adore it, I adore playing with you guys.
(54:47):
I am at Jackie Druthy on the Socials, and I'm
constantly plugging my podcast, the most Wonderful pot of the Year.
Nice Joey Greer. I really want to echo that turkey,
get it, get it while you can. If you have
space in the freezer, just just PLoP it in. Get
all the fixed. If you need a brine, I really
recommend a Brian for your turkey. Just get get all,
get all the stuff now. I know it's early, but
(55:09):
you're just gonna be thinking yourself. I don't know how
back we are. We want to thank you. Yeah, episodes,
we all we all put in. We got you something
hundreds of thousand dollars. No I can't because you've got
filters on. But whatever, we got a turkey. Well, thanks guys,
(55:35):
It's been fun. Uh, Merry Christmas, Happy Harver Day. I
don't know when this is gonna go, but uh at
Stratton Cool or at Cold Stratton on socials sketchest dot com.
Check out the lineup anniversary Festival. I'm sure that we're
at least past the lineup, but now it's now, so
you'll know that Alchemy this is there, and uh go
come see us in January. It will be fun. We'll
(55:57):
even say hi to some of you. Uh thanks guys
for listening. Let's thank our our amazing engineer producer Doug Bame,
the fine folks that I heart media dot com and
please write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail
dot com. That's Alchemy dot com. Until next time,
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This guests those
pull scrape for KP for one final time. That's right
back on the next episode. What's Gone? I get to
put out the past year. So I've been fun guys.
Maybe I'll see you. Uh, let's meet everybody, shall we?
(00:26):
James Heney, James, You've got a free day and a
hundred grand that you have to spend, sort of like
Cruiser's millions. What do you do? I have a free day.
I was a hundred thousand dollars. I don't know how
it's like the plans I have taken for the day, Cole.
(00:48):
But I'm gonna put forth all the money I can
to get like, uh, one of those fallout shelter type things.
And once I have that fallout children, I think they're
only like a hundred grand. I think they're less than that. Actually,
I'll figure out where to put it later. But I
want to secure like one of those things that you
would eventually find some because you can bury that in
the mountains, you can bury it anywhere and have a
(01:09):
place to live. So I'll put that hundred thousand dollars
into getting the best fallout shelter I can get. Wow,
that's what I expected it. I mean, shelter. I'm not
a doomsday prepper. I'm just an efficient liver. Like I
want to get I'm not a doomsday prepper. I don't
think it's changed here. If we give you a hundred
thousand dollars today, the first thing you do shelter a
(01:33):
hundred thousand dollars. That's a lot of money. I've never
seen a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah. His point is you
immediately go to spend it like not like I don't
know how. I don't know how else I get through
that whole hundred thousand dollars in a day, like going
to David Busters. Like it's gonna be hard, get of
that money before the trader can disappear. Yeah, it's not.
(01:55):
It's not David. It's not David Busters or a fallout shelter.
I need to find something they can dunk all that money.
Go buy you and your wife a new car. First
of all, made a down payment on a thousand dollar car. Hold,
do you don't million dollars? You're saying ten million dollars
und dollars is very but I've never seen a hundred
(02:17):
cords close to eight. Kidding, those don't look like very
nice cars. I love that. It's he hasn't seen hundred
thousand dollars. No, No, he's saying you can get to
for eighty tho dollars. All right, Well I'm gonna goney, guys,
it's because because he hasn't seen the money. Yeah, you
(02:39):
can't understand. This is a great dude, I need to
make bank and have you in charge of my finances.
I need to have Well, my guesses, you have more
than twenty four hours to deal with your money. If
I don't know you're you're in charge of me to
help me. Well, I know you paid a million dollars
and I bought you ten fallout shelters. I didn't know
what else to do. Good. That's a good at all. Right.
(03:01):
Next up, it's Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthie. Jackie, what candy
is total bullshit? Neco wafers disgusting their trash. That's that
they're total bullshit. No one's enjoint. Give me a Tom's.
I enjoy a Tom's more and that guy. But I'm
(03:25):
so sorry, I'm so I mean, I would never That's okay.
I love Twizzlers are my favorite candy, and a lot
of people are grossed op by that great twizzler. N Up,
it's Chris Alvarado. Chris, what place are kind of place?
Totally relaxes you um sitting in um in the theater
(03:49):
waiting for a play to start, like the Almondson or
like the tour. I love walking in and being seated
seeing like the dark the dark set. It hasn't been lit. Yeah,
I mean there's a curtain. I just nothing feels better
to me than sitting in the theater before a play.
I fucking love that feeling. Now that I answered that quickly, James,
I cannot believe your answer, dude. I cannot believe if
(04:12):
I had an easy question like a gross can be
if I didn't say I ate some tumps for fun sometimes,
just just really quick, do you think two things? Do
you think a hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money?
And do you think it is a lot of money?
It's a lot of money. Cannot take that away from him.
I can't. I can't. One day is a lot of money. Listen, jewels, jewels, jewel.
(04:38):
The singer her mother stole a hundred million dollars from
her by spending ten million dollars a year for ten
years that Jewel wasn't even aware of. Jewel has so
much money. Well, but then she was in debt after that.
My point is, you can a hundred thousand dollars, isn't
that much money. It's a lot of money. So now
(05:01):
do you understand do you understand there are cars on
the road that costs more than that right now? Yeah,
So I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, that's a very
it's very easy to get rid of it. It's not
just your It is true to get rid of it,
but it's still a lot of them. If I had
a hundred dollars, I'm going to move to the middle
of nowhere and live like a king. Thinking for the days,
(05:23):
I was like, oh, go, I'll fly to Spain and
then go to a nice restaurant, and then fly to
New York and then go question. The answer I thought
was gonna happen. To invest it, right, it's snooze can
and use it as a down payment on a house
and start That's what I was saying. But it's when
I when I when he's investing in his he has
(05:45):
no land, he has no land. That's land, guys, in
twenty four hours. You know how difficult it would be
to first of all, buy the fallout shot there and
find that's good. You can do that, find the land,
move it, have it, dug put it, and they get
the funk out of here. Go buy a Bentley. You'll
still need more money. You can't even you can't even
(06:05):
afford it Bentley. But you don't want to sleep in
it Bentley. So let's check you with everybody. Sorry, Creig,
Sorry Joey, you don't produce this episode. Creigt cows game. Craig,
you've got an hour to grab lunch with any screenwriter,
living or dead. Who do you choose? And don't use
that time to buy a bomb shelter. I guess, uh,
(06:29):
Dorothy Parker would be fun, Like she wouldn't spend that
much on lunch, Like I just have to buy her
a couple of drinks and uh, I'd get a bunch
of uh what equips. I mean, the drinks are pretty
pricey at the Algonquin, But otherwise I like that plane. Yeah,
if I'm paying nineties prices, they're not m h. That's true.
(06:52):
Speaking you go back there, but you don't bring her
to you. Now that's a good that's exam Yes, I
go back in time there might stay there. I'll tell
you what will that Finally, Joey Greer, Joey, I hear
you got a brand new invention to unveil at the
next World's Fair, because they definitely do those. Now, still,
(07:14):
what is it? I'm not gonna answer that, James. You
have to have to get land first, Okay, get the shelter, dude.
You need land, alright. The only thing they're not making
more of. Amen, you can get the thing is you
can go like right on the edge of the Palm desert.
You can get a side of a mountain. That's good
(07:36):
to know. But you didn't do it. You didn't do it.
That's my point. You need to get the land first. Okay.
You need to know where you're right, what the terrain is.
Can you dig there? You gotta know the stuff better
than what would have happened. Okay, So I guess I
was wrong with my answer. Thank you. You gonna have
a jewel level wealth. I'm listening to her book or
(08:01):
I've never broken It's beautiful. Okay, all right, showtop guys,
here we go. All of our Scene suggestions are gathered
from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I p
s to become a Patreon supporter of the show and
enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on over
to Patreon dot com slash alchemy This. You'd like to
submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the
podcast at our email address, Alchemy This email at gmail
(08:25):
dot com. That's Scene one is from listener Scott from Seattle,
who wrote, Hello, Alchemists. I just listened to an episode
where during a scene, Kevin responded to the word log
with and I quote the only log I want from
you is pooh. It caused me to laugh uncontrollably, but
(08:45):
to be honest, I'm not sure if I was laughing
at what he said or a couple of beats of
dead air that followed it. Either way, great stuff, you
guys are amazing. Anyway, my scene suggestion involved one of
my favorite characters that Craig does, which I haven't heard
in a while. It's actually more of a void that
he does when he's playing a Braddy kid or teenager.
Hopefully you know what I'm referring to my suggestion. Braddy
(09:06):
tween runs for president. Thanks Scott from Seattle, and we
just we just calm down, for God's sakes. You can't
get everything you want to understand that. It's like you're
a guy named president United States. I could be. No,
you couldn't. If they changed the constitution, I could be.
You can be anything he wants to be. Okay, he's
(09:27):
got a point. You can't legally America. This is America, Brad,
you know, Brad? God, Yeah, you know what. I'm glad.
I'm not your dad. Okay, I'm glad. You're ill my
dad to Brad. You know what. I want to go
to DC and change the constitution. My two boys are
fighting here and I don't like it. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(09:50):
you know that. Why don't we just drive out there. Well,
it's only a couple of miles. And in this next room,
we're very excited. We have the Declaration of Independence. Geez,
when is it going to get the goud damn constitution?
You know what? Let me high. I think he is high.
You're more like than you think. But are you high? Yeah?
(10:12):
I'm a little high. We up? What's up? What do
you need? What's up? He's not even my son isn't
This isn't my real son, just so you know. Okay,
but he's not my real dad. Yeah, like constitution is
that in the Library of Congress would be the Library
of Congress. It's here, Yeah, it's here. Can you take
(10:38):
it out so you look at it. Just take it
out so you can see it. Please here, put on
these gloves. Put on this white gloves. Please. I'm not
putting on ship. He's not, but neither of mine. For
I'll put the clubs on. I'll put the clubs on. Okay,
thank you. Now I'm gonna open up this class case
and there it is. Oh my, that's the Constitution right there.
(10:59):
You have to be thirty five years old to be president.
That's that's my that's my fucking point. That's my fucking point. Okay,
you can't be president. But what if we scratched out
the Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? We are
not gonna get ice cream with that kind of ship
is now, we are going to get ice cream. This
is the official who cares ship. And you're right, Brad,
(11:30):
We're not getting ice cream because we're getting gelato. Oh no,
no, no no, I'm not gonna get that crap. I'm getting
the real I'm getting. Tell, okay, blow up the candles.
There's fifteen of them. Fine, there we go, they're blown out.
I'm fifteen Jesus Christ. Not even your birthday party, got
(11:51):
damn it. You know you blew up the road. You're
such a selfish piece of ship. You know that, you
know that you would know Brad, You would know Brad
bro O. He you too, you too, you too. It's
Donna's birthday and you're kind of ruining it. Wish. I'm
I'm a little, I'm a little. I fucking it has
(12:14):
nothing to do with Donna. Donna, did you make a wish?
I mean yeah, but I didn't get to bow at
the candles, so I don't think that it counted. It's
his wish. Now he's not my son. But well, that's
the perfect opportunity for me to declare my candidacy for
the presidency. Two four. No one's gonna vote for No
one's gonna vote for you. It's gonna vote for me, Brian.
(12:35):
You know what, I'm running for president too, And welcome
back to the presidential elections. We have brand does the
election or the debate? Are you? Are you high fucking
high Jesus, it's the debate. We got we got it,
we got it, and all right now listen, all right,
(12:55):
let me tell you someone, how about this little piece
of ship? Okay, he is such a piece of ship.
Nice line, which, Brad, Oh, nice language, nice, nice lange.
Where did you learn it from you? I learned from
watching you. Oh my god, don't even don't even. I
have a question for the candidates. Uh, you're given a
hundred thousand dollars and a free day and you have
(13:18):
to spend that money. What would you do? Hundred thousands?
It's a lot of money. It's not stop, Brad, No,
it's not. And that's the problem with America right now.
I'm pivoting, pivoting, oh, all in to a certain subset
of people, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Jewel, Oh, my head
(13:41):
this is classic, Ronnie. Look running, dude. Did you know
even my headset, my headset came off that I got
so out of at it there? Why don't you take
them off? Run? Hey, Donna? Are you in your room? Yeah? Hey,
I did? You could come in? Okay, okay, okay, okay,
Oh my god, were you just see my tips? Get
(14:02):
out of here? Wait? Hold on. I'm just I miss
my little girl. What the hell? Mom? Just wait for me,
let me put on a shirt. Just wait, I'm not looking. Okay,
you can come in. Maybe we could go get our
nails done or something today. Or is there like a
top you wanted to buy or something I just want?
Is that because I was just topless? Because I can
(14:24):
do whatever I want in my in my room? No,
I know, I just get that. My candidates fighting? Wait?
What my candidate? He also changed the age that you
can be to vote. You're not voting for Ronnie? Of
course I'm voting for Ronnie. He's a little language. Your language. Yeah, God, Donna,
(14:51):
I can't in here to connect this afternoon. Maybe go
to the mall. But it seems like you want to
get political. If you want to get political, you have
to understand. I'm a brady gal. I'm a brad cow.
Are you hearing me right now? To me? I used
to be meek, and Ronnie taught me, Hey, Ronnie, pick
a running me yet, deek? Wass the dough can? Deeply
(15:13):
you're running, mate, I'm potdering my choices, deke. Okay, there's
a lot of good options out there, all right, let's
put my hand in the ring. He just got deeked. Oh,
there's poop all in my head, Deke. No talking in
this math class. No talking sucks? Right for president? I
still got to go to school. I'm sorry. Can you
(15:38):
not talk to the candidate like that? Excuse that you
know I already have Secret Service protection? Okay, I can
do whatever I want. Look, i'm looking. We will have
to put you on the ground, all right. I can
put my hand on his desk if I want to
put on the ground. We're not doing math anymore. Phrase,
(16:04):
Mr Clarkson, I'm sorry, but we're gonna let you go. Uh.
You attack the candidate, didn't attack. The school is not
gonna pay to get your ribs remade or whatever you
wrote down. I'm sorry, We're just not gonna do that.
New rabs. You broke all my ribs, Mr Clarkson, I
don't believe that. Who are you voting for? By the way,
that's an inappropriate question. I need new ribs at least
(16:28):
they can get from this fucking schools to know who
they're voting on. Mr Clarkson, you need a new job,
that's what you need. Okay. I'm sorry that your ribs
might be bruised or broken too. What you say, but
we're not gonna put the brad lad. I'm a brad Lad. Okay,
I'm a brad Lad. Brah bruise. Oh my goodness, Jesus Christ, Mr.
(16:52):
You're paying for this new test alright, members of the media,
thank you, thank you. I'm ready to announce my running
May and after a lot of internal wrestling, I've decided
that I'm running with brads aside and our different factions. Yeah, okay,
(17:19):
how why Well? He was just about to answer and
then you cut him off, so let him just let him.
Thank you, Brad. Just to be clear, I want to
be president. He's gonna be vice president. What Uh, that's
not what we discussed, Brad. Well, that's that's the thing,
you know, That's exactly what we discussed. Right. No, I
(17:40):
mean maybe that's what you heard, but that's that's not
what we talked about. That's exactly what we talked about.
That's what's going on. I want the primary, Brad. But
you kids need this dumbass, fucking kids voting. You need
an adult to be in the room to run the show.
Will be in the room, but you will be vice president.
I'm not going to be vice president. Okay, you're still
in my house. These are my rules, all right, might
not be your dad. I'm going with Deek my heart. Mom. Okay,
(18:08):
we're getting our nails done. Now, will you listen to me.
I'm gonna listen to you with an open mind and
an open heart. Go ahead. There's an opening spot in
the presidential race, and I want to do it. Okay, wait, what? How? Why? Well?
(18:29):
Brad conceded he was going to be his Ronnie's running mate.
That kind of blew up to but he got pissed
and there is an opening and I want to run
against Ronnie. Okay, so what is that? Oh? Um? Can
I get them make me tickle pink? I don't know
(18:51):
if you know that. That's a sixty extra charge. But
we're not doing that. We're not doing that. I'm not
gonna do that for that color. Mm hmm. Do you
have something similar in a different brand? Donna, Donna, hear
me out, Donna, hear me out, hear me out. If
you're going to run to be president, maybe you should
get presidential colors. I want to back you on this. Well,
(19:12):
that's the thing. Studies actually show that if women have
brightly colored nails, there aren't taken as seriously then as
women who have just a nude a more neutral tone
to their nails. Okay, how much is the nude or
neutral tone? Listen right here? Yeah, that one looks anytee.
It is super nice. Common colors. So many people have.
I mean, you know, what isn't it bs that that's
(19:34):
the case. I should be able to wear any color
nail polish I want. It's doing nothing but expressing my
own individuality, my own taste. Why is that inventsive to people?
The neutral colors may be ab extra. I can't even
I can't afford that. We can't. Well, you're not paying
for any of this. I'm paying for well dad's paying
for it, but he just you know, do you want
to do that? I want to do I want to
(19:54):
do red, white, and blue. And can you do sparkles
on the ring fingers? Of course? Yeah. I'm what you're saying,
it's don't that. Don't worry about it. Okay, Okay, it's
I'm dead. Now I'm gonna be running. Welcome back to
the presidential debate. The election, you idiot, election election. We
(20:16):
are now you are. It's time to vote. It's time
to vote. Are you high? Are you voting for Donna?
Are you voting for Ronnie? That's what I know. That's
what I know. Well, this sucks. We gotta sit here
in the same room until we find out. I know,
I know. But full credit Donna, you're in a tight race,
(20:36):
and full credit to you. You look really cool to tie. Hey,
you look cool what you're wearing. Thanks? Did you know
that it's actually one piece? It's not separate pants and shirt.
It's a hey, are you going to the Are you
going to junior prom? I don't know. I kind of
(20:57):
wasn't stupid, it's stupid, but yeah, I wasn't planning on
it unless someone asked me, and then I would go.
Someone asked me, Yeah, I mean, like, do you want
to go? Just like as and the results are in,
the results are in, and your new president of the
United States the always do it? Mr Clarkson, stop, buddy,
(21:22):
like you can't get up there, buddy, Okay, just I'm
just saying, I want to know. These riots are so strong.
It's me I want I'm the adult. Third party Green
Party took it over. Mr Clarkson is now the new
president of the United States. Everybody, you have a good night?
(21:43):
Can he call that himself? What? What does Cornaki have
to say? That was weird? That was weird? Ronnie? I uh,
I just heard what happened on stage and and all that. Donna,
how do um very not doing well? Those are huge nails,
by the way, Yeah, I got him acritics. They're great,
(22:03):
Thank you. Maybe try this card. It can't all be declined.
I've got a lot of money in the bank. I've
got like a dollars, So try running this card alright,
just charging them right out? Still the same thing. I'm
gonna have to call. I'm gonna have to call American Express. Hold,
I say, because I've got like I thought I thought
(22:27):
that you could pay for this. I asked for like Actually, yes,
we have a gentleman here is trying to pay for
an entire campaign on one card. The total is going
to be about thirteen million dollars. Uh so I think
he's speaking in snake hold on one second. Yes, I
(22:48):
didn't know it's thirteen million dollars. I don't have that
much money. Could you canceled that transaction? Hold one day,
I'm gonna let you talk to the card holder hid
other card. Yes, um, so he might know. I'm a Actually,
we're gonna we're gonna go ahead. We're gonna because you're
such a good customer, we're gonna lift your limit. You know,
(23:11):
I'm a fifteen million dollars hold on limit. But that
transaction didn't go through. It just went through. Now do
God bless America. You're pretty good at slow dancing, Donna. Yeah.
Can you believe I've never even done it before. Wow,
(23:31):
you wouldn't know it. They just say, you know, waddle,
waddle back and forth like a penguin. Yeah, but we're
waddling like in tune. Yeah. That was weird that we
just ran each other against each other for president, wasn't
It wasn't even weirder that we that we lost. Yeah,
that was sucked up right. I think the polls, oh, hey,
you know what, you complement each other so well, you
(23:54):
should run together. I said a number deeps in your mouth.
Looks like we just got deeked. And that's our first scene.
C two is from Alchemyniac Peaker, who wrote they use
(24:16):
just up from V I P to Alchemniac. Specially thanks
to Joey for that hot tip on that piece of
land in the valley. I promise I'll return that you.
Chill is to you A S A P. Let's try
this scene suggestion again six s I x six. Thanks
as always, Love you guys, beaker six six. The service
(24:41):
doesn't start for another thirty minutes. Um. You could sit
towards the front if you want. We're just prepping for
today's service. Sir. Oh, I've been enough prepping. Enjoy the service. Actually,
if you're not busy, I could use some help putting candles. Wait,
come back. It's hard putting all these candles out before
(25:06):
the service. Every service about I'm just talking to God
in God's house here. Oh, actually, do you have a minute.
I'm trying to put these candles out. Oh, all right away.
I heard you, Jesus. Oh my god, I didn't know
(25:29):
you were here. I'm always here, I know, I know.
It just gets lonely when nobody typically answers back except
for the brandos. You know you haven't had a lot
of people lately. Huh. It's been really light crowd. It's
almost makes me feel like I shouldn't put all the
candles out because I'm burning. You should put all the
(25:51):
candles out. I mean, it's more important to reach the
people that are there, right, yeah, thanks Jesus. Wait, you're
not just a guy that has a beard and long
hair right wearing a weird robe. I am all those things,
are you? I mean it shouldn't surprise me, but are you, Jesus,
(26:14):
I'm walking away. I'm walking away. Oh damn it, so
lonely putting these candles out here by myself. Hey father, Oh,
I know that you're not open yet, but always open
for you. Come on in. Thanks, um, if you help
these candles, I'm happy to help. Oh my gosh, yes,
(26:36):
please please here. Each one of these goes on one
of those holders. And don't like it because that's an
adult job. Okay, I just like this, right, just like that, Okay, awesome.
I just want to say, like, I know that you're
it's been kind of slow lately, that the crowds are dwindling,
but I think it's football season you Yeah, I get it, um,
(26:59):
But I just I just wanted to let you know
that I thought you had a great set last Sunday.
Thank you. I just I just wish I could sermonize
like you do. And and I'm just wondering if you
have any tips. You know what the tip is just
to get doing it. What if I let you do
the opening sermon today? Really? Yeah, you could sermonize tight.
(27:24):
We'll give you a Type five and then I'll do
my sermonizing. That would be amazing, Father, I would love that.
All right, Well then, uh, I guess as soon as
people sit down and get ready, that will be good
to go. Oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean to throw
into this. You've got something that you'd like to talk about, right, yeah,
(27:44):
I mean it's a little dated. I wrote it a
long time ago. Well, so sur Bible. You know, I'm
happy to give it a shot. Yes, please please do Okay,
the congregation has been seated. Um, there is a real
strong presence this this morning, Father, A real real devil
(28:07):
presents this morning. Yeah. Did anything happened here this morning
when you were setting up? Well, there was a couple
of people that were waiting early. One was six six
and then the other was probably that. Yeah, it sounds
like Satan was something this morning. But Jesus was also here,
(28:30):
but I think I disappointed him. Oh well, I here's
what I'm thinking. I'm thinking, Uh, the fate of this,
of this, I'm so starting to right these are you
the priest here? Yeah, I gotta do a quick confession. Please,
(28:50):
it's not usually it's I'll step out, do you mind? Okay,
close the door? Come on? If we do it with
the partition, so you don't know who I am, I
if that makes you feel more comfortable to what I
didn't want you to know who I am for what
I'm about day. Okay, that's fair, that's fair. Um, well,
(29:12):
how about this, I'll just cover my eyes. Well, why
don't we just lay on the ground and we'll use
some of the some of the pews here to block
our view. Huh that sounds perfect. I'm just gonna get comfortable,
are you okay, I'm alright, I'm alright, alright. My eyes
are closed and I can't see you, Jim, whenever you're ready. Father,
(29:33):
it's been about it's been about six years. It's my
last good fishing. I remember you do. Well, I'm not
supposed to say that I do, Jim. I don't have
that many people here, so go ahead. Well you remember
my last confession, that's well, it was pretty brutal. It
(29:54):
was disgusting, so you judge me for it then too.
I didn't judge. You does it sound like I was
being judge? It was just one of those things that
I had nightmares about for a while. Go ahead, I
don't know if I can be here. Maybe I should
just go pray to Satan. Don't. Can I get a
bowl um brown rice? Black beans? Easy on the brown rice?
(30:18):
What is what is so free tois? It's just like
a mix of stuff and it's like in olive oil
and then we uh sauteed and yeah it's good, it's vegetables.
It's healthy for you. Sorry, I thought you said something. Um, yeah,
I'll do that. I'll do this to Frieda's and some
(30:39):
of these, uh, some of these fajitas. Everybody on the
ground right now, the fucking stick of he Hey, hey
you me or this guy? You the one trying to
stick us up? Look, lady, even in a fun me o, gay,
(31:00):
what's the problem? What's probably you don't know what it's like. Man,
I got this one loaf and there's one fish, and
I gotta I gotta feed all these people. Man, it's impossible.
I just got this one loaf and this is one
of It's not it's not impossible. How many people do
you need to feed? Hundreds and when when is when
(31:23):
is the dinner tonight? It isn't now even well, why
do you only have one loaf and one fish? That's
so like, fuck you man, that's all I fucking cat. Okay,
that's all I got. That's all you can afford, or
all you got until I got asshole right, I'm sorry,
I can you need you need to get more food.
(31:45):
I mean that's on you. That's on you if you've
scheduled the dinner where you're responsible for feeding hundreds of people.
Now werena uh, We're so sorry you had to go
through that scary, scary moments there, But we think you
did a pretty good job. Yeah, protecting one thing. It's
not a big deal. But it's like I think you
(32:06):
said something to the effect of get the funk out
of my Chipotle. We don't. We didn't like that the board.
They didn't like that part. I'm confused. It's more Archibald,
it's the boards Chipotle, right. I mean I understand that
(32:27):
I don't own the Chipotle that I own, do you? Okay,
we see to make that very clear. I was just
trying to stop it from getting robbed. He was going
to take all of our food because he was hosting
a massive party. But we only had one loaf of
bread and one fish all of our food or all
of my food, because that's probably what you think, right, right,
that's the issue here. Wow, guys, So what's going on?
(32:51):
And a dog and a dog when you say when
you refer to the boards, Wow, guys and dog thing?
If you're gonna fire me, fucking fire me? Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa,
We're not you think you're a great manager. Um, we're
not gonna fire you. We just need you to make
(33:12):
it clear to every customer you interact with from here
on out that you do not own this establishment. That's
not not that doesn't naturally come up. And we're gonna
give you a raise, okay, six six bucks an hour?
Well there you go, my brother. I mean, do you
think it's actually feasible to have fed all these people
(33:33):
with one loaf and one fish? Or is it more
feasible to get catering from Chipotle? I guess catering? I
guess yes. It's pretty affordable. Right, You've got trays of
rice and trays of people can symbol their own burritos.
I mean, but how am I gonna pay for this, man,
I don't know I'm gonna pay for this. Well, it's
pretty reasonably priced. Yeah, yeah, man, we maybe put it
(33:54):
on my card. Man, I have a limit. Man, I
really wanted bread and fish. Um, excuse me, father, I
have sinned. It's been Um, I don't even remember since
my life. I don't remember you ever coming in either, honestly.
(34:16):
Oh sorry, I can actually see through this. I don't
recognize you. Okay, Um, I'm sorry that was awkward. I
just get excited if we don't get new people in
very often. Okay, do you want me to keep going? Or? Oh? Absolutely?
(34:36):
Did I interrupt you? You said it's been a while.
I was saying. What I was trying to say is
I don't think you've ever confessed, at least not to me, right,
but I have confessed in my It's been a while.
I can't remember how long, but I've definitely done it before.
God go ahead. Okay, Um, I just I've been coveting
(34:58):
my boss is work, my boss's acquisitions, my boss's assets.
You've been having sex with his assets? What are you
talking about? I said, I've been coveting. Yeah, I know
what you said, and that's nasty. I listened to some
(35:18):
nasty ship. I think I loved coveting in a different church.
As you know what. This church has a specific way, myrna,
thank you for meeting with the board. Um so we
had a priest stop by this afternoon. Okay, good sex?
What with I mean? Sometimes store are with the money
(35:44):
in the safe? Wait wait, I'm not sucking this store.
I don't know dog. Yeah, he agrees, we heard what
we heard. Guys, there's there there, there are cameras it
up here. I'm sure that I'm sure that you can
see that. We're not gonna watch that. Okay. The ocean
(36:08):
is beautiful, isn't it? Father ed? Oh you surprised me.
I thought I was sorry, said, I mean to sneak
up on you. Do you want some chips and quark?
By the way, sure, I got a few different salces here,
arranging from from milder peoko to guayo to spice here, Oh,
Piko de guio spicy enough for me? Well bring hey,
(36:30):
you know this there's only a one set of footprints
here on the on the beach. Yeah, you must have
flown down, flown down? Hold on, hello, hi is the
father there closing around this is this is Terry? Terry,
(36:50):
how did you get my number? Calling every number trying
to find the father. Look, I'm on the beach right now,
trying to enjoy the water. Okay, can you just getting
stuff on? It's weird that there's one set of footprints
because you have security with you. I'm a pretty big
deal father kind of figure. I'm a pretty big deal
father figure. Oh I'm not sure how you're punctuating. Um,
(37:17):
forgive me father, for I have since again. Um, it's
been three weeks since my last confession with you. Um,
so my boss is they accuse me of having sex
(37:38):
with my workplace. Well, they must have found out somehow.
I don't know how they found out. But maybe you
shouldn't do nasty stuff like that at the workplace because
people eat there, like maybe some people have their family
go to that place. So I'm sure they're going to
find out one time or another. Well here's the messed
up thing. Um, I haven't done that. But then they
put the idea in my mind, and I thought, interesting,
(38:02):
I want to be more a little more adventurous with
my sexuality. I'll give it a go. Oh my god.
And then I did. And now I'm very into it,
So I just I wanted to get that off of
my chest and confess that I have been Marna. I
(38:24):
don't know how else to tell you this, but you're pregnant.
Mm hmm, I don't. You're pregnant. The dog, the dog,
the dog. Shouldn't my doctor be telling me this or
the board? Are you guys firing me? No, we're legally
we're not allowed to. No, I can't do it because
(38:46):
we understand that you are pregnant with fresh ingredients. You're
pregnant with um cook wear. If you've birth any avocados,
that will be charged to you. Actually. C three is
(39:08):
from listener Anthony Defonzo, who wrote what's up you guys?
Did my corrugated correlated scene? I really appreciate it. I
played that episode at nausea. My family is over it,
you know how In the intro question, Joey's response spirals
off into nonsense. So the suggestion is ancient philosophers, what
were they really like? Thanks again for the awesome show, Tony. Look,
(39:30):
there's no way to know what they were like. We
just have a limited resource of their material. There's so
much lost, right, I mean, yeah, we have a lot
of cistero. But that's just one person, okay, so just
don't really think too much about it. Just you know,
enjoy the piece. If I told you that I had
the ability to bring them to the future so we
(39:54):
could talk to them. Uh, we heard you. Um, let's
just get a drink where we could go to the
we could go to the past, but it's dangerous in
the past. Can I can I get another Gin Martini? Well? Gin? Fine?
(40:15):
Or no, it's not fine? Okay, I would like something
a little better than well Gin please? Okay? Can you
name a gin company? Yes, a kinky Okay, I'd like
to do um. Printers please, printers Gin? Yeah, okay, how
about for you pal boom bers Jim boom Bers Jim
(40:39):
boom bos boom boom right, said Boomers. Employees gather around,
Guess what we've been requested. Evidently the Welgion wasn't fine
and he wanted Boomers and um, you know we're usually
at the bottom bottom shelf, but day today were the kings. Well,
(41:02):
let's let's start fermenting some of those juniper berries. Crazy now, Okay,
I understand Plato, but perhaps not Okay, cut you gotta say, Boomers,
you gotta say boom bers gin in this. Okay, I
(41:24):
thought that the placement of the bottle next to me
spoke for itself. Do you know, you know, you know
plenty plan of the yells with that beer. Yeah, you
know it's goddamn successful they are. Okay, we we got
to use Plato here to get boomers on the map here.
All right, we're using philosophy thought. All right, now, just
just just just come on. You got Aristotle. Whatever you
(41:47):
lean forward, you're in Plato's light. Oh my elogies. God,
I want to kill that guy. I don't know what
it is. I just want to fucking kill it. I
don't know. Can I ask a question? In um? I
understand that? Uh. In the script it says Socrates doesn't
have any lines, But I think I could really add
(42:10):
something to the spot. Is there your question? Yes, it
sounded like a statement, well, the question being can I
get some lines? Listen, when we brought you guys here
from the past, it wasn't so you could bullshit around
on set. Okay, what's bullshitting around on set if not
(42:31):
exploring creativity? Mm hm m hm. The exploring creativity happened
when we gave you the script. That's the creativity. We
need you to execute the creativity. But where the line?
I gotta know, because right now he's not let we're
not we're not giving him a line. We're not giving him. Okay,
it's playto His method is pretty effective, though, that, like
(42:53):
that question really made me think. Let me have that
quick question. Here, are you sure you want to go
with the slogan boom? It's better than hemlock? Hold on
this second. Uh, Questions are kind of my thing? What's
going on over here? I think questions are a thing.
Questions are just the thing. It's okay, thing, alright, Questions
(43:13):
are just a thing. They're just the thing. Okay, So
let's just go from one. You got it? Everyone good? Okay,
everyone good. Everyone just kind of like looking at me
like they're thinking, can I just get it? Like yes
or no? Please? That this is going on? Yes, what's good?
That's what I was gonna say. Bombers, Jim, that's good. Yeah, Bombers,
(43:35):
it's good. That's good. Okay, Bomber, that's good. Jim is good.
You can't be around these guys. I'm right here. No, no,
no, no no, oh my god. Okay, alright, alright, let's just
take a break. Let's take a break, please. Okay, I
gotta go get Welcome to Bombers. Jim, do a temperature check.
Do I have to wear my mask while I work out? No,
(43:57):
you don't have to wearry mask. We're just doing you know.
We just gotta go through the motions with the temperature. Chick. Alright,
what do you're good? I run hot? What can I say? Hey?
What machine are you gonna use? I'm going to go
for the fly machine? The fly machine? All right, yeah,
(44:22):
fly girl, fly girl. Yeah. I gotta really work on
my chest and back is the thing. My lats and
my adults are a bit lacking right now. It's so good. Uh,
actually have somebody here, you know, at the gym, because
I feel like during the pandemic, you know a lot
of people just didn't feel safe. You know. Also a
(44:43):
lot of people confuse us with Bomber's gin, right that, Yeah,
that was a little bit confusing. For sure. Bombler's gin
is taken off. We need to do something to differentiate
printers gin. Hmm. Can we do? What could we do? Oh?
I have it? What if we put gin inside pieces
(45:04):
of paper? Mm hmm? Go on that that's all I have.
I think he's onto something. They used to put a
liturgic descam with acid less d and they put it
in a piece of paper. What if we did that
with our gin? Wait? Wait? What what does zealous de
(45:26):
sand for? Liutistic? Just acid? That's all you need to
do is you put it a little bit? And they
called it taps and we could give tabs of princess gin.
Wait a second tabs is a cola drink. Maybe we
should use tabs cans and fill them with paper. What
(45:48):
do you think and the paper be soaked with princess gin?
I don't know. So are you understanding what these allegories
are all about? Mr Clarkson? I don't all. You gotta
give me more than that, anybody? M hmmm. I'm oh sorry,
(46:10):
we were just sorry, but no kissing Donna. Other president
kissing you forgot his name? Is? Mr Clarkson's a national candidate.
I understand that I was supposed to gain ten pounds
of muscle for the role um. I have been going
(46:31):
to the gym every day. I really don't know what
to tell you. I don't know what. Look, I'm sorry,
but the commercial spot has been canceled. I'm sorry, no
one hits you. I've been preparing for this commercial for
three months. I've been going to the gym every day,
which which is great, which is a little bit risky
right now, let me just say yeah, I mean, I'm
you can work at home. There's so many safe ways
(46:52):
to do it. But you know, it's we just couldn't
do it. We transported some actors I guess our philosopher
from the past, and long story short, they they just
really chewed our ass. But what the kind of the
meaning of the commercial was and why we were doing
and we just gave it up. Let's just give it up.
So I'm sorry. I still at the day rate though,
(47:15):
right this is non unions. Mm hmm, what is I
max really? No? That was good? That was good? That
was good. That's the take. I needed another one for lighting.
I need another one for good. Was that good? That
(47:37):
was so good? Is that? Okay? Okay, let's just go
right away, right away, right away, right away? All right, okay,
any notes any notes for me? Mm hmm. These seats
are comfy and big, but what is I max really?
That's the cut? That feel good for everybody? Everybody claim
(48:00):
good happy. Was that good? We're good? I'mlin okay good
online sound. Here's the problem with sound is at the
end of his line, the uh, the character with no
lines was saying, is that good? And then it picked
up on my audio, so it kind of overlapped. I
guess why I could do it? Universal question though, what
(48:23):
is good? Good? Good? Excuse me? Client? Um, this is
uh supposed to be a spot for Chipotle, So I'm
just confused as to why we're referencing imax if if
we even have the rights to do so. Well, it
goes on to see that I have smuggled in at
Chippotle Burrito, but can we use that word? I just
(48:46):
want to make sure that we have clearance to use
that word within our commercial. Are you the clients, because
I feel like I see you at the one on third.
This is Murna Scherner. That's mine. Yeah, she's on the
board of Chippotle. Oh, I'm sorry, Ernu Shearon legly Chapolte, mommy,
Oh what Chipote? Mommy? Are you on laxidermyessajerming acid right now?
(49:15):
Dude a little bit. Murner Sherman, murder, Sherman, murder, sermon
all right, have you ever been to you know? I
think I'm getting what do you want? What's going on?
I'm trying to psyche you out. Okay, this isn't my
first audition. I was a Fanta girl. Okay, wuanna wanna?
(49:37):
Don't you wanna Juanna? I was the perpect. So yeah,
I think I'm going to be the next Chipotle mommy. Okay, alright,
I understand that there's room for three of us, as
they do want three. God, I did not realize that
this was a unisex. I don't want you sake me
out here to try to sign you in. Okay, Hi,
(49:59):
I like to sign an please, yeah, just give me
a saying. I'm just funked up, right, I don't know
who I am? Um a little, I mean, I guess
I have to be high. Okay, Okay, okay, okay, okay,
Who's who's next to your next? You don't actually know
who you are until you've had some boomers gin boomers
(50:19):
know you thyself. That's really good. That's really really good.
Shut up, really really good. I'm just signing it. I'm
just signing in. Okay, don't tell me to shut up? Wait?
What like? Shut up? You dare do that to me?
(50:45):
All right, I'm leaving. That's really quick. You asked me
to pick you up so soon. I was just around
the block. What happened? Did you book in? I don't think.
I don't think I'm cut off for this baby? What
do you mean? I know I moved us and our
child and our dog and everything from Nashville because I
had a dream. I just don't think I'm we're support you.
What did you get the commercial? Daddy? Of course he did?
(51:11):
Dog dog Baby. I know I know you wanted to
live in this car, and I know I know we're
all to Bentley. We had one love some I'm voting
for Dog for president? Who are you voting for? I'm
voting for Berna? I don't know. I don't know if
(51:31):
I agree with her viewpoints. It's catching. Have you guys
heard about that tab can with loose pieces of paper?
And yeah, a bunch of people are choking on it.
It's a total liability. You know what is Tab's going
down for it? But really it should be Printer's gin. Yeah,
(51:52):
excuse me, that's get one more drink before excuse me, sir? Yeah, yeah,
I can. Can we get a couple of drinks here before. Yeah,
that's why I said, last coll what what kind of
jins do you have? Ah? Let me see, we got generic,
we got boom boomers, we got printers, generic gin employees.
(52:15):
And hey, it happened. What we did we get retrusted
or just mentioned? Did we get requested? Oh? Shit, shit,
what happened? Don't do this to us again, do not?
I don't, I don't know. I mean this. Look, Jesus Christ,
I'm looking at the report. Our name was said. Okay,
(52:35):
this is your fault. Jesus. You said I've only worked
here for a week. It was a mention. It was
just a mention, Jesus. Look like that last we went
on a ride. Everybody. We're all getting paid a hundred
(52:56):
grand for this though, so feel free to go use
it and today today only. Yeah, that's it. Let's check
in with everybody. James Anny gosh, darn, I love it.
Check out. On November, which is the last Saturday of
the month, as it always is, at eleven am, we're
gonna have our live hang so check it out Twitch
(53:19):
dot tv, slash Alchemy. This Chris Alvarado. I'm um my
fiance Jessica recently try to like punk me on Instagram
say saying that I couldn't run an eight minute mile. Um,
I haven't ran in years. To be honest, I worked
out at home, but I don't. I don't run or
do much cardio. I think I'm gonna go do that
(53:41):
this afternoon. I think I'm gonna go to the park
right now, and and she's going, she's gonna be there,
and um, she she thinks I can. I can. I
can't do an eight minute mile. She thinks I can
do a nine minute mile. Um, My knees aren't what
they used to be. I'm being honest, but um, I
think I'm gonna do it. So I'm gonna go run
a mile and I'll be posted. Can you put a
(54:01):
go pro on it so with the timer running so
we can all see how it unfolds. I do have
a stupid little go pro. It's I do have a GoPro,
but that wouldn't be nauseating. I just wanted to wish
everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I never know how far out
we are, but I think this is roughly right. Maybe
(54:23):
this will be before Thanksgiving, and if we can be honest,
this is really far out today, isn't it, so I
just hope you I just get your turkey now, Get
your turkey now, because they are hard to find. Nice
Jackie Gonzalez, Dorothy, Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Thank you for having
me here. I adore it, I adore playing with you guys.
(54:47):
I am at Jackie Druthy on the Socials, and I'm
constantly plugging my podcast, the most Wonderful pot of the Year.
Nice Joey Greer. I really want to echo that turkey,
get it, get it while you can. If you have
space in the freezer, just just PLoP it in. Get
all the fixed. If you need a brine, I really
recommend a Brian for your turkey. Just get get all,
get all the stuff now. I know it's early, but
(55:09):
you're just gonna be thinking yourself. I don't know how
back we are. We want to thank you. Yeah, episodes,
we all we all put in. We got you something
hundreds of thousand dollars. No I can't because you've got
filters on. But whatever, we got a turkey. Well, thanks guys,
(55:35):
It's been fun. Uh, Merry Christmas, Happy Harver Day. I
don't know when this is gonna go, but uh at
Stratton Cool or at Cold Stratton on socials sketchest dot com.
Check out the lineup anniversary Festival. I'm sure that we're
at least past the lineup, but now it's now, so
you'll know that Alchemy this is there, and uh go
come see us in January. It will be fun. We'll
(55:57):
even say hi to some of you. Uh thanks guys
for listening. Let's thank our our amazing engineer producer Doug Bame,
the fine folks that I heart media dot com and
please write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail
dot com. That's Alchemy dot com. Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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