May 19, 2020 • 51 mins
Crew of US Navy sailors deployed without any knowledge of how to run a ship Norway and Australia join forces vs them.
Young couple goes to seedy humane society, adopts puppy that is a 3,000 year old demon.
Dark mages make scratch ’n’ sniff stickers.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of All to Me, this
COVID nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin, Yes,
I know that's what I said. But what I meant
that if he caught the virus from someone on his staff,
and you know how you say, didn't make it, wouldn't
it be ironic? I wasn't wishing ill on him, or
(00:25):
you know, wishing he took the dirt nap soon. My god,
I would never look over there quick. But I digress.
Let's meet our alchemists, shall we no particular order? Say
hello to James. He need Jimmy with the light brown hair.
If it were considered quite cool to style your hair
like a topiary, what animal would you would your topiary
(00:47):
hairstyle resemble. Well, I'm not that familiar with Topiari's uh,
the probably if I'm thinking those are animals shaped bushes,
and I would have to go with a dinosaur, probably
a pronosaurus. That's correct answer. All those things are correct. Yeah,
And you are as familiar with topiaries now as you
would ever want to be. But I used the words
(01:07):
that you said to kind of fill it in. I've
never used the word topiary. But what I really liked
is you said my light brown hair? Uh? Joey is
trying to convince the world that I have red hair
and it's just not true. No, it isn't, but it's
so Joey say yea. Carlatkowski is back. Yay c C
(01:29):
on the rye. Uh, congratulations, congratulations on completing the podcast.
If not your worst nightmare, craigslist. Uh? Any any final
comments after the fact? I mean he made me watch
Schindler's List in the middle of a pandemic? What what's
(01:51):
all to say? The highlight of the quarantine so far? Yeah,
you went in live. Well, there's Craig at cow skip account.
Give me the elevator pitch for your number one film
of all time? Okay, so uh you remember the Holocaust? Right? Um? Okay,
(02:14):
but it's in black and white and uh there's a
girl in the red dress, but she dies. Everybody dies,
well not everybody. Get a salad? Go ahead, Okay, it's
finally I have you, sir. This is this is great.
Um where was I? Everybody's dead, but some of them
make it. There's Nazis ums no, no, no, there's there's jokes. There,
(02:41):
there's a there's a few jokes. Uh, not a lot
um and it's it's four hours long. Um, I'm sorry
you covered your mouth. It seemed like you said four hours.
All right, thank you for that. Please welcome back returning Champ.
Dr col Stratton, Oh, Michigan Coca Cole. How will we
(03:04):
go to the movies when we do? Oh? When we're
finally allowed back. Well, they're gonna have to social distance.
It's gonna be like four people pre auditorium and popcorn
will be a hundred and seventy three dollars for medium,
but for a quarter more you can get a large. Right,
(03:24):
that's perfect. Can I just say one thing really quick?
I swear it won't take long if you just have
a I'm gonna say, if an astronaut could just put
a helmet on and live out in space like that,
can't everybody get a fucking helmet when they go to
the theater? Like that's done? Done? Deal an astrod on helmet.
I mean, yeah, if there's a more comfortable one. Sure
it doesn't need to be you know, safe space, but
(03:46):
it needs to be so not the whole suit around,
not the suits. Just if there's projection issues, do you
call Houston to help you out with it or what's
the deal. It's shouldn't be a Houston issue. It should
be a local problem, like it would have like Bluetooth
headphones or whatever headphones and it's getting a microphone from
(04:07):
what's outside and it's crystal clear, and it's just speakering
it into your headset. It wouldn't take long. I'm sorry
it sounded like it sounded to me like in your
brilliant suggestions slash dissertation, you did use the word speakering last.
But wash your hands for forty seconds. If you think
(04:29):
of leaves, it's Joey Greer, crazy Kenny. If a train
leads the station in Chicago traveling east at noon, how
many people were allowed to board? James has red hair,
and if you don't think he does, you're a fucking idiot. Okay,
because he does, and he has been running this campaign,
this mudslinging campaign against me and everyone who knows that
(04:51):
his hair is fiery, fiery, Rhett, Let's do a damn show.
Almost all of our scene suggestions are gathered from your
or listener emails. The others from Patreon, v I P. S.
If you'd like to submit your listener email, please right
to the podcast at your name here at alchemy this
dot com. I read all the emails. I reply, I
(05:11):
love love, love, love love each and every damn one
of you for writing them, so thank you and please continue.
Some of you recently have mentioned you've written reviews. Never
stopped doing that, and we thank you, thank you, thank
you again, right to your name here at alchemy See.
Number one comes to us from brand Noose patriarch Patreon
(05:31):
alche maniac Robert Thompson, who wrote, Greetings Alchemists, my name
is r J. I'm currently deployed in the Navy since
before COVID. Thanks to COVID, I haven't been able to
come home. I've been listening to alchemy this uh to
help maintain my love of sanity at Peacefully Deranged. That's
(05:57):
uh the love his level in case wasn't cleared by
the way I read it. You are all hilarious, and
I try to get my shipmates to listen. But my
favorite moment and any one of these, but they don't
share my elevated sense of humor. No, they fucking don't.
They don't. My scene suggestion is as follows, A crew
(06:21):
of U s Naty Sailors realized that they deployed without
any knowledge on how to run a ship. This becomes
extremely evident when the countries of Norway and Australia joined
forces against that US ship. I love you all. I
don't pick favorites. One team, one fight. Ah, alright, everyone
(06:45):
up in the twenty minutes. Okay, we're gonna have to
We're gonna have to go upstairs for the We're gonna
go upstairs in twenty minutes. Okay, so let's just make
sure everyone was Yeah, we stayed up really late last
night playing truth or Dare. Oh so you say, girl upstairs?
Do you mean m go abub the sea line? Yes?
(07:06):
I do, Yes, I do. I mean go up on
the on the tippy top deck. Okay, so we're all
gonna go there, go up there. He gets seasick. Yeah,
I get real seasick every time I see water can
be seawater, can be sink water, any kind of water,
any kind of water. Yes, sorry, Jo, I'm gonna sleep
(07:26):
this one off. I I did a lot of dares
last night. He did. He licked all up and down
Roger's foot all up and down. That was crazy. I
didn't realize that can request truth. Well where's the fun
and requesting truth? So I'm just kind of sleep this
one off. All right, you know what, I'll push it.
(07:49):
I'm gonna push you. Okay, let's do forty. Alright, let's go.
You're the best, You're the best, You're you're okay, all right.
I don't need people to dice enough on their opinions
of me. Okay, I don't need that, all right, so
let's just let's just do forty. I mitch up on
the tippy top deck. Okay, again, just for clarification, when
you say tippy top deck, are we breaking surface of
(08:12):
the water to the air? I feel sick. I feel sick.
He said, let's not talk about water. So alright, logan,
you you think that we are underwater right now? Is
that what you think? Okay? I worked below deck, so right,
I'm getting that. I'm getting that right now. I understand
there's a lot of windows down where you're working over
in the uh in the area all right, where we mind.
(08:34):
So let's ut, let's take a second here. Yeah, I
know it, I know it. I know we all we
all have a little chef in us. Okay, so let's
just take a second here. No, we don't all have
a little chef in us. I'm the siux chef. You understand,
you don't need if I don't sue, Yes, sir, yes, sir. Okay,
I'm like going above the water line. You already are. Okay,
(08:58):
we gotta get a bucket. I'm gonna get a bucket.
Let's put just a sixty to dare me to drink that.
Don't don't tear him. He will do, he will drink it.
Don't tear him. Damn me. You want me to do.
I dare to drink that ship. I dare you to
drink Oh, oh god, oh finish it. Finishing. I think
(09:29):
I'm gonna throw the chunky party. The bottom. Oh ship
is just nasty. We gotta clean this up. Let's push
it to our twenty uh because we alight a thousand
thousand uh. Yes, it is okay, So let's do a
thousand minutes twenty seconds, and then I'll meet you up
(09:50):
on the tippy top deck. Okay. When you say tippy top, oh,
Cocacola on one to eight, I don't know. I don't know.
It's okay. I defer to the sous chef. Go ahead, buddy. Yeah,
when you say tippy top. Sir, do you mean I'm
going from below deck? Uh to an upper death? How
(10:14):
about this logan? You just stay here? Okay, because I
feel like this, like you leave in this area is
causing a lot of distress. So why don't you just
stay put? And everyone else would just like jump on up? Okay,
we'll take if I can. I don't know if you
can stay here? Okay. Uh, he doesn't like to be alone.
Oh my gosh, Okay, you know what, let's just call
(10:35):
off everything we gotta do today because we gotta settle
in here and we gotta figure each other. Shout out,
all right, because we can't run this ship unless we're
on the same page. Okay, Hey, hey captain, Hey, captain,
Truth or dare? Oh? Come on, I can't play alright,
(10:56):
Truth the truth? Truth? Uh? Is your is your hair
color red or light brown? Tell the truth? It's red shade?
Say sorry to Barstannia. But there's a couple of ships coming.
(11:18):
They're super close. I was looking at the little thingy
you know what that goes above at the periscope or whatnot,
and I saw these other ones. It's like two other one.
What's that called? What's that called what's that called? What
is that called? Toothpick? Toothpick? No? No, no, no, what's
I think you look through ship with the toothbrush? I
think I said it wasn't I don't know topiary to
(11:44):
all right, Well looking through the topiary and these two
other ships are coming at us, and they don't seem
like nice. One of them got a little run light going.
It's like it's moving around. So anyways, Uh, there's the
radio keeps crackling. I think we're supposed to respond to something.
I don't know. I came down here soon as I can.
You have me so many things? USS amendment? Do you
come in? USS amendment? Do you come in? This is
(12:06):
his majesty as Royal Norwegian Ship John Carl, Hello, this
is the This is Royal Norwegian Ship John. Just get
off the liners. They're not going to answer. I just
get off, okay. But I can see the ship. We
should be on radio distance from them, and they're in
a hostile territory. Yeah, but maybe it's I don't like you.
(12:28):
Do you ever think that it's a youth thing? What
can I ask you? What was it like this in
the in the German navy before you transferred over. Yes,
it's fun. Okay, it was like that. It was like this.
There was always one person on the ship who was
just causing all his problems. Let's go obous there, let's
make this. Let's make this butter hostel. What's the difference. Okay, look,
(12:54):
I'm going I'm going to radio our friends on the
on the U S S. Kangaroo. Okay, yeah, fi yeah
do it. Okay us SS Kangaroo, us SS Kangaroo. Good
eye come over and good I good eye, good eye
US Kangaroo. Yeah. This is His Majesty's Royal Norwegian ship
John Carl, Hey, John colla good die to eat? How's
(13:16):
the gallon in? Just to be clear, John Carl is
the name of the ship, and my name is yunk.
I understand that, then, so kind to say hello to
the ship. Then ship is lock a pass and I
think good? I alright? That fun? Good talk? Then talk
what you said? Okay, good talk, good talk. Do you
(13:39):
have eyes on USS amendment? Yeah, it's right. They have
to stop a bow say it. Then this is weird
that they were in hostile territory. I mean this is
clearly Norwegian slash Australian water. Yeah, what a great team
we make No you know Australia. Then oh, cricky, did
you see that? It's a ship coming up? There's an
(14:01):
American ship over there? You see it? Officer Een, officer owen,
would you lots take to call him on the radio?
What joan college? The ship from no way? Then? Good
day away? Hello there are I'm assuming you're also in Australian,
but I am. You can hit he's soon to dingo unit.
(14:25):
They're not quite as postal refinder we are in should
be fired like coming on a pretty Yes, we will
fire a warning shot from the east and we'll follow
him from done under. That's on brand. That is on brand.
That is that is also seen one see two comes
(14:52):
from Jewels and Will, who wrote, Actually she previously wrote
a lovely email which I read to you all while act.
This is her scene suggestion that I did not read.
Very cool, very cool. And here's the scene suggestion. A
young couple goes to a c D humane society and
(15:13):
adopts a puppy that is, unbeknownst to them, a three
thousand year old demon sent from hell. Yeah, I mean
pretty much all that in what you want here? Sorry
for all the dust. But don't get a lot of
people coming in and what is that dust? If I
could just ask real quick, probably flakes a skin, mostly
(15:36):
the animal skin. Yeah, just you know skin over time,
some of it looks like human skin. Yeah, well you know, Hey,
who's who's to know? Who's to know? Huh okay, yeah,
so actually works, uh in a hospital, and I believe
if she's saying it looks like hospital skin, we go
(15:56):
with that. That's what this is. Oh, yeah, you work
in a hospital. That's great. You went to school, Huh
I did. We've gotten a little sidetrack. We would love
to adopt a puppy. Yes, we love that your shelter
does not euthanize, so if you could just show us
some puppy. Basically, basically, we woke up this morning and
(16:16):
we were like, today's the day we're going to adopt
a puppy from the grossest animal shelter in town that
does not euthanize their animals. Well, I appreciate it, honey,
if I may. You said that's true. I said that,
and I nodded. I often talk in monologues first thing
in the morning. Sometimes I think she's doing Shakespeare. I
don't know. I don't need this. I don't need this,
(16:37):
all right. I don't need to know about y'all. Okay,
let me tell you something, right now, let me tell
you some Okay, Look, I'm gonna leave you two here
for a second. I gotta handle something in the back.
And don't you touch a damn thing, all right, goddamnit?
Put them down al right, like this light switch? My god? Alright,
(16:57):
not alright, finish it on mine. Could you just take
us to the back and show us the could you
just do that for us? Sir? I think you're a
very nice man, even though you've been nothing but rude.
Oh yeah, whatever, alright, terrific, terrific. Yeah, come on, all right,
come on, just come on back for a second, all right?
Should we remove our shoes? You keep on. You're gonna
(17:21):
want to actually put on this haz Matt suit. You're
actually gonna want to cover up in these in these
space man astronauts how much? Yeah? Yeah, they don't connect
to nothing, but there's blue two speakers in there, so
you're gonna be able to hear whatever I want. So
we'll be able to hear the animals. Oh yeah, yeah,
I got microphones on the outside of that helmets. They'll
(17:41):
pick up anything. So just come on with me, bag
out of here. The puppies might would we be able
to hear them? Can I hear that one? I hear one?
He's thirsty? Why don't you take this one? Are he's
pretty cute? Yeah? Take this one? What's his name or
her name? Demon? Friends like Damon? Yeah? Yeah yeah. Why
(18:08):
don't you just say this real quick? Just get out
of here quick? Please? Okay, well, we'll take them. Don't
some paperwork, No they're not, there's Sarah. I just have
a chip your finger real quick and brick it there.
We're gonna get some blood. Okay, good, okay, good, okay, good,
we're good. That's all we needed. So all right, we'd
like to chip chip demon before we leave. Do whatever
(18:30):
you want whatever. Okay, here we go. Here's a Let
me get this macbuck and breaking it open. Here we go.
Here's a chip. Okay, where do you want it? Where
you want it? It's I or something? Um, let me
just put it in. It's a right there. There you go.
It's chip. Okay, great, okay, go alright, let's get it
out of here. Let's get it out of here. I
know how to treat this injury before we doggy eye patches, patches, God,
(18:55):
damn it. Yeah, sure here, let's yeah, we'll just put
it around eye. Okay, look, you gotta get out of here. Okay, please,
you gotta get out of here. Take that dog. Do
you have a hot date or something. You don't understand
the evil that's coming for you. You don't understand what
you opened up. You have to leave. You're not safe
coming for us. Yeah, and we're not safe. You're not safe.
(19:20):
You gotta go. You gotta go, now that dog, that damon,
you gotta go. You create from you to put We
definitely need to create trained deamon. Okay, if you're looking
at great so I'm gonna have to tell you that
they're pretty pricedly. Okay, So I'm not just gonna give
one up. So I got different models here. I got
aluminum typhoid here, not the fever, not the disease. Okay,
(19:41):
that's a kind of metal alright, So what what do
you think you want? Oh my god, just take that
create take that great blue tooth malfunctioning. Before we leave,
You've got to tell us what you're performing. Is it
the comedy man to club? Because that little ventrilo clism
(20:01):
act you just did. That was yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah,
look just take the crate, okay, and if you want
to give me money, Father mcconahoy, Father mcconohoy. Are you busy? No,
I I've I've got to spare a minute. Well, you see,
I had my dog fixed a long time ago and
(20:22):
she had a baby. Short, long story short. My wife
had a dream that there was an angel in this puppy,
and I don't know what to do with it. We're
not even religious, so I brought this this puppy that
my wife had a dreams. You're not even religious. I
see you at the service every Sunday, though, Well, I
I come because we got kids. And sorry, sorry, I'm sorry,
(20:48):
I've gotta get you. I figured I just someone's ringing
in the front door of the church. Someone's ring in
the front door of the church. Hello, here, are you
doing a confession today? Or? Yeah? What confessions are from
from two to four? Typically, But isn't an emergency? No, no, no,
(21:10):
I just want to know if there was a confessions today. Yeah,
come back at two, okay, two to four? Oh man,
you prank the church so hard. I ring that bell
and he showed up. That's like ding dong ditch to
the new level. Man, oh man, tell me you've got
(21:32):
it on camera. Do you record it? Oh yeah, hell
yeah I did. Here check it out. Oh he doesn't
answer for such a long time. Oh there he is?
Didn't yes, and then you left? Oh man, anyway, I'd
(21:53):
love to help you out with your puppy, son, but
I've gotta wait. I've gotta wait for this guy. He
showed up for confession in two o'clock. All right, well,
I can't take this puppy back. We this dog was
fixed because we don't have we can't have multiple dogs.
We're gonna get kicked out of our apartment. We can
have one dog. And I'm supposed to help you, even
though you've admitted to being a nonbeliever. I don't know.
This is God's puppy. It's not my puppy. What do
(22:17):
you want me to do with this? It's allegedly my
wife is at least don't don't hello Hello, be careful.
I warn you. I warn your father. Evil is coming. Evil?
What evil is coming? What? What? What? What kind of evil?
You're talking about? Evil? I don't know, honest, Uh, can
(22:42):
you be more specific? I mean it's h evil, it's
a bad even. It's the devil, devil, evil evil devil,
evil devil, evil devil father evil even Father, be aware. Beware.
Oh man, you miss his doubt. Fire the ship out
(23:03):
of the church. Man, it's hilarious. Oh the sounds so good.
You totally speakering that. I'm so proud of you. Man,
you gotta go back again. I think that was actually
just an old Polish woman. Man, I don't think that
was me. Man, Hey, hey, and and notice you were
(23:23):
looking to get a quick confession. I can help you out.
Step over to my car, all right, yeah, yeah, So
I'll go in the front seat. You're get in the
back and we'll do you a confession. It's seventeen dollars.
Seventeen Usually it's a contribution. It's a contribution, all right, Jesus.
(23:44):
Jesus needs new shoes, new sandals, So seventeen dollars. I
don't have a change for a twenties seven? Do you
want me to get change to come back or say
thank you for the twenty I appreciate. So go ahead,
what do you what do you what do your sins? Uh? Well,
it's been maybe I don't know, thirty minutes since I
got in the back of a car. Uh and um uh,
(24:09):
let's see. I guess the first thing I want to
say is I I haven't did a lot of dingdong
ditches with my buddy and recording them and putting on
them on a private YouTube channel that only he and
I can see. And uh, I don't know, I kind
of all the fun things that me and Clark are doing.
So your buddy's name is Clark. Yeah, and uh that's
(24:31):
that's pretty much it. And I bumped into an old
Polish woman. She pointed at me and she said thinner,
And uh so I don't know what that's about. But
I feel bad about bumping into her. And did you
knock it down? Yeah? I ko okay, did you help
her back up? No? No, And I think that's why
she said thinner. Oh damon, come on eating something for us.
(24:56):
Just eat. You're a dog. Dogs eat their own. Demon
please eat. This is like the best we made you lunch.
We did. We killed a chicken and boiled it just
for you, demon human flesh. I really do not fix
(25:16):
these bluetooth I'm getting that it's oh, that's the front door. Right,
I think we're picking up like an old Doctor Demento
radio show. D D. No, that's definitely the door. That's
the door. Hello. Hello, I'm Father Makahi from the Catholic Church.
(25:36):
Why are you both wearing astronaut helmets? Well, we got
them for free? So is that why you stopped by? Father? No? No, no,
I've been warned about evil devil. There's I have a
I have a tip, a hot tip that you may
have a demon, a demon living here in your evil?
(25:58):
Can you define evil evil for us? It's it's a
rhyming catchphrase, just hoping it's going to catch on. Okay, okay,
I'm beautiful, beautiful old Polish woman told me about it.
I'm strangely in love with her. But due to my
my valve uh, celibacy. Celibacy. Yes, I was going to
(26:19):
say sobriety, but we know that's a that's that's just
a joke. I need a little nip anyway. Speaking of
little nip, would you like to for a drink? Father? Yeah,
not to drink, but I need to see the puppy. Oh,
you need to see the puppy. Why I need to
see the puppy because there's a demon, a demon living
(26:41):
inside it. Well, there's demon. We have a demon here. Yeah,
you're saying there's evil devil in our demon. Wait this
all is starting to make sense. I mean it does
makes sense in terms of not being the doctor dementor
show that we heard there is there is evil, devil
and demon. Would the dog be able to speak? There?
(27:05):
It is? He's grilling at me. Could in fact the
power of Christ compel him? Are you look? It's been
a while since I've done an exorcism, but I did
bring my kit. Okay, please do something? Father? Can you
remove the evil devil and leave us the demon? Dog?
The dog? The dog? Could you? We love the dog.
(27:27):
We could do without the devil. So you want to
get you want to get the devil out of this
is Exorcisms on Tape, chapter one. Okay, I just need
to bone up, Just need a bone up a little bit.
It's been a while. Have you done this before? I have?
(27:49):
I have, but it's been I did it in priest
training school. Luckily I held onto my cassette tapes. Father,
do you want to borrow my ear pods? I just
gott I don't know if they'll hook up to this.
I just gotta turn a bluetoox. Not go, your beast, sweetheart.
I guess the father wouldn't. Father wouldn't take the puppy.
(28:11):
I guess we'll just have to have him put down.
Are you serious? I don't know what else to do.
We can't have two puppies in this apartment. But then
I guess, well, then I'm sorry. Then I guess you
gotta go. I gotta go. I don't look like that's
gonna help. I either can take care of two dogs
or one dog. And you, okay, I mean I think
(28:33):
that this is unfair. We've been together for a long
time and a long time. You can't even give me
the dog fixed, Homer, you can't even give you can't
even give me a number a long time before, and
then it was official four years ago. Nonetheless, you told
me that you got the dog fixed. I did get
(28:54):
the dog fixed. Then how does it have goddamn puppy?
I don't know. Okay, maybe it's a miracle of God. Okay,
maybe it's an immaculate concept that you say. But you
know what, if it was a miracle of God, Father
McConnaughey would have taken it. But now I'm gonna take
this dog and I'm gonna put and bring him to
the vet and getting destroyed because you're gonna kill possibly
(29:15):
christ I don't know what I don't want me to do.
You're gonna kick me out of my apartment. It's just ridiculous.
Olver What do you want me to say? Okay, this
is a define dog. Okay, I can't just say bide
do it? Oh? I mean maybe you and I can
just move to a different apartment that's bigger and maybe
would allow two dogs. It's fine, we'll let We'll let
(29:37):
the dogs have this apartment and then me and you
will move to a different apartment. It seems ridiculous, Homer,
than what's your idea. It's not my idea. I said
that you and me should leave. You know what I'm taking.
I'm taking this dog. Fine, I'm going to the vet
and I'm so you want to have the dog destroyed? Uh? Yeah,
(30:06):
I want to have this dog destroyed. It's it was
an un we didn't take Okay, we we we don't
do that. If there's an elderly, if there's a we're
a vets office, we heal animals. Okay, if there's an
elderly dog that that's sick. We'll put it down. We're
not going to destroy a dog for you. Oh well,
(30:28):
then what the hell do I do with this can? Up? Okay? Sorry,
I got I got a two can. That's that's got
the group. Okay, so this puppy. Look, I don't know, pal, okay,
but I'm not going to destroy this beautiful animal. Got
a salmon up? Okay, I get a two can and
a salmon. I'm getting backed up here, face snake on
(30:52):
the list, Snake on list. Yeah, the salmon was swimming downstream.
I had to. I gotta reverse him, you know, get
him heading back the other way. Get doing the chat job,
Get go doing Okay, you're you're backing me way up here, pal, Okay,
I'm sorry. I guess I'll just have to bring it
to the Humane society. Look, there is some kill shelters
(31:14):
in town. Like you didn't hear it from me? And
that scene too good? Lord Almighty see three comes to
us from patroon V I p chance, but well, if
(31:34):
there's a chance, who wrote I stole this idea from
watching Joey and James on Alchemy this live on Instagram.
That's alchemy this on Instagram. Well this is a very
hip Chance, but well my scene suggestion is this, and
(31:56):
you and James and Jargonna need to help me with
dark Megamgas Mag's Mag's m a g e S Dark
m a g e S Majors. Is that what it's called?
It's a major. I imagine that he's talking about a
major that practices the dark arts of spellcasting. I think,
is this is this a video game? You guys played
(32:16):
m A g u S? Is that what you says? Yeah,
Major's probably did you guys do something on Instagram lab
involving mages? Have you ever done Instagram Live? I've never.
I don't even have an Instagram. I don't know if
the hell this guy is talking about. Okay, well let's
(32:39):
proceed anyways, it's seen suggestion as dark Majores make scratch
and sniffs stickers, have fun and stay safe kids. Chance. Yeah, Hi,
you come for some stickers? Yeah, I um wanted some
new ones from my collection and I'm just wanting someone
(33:00):
some good ones this time. Okay, did you want to go,
as they say, outside the box or do you want
to see just what we've got as the top selections? Well,
outside the box. Does that imply something scary? It implies
something that your friends don't have. That's what I want.
That's exactly what I want. And I have a bunch
(33:20):
of money I stole. I stole my mom's money. I
stole my mom's grocery money. Oh jeezus, I stole all
of it. My dad gave it to her, and she
begged him for a long time, and he finally gave
her money for groceries. And then I stole it for stickers.
I'm gonna spend on. In the business, we call that
a heads up move. So good on you. Let me
(33:42):
Let me just bring out some of our better up.
Here's a here's a beauty. Yeah. This scratch and sniff
sticker represents some dark major heard of him. I did
a whole report on them last year at school. You're dead.
Oh that's there's a lot of different kinds. Well, what
(34:05):
are some of your favorite kinds? Let me see if
I got that. I like, uh, the dark fun mages.
I like dark dark um charming mages. Um. I also
like the dark uh food expert mages. Uh that's the
one we got a yeah, yeah, so uh it's yeah,
(34:29):
And it was just crazy but um, I mean I
I really if you think about it, it's it's like
more of like a community gathering than necessary, like a
picnic and all that. So I'm just really looking forward
to it. How much it's gonna be cash? Your credit?
I have cash? Let me just see here, Okay, hold
on one second. How much sounds like one hell of
(34:50):
a picnic. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be. I set the
whole thing up. I got there. You're gonna make a
lot of coleslaw with all this cabbage. Yeah, it's pretty
much gonna be the whole thing. Um avage, it's okay,
just give me one second here, um I I sorry, folks,
she's just trying to just give me a second. Okay.
(35:12):
Um come on. If you don't have the cash, we'll
take a card. Okay. Well I I don't. I cut
up on my card today because I had cash. Um okay,
so why would you do that? Well? I had cash,
I didn't need my cards? Okay, Um, holy, I don't
have any money, John, I don't have any money. Do
you mind if I can just do you put put
this on my tab or something. There's no tabs here
(35:35):
is not okay, this is so worre should be? Um?
Should I should I put these groceries out? Take the
grocers out of these bags? Or no? No No, no, no,
no no, leave them? Leave them? Okay, I look, I
just let me just take these groceries to my car
and look for the cash in my car. No, ma'am,
I can't let you do that. Please don't. Please don't
make me trying to buy some catory. Just give me
(35:58):
a second, sir. If you want to buy one item,
you should have gone to a seven eleven. Larry, can
we open up another aisle? Please? No, no, you don't
even do that. You don't need to do that, because
without any money is holding us all back. No departmentimum
wages really is really small, and we don't really have
that energy to do this right now? Okay, well maybe
then you should get fired. Don you ever think about that? Actually, Hey, Becky,
(36:23):
here's your mom broke last night. I like the stickers
on your notebook though there's new. Yeah, they're brand new.
I got them, Um, but I don't know how I
got him. Okay, Hey, I mean I didn't think there's
a backstory. I just thought their need No, there's no backstory.
(36:46):
I didn't steal money to get them. Shut up? Wait
what why? Why stop accusing me? There's nothing. I didn't
do anything wrong. I just have them, Becky, I just
said they were nice. I'm not accusing you of any
My mom had a nervous breakdown. Is not my fault.
I didn't say that it was. They're just nice stickers, Becky,
(37:08):
your mom do huh? What's your mom do? Huh? I
don't have a mom. I have two dads. Well that's weird. No,
it's not. Clark James, thanks for hanging out with me
and just cracking a beer. I don't know what the
hell happened with with my live my wife. I yeah,
(37:29):
she just she just snapped. And could you describe the snap? Yeah,
it was just a break, just so just a break.
There was a volume raise in her voice. Uh yeah,
I mean when the police came and they escorted her
out of the grocery store. I Uh, I knew that.
Ted's chilling. What do you mean the police came, Yeah,
(37:52):
the police came. They had to They had to stun her. Uh.
Took six different cops with four different stunt to police
canines to bring her down. Tommy, why are you making
a story. I'm not making it up. It didn't take
six cops the rest of your wife to the ground.
Yes it did. Okay, yes it did. She snapped. Yes, Okay,
(38:14):
she became the Hulk. She has Norwegian blood in her Okay,
she's a fight. Probably was doing she's probably doing PCP. Yeah, wife, Yeah,
I just thanks for having this sperit with me so
I could just talk about Yeah. I mean, mom, I
(38:37):
wanted to come visit you, and I just wanted to
say hi. Pick up the phone. She can't hear you,
pick up phone. I can't hear. Oh, sorry, Mom, I
don't know how these things work. Most kids my age
don't have moms in jail. I know, I know. I'm
(39:02):
glad you're out of the uh psychiatric ward though, me too,
me too. I just mommy had a break, you know,
Get back, Get back from the window. Okay, okay, both
of you. I'm not gonna ask you again. I'm not okay, Hey, Mom,
(39:24):
I have to confess to you, okay. Yeah, Um, I
stole your money so I could buy scratch and sniff stickers. Jesus,
you don't have to lie to me. You don't have
to lie to me. Okay, I'm not lying I stole
your money so I could buy dark food expert Maje
scratch and sniff stickers. Honey, I don't look. I spent
(39:50):
that money on PCP. I spent some of that money
on Wait. So you you did steal the money. Wait,
you sold the money? Well, I did earlier. I had
just actually I had PCP money. I always stow away
when you stole money back from the window. I'm trying
to confess. I need to be close when I'm doing it.
(40:12):
Just raise your voice. I can't believe this. I'm sorry.
I can't believe that. I'm sorry that I drove you insane. Wow. Well,
I want you to know the rest of your life
that you did this. Okay, will you ever forgive me?
I don't know. If I get out of here, maybe
make way make way for the two hero police dogs
(40:34):
it took down that woman the other day. Yeah, they
come wearing that medal. Thank you for your service, Thank
you for your service. One of those dogs is pure,
is it, the one with the smoke coming off of
its skin? Yeah, it's getting that funk up. I hey, sharge,
(41:00):
it's just safe to have these doctors open room to
find safe. I guess away from danger. I guess I
don't know sure Shard's completely safe. Okay, you're kind of
flipping about that, is it? Is it safe or not? Yes? Yes?
Go pet the dogs alright, alright, ship? All right? When
you heard him? Oh damn you know those dogs have
(41:22):
more commendations than I do. That's right. They're being reassigned.
They're joining the knave. Uncle, you didn't hear this. They're
going to the Navy. They're gonna serve on a ship. Damn. Well,
it's pretty good, all right, buddy? Truth or dare little demon?
(41:42):
Dare the truth? I couldn't hear you through this helmet. Alright, Uh,
tell us the truth right now? Where does your demonic
spirit come from? Like an origin story? Okay? Um? Or
(42:06):
no one ever asked me that? Or just like get
the evils evil out, not worry from what's your story? Um?
All right? Well, as you know I'm a demon, I
can drink more puke. If you need some time to
kill please chuck away. Chuck away. Oh that's that's pure evil.
I can't even wish that. I spit it up, buddy,
(42:28):
spit it up. I heard that it started when you
saw your mom get youthanized at the shelter. That's right,
that's right. I had stolen her kibble money to go
buy some support dog stickers that I put on my collar,
and and they youthanized her. And then that's when I split,
(42:50):
And uh, I never saince. Then I've just been full
of evil, conquerring things as I go. USS Amendment? Do
you read we will fire on you. Repeat, we will
fire on you from the from down under? What is it, Hans?
Is they can't hear you? Okay, so they don't like you.
It's a you thing. I don't know why they're not
(43:12):
answering all right. If nobody hasn't any objections, this is
just a suchef over. I'm just a sush chef. We're
getting something, Jim, Jim. I meant I'm below deck suh
chef in the galley and I for some reason, you're
(43:34):
coming in loud and clear. You're in Norwegian Australian walters.
Please explain your purpose here. I've not seen the water
in about sixteen weeks, so I don't know which waters
were in some carrots. Is someone on the tippy top
saying water? Oh dad? I don't make me drink that too.
(43:58):
Don't make me drink that, uh, dame min. It's so
it's so good that we got some new blood in here.
We're going crazy just playing truth, and they're among ourselves.
You know. It's good to have a new sailor around.
It's nice to actually have people that care and don't
just want to sponge me from this dog body. I'd
(44:21):
like to pick up a one book of dark made
just stamps. He is there any dark just stamps left? Well,
we got some scratch and sniffers. I don't know if
that's what you mean when you say stamps, stamps, stickers, Yes, shes, yes,
let me have one book. You're perspiring there, buddy, you're
(44:46):
feeling okay? You got the virus? No, I don't have
the virus, but I need the spell casting ability of
one book of dark Man just stamps with stickers whatever.
Forgive me for prying there, cappy, but you seem to
be from out of town. Where you from? Where you
hail from? I'm from a dark world far far from here, please,
(45:07):
and it's an emergency. These robes are very hot and
this hat is very heavy. Excuse me, excuse me, son,
don't sell those stickers to that made. Don't sell the
stickers to the mage. Hold on the very evil evil
devil stickers. Keep talking. I'm all ears, sorry, sorry, I've
got I've got to get that. That is a loud
(45:29):
bell quick before the father returns one book of talk.
May just stamp stickers stickers, Yeah he can. Twenty seven.
There's no one there. I got I got ding Dong
ditched again in somebody else's store. I should have known.
(45:49):
I should have known. It's an evil spell, any evil
evil spell. All right, all right, I'm gonna cast the demon.
I'm gonna cast the demon out of this mage. Just
gotta find the right tape. If you're thinking about exercising
three or four demons, please go to disc two on
(46:11):
the c D ROM cd ROM. Oh no, we need
to finish this transaction quickly. Just waiting there. They upgraded
to a different media. Do you have a change for
this gold coin? I'm gonna go to the radio shack
(46:33):
to get the Exorcism cd ROM. Alright, some yep, some
sort of token you got there? Right, it's a golden coin, yeah,
so pretty much. Do you want to see c D
players who've got right now? Are the del x T
and nine and no, no, no, I don't need a
CD player. I need a CD ROM. A CD ROM
(46:53):
instructional course on exorcism. Oh yeah, O course. Uh here
you go. We have these for lyrics only. All right,
what are you? What are you? That'll be five hundred
and seventy two Jesus Christ. All right, hey, excuse me, um,
where are your remote control cars in our c A cables?
(47:16):
There right in the front display. You should see a
pyramid of Oh yes, sorry, Mr, pyramid of cars. Thanks, alright, sorry?
Uh I had cash. I had cash this morning. No no,
I got cut up my card ding dong. Yeah. Oh,
I was looking for the father. I wanted to confess
(47:41):
to the father. But I guess a stand in works.
Let me get the father for you, a padre. Someone
sure to see you father. Alright, alright, alright, father McConaughey,
you're ready for con question. It's at two o'clock already, man, alright, alright,
(48:04):
And that is our show for to day. Oh baby,
we are back with a vengeance. With a vengeance, let's
thank all of our alchemists today. Returning Champion Carla enjoying
the hell a lot of the shows on the west
(48:25):
Side Comedies Twitch and yeah, amazing stuff and un you
want to tell you So, if you go to west
Side Comedy dot com, our theater now that we are
closed for now is moving has moved online. So we're
doing shows six nights a week and we're doing online
classes and you can find all that at west Side
(48:46):
Comedy dot Com and Bear Supply have have been a
v I p s and have really uh helped us
out every Wednesday at seven p m. Nice James heenyre
one of them Bear in the Supply. I sure am.
That's Today's a recording day, which is Wednesday, So tonight
we will be live at seven p only not when
(49:08):
you're hearing this, just when James is talking. But if
you just go to Westside Comedy dot com, you check
their calendar and they've got all the information necessary to
help you find your show of desire. Col Strotton Yeah yeah, Um,
what's going on? What do? What's where should folks look
for you? Well, we've just sf sketch Fest is trying
(49:29):
to figure out what we're doing while this thing drags on.
So we've just started uh launching a series of archival videos.
We've been recording shows for like nineteen years just for
archival purpose. Has never thought to do anything with them,
but uh, in order to kind of help keep the
festival float and support the performers in the videos as
well as some charities and venues and stuff that are struggling,
we're releasing a new video every week. So we already
(49:51):
released the Best in Show reunion we did a couple
of years ago, the Airplane Reunion. Um, we got a
bunch of other great stuff coming up, several of which
you are in, Kevin, So look forward all of that
So to sketch Fest dot com and check them out.
Their rentals for like five dollars and it all goes
to support people that need it. S F sketch Fest
dot com. Check it out, folks. Um. Yeah, the the
(50:15):
archive videos so far, the ones that you've mentioned and
the ones i've i've i've seen come up there are
already instantly extraordinary and and to know that these videos
existed as exciting as hell. So check them out, folks, please. Uh.
Craig Kikowski, Yeah, at Kikowski's your one stop shop for
anything I'm may be doing. I have no plans to
(50:36):
do anything, but like it would probably be on that
I may get back to work on that topiary maze
that I've been working on for for several years. Several
years in did like eleven I think I think it's
been eleven years. Yeah, yeh damn, that's what James had mentioned.
Joey Greer Uh find me at jeby Grieber on Instagram. Right,
(50:58):
and bear supply at the west Side Twitch. That's Twitch
dot tv Forward Slash west Side Comedy Theater every Wednesday,
seven pm and like Carlos said, shows six months a week.
Check that ship out. All right, let's thank our engineering
producer to the stars, Mr Doug Bain, and I heart Media.
(51:20):
I mean ho's Kevin Pollock. Thanking you all and wishing
you all extremely perfect health until next time.
Welcome back to another episode of All to Me, this
COVID nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin, Yes,
I know that's what I said. But what I meant
that if he caught the virus from someone on his staff,
and you know how you say, didn't make it, wouldn't
it be ironic? I wasn't wishing ill on him, or
(00:25):
you know, wishing he took the dirt nap soon. My god,
I would never look over there quick. But I digress.
Let's meet our alchemists, shall we no particular order? Say
hello to James. He need Jimmy with the light brown hair.
If it were considered quite cool to style your hair
like a topiary, what animal would you would your topiary
(00:47):
hairstyle resemble. Well, I'm not that familiar with Topiari's uh,
the probably if I'm thinking those are animals shaped bushes,
and I would have to go with a dinosaur, probably
a pronosaurus. That's correct answer. All those things are correct. Yeah,
And you are as familiar with topiaries now as you
would ever want to be. But I used the words
(01:07):
that you said to kind of fill it in. I've
never used the word topiary. But what I really liked
is you said my light brown hair? Uh? Joey is
trying to convince the world that I have red hair
and it's just not true. No, it isn't, but it's
so Joey say yea. Carlatkowski is back. Yay c C
(01:29):
on the rye. Uh, congratulations, congratulations on completing the podcast.
If not your worst nightmare, craigslist. Uh? Any any final
comments after the fact? I mean he made me watch
Schindler's List in the middle of a pandemic? What what's
(01:51):
all to say? The highlight of the quarantine so far? Yeah,
you went in live. Well, there's Craig at cow skip account.
Give me the elevator pitch for your number one film
of all time? Okay, so uh you remember the Holocaust? Right? Um? Okay,
(02:14):
but it's in black and white and uh there's a
girl in the red dress, but she dies. Everybody dies,
well not everybody. Get a salad? Go ahead, Okay, it's
finally I have you, sir. This is this is great.
Um where was I? Everybody's dead, but some of them
make it. There's Nazis ums no, no, no, there's there's jokes. There,
(02:41):
there's a there's a few jokes. Uh, not a lot
um and it's it's four hours long. Um, I'm sorry
you covered your mouth. It seemed like you said four hours.
All right, thank you for that. Please welcome back returning Champ.
Dr col Stratton, Oh, Michigan Coca Cole. How will we
(03:04):
go to the movies when we do? Oh? When we're
finally allowed back. Well, they're gonna have to social distance.
It's gonna be like four people pre auditorium and popcorn
will be a hundred and seventy three dollars for medium,
but for a quarter more you can get a large. Right,
(03:24):
that's perfect. Can I just say one thing really quick?
I swear it won't take long if you just have
a I'm gonna say, if an astronaut could just put
a helmet on and live out in space like that,
can't everybody get a fucking helmet when they go to
the theater? Like that's done? Done? Deal an astrod on helmet.
I mean, yeah, if there's a more comfortable one. Sure
it doesn't need to be you know, safe space, but
(03:46):
it needs to be so not the whole suit around,
not the suits. Just if there's projection issues, do you
call Houston to help you out with it or what's
the deal. It's shouldn't be a Houston issue. It should
be a local problem, like it would have like Bluetooth
headphones or whatever headphones and it's getting a microphone from
(04:07):
what's outside and it's crystal clear, and it's just speakering
it into your headset. It wouldn't take long. I'm sorry
it sounded like it sounded to me like in your
brilliant suggestions slash dissertation, you did use the word speakering last.
But wash your hands for forty seconds. If you think
(04:29):
of leaves, it's Joey Greer, crazy Kenny. If a train
leads the station in Chicago traveling east at noon, how
many people were allowed to board? James has red hair,
and if you don't think he does, you're a fucking idiot. Okay,
because he does, and he has been running this campaign,
this mudslinging campaign against me and everyone who knows that
(04:51):
his hair is fiery, fiery, Rhett, Let's do a damn show.
Almost all of our scene suggestions are gathered from your
or listener emails. The others from Patreon, v I P. S.
If you'd like to submit your listener email, please right
to the podcast at your name here at alchemy this
dot com. I read all the emails. I reply, I
(05:11):
love love, love, love love each and every damn one
of you for writing them, so thank you and please continue.
Some of you recently have mentioned you've written reviews. Never
stopped doing that, and we thank you, thank you, thank
you again, right to your name here at alchemy See.
Number one comes to us from brand Noose patriarch Patreon
(05:31):
alche maniac Robert Thompson, who wrote, Greetings Alchemists, my name
is r J. I'm currently deployed in the Navy since
before COVID. Thanks to COVID, I haven't been able to
come home. I've been listening to alchemy this uh to
help maintain my love of sanity at Peacefully Deranged. That's
(05:57):
uh the love his level in case wasn't cleared by
the way I read it. You are all hilarious, and
I try to get my shipmates to listen. But my
favorite moment and any one of these, but they don't
share my elevated sense of humor. No, they fucking don't.
They don't. My scene suggestion is as follows, A crew
(06:21):
of U s Naty Sailors realized that they deployed without
any knowledge on how to run a ship. This becomes
extremely evident when the countries of Norway and Australia joined
forces against that US ship. I love you all. I
don't pick favorites. One team, one fight. Ah, alright, everyone
(06:45):
up in the twenty minutes. Okay, we're gonna have to
We're gonna have to go upstairs for the We're gonna
go upstairs in twenty minutes. Okay, so let's just make
sure everyone was Yeah, we stayed up really late last
night playing truth or Dare. Oh so you say, girl upstairs?
Do you mean m go abub the sea line? Yes?
(07:06):
I do, Yes, I do. I mean go up on
the on the tippy top deck. Okay, so we're all
gonna go there, go up there. He gets seasick. Yeah,
I get real seasick every time I see water can
be seawater, can be sink water, any kind of water,
any kind of water. Yes, sorry, Jo, I'm gonna sleep
(07:26):
this one off. I I did a lot of dares
last night. He did. He licked all up and down
Roger's foot all up and down. That was crazy. I
didn't realize that can request truth. Well where's the fun
and requesting truth? So I'm just kind of sleep this
one off. All right, you know what, I'll push it.
(07:49):
I'm gonna push you. Okay, let's do forty. Alright, let's go.
You're the best, You're the best, You're you're okay, all right.
I don't need people to dice enough on their opinions
of me. Okay, I don't need that, all right, so
let's just let's just do forty. I mitch up on
the tippy top deck. Okay, again, just for clarification, when
you say tippy top deck, are we breaking surface of
(08:12):
the water to the air? I feel sick. I feel sick.
He said, let's not talk about water. So alright, logan,
you you think that we are underwater right now? Is
that what you think? Okay? I worked below deck, so right,
I'm getting that. I'm getting that right now. I understand
there's a lot of windows down where you're working over
in the uh in the area all right, where we mind.
(08:34):
So let's ut, let's take a second here. Yeah, I
know it, I know it. I know we all we
all have a little chef in us. Okay, so let's
just take a second here. No, we don't all have
a little chef in us. I'm the siux chef. You understand,
you don't need if I don't sue, Yes, sir, yes, sir. Okay,
I'm like going above the water line. You already are. Okay,
(08:58):
we gotta get a bucket. I'm gonna get a bucket.
Let's put just a sixty to dare me to drink that.
Don't don't tear him. He will do, he will drink it.
Don't tear him. Damn me. You want me to do.
I dare to drink that ship. I dare you to
drink Oh, oh god, oh finish it. Finishing. I think
(09:29):
I'm gonna throw the chunky party. The bottom. Oh ship
is just nasty. We gotta clean this up. Let's push
it to our twenty uh because we alight a thousand
thousand uh. Yes, it is okay, So let's do a
thousand minutes twenty seconds, and then I'll meet you up
(09:50):
on the tippy top deck. Okay. When you say tippy top, oh,
Cocacola on one to eight, I don't know. I don't know.
It's okay. I defer to the sous chef. Go ahead, buddy. Yeah,
when you say tippy top. Sir, do you mean I'm
going from below deck? Uh to an upper death? How
(10:14):
about this logan? You just stay here? Okay, because I
feel like this, like you leave in this area is
causing a lot of distress. So why don't you just
stay put? And everyone else would just like jump on up? Okay,
we'll take if I can. I don't know if you
can stay here? Okay. Uh, he doesn't like to be alone.
Oh my gosh, Okay, you know what, let's just call
(10:35):
off everything we gotta do today because we gotta settle
in here and we gotta figure each other. Shout out,
all right, because we can't run this ship unless we're
on the same page. Okay, Hey, hey captain, Hey, captain,
Truth or dare? Oh? Come on, I can't play alright,
(10:56):
Truth the truth? Truth? Uh? Is your is your hair
color red or light brown? Tell the truth? It's red shade?
Say sorry to Barstannia. But there's a couple of ships coming.
(11:18):
They're super close. I was looking at the little thingy
you know what that goes above at the periscope or whatnot,
and I saw these other ones. It's like two other one.
What's that called? What's that called what's that called? What
is that called? Toothpick? Toothpick? No? No, no, no, what's
I think you look through ship with the toothbrush? I
think I said it wasn't I don't know topiary to
(11:44):
all right, Well looking through the topiary and these two
other ships are coming at us, and they don't seem
like nice. One of them got a little run light going.
It's like it's moving around. So anyways, Uh, there's the
radio keeps crackling. I think we're supposed to respond to something.
I don't know. I came down here soon as I can.
You have me so many things? USS amendment? Do you
come in? USS amendment? Do you come in? This is
(12:06):
his majesty as Royal Norwegian Ship John Carl, Hello, this
is the This is Royal Norwegian Ship John. Just get
off the liners. They're not going to answer. I just
get off, okay. But I can see the ship. We
should be on radio distance from them, and they're in
a hostile territory. Yeah, but maybe it's I don't like you.
(12:28):
Do you ever think that it's a youth thing? What
can I ask you? What was it like this in
the in the German navy before you transferred over. Yes,
it's fun. Okay, it was like that. It was like this.
There was always one person on the ship who was
just causing all his problems. Let's go obous there, let's
make this. Let's make this butter hostel. What's the difference. Okay, look,
(12:54):
I'm going I'm going to radio our friends on the
on the U S S. Kangaroo. Okay, yeah, fi yeah
do it. Okay us SS Kangaroo, us SS Kangaroo. Good
eye come over and good I good eye, good eye
US Kangaroo. Yeah. This is His Majesty's Royal Norwegian ship
John Carl, Hey, John colla good die to eat? How's
(13:16):
the gallon in? Just to be clear, John Carl is
the name of the ship, and my name is yunk.
I understand that, then, so kind to say hello to
the ship. Then ship is lock a pass and I
think good? I alright? That fun? Good talk? Then talk
what you said? Okay, good talk, good talk. Do you
(13:39):
have eyes on USS amendment? Yeah, it's right. They have
to stop a bow say it. Then this is weird
that they were in hostile territory. I mean this is
clearly Norwegian slash Australian water. Yeah, what a great team
we make No you know Australia. Then oh, cricky, did
you see that? It's a ship coming up? There's an
(14:01):
American ship over there? You see it? Officer Een, officer owen,
would you lots take to call him on the radio?
What joan college? The ship from no way? Then? Good
day away? Hello there are I'm assuming you're also in Australian,
but I am. You can hit he's soon to dingo unit.
(14:25):
They're not quite as postal refinder we are in should
be fired like coming on a pretty Yes, we will
fire a warning shot from the east and we'll follow
him from done under. That's on brand. That is on brand.
That is that is also seen one see two comes
(14:52):
from Jewels and Will, who wrote, Actually she previously wrote
a lovely email which I read to you all while act.
This is her scene suggestion that I did not read.
Very cool, very cool. And here's the scene suggestion. A
young couple goes to a c D humane society and
(15:13):
adopts a puppy that is, unbeknownst to them, a three
thousand year old demon sent from hell. Yeah, I mean
pretty much all that in what you want here? Sorry
for all the dust. But don't get a lot of
people coming in and what is that dust? If I
could just ask real quick, probably flakes a skin, mostly
(15:36):
the animal skin. Yeah, just you know skin over time,
some of it looks like human skin. Yeah, well you know, Hey,
who's who's to know? Who's to know? Huh okay, yeah,
so actually works, uh in a hospital, and I believe
if she's saying it looks like hospital skin, we go
(15:56):
with that. That's what this is. Oh, yeah, you work
in a hospital. That's great. You went to school, Huh
I did. We've gotten a little sidetrack. We would love
to adopt a puppy. Yes, we love that your shelter
does not euthanize, so if you could just show us
some puppy. Basically, basically, we woke up this morning and
(16:16):
we were like, today's the day we're going to adopt
a puppy from the grossest animal shelter in town that
does not euthanize their animals. Well, I appreciate it, honey,
if I may. You said that's true. I said that,
and I nodded. I often talk in monologues first thing
in the morning. Sometimes I think she's doing Shakespeare. I
don't know. I don't need this. I don't need this,
(16:37):
all right. I don't need to know about y'all. Okay,
let me tell you something, right now, let me tell
you some Okay, Look, I'm gonna leave you two here
for a second. I gotta handle something in the back.
And don't you touch a damn thing, all right, goddamnit?
Put them down al right, like this light switch? My god? Alright,
(16:57):
not alright, finish it on mine. Could you just take
us to the back and show us the could you
just do that for us? Sir? I think you're a
very nice man, even though you've been nothing but rude.
Oh yeah, whatever, alright, terrific, terrific. Yeah, come on, all right,
come on, just come on back for a second, all right?
Should we remove our shoes? You keep on. You're gonna
(17:21):
want to actually put on this haz Matt suit. You're
actually gonna want to cover up in these in these
space man astronauts how much? Yeah? Yeah, they don't connect
to nothing, but there's blue two speakers in there, so
you're gonna be able to hear whatever I want. So
we'll be able to hear the animals. Oh yeah, yeah,
I got microphones on the outside of that helmets. They'll
(17:41):
pick up anything. So just come on with me, bag
out of here. The puppies might would we be able
to hear them? Can I hear that one? I hear one?
He's thirsty? Why don't you take this one? Are he's
pretty cute? Yeah? Take this one? What's his name or
her name? Demon? Friends like Damon? Yeah? Yeah yeah. Why
(18:08):
don't you just say this real quick? Just get out
of here quick? Please? Okay, well, we'll take them. Don't
some paperwork, No they're not, there's Sarah. I just have
a chip your finger real quick and brick it there.
We're gonna get some blood. Okay, good, okay, good, okay, good,
we're good. That's all we needed. So all right, we'd
like to chip chip demon before we leave. Do whatever
(18:30):
you want whatever. Okay, here we go. Here's a Let
me get this macbuck and breaking it open. Here we go.
Here's a chip. Okay, where do you want it? Where
you want it? It's I or something? Um, let me
just put it in. It's a right there. There you go.
It's chip. Okay, great, okay, go alright, let's get it
out of here. Let's get it out of here. I
know how to treat this injury before we doggy eye patches, patches, God,
(18:55):
damn it. Yeah, sure here, let's yeah, we'll just put
it around eye. Okay, look, you gotta get out of here. Okay, please,
you gotta get out of here. Take that dog. Do
you have a hot date or something. You don't understand
the evil that's coming for you. You don't understand what
you opened up. You have to leave. You're not safe
coming for us. Yeah, and we're not safe. You're not safe.
(19:20):
You gotta go. You gotta go, now that dog, that damon,
you gotta go. You create from you to put We
definitely need to create trained deamon. Okay, if you're looking
at great so I'm gonna have to tell you that
they're pretty pricedly. Okay, So I'm not just gonna give
one up. So I got different models here. I got
aluminum typhoid here, not the fever, not the disease. Okay,
(19:41):
that's a kind of metal alright, So what what do
you think you want? Oh my god, just take that
create take that great blue tooth malfunctioning. Before we leave,
You've got to tell us what you're performing. Is it
the comedy man to club? Because that little ventrilo clism
(20:01):
act you just did. That was yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah,
look just take the crate, okay, and if you want
to give me money, Father mcconahoy, Father mcconohoy. Are you busy? No,
I I've I've got to spare a minute. Well, you see,
I had my dog fixed a long time ago and
(20:22):
she had a baby. Short, long story short. My wife
had a dream that there was an angel in this puppy,
and I don't know what to do with it. We're
not even religious, so I brought this this puppy that
my wife had a dreams. You're not even religious. I
see you at the service every Sunday, though, Well, I
I come because we got kids. And sorry, sorry, I'm sorry,
(20:48):
I've gotta get you. I figured I just someone's ringing
in the front door of the church. Someone's ring in
the front door of the church. Hello, here, are you
doing a confession today? Or? Yeah? What confessions are from
from two to four? Typically, But isn't an emergency? No, no, no,
(21:10):
I just want to know if there was a confessions today. Yeah,
come back at two, okay, two to four? Oh man,
you prank the church so hard. I ring that bell
and he showed up. That's like ding dong ditch to
the new level. Man, oh man, tell me you've got
(21:32):
it on camera. Do you record it? Oh yeah, hell
yeah I did. Here check it out. Oh he doesn't
answer for such a long time. Oh there he is?
Didn't yes, and then you left? Oh man, anyway, I'd
(21:53):
love to help you out with your puppy, son, but
I've gotta wait. I've gotta wait for this guy. He
showed up for confession in two o'clock. All right, well,
I can't take this puppy back. We this dog was
fixed because we don't have we can't have multiple dogs.
We're gonna get kicked out of our apartment. We can
have one dog. And I'm supposed to help you, even
though you've admitted to being a nonbeliever. I don't know.
This is God's puppy. It's not my puppy. What do
(22:17):
you want me to do with this? It's allegedly my
wife is at least don't don't hello Hello, be careful.
I warn you. I warn your father. Evil is coming. Evil?
What evil is coming? What? What? What? What kind of evil?
You're talking about? Evil? I don't know, honest, Uh, can
(22:42):
you be more specific? I mean it's h evil, it's
a bad even. It's the devil, devil, evil evil devil,
evil devil, evil devil father evil even Father, be aware. Beware.
Oh man, you miss his doubt. Fire the ship out
(23:03):
of the church. Man, it's hilarious. Oh the sounds so good.
You totally speakering that. I'm so proud of you. Man,
you gotta go back again. I think that was actually
just an old Polish woman. Man, I don't think that
was me. Man, Hey, hey, and and notice you were
(23:23):
looking to get a quick confession. I can help you out.
Step over to my car, all right, yeah, yeah, So
I'll go in the front seat. You're get in the
back and we'll do you a confession. It's seventeen dollars.
Seventeen Usually it's a contribution. It's a contribution, all right, Jesus.
(23:44):
Jesus needs new shoes, new sandals, So seventeen dollars. I
don't have a change for a twenties seven? Do you
want me to get change to come back or say
thank you for the twenty I appreciate. So go ahead,
what do you what do you what do your sins? Uh? Well,
it's been maybe I don't know, thirty minutes since I
got in the back of a car. Uh and um uh,
(24:09):
let's see. I guess the first thing I want to
say is I I haven't did a lot of dingdong
ditches with my buddy and recording them and putting on
them on a private YouTube channel that only he and
I can see. And uh, I don't know, I kind
of all the fun things that me and Clark are doing.
So your buddy's name is Clark. Yeah, and uh that's
(24:31):
that's pretty much it. And I bumped into an old
Polish woman. She pointed at me and she said thinner,
And uh so I don't know what that's about. But
I feel bad about bumping into her. And did you
knock it down? Yeah? I ko okay, did you help
her back up? No? No, And I think that's why
she said thinner. Oh damon, come on eating something for us.
(24:56):
Just eat. You're a dog. Dogs eat their own. Demon
please eat. This is like the best we made you lunch.
We did. We killed a chicken and boiled it just
for you, demon human flesh. I really do not fix
(25:16):
these bluetooth I'm getting that it's oh, that's the front door. Right,
I think we're picking up like an old Doctor Demento
radio show. D D. No, that's definitely the door. That's
the door. Hello. Hello, I'm Father Makahi from the Catholic Church.
(25:36):
Why are you both wearing astronaut helmets? Well, we got
them for free? So is that why you stopped by? Father? No? No, no,
I've been warned about evil devil. There's I have a
I have a tip, a hot tip that you may
have a demon, a demon living here in your evil?
(25:58):
Can you define evil evil for us? It's it's a
rhyming catchphrase, just hoping it's going to catch on. Okay, okay,
I'm beautiful, beautiful old Polish woman told me about it.
I'm strangely in love with her. But due to my
my valve uh, celibacy. Celibacy. Yes, I was going to
(26:19):
say sobriety, but we know that's a that's that's just
a joke. I need a little nip anyway. Speaking of
little nip, would you like to for a drink? Father? Yeah,
not to drink, but I need to see the puppy. Oh,
you need to see the puppy. Why I need to
see the puppy because there's a demon, a demon living
(26:41):
inside it. Well, there's demon. We have a demon here. Yeah,
you're saying there's evil devil in our demon. Wait this
all is starting to make sense. I mean it does
makes sense in terms of not being the doctor dementor
show that we heard there is there is evil, devil
and demon. Would the dog be able to speak? There?
(27:05):
It is? He's grilling at me. Could in fact the
power of Christ compel him? Are you look? It's been
a while since I've done an exorcism, but I did
bring my kit. Okay, please do something? Father? Can you
remove the evil devil and leave us the demon? Dog?
The dog? The dog? Could you? We love the dog.
(27:27):
We could do without the devil. So you want to
get you want to get the devil out of this
is Exorcisms on Tape, chapter one. Okay, I just need
to bone up, Just need a bone up a little bit.
It's been a while. Have you done this before? I have?
(27:49):
I have, but it's been I did it in priest
training school. Luckily I held onto my cassette tapes. Father,
do you want to borrow my ear pods? I just
gott I don't know if they'll hook up to this.
I just gotta turn a bluetoox. Not go, your beast, sweetheart.
I guess the father wouldn't. Father wouldn't take the puppy.
(28:11):
I guess we'll just have to have him put down.
Are you serious? I don't know what else to do.
We can't have two puppies in this apartment. But then
I guess, well, then I'm sorry. Then I guess you
gotta go. I gotta go. I don't look like that's
gonna help. I either can take care of two dogs
or one dog. And you, okay, I mean I think
(28:33):
that this is unfair. We've been together for a long
time and a long time. You can't even give me
the dog fixed, Homer, you can't even give you can't
even give me a number a long time before, and
then it was official four years ago. Nonetheless, you told
me that you got the dog fixed. I did get
(28:54):
the dog fixed. Then how does it have goddamn puppy?
I don't know. Okay, maybe it's a miracle of God. Okay,
maybe it's an immaculate concept that you say. But you
know what, if it was a miracle of God, Father
McConnaughey would have taken it. But now I'm gonna take
this dog and I'm gonna put and bring him to
the vet and getting destroyed because you're gonna kill possibly
(29:15):
christ I don't know what I don't want me to do.
You're gonna kick me out of my apartment. It's just ridiculous.
Olver What do you want me to say? Okay, this
is a define dog. Okay, I can't just say bide
do it? Oh? I mean maybe you and I can
just move to a different apartment that's bigger and maybe
would allow two dogs. It's fine, we'll let We'll let
(29:37):
the dogs have this apartment and then me and you
will move to a different apartment. It seems ridiculous, Homer,
than what's your idea. It's not my idea. I said
that you and me should leave. You know what I'm taking.
I'm taking this dog. Fine, I'm going to the vet
and I'm so you want to have the dog destroyed? Uh? Yeah,
(30:06):
I want to have this dog destroyed. It's it was
an un we didn't take Okay, we we we don't
do that. If there's an elderly, if there's a we're
a vets office, we heal animals. Okay, if there's an
elderly dog that that's sick. We'll put it down. We're
not going to destroy a dog for you. Oh well,
(30:28):
then what the hell do I do with this can? Up? Okay? Sorry,
I got I got a two can. That's that's got
the group. Okay, so this puppy. Look, I don't know, pal, okay,
but I'm not going to destroy this beautiful animal. Got
a salmon up? Okay, I get a two can and
a salmon. I'm getting backed up here, face snake on
(30:52):
the list, Snake on list. Yeah, the salmon was swimming downstream.
I had to. I gotta reverse him, you know, get
him heading back the other way. Get doing the chat job,
Get go doing Okay, you're you're backing me way up here, pal, Okay,
I'm sorry. I guess I'll just have to bring it
to the Humane society. Look, there is some kill shelters
(31:14):
in town. Like you didn't hear it from me? And
that scene too good? Lord Almighty see three comes to
us from patroon V I p chance, but well, if
(31:34):
there's a chance, who wrote I stole this idea from
watching Joey and James on Alchemy this live on Instagram.
That's alchemy this on Instagram. Well this is a very
hip Chance, but well my scene suggestion is this, and
(31:56):
you and James and Jargonna need to help me with
dark Megamgas Mag's Mag's m a g e S Dark
m a g e S Majors. Is that what it's called?
It's a major. I imagine that he's talking about a
major that practices the dark arts of spellcasting. I think,
is this is this a video game? You guys played
(32:16):
m A g u S? Is that what you says? Yeah,
Major's probably did you guys do something on Instagram lab
involving mages? Have you ever done Instagram Live? I've never.
I don't even have an Instagram. I don't know if
the hell this guy is talking about. Okay, well let's
(32:39):
proceed anyways, it's seen suggestion as dark Majores make scratch
and sniffs stickers, have fun and stay safe kids. Chance. Yeah, Hi,
you come for some stickers? Yeah, I um wanted some
new ones from my collection and I'm just wanting someone
(33:00):
some good ones this time. Okay, did you want to go,
as they say, outside the box or do you want
to see just what we've got as the top selections? Well,
outside the box. Does that imply something scary? It implies
something that your friends don't have. That's what I want.
That's exactly what I want. And I have a bunch
(33:20):
of money I stole. I stole my mom's money. I
stole my mom's grocery money. Oh jeezus, I stole all
of it. My dad gave it to her, and she
begged him for a long time, and he finally gave
her money for groceries. And then I stole it for stickers.
I'm gonna spend on. In the business, we call that
a heads up move. So good on you. Let me
(33:42):
Let me just bring out some of our better up.
Here's a here's a beauty. Yeah. This scratch and sniff
sticker represents some dark major heard of him. I did
a whole report on them last year at school. You're dead.
Oh that's there's a lot of different kinds. Well, what
(34:05):
are some of your favorite kinds? Let me see if
I got that. I like, uh, the dark fun mages.
I like dark dark um charming mages. Um. I also
like the dark uh food expert mages. Uh that's the
one we got a yeah, yeah, so uh it's yeah,
(34:29):
And it was just crazy but um, I mean I
I really if you think about it, it's it's like
more of like a community gathering than necessary, like a
picnic and all that. So I'm just really looking forward
to it. How much it's gonna be cash? Your credit?
I have cash? Let me just see here, Okay, hold
on one second. How much sounds like one hell of
(34:50):
a picnic. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be. I set the
whole thing up. I got there. You're gonna make a
lot of coleslaw with all this cabbage. Yeah, it's pretty
much gonna be the whole thing. Um avage, it's okay,
just give me one second here, um I I sorry, folks,
she's just trying to just give me a second. Okay.
(35:12):
Um come on. If you don't have the cash, we'll
take a card. Okay. Well I I don't. I cut
up on my card today because I had cash. Um okay,
so why would you do that? Well? I had cash,
I didn't need my cards? Okay, Um, holy, I don't
have any money, John, I don't have any money. Do
you mind if I can just do you put put
this on my tab or something. There's no tabs here
(35:35):
is not okay, this is so worre should be? Um?
Should I should I put these groceries out? Take the
grocers out of these bags? Or no? No No, no, no,
no no, leave them? Leave them? Okay, I look, I
just let me just take these groceries to my car
and look for the cash in my car. No, ma'am,
I can't let you do that. Please don't. Please don't
make me trying to buy some catory. Just give me
(35:58):
a second, sir. If you want to buy one item,
you should have gone to a seven eleven. Larry, can
we open up another aisle? Please? No, no, you don't
even do that. You don't need to do that, because
without any money is holding us all back. No departmentimum
wages really is really small, and we don't really have
that energy to do this right now? Okay, well maybe
then you should get fired. Don you ever think about that? Actually, Hey, Becky,
(36:23):
here's your mom broke last night. I like the stickers
on your notebook though there's new. Yeah, they're brand new.
I got them, Um, but I don't know how I
got him. Okay, Hey, I mean I didn't think there's
a backstory. I just thought their need No, there's no backstory.
(36:46):
I didn't steal money to get them. Shut up? Wait
what why? Why stop accusing me? There's nothing. I didn't
do anything wrong. I just have them, Becky, I just
said they were nice. I'm not accusing you of any
My mom had a nervous breakdown. Is not my fault.
I didn't say that it was. They're just nice stickers, Becky,
(37:08):
your mom do huh? What's your mom do? Huh? I
don't have a mom. I have two dads. Well that's weird. No,
it's not. Clark James, thanks for hanging out with me
and just cracking a beer. I don't know what the
hell happened with with my live my wife. I yeah,
(37:29):
she just she just snapped. And could you describe the snap? Yeah,
it was just a break, just so just a break.
There was a volume raise in her voice. Uh yeah,
I mean when the police came and they escorted her
out of the grocery store. I Uh, I knew that.
Ted's chilling. What do you mean the police came, Yeah,
(37:52):
the police came. They had to They had to stun her. Uh.
Took six different cops with four different stunt to police
canines to bring her down. Tommy, why are you making
a story. I'm not making it up. It didn't take
six cops the rest of your wife to the ground.
Yes it did. Okay, yes it did. She snapped. Yes, Okay,
(38:14):
she became the Hulk. She has Norwegian blood in her Okay,
she's a fight. Probably was doing she's probably doing PCP. Yeah, wife, Yeah,
I just thanks for having this sperit with me so
I could just talk about Yeah. I mean, mom, I
(38:37):
wanted to come visit you, and I just wanted to
say hi. Pick up the phone. She can't hear you,
pick up phone. I can't hear. Oh, sorry, Mom, I
don't know how these things work. Most kids my age
don't have moms in jail. I know, I know. I'm
(39:02):
glad you're out of the uh psychiatric ward though, me too,
me too. I just mommy had a break, you know,
Get back, Get back from the window. Okay, okay, both
of you. I'm not gonna ask you again. I'm not okay, Hey, Mom,
(39:24):
I have to confess to you, okay. Yeah, Um, I
stole your money so I could buy scratch and sniff stickers. Jesus,
you don't have to lie to me. You don't have
to lie to me. Okay, I'm not lying I stole
your money so I could buy dark food expert Maje
scratch and sniff stickers. Honey, I don't look. I spent
(39:50):
that money on PCP. I spent some of that money
on Wait. So you you did steal the money. Wait,
you sold the money? Well, I did earlier. I had
just actually I had PCP money. I always stow away
when you stole money back from the window. I'm trying
to confess. I need to be close when I'm doing it.
(40:12):
Just raise your voice. I can't believe this. I'm sorry.
I can't believe that. I'm sorry that I drove you insane. Wow. Well,
I want you to know the rest of your life
that you did this. Okay, will you ever forgive me?
I don't know. If I get out of here, maybe
make way make way for the two hero police dogs
(40:34):
it took down that woman the other day. Yeah, they
come wearing that medal. Thank you for your service, Thank
you for your service. One of those dogs is pure,
is it, the one with the smoke coming off of
its skin? Yeah, it's getting that funk up. I hey, sharge,
(41:00):
it's just safe to have these doctors open room to
find safe. I guess away from danger. I guess I
don't know sure Shard's completely safe. Okay, you're kind of
flipping about that, is it? Is it safe or not? Yes? Yes?
Go pet the dogs alright, alright, ship? All right? When
you heard him? Oh damn you know those dogs have
(41:22):
more commendations than I do. That's right. They're being reassigned.
They're joining the knave. Uncle, you didn't hear this. They're
going to the Navy. They're gonna serve on a ship. Damn. Well,
it's pretty good, all right, buddy? Truth or dare little demon?
(41:42):
Dare the truth? I couldn't hear you through this helmet. Alright, Uh,
tell us the truth right now? Where does your demonic
spirit come from? Like an origin story? Okay? Um? Or
(42:06):
no one ever asked me that? Or just like get
the evils evil out, not worry from what's your story? Um?
All right? Well, as you know I'm a demon, I
can drink more puke. If you need some time to
kill please chuck away. Chuck away. Oh that's that's pure evil.
I can't even wish that. I spit it up, buddy,
(42:28):
spit it up. I heard that it started when you
saw your mom get youthanized at the shelter. That's right,
that's right. I had stolen her kibble money to go
buy some support dog stickers that I put on my collar,
and and they youthanized her. And then that's when I split,
(42:50):
And uh, I never saince. Then I've just been full
of evil, conquerring things as I go. USS Amendment? Do
you read we will fire on you. Repeat, we will
fire on you from the from down under? What is it, Hans?
Is they can't hear you? Okay, so they don't like you.
It's a you thing. I don't know why they're not
(43:12):
answering all right. If nobody hasn't any objections, this is
just a suchef over. I'm just a sush chef. We're
getting something, Jim, Jim. I meant I'm below deck suh
chef in the galley and I for some reason, you're
(43:34):
coming in loud and clear. You're in Norwegian Australian walters.
Please explain your purpose here. I've not seen the water
in about sixteen weeks, so I don't know which waters
were in some carrots. Is someone on the tippy top
saying water? Oh dad? I don't make me drink that too.
(43:58):
Don't make me drink that, uh, dame min. It's so
it's so good that we got some new blood in here.
We're going crazy just playing truth, and they're among ourselves.
You know. It's good to have a new sailor around.
It's nice to actually have people that care and don't
just want to sponge me from this dog body. I'd
(44:21):
like to pick up a one book of dark made
just stamps. He is there any dark just stamps left? Well,
we got some scratch and sniffers. I don't know if
that's what you mean when you say stamps, stamps, stickers, Yes, shes, yes,
let me have one book. You're perspiring there, buddy, you're
(44:46):
feeling okay? You got the virus? No, I don't have
the virus, but I need the spell casting ability of
one book of dark Man just stamps with stickers whatever.
Forgive me for prying there, cappy, but you seem to
be from out of town. Where you from? Where you
hail from? I'm from a dark world far far from here, please,
(45:07):
and it's an emergency. These robes are very hot and
this hat is very heavy. Excuse me, excuse me, son,
don't sell those stickers to that made. Don't sell the
stickers to the mage. Hold on the very evil evil
devil stickers. Keep talking. I'm all ears, sorry, sorry, I've
got I've got to get that. That is a loud
(45:29):
bell quick before the father returns one book of talk.
May just stamp stickers stickers, Yeah he can. Twenty seven.
There's no one there. I got I got ding Dong
ditched again in somebody else's store. I should have known.
(45:49):
I should have known. It's an evil spell, any evil
evil spell. All right, all right, I'm gonna cast the demon.
I'm gonna cast the demon out of this mage. Just
gotta find the right tape. If you're thinking about exercising
three or four demons, please go to disc two on
(46:11):
the c D ROM cd ROM. Oh no, we need
to finish this transaction quickly. Just waiting there. They upgraded
to a different media. Do you have a change for
this gold coin? I'm gonna go to the radio shack
(46:33):
to get the Exorcism cd ROM. Alright, some yep, some
sort of token you got there? Right, it's a golden coin, yeah,
so pretty much. Do you want to see c D
players who've got right now? Are the del x T
and nine and no, no, no, I don't need a
CD player. I need a CD ROM. A CD ROM
(46:53):
instructional course on exorcism. Oh yeah, O course. Uh here
you go. We have these for lyrics only. All right,
what are you? What are you? That'll be five hundred
and seventy two Jesus Christ. All right, hey, excuse me, um,
where are your remote control cars in our c A cables?
(47:16):
There right in the front display. You should see a
pyramid of Oh yes, sorry, Mr, pyramid of cars. Thanks, alright, sorry?
Uh I had cash. I had cash this morning. No no,
I got cut up my card ding dong. Yeah. Oh,
I was looking for the father. I wanted to confess
(47:41):
to the father. But I guess a stand in works.
Let me get the father for you, a padre. Someone
sure to see you father. Alright, alright, alright, father McConaughey,
you're ready for con question. It's at two o'clock already, man, alright, alright,
(48:04):
And that is our show for to day. Oh baby,
we are back with a vengeance. With a vengeance, let's
thank all of our alchemists today. Returning Champion Carla enjoying
the hell a lot of the shows on the west
(48:25):
Side Comedies Twitch and yeah, amazing stuff and un you
want to tell you So, if you go to west
Side Comedy dot com, our theater now that we are
closed for now is moving has moved online. So we're
doing shows six nights a week and we're doing online
classes and you can find all that at west Side
(48:46):
Comedy dot Com and Bear Supply have have been a
v I p s and have really uh helped us
out every Wednesday at seven p m. Nice James heenyre
one of them Bear in the Supply. I sure am.
That's Today's a recording day, which is Wednesday, So tonight
we will be live at seven p only not when
(49:08):
you're hearing this, just when James is talking. But if
you just go to Westside Comedy dot com, you check
their calendar and they've got all the information necessary to
help you find your show of desire. Col Strotton Yeah yeah, Um,
what's going on? What do? What's where should folks look
for you? Well, we've just sf sketch Fest is trying
(49:29):
to figure out what we're doing while this thing drags on.
So we've just started uh launching a series of archival videos.
We've been recording shows for like nineteen years just for
archival purpose. Has never thought to do anything with them,
but uh, in order to kind of help keep the
festival float and support the performers in the videos as
well as some charities and venues and stuff that are struggling,
we're releasing a new video every week. So we already
(49:51):
released the Best in Show reunion we did a couple
of years ago, the Airplane Reunion. Um, we got a
bunch of other great stuff coming up, several of which
you are in, Kevin, So look forward all of that
So to sketch Fest dot com and check them out.
Their rentals for like five dollars and it all goes
to support people that need it. S F sketch Fest
dot com. Check it out, folks. Um. Yeah, the the
(50:15):
archive videos so far, the ones that you've mentioned and
the ones i've i've i've seen come up there are
already instantly extraordinary and and to know that these videos
existed as exciting as hell. So check them out, folks, please. Uh.
Craig Kikowski, Yeah, at Kikowski's your one stop shop for
anything I'm may be doing. I have no plans to
(50:36):
do anything, but like it would probably be on that
I may get back to work on that topiary maze
that I've been working on for for several years. Several
years in did like eleven I think I think it's
been eleven years. Yeah, yeh damn, that's what James had mentioned.
Joey Greer Uh find me at jeby Grieber on Instagram. Right,
(50:58):
and bear supply at the west Side Twitch. That's Twitch
dot tv Forward Slash west Side Comedy Theater every Wednesday,
seven pm and like Carlos said, shows six months a week.
Check that ship out. All right, let's thank our engineering
producer to the stars, Mr Doug Bain, and I heart Media.
(51:20):
I mean ho's Kevin Pollock. Thanking you all and wishing
you all extremely perfect health until next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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