June 25, 2019 • 51 mins
A seniors’ Bingo Night is run by the mob, but not well… A concessions vendor works the stands and buddy it ain’t pretty up there… They love when the leaves turn color in the fall. For the locals, they are the worst people alive.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, lovely listeners. Kevin Pollock here just letting you know
the next live show for Alchemy. This will be on
July one, seven pm West Side Comedy Theater. If you're
in the Santa Monica, California area or anywhere near it
July one, please come join us. Tickets to go fast
as I did last time. We'd love to see you there.
Go to west Side Comedy dot com for more. Welcome
(00:23):
back to another episode of Alchemy. This once again piloting
this comedy dirigible is me Cole Stratton, filling in for
Kevin Pollock while he films the usual suspects to Hockney's
adventure in Queen's Let's go ahead and meet today's Alchemists. First, up,
a huffle puff in sitherin clothing, Vanessa Ragland. No, I
(00:44):
don't answer to that. Well, be which Hogwarts has? Do
you want to be in one? I've taken the quizzes.
I'm a humble but it just bums me out that
you know, I figured. Next, it's a guy who looks
(01:07):
like the offspring of any eighties teen movie villain, Joey Greer.
Thank you, Joey. What fashion think for me? Youth? Do
you want to bring back cowboy boots. I just just
cowboy boots, nothing else. Nice. She's the wind beneath my wings.
Carla Kakowski, Carla, how many times have you seen beaches?
(01:31):
Honestly at thousands without and it? Yet it never ends differently,
it never does. But man, Bette Midler, she really can sing.
You never had a friend like him. It's Mark Gagliardi. Hi, Mark,
you played a Latin gene. Do you think Will Smith
Scott what it takes? Yes? I do. I think he's
got what it takes. I think it doesn't have nearly
(01:52):
enough blue on him through most of that movie. If
we all had to get painted blue, he's got to
get painted blue. There you go. Next up is everyone's
favorite exper it on water carbonation, Craig. Craig, what's the
best flavor of fizzy water? Well, I'm gonna go with
pample Moose because Lacroix is a sponsor for this podcast,
(02:12):
and if they aren't, they should be. Finally A master
of the Sega game gear James Heeney, That's incredible that
you know that. That's how many people realize I've beaten
the sonic game that was released on game gear I figured,
what are they overdue to make a movie? If you well,
obviously I can't say Sonic because they're doing it, like
it or not. I would say we could really use
(02:34):
a video game of Oh god, this is a big question.
Would agree with that. I think that we've had the conversation.
All right, Well, let's get to our first scene. Okay, okay,
let's never do this. Just friend to send a shout
(02:55):
out and maybe maybe suggest careful listening from St. Sebastian School. Key,
we've got an eighth grade at least one eighth grade fan?
Uh so is that I just want for everything I've done?
Anything clear? Is your parents? Whether or not you be
thinking about those things? I don't know. We're just gonna live.
Bleep the show stand, school kid, drink Lacroix. Well. All
(03:19):
of today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write the podcast
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our first
scene comes from Kane, who wrote, Hello, my name is Kane.
I just wanted to say that I have a bruised rib.
It hurts to laugh this show hurts so good, but
(03:41):
I think it would make a great scene if you're
all at a Bingo night for the elderly. Thanks for
the great show, and I listen every week the day
they drop, keep on, keeping on sixteen. I said sixteen,
There is there is no sixteen. B I don't have sixteen.
Well then you can't. You can't block it off, Then
(04:03):
have six to me. I have a be only yelling
out with bingo. Oh, dominic, dominic, You're gonna have to
be a lot nicer to the patrons, as nice as
I can be. I know, and I'd like it to
be nicer, Dominic. I have a one in a six.
I've got a one in a series. Do not freak
out this car. What happened to Eugene? He's the old caller.
(04:26):
Eugene has gotten sick, so I gotta take over for
a bit. I like Eugene. He's very charming. Eugene is great.
Eugene liked me. Wait a second, I'm dating Eugene. Oh,
not liked me. Liked me? Okay, it's liked me. Okay.
He liked you, liked you, didn't he liked like like
(04:47):
like he like like Sandra, You wrestle. Amazing. Thank you.
He had a pun or a joke for every number
in the Bengo tin J seventy seven. There's no J
Jay seventy seven, Dominic. Could we be a little less
compative in a little more punny. I think I'm being
(05:09):
as less compative as I can be right now. Oh
that was kind of cute what you just did right there.
I like that a little bit. Watch out, she's handsy.
This game is really slowed down. Sorry, I got seventeen
boards and I'm dabbing all of them. You've been greasing
your wheels. Huh, that's right. I'm planning to Wooden tonight.
(05:31):
Oh boy, Carl, I've been calling you and you've not
been returning my message. Have you been calling cars because
he likes me? This is unfair. I figured you gotta
be koy at eighty six. So I'm waiting the two
and a half months before I return your call, which
will be in the form of a nice thank you
for calling card that I send you to your mailing address.
(05:54):
Well that sounds very sweet, So I'll just wait in anticipation.
I'm dying alone. A fifty seven. Would there be any
Maybe it's a knockoff board. Maybe it's bjo? Are we
playing banjo? Nomin questions? Only speak out when you have bingo?
(06:17):
Watch Germany. It's dominic. It's dominic. I like that. I
like the way that you will get real upset. Great. Wait,
was that a seventy seven banjo? Alright? Alright, Carl, let
me see your card here. It's right here. I'm sure
it's accurate that that inexplicably that does say banjo, and
(06:38):
you have filled out the whole card. Looks like you
get your prize. Oh will you take me on a
date in two months? You sent me that card? Just
don't die in the interim. I won't. I'm never gonna die.
If she dies, I might be alive. I'm never dying.
No promises, but I pretty hell flee Carl. And I've
(07:02):
taken care of a man before until he died and
I I buried in myself. Carl and that dudes are
same for you. I'm sorry this is just coming off
as desperate. I'm a big banjoe winner. Now I don't
have time for your Carl. Come on that, relax, relax.
I am god, He's God. Don't you say I'm down here?
(07:28):
Get up, Dominic. You're so strong. You're very strong. Thank you.
All right, Where's where's Eugene? He's our normal caller. He's sick.
Eugene is still sick, and Dominic's taking up. Don't worry,
you know what, Let I'll get more shardony. Dominique. You're
(07:50):
making me feel as light as a baby, the way
you're carrying me, very soft skin and soft bones. It's
because I don't touch many things, and many of the
don't touch me. I flake like a pastry. I love croissance.
I look like a croissant. Yeah, you really do. That's taste.
(08:15):
Put my teeth out from me. Look at the rated
art movie going on over here. My goodness, we gotta
turn that off. That's too much, that's too violent for everybody.
Excuse me, you must be Dominic. You're putting away that
bingo stuff in the back of your car. Yeah, hey,
(08:36):
I'm I'm from the group where you're to collect the skimmings.
The group you mean, I'm the guy that runs the
gambling here. Yeah, we works for him. We works for
the guy. All right, gentlemen, if you want to go
back inside that dominic, you don't want to go the
way that eutene did do you Domini? You need to
(08:58):
hold me with two hands. Put you down? Why you
holding that? Lady's kind of going on a date. Her
legs are so softer, bones, so soft to scar really walk.
But listen, Dominic, it's customary. You give us a couple
hundred dollars. Stop poking me with your kids. It's you know,
give me some money. Do you work for your gene? No,
(09:19):
we worked for the down. You know the down. This
guy's mom. Listen, this is outside of your area. I
wasn't trying to bring you into it. But this guy here,
this Domine, she's baking. Stop poker, she's flaking. Dominic. I'm
gonna come here tomorrow, and you better have twice the
(09:40):
money from the spingo games. It's just prizes, it's just price.
It's just prizes. Okay, Well I need ten percent of
those prices tomorrow. Yeah, boss needs ten percent. Okay. Great,
being extorted by two elderly men, you got it. We're
not that. We're not that. We your old Let me done.
Mitchellski is all. We're not that all. You guys are all.
(10:03):
They're all. Don't say that. I got a lot of
years ahead of me. I don't want to. I had
to give you a really good Okay, we got the take, uh, Don,
Don Mitchellski. What do we got? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, we
we we got just just just like he didn't understand that,
the old Don, he didn't understand that the Eugene didn't
(10:26):
understand the deal for years. No, Dot, Don, we already
killed Eugene. We had to kill the guy. Look, I've
been the head of the Polish mob in this town
for for so long. The truth is, ever since you
ended up in this home here, I don't think you've
had the same kind of is he used to out
in the streets. Yeah, well, well yeah, well what do
(10:48):
we got? What do we got? Well, we got nothing today,
but I think we sent the message to give us
ten percent of the skimmings tomorrow. Yeah, we might get
some some bingo prices for you. A miski you know it, candy?
If I put some cinnamin in it, you better put
some cup. Don Mitchellski, how come she gets to call
(11:11):
you Mr? We gotta call you done. It's done. Just
your first name, Don is my first name. But I'm
also the goddamn Don. Okay, Okay, I'm Don Donald Matchewski,
head of the Polish mob. Okay, I think maybe it's
time that you pass on the reins, pass the torch,
past the torch, and things down if you will. All Right,
(11:36):
what are you talking about here? You're too old. Both
of us were already getting old. Two people say, well,
you're pretty old. Yeah, but we're next in line. Yeah.
I mean I'm in line behind him, so you know,
I'm like the speaker of this particular house. Uneasy is
the head that wears the crown. Well, I've been doing
(11:57):
this case for probably forty is trying to take down? Then?
Do you want to write this down or is this
just for an extra credit project that you're doing. Yeah,
I'm just writing a report on what's it like to
be a detective from my fifth grade class. Well, it's tough.
You don't rest until the job is done, and not
every don't ever rest. I've never rested, I've never slept.
(12:19):
I only eat what I have to and I you
earn it on myself all the time. That's pretty much
my life. Wow, but I'm not going to rest until
the don is in jail. Okay, Um, what would you
say your favorite part of the job is? Uh, we'll
connecting with you. Yeah, I gotta feel six pages. So
could you talk a little more about it? Well, it
(12:42):
uh started about forty years ago. Okay, sergeant, I got
your apple sauce. Oh, thank you so much. Could you
open it my hands? Thank you? And I'm only gonna
eat this when I have to. All right? Is it true?
You're thirty one? It is? It is not resting really
ages yet, it really really does. Yes, have you ever
(13:06):
killed a guy? Yes? I have bare hands, knive guns,
you name it. I've actually had animals trained to attack people.
What you name it. I can throw scenarios in which
you we have killed people at you and you'll tell
you if you've done it. Push somebody in front of
a train, yes, Um made them watch all of alf
and not eat okay, um bandanas? Yes, a magic trick
(13:31):
gone wrong? Yes? Wow, uh your soft lips. Yes, young man,
you're getting this Principle's office right now. I read your
paper accurate. I don't care if it's a accurate. It
is NC sevent team rate. And some of the things
you wrote in this paper. You just listed seventy three
(13:53):
ways to kill a man. That's right. And then there
was a little bit of weird smud at the end,
he's don't yell at my son. I read the PA,
but myself I approved the paper man. That might that
might say something about you as well. I'm sure it does,
and I also approve of it of our son. Our
son is wonderful. Yes, your son is wonderful. He is
a gifted writer. The problem is he and I are
(14:15):
empathic parents, truly are so much so that I know
exactly how he's feeling right at this moment, I know
how doll he's feeling. Look, look, Mrs and Mrs Kombucha,
can you please, just for a moment try and see
it from the school's point of view? Of course we can.
We're in paths. I'm seeing it. I'm a brick building.
It's horrible. Could it be you have no problem with
(14:39):
my paper, but you just have a problem with my
two moms. I mean, I didn't want to say that
a lot. It's just you know, your son is showing
graphic depictions of death and murder, have you, Yes, I've
heard of Maltese falcon Bring a bell and you'll pedestrian mind. Look,
(15:03):
you don't get to be the principle of a school
without having seen the Maltese falcon and having a decidedly
non pedestrian fully driver's license. I' not even had a manicure.
I don't see how that has anything to do with it.
Oh well, if you, if you had had a manicure,
maybe you'd understand. Maybe you don't understand fine of things.
This is noa, this is NOA. Now I think we've
(15:24):
won this round, all right, Queen kiss, watch the school
for a while. Well, it's Bingo night again. I hope
you Jean's back. I've already finished his entire bottle of
shot in a. Oh they're already given it out. Yeah,
well I stole it. I was in for four days.
(15:48):
Four days I was in the pack. Oh no, they
forgot about you. It was a speedbumplias my drench. They
if I try up against my body survived, alright. Sorry,
So I am. I'm Trevor, that dominant. He's sick. So
(16:11):
I'm Trevor Dominic. Damnique left me to dry. Hey, Trevor,
I was the big banjo winner last week. Here's ten
percent of my prize quilt. I was told I had
to cut it all from bring it here as tribute
or something. Oh, I don't know anything about that. Thank
you for the gift. I'll keep that right here. You
look like a very nice guy, and I think you're
(16:33):
gonna do great. I think everyone's gonna do great. Are
you okay? Man? You're flaking skin and I'm getting great. Okay, okay,
my this isn't blush on me cheeks. That's plasm Okay, Uh,
let's all get started. Everyone has a sheet, and I
(16:54):
have seven more weeks until I received Kyle's car. Does
that correct? Call? Seven more weeks? Drafting it up as
we speak, But I keep calling and leaving messages. Oh
that's a little romance going on here. Yes, oh that's great. Yes,
excuse me, just let me roll my way, sir. I've
come for my ten percent of the prize. That's right here.
(17:17):
Oh well, there's there's all just we have boxed wine,
we have another quilt, and we got fifteen dollar gift
card to Algard. So these are all prizes that anyone
can win. Is donn your first name? Donald? Oh? Donald? Yes,
lovely to meet you. Out of the Polish mob nos
drovia nostrovia. I'm also Polish. Hey here my girl, she's
(17:44):
my girl. Okay, of all the girls here, whoa, whoa,
Don get my yellow Okay, I get to choose which part.
All right, let's just get into the bingo it a
flake to go? I sixty, I sixty, Banjo. Okay, well't
(18:10):
we just started. So let's see here. I sixty, I sixty,
you're sixty sixty stuff larting with Don. I've got my
service revolver here some players and found it taking it
out in years and so it's still loaded. Head on,
(18:31):
back away slowly, revolver. You don't put a goddamn gun
on me. It's a really rated movie in here, isn't it.
A knife bears in his cane, poking with my cow.
Oh my god, my bleeding out in a shot travel
(18:57):
I sixty, I sixty. You're way older, Amy and Benjo.
We did everybody, We did it. That's it. That's right.
About four more hours left in that saga. Yeah, I
feel poor woman who has left out? All right. Seen
(19:22):
two comes from Chris, who wrote, Hello alchemists, you missed me?
Great scene about people they really missed someone. I mean
this could be him as a recent transplant from l
A to New England. There are a few things I'm
going to miss Dearly. The first is going to Fenway
Park to watch the Red Sox with my dad. I
(19:44):
was always fascinated by the roaming concession sellers and their
untenny ability to throw bags of peanuts accurately from a
section over, and their ability to remain emotionless in the
face of hecklers and the inebriated. Thank you for consistently
bringing me to tears from laughing so hard. And no,
thank you for doing wind creezing down the four of five.
Cheers Chris, Oh, he's here to l a Now wait
(20:06):
what welcome christ Car. He's my section buddy. Come on, yeah,
but you're selling peanuts. I've selling popcorn. I'm prenus over
here to get the all out of here. Look look, look, look, look.
You've seen nobody want peanuts and popcorn. I never seen them.
A good dame. If only one salty treat put person,
that's effect cracker jacks, both peanuts and popcorn and him
(20:27):
get either. Guys got cracker jacks? Wait? Hang on one second,
Hang on one second, head guy, Hey, hey, Pally, what
let me just throw a quick idea to you quick.
Let's say we mix up some of my pean some
of what I got. Okay, I got some of your peanuts.
We sell this guy some cracker jacks. We're gonna need
(20:48):
somebody with a toy, though, because they always got a
toy in a bottom. There's a kid over there. What
do you want? Get out of my face, get your
fingers out of It's a good one. It's a car.
It's a car. It turns into a machine because the
car is a machine you talking about? Please go talk
to her. So where is this? I'm the mother, she's
(21:10):
my step mom. Why did you have to say that?
Because I wanted to be clear. I've been your step
mom since you're two months old. What's going on? It?
What's going on? You don't you know what? I don't
see anyone else stepping up to the mother play, and
yet I don't get the title of mother. I don't
like this. Okay, she's not wrong, but I just wanted
to be super specific stepmother. Where's the real moment that's said?
(21:34):
Still now I feel a little bad about coming up
and trying to take a cop to tell me why
you wanted you want my car? Because some guy wanted
cracket Jackson. We got cracket jacks, but we got popcorn
and peanuts, and all we needed was a toy to
make a complete cracket jackset. And if I can have
your popcorn and your peanuts and some cracket jacks and
give you my car, that's all right, that sounds good.
He has all of my popcorn. Now he had a car,
(21:56):
all right, don't forget it turns into a machine. Car
is already a machine. Kid. When will you call me
your mother? Yeah, they missed it. Yeah, I think we
got that cracker jack audio we're looking for. Uh, that's
a hot Wheels car. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I
don't want this. I want some cracker jacks. I don't
want to garbage. My wife needs food right now. All right,
(22:24):
she's fine, but she's been drinking probably more than she
should without food. I'm not gonna give for a hot
Fields car. She doesn't look too good, all right. It's
just been a long day waiting for this baseball. Also
also with hello and half being a fin like that
shouldn't have been some water. I mean, she doesn't need
to be in water. Constant's little flage. It's a flame.
(22:47):
It's just a flame. I'm sorry. I thought you were
a mer lady for a second. Well, she is a
mer lady, but she's fine. She's just a hop of salt. Wamar.
It's not a marrin ma like. She's a you know what?
I got? What you got? I got an inflatable tub.
You you know what? I got all this water. I'm
gonna need some salt? Do we just eas easy? Go
find that kid? Okay, hey, kid, get your fingers out
(23:11):
of my face, Get your fingers out of her place
to Hey, look, we just need a little bit of that.
So from the preish and the popcorn. Huh, come out.
We need salt, a little salt from the peanuts in
the pop They licked it off, but I got lots
of popcorn left over. We gotta put this kid in
that water. The salt is gonna soak out them. Okay, wait,
that's my daughter, want it? Come with Come with all right? Popping? Oh,
(23:35):
my wife does not want to be in the bath.
Child a kill kill. There we go. Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen to beautiful Fenway Park for today's today's matt Mate
between your buston Red Sox and the Temple Bay Devil
(23:57):
Ray Jeff. First off, it's not a madnee trample Bay.
What the hell is going on. Look, I come from
the theater. Also, I'm a mer person and I'm feeling
degrated right now. Okay, I don't give a ship rise
for our national anthem. We will rock you. That was great,
(24:24):
that was beautiful. I was fantastic. Listen, you guys promised
me a pool from My wife needs more sailing in there.
I'm not solid pop I always always guys, popcorn on
a slip sail. The podcasts coming around. The contact lens
(24:48):
guys gonna be here soon. Contact lens guy is gonna
be here. So he's got all the sailing you need.
Are you sure you want to live our underwater kingdom?
To marry a human? This sounds like a does he? Yeah?
Seems like okay? Card okay, almost knocking down my shut
door down here, Kindilo, King Gillo, Hello the shark man,
(25:13):
all rising now. I'm dealing with a family issue right now.
So Troy, I'm kiss um, don't. I don't think that's appropriate.
That just work, wartime, King gillow kin killo. I've been
hired as a public address announcer in New York City. Godspeed,
(25:36):
good luck to you. Right so I can't help you
fight the shark man. It's all right, he's our greatest trident.
Sports Ball is important. Sports ball is important. Oh I
guess I'll just marry it up. Guy. Look, he'll always
be my daughter. You'll always be hideous and slightly drunk.
But I love you. I'm not a new guys. Put
a nice guy. Do what you must do. Rounding down.
(26:01):
I'm okay. She's h two on intolerant. It's made it
very hard. Good luck to you. Hey, I have a
I have an inhaler. You need my inhaler. You sound
real bad? Are you sure it helps you feel so
much better? Catch? Try? How did you try? Yeah? You
(26:21):
just hold up to your mouth and you the whole thing.
Oh I gotta play. Let me cut it out right
down there? You just rip it open. There you go
(26:45):
think you just killed my mer wife? You? Oh my god,
I did. Oh my god. I didn't mean I could
have a monstroy. I just want to get to the inhaler.
If with the kid didn't think I was going to
kill that, I'm taking you were her father's a king underwater.
Oh my god? What your surgery? Surgeries? Oh yeah, we
(27:08):
need surgery. Oh yeah, surgery. And you saw one of
them make sure esephogal lighting is intact. Oh you got it, Hey,
I asked for surgery first, and he TODs elect well
tonds electedmies a less of me an emergency procedure. But
you did ask first. Hold this needle, man and tons
electimate done and back to right. Sew you up good
(27:31):
and good is new solgery models to set up my jewels.
I could love. Oh my jel, you could never see
her father cat first up for the Temple Bay Devil
rays mako Ortiz's batting three tray eight. Then he's a
(27:52):
shark man, Jeff, he's got a really low O b P.
I'm no Mark Garciapara. I'm here for color well no more.
How do you think baseball has been changed since shark
(28:13):
may have been allowed to play? Well, you know they
shift a lot more than they used to because shark
Man always go apo. So that's a thing, and uh
you know it's it's also there's been a lot more
surgeries needed in the stands has been distracting all season long.
Pitch too. They can't say on base for one thing,
because they gotta keep moving. Also, the pictures of a
tell nowadays they let you know when the pictures come in,
(28:35):
they tell you what they're going to throw. It makes
it a lot easier as a hitter, knowing when and
what is coming here. It comes to fasty, just not
the sport we grew up when you you in Puerto
Rico and me and Atlantis. That's right. They sure have changed,
and I don't know if for the better. Jeff, No,
you're right. No tickets? Can you think it? If you
(28:58):
want to see the game? I got some ticket? What game?
The baseball game? In front of the stadium? The baseball game.
Oh you want to come see it? What's it like? Good? Fun?
You should check it out. I love it? Really yeah? Funky.
How much are they and anyone can play? Yeah? Sure? Yeah?
(29:22):
I mean you're watching a professional game. So the team's
already said, you just watching to play with the big
the big guys. What do you mean you scalped a
place on my team? I got the outfit. I'm ready
to go by into the squad. Anyway, all right, get
out there and do the best. You can't, kid, absolutely,
(29:44):
what is this? It's called baseball, not mom. Look at
that lady out there. She's a lady and she's a
baseball player. I told you anything is possible. Don't call
me not mom anymore? But not mom? What should I
call you? Then? That doesn't make sense. Look at that woman. Hey,
we haven't it. We're having a good time, kiddo. Honey,
(30:04):
we're having a great time. It's so good to see
the two of you getting along. When your mom died
right after you were born, and then I remarried when
you were two months old, I thought it would really
My understanding was it wasn't working out for a while. Yeah,
that was pretty fast. It hadn't been working out. I
just kind of realized how fast that Wasn't you love
my real mom? It hadn't been working out for a while.
(30:26):
Well that's the cover story. But because my mom's okay.
But I don't really know what it's so great about
my mom. Truly, I've done everything. I've done everything. I
make the money, I pay the bills. I wipe your
face when you get things on it. By the way,
I have a booker. Got it. Thanks, It hadn't been
working out for a while, that's what you talk. You
(30:49):
said you didn't even love her, Well, so you never
loved her. That's not true. Woman's throat get slipped today.
She's being dramatic therapy over here. Yeah, Oh, somebody needs therapy.
Can we get three all around? Yeah? Uh? You young lady.
(31:11):
You seem like you're you're a smart person, but sometimes
you don't have to be exactly literal about everything you sir,
you married a little too soon after your first wife died. Ma'am.
She may not call you real mom, but she really thinks,
what are you doing? What are you doing? Tom? No,
no therapy after the seventh thing. Oh, I am so
sorry to take those I'm gonna have to take I
(31:34):
got it. You gotta just clear those right out of
your Head's just when you look at this place, and
I'm so sorry they treated you that way. That's not
how all people are. Land walkers falls off us, a
lot of y'all, a lot Bob, a lot of us.
I'm a sord I'm sorry. We're just gonna I'll just
(31:58):
get one from a convenience stroll. Let's just call I
love I love you too, I love someone. Do you
think we should send a letter to your daddy? He's
gonna be worried if you don't come back down in
all part of the tail is I'm not supposedly gove
formor I'll let I thought we were going to inherit
the kingdom, and indeed you need to ride a reel
(32:24):
for your fish. There, she's not a fish. She's a
mermaidsposed like fish. SA surgery, It's just surgery. It's open wounds. Smell. Okay,
come here, you you think you're such a smart as
you should have respect and talking to put me down. Okay, okay, okay,
(32:47):
I'll put you back down, but I'll tell you what.
You better treat my wife if you too, you better
treat her like she's a being, maybe not a human being,
like a putting the lock of human bank. I'm not human,
but I just want you to treat her very nicely.
(33:07):
I have a pick of murmur and I'll have the bell.
What is she? All right? She could have picked any murman,
but she chose me. I'll tell the bom. I'm a
good guy. Sorry. We were just kind of full of
ourselves because we had tons of therapy during the game. Yeah,
you guys all get this way at Fenway Park pretty
emotionally raw and all that. You passed my test, son,
(33:34):
That's right. This whole thing, it's been an elaborate setup
to find out if you're worthy of my daughter. Oh
my god, king Domico. Sorry, team, we're gonna have to disband.
This was just part of the elaborate plane. Um even, yeah,
your contracts are no. I just started today. I was
(33:55):
having so much fun. We're gonna have to tear down
the stadium. And uh, we spent our torch was learning
play baseball. I know, but I just found out about
it today. But it's self fun, all right. Most of
us spent our entire childhood's learning how to play baseball correctly.
I get that, and I'm sorry, But the trample Bays
and the h I knew that seemed like a fake
team name. And the friend Socks they're they're not real,
(34:16):
and uh, I'm sorry. I can't believe I got drafted
to the friend Socks. And that's the baseball game, folks.
Our third scene is also from Chris from New England
to Christuffer, who second thing he makes Christopher nice, The
(34:38):
second thing he misses are the endless stream of nature
lovers coming to small towns in New England to see
a bunch of dead and dying leaves. Yes, those people,
the leaf peepers, They spend countless hours roaming two lane
roads at a snail's pace, parking in the road, and
trapesing across private property to get their money shot. Thank you, Chris.
(34:59):
I can't wait to see Oh, sorry, it's okay, you
can say it. Okay. I just want to be respectful
of her quietness and all that, you know. I just
want to cannot wait for us to see all the
leaves changing, you know. I'm sorry. No, I can't. I
can't hear you. I can't hear you. I know. I
just want to be respectful of her. I just want
to be respectful of her at the same time, I
(35:20):
want to be able to be I want you to
hear me. Well, sure, but i'm your fiance. Maybe your
two hipsters don't stand on my porch. Well, my wife
is sleeping, and then you won't have to whisper some
how would we know that your life is sleeping? Yeah,
to be fair, this is all God's earth, so we're all.
This is all gods are. Technically, yes, this is all
God's earth, but also technically this is a property that
(35:40):
we purchased together and build this porch with our own hands.
And now you guys get off I'm sorry, am I
interrupting something. I just want to get a photo of this.
It's just perfect. Could you guys get off the porch
really quickly, we'll see what you did if you could
just side. Is like a puzzle that I don't even
(36:01):
have to put together. All right, one time, one time,
one picture, alright, alright, bye bye, backing down. I want
a picture of us. I want a very cheery, happy,
loving picture of us for once. I would love that,
you know. Why don't I get into the leaves and
then and then and then it'll be I'll be a
(36:23):
gift into the leaves everywhere, even better, even better, and
then we'll put it on Instagram and super jealous. Just
those leaves, and thank you, thank you for doing not
for you. I didn't rake them for you, all of us,
for all of us, for ye, for me and Marlene,
that's who I raked them before. Thank you, Marlene, beautiful
(36:46):
lovely name, Marlene Marley as picked it out. Why don't you, Marlene,
into those leaves took a while? Thank you? Here we
got ready? Tell me when you're ready, because I uhould
tell them almost camera, okay, putting it on the right, Marlene,
(37:07):
Why don't you hold them. We're both jumping better. She
just woke up, better than if you're asleep. Exactly. Okaydn't
ask you to do this, you're asleep, Swooper first coffee ready,
Just kidding, That's what my favorite bugs says. So just
go over to the swipe right on that. On that,
just swipe right and then swipe left left and then okay, great,
(37:30):
Now go to the hit in the code. And what's
the code? You know the code? Very simple code. All
codes are one to three four. What wouldn't they be?
I was in World War two and the codes that
we cracked, we're not one to three four were good codes,
(37:51):
and that's why we lost the war. Alright, put out
the traps for those foliage fuckers. This is the year
we get our payback. We gotta get revenge. Those hipsters
have been coming to our neck of the woods and
looking at it our leaves. That's right, leaf peepers, I
(38:11):
call him, I said, a couple of bear traps underneath
some big mound the leaves. That seems excessive, But you
gotta send a message. You gotta make a statement. Yeah,
hopefully we'll get at least one. Oh man, can you
wait to see these leaves? Fu man, go oh my god, Dad,
look at those load leaves? Are those getting off leaves?
(38:32):
How deep is that? I don't want to check it
out my foot. Let me take up my shooting shot it.
I don't want to see that. I don't want anything.
(38:59):
Just kill trying. This is so gross. This is so gross.
(39:20):
Wait is she trying to put out of the trap? Okay,
we're gonna fix this. Oh lady, what are you doing?
This has to be a murder suicide. That's the only
way you could end what murder suicide? Who does what? Well?
(39:46):
You already took care of the murder parts. I'm not
gonna suicide. I'm not going to suicide. Who are you?
I'm not going to suicide. This is our land. But
I had to murder. It wasn't either was a compassion kill.
That's fine. Well, technically she's right New England. You can
(40:07):
do compassion kills. We know what the law in New
England is. I don't have to suicide. Hey, Margo, here alone.
Where's Trevor? Um? He's uh we went to upstate for
the weekend. Yeah, let me see some photos. Okay, Um,
(40:27):
how are you good? Margo? Good. You know, Trevor has
hit me back up. We're supposed to go to a
little bowling alley. It's really Niche just all this like
a reclaimed would he'd love that. Um, we shouldn't talk anymore, Margot.
Nothing's wrong. You're being weird. Stop stop Mago. What's going on? Nothing,
(40:54):
nothing's going on. Why are you looking at me like that?
That's not blood on me? Okay, I didn't say what
blood on me? All right? Something really bad happened. What happens,
really bad happened. Something happened with those those tree people,
not with the tree people. I mean, it's like a long,
(41:15):
weird story. Okay, well, cliff not you probably. I don't
want a cliff note. It really important. We'll just shortened up.
Why would you tell me to cliff note? Which is
like a big thing. I know, but I have a
really short tensions man, and I feel like you're gonna
go on tangents and just like short. Okay, we're gonna
fuck foliage. I mean, he took the first step and
then bear claw, bear trap. But okay, so what's this
(41:42):
guy's name, Trevor? Okay, we're gonna leave him out in
the middle of the road with the bear traps still
stuck to his foot as a warning sign for other
hipsters like you who want to come here and funk
our foliage. But do you think my teeth mark on
his ankles? Is that going to incriminate me in any way?
All right, we're gonna have to knock your teeth. Yeah,
she's like the only solution. Well, I got the boat
(42:04):
of my rifle. It's not clean, but it will work. Okay,
I missed a missed pretty bad. That was just my cheek. Okay,
that's gonna bruise up pretty good. I'll if anyone asked,
you say, it's not blood. It's really trying to get
this picture. What the hill are Mike and Mike doing
over there across the way. We just drag someone out
(42:27):
in the street out there? Uh? Anyway, all right, damn
clothes on. Hey, it's my goddamn front porch. Alright, it's
my goddamn front porch. Let's do that picture again. Let's
do that. Take another picture. That's that's that's Jester. He
was okay Jester with a j Okay, great, Jester. Take
(42:51):
the picture that I'm off duty. Now you can go
back to sleep. If you. I love to, but I'm
up now, well, alright, now I'm up. But Jester can't
take the picture because he got both of his hands
caught in one of Mike and Mike's bear traps. Whoa, whoa,
my god, all right, excuse me, Roy, Roy's it Jester? Yeah,
that's Jester Police, New England Police. We uh, we found
(43:15):
a hold on a second. Let me see your madge.
Hold on a second. Let me take a selfie with
you police office. Okay, we pay taxes though, yes, jealous
when they see this picture. There has been a murder.
There's been a murder, Roy, and it's it's the body's
laying across the street right now. Okay, Mike looks like
(43:37):
the n E p d s here. Yeah, I can't
hear real fast. We did this like five minutes ago.
He look. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about the
New England Police Department have no jurisdiction because it just
describes a general range of area, not a particular I
have a let's start doing a podcast right now's going
(43:58):
on the whole thing. Oh my gosh, it will totally
go online and it will it's up all the time.
You need to detect for you guys. Oh marlin to
be great. Yeah, that would be that thing. This little
do we gee out? Okay, okay, one, don't encourage the
hipsters to come to our property by joining our past.
(44:19):
What am I gonna do? So? I want you to
take a look at this picture on my phone. Tell
me if you recognize this body. Yeah, that's a picture
of you. That's You'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's
a nice body. Yeah, that is a nice body. That
was from my girlfriend. I take a look at this picture.
What does this look like? That looks like somebody emerging
from leaves? We call that that photo. Have you thought
(44:43):
about being a crime photo detective? I have not. Well,
you should apply. It's a good crime photo detective. Signed
me up? Well, I mean I can't sign up right now.
But actually, you know what, card Let me go get
an application. It's in my car here. I'll be right back.
Oh this is exciting. Wanting a job. Well, you know
(45:05):
you've been saying you wanted to change careers. I have
been wanting to change careers for a while. All right,
So welcome to class. Okay, So what we're doing right
now is we're taking photos and we're making sure the
photos are clear visible and CRISP. Okay and CVC. Can
we all say that together? Clear visible Chris clear? Did
you want us to say clear visible CRISP or CVC? Alright? Bingo? Okay,
(45:30):
all right, hold on a second. We're gonna get to
being going a second. Alright, let's just get through this
the first coffee. This is getting away from me, all right,
let's just focus on Okay, alrighty, yes, such such. We're
taking a crime, sa pholos. Let me ask you a question.
Settle it. Bet gifts okay, gifts, as long as they
(45:50):
are clear. Where Sergeant Prescott he usually runs. I really
like him. He's sick right now, Okay, he's sick. Take
a picture. Hello Marlene, and nice to meet you all.
I'm sure. Question. When you take a picture of something gruesome,
are you allowed to show your friends? No? All right,
(46:13):
that's gonna be police property. I want to see your pictures.
I'd like to see those pictures. You can show them too,
because I'm not working, I'm not technically working for the
force yet. Look at this. This is a woman whose
teeth got knocked out. This is a man who got
gned and clap and some little shots. This is really
good amateur work. Yeah, I'm gonna go get some boxes sharp.
(46:36):
Let's look at these pictures alright? Actually, did anyone else
have any gruesome photos? You know that one's a copy yet,
so we don't mind anybody. I've got one of me
taking a shower this morning. Oh that's disgusting. Welcome, You're welcome,
and you're welcome. Wow. I got when I took it
a Sox game last week at mer Lady being cut
open during seventh inning. She looks like salmon on the inside. Yeah,
(46:59):
it was a shore. If I should focus on the
inside or the outside of it? You know, he got
both in this shot, good draw anything, But I think
you've got it. Who am I to say? But he's
got what it takes. I got a picture that that
polish done. When he took that spill off the ninetinges
floor of that building, I got a picture of his
head is split open. Crazy right, So he died. Huh,
(47:21):
Whell that's a tragedy. Why that's too bad? I thought
that stocks game was was ruled a ruse, a ruse
because he was just American to reunite with his daughter
to prove for human boyfriend. The standings are all messed
(47:43):
up now. They don't know who to get the win to,
or how the divisions are gonna have to be re calibrated,
how to make it fair. It's it's a mess, right.
All my money on Temple Base. So I hope they
wind up winning a whole thing. Bad news for you, buddy. Yeah,
I think they're one of the teams that are fictional teams. Friends.
I sixty, No, you're we're gonna get Oh you're saying
(48:08):
you're just sixty. I'm just sixty. My penis is clear visible.
And Chris a professional picture you geez, all right, everyone
got a photo. Great, put it away and we end
(48:28):
with a dick pick. That's our show for today. Let's
thank our alchemists and say goodbye plugs and all that stuff.
Carla Kakowski, Hello, I'm at Carla Kakowski. Vanessa Raglan Hi,
I don't know. Go to Dynasty Instagram, mark specifically, go
(48:53):
to Dynasty. Type on it on the last Wednesday of
every month for work to you, simprov Also Blood and
Treasure Tuesday's a tent on TVs. Congratulations by the way,
it's so cool. It's Craig Kakowski. You can see work
just players at Dynasty Type in the last Wednesday of
the month. You can see Orange Tuxedo with me and
Carla Kaikowski with a guest the first Wednesday of the
month at the west Side Comedy Theater in Santa Monica.
(49:15):
James Aney, you can catch Joey Greer myself in a
group called Bear Supply at the Westside Comedy Theater second
and fourth Wednesdays at nine pm for free, just for
five dollars. Uh. And in addition to that, I redid
my website in three dot com So anything else you wanted,
that's the go to Hub Joey a hot Wednesday comedy
that's going on. And check out James's uh Instagram at
(49:38):
the Real James. He made a little animation from our
last You don't have to, but if you don't, we're
cursing you, so check it out. I don't think it's
a great representation of it's it's an artistic rendering. It
doesn't mean what you're seeing as accurate. Its just what
they envision. I think we all feel the characters looks
like I think that Okay, you can make your own decision.
I just think it's a weird picture, but one just
(50:00):
bigger than the massive um Yeah, but no checking out.
We've established a lot of good Wednesday shows, but the
first Thursday of the month at ten o'clock in the
West Comedy Theater is pretty pretty pony, which is me,
Joey grierv and us Raging Buch other folks, especially guest monologist.
(50:20):
That's always fun. I'm at Stratton Cole on Instagram at
cool Stratton on Twitter. I believe thanks for tuning in.
Let's also thank our engineer Doug Baby, our post sound
design artist Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichterman, and of
course I heart media that all of you to write
(50:43):
a review, tell everyone you've ever met about the podcast,
and write to us at your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Until next time, and a good and a
(51:05):
football pell and a football pepper.
Hello, lovely listeners. Kevin Pollock here just letting you know
the next live show for Alchemy. This will be on
July one, seven pm West Side Comedy Theater. If you're
in the Santa Monica, California area or anywhere near it
July one, please come join us. Tickets to go fast
as I did last time. We'd love to see you there.
Go to west Side Comedy dot com for more. Welcome
(00:23):
back to another episode of Alchemy. This once again piloting
this comedy dirigible is me Cole Stratton, filling in for
Kevin Pollock while he films the usual suspects to Hockney's
adventure in Queen's Let's go ahead and meet today's Alchemists. First, up,
a huffle puff in sitherin clothing, Vanessa Ragland. No, I
(00:44):
don't answer to that. Well, be which Hogwarts has? Do
you want to be in one? I've taken the quizzes.
I'm a humble but it just bums me out that
you know, I figured. Next, it's a guy who looks
(01:07):
like the offspring of any eighties teen movie villain, Joey Greer.
Thank you, Joey. What fashion think for me? Youth? Do
you want to bring back cowboy boots. I just just
cowboy boots, nothing else. Nice. She's the wind beneath my wings.
Carla Kakowski, Carla, how many times have you seen beaches?
(01:31):
Honestly at thousands without and it? Yet it never ends differently,
it never does. But man, Bette Midler, she really can sing.
You never had a friend like him. It's Mark Gagliardi. Hi, Mark,
you played a Latin gene. Do you think Will Smith
Scott what it takes? Yes? I do. I think he's
got what it takes. I think it doesn't have nearly
(01:52):
enough blue on him through most of that movie. If
we all had to get painted blue, he's got to
get painted blue. There you go. Next up is everyone's
favorite exper it on water carbonation, Craig. Craig, what's the
best flavor of fizzy water? Well, I'm gonna go with
pample Moose because Lacroix is a sponsor for this podcast,
(02:12):
and if they aren't, they should be. Finally A master
of the Sega game gear James Heeney, That's incredible that
you know that. That's how many people realize I've beaten
the sonic game that was released on game gear I figured,
what are they overdue to make a movie? If you well,
obviously I can't say Sonic because they're doing it, like
it or not. I would say we could really use
(02:34):
a video game of Oh god, this is a big question.
Would agree with that. I think that we've had the conversation.
All right, Well, let's get to our first scene. Okay, okay,
let's never do this. Just friend to send a shout
(02:55):
out and maybe maybe suggest careful listening from St. Sebastian School. Key,
we've got an eighth grade at least one eighth grade fan?
Uh so is that I just want for everything I've done?
Anything clear? Is your parents? Whether or not you be
thinking about those things? I don't know. We're just gonna live.
Bleep the show stand, school kid, drink Lacroix. Well. All
(03:19):
of today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write the podcast
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our first
scene comes from Kane, who wrote, Hello, my name is Kane.
I just wanted to say that I have a bruised rib.
It hurts to laugh this show hurts so good, but
(03:41):
I think it would make a great scene if you're
all at a Bingo night for the elderly. Thanks for
the great show, and I listen every week the day
they drop, keep on, keeping on sixteen. I said sixteen,
There is there is no sixteen. B I don't have sixteen.
Well then you can't. You can't block it off, Then
(04:03):
have six to me. I have a be only yelling
out with bingo. Oh, dominic, dominic, You're gonna have to
be a lot nicer to the patrons, as nice as
I can be. I know, and I'd like it to
be nicer, Dominic. I have a one in a six.
I've got a one in a series. Do not freak
out this car. What happened to Eugene? He's the old caller.
(04:26):
Eugene has gotten sick, so I gotta take over for
a bit. I like Eugene. He's very charming. Eugene is great.
Eugene liked me. Wait a second, I'm dating Eugene. Oh,
not liked me. Liked me? Okay, it's liked me. Okay.
He liked you, liked you, didn't he liked like like
(04:47):
like he like like Sandra, You wrestle. Amazing. Thank you.
He had a pun or a joke for every number
in the Bengo tin J seventy seven. There's no J
Jay seventy seven, Dominic. Could we be a little less
compative in a little more punny. I think I'm being
(05:09):
as less compative as I can be right now. Oh
that was kind of cute what you just did right there.
I like that a little bit. Watch out, she's handsy.
This game is really slowed down. Sorry, I got seventeen
boards and I'm dabbing all of them. You've been greasing
your wheels. Huh, that's right. I'm planning to Wooden tonight.
(05:31):
Oh boy, Carl, I've been calling you and you've not
been returning my message. Have you been calling cars because
he likes me? This is unfair. I figured you gotta
be koy at eighty six. So I'm waiting the two
and a half months before I return your call, which
will be in the form of a nice thank you
for calling card that I send you to your mailing address.
(05:54):
Well that sounds very sweet, So I'll just wait in anticipation.
I'm dying alone. A fifty seven. Would there be any
Maybe it's a knockoff board. Maybe it's bjo? Are we
playing banjo? Nomin questions? Only speak out when you have bingo?
(06:17):
Watch Germany. It's dominic. It's dominic. I like that. I
like the way that you will get real upset. Great. Wait,
was that a seventy seven banjo? Alright? Alright, Carl, let
me see your card here. It's right here. I'm sure
it's accurate that that inexplicably that does say banjo, and
(06:38):
you have filled out the whole card. Looks like you
get your prize. Oh will you take me on a
date in two months? You sent me that card? Just
don't die in the interim. I won't. I'm never gonna die.
If she dies, I might be alive. I'm never dying.
No promises, but I pretty hell flee Carl. And I've
(07:02):
taken care of a man before until he died and
I I buried in myself. Carl and that dudes are
same for you. I'm sorry this is just coming off
as desperate. I'm a big banjoe winner. Now I don't
have time for your Carl. Come on that, relax, relax.
I am god, He's God. Don't you say I'm down here?
(07:28):
Get up, Dominic. You're so strong. You're very strong. Thank you.
All right, Where's where's Eugene? He's our normal caller. He's sick.
Eugene is still sick, and Dominic's taking up. Don't worry,
you know what, Let I'll get more shardony. Dominique. You're
(07:50):
making me feel as light as a baby, the way
you're carrying me, very soft skin and soft bones. It's
because I don't touch many things, and many of the
don't touch me. I flake like a pastry. I love croissance.
I look like a croissant. Yeah, you really do. That's taste.
(08:15):
Put my teeth out from me. Look at the rated
art movie going on over here. My goodness, we gotta
turn that off. That's too much, that's too violent for everybody.
Excuse me, you must be Dominic. You're putting away that
bingo stuff in the back of your car. Yeah, hey,
(08:36):
I'm I'm from the group where you're to collect the skimmings.
The group you mean, I'm the guy that runs the
gambling here. Yeah, we works for him. We works for
the guy. All right, gentlemen, if you want to go
back inside that dominic, you don't want to go the
way that eutene did do you Domini? You need to
(08:58):
hold me with two hands. Put you down? Why you
holding that? Lady's kind of going on a date. Her
legs are so softer, bones, so soft to scar really walk.
But listen, Dominic, it's customary. You give us a couple
hundred dollars. Stop poking me with your kids. It's you know,
give me some money. Do you work for your gene? No,
(09:19):
we worked for the down. You know the down. This
guy's mom. Listen, this is outside of your area. I
wasn't trying to bring you into it. But this guy here,
this Domine, she's baking. Stop poker, she's flaking. Dominic. I'm
gonna come here tomorrow, and you better have twice the
(09:40):
money from the spingo games. It's just prizes, it's just price.
It's just prizes. Okay, Well I need ten percent of
those prices tomorrow. Yeah, boss needs ten percent. Okay. Great,
being extorted by two elderly men, you got it. We're
not that. We're not that. We your old Let me done.
Mitchellski is all. We're not that all. You guys are all.
(10:03):
They're all. Don't say that. I got a lot of
years ahead of me. I don't want to. I had
to give you a really good Okay, we got the take, uh, Don,
Don Mitchellski. What do we got? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, we
we we got just just just like he didn't understand that,
the old Don, he didn't understand that the Eugene didn't
(10:26):
understand the deal for years. No, Dot, Don, we already
killed Eugene. We had to kill the guy. Look, I've
been the head of the Polish mob in this town
for for so long. The truth is, ever since you
ended up in this home here, I don't think you've
had the same kind of is he used to out
in the streets. Yeah, well, well yeah, well what do
(10:48):
we got? What do we got? Well, we got nothing today,
but I think we sent the message to give us
ten percent of the skimmings tomorrow. Yeah, we might get
some some bingo prices for you. A miski you know it, candy?
If I put some cinnamin in it, you better put
some cup. Don Mitchellski, how come she gets to call
(11:11):
you Mr? We gotta call you done. It's done. Just
your first name, Don is my first name. But I'm
also the goddamn Don. Okay, Okay, I'm Don Donald Matchewski,
head of the Polish mob. Okay, I think maybe it's
time that you pass on the reins, pass the torch,
past the torch, and things down if you will. All Right,
(11:36):
what are you talking about here? You're too old. Both
of us were already getting old. Two people say, well,
you're pretty old. Yeah, but we're next in line. Yeah.
I mean I'm in line behind him, so you know,
I'm like the speaker of this particular house. Uneasy is
the head that wears the crown. Well, I've been doing
(11:57):
this case for probably forty is trying to take down? Then?
Do you want to write this down or is this
just for an extra credit project that you're doing. Yeah,
I'm just writing a report on what's it like to
be a detective from my fifth grade class. Well, it's tough.
You don't rest until the job is done, and not
every don't ever rest. I've never rested, I've never slept.
(12:19):
I only eat what I have to and I you
earn it on myself all the time. That's pretty much
my life. Wow, but I'm not going to rest until
the don is in jail. Okay, Um, what would you
say your favorite part of the job is? Uh, we'll
connecting with you. Yeah, I gotta feel six pages. So
could you talk a little more about it? Well, it
(12:42):
uh started about forty years ago. Okay, sergeant, I got
your apple sauce. Oh, thank you so much. Could you
open it my hands? Thank you? And I'm only gonna
eat this when I have to. All right? Is it true?
You're thirty one? It is? It is not resting really
ages yet, it really really does. Yes, have you ever
(13:06):
killed a guy? Yes? I have bare hands, knive guns,
you name it. I've actually had animals trained to attack people.
What you name it. I can throw scenarios in which
you we have killed people at you and you'll tell
you if you've done it. Push somebody in front of
a train, yes, Um made them watch all of alf
and not eat okay, um bandanas? Yes, a magic trick
(13:31):
gone wrong? Yes? Wow, uh your soft lips. Yes, young man,
you're getting this Principle's office right now. I read your
paper accurate. I don't care if it's a accurate. It
is NC sevent team rate. And some of the things
you wrote in this paper. You just listed seventy three
(13:53):
ways to kill a man. That's right. And then there
was a little bit of weird smud at the end,
he's don't yell at my son. I read the PA,
but myself I approved the paper man. That might that
might say something about you as well. I'm sure it does,
and I also approve of it of our son. Our
son is wonderful. Yes, your son is wonderful. He is
a gifted writer. The problem is he and I are
(14:15):
empathic parents, truly are so much so that I know
exactly how he's feeling right at this moment, I know
how doll he's feeling. Look, look, Mrs and Mrs Kombucha,
can you please, just for a moment try and see
it from the school's point of view? Of course we can.
We're in paths. I'm seeing it. I'm a brick building.
It's horrible. Could it be you have no problem with
(14:39):
my paper, but you just have a problem with my
two moms. I mean, I didn't want to say that
a lot. It's just you know, your son is showing
graphic depictions of death and murder, have you, Yes, I've
heard of Maltese falcon Bring a bell and you'll pedestrian mind. Look,
(15:03):
you don't get to be the principle of a school
without having seen the Maltese falcon and having a decidedly
non pedestrian fully driver's license. I' not even had a manicure.
I don't see how that has anything to do with it.
Oh well, if you, if you had had a manicure,
maybe you'd understand. Maybe you don't understand fine of things.
This is noa, this is NOA. Now I think we've
(15:24):
won this round, all right, Queen kiss, watch the school
for a while. Well, it's Bingo night again. I hope
you Jean's back. I've already finished his entire bottle of
shot in a. Oh they're already given it out. Yeah,
well I stole it. I was in for four days.
(15:48):
Four days I was in the pack. Oh no, they
forgot about you. It was a speedbumplias my drench. They
if I try up against my body survived, alright. Sorry,
So I am. I'm Trevor, that dominant. He's sick. So
(16:11):
I'm Trevor Dominic. Damnique left me to dry. Hey, Trevor,
I was the big banjo winner last week. Here's ten
percent of my prize quilt. I was told I had
to cut it all from bring it here as tribute
or something. Oh, I don't know anything about that. Thank
you for the gift. I'll keep that right here. You
look like a very nice guy, and I think you're
(16:33):
gonna do great. I think everyone's gonna do great. Are
you okay? Man? You're flaking skin and I'm getting great. Okay, okay,
my this isn't blush on me cheeks. That's plasm Okay, Uh,
let's all get started. Everyone has a sheet, and I
(16:54):
have seven more weeks until I received Kyle's car. Does
that correct? Call? Seven more weeks? Drafting it up as
we speak, But I keep calling and leaving messages. Oh
that's a little romance going on here. Yes, oh that's great. Yes,
excuse me, just let me roll my way, sir. I've
come for my ten percent of the prize. That's right here.
(17:17):
Oh well, there's there's all just we have boxed wine,
we have another quilt, and we got fifteen dollar gift
card to Algard. So these are all prizes that anyone
can win. Is donn your first name? Donald? Oh? Donald? Yes,
lovely to meet you. Out of the Polish mob nos
drovia nostrovia. I'm also Polish. Hey here my girl, she's
(17:44):
my girl. Okay, of all the girls here, whoa, whoa,
Don get my yellow Okay, I get to choose which part.
All right, let's just get into the bingo it a
flake to go? I sixty, I sixty, Banjo. Okay, well't
(18:10):
we just started. So let's see here. I sixty, I sixty,
you're sixty sixty stuff larting with Don. I've got my
service revolver here some players and found it taking it
out in years and so it's still loaded. Head on,
(18:31):
back away slowly, revolver. You don't put a goddamn gun
on me. It's a really rated movie in here, isn't it.
A knife bears in his cane, poking with my cow.
Oh my god, my bleeding out in a shot travel
(18:57):
I sixty, I sixty. You're way older, Amy and Benjo.
We did everybody, We did it. That's it. That's right.
About four more hours left in that saga. Yeah, I
feel poor woman who has left out? All right. Seen
(19:22):
two comes from Chris, who wrote, Hello alchemists, you missed me?
Great scene about people they really missed someone. I mean
this could be him as a recent transplant from l
A to New England. There are a few things I'm
going to miss Dearly. The first is going to Fenway
Park to watch the Red Sox with my dad. I
(19:44):
was always fascinated by the roaming concession sellers and their
untenny ability to throw bags of peanuts accurately from a
section over, and their ability to remain emotionless in the
face of hecklers and the inebriated. Thank you for consistently
bringing me to tears from laughing so hard. And no,
thank you for doing wind creezing down the four of five.
Cheers Chris, Oh, he's here to l a Now wait
(20:06):
what welcome christ Car. He's my section buddy. Come on, yeah,
but you're selling peanuts. I've selling popcorn. I'm prenus over
here to get the all out of here. Look look, look, look, look.
You've seen nobody want peanuts and popcorn. I never seen them.
A good dame. If only one salty treat put person,
that's effect cracker jacks, both peanuts and popcorn and him
(20:27):
get either. Guys got cracker jacks? Wait? Hang on one second,
Hang on one second, head guy, Hey, hey, Pally, what
let me just throw a quick idea to you quick.
Let's say we mix up some of my pean some
of what I got. Okay, I got some of your peanuts.
We sell this guy some cracker jacks. We're gonna need
(20:48):
somebody with a toy, though, because they always got a
toy in a bottom. There's a kid over there. What
do you want? Get out of my face, get your
fingers out of It's a good one. It's a car.
It's a car. It turns into a machine because the
car is a machine you talking about? Please go talk
to her. So where is this? I'm the mother, she's
(21:10):
my step mom. Why did you have to say that?
Because I wanted to be clear. I've been your step
mom since you're two months old. What's going on? It?
What's going on? You don't you know what? I don't
see anyone else stepping up to the mother play, and
yet I don't get the title of mother. I don't
like this. Okay, she's not wrong, but I just wanted
to be super specific stepmother. Where's the real moment that's said?
(21:34):
Still now I feel a little bad about coming up
and trying to take a cop to tell me why
you wanted you want my car? Because some guy wanted
cracket Jackson. We got cracket jacks, but we got popcorn
and peanuts, and all we needed was a toy to
make a complete cracket jackset. And if I can have
your popcorn and your peanuts and some cracket jacks and
give you my car, that's all right, that sounds good.
He has all of my popcorn. Now he had a car,
(21:56):
all right, don't forget it turns into a machine. Car
is already a machine. Kid. When will you call me
your mother? Yeah, they missed it. Yeah, I think we
got that cracker jack audio we're looking for. Uh, that's
a hot Wheels car. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I
don't want this. I want some cracker jacks. I don't
want to garbage. My wife needs food right now. All right,
(22:24):
she's fine, but she's been drinking probably more than she
should without food. I'm not gonna give for a hot
Fields car. She doesn't look too good, all right. It's
just been a long day waiting for this baseball. Also
also with hello and half being a fin like that
shouldn't have been some water. I mean, she doesn't need
to be in water. Constant's little flage. It's a flame.
(22:47):
It's just a flame. I'm sorry. I thought you were
a mer lady for a second. Well, she is a
mer lady, but she's fine. She's just a hop of salt. Wamar.
It's not a marrin ma like. She's a you know what?
I got? What you got? I got an inflatable tub.
You you know what? I got all this water. I'm
gonna need some salt? Do we just eas easy? Go
find that kid? Okay, hey, kid, get your fingers out
(23:11):
of my face, Get your fingers out of her place
to Hey, look, we just need a little bit of that.
So from the preish and the popcorn. Huh, come out.
We need salt, a little salt from the peanuts in
the pop They licked it off, but I got lots
of popcorn left over. We gotta put this kid in
that water. The salt is gonna soak out them. Okay, wait,
that's my daughter, want it? Come with Come with all right? Popping? Oh,
(23:35):
my wife does not want to be in the bath.
Child a kill kill. There we go. Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen to beautiful Fenway Park for today's today's matt Mate
between your buston Red Sox and the Temple Bay Devil
(23:57):
Ray Jeff. First off, it's not a madnee trample Bay.
What the hell is going on. Look, I come from
the theater. Also, I'm a mer person and I'm feeling
degrated right now. Okay, I don't give a ship rise
for our national anthem. We will rock you. That was great,
(24:24):
that was beautiful. I was fantastic. Listen, you guys promised
me a pool from My wife needs more sailing in there.
I'm not solid pop I always always guys, popcorn on
a slip sail. The podcasts coming around. The contact lens
(24:48):
guys gonna be here soon. Contact lens guy is gonna
be here. So he's got all the sailing you need.
Are you sure you want to live our underwater kingdom?
To marry a human? This sounds like a does he? Yeah?
Seems like okay? Card okay, almost knocking down my shut
door down here, Kindilo, King Gillo, Hello the shark man,
(25:13):
all rising now. I'm dealing with a family issue right now.
So Troy, I'm kiss um, don't. I don't think that's appropriate.
That just work, wartime, King gillow kin killo. I've been
hired as a public address announcer in New York City. Godspeed,
(25:36):
good luck to you. Right so I can't help you
fight the shark man. It's all right, he's our greatest trident.
Sports Ball is important. Sports ball is important. Oh I
guess I'll just marry it up. Guy. Look, he'll always
be my daughter. You'll always be hideous and slightly drunk.
But I love you. I'm not a new guys. Put
a nice guy. Do what you must do. Rounding down.
(26:01):
I'm okay. She's h two on intolerant. It's made it
very hard. Good luck to you. Hey, I have a
I have an inhaler. You need my inhaler. You sound
real bad? Are you sure it helps you feel so
much better? Catch? Try? How did you try? Yeah? You
(26:21):
just hold up to your mouth and you the whole thing.
Oh I gotta play. Let me cut it out right
down there? You just rip it open. There you go
(26:45):
think you just killed my mer wife? You? Oh my god,
I did. Oh my god. I didn't mean I could
have a monstroy. I just want to get to the inhaler.
If with the kid didn't think I was going to
kill that, I'm taking you were her father's a king underwater.
Oh my god? What your surgery? Surgeries? Oh yeah, we
(27:08):
need surgery. Oh yeah, surgery. And you saw one of
them make sure esephogal lighting is intact. Oh you got it, Hey,
I asked for surgery first, and he TODs elect well
tonds electedmies a less of me an emergency procedure. But
you did ask first. Hold this needle, man and tons
electimate done and back to right. Sew you up good
(27:31):
and good is new solgery models to set up my jewels.
I could love. Oh my jel, you could never see
her father cat first up for the Temple Bay Devil
rays mako Ortiz's batting three tray eight. Then he's a
(27:52):
shark man, Jeff, he's got a really low O b P.
I'm no Mark Garciapara. I'm here for color well no more.
How do you think baseball has been changed since shark
(28:13):
may have been allowed to play? Well, you know they
shift a lot more than they used to because shark
Man always go apo. So that's a thing, and uh
you know it's it's also there's been a lot more
surgeries needed in the stands has been distracting all season long.
Pitch too. They can't say on base for one thing,
because they gotta keep moving. Also, the pictures of a
tell nowadays they let you know when the pictures come in,
(28:35):
they tell you what they're going to throw. It makes
it a lot easier as a hitter, knowing when and
what is coming here. It comes to fasty, just not
the sport we grew up when you you in Puerto
Rico and me and Atlantis. That's right. They sure have changed,
and I don't know if for the better. Jeff, No,
you're right. No tickets? Can you think it? If you
(28:58):
want to see the game? I got some ticket? What game?
The baseball game? In front of the stadium? The baseball game.
Oh you want to come see it? What's it like? Good? Fun?
You should check it out. I love it? Really yeah? Funky.
How much are they and anyone can play? Yeah? Sure? Yeah?
(29:22):
I mean you're watching a professional game. So the team's
already said, you just watching to play with the big
the big guys. What do you mean you scalped a
place on my team? I got the outfit. I'm ready
to go by into the squad. Anyway, all right, get
out there and do the best. You can't, kid, absolutely,
(29:44):
what is this? It's called baseball, not mom. Look at
that lady out there. She's a lady and she's a
baseball player. I told you anything is possible. Don't call
me not mom anymore? But not mom? What should I
call you? Then? That doesn't make sense. Look at that woman. Hey,
we haven't it. We're having a good time, kiddo. Honey,
(30:04):
we're having a great time. It's so good to see
the two of you getting along. When your mom died
right after you were born, and then I remarried when
you were two months old, I thought it would really
My understanding was it wasn't working out for a while. Yeah,
that was pretty fast. It hadn't been working out. I
just kind of realized how fast that Wasn't you love
my real mom? It hadn't been working out for a while.
(30:26):
Well that's the cover story. But because my mom's okay.
But I don't really know what it's so great about
my mom. Truly, I've done everything. I've done everything. I
make the money, I pay the bills. I wipe your
face when you get things on it. By the way,
I have a booker. Got it. Thanks, It hadn't been
working out for a while, that's what you talk. You
(30:49):
said you didn't even love her, Well, so you never
loved her. That's not true. Woman's throat get slipped today.
She's being dramatic therapy over here. Yeah, Oh, somebody needs therapy.
Can we get three all around? Yeah? Uh? You young lady.
(31:11):
You seem like you're you're a smart person, but sometimes
you don't have to be exactly literal about everything you sir,
you married a little too soon after your first wife died. Ma'am.
She may not call you real mom, but she really thinks,
what are you doing? What are you doing? Tom? No,
no therapy after the seventh thing. Oh, I am so
sorry to take those I'm gonna have to take I
(31:34):
got it. You gotta just clear those right out of
your Head's just when you look at this place, and
I'm so sorry they treated you that way. That's not
how all people are. Land walkers falls off us, a
lot of y'all, a lot Bob, a lot of us.
I'm a sord I'm sorry. We're just gonna I'll just
(31:58):
get one from a convenience stroll. Let's just call I
love I love you too, I love someone. Do you
think we should send a letter to your daddy? He's
gonna be worried if you don't come back down in
all part of the tail is I'm not supposedly gove
formor I'll let I thought we were going to inherit
the kingdom, and indeed you need to ride a reel
(32:24):
for your fish. There, she's not a fish. She's a
mermaidsposed like fish. SA surgery, It's just surgery. It's open wounds. Smell. Okay,
come here, you you think you're such a smart as
you should have respect and talking to put me down. Okay, okay, okay,
(32:47):
I'll put you back down, but I'll tell you what.
You better treat my wife if you too, you better
treat her like she's a being, maybe not a human being,
like a putting the lock of human bank. I'm not human,
but I just want you to treat her very nicely.
(33:07):
I have a pick of murmur and I'll have the bell.
What is she? All right? She could have picked any murman,
but she chose me. I'll tell the bom. I'm a
good guy. Sorry. We were just kind of full of
ourselves because we had tons of therapy during the game. Yeah,
you guys all get this way at Fenway Park pretty
emotionally raw and all that. You passed my test, son,
(33:34):
That's right. This whole thing, it's been an elaborate setup
to find out if you're worthy of my daughter. Oh
my god, king Domico. Sorry, team, we're gonna have to disband.
This was just part of the elaborate plane. Um even, yeah,
your contracts are no. I just started today. I was
(33:55):
having so much fun. We're gonna have to tear down
the stadium. And uh, we spent our torch was learning
play baseball. I know, but I just found out about
it today. But it's self fun, all right. Most of
us spent our entire childhood's learning how to play baseball correctly.
I get that, and I'm sorry, But the trample Bays
and the h I knew that seemed like a fake
team name. And the friend Socks they're they're not real,
(34:16):
and uh, I'm sorry. I can't believe I got drafted
to the friend Socks. And that's the baseball game, folks.
Our third scene is also from Chris from New England
to Christuffer, who second thing he makes Christopher nice, The
(34:38):
second thing he misses are the endless stream of nature
lovers coming to small towns in New England to see
a bunch of dead and dying leaves. Yes, those people,
the leaf peepers, They spend countless hours roaming two lane
roads at a snail's pace, parking in the road, and
trapesing across private property to get their money shot. Thank you, Chris.
(34:59):
I can't wait to see Oh, sorry, it's okay, you
can say it. Okay. I just want to be respectful
of her quietness and all that, you know. I just
want to cannot wait for us to see all the
leaves changing, you know. I'm sorry. No, I can't. I
can't hear you. I can't hear you. I know. I
just want to be respectful of her. I just want
to be respectful of her at the same time, I
(35:20):
want to be able to be I want you to
hear me. Well, sure, but i'm your fiance. Maybe your
two hipsters don't stand on my porch. Well, my wife
is sleeping, and then you won't have to whisper some
how would we know that your life is sleeping? Yeah,
to be fair, this is all God's earth, so we're all.
This is all gods are. Technically, yes, this is all
God's earth, but also technically this is a property that
(35:40):
we purchased together and build this porch with our own hands.
And now you guys get off I'm sorry, am I
interrupting something. I just want to get a photo of this.
It's just perfect. Could you guys get off the porch
really quickly, we'll see what you did if you could
just side. Is like a puzzle that I don't even
(36:01):
have to put together. All right, one time, one time,
one picture, alright, alright, bye bye, backing down. I want
a picture of us. I want a very cheery, happy,
loving picture of us for once. I would love that,
you know. Why don't I get into the leaves and
then and then and then it'll be I'll be a
(36:23):
gift into the leaves everywhere, even better, even better, and
then we'll put it on Instagram and super jealous. Just
those leaves, and thank you, thank you for doing not
for you. I didn't rake them for you, all of us,
for all of us, for ye, for me and Marlene,
that's who I raked them before. Thank you, Marlene, beautiful
(36:46):
lovely name, Marlene Marley as picked it out. Why don't you, Marlene,
into those leaves took a while? Thank you? Here we
got ready? Tell me when you're ready, because I uhould
tell them almost camera, okay, putting it on the right, Marlene,
(37:07):
Why don't you hold them. We're both jumping better. She
just woke up, better than if you're asleep. Exactly. Okaydn't
ask you to do this, you're asleep, Swooper first coffee ready,
Just kidding, That's what my favorite bugs says. So just
go over to the swipe right on that. On that,
just swipe right and then swipe left left and then okay, great,
(37:30):
Now go to the hit in the code. And what's
the code? You know the code? Very simple code. All
codes are one to three four. What wouldn't they be?
I was in World War two and the codes that
we cracked, we're not one to three four were good codes,
(37:51):
and that's why we lost the war. Alright, put out
the traps for those foliage fuckers. This is the year
we get our payback. We gotta get revenge. Those hipsters
have been coming to our neck of the woods and
looking at it our leaves. That's right, leaf peepers, I
(38:11):
call him, I said, a couple of bear traps underneath
some big mound the leaves. That seems excessive, But you
gotta send a message. You gotta make a statement. Yeah,
hopefully we'll get at least one. Oh man, can you
wait to see these leaves? Fu man, go oh my god, Dad,
look at those load leaves? Are those getting off leaves?
(38:32):
How deep is that? I don't want to check it
out my foot. Let me take up my shooting shot it.
I don't want to see that. I don't want anything.
(38:59):
Just kill trying. This is so gross. This is so gross.
(39:20):
Wait is she trying to put out of the trap? Okay,
we're gonna fix this. Oh lady, what are you doing?
This has to be a murder suicide. That's the only
way you could end what murder suicide? Who does what? Well?
(39:46):
You already took care of the murder parts. I'm not
gonna suicide. I'm not going to suicide. Who are you?
I'm not going to suicide. This is our land. But
I had to murder. It wasn't either was a compassion kill.
That's fine. Well, technically she's right New England. You can
(40:07):
do compassion kills. We know what the law in New
England is. I don't have to suicide. Hey, Margo, here alone.
Where's Trevor? Um? He's uh we went to upstate for
the weekend. Yeah, let me see some photos. Okay, Um,
(40:27):
how are you good? Margo? Good. You know, Trevor has
hit me back up. We're supposed to go to a
little bowling alley. It's really Niche just all this like
a reclaimed would he'd love that. Um, we shouldn't talk anymore, Margot.
Nothing's wrong. You're being weird. Stop stop Mago. What's going on? Nothing,
(40:54):
nothing's going on. Why are you looking at me like that?
That's not blood on me? Okay, I didn't say what
blood on me? All right? Something really bad happened. What happens,
really bad happened. Something happened with those those tree people,
not with the tree people. I mean, it's like a long,
(41:15):
weird story. Okay, well, cliff not you probably. I don't
want a cliff note. It really important. We'll just shortened up.
Why would you tell me to cliff note? Which is
like a big thing. I know, but I have a
really short tensions man, and I feel like you're gonna
go on tangents and just like short. Okay, we're gonna
fuck foliage. I mean, he took the first step and
then bear claw, bear trap. But okay, so what's this
(41:42):
guy's name, Trevor? Okay, we're gonna leave him out in
the middle of the road with the bear traps still
stuck to his foot as a warning sign for other
hipsters like you who want to come here and funk
our foliage. But do you think my teeth mark on
his ankles? Is that going to incriminate me in any way?
All right, we're gonna have to knock your teeth. Yeah,
she's like the only solution. Well, I got the boat
(42:04):
of my rifle. It's not clean, but it will work. Okay,
I missed a missed pretty bad. That was just my cheek. Okay,
that's gonna bruise up pretty good. I'll if anyone asked,
you say, it's not blood. It's really trying to get
this picture. What the hill are Mike and Mike doing
over there across the way. We just drag someone out
(42:27):
in the street out there? Uh? Anyway, all right, damn
clothes on. Hey, it's my goddamn front porch. Alright, it's
my goddamn front porch. Let's do that picture again. Let's
do that. Take another picture. That's that's that's Jester. He
was okay Jester with a j Okay, great, Jester. Take
(42:51):
the picture that I'm off duty. Now you can go
back to sleep. If you. I love to, but I'm
up now, well, alright, now I'm up. But Jester can't
take the picture because he got both of his hands
caught in one of Mike and Mike's bear traps. Whoa, whoa,
my god, all right, excuse me, Roy, Roy's it Jester? Yeah,
that's Jester Police, New England Police. We uh, we found
(43:15):
a hold on a second. Let me see your madge.
Hold on a second. Let me take a selfie with
you police office. Okay, we pay taxes though, yes, jealous
when they see this picture. There has been a murder.
There's been a murder, Roy, and it's it's the body's
laying across the street right now. Okay, Mike looks like
(43:37):
the n E p d s here. Yeah, I can't
hear real fast. We did this like five minutes ago.
He look. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about the
New England Police Department have no jurisdiction because it just
describes a general range of area, not a particular I
have a let's start doing a podcast right now's going
(43:58):
on the whole thing. Oh my gosh, it will totally
go online and it will it's up all the time.
You need to detect for you guys. Oh marlin to
be great. Yeah, that would be that thing. This little
do we gee out? Okay, okay, one, don't encourage the
hipsters to come to our property by joining our past.
(44:19):
What am I gonna do? So? I want you to
take a look at this picture on my phone. Tell
me if you recognize this body. Yeah, that's a picture
of you. That's You'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's
a nice body. Yeah, that is a nice body. That
was from my girlfriend. I take a look at this picture.
What does this look like? That looks like somebody emerging
from leaves? We call that that photo. Have you thought
(44:43):
about being a crime photo detective? I have not. Well,
you should apply. It's a good crime photo detective. Signed
me up? Well, I mean I can't sign up right now.
But actually, you know what, card Let me go get
an application. It's in my car here. I'll be right back.
Oh this is exciting. Wanting a job. Well, you know
(45:05):
you've been saying you wanted to change careers. I have
been wanting to change careers for a while. All right,
So welcome to class. Okay, So what we're doing right
now is we're taking photos and we're making sure the
photos are clear visible and CRISP. Okay and CVC. Can
we all say that together? Clear visible Chris clear? Did
you want us to say clear visible CRISP or CVC? Alright? Bingo? Okay,
(45:30):
all right, hold on a second. We're gonna get to
being going a second. Alright, let's just get through this
the first coffee. This is getting away from me, all right,
let's just focus on Okay, alrighty, yes, such such. We're
taking a crime, sa pholos. Let me ask you a question.
Settle it. Bet gifts okay, gifts, as long as they
(45:50):
are clear. Where Sergeant Prescott he usually runs. I really
like him. He's sick right now, Okay, he's sick. Take
a picture. Hello Marlene, and nice to meet you all.
I'm sure. Question. When you take a picture of something gruesome,
are you allowed to show your friends? No? All right,
(46:13):
that's gonna be police property. I want to see your pictures.
I'd like to see those pictures. You can show them too,
because I'm not working, I'm not technically working for the
force yet. Look at this. This is a woman whose
teeth got knocked out. This is a man who got
gned and clap and some little shots. This is really
good amateur work. Yeah, I'm gonna go get some boxes sharp.
(46:36):
Let's look at these pictures alright? Actually, did anyone else
have any gruesome photos? You know that one's a copy yet,
so we don't mind anybody. I've got one of me
taking a shower this morning. Oh that's disgusting. Welcome, You're welcome,
and you're welcome. Wow. I got when I took it
a Sox game last week at mer Lady being cut
open during seventh inning. She looks like salmon on the inside. Yeah,
(46:59):
it was a shore. If I should focus on the
inside or the outside of it? You know, he got
both in this shot, good draw anything, But I think
you've got it. Who am I to say? But he's
got what it takes. I got a picture that that
polish done. When he took that spill off the ninetinges
floor of that building, I got a picture of his
head is split open. Crazy right, So he died. Huh,
(47:21):
Whell that's a tragedy. Why that's too bad? I thought
that stocks game was was ruled a ruse, a ruse
because he was just American to reunite with his daughter
to prove for human boyfriend. The standings are all messed
(47:43):
up now. They don't know who to get the win to,
or how the divisions are gonna have to be re calibrated,
how to make it fair. It's it's a mess, right.
All my money on Temple Base. So I hope they
wind up winning a whole thing. Bad news for you, buddy. Yeah,
I think they're one of the teams that are fictional teams. Friends.
I sixty, No, you're we're gonna get Oh you're saying
(48:08):
you're just sixty. I'm just sixty. My penis is clear visible.
And Chris a professional picture you geez, all right, everyone
got a photo. Great, put it away and we end
(48:28):
with a dick pick. That's our show for today. Let's
thank our alchemists and say goodbye plugs and all that stuff.
Carla Kakowski, Hello, I'm at Carla Kakowski. Vanessa Raglan Hi,
I don't know. Go to Dynasty Instagram, mark specifically, go
(48:53):
to Dynasty. Type on it on the last Wednesday of
every month for work to you, simprov Also Blood and
Treasure Tuesday's a tent on TVs. Congratulations by the way,
it's so cool. It's Craig Kakowski. You can see work
just players at Dynasty Type in the last Wednesday of
the month. You can see Orange Tuxedo with me and
Carla Kaikowski with a guest the first Wednesday of the
month at the west Side Comedy Theater in Santa Monica.
(49:15):
James Aney, you can catch Joey Greer myself in a
group called Bear Supply at the Westside Comedy Theater second
and fourth Wednesdays at nine pm for free, just for
five dollars. Uh. And in addition to that, I redid
my website in three dot com So anything else you wanted,
that's the go to Hub Joey a hot Wednesday comedy
that's going on. And check out James's uh Instagram at
(49:38):
the Real James. He made a little animation from our
last You don't have to, but if you don't, we're
cursing you, so check it out. I don't think it's
a great representation of it's it's an artistic rendering. It
doesn't mean what you're seeing as accurate. Its just what
they envision. I think we all feel the characters looks
like I think that Okay, you can make your own decision.
I just think it's a weird picture, but one just
(50:00):
bigger than the massive um Yeah, but no checking out.
We've established a lot of good Wednesday shows, but the
first Thursday of the month at ten o'clock in the
West Comedy Theater is pretty pretty pony, which is me,
Joey grierv and us Raging Buch other folks, especially guest monologist.
(50:20):
That's always fun. I'm at Stratton Cole on Instagram at
cool Stratton on Twitter. I believe thanks for tuning in.
Let's also thank our engineer Doug Baby, our post sound
design artist Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichterman, and of
course I heart media that all of you to write
(50:43):
a review, tell everyone you've ever met about the podcast,
and write to us at your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Until next time, and a good and a
(51:05):
football pell and a football pepper.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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