May 11, 2021 • 57 mins
Fast and Furious Car Parkour.
Handy j and the Blowback Boys.
Joey as the Pumpernickel Bread Lady
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. There's COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Cool Stradon in for KP. Let's meet
our Alchemists week. Shelley Craig Takowski. Everybody say the Craig
Craig with the Cinerama dome closing with blows. What's your
greatest memory there at another movie theater? Oh? So many?
(00:25):
So up? Oh man, I do remember an opening day
of The Two Towers, which was the I think the
first time I went to the dome. The sound got
fucked up for like maybe the only time ever at
arc Light, and like we watched like an hour of
Lord of the Rings with the sound being out of
(00:47):
sync and then uh and then just went asked for
our our money back. So yeah, that was my That
was my greatest memory. It just stands because it was
so unusual and the is the the anticipation was so
so high. And that's a great movie too. That's a
great one alright. Next up, Chris Salverado. Chris, if you
(01:11):
had an extra room for a man cave and money
is no issue, what would you have in it? Um?
I guess cold brew on tap uh four milligram nicarette
by the bunches in like bowls around around there and
then umkd some hair product, no furniture, smoker's green room. Yeah,
(01:44):
there's a place to pace back in to get Really jack,
that's kind of my life. That actually sounds fun, all right?
Next up, Jackie, Dorothy Jackie. If you could learn an
instrument you can't currently play, what would it be? I
would love to learn how to play the trumpet. Um,
(02:08):
I'm a good whistler, and not really it's not the same,
but I feel like it kind of is, and that
you you have to change the notes using your your
mouth shape and whatever because there are only three buttons
to press, you know, so I feel like I could
maybe get good at it. I'd like to learn the trumpet.
(02:32):
All right, there you go. Next up, he's a man
with one hair product water James Heney James. What movie
or movie scene scared the crap out of you as
a kid? Uh? In the movie Ghostbusters, which I watched
over and over and over. My mom would get so
mad that I wanted to rent the same movie from
the video rental place. Uh, the scene where there's not
(02:54):
any ghosts, there's like some laser lights that were like here,
and it's like this different change of music when basically
they shut down the ghost containment center. I would hide
behind the couch and not watch until that music stopped,
and then I would continue to watch the movie. I
don't know why. It was like the that bank being
closed to ghosts, and it scared the ship out of them.
(03:14):
That's the thing that scared You're not the librarian turning
into it. Yeah, it's by the way, I only I
only picture I picture James, a little tiny James, but
still with a mustache. It's him, just smaller, that's what. Yeah, exactly,
so tiny James is afraid of lighting changes. We all
know this. It's still to this day. That's that's the thing. Yep. Finally,
(03:39):
last but not least, Joey Greer, Joey, I've heard you've
written a new mystery novel. Can we hear a short excerpt?
Get the hell out of you think I'm actually gonna
do that? Man? My publishers up my ass right now,
because I've been going out there leaking all these parts
of the story. I thought it was gonna be like
George R. Martin style, like you know, get interest and
all that stuff, and they made me rewrite it. Every
(04:02):
time I go on there and I say what it is,
they make me rewrite the entire thing. So good luck.
All right, you were the one I tell you this,
sausage maker. I mean that was for the last one,
so I mean, I've already rewritten it. But the book
of yours ends with the sausage maker being did I've
been hearing this criticism for a long time, all right,
(04:23):
if it was bad that people wouldn't buy them, that's
fair point, fair point, all right, let's do a damn show.
All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I p s To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot
com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene
(04:44):
suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at our
new email address, Alchemy This email at gmail dot com.
That's Alchemy. Scene one is from Patreon David Rogier, who wrote,
dear kp Yo Dog, thanks for all you do. I'll
(05:04):
let them know this isn't so much a single scene
suggestion as it is a need to hear the finale
of a nearly perfect cinematic universe. This, your christ has
been made on behalf of the entire alchemy that gang.
Will you all please tell us the tale of the
Fast and the Furious car parkour. Love you all for
thanks for everything you do. David the guy who keeps
sending Craig money, but as yes to hear back. Look
(05:31):
it's one more race and then you're out. All right,
I'm retired, I got kids. I can't do this anymore.
You seem so tired and slow these days. Up, I mean,
give me some time, some time here. I brought you
a growler of coffee. Oh wow, thank you, of course,
(05:53):
Please keep it little. My kids are still sleeping. This
is a odd time. Are you still up from last
night or is this a new know I'm still it's
been it's been a few days. But look, man, look
you're the only one who can do this. You know
that I got two strikes, some of these speeding tickets.
I got her felonies. So what so you're just gonna
(06:13):
walk away. You're gonna walk away from forever from the crew.
Who else is getting together? Bonds Ie purple, eyeball purple?
What did she say? Anything about me. Yeah, yeah, of
course she said something about you. God damn, every time
I go to work, I got these stupid fucking cars
in my way. God damn, are you shut up? Dog?
(06:34):
Jesus shut up dog? All right, God, God damn it.
Look a look at this car. Look at this look
on saying this. This is a jet engine holding back
this came. You know what, I'm I'm calling the city.
I'm calling the city because this is insane. This isn't
This car's gotta get told. Hello. So, anyways, my mother
is gonna go this week a line cross. Can you
(06:56):
just can we have a conversation. My mom's gonna come
this weekend, and it told her that she could stay
with us for as long as did this line get
Am I talking to someone in person? Or is this
on the phone? Hello? The phone? Okay, so I was
talking to someone in person. You know what? You were
behind me. I didn't know that, all right. I thought
it was just a weird spe what's going on? Your
mom's coming in? This was coming in this week and
(07:17):
I told her to stay as long as she wanted.
Your mom's got flaky skin. Excuse me, that is genetic,
and you know that I am eventually going to have that.
So if that's a problem for you, now you're telling me,
all right, it's a problem for me. What do you
want me to say? There? Every time she comes in here,
there's like another human being that just every time she
(07:39):
leaves the room, it's like she can you move the car? Body?
I'm trying to get out of here from work? Did
you hear me on a call? Excuse me? Am I
talking to you in person? Or am I on a call?
You're looking right now me? What's your problem? I probably
you gonna move this guy. I don't know who the
(08:00):
hell's in this guddamn house, some kind of you're trying
to familia okay, the family that's in there, Okay, but
we gotta just we gotta move this out, all right? Hey?
I like your style. Are you into committing crime for
one night, for one big event? No? What I mean? Uh,
(08:22):
I'm picking up some arthritis medication for Bonsai. That last
name or first name, just Bonza. Alright, I gotta figured out.
I guess it would just be under be whole last second.
Uh I found you. Jesus, don't stick up on me
(08:42):
like that. Hey, Hey, hey, hi, how you doing pharmacists. Hey, name,
what's his name? I don't I don't know what his
fucking name is? There he is bon Hey, we'll get
the group back together. Oh Jesus, I got I got joint.
I got joint problems, and you're gonna have more problems
(09:03):
than joint problems if you don't join us. Man, Look,
I just got out of the joint and I got
problems with my joints. Okay, so it's gotta it's got
a double meaning, and I'm I'm double parked right now
because you know me. I'm bonds. That's you. Oh, I saw,
I saw, I saw. Look, man, I got the whole game.
I don't know. I don't know which one is better,
(09:23):
one or two. I can't tell. I got one, eye, Doc,
I got one. We'll try again, Okay. I'm just the
spsable lens is really quick, and you can just tell me.
Is it better with one? Now that's two? Is it
better with two? Debate? Roughly the same. Excuse me, part
of me? Excuse me? Doctor? Hey, can you see me?
(09:46):
Oh my god, talk about a blast in the past. Well,
doctor has a name. What's her name? I don't know?
All right, listen, one eyeball, we're getting back together, the
whole crew. I'm talking to you, bonds eye Purple. Do
you have a car that doesn't just have wheels but
(10:10):
almost has feet? I want this thing to run, baby run?
Are you serious? You want a car that has step
back over because I can. Do you have probably that
doesn't just have wheels, it has feet? Because I want
this baby to run, baby run? Well we can because
(10:35):
excuse me, Purple, excuse me that that man with a
very long name, he was just helping me buy it
a special car. Please, Purple, we're getting the group back.
We need you. God, you didn't ask me because I
don't know his name. Are we doing a Sorry? I
didn't mean to say. You guys, I could get either
(10:56):
one of you guys into a car. What's your name?
My name is John Jeremy Larry Kinson Kinship so long?
But yeah, we were talking. We can get you into
a really fast car. I just don't know if it's
(11:17):
going to have feet, per se. Is this your boyfriend? Now? Look,
we got all the nuclear coaches in the world looked
up in this vault, plus two hundred billion dollars and
a priceless first edition Corvette alright, maybe we should move
some of this stuff around. We talked a lot to
(11:38):
put in one vault. Well you can do you what
do you think you think some familiar some families in
the companyears to deal this. Huh. I mean just we
can maybe move some of the money of the Caymans
at least. What are you talk What are you talking
about putting in an island? You want to you want
to put the money underwater? If everything's in the one vault.
I mean we're just setting ourselves up trailer. Look, I
(12:00):
don't know what's kid India, right, but I'm giving you
the coach. Do you understand I don't want the codes. No,
you're gonna have them. I'm gonna be flying alright. Everybody, welcome, Welcome,
Grab a donut, Grab some coffee. Keep you down. This
sees my family's house. OK. I'm gonna do a quick
roll call eyeball yeah, purple, yeah, I'm here. Bonds are
(12:26):
any of these donuts gluten free bonds that you have
to say you're here? I'm here. I'm just look rich.
These all look rich. I've got acid reflux. Who's dating? Well?
I still have acid refa Keep it down, all right,
guy who's dating the girl with flaky skin. You here? Uh? Yeah,
(12:48):
I am, I am here okay. Uh And first off,
thank you for accepting my email. I don't know. I
got shuttled over here all right, two and a half
hours out of my route to work to go to
some defunct oil refinery. This is his family lives here. Okay,
so keep the voice, let me just keep it. Can
(13:10):
we shorten down that nickname a little bit? Okay? Yeah,
we um like flakes or something. Girlfriend like, my name
is Paul. My name is Paul Walker. Okay, wellcome back,
welcome back to that um is flakes as a placeholder
(13:32):
for right now, James, James, Larry Jacob, this is my place. Yeah.
Oh ship, Wait a second, dude, that's so crazy. So
you're saying, when I'm that other job that I got,
I'm trying to be laying low, okay, and you show
up there and it gets really awkward. Whoa ship. I
(13:53):
feel so awkward because when I came to you earlier,
right yesterday morning, to set up this whole thing, I
didn't know you were also the guy selling the car.
I would be nicer to you. Well, well, you got
two strikes and you're trying to get off the crid.
Do you think that two strikes? Is anybody here like
two hundred billion dollars billions? Uh? No, I just said
(14:16):
in Spanish. I'm sorry. I'm doing do a lingo. I'm
learning Spanish and English. I'm trying to pair all the
words together. So I didn't always say two hundred billion.
You tell us, I don't know. Uh, I don't know
where we're going, all right, everybody listening up, Listen up
those beest. You think yes, but I think it's two built.
(14:41):
I think it's too I'm saying, okay, I mean yes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm gonna get right to it him. I don't have
a prescription, but I was just wondering if you could
help me out. Okay, do you do you have any
topical cree or even an oral pill um that helps
(15:04):
human molting molten? Can you take a step back? You're
flaking all over the counter. Sorry, Um, it's actually these
are my mom's flakes that have flaked on top of me.
And now I'm it's like, oh my gosh, it's so much.
But don't worry. I will end up with this heinous
uh ailment. Do you have anything for that or should
(15:26):
I just go funk myself? Actually, being that we're a pharmacy,
we do have something, so you don't need to funk
yourself at this occasion. Thank you. Let me see take
this this this cream, rub it three times a day.
I mean, if this is an entire body that is
dealing with this, can I apologize to you? I'm on
I'm so stressed out. My mom has been here for
actually two months. She supposed to be here for one weekend.
(15:48):
I told her to say as long as me for
two months. So like, it's just like, I'm just I'm
on edge and didn't mean to take that out on you.
So I'm so so sorry. Take this cream, rub it
on my body, her body. Let's just rub it over
the house. Prevent todve care three times, three times a day. Yeah, sure,
here's a shower gel too. This might help you. You
just put the sign on the showers. So helpful. You
are so helpful. Do you know what my boyfriend said
(16:10):
when I told him about this, No, no, not at all.
He said, God help me, this happens to you. I'm
out the door, That's what he said. He said, I'm
out the door. I said, what if by then we
have children? I mean, what are we gonna do that?
And he said, leaving too the wind? Okay, I got
a cosmo for the girl with the cream, A lot
of creamter skin, and a pharmacist at the Manhattan Here
you go? Each want a date? Or what's going on?
(16:33):
I'm sorry to pry. What else do I gotta do?
It's fine, it's I guess we're from I guess it's
just like a friendly unless you want to call it
a date. Are you talking to me? Or are you
on the phone? Oh I'm okay, Yeah, I'm sorry, sir?
You want a date? Or yeah, I'm sorry? Sorry? That
(16:54):
was a prescription. All right, and that wraps it up.
Any questions? Does anybody have a foam roller? Because I
gotta I've got some really tight fascia that I just gotta.
I gotta roll out like at least three times a day.
We got three minutes to complete this entire mission. Now,
the cars, well, I've souped them up just a little.
(17:16):
Take a mobile? What auto mobile? That's how you say?
Of flakes? Come on, man, then what the hell's up
with this guy named Lingo? It's okay, alrightbile, maybe in
(17:38):
your new rides. Wait, those came from the show floor
of my work. That's right. I got two strikes. You
can't do this to me, Like, what kind of mileage
does that one get? I afore it was souped up,
It was thirty five city. There was a good mileage cars,
(17:59):
But I don't know what that thing on the back
of it. These cars can go off of buildings, under buildings,
around buildings. They do so much safe safe bonds. I
what do you not drive anymore? What do you not
drive anymore? Buns? I look, I was look, I was
(18:19):
gonna joint no no bonds. I'm interrupting you because because
I get the feeling nobody really wants to do with
this today. I love all the all the alterations you've
done on this one. Here, the helicopter blades at the top.
I mean, just thinking souped up. But I gotta tell you,
having one eyeball, my depth perception is awful. You probably
(18:42):
don't want me driving today. I'm probably gonna rule the mission.
I'll do it because you know we're family, but you
know it might not be the safest thing. Alright, I
bought your out bonds that you're out purple? Are you
still in? Yeah? Of course, as long as those babies
can run, baby on. I don't know what that. As
(19:04):
long as these cars can run, baby run, all right,
So let me get this straight from what you were
talking about. You want to intercept international Terrorists bounty, which
holds all of the nuclear codes from around the world.
Two dollars and a rare first edition corvette. Who gets
(19:28):
the first edition Corvette? I mean it isn't that like
terminology used for like Pokemon cards or something like that.
I don't, I don't know. Oh yeah, so what do
you say? Look, I just want you all to move
the cars and from my house so I can get
out for work. I can't. I can't let you in
the vault. I'm sorry. I got to guard it with
(19:50):
my life. Fuck me for asking, you man, Fuck me
for asking. You should have just taken what I wanted.
I had to ask. It's been a long a time.
I mean, you drove right into the lobby of the bank.
Stop to ask. That's on me. You're just doing your
job and I'm fucking up. Or am I providing the
(20:12):
perfect diversion? Go flakes, Go go flakes, don't let's go okay.
I don't know how to draw who's who's flakes. I
don't know how to drive a stick. I told you
this car. Look, if you just want the nuclear codes,
(20:35):
I can give you the codes, because I really want
to unburden myself. I don't want to know them. I'll
take the Yeah, okay, alright, Pakistan's so embarrassing. I just
did that huge ye one toe um dunking um here
(20:55):
on the floor, there's no cars. Do you want to
do and tell me what happened? Or do you want
the truth? Here's the truth or part of Okay? Well,
I was gonna tell you that. I was gonna tell
you a bullshit lie. I'm not dunking. I'm Larry Jerry,
(21:17):
and I'm part of a race group. What let's go back?
No group? That was the first? Oh man, I love
those racing group movies. Scene number two comes from Dave,
(21:42):
who wrote, Hey, there, you guys are rad I love
you to bits. Your creative energies have helped me out
some very deep ruts over the years, and for that
I can't thank you enough. Scene suggestion Handy J and
the Blowback Boys Best Dave from midvl utah. Uh, this
(22:03):
is ah, this is a high school prom, and we're
just not sure that this is a good fit for
your band. Is it possible that you'd be willing to
change your Let us audition. Just let us audition. It's
Handy Day and the Blowback Boys, and you are not
going to be disappointed. Let us not be disappointed, all right,
You're not going to be disappointed. You're not. Just looking
(22:25):
at your song title list and some of them seem like,
I don't know, pushing the limits. I'm a little concerned
with the U. That song doesn't even sound like okay,
go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. We's it's it's all
about teens eat yogurt and it's it's literally all about
yogurt and just like spitting and just spitting yogurt because
(22:47):
you're having too much fun. So, you know, don't judge.
In just the past couple of years, I've gotten a
little I've gotten to a little bit of trouble with
the PTA because you know, I like to treat the
kids like adults and uh, just concerned. Listen. I'm handy.
I do a lot of work around my own house.
I can cock floors, I can do that kind of stuff.
(23:08):
So like, that's why my name is Handy Jay and
these are the Black Boys because they're my backups. We've
we've got a whole song about cocking. Yeah really yeah, Okay,
So I I guess I don't want to fast. Hi.
I'm b J Brown with the Belly Rob Buddies. We
(23:28):
heard there's a gig our top rival. Did you hear
that there was a gig or did you see on
my Instagram that I was coming here? I saw in
your instagram? From being honest, but you guys saw the
right You guys saw the ad. No, no, not's so fast?
(23:50):
There was a gig he Can't keep Away Pussy Buffet
and the little the jj J Browns Up Rival. How
do you know is here? Was it from my Instagram? Yeah?
You both everywhere? You're gonna be always alright? Alright? So
(24:10):
a little gotten I I was hoping for, just like
some sort of the Beatles cover band for them something.
Why don't we all give you a little, a little,
a little sample. Now, I'm b J Brown with the
Belly Rob Buddies. They aren't here, but I'm gonna I'll
give you. I'll give you what oh is getting crowded. Uh,
(24:33):
who is Mr Asshole and the brown Rings? Oh oh,
we can't. That's like, there's no way we can have
a band titled that buffet here I was, it's pretty
close to the edge with with pussy Buffet. But I
imagined that we could say that that's not but asshole,
(24:55):
Like I can't have that Mr Asshole. Uh huh, but
there's no innuendo to mystery. Hey, hey, any room for
Dick Penis and the Schloans. We do it, we do it,
dilet Beetles covers um Robert. I know that this isn't
like usual or expected, but um, if you didn't have
(25:21):
a date to the prom already, Um, I did buy
two tickets and I'm just want me so oh um,
one's up for grabs. Okay, cheeze um. How can I
say this? Um, I think you're great. Before you answer,
(25:43):
I know that I also have a tux that's perfectly
fitted for your body. That's all there, so you don't
even have to worry about that. Okay, I want I
want to go with you, and I would because my band,
my band might play it. We're up to play it.
You're a the play our prom? Yeah? Um, it's just
(26:07):
a count. That's our bands over the U. Um yeah, count,
and um we're you know we I think we've got
a chance. Um, but look if we don't, well, you know,
maybe I could do double D D. I could play
in the band and then I could go with you
when I'm not playing in the band. H Yeah, I
really like that. Hey, sweetheart, I was school today. Um
(26:30):
it was pretty good. I got a maybe kind of
as my prom date? My prom date? Have you ever
considered letting your hair down? Wait? Are you ti to
say that my super tight slicked back bund is not
just say or maybe taking those glasses off? My glasses,
(26:54):
I mean they're so thick without them? How are people
going to see? No? I mean they define what about
your head gear? Hey Brandy, I'm so sorry to this,
but we're gonna have to suspend you with your hair down,
your glasses off, and you're ed gear off. It's going
to against school policy. So, um, what's the pot I'm sorry?
Which policy is just top bun, glasses and headgear? Just
(27:18):
treat you as an adult? So do you mind if
he's been calling my father because he actually he's the
one who kind of made this happen. So, Um, he's
never gonna let me now that he knows what I
can be without it, He's never going to let me
leave the house any other way. And it is weird,
and it is weird that he wants that for me,
but he does. So can you call him for with me?
(27:43):
I wish I could. Look, this is a two charged school.
We got by laws, So I'll call him. But you know,
I'm just kidding. Thank you, Hello, Bobby. You gotta choose
a band. Choo is a band? You have like seventeen audition,
choose one. We gotta make the book. I get the balloon.
(28:05):
It's just that I've got a lot rolling here. Um,
we're supposed to we're kind of we're on the more
conservative side. And I don't know what's the what's the
least offensive band that's submitted? It might be it might
be I feel like that might be my room blad
is Key. If we leave that room Blood off, then
(28:26):
people can misconstrue that name with you. But with doom
Blood it's completely safe. The other ones, I just don't
think that we can have them at the band A
hundred times, Okay, I said it's a hundred times no music.
There should be no music at the prom okay, And
we considered that, but then they'd look silly dancing, and
(28:47):
they look really silly. Then there shouldn't be dancing. No, no, no,
just how just have a bunch of bowls of Nickart
and just put some called called born to happen that party?
Is that not a party? That's the party? Thank you, Janice?
(29:09):
Any Bobby or should I call you vice principal? I
don't know. I'm I on the phone. Am I talking
to face? You're right here face to face. Look, man,
what's what's the deal. What's the my my, my little
girl want her to uh, you know, flourish. I want
her to get it. I get it, all right, So
what's the what's the deal? Well, here at Circle School,
we have a guidelines and we have by laws that
(29:32):
we have to up here at Circle School. Bobby, I
remember when you and I fucked. You're expelled, so you
can don't know where you're gonna. Well, I well not
just yet. She hasn't let the campus, so you're still
hold on, babe, hold on it. This is a squatter's rights.
She doesn't have a right the education just because she's
(29:53):
on the front waters Right, squatter baby, speaking of squatters, right,
this guy's squatted all over my face right him, babe? Okay,
So anyway, I'm hoping maybe I would get the friend
discount here on schooling. What what the hell do you
want you? I'm not going to reduce the tuition because
(30:15):
she's what are you talking about? I already bought my
prom tickets? So can I still go to palm? Let
her go to problem? I mean, I'm going with the
band's lead singer. Which band? Yeah, we haven't decided on
a band. Oh, I mean he told me it's pretty
much a done deal. He was gonna missus doubt fire
the whole night and be on KUN and then change
(30:37):
everything to come be with me. And I said, you
don't need to do that. I mean, I actually like
that you're in the band. That's like cool points for me.
And he's like, no, no, no, babe, Like I want
to do this. I want to take this on. Watch
me do, watch me do? And I said, I guess.
I mean if there's no band, all right, listen, Um,
I'm I'm good. I'm maybe a little distracted. I mean,
(30:58):
missus doubt find this whole night. I don't know why.
I have agreed to dress up like an old woman
for the gig. But I'm gonna be Mrs Doubtfire while
we're singing, and then I'm going to be a kid
in the tucks to go with my date. Okay, you
guys do not look rock and roll. Got Harold stopped
(31:21):
ruining it? All right? This is is this going to
effect that we play? What? What is this? This is, Gunther,
It's not It is not going to affect the way
we play. Alright. We're coon, we know who we are,
all right, and sometimes the front man reinvents himself over
and over and over. He saw David Bowie did this
(31:42):
is just like that? This is my old lady face. Well,
I mean you're the you're the lead singer. But you know,
good Through is really the front man because his last
name is the band's name. It's kind of my whole idea. Yeah,
but I mean people don't really remember whoever's not singing.
I mean that's just the thing hands, you know, unless
unless you have an edie that Halen, which Gunther is.
(32:03):
Let's be honest, this is not no. What is happening now?
This is insane, all of us, Hadden, I find out
you don't fun to do the thing we said, and
then you're just degrading me in some way. This isn't
you know, fut I'm out of here. Good luck with
We can't lose good good coot from coot uther. No,
come on, man, I'm sorry. It's just this is I'm
(32:26):
under a lot of pressure here. Okay, figure that. Oh no,
he took the old blot. Oh no, they better not
publicize us. Hey, baby daughter, No, hold on, hold on that. No,
(32:48):
let me just come in, all right, just put on
some clothes. It's fine, thinking your whole live all right, Look,
all right, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you need
to be at that problem. Yeah, I know, I thought
really hard to like get this guy to go with me.
I bought his ticket, his tugs the boot in here.
(33:08):
I mean, he pretty much did everything for him. I
gave him the great idea of of of Mrs Doubt
firing unnecessarily. I mean, come on, you don't think I
want this? Yeah, no, I know you do. I say,
you just do it. Some old lady just pulled up
in a limo. Oh yeah, that's some that's for me. Carol, Carol,
(33:35):
you're just the cleaning. The hear you don't need to
like interrupt. This is dead daughter time. Hey, I really
like it's actually really good for me to have a
female around that kind of energy. And please don't Carol.
You're more than that to me. You're more than a
cleaning lady to be Okay. Uh, Like, I I gotta
(34:01):
finish scrubbing the toilet alright here. I just wanted to
offer it because she's more. You know, she's more to me.
She's family, not the family does. I'll get the door,
and you make a grand entrance. Okay, okay, I mean
you can even just wear what you wear it now.
You look. I think you look great. I was gonna
(34:23):
wear it. I was gonna wear right now. I was
just gonna walk out later as a grand entrance. Okay, okay,
thank you. Hey, how's it going, Bud? It's going well?
Then it is. It is your torture at home. Yeah,
come on in, come on in. Don't mind the shotgun.
(34:43):
I'm just kidding. It's one of those dad jokes, you know.
So Dad, I'm ready, I'm ready announced me. Okay, I
expect you'll have her home at a decent time, right,
Oh yes, sure, she'll be back by How did having Okay,
I'm gonna write that down any a minute later and
(35:05):
we will have an issue, all right, now, please may
give me a carol? Can you get me here for
one second? Man, you guys are in there for a while.
It's wild. You haven't driving people for prom for a
long time. You know. Limos are kind of my thing,
(35:26):
you know, automatic? Man, You know, doesn't matter if it's
a Limo, I can drive it. Can you play sixpence
on the richer? Oh? This doesn't have any DVD players
in here? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. So you the
grandma who we're picking up next? What's going on? I'm
gonna go ahead and put the partition up? All right?
(35:48):
You look really great? Thanks? So do you know I'm
gonna drop the character while we're alone and nobody else
is here? Okay? I hope that. I mean, I can't
wait for you to see me in my tucks. I
should have come in the tie and then then miss
stop everything later. I got him scrambled, but I don't know.
I'm this is gonna be the greatest night ever. Absolutely,
(36:09):
there could be an issue with the band tonight. You
guys want something funny. Okay, but then can you put
the protesting back up after? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's
about like if I just do a little detour, there's
the funniest billboard on the highway. Um, we really just
want to get to Prong. Yeah, we need to get there,
but I have six mone the richer from the car
(36:40):
next door, like demo. M all right, ko, you're on, Hey,
have fun out there, alright, guy, this is it, this
(37:01):
is our dream. All right. Don't let the non oomblot
throw you. They can't see our name. Okay, just remember
that they can't see our name. I just know that
theomblots gone. It's throwing me off. Just as long as
we don't say who we are, we're okay. Um, so
let's we'll open with of course, are our biggest rocker?
(37:24):
Um between those legs? Okay, you guys are ready. Hey everybody,
we're a band and we're here to rock you. Someone
kind of off drummer cut off? Are you? Are you?
(37:47):
Are you? I mean I don't really know. I mean
I guess it's pretty popular. Who song? We could try
to cover it? Um one, two, three four, you don't
have to give two principle That was actually a really
good band, really good party. Everyone was dancing. That was
That was actually really glad. Everybody seemed to like it.
(38:07):
It's just that you guys have all kind of cornered
me in here. I felt like it was a negative response.
You're going to have to it well here at Circle School,
you know that every principle has a shelf life of
three years, and that three years is today. I mean,
is it today today? It's it's semester, but it is today,
(38:30):
and you do have to resign immediately. It is weird,
but Janice is right. I just have plans for the
to close out the year like this was a really
good problem and we're each going to take a stone
and throw it in your face. Hold on, I know
that that's the tradition, but that's the tradition tradition. It's just,
(38:53):
oh well, what if what if I just got my
things hurt? That's a very small one, okay. I thought
(39:13):
that That's all coming up next on v H one's
Coop Behind the Music, and that's C number two. Starter
Schools Like the Sound of Throwing. C three is from Patreon.
(39:40):
V I P Larry Stewart, who wrote, Hey gang, as always,
I love and appreciate what you do. And I'm now
a Patreon member. Also, this is a blast from the past,
but there was an episode back in when everyone was
clowning on James from making up calendar Man as a
batman villain. But the truth is calendar Man is a
batman villain. James, you were right and they were wrong.
(40:00):
Thank you, I do. I was on that one. I
recall that. Sorry for giving you such a hard time,
but it does sound like a stupid villain. We all
have to admit that. Anyway, As far as scene suggestions,
I have one a day in the life of Joey's character,
the pumper nickel bread lady. That's it. Keep up the
good work, and I can't hear, wait to hear what's next?
Best Larry Stewart, All right, so this is pretty much it.
(40:22):
We got a couple of orders that we always do
two different restaurants, but in general, I mean, we're always
gonna be making croissans. What about the birds? What about them?
We just let this is San Diego. Won't you do
me a favor and not talk about the birds? Okay? Okay,
all right, yeah, so we gotta just you know, we're
(40:44):
just gonna be a couple of loaves, No big deal.
We've got a sheet right there. Tell you what we got.
We always want to know, obviously, everything fresh, but like
what in greetings we've got. So that's pretty much it, man,
So have at it. All right, I'm gonna be running
some maarroons, but I'll be background to Hey, thanks for
the ill ortunity here you will, and we'll let you down.
(41:05):
I hope not. I won't do it. Okay, great, great, Okay,
So that's it. I think that's everything. Here are the keys, Uh,
cell phone numbers are on the fridge. What else? Cash
registers stocked? Um? Oh my god. Okay, so joelmost forgot
about this. Uh do you see this woman? Yeah? Okay,
(41:27):
this this Okay, memorize this photo because she's gonna be
coming in. Do not serve her? Alright, what not serve her?
Long story, long violent story. Okay, I gotta go, all right, okay, okay, okay,
good morning, good morning? Oh okay, Yeah, I was told
(41:58):
not to ask any questions about the birds from San Diego.
You got it? What would you like? What would you like?
We got? We got smells like fresh bread in here. Hey,
good morning, fucking God, what the fund is going on?
I'm not eating here? What do you mean you don't
know about the birds in San Diego? No? No, I'm
(42:19):
out of here. No hold like, can you tell me
what's going on? The birds rule this talent? You're feeding
the birds? What do you think the reads? The birds
are all down here for it doesn't matter. I'm out.
Don't listen to them. See I'm crazy. I'm so nice
and you just want okay okay, yeah yeah, yah, yeah
(42:41):
yeah yeah. Croissana, croissanza this here you go out there,
you go, there, you go. Okay, okay, okay, okay, pretty easy,
gig leg leg Hello? Can I have a loaf of
pompa nickel? Sure? Of course, of course? What what? I'm sorry?
(43:05):
Can you turn? Can you turn a little bit to
your left? Why would I turn to my left? Yeah? Yeah,
oh oh, I'm sorry. We're out of pumper nickel. I
see a loaf of pumper nickel right back there. I
don't want any issues, miss, I don't have any issues.
(43:27):
I've got you've got bread. Let's make this easy. I've
been told I can't serve you. What I told the owner.
He made me memorize your photo. Let me see that.
Let me see. It's in my head. I memorized it.
He took the photo with him. He took the photo
with him. Okay, draw me the photo. Okay, okay. Blue blouse,
(43:49):
it was floral skirt, head band, braces, Okay, I know
that's what I'm wearing. That is what I'm wearing. Us me.
I'd like to get some popa nickel, a loaf of
pompa nickel bread. Sure, I was das. I was here first. Man, No,
(44:10):
I didn't even see you getting saved. I got okay, okay, okay, Wait,
I'm a little confused because I feel like you two
look very similar. I mean, she's got the headband, you head.
I want some pop nickel per nickele okay, okay, yeah,
(44:31):
the crow here, I'm happy to give you some pomper
nickel crow. There you are. Thank you. Also, you serve
a crow, but not a paying customer. Look, I was
just all right, ladies. I always told two things. One,
you're ware of the birds, to don't serve a lady
that looks like both of you. To be honest, are
you kidding me? I just wanted twenty Dallas. I just
(44:52):
want some pompa nickel for a loaf. It's not the money.
He comes another lady. Oh god, hello dead line. Oh
my god, Oh god, I hoped it's a pump nic
By the time I get to the front of the law,
do you three know each other? No, look at each other,
look at yoursel No. I never met any of these
(45:14):
people before, and by life, it is a similarity. Doctor.
The cloning machine was open less now and it seems
that some will run off. I don't know what happened.
I thought I locked up. I'm so sorry. What the
cloning machine it? It was powered on, and obviously somebody
(45:35):
walked through. There's a trail of bread crumbs that lead
up to it, so I know that someone did. And
I know it was my job to keep the lab,
you know, tucked away from everybody. But I'm sorry it failed.
I can't believe this. The cooning machine was done on
and then clones were created. My god, but what what
(45:59):
this is news? This is good news, Reggie. But doctor,
we don't know what came out of it. We don't
know what into it. We don't know came out of it.
Oh my goodness, look at this. Miss My devices worked quick.
Get the gun, Reggie don't kill me. Ready, kill this close, luky,
(46:24):
I'm gonna rock through this too, al right. Which one
of you is real? Yeah? Which one of you is real?
Which one of us is real? Which one of us
is real? You knew? What have we done? We didn't
mention when you've gone through the crooning machine, you've become
(46:47):
quite violent. It's degrade your personality. So look, I'm just
gonna close the whole shop, if I'm being honest. Come,
what is that? Is that a knife? For carrying this? Oh?
(47:07):
It is? I just like to spread my body on
my pompa nic cale bread. You're that's gross. That's not
a knife. This is a knife. Whoa? And I spread
my button with a gun. Okay, that's how I roll. Okay,
Look I don't know. I don't listen. Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine,
(47:30):
take the bread, take the pumper nickel here here, take
you all, thank you, take take it. It's more, thank you. Okay,
take this body, please take this dead body. That's okay,
your's umber, please leave, thank you. They need some help,
(47:55):
get of it work? How did it go? That's okay.
I don't know what's happening. Look I could help you.
I can help you. Still I'm pretty good. I'm pretty
good getting people have this store, naughty people. You just
need to give me drugs, drugs and my pretty let
drugs kind of drugs. Give it the hard stuff. Bring
(48:21):
bring second bread shop, best bread in San Diego. If
you try to bet bread better than ours, there's you're
wrong because ours definitely we're gonna have to get better
at that. Hey, you know what, I finished the errands early.
I know I was gonna get around too, but you
know what, I can get back around at eight am,
(48:42):
So I'm gonna be back, all right, So don't worry.
I'm gonna be heading back and I can I can
help her on the shop. But it's been a bad day.
What's going on? Some I gave pumper nickel to the lady.
You said I shouldn't get pumper nickel too. There were
three of them, and one steff other and these birds
they're running, they're coming in here, and they're they're they're
(49:03):
making requests and and I don't really know what I'm doing,
if I'm being honest. So you did everything well, all right,
put the bread in the box. So all right, we're
gonna take this from me, familiar, do you hear that. Jason, Hello,
I'm being held up. Okay, what do you want? You
(49:26):
want bread in the box? Yeah, put on the bread
in the box. I gotta take you back to Purple
and the rest of the gang. Ye hungry? Okay, did
you have a particular preference of bread? Oh? No, we
didn't go over this part of the plan. I'll be
happy to give you what we have here. Here's obsessing me?
Is we great? After? I'm just double part because I'm
(49:50):
waiting for my friend. Well, that's a violation. So either
moved the car or I wrote you a ticket. Okay.
It's just hard to find parkting around here. No, it's
the absolute worst. I mean, this neighborhood has gone to
ship right gags, I bet you they are. But it's
something that a smartphone could tell you. I really couldn't tell,
you know, I don't live where. I actually drive in
(50:10):
from a two hours out just to do some policing
over here. Really fuck some people's lives over and back home.
My friends coming out, and I don't know any thing
about the city, and I don't really care about the
city or it's it's people. I just kind of want
to come assert assert myself and get so you can
move the car to have a run and just move
(50:32):
the car. Please move the car. Yeah, you can move
the car or all write you just so you know
we're familiar, We're family, all for you in this car.
I'm not really with them, in fact, I just just
move the car, please, I can't. This is John Jacob
jen Oheimer Schmidt. Are you with them or not, sir?
(50:53):
Because if you're not, then I'm gonna have to ask
everybody to get out of the car. Come in. Fines
that come in, go for bonds. I I can't get
out of that. I'm surrounded by San Diego birds. Oh
no words, listen, I've gotta I heard that, and that's
(51:13):
actually a police call too. So I'm gonna just take
it from your speaker to my ears, to my heart
and go police this ship out of those birds. Thanks, Officerry.
I offer you a donut, but I ate them all.
Oh I'm gluten free. It gives me USID reflux. Yeah,
none of them, none of them were gluten free. I
found that out the hard way. Alright, everybody just get
(51:34):
out of here, thinking what you want? Birds leave, people go.
I'm so sorry. I'm ruined today. I don't know what
do you mean leave? What do you mean if I
helped kill this guy? This guy was bothering you and
I killed I picked him to death. I picked out
of sideballs and I picked out plain And now you're
gonna make me like just okay, you don't just wanted
to No, No, I helped you. He was giving you
(51:54):
a hard time and I helped you. And you have
even giving my trunks? Yeah, okay, yeah, okay, chasing? What
the hell is this? What if the hell is going
on in here? It's because the two bodies. It's been
our day. Where all the loaves of bread? Did you
give them out? Did you give them away for free? Jason? No, no, no, no, no, no,
(52:17):
no no no Jason, no no no. You disobeyed me.
You see that lady right there, one car carrying the
pupper niggle. I talked to her, talked to her, why
charge you're a church? No no, Jason, because you disobeyed me,
(52:39):
you will now know shame. You will now no shame.
What kind of threat is that? What does that mean?
All right? You will guilty and shame face the rocks
at his face picking up a door dash order if
you loaves for hunt. Sorry no, no, I'm sorry. There's
a there's an um light here and that's let's thank
(53:06):
you to alchemists. See what they're up to. James heeney Ah, well,
I am just so pleased to hear all the people
that came in and gave us incredible reviews. I mean
I asked for reviews and then they just started flooding
in and I'm not entirely sure, um, but I wanted
to read one really quick. They're just so so good
(53:28):
and it makes such a huge difference. Here's one. This
one's from zero morph. Uh. I was lost. The title
is left out loud in public. I was lost, adrift
and alone in an improvly scene. See when Sponatonation finished,
you know you can read another one. Just I honestly
(53:49):
didn't know it's gonna gop. Then I found this podcast
and it saved my vegan bacon. Um, and just we
got flooded. Since I asked last and it's so appreciated,
I probably should have rehearsed the reading of that review first.
Uh So, definitely, everybody right reviews and James will start
(54:09):
to read them. It'll be pretty amazing. Greig Gkowski, Yeah,
I'm in a movie called Murder Berry Win that's now
available for rental or purchase on on iTunes or on
your other movie purchasing or renting apps. I play an
evil board game director developer. I don't know who I am,
(54:30):
but the movie is called Murder Berry Win Berry like
um Bury or like bury Bury murder by w h Jackie,
Yes cool, thank you so much. This is very fun. Um.
(54:50):
I'm at Jackie Truthee on on the socials and you know,
and I have fun on there. I think it's I
think it's pretty good time. Other than that, hey guys
be cool, Hey guys be cool, be cool. Get there
you go. Chris Alvarado, man, I have no fear and
no fear, no fear, no fun on social media because
(55:13):
I'm full of fear. That's a lot of f's. They're
no fun on social media is not full of fear.
So maybe don't follow me at Chris Alvarado because I'm
not doing much because I'm afraid to put anything on
There is only judge like what's my voice anyway? When
am I trying to say? But maybe check out at
the Comedy Fix. It's my podcast where we you know,
dissect and uh get nuts with the comedy topics. Thank
you and I love you. I love you too, Chris,
(55:36):
Joey Greer. Uh you know Fast nine trailer has dropped.
Checked that out. It's gonna be wild, It's it's yeah right,
we just did a little teaser. But I can't wait.
I remember when one of the I think it was
Fast four worst? What worre they? What are they in Brazil?
Fast five five on the street. Yes, it was a
(56:01):
a m C. It was insane. I didn't hear a
single word because we were all screaming the entire time.
So I can't wait for that nice. I'm at Cole
Stratton on Twitter at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Probably something
on friends to her, but I don't remember. H Go
to SF Sketch Fest dot com. Check out our past
videos and NFS poclo videos up there for rental. We've
(56:24):
been a lot help support the festival. We hopefully we'll
be back in January two. That's the hope that we
shall see. Let's thank our engineer and producer, Doug Babe
and the fine folks at iHeart Media dot com. Please
write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
(56:44):
That's alchemy, this email until next time, and a football
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. There's COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Cool Stradon in for KP. Let's meet
our Alchemists week. Shelley Craig Takowski. Everybody say the Craig
Craig with the Cinerama dome closing with blows. What's your
greatest memory there at another movie theater? Oh? So many?
(00:25):
So up? Oh man, I do remember an opening day
of The Two Towers, which was the I think the
first time I went to the dome. The sound got
fucked up for like maybe the only time ever at
arc Light, and like we watched like an hour of
Lord of the Rings with the sound being out of
(00:47):
sync and then uh and then just went asked for
our our money back. So yeah, that was my That
was my greatest memory. It just stands because it was
so unusual and the is the the anticipation was so
so high. And that's a great movie too. That's a
great one alright. Next up, Chris Salverado. Chris, if you
(01:11):
had an extra room for a man cave and money
is no issue, what would you have in it? Um?
I guess cold brew on tap uh four milligram nicarette
by the bunches in like bowls around around there and
then umkd some hair product, no furniture, smoker's green room. Yeah,
(01:44):
there's a place to pace back in to get Really jack,
that's kind of my life. That actually sounds fun, all right?
Next up, Jackie, Dorothy Jackie. If you could learn an
instrument you can't currently play, what would it be? I
would love to learn how to play the trumpet. Um,
(02:08):
I'm a good whistler, and not really it's not the same,
but I feel like it kind of is, and that
you you have to change the notes using your your
mouth shape and whatever because there are only three buttons
to press, you know, so I feel like I could
maybe get good at it. I'd like to learn the trumpet.
(02:32):
All right, there you go. Next up, he's a man
with one hair product water James Heney James. What movie
or movie scene scared the crap out of you as
a kid? Uh? In the movie Ghostbusters, which I watched
over and over and over. My mom would get so
mad that I wanted to rent the same movie from
the video rental place. Uh, the scene where there's not
(02:54):
any ghosts, there's like some laser lights that were like here,
and it's like this different change of music when basically
they shut down the ghost containment center. I would hide
behind the couch and not watch until that music stopped,
and then I would continue to watch the movie. I
don't know why. It was like the that bank being
closed to ghosts, and it scared the ship out of them.
(03:14):
That's the thing that scared You're not the librarian turning
into it. Yeah, it's by the way, I only I
only picture I picture James, a little tiny James, but
still with a mustache. It's him, just smaller, that's what. Yeah, exactly,
so tiny James is afraid of lighting changes. We all
know this. It's still to this day. That's that's the thing. Yep. Finally,
(03:39):
last but not least, Joey Greer, Joey, I've heard you've
written a new mystery novel. Can we hear a short excerpt?
Get the hell out of you think I'm actually gonna
do that? Man? My publishers up my ass right now,
because I've been going out there leaking all these parts
of the story. I thought it was gonna be like
George R. Martin style, like you know, get interest and
all that stuff, and they made me rewrite it. Every
(04:02):
time I go on there and I say what it is,
they make me rewrite the entire thing. So good luck.
All right, you were the one I tell you this,
sausage maker. I mean that was for the last one,
so I mean, I've already rewritten it. But the book
of yours ends with the sausage maker being did I've
been hearing this criticism for a long time, all right,
(04:23):
if it was bad that people wouldn't buy them, that's
fair point, fair point, all right, let's do a damn show.
All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I p s To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot
com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene
(04:44):
suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at our
new email address, Alchemy This email at gmail dot com.
That's Alchemy. Scene one is from Patreon David Rogier, who wrote,
dear kp Yo Dog, thanks for all you do. I'll
(05:04):
let them know this isn't so much a single scene
suggestion as it is a need to hear the finale
of a nearly perfect cinematic universe. This, your christ has
been made on behalf of the entire alchemy that gang.
Will you all please tell us the tale of the
Fast and the Furious car parkour. Love you all for
thanks for everything you do. David the guy who keeps
sending Craig money, but as yes to hear back. Look
(05:31):
it's one more race and then you're out. All right,
I'm retired, I got kids. I can't do this anymore.
You seem so tired and slow these days. Up, I mean,
give me some time, some time here. I brought you
a growler of coffee. Oh wow, thank you, of course,
(05:53):
Please keep it little. My kids are still sleeping. This
is a odd time. Are you still up from last
night or is this a new know I'm still it's
been it's been a few days. But look, man, look
you're the only one who can do this. You know
that I got two strikes, some of these speeding tickets.
I got her felonies. So what so you're just gonna
(06:13):
walk away. You're gonna walk away from forever from the crew.
Who else is getting together? Bonds Ie purple, eyeball purple?
What did she say? Anything about me. Yeah, yeah, of
course she said something about you. God damn, every time
I go to work, I got these stupid fucking cars
in my way. God damn, are you shut up? Dog?
(06:34):
Jesus shut up dog? All right, God, God damn it.
Look a look at this car. Look at this look
on saying this. This is a jet engine holding back
this came. You know what, I'm I'm calling the city.
I'm calling the city because this is insane. This isn't
This car's gotta get told. Hello. So, anyways, my mother
is gonna go this week a line cross. Can you
(06:56):
just can we have a conversation. My mom's gonna come
this weekend, and it told her that she could stay
with us for as long as did this line get
Am I talking to someone in person? Or is this
on the phone? Hello? The phone? Okay, so I was
talking to someone in person. You know what? You were
behind me. I didn't know that, all right. I thought
it was just a weird spe what's going on? Your
mom's coming in? This was coming in this week and
(07:17):
I told her to stay as long as she wanted.
Your mom's got flaky skin. Excuse me, that is genetic,
and you know that I am eventually going to have that.
So if that's a problem for you, now you're telling me,
all right, it's a problem for me. What do you
want me to say? There? Every time she comes in here,
there's like another human being that just every time she
(07:39):
leaves the room, it's like she can you move the car? Body?
I'm trying to get out of here from work? Did
you hear me on a call? Excuse me? Am I
talking to you in person? Or am I on a call?
You're looking right now me? What's your problem? I probably
you gonna move this guy. I don't know who the
(08:00):
hell's in this guddamn house, some kind of you're trying
to familia okay, the family that's in there, Okay, but
we gotta just we gotta move this out, all right? Hey?
I like your style. Are you into committing crime for
one night, for one big event? No? What I mean? Uh,
(08:22):
I'm picking up some arthritis medication for Bonsai. That last
name or first name, just Bonza. Alright, I gotta figured out.
I guess it would just be under be whole last second.
Uh I found you. Jesus, don't stick up on me
(08:42):
like that. Hey, Hey, hey, hi, how you doing pharmacists. Hey, name,
what's his name? I don't I don't know what his
fucking name is? There he is bon Hey, we'll get
the group back together. Oh Jesus, I got I got joint.
I got joint problems, and you're gonna have more problems
(09:03):
than joint problems if you don't join us. Man, Look,
I just got out of the joint and I got
problems with my joints. Okay, so it's gotta it's got
a double meaning, and I'm I'm double parked right now
because you know me. I'm bonds. That's you. Oh, I saw,
I saw, I saw. Look, man, I got the whole game.
I don't know. I don't know which one is better,
(09:23):
one or two. I can't tell. I got one, eye, Doc,
I got one. We'll try again, Okay. I'm just the
spsable lens is really quick, and you can just tell me.
Is it better with one? Now that's two? Is it
better with two? Debate? Roughly the same. Excuse me, part
of me? Excuse me? Doctor? Hey, can you see me?
(09:46):
Oh my god, talk about a blast in the past. Well,
doctor has a name. What's her name? I don't know?
All right, listen, one eyeball, we're getting back together, the
whole crew. I'm talking to you, bonds eye Purple. Do
you have a car that doesn't just have wheels but
(10:10):
almost has feet? I want this thing to run, baby run?
Are you serious? You want a car that has step
back over because I can. Do you have probably that
doesn't just have wheels, it has feet? Because I want
this baby to run, baby run? Well we can because
(10:35):
excuse me, Purple, excuse me that that man with a
very long name, he was just helping me buy it
a special car. Please, Purple, we're getting the group back.
We need you. God, you didn't ask me because I
don't know his name. Are we doing a Sorry? I
didn't mean to say. You guys, I could get either
(10:56):
one of you guys into a car. What's your name?
My name is John Jeremy Larry Kinson Kinship so long?
But yeah, we were talking. We can get you into
a really fast car. I just don't know if it's
(11:17):
going to have feet, per se. Is this your boyfriend? Now? Look,
we got all the nuclear coaches in the world looked
up in this vault, plus two hundred billion dollars and
a priceless first edition Corvette alright, maybe we should move
some of this stuff around. We talked a lot to
(11:38):
put in one vault. Well you can do you what
do you think you think some familiar some families in
the companyears to deal this. Huh. I mean just we
can maybe move some of the money of the Caymans
at least. What are you talk What are you talking
about putting in an island? You want to you want
to put the money underwater? If everything's in the one vault.
I mean we're just setting ourselves up trailer. Look, I
(12:00):
don't know what's kid India, right, but I'm giving you
the coach. Do you understand I don't want the codes. No,
you're gonna have them. I'm gonna be flying alright. Everybody, welcome, Welcome,
Grab a donut, Grab some coffee. Keep you down. This
sees my family's house. OK. I'm gonna do a quick
roll call eyeball yeah, purple, yeah, I'm here. Bonds are
(12:26):
any of these donuts gluten free bonds that you have
to say you're here? I'm here. I'm just look rich.
These all look rich. I've got acid reflux. Who's dating? Well?
I still have acid refa Keep it down, all right,
guy who's dating the girl with flaky skin. You here? Uh? Yeah,
(12:48):
I am, I am here okay. Uh And first off,
thank you for accepting my email. I don't know. I
got shuttled over here all right, two and a half
hours out of my route to work to go to
some defunct oil refinery. This is his family lives here. Okay,
so keep the voice, let me just keep it. Can
(13:10):
we shorten down that nickname a little bit? Okay? Yeah,
we um like flakes or something. Girlfriend like, my name
is Paul. My name is Paul Walker. Okay, wellcome back,
welcome back to that um is flakes as a placeholder
(13:32):
for right now, James, James, Larry Jacob, this is my place. Yeah.
Oh ship, Wait a second, dude, that's so crazy. So
you're saying, when I'm that other job that I got,
I'm trying to be laying low, okay, and you show
up there and it gets really awkward. Whoa ship. I
(13:53):
feel so awkward because when I came to you earlier,
right yesterday morning, to set up this whole thing, I
didn't know you were also the guy selling the car.
I would be nicer to you. Well, well, you got
two strikes and you're trying to get off the crid.
Do you think that two strikes? Is anybody here like
two hundred billion dollars billions? Uh? No, I just said
(14:16):
in Spanish. I'm sorry. I'm doing do a lingo. I'm
learning Spanish and English. I'm trying to pair all the
words together. So I didn't always say two hundred billion.
You tell us, I don't know. Uh, I don't know
where we're going, all right, everybody listening up, Listen up
those beest. You think yes, but I think it's two built.
(14:41):
I think it's too I'm saying, okay, I mean yes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm gonna get right to it him. I don't have
a prescription, but I was just wondering if you could
help me out. Okay, do you do you have any
topical cree or even an oral pill um that helps
(15:04):
human molting molten? Can you take a step back? You're
flaking all over the counter. Sorry, Um, it's actually these
are my mom's flakes that have flaked on top of me.
And now I'm it's like, oh my gosh, it's so much.
But don't worry. I will end up with this heinous
uh ailment. Do you have anything for that or should
(15:26):
I just go funk myself? Actually, being that we're a pharmacy,
we do have something, so you don't need to funk
yourself at this occasion. Thank you. Let me see take
this this this cream, rub it three times a day.
I mean, if this is an entire body that is
dealing with this, can I apologize to you? I'm on
I'm so stressed out. My mom has been here for
actually two months. She supposed to be here for one weekend.
(15:48):
I told her to say as long as me for
two months. So like, it's just like, I'm just I'm
on edge and didn't mean to take that out on you.
So I'm so so sorry. Take this cream, rub it
on my body, her body. Let's just rub it over
the house. Prevent todve care three times, three times a day. Yeah, sure,
here's a shower gel too. This might help you. You
just put the sign on the showers. So helpful. You
are so helpful. Do you know what my boyfriend said
(16:10):
when I told him about this, No, no, not at all.
He said, God help me, this happens to you. I'm
out the door, That's what he said. He said, I'm
out the door. I said, what if by then we
have children? I mean, what are we gonna do that?
And he said, leaving too the wind? Okay, I got
a cosmo for the girl with the cream, A lot
of creamter skin, and a pharmacist at the Manhattan Here
you go? Each want a date? Or what's going on?
(16:33):
I'm sorry to pry. What else do I gotta do?
It's fine, it's I guess we're from I guess it's
just like a friendly unless you want to call it
a date. Are you talking to me? Or are you
on the phone? Oh I'm okay, Yeah, I'm sorry, sir?
You want a date? Or yeah, I'm sorry? Sorry? That
(16:54):
was a prescription. All right, and that wraps it up.
Any questions? Does anybody have a foam roller? Because I
gotta I've got some really tight fascia that I just gotta.
I gotta roll out like at least three times a day.
We got three minutes to complete this entire mission. Now,
the cars, well, I've souped them up just a little.
(17:16):
Take a mobile? What auto mobile? That's how you say?
Of flakes? Come on, man, then what the hell's up
with this guy named Lingo? It's okay, alrightbile, maybe in
(17:38):
your new rides. Wait, those came from the show floor
of my work. That's right. I got two strikes. You
can't do this to me, Like, what kind of mileage
does that one get? I afore it was souped up,
It was thirty five city. There was a good mileage cars,
(17:59):
But I don't know what that thing on the back
of it. These cars can go off of buildings, under buildings,
around buildings. They do so much safe safe bonds. I
what do you not drive anymore? What do you not
drive anymore? Buns? I look, I was look, I was
(18:19):
gonna joint no no bonds. I'm interrupting you because because
I get the feeling nobody really wants to do with
this today. I love all the all the alterations you've
done on this one. Here, the helicopter blades at the top.
I mean, just thinking souped up. But I gotta tell you,
having one eyeball, my depth perception is awful. You probably
(18:42):
don't want me driving today. I'm probably gonna rule the mission.
I'll do it because you know we're family, but you
know it might not be the safest thing. Alright, I
bought your out bonds that you're out purple? Are you
still in? Yeah? Of course, as long as those babies
can run, baby on. I don't know what that. As
(19:04):
long as these cars can run, baby run, all right,
So let me get this straight from what you were
talking about. You want to intercept international Terrorists bounty, which
holds all of the nuclear codes from around the world.
Two dollars and a rare first edition corvette. Who gets
(19:28):
the first edition Corvette? I mean it isn't that like
terminology used for like Pokemon cards or something like that.
I don't, I don't know. Oh yeah, so what do
you say? Look, I just want you all to move
the cars and from my house so I can get
out for work. I can't. I can't let you in
the vault. I'm sorry. I got to guard it with
(19:50):
my life. Fuck me for asking, you man, Fuck me
for asking. You should have just taken what I wanted.
I had to ask. It's been a long a time.
I mean, you drove right into the lobby of the bank.
Stop to ask. That's on me. You're just doing your
job and I'm fucking up. Or am I providing the
(20:12):
perfect diversion? Go flakes, Go go flakes, don't let's go okay.
I don't know how to draw who's who's flakes. I
don't know how to drive a stick. I told you
this car. Look, if you just want the nuclear codes,
(20:35):
I can give you the codes, because I really want
to unburden myself. I don't want to know them. I'll
take the Yeah, okay, alright, Pakistan's so embarrassing. I just
did that huge ye one toe um dunking um here
(20:55):
on the floor, there's no cars. Do you want to
do and tell me what happened? Or do you want
the truth? Here's the truth or part of Okay? Well,
I was gonna tell you that. I was gonna tell
you a bullshit lie. I'm not dunking. I'm Larry Jerry,
(21:17):
and I'm part of a race group. What let's go back?
No group? That was the first? Oh man, I love
those racing group movies. Scene number two comes from Dave,
(21:42):
who wrote, Hey, there, you guys are rad I love
you to bits. Your creative energies have helped me out
some very deep ruts over the years, and for that
I can't thank you enough. Scene suggestion Handy J and
the Blowback Boys Best Dave from midvl utah. Uh, this
(22:03):
is ah, this is a high school prom, and we're
just not sure that this is a good fit for
your band. Is it possible that you'd be willing to
change your Let us audition. Just let us audition. It's
Handy Day and the Blowback Boys, and you are not
going to be disappointed. Let us not be disappointed, all right,
You're not going to be disappointed. You're not. Just looking
(22:25):
at your song title list and some of them seem like,
I don't know, pushing the limits. I'm a little concerned
with the U. That song doesn't even sound like okay,
go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. We's it's it's all
about teens eat yogurt and it's it's literally all about
yogurt and just like spitting and just spitting yogurt because
(22:47):
you're having too much fun. So, you know, don't judge.
In just the past couple of years, I've gotten a
little I've gotten to a little bit of trouble with
the PTA because you know, I like to treat the
kids like adults and uh, just concerned. Listen. I'm handy.
I do a lot of work around my own house.
I can cock floors, I can do that kind of stuff.
(23:08):
So like, that's why my name is Handy Jay and
these are the Black Boys because they're my backups. We've
we've got a whole song about cocking. Yeah really yeah, Okay,
So I I guess I don't want to fast. Hi.
I'm b J Brown with the Belly Rob Buddies. We
(23:28):
heard there's a gig our top rival. Did you hear
that there was a gig or did you see on
my Instagram that I was coming here? I saw in
your instagram? From being honest, but you guys saw the
right You guys saw the ad. No, no, not's so fast?
(23:50):
There was a gig he Can't keep Away Pussy Buffet
and the little the jj J Browns Up Rival. How
do you know is here? Was it from my Instagram? Yeah?
You both everywhere? You're gonna be always alright? Alright? So
(24:10):
a little gotten I I was hoping for, just like
some sort of the Beatles cover band for them something.
Why don't we all give you a little, a little,
a little sample. Now, I'm b J Brown with the
Belly Rob Buddies. They aren't here, but I'm gonna I'll
give you. I'll give you what oh is getting crowded. Uh,
(24:33):
who is Mr Asshole and the brown Rings? Oh oh,
we can't. That's like, there's no way we can have
a band titled that buffet here I was, it's pretty
close to the edge with with pussy Buffet. But I
imagined that we could say that that's not but asshole,
(24:55):
Like I can't have that Mr Asshole. Uh huh, but
there's no innuendo to mystery. Hey, hey, any room for
Dick Penis and the Schloans. We do it, we do it,
dilet Beetles covers um Robert. I know that this isn't
like usual or expected, but um, if you didn't have
(25:21):
a date to the prom already, Um, I did buy
two tickets and I'm just want me so oh um,
one's up for grabs. Okay, cheeze um. How can I
say this? Um, I think you're great. Before you answer,
(25:43):
I know that I also have a tux that's perfectly
fitted for your body. That's all there, so you don't
even have to worry about that. Okay, I want I
want to go with you, and I would because my band,
my band might play it. We're up to play it.
You're a the play our prom? Yeah? Um, it's just
(26:07):
a count. That's our bands over the U. Um yeah, count,
and um we're you know we I think we've got
a chance. Um, but look if we don't, well, you know,
maybe I could do double D D. I could play
in the band and then I could go with you
when I'm not playing in the band. H Yeah, I
really like that. Hey, sweetheart, I was school today. Um
(26:30):
it was pretty good. I got a maybe kind of
as my prom date? My prom date? Have you ever
considered letting your hair down? Wait? Are you ti to
say that my super tight slicked back bund is not
just say or maybe taking those glasses off? My glasses,
(26:54):
I mean they're so thick without them? How are people
going to see? No? I mean they define what about
your head gear? Hey Brandy, I'm so sorry to this,
but we're gonna have to suspend you with your hair down,
your glasses off, and you're ed gear off. It's going
to against school policy. So, um, what's the pot I'm sorry?
Which policy is just top bun, glasses and headgear? Just
(27:18):
treat you as an adult? So do you mind if
he's been calling my father because he actually he's the
one who kind of made this happen. So, Um, he's
never gonna let me now that he knows what I
can be without it, He's never going to let me
leave the house any other way. And it is weird,
and it is weird that he wants that for me,
but he does. So can you call him for with me?
(27:43):
I wish I could. Look, this is a two charged school.
We got by laws, So I'll call him. But you know,
I'm just kidding. Thank you, Hello, Bobby. You gotta choose
a band. Choo is a band? You have like seventeen audition,
choose one. We gotta make the book. I get the balloon.
(28:05):
It's just that I've got a lot rolling here. Um,
we're supposed to we're kind of we're on the more
conservative side. And I don't know what's the what's the
least offensive band that's submitted? It might be it might
be I feel like that might be my room blad
is Key. If we leave that room Blood off, then
(28:26):
people can misconstrue that name with you. But with doom
Blood it's completely safe. The other ones, I just don't
think that we can have them at the band A
hundred times, Okay, I said it's a hundred times no music.
There should be no music at the prom okay, And
we considered that, but then they'd look silly dancing, and
(28:47):
they look really silly. Then there shouldn't be dancing. No, no, no,
just how just have a bunch of bowls of Nickart
and just put some called called born to happen that party?
Is that not a party? That's the party? Thank you, Janice?
(29:09):
Any Bobby or should I call you vice principal? I
don't know. I'm I on the phone. Am I talking
to face? You're right here face to face. Look, man,
what's what's the deal. What's the my my, my little
girl want her to uh, you know, flourish. I want
her to get it. I get it, all right, So
what's the what's the deal? Well, here at Circle School,
we have a guidelines and we have by laws that
(29:32):
we have to up here at Circle School. Bobby, I
remember when you and I fucked. You're expelled, so you
can don't know where you're gonna. Well, I well not
just yet. She hasn't let the campus, so you're still
hold on, babe, hold on it. This is a squatter's rights.
She doesn't have a right the education just because she's
(29:53):
on the front waters Right, squatter baby, speaking of squatters, right,
this guy's squatted all over my face right him, babe? Okay,
So anyway, I'm hoping maybe I would get the friend
discount here on schooling. What what the hell do you
want you? I'm not going to reduce the tuition because
(30:15):
she's what are you talking about? I already bought my
prom tickets? So can I still go to palm? Let
her go to problem? I mean, I'm going with the
band's lead singer. Which band? Yeah, we haven't decided on
a band. Oh, I mean he told me it's pretty
much a done deal. He was gonna missus doubt fire
the whole night and be on KUN and then change
(30:37):
everything to come be with me. And I said, you
don't need to do that. I mean, I actually like
that you're in the band. That's like cool points for me.
And he's like, no, no, no, babe, Like I want
to do this. I want to take this on. Watch
me do, watch me do? And I said, I guess.
I mean if there's no band, all right, listen, Um,
I'm I'm good. I'm maybe a little distracted. I mean,
(30:58):
missus doubt find this whole night. I don't know why.
I have agreed to dress up like an old woman
for the gig. But I'm gonna be Mrs Doubtfire while
we're singing, and then I'm going to be a kid
in the tucks to go with my date. Okay, you
guys do not look rock and roll. Got Harold stopped
(31:21):
ruining it? All right? This is is this going to
effect that we play? What? What is this? This is, Gunther,
It's not It is not going to affect the way
we play. Alright. We're coon, we know who we are,
all right, and sometimes the front man reinvents himself over
and over and over. He saw David Bowie did this
(31:42):
is just like that? This is my old lady face. Well,
I mean you're the you're the lead singer. But you know,
good Through is really the front man because his last
name is the band's name. It's kind of my whole idea. Yeah,
but I mean people don't really remember whoever's not singing.
I mean that's just the thing hands, you know, unless
unless you have an edie that Halen, which Gunther is.
(32:03):
Let's be honest, this is not no. What is happening now?
This is insane, all of us, Hadden, I find out
you don't fun to do the thing we said, and
then you're just degrading me in some way. This isn't
you know, fut I'm out of here. Good luck with
We can't lose good good coot from coot uther. No,
come on, man, I'm sorry. It's just this is I'm
(32:26):
under a lot of pressure here. Okay, figure that. Oh no,
he took the old blot. Oh no, they better not
publicize us. Hey, baby daughter, No, hold on, hold on that. No,
(32:48):
let me just come in, all right, just put on
some clothes. It's fine, thinking your whole live all right, Look,
all right, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you need
to be at that problem. Yeah, I know, I thought
really hard to like get this guy to go with me.
I bought his ticket, his tugs the boot in here.
(33:08):
I mean, he pretty much did everything for him. I
gave him the great idea of of of Mrs Doubt
firing unnecessarily. I mean, come on, you don't think I
want this? Yeah, no, I know you do. I say,
you just do it. Some old lady just pulled up
in a limo. Oh yeah, that's some that's for me. Carol, Carol,
(33:35):
you're just the cleaning. The hear you don't need to
like interrupt. This is dead daughter time. Hey, I really
like it's actually really good for me to have a
female around that kind of energy. And please don't Carol.
You're more than that to me. You're more than a
cleaning lady to be Okay. Uh, Like, I I gotta
(34:01):
finish scrubbing the toilet alright here. I just wanted to
offer it because she's more. You know, she's more to me.
She's family, not the family does. I'll get the door,
and you make a grand entrance. Okay, okay, I mean
you can even just wear what you wear it now.
You look. I think you look great. I was gonna
(34:23):
wear it. I was gonna wear right now. I was
just gonna walk out later as a grand entrance. Okay, okay,
thank you. Hey, how's it going, Bud? It's going well?
Then it is. It is your torture at home. Yeah,
come on in, come on in. Don't mind the shotgun.
(34:43):
I'm just kidding. It's one of those dad jokes, you know.
So Dad, I'm ready, I'm ready announced me. Okay, I
expect you'll have her home at a decent time, right,
Oh yes, sure, she'll be back by How did having Okay,
I'm gonna write that down any a minute later and
(35:05):
we will have an issue, all right, now, please may
give me a carol? Can you get me here for
one second? Man, you guys are in there for a while.
It's wild. You haven't driving people for prom for a
long time. You know. Limos are kind of my thing,
(35:26):
you know, automatic? Man, You know, doesn't matter if it's
a Limo, I can drive it. Can you play sixpence
on the richer? Oh? This doesn't have any DVD players
in here? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. So you the
grandma who we're picking up next? What's going on? I'm
gonna go ahead and put the partition up? All right?
(35:48):
You look really great? Thanks? So do you know I'm
gonna drop the character while we're alone and nobody else
is here? Okay? I hope that. I mean, I can't
wait for you to see me in my tucks. I
should have come in the tie and then then miss
stop everything later. I got him scrambled, but I don't know.
I'm this is gonna be the greatest night ever. Absolutely,
(36:09):
there could be an issue with the band tonight. You
guys want something funny. Okay, but then can you put
the protesting back up after? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's
about like if I just do a little detour, there's
the funniest billboard on the highway. Um, we really just
want to get to Prong. Yeah, we need to get there,
but I have six mone the richer from the car
(36:40):
next door, like demo. M all right, ko, you're on, Hey,
have fun out there, alright, guy, this is it, this
(37:01):
is our dream. All right. Don't let the non oomblot
throw you. They can't see our name. Okay, just remember
that they can't see our name. I just know that
theomblots gone. It's throwing me off. Just as long as
we don't say who we are, we're okay. Um, so
let's we'll open with of course, are our biggest rocker?
(37:24):
Um between those legs? Okay, you guys are ready. Hey everybody,
we're a band and we're here to rock you. Someone
kind of off drummer cut off? Are you? Are you?
(37:47):
Are you? I mean I don't really know. I mean
I guess it's pretty popular. Who song? We could try
to cover it? Um one, two, three four, you don't
have to give two principle That was actually a really
good band, really good party. Everyone was dancing. That was
That was actually really glad. Everybody seemed to like it.
(38:07):
It's just that you guys have all kind of cornered
me in here. I felt like it was a negative response.
You're going to have to it well here at Circle School,
you know that every principle has a shelf life of
three years, and that three years is today. I mean,
is it today today? It's it's semester, but it is today,
(38:30):
and you do have to resign immediately. It is weird,
but Janice is right. I just have plans for the
to close out the year like this was a really
good problem and we're each going to take a stone
and throw it in your face. Hold on, I know
that that's the tradition, but that's the tradition tradition. It's just,
(38:53):
oh well, what if what if I just got my
things hurt? That's a very small one, okay. I thought
(39:13):
that That's all coming up next on v H one's
Coop Behind the Music, and that's C number two. Starter
Schools Like the Sound of Throwing. C three is from Patreon.
(39:40):
V I P Larry Stewart, who wrote, Hey gang, as always,
I love and appreciate what you do. And I'm now
a Patreon member. Also, this is a blast from the past,
but there was an episode back in when everyone was
clowning on James from making up calendar Man as a
batman villain. But the truth is calendar Man is a
batman villain. James, you were right and they were wrong.
(40:00):
Thank you, I do. I was on that one. I
recall that. Sorry for giving you such a hard time,
but it does sound like a stupid villain. We all
have to admit that. Anyway, As far as scene suggestions,
I have one a day in the life of Joey's character,
the pumper nickel bread lady. That's it. Keep up the
good work, and I can't hear, wait to hear what's next?
Best Larry Stewart, All right, so this is pretty much it.
(40:22):
We got a couple of orders that we always do
two different restaurants, but in general, I mean, we're always
gonna be making croissans. What about the birds? What about them?
We just let this is San Diego. Won't you do
me a favor and not talk about the birds? Okay? Okay,
all right, yeah, so we gotta just you know, we're
(40:44):
just gonna be a couple of loaves, No big deal.
We've got a sheet right there. Tell you what we got.
We always want to know, obviously, everything fresh, but like
what in greetings we've got. So that's pretty much it, man,
So have at it. All right, I'm gonna be running
some maarroons, but I'll be background to Hey, thanks for
the ill ortunity here you will, and we'll let you down.
(41:05):
I hope not. I won't do it. Okay, great, great, Okay,
So that's it. I think that's everything. Here are the keys, Uh,
cell phone numbers are on the fridge. What else? Cash
registers stocked? Um? Oh my god. Okay, so joelmost forgot
about this. Uh do you see this woman? Yeah? Okay,
(41:27):
this this Okay, memorize this photo because she's gonna be
coming in. Do not serve her? Alright, what not serve her?
Long story, long violent story. Okay, I gotta go, all right, okay, okay, okay,
good morning, good morning? Oh okay, Yeah, I was told
(41:58):
not to ask any questions about the birds from San Diego.
You got it? What would you like? What would you like?
We got? We got smells like fresh bread in here. Hey,
good morning, fucking God, what the fund is going on?
I'm not eating here? What do you mean you don't
know about the birds in San Diego? No? No, I'm
(42:19):
out of here. No hold like, can you tell me
what's going on? The birds rule this talent? You're feeding
the birds? What do you think the reads? The birds
are all down here for it doesn't matter. I'm out.
Don't listen to them. See I'm crazy. I'm so nice
and you just want okay okay, yeah yeah, yah, yeah
(42:41):
yeah yeah. Croissana, croissanza this here you go out there,
you go, there, you go. Okay, okay, okay, okay, pretty easy,
gig leg leg Hello? Can I have a loaf of
pompa nickel? Sure? Of course, of course? What what? I'm sorry?
(43:05):
Can you turn? Can you turn a little bit to
your left? Why would I turn to my left? Yeah? Yeah,
oh oh, I'm sorry. We're out of pumper nickel. I
see a loaf of pumper nickel right back there. I
don't want any issues, miss, I don't have any issues.
(43:27):
I've got you've got bread. Let's make this easy. I've
been told I can't serve you. What I told the owner.
He made me memorize your photo. Let me see that.
Let me see. It's in my head. I memorized it.
He took the photo with him. He took the photo
with him. Okay, draw me the photo. Okay, okay. Blue blouse,
(43:49):
it was floral skirt, head band, braces, Okay, I know
that's what I'm wearing. That is what I'm wearing. Us me.
I'd like to get some popa nickel, a loaf of
pompa nickel bread. Sure, I was das. I was here first. Man, No,
(44:10):
I didn't even see you getting saved. I got okay, okay, okay, Wait,
I'm a little confused because I feel like you two
look very similar. I mean, she's got the headband, you head.
I want some pop nickel per nickele okay, okay, yeah,
(44:31):
the crow here, I'm happy to give you some pomper
nickel crow. There you are. Thank you. Also, you serve
a crow, but not a paying customer. Look, I was
just all right, ladies. I always told two things. One,
you're ware of the birds, to don't serve a lady
that looks like both of you. To be honest, are
you kidding me? I just wanted twenty Dallas. I just
(44:52):
want some pompa nickel for a loaf. It's not the money.
He comes another lady. Oh god, hello dead line. Oh
my god, Oh god, I hoped it's a pump nic
By the time I get to the front of the law,
do you three know each other? No, look at each other,
look at yoursel No. I never met any of these
(45:14):
people before, and by life, it is a similarity. Doctor.
The cloning machine was open less now and it seems
that some will run off. I don't know what happened.
I thought I locked up. I'm so sorry. What the
cloning machine it? It was powered on, and obviously somebody
(45:35):
walked through. There's a trail of bread crumbs that lead
up to it, so I know that someone did. And
I know it was my job to keep the lab,
you know, tucked away from everybody. But I'm sorry it failed.
I can't believe this. The cooning machine was done on
and then clones were created. My god, but what what
(45:59):
this is news? This is good news, Reggie. But doctor,
we don't know what came out of it. We don't
know what into it. We don't know came out of it.
Oh my goodness, look at this. Miss My devices worked quick.
Get the gun, Reggie don't kill me. Ready, kill this close, luky,
(46:24):
I'm gonna rock through this too, al right. Which one
of you is real? Yeah? Which one of you is real?
Which one of us is real? Which one of us
is real? You knew? What have we done? We didn't
mention when you've gone through the crooning machine, you've become
(46:47):
quite violent. It's degrade your personality. So look, I'm just
gonna close the whole shop, if I'm being honest. Come,
what is that? Is that a knife? For carrying this? Oh?
(47:07):
It is? I just like to spread my body on
my pompa nic cale bread. You're that's gross. That's not
a knife. This is a knife. Whoa? And I spread
my button with a gun. Okay, that's how I roll. Okay,
Look I don't know. I don't listen. Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine,
(47:30):
take the bread, take the pumper nickel here here, take
you all, thank you, take take it. It's more, thank you. Okay,
take this body, please take this dead body. That's okay,
your's umber, please leave, thank you. They need some help,
(47:55):
get of it work? How did it go? That's okay.
I don't know what's happening. Look I could help you.
I can help you. Still I'm pretty good. I'm pretty
good getting people have this store, naughty people. You just
need to give me drugs, drugs and my pretty let
drugs kind of drugs. Give it the hard stuff. Bring
(48:21):
bring second bread shop, best bread in San Diego. If
you try to bet bread better than ours, there's you're
wrong because ours definitely we're gonna have to get better
at that. Hey, you know what, I finished the errands early.
I know I was gonna get around too, but you
know what, I can get back around at eight am,
(48:42):
So I'm gonna be back, all right, So don't worry.
I'm gonna be heading back and I can I can
help her on the shop. But it's been a bad day.
What's going on? Some I gave pumper nickel to the lady.
You said I shouldn't get pumper nickel too. There were
three of them, and one steff other and these birds
they're running, they're coming in here, and they're they're they're
(49:03):
making requests and and I don't really know what I'm doing,
if I'm being honest. So you did everything well, all right,
put the bread in the box. So all right, we're
gonna take this from me, familiar, do you hear that. Jason, Hello,
I'm being held up. Okay, what do you want? You
(49:26):
want bread in the box? Yeah, put on the bread
in the box. I gotta take you back to Purple
and the rest of the gang. Ye hungry? Okay, did
you have a particular preference of bread? Oh? No, we
didn't go over this part of the plan. I'll be
happy to give you what we have here. Here's obsessing me?
Is we great? After? I'm just double part because I'm
(49:50):
waiting for my friend. Well, that's a violation. So either
moved the car or I wrote you a ticket. Okay.
It's just hard to find parkting around here. No, it's
the absolute worst. I mean, this neighborhood has gone to
ship right gags, I bet you they are. But it's
something that a smartphone could tell you. I really couldn't tell,
you know, I don't live where. I actually drive in
(50:10):
from a two hours out just to do some policing
over here. Really fuck some people's lives over and back home.
My friends coming out, and I don't know any thing
about the city, and I don't really care about the
city or it's it's people. I just kind of want
to come assert assert myself and get so you can
move the car to have a run and just move
(50:32):
the car. Please move the car. Yeah, you can move
the car or all write you just so you know
we're familiar, We're family, all for you in this car.
I'm not really with them, in fact, I just just
move the car, please, I can't. This is John Jacob
jen Oheimer Schmidt. Are you with them or not, sir?
(50:53):
Because if you're not, then I'm gonna have to ask
everybody to get out of the car. Come in. Fines
that come in, go for bonds. I I can't get
out of that. I'm surrounded by San Diego birds. Oh
no words, listen, I've gotta I heard that, and that's
(51:13):
actually a police call too. So I'm gonna just take
it from your speaker to my ears, to my heart
and go police this ship out of those birds. Thanks, Officerry.
I offer you a donut, but I ate them all.
Oh I'm gluten free. It gives me USID reflux. Yeah,
none of them, none of them were gluten free. I
found that out the hard way. Alright, everybody just get
(51:34):
out of here, thinking what you want? Birds leave, people go.
I'm so sorry. I'm ruined today. I don't know what
do you mean leave? What do you mean if I
helped kill this guy? This guy was bothering you and
I killed I picked him to death. I picked out
of sideballs and I picked out plain And now you're
gonna make me like just okay, you don't just wanted
to No, No, I helped you. He was giving you
(51:54):
a hard time and I helped you. And you have
even giving my trunks? Yeah, okay, yeah, okay, chasing? What
the hell is this? What if the hell is going
on in here? It's because the two bodies. It's been
our day. Where all the loaves of bread? Did you
give them out? Did you give them away for free? Jason? No, no, no, no, no, no,
(52:17):
no no no Jason, no no no. You disobeyed me.
You see that lady right there, one car carrying the
pupper niggle. I talked to her, talked to her, why
charge you're a church? No no, Jason, because you disobeyed me,
(52:39):
you will now know shame. You will now no shame.
What kind of threat is that? What does that mean?
All right? You will guilty and shame face the rocks
at his face picking up a door dash order if
you loaves for hunt. Sorry no, no, I'm sorry. There's
a there's an um light here and that's let's thank
(53:06):
you to alchemists. See what they're up to. James heeney Ah, well,
I am just so pleased to hear all the people
that came in and gave us incredible reviews. I mean
I asked for reviews and then they just started flooding
in and I'm not entirely sure, um, but I wanted
to read one really quick. They're just so so good
(53:28):
and it makes such a huge difference. Here's one. This
one's from zero morph. Uh. I was lost. The title
is left out loud in public. I was lost, adrift
and alone in an improvly scene. See when Sponatonation finished,
you know you can read another one. Just I honestly
(53:49):
didn't know it's gonna gop. Then I found this podcast
and it saved my vegan bacon. Um, and just we
got flooded. Since I asked last and it's so appreciated,
I probably should have rehearsed the reading of that review first.
Uh So, definitely, everybody right reviews and James will start
(54:09):
to read them. It'll be pretty amazing. Greig Gkowski, Yeah,
I'm in a movie called Murder Berry Win that's now
available for rental or purchase on on iTunes or on
your other movie purchasing or renting apps. I play an
evil board game director developer. I don't know who I am,
(54:30):
but the movie is called Murder Berry Win Berry like
um Bury or like bury Bury murder by w h Jackie,
Yes cool, thank you so much. This is very fun. Um.
(54:50):
I'm at Jackie Truthee on on the socials and you know,
and I have fun on there. I think it's I
think it's pretty good time. Other than that, hey guys
be cool, Hey guys be cool, be cool. Get there
you go. Chris Alvarado, man, I have no fear and
no fear, no fear, no fun on social media because
(55:13):
I'm full of fear. That's a lot of f's. They're
no fun on social media is not full of fear.
So maybe don't follow me at Chris Alvarado because I'm
not doing much because I'm afraid to put anything on
There is only judge like what's my voice anyway? When
am I trying to say? But maybe check out at
the Comedy Fix. It's my podcast where we you know,
dissect and uh get nuts with the comedy topics. Thank
you and I love you. I love you too, Chris,
(55:36):
Joey Greer. Uh you know Fast nine trailer has dropped.
Checked that out. It's gonna be wild, It's it's yeah right,
we just did a little teaser. But I can't wait.
I remember when one of the I think it was
Fast four worst? What worre they? What are they in Brazil?
Fast five five on the street. Yes, it was a
(56:01):
a m C. It was insane. I didn't hear a
single word because we were all screaming the entire time.
So I can't wait for that nice. I'm at Cole
Stratton on Twitter at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Probably something
on friends to her, but I don't remember. H Go
to SF Sketch Fest dot com. Check out our past
videos and NFS poclo videos up there for rental. We've
(56:24):
been a lot help support the festival. We hopefully we'll
be back in January two. That's the hope that we
shall see. Let's thank our engineer and producer, Doug Babe
and the fine folks at iHeart Media dot com. Please
write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
(56:44):
That's alchemy, this email until next time, and a football
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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