March 31, 2020 • 52 mins
Gang Goes To Heaney’s For Hashbrowns… Joey Greer’s Chili Ring… Heaney Interrogated By FBI…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode Alchemy this I'm your host,
Kevin policy is that Kevin Policlet's that? Well? Let me explain.
So this fine morning, we have gathered on the lovely
Discord app which will allow we Alchemists to play from
our individual homes. It should be mostly smooth, with a
(00:23):
chance of interruptions, drops and flops. I just know that
rather than calling the whole thing off, we found a
way through through thanks to James and Doug, we found
a way to give this a proper go, and to
physically see each other while we're doing so, in an
effort to react in real time to each other as
best as technology will allow. So thank you for joining us,
(00:46):
and we wish you all the very best from your
in your homes and your lives. Welcome to Alchemy this
COVID nineteen edition. But I digress. Let's meet our archemist,
shall we know a particular order? Say hello to Caroline Cotter.
(01:08):
Caroline forms on the left. I noticed on Instagram you're
offering up your how to make bread from scratch? Who taught?
Who taught you? My father Christopher Cotter? Um, Yeah, I
don't know what you want me to say, taught me
how to make bread. He I will say he usually
makes sour dough bread, which is not what I have
(01:29):
on my Instagram. So if you want to know how
to make sour dough, you have to reach out to
me personally and I will tell you. But it's going
to take like a week. Oh, I see to get
back to us. I'm sorry. No like takes it like
you have to make like with this bread, you just
have yeast. Yeah, exactly, So you have the starter for
(01:50):
sour dough bread which you make yourself out of like
flour and water and it gets all nasty and stuff.
Good answer. Unfortunately, while you were giving that answer, all
of my notes on my iPad went away. But but
(02:10):
but that's the first So that's incredibly fun. Uh. The
good news is I'm sitting in front of my laptop
and uh, I've got it all right here, so not
to worry as I uh frantically up got it already.
Let's see if I opened this, folks, this is with
(02:31):
a good stuff. I found it. Okay, stop the madness.
It's James Ni Jimmy too. Two seven. How do you
stay so fresh? Well, first of all, I'd appreciate you
not giving my address numbers away on the air. But
I stayed mostly fresh by I naturally don't sweat too much,
(02:51):
so I don't really need to do much to stay fresh.
It's I'm naturally fresh. Banana pants. Banana pants. Uh, okay,
how do you check your toilet papers supply? It's Christoph Varado.
Christoph walts into my heart. What's a fun game to
play at home? Um? You kind of cut out. I
(03:16):
think you said a fun game to play at home? Yes,
that's right, great, um um, the trying to break your
own nose in three punches are less. Wow, that's fantastic. Yeah,
it's fun. Give it a shot, James, James. Wait, no,
(03:37):
I'm not trying that. I can't. You know what, I
keep giving you some hot tips on some games to
play later. No more, no more crank calls. It's Craig
Kikowski kakou on Twitter. While back, you recommended the new
Hulu comedy series High Fidelity. Do you have any others
you might recommend at this point? Yeah? I like the
(03:57):
two thousand film High Fidelities darring John Cusack, and also
the Nick Hornby book High Fidelity, which came out in
the mid nineties. Uh. And is set in England. So
there's some good recommendations across several forms of media. Thank you,
cook Out, check your vertical it's cold, Stratton Cole not
(04:17):
so Houser. Got any good reading material, uh, other than
the book the novel High Fidelity that you can recommend
for the twenty seven remaining readers out there. Yeah, about
a Boy by Nick Hornby. Actually there's a series of
books I've been reading that I really enjoy, The Paper
(04:38):
Magician series by Charlie an Holmberg. It's it's it's fun,
they're interesting, they're easy reads. There's like four I think
check that excellent. Damnit uh and last but Kissed My
Rosie red one if you think him Lease, it's Joey
Greer Greer Abbey. How would you like to be remembered?
(04:58):
I just have a question your rose read one? Is
that a Is that a prolapse to anus? Alright, so
I doesn't have to be pro lapse, just so I
think i'd like to be remembered. Um, I think I'd
like to be remembered, you know, as like either an
(05:19):
olive oil flavor or uh, you know, some kind of fans. Okay, okay, okay,
all right, let's do a damn show. All of our
scene suggestions are gonna gathered from either our patroon v
I P S or your listener emails. If you'd like
(05:41):
to submit a scene suggestion, please write to the podcast
your name here at this dot com. That's your name here? Yeah,
ce Ce folks are still one. CE Number one comes
from our newest Patreon, alca Mania. Look Out. His name
(06:01):
is Joseph and he wrote, Hey guys, big fan here.
Joey Greer is so funny every time his character gets
violently upset, I laugh immediately. My suggestion today is the
crew reluctantly gives into James is always inviting them over
for breakfast, but one thing after another goes wrong. Kevin,
You're awesome. I did not just add that, James. James's okay,
(06:27):
We're headed over to James's for breakfast. Yeah, I guess so,
bing bong, Hold on one second, I'm coming. I'm coming, James.
Hold on, come back to bed? No, no, you just
stay in bed. Come on and one another one. No,
we can't have anymore. A little kissie kiss come on,
(06:51):
big boy? Oh give me another here, Hey, James, I
figure out a soapen here. Oh oh you came in. Okay,
hold on one second, honey, you stay in the bedroom.
I don't want you Todolpho Rodolpho's and the goddamn kitchen.
Don't go in there. I got sober. My We held on.
(07:12):
Who's in the kitchen, James Rodolpho? He started living roommates.
What are you talking about? Oh, sorry, Rodolpho. I'm gonna
go tell Rodolpho that we need to Um, I have
people coming over today, so it's a little different. Craig.
I'm I'm shocked that you were available to come have
breakfast at James's place this morning. Yeah. You know, my
(07:35):
my dance car usually fills up pretty fast for breakfast.
But yeah, I I have like a forty five minute
hole this morning. So are you going to breakfast after
this with other people? I've been hitting a brunch after
this and then uh and then a lunch. So your
whole so your whole schedule is just going to eat
(07:57):
with other people. Yeah, you know, taking meeting, you know,
it's it's Hollywood. It's always a hustle. So you know,
just staying connected, you know, but as many connections as possible.
This is not a good neighborhood. By the way, a
man here, do you guys, any of you guys have
like like a loose tire or something like that. Yes, yes, yes,
(08:18):
here's a loose tie. I I was gonna wear it. Joey,
you look terrible. I'm fine, I'm I just need a
little tire. I said, I'm gonna build this car. Man,
then I'm gonna raise. Have you guys seen Ford versus Gerris.
I'm so sorry, Joey got official least. Come on, big Black,
come here, get you back in your least. I'm sorry, guys,
(08:41):
I'm so sorry. Okay, all right, joe you're gonna behave today.
You're gonna behaved. Brecky, You're gonna behave everything. Okay, buddy, okay,
come in you you're excited about about finally getting runs? Yes, yes,
I am. Oh I did hear him coming through the door?
(09:04):
Baby wait, baby, wait, come back to a sweetheart. Please,
I've got people coming over and i'd really like you to,
you know, just stay in the bedroom. If you open
that door, I'm gonna kill Rodolpho. I don't I don't
know if you know this about me, but I'm not
a big fan of Rodolpho. I feel like we don't
(09:24):
need any right now, so my cry for help falls
on deaf ears. Is that right? Listen? I I don't
think he's here. I don't think he's here. I really
got to I get it. I gotta get guys. Guys.
Don't leave yet, don't leave? Uh, come on inside, come inside?
(09:46):
Is that him? You have to open the door, James.
We can't just walk through the door. Okay, here we go. Yeah,
that's a heavy door. Oh my god, here, Why didn't
you It's I've just been just working on Hash Browns
(10:07):
all morning, So come inside. It's not the safest neighborhood.
But as long as you get in here and we
shut this heavy door, Joe can't come in with coconut milk.
What with coconut milk? No, I'm doing Hash browns, orange juice,
veggie SAUCEA an a. This is why we didn't come over. Ever,
(10:31):
what are you talking about? I thought that that's, you know,
my signature breakfast. I guess so. But I also told
you I have dietary restrictions and that it's only meat.
It's only meat. Dietary restriction is that I can't eat
anything else? Well, and James. You don't have to be
sort of dismissive with your questions. Caroline, I'm not trying
(10:55):
to listen. Why don't you guys come on inside? Just fine?
All right? Thank whoa. Joey, get down, Joey, down down.
I know you're excited to see him. I know you're
excited to see him. I'm sorry, Heney, I'm so sorry.
He was so excited about this. We just saw four
versus Ferrari this morning's super You should never have shown
him that. I know, I know, but he kept saying,
(11:17):
I want to see the room Room movie. I want
to see the room Room movie. Days. Listen, Joe you
need to be quieter or my wife is going to
be upset. Okay, uh this door here, don't touch it.
Stop touching it. This door goes to my bedroom, and
that's a sacred place in the house. What us she's
(11:40):
not joining us today? Why not? I want to meet
your wife? We all like you never let us meet her. Well,
you guys are coming for breakfast, and we have a
hard rule about not getting dressed until after ten. So
what kind of hard rule is that. Well, it's just
that it's it's our home and if there's a safe place.
It's behind the walls and doors of your own being
of shape. Can we all have safe words while we're here, James,
(12:05):
I guess, but it needs to be something that I
can remember. Okay, molasses for me? Yeah? What is it? Molasses?
Molasses for Craig, mine's gonna be. Why don't we all
have the same safe word? That doesn't make any sense? Well,
then we can all remember it if we hear that
one word. But if I have to remember a different
(12:26):
one for each person, breaking point is different. I'm sorry. Hello, Hi, yeah, hi, Hi,
I'm I'm a health Inspectrum of Food and Safety Health inspector.
You can't come in. You cannot come breakfast just to
select fear friends. It's not it's not a business. You
said you have a selected fear friends? Is that correct?
(12:48):
You know what it is that this isn't a restaurant.
You can't come in here and judge my house? I think?
Is that a B rating in the corner there, Jane?
That B stands for beast. Uh, it's not a rating,
it's just you know, listen, this house in inspector is
not supposed to be here. Are you not serving breakfast?
(13:10):
I I invited in, heir James, Hi, Craig, how are
you great? Seeing you lunch later? Absolutely well, I think
we have a lunch of one, don't we. We do
connected in the house. This is this is kind of
weird to bring up, but like for a food health inspector,
(13:31):
you you seem really rich healthy. Yeah, well this is
family money. But I love public service. So let me
just take a look around here. I do not want
to get What are you looking for? I'm looking for
ant droppings. I'm looking for uh, you know, I've never
(13:54):
seen ant droppings look like tiny ants. A monocle. Yes, yeah,
so it's it's actually just a magnifying monocle. Oh yeah,
so I get to see you. I can see your pores.
All right, let's just poop here for the queen and
find something to bring back for her. I don't know
(14:17):
that I could just squeeze one out on command. Oh
if you can't squeeze one out, we must rip his
arms off his bobby. Wait, I'm thinking of a great
poop mountain. Its working, But I don't know why we
chose this house. They only have his veggie sausage. But
(14:41):
we're here. It took us three years to get here,
so we might as well just go and have some
munches in the background, naked it some hell yeah kids, Yes, James, Uh,
(15:06):
you don't seem like you're doing well. Body. Oh I'm
doing pretty good. It's you know, it's on days like
this the house gets a little chaotic because I was
expecting guests. I was cooking a lot of food. You
can tell me, is it is it because coals here?
Is it because coals here? Well, it's not because coal's here,
but it's because Cole brought Joey, and I thought that
(15:26):
was gonna be like when I saw Joey, I thought
that was the peak of the problems. But Craig brought
that health inspectra. I wasn't expecting health inspectral. It's rich, though, dude,
I feel like it's a scam. They got going, Hey,
you guys talking about Joey. Oh, Kevin, we were kind
of talking about Joey. Then it moved on. I'd love
(15:47):
to get in on the talk about Joey because I
think we all need to be on the same page.
He's got to go, right, I don't go. I mean,
I don't know if he has all right. Yeah, he's gone,
and I mean, Craig, what do you think, Caroline? Sorry,
I was just checking to see if he has hot
running water and he does not. I mean it's kind
(16:12):
of lukewarm. But yeah, Ted, can you write him up
for that? Oh? Yeah, no problem. By the way, I
just have these extra role exes. Would you mind just
putting them around your feet? Sure? Absolutely, thinks And that's
scene one Lukewarm. The original script in the Star Wars
(16:37):
was that character's name Lukewarm too hot. Se Number two
comes to us from Ryan, who wrote, Hello Kevin slash
cole covering the bass, Ryan from Calgary Here, first time,
long time? What's that? Have you ever had to look
(16:59):
at your whole? Number two in the mirror? Wow? Let's
all take a second with that one, shall we. I think,
joe you want to take a knee? Uh? I'm so
happy you asked. It's so strange the way you're simultaneously
judging and defending yourself when doing so. But I digress,
(17:20):
or do I? My suggestion is just that Joey caught
mid inner monologue while innocently inspecting his chili ring standing
on the counter in a bath food restaurant bathroom mirror. Oh,
my god. Hey, I'm Duncan. I'm gonna go take a
take a five minute break. I got use the restaurant.
(17:41):
What do you mean you want to take a break.
I know I have to use the restaurant. Don't get Okay, okay, okay,
are you sure? Because I ordered this got put up.
I don't mind staying. I'll take it off for you. Hey,
you owe me one. Don't keep pressuring me like that.
Jesus Christ. Don't you like we're just get out of it.
(18:03):
Hold on, Duncan, wait a second. Okay. Every time I
do a work related task for you, you say I
owe you one, when it's just I don't owe you
one like that, Duncan. That's not like a big ask.
I took you to the goddamn hospital and get tumors off,
your eye removed. Okay, and I ain't never gonna forget that.
I ain't never going to forget that. When I dropped
you off, you said I owe you one for me,
(18:26):
like I have to owe you one. You only one,
But that makes no sense. I'm helping you at the hospital, man, exactly.
Now listen, there's an order up. Go handle your business.
What are you gonna say, what are you gonna say
the only one? I was like, yeah, up, all right,
I gotta go. I gotta go. You know the two
orders up? Let me help, Let me help. I'll take break.
(18:47):
You go do your thing. I don't want to owe
you one, duncan. This is crazy. What is it you
gotta do? Anyway? I just gotta I gotta. I gotta
check my butt hole. Hey, I can owe you one
if you need a little help with that. I gotta Actually,
(19:09):
this is something that I would owe you one if
you want to check my one? And what are we?
What are we looking for? Exactly at anything normal I have?
I have the most abnormal one. I just want a
semblance of comfort. I just want to know that my my,
my BINGI holy, it's just like everyone else is. So
(19:33):
you call it a beanie, I call it a chili ring. Whoa, whoa,
where are you guys going? There's a line, there's a
line and us the rest of real quick coming. Yeah, yeah,
everyone's got to go real quick. I'm gonna be real
quick to just gotta rub one on me. Don't rub
one out, for God's sakes. Look, Tommy, this is crazy.
(19:56):
I'm already I'm throwing out favorites left and right. Might
as well throw I don't need you in my head
when I'm in there. Shut up already. Wait Tommy, wait
a second. Oh my gosh, Tommy, wait, look, I'm asking
Duncan to look at my going. Hey, can I get
an order of chili rings? How many? How many? Inner order?
(20:18):
How many in an order? Yeah? Um, we have fifteen
chili rings in one order. That's a large. That's a small. Okay.
Do you want a large? Yeah? I'd like a large?
Have any You can just keep all the chili rings
to yourself, babe, Come on, I want to get we
(20:38):
don't we don't. We don't need a large chili to
the table. Okay, So that's a hundred and a large?
Oh that really jumps up. Well, the medium is fifty. Okay,
we'll stick with the large. I think anything else, Uh,
let me get a bung hole. Okay, and do you
(21:00):
the small or a large? We don't meet a punk hole.
We've got the chili rings. There's no we're not going
to even get a meal if we that is sixty
seven bung holes. Um. And I noticed your wife said
before she wanted it for the table, and just so
we're all on the same page as a fast food restaurant,
and we don't bring it for the table. Okay, okay, mom, Dad,
(21:23):
Can you see if they have a kid's menu, like,
can you get a junior size poop shoot order? Yeah,
we're gonna have plenty a junior size poop shoot. Yes, okay,
so that's twenty seven poop shoots. It comes with the
toy comes with three toys. But those can all fit
inside your child's mouth. Great, at the same time we're
(21:46):
supposed yes, Barbara, Barbara, you're telling me that he isn't
listening to you when you're making orders. That's insane. Problem.
The problem is that you know, we're trying to practice
fiscal responsibility and he just he just wants to flaunt
(22:06):
how rich we are right now. But I don't think
we're as rich as he thinks we are. That's insane.
I mean, I am rich, so that never affects me
in anyway. But it's just the communication mirrors. It's like,
that's too much. I know. It's just that he's trying
to compete with your husband and how much he makes
and it's not a competition. Hold on one second, let
me get can I get a small cock ring please? Yeah,
(22:30):
a small cock ring? Yeah please? Okay, so that's just
to be shirts for a penis from one inch to
two inches? Yes, okay, good, So that's it, Barbara. Do
you want aything? Oh? Are you sure? I don't mind?
I'm rich. I'll take a cock ring also, okay, so
(22:51):
that's for a penis from ten toy not in. I mean,
you can take your business elsewhere, but that's not the
way we do it here. Just get the medium, you
know what, Let's get six largess. We'll do six larger,
six largest. Okay, so that's for a horse's penis. Um okay, great,
(23:12):
so six of those that will be nine. That's no
problem for me. Okay, I actually lost my wallet, barbed,
do you mind just what? Do you mind just friending
that for a second. You can pay me back though,
you guys, my husband is inspector. I would look like
such a hypocrite if I bought this when I was
(23:34):
out by my seat. You're fine, trust me, I'm not
leaving the country. Okay. Well, here's my card. Okay, okay, okay,
why don't you tell me again why you would like
to work here at body parts? Um? I guess I
just um love everything the business stands for. It's my passion, right, Um,
(24:00):
I get that. Yeah, I mean we're talking about sales. Yes,
I'm a really good salesperson. I could sell you anything. Okay,
sew me that toaster. Okay, this is a toaster. Don't
you want it? Well? You are good? Yeah, I know, Barbara.
(24:21):
Barbara stopped worrying about money. Okay, Like we we can
afford this meal. It's just you know what the problem
is is that we can have this meal. But it's
everything in life. It's the car you drive, it's the
I just don't think that you're buying within our means. Oh,
come on, Barbara, I gotta work. We've got Yeah, but
(24:47):
can we enjoy the good things we're supposed to be
going out? We're supposed to be going out to restaurants.
I just don't know, Please don't fight. This food is
taking forever. I look back and there's literally no one
in the kitchen. What Yeah, there's a line of all
the employees in the bathroom. All right, man, Uh look,
I'm gonna be honest with you. It looks dry. Are
(25:09):
you serious? I can well that's normal? Is that abnormal?
I feel like there needs to be a little moisture.
I could. I could spin it like finger and touch
it if you want so. So an anus should be
like a dog's nose. It's not healthy like the You go, okay, okay,
that makes sense. Oh I just sucked that in. Holy
(25:30):
sh it. Oh my god. Okay, okay, now let's get
out there and get to work. What do you say
this seconds? I think I'm turning into you. Holy sh it.
I think my anus is like Kirby. You know that
the Nintendo character? Yeah? That thing? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if I suck anything through my book while I
started coming that thing. Hey, you guys are gonna be
(25:53):
a Tommy. You're inside? What are you talking about? Excuse me? Hello?
Is anybody here? Yes, I'm here. I'm working at the cashier.
But you're not going to be able to get any
food or anything. They're on the bathroom together. Yeah. You
took my order about twenty minutes ago. I remember, Yeah,
I have a large chili chili ring. I have a
(26:14):
large bung hole. You have two kids? Size? Yeah? Any
any idea of when I'm going to get that? My
job is the cashier. I kind of take the order
and put it in. I don't make the food. So,
like I said, they're all in the bathroom together, so
I have to wait until they're done for them to
make the food. Okay, Can I at least get my
mud slide shake? Um? I am not authorized to touch
(26:38):
the shakes, especially the mud slide because of what happened
last time. So yeah, so I can't help you, but
I'm happy to talk with you. Let me ask you.
Are those made with molasses? Yes? Dad, I'm just gonna
go back there and try to try to make it myself.
(26:59):
That is allowed. Cool. You're gonna put my kid to work,
all right? Fine, if he wants to, I can't stop him. Wow,
look at all the fryers. This is magical. Hey, little boy,
you're here to work the line? Oh my god, Joey Greer, Yeah,
(27:22):
I'm good. I'm a big fan. I'd say you're a
little fan. Huh. Yeah, you know what I'm gonna they
shut the hell up. I'm gonna suck you my buttle
and become a little kid. Well, he seems to be
in good hands. Let let's go over some trouble shooting.
(27:48):
If if that's okay, Uh, let's say you're faced with
a mud slide incident? How do you handle that? Um?
I guess I see if there's an any kids in
this store, and I asked them to kind of troubleshoot
the machine handle it. You put the kids in charge. Yeah,
that's right, that's correct. Great. Yeah. Um. And how do
(28:13):
you feel about freaky Fridays. That's something we do here
at the store with employees. Oh yeah, I love that.
I love freaky Fridays. Sometimes I take it too far, yeah,
sometimes you take it too far. Yeah, give me an example. Um,
like last time, my last company I worked at, actually
it was that law firm, we also had freaky Fridays. So, um,
(28:33):
what I would like to do is kind of bring
in my own blood and like, yeah, that's smart. And
so what did you do with the law firm? Um?
I was a lawyer? All right. So it looks like
Claire here has brought in some kool aid z. Pardon
you brought in some cool aid. I told you I
(28:54):
brought in my own blood, and you keep calling it
kool aid. Well I think it's cool. So why don't
we all just take a sip? All right? Looks good,
looks good. It is my own blood. I want to
be clear. Just because Jeremy is saying it's kool aid,
it's not what it is. Cheers to being good lawyers. Everybody.
Here we go, and here's to drinking the kool aid. Honey,
(29:21):
where did our son gom here? What the hell is that?
I guess, Barbara, I guess this guy sucked our son
into his butt hole, and now now our son is
is in this guy. I am not taking that guy
home with us. I'm your boy. You don't look like
(29:43):
my boy, but he's he's in there, Barbara. So whoa
look around. There's so much stuff in here. Oh my goodness,
drip hello, oh hey kid, uh oh god, thank you,
(30:04):
thank either. Somebody new I used to do a podcast
with Joey. Uh My. My name is Craig Akoski. I've
been in it. I've been in him for I don't
know how long, what what year is it? It's oh Jesus,
really we made and I don't know how we made it. Hey,
(30:24):
not for nothing, because one of you jagovs, help me
find my keys and we'll drive out of here. That
old joke say number two, uh say three comes from
Patreon David Weaver, who wrote Love the podcast. Here is
(30:45):
my scene suggestion. James C. Heeney gets interrogated by the FBI.
They use clips from old episodes as their evidence against him.
Bonus points if Kevin is in the other room also
being interrogated, as I imagine, Kevin would be throwing James
under the bus. Hey, that's not fucking cool. Uh. Note
by quote unquote clips, I mean made up things on
(31:07):
the spot. I don't expect Doug Bam in parentheses Boom
or anyone else to go through the hours of self
incriminating things that James has said in order to find
the best clips. Okay, thank you, David Weaver. We'll take
it from here. James Heney being interrogated by the FBI. Yeah,
I mean I was looking at the h the Speranza case,
(31:28):
and I just thought, I was, you know, what the
hell is the point? You know what I mean, It's
it's just like the evidence is there, but it's not there.
You know. I'm like, I don't know, I just kind
of lost the fire. Fort Hey, listen, this is this
is your job, man, this is your job exactly. It's
my job. It's not my passion, you know, speaking of job,
Speaking of passion, I got a folder for you. Here
(31:49):
at a file. Okay, it's the same thing, right, Yeah,
well you know I keep I keep all my files
in the folder. Uh so yeah, we gotta we we
We got a guy in room one, um who names
James Theodoreheny exactly. Already seem kind of just scattered. Just
(32:12):
you know what, just like you, man, I've lost my
passion if I'm being honest, Can we just can we
hold on for a second with this whole derogation shoot?
They're gonna be another fun that shining out. What do
you want to do? Don't ask me that, man, What
do you want to do? I want to make stuff? Okay,
I want to make stuff with my hands. What do
you want? Do you want to make trees? Yeah? I
(32:32):
want to make sure to make water. I want to
make it water. I want to make I want to
make it all. So do ie. Man, that's the thing
I want to get out. I mean, this god damn office,
get this goddamn shoot. Ony. Hey, hey, when do you
aunt June's want to go in on a derogation Room
one and get to work already, undustry hector, I got
(32:57):
a question for you. Yeah, yeah, do you do you
love your job? Qu what's not to love? Of course
I do? We all we all do kind of question?
Is this your passion? Is my job my passion? Yes?
This your passion? Am I passionate when I'm at work?
More questions? I don't know? Is this your You're asking
(33:19):
in a different way? Is this your passion? Is this
your passion? Do I want to fuck my job? What
the hell are you talking about? Is this your passion?
Are you passionate? Yes? I would say yes to all those. Okay,
I'm not asking about all those. I'm just saying, is
this your passion? Yes? If by this you mean my job, yes,
I'm passionate about it. Okay, Okay, hefter then I gotta
(33:40):
forget it, okay because not fucking question? Is that? Well?
What mean? What I mean is that you passionate? Okay?
So here's nine more minutes? Where you where? What are you?
Aunt June's are not in the interrogation room? One? Getting
to work? What's gonna happen? Are you gonna throw us
outo the wilderness? Were we have to make trees and water?
So be it. We love that ship, so be it,
we love it. Also, I have another idea why don't
(34:01):
you send in one of the rookies. Okay, let's do that.
Uh so, Mr Keeney, the interiorting agents are going to
be in in a minute. Do you need anything to
eat or drink? No, just my lawyer, if if there
was just a lawyer that could represent me. Okay, Oh, well,
first you said you're a lawyer, like you have one,
(34:23):
and then you said if there's a lawyer, So I
don't have my own. But I thought that that was
just something that everybody has, Like the FBI just had
lawyers just like waiting by, just waiting by, wait until
rubber rolls that any one who'll need a rubble that No,
I'm dust here, I'll ready to go. I'll take that guy.
I'll take that guy. Okay him sir, Uh yeah, we
(34:45):
actually do have somebody here who might need a lawyer.
What's your name? Oh my name is uh Clarence Magillicut
the third right. That sounds great? Okay, And do you
need anything to eat or drink? I'm just a runner.
I'm a I'm a runner. Yes, I could use six
bignets and uh some sweet tea please in a Thomas. Okay,
(35:08):
looks like you've got a real New Orleans lawyer here,
Mr he Okay, that's that sounds that's a good kind, right,
I'm not that familiar with what makes a good lawyer
a bad lawyer. Well, I usually do a gait a
law but I'm fine to representive humor for the first time.
This is gonna be interesting. Phone in educational for Sean.
(35:28):
You need six pigners, Yeah, six pign as. Oh, he
didn't say. I think just a mix, you know, some
maybe some chocolate, uh, maybe phils Sean, I don't just
have Beigner's just ready to go. I think he might
want to crowd Dad Beigne. Do you have any crowd, Dad?
I mean I have a crowd, Dad, just don't have
(35:48):
a crowd, Dad, Bigner, Well put the If you have
a crowd, Dad, put it in the Beigner. Well do yell,
let me shut him on your side. And this is
just a crazy order, okay. And do you really have
to fucking make every cup of copy from scratch? Hey, sweetie,
Hi had a hard day at the office today. I
(36:13):
know I can tell you look like shit. It's got
me thinking, okay, it's really got me thinking. Oh, that's
the first time for everything I guess. So congratulations. Yeah, yeah,
and you're you're You're part of what I've been thinking about.
If I'm being honestly great, well again another first time
is a day full of first I want to make things, Sandra.
I want to make water. I want to make not
(36:37):
this again. You know what? I know? You tried to
make a bird, alright, and somehow that resulted in you
killing all of the pigeons in our neighborhood. Okay, you
can't do it. You're not God. Why don't you just
believe in me? For once? I do believe in you. Okay,
you're the dumbest kid in school and you made it
to the FBI, So I believe in you, all right,
So why don't you try to build a table or something?
(36:58):
You don't need to start with the elements. Yeah, I
could build a table, or I can make rain. That's
not the same thing. Baby, don't show me like, Okay, sorry,
what are you? What do I want to be? Yeah?
Are you passionate about this marriage? About your life? I'm
(37:19):
passionate about our marriage. And I want to be the
strongest woman alive. I can bench press six hundred pounds,
want to do more. I love protein, Clarence. What do
you think they have on me? They haven't really said
much yet. Well, since I just wandered in from the hallway,
I really do not notice specifics of your case yet.
(37:40):
So I just have to say it's some sort of
federal offense, would be my false guest, as you are
being interrogated about the federal view all of them gay,
that's what it stands for. Yes, what did you think
it's do it full? I had no idea. But what
are federal crimes? Can you list some of the most popular? Well,
(38:00):
let's see, there's imposcinating a gaeta. Well I've never done that. Okay,
well it's probably not that. One day you're like, well,
Mr Pollack, how are you very good? Thanks, welcome back
to the FBI. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I'm hoping
to find a new uh. I love your work agent
(38:20):
that I could shadow my next role. Thank you. Thank
it's nice to see you again as well. How's your mom?
She's good. She's half robot. Now what which half the
front half? So I just want to say I love
your movies. I think they're just so fun. And maybe
(38:41):
you wanna cast an FBI agent who knows how to
breathe under water for twenty minutes. Sure, yeah, twenty minutes.
M Where did you learn how to do that? I
have a big bathtub and I just dunk myself and
hold my breath. What do you do with the FBI?
Right now? I'm working my way up. I just applied.
(39:04):
So buddy of mine works here, You don't. You don't
work at the FBI. Well, no, a friend of mine
works at Phil's Coffee. So I'm able to kind of
come up and down do runs and all that. And
I said that you were in here, and I want
to pop in and say I love your work. You
you brought coffee to the FBI, and now and now
we're talking. Yeah, that's right. Do you want a coffee?
I can get you everything. It's always freshman. I misunderstood.
(39:27):
I thought you worked at the FBI. I mean kind of.
I'm in the same building. So nope, I think we're done.
Oh okay, I mean I do have Clarence. Okay, Clarence.
All the beignets are marked, so I think that's the
craw dad there. I got a Hop and John and
a Hop and Jack Great and twelve biscuits and uh,
(39:48):
here's your sweet tea. Thank you. I got a chilote
with coconut milk for myself and uh mr Heeney, Uh
sorry you wanted nothing? Right, Well, if there is anything,
I'll take it now. I was just really I couldn't
get my mind off the lawyer. It's a little late
now I made a phills run. It's okay. I is
there an extra Bennel or no, I'll need all six
(40:10):
vegn yers. I'll think it's very importing that I got
my six getting order to properly revelsent you without the six.
If you give me a five, then yeah, you're probably
going to get fraud and you'll left with a chail. Okay,
well I don't want that. Then I'll just take a
glass of water because it's you know, I'm fine, alright, asshole, alright,
ass So I see you've got a lawyer now, huh yeah,
(40:34):
I mean this is Clarence. He's my lawyer. Really like
to just this is gonna be a bad day for
both of you because I started the day off here
not feeling great, no fire to me. I went home
for lunch, my wife smacked around a bit, and I
am back and I am ready to play ball. So well,
(40:54):
I had Benny, so my day is already aces from phills.
You bet you the main phone scratch. You didn't get anything, huh, James,
Well I was Clarence. Maybe just ask my client. I'm
(41:15):
happy to jump. Please direct the question to miss the heen.
Thank you. No, I want to talk to you, Clarence.
I want to talk to Look, you wanted these halls
just as much as I do. You're here day after day.
What's you're feeling. What's your gut with this guy? Well,
let me say it's pretty off putting any man. He
wouldn't order anything for breakfast. You know, he was just
(41:37):
going in here dry. He don't know how long he's
going to take. So I'm a little wait, wait, wait,
can we have a kind of a moment again with
my lawyer alone, because it's not This isn't working the
way I thought it would. You've had enough moments alone
if you catch my drift, all right, but just keep
in mind you're representing me. Yes, I understand that, So
just you let me walk my magic? Okay, I'm sorry.
(42:04):
Did you say his magic? You do magic? Yes? Yes,
I do. I do a lossults of magic. It's magic.
It's black magic is Oh what am I thinking of him? Oh?
You're you're thinking of your lunchtime break. Yeah, Oh my god,
that's right. Oh my god. Mr Heeney, here's your water
(42:24):
and Clarence, there's a fourteen foot gator out front. He says,
uh that he's a client of yours. Oh, yes, that's
Mr bow Jangles. I'll go see him shortly. He's a
wonderful gator. He's arrested for trespass him because he swam
into the wrong Uh, bayo going out to a fan boat. Okay,
(42:44):
he's destroying. So I just want to make one thing
very very clear. Hello, I didn't I didn't not trust right.
Just calmed down, everyone just staying I am calm. I'm
called my god. I just stake up running a zig
(43:06):
zag pattern. I just want to talk to my that's
a giant gator. Thank you. I'm gonna show it. I'm
gonna do my best to get you a mistrial because
that is a jewelry full of crocodile and they are
not Please just have me just make this better. Please.
(43:28):
I could give you some swamp water as payment. Okay,
that sound good, and my wife know I do need
some Songboughter, So I'll go ahead on. Yeah, my wife,
I'm married to a human woman. I don't know if
you remember that. I have an amazing personality. So that's
(43:49):
how I was able to capture a human woman that's
fallen in love with me. Forgive me for interrupting. My
name is Kyle mcgiffon. I'm with the agency and I
couldn't but notice you are talking crocodile, and uh, I
believe I can get you work immediately, initiallying commercials, but
potentially in motion picture. Do you have representation? No, that's
(44:13):
why I came to the FBI. Part of the reason
I was looking for my lawyer, and I was looking
to find some sort of theatrical representation. Right, but excuse
you one moment, so let me have sideball right now
with my client bow Jangles. You think, yeah, alright, talking crocodile. Okay,
(44:36):
everyone get ready, crocodile. You ready? Great? Okay, let's do
the story of James Heeney. Uh, this is scene twenty
take three away from me. Okay, just everybody else is ready,
and you're you're on your phone for me for me,
(45:00):
hold up, looking something up? Looking something up? Okay, excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm an extra. Uh. It's just
so good to see as a fellow crocodile, crocodile actually
playing a crocodile on film. So so many alligators, a
big cast as crocodiles, totally due, awesome. All right, okay, alright, anyway,
(45:27):
so here, I am a crocodile, pil, pil, can we cut?
I'm sorry, I'm not I'm not getting I'm like getting
anything from my quote unquote scene partner. I'm not. There's
no passion there, crocodile. You're James Heeney and okay, stop
saying your crocodile understand as a crocodile. Um, Yeah, I
(45:54):
don't care. I'm in Hollywood. Okay, So let's just go again.
I'm not sure about you, sir. Don Why don't you
just talk to talk to the dial? Why don't you
go ahead and say action? Phil? Yeah, I'm ready, okay, ready, uh,
(46:16):
scene to take whatever scene it was? I hold up,
let's wait on me ready when you are on me?
Is it is? Every who else is on the WiFi?
About a hundred people from the looks of this, so
(46:37):
uh uh so, James, these are these are pretty good hands.
Thank you. I gotta go, but thanks thanks for having us.
Uh do you know how the health inspector turned out?
I think he gave me a bee which you've already
got the sign up, so you need to change freeze,
get down, motherfucker freezefy. Don Uh. This is the FBI,
(47:05):
James job No, no, no, no no, this case the FBI.
He's coming to get me. Uh. I'm sure this is
just a normal beginning of a day. Craig. I just
want to say thanks to the tip. Craig. Yeah, there's
little ants with guns on the and that's our show
(47:28):
for today. Oh man. I just want to thank all
the alchemists, starting with Joey. My first question, of course,
is because you look like a cosmonaut in space based
on the video that we're all looking out of you
from nineteen I'm gonna say eighties six. Uh is the
WiFi you're you're picking up and using from the coffee
(47:50):
shop down the street. Well, it's really hard to catch
a signal when you so there's a lot of distortion happing.
I hope none of that sounds judgmental from my part,
because I no, but thank you for being here. And
(48:12):
check out Jeffy Greeber and all your social social socials.
Caroline Connorman, thank you so much for being here and
um joining COVID nineteen alchemy this version, and um, do
you want to send any shoutouts to anyone out there
who might be listening. Um, yeah, shout out to all
(48:34):
my fans. There's a lot of them. Um. I just
want to say I love fans. The only reason I
do anything is to have fans fair and thank you
for your direct honesty. Craig Craig Atkowski, Thank you so much, buddy. Yeah,
these are crazy at times, aren't they. Uh. I just
(48:57):
want to say to Bob and Martha Kikowski, don't go out.
I'd to stay in. You know, you have plenty of food.
And Chris av Verando, thank you good sir. We saw
a little shot of your new puppy there during the recording,
and in the middle of a scene, Caroline literally went, yeah, uh,
(49:19):
this is this is fun. This is uh you know,
technically it's a little difficult. I don't know. I'm sure
people will understand that, but but Kevin Nicks for making
this happen. I'm just I'm glad to be spending this uh,
this time with you guys, and really thanks all oftters fans,
Cool Stratton, thank you so much for joining us. Yeah,
thanks for having me pretty funny. Next next every Thursday,
(49:45):
clock in my living room. Um no, this has been
This has been crazy fun and technology. We did something
and uh we're not We're not done trying. James Heeney,
you know, uh you spearheaded this effort. So I want
to thank you a special Really I'm sending over. I'm
sending over a new guitar to hang with the others
in the background there. Um, so thanks, uh well, thank you.
(50:12):
I appreciate it. And we keep talking about the things
that we see. This episode. There is no video, but
I'm going to try for the next episode to get
a video of our videos. Um, but thank you guys all.
There's a special person out there named Chris, and he
works for a package delivering thing and it should be
about his birthday when this airs. Uh, anybody out there
(50:35):
delivering packages right now and putting their health at risk,
I really just specifically want to thank them. There's a
lot of people to think, uh, just making the world
keep turning. Um, so thank you, thank you for that,
and thanks also to Doug Bam, who help uh with
the technical side of these things. Who's going to be
handling post production with James as well, to make sure
(50:55):
all this got to you somehow. Yeah, that's a big
good luck. And for me, folks, I just want to say, uh,
this somehow is bringing us together for the most part
and looking out for each other. Um, And so keep
up that and please please, please please please know that
they will in fact keep me stalking the toilet paper
(51:17):
and back the funk off. Uh. And in terms of
the water shortage, the faucet works, seriously, calm down, Um,
let's see what else I guess. Keep tuning in and
write to us at your name here, alcome me this
dot com. Let us know uh if we're reaching you
and helping out at all. And as you passed this
time with us as well, we love uh the idea
(51:40):
that you're there, so we'd love to hear from you
to make sure that you are in fact still there
until next time. I'm Kevin Pollock and and I put
(52:00):
all the pepper hello, And I put all the pepper Hello.
Welcome back to another episode Alchemy this I'm your host,
Kevin policy is that Kevin Policlet's that? Well? Let me explain.
So this fine morning, we have gathered on the lovely
Discord app which will allow we Alchemists to play from
our individual homes. It should be mostly smooth, with a
(00:23):
chance of interruptions, drops and flops. I just know that
rather than calling the whole thing off, we found a
way through through thanks to James and Doug, we found
a way to give this a proper go, and to
physically see each other while we're doing so, in an
effort to react in real time to each other as
best as technology will allow. So thank you for joining us,
(00:46):
and we wish you all the very best from your
in your homes and your lives. Welcome to Alchemy this
COVID nineteen edition. But I digress. Let's meet our archemist,
shall we know a particular order? Say hello to Caroline Cotter.
(01:08):
Caroline forms on the left. I noticed on Instagram you're
offering up your how to make bread from scratch? Who taught?
Who taught you? My father Christopher Cotter? Um, Yeah, I
don't know what you want me to say, taught me
how to make bread. He I will say he usually
makes sour dough bread, which is not what I have
(01:29):
on my Instagram. So if you want to know how
to make sour dough, you have to reach out to
me personally and I will tell you. But it's going
to take like a week. Oh, I see to get
back to us. I'm sorry. No like takes it like
you have to make like with this bread, you just
have yeast. Yeah, exactly, So you have the starter for
(01:50):
sour dough bread which you make yourself out of like
flour and water and it gets all nasty and stuff.
Good answer. Unfortunately, while you were giving that answer, all
of my notes on my iPad went away. But but
(02:10):
but that's the first So that's incredibly fun. Uh. The
good news is I'm sitting in front of my laptop
and uh, I've got it all right here, so not
to worry as I uh frantically up got it already.
Let's see if I opened this, folks, this is with
(02:31):
a good stuff. I found it. Okay, stop the madness.
It's James Ni Jimmy too. Two seven. How do you
stay so fresh? Well, first of all, I'd appreciate you
not giving my address numbers away on the air. But
I stayed mostly fresh by I naturally don't sweat too much,
(02:51):
so I don't really need to do much to stay fresh.
It's I'm naturally fresh. Banana pants. Banana pants. Uh, okay,
how do you check your toilet papers supply? It's Christoph Varado.
Christoph walts into my heart. What's a fun game to
play at home? Um? You kind of cut out. I
(03:16):
think you said a fun game to play at home? Yes,
that's right, great, um um, the trying to break your
own nose in three punches are less. Wow, that's fantastic. Yeah,
it's fun. Give it a shot, James, James. Wait, no,
(03:37):
I'm not trying that. I can't. You know what, I
keep giving you some hot tips on some games to
play later. No more, no more crank calls. It's Craig
Kikowski kakou on Twitter. While back, you recommended the new
Hulu comedy series High Fidelity. Do you have any others
you might recommend at this point? Yeah? I like the
(03:57):
two thousand film High Fidelities darring John Cusack, and also
the Nick Hornby book High Fidelity, which came out in
the mid nineties. Uh. And is set in England. So
there's some good recommendations across several forms of media. Thank you,
cook Out, check your vertical it's cold, Stratton Cole not
(04:17):
so Houser. Got any good reading material, uh, other than
the book the novel High Fidelity that you can recommend
for the twenty seven remaining readers out there. Yeah, about
a Boy by Nick Hornby. Actually there's a series of
books I've been reading that I really enjoy, The Paper
(04:38):
Magician series by Charlie an Holmberg. It's it's it's fun,
they're interesting, they're easy reads. There's like four I think
check that excellent. Damnit uh and last but Kissed My
Rosie red one if you think him Lease, it's Joey
Greer Greer Abbey. How would you like to be remembered?
(04:58):
I just have a question your rose read one? Is
that a Is that a prolapse to anus? Alright, so
I doesn't have to be pro lapse, just so I
think i'd like to be remembered. Um, I think I'd
like to be remembered, you know, as like either an
(05:19):
olive oil flavor or uh, you know, some kind of fans. Okay, okay, okay,
all right, let's do a damn show. All of our
scene suggestions are gonna gathered from either our patroon v
I P S or your listener emails. If you'd like
(05:41):
to submit a scene suggestion, please write to the podcast
your name here at this dot com. That's your name here? Yeah,
ce Ce folks are still one. CE Number one comes
from our newest Patreon, alca Mania. Look Out. His name
(06:01):
is Joseph and he wrote, Hey guys, big fan here.
Joey Greer is so funny every time his character gets
violently upset, I laugh immediately. My suggestion today is the
crew reluctantly gives into James is always inviting them over
for breakfast, but one thing after another goes wrong. Kevin,
You're awesome. I did not just add that, James. James's okay,
(06:27):
We're headed over to James's for breakfast. Yeah, I guess so,
bing bong, Hold on one second, I'm coming. I'm coming, James.
Hold on, come back to bed? No, no, you just
stay in bed. Come on and one another one. No,
we can't have anymore. A little kissie kiss come on,
(06:51):
big boy? Oh give me another here, Hey, James, I
figure out a soapen here. Oh oh you came in. Okay,
hold on one second, honey, you stay in the bedroom.
I don't want you Todolpho Rodolpho's and the goddamn kitchen.
Don't go in there. I got sober. My We held on.
(07:12):
Who's in the kitchen, James Rodolpho? He started living roommates.
What are you talking about? Oh, sorry, Rodolpho. I'm gonna
go tell Rodolpho that we need to Um, I have
people coming over today, so it's a little different. Craig.
I'm I'm shocked that you were available to come have
breakfast at James's place this morning. Yeah. You know, my
(07:35):
my dance car usually fills up pretty fast for breakfast.
But yeah, I I have like a forty five minute
hole this morning. So are you going to breakfast after
this with other people? I've been hitting a brunch after
this and then uh and then a lunch. So your
whole so your whole schedule is just going to eat
(07:57):
with other people. Yeah, you know, taking meeting, you know,
it's it's Hollywood. It's always a hustle. So you know,
just staying connected, you know, but as many connections as possible.
This is not a good neighborhood. By the way, a
man here, do you guys, any of you guys have
like like a loose tire or something like that. Yes, yes, yes,
(08:18):
here's a loose tie. I I was gonna wear it. Joey,
you look terrible. I'm fine, I'm I just need a
little tire. I said, I'm gonna build this car. Man,
then I'm gonna raise. Have you guys seen Ford versus Gerris.
I'm so sorry, Joey got official least. Come on, big Black,
come here, get you back in your least. I'm sorry, guys,
(08:41):
I'm so sorry. Okay, all right, joe you're gonna behave today.
You're gonna behaved. Brecky, You're gonna behave everything. Okay, buddy, okay,
come in you you're excited about about finally getting runs? Yes, yes,
I am. Oh I did hear him coming through the door?
(09:04):
Baby wait, baby, wait, come back to a sweetheart. Please,
I've got people coming over and i'd really like you to,
you know, just stay in the bedroom. If you open
that door, I'm gonna kill Rodolpho. I don't I don't
know if you know this about me, but I'm not
a big fan of Rodolpho. I feel like we don't
(09:24):
need any right now, so my cry for help falls
on deaf ears. Is that right? Listen? I I don't
think he's here. I don't think he's here. I really
got to I get it. I gotta get guys. Guys.
Don't leave yet, don't leave? Uh, come on inside, come inside?
(09:46):
Is that him? You have to open the door, James.
We can't just walk through the door. Okay, here we go. Yeah,
that's a heavy door. Oh my god, here, Why didn't
you It's I've just been just working on Hash Browns
(10:07):
all morning, So come inside. It's not the safest neighborhood.
But as long as you get in here and we
shut this heavy door, Joe can't come in with coconut milk.
What with coconut milk? No, I'm doing Hash browns, orange juice,
veggie SAUCEA an a. This is why we didn't come over. Ever,
(10:31):
what are you talking about? I thought that that's, you know,
my signature breakfast. I guess so. But I also told
you I have dietary restrictions and that it's only meat.
It's only meat. Dietary restriction is that I can't eat
anything else? Well, and James. You don't have to be
sort of dismissive with your questions. Caroline, I'm not trying
(10:55):
to listen. Why don't you guys come on inside? Just fine?
All right? Thank whoa. Joey, get down, Joey, down down.
I know you're excited to see him. I know you're
excited to see him. I'm sorry, Heney, I'm so sorry.
He was so excited about this. We just saw four
versus Ferrari this morning's super You should never have shown
him that. I know, I know, but he kept saying,
(11:17):
I want to see the room Room movie. I want
to see the room Room movie. Days. Listen, Joe you
need to be quieter or my wife is going to
be upset. Okay, uh this door here, don't touch it.
Stop touching it. This door goes to my bedroom, and
that's a sacred place in the house. What us she's
(11:40):
not joining us today? Why not? I want to meet
your wife? We all like you never let us meet her. Well,
you guys are coming for breakfast, and we have a
hard rule about not getting dressed until after ten. So
what kind of hard rule is that. Well, it's just
that it's it's our home and if there's a safe place.
It's behind the walls and doors of your own being
of shape. Can we all have safe words while we're here, James,
(12:05):
I guess, but it needs to be something that I
can remember. Okay, molasses for me? Yeah? What is it? Molasses?
Molasses for Craig, mine's gonna be. Why don't we all
have the same safe word? That doesn't make any sense? Well,
then we can all remember it if we hear that
one word. But if I have to remember a different
(12:26):
one for each person, breaking point is different. I'm sorry. Hello, Hi, yeah, hi, Hi,
I'm I'm a health Inspectrum of Food and Safety Health inspector.
You can't come in. You cannot come breakfast just to
select fear friends. It's not it's not a business. You
said you have a selected fear friends? Is that correct?
(12:48):
You know what it is that this isn't a restaurant.
You can't come in here and judge my house? I think?
Is that a B rating in the corner there, Jane?
That B stands for beast. Uh, it's not a rating,
it's just you know, listen, this house in inspector is
not supposed to be here. Are you not serving breakfast?
(13:10):
I I invited in, heir James, Hi, Craig, how are
you great? Seeing you lunch later? Absolutely well, I think
we have a lunch of one, don't we. We do
connected in the house. This is this is kind of
weird to bring up, but like for a food health inspector,
(13:31):
you you seem really rich healthy. Yeah, well this is
family money. But I love public service. So let me
just take a look around here. I do not want
to get What are you looking for? I'm looking for
ant droppings. I'm looking for uh, you know, I've never
(13:54):
seen ant droppings look like tiny ants. A monocle. Yes, yeah,
so it's it's actually just a magnifying monocle. Oh yeah,
so I get to see you. I can see your pores.
All right, let's just poop here for the queen and
find something to bring back for her. I don't know
(14:17):
that I could just squeeze one out on command. Oh
if you can't squeeze one out, we must rip his
arms off his bobby. Wait, I'm thinking of a great
poop mountain. Its working, But I don't know why we
chose this house. They only have his veggie sausage. But
(14:41):
we're here. It took us three years to get here,
so we might as well just go and have some
munches in the background, naked it some hell yeah kids, Yes, James, Uh,
(15:06):
you don't seem like you're doing well. Body. Oh I'm
doing pretty good. It's you know, it's on days like
this the house gets a little chaotic because I was
expecting guests. I was cooking a lot of food. You
can tell me, is it is it because coals here?
Is it because coals here? Well, it's not because coal's here,
but it's because Cole brought Joey, and I thought that
(15:26):
was gonna be like when I saw Joey, I thought
that was the peak of the problems. But Craig brought
that health inspectra. I wasn't expecting health inspectral. It's rich, though, dude,
I feel like it's a scam. They got going, Hey,
you guys talking about Joey. Oh, Kevin, we were kind
of talking about Joey. Then it moved on. I'd love
(15:47):
to get in on the talk about Joey because I
think we all need to be on the same page.
He's got to go, right, I don't go. I mean,
I don't know if he has all right. Yeah, he's gone,
and I mean, Craig, what do you think, Caroline? Sorry,
I was just checking to see if he has hot
running water and he does not. I mean it's kind
(16:12):
of lukewarm. But yeah, Ted, can you write him up
for that? Oh? Yeah, no problem. By the way, I
just have these extra role exes. Would you mind just
putting them around your feet? Sure? Absolutely, thinks And that's
scene one Lukewarm. The original script in the Star Wars
(16:37):
was that character's name Lukewarm too hot. Se Number two
comes to us from Ryan, who wrote, Hello Kevin slash
cole covering the bass, Ryan from Calgary Here, first time,
long time? What's that? Have you ever had to look
(16:59):
at your whole? Number two in the mirror? Wow? Let's
all take a second with that one, shall we. I think,
joe you want to take a knee? Uh? I'm so
happy you asked. It's so strange the way you're simultaneously
judging and defending yourself when doing so. But I digress,
(17:20):
or do I? My suggestion is just that Joey caught
mid inner monologue while innocently inspecting his chili ring standing
on the counter in a bath food restaurant bathroom mirror. Oh,
my god. Hey, I'm Duncan. I'm gonna go take a
take a five minute break. I got use the restaurant.
(17:41):
What do you mean you want to take a break.
I know I have to use the restaurant. Don't get Okay, okay, okay,
are you sure? Because I ordered this got put up.
I don't mind staying. I'll take it off for you. Hey,
you owe me one. Don't keep pressuring me like that.
Jesus Christ. Don't you like we're just get out of it.
(18:03):
Hold on, Duncan, wait a second. Okay. Every time I
do a work related task for you, you say I
owe you one, when it's just I don't owe you
one like that, Duncan. That's not like a big ask.
I took you to the goddamn hospital and get tumors off,
your eye removed. Okay, and I ain't never gonna forget that.
I ain't never going to forget that. When I dropped
you off, you said I owe you one for me,
(18:26):
like I have to owe you one. You only one,
But that makes no sense. I'm helping you at the hospital, man, exactly.
Now listen, there's an order up. Go handle your business.
What are you gonna say, what are you gonna say
the only one? I was like, yeah, up, all right,
I gotta go. I gotta go. You know the two
orders up? Let me help, Let me help. I'll take break.
(18:47):
You go do your thing. I don't want to owe
you one, duncan. This is crazy. What is it you
gotta do? Anyway? I just gotta I gotta. I gotta
check my butt hole. Hey, I can owe you one
if you need a little help with that. I gotta Actually,
(19:09):
this is something that I would owe you one if
you want to check my one? And what are we?
What are we looking for? Exactly at anything normal I have?
I have the most abnormal one. I just want a
semblance of comfort. I just want to know that my my,
my BINGI holy, it's just like everyone else is. So
(19:33):
you call it a beanie, I call it a chili ring. Whoa, whoa,
where are you guys going? There's a line, there's a
line and us the rest of real quick coming. Yeah, yeah,
everyone's got to go real quick. I'm gonna be real
quick to just gotta rub one on me. Don't rub
one out, for God's sakes. Look, Tommy, this is crazy.
(19:56):
I'm already I'm throwing out favorites left and right. Might
as well throw I don't need you in my head
when I'm in there. Shut up already. Wait Tommy, wait
a second. Oh my gosh, Tommy, wait, look, I'm asking
Duncan to look at my going. Hey, can I get
an order of chili rings? How many? How many? Inner order?
(20:18):
How many in an order? Yeah? Um, we have fifteen
chili rings in one order. That's a large. That's a small. Okay.
Do you want a large? Yeah? I'd like a large?
Have any You can just keep all the chili rings
to yourself, babe, Come on, I want to get we
(20:38):
don't we don't. We don't need a large chili to
the table. Okay, So that's a hundred and a large?
Oh that really jumps up. Well, the medium is fifty. Okay,
we'll stick with the large. I think anything else, Uh,
let me get a bung hole. Okay, and do you
(21:00):
the small or a large? We don't meet a punk hole.
We've got the chili rings. There's no we're not going
to even get a meal if we that is sixty
seven bung holes. Um. And I noticed your wife said
before she wanted it for the table, and just so
we're all on the same page as a fast food restaurant,
and we don't bring it for the table. Okay, okay, mom, Dad,
(21:23):
Can you see if they have a kid's menu, like,
can you get a junior size poop shoot order? Yeah,
we're gonna have plenty a junior size poop shoot. Yes, okay,
so that's twenty seven poop shoots. It comes with the
toy comes with three toys. But those can all fit
inside your child's mouth. Great, at the same time we're
(21:46):
supposed yes, Barbara, Barbara, you're telling me that he isn't
listening to you when you're making orders. That's insane. Problem.
The problem is that you know, we're trying to practice
fiscal responsibility and he just he just wants to flaunt
(22:06):
how rich we are right now. But I don't think
we're as rich as he thinks we are. That's insane.
I mean, I am rich, so that never affects me
in anyway. But it's just the communication mirrors. It's like,
that's too much. I know. It's just that he's trying
to compete with your husband and how much he makes
and it's not a competition. Hold on one second, let
me get can I get a small cock ring please? Yeah,
(22:30):
a small cock ring? Yeah please? Okay, so that's just
to be shirts for a penis from one inch to
two inches? Yes, okay, good, So that's it, Barbara. Do
you want aything? Oh? Are you sure? I don't mind?
I'm rich. I'll take a cock ring also, okay, so
(22:51):
that's for a penis from ten toy not in. I mean,
you can take your business elsewhere, but that's not the
way we do it here. Just get the medium, you
know what, Let's get six largess. We'll do six larger,
six largest. Okay, so that's for a horse's penis. Um okay, great,
(23:12):
so six of those that will be nine. That's no
problem for me. Okay, I actually lost my wallet, barbed,
do you mind just what? Do you mind just friending
that for a second. You can pay me back though,
you guys, my husband is inspector. I would look like
such a hypocrite if I bought this when I was
(23:34):
out by my seat. You're fine, trust me, I'm not
leaving the country. Okay. Well, here's my card. Okay, okay, okay,
why don't you tell me again why you would like
to work here at body parts? Um? I guess I
just um love everything the business stands for. It's my passion, right, Um,
(24:00):
I get that. Yeah, I mean we're talking about sales. Yes,
I'm a really good salesperson. I could sell you anything. Okay,
sew me that toaster. Okay, this is a toaster. Don't
you want it? Well? You are good? Yeah, I know, Barbara.
(24:21):
Barbara stopped worrying about money. Okay, Like we we can
afford this meal. It's just you know what the problem
is is that we can have this meal. But it's
everything in life. It's the car you drive, it's the
I just don't think that you're buying within our means. Oh,
come on, Barbara, I gotta work. We've got Yeah, but
(24:47):
can we enjoy the good things we're supposed to be
going out? We're supposed to be going out to restaurants.
I just don't know, Please don't fight. This food is
taking forever. I look back and there's literally no one
in the kitchen. What Yeah, there's a line of all
the employees in the bathroom. All right, man, Uh look,
I'm gonna be honest with you. It looks dry. Are
(25:09):
you serious? I can well that's normal? Is that abnormal?
I feel like there needs to be a little moisture.
I could. I could spin it like finger and touch
it if you want so. So an anus should be
like a dog's nose. It's not healthy like the You go, okay, okay,
that makes sense. Oh I just sucked that in. Holy
(25:30):
sh it. Oh my god. Okay, okay, now let's get
out there and get to work. What do you say
this seconds? I think I'm turning into you. Holy sh it.
I think my anus is like Kirby. You know that
the Nintendo character? Yeah? That thing? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if I suck anything through my book while I
started coming that thing. Hey, you guys are gonna be
(25:53):
a Tommy. You're inside? What are you talking about? Excuse me? Hello?
Is anybody here? Yes, I'm here. I'm working at the cashier.
But you're not going to be able to get any
food or anything. They're on the bathroom together. Yeah. You
took my order about twenty minutes ago. I remember, Yeah,
I have a large chili chili ring. I have a
(26:14):
large bung hole. You have two kids? Size? Yeah? Any
any idea of when I'm going to get that? My
job is the cashier. I kind of take the order
and put it in. I don't make the food. So,
like I said, they're all in the bathroom together, so
I have to wait until they're done for them to
make the food. Okay, Can I at least get my
mud slide shake? Um? I am not authorized to touch
(26:38):
the shakes, especially the mud slide because of what happened
last time. So yeah, so I can't help you, but
I'm happy to talk with you. Let me ask you.
Are those made with molasses? Yes? Dad, I'm just gonna
go back there and try to try to make it myself.
(26:59):
That is allowed. Cool. You're gonna put my kid to work,
all right? Fine, if he wants to, I can't stop him. Wow,
look at all the fryers. This is magical. Hey, little boy,
you're here to work the line? Oh my god, Joey Greer, Yeah,
(27:22):
I'm good. I'm a big fan. I'd say you're a
little fan. Huh. Yeah, you know what I'm gonna they
shut the hell up. I'm gonna suck you my buttle
and become a little kid. Well, he seems to be
in good hands. Let let's go over some trouble shooting.
(27:48):
If if that's okay, Uh, let's say you're faced with
a mud slide incident? How do you handle that? Um?
I guess I see if there's an any kids in
this store, and I asked them to kind of troubleshoot
the machine handle it. You put the kids in charge. Yeah,
that's right, that's correct. Great. Yeah. Um. And how do
(28:13):
you feel about freaky Fridays. That's something we do here
at the store with employees. Oh yeah, I love that.
I love freaky Fridays. Sometimes I take it too far, yeah,
sometimes you take it too far. Yeah, give me an example. Um,
like last time, my last company I worked at, actually
it was that law firm, we also had freaky Fridays. So, um,
(28:33):
what I would like to do is kind of bring
in my own blood and like, yeah, that's smart. And
so what did you do with the law firm? Um?
I was a lawyer? All right. So it looks like
Claire here has brought in some kool aid z. Pardon
you brought in some cool aid. I told you I
(28:54):
brought in my own blood, and you keep calling it
kool aid. Well I think it's cool. So why don't
we all just take a sip? All right? Looks good,
looks good. It is my own blood. I want to
be clear. Just because Jeremy is saying it's kool aid,
it's not what it is. Cheers to being good lawyers. Everybody.
Here we go, and here's to drinking the kool aid. Honey,
(29:21):
where did our son gom here? What the hell is that?
I guess, Barbara, I guess this guy sucked our son
into his butt hole, and now now our son is
is in this guy. I am not taking that guy
home with us. I'm your boy. You don't look like
(29:43):
my boy, but he's he's in there, Barbara. So whoa
look around. There's so much stuff in here. Oh my goodness,
drip hello, oh hey kid, uh oh god, thank you,
(30:04):
thank either. Somebody new I used to do a podcast
with Joey. Uh My. My name is Craig Akoski. I've
been in it. I've been in him for I don't
know how long, what what year is it? It's oh Jesus,
really we made and I don't know how we made it. Hey,
(30:24):
not for nothing, because one of you jagovs, help me
find my keys and we'll drive out of here. That
old joke say number two, uh say three comes from
Patreon David Weaver, who wrote Love the podcast. Here is
(30:45):
my scene suggestion. James C. Heeney gets interrogated by the FBI.
They use clips from old episodes as their evidence against him.
Bonus points if Kevin is in the other room also
being interrogated, as I imagine, Kevin would be throwing James
under the bus. Hey, that's not fucking cool. Uh. Note
by quote unquote clips, I mean made up things on
(31:07):
the spot. I don't expect Doug Bam in parentheses Boom
or anyone else to go through the hours of self
incriminating things that James has said in order to find
the best clips. Okay, thank you, David Weaver. We'll take
it from here. James Heney being interrogated by the FBI. Yeah,
I mean I was looking at the h the Speranza case,
(31:28):
and I just thought, I was, you know, what the
hell is the point? You know what I mean, It's
it's just like the evidence is there, but it's not there.
You know. I'm like, I don't know, I just kind
of lost the fire. Fort Hey, listen, this is this
is your job, man, this is your job exactly. It's
my job. It's not my passion, you know, speaking of job,
Speaking of passion, I got a folder for you. Here
(31:49):
at a file. Okay, it's the same thing, right, Yeah,
well you know I keep I keep all my files
in the folder. Uh so yeah, we gotta we we
We got a guy in room one, um who names
James Theodoreheny exactly. Already seem kind of just scattered. Just
(32:12):
you know what, just like you, man, I've lost my
passion if I'm being honest, Can we just can we
hold on for a second with this whole derogation shoot?
They're gonna be another fun that shining out. What do
you want to do? Don't ask me that, man, What
do you want to do? I want to make stuff? Okay,
I want to make stuff with my hands. What do
you want? Do you want to make trees? Yeah? I
(32:32):
want to make sure to make water. I want to
make it water. I want to make I want to
make it all. So do ie. Man, that's the thing
I want to get out. I mean, this god damn office,
get this goddamn shoot. Ony. Hey, hey, when do you
aunt June's want to go in on a derogation Room
one and get to work already, undustry hector, I got
(32:57):
a question for you. Yeah, yeah, do you do you
love your job? Qu what's not to love? Of course
I do? We all we all do kind of question?
Is this your passion? Is my job my passion? Yes?
This your passion? Am I passionate when I'm at work?
More questions? I don't know? Is this your You're asking
(33:19):
in a different way? Is this your passion? Is this
your passion? Do I want to fuck my job? What
the hell are you talking about? Is this your passion?
Are you passionate? Yes? I would say yes to all those. Okay,
I'm not asking about all those. I'm just saying, is
this your passion? Yes? If by this you mean my job, yes,
I'm passionate about it. Okay, Okay, hefter then I gotta
(33:40):
forget it, okay because not fucking question? Is that? Well?
What mean? What I mean is that you passionate? Okay?
So here's nine more minutes? Where you where? What are you?
Aunt June's are not in the interrogation room? One? Getting
to work? What's gonna happen? Are you gonna throw us
outo the wilderness? Were we have to make trees and water?
So be it. We love that ship, so be it,
we love it. Also, I have another idea why don't
(34:01):
you send in one of the rookies. Okay, let's do that.
Uh so, Mr Keeney, the interiorting agents are going to
be in in a minute. Do you need anything to
eat or drink? No, just my lawyer, if if there
was just a lawyer that could represent me. Okay, Oh, well,
first you said you're a lawyer, like you have one,
(34:23):
and then you said if there's a lawyer, So I
don't have my own. But I thought that that was
just something that everybody has, Like the FBI just had
lawyers just like waiting by, just waiting by, wait until
rubber rolls that any one who'll need a rubble that No,
I'm dust here, I'll ready to go. I'll take that guy.
I'll take that guy. Okay him sir, Uh yeah, we
(34:45):
actually do have somebody here who might need a lawyer.
What's your name? Oh my name is uh Clarence Magillicut
the third right. That sounds great? Okay, And do you
need anything to eat or drink? I'm just a runner.
I'm a I'm a runner. Yes, I could use six
bignets and uh some sweet tea please in a Thomas. Okay,
(35:08):
looks like you've got a real New Orleans lawyer here,
Mr he Okay, that's that sounds that's a good kind, right,
I'm not that familiar with what makes a good lawyer
a bad lawyer. Well, I usually do a gait a
law but I'm fine to representive humor for the first time.
This is gonna be interesting. Phone in educational for Sean.
(35:28):
You need six pigners, Yeah, six pign as. Oh, he
didn't say. I think just a mix, you know, some
maybe some chocolate, uh, maybe phils Sean, I don't just
have Beigner's just ready to go. I think he might
want to crowd Dad Beigne. Do you have any crowd, Dad?
I mean I have a crowd, Dad, just don't have
(35:48):
a crowd, Dad, Bigner, Well put the If you have
a crowd, Dad, put it in the Beigner. Well do yell,
let me shut him on your side. And this is
just a crazy order, okay. And do you really have
to fucking make every cup of copy from scratch? Hey, sweetie,
Hi had a hard day at the office today. I
(36:13):
know I can tell you look like shit. It's got
me thinking, okay, it's really got me thinking. Oh, that's
the first time for everything I guess. So congratulations. Yeah, yeah,
and you're you're You're part of what I've been thinking about.
If I'm being honestly great, well again another first time
is a day full of first I want to make things, Sandra.
I want to make water. I want to make not
(36:37):
this again. You know what? I know? You tried to
make a bird, alright, and somehow that resulted in you
killing all of the pigeons in our neighborhood. Okay, you
can't do it. You're not God. Why don't you just
believe in me? For once? I do believe in you. Okay,
you're the dumbest kid in school and you made it
to the FBI, So I believe in you, all right,
So why don't you try to build a table or something?
(36:58):
You don't need to start with the elements. Yeah, I
could build a table, or I can make rain. That's
not the same thing. Baby, don't show me like, Okay, sorry,
what are you? What do I want to be? Yeah?
Are you passionate about this marriage? About your life? I'm
(37:19):
passionate about our marriage. And I want to be the
strongest woman alive. I can bench press six hundred pounds,
want to do more. I love protein, Clarence. What do
you think they have on me? They haven't really said
much yet. Well, since I just wandered in from the hallway,
I really do not notice specifics of your case yet.
(37:40):
So I just have to say it's some sort of
federal offense, would be my false guest, as you are
being interrogated about the federal view all of them gay,
that's what it stands for. Yes, what did you think
it's do it full? I had no idea. But what
are federal crimes? Can you list some of the most popular? Well,
(38:00):
let's see, there's imposcinating a gaeta. Well I've never done that. Okay,
well it's probably not that. One day you're like, well,
Mr Pollack, how are you very good? Thanks, welcome back
to the FBI. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I'm hoping
to find a new uh. I love your work agent
(38:20):
that I could shadow my next role. Thank you. Thank
it's nice to see you again as well. How's your mom?
She's good. She's half robot. Now what which half the
front half? So I just want to say I love
your movies. I think they're just so fun. And maybe
(38:41):
you wanna cast an FBI agent who knows how to
breathe under water for twenty minutes. Sure, yeah, twenty minutes.
M Where did you learn how to do that? I
have a big bathtub and I just dunk myself and
hold my breath. What do you do with the FBI?
Right now? I'm working my way up. I just applied.
(39:04):
So buddy of mine works here, You don't. You don't
work at the FBI. Well, no, a friend of mine
works at Phil's Coffee. So I'm able to kind of
come up and down do runs and all that. And
I said that you were in here, and I want
to pop in and say I love your work. You
you brought coffee to the FBI, and now and now
we're talking. Yeah, that's right. Do you want a coffee?
I can get you everything. It's always freshman. I misunderstood.
(39:27):
I thought you worked at the FBI. I mean kind of.
I'm in the same building. So nope, I think we're done.
Oh okay, I mean I do have Clarence. Okay, Clarence.
All the beignets are marked, so I think that's the
craw dad there. I got a Hop and John and
a Hop and Jack Great and twelve biscuits and uh,
(39:48):
here's your sweet tea. Thank you. I got a chilote
with coconut milk for myself and uh mr Heeney, Uh
sorry you wanted nothing? Right, Well, if there is anything,
I'll take it now. I was just really I couldn't
get my mind off the lawyer. It's a little late
now I made a phills run. It's okay. I is
there an extra Bennel or no, I'll need all six
(40:10):
vegn yers. I'll think it's very importing that I got
my six getting order to properly revelsent you without the six.
If you give me a five, then yeah, you're probably
going to get fraud and you'll left with a chail. Okay,
well I don't want that. Then I'll just take a
glass of water because it's you know, I'm fine, alright, asshole, alright,
ass So I see you've got a lawyer now, huh yeah,
(40:34):
I mean this is Clarence. He's my lawyer. Really like
to just this is gonna be a bad day for
both of you because I started the day off here
not feeling great, no fire to me. I went home
for lunch, my wife smacked around a bit, and I
am back and I am ready to play ball. So well,
(40:54):
I had Benny, so my day is already aces from phills.
You bet you the main phone scratch. You didn't get anything, huh, James,
Well I was Clarence. Maybe just ask my client. I'm
(41:15):
happy to jump. Please direct the question to miss the heen.
Thank you. No, I want to talk to you, Clarence.
I want to talk to Look, you wanted these halls
just as much as I do. You're here day after day.
What's you're feeling. What's your gut with this guy? Well,
let me say it's pretty off putting any man. He
wouldn't order anything for breakfast. You know, he was just
(41:37):
going in here dry. He don't know how long he's
going to take. So I'm a little wait, wait, wait,
can we have a kind of a moment again with
my lawyer alone, because it's not This isn't working the
way I thought it would. You've had enough moments alone
if you catch my drift, all right, but just keep
in mind you're representing me. Yes, I understand that, So
just you let me walk my magic? Okay, I'm sorry.
(42:04):
Did you say his magic? You do magic? Yes? Yes,
I do. I do a lossults of magic. It's magic.
It's black magic is Oh what am I thinking of him? Oh?
You're you're thinking of your lunchtime break. Yeah, Oh my god,
that's right. Oh my god. Mr Heeney, here's your water
(42:24):
and Clarence, there's a fourteen foot gator out front. He says,
uh that he's a client of yours. Oh, yes, that's
Mr bow Jangles. I'll go see him shortly. He's a
wonderful gator. He's arrested for trespass him because he swam
into the wrong Uh, bayo going out to a fan boat. Okay,
(42:44):
he's destroying. So I just want to make one thing
very very clear. Hello, I didn't I didn't not trust right.
Just calmed down, everyone just staying I am calm. I'm
called my god. I just stake up running a zig
(43:06):
zag pattern. I just want to talk to my that's
a giant gator. Thank you. I'm gonna show it. I'm
gonna do my best to get you a mistrial because
that is a jewelry full of crocodile and they are
not Please just have me just make this better. Please.
(43:28):
I could give you some swamp water as payment. Okay,
that sound good, and my wife know I do need
some Songboughter, So I'll go ahead on. Yeah, my wife,
I'm married to a human woman. I don't know if
you remember that. I have an amazing personality. So that's
(43:49):
how I was able to capture a human woman that's
fallen in love with me. Forgive me for interrupting. My
name is Kyle mcgiffon. I'm with the agency and I
couldn't but notice you are talking crocodile, and uh, I
believe I can get you work immediately, initiallying commercials, but
potentially in motion picture. Do you have representation? No, that's
(44:13):
why I came to the FBI. Part of the reason
I was looking for my lawyer, and I was looking
to find some sort of theatrical representation. Right, but excuse
you one moment, so let me have sideball right now
with my client bow Jangles. You think, yeah, alright, talking crocodile. Okay,
(44:36):
everyone get ready, crocodile. You ready? Great? Okay, let's do
the story of James Heeney. Uh, this is scene twenty
take three away from me. Okay, just everybody else is ready,
and you're you're on your phone for me for me,
(45:00):
hold up, looking something up? Looking something up? Okay, excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm an extra. Uh. It's just
so good to see as a fellow crocodile, crocodile actually
playing a crocodile on film. So so many alligators, a
big cast as crocodiles, totally due, awesome. All right, okay, alright, anyway,
(45:27):
so here, I am a crocodile, pil, pil, can we cut?
I'm sorry, I'm not I'm not getting I'm like getting
anything from my quote unquote scene partner. I'm not. There's
no passion there, crocodile. You're James Heeney and okay, stop
saying your crocodile understand as a crocodile. Um, Yeah, I
(45:54):
don't care. I'm in Hollywood. Okay, So let's just go again.
I'm not sure about you, sir. Don Why don't you
just talk to talk to the dial? Why don't you
go ahead and say action? Phil? Yeah, I'm ready, okay, ready, uh,
(46:16):
scene to take whatever scene it was? I hold up,
let's wait on me ready when you are on me?
Is it is? Every who else is on the WiFi?
About a hundred people from the looks of this, so
(46:37):
uh uh so, James, these are these are pretty good hands.
Thank you. I gotta go, but thanks thanks for having us.
Uh do you know how the health inspector turned out?
I think he gave me a bee which you've already
got the sign up, so you need to change freeze,
get down, motherfucker freezefy. Don Uh. This is the FBI,
(47:05):
James job No, no, no, no no, this case the FBI.
He's coming to get me. Uh. I'm sure this is
just a normal beginning of a day. Craig. I just
want to say thanks to the tip. Craig. Yeah, there's
little ants with guns on the and that's our show
(47:28):
for today. Oh man. I just want to thank all
the alchemists, starting with Joey. My first question, of course,
is because you look like a cosmonaut in space based
on the video that we're all looking out of you
from nineteen I'm gonna say eighties six. Uh is the
WiFi you're you're picking up and using from the coffee
(47:50):
shop down the street. Well, it's really hard to catch
a signal when you so there's a lot of distortion happing.
I hope none of that sounds judgmental from my part,
because I no, but thank you for being here. And
(48:12):
check out Jeffy Greeber and all your social social socials.
Caroline Connorman, thank you so much for being here and
um joining COVID nineteen alchemy this version, and um, do
you want to send any shoutouts to anyone out there
who might be listening. Um, yeah, shout out to all
(48:34):
my fans. There's a lot of them. Um. I just
want to say I love fans. The only reason I
do anything is to have fans fair and thank you
for your direct honesty. Craig Craig Atkowski, Thank you so much, buddy. Yeah,
these are crazy at times, aren't they. Uh. I just
(48:57):
want to say to Bob and Martha Kikowski, don't go out.
I'd to stay in. You know, you have plenty of food.
And Chris av Verando, thank you good sir. We saw
a little shot of your new puppy there during the recording,
and in the middle of a scene, Caroline literally went, yeah, uh,
(49:19):
this is this is fun. This is uh you know,
technically it's a little difficult. I don't know. I'm sure
people will understand that, but but Kevin Nicks for making
this happen. I'm just I'm glad to be spending this uh,
this time with you guys, and really thanks all oftters fans,
Cool Stratton, thank you so much for joining us. Yeah,
thanks for having me pretty funny. Next next every Thursday,
(49:45):
clock in my living room. Um no, this has been
This has been crazy fun and technology. We did something
and uh we're not We're not done trying. James Heeney,
you know, uh you spearheaded this effort. So I want
to thank you a special Really I'm sending over. I'm
sending over a new guitar to hang with the others
in the background there. Um, so thanks, uh well, thank you.
(50:12):
I appreciate it. And we keep talking about the things
that we see. This episode. There is no video, but
I'm going to try for the next episode to get
a video of our videos. Um, but thank you guys all.
There's a special person out there named Chris, and he
works for a package delivering thing and it should be
about his birthday when this airs. Uh, anybody out there
(50:35):
delivering packages right now and putting their health at risk,
I really just specifically want to thank them. There's a
lot of people to think, uh, just making the world
keep turning. Um, so thank you, thank you for that,
and thanks also to Doug Bam, who help uh with
the technical side of these things. Who's going to be
handling post production with James as well, to make sure
(50:55):
all this got to you somehow. Yeah, that's a big
good luck. And for me, folks, I just want to say, uh,
this somehow is bringing us together for the most part
and looking out for each other. Um, And so keep
up that and please please, please please please know that
they will in fact keep me stalking the toilet paper
(51:17):
and back the funk off. Uh. And in terms of
the water shortage, the faucet works, seriously, calm down, Um,
let's see what else I guess. Keep tuning in and
write to us at your name here, alcome me this
dot com. Let us know uh if we're reaching you
and helping out at all. And as you passed this
time with us as well, we love uh the idea
(51:40):
that you're there, so we'd love to hear from you
to make sure that you are in fact still there
until next time. I'm Kevin Pollock and and I put
(52:00):
all the pepper hello, And I put all the pepper Hello.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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